BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE May 2023, issue# 032

MEGA"I MAN" MEGA"I MAN" CHUCKII CHUCKII

CHOPPING IT UP WITH THE FOUNDER OF 100 MASC SUITS

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER: MALACHI ZION HUDSON, PROLIFIC COVER MODEL: OMEGA CHUCKII

BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY DIGITAL PUBLICATION CENTERED FIRMLY IN BLACK & BROWN QUEER QULTURE.

BLAQUE/OUT FEATURES WRITERS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, CREATIVES AND INFLUENCERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE ARE WORDS WE ARE ART WE ARE FASHION WE ARE CULTURE WE ARE MUSIC WE ARE PROTEST WE ARE WHERE BLAQUE QUEER CULTURE LIVES.

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BLAQUEOUT MAG CONTRIBUTORS

18

WHO IS ALEX BURNS?

30

BREAKING GENERATIONAL CURSES

JMEL HOWARD ZAIRE KNIGHT

EXCLUSIVE! 3 LIVE INTERVIEW YOUTUBE SEGMENTS!

PAGES12,20&25

ADVERTISING ACCOUNT MANAGER: DOREEN SCANLAN

BlaqueOUT contributors

Javannah J Davis (she/her) resides in Rochester, NY where she has worked in healthcare for 19 years, is a self-published author, Founder/President of W A V E Women Inc & CEO/Owner of Linjé Enterprises LLC Javannah is passionate about healing, self-love, self actualization & helping others to live the best of their lives in a healthy way.

E L Winston of Fayetteville, NC (He,Him, His) Trans Community Advocate, Co-Founder of Lambda Gamma Omega Nu Fraternity Just your everyday introspective old man and 1 half of Team Winston

Benjamin Griffin III; (he/ him/his) Enjoys bringing laughter to those he encounters and a major collector of Diecast School Bus models In addition, he has a heart for education & children! Lastly, he is 1 half of "A Moment w/ The Griffins"

Lade Breez (He/Her/Them) is an award winning 3x published author, publisher, philanthropist, humanitarian, motivational speaker, life coach, event host, youth tutor, artist developer & spoken word artist Owner & founder of Express Me Poetry Business Services & Events, & Educated Blessyns LLC, improving this world one stage at a time ExpressMePoetry com

Roni Winston aka The Mrs. aka Pastor Roni (She/Her/Hers) Fayettevlle, NC

Minister, educator, entrepreneur, couples' coach, writer, mom, and grandma Half of Team Winston.

Immani Love, (she/her) A Lesbian Erotic Poet, Author, Ordained Minister, Freelance Writer, Real Estate Agent, and overall witty, seductress with the voice of a Siren An educated Vixen in sunny St Pete, Florida

Mel Howard (he/him) Resides in Newport News, Virginia where he worked in finance industry for over 5years, is a columnists for BlaqueOUT Magazine and Founder/President of THRIVING TRANSMEN OF COLOR Mel is passionate about community, self acceptance and forgiveness

David Maurice Griffin

Providing the gift of massage is what he does, but spreading awareness of HIV/AIDS is who he is 1 half of "A Moment w/ The Griffins"

Consultant with Blaque/OUT Consultanting with a focus on Intersectionality Activist, Educator and Advocate Mom of 2 From NY, In FL

Tina Marie Jones (she/her/hers) Founder of Uncover, LLC, mother of 4, activist, motivator, and columnist

(He, Him, His) Columbia, SC;

Tamara Leigh (She/Her)) Editor of Blaque/OUT Magazine Lead Diversity, Equity & Inclusion

aword.

Tamara Sanaa Leigh Editor-In-Chief

I kind of struggled with what to say this month. There are alot of things jumbled up in my head and much of it looks like torn off pieces of notebook paper strewn all over the floor. Those days that some make it in the bucket and some don't and you just let them sit there. Like that scene from The Five Heartbeats where the sister picks them up and just starts singing. So i'm just gonna start singing...

This month marked the first that we were able to pay the incredible Black & Brown Queer Creatives that make BO possible. I scream the importance of that from the rooftops It broke my heart not o be able to do it until now. A grant, advertising and subscriptions FINALLY made it possible and I am so grateful

My 1st cover as an editor many years ago was a collage of pictures of Transwomen murdered that year Probably the most meaningful was a cover of Transmasc folks, many of which are still a part of my life. One as a partner and many as siblings and friends. It NEVER stops being important. Anytime I can bring Trans folks to the front of the stage- I will and every single time it matters.

This world is a very scary place right now and every time I see us stand, I see us fight, I see a child existing authentically and freely, I get emotional- small glimpses of hope. Hold on to that mustard seed ya'll You can bury us- but we grow!

I’M NOT A CRYBABY!

By Immani Love

When I was 7 years old, I punched my music teacher in the stomach. She had it coming! Ok, in my defense, she shouldn’t have called me a “crybaby!” I was a very skinny, emotional, little girl. I was called names like “skeleton,” “sticks,” or “bones” and in my 2nd grade music class there was a bully who used to pick on me relentlessly about any and everything he was annoying and often made me cry. This particular day we were supposed to be singing some song that I can’t recall now but apparently I didn’t want to sing because the bully had been bothering me and I was upset and crying.

Now although I probably did not communicate well at that age, I said, “I don’t want to sing,” in what can be perceived as a whiny voice, to which my teacher replied, “Don’t be a crybaby.” I was appalled! She called me a crybaby! So I responded as any 7yr old who doesn’t communicate well would I punched her in the stomach, screaming, “I’M NOT A CRYBABY!” Which of course was a bad idea in retrospect. I got suspended and was awarded my very first visit to a psychologist. Apparently I had “anger issues” that needed to be addressed.

Now as I recall it, my mother and step father took me to this office and the few things I remembered were how dark the office was, the decor was primarily dark woods, dimmed lighting, lots of old books with dark covers. I remember feeling sleepy like if I went into the room, I’d be lulled to sleep. I don’t recall the conversations I had with the therapist but I do remember the results of my sessions led to the discovery that I was feeling jealous of my newborn baby brother and the attention he got from my mother while I felt ignored and unheard when I spoke about my bully. I cried a lot during these sessions, it was therapeutic.

I returned to school after my suspension and was forced to give my teacher an “apology card” and because I wasn’t fully “rehabilitated” I handed her the card with the statement, “ My mom said I had to give you this apology note but I don’t mean it! You shouldn’t have called me a crybaby.”

(Sometimes therapy doesn’t do the trick right away, LOL) To which the teacher replied, “You’re right, I’m sorry.” And all of the sudden, I was cured of my “anger issues!”

Fast forward to my adult life, my next interaction with a therapist was again dealing with anger issues. I was in a physically abusive relationship, my partner at the time was extremely jealous and I was a flirtatious, polyamorous woman. At the time, I hadn’t defined my sexuality as such, I just knew that I didn’t feel comfortable loving just one person at a time and I knew I shouldn’t have to hide it. My partner at the time although she proclaimed to have a similar mindset, did not let her actions reflect that. Any attention from anyone, even close friends, whether flirtatious or platonic, was seen as disrespectful and resulted in a fight and often ended with hidden bruises and long sleeves in Florida summer heat. This led to depression and frustration which my colleagues at work noticed and a good friend suggested I utilize one of our fantastic company benefits of 10 free therapy sessions. The therapist in this situation was in a cheerily decorated office of pale pinks, yellows, and beiges. She often had fresh flowers in the office and had a genuine smile that instantly made me feel at ease to speak freely with her. I cried in a lot of those sessions, it was therapeutic. She came to the diagnosis of depression and prescribed me what my partner referred to as “happy pills” which I took for a while but began to resent any time I was upset and trying to express myself, her immediate response being, “Oh, you must not have taken your ‘happy pills’ today.” I found this demeaning and stopped taking them after just a few weeks. After several sessions, the therapist helped me realize how toxic the relationship was and encouraged me to leave, which with the help of some close friends, is exactly what I did. In my college years, I pursued a degree in Mass Communications with a minor in Psychology.

I thrived in my studies, I truly enjoyed the many aspects of the brain and how powerful it is I leaned towards a focus on Women’s studies because it tapped into sexuality and gender which I found intriguing and believed to be aligned with my personality and beliefs I regret not getting my degree as I intended but thankfully my life experiences helped me to use what I learned in my professional career and personal life to a degree that makes me feel like it wasn’t time wasted I’ve had several experiences throughout my life where a therapist was called for From the death of my son, to the loss of love and divorce, to navigating PTSD from a traumatic car accident

I have gained so much insight into myself which I feel has helped me grow and mature to a pretty well-rounded person Currently, I tend to be the person people come to when they need to vent, to share, or just need a sounding board to bounce ideas off of I’m not a certified therapist but I am a good ear and often a welcoming shoulder to cry on Rest assured if you ever utilize that shoulder, you will never be considered a crybaby I encourage you to cry and cry often, it is cleansing, it is freeing, it’s a relief Crying is therapy

By Immani Love

I N T E R V I E W B Y : E . L . W I N S T O N

The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Omega Chuckii

Is respect earned by relationships or reputation? Either way there are some who deserve it with the utmost. Mr. Omega Chuckii is just such a man. He doesn’t just give lip service to advocacy or nebulous ideas to activism. I have been fortunate enough to see him in actionandnowyougettohearfromhim in his own words the Man, the Myth, theLegend:OmegaChuckii.

EW: Omega, you are the founder of Tranz Of Anarchii INC, Zammboss, Trap Ministriez, Moufgazm and SLASH Canyoutellusalittlebitaboutthem?

OC: All of mi businesses are designed to focus on creating secure, fun, educational environments and experiences that detoxinize the way the world views masculinity and how it has marginalized and oppressed our nation Masculinity includes all men, women, Transgender/Gender Non-Conforming, Non-Binary/Intersexed (TGI), and children identified individuals Our organizations serve everyone and offer a plethora of programs to assist with health/sexual/mental/spiritual/emotional wellness, entrepreneurial training, life skills, re-entry & integration, support groups, fellaship, management, family connections, resources, housing and so much more

E.W.: What inspired you to start each one?

OC: Just living life

E.W.: You're also a motivational speaker, sowhatorwhomotivatesyou?

I am motivated by God, Mi, mi Bishop (Malcolm), and Halie Salasie

E.W:YourecentlyhostedaneventthatI had the pleasure of participating in, 100 Masc in Suits. What has been your visionforthisannualevent?

OC: I have sought to detoxinize masculinity, connect with others, give and get information, and feedback There already aren’t many men’s spaces, so 100 MASC in Suits was a way to bring visibility to our healthy existence while empowering, healing and building to make a better future

EW: Do you think you have achieved thegoalsyousetfor100MascSuits?

OC: I have achieved a number of goals, but this event is just getting started so

I'm thankful for the successes of the bonds and healing that have taken place so far

EW: With so many organizations and events, how do you balance all the responsibilities between work and home?

One must understand that life doesn't stop lifin’ cause you livin Since I’ve been born I’ve worn a number of hats The only difference is the hats have names So when I do my motivational wellness I acknowledge and organize which hats are needed and what does that look like

EW: I had the honor of being on you Detoxinizin Masculiniti web series. How did that come about and why is that messageimportantforyou?

How do you define Detoxinizin Masculiniti?

How does it affect you personally? How does it affect you professionally?

OC: No one realli thinkz about Masculinity until I ask them on my series Even then no guest has been the same and neither have the conversations I only ask the same three questions 1 2 3

Detoxinizin Masculiniti iz important to mi not onli bcuz itz mine because it’s the wai to truly heal mi people Masculinity as a whole is power and if not under used or used right can be deadly Masculinity affects us all as humans Masculinity doesn’t just exist in men It exists in women, children and TGI individuals So for me to present the influence and perception of its effects on us all is my destiny

E.W.: How would you advise someone juststartingoutincommunitywork?

OC:: Truly do it from the heart, so the hard work will always be paid Cause if you do it for the pay the work will never be loved

E.W.: What makes community work rewardingforyou?Ornot?

OC: The reward is being able to bring awareness, services, resources, healing and true visibility The unaward is the disrespect and unappreciative But then you have to remember we are all human first

the Butch Queen (BQ) until they found out I waz Trans I made Cali my representing home Now my fight in Ballroom is to get the Trans categories broken down cause we come in different versions I don’t identify as Trans so I shouldn’t have to walk but I waited so long just to have a comfortable category Now that I’m a known individual in Ballroom, unless it’s OTA (open to all genders), realness, or everyday I’m required to walk Transman and can’t get away with walking BQ like others

E.W.: What would be your advice to anyonewantingtoenterBallroom?

OC: You must be strong, know why you want to be a part and don’t allow no one to tell you how to be you Know the history of ballroom Know why you are trying to get involved and where you are trying to go

E.W.:Therearesomanywholooktoyou for inspiration. Do you see yourself in theroleofamentor?

OC: To be honest I don’t look at miself az a mentor I’m juzt a servant leader doin what the almighty haz deztin in mi path

EW: Speaking of admiration, if you could sit and have a conversation with someoneyouadmire,livingordeceased, whowouldthatbeandwhy?

OC: If I could have a conversation with someone I admire it would be two people living & two people dead

1 2 3 4

Kanye West Lil Wayne Malcolm X Halie Salasie

E.W.: What quote keeps you moving on hard daysand/orrepresentyouasaman?

OC: SMILE A DAY KEEPS THE STRESS AWAY Know that I LOVE YOU, GOD LOVES YOU & most importantly YOU should LOVE YOU

E.W.:Whatwouldyouliketoberemembered for?

OC: The TRUTH behind SMILE, that I truly love and did for love and always stood on mi

E.W.: Let’s get to know Omega, the man. Whatdoyouseeasyoursuperpower?

OC:I’d have to say it’s vulnerability

EW:What’syourgreatestpetpeeve?

OC: Gaslighting and liars

E.W.: I know you have your hands in so many things, but I also know that in today’s climate we need our voices heard on the state and federal levels. Would you ever run foroffice?WhyorWhynot?

OC: My first dream is to be President My plan B is to be a founder and I’ve done that with what will soon be worldly validation

E.W.: You're also a part of the Ballroom scene Howdidyougetstartedandhow longhaveyoubeeninvolved?

OC: Yes, the House of Alpha Omega, founding father Cesar I’ve been watching ballroom since the Route 66 back in the 90’s After high school, I came to Atlanta and they started to have categories that I kinda identified with I was walking against

EW: And where can our readers findyoutoconnectandwatch more ofyourjourney?

On FB as Omega Chuckii or IG: Tranz of Anarchii Inc

Readers,Ihopetheexperiencehasbeenworth thejourney.Youdefinitelywon’tmeetanother likehimandIampersonallygratefulforthat Themanishuman,hisimpactonmythological levels,andhisheartislegendary Nowthatyou knowhisname,youwon’tforgetit.Omega Chuckiiistheman,themyth,andthelegend

Whosoever Cries...

God is in the business of mental health. Your faith is not an enemy to your cries. They are not enemies, but friends who are able to exist together. For the Word tells us, “...Blessed are ye that weep for now: for ye shall laugh” (Luke 6:21). Ultimately, whosoever cries can find peace and comfort.

Your tears can be cleansing and purifying. They allow you to rid you bottled up things that you have held in for far too long. Release tho Remember that God is concerned with your mental well-being. Ther seeking the help you need. God said that Adam should not be alone you think that you need to be? You pray about it, but you don’t ha Look for the help you need.

Your faith is not lessened by medication or therapy. Praying about help does not still come in physical form. So see your therapist, tak medication, do what needs to be done because your faith can be in to make your life better. The Bible instructs us to receive wise cou care of our bodies which are the temple. If we follow these instruc means God accepts your pain and sorrow. God wants you to have t experience real peace in your life. Do not shy away from putting yo work it takes to access your best self.

Be encouraged, loved ones. There is no place in you that God has Seeking help in your darkest of places does not mean you are not It does not reduce your trust in God’s healing and deliverance. It s is the truth that faith without works is dead. Do the work, pray t remember that whosoever cries is not weak, but strong. Take your balance to your mental health. Take back what the enemy has tri you!

We cannot afford to lose you to the darkness. You are too preciou that. If you need help, get it. When you come out of your prayer you know God’s ear has heard you, now pick up the phone and ca Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Nati Helpline to seek another ear to hear at 1-800-662-HELP.

Be well and be blessed! - Pastor Roni

CLEAR LIGHT OF THE HEART

Shannen Seals is a tarot reader, intuitive, life coach, and healer. At Clear light of the Heart Shan helps you develop the tools, to go within and heal yourself Shan is trained in house clearing, connecting with Ancestors and departed loved one, spiritual advisement and prophecy and connecting with spirt guides As well as certified reiki master offering healing services If you are interested in connecting in healing and becoming the best you, reach out and book your service today: https://www facebook com/clearlightoftheheartlifecoaching

TAURUS

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: PUT SOME RESPECT ON MY NAME HEY TAURUS WE SEE YOU OUT HERE SHINING HEALING AND DOING YOUR INNER WORK YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE TAKING NOTE OF ALL THE PEACE AND POWER THAT YOU ARE CULTIVATING IN YOUR LIFE IT S TIME FOR YOU TO STEP OUT AND TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH ABOUT THAT NEW ENDEAVOR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING TAKING ON IT S TIME FOR YOU TO SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND NO MORE PLAYING SMALL SOME PEOPLE MAY BE SURPRISED BY YOUR NEWFOUND CONFIDENCE SO WHAT! THE UNIVERSE SAYS TAKE UP SPACE ENJOY YOUR LIFE ALL THE DESIRES THAT YOU SEEK ARE SEEKING YOU PREPARE TO BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU ARE NOTICED IN YOUR WORK SPACE AND ADMIRED BY OTHERS KEEP ON DOING THE DAMN THING TAURUS

GEMINI

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I KNOW A CHANGE GONNA COME YOU HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOUL SEEKING AND REALLY GETTING CLEAR ON WHAT IS THAT YOU WANT TO CLEAR OUT OF YOUR LIFE THIS SEASON, SPRING CLEANING LOOKS LIKE YOU STEPPING AWAY FROM PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE YOU IT S THE WHOLE, OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW IT S OKAY TO RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE CHANGING AND SO ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BE MINDFUL THAT NOT EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS EXPERIENCING THE SAME LEVEL OF CLEARING AND RELEASING THAT YOU ARE TAKE NOTE OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT CHANGED OR AREN’T OPEN TO THE CHANGES THAT YOU ARE CULTIVATING IN YOUR LIFE IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE AWARE THAT SOME PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE GOING TO OUTGROW REMEMBER EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING FOR A REASON AND A SEASON THAT INCLUDES PEOPLE COMING IN AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE OR YOU CHOOSING TO SEPARATE FROM THE ENERGY VAMPIRES THIS ISN T THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, SOME PEOPLE GOT TO BE LEFT BEHIND DON T SACRIFICE YOUR PEACE OUT OF LOYALTY SELF-PRESERVATION IS GOING TO BE NEEDED TO CALL IN ALL THE ABUNDANCE THAT YOU ARE SEEKING IN YOUR LIFE

CANCER

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: BE STILL AND KNOW

HI CANCER, HANG IN THERE THINGS ARE GOING TO BE EMOTIONALLY TOUGH FOR YOU ESPECIALLY THESE NEXT COUPLE OF MONTHS IT’S GOING TO BE IMPORTANT TO REALLY EXPRESS YOURSELF IN THE ARTS POETRY OR A HOBBY IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO REALLY START FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO MANIFEST NEXT IN YOUR LIFE WE KNOW THAT SOMETHINGS IN YOUR LIFE AREN T AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE AND THAT S OKAY NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO GET BACK INTO JOURNALING REMEMBER THE ANSWERS ARE WITHIN YOU AND YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN INTUITION REGARDING YOUR DECISION MAKING THE ONE THING ABOUT BEING A SPIRITUAL BEING HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS THAT WE ARE CO-CREATING WITH THE DIVINE REMEMBER YOU ARE IN A SPACE OF TRANSITION SO, THINGS ARE GOING TO LOOK FLUID PLEASE DON T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY JUST TRY TO GO WITH THE FLOW THE BEST YOU CAN AND REMEMBER TO UTILIZE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM HANG IN THERE YOU GO THIS

LEO

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I DO WHAT I WANT, I DO WHAT I LOVE LEO THIS SPRING SEASON IS GOING TO BE A GREAT SEASON OF MANIFESTATION ESPECIALLY AS WE MOVE INTO THE SUMMER MONTHS LIFE IS STARTING TO BECOME MORE ENJOYABLE FOR YOU YOU HAVE DONE THE INNER WORK AND YOUR OUTTER WORK IS REFLECTING THAT DON T BE SURPRISED IF YOU COME INTO SOME MONEY, OR WIN A CONTEST OR SOMETHING YOU ARE WINNING THE UNIVERSE AND THE ANCESTORS SEE THIS AND MORE GOODNESS IS HEADED YOUR WAY MAKE TO THAT YOU CONTINUE TO GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOUR PASSIONS ARE AND PUT YOUR ENERGY INTO IT IF YOUR INNER LIGHT HAS WENT DIM ON A PARTICULAR PASSION PROJECT THE TIME IS NOW IT S TIME TO PICK THAT PROJECT UP AND PUT MORE ENERGY INTO IT DON T FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT PROCEED WITH THAT NEW VENTURE WHEN YOU ARE TRULY READY GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND GO FOR IT!

VIRGO

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS ” HEY VIRGO, WE SEE YOU KEEPING UP WITH YOUR HOME AND WORK LIFE BALANCE IT S TIME TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE RESILIENT, AND THINGS ARE FLUID REMEMBER THAT THINGS ARE ALWAYS CHANGING THINGS AREN T NECESSARILY GOOD OR BAD FOCUS ON WHAT IS AND WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE THINGS TO BE LIKE IN YOUR LIFE THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER CERTAIN PARTS OF YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE AS YOU CONTINUE TO CHANGE THERE IS A BIG SHIFT HAPPENING REGARDING HOW YOU THINK AND FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF THE MORE CAPABLE YOU KNOW YOU ARE, THE MORE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STEP INTO YOUR POWER AND STRENGTH YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER AND ARE AN INSPIRATION TO OTHERS IT’S TIME TO TAKE THE INSPIRATIONS AND USE THEM TOWARDS CULTIVATING THE LIFE THAT YOU WANT PEOPLE SAY THE SKY IS THE LIMIT THE TRUTH IS THAT THERE IS NO LIMITATION TO WHAT YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BRING INTO YOUR LIFE AND THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

SAGITTARIUS

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I AM FREE TO STEP OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

YOU HAVE BEEN SOME WHAT OF A RECLUSE IT S TIME FOR YOU TO COME OUT OF HIBERNATION GET OUT OF YOUR RUT IT S TIME TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE YOU CAN KEEP YOUR SAME ROUTINES, BUT SPIRIT IS CALLING FOR YOU TO MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS I KNOW, PEOPLE SAY, IT CAN BE HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS, BUT THERE ARE PEOPLE LOOKING TO CONNECT WITH SUCH A SPECIAL SOUL LIKE YOURS IT’S TIME TO LET GO OF THAT MENTALITY “NO NEW FRIENDS ” THESE NEW PEOPLE THAT YOU INVITE INTO YOUR LIFE ARE GOING TO CALL YOU OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, ULTIMATELY CAUSING YOU TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER SO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE ON THE APPS, START A NEW HOBBY, JOIN A CLUB, OR GYM- NO EXCUSES REMEMBER YOU CAN CHOOSE TO MAKE FRIENDS WHEREVER YOU GO

SCORPIO

MANTRA: "I SPEAK MY TRUTH

SCORPIO YOU ARE VEY SKILLFUL WITH YOUR WORDS I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A FILTER SO DON’T FORGET TO USE IT YES IT HAS TOTALLY COME TO THE POINT WHERE YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP ESPECIALLY REGARDING SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE GOING THROUGH YOU ARE WISE, AND LET S BE HONEST, PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! BUT IF YOU DON T SAY IT TO THEM IN A WAY THAT THEY CAN RECEIVE IT, THEN YOUR POINT IS MUTE THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS SO PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR WORDS HAVE VALUE WE AS HUMANS HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE WITH WORDS YOU KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A ROUGH NECK TO STAND FIRM IN YOUR TRUTH MAYBE SPRINKLE A LITTLE HONEY, SUGAR, SPICE, AND EVERYTHING NICE WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT

CAPRICORN:

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I CONNECT WITH MY HIGHER PURPOSE

YOU HAVE BEEN FEELING A LITTLE BIT LOST REGARDING SOME OF THE UPCOMING DECISIONS IN YOUR LIFE IT S OKAY TO HAVE SOME APPREHENSION AND WEIGH ALL YOUR OPTIONS IT IS NOT OKAY FOR YOU TO DO NOTHING REMEMBER THE ENERGY THAT YOU PUT OUT TO THE UNIVERSE, YOU GET BACK IT S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO CONNECT WITH YOURSELF AND BE OPEN NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO REACH OUT AND CONNECT WITH YOUR ANGELS SPECIFICALLY ASK THEM FOR GUIDANCE AND ENCOURAGEMENT AND WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT IT S OKAY THAT YOUR TYPICAL SOURCES OF INFORMATION AREN T PROVIDING YOU GUIDANCE ASK YOUR ANGELS ANCESTORS AND DEPARTED LOVED ONES FOR GUIDANCE ASK THEM TO SPEAK TO YOU AND MAKE THEMSELVES KNOWN IN WAYS THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TAKE COMFORT THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE YOU HAVE GUIDANCE AND SUPPORT FROM YOUR ANGELS IN THIS JOURNEY

AQUARIUS:

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I AM AWARE OF MYSELF AND CAN PROTECT MY INTEREST

HEY AQUARIUS! KEEP YOUR DUKES UP! YEP, THAT S RIGHT WE ARE WARNING YOU ABOUT THE FOLKS THAT ARE ALWAYS OUT THERE GOSSIPING, TALKING ABOUT YOU AND OTHERS THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU KEEP YOUR CARDS CLOSE REMEMBER EVERYONE ISN T YOUR FRIEND IN THE WORK PLACE TRY TO KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE WELL, PRIVATE DON T LET PEOPLE KNOW YOUR NEXT MOVE SADLY EVERYONE DOESN’T WANT TO SEE YOU WIN IF YOU'RE HOLDING SOME FEELINGS ABOUT NOT GETTING THE RESPECT THAT YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE, HANG TIGHT BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY WAYS THAT YOU CAN DEAL WITH THIS STAND YOUR GROUND WHEN THINGS GET DISAGREEABLE WITH YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON YOU RE RIGHT, YOU GOT THE RIGHT TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR PEACE BUT, FOR YOUR SAKE- BE MINDFUL OF YOUR TEMPER AND YOUR RAGE

PISCES:

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I LOVE AND HONOR MYSELF

HEY PISCES, WE SEE YOU LOVING YOURSELF AND GLOWING UP YOU ARE SO FABULOUS ALL THE SELF-LOVE AND BODY POSITIVITY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PRACTICING HAVE BEEN TOTALLY WORKING OUT FOR YOUR BENEFIT YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT A LOT OF GREAT ENERGY LATELY TAKE THIS AS A SIGN TO GET EVEN MORE REGULAR, WITH YOUR SPA DAYS AND SELF-LOVE PRACTICES TAKE THAT YOGA CLASS DO THAT EXTRA LONG WORKOUT BINGE YOUR FAVORITE SHOW AGAIN AND AGAIN DO YOUR HAIR! OR GET YOUR HAIR DONE IT S TIME TO HIT REFRESH AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF SO YOU CAN FEEL GREAT AND STEP OUT FULLY IN YOUR POWER AND ALLOW YOUR TRUE PERSONALITY TO SHINE!

ARIES:

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: I BELIEVE IN MYSELF, LATELY YOU HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SPARK OR LOST YOUR ZEST FOR LIFE THAT’S OKAY JUST DON T STAY STUCK HERE NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE A LIST OF WHAT MAY BE STOPPING YOU FROM YOUR END GOAL RESIST THE URGE TO TALK DOWN TO YOURSELF AND YOU BETTER NOT ALLOW ANYONE ELSE TO EITHER IT S TIME TO USE POSITIVE SELF-TALK, AFFIRMATIONS, AND MAYBE EVEN MEETING WITH A THERAPIST TO GET OUT OF YOUR RUT REMEMBER YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE REMEMBER YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE FOCUS ON HOW YOU CAN CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE IN YOUR OWN LIFE AND GET YOUR POSITIVE SPARK BACK SO YOU CAN GET BACK ON TRACK WITH YOUR LIFE

LIBRA:

MANTRA OF THE MONTH: “ I CREATE MY LIFE I CULTIVATE PEACE ”

THIS MONTH IS ALL ABOUT TAKING CHANCES YOU ARE ATTRACTING NEW PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS INTO YOUR LIFE IT S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO ADAPT THE MINDSET OF SPIRITUAL SPRING CLEANING SOMETHINGS ARE IN THE PAST FOR A REASON AND YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LET IT GO! ACCEPT AND MOVE ON! NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT FORGETTING NAH! REMEMBER THE SHIT THAT PEOPLE HAVE DONE BUT IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO TRULY STEP INTO ACCOUNTABILITY AND MAINTAIN YOUR OWN PERSONAL PEACE

WHOIS ALEX BURNS?

“AlexBurnsisforemost— a father, a son, brother, lovertosome&thetruest friend to many. A renaissance man— serving the world as a writer, author, curator of musical experiences and anadvocateforrestoring theexpressionsoflove.”

MH: How long did it take you to find the man we seetoday?

AB: To find the man you see today,hasbeenatremendous but storied journey many years in the making. I don’t look at the process through the lenses of time but as a notable act of defining my path, for myself to discover how to bring forth the man outwardly,thatIwasinternally. And I think much of that process is just getting started nowthatIcanfullyembrace my former self as well as the man I’ve become, and the manweallhaveyettosee.”

MH: So tell the world about “I Was Just Thinking of You for ThousandYears”

AB:IWasJustThinkingofYou arepersonalletters,formatted through prose to a lover. They are sentiments of the pangs only felt through lost love and a tale of deep desire. The poems take you through the journeyofhowwe

AB: To find the man you see today, has been a tremendous but storied journey many years in the making. I don’t look at the process through the lenses of time but as a notable act of defining my path, for myself to discover how to bring forth the man outwardly, that I was internally. And I think much ofthatprocessisjustgetting started—now that I can fully embrace my former self as wellasthemanI’vebecome, andthemanweallhaveyet tosee”

MH:Sotelltheworldabout“I WasJustThinkingofYoufor ThousandYears”

AB:IWasJustThinkingofYou —are personal letters, formattedthroughprosetoa lover. They are sentiments of thepangsonlyfeltthrough

lostloveandataleofdeep desire. The poems take you through the journey of howwemet,tothemental state I had to come to concerning this relationship. A passion fueled relationship that never truly manifested the way I desired it. Some people may view it as a recounting of limerence, but for me it’s an initial offering set to be the lead uptoamemoir.Amemoir, that will give a deeper accounting of what it’s like when two people love each other but allow life, personal trauma and ultimately themselves to perhapsrobthemofarare romance.

MH: Who is your audience?

AB: Whenever I’m asked who is my audience, I often straddle between the marketing answer and what I truly feel. While one of my goals is tosellasmanycopiesof the book as the publisher can print to a targeted audience. This book speaks to all race, color, creeds, gender identitiesandsexualities. And being that this book iswrittenbythepersonal experiences of a black transman, I think this book will showcase that whenitcomestolovewe havemoreincommon

despite our various societallabelsthanwe do differences. Therebythisbookisfor anyone who deems themselves as a person who has loved another.

MH:Whatmessagedo you want to leave on thisearth?

AB: That love is the answer to all the right questions and the deepest inquiries. Whether is be self love or romantic love. Pursueit It’sworthit

RoundTableInterview

Javannah J. Davis

Reflections Within Reflections Within Reflections Within

At one point during middle school, I found out that the friends I hung out with didn’t like me. My “best friend” at the time told me. One of the reasons they didn’t like me, she told me, was because I was too nice, and despite always wanting to do things with and for them, I was perceived as being too braggadocious for my giving nature. I was devastated to say the least. Felt like a fool for allowing myself to be so vulnerable, and shamed. Now normally anyone would just excuse this by saying, “Oh they were just kids.” and perhaps that argument is valid. Still it’s no less damaging to a person who genuinely cares for others. It’s hurtful still when adults show disdain towards someone for selfish or voluntarily misguided reasons.

We must know that oftentimes a person's rejection or contempt for you does not at all have anything to do with you, but speaks to everything in regards to the individual. It could be something within them that prevents them from appreciating who you are due to hurt, anger, confusion, or what they choose to believe. Either way, certain people simply will not like you no matter what you do, and no matter how likable you think you are. The fact of the matter is that you’re not going to win over every person you meet.

Guess what? That’s okay!

Don’t set yourself up and disrupt your energy by trying to please everyone. It’s IMPOSSIBLE! Your personality is uniquely made which means a few people will love and adore you, and others will not. This reality is easy to understand in hindsight, but holding to that perspective can prove frustrating during the occurrence of rejection. Rejection is uncomfortable in any form, whether it be social or romantic, but before you allow your world to be flipped upside down, keep in mind that it’s not just normal to be occasionally disliked, but it’s healthy

Rejection is your protection!

It helps us keep those around us that we are compatible with. You may not feel it at the times, but it also helps to empower you from the fear of being disliked. Besides, when you’re wasting energy trying to mold your personality or environment to someone else to be accepted, you’re blocking what is needed to find people who genuinely like you for you, and create relationships that are less exhausting.

Listen to the good messages from those around you that adore you unconditionally. Theirs are the voices that should continuously live rent-free in your head; including the very important sound of your own voice encouraging you everyday. Everyday tell yourself that you are worthy of love, and deserve it. Change your dialogue inwardly until nothing externally can penetrate the positive reinforcements you’ve created around yourself.

It’s often difficult for us to look inside ourselves and take accountability for our own happiness. How we encourage, protect, and love ourselves is beauty personified. The words we speak and the actions we take reflect our beauty, and validates the worth we see in ourselves. If what I am saying resonates with you, please know that you are enough.

OurDailyBread:

"Nourishment through Meditation, Prayer, & Reflection"

Synopsis:

Wherever we go, wherever we are, we carry a Light with us harbored by a divine power. This light of healing, love, and selfawareness can be identified in us without speaking a word. Often times this light grows dim as we face many different challengesoflife.

Thisjournalistohelpguideandencourage youwithdailyprayers,reflectionexercises, and plenty of room to write down your most intimate thoughts. It will also help you to find that light, share it with others, and empower you to discover the best of whoyouare.

Author'sCorner:

Javannah, a black woman of trans experience, is a talented writer, columnist , healthcare professional, community advocate, and entrepreneur.

She currently resides in Upstate NY.

Follow Javannah on:

Facebook: @WaveWomenInc

Instagram: @WaveWomenInc

Twitter: @DavisJavannah

Javannah J. Davis Author

Website: www.wavewomeninc.com

So Basically

At what jump start did you think and or assume that your… condemning me could be worse than what I’ve already endured/

Tears that have rolled the same creases redundantly down lines in my face that have made small river runs in my cheeks to catch them in my lap/

A permanent bend in my neck from carrying my head down so low that dirt became my field of study/ So You could never know/

The burden of carrying around all of their guilt/

I, the remembrance of their indiscretion/

The continued reminder of where the hell we wronged the wrong one and formed their hatred in my soul/ Ha! You came bold/

What do you think you can do by condemning me?/

When,

Baby, I’ve been my own worst enemy!/

Trading trash cans full of their shit for my happy ever after so even their laughter made me sick to my stomach/

The cliché masked fake hugs muttered with fake love, you know the bullshit they love to spill/

“Oh, I think you are going to hell for being gay but i love you anyway”

You know, our views just aren’t the same, but in the event you want to change”

Or some other silly shit like,

“Damn ain’t you too pretty not to be getting stick?/”

To then vomit from the grasp of your lips/

But they really didn’t mean it that way…

I mean, right?

Right one wrong plan!

A stroll thru hell without sunblock would have been a better scene/

But here you stand condemning me/ Fuck you/

I fight harder with people who look just like me/

Who’s blood ran the same river bends of my great great grandfather's ribs/

My grand momma kids/

A child tortured because her fair skin did not mimic his; so ain’t no way she can be his kid/ Echoes louder than any “I love yous” I wished I could have heard from her lips/

So her unspoken words/

Taunted me every time I found love in the resemblance of them/

Anytime i let the unworthy even touch my skin/

Those undeserving of the actual love I had to give/

Left holes torn open when the blade is turned sideways/

And them open wounds never truly heal/

So I spilled my own/

Praying that it drained their tainted stains from my soul/

Cleansing my heart of broken promises to a new beginning/ BUT YOU!!?/

You really think that you can condemn me?/

I’ve drank myself into a comatose state to sleep peacefully at night/ Without dreams that turn nightmares in to fairytales when you are so used to getting the short end of the stick/ or thinking who can I help next in their fight for survival while surviving my own fight for survival/ Fighting to live peacefully locked in Blood stained rainbows painted by media targets on our backs/ I never have a good time when I’m outside of the comforts of my home/ Fighting laws and bigots, I’m black and gay/ And you want to condemn me!??

I’ve already forgave me/

It was absolutely worth my mental peace/

To cease to believe that me being who i am would be a reason for God to hate me/

And if I wasn’t loved so good by the most High, then why would I be saved/ Why would I specifically be sent on a mission after my release to total peace/ So please understand this clearly as you proceed/ while you stand here condemning me/

I’ve already have my solace, and I have the right to defend it at all costs/

I’m already paying my dues and regardless of any of this blues/ It would be in your best interest to pay attention to the fingers pointed at you/ See you are mad at me just living life, basically means, It’s you who needs that attention for you. Basically!

INTRODUCING THEMAN BEHINDTHE LENS, Malachi Hudson

EW: What inspired the start of your entrepreneurial journey?

Sometimes I can see a video for a sound that I hear. Other times it can be a view that I rode by. Ties back into my business name of Prolific (plentiful/abundant) VSN (vision).

Last month, I had the privilege of watching Mr. Malachi Hudson in action as a photographer and videographer for the 100 Masc Suits Retreat

hosted by Trans Anarchii. It was an extraordinary opportunity to see an artist at work. Thankfully, Mr. Hudson, gave me the honor of giving me a oneon-one interview to share about his artistry and him as a person. Introducing The Man Behind the Lens, Malachi Hudson.

EW: Watching you in action at the 100 Masc Retreat and you were so passionate while in the zone, what provides that passion?

MH: I’ve always had a passion for art but it started with music and drawing. The more I explored the different forms of art I became even more connected to photography and videography. It became what some would say is my escape from reality but it’s more like a deeper dive into the world but spectating the beauty of it.

E.W: Now, you actually have your own business. What is the name of your business and what is the significance of the name?

MH: Prolific VSN and I named it that because prolific means plentiful and abundant and VSN is vision shortened. It also represents: View, Subconscious, Newcomings. Meaning the mental image(s) of the future will be or could be plentiful and abundant.

MH: Funny story It was when the pandemic started. My jobs were closed and I lived alone at the time. My ex suggested TikTok because I was bored a lot. So I started making them just by playing around at first. I only posted a few even though I have drafts for days because like you said at the retreat I’m an artist which means I’m sensitive about my sh*. It has been hard being that vulnerable with the world but that’s also the beauty of art. It touches different people for different reasons and I enjoy that.

EW: What drives your creativity?

MH: I believe you have to put your heart and soul into it. You can’t be your most creative if you don’t have that connection to it. Now that doesn’t mean it won’t be good but you know your own potential. You know that when you have that connection to something you give it more than your all to make it the best you can. So you can sit back and say, “Yeah I did that.” And say it proudly.

EW: You have a number of areas that you dabble in with your creativity. What are they and do you have a favorite?

MH: I do photography and videography. I haven’t locked in on one particular category because I love to create and mix and match different categories of art together. I always have. I also really enjoy making shirt designs, flyers and TikToks.

EW: What sparks your process and how you make decisions when creating?

MH: In my mind, I’m considering the lighting (outside or inside) and the best angles, but a vision or idea can come to me at different times.

EW: Who would be your dream photo shoot?

MH: That’s actually a harder question than I thought it’d be. It’s between Teyana Taylor because of her style or Chris Brown.

EW: How did you become involved with 100 Masc in Suits? And what did you take away from the experience?

MH: I became involved with 100 Masc after meeting Omega. When he sent out the invitation for 100 Masc, I wanted to have an experience. Not sure if I’m the only one but I started to look deeper into the meaning and purpose behind the retreat and I fell in love with the idea of it. I grew in so many ways when it comes to business, healing, mental health, self care, and brotherhood.

EW: Considering brotherhood, what support have you received from the community?

MH: Mr. Omega Chuckii has been my first supporter. He afforded me the opportunity to participate and trusted me to capture the photos and videos of the retreat as well. I genuinely appreciate the opportunity to be a part of something bigger than myself. He gave me a chance that I didn’t know was possible and I’m grateful for that.

EW: Since it is Mental Health Awareness Month, how do you provide your self-care?

MH: I sit alone with just my thoughts, paper and pen. I just create and express what I’m feeling. I draw, write, or record myself. I take the time to self reflect.

Malachi, it has been a pleasure sitting with you and I’m sure our readers are looking forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Readers, you can find the man behind the lens on IG at Boom3x._ and on TikTok at Young.Visionary or email him at msmithhudson@gmail.com. Check out my brotha and follow his journey!

Malachi Zion Hudson MAY FEATUREPHOTOGRAPHER, CALI

FOCUS2RISE

Written By: Mel Howard

What is FOCUS2RISE?

“We are a company that guides individuals using techniques that allow them to stand in their purpose rise and above their adversities Allowing them to Focus On Celebrating Ultimate Success, however that success looks to them! “

DEI training for companies teaching how to maneuver properly in the light of TGNC individuals in the workplace

Consulting for TGNC individuals and parents of TGNC individuals transitioning

Youth Mentoring Spiritual Counseling

Founder and Executive Director, Julian Clarke, is a member and is the 2nd Supreme Anti-President on the National Executive Board of Alpha Omega Kappa. Julian is also Director of Business Administration for Thriving Transmen of Color. Julian will be speaking at Black Trans Advocacy Conference April 26, 2023 in “Session 02: Leaving Behind a Fixed Mind-Set and Walking Into a Growth Proficiency.” Julian has been on several panels including Thriving Transmen of Color Suicide Prevention Panel. He focuses on the advancement of Transgender communities of color gaining access to beneficial resources and tools for suitable living and growing. Julian is the voice behind FOCUS2RISE, he is the spearhead of its entirety. The company was born out of his own adversity and needing to ensure a good future for his family.

The goal of FOCUS2RISE Life Coaching LLC is to be the leverage others need to rise above the adversities which keep them from fulfilling their goals.

If you could leave anyone with a message what would it be?

“I would leave the following message… It takes a positive mindset to reach your full growth proficiency!”

“Once you have learned your success is greater than your hindrances, then you will be on your grind.” Anonymous

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER

Who was the creator of these myths that keep men in an emotional lockbox? Those are the foolish things that we must abolish from our thinking and our behavior.

Rochelle J Photography

REAL MEN CHECK THEIR MENTAL

As a child I had some mental health challenges and my teacher suggested that I see a therapist. After my first session, my parents had to go in and speak with her. My dad cussed the lady out and my mother yelled and screamed at my dad. His solution: I wasn't going back and we didn't handle our issues talking to Quacks. In that moment, I learned two things: 1. I couldn't share how I felt because it caused problems and 2. Quacks were for other people. The myths say, men don't express themselves; we don't need shrinks, and on and on. These especially apply to men of color. So much foolishness I heard most of my life, but the truth is real men do seek help for their mental health. The lessons that I have acquired later in my life are some things that I know would have been blessings to me when I was younger. The ability to express feelings in a safe space was far and few between when I was growing up and I spent a lot of time unwell because of it.

Here I am now on this happy, whole journey of life. I'm trying to eat well and be more physically active. I’m journaling more and trying to be more in tune with myself, so I know when I need to tune up my mental wellness. Oftentimes we don't think about how our mental space can mentally/emotionally affect our loved ones. I have to stop and recognize that my not so good headspace has me running around stressing my wife and getting on the kids’ nerves. That is not the way of a grown and responsible man. If you find yourself wanting to stay in bed all the time never want to do the activities you use to enjoy or start to have self harming thoughts or thoughts about harming others, find yourself angry or withdrawn from people, do an old man a favor and seek a therapist If you need to talk to someone right this minute . Trans LifeLine (877) 565-8860 or call or text 988 Suicide and Crisis LifeLine

PHOTOS BY: STAR DANIELS

PHOTOS BY: DANIELS

PHOTOS BY: STAR DANIELS

reaking Generational Curses B

As a Black Trans-man who grew up with a mother who had bipolar I knew the value of mental health awareness intimately I myself had felt often the grip of loneliness and battled depression and anxiety The kind that would make me feel as though I was sinking in a tar pit trap and could feel the loss of every single bubble of air leaving my lungs and the pit around me as I sunk deeper Opening up about these issues can be really hard when in many Black communities in particular we rely more heavily on praying about these issues over addressing them from a more sustainable medical standpoint

Growing up in poverty deprived me of basic needs and has left me constantly grappling with trying to survive. Having depression and anxiety definitely didn’t help, and I was surrounded my entire life by people who needed help as much, if not more than I did, except many of them have no knowledge of mental illness or the benefits of therapy, or even a self-care routine. The first thing on your mind when you have nowhere to live, or nothing to eat, is not ‘Where can I find a therapist?’, for many people in disparaged communities.

I myself went through several therapists throughout my childhood since I was 11 years old as a result of my mother having mental breakdowns during her pregnancy with my younger sister and ultimately being hospitalized for bipolar. It was terrifying as a child to see my mother taken out of our bedroom by cops while we were living with my greatgrandmother We had been staying with my grandmother because of my mother’s inability to stay in our home because of vivid violent hallucinations in which she was being tormented by the Devil Up to that point my mother had not received much medical care and had been heavily encouraged on multiple occasions by our family to simply pray about it, or even told snide remarks about how it was her inconsistency with fellowship in the church that allowed the Devil to prey on her, even though we grew up in the church It even seemed the more she read her bible, the more the hallucinations had to feed on.

Later in life I myself had to be hospitalized for trying to commit suicide on more than one occasion as a result of my own depressive episodes.

According to the Southern Medical Journal (SMJ) there is a rising amount of mental health issues in the United States and a lack of accessible services for healthcare in general which contributes to and feeds the rise of Mental health issues in our communities.The groups clearly disproportionately affected by this are minorities and people living in poverty where healthcare is heavily needed and not readily provided

It is also worth mentioning that as a result of slavery and the malpractice of medical institutions in handling the healthcare of Black people, there is a great deal of distrust between Black people in particular and health facilities. One major shadow looming over all of us is the lasting effects of the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, in which hundreds of Black men were misled to believe they had “bad blood” and were experimented on without their consent for 40 years starting in 1932. The results were blindness, paralysis, organ damage, severe mental illness, and death

As a poor Queer Black Trans person I feel deeply the pain of every time our people have been let down by the medical community, and the pain of every time I hear someone who looks like me disregard mental health issues because of our very tragic and unique relationship with the American Healthcare System. The struggle of finding a therapist who looks like you, or

understands your feelings, is affordable, or even accepts your insurance is a disservice to our communities who have long been owed so much more While prayer may not have the ability to stop us from suffering, it is still something I do as I hope that one day we acknowledge the need of a balance between our spirituality and our pursuit for proper medical care, as well as to be treated as human beings in a society that still hasn’t felt the grip of guilt for its previous transgressions

https://sma org/southern-medicaljournal/article/association-betweenfinancial-barriers-to-healthcare-accessand-mental-health-outcomes-intennessee/

https://www plannedparenthood org/blog/ what-is-the-tuskegeestudy#:~:text=The%20Tuskegee%20Stud y%20is%20a,and%20abuse%20in%20U S %20history

QUEER REVOLUTIONARIES

Andrea Jenkins

May 10, 1961

Resources: https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/andrea-jenkins

The Winstons

Love lives in us…the Winstons, and we want to share a little of it with you. Loving my partner means that our home is our safe space. You know what isn’t safe? It is not safe to try to make your partner be everything to you or for you to try to be everything to your spouse. No one person can be everything to another. I can love you and share my gifts with you, everything is too much to expect or to live up to. This is especially true as we honor Mental Health Awareness month. Your partner can listen to your troubles, can give you advice, but they are not your therapist. Love can live in you, but love is not always enough.

The Mrs.

I am a 30 year suicide attempt survivor I take a daily medication for my ADHD and I spent years in one-on-one therapy Those are the parts of my story that remind me to be present in this relationship and to understand the limitations of me as a human being. I love Winston, but I also know that he is limited as a human being as well. He is my confidante, my best friend, and my comfort. He is all of those things and he helps me to feel safe. Just like I wouldn’t ask him to do plumbing work in our house though, I also would not ask him to be my therapist if

I needed counseling

This gives me the chance to love him just for the person he is In all his flaws and shortcomings while utilizing the things that I need to be my perfectly imperfect self, he too is able to love and be loved. Recognizing my mental well-being also allows me to understand my spouse’s. I would support him in whatever he needed to be his perfectly imperfect self as well. I cannot or would not shame him if he needed any amount of help on his journey True love is represented by the care and concern that we take in ensuring one another’s wellness be it physical, spiritual, or mental

Winston and the Mrs (E L and Roni)

I, too, am a suicide attempt survivor. For most of my teenage years and early adulthood, I had a codependent relationship with my mom. She had some drug and alcohol issues, so instead of being able to be the child, I became the adult thus our toxic dance began Unfortunately, I took that into my adult life long after she was gone I felt the need to be able to put everyone else first. I was trying to be everything my partner needed me to be. I needed to be everything and when I fell short I was always devastated. Counseling helped me identify this insane roller coaster of impossible expectations of myself and others. I had to work damn hard to shake this thinking I couldn’t continue carry it into who I wanted to become; it was literally trying to kill me I learned healthy boundaries, how to communicate my own wants and needs, and how to express my comfort level with situations. My mental health is my responsibility and today I'm glad I took the time to work on myself or I could have messed up the best relationship I've ever had. I wouldn’t have been ready when the Mrs showed up Thank God for showing me what tired of being tired looked like We support each other in everything and sometimes that support looks like tapping your spouse on the shoulder and telling them it might be time to do a mental health checkup with a professional. I’m blessed to be in a relationship with someone who understands that we can’t be everything to each other and therapy is not a curse word

Thoughts to Leave You

For the single readers trying to get into a worthwhile relationship, do the work. Go to therapy. Look at the red flags you put out to others. Take the time to help yourself and your future partner. Therapy is not just for those who are depressed, suicidal, or anxious. It can be just to take the time to look at your patterns of behavior or thought processes. You do things to maintain the wellbeing of your car, so why not yourself?

For those in committed relationships, create a safe space for your partner. Let the idea of therapy and/or medication not be a last option, but one that you understand could be the option that saves their life and/or your relationship. Taking the necessary steps for your relationship to stay healthy and for you to grow as individuals. Feed the love that lives in us separately and together!

zenith imhere

I can’t say for sure how I’ve survived mentally these 32+ years. I don’t question it though. If I don’t know, it’s ok. It’s nothing wrong with not knowing everything. There's nothing wrong with not being able to understand everything. I change and learn as the days go by. New habits … old habits. Slow day … fast day. Aware day … here but not here day. But every day I continue to BE. Ive been stressed and deeply depressed. Didn’t want to take medication. I just aim to make sure my low days are rare. (My Scale: Never … Rare … Sometimes … Often … Always). Life is what it is. So how am I going to make the best of it? I strive to stay as positive as possible in whatever is occurring at the time. I have to have faith in my self. That is my strength. Who am I without me. Life has been driving me crazy forever. From being afab (assigned female at birth). To now, being free in my authenticity. Growing up, I dealt with societies so called norms when it came to gender roles and sexual orientation. But I stood up for myself as much as I could. My own family doesn’t even know how their actions and support, or lack of, affect me to this day. Not past indiscretions, but as they occur now. Definitely was raised on respecting my elders who didn’t even listen nor respect me - just ludicrous. I chose to make and take my own path in 2019 when I started my transition. How could that be worse than what we are presently subjected to with all this chaos in the world? Modern day slavery just keeps advancing. I’m simply living my life while abiding by all laws. The crime is in the bullying I face from rules, codes, regulations and stipulations America puts on Transgender lives. Even though spouts of rebellious rage try to ensue me, I lived and learned from a past experience that landed me in prison. I survived 9 years in prison. I survived prison yal. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. And yet I’m still scarred from my lived experience while incarcerated. And then I come home and feel as if people have lost their common sense and others haven’t even been taught the concept of it. Mental health is real. And we can be blind to our own decline. I know I’m good at blocking things out. Thought I was doing something. Next thing you know, I learn that blocking things out doesn’t mean that I’ve let it go. So it will always wither and fester like a tumor. Whether it happens fast or slow. So being aware or as tuned in with your self … mind and body … keeps you ahead of the game. I’m a sucka for positivity: nice words, quotes, food for thought, affirmations, etc. I’m an introvert but stay outside. So I fight off what I know I shouldn’t be battling in the first place. It has no space here. Get gone negativity. Get gone my own personal barriers. I have to win. Hate being the center of attention, but I’ve spoken on panels, news interviews, and I’m acting. All engaging activities. That’s a stressor but I’m stretching it thin to none. I have to keep my head up. I have to keep moving forward. I have to show up because I can and I want to. I have to stay strong … no one else can do it for me. Well, mental health doesn't have nothing on me. I will keep showing up and showing out. As Janelle Monáe said, “I used to let [people] get to me I used to be my own enemy Now I done had several epiphanies … Had to forgive all my frenemies. They are not who they pretend to be, I had to protect all my energy I'm feelin' much lighter, now I Float”

BUT...THE CHILD SAID

But the child said Early with birds and breakfast so simple and sweet a child was dispatched on to the planet we call Earth, tears because the child had been selected, who would they be will they smile will they show the world when he arrives...oh my a bright light it's a girl...puzzled the child cries the man who pull him out got it wrong, the man replies to who would call mom and say her lungs sound great, she is doing great...but the child cries louder in sadness because why did he say girl when he is a boy The one called mother leaves the crying upset child because she doesn't understand why she is so upset. The puzzled child goes and grows up wondering why does everyone keeps saying she, and he know he was a boy so his grandmother replies on day they will all see him just be patient but as the child gets older his grandmother gets older and leaves him alone but tells him better she parts to remember who he is and never let anyone tell him different, but to no end nobody saw the boy so child said I'm a boy the world lol you are too pretty and shapely to be a boy go and bear children silly girl confused the child said I am not girl firmly I cannot bear child, violating and emptying the poor boy of every ounce of himself, he bears children but the children say dad,Why they say I’m a girl when i am a boy the child said. Sobbing with tears in his did dad looks at him in disbelief and disgust like why would SHE ask that in true you ARE. the child then said i know in my heart you I AM and I WILL let the world see my fully and authentically.Filled with blood scars and absolutely nothing , he still stands and says proud I am boy, his peers laugh and say just be girl you are not strong enough, his peers say be a girl because your voice is too soft, without any fear he no longers cries Instead he firmly stands up and replies but I am not a girl nor boy I AM A MAN !

Benji Julien

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance. While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month For a more specific reading to your specific circumstance contact Doreen Scanlan on FB Messenger to set an appointment.

Check out your cards for the month based on your birth month.

May

Your focus needs to be on moving in the direction of the things that make you happy. This is important because you are going to need that momentum to carry you through some challenges this month You may find that some things don’t measure up to your expectations. Holding on to happy thoughts and hopes will eventually give you the inspiration and creative energy to rebound. You may also find that someone you have trusted may betray you. Try not to let this destroy your faith in all people. Your tribe is just evolving. Embrace the growth and newness ahead of you.

June

You may not be in the most prosperous position early on. It is time to change your perspective on your money flow Once you do, you will find a way to either bring in more income or release some expenses that you don’t need. This will give you the opportunity to move forward to accomplish more of your goals. Find time around Memorial Day to spend time with loved ones Create some new memories that you wil cherish for years to come

July

This month your relationships with the people closest to you may shift It may be important to take their perspective more into consideration than your own. People grow and change and relationships need to evolve too in order to keep them going This is not to say that you need to do all the compromising It just means you need to check in with others so you can see where they are in relation to you and visa versa. If you find you are the only one holding up the relationship you may even need to take a break from each other You may also find that someone close to you could use a little more help that they haven’t felt comfortable asking for. Do what you can comfortably do to help.

August

Your mood may be a little low in the beginning of the month. The best way to break free of that is to reach for something that has been just outside your reach This gives you new hope of being able to achieve something new Your effort gives way to new interests

Doing that once triggers all kinds of thoughts of possibilities. You also will start connecting with other like minded individuals that hold you accountable to the things you say you are going to do. It is harder to feel down when you have others that are encouraging you. Rise up to your true capabilities.

September

Time to diversify. You have many talents , gifts and interests. Start looking for ways to incorporate more of them into what you do professionally This may be in addition to what you are already doing or utilizing more of yourself into the projects you are involved in. Prepare yourself for a major lifestyle change early this month. Someone will step up to help you through it in a very compassionate way There is a second person that comes across a little harsh but although their approach may be different, they have your best interest at heart. Embrace both types of help until you can stand strong again. You will be no worse for the wear and you will have devolved great relationships with those that stood by you.

October

Trust your intuition when it comes to using your gifts and talents. You were born with abilities that are yet untapped Once you discover which ones you want to pursue, find yourself a mentor that can teach and guide you The world needs what you have to offer The more comfortable you become the more you are going to be called to share them with others Especially young ones who look up to you Not only can you make a difference but you will pass that desire in to one’s you inspire That is how positive changes are perpetuated.

November

Be open to receiving messages from Spirit The more you can quiet your mind the clearer the messages will become. You will also become more accountable for the information you have been given With that awareness comes responsibility You can’t really go back to not knowing This can come as a burden for some Know that if you have been chosen it is for a reason. You have what it takes if you believe in yourself. You may find yourself evaluating your beliefs to make sure they are in line with the messages you are receiving You will also be guided towards a new career choice by the end of the month.

December

The blessings that you have received that allow you to live the life you are living may take a hit this month. There may be a major expense that you may need take care of that may set you back a little Use your best judgement as to how to take care of this in the best possible way. Unfortunately, something else you had planned may have to put on hold for a bit. Have faith though, ask for help in financing things if you can do you can spread the payments over time They probably won’t offer that unless you ask. You might be surprised as to who might offer to help. Perhaps some mutual aide might be available.

January

Take some time to yourself this month. That will let you bring your best self to any interactions you have with others You will also have a clearer appreciation for the meaningful relationships in your life. Share some of your dreams with others. That way you will have someone to keep you accountable to seeing them through to fruition You need to allow yourself to reach for more of what makes you happy

February

Take some time to reflect on where you are in your life plan Take note of things that are falling short You have skills that are underutilized Start looking for ways to expand what you are good at. There is inspiration that will come your way towards the end of May Try to find ways to include others with similar interests so you can share the successes Celebrate

March

Wonderment is your word for this month Look for the newness in everything Appreciation will breed more things to appreciate. Enjoy each one of them. Look for ways to share your appreciation with others Take a leap of faith on an opportunity to bring in more abundance Just remember abundance comes in many forms

April

May is a time of reaching new heights From this vantage points you start to build the next phase of your life . There is someone that may offer you a new opportunity and give you something you need to get started. People are very understanding of your needs and are willing to help Give them the satisfaction of being able to give something to you. You may also be put in the position to make a decision that will affect more than just you. Use your wisdom to make that decision. Base it on what is the most beneficial to the most people