BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE DEC 2023 by Blaque/OUT Magazine

Carter Balenciaga DEC 2023

ISSUE#039

TAMARA S. LEIGH, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

CONTENTS BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY DIGITAL PUBLICATION CENTERED FIRMLY IN BLACK & BROWN QUEER QULTURE. BLAQUE/OUT FEATURES WRITERS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, CREATIVES AND INFLUENCERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE ARE WORDS. WE ARE ART. WE ARE FASHION. WE ARE CULTURE. WE ARE MUSIC. WE ARE PROTEST. WE ARE WHERE BLAQUE QUEER CULTURE LIVES. FIND US ON FACEBOOK, IG, TIKTOK. TO SUBSCRIBE TO BLAQUE MAGAZINE, VISIT: HTTPS://ISSUU.COM/STORE/PUBLISHERS/BLAQUEOUTMAG/ SUBSCRIBE

FOR ADVERTISING, EMAIL ADVERTISING@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM FOR SUBMISSIONS, EMAIL TAMARALEIGH@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM

WWW.ISSUU.COM/BLAQUEOUTMAG WWW.BLAQUEOUT.COM

HIV & ME : REFLECTIONS

QUEER REVOLUTIONARIES JAVANNAH DAVIS

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. WINSTON

AN INTERVIEW WITH FATHER VENUS

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES

COVER ART: TAMARA LEIGH COVER MODEL: CARTER BALENCIAGA

PUSH, HE’S HERE ASHANTI TAYLOR-ALEXANDER

LETS TALK STANDARDS! PART:1 26 EDUCATION SERIES COPY EDITOR: RONI WINSTON ADVERTISING ACCOUNT MANAGER: DOREEN SCANLAN

DEC 2023 | ISSUE# 039

BEST OF ... Take the survey & nominate your fav Black & Brown Queer Everything from your hometown or around the country so we can acknowledge the BEST Of everything in 2024! Voting Closes December 15th https://tinyurl.com/BOMBESTOF2023 W W W . B L A Q U E O U T . C O M

covers in December. We are well aware how hard holidays can be In our community for any

Our beautiful cover this month Is the enchanting Carter

number of reasons. So Instead, our December covers celebrate the beautiful, uniquely Black &

Balenciaga of Toronto, pictured as our take on Father Christmas.

Queer tradition of BALLROOM. Ballroom besides art and culture, performance and theater,

He regally stands In a cascade of snow looking dapper as ever,

represent CHOSEN FAMILY, also uniquely ours. This year we had the honor of doing both! And It

controlling the weather that swirls around him, cold as Ice,

was perfect. Shout-out to the House of Balenciaga!

warm and engaging as a summer day and dawning a red ribbon to

Lastly, November was a very special month for Blaque/OUT. We hosted an Incredible set of

honor the lives touched by World AIDS Day on the 1st of the

panels on Trans Day of Remembrance that were so Incredibly Informative, enlightening and

month. So none of that Is weirdIt and him are Incredibly dope.

engaging. We thank everyone who joined us. If you missed it, please click the link later In the

The slightly different part Is after giving us permission to use

Issue. ANDDDDDD, HRC+ Showtime Network announced us at one of their Queer 2 Stay

this Incredibly gorgeous picture, I couldn’t get back In touch with

Businesses and we are SO honored. Thank You! Oh! And welcome back Ashanti Taylor-

my dear friend, Jermaine to get an Interview. Soooooo,

Alexander!

unfortunately the cover stands alone and he remains a man of mystery! Which Is just fine. I love him DOWN! And I’m sure Blaque/OUT will be able to connect soon so you can learn more about this handsome Canadian. Jermaine, thank you so much for being our very 1st International cover! Meanwhile, typically we avoid doing traditional holiday

a word.

Well, this Is a lil bit different than any word I’ve ever written.

Tamara Sanaa Leigh Editor-In-Chief

BlaqueOUT columnists & contributors Javannah J. Davis (she/her) resides in Rochester, NY where she has worked in healthcare for 19 years, is a self-published author, Founder/President of W.A.V.E Women Inc & CEO/Owner of Linjé Enterprises LLC. Javannah is passionate about healing, self-love, self actualization & helping others to live the best of their lives in a healthy way.

E.L. Winston of Fayetteville, NC (He,Him, His) Trans Community Advocate, CoFounder of Lambda Gamma Omega Nu Fraternity. Just your everyday introspective old man and 1 half of Team Winston

Roni Winston aka The Mrs. aka Pastor Roni (She/Her/Hers) Fayettevlle, NC. Minister, educator, entrepreneur, couples' coach, writer, mom, and grandma. Half . of Team Winston.

Immani Love, (she/her) A Lesbian Erotic Poet, Author, Ordained Minister, Freelance Writer, Real Estate Agent, and overall witty, seductress with the voice of a Siren. An educated Vixen in sunny St. Pete, Florida.

Lade Breez (He/Her/Them) is an award winning 3x published author, publisher, philanthropist, humanitarian, motivational speaker, life coach, event host, youth tutor, artist developer & spoken word artist. Owner & founder of Express Me Poetry Business Services & Events, & Educated Blessyns LLC, improving this world one stage at a time. ExpressMePoetry.com

Mel Howard (he/him) Resides in Newport News, Virginia where he worked in finance industry for over 5years, is a columnists for BlaqueOUT Magazine and Founder/President of THRIVING TRANSMEN OF COLOR. Mel is passionate about community, self acceptance and forgiveness.

Tina Marie Jones (she/her/hers) Founder of Uncover, LLC, mother of 4, activist, motivator, and columnist.

Courtney L (she/her) designer, developer, business owner, who loves to travel. When she is not doing that she loves to write poetry, a bit of a nerd, spend time with family and friends and help people learn technology. She lives in Los Angeles, with her dog.

Angelique Davis (she/her), Pastry chef turned teacher. I who enjoys empowering the youth of inner city communities.

Ashanti S. Taylor-Alexander (she/her) is a life educated poet who believes in riding each wave of this world to the fullest. She is passionate about writing poems people can truly feel. Have a subject throw it at her and she'll make a master piece!

WORLD AIDS DAY

DECEMBER 1ST

Knowledge is power. Get tested, know your status, and stop the spread of HIV. This World AIDS Day, empower yourself and your community by getting tested and spreading awareness about the importance of HIV testing and prevention. And remember, HIV Is NOT a death sentence. With proper treatment & care you can be undetectable & untransmittable & live a long, healthy, happy life! But you have to know your status first!

Get more Information at: https://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/hivaids-and-prep-resources

s n o i t c e l f e R HIV & ME

David Maurice

Truthfully, dating was never easy for me. I’m an introvert and shy. I was insecure because of the lazy eye I was born with. So, meeting people and/or conversing with them was a challenge or something that I avoided completely. Then HIV. And, it didn’t help my insecurities nor my current outlook or perspective on my current situation.

One day, I was talking to my friends complaining about the hurtful things that people sometimes say on online dating platforms to me as a person — now living with HIV: that I’m disgusting, calling me unclean, or that I’m spreading the virus every time I spread my legs (this one was kinda funny).

I don’t need to hide or feel ashamed of any part of me, including my HIV. And these friends, in the gentlest way they could, said, “no offense, David, you’re cute and all but I’m surprised that anyone would want to have sex with you. I wouldn’t.” This happened in 2010, a few months after I received my diagnosis Christmas Eve 2009. Hindsight, I don’t believe my friends were meaningfully trying to hurt me or to be mean. However, I believe they were genuinely trying to help me, to prepare me for how people think and feel about people living with HIV. And, I had plummeted into careless behaviors ever since the sexual trauma I experienced 4 years prior while stationed aboard a ship (I was still active duty in the US Navy).

The stigma of HIV and the collective societal scars from the AIDS crisis of the '80s and early '90s still inform so many people’s views of those of us living with HIV. Even with all the advances in science -- the fact that a person living with HIV on successful treatment, like me, can’t pass the virus on sexually (U=U), and the availability of PrEP and PEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis and post-exposure prophylaxis) as preventative tools – grown men sometimes felt the need to not only reject me because of my HIV, but also to belittle me. For a long time, I was resigned to thinking that was OK. It kind of matched what I already thought about myself. I grew up in a strict Christian, AfricanAmerican home, the oldest of five kids. Growing up, I considered myself to be the rainbow sheep of the family. I remember learning as a young child through my late teenage years that homosexuality was “an abomination in the eyes of the Lord,” and despite my desire to be a good Christian and a good boy, I just knew that “abomination” was the definition of me. I was going to be punished with damnation and eternal hellfire. I kept this dirty, evil part of me secret from my family, so afraid of not being loved because of my nature. I finally came out to them when I was a senior in high school. My family didn’t shun me, but there was always that part of me that felt like God didn’t love me.

So, when I received my HIV diagnosis, there was a part of me that felt like I deserved it. My identity and my sexuality were at fault, and the punishment was this sickness. Talk about baggage! I was carrying around so much shame, guilt, and trauma, it’s no wonder I had trouble connecting with men. Over the years, I’ve had major shifts in my beliefs, about God, my relationships, about my HIV, and my sexuality. I had to go through a process of unlearning (still ongoing) everything I believed, navigating and maintaining relationships, and understanding my HIV and sexuality as well as reconciling these with who I understood God to be. I’ve replaced the God I was taught with a more loving God, more mysterious Power of the Universe, Divine Love Spirit, Benevolent Life Force that is most concerned about me. This God wants me to celebrate my loving capabilities, my sexual dynamism, my goofiness, and insightful self. I don’t need to hide or feel ashamed of any part of me, including my HIV. Since I’ve let that shame go, it’s allowed me to embrace the beautiful soul I’ve been given and to dive into a relationship, marriage, and partnership with renewed vigor. Well, my friends were so wrong! I’ve found a man that has been able to love me. He’s been someone I’ve shared my hopes and dreams with, share laughs, and build a future together — having been married for 5 years now. I’m 40 years old and having the time of my life!

NEW YORK

LIVING IN THE LIGHT

Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 wavewomeninc www.wavewomeninc.com

Accepting my Path, Finding my Passion, & Embracing my Purpose I’ve often heard that when you do what you love it will never feel like work. I’ve also heard that the road less traveled is most times the hardest, but offers the greatest reward. In my life, I can relate to both philosophies. It takes time to understand, or even decide, the direction your life is going. There are usually several hills to climb, mountains to scale, oceans to cross, and it is easy to get lost headed to your destination. It took many years for me to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to figure it out, and just listened and observed myself for what made me happy, I began to find the road to my destination. Most times our destinations aren’t careers or good jobs; destinations can be us healing from traumas, overcoming addiction, building a spiritual relationship with the creator, ancestors, etc. or accepting ourselves, and the changes we must go through for the betterment of our existence. Once I became open and honest with myself and took accountability for my actions, I began to find something new in myself everyday. I began to have a totally new outlook on my existence and being comfortable with who I chose to show up as everyday of my life. I discovered things, positive things, healing things, things that did or did not make me happy, and what my life’s purpose was. It ignited a fire within me to not only do better, but be better, and be there for those who wanted better for themselves. So what is my purpose? I feel my purpose is to nurture, guide, evolve, and prosper. These four things help to give me strength daily, honor who I am and what I’m designed to do. I had to recognize my faults, the limitations I placed upon myself, the environmental and social traumas I had experienced, and the effects it had on me consciously and subconsciously.

nah

J. D a v

I almost lost the battle it took to find my way back to me. Fortunately, I allowed myself the grace to take a moment to listen and allow what I needed in my life to heal. It was the best gift I allowed myself, and a gift I am grateful to share with whomever is accepting of it.

Minnesota Department of Human Rights Minnesota.gov

vol. 1

Mental health and Dscrimination Discrimination has been known to lead to many different health issues such as stress, mental health issues, depression and/or anxiety. Children who experience discrimination are more likely to experience issues performing in school, gang involvement and criminal engagement before the age of 21.

The CROWN Act was created in 2019 to end discrimination against textured hair and race based hairstyles in workplaces and public schools. The CROWN Act was meant to Create a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair. Protective Hairstyles Protective hairstyles are worn for a variety of reasons. These styles allow hair to be protected from the elements of different weather, are low maintenance which decreases the tension put on the hair and allows for length retention. Protective styles are versatile. Braids, locs, twists, wigs, two strand twists and more are all helpful for protecting hair against natural elements, heat damage and manipulation. Discrimination Discrimination is defined as an unfair or prejudicial treatment of people and grouped in characteristics such as race, gender, age and sexual orientation. Discrimination

can

have

major

impact

opportunities such as employment. Those who experience discrimination may experience bullying, isolation or shame from others because of certain characteristics.

Partner Shout Out The CROWN Act was supported by the collaborative efforts of DOVE, The National Urban League, Color of Change and The Western Center on Law and Poverty. Together these companies were able to combine their passion for advocacy, social and economic justice to stop microaggressions and biases based on hair styles by extending the umbrella of protection to include hairstyles worn as protective styles for African Americans. CELEBRATE YOUR CROWN KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Join the movement @TheCrownAct @BlackGirlsInSocialWork @LoudWomenLead OCT 2023

Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20

QUEER REVOLUTIONARIES

When in came to places to socialize for LGBTQ+ individuals prior to 1970’s there were few to none. There was one however that was well known to the underground community, thanks to a Black woman who would come to be known as the ‘Queen of Brixton’. Born in Jamaica in 1935, Pearl Alcock, the self-identified bisexual, became an important figure in both Britain’s queer and artistic Black communities. Pearl moved to England from Jamaica, after abandoning an early marriage in the late 1950s/early 1960s working as a domestic to make ends meet and other side jobs. Eventually Pearl was able to save enough money to own her own store in a neighborhood situated in a part of London’s predominantly Black queer community. Throughout the 1970’s, Pearls Shebeen (an unlicensed bar/club) became a very popular hangout and safe space for most of London's Black queer community. Not only was it safe from the oppression of the homophobia and racism of society, but also the racism of the white gay community as well. In 1979, during the political rise of Margaret Thatcher, Britain’s first female Prime Minister, and her “moral agenda”, Pearl was forced to close her doors to her shebeen. She later opened a small cafe, which she ran for a few years until hard times fell upon her once again, which she wasn’t able to fully recover from. At this time, at the age of 50, Pearl discovered a passion for art; born out of necessity, but became revolutionary. She had no formal art training, but instead began sketching and drawing images she imagined. Pearl continued creating works of art until she died on May 7, 2006. Pearl Alcock’s story is much like the lives of so many of our black LGBTQ+ elders. She didn’t fully receive her flowers when she was alive, and even with the renewed interest in her path, it’s too late for much of her story to be told in full. Black queer folk who hold oral histories in the 20th century have often passed on - sometimes prematurely- taking with them the exacts of their contributions to our culture and society.

Source: https://gal-dem.com/remembering-pearl-alcock-black-bisexual-shebeen-queen-of-brixton/

NORTH CAROLINA

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. WINSTON

seems like every holiday season I have these same thoughts and I guess I have to ask myself: When will it not be the thing? Just like wondering when I will be able to stop waiting on the day that they stop killing us for existing. Am I doing enough to change this world? Are you?

Rochelle J Photography

FRIENDS Sitting here singing, “Friends. How many of us have them? Friends. Ones we can depend on?” That Whodini song got me thinking about my friend circle. It's a pretty small circle though to be honest. I must say I'm blessed to have them. I know that so many people don't have that. In this journey we call life. In our community, friends often become family because so many of us have been separated from our families. They've walked away from us and so we’ve made our own families. I think that I prefer the family I've built versus the one I was born into. I feel loved, accepted and encouraged to be who I am authentically now. Who wouldn't want that in a family? They also keep me accountable. As this holiday season kicks up, I thank the Lord for these amazing people who pour so much into the man I’ve been and contribute daily into the man I'm becoming. What about the people in our community who don't have this during this holiday season? Those who will be alone? It

My friend circle has to reflect not only where I’ve been but where I’m going. Are they about service? Do they believe that injustice anywhere is a danger to us all? Are they willing to put in the work necessary that we all can experience a world of freedom? They say that to know a man’s character all you have to do is look at his friends. I pray that my friends who are really family reflect my love for people and my undying pursuit for freedom for us all. l hope that these things I see in my friends are the things they see and feel in me. I hope that daily they know that I love and appreciate them because I know the value in the village and that everyone doesn't have one. Do an old man a favor and love on your friends today. Let them know how much they mean to you and if you just so happen to come across someone who could use a friend, extend some grace and hospitality. After all, We Are All We Got!!!!

When One Door Closes... Immani Love/ December 2023

There’s an old saying, “When one door closes, another one opens.” When I was growing up it was just something that old people said but as I became an adult, it became clear what that phrase actually meant. It was not only a metaphor, it was also instructions. It wasn’t until most recently that I realized the latter part of that. If you follow my writing, you know that I am divorced. My ex-wife and I were together for 15 years, 7 of which we were married. We were considered “couple goals” by our friends and family. We traveled together extensively and supported each other’s professional aspirations. We struggled together through financial hardships, family drama, and health issues. We celebrated milestones like degrees for her and international tours for me and through it all we rarely argued. I literally can count on one hand how many times we argued. I know now, that was a problem. We’ve been divorced for over three years now and up until recently I was still grieving the end of our relationship. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I had done wrong or what I could have fixed to save our marriage until I realized that there were two people responsible for the end of our relationship. Just like with any break up, there’s lots of the blame game, wondering what went wrong, and of course, grieving the memories of what once was. But at the end of the day, there was a lack of communication and honesty that was ultimately the true reason for the demise of our wedded bliss.

Over these last few years of trying to heal my heart, I realized that I had not closed the door. There are things that I didn’t even acknowledge I was doing and I was still leaving space for her in my life. Little things you don’t even notice you’re doing. Like for me, I never deleted photos of her from my phone, I still have our wedding album in my closet, she was an artist, as well as an intellectual, and I still have one of her paintings on my wall that I absolutely loved. I haven’t even deleted her number from my phone. I only changed it from being an “I.C.E.” contact in my phone a few months ago! We haven’t spoken in over 2 years but I was still leaving the door open for her. Silly right? So what changed you might ask? Don’t laugh but, Facebook did!

Some of us, who have way too much time on our hands, play those games on Facebook that tell us what our future might hold or what our dream car should be or what celebrity we look like. I’m not immune to the mindless distraction of it all but recently Facebook (or maybe the universe) has been reminding me to close the door. I would have conversations with friends or family about how I didn’t want to get married again, how I was happy being single, even though I am not even really dating. I shifted my life to start doing more things that I used to enjoy before my marriage. I acknowledged the things that I did during my marriage that did not bring me as much joy and just stopped doing them. I shifted how I interacted with people acknowledging those who were in my life because of her and those who were there because of me. In this growth, I found that I had been lying to myself in order to protect my heart and keep the door open if only a crack. I realized I DO want love again, maybe even marriage. I love traveling with someone I care about and I intend to do it again. I want romance. I want that deep friendship and most of all I want to build with someone, but I was hindering myself. Like the old saying says, “when one door closes, another one opens.” Well, I hadn’t closed the door therefore, there was no opportunity for the new one to open. So I played a Facebook game that simply said, “What do you need to DELETE from your life in 2024? And just like that, it hit me like a brick! I can’t get that new door open without closing the old one. The night after I played that game, I dreamt that I had put that painting up for sale, that I had gathered all of those photos and little reminders of her and purged them from my home. And last but not least, I deleted her contact from my phone. Just the

thought of all of that gave me the most freedom I had felt in a while. I consciously decided that I want that new door to open. So if you are like me in any way and realize that you’ve been keeping the door open that should be closed, take this article as another sign from the universe. Close that door, even if it’s only open a crack, and let that new door open to bring in the fresh air you need to breathe life back into your world. I say all that to ask…Does anyone want to buy a pretty dope painting?

@ImmaniLove She/Her (And yes, the painting really is for sale if you like it, reach out to me)

MAGAZINE

TRANSCENDING HATE:

NATIONAL VIRTUAL TOWN HALL 11.20.23

M Y

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E . L . W I N S T O N

hen I say that the Eden’s Garden premiere weekend was an experience I wish every Transperson I know could have experienced in real time, I mean it. The weekend was like a movie. I met so many incredible people and it was incredible seeing Seven’s vision come to life on screen. It made me feel incredible pride to be a Transman of color. We often get passed over in the conversations being had about what we need as a community when it comes to our healthcare needs, our physical safety and our mental health. Eden’s Garden lets people see us as we are…human. To have our brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and friends all in a room packed with my peers was mind blowing. I’ve never shared space with that many Trans siblings. It was like arriving at a place and knowing you've made it home. The place you've searched for your entire life and you’ve found it. I didn't feel nervous about whether or not I was in a safe space or feel like I had to keep my eye on the door. Visibility and representation is massively important not only so people know that we are here but so that we know we’re here and that it is possible to be ourselves. The significance of this project is the same reason Blaque/Out is important. The impact to the culture is

indescribable. You don't know what is possible for you if you never see it. We are more than the struggle. We are writers, filmmakers, producers. actors and businesspeople, mothers and fathers. If all you ever see is the hate, the killing of us, the idea that no one loves us, the inability to find work because of who we are, then you forget all the things we are and all the things we can accomplish. This weekend I felt seen, heard, supported and part of a community. I don’t always get to feel that connected, but I realize that I so desperately need it. It was more than awesome to share this experience with the love of my life and my partner in crime, The Mrs. To have her support throughout this journey has been my saving grace and motivation. So to get to do this together while watching something so profound happening was inspirational and emotional. I’m still on this high burst of emotions just tapping into what this premiere meant and means for us as a community. As a result of seeing the real life brotherhood between the main characters and the creator was refreshing. They were truly an example of the bonds Transmen can create with one another; stereotypes be damned. I’m excited to see what’s next for Eden’s Gardens, Seven and his production company. Seven King Studios. To the men of Eden’s Garden. I thank you for your authentic representation of us and for your unapologetic courage in telling our stories. Can’t wait till my next trip to the Jungle!

THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN AND SHOWTIME® ARE EXCITED TO PRESENT THE FOURTH YEAR OF "QUEER TO STAY: AN LGBTQ+ BUSINESS PRESERVATION INITIATIVE", AN EFFORT THAT SUPPORTS, UPLIFTS AND PRESERVES SMALL BUSINESSES THAT SERVE THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, PARTICULARLY MULTIPLY-MARGINALIZED QUEER PEOPLE.

AN INTERVIEW WITH FATHER VENUS MEL HOWARD Who is Father Venus and how did you get connected to the music industry? The manifestation of my identity, Father Venus, was in graduate school originally. I was set on a pathway to be a professor and I was going to be a Black studies Professor. I was in a PhD program down in Austin,Texas, and a lot of the things that I was experiencing there really forced this energy out of me. I needed a way to express myself but in a different way. Thoughts came over me like “I'm feeling really constrained” and “I'm feeling really depressed”. The music came out of that and I started recording in my closet. I had bare minimum equipment just trying to get the hang of things, it basically went from there and that was about 8 years ago. Learning my craft, how to record myself, what types of things I want to talk about, what type of sounds I want, and what I want to manifest to the world. Last year, I put out my first music video and it was at that point I decided this is going to be my pathway to see all the way through. Music is the one that's been calling me and I will put everything into making that happen. I self-directed my first song and first music video. Directing was a whole trip in itself but essentially it let me know this is it. This is fulfilling. This is what I want to do and this is how I want to participate in the world. Lately, I’m recording at home by myself again but working with some coaches and people who are more in tune with the music industry. They are giving me guidance on how to access certain things. I want to remain an independent artist. I am an Aries. No one can tell me what to do so I'm not really interested in joining a big label but partnership and collaboration is really important for me. I'm preparing to put out four or five songs in the next 6 months to kind of see all different vibes. I know that performing is for me. I've noticed that when people see me perform, seeing me say the words that I'm saying makes a difference so it's definitely something I'm going to get into a lot more this upcoming year especially for this next Pride season coming around.

https://www.fathervenus.com @fathervenusmusic fathervenusmusic @fathervenusmusic Father Venus

As a Transman artist you influence the community, what do you stand on? Humanity. I don't understand the disconnect some folks have with that. I'm a kind person. My compass is towards making people feel comfortable, making people feel welcome, and making people feel alive. I get really troubled and have always been this type of personality or spirit. I’m always going to air on the side of the right in history. I remember in eighth grade I didn't go to my eighth grade graduation because they wouldn't let some of my friends walk because they missed too many days and to me this was a total Injustice. How are you blaming children for not being able to make it to school and then saying they can't walk in their graduation? Despite me being an academically gifted student and having accolades that would have been, you know, given to me at this ceremony, I was not walking or having any of my family come. That was my first moment of standing on my beliefs. It was a sacrifice in a lot of ways but worth it and I think that's what is required of a lot of us today. There are going to be sacrifices that we have to make, right? I'm not trying to be a billionaire. I want to connect with people and make a living. I need enough to be able to do the art that I want to do and help my family and my friends. I will leave a legacy for whoever comes behind me. I'm standing on the fact that everybody should be able to express themselves how they want and everyone should be able to make a living. I'm totally against white supremacy and part of my education has helped me to connect all those thoughts. I'm currently a fulltime artist right now because I was fired from my full time job for standing up and speaking out against Israel. The company I worked for sent out a “Stand with Israel”

email that I was totally against. Israel is a settler, colonial country. There's no way in the world that was right. Where Father Venus comes in is like a kind of fiery thing but then also really soft and kind of, you know, a flowery side. I think I like the combination of those things. I like pulling those things together. Honestly, there are times when I'm just like right now, I'm a little overwhelmed too. The world feels so terrible at times. Who are these people who are committing these atrocities and trying to also get away with it? It feels really hard and draining but I stay optimistic. I do think that I'm an optimistic person, so I lean into that. All things Humanity, all things diversity, and moving on hope. Hope is this new kind of world of awakening. Spiritual awakening for people to be like you can be you and the sooner you are you the sooner I can be me. How are you healing? How are you coping? This is a big one because I feel like anything that I would normally do to cope feels like a cop out: going to the gym, enjoying time with my partner, watching TV. Anything I do to decompress feels like I shouldn’t. I understand I must balance, but I also feel like I should be doing more. I mean there should be more conversation, more using my platform because this is a little genocide and one of the first to be happening while we all have access to social media. It's being recorded. I'm struggling. I'm not going to lie. I'm not in a place where I necessarily feel totally clear headed, beyond my principles just getting through to get through the day right now so I’m taking it one day at a time.

What do you see in your future? Being thrust into the full-time-ness of it right now, I want to just kind of put out everything that I've done in the last few years. I'm a little bit of a slow writer sometimes. Sometimes it comes through like lightning and I'm just like boom it's done. Other times it's taken me a year to write these verses and it matters to me that they take that long because they really are that impactful. I'm working on a lot of things. I have a few things that are already done and I’m just working on the rollouts of those. I have a song called “Pause” that's talking about the phenomena of people freezing every time they think they're saying something remotely queer or gay. I have a song called “Mermaid” that's really just a good vibe about mermaids and vampires and wolves. I really love science fiction so I mention those things. I have a song called “New Bound” and it responds to Kanye West’s “Bound” where he's like when a real [one] hold you down, you s’pposed to drown. I like that song but that phrasing always messed with me a little bit; I really don't agree with the idea that you are not supposed to be feeling drowned by the person that you are in love with or you know in a relationship with. My response is a symphony. It's almost like 6 minutes long. When I listen to that song, I kid you not, I start to cry and it's not even done yet because I feel like I put my whole heart in it and something just came out of me. When I listen back to it, the key is to keep doing the work. Even though it's not done yet, it just kindly reminds me to stay disciplined in the writing and it's the right job for me. I have another song called “Meditation” that's about to come out. That song is about me really tapping into this idea of like the music being this magical conduit for getting you to understand certain things. Getting you to believe in yourself and getting you to open up yourself to the messages that are all around us. I feel like my music is a conduit to get in there so, yeah, the meditation one will be really dope too cuz I actually sample the meditation track all throughout it so you're getting this kind of messaging around the ability for yourself to come into wealth. It is really about stepping into who I am and making a living from it. It's a production by Saturn Say Studios which is a creative labor union for Black, Queer, and Trans artists and entrepreneurs. Saturn Say Studios is an in-house Production Studio idea that can produce all things for individuals with our in-house people who we work with that are all Black and Trans. We have the ability to kind of step into certain industries with protection and with the ability to facilitate making sure that we're actually getting paid for the things that we're putting out there. A lot of Queer communities get taken for all things and left with nothing. All the things we do, what we say, our language and more.

NORTH CAROLINA

Whosoever Weakens...

what and sometimes we just don’t know Life can be painful. It can be hard tight and dark days do come, but be can ney Mo el. cru be can ple to do. Peo t. ve us without a way back to the ligh a relationship with God does not lea e of the Lord is a strong tower; The Proverbs 18:10 tells us, “[t]he nam ing to Whosoever weakens the hold on try righteous run into it and are safe”. find the strength God offers. control all of life’s happenings can

- Pastor Roni

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worth it all!

PHOTO

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PORTRAITS

ves on being in control of things. sel our e prid en oft we e, tur cul rn In Weste lt ge of honor. This can make it difficu We think that independence is a bad because we assume it represents God to s live our of l tro con ish to relinqu rything desire to hold onto and control eve weakness in a negative light. That ves the strong without someone to lea t tha ng thi of d kin the is life in our Instead that they have no one to turn to. lean on. It leaves the hurt feeling ly God wants you to know that the Ho ne, alo nd sta st mu we t tha ng nki of thi at you need next in your journey. God Spirit can give you directions for wh rit can shine wisdom on the things Spi ly Ho the t tha w kno to you wants necessary for you to be empowered.

Push, He’s Here

Ashanti TaylorAlexander

When a stud becomes pregnant the first thing people do is tilt their head to the side in judgment. Not a word escapes their lips yet But you can hear every question as they try to find the right words to say Then they finally form the word congratulations But what they really want to ask is How? Did you sleep with a guy? Are you still gay? Did you like it? Was it planned? Who’s the father? Did you cheat on your wife? All of which are questions that are no one's business but my own. Yet I feel obligated to answer I have to ask myself, is it my job to educate? Is it my job to showcase my life for the world just so they can get it? And the answer I came up with is no but thank you for every congratulations And if the answers to those questions are the reason you're reading this I’m sorry Because this is a poem about a woman who gave birth to a legend Now do I happen to like women, yes! Do I dress like a male, yes! Do I play the male role in my marriage, yes! But I am still who I am Pregnancy was exciting, painful, emotional, tiring, satisfying and so much more The roller coasters of emotions mixed with the painful kicks to your core Pregnancy was a bond between mother and child And boy was my child a wild one My most precious moments were when I was in pain and would sing The pains would subside and it's like he would stop moving so he could listen In those moments I knew love like no other Now let's fast forward to birth On a Friday at 5am my water broke but it was a slow leak Nothing like the movies because pain was nowhere to be found But as the hours passed pain was the only thing on my mind Next morning and still no baby yet But i'm bed bound and clearly upset I just want the pain to stop My mental was being tested and the thoughts of seeing his face is the only thing I’ve got to keep me going Medicine flowing through my veins but none of them work Needles stabbed in my back over and over but what for My son wanted me to experience every inch of his birth and i did Staring in the mirrored light above me as I watched my kid’s entry into the world Traumatizing but satisfying Push!!! Happy and hurting Push!!! Body shaking and trembling Push!!! He’s here! But what do I truly feel Other than my body becoming weak and my heart filled with fear It’s clear to me that there is no turning back now He’s here! Will I be a good mother? Will I be enough for him? Will my protection from this cold world keep him alive? As I looked into his eyes for the first time I saw my answers. Yes, Mommy!

LET’S TALK STANDARDS

A SERIES ON THE STATE OF EDUCATION FROM AN EDUCATOR

First, let me just mention that I come from the Hospitality Industry. I am a pastry chef by trade and a marketer by education. I worked in the industry for years and finally decided that I wanted to empower the young people of the future by helping them figure out their “why”. I have known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a teacher. I remember playing school with my little cousins and I was always teaching them math. I don’t enjoy math, but I was always very good at it. I alwaysI believed teachers were better versed though if they had some life experience first.

I tell you that background so you can understand that when I was in the industry I never understood why the younger generation felt so entitled. I never understood why they didn’t take others into consideration and why they felt like because they were “grown” they could do what they wanted, when they wanted, and were shocked when they had any real repercussions. I always thought, “this new aged generation is much worse than I was when I was their age”. It made me draw back a bit from wanting to become a teacher until I finally said …..” F it! Let’s go for it”. As I stepped into the classroom, at the beginning of the 2023 school year, I was hopeful that I could drive young children to success. Then it hit me. The reason these kids act the way they do is simply because of the adults. Yes, I said it, the adults are setting these children up for failure. Hear me out. I know some people took offense to that statement and it was meant to be offensive. It was also meant to be educational. This is systemic racism and as Black and Brown people we are feeding right into it by placing our babies on the chopping block.

ANGELIQUE DAVIS

Throughout the next few months, I will be guiding you on this journey of understanding: what are our roles as parents, aunties, uncles, role models and the voice of change for these kids. Without addressing it and taking a stand, our children, unfortunately, will not be successful in the future.

The system wants us to fail while successfully moving us through school at the same time. If this sounds confusing, it’s because it is and it is the reason that the Black and Brown communities as a whole are blind to it. The school system is flawed. We allow kids to come to school, turn in assignments when they want and MAKE the educators grade as if there is not a problem with that. I have a student who has come to a handful of classes, doesn’t turn in their assignments and when they do come to class they come in with 5 minutes left of an 80-minute class. Not only as a teacher do I have to allow this student in my class, I also have to mark them as present. That’s not even the kicker. These students can turn in ANY and ALL assignments up until the LAST day of the term and I have to grade it. Also, if they do not turn something in, they get a code in the gradebook that is equivalent to a 50%. I’ll say that again, the child that turns NOTHING in gets a 50% in my class. If a child turns something in and scores less than a 50% on the assignment, I am not ALLOWED to put less than 50 in my gradebook. As time goes on, we will dissect how and why these practices and policies are detrimental to our community as a whole. I am excited for our knowledge to grow together as a unit.

NORTH CAROLINA

LOVE LIVES IN US...

The Winstons Winston and the Mrs. (E. L. and Roni)

Love lives in us…the Winstons and we want to share a little bit of it with you. As we quickly approach the holidays, there are a number of ways that this can negatively impact our relationships: Maybe you don’t have a supportive extended family to spend the holidays with; maybe you both do and you can’t decide who to spend which holiday with; maybe there are some particular guests who are no longer welcome in your home, on and on and on. How can we remove the theater and dramatics to enjoy a time of love, thanks, and hopefully relaxation?

The Mrs. Winston and I are no stranger to maneuvering the various expressions of family. We have our children, our grandchildren, my parents, our friends who’ve become family, and a whole host of others close to our hearts. If time and money were no object, then we would spend the holidays with them all, but that is not our reality. This means our holiday time is limited and we make decisive plans. If we go to one place for one holiday, then maybe we go to another for the next holiday. If we choose to do community service on one holiday, then we make it a family affair for the next. Whichever direction we go, we ensure it is not a bone of contention. It is an expression of our love and who we are as a couple. This is especially important because we are the united front. We don’t let anyone make demands of our time. Our time is too precious. In our relationships, we must prioritize our significant other; therefore, we use the holidays to pour into them. Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes do things outside of our comfort zone, but that we make that sacrifice occasionally not to look good to others, but we do it as a part of our love language to our significant other. Even when we make that sacrifice, we consider one another. If Winston were to join me for a work event that he would rather not attend, he doesn’t make me feel guilty or act ugly to others. Instead, he does it out of love and gives his best effort for me. Remember our time together is too precious. Wherever we are and whoever we’re with, it is always about us as a couple.

Winston Time is one of the most important things there is because there never seems to be enough of it and you can never get it back. That’s why you have to cherish it. That means if I go to one of the Mrs.’s work events and that’s really not my thing, I go because spending that time with her is more important than whether or not it is really my thing. On the same page, I’m a huge sports fanatic and my wife isn't but she has taken to watching some sporting events with me and can even speak some sports lingo. It’s not always about the activity but the time spent making the memories. We had a “Blaque/Out'' event in the Big Apple recently and since we've both been working like crazy, I had some friends to set-up a little romantic gesture to show the Mrs. that I love and appreciate her choosing to spend this time with me and that she is absolutely loved. Although we were there on business, we made it our business to enjoy each other’s company. There’s something about being able to laugh until you cry and just enjoy being in each other’s presence that you can never trade. The weekend was important to me in so many ways and I was able to share that with the love of my life. I’d say it was definitely time well spent. We continue to make memories with the time that we have with our family and friends because no day is promised to any of us. For this, we make the best of the time we've been blessed with and always make an effort to prioritize the ones we love the most. Sometimes family and friends can try to pull us in different directions wanting to spend time with us and we have to keep in mind that we can’t be everywhere at one time. We work on balance so that we don't miss out on making memories with the ones we love but that we don't overwhelm ourselves as well. We hope that everyone should be so blessed to have so much love around that you need to schedule your outings.

Thoughts to Leave You Priorities do not make you selfish. Priorities make you mature. When you chose your partner, you chose them to be your priority, so you remember what you value most and you make the rest of it additions to your love story. Mom has to understand sometimes you’ll visit your in-laws. Your best friend has to understand you can’t always go out with them. Your love should not limit your life, but expand it. As we enter the holiday season, take the time to reset and restore. Don’t complicate it, but remember that it is a time to recognize that love lives in us! Share some love with each other and your community, but don’t forget to share some love with yourself.

KENYA

BLAQUEOUT MAGAZINE EXCLUSIVE

SAVE LIFE By Ibrahim Kere Imagine that you see the wretched strangers, Their babies at their backs and their poor luggage, Plodding to the ports and coasts for transportation, And that you sit as kings in your desires… Why, you must needs be strangers…” – The Book of Sir Thomas More. Just over four hundred years ago, Shakespeare wrote an entreaty against racism and xenophobia, and in sympathy for the plight of refugees. His sentiment resonates in the early years of the new millennium: over the last four centuries, what have we learnt about benevolence towards those who share our humanity if not our birthplace? How do we – as a society and as individuals – treat compassionately the strangers in our midst, a sentient trait that may be older and broader than humanity itself? Sadly, our modern world seems to overlook this natural instinct, particularly when it comes to minority groups such as LGBT people. Some flee dangerous countries as refugees and find sanctuary, while many others find difficulties in their destination countries. The World Economic Forum acknowledges this problem: In 72 countries, same-sex relationships are currently criminalized. In eight, they are punishable by death. But in many others, social norms, traditions and customs make life for LGBT people equally impossible, even if the law is not officially against them. This collective human failing to care about strangers – and the world’s indifference to the problem – can be found today, pointedly rooted in a remnant from colonial times.

by Ibrahim Kere s le ic rt a o tw d cently publishe re T U In a refugee /O g E in U v Q li A n a BL m r e e erience as a Qu p x e is h tributions. g n o in c s s e u s o th disc r fo s compensated a w e H . a y n e K h that both of rc a e s re camp In n w o r u o arned through le e c in ther authors s o e y v b a d h e h s We li b u en previously p e b d a s and we h s rk o le w ic l rt a in g ri o those a his LGBT rights in Africa is tainted by homophobic colonial history. ey aofre thhistory des The e g e ll a iecebys their slave re Africa is full of this shameful bigotry akin toth theeracism e se pendured K . s e te ro w e h on blog sit t a th e forebears, human rights abuse, fueled by ignorant hatred that is provjustifying rm or dis fi n o t of and communities c to . Oufamilies y spouted by politicians and preachers alike, poisoning a em w o d th te a re have n c t a th h archomosexuality remains illegal and where harassment and are npersecution to the resewhere utio cbyaconservative f o s s e c common. Sadly, this discrimination is fueled in part religious x e n or contributed a In andencouraged rsactively tho au d views and by conservative US religious e h s li this b u p e ions by extremists. th s is m b u s g respect for in h s ubliwith you my story and the suffering I faced re g orI willpshare ceptinToday c until I reached a e b r e g as wea lotawhile n lo o ntionI hesitated e tt a s we will n ie Kakuma refugee camp : Yesterday morning, writing my it n u m m cobut estory, th to is is th th d g I came to a conclusion, which is: “I live between the harsh hammer of n n a ri h b s li pubcare elonger w writer. We t a th s rk life and the anvil of death, so I no much.” My name is Ibrahim and I o w l a g until ll origin a n ti e n rc ri u p o l s a am a 21-year-old gay man from Sudan. I did not experience this feeling I in to g d ri e o e r th requir foand e c ti o n d was 15 years old in 2017 I had a partner named Asim. I would like to share n a n o t rights a retracti my experience and bring awareness ithoofuhuman dw te ton the huge violation ri p re e serves as both w y e t thIn my home country, I have been harassed, tortured, and raped e thahere. owledgoccurring n k f o k c la r u o because of my sexual orientation. and n. Even my own family stated they will take me issio perm d police to be punished by Islamic laws. For me, this would mean the death expresstoethe penalty. In October 2017, some people from my partner’s tribe attacked me and burned my left leg using hot metal. They separated me and my partner by taking him to a different school in a different city. But in 2018 we got a chance and met again. But his parents threatened us … with Islamic law. (Sentenced to death). On 10 February [2019], I was arrested by a group from the [redacted] tribe who work with the Sudanese government. I was arrested with my friend and my father. On March 15, 2019, while I was in prison, I was raped by two men in the name of revenge. On 20 March 2019, I was also raped by more than three people. My health became bad because I was raped. My body was swollen. On 26 March, I was released. On 28 March, I fled from my hometown to [city name redacted]. On the same day my father was attacked and killed by [Asim’s] tribe. [Then], I met a friend of my father from South Sudan who helped me escape to [a city] in South Sudan. We [continued and] arrived in Juba, the capital of South Sudan, on 3 April 2019. He took me to the hospital immediately for treatment. After that he advised me to come to the Kakuma camp in Kenya where I was supposed to find freedom and further treatment. My [trek] from Juba to Nairobi ended on 11 April 2019. I made the long journey with a burned leg from being tortured and colon problems due to multiple sexual assaults. The only place I could reach after leaving Sudan was the Kakuma Refugee Camp.

A QUICK READ FOR THE GWORLS Tarot done specifically for you if you were born in :

DECEMBER

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance. While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month.

This is a month to start allowing yourself to release yourself from self imposed restrictions. If you have been holding yourself back now is the time to break free to see what is out there for you. This is in all areas of your life: career, relationships, and life in general. Start conversations with people that can further your career plans. Stop doing thing the same old way. Look at how you can expand your own growth. Branch out just like the branches of the Christmas tree . Become your best advocate for yourself. No one could do it better than you.

JANUARY Look for the signs that the things you have been intending to manifest are happening. This is the time to start realizing your best life. Those negative patterns are meant to be broken now and left behind. Find it in yourself to show your love and generosity where you can this month. If you can find at least one person that you can bring some magic into their life , you can create a forever memory for you both. Teach them a skill or help them find the resources they need to develop a skill that will serve them for a lifetime.That will be something you can both be proud of for years to come.

FEBRUARY

Count your blessings. You deserve to be proud of yourself for how far you have come. As this year comes to a close, take some time to reflect on your accomplishments . Remind yourself of the areas of your life that you have allowed yourself to explore. As the holidays approach make sure you are taking time to yourself. It is easy to get overwhelmed if you aren’t careful. Find something to celebrate that doesn’t have anything to do with materialistic things. Make sure that you take time to finish up any year end projects or responsibilities.

MARCH

Take some time to play. You might want to go to a toy store and see how many toys you can find from your childhood. Reminiscing about those times may rekindle childhood dreams as well. From your current perspective you may also look at what caused missed opportunities with a chance to redo without them. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions this time. Find others that share your vision and work together. You can literally rewrite history.

APRIL Before you do a lot of impulse holiday shopping take inventory of your funds. Also make sure you are buying for people you want to instead of out of obligation. It is time to start using that principle across the board. Enjoy life rather than just living up to others’ expectations. This will take more personal discipline than you are used to calling upon. If you have to ween yourself off the obligation that is ok.

MAY Enjoy the wonder of the season. Maybe go sledding or skating or skiing. While these things require some physical strength you deserve to give your brain cells some rest. Be careful during this month of celebration that you aren’t spending the money you had planned on spending on something important in the future. Start thinking bigger about what you see for yourself in the next few years. Start saving.

JUNE So you have decided to make some major changes in your life! Making up your mind is just the first step. It is important to keep in mind that this is a process not an overnight happening. You already have momentum going on the old ways and you can’t stop a train that is going 99 mph on a dime. You have to slow it down first and that takes time so don’t get discouraged if you don’t see progress right away. Take tiny steps first. Make a plan, get necessary resources and find an accountability partner to keep you on track. You got this . Keep in mind that you will need some thing else to take the place of what you are letting go of so start looking for that too. Congratulations on getting the message that it is time to do better now you have to be in it to win it.

JULY Shake up time! Prepare yourself for some long overdue changes. The Universe has waited long enough for you to do it on your own so now it’s going to speed up the process. How different will your life look if you were standing on your head? Use your creative energy to recreate some area of your life that went left on you. Once those creative juices kick in everybody better watch out. You are even going to surprise yourself with what you come up with. Deck those halls.

AUGUST Hold your head high. You have accomplished so much. From your throne on King/Queen of your kingdom you have earned the privilege of being able to refocus your emotional self and present ideas that benefit everyone in your immediate surroundings whether they are family, friends or colleagues. Give where you can. Be open to receiving what is offered and in general, share in the abundance that is yours.

SEPTEMBER

You may have surrounded yourself with the cloak of disappointment. You are hanging on to it a little too tightly. Do some soul searching and see if there are any parts of it you are ready to let go of. You don’t have to throw it completely off just loosen the load a little at a time. You don’t want to send yourself into shock. Just breathe a little deeper. Smile a little bigger. Laugh a little louder. If you take everything so serious it makes it that much harder the cut through the stuff that is not letting you shine. Do something nice for someone else and take some of the pressure off of you.

OCTOBER I am giving you permission to find the shiv and fantasy in the season. Be open to finding new things to inspire you. Spread cheer and happiness wherever you can. This time of year can be extra difficult for a lot of people. Fortunately it looks like it doesn’t have that effect much on you so whatever you can do to brighten someone’s day do it. You will both benefit in the long run. It doesn’t always mean you have to spend a lot of money either. Wish someone a happy holiday. Carry packages for someone. Run an errand. Show people that there are reasons to be cheerful and life is not all doom and gloom.

NOVEMBER

JYou may not have as many resources available to you as you’d like right not but learning to make the best out out what you do have sets the foundation to build on. About mid month you will come up with some new ideas of things you can do to bring some improvement into your life. Things start coming back into balance for you and while you may not have things exactly when you want them , you can be assured that the leap of faith you took is gonna pay off. New beginnings in the new year. For a more specific reading to your specific circumstance Doreen Scanlan, Intuitive Text 585-615-8494 for a personalized reading to set an appointment.

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