SO BASICALLY Lade Breez

So Basically

At what jump start did you think and or assume that your… condemning me could be worse than what I’ve already endured/

Tears that have rolled the same creases redundantly down lines in my face that have made small river runs in my cheeks to catch them in my lap/

A permanent bend in my neck from carrying my head down so low that dirt became my field of study/ So You could never know/

The burden of carrying around all of their guilt/

I, the remembrance of their indiscretion/

The continued reminder of where the hell we wronged the wrong one and formed their hatred in my soul/ Ha! You came bold/

What do you think you can do by condemning me?/

When,

Baby, I’ve been my own worst enemy!/

Trading trash cans full of their shit for my happy ever after so even their laughter made me sick to my stomach/

The cliché masked fake hugs muttered with fake love, you know the bullshit they love to spill/ “Oh, I think you are going to hell for being gay but i love you anyway”

You know, our views just aren’t the same, but in the event you want to change”

Or some other silly shit like,

“Damn ain’t you too pretty not to be getting stick?/”

To then vomit from the grasp of your lips/

But they really didn’t mean it that way…

I mean, right?

Right one wrong plan!

A stroll thru hell without sunblock would have been a better scene/

But here you stand condemning me/ Fuck you/

I fight harder with people who look just like me/

Who’s blood ran the same river bends of my great great grandfather's ribs/

My grand momma kids/

A child tortured because her fair skin did not mimic his; so ain’t no way she can be his kid/ Echoes louder than any “I love yous” I wished I could have heard from her lips/

So her unspoken words/

Taunted me every time I found love in the resemblance of them/

Anytime i let the unworthy even touch my skin/

Those undeserving of the actual love I had to give/

Left holes torn open when the blade is turned sideways/

And them open wounds never truly heal/

So I spilled my own/

Praying that it drained their tainted stains from my soul/

Cleansing my heart of broken promises to a new beginning/ BUT YOU!!?/

You really think that you can condemn me?/

I’ve drank myself into a comatose state to sleep peacefully at night/

Without dreams that turn nightmares in to fairytales when you are so used to getting the short end of the stick/ or thinking who can I help next in their fight for survival while surviving my own fight for survival/ Fighting to live peacefully locked in Blood stained rainbows painted by media targets on our backs/ I never have a good time when I’m outside of the comforts of my home/ Fighting laws and bigots, I’m black and gay/ And you want to condemn me!??

I’ve already forgave me/

It was absolutely worth my mental peace/

To cease to believe that me being who i am would be a reason for God to hate me/

And if I wasn’t loved so good by the most High, then why would I be saved/ Why would I specifically be sent on a mission after my release to total peace/ So please understand this clearly as you proceed/ while you stand here condemning me/

I’ve already have my solace, and I have the right to defend it at all costs/

I’m already paying my dues and regardless of any of this blues/ It would be in your best interest to pay attention to the fingers pointed at you/ See you are mad at me just living life, basically means, It’s you who needs that attention for you. Basically!

Lade Breez