LOVES LIVES IN US... THE WINSTONS. Winston & the Mrs (EL & Roni)

Winston and the Mrs (E L and Roni)

Love lives in us…the Winstons, and we want to share a little of it with you. Loving my partner means that our home is our safe space. You know what isn’t safe? It is not safe to try to make your partner be everything to you or for you to try to be everything to your spouse. No one person can be everything to another. I can love you and share my gifts with you, everything is too much to expect or to live up to. This is especially true as we honor Mental Health Awareness month. Your partner can listen to your troubles, can give you advice, but they are not your therapist. Love can live in you, but love is not always enough.

The Mrs.

I am a 30 year suicide attempt survivor I take a daily medication for my ADHD and I spent years in one-on-one therapy Those are the parts of my story that remind me to be present in this relationship and to understand the limitations of me as a human being. I love Winston, but I also know that he is limited as a human being as well. He is my confidante, my best friend, and my comfort. He is all of those things and he helps me to feel safe. Just like I wouldn’t ask him to do plumbing work in our house though, I also would not ask him to be my therapist if I needed counseling.

This gives me the chance to love him just for the person he is In all his flaws and shortcomings while utilizing the things that I need to be my perfectly imperfect self, he too is able to love and be loved. Recognizing my mental well-being also allows me to understand my spouse’s. I would support him in whatever he needed to be his perfectly imperfect self as well. I cannot or would not shame him if he needed any amount of help on his journey True love is represented by the care and concern that we take in ensuring one another’s wellness be it physical, spiritual, or mental

I, too, am a suicide attempt survivor. For most of my teenage years and early adulthood, I had a codependent relationship with my mom. She had some drug and alcohol issues, so instead of being able to be the child, I became the adult thus our toxic dance began Unfortunately, I took that into my adult life long after she was gone I felt the need to be able to put everyone else first. I was trying to be everything my partner needed me to be. I needed to be everything and when I fell short I was always devastated. Counseling helped me identify this insane roller coaster of impossible expectations of myself and others. I had to work damn hard to shake this thinking I couldn’t continue carry it into who I wanted to become; it was literally trying to kill me I learned healthy boundaries, how to communicate my own wants and needs, and how to express my comfort level with situations. My mental health is my responsibility and today I'm glad I took the time to work on myself or I could have messed up the best relationship I've ever had. I wouldn’t have been ready when the Mrs showed up Thank God for showing me what tired of being tired looked like We support each other in everything and sometimes that support looks like tapping your spouse on the shoulder and telling them it might be time to do a mental health checkup with a professional. I’m blessed to be in a relationship with someone who understands that we can’t be everything to each other and therapy is not a curse word

Thoughts to Leave You

For the single readers trying to get into a worthwhile relationship, do the work. Go to therapy. Look at the red flags you put out to others. Take the time to help yourself and your future partner. Therapy is not just for those who are depressed, suicidal, or anxious. It can be just to take the time to look at your patterns of behavior or thought processes. You do things to maintain the wellbeing of your car, so why not yourself?

For those in committed relationships, create a safe space for your partner. Let the idea of therapy and/or medication not be a last option, but one that you understand could be the option that saves their life and/or your relationship. Taking the necessary steps for your relationship to stay healthy and for you to grow as individuals. Feed the love that lives in us separately and together!