In English
TEXT by Pablo Santur
To touch or not to touch Adapting to a new reality away from your beloved ones is not easypeasy. The process can be uplifting and daunting. In this article I share some steps of my journey in Oulu, and what friends, Tinder, and a relationship taught me in the process.
When planning on coming to Oulu I took care of the money, winter clothes, and the paperwork, but little I did know about the challenges the cultural factors would pose on me. It was not the language, nor the food, but the touching. Yes, epidemic issues. Unlike in Latin America people here do not feel prone to touch. As a joke once, a dear Finnish friend told me: “Are you trying to insult me?” when I was about to hug him. Although a joke, as we said in Peru: “de broma en broma la verdad asoma” (“Shaped like a joke, a truth is told”). For several weeks after my arrival, I touched no one. I do not mean with a romantic or lusty interest. No, just touching. No one. A hug, a caress, a handshake. None. So, in pursuit of a solution, I joined a quest that took to unknown roads.
Events occurred every now and then, while darkness and absence were a daily life routine. And even though parties took place often, I could not spend all the time touching people. When facing a difficult problem some people drink, some eat, and others (like me) find the realm of sanity by working insane amounts of hours. As long as I had a deadline to reach, all my mind went into that impeding me to think about anything else. Although I made a lot of friends and money, I was still yearning for human contact. So, too ashamed to ask for extra hugs or professional cuddlers services (yes, those exist!!!), I accepted a kind advice: “Use Tinder, Pablo”. And minutes after having heard her words, there was my friend: creating a “sexy” profile for me. A CHRISTMAS PRESENT: TINDER
THE COMFORT ZONE: FRIENDS
The kind welcome of the Nordic winter gave me nocturnal insomnia and total daytime fatigue. So, I ended up going to the Finnish Student Health Services looking for some psychological support. In the process I realized what an issue depression is here, and that vitamin D is important to compensate for the lack of sunlight. Although it helped to deal with insomnia and fatigue, it did not solve the deep problem. Who can I hug? Who? It also did not help when I came closer to a lecturer, and she stepped back. Would it be my breath? Did I forget to take a shower? But not, it was just that here people respect their personal space quite much. Under those circumstances, I did what I thought was the best. If I could not go to Latin America, I will bring Latin America to me. So, I mingled more often with friends with a similar cultural background. “Pablo, there is this potluck…” Let’s go. “My party is…” Your address? Would you like to…? Of course. Becoming a regular of these events proved to be an effective way to deal with the problem, but a short-term one.
Even though I had heard about it, I had never used Tinder before. It took me a while to learn what is a ‘super like’, that profiles in Finnish more likely belong to people who want to speak only in local language, and that decency is not sending unrequested (nude) pictures. But then, I was finally able to date some girls. Like work, Tinder also offered me a place to find distractions. Plus, it was also a place to find that human touch I was so hardly looking for. Many hugs, caresses, and kisses later, I found talks were (quite often) nice, and (sometimes) the sex as well. However, amid that abundance many times I found myself feeling deeply alone. People passing by, people talking, people laughing, people kissing… nothing. It was not what you were looking for? I came here without any expectation of finding the same food, music, or landscapes I was leaving behind. But I did not consider those deep connections with loved ones. No, it was not an epidemic issue, it was a cardiac one.
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