The Perpetual You_Fun through Connection by The Perpetual You

The Fun Issue

Play. Connect. Grow. with Nadia

Stieglitz

SPEND TIME TOGETHER (14) • CO-CREATE (46) • BE VULNERABLE (86)

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We believe in choosing, embracing, unleashing, and celebrating who you've always been – who you already are – who you want to be.

Be YOU...the Perpetual You.

THE

L ET T ER from our ED I T O R

THE OFFICE The Perpetual You 101 Putnam Ave. Hamden, CT 06517

T HE C O R R E C T I O N S Photos on pp. 14-16 of our January issue were mistakenly attributed; the photographer is Jazelle's Artistry.

hat is it about connection that makes us so afraid? The happiest women I know—

myself included—are those that surround themselves with likeminded women often. And yet, when the going gets tough, or— hell—even when we’ve just had a crappy start to the day—we withdraw, hide, cover up, dust off, smooth over, ignore, forget,

T H E C O M MU N I T Y Look for us on social media @theperpetualyou.

put on a happy face & high heels & hold our heads high. I have a secret to share with you. Your true sisters—that tribe of women who loves you

THE STOCKISTS

for YOU—they care about all of you: the good, the ugly, and even the unspeakable. You

You can pick up a print copy of our magazine at the following shops:

can stop hiding the spilled milk (or failed intentions) from them. Your sisterhood loves

SaltyGirl Boutique Kennbunk, Maine SaltyGirlBoutique.com Lovet Shop Milford, CT ShopLovet.com Dwell New Haven, CT DwellNewHaven.com Finders Market Sumner WA thefindersmarket.com

you no matter what. I am the queen at telling myself that I can handle all the challenges on my own (#controlfreak). Honestly, my intuition and instincts go a long way to resolving unpleasant situations I find myself in—which is nice but doesn’t help my tendency to isolate. And I’m betting you’re pretty good at handling things too. So maybe that’s why connection—genuine, authentic intimacy—feels so scary. Because we are so good at taking care of ourselves. Because we were taught to be selfsufficient. Because we had to be strong, in order to survive. A new dawn has arisen, though. We are in a time when women are remembering and honoring the crucial, primal instinct to gather. We are rewriting that story of independence to be a tale of solidarity. We are reaching out, drawing in, and meeting up. Women are connecting with other women-every day and in all sorts of ways because we know we no longer need to go it alone. Lean in to your fear, and receive the gifts of

THE S U B S C R I P T I O N Sign up for our PRINT magazine at bit.ly/TPYandyou.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

meaningful friendship. (Oh—and call your mom, too!)

lee lee Creative Director & Managing Editor @wordsbyleelee

P H O T O by @ B E L A T H E E

When we drop fear, we can draw nearer to people, we can draw nearer to the earth, we can draw nearer to all the heavenly creatures that surround us. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; BELL HOOKS

The FU N ISSU E

FIND US @THEPERPETUALYOU

P H O T O by @ R A C H E L H P H O T O S

IN THIS ISSUE

Create Fun by Unleashing Connection M O N T H LY M US I C

Celebrate Sisterhood with this month's 'Sisters Unite' playlist on Spotify at bit.ly/TPYmusic T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Unleash

Unleash your personal & powerful state of play, with Nadia Stieglitz – artist, mother, and professional player. P H O T O G R A P H E D by B E L AT H É E P H O T O G R A P H Y

The FU N ISSU E

Realize Uncover the sorts of connections that make life

more fun, from taking a trip with strangers (soon to be best friends) to a day spent swapping makeup, clothing, and stories. Focus on the old-fashioned practice of intimacy, whether working, drinking, or walking with a friend.

Lifestyle Nurture Your Connections.............................. 14 Meet Up!......................................................... 24 Swap Makeup Secrets.................................... 30

TPY Faves

Media Reviews................................................ 17 Food: CHOCOLATE........................................ 18 Cocktail: Old-Fashioned................................. 20 Movement: Stand Up!..................................... 22 Clothing Swap................................................ 33 February Self-Care Tookit.............................. 36

Plus Swing from the Trees with photographer

30 T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

@rachelhphotos.

Dwell Un-inhibit your creativity on the space surrounding you; invite friends over to bask in what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve created; make memories, tell stories, enjoy each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company.

Design Display your Play.............................................. 40 Gather with Friends........................................... 42 Create Something Special................................ 46

Live Unravel your stories about authenticity and vulnerability so that you can connect more often and in a more genuine way.

Mindset Feel Deeply................................................... 76 Cultivate Sisterhood...................................... 80 Let Yourself Be Loved.................................... 86

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FIND US @THEPERPETUALYOU

T H E MA K ERS

Our makers consistently share their time & talents. We'd love to introduce you to the lovely ladies who contributed to this month's issue.

Anabel

Markie

Cover Photography

Dwell Feature Photographer

@belathee belathee.com

@markiejonesphotographyllc markielynne.com

Annabel Braithwaite is part of a two person photo

Markie is a PNW Wedding photographer, mother to two

team called BelathĂŠe Photography that specializes in

adorable little fireball girls and two rather overactive

celebrations, lifestyle, and interior photography. Based

dogs, and lover of adventures around the Bonney Lake

out of NYC and Seattle, BelathĂŠe has photographed

area. She enjoys photographing intimate engagement

weddings in 18 countries since starting in 2003. This

sessions and weddings throughout Greater Seattle. This

is Annabel's first cover story for The Perpetual You.

is Markie's fourth Dwell shoot for The Perpetual You.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Jessie

P.K.

Cindy

Art Director

Proofreader

Intern

@littlelegendsdesign littlelegends.com

Connect on Facebook

Krystal

Cat

Rachel

Mantra Siren

Content Editor

Travel Photographer

@krystalbrandt krystalbrandt.com

@catballou24 amlofarms.com

@rachelehphotos rachelehphotography.com

Joanna

Amanda Luisa

Lauren

Collaborating Photographer

@joanna_fisher joannafisher.com

@amandaluisaart MandaLuisa.com

@laurenstevens24 laurenalexandriaphoto.com

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Deborah

Jamie

Dana

Collaborating Artist

Contributing Artist

@velasquezstudio deborahvelasquez.com

@jamiegalley justmakethings.com

danaayotte.com

Calling all Creative Ladies! TPY collaborates with artists, photographers, writers, and more. Visit bit.ly/TPYcollab for current opportunities!

Let me help your brand

Words by Lee Lee

Branding & Graphic Design for Passionate Business Owners.

Values-Based Copywriting for Cause-Based Businesses.

Let's start a conversation! j@createlittlelegends.com

wordsbylee@gmail.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

to align your daily practices with your ever-evolving desires

A R T W O R K by @ J A M I E G A L L E Y

A R T by D A N A A Y O T T E , D A N A A Y O T T E . C O M

THE LA DY

Dat So La Lee Louise Keyser, aka Dat So La Lee, was a celebrated Native American basket weaver. A member of the Washoe people in northwestern Nevada, her basketry showcased the handiwork of her Washoe people, and its prominence during the Arts and Crafts movement caused newfound respect in her role as a community leader.

W O R D S by P. K . M C G I L L

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I’d rather have take-out in my messy house with friends than plan the perfect dinner party that will never happen. – GRETCHEN RUBIN

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

UNLEASH

Friendship with

Marie Levey-Pabst

Nurturing connections with our friends and friends-to-be requires time and energy—but that time and energy will pay off big time when we are nurtured and rejuvenated in return.

he older I get, the more I value friendships and

friend texted me something funny one of her kids said. Our

connections, both with friends I’ve had forever and with

following small text exchange cheered me up and reminded me

new friends I’ve made along the way. Ironically, the older

that I can stay connected even when life is too busy for planning

I get, the more challenging it is to keep up with those friendships. I’ve identified several different ways to make time for connection that allows me to enjoy the time instead of feeling overwhelmed by yet another commitment. You may find that one way works better for you in this season of your life, and a different one resonates when you are in a different place. Or you may find room in your life for all the different sorts of connection.

a girls’ night out.

MAKE LONGER CONNECTIONS. Other times, we need more than a quick text. Still, if you are always waiting for the perfect opportunity to go out to dinner, or figuring out which museum to take your kids to, you are going to spend as much time planning as you do actually connecting. Keeping connection-time fun, simple, and low-key will make it

MAKE SMALL CONNECTIONS. By small, I mean in both time and energy. We all know how much

something you look forward to instead of just another task on your to-do list.

it matters to us that we are noticed, that we are seen. Not every

I have a standing phone date with a friend who is living abroad.

connection needs to be about deep issues in our lives and work. A

Every week she makes the trek to a hotel with wi-fi and we video

connection can just be a quick check-in to show the other person

chat for 30 minutes or so. When a friend had a new baby, our

you are thinking about them, and for them to show they are

schedules no longer aligned easily for hanging out. Now we set

thinking about you.

coffee/walk days weeks in advance, with the understanding that

I always feel better after a quick exchange of “hellos” and a joke with colleagues while we wait to heat up our lunch in the

we might hang out with a fussy baby, or just hang out at home if it’s too cold to walk.

microwave, or after sending an email linked to an online photo gallery from the month. Recently I was feeling alone when a

continued on next page

The FUN ISSU E

MAKE CONNECTIONS ROUTINE.

Reflect, then Act

Routines take the decision-making stress out of our lives, and this is so important when it comes to connecting with

The following are prompts to help you reflect on

friends. If we plan to get together with someone “someday”

connection and then act on the potentials that

it doesn’t take long before “someday” turns into “not at all.”

interest you most.

Routines make it easier to nurture a relationship without doing the constant work of planning.

•

Get intentional about connection this month. Which connections will nurture you this month? What is the simplest way to connect with those folks?

•

Think about 1-2 people in your life you would like to have more connection with. Reach out in a small way - send a text or propose a coffee date!

Our family has a standard “family dinner date” with another family. We meet up once a month, trading off who hosts. Whoever doesn’t host brings beer. The fact that it’s a part of our routine means we actually get together, even if the dinner we prepare is pizza, a basic lentil soup, or even waffles!

May you find ways to nurture your friendships, and to let With a busy life it is easy to get caught up in making

them nurture you in return!

“someday” plans with friends that never manifest, much like the perfect dinner party that will never happen. The truth is that we must nurture our friendships and make time for meaningful connection, even (or especially) when life gets busy.

Marie Levey-Pabst is the founder of the Create Balance method. She teaches parents to create balance between family, work, and personal fulfillment. Connect with Marie at @CreateBalanceCommunity on Facebook or at CreateABalancedLife.com. Photos by Michelle Roycroft

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

R E V I E W S & P H O T O by @ C A T B A L L O U 2 4

C ONVERS AT I O N S O N CO N N ECT I N G

Present Over Perfect

The Gifts of Imperfection

My Better Self

by Shauna Niequist, 2016

by Brené Brown, Pub. 2010

by Dar Williams, Pub. 2005

Shauna Niequist stitches together a series of

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown—a

Dar Williams’ 2005 musical journey on self-

essays concerning her personal experiences

master on living wholeheartedly and

discovery and connection is as relevant both

overcoming a life filled with busyness, stress,

authentically—presents us with a guidebook

politically and personally today as it was 13

and feelings of inadequacy. After years of

on how to do just this, with courage,

years ago. “My Better Self” suggests rites of

mis-connecting in this frantic world, Niequist

compassion, and connection. Ironically,

passage, at a time in our lives when all sorts of

realizes that she’s missing out on the beauty

connection starts with self-acceptance, and,

"better selves" seem open to possibility. The

of everyday life with her family. This book

according to Brown, is most authentic when we

album is a tuneful reminder that “Every time

describes her journey of learning to reconnect

no longer worry about what others think. If you

you open to kindness, make one connection

with the people in her life, without losing her

want to discover the benefits of vulnerability

used to divide us, it echoes all over the world,”

sense of self and life of success.

and imperfection in relationships, this book is

as Williams sings on the track Echo.

a wonderful guide.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

UNLEASH

Quality Time with

Julia Grimaldi

Are you in hibernation mode? Harness the power of chocolate and get some girlfriends over right away!

uring this short month, we may need a gentle nudge

The best party is the one where you can you eat with a little

to invite friends over. Go ahead and pick up the

abandonment knowing no one’s going to judge you.

phone—hear someone’s voice, ask for something you

need. Carve out some time for a true heart-to-heart with

When we welcome and share who we are and what we

your girlfriends.

value with those around us, our connections become

Keep the roasted roots off the menu and Indulge in some

sweet, smooth richness of chocolate, with a side of real-life

chocolate. This decadent sweet tastes good, smells good, &

connection. Quality time is a pleasure we could all use a little

feels good. The sensation of eating chocolate satisfies more

more of.

stronger. Allow yourself a love affair this month full of the

than just our sweet tooth, and as I understand it, chocolate is a health food – hallelujah! Enjoy a rich chocolate dessert with your besties, those that

Julia is a holistic health & food coach. Learn more about her at CoachJuliaG.com.

truly know you, and benefit from connecting in real time too.

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REALIZE

Friendship, On the Rocks with

Crystal Cathcart

Connecting is an art, not an act.

In this increasingly complex and wired age, connecting authentically—and in person—can elevate our self-worth and increase our joy. Only when we grant ourselves the freedom to disconnect (from technology) can we be actively engaged with those around us. Next time you are looking to connect, grab a friend and your favorite rocks glass; muddle some sugar into a few dashes of bitters and top it off with that classic boozy bourbon. Add some ice, cherries and a twist of orange and then just slip into a chair with those timeless, classic Old-Fashioned cocktails. Because this drink is a sipper, the Old-Fashioned is the definitive drink with which to get lost in the company of your loved ones. Being intentionally present with our surroundings is such a perfectly old-fashioned approach to genuine relationship building. Wouldn’t you agree?

Imbibe more of Crystal’s cocktail sensibilities on Instagram @paisleyrosie. Photo by Life Unstill Photography

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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REALIZE

Unleash Fitness with

Shana Schneider

Fitness is more fun when we connect it with the important people in our life.

inding time for fitness can sometimes feel like a tradeoff

If you have kids, get out there with them and run around, and

between an activity that you may not want to do and

not just after them (though that can be a workout in and of

the enjoyable things in your life—like spending time with

itself!). Adults can go sledding too. Even if you don’t have kids,

family and friends. What if we could connect the two? The next time you catch up with a friend, instead of taking a

engaging in some lowkey winter fun (snowball fight, anyone?) will bring results you’d otherwise have to work out for.

seat at the coffee shop to sit and chat, look for high-top tables

Get moving with the people you want to spend time with—you’ll

where you can stand up; or, on a warm enough day, walk and

find more time for fitness and enjoy it more, too!

talk. Standing or just keeping your body moving in some way counts towards your fitness! Learn to create your own Fit Style by following Shana on Instagram @fitstylebyshana.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Photo by @jolyneh

Sleepwear for a Cause mct-usa.org

Bringing you closer to nature davinejewelry.com

Our mission at SaltyGirl is to empower all women to #ownyourbeauty! Be bold, embrace your sass, Show Strength and StaySalty! You are beautiful. www.saltygirlboutique.com

The FUN ISSU E

Unleash Companionship In our ever-relenting desire to bond with likeminded souls, women have been banding together for companionship and conversation for centuries. Book club discussion groups—a timeless mainstay for intelligent + creative women—offer a blend of knowledge-sharing and wisdom-receiving; a quite literal “give and take” that our society could learn from!

Meet your book-loving companions with a bag just the right size to hold your needed accessories: bookmarks, pens, tea (and your favorite mug!), and enough essential oils to pass around.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

P H O T O by @ I N B A L _ R A V I T Z

REALIZE

From Top: VEGAN BACKPACK ($89) by Schumee ∙ LETTERPRESS BOOKMARK ($3) by Sarah and Maude ∙ GOLD PENS ($4) by Cynthia Rowley ∙ HERBAL TEA ($10) by New Moon ∙ TEA MUG ($30) by Heart Stone Gallery ∙ DOTERRA OIL COLLECTION ($70) by Lydia Mandell

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REALIZE

UNLEASH

Life-Changing Moments with photographer

Rachel Hegerty

As a photographer, I gain most of my inspiration from travel. I take my camera everywhere with me and getting to take photos of new places, new landscapes, new people is refreshing and rejuvenating. The trip to the Dominican Republic with Dance Adventures was all that times ten! T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

The FUN ISSU E

his trip was all about fun and connection. There was literally nothing else on the agenda! The Dominican Tree House Village had no wi-fi or cell service, so we were forced (in a

good way) into connecting with those around usâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and with ourselves. There were plenty of opportunities to get to know each other, tell our stories, ask questions, and share our dreams and goals. And between those deep moments, we had fun! We rode bicycles to the beach, laughing and joking the whole way. We made friends with locals, did partner yoga, danced salsa and bachata in the dining hall, played the ukulele, made up silly songs, drank coco locos on a secluded beach, sang along to reggae tone. So many inside jokes were created during this trip! The morning we played at the Tree House Village was the ultimate fun. I was nervous to go zip lining but conquering my fear was exhilarating â&#x20AC;&#x201C; flying through the air, screaming my head off, taking

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

pictures the entire time. At the waterfall, we played on the rope swing, jumped from the cliff into the pool, and swam together. I felt like a kid, totally in the moment and totally at peace with where I was and who I was with. The looks on peoples’ faces in the photos, the physical closeness – hugging, snuggling, holding each other—speaks to the intimate connections being made. There’s even a picture of me holding hands on the way to El Limon waterfall—and I‘m not a hand holder with my friends! In that moment, I had to depend on someone to make it up a steep walkway. Before I left, I looked at the trip as a vacation and a chance to take photos in a beautiful place. It was so much more than that! I had the chance to step outside my daily routine and comfort zone and realize I am adventurous – in many different ways. And I’ll celebrate the connections I made on that journey for a very long time.

Rachel is a pup mom, pun aficionado, prosecco lover, and full time photographer of weddings, headshots, and marriage proposals in the Washington, D.C. area. See more of her photography on Instagram @rachelehphotos.

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REALIZE

Unleash Intimacy with

Leigh Schwab

There’s a reason swapping makeup tips & products is a beloved pastime for women. (Hint: it’s fun!)

personally love sharing skin care and beauty tips with

Of course, you don’t have to be a beauty consultant to take

others. This is a creative as well as emotional outlet for me. I

advantage of shared interests!

get to help others find products that actually work for them,

as well as get to know my clients personally. Helping others with self-care creates a personal connection between myself

You and your female friends can enjoy each other’s company and also indulge in each other’s makeup faves or secret

and my clients.

strategies. Host an intimate girl’s night where everyone brings

The personal connections I’ve made doing this work has

party for your wider circle. The more women who attend, the

made me realize how intimate touch (in general) can be.

more connections you can make!

a favorite product, or throw a “clean out the makeup cabinet”

I’ve also come to appreciate the simple but meaningful connections between two women interested in similar things.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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BeYOUtiful

There are plenty of ways to connect with others sharing a girl’s night with your friends, holding hands with a loved one, or simply indulging your own senses.

Impromptu Fun. Sharing in a moment of self-care is an excellent way to connect with those around us. Having a masks and movies night with your girlfriends is a great way to relax and reconnect with each other. This mermaid mask contains nutrient dense Hawaiian spirulina and raw honey that will leave you and your friends with glowing complexions! Leigh recommends...

Leahlani’s Mermaid Mask ($32)

Intimate Touch. Skin to skin contact, like holding hands, is such an incredibly easy and small way to make an intimate connection with someone. Having soft hands makes this moment not so rough (excuse the terrible pun). I have been using a body wax full of healing ingredients like blue tansy and blue yarrow to treat my hands overnight. Leigh recommends...

Khus+Khus Bleu Body Wax ($68)

Intuitive Self-Care. Connect with your inner self by buying a product you have always wanted to try! Sometimes I will read about a product for months on end before biting the bullet and getting it … just let go and do it! I’ve come to realize that trusting my gut is usually the right decision. I lusted after Plume’s Lash and Brow Serum for months and after using it for almost a year, I can fully say that I will never again be without it.

Leigh recommends...

Plume Lash and Brow Serum ($95)

Leigh Schwab uses her love for skin care to help educate women about the ingredients in their products and the need for proper skin care legislation in our country. Learn more about her passion for a healthy and simple life on Facebook and Instagram @leighschwab. Main Photo by @jazellesartistry

The FUN ISSU E

Wellness can't be achieved without community.

P H O T O by @ J O A N N A _ F I S H E R

â&#x20AC;&#x201C; M I N ESKA W H I TAKER

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

Unleash Camaraderie Connect to your sisters, and get some new clothes too!

clothing swap is just about the most beneficial (and fun!)

In addition, you’ll gain perspective—That looks better on her

way to spend a few hours with friends that anyone’s

than it ever did on me; compliments/self-esteem—She’s right, I

thought of yet. You mean, I get to hang out with other

look good!!; and memories of a shared good time, not to mention

women, drink champagne, AND go home with a brand-new

the possibility of more of the same—Wow! I never knew how

wardrobe? Don’t twist my arm!

much I had in common with her. Maybe we should get together

Okay—there is one catch. You have to be willing to let go. A

for coffee sometime…

clothing swap, like connection in general, requires reciprocity.

Go ahead, then. What are you waiting for? Call up some

You give and take, sometimes one more than the other. (I

friends—or do it the modern way and create an event on

suppose you could attend for the champagne alone—but you

Facebook—and get this swap organized. Or nominate someone

wouldn’t get nearly as much out of the experience!)

else to do it, and volunteer to bring the champagne. Whatever

Perhaps it helps to remind yourself of what you are getting in return. Sure, in this instance, you might get a few “new to you”

your part, you’ll leave feeling refreshed and just as excited as the last time you bought a new pair of shoes.

clothing items, maybe a couple pieces of jewelry and a fabulous pair of shoes. That’s just the obvious and physical stuff, though.

Photo by Michelle Roycroft @thefilmstill

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P E R SPECT I V ES from T H E PA N EL

What tools do you use to help you stay connected to those you love?

I am a single mom of four. I also own and operate two businesses.

Heather Success Coach @vickeryandco VickeryandCo.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

The key to staying connected to my children and my partner is quality one-on-one time. Whether it is a stolen hour at a local coffee shop, tickets to a musical, or just snuggling up on the couch to watch a show after everyone else is asleep, I make time for each of my loves on their own so that they know how loved they are.

REALIZE

Donella

I love sending handwritten cards in the mail. Who doesn’t love

Wellness Diva

getting mail? Not a bill, but a small handwritten note. Handwritten notes are more personal. I love face-to-face time as well. Coffee

@iamdonella

dates to people-watch with friends is another favorite.

My mom, my two daughters, and I all live in different states. We

Lisa

use pictures to stay connected and feel like we’re “together".

Founder Living Fully Balanced LLC

of the current view from my window, and each of them

@livingfullybalanced LivingFullyBalanced.com

Taylor Artist/Writer/ Homesteading Mother @living.ontheland StudioOnTheLand.com

For example, while working from home, I might send a picture will text what they’re seeing at the time. It's a fun way to experience things together, even though we're miles apart.

A handwritten note is the most intimate and genuine way to stay connected (nothing will ever change my mind about that). Social media and phone calls will do... but even FaceTime can't replace the way humans feel while they discern another's expression.

Amy

At least three days a year, my extended family gets together for

Owner Craftivate

up. We may go to an aquarium, visit a vineyard, or just have lunch

@craftivatect CraftivateCT.com

no other reason than to enjoy each other’s company and catch at someone’s house. We spend time connecting with each other and sharing our lives; laughing, crying, and making memories.

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REALIZE

February Self-Care Spread some Love. Creatively tell someone you love them. Write it on a post it and leave it where they will see it. Do something nice for them without being asked and when they notice, tell them you love them. Share the Fun. Always wanted to visit a certain museum or take a trapeze class? Allow yourself a chance to experience something fun and invite someone who might also enjoy it to share that experience with you.

U N L EA S H H EA RT + S O U L

A hyper/tech-focused world means we spend less and less time connecting with people In Real Life, yet we come into contact with so many people every day: our spouse, kids, co-workers, the coffee barista…even the person in front of us in line at the grocery store. This month’s toolkit encourages you to notice all of the people in your day, and to seize any moment or opportunity to connect. Your heart and soul will thank you.

Oracle Cards Use code PERPETUALYOUMAG for 18% off an “I Am Power” deck at Love, Light & Legacy.

ORACLE CARD

AC TION

ACT IVIT Y

DEVICE

I am Open

Compliment

Coloring

Phone

BENEFITS

BENEFIT S

BENEFITS

Encourages connection through open-mindedness

Spreads love and increases personal satisfaction

Enhances friendship and promotes childlike fun

Connects you to those you love

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

T O O L K I T curated by @ A L L I S O N L R I C H A R D , P H O T O by @ T H E J O Y A R C H I V A L

to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self

The FUN ISSU E

A R T W O R K by @ J A M I E G A L L E Y

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

fruit bowl

/' froot bĹ?l / noun A give-and-take between nature and nurture.

A R T by @ A M A N D A L U I S A A R T

The FUN ISSU E

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

DWELL

Fun on Display with

Erin Mahollitz

Invite play into your everyday. She wants laughter and joy in her home,

call out to her loved ones—it’s not if they

so she makes space for games. She

want to play, but what. She envisions

arranges them intentionally, letting

a special event with popcorn + hot

the games spill out of their boxes: an

drinks. On another day, she’ll challenge

invitation to connect, through play

a close friend to a round of cards.

and spirit.

This woman is a wise woman. She

Her choice to decorate with games

knows that play builds empathy which

is a visual commitment: While she

increases connection. She has witnessed

arranges the cards, dice, and board

how obstacles are removed when

games, she visualizes loved ones giggling

the games are kept on display. Her

and cursing, playing and play-acting.

smile widens, as she pictures her next

Inhibitions slipping away as individual

party, full of fun, laughter, and play.

personalities come out. Relationships growing with each shuffle of the cards. At the end of her decorating, the games have all been freed. On display, they will

See how Erin embraces the act of homemaking as sacred and feminist on Instagram @mindfulhomemaking. The FUN ISSU E

Featured Space @thegoddessspace is a sacred space created to support women in connecting back to their truth, their power, and their femininity.

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DWELL

Gathering Space with

LaToya Burton

Gathering friends is a fun way to connect in your home.

ur living rooms are the public face of our home, so they can be easily transformed into a communal space for those we invite

in. Consider changing your living room into a creative gathering space for a day. Get started by setting your intention for your gathering. Is it to honor a certain friend or life event? Is it to give gratitude or for vision boarding? Is it all about creativity and crafting? You choose. This is an invitation to do things differently and to sprinkle a bit of collective fun and magic into your space. Begin creating by clearing the floor in your living room - possibly in front of the sofa so it can help to define your gathering space. Remember this is a temporary space you are creating so I encourage you to â&#x20AC;&#x153;go shoppingâ&#x20AC;? in other rooms of your home to accomplish the final feel.

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This is your chance to go bold and to try combinations you’re

Try calling in the four elements that make up our environment

curious about. Mix up patterns and colors in unexpected ways.

when decorating: the earth, the air, the fire, the water. Bring

Browns, pinks, whites, and gold are not on a traditional color

in stones or greenery for grounding and support. Candles to

wheel, but when combined in a range of patterns and textures

ignite determination and passion. Incense or feathers represent

this palette is both inviting and unexpected at the same time.

the air and our intellect. Shells or vessels of water reflect

Start by selecting a single rug or layering two as a foundation to

inner emotions.

circle on, then incorporate cushions - big or small – to be used

Let your imagination run free as you choose your theme

as seating. Place a tray or a piece of wood or any flat surface in

and special elements that evoke a sense of fun and fancy!

the center of your circle to be the base for your centerpiece.

You decide how much change is called for and how much

Now it is time to accessorize.

adornment you wish to imbue. And don’t be surprised when some of your “temporary” design choices become longterm decorations.

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Dwell on This Inviting fun into our lives and our homes is a reminder of the importance of joy and how it can be nurtured in creative ways. You can make room for “gathering” in any part of your home, whether temporarily or long-term, by remembering the following:

Accessories = Freshness. The willingness to change your space around gives you freedom to bring in unexpected elements and add a bit of drama. Try mixing up the items on your mantel piece for the day; adding a large mirror and a few candles might set the mood. Consider incorporating over-sized leaves or lanterns or pots you usually use in your garden, so you can enjoy them year-round.

Texture = Flexibility. You may feel strongly about that favorite pair of curtains because you took so long in finding them— that doesn’t mean you must keep them for 40 years, though! Take a look around your space and assess what truly feels outdated. Pillows, blankets, curtains, and even rugs are a great way to update—or just temporarily revise—a favorite space to lounge.

Color = Freedom. What if you were throwing a party? Would you choose the colors everyone expects of you, or would you choose your very favorite palette? Lively colors set a fun mood; soft pastels invite and soothe. Choose your favorites! And pay attention to the mood you might be making space for.

LaToya is a mama / imaginer / gypsy nomad who explores life through the lens of interiors imagination and inspiration. She lives on a bus with her husband and son exploring the Australian landscape. For more inspiration, follow her @latoyaburton_musing. Photos courtesy of Anoushka Florence Loftus, @cactus4.

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Coming Together T H E C O - C R E AT I O N O F O U R K I T C H E N

Words by Tessa Chittle Photos by Markie Lynn Jones T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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DWELL

When we are making things, our guard is let down. We open. We get vulnerable. There is no hiding oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s full authentic self when in the process of creation together. The moments of conflict that may arise just further crack open our facades to let people in and allow us to engage on a whole new level.

C O - C R E AT I O N A S C O N N E C T I O N When I think of connecting, I immediately think of cocreating. I find that the best way for me to go deeper in a relationship â&#x20AC;&#x201D; whether it be with a new friend, my daughter needing some extra time with me, or a husband who feels distant â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is to share in the process of making something together. It might be as simple as gathering friends together for a crafting day or as big as cultivating a homestead. Through the process of co-creation, you learn about and start to appreciate how the other person sees the world: their thought processes, their style, their strengths, and their challenges. You are forced to work through things together (even when it feels impossible!), feel emotions together, and solve problems together.

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Feeding people is a way of loving them. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; SHAUNA NIEQUIST

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Some of the things we want to stand for include sustainability, re-use, frugality, making beauty, creating community, and practicing creativity. Therefore, our kitchen was planned with these in mind. We settled on a budget of $1000 because our values meant we would be using mostly salvaged and used things, we would be doing all the work ourselves, and, with only limited funds, we had many priorities on the homestead that embodied our values more than brand new stainless steel appliances. I’m a lover of beautiful design, and I have the Pinterest board of farmhouse kitchens to prove it! Over the years, in anticipation of finally having a kitchen to love, I’ve stocked a cabinet full of antique finds. I wasn’t just looking for a functional homestead kitchen, but a place of beauty, where I could drink my coffee in the morning and feel inspired. It needed to be a place that people could gather around delicious farm to table food and feel connected. In the first few years of parenting, my husband and I haven’t gone on many dates. However, we stay connected through the many creative projects

I used to think my love of beautiful things

of cultivating a homestead, life, and business that allow us to embody

conflicted with my values of sustainability and

our values. We find that while co-creating as a couple can sometimes be

my husband’s fierce conviction for living frugally.

difficult (sometimes very difficult!), it allows our relationship to go to new

The truth is beautiful things don’t cost a lot or

depths with every project we take on together.

require the use of a lot of the earth’s resources if I embrace my full creativity. My husband holding

Our latest co-creation was no different. Transforming the worlds ugliest

me accountable to figuring out a way to make my

kitchen into a functional and beautiful farmhouse kitchen, completely

beautiful visions happen for very little money was

by ourselves and on a budget of $1000! We experienced many frustrated

also of help!

moments and disagreements, and the project allowed us to more fully appreciate each other’s strengths, connect deeper through our shared values, and forever be reminded of what we are capable of together every time we walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

C O - C R E AT I O N I N A C T I O N The first step we took was to rip out all the mostly broken cardboard-like cabinets and plastic green

C O - C R E AT I O N A S A VA L U E S S TAT E M E N T

countertops as well as the half wall blocking the

One thing I recommend to anyone who is co-creating is to have a shared

replaced the cabinets with used but all-wood

“manifesto” that outlines your shared values, collective strengths,

cabinets and added decorative trim before painting

and larger motivations for the project. My husband and I have a family

them farmhouse white. We covered the existing

view from dining space to cooking space. We

manifesto that guides all our projects and answers the question “What do we want to stand for in the world with how we live our life, including every project we embark on?”

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continued on p.52

Want to Stay at the Homestead? You can stay in the Chittle Homestead's stylish Tiny House through AirBnB, just a ferry-ride away from Seattle. See the full listing at: airbnb.com/rooms/13509546?

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countertop with a thin layer of concrete to get the look of a concrete countertop. Where there were no countertops, we made our own by gluing together wood planks and staining them to look like old barn wood. To fulfill my dreams of a shiplap-filled farmhouse, we created faux shiplap using plywood planks on the walls instead of buying the pricier version. We also added thick wood trim around our windows which had previously been surrounded by the typical plastic-y material used in manufactured homes. Take note, this small change that costs $10-15 in wood per window is one of the biggest bang for your buck changes you can make in a builder grade home to bring in more of a craftsman or farmhouse feel! We completely replaced all our appliances (fridge, stove, dishwasher) for $200 by using Craigslist and found a pair of schoolhouse light fixtures there. The biggest splurges in the budget were the antique butcher block and the farmhouse sink; since both were â&#x20AC;&#x153;antique with a storyâ&#x20AC;? they embodied so much of the style and values we wanted for our kitchen, and the cost was worth it.

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I will be honest, sometimes it would have been so much

While in the process, my husband and I found ourselves

easier to just buy something new or to hire an expert (i.e.

often annoyed at each other’s very different work styles

plumber). For example, the China-made reproductions of

and sometimes our differing design styles created difficult

antique bin pulls for the cabinets were easy to find and

moments that led to going to bed cranky. However, in the

WAAAAY cheaper than the actual rusty antique ones.

end, the creation is more beautiful than what we could have

However, my manifesto helped me stay true to my values and

created alone. For example, the dark countertops weren’t

wait until just the right EBay listing came up. Decisions like

what I envisioned in my light on white kitchen but my

this are much easier with our manifesto in place!

husband assured me it would be awesome and now I love the depth that the darkness brings to the space.

C O - C R E AT I O N M E A N S C O M P R O M I S E It’s important to acknowledge from the beginning of the project that compromise will happen and that will allow for a totally unique thing to be created. Whether it be differences in style of shelf brackets or style of how you get things done, the true beauty of co-creating is the unique combination of the two (or many) people involved.

The moments where differences come to a head in conflict are often the biggest opportunity for connecting. Those nights we went to bed cranky led to some of the most deepening conversations we have had as a couple, and allowed us to more fully understand, embrace, and appreciate each other’s different strengths, values, and ideas for how to embody those values in our daily life.

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Tessa’s Tips Having a budget doesn’t mean you can’t have what you want. After all, we transformed our manufactured home kitchen into a beautiful, sustainable dream kitchen! These are my top recommendations for staying on budget without compromising your dreams.

Get Creative ͞Paint over old flooring or existing cabinets with a low/no VOC paint. Cover existing countertops with concrete or paint. If you want the look of natural wood, you can make your own stains from vinegar, onion skins, red wine, or coffee. Or find a natural wood stain line such as Saman. Milk paint or chalk paint can be made at home and is great for a whitewashed look. Or just protect natural wood with pure tung oil.

Also, our differing approaches were what got us through those moments that needed extreme creativity and diverse ways of seeing things, like when we had to move the plumbing without any plumbing knowledge

or overcome a wood filler that turned our countertops

Get Crafty Use a sustainable source of plywood to create faux farmhouse plank flooring. For cabinets, you can add on bead board before painting or remove doors to create the look of open shelving. Upcycle cabinets from old dressers, buffets, dry sinks, sideboards, workbenches, credenzas, or kitchen islands. There are many tutorials online if you want to make your own countertops from wood planks.

bright purple! As a result of letting my husband have his say on the countertops, I’m now considering bringing in more of the dark color when we repaint the floors.

C O - C R E AT I O N B R I N G S O P P O R T U N I T Y Co-creating with those you love has its complications and frustrations, and doesn't work for everyone; however, many people’s relationships can be taken to new depths by experiencing the process of creating

Get Choosy It’s easy to walk into a big box store and grab the first sink they have for sale. For us, finding cabinet pulls on eBay and a used sink on Craigslist was a way to adhere to our values and still get a good bargain. We even chose to use a non-toxic wood filler, which we had to order online because there weren’t any available options at the usual hardware stores!

together with their partner, friend, community, or child. Some of the most beautiful things in the world are a result of people coming together to MAKE things. In the end, through creativity and commitment to our values, I got my dream homesteading kitchen even with our tiny budget. More importantly, through being cocreators in the dream, my husband and I forever share the pride of making something together, the memories and funny stories of the process, and a kitchen that we can now fill with our love, laughter, and yummy food. We are forever bonded by what we’ve made together.

Tessa Chittle is a Homesteading Mama, lover of upcycled creations and beautiful design, and visionary of how to do things differently whether it be in business, life, or parenting. You can follow Tessa’s homestead journey on Facebook, Instagram @ tessachittle and Pinterest @TheFarmstay.

Get Coached If you really want a custom look but can’t afford to pay for it, Pinterest is about to become your best friend. There are countless tutorials, blog posts, and pictures about every home renovation project you can think of. Whether you’re making cabinet pulls from loops of leather or re-wiring an antique light fixture, someone out there in Pinterest land has already done it and has shared about it online. Why not make the most of their experience?

Photos by Markie Lynn Jones

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Shop the Look Choosing a farmhouse aesthetic doesn’t mean giving up on modern conveniences, thanks to the availability of handcrafted goods by small batch makers and updated bohemian lines at many major retailers. Here we showcase some of our favorite farmhouse-modern products, inspired by the accessories in this month’s featured space:

Suggested products for a similar look: VINTAGE KITCHEN SCALE ($39.95) by Williams Sonoma ∙ IMPERIAL CAVIAR RED WINE GLASSES ($78/set of 2) by Anthropologie ∙ T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

INDUSTRIAL FLOATING SHELVES ($134/set of 3) by Henry Lewis Home

Touchstone corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2115-10

Airy + Tender corresponds to Benjamin Moore CW-105

Turn Up the Fun! corresponds to Benjamin Moore 280

RECL A I M CO N N ECT I O N

Turquoise Divine corresponds to Benjamin Moore 658

Connection is both pure and honest; reclaiming our right to be attuned to our homes and our loved ones will, therefore, bring us a feeling of greater authenticity—not to mention pure, unadulterated fun. In the kitchen, connection happens often, sporadically and naturally. Pay attention to these times and bask in the memories you’re creating. Is your kitchen already fun-fun-fun? Here are other areas of the home where you can

Authentic Tones corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2143-70

incorporate this color palette:

Boho Bedroom

Modern Lounge

Wanderlust is both grounding and freeing.

Balancing formal with fun in a casual space

Fill your bedroom with natural elements

offers more dimension. Include a backdrop of

to pay homage to your roots, and add in

your favorite neutral colors and let turquoise

pops of turquoise and your favorite shiny

seep in where least expected – on a lacquered

trinkets, as reminders that earth and spirit are

side table, for example, or a paint-splattered

inherently intertwined.

tablecloth repurposed as art.

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P H O T O by @ L A U R E N S T E V E N S 2 4

Encourage, lift, and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; DEB OR A H DAY

to align your life story with your ever-evolving sense of self

A R T W O R K by @ J A M I E G A L L E Y

T H REE Q U ES T I O N S

with

Nadia

What's one aspect of your daily life that

How do you encourage connection in

For you, what is the relationship of fun

is fun?

your physical dwelling space?

& connection?

Cooking daily as a creative outlet, experimenting with new recipes. Kola, our dog, brings me the ball when I have been being idle for too longâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;reminding me of the necessity of down time. I sometimes challenge myself to pay attention to everything I find playful and fun, or makes me smile. I take a mental picture of it or collect photos of what is fun in my iPhone.

I have a passion for tea. In the French culture, tea time is a ritual that invites intellectual conversations. The numerous teas displayed on my kitchen shelf remind me to pause and sit down with family members and friends.

Connections can enhance fun and fun can increase connections! Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reciprocal. Getting together with people adds energy to any activity. Also Play makes any connection easier. When people are in a playful mode, they tend to be more true to themselves and therefore make more authentic connections.

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{Re} Connect to Your State of

A Conversation with Nadia Stieglitz

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Words by The Lee Lee Photos by Annabel Braithwaite

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When was the last time you

l p ayed T

his is the question Nadia Stieglitz, a “play coach” of

the challenge to take seven B & W pics in seven days, and

sorts, prefers to ask when she meets someone new.

found that to be an easy to way to get into a state of play.

Instead of hearing about what you do, she wants

to know what kind of person you are. Knowing how you play—and how often you play—reveals your personality and

“Play is different for everyone,” says Nadia. What you’re doing isn’t as important as “how it makes you feel.” What

preferences.

constitutes “Play” can get confusing only if we feel obligated

Nadia tells of a time when she asked this question of a

because someone expects you should enjoy it. Play, says

woman she had just met at a bar. The woman said she’d

Nadia, can be as simple as “absorbing activity that enhances

just recently hiked up Mt. Kilimanjaro, and Nadia, who

your mood” and allows you to “unwind and feel good.”

grew up hiking in the Alps, knew in that instant that they’d make good friends. “She had me at Kilimanjaro,” says

to pursue an activity because everyone else enjoys it or

Simply being mindful can also be a form of playfulness.

Nadia, laughing.

When Nadia first works with women who’ve “lost their

Nadia herself can spout off a list of several ways she plays

the day, as normal, and “notice everything that makes you

through her day – from singing opera to dancing along

smile.” Another suggestion she gives is to take a walk down

with an Earth, Wind, and Fire song, to giving in to her dog’s

a familiar route and look for new things. This will bring

demands to pay him attention. She also recently accepted

“peace” and “presence.”

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sense of play,” she encourages them to just go throughout

W H Y I S P L AY S O H A R D ? Nadia began an organization called Mice at Play when she realized that women around her age were often denying themselves opportunities to engage in activities that were for pure enjoyment. Partly, this comes from a culture that doesn’t value downtime and, partly, it comes from a culture that places very high expectations on women. “Society does not allow us to play,” says Nadia. We’re either working all the time to afford ourselves the kind of life we want to live or we’re working less because we have other demands on our time; for example, caretaking. Paradoxically, women are often the “provider of pleasure and fun,” says Nadia, yet “they are not the ones who receive it.” “Motherhood is not a 9-5 job,” Nadia says, quoting a friend of hers. Even now that Nadia’s own daughters are older—19, 21, and 22—she still finds herself waiting up at odd hours of the night; or wondering if she’s balancing the appropriate amount of parenting & friendship in a single conversation. Nadia remembers her mother’s generation being quieted when laughing out loud. “Women’s expressions of playfulness was not proper,” she says. Nor was “disinhibition” allowed. Nadia herself loved to play so much so that she got in trouble for doing so at school and was fortunate to have a mother who valued playful expression as a “way of asserting your freedom.” Even in today’s modern society, negative messages about play continue to get passed down—in our education, which is “subject-based” rather than “project-based” and in our media, through magazines that make women feel as though they need to be “more, or different, than what we are,” says Nadia. When we do choose to “play,” we often choose activities that are “dictated by society” because they make us “pleasing to others,” says Nadia; for example, a getting a manicure or going to the gym.

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Nadia, in fact, sees engaging in playful activities as an aspect

Women are also indulging in creative pastimes & careers;

of her feminism. As a mother and a wife, Nadia has refused

engaging in work that uses their natural talents. And,

to “compromise” her innate sense of play. “I always took

like Nadia, who is exploring her connection with Art,

playtime for myself,” she says, “to show the kids that women

reconnecting to pursuits that were pushed aside for other

can have free time.” She also felt more present whenever

more logical or fruitful activities.

she’d return from this time alone.

W H Y I S P L AY S O I M P O R TA N T ? Not only do women “deserve time off,” says Nadia, but “we are at a moment of empowerment” in our society. Women are connecting to their divine wisdom and ancient practices, like gathering with each other and lifting each other up.

Playfulness—which Nadia defines as “being completely engrossed in an activity that creates a state of wellbeing with no one telling you to do otherwise”—leads to confidence, happiness, and “the disruption of negative feelings.” When the magic of play happens, we accomplish things we otherwise wouldn’t have ever considered. Because of this, “society will benefit” from women playing more, says Nadia. In her work with adult women, Nadia

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

has witnessed a positive “ripple effect” on families, which in turn effects communities and, eventually, society as a whole. For example, one woman who signed up for a trapeze playdate remembered—just as she was about to jump—that she had been a triathlete in her youth. This acknowledgement allowed her to reclaim a core part of herself, and also caused a powerful shift in her family dynamics. Now she and her husband both participate in triathalons, which has the added benefit of allowing couple-time away.

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“I love it when women take a leap of faith,” says Nadia.

Have Fun, Feel More

“When women are in a state of play, they are fearless.” Nadia believes if women can connect to this inner sense of play, then they will be able to take on more projects in their everyday lives that ignite this confidence and fearlessness.

Nadia’s community-oriented organization,

H O W D O E S P L AY R E L AT E TO CONNECTION?

Mice at Play, was specifically designed to help a woman figure out what she wanted more of

When she lived in NYC, Nadia realized that one of the primary reasons adult women don’t engage in playful

in her life. “There’s a positive benefit to doing

activities is fear. There were in fact some activities she

something with someone else,” says Nadia,

herself wanted to try out but hadn’t because she would’ve

because women joining a group activity are

had to do it alone. As much as she would have enjoyed

more likely to do something they wouldn’t do

scholarly discussion on the issues of play in women’s lives, Nadia knew that her organization needed to focus on

alone. Playful activities are also a great way

action and connection.

to replace fear with something you do want in your life.

“When we gather, we push each other to do stuff we wouldn’t do by ourselves,” says Nadia. Also, she wanted women to “experience the feeling of play” right away. Doing something physical (as opposed to discussion) brings real-

Courage. Nadia’s go-to activities for facing fears? Hiking a mountain or Swinging from a Trapeze. You don’t have to have an inner athlete in order to take on an active challenge; you simply need to find the right partners and face your fears. Sharing this with others who feel the same as you do will result in a round of courage (and connection!) for everyone.

time benefits, whether happiness in the moment or longterm feelings of courage and confidence. Also, connection—like play—has been distorted over time to be something that isn’t as fulfilling as its meant to be. “Virtual connection,” says Nadia, “is not what makes us happy.” Take your friendships offline and meet in person,

she counsels. Shared experiences, in real life, double the

Balance. Perhaps your biggest fear is missing out (also known as FOMO). You don’t have to engage in every activity everyone else is doing. Aim for a blend of high-activity (see previous tip) and low-activity—for example, taking a class at an Art Museum with a friend. Choose a subject that is intriguing but not stressful--the experience is just meant to be fun in the moment and create some lasting memories.

positive rewards. “We have to work at creating connections,” says Nadia, to avoid isolation and stagnation. “We’re wired to live communally,” she says. As an example of her frustration with the limits technology imposes, Nadia tells of a group of “mice” (i.e. women on a playdate) having just reached a high of playfulness and connection, only to be brought back down by the collective return to their cell phones. As each of the women received messages of expectation and demands on her time, “the excitement evaporated,” says Nadia. Things as seemingly innocuous as a partner inquiring about cooking time for a pizza can easily make

Imagination. Your day-to-day life might be the most fearful thing of all! Routine, even when necessary, can easily become another thing that gets you down. For this type of fear, Nadia recommends something really out of your comfort zone; for example, getting together for a vintage-themed photoshoot, or taking a daytrip with nothing but an idea in mind (and a friend by your side!).

women feel guilty about having left their family to do something purely for fun.

If you’d like to have a certain feeling more often, connect with a group in your area or call a friend, and pursue an activity that brings the feeling into your life. Your fear continued on next page

will be replaced in no time!

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If you’re not yet ready to insert yourself into a group, or if you’ve just moved to a new neighborhood or city, Nadia suggests designing your home in a way that invites play and connection. A student of Feng Shui, Nadia believes that your space should “make you feel good” and “support who you are” while also representing how you want to feel. After moving to Charleston, Nadia brought new artwork in her home so that she could “see people together” and be reminded of her “need to be in a community.” She also furnished the dining room with a large, round table, ready for communication and fellowship whenever it arrived. Another trick to reconnect to the sense of open-mindedness that your younger self intuitively had is to spend time with a child, either playing with a younger one or having casual conversation with young adults. The innocence of youth challenges “what we hold to be true,” says Nadia, and thereby encourages curiosity. To truly connect to our state of play, says Nadia, we must "release the guilt" from spending time with or on ourselves. Instead, "give yourself permission to focus on what makes you feel playful...to Find Your Play."

H O W C A N I C O N N E C T T O P L AY ?

Pursuing and engaging in the playful process

Maybe having more play in your life sounds wonderful—but you’re concerned

against “a society that benefits from our

about the repercussions. After all, children have to be fed! Right!? “The pizza

industriousness.” Because of this, playing

doesn’t matter,” says Nadia, albeit with compassion. In the long run, a woman

takes courage—bravery to see the bigger

without a sense of wellbeing isn’t of much use to anyone.

picture—a state of mind that’s easier when

Start small. Play doesn’t have to be “monumental” activities, says Nadia.

is, in fact, an act of rebellion, notes Nadia,

you’ve got a couple friends along for the ride.

(Read: You don’t have to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro!) As long as you are taking a mental break, connecting to yourself, your community, and/or to the world around you, you are engaging in play. If you’re feeling guilty, remind yourself that play enhances connection to and enjoyment of those you care about. And, of course, play can bring more connections into your life—whether strengthening a network of friends, or providing an opportunity to meet new ones.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

As Managing Editor of The Perpetual You, The Lee Lee has been blessed to interview and write about 28 amazing women—after which time, she spends hours agonizing over the writing process in her Hamden, CT home. Follow her procrastination on Instagram @wordsbyleelee. Photos by Anabel, @belathee

Connect with Nadia  @nadiastieglitz  @miceatplay NadiaStieglitz.com

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We are wired to live communally. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; N A DI A STI EGLI TZ

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to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective

A R T W O R K by @ J A M I E G A L L E Y

I L L U S T R A T I O N by @ V E L A S Q U E Z S T U D I O

Rudbeckia Rudbeckias, also known as Blackeyed Susans, grow with ease, quickly and effortlessly. It’s no wonder these flowers are considered “friendship flowers,” their bright yellow florets carrying the message of encouragement. One of the first flowers to bloom after a natural disaster, these resilient flowers resemble the unconditional connection and loyalty that occurs in friendships, especially in times of need. The FUN ISSU E

I understand now that I’m not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. – GLENNON DOYLE MELTON

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LIVE

Coming Home to Your Body with

Casee Marie

Settling into being can boost your energy and your emotions.

s both an introvert and an empath, I tend to be easily

In fact, this seemingly inconsequential action is really an act

overwhelmed by other people’s energies. The empath

of connecting with our bodies. When I’m alone I can connect

in me feels emotions deeply while the introvert

to my breathing, whether I need a few restorative deep-

requires solitude to recharge. In our hyper-connected culture,

belly breaths or I just need a few minutes of slow, connected

with its penchant for social interaction and multitasking, it

breaths. I’m not trying to escape from a situation; rather to

can be a real challenge to find meaningful ways to escape the

invest in restorative presence.

noise and find the connection I crave.

Prior to this realization, I often felt that retreating into my

As an introvert, I’ve always felt a little burdened, moving

body was an act of hiding because I focused on my going

languidly with my home perched upon my back as the

inward purely in contrast to being comfortable enough to go

extroverted hares run freely around me, sometimes causing

outward. In effect, I reinforced self-esteem issues more often

me to stumble in their tailwinds. My introverted nature made

than I found healing which caused me to bully myself into

me feel like an outsider in comparison to the extrovert’s more

inactivity and physical disconnect.

socially-acceptable outgoing personality. I’ve learned, though, that there are some particularly special qualities of being an

When the belief of not being comfortable changed to a

introvert that, when harnessed, can benefit an intentional life.

belief of not being worthy, I all but abandoned ownership of

The wonderful thing about being an introvert and an empath

example, mindfulness and meditation—over rigorous exercise

is the capacity I have for feeling and awareness. To be able to

led me to believe I wasn’t allowed to inhabit my body in

retreat into my body, my inner solitude, when things around

moments of physical connection and movement.

my body. A preference for softer forms of embodiment—for

me begin to get overwhelming is a comforting practice. People who identify as introverts will understand the popular practice of locking oneself in a bathroom to escape from a crowded place.

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When you start to get conditional with your body, you get

that stir me up and wake my soul. Now I have daily solo dance

conditional with yourself; eventually, you’re never quite good

parties as a self-care ritual.

enough on any level. For me, this disconnection took me on a journey toward body shame and deep-rooted self-criticism.

The songs are introvert-type songs—quiet and thoughtful,

To finally give myself permission to be at home in my body

movement felt more fun, and more natural. Eventually, I

again required cultivation of a powerful shift in mindset. One

began taking that playlist out of my solitude and into my life.

of the ways I began to do this was by embracing the natural

Whether listening in the car or through headphones in public,

aspects of my introverted, empathetic self: I started paying

I’m instantly brought back to that place of true connection

attention to my body, and slowly replaced my inner critical

between mind, body, and soul.

voice with one of compassion.

full of soul and feeling. For me, the slower and more mindful

Other times, connecting with my body is as simple as resting

Movement came through small acts of permission that soon

my hand over my heart as I breathe. One of the simplest and

turned into empowering acts of self-care. I took my aptitude

most powerful practices of being physically present, a hand

for regaining energy in solitude and explored where I could

to the heart is a universal sign of compassion, a prayer made

allow myself freedom. Fascinatingly enough, I found it in

entirely out of love; to gift that to ourselves is a true sign that

dancing. I made a playlist of all the in-my-bones favorite songs

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your physical energy and connecting with your body is an act of great self-compassion â&#x20AC;&#x201C; an invitation to live life fully and deeply. When you tend to your body, you tend to the home of your soul. What could be more worthy of permission?

we are committed to our own wellbeing, and making every effort to love ourselves. Giving ourselves permission to be connected and present in our bodies is especially challenging in a culture that views self-love as self-indulgence. Remember that inhabiting

Casee Marie is a motivational writer living in Wallingford, Connecticut with her rescue pup, Blaze. She is the author of the online journal Hope & Harbor where she writes to encourage a deeper relationship with compassion and vulnerability. You can connect with her at caseemarie.com. Photos by Amanda Luisa, MandaLuisa.com.

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Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe O N T H E I M P O R TA N C E O F C U LT I VAT I N G S I S T E R H O O D with

Casee Marie

The more intent we become on making our selves happy, the more likely the Universe is to bring us the gift of friendship.

ontrasting my present self with how I once was is strange. Then, a master of avoidance and crippled by social anxiety; now, writing to you

about social relationshipsâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;and having real, inspiring experience to draw from.

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The shift started with a support group. The women I met were

As I’ve practiced with being more open, more willing to share,

extraordinarily brave and passionate, doing hard work that I

and more empathetic toward the women around me, I’ve

was also undertaking: learning to ditch shame, to rationalize

likewise found myself growing more compassionate toward

fear, and to finally take ownership of their lives. Though of

myself and my areas of struggle. And the support I’ve gained

different generations and cultural backgrounds, we share a

from my friends has carried me through even my darker

determination to get deep into the experience of life with wild,

periods of self-doubt.

radical self-compassion.

In turn, learning to celebrate myself led to a renewed vigor to

Technology and the internet can be wonderful; I’ve met some

celebrate the gifts of others. Women share an innate spiritual

of my greatest soul sisters through the web, and life would be

connection; the way we treat one (the self) directly affects

a dream if I could adventure around San Miguel de Allende

the way we treat the other. Heart-centered sisterhood is the

or take an impromptu trip to Disneyland. I’m grateful beyond

antidote to the age-old patriarchal ideas that women exist to

measure for these friends I’ve never met in person, though

be pitted against each other. Judgement has no home here.

I also need a sisterhood with whom I can technologically

Intolerance cannot survive. Comparison is unwelcome. What’s

disconnect to spiritually reconnect.

left amid the embers when the fires of conflict die out is the

Whether meeting for lunch or dinner, we spend hours riveted

foundation of a raw and powerful new way of being.

in deep conversation, baring our souls and laughing ourselves

There’s a popular saying that one ought to talk to oneself as

to tears in turn. Our connection is revered as we openly marvel

we would a friend; in my experience, this has been one of the

at the restoration of our combined energy. Pride and empathy

most foundational truths for both self-love and building a solid,

comingle; we’ve been brought together by something greater

supportive tribe. In my sisterhood, uniqueness is celebrated,

than ourselves and we soak in this miraculous blessing.

just as I celebrate the uniqueness of myself; small wins are

In this gathering of deep breaths and aha moments, there’s ample opportunity for an I-thought-I-was-the-only-one

deserving of big applause, just as I applaud the small wins of my own life.

revelation. Sometimes one of us will softly tread around our

My energy is a beacon reaching out for other passionate,

vulnerability, knowing we’re safe; other times we’ll dream

creative, kind energies with which to commune. After the

up brave adventures and make great plans to give ourselves

laughter and the crying, the pain and the empowerment, we

permission to get really courageous: to go to the yoga class, to

take a deep breath and look around at each other, feeling the

get the massage, or to publish the poem.

blessing of true connection and forever sisterhood.

Among the benefits my small but mighty tribe has brought me is a unique sense of validation that I’ve been able to stand upon to reach higher for my dreams. Undeniably, this has brought about a desire to embrace my creative curiosity, to pursue my dreams, and to celebrate the woman I’m becoming.

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Advertise with Us Below is a timeline showing our upcoming themes for Series 9 and the deadlines for submitting your ad. Learn more at bit.ly/TPYpartners.

ISSUE 1

ISSUE 2

IS S UE 3

IS S UE 4

APRI L 2 018

M AY 2018

J UN E 2018

J ULY 2018

Create Ease by Choosing Forgiveness

Create Wealth by Embracing Legacy

Create Fun by Unleashing Kindness

Create Joy by Celebrating Rarity

DU E: F EBRU ARY 16

DUE: M ARCH 16

D UE : AP R IL 13

D UE : M AY 11

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When women gather with intention, shift happens. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; C H R I S T I N E A RY L O

P H O T O by @ B E L A T H E E

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CONNECTING THROUGH AUTHENTICITY AND VULNERABILITY

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Words by Anung V Photos by Lauren Alexandria The FUN ISSU E

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We are all wonderful, broken creatures. If we love our whole selves, it’s possible to establish—or unleash, rather—a genuine connection with someone else despite (or because of) our flaws and pitfalls.

BE VULNERABLE The Japanese tradition, kintsugi, is the art of recognizing the beauty of broken things. “Golden joinery”—a method of restoring a broken piece, usually pottery, with a lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum—teaches that broken objects are not something to hide but to display with pride. When you reach a point in your life where you feel an outpouring of love not only from yourself, but from those around you, too, you’ll realize your worth. You don’t have to wait until you’re “pretty enough,” “educated enough,” or “enough” of anything else. You have worth right now.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Take time to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses, and set goals for yourself with every passing day. Soon, you’ll get to a place where you want to take care of yourself not because you feel you have to, but because you know you deserve goodness. What if we were to go out into the world, scars and all, living life to the fullest? That is how we find our most meaningful connections: people who can smooth over our edges with their brush strokes, fill in a missing piece with their

BE AUTHENTIC How do we meet these individuals, and how do we get them—and keep them—in our corner? There’s no app for that. There’s no magic button or browser extension we can click on to find a support group that will love on us when we’re in need of it most. To unleash authentic connection in a busy world, you’ve got to put in a little leg work. My sense of adventure brought me to the place where I met my husband. We became friends for a while first, enjoying the same activities and getting to know each other. Needing an outlet for myself opened me up for those connections. That naturally moved from one to the other.

light. People who see the best in us even when we’re at our worst. People with whom we can truly enjoy life

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My sense of wonder has shown me such beautiful people who

people can walk into a room and strike up a conversation with

I trust and with whom I can be vulnerable. Needing to get out

just about anyone. Others of us need to take it slower.

into the world again and dare myself to do something scared me, but I shared that fear with the others in there and we

What kind of energy can you give? Do you enjoy taking part in

worked together.

large group activities, or engaging in smaller, more intimate

I’ve lost good friends in the process of finding and enjoying

are you willing to tolerate for the right person? Sometimes we

myself. Despite being scared, I decided not to let my growth be

need to make sacrifices to appease those we love.

hindered by others. No matter how well meaning. An authentic path, though lonely at times, will lead you to others that will enlighten your path more.

BE REALISTIC How many times have you attended an event—be it a birthday

settings? What about the things you don’t like to do? What

As long as our relationships with others are a mutual give and take, making small sacrifices here and there will only strengthen our relationships in the long run. Think of it this way: If you want others at your side as you take the world by storm, you’ll need to show a little love for their favorite pastimes now and again, too.

party, happy hour, or networking conference—and felt out of

How many people can you handle at one given time? Never

place? How many times have you struggled finding someone

mind “introverts” vs. “extroverts” — no matter who you are,

to connect with, unsure of how to begin a conversation? Some

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

it’s likely you can only handle so many personalities at once. Allow yourself the space to figure out the environments in which you thrive. If you know you prefer small groups, a large conference setting will present a challenge. Conversely, if you can’t stand being alone, maybe bigger is better.

B E B R AV E What do you love? What makes you tick? What’s your guilty pleasure? This is the type of information others are hungry for. We all have that magical person with whom we share common ground. When we find them, conversation is so much easier. Technology offers us a safe space to express ourselves and even engage in conversation with others without ever leaving our home. Unfortunately, that means it also offers us the space to be complacent in our lives, never needing to step outside and explore something new, in real life. If you do the same things over and over again, for example always grabbing brunch at the same restaurant, it may be time to try something new. If you cancel plans that may have you stepping outside of your comfort zone, take small steps to widen that boundary. Life is meant to be explored; technology is meant to enhance our lived experiences, not diminish them. Use technology only when it will bring you closer to your goals, faster. Want to meet someone new? Good thing billions of people are active online every single day. Want to meet someone in your neighborhood? Put your phone down, go for a walk, and say hey. (That’s the leg work we were talking about earlier).

BE CONNECTED Feeling disconnected in today’s hyper-connected society might be ironic but it’s not uncommon. Despite the evergrowing number of apps, websites, blogs, podcasts, TV shows, and social media networks we tune into on any given day, most of us feel more alone now than ever before. What sorts of connections are we making that fulfill a deeper need, that set our souls on fire? I encourage you to seek out genuine connection. However commercialized, the holidays offer us the perfect opportunity to tune into our deepest desires, reconnect with ourselves, and create authentic connections with others.

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Now, more than ever, let’s get connected. Let’s get together to laugh and reminisce; to share cards and warm greetings; to go for a walk—even in the snow and cold. Let’s break bread with our friends and family and gather around the fireplace to discuss a good book. Establishing these types of connections is a continuous process: a goal we can work toward for the rest of our lives. If we put in the effort necessary, if we advocate for ourselves and show up authentically and in real life, then we will find others who love us just as we are. When you show others who you really are, they’ll return the favor by wrapping you up in love and support.

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Anung V is a designer and photographer, and the Evil Mastermind of Courageous Creativity. She hosts the Kicking and Screaming Podcast: a place for introverts and homebodies to get out of their heads and have more adventure, and designs quirky apparel that goes from couch to lunch. Connect with her on Instagram @courageous_creativity, or on Pinterest @couragecreate. Photos by Lauren, laurenalexandriaphoto.com

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About the Artist This monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s featured art is a collaboration between one of our favorite artists, Meghan Shah of Studio Strata, and our Managing Editor, Lee Lee. The energetic pattern + encouraging words go together likeâ&#x20AC;Śwell, like best friends! @StudioStrata Purchase your own copy of this print at our online marketplace! The FUN ISSU E

@EJ.MULHALL.EM

@JIVEJUNCTION1940

@UPSTYLE.CO

@DILO922

@NICDDKPHOTO

@MARKIELYNNE

@SOY0NCE

@KHILL2973

@WORDSBYLEELEE

# BFF

What’s a world without any connection? Connection to each other is what makes the world go ‘round and creates the bonds we gratefully rely upon. These connections are created with a little dash of fun! In every friendship exists that little bit of fun that bonded the souls together. Show us your connections by sharing a picture of you and your best friend doing something fun!

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FEBRU A RY MA N T RA

It is through simplicity that I magnetize soulful connections to me with ease.

M A N T R A by K R Y S T A L B R A N D T P H O T O by @ B E L A T H E E

P H O T O by @ B E L A T H E E

Unleash Connection