The Fun Issue OCTOBER 2016 | Series No. 4, Issue No. 3
Stay Healthy, Have Fun with
ALSO
Cindy Ortiz
LIV E FU LLY • TAKE YOUR TI ME • CHOOSE SELF-CAR E
We believe in choosing, embracing, unleashing, and celebrating who you've always been – who you already are – who you want to be.
Be YOU...the Perpetual You.
PHOTOS CO URTESY O F JACQU I D E PAS & H E R FAC ES O F B R E AS T CA N C E R PROJ E CT
L E T T E R from our E D I T O R
I THE
T H E OF F I CE
The Perpetual You 101 Putnam Ave. Hamden, CT 06517
T H E LI ST
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T H E COM M U N I T Y
Look for us on social media @theperpetualyou.
T H E CORRE CT I ON S
Last month we misidentified Deirdre's title (member of our Perspective Panel). She is actually a social media trainer. In our Beauty spread, Vitner's Daughter should have been "Vintner's Daughter."
The PERPETUAL YOU
n April of 2011, I got a call that would forever change my life. My mom’s husband, sobbing, told me my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time, I had no idea what that meant: Chemo? Surgery? Death? I only knew that I wanted to be in Florida, to take care of her and do for her as she had so many times for me. When a loved one is hurt or hurting, we are quick to lend a hand. We do whatever is in our power to bring restoration, to offer care, from casseroles to cocktails to late night phone calls. Our society and families would not be humane if we didn’t help each other. Unfortunately, becoming caretaker to someone else often means abdicating our own needs. After my mom had recovered, I became pregnant with my second child. While a happy event in my family’s life, this also triggered a depressive episode that went undiagnosed for years. Intuitively, I had quit my teaching job and uprooted my family to be there for someone else; but—when my own needs weren’t being met—I had no language to ask for help, nor did I have the right tools to help myself. If I received the same call today, I would still move to be with my mom. Life would be different, though, because I’ve since learned that caretaking and self-care are separate and equally important skills. With this issue, I hope each of you can be convinced of the same!
lee lee p.s. Find our magazine empowering? Make a monthly pledge of support on our Patreon page.
The cure for anything is salt water, sweat, tears, or the sea. – ISAK DINESEN
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SHOP N OW
Shop the Marketplace The Perpetual You's curated marketplace of responsibly-made, small batch goods is online! theperpetualyou.com/the-marketplace
Collaborate with Us
The Perpetual You offers coaches + creatives the opportunity to showcase their work and/or viewpoint to an audience of women who value intentional living, purposeful buying, and thoughtful growth. The PERPETUAL YOU
To find out how you can collaborate with us, visit theperpetualyou.com/our-needs.
IN THIS ISSUE
Create Fun by Unleashing Vulnerability The F UN I S S U E
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
Realize Unadorn your life back to the basics of being alive. Take inspiration from rousing relationships – in books, in far off places, in your memories, and in your family. Whether trick-ortreating or recuperating, just. Be. You.
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Dwell Unearth your oldest crockery and newest plants, and invite friends over. Partake in an autumnal feast or share tea and a good story. Announce to the world (and yourself!) that you’re a fun-loving woman, ready for visitors. The PERPETUAL YOU
M O N T H LY M U S I C
Boost your vulnerability quotient with our "Fighting, Helping, Sharing, Winning" playlist on Spotify.
Unleash Unleash fierce protection for your body and your inner desire to be well. Find strength in numbers, even while empowering yourself. Sign up for the race
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of your life: join the modern movement to be a woman who’s as knowledgeable about strength and health as she can possibly be.
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Live Unlearn everything you know about vulnerability and appreciate the art of relationships. Practice self-care, even while taking care of others; and find a space where you feel comfortable letting others take care of you. The F UN I S S U E
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
THE MAKERS
Our Makers share willingly of their time and talents. Strength + Gratitude goes out to these ladies.
Sarah
Casey
Cover Story Photographer
Dwell Feature Photographer
@sarahannayphotography sarahannayphotography.com
@phreckleface phrecklefacephotographyblog.com
Sarah Annay is a wedding photographer, educator, and world traveler. When she isn't shooting weddings, she’s hiking in Vermont, dipping her toes in the Atlantic, geeking out on photography podcasts, and drinking beer (and coffee—at the same time). One day, Sarah will follow her heart and become a master at hiphop dancing. Check our her newest project at VisionforEmpowerment.com.
Casey Ray is a natural light, photo journalistic, storytelling photographer serving the Tacoma, Seattle, and Pacific Northwest areas. She loves to photograph weddings and Pacific Northwest elopements of wildly in love couples and dream up adventures together! Her photography is about telling stories and capturing those in between moments that can’t be planned.
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P.K.
Lianne
Micayla
Proofreader
Editor
Book Editor
Connect on Facebook.
@hilodaisy
@uggly_mugg zucchiniontheceiling.com
Sarah
Becca
Debra
Collaborating Photographer
Collaborating Photographer
Contributing Photographer
@sarahannfowlerphotography sarahannfowlerphotography.weebly.com
@beccaolcott beccaolcott.com
@debracowie debracowie.com
Jacqui
Lindsay
Dana
Contributing Photographer
Contributing Photographer
Contributing Artist
@jacquidepasphoto jacquidepas.com
@lindsay_stanford lindsaystanford.com
@ArtyYotty danaayotte.com
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
THE TEAM
Lee Lee
Jessie
Creative Director & Managing Editor
Art Director
@leeleeinp
@littlelegendsdesign littlelegends.com
The Lee Lee is the #ladyboss of The Perpetual You. A writer by trade, designer by heart, and mother by choice, she seeks intentional practices and a positive mindset. If you’re near Hamden, CT, she welcomes you to stop by her front porch.
Jessie Leiber is a multi-disciplinary designer striving to make her world more pixel-perfect. When she's not poring over mockups, she can be found singing (loudly) in her car or compulsively buying striped shirts.
Kay
Kirsten
Staff Photographer
Senior Designer
@walkerstudiosllc walkerstudiosllc.com
@paperandfern kirstenmariedesign.com
Kay Nass travels New England and beyond chasing sunsets, circling dance floors, capturing tears & laughter, all in the pursuit of preserving stories of love, friendship, and family.
Kirsten Eike is a designer, illustrator, and lover of plants. When she's not creating whimsical botanical drawings in the wee hours, she enjoys sleeping, sipping buttery chardonnays, or watching Cary Grant movies.
The PERPETUAL YOU
to align your daily practices with your ever-evolving desires
A R T W O R K by @ A R A B E S Q U E . A R T . D E S I G N
The PERPETUAL YOU
T H E L A DY
Rachel Carson (1907-1964) During her long battle against breast cancer, Rachel Carson challenged the notion that humans could obtain mastery over nature by chemicals, bombs and space travel. Her book, Silent Spring, is a crusade for the beauty and integrity of life and continues to inspire new generations to protect the living world and all of its creatures.
I L L U S T R A T I O N by @ A R T Y Y O T T Y
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Unleash Living! with Mary Beth Gibson
The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become. – EMMA WATSON
Life altering change can happen in an instant and often when one least expects it. We may not control the circumstances, but we can control our reaction. We can choose to take care of ourselves, and to have fun.
T
en years ago, I lay draped in a gown on an ultrasound table. I suspected the news wouldn’t be good when the ultrasound tech called the radiologist into the room. When they summoned Bo, my husband, who was standing beside me gripping my hand, I knew. So convinced was the doctor that the 4.5-centimeter mass in my breast was cancer that she didn’t even wait for a biopsy to tell me. The same mass that wasn’t detected on my annual mammogram six weeks prior was now glaringly obvious on the ultrasound screen. I was 41, and this instant forever marked the dividing line for how I would recall the moments in my life – before breast cancer and after. It would also set into motion a whole new approach to life that I continue to embrace today, one of gratitude, positivity, and lust for adventure. Waiting is the hardest part. Until my test results came back, I had no idea if the cancer had advanced beyond my lymph nodes, nor did I have a plan of action that would enable me to get back some semblance of that illusion we call control. For the first time in my life, I truly appreciated the joy of waking up to experience a new day. Thankfully,
the cancer had not metastasized, and I immediately embarked on a year-long treatment plan--one that was unexpectedly accompanied by self-exploration and growth. I couldn’t control the reality that I had cancer, but I could control how I responded to this new reality. Restoring my health became my mission and while in no way methodical in my approach, I earned points for enthusiasm. My first discovery? I needed to practice self-care. My second discovery? I couldn’t restore my health without healing mind, body, and spirit. In the past if I even bothered to consider what it meant to take care of myself (I was self-employed, sole breadwinner, and mother to three boys under the age of six), I thought I had it covered by eating low fat and using sun screen. Mention spirituality and Ouija boards came to mind. When I realized the doctors’ assistance was limited to attacking the cancer, and the rest of my body, with their weapons of choice, chemicals, surgery, and radiation, I hit the internet and bookstore. Wow! I never knew how much I didn’t know.
continued on next page
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P H O T O by @ P O W E R T O P R E V A I L
Start Today Some life decisions are made in the blink of an eye, but we usually get a little more time than that to think things through. If you’re feeling uncertain about a choice you’ve been given, assess which options are in alignment with your core values.
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Welcome experiences that line up with your desire for pleasure. Try updating a classic memory, like our cocktail on page 22, or do something wacky, like going on a pajama walk (see page 24)!
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I became a pescatarian (a vegetarian who eats fish, not an astrology sign) which I remain to this day. I discovered yoga for soothing the soul, which helped immensely, especially on the days that the kickboxing classes didn’t. I even tried hypnosis. I kept a humorous blog for the first year, partly to keep my loved ones informed of my progress but mostly for my own healing. I began to cherish the moments with family and friends more than ever. I found a sense of adventure that conquered my former aversion to risk. I learned to love my body, even boobless. And I learned the path of survivorship is best traveled with others who are navigating the same path. Since my diagnosis, life hasn’t been the same, but in all the best ways. No—really! I didn’t know it then, but at that split second of life altering change on the ultrasound table, I had a choice. I chose to embrace life and have been living it with gratitude and optimism since.
Mary Beth is the co-founder and Executive Here for the Girls, Inc. improving the lives of young women affected by breast cancer through Beyond Boobs! and Pink Link. Connect with her on Facebook.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Unleash Fun.
Welcome Growth. Going on your dream trip is a brilliant way to bring new into your life. For mega-inspiration, check out Debra Cowie’s gorgeous travel photos from her recent trip to Iceland on page 29.
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Seek Restoration. Wellness practices are beneficial both in the moment and when you need to draw from a reserve of peaceful feelings. Flip to page 34 to check out this month’s self-care toolkit.
Keep up with all our book suggestions by following us on Pinterest. M O D E R N D AY D I A R I E S
Me Before You
Rising Strong
The Bell Jar
by Jojo Moyes, Pub. 2012
by Brené Brown, Pub. 2015
by Sylvia Plath, Pub. 1963
The vulnerability of injury, emotion, love; this novel has it all—and still manages to hit a humorous note. When Lou Clark becomes the caregiver for the recently disabled Will Traynor, her life opens up in unexpected ways. Learning to be completely human is ultimately what brings joy and fun into these characters’ lives, reminding us that thrilling adventures begin when we choose to share our messy selves with one another.
Being strong requires embracing both darkness and light. Brené Brown helps us to untangle the emotional turmoil that, if left unchecked, can dull our spark and sully our relationships. The research presented within these pages is lifealtering. It’s sure to become an emotional guidepost for all who read it. Feeling loved, joyful, and fun, requires that we “wade into the discomfort” and learn how to be vulnerable, whole human beings in every daily interaction.
In The Bell Jar, we peak into one human being’s vulnerable journey into—and out of—foreboding depression. Edith’s inner workings and deepest fears are exposed within this novel, but small moments of lightheartedness carry us through this cathartic read. The lesson? There is value in sharing our vulnerabilities. This book shines a light on the universal truth that hope, joy, and most certainly, fun, is just on the other side of our darkest days.
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The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
UNLEASH
Raw Strength with Rachel Haas Forego well-meaning casseroles, flowery sentiments, and clichĂŠs that run the risk of being treacly. Opt instead for raw strength and roasted goodness.
I
could roast vegetables every day of the year, but the soft whispering transition into Autumn seems the most fitting time to lean into the humble and vulnerable simplicity of vegetables, sea salt, pepper, and warmth. Roasting vegetables is simple. Vegetables are unassuming, open, tender and gentle; there’s nothing to hide behind, nothing fancy to distract from the delicate flavors of olive oil mingling with each individual
texture and taste. These flavors go hand in hand with adjusting to changes, even those that are unwanted. Broccoli, zucchini, carrots, onions, peppers. Drizzle with oil. Let the heat soften them (and you). Dash on salt and pepper and love them the way they are.
Feast on more of Rachel's food experiences at her Instagram @rlhaaswriter or on Facebook. Photo courtesy of @jaynacowal.
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REALIZE
A C O C K TAI L
Throwback Enjoy the simple, classic fun of drinking something pink and palatable. A cosmopolitan conjures up memories of girlish, unadulterated fun – dancing, drinking, dancing some more. Or whatever your version of a night on the town “Sex & the City” style might be. The flavor profile is simple, for good reason, since the cocktail was most likely invented to be an easier-todrink cocktail than the traditional martini. While simple is often looked down upon in a culture that prioritizes experience, complexity, and creativity, sometimes life is hectic enough without all the extra ingredients. That’s when we reach for a throwback: a cocktail that’s easy to mix and just as easy to drink. No frills, no thrills, and—this time around—no 1 AM after parties; just simple, classic fun. Throw in some laughter and #goodtimes memories and you’ve got yourself a soul-strengthening partay.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Keep up with all of our cocktail suggestions by following us on Pinterest
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REALIZE
UNLEASH
The Pajamas
The PERPETUAL YOU
As adults, we spend most of our time following the rules of society and ensuring we’re appropriately following decorum. Why not have some fun this month and form some healthy habits along the way?
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ombat a month focused on candy and covering up with a raw, real, and rule breaking walk around the neighborhood in your pajamas. Being “undressed” in society calls for willing vulnerability, particularly if you leave your bra at home, too! The rewards, though, are worth it. A) Your kids will think you’re a superhero (no costume required!) and B) You’ll be reminded that the world is not paying attention to your every move. They’re doing their thing, while you do yours.
The first couple of times you go on a pajama walk, you may feel exposed. Try going later at night—the kids will love it if you get them headlights or use flashlights. As you get more comfortable being casual, your ability to enjoy yourself will increase too. The nights are getting cooler. Listen to the invitation of the autumnal cycle and let the enjoyment of your family propel you forward. Don some patterned PJ pants and throw the expectations of being ‘proper’ to the wind.
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REALIZE
Unleash Support Being the caregiver means lending support to someone near and dear to your heart, making it easy to blur the line between selflessness and self-sacrifice. This month’s products are focused on ways to give back to the caregiver in your life. Whether a soul-filling necklace, restorative succulents, or just something that smells sweet, giving one of these products sends the recipient a message to slow down and seek restoration. You may want to order something for yourself too!
The PERPETUAL YOU
Product Placement If you’re a shop owner or small batch maker who would like to be featured in one of our winter issues, fill out the product feature form on our website.
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1 | Blue Lace Agate Stone Necklace
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4 | Breathe Magazine by GMC Publications ($13)
Need Support?
by The Shrine Shop ($58)
2 | Aloe Succulents Gift Box
5 | “FUN” Hand-poured Soy Candle
by Succulent Treasures ($30)
Use coupon code WBTPY throughout the month of October for 10% off anything at Willow & Birch Apothecary
by Rayne Home Décor for the
TPY Marketplace ($24)
3 | Lemon Zen Perfume Oil & Rose Petals Day Cream by Willow & Birch Apothecary
6 | Coloring Flowers coloring book by Arcturus ($6)
($12, $15)
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Handmade modern heirlooms for your home
Modern ar t inspired jewelr y for the mildly rebellious flow-goer
casaandcodesign.com
leocadiak.com
Soy Candles | Ar t | Home
Handmade Leather Travel Notebooks
raynehomedecor.com
redpentravelers.com
The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
U N L E A S H YO U R
Travel Dreams with Debra Cowie
Traveling by Trend is easy & fun. Even better if you can bring along some friends!
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These days it seems like every second person you talk to or follow on Instagram is heading to or just returned from Iceland and I'm glad to be part of this trend. Having spent two fantastic weeks driving around the country, putting more than 3500km on our rental car, here are my Top 5 things to do in Iceland:
1 Check out the waterfalls from all angles. Iceland is home to many beautiful and powerful waterfalls that can be seen from the top or the bottom and in one case even from behind.
Get off the beaten path. Many travelers to Iceland see Reykjavik and the Golden Circle. Some drive the ring road, Highway 1. If you have the time and the inclination to get off the 1 and travel down some lesser (often dirt) roads, you will be rewarded. I highly recommend checking out the sweet towns in the Eastfjords.
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3 Get friendly with some Icelandic horses.
4 Take a dip in a geothermal pool. The Blue Lagoon is a popular stop but consider checking out local pools or the "hidden" pool at Seljavallalaug, which is found down a dirt road and a hiking trail.
5 Eat all the fish. Ok, maybe not ALL, but as much as you please. Cod, arctic char and even lobster are regionally local, and fish soup is a wonderful way to ward off the chilly weather (plus it always comes with amazing Icelandic bread).
Follow Debra's travel adventures @debracowie.
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REALIZE
Unleash Self-Care with Leigh Schwab
Beauty that includes self-care is an act of respect and appreciation for ourselves and our life stage.
M
y favorite part of every day is washing my face. (Ask my husband how long I take at night before getting in bed and he will roll his eyes and sigh.) I have always loved self-care and the positive feelings from doing something solely for myself. I also want to trust that my products are made of safe ingredients and support my health and wellbeing. As a woman, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and mother of a girl, my self-care routine is also a radical stand against the beauty industry’s negligence against
The PERPETUAL YOU
women everywhere. I’m proud to be a representative for Beautycounter, a company that has partnered with The Breast Cancer Fund. I feel safe using their products on a daily basis and I happily recommend them to every woman I meet. Self-care and safe beauty aren’t about a specific brand or product, but I stand with Beautycounter because I trust the company and believe in their mission. The next time you’re putting on makeup or washing your face, check the label on your beauty product and ask yourself if you can say the same.
BeYOUtiful
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Being sick can take a toll on our psyche, but a small gesture of self-care can help us feel a sense of normalcy.
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Take Care of Yourself. During any treatment, choose nourishing products that will help hydrate and soothe aggravated skin. A balm can be used as a cleanser, makeup remover, dry skin healer, and hydrating mask while a body butter will help soothe irritated skin.
* Leigh recommends Beautycounter’s Rejuvenating Cleansing Balm and Beautycounter’s Enrich Body Butter.
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Take a Break.
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When you aren’t feeling your best there is no better way to divert your attention than to have a little makeover. Chemo and radiation can dry out skin—use a tinted moisturizer and cream blush to help even out skin tone and increase hydration.
* Leigh recommends Beautycounter’s Cream Pinch Blusher and Beautycounter’s Dew Skin Tinted Moisturizer
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Take Responsibility. Holistic products that are safe for the whole family bring peace of mind in a chaotic world. We can’t always control circumstances, but we can choose safe, family-friendly products, and pass along restorative, conscious skincare routines.
* Leigh recommends Beautycounter’s Kidscounter Collection (Kids Body Wash, Nice Do Shampoo, and Not A Knot Conditioner) and Beautycounter’s Baby Collection (Gentle All-Over Wash, Soothing Oil, and Daily Protective Balm).
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Leigh Schwab uses her love for skin care to help educate women about the ingredients in their products and the need for proper skin care legislation in our country. Learn more about her passion for a healthy and simple life on Facebook and Instagram @leighschwab.
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REALIZE
October's
Reishi
Self-Care
Lemon
Toolkit
Fluorite Ixchel
Unleash Renewal with Ashley Dees The PERPETUAL YOU
Let this month’s toolkit support you and encourage renewal along your healing journey. Our health, like our community of loved ones, is a source of tremendous strength. Honor your body by embracing your inner wisdom AND nourishing your spirit with the support of those around you.
H E RB
ESSE N TI AL O IL
CRYSTAL
GO D D ESS
Reishi
Lemon
Fluorite
Ixchel
B E N E F I TS
BE N E FI TS
BENEFITS
BEN E FITS
Calms the spirit
Harnesses renewal
Boosts immune system
Cools and uplifts
*
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eishi is a medicinal mushroom that boosts your immune system: helping your body deal with everyday stresses, fighting against allergies, and protecting you from bacterial and viral infections. Used as a daily health tonic, reishi relaxes muscles, aids in chronic pain, and is an antioxidant. Who doesn’t love the bright happy lemon! As an oil, lemon is powerful and versatile having both cooling and uplifting properties. To make a breast massage oil, combine 5 drops of lemon and 5 drops lavender essential oils in 1 ounce of jojoba oil and massage daily. A wonderful stone to accompany treatment, Fluorite calms the heart and spirit while easing anxiety. Use green fluorite for detoxing and easing symptoms of the common cold and use purple fluorite for fevers,
Lemon is phototoxic, which can lead to sunburn; do not add more than 10 drops to one ounce in a massage blend. If two years have passed since the cold press date, use in homemade cleaning products rather than applying to your skin.
headaches, and concentration. Keep fluorite in your right hand to discharge excess heat and illness. Ixchel is the Mayan Mother Moon Goddess and Sacred Medicine Woman. Her powerful message to us is “You are a channel for the Divine healing power.” Honor her feminine, fun-loving spirit through water rituals or meditational swimming, and ask for her assistance in healing. Health challenges can be overwhelming. Take all the time you need to nurture yourself. Find healing in the support of those around you and do something you love everyday—each day is an opportunity to begin again and renew your health and your spirit.
Learn more about Ashley, and how she teaches and gathers goddesses together at her website. Feature photo courtesy of @lifeunstill Reishi photo courtesy of Hokkaido Reishi Co., Ltd Lemon photo courtesy of @catballou24 Fluorite photo courtesy of @diamondsandcoaljewelry
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REALIZE
Unleash Self-Acceptance with Caitie Sherrick
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one of all.
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hen you’re in pain, whether physical or emotional, finding comfort is key to moving through it. Hug your mom, consult your therapist, and take extra care of yourself. Being vulnerable requires raw strength and soul-defining courage—qualities that surface more fully when you accept every single part of yourself. Sleep in for an extra 15 minutes tomorrow morning. Buy yourself flowers on the way home from work. Wear your favorite yoga pants long after you’ve left
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the yoga studio. Taking care of yourself in these small ways reminds you that you’re human and you’re in need of restoration. Uncomfortable situations can be messy and painful. There are tears and meltdowns; sometimes, nothing makes sense. Once you get past the “crazy” of it all, though, you find that the most challenging situations strengthen your most important relationships—with your loved ones as well as with yourself.
Cardigan Style
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Comfortable and chic, cardigans are the perfect layer to add warmth, style and a sense of relaxation to your look for any occasion.
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Fall Afternoons Festive activities call for comfy outfits. Whether you’re carving pumpkins or baking candy apples, start with your favorite jeans. Wear a striped t-shirt under a cardigan and add ankle boots. Move about your kitchen with ease knowing you’re outfit is ready to make candid memories.
Pictured: maroon cardigan, striped tee, skinny jeans, brown ankle boots
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Girls’ Night In
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Girls’ nights are fun and emotionally productive, whether you’re drinking tea or making face masks. Wear your favorite yoga leggings with an oversized tank, and throw on a cardigan. Happily chat all night knowing your body is as comfortable as your heart.
Pictured: maroon cardigan, gray tank, black leggings, black boots
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Halloween Whether you’re trick-or-treating with your kids or handing out candy at home, keep it light and playful by pairing skinny jeans with a graphic tee and your cardigan. Eat as much candy as you want, while feeling warm and festive all night.
Pictured: maroon cardigan, Hogwarts alumni tee, skinny jeans, converse
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Caitie Sherrick is a jewelry designer + stylist for mildly rebellious flow-goers at Leocadia K. She’s deeply inspired by modern art, has a boho heart + loves the warm, unconditional love of a good cup of chai tea. Join her on Instagram @caitiesherrick for daily inspiration + visit her shop for more every day outfit ideas.
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P E R S P E C T I V E S from T H E PA N E L
What are some ways you have fun during a challenge or transition?
I recently had the privilege of spending four days with my grandmother, who was actively dying of pancreatic cancer. Even in the saddest moments in our time together we found opportunities to laugh. That laughter held my family together, and my grandmother fully embraced joy till the very end.
After one very intense Breathwork training day, a group of us decided to choose costumes and make a video. Songs were created on the fly. Highly interpretive dances spontaneously erupted. A woman and I crawled towards each other like jungle cats about to fight. We laughed so much that night—our challenges and residual vulnerability from the day fueled our fun.
Three things I said I would never do in life: 1) Get a tattoo; 2) Learn another language, and 3) Ride a motorcycle. I’ve done all three and had a blast doing so. From living in NYC as an actress, to Thailand as a teacher, to Oklahoma as a human rights advocate and marketing director, to Colorado as an entrepreneur, I have kept the perspective that life only happens once. Why not live it to the fullest?
Marie
Lydia
Deirdre
Parent Educator Boston, MA
Coach/Creative Counselor New Haven, CT
Social Media Trainer Denver, CO
@marielpbalance createbalancedlife.com
@lydiamandell newhavenbreathwork.com
@littleredpromotions littleredpromotions.com
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The gift of a new experience helps broaden my mind and calm my nerves. When I moved to my new city, I decided to act like a tourist instead of a scared newcomer; I won a soccer ball at a bar and sipped some sake at a Japanese festival, none of which would have happened if I had just stayed home.
When my son died, I felt like happiness was a betrayal of my sorrow. However, I took a workshop called “Healing Improv” by Bart Sumner and experienced the deep joy of humor in the midst of grief. In hard times, I also turn to authentic companionship, physical touch, and art. I believe art saved me in my darkest season of struggle.
I’ve only held a full-time position two of the eight years since I graduated college, so, naturally, I’ve tried to be as thrifty as possible. You can still have fun even if you are low on cash: go to the beach after hours, a performance during the week; shop at thrift shops, or at your local library.
Ana
Alexis
Danielle
Dreamer, Doer, Writer, Model, Mom Houston, TX
Writer, Artist, Advocate, Filmmaker Edmonton, Alberta
Artist & Art Educator Northford, CT
@powertoprevail
@alexismariechute alexismariechute.com
@helixis7185 storyartbydanielle.com
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- K AT H ARIN E H E P B UR N
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to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self
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A R T W O R K by @ A R A B E S Q U E . A R T . D E S I G N
The PERPETUAL YOU
teapot
/tee-pot/ noun​ [invented ~1500] A spouted vessel for steeping curatives and storing memories. The F UN I S S U E
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Thanks! Lots of love to Jen Wenzel, the owner of this door, and a generous + talented photographer to boot.
Behold
T H E F R ON T D O OR
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ho said front doors have to be brown, or black, or white, or red? From an intentional design standpoint, the only front door requirement you need pay heed to is that you paint it the color of your choosing. How much {more} fun is that? Decision-making can be both invigorating and challenging. Fortunately, the door isn’t going anywhere. Sit with the choice; try out color samples; go on a “front door colors of my neighborhood” expedition. Leave expectations behind and choose the color of door you love best. After all, you’re the one walking through most often.
Next, pair your delicious + custom door with more accoutrements that tell the world about YOU. The front porch of this beach home brings to mind the splashing, salt-filled ocean waves surrounded by bleach white sandy dunes and tropical fauna. Minimal accessories in beachy colors offer the perfect backdrop to the larger-than-life colors of the cheery flower arrangement. Friendly and calming, this front door begs to be admired, knocked on, and— on the prettiest of beach days—to be left open.
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Have a great space? We’d love to interview you! For the chance to be featured, send an email to hello@theperpetualyou.com.
Decorating I N T H E MOM E N T
Temporary spaces present a unique decorating challenging. Do you paint? Hang curtains? Put holes in walls? Design doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment. We interviewed Christiana Vickrey of Hartford, CT to discuss her design decisions in her last rental apartment, which is as comforting as it is airy and open.
Which three design factors most greatly influenced the design of the apartment?
What did you most enjoy about the process of putting together the apartment?
I am a total creature of comfort. When I walk into my home after a long day, I want to be able to put my belongings down and feel like my apartment can do the job of giving me a metaphorical hug with the feeling of warmth and coziness. For my tiny space, I wanted to create an atmosphere that encouraged those who came to visit to be able to cozy up on the couch or in one of my many diversely designed armchairs.
Thrifting and antiquing. Every time I would hit up Savers (or any thrift shop or antique warehouse), I would go straight to the home section. Sometimes I’d only come home with a flower vase or another random piece of décor. That just meant I had to keep coming back… multiple trips to find awesome treasures? Yeah, I’m in!
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How did you go about choosing the color palette for the various rooms?
Can you describe and explain any inspirational pieces?
Unfortunately, when I moved into my apartment, my landlord had already picked the color palette and was set on keeping it that way. I was able to paint my bedroom, but I just put a fresh coat of white paint. I like pops of color to come from the furniture or random pillows or my duvet cover - you get the picture.
I’m inspired by Scandinavian design and how functional and clean everything is. One day I’ll have a home like that, but this time around I wanted to focus on treasures. Pieces I have found randomly like my coffee table from the side of the road or floral armchairs from a friendly craigslist exchange. I will always display art wherever I go. Something that you can find in almost every room are framed Polish paper cutouts. It’s a piece of my heritage and gives each room an extra pop of color.
Which aspects of your overall design aesthetic are most represented in the apartment? I have never been a huge fan of matching furniture sets. Maybe identical side tables or pillows, but I’m all about mixing it up in a way that still is cohesive. The living room is a perfect example. Every piece of furniture is of different style, but it all came together along with everything else in the room.
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Did the space turn out the way you thought it would? Why or why not? When I moved into my apartment, I was moving into an already furnished space. My friend, who I moved in with, had really incredible taste. I was lucky to be able
to walk into a space that was already what I liked and definitely felt a sense of warmth and coziness. When she had to move out—halfway through the lease—all her furniture and little treasures had to go too. It was scary because I had to make a whole house magically furnish itself again. Then I thought: No, this is going to be good. I tried to emulate the feel of what the apartment used to be. I filled random spaces with stacks of books and plants. I acquired furniture with each piece having its own style and I hung up various works of art. I put a lot of myself into the making of this apartment; through this process, I became more interested in home design.
What aspects of the space are the most FUN? And why? People typically gather in the kitchen—Wherever there is food, people will follow. The apartment came with this incredible butcher-block island. It was fun for me because I love to cook and bake, so more space to prep and spread every ingredient out was great! The living room was another space that I loved. I kept my record player there so when I’d have people over or just for myself, I’d put on whatever I felt like listening to and it would sound through the whole apartment and at times, it would turn into a dance party. I am a firm believer in dance parties!
Do you have further design plans, or is the space finished? With how I’ve been talking about my apartment, I’ve been making it seem like I’m still living there, but I moved out this past summer. It was heartbreaking to part with a place that I dedicated so much time putting together: the place I was so eager to return to after a long day at work, or where I would stay in with a book, records, or friends. But I know that I will find another place and take what I have collected and have it be a sequel to that amazing apartment.
Christiana Vickrey lives a simple though ever-so-slightly, elegantly unkempt life. She finds beauty in the mundane and swoons over housewares and houseplants of all shapes and sizes. Though destined for far off places, for now she can be found in New England and at @christianamaria. Images by Lindsay Stanford.
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The PERPETUAL YOU
UNFINISHED +
Lovely
A MODERN
HOMESTEAD {RE} MADE
Words by Tessa Chittle Images by Casey Ray The F UN IS S U E
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You may have a vision for every detail of your house, but bringing that vision to fruition can take years… even a lifetime. Television shows that show whole house transformation in an hour’s time can feed our addiction to the “after” and our avoidance of the “during.” The reality is that those types of quick and complete transformations are inauthentic. By bringing things that help you feel the way you want to feel into your space in small ways— and over time—you can remain happy and inspired while in the process of realizing the bigger vision.
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There is something infinitely healing
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he first time we drove onto the property of our home, it seemed magical. The long gravel driveway. The giant shade tree. The old growth apple orchard. By the time we reached the 3-acre forest on the back of the property where the light streamed in like a sign from the heavens, we were imagining our soon-to-be-born daughter playing with fairies and building stick forests. Then the realtor showed us the house, which wasn’t so pretty. Somehow, the magic of the land allowed us to overlook the green carpet with mysterious brown sludge smooshed into the fibers. We conveniently ignored the black mold stains on the walls of every room and saw past the green laminate countertops. We were ready to sign the loan papers and move in. Something in our gut allowed us to buy this property— plastic sinks, broken cabinets, punched in bedroom doors, aging deck, bad exterior paint job and all. Without hesitation, we moved to an area of Washington where we had never even been and where we knew absolutely no one.
in the repeated refrains of nature— the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter. – RACHEL CARSON
Perhaps it was the rush to find a home after finding out we were surprise pregnant in a life situation not conducive to baby raising—a bit of desperation to be able to afford a roof over our newborn’s head. Or perhaps our newly found fierce dedication to the lifestyle of homesteading was lending us a confidence boost in our non-existent DIY skills.
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Envisioning long baths with our newborn and mornings of following a crawling baby around, we ripped out the carpet, painted the walls, and remodeled the master bathroom before we even moved in. We saved our pennies by painting the interior ourselves during a few late nights. Well, my husband painted and I— pregnant at the time—supervised. We upcycled a cheap dresser and sink from craigslist into a bathroom vanity and framed our old mirrors with rustic wood. This small, and affordable transformation, which only took a week, made our home cozy and livable and made up for the fact that we’d used up all our savings on the contractor to put in subway tile and a new bathtub. Here I was—a lover of beauty, design, and home decor magazines—living in a serious fixer upper with no funds for any further renovations, very limited DIY building skills, and a brand new infant. We had to put many of our big renovation ideas on hold; however, looking back on it, the lack of funds was the biggest gift I could have been given. Instead of rushing to change all I disliked about the home by spending big bucks, I was forced to use creativity and learn new skills to create spaces I loved. I was able to model to our daughter the creative power so many marketers would like us to forget. I had time to really get clear on my values, style, and priorities so that each item and room in my home is based fully in what we as a family want to stand for in the world.
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Most importantly, renovating over time gave me the opportunity to let people into my unfinished, imperfect journey. This pushed me to step into the vulnerability that creates the deeper connections I was seeking when we first decided to buy this property and become homesteaders.
TRANSFORMING OVER TIME. So how did I keep my design-loving soul happy with plastic green kitchen countertops? My butcher block— antique, with a story of divots and marks and ripples— was a lucky craigslist find and is where I do all my homesteading. When I sift and mix gluten-free flours for easy baking, slice fresh picked apples for canning, or bring in a harvest of greens, beets, carrots, and tomatoes for washing, I do it all on the butcher block. When I look down at this ancient piece of wood and metal covered in the latest harvest, I see my values and my style: beautiful green leaves, tomatoes of every color picked by my own hands, fresh chopped herbs. The green countertops around me and the linoleum floor under my feet cease to exist. Standing in front of this old wooden treasure, I feel exactly the way I want to feel in my kitchen; no renovation necessary. Similarly, I found ways in each room to remind myself of the feeling the room will eventually have. For example, an antiques sign hangs on our red barn where we’ll eventually have a farm store, even though the inside hasn’t been cleaned out yet. An old metal
basket serves as my earrings holder in my not yet remodeled bedroom. Bumpy walls that will one day be covered in shiplap are currently adorned with handmade driftwood wall hangings. After seeing how beautiful our master bathroom renovation turned out, I kept thinking we’d wait to do anything to the guest bathroom until we could afford to pay another contractor. One weekend, though, I got fed up and said “those green countertops and plastic sink and brown laminate cabinets need to go now!”. I painted and added beadboard to the vanity, covered the countertops in a layer of concrete, and painted the linoleum floor with a Moroccan stencil.
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"Renovating over time gave me the opportunity to let people into my unfinished, imperfect journey."
Next, I headed to Goodwill (and local barn sales) for a series of mini farm inspired paintings for the walls. We kept the old light fixture but replaced the bulbs with vintage Edison bulbs. We covered up the less than ideal bathtub with a new shower curtain since we don’t have the plumbing skills to replace the tub ourselves or the funds to invest in our dream clawfoot tub. The whole time I was thinking, this is just a temporary fix; however, I’ve actually fallen in love with this bathroom. Sometimes we stop ourselves from creating the spaces that make us feel good because we think about all the work, skills, and money it would take to make them perfect. Often small changes that make these spaces “good enough” go a long way.
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Maybe there’s not a big reveal, but enjoying the spaces you live in NOW brings long lasting joy.
P R I O R I T I Z I N G F R O M VA L U E S . When summer came and we emerged from the Pacific Northwest wetness and those first months of parenthood, we turned our attention to the outside, mostly digging out grass to put in the garden that would feed us. Our vision for the land was becoming more tangible. However, at this stage of our home renovation journey, we still felt plenty of overwhelm. We weren’t just fixing up a desperate house; we were also starting a homestead from scratch (with no
previous experience!). How could we prioritize all the projects? Since we bought the property for the experience and lifestyle we knew it would bring to our daughter as she grew up, we stayed focused on these values. With our family manifesto as a guide, we decided that the outside space was where we needed to put our time that first summer: the garden projects were key to materializing our values of connecting our daughter to real food, nature, and her own creative potential. In order to also fulfill my values of beauty in my spaces, the outside of the house needed a makeover to fit in with our flourishing gardens. I realized our house would need to transform in a big way to fit my values and style. I painted the entire exterior a clean white and we made our own barn wood shutters. I hung a rustic black star in the peak, an iron rooster weathervane from the roof, a barn light off the garage, and painted the door black to match.
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Curating a Collected Home
Expansive consumer options mean we don’t have to MAKE much in our daily life. We’re all a bit rusty when it comes to bringing an idea into the world; whether it be our home decor, our business, or the things we use in our daily life, we cling to the template. I often find myself searching for a tutorial or a product I can buy, and then all of a sudden realize - oh yeah, I can make it AND create the process to do so. Creativity is a mindset that takes practice and cultivation. Homesteading, upcycling, and home renovation are my favorite ways to flex this creativity muscle, and to also model the creative mindset to my daughter and our visitors. My vision of a modern farmhouse came to life by thinking outside of the confines of what was already there. Re-envisioning something in a whole new light without boundaries of what has been done before and then identifying the steps to make my vision tangible.
Ikea can be useful for quick, whole room transformations; however, the long term commitment of a serious fixer upper takes diligent and intentional curation over time. For a unique and personal space that reveals your true life, collections are a great way to go.
To avoid having a house full of “stuff” you picked up with good intentions, here are some tips to intentionally find things that go well in your home:
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͞I have been collecting for my farm dinner tablescape for years now: a candleholder here, a wood block there, a collection of mismatched silverware and serving bowls. If each item collected is something that you absolutely love, and fits with your design style and values, the piece will add to the cohesion and contribute the desired feelings of your space.
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Our focus has turned to projects that allow us to gather people together and share our harvest through farm experiences like farm dinners, workshops, events, and Farmstay weekends. We have worked with a builder to design our tiny
Shop with Sense. I’m a bargain hunter who loves local craftsmanship, which means lots of time scouring for artisanal work at antique stores, goodwill, and barn stores. When I find something, it’s usually in my price range; if not, I can decide the time I spent into searching merits the added expense, or—when appropriate—I can bargain with the seller.
LETTING PEOPLE IN. Our second year of homesteading has become about going beyond just feeding ourselves to feeding our communities and sharing this space with others. Although we are far from experts in the homesteading topics and my kitchen countertops are still a horrific green laminate, we now have a large foodproducing garden, small orchard, and farm animals—four goats, two pigs, and 20 chickens.
Shop with Heart.
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Shop for Personality. I used to have a hard time walking out of Home Goods without buying something. When I began to associate beauty with my values of vision, creation, and reinvention, though, it became natural to save my money for the gems I found on my next rummage through barn sale boxes (or virtual rummages on Etsy/Craigslist!).
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Shop by your Values. We can’t always afford the newest “green” products but we do value being environmentally responsible. By purchasing used when we can, our buying doesn’t require the use of new resources at all. If you value “local” or “artisanal,” then you might spend more on something that fits these values; the expense is worth it to match the style of your home.
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of the person we project to the world, we don’t invite the mom we met at the park for a playdate; we don’t gather our friends for a dinner party; we don’t spontaneously open the doors to the neighbor. When we hide until everything is perfect, we close the door to many opportunities for connection. We must ask ourselves, “How long am I willing to cut off these connections?” Because homes—like people— don’t ever stop transforming. Every day, I see more clearly that it is by becoming vulnerable and opening up during our creative, messy, transforming process that the deeper connections we crave are created.
house for Farmstay guests, and made a large farm table out of old fence wood found for free on Craigslist. On this table, we shared our first annual harvest dinner with 40 guests. We’ve opened the farm for monthly events and workshops this fall, even though one shutter is still missing, the inside window frames have been ripped out but not yet replaced, we can't keep the goats in their fence, we still have green plastic countertops in our kitchen (next project), our tomatoes have toppled over, and we can’t get the cauliflower to grow! We are letting people see it all. This feeling that things need to be complete and perfect before we share them is not completely imagined. Our media feeds this addiction, by only writing articles about people who are already experts, doing shows about people who have already transformed, and showing homes that are renovated in the course of the week to the point of perfection. When our actual journeys in reality feel different from this formulaic story of the “before and after,” we hide. When our house is too messy or not fitting for the image
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Transformation, by its very nature, happens over time. Over the past few years, we have created so much, and our deepest beauty and potential is actually right now in the midst of our creations. The house may still be imperfect, but the improvements we’ve made are perfectly in alignment with our values and bigger vision. The tables are handmade by us. The food grown in our garden. The home projects steeped in our own creative power. The dollars spent have intentionally gone towards all that we believe in. And the connections we’ve made have brought to life the authenticity we were craving the day we decided to move.
Tessa Chittle is a Revolutionary Life & Business Strategist, creator of The Chittle Homestead, and co-founder of The Revolutionary Living Institute. She is also a Homesteading Mama, lover of upcycled creations and beautiful design, and visionary of how to do things differently whether it be in business, life, or parenting. You can follow Tessa’s homestead journey on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Images by Casey Ray of Phreckle Face Photography.
Cable-Knit corresponds to Benjamin Moore 469
All The Sky corresponds to Benjamin Moore 829
Cast Iron corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2120-20
FA R M H O U S E M O D
Gather the reclaimed wood and the mid-century furniture; pair nature-colored accessories with ultra-modern finishes. Mix and match two of our most beloved
Ancient Wisdom corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2148-70
design styles—farmhouse + modern—to leave anything expected behind. A couch from the thrift store fits perfectly among slate tile and a sleek, oversized chandelier. Modern white plates sit comfortably atop a weathered farm table. And a pre-fab house, slathered in creamy white, both blends in with and enhances the expansive mountain sky. Bring fabulous Farmhouse Mod to your home with our suggested uses for this palette:
Modern with Farmhouse Flair. If you lean toward minimal
Autumn corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2093-10
lines and neutral colors, incorporate a touch of farmhouse style with one accent color—for example, a reddish brown like the shutters on this picture. Or throw an aged wardrobe in an otherwise contemporary bedroom.
Farmhouse Contemporary. Keep the traditional farmhouse aesthetic and color scheme, but upgrade the usual dull metals to shiny platinum, gold, or copper. (Or all three!) Adorn your weathered furniture with linear drawer pulls in bone white, or throw your casual, comfortable blankets over a cool, crisp Eames chair.
Color Inspiration For more ideas & inspiration, follow our Color Palette Pinterest Board.
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Keep up to date with our monthly product selections by following us on Pinterest!
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Product Placement If you’re a shop owner or maker small batch home goods who would like to be featured in one of our winter issues, fill out the product feature form on our website.
Shop the Look F R O M O U R F E AT U R E D D W E L L I N G An artisanal gift box and new cookbooks are the perfect jumping off point for your next autumnal get-together. Paper goods in botanical prints help you choose the date and invite attendees (or say thank you!). To purchase or view more products, click on the product name below.
1 | Artisanal Treats Gift Box by The Cookery ($45)
2 | Herb Garden 2017 Desk Calendar & Botanical Notecards by Rifle Paper Co. ($18, $16)
3 | Eating in the Middle Cookbook by Andie Mitchell ($28, via Barnes & Noble)
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- I RIS A PFE L
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to align your life story with your ever-evolving mindset
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A R T W O R K by @ A R A B E S Q U E . A R T . D E S I G N
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Nearly 70 % of all breast cancers are found through Self-Exams.
With early detection the 5-year survival
rate is 98 %.
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ON BEING
Vulnerable FROM DIAGNOSIS TO EMPOWERMENT
with Cindy Ortiz of Pink Up The Pace The PERPETUAL YOU
Words by Lee Lee Thompson Images by Sarah Annay Photography The F UN I S S U E
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Every year, the first Saturday of October, in the coastal town of St. Augustine, Florida, thousands of men, women, and children don their running gear—top it off with anything and everything bright pink—and take to the streets of Old Town. Starting near the Castillo de San Marcos, they run by the Bridge of Lions and up historic Cordova St., to end up near Ann O’Malley’s, where runners are offered a free beer.
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B
ehind all of this organized chaos is breast cancer survivor, Cindy Ortiz, a St. Augustine resident originally from the Miami area, and the founder of Pink Up The Pace—a 5K that raises money for breast cancer therapies for uninsured and underinsured individuals. The nonprofit is also on a mission to increase awareness and raise public support for early detection and prevention strategies—thus all the PINK! Cindy was diagnosed with Stage II cancer in 2009. At that time, she made a decision. Rather than let cancer take over her life, she decided to empower herself and others. With no prior event management experience, Cindy, and fellow survivor Amy Kaelin, put together a 5K that not only exceeded their own expectations, but is now considered one of the premier running events in a town with a competitive social calendar.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWERFUL. At the age of 28, Cindy had just finished Physical Therapy school and was ready to start her life. “I had finally graduated,” she says, “I was ready to travel the world.” Then, during a routine self-check, she felt a lump in one breast that didn’t match with her other breast. She knew this “wasn’t normal.” At her age, no one expected this lump to be cancer. Then, she was diagnosed. “It went from being nothing to being something,” says Cindy. Multiple factors, from her age to the size of the lump to the number of swollen lymph nodes she had, made her a candidate for a double mastectomy. In a matter of weeks, she went from not knowing when she’d have kids to having to decide whether to harvest her eggs. continued on next page
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Getting diagnosed had “activated a switch” in Cindy’s family so that all the women began to get checked. Just a few weeks after Cindy’s diagnosis, her mother was also told she had breast cancer. Everyone in Cindy’s family carries the gene for breast cancer—except her. “There’s no rhyme or reason,” she says, “Cancer doesn’t discriminate.” After her lumpectomy, Cindy got 16 doses of chemo and 33 treatments of radiation. Understandably, Cindy felt powerless in the beginning of her treatment. “When you’re given a title or diagnosis, you become vulnerable,” she says. “You feel like an object and not a person. You’re poked and prodded and looked at and checked and felt.”
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Cindy went through the stages of “denial, grieving, and anger” just like many women do, even wanting to give up and “just live life the way I wanted to” at one point. Cindy realized, though, that she needed to be there emotionally for her mom. She also felt lucky to have a job with insurance; her mother was uninsured. That’s when the idea of a 5K fundraiser popped in her head. Cindy, an athlete, saw running as the “cheap” sport. She was shocked when her local running club told her a race would cost over $10,000 to put together. Rather than be discouraged, Cindy became more determined. Putting the event together was a healthy distraction. The race helped me “deal with my
diagnosis and not just let the word cancer consume me,” she says. “I’m grateful for that.”
E D U C AT I O N IS CRITICAL. With 863 participants that first year, the race was a phenomenal success and the numbers have doubled every year since. “Unfortunately, breast cancer affects so many people—whether coworkers, friends, or family members,” says Cindy. As Pink Up The Pace grows, so does its mission, which now focuses on education in early detection and prevention. As a physical therapist, Cindy knows the importance of prevention when
dealing with medical challenges. “As women, we’re providers and givers; we put ourselves last,” she says. “We find an excuse and the longer we wait, the process could be worse.” That’s why the first thing Cindy asks a woman she’s just met is “Are you getting checked?” Cindy admits the unknown is scary, but she’s also known someone who waited because she was scared and, unfortunately, passed away from breast cancer. “The goal is to educate people so that they’re not scared and they’re aware,” says Cindy. For this reason, Cindy appreciates breast cancer awareness campaigns, like NFL players wearing pink ribbons on their jerseys.
“There’s so much research out there,” says Cindy. “People know how to cure and take care of breast cancer; the key is to find it early.” Through her work, Cindy hopes to end the fear women have of getting mammograms, and to spread selfcheck information like wildfire. As
she puts it, “Become familiar with your lumps; get to know your body.” She also sees being an active patient as another way to ensure women get accurate and timely information. While working in hospitals, Cindy has been a firsthand witness to patients feeling like the doctor knows everything and keeping quiet. “Keep asking questions until you feel comfortable with the response,” she says. “Or get a second opinion.” Knowing that sometimes women just don’t want to know the truth, Cindy also educates about the power of being proactive. Her theory? That women will enjoy life more just by knowing what to expect. “Would it be better not to know? To not have lived your life to the fullest?” she says. “Or is it better to know and be able to do something about it?”
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C O M M U N I T Y I S R E S T O R AT I V E . The realization that has held the most power for Cindy, during her treatment and since, is that her lifestyle previous to diagnosis was not healthy. As a young and very busy woman, Cindy had a lot of life stressors: relationships, PT school, marathon training, and high expectations. “My body just couldn’t handle any more,” says Cindy. “I’m a big believer that we, as individuals, need to be advocates for our own bodies. Nobody knows your body better than you,” says Cindy. Cindy didn’t give up parts of her life; on the contrary, she’s still very active and has added motherhood to the mix. But she manages her stress levels and is aware of her body. “When something
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doesn’t feel right…that’s when you need to go seek the answers.” Increased self-care isn’t the only benefit Cindy gained after her diagnosis. She also acquired a very close friend—Amy Kaelin, who’s also the unofficial co-chair of Pink Up the Pace. Cindy and Amy were both young women undergoing treatment when their physical therapists recommended they meet. “We have a joke that the best thing about breast cancer is that we got to meet each other.” Most of the women Cindy was meeting with breast cancer were older than her and had families. Amy was in her 30s so they “could relate to” each other. Cindy is honest about the fact that cancer “felt harder” because she was so young, but seeing others in recovery, especially those older than her was inspirational. Cindy also acknowledges that a supportive community and family can have a big effect on your mood. “It’s easy to want to hide in your room and just stay there,” she says. She tells a story of a friend’s mom who was diagnosed and didn’t want to do anything for several months, but once she got back in the community, “She found energy from those around her.” “I was blessed that I had to work. I got to see people that were sicker than me. That kind of kept me pushing and going,” says Cindy. Yet, she felt vulnerable on the inside. She points to her sister bathing her as being one of the times she felt most vulnerable. “I never thought my younger sister would be taking care of me,” says Cindy. Despite this being unnerving, by allowing herself to be cared for was a restorative step in her emotional growth.
LIFE IS EMPOWERING. Eight years from her diagnosis, Cindy Ortiz is still—on occasion—scared. Now past the five-year mark, she gets checked every six months. She’s had a couple “scares” and “still has the fear of getting breast cancer again.” She’s knowledgeable enough to know that she could get a different cancer even while being free from her first. That isn’t what she focuses on, though, when raising her two kids, working a full time job for a home health agency, and running her nonprofit. Empowerment trickles down into every facet of her life, particularly motherhood. While Pink Up The Pace doesn’t “pay the bills,” being in charge of a powerful, life-changing event gives Cindy the platform for educating her daughter. Most of the time, though, the race is just a fact of life. The kids see pictures of “mommy when she was bald” or hear a certain song, and the race comes to mind. Though she saves the bulk of her work for after the kids’ bedtime, Cindy likes knowing they will always be familiar with the cause she devotes her spare time to.
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Cindy’s mom is also doing well, though she still has to take medicine which has side effects. “She not 100%,” says Cindy. “She’s recovering more slowly but is good and healthy.” In keeping with her general outlook on life, Cindy ends with the positive. “You live life and you don’t think about it. When it’s time for the yearly checkup, you have the tests and—if nothing happens— you live your life again.”
In helping these thousands of women and their families, Cindy knows life is something to be cherished, but she also hasn’t lost sight of the fact that life is about living. “We can lose our life tomorrow,” says Cindy. “There are no guarantees.” Be knowledgeable and stay educated. Have a healthy diet and manage your stress levels. Enjoy your kids and spend time with your family.
Being busy with life, it turns out, might be the best strategy yet. That, and not letting success go to your head. “People say I should be proud of what I’ve accomplished,” she says. “I love PUTP—I’ve put a lot of time and energy into it, but I guess I’m humbler when it comes to realizing everything I’ve done and all the people I’ve helped.”
Get to know your body, take care of yourself, and live your life.
Lee Lee Thompson is the Cofounder and Managing Editor at TPY. She has had the privilege to interview 16 amazing women who inspire others to choose, embrace, celebrate, & unleash the best parts of themselves–their Perpetual selves. Images by Saray Annay Photography.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Check Yourself Try this next time you're in the shower. Place one hand behind your head (as shown in Pink Up the Pace's illustration to the right), and choose one of the three patterns below:
Up/Down
With finger pads of the three middle fingers of the left hand, apply 3 levels of pressure (light, medium, then firm) in overlapping, dime-sized, circular motions to feel entire breast tissue, including underarm.
Wedge
Check for lumps or thickening. Repeat exam on left breast, using finger pads of right hand. Taking a few minutes to do a breast self-exam a minimum of once a month can make a lifetime of difference. Nearly 70% of all breast cancers are found through self-exams and with early detection the 5-year survival rate is 98%.
Circular
If you find a lump, schedule an appointment with your doctor, but do not panic–8 out of 10 lumps are noncancerous. And for additional peace of mind, call your doctor whenever you have concerns or questions.
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- CIN DY ORT IZ
to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective
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A R T W O R K by @ A R A B E S Q U E . A R T . D E S I G N
The PERPETUAL YOU
F L O W E R S selected & donated by @ W I L D F L O W E R A T M O S A I C
No. 928
Rose Hips Rose hips glow like rubies in the fading colors of autumn, These tiny jewels bestow a wealth of medicine to those who take time to harvest them. They are easy to dry in baskets or paper bags. Make them into a delicious tea that is rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. - Elise Krohn of Wild Foods & Medicines
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LIVE
The Benefits of Self Care with Meghan Kacmarcik
The PERPETUAL YOU
To grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable. – MADELEINE L'ENGLE
Embracing recovery means embracing self-care. Become your own biggest ally and closest friend, and you’ll be able to provide care for others as well.
“S
elf-care” is kind of a buzzword these days. A quick #selfcare search on Instagram will pull up posts of people doing yoga, drinking coffee in their pajamas, walking outdoors, drinking wine with their feet up, and a lot of quotes about how important it is to take care of yourself.
our library cards or making that dermatologist appointment, or it gets forgotten between play dates and 8am team meetings. On those days where we “go, go, go,” taking time for ourselves doesn’t make the cut.
It’s true: self-care is important. By taking care of ourselves, we improve our mental and physical wellness and we’re able to take better care of the people in our lives. If self-care is so important, then why do women continue to feel ashamed for taking care of themselves?
With this mindset, feeling positive about anything can be a challenge; let alone feeling good about your body, or spending time with your body. Despite evidence and intuition that Indulging in self-care can help us feel more positive about our lives, our goals, and our health, body love is still one of the most vulnerable topics for many women.
We are born knowing how to care for ourselves and knowing what our bodies need. When we are young, we have no problem asking for a snack when we are hungry, or running around outside when we feel like playing. We know when we are tired, even when we refuse to acknowledge it by asking to stay up just another ten minutes. We are in tune with our bodies and feel no shame in asking for what we need.
I’ve recently undergone a transformation with my body: how I feel about it, how I think about it, how I care for it. I used to hate my body and would spend hours criticizing every part of me, down to my tooround face and my too-wide fingernails. For six years, I starved myself as punishment, eating minimally, exercising obsessively and living in anxietyfilled misery.
Somewhere between our teenage years and adulthood, we forget about self-care completely. Selfcare gets put on the back burner along with renewing
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In short, I became a friend to myself; rather than always running from the idea of being alone. By becoming my own friend, I became a better friend, partner, sister, daughter, and employee. By taking care of myself, I had care to extend to the people in my life. Many women feel selfish taking time for themselves: self-care seems like one more thing to do, after we have put our whole selves into our jobs, our relationships, and our families. We decide to worry about it after we get the promotion we’re working toward or after our children don’t need us as much. Actually, those times where we’re pushing towards our next goal are when we need self-care most. Self-care was not part of my vocabulary. I could not relax; watching TV felt like I was wasting precious time, spending time with friends just took away from time I could be at the gym, and laying down when I was tired just left me trapped inside my sad, lonely, depressed brain. Taking time to myself felt unnecessary, narcissistic, and selfish. When I chose recovery, I inadvertently chose self-care. In the body positive world, self-care is a central theme. At first, the correlation seemed confusing: What did feeling good about your body and spending an hour reading at night have to do with one another? The longer I stayed in that community, though, the more clarity I found. I began to realize that it’s impossible to love your body without taking care of it. In the months following that, I made it a point to take care of myself in ways that felt intuitive. Instead of forcing myself for a six-mile run like I used to do, I went for a walk through the woods on a path near my house. Rather than working in the evenings, I caught up on news, read articles I had bookmarked, and even drew in my adult coloring book. On weekends, I watched movies and enjoyed wine.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Wherever you are on your body acceptance journey or self-love adventures, I challenge you to try to go back to the most basic forms of self-care. Allow yourself one hour of “me” time, whether before your day gets started, after getting home from work, or right before bed. You can put minimal effort into self-care and reap a lot of reward. Start small, if you have to. Take fifteen minutes on your lunch break to read your favorite book. Paint your toenails your favorite color. Take a bubble bath. Light a candle and meditate. Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning, without phones or laptops or tablets. Become your own best friend. Plant seeds of self-love and self-care and then watch those seeds grow. Watch how you start to love your family a little stronger and love your friends a little more. Watch how you start to love yourself in bigger ways than you ever could have imagined.
Meghan is a blogger, body positivity advocate, eating disorder survivor and Registered Dietitian. You can follow along on her adventures on Instagram @sundaesforthesoul or read her blog at sundaesforthesoul.com.
@ALEJANDRA_ESTEFANIA
@KHAKHISBOMBBALM
@POWERTOPREVAIL
@LIGHTUPYOURTRUTH
@CAITLINSTANGELO
@HEALTHYCHICKS
@DRGABBYPELICCI
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MOMENTS OF POWER
From inspiring art to empowering self-love, these images showcase women who love themselves, take care of their bodies, and prioritize their creative needs.
Next month's photo collage will showcase home-cooked meals. Send your food photos to hello@theperpetualyou.com, or tag us @theperpetualyou on Instagram.
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LIVE
Help Yourself THOUGHTFUL, INTENTIONAL, SELF-FULL CAREGIVING Words by Katie Lynch
The PERPETUAL YOU
When we are able to understand and hold true to personal boundaries with those we love, we can provide them with more love, compassion, empathy, and support.
O
ver the summer, my brother suffered a painful struggle and came close to dying, suddenly and quickly. He survived a medical emergency, but it was a scary time for all involved and the ramifications of the event rippled through the lives of each member of my family for months. Everyone was desperate to make our collective pain stop. My role in my family has always been that of the helper: the “problem solver,” the one to go to. This was one occasion where I was unable to alleviate the pain and suffering—not only of my brother but of those affected by his struggle. I was unable to be the solution or the alleviator of anyone’s pain, including my own. This role has had its perks over the years, of course. I mean, it does feel good to feel needed by others, right? To know that you are the one people turn to when they need something, when their world is falling apart, or when they just don’t know where else to turn and are seeking solace. To know you can pick them back up and help them find the strength and resources to carry on. On the other hand, this role comes with immense sacrifice, pain, and loss of self. When others need you to hold and “solve” their pain, it is exhausting. You often sacrifice your own wellbeing for the wellbeing of others, which inevitably leads to powerful feelings of resentment. Resentment is never good for a relationship; in fact, it is cancerous.
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When my brother was ill, I had the realization that I just could not play the “helper” role any more. It was wearing on my soul and my overall wellbeing. I felt awful about this. Even though my family’s dynamic was no longer serving me or those I loved, it was hard to admit. I’d done this for so long, it was a part of my identity. Rather than dwell in the sadness of the days that followed my family’s crisis—the hospital visits, restless sleep and long periods of silence—I recovered from the sudden “emergency” of it all and began to enter into a stillness, a slowed down pace, a healing of sorts. With this stillness came an awakening. I felt a release of my old self as helper, which allowed a more true and genuine self to emerge. In the quiet and self-reflection I took for myself during this crisis, I began to allow myself to be vulnerable to the notion that I actually did not want to be the helper
The PERPETUAL YOU
anymore. This role no longer served me, and in fact in many ways this role was breaking me. Now was this role serving those I love. In fact, it was enabling them to continue in patterns of behavior that were self-destructive. Allowing myself to consider this notion was frightening and uncomfortable. Slowing down and getting vulnerable about my experience shifted everything for me in relation to my role within my family. Getting honest about what was happening was hard. I am a strong proponent of what I call “sitting in the shit.” Meaning when we are feeling our most uncomfortable, our most vulnerable, and our most raw, we need to stay still in that place. What is so wonderful, and almost magical, is when we are able to sit in our discomfort, we are able to experience growth and healing.
I pushed myself to sit with these uncomfortable feelings. I was not only sad, I was mad and I felt resentment. Holding the role of helper all these years had somehow led me to feel more negatively than positively about those I loved. The narrative I had created for myself about this role was that I was always the giver and that giving meant never hearing a thank you. It would have been easy to feel powerless over this situation, to trick myself into believing that this was “just how things are”; however, something inside of me was striving to see beyond the easy, beyond the simple. I gently encouraged myself to explore my fears and listen closely to what this was telling me about myself. I then gave myself permission to make a different choice. I gave myself permission to put myself first. Initially, this was very disturbing. I expected this to be earth shattering to all of my relationships. I was convinced everyone in my family that typically turned to me for help would feel anger towards me and maybe even pull away from me or choose not to be a part of my life or ask me to be a part of theirs. Then, there was the fear and discomfort of knowing that I may actually get what I was asking for: to not be asked to be the fixer, the helper, or the one with all the answers. Then what? What would that mean for my identity, for my place in this world? When we are feeling resentment, discomfort, and hard feelings towards those we love, it often is an indicator that we need to explore our boundaries. Through this exploration, I discovered that I had to set boundaries with those I love. This was vital to my overall wellness, which includes selfpreservation and healthy relationships.
I slowed down and began to have thoughtful, gentle, heart-centered conversations with those in my family who I cherished. I told them what I needed, what I was able to provide, and—most importantly—what I could not provide. I learned that these conversations, when had from a place of love, are likely to be accepted. When I found that these boundaries were not only received, they were accepted, I found my heart opening and expanding toward my family. I found space opening up that was not there before. I felt myself more able to detach and see clearly what was my responsibility in our relationship and what was not. As a result, I felt closer to them and more able to open myself up and relax into our love and let go of the fear that doing so would mean I may lose myself.
Katie Rose Lynch, LICSW is a professional mindset coach + psychotherapist and a semi-professional newbie wife. Connect with her at katieroselynch.com.
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OCTOBER MANTRA
Mantra by Krystal
The PERPETUAL YOU
Krystal Brandt, Authenticity Coach, is a soulful, sensual siren who lovingly and powerfully guides high-achieving women back to their innermost desires by re-introducing them to their own intuitive whispers of wisdom. Connect with her via krystalbrandt.com.
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Exposed Emotions TH E ROUTE TO M E ANING FU L CONNEC TION The PERPETUAL YOU
Words by Christi Daniels Photography by Becca Olcott The F UN I SS U E
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LIVE
Life throws us the unexpected: a health diagnosis, a relationship crisis, or a loss. All of a sudden, life is happening TO us. Bang, bang, bang: our walls of protection are no longer enough. What if we accept that the walls need to be brought down? That the very habits we protected ourselves with for all of these years are actually standing between us and true connection.
ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE Despite our underlying drive to show how capable we are, to have our lives mostly together and be the one helping someone else in need, we don't feel in control when the unexpected happens to us. Life sometimes favors the element of surprise for catapulting us out of our comfort zone and smack into the middle of change. When something out of the blue happens and throws us off balance, it's the precise opportunity for us to open up and seek the support of those around us. Power doesn't come from our ability to have it all handled, but from our ability to recognize and accept what is happening. That includes owning our response and being vulnerable with sharing our truth so that we can receive the love and support that's available to us.
The PERPETUAL YOU
As with so much in life, if we can accept ourselves exactly as we are while going through the challenging time, then we have the power to receive what is available to support us in healing and coming back to center. The caveat? We have to let down our façade— what we've constructed to show the world we “have it all together.” You're an independent, highly capable, big-hearted contributor in life. You're good at taking care of others—at being there when someone needs you. When faced with a challenge in your own life, do you show up just as strongly? For many of us, our first instinct is to bear the weight of the situation on our own. I'm the type of woman who is uber-responsible. For much of my life, I rarely considered sharing the
Power doesn’t come from our ability to have it all handled, but from our ability to recognize and accept what is happening.
emotional burden of challenges with friends, family, or other supportive people. I held myself back when it came to asking for help, and doubled down to power through. Often, I went into hiding until things got better, believing I could only show up when things were going well.
tangled up with you that you don't know where you stop and it starts.
When we're right in the middle of a challenging time, emotions often rise quickly to the surface. If we have cultivated the ability to tolerate our own emotional discomfort, we can sit with these emotions as they rise up: we can feel the shame, embarrassment, guilt, regret, sadness, grief and they can move through us. Revealing tenderness after you've processed an emotional journey can be healing, for you and for those around you. Sharing something that you're in the middle of, though, is an entirely different type of vulnerability. When the pain is so in-your-face and
Since sharing without hindsight can be scary, it's vital to have a safe space to land and people who have your back and love and accept you for you, regardless of what's going well or not so well in your life. When these moments or seasons show up, allow yourself to be held, received, embraced and supported; just as you are there for others in their times of need.
EXPERIMENTING WITH VULNERABILITY
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This felt great to say it out loud—to be real about even my irrational thoughts—but it was also important to acknowledge the feeling before I could take action. Otherwise, this was going to affect how I walked into networking groups and other social situations. My coach's antidote to this emotionally charged experience was a practice she calls “crazy wisdom.”I was dared to go to my local Starbuck's and interrupt everyone there to offer them a candy cane. My heart pounded as I opened the door to Starbuck's and offered a candy cane to the first person I saw, asking “Would you like a candy cane”? They declined.
In my quest to develop my business and be more visible, I've been working with a coach. A few years ago at Christmas, I had been triggered by simply showing up late to a holiday event, thinking it was a mix and mingle atmosphere at a place where I felt deep connection, but I ended up walking into a complete sit down affair. I felt uncomfortable. I'd interrupted the entire event when I arrived late; every head turned to see who had walked in those doors. Because I'm incredibly sensitive, the thought I chose to believe was that I wasn't welcome. I allowed that aspect of me who wants to hide take control and live out her emotional age by spending the rest of the event playing blocks with all the kids in another room. I shared how excluded I had felt with my coach, which within a hop skip and jump brought up feeling like I don't belong on this planet.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Maintaining hope with the next attempt, I led with “I'm trying to get over my fear of talking with people, would you like a candy cane?” As the person took a step closer to me, I could feel the tenderness in their approach, as if I had touched something inside of them they recognized. The person not only introduced themselves, but also invited me to join in their small group. When I approached with vulnerability, nearly everyone I interrupted accepted a candy cane. This was such a stark contrast with my first attempt. I've experienced this when speaking to groups, as well. When I offer up the tender side of me and lay my heart out there for people, I feel closer to the group and they appear to move closer in their seats to me. There's an almost electric sense of connection.
C U LT I VAT I N G C O N N E C T I O N Women thrive when connected with others who love, accept and encourage us to live from the highest version of ourselves. In the past, we might have had the support of a tribe by proximity, but as women of this era, we must intentionally weave a fabric of support, and
together, with those we care about, to replace that missing and vital ingredient of community. Two summers ago, I was feeling the desire to surround myself with women who were growing into their greatest version of themselves, and to be able to learn and grow alongside them. After inviting an initial group of women who inspired me, we started a weekly book study group. What we've evolved into is a relaxed, safe haven where we can share our experiences: the good, the challenging, the embarrassingly ugly. Being a part of this group, taught me to be more vulnerable with our challenges, and more courageous with embracing my dreams. Within this precious space, I've shared the emotional burdens of life, cultivated a deep sense of connection, and learned I can be loved, accepted, and supported exactly as I am in the moment. Sharing my truth without feeling ashamed or guilty has been empowering. Recently, three people close to me were involved with the criminal justice system. That's a nice way of saying they were arrested. This happened the same week my husband and I unexpectedly assumed primary care for our grandkids; one day, the police surrounded our home in bulletproof vests looking for a teen who had been occasionally sleeping on our couch (due to some domestic issues at home). Turns out he had shot someone, a drug dealer no less, and in that instant my whole world imploded. I questioned my decision to let him stay with us, worried for my family's safety in case he returned and we got caught in the crossfire, and wondered how we went from having zero involvement with the law in our little Mayberry-like college town to being seemingly surrounded by it at every turn.
Unpacking The Emotion Sharing during a challenging time can be an emotionally packed experience. To know what to say, look at what’s happening with a tiny bit of distance. Assessing the facts and your needs objectively will empower you to be completely genuine. Here are some questions to help you through this process:
1
What is happening? (i.e. The police just surrounded our house, the teen that spent time here has shot someone and they need to find him.)
2
What emotions are coming up? (i.e. I͛m afraid, shocked, angry)
3
What thoughts are swirling around in your head? (i.e. What did I do wrong, how did this happen? It͛s no longer safe here.)
4
What reality are you affirming? (i.e. Regardless of what this looks like and how this feels, I know that Life is happening for me.)
5
What assistance are you requesting? (i.e. Please hold our family in your hearts, does anyone have a place we can hang out today while we sort this out?)
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While we moved to a different location for the day to gain our bearings and assess the situation, the weight of what was happening felt too big to handle, so I shared the details with our book group. They've responded lovingly with concern, encouragement and support. I was offered energy healing sessions, a free place to stay until the dust settled, and received loving and supportive texts. I felt relieved just being able to have that safe space where I could share the emotional burden of what was happening. I was reminded that while this is my life and I need to find my way through these challenges, I don't have to do that alone. I knew there were people there I could count on to love and accept me, regardless of what was happening and what I was making it mean in my life. When we're learning to be vulnerable and share of ourselves tenderly and humbly, our hearts become full of the knowledge that there are others out there
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who will accept us exactly as we are. It's a reminder that regardless of our past patterns of protecting ourselves, we need not go through the rest of our lives fearing being seen and judged. We belong on this big, beautiful planet. Taking up the space that was intended for us, owning our own emotional and physical space during times of challenge, claiming our belonging here in this lifetime, in our body and through our personal experience. By stepping out of our comfort zones and lowering our walls of independence, we gain the muscles for being consistent and authentic in each moment.
Christi Daniels is a Self-fulfillment Mentor and fierce ally for women who've lost touch with themselves, their dreams, and their desires. Connect with her at christidaniels.com. Images by Becca Olcott.
F E AT U R E D P O E T
Kate Kearns
Haircut It’s spring and she is dying. Already
this poem is all wrong; already
I’m obsessed with the loss of her.
The hairs the chemo left behind
float to the floor slowly,
and each alone. I’m doing the only thing
Nannette
she’s ever asked, and taking my time.
I’ve hardly ever touched her.
In the hospital light I can see
every spot on her smooth, taut scalp.
You are in the room, and you’re not. I’m alone,
Slowly, and each alone, I glide
and you are with me. You hold up
the walls; there are none.
the hairs between my fingers,
covet each living strand
before cutting it away.
I want to talk with you about David. He belongs to you; I am taking him into the places that are mine. Grieving begs to claim us both. You’re still with me – hold me down.
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Ar t & Design
Lettering | Design | Illustrations
arabesqueartdesign.com
instagram.com/paperandfern
PHRECKLE FACE PHOTOGRAPHY Florida & Vermont-based wedding photographer and educator
Ar tist | Mother | Dreamer | Wanderer
sarahannayphotography.com
phrecklefacephotographyblog.com
The PERPETUAL YOU
HOW TO LOVE AN INTROVERT a collection of poetr y by Kate Kearns
Wild + free photography ser ving DC + Mar tha's Vineyard beccaolcott.com blacksquirrelworkshop.com
DANA AYOTTE
On-location & at-home lifestyle photography Ar t | Design
danaayotte.com
sarahannfowlerphotography.weebly.com
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The PERPETUAL YOU
- M ARY OL IV E R
C A L L I G R A P H Y by @ P A P E R A N D F E R N , P H O T O by @ J A C Q U I D E P A S P H O T O