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August 2015 Series No. 1 | Issue No. 1
In This Issue
Create Joy by Choosing Indulgence Realize Joy Lifestyle suggestions on choosing indulgence, including this month’s product picks, books to read, featured food & cocktail, and a new way to enjoy movement.
This Month’s Cover: Learn how to Follow the Feelgood with Tiffany Manchester.
Live in Joy Mindful wisdom from experts Mags Baker and Tami Raegor on how choosing indulgence empowers you to create joy.
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
Dwell in Joy Design inspiration for indulgent spaces, including this month's design style mix & match, advice on carving out space for yourself, and how small changes can bring abundant joy.
Welcome to the Perpetual You... ou tual Y ne e p r e The P g onli e of companyin cited to u s s i ac ex :a ural Inaug ine and the nd I am so nt doesn’t petual You s, e h t a r r z a me to this maga rue for me, hat you w ing The Pe es and othe o c l e t g W atin crea me t rselv t “if w e! Cre a dream co ey say tha ur goal in n about ou n i z a g lo h r y ma they a r is trul with you. T.” That was ndships, lea ar journey. o y h t e w i e c il it ie so it nev actly make ting fr n a sim aring be ex parts that world n a be sh ou should n build las h people o c n t a – the t the ome exist y here we c secrets wi ere w ourselves d and wha e our true h w w e d brac e nee place are tips an rts of a plac ou is he best pa ctly what w , how to em h Y s l d a n u a exa you hat t ant erpet f we w aThe P e believe t elves – are side all of i t a h t ng lS ermin ently . are. W n, alo petua te rec focus & det sister o r ready – our Per ant to lear n, & Wealth w , e the . My dley chang . And we wJoy, Ease, Fu a Moo to put forth sure & play them. We h s i N s , a and , ple ting men illing need and create ite wo ave to be w racing trust ted to crea t, pleasure, s r e o v v l a e f s emb dica we h f my , trus One o raordinary, r, while also we are de ermination he t take t oing ex o see it soa y lives, and focus, det o h t t e u m o h S t r it so ite y Y ou ordina sue w ’ll take we inv Perpetual oys, re, e tion it want extra ach each is ill too! n i z j e a e mag y joining Th e share our h and I se to appro e that you w t g n . eadi as w vel b promi nd we hop shed r r greater le personally ming space i ow n fi A . e sing h se hav o an eve ch other elco play o o w u h o d c y n e by e cho When mination t o know ea beautiful a our lif allenge, w many y r t , e t e n t t i e e a g y h o d v ill d pri ting Jo ay from a c lgence. To rs first a fun an There, we w ggles in a e r C u d w he u aroun ver shied a ing true ind and put ot ime this ciety. ns, and str s r e t o enjoy ’ve ne ulome t ue cen elfless alizati rst iss e. Since weith bliss and ure to be s t’s spend s choose Ind fi r u O and ress dulg ilt w . Le n to In replace gu constant p own needs ’s create Joy e h w a t to and n feel f their es. Le wome sacrifice o of ourselv e at the taking car h mont ! gence
y a K a L
What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other? -George Eliot August 2015 | 3
realize ‌to align your daily
practices with your everevolving desires‌
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
Indulge in Nothing La Doce Far Niente “The sweet & beautiful act of doing nothing.� Just as a glass of fine red wine is better after sitting & breathing, we are better if we take time to sit & breathe. spiritual there
Doctors leaders are
& agree
immediate
health benefits from being still only a few minutes a day. Although the time to sit & do nothing can seem like a luxury, in reality, it is a true necessity. Try it for just two minutes today & see what true Joy you can create.
Like The Perpetual You on Facebook for more tips on doing nothing!
Indulge in t he Final days We chose the simplicity of grilled peaches and mascarpone paired with one of our favorite classic cocktails: the French 77, a variation on the French 75 which was created in a bar in Paris in 1915. For the French 77, we replaced simple syrup with Elderflower Liqueur so it is sweet but not sugary.
Take an evening before Summer ends to indulge in some fresh made decadent food and a lovely cocktail with a friend or two. While many foods bring us instant gratification, there is is nothing like indulging consciously in good food, drink, & laughter to bring you instant JOY. Take extra time to set the table with some of your favorite fancy dishes! Slow down and enjoy being in that beautiful moment.
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
of Summer In fact, even with all the sweetness on this table, there is no processed sugar! The mascarpone cheese is only sweetened with maple syrup and a touch of vanilla. Instead of worrying about the sugar hangover, we simply enjoyed our selves fully and focused on the joy of being with good friends.
August 2015 | 7
Indulge in Movement At first glance, choosing indulgence may
We recently spent a day of shopping
not seem like a way to incorporate more
in New Haven with girlfriends. Over 4
movement. In fact, if you are anything
hours we enjoyed a sidewalk sale, fresh
like us, Indulging & Exercise may be two
macaroons, a beautiful art gallery, and
very different parts of your day. But
a decadent farm-to-table lunch (with
what if they weren’t?
wine!) In addition to spending time together, enjoying indulgent treats, and
Try meeting a friend for a day of outdoor
sunshine, our FitBits registered over
shopping! It is so easy and fun to meet
5,000 steps!
at one end and walk to the other – stopping for treats and special moments along the way.
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
What if Movement and Indulgence went Hand in Hand? August 2015 | 9
Indulge in a Bat h Sea Cloud bath towel from Turkish Sungarden robe from Anthropologie Floating Island luxury bath bomb from Lush Lavanilla soy candle from Rayne Home Décor Strawberry Dessert facial mask from Thesis Divine Feminine face lotion and Lavender toner spray from Green Harmony Aromatherapy Rose Water bath soap from Hand-in-Hand Soap 10 |
Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton Getting to know Lily Bart, the strong and smart heroine who needs marriage to survive her expensive tastes, means getting to observe (read: be jealous of) both "old money" and the "nouveau riche." And that isn't the only dichotomy you'll encounter–love/ money; head/heart; man/woman–this book's got more than enough conflict to keep us guessing. The Champagne Diet: Eat, Drink, and Celebrate Your Way to a Healthy Mind and Body by Cara Alwill Leyba This book is for the woman who doesn’t want to trade in her champagne for skinny jeans. After reading this, you will walk away feeling empowered, inspired, and downright sexy. You will learn how to celebrate yourself and your body. Get ready to embark on a complete dieting and lifestyle overhaul, sister! The Vacationers by Emma Straub Living vicariously through this family on an indulgent vacation in Mallorca and witnessing them figuring out what they need to be happy will make you laugh out loud–and, will challenge you to redefine how you think about joy.
Indulge in a Book
For more of the lowdown on Ms. Bart's epic struggle, listen to this month's "Did She Really Just...?" podcast, hosted on the Perpetual You Society page August 2015 | 11
Already love the magazine?
The Perpetual You Society Doors Open August 10th! so·ci·e·ty noun a group formed for a particular purpose or activity a group of human beings organized as a community those with whom one has companionship
Have you been looking for a group of women to connect to who understand your true goals and desires? Are you searching for a place where you can be completely and exactly who you are and where you will be celebrated? The Perpetual You Society is a place where you can connect to other women, fully immerse yourself in the tips & techniques from the magazine, and get VIP access to some of today’s greatest coaches and thought leaders. New content is uploaded every month. The Perpetual You is also pleased to donate 5% of all memberships to a community organization that is promoting Joy, Ease, Fun, & Wealth for women/girls. See page 14 for our current featured charity. Visit www.theperpetualyou.com to join! $25 per month or only $250 for a whole year. And all annual subscribers receive two month’s free & a special gift valued at over $100!
Society Perks
Society Exclusives for August:
Custom guided Meditation
All members can view the video of our interview with our
Stop Dieting Happy Hour
Cover Superstar, Tiffany!
“Did she really just?”…literary podcast
Annual subscribers receive a gift certificate for a free
Indulgent Spotify Playlist
consultation with Ashley Dees of
the Perpetual You Journal Pages
Aromatherapy & Herbs or Tami Raegor of Well Being Is.
Access to a private FB group for inspiration, challenges, and connection.
Green
Harmony
I have come to believe t hat caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival. -Audre Lorde
August 2015 | 13
Give some Joy The Perpetual You is committed to giving 5% of our profits to charities that spread Joy, Ease, Fun & Wealth to women and/or girls. This series we’re featuring the organization PACE, a leader in providing voluntary, gender-responsive alternatives to delinquency for dependent girls. We invite you to give Joy to the girls of PACE along with us!
Girls who attend PACE centers receive:
JoJyoy
Individual academic plans & tutoring,
along with gender-responsive support
Ease
Individual transition plans & follow-up care
Group instruction in life skills, health,
Fun
communication, and positive decision making
Career preparation & readiness instruction Community service experience
Wealth
For more information, or to give online, visit pacecenter.org/centers/orange Sponsored by the State of Florida, Department of Juvenile Justice :PACECenterforGirlsInc :PACECenter :PACECenterforGirls
3 Questions with our Cover Superstar — Tiffany Manchester A conver sation with Tiffany Manchester
e z i l a e R Dwell
Liv e
What's a practice you indulge in daily that brings you Joy? That’s an easy one. Every evening, Ken and I do a gratitude shot. We get our shot glasses and fill them with whatever we want—I like Tequila, but it could be water, even. And we give thanks and gratitude for something from that day. Then we cheers each other! That’s how we get our evening going. Which aspect of your physical space is most Indulgent? I travel quite a lot, and I have a little meditation bench that I carry with me wherever I go. I have the bench, my tarot cards, and a wooden Buddha statue that is small so I can easily pack them. Whether in Hawaii or Nicaragua, I make sure to have that space—it feels good and familiar and is mine. How do you keep your innermost thoughts Joyful? Getting outside every day and surfing really helps me connect with my sense of joy. The ocean is super cleansing and takes away any negative energy…things we gather throughout the day that we don’t need to have. The ocean cuts those chords. I’m in the ocean everyday, no matter what. August 2015 | 15
Check out this month’s mantra, written by Ti any, on page 33. 37
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
Don’t Force the Flow: Follow Your Feelgood We can’t think of anything more indulgent than figuring out what makes you happy and pursuing a life full of those desires. That’s why our cover story this month is Tiffany Manchester, a self-proclaimed “Feelgood Specialist.” Who better to teach us how to create joy by living intentionally? We met with Tiffany one afternoon to learn how she began this journey and the ways in which we might do the same! (The full transcript of our conversation is available on the Perpetual You Society web page.) First, be willing to reinvent yourself. Six years ago, Tiffany Manchester had no idea she’d be teaching others to “follow their feelgood” --the idea hadn’t yet been conceived. Tiffany was living and working in Hawaii when she met Ken. Though she was very fulfilled living and working at the retreat center, she realized about a year into the relationship that the retreat center was no longer the place she was meant to be. According to Tiffany, taking the next step in her relationship felt like “starting from scratch again.” Leaving the center meant her whole existence would change: “I lived there; I worked there; my community of friends was there. Everything was there.” Still, she began the work of creating a “new life…reinventing herself” once again. Soon thereafter, she and Ken decided to split their time between Hawaii and Nicaragua, where the “Follow the Feelgood” brand was conceived. Now, Tiffany spends every day doing only the things that bring her joy: surfing, meditating, teaching, and—most importantly—leading others to a place where they can have the life of their dreams. Even better—she’s signed on to The Perpetual You as the creator of our monthly mantras, found in the magazine, and the guided meditation accessible to those women who join The Perpetual You Society. This is just another way she can “help people learn how to make decisions easily” and “get out of their heads and into their hearts and move forward in their lives and make decisions easily.” August 2015 | 17
Follow your tFeel Good Don’ t Force he Flow
n e you re in t e rig t l e, e otion lly, you ust trust yourself.
ysi
lly
n
Tiffany’s desire to center her life around what would make her happy became clearer the more she listened to her inner voice and paid attention to what the universe was saying. “Follow the Feelgood is a mantra,” explains Tiffany, “ a simple mantra that Ken and I came up with in our casita here in Nicaragua.” Importantly, the mantra is easy to remember and the meaning is obvious: do only what makes you feel good. The mantra is a key component for making choices; you simply ask yourself: “Is this following the feelgood? oes this feelgood to me ?” reating a mantra about feeling good might sound easy, but Tiffany explained that it’s actually a “very inward process—” a spiritual undertaking, not an intellectual one. “The mantras are words that are infused with love and guidance from the angels and from the universe. I’m just the one that gets to sit down and spend more time listening to what the niverse wants to share with people.” With this sense of purpose, Tiffany begins simply by opening herself up to the energy, until a specific phrase comes to mind, which she then writes down. From 18 |
Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
there, she’ll “play around with it like it’s a puzzle… I’ll swap out a word and I’ll walk away and come back in minutes And then all of a sudden I’ll hit the mark and I’ll know okay that’s it. If the process seems too mystical for you to even get your mind around, it’s not; Tiffany was uick to point out that it’s more about listening than anything else. on’t overthink it, she counsels. “The key is: what do you want to know? And then, listen. Listen for it to come to you.” lso, t e re of yourself le rn to res e t your nee s n rioriti e your esires. At one point in her life, Tiffany was committed to being married, having a house, kids—the typical dream of someone who grew up in the ttawa alley in anada, where she’s from. “ ut,” she says, “the feelgood wasn’t there.” ultivating this way of life was more about expectations than being truly happy. When her fianc left her, she decided to take care of herself; to respect her need for something different. ecause of that, what others might call a “failed relationship” was simply a part of becoming the “much happier and much better person” she is today. Even now, when working closely with someone she truly
Follow your Feel Good loves—someone who she knows is part of her dream life—Tiffany still has to remind herself that she can’t always “keep up with Ken and shouldn’t try to.” ne the one hand, it’s easy to work with someone closely when you share “core values” and your “major life goals” are in alignment. ut, Tiffany points out, as women we “fall into the trap” of accommodating our partners, our children, other relationships in a way that is “detrimental” to the” rhythm” of our lives. Saying no to things she doesn’t want to do is particularly hard with a partner who enjoys the same activities as she does—for example, surfing—but, it’s also a survival skill. “Honoring your own rhythm in a relationship is key,” Tiffany says. espect—for each other but also for yourself—makes the relationship work. Learning to respect yourself relies on a deep awareness of your goals, as well as being comfortable prioritizing those goals above all else. n s ort, you get to now yourself, better t n nyone else in your life.
s well
s or
For Tiffany, truly knowing what she does and does not want out of life has an impact on every facet of her decision-making process. Tiffany proudly proclaims on her website that she and Ken are both marriage-free and child-free, not in order to turn off potential clients but because she feels it’s important to be clear about the lifestyle they’ve chosen. “We don’t feel like it is a necessary part of our lives,” she says of her decision to turn down wedding and baby shower invitations, and even some holiday celebrations. Saying no has nothing to do with how much she loves
her friends and family — “that’s just not what we are doing…we are just going to play our way.” It comes back to feeling good in every moment. As an introvert who prefers small groups of people and a “tropical girl; a jeans and t-shirts girl,” Tiffany gets overwhelmed and insecure at large and or formal gatherings. And if she isn’t feeling good, she asks, then “how am I contributing to the world?” n the other hand, Tiffany and Ken extend an open invitation to friends and family to stay in their home. Fin lly, in ulge in yourself even before you e tly w ere everyt ing is e e .
now
You might not be ready to drop everything and move to Nicaragua, but we can still begin figuring out what we want, and allowing ourselves to have it more often. For example, when Tiffany’s dream of the “normal” life was over, she found herself at a turning point. She needed a career change; she needed a change of pace; and she needed help making these very big changes. ut she wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. Then, she remembered seeing the movie North Shore, and remembered how she had wanted to surf and see Hawaii for a long time. eing “devastated” and at a place where she just “needed to be taken care of,” she decided to visit Maui, where she was told about the retreat center. There, she was able to heal—through communicating and creating meaningful friendships with the people she was living and, eventually, working with. This was also the place she began pursuing all the activities that are now an integral part of her life: surfing, dancing, medication, yoga. Ironically, when the center was first recommended to Tiffany, she reacted from a place of insecurity and scarcity. “No way,” she thought, “I can’t afford that.” ntil she connected this opportunity with her need for meaning. Then the decision was no longer about money, but about her true. “I decided: screw it. The money doesn’t matter. I need to go to this place.” As someone who had been “planning ahead” for over years without realizing any of her expected happiness, Tiffany decided to trust the niverse. “I had to let go of the future for the first time. And it was worth it.” Indulging in what, at first, seemed like a fantasy actually planted the seed for her very real and very fun life. eing at the center turned out to be “the inception” for Follow the Feelgood: a mantra, her business, and the process by which she creates joy every single day. August 2015 | 19
“The angels will give you the answers that you are looking for in the simplest of ways, without you going out of your way – you just have to be ready to receive.”
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
dwell
‌to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self‌
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
Design Style Mix & Match
Simple Objects Glamorous Touches
Feminine Accents Rustic Elements
A mix of farmhouse & glam is the perfect style for a small space. In this classic pink bathroom from the 50’s, feminine and glamorous touches enhance the beauty of basic bathroom fare: holders for soap, a hook for your robe, and places to stash toiletries of all shapes & sizes. And the proud display of these items honors the farmhouse aesthetic. The best part? The vintage pink and black tile got to stay!
Indulge in some #farmhouseglam of your own & share it with us on Instagram!
Choose to Make Room for Yourself by lee lee Thompson
“if home is a part of a complete life...we must find ways to create domestic lives that fit our needs and make ourselves sanctuaries that are deliberate, intimate, and nourishing.” ~Carroll Stoner & Lauren Green from Reinventing Home A little over two years ago, when we bought the 1920s bungalow we live in, I started planning my “private” space: the lone bedroom on the first floor with the odd, cramped closet and the window seat taking up the only wall without a doorway. Location-wise, it wasn’t exactly perfect; who’s going to give me privacy if I’m smack dab in the middle of the main living area? There was also the tiny problem of the room not having any doors – multiple entryways – just no doors. But what the room lacked in logistics, it gained in possibility. I’d find glass paned doors; I’d revamp the closet with shelves and a kick ass organization system; and I’d design a to-die-for window seat/ reading nook, where I’d dream my day away in complete privacy and serenity. A sanctuary, a retreat all to myself. 24 |
Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
As the mother of two young boys, this was all a complete fantasy. But that did not stop me from dreaming. What truly woke me up was the onset of three extra family members who are now living with us, one of whom – my 13 year old niece – needed a room of her own. My private room, and all that it stood for, was the obvious “empty room to give up.” Perhaps you can commiserate with me, if not in the same way. You might have your own room – a home office, maybe, or a room full of hobby accouterments! The luckiest among you have a closet all to yourself (that is big enough to provide you with much needed privacy). But how many of you have the “space” that truly allows you to get away? The place where you can indulge in the things that make you happy? Before you stop reading, let me tell you a secret. Your dream of having your very own space, and having it be exactly what you need it to be, is not just possible
but is necessary to becoming who you want to be. The physical space you live in – your dwelling – and how much of that space you can claim as beautiful and indulgent, and most of all – YOURS – is directly correlated to your ability to be joyous and indulgent and well, you. We all desire to create Joy. But maybe we don’t all know how. First you must give yourself permission to need space. There is no hiding in a beautiful dwelling space; instead, we acknowledge our need for privacy and then create, or claim, the space that fulfills our need. Next, we tell the world, ourselves included, that this space belongs to us by making it beautiful. Wallpaper, mirrors, shiny objects, soft lighting, curtains and pillows and rugs and throws...where the rest of your house shows compromise and restraint, and (if you're like me) more than one ongoing project, this room/nook/closet/ very large bathroom – oh, how I envy you – gets priority, gets designed, gets done. Finally, you are free to indulge in some Joy time. For me, this is usually reading a good book, drinking a strong cup of coffee, and sitting in my favorite chair. Most importantly, there are no interruptions (and no upset coffee mugs!). And – the final touch – air-conditioning, at least in August! I might have had to give up my dream home office/writing studio/sewing room/library. But it wasn’t so dreamy after all. For me, there was too much possibility. We lived here almost a year and I’d done nothing to the space except buy a bookshelf I didn’t even like. When I was forced to give it up, I was forced to consider what exactly I couldn’t compromise on: my need for privacy. I can work in our extra long living room I can sew
5 Types of Spaces You Can Claim as your Own 1. reading nook 2. meditation alter 3. walk-in closet 4. master bathroom 5. home office in our newly designed basement. I can read and drink coffee on the front porch. But none of those places are private. None of those places are mine. When I really thought about it, what I really desired was totally within my reach: a quiet space with my chair and some books that I could glamorize and accessorize; a space the world would know was mine. Currently, that place is opposite my closet in a previously wasted and formerly ugly area. It’s a design nightmare: sloped ceiling, cramped quarters, and – you guess it – without a door. But my mid century desk is in the corner; my most beloved books stack neatly on a short bookshelf; and my chair (still in need of recovering) sits proudly at the opening, waiting for its master. The space is far from perfect, but I don’t need perfection – only space. August 2015 | 25
Dwell on This
Small Touches = Abundant Joy How to Layer the Things you Love We all want our private spaces to be beautiful, but making over an entire room can be daunting enough that you never want to start. Instead of a total overhaul, let’s start small. Choose just one item that can use a little more Joy – and Indulge in a little Layering. “Layering” is the gathering and displaying of myriad things to increase comfort, beauty, or both. For example, piling a variety of textiles on a beloved chair increases both your physical comfort (because it’s cushier!) and your visual pleasure—because different patterns mingling together are beautiful. When layering, remember: more is more. More richness, more depth, more beauty and, of course, more joy. Who can’t use a little more Joy in their space?
1. Choose something small to work with. I chose a Victorianish shelf that is the perfect color to match my desk and the perfect size for the available wall space in my studio.
S
ince snagging this shelf for only $5 at a thrift store, it has been sitting forlornly awaiting its debut.
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
2. Decide where your piece should dwell. If you’ve chosen an item of beauty and not necessity (like my shelf), putting it somewhere not immediately noticeable is a great way to bring an element of surprise into your daily life.
I
squeezed my shelf between my reading chair and mid-century desk. Catching the shelf—and the lovelies upon it—out of the corner of my eye is reward and escape all in one.
Dwell on This
collections include cloc s ournals and o ls and color ul masterpieces rom m ids
ring on the la ers n thing is game here ladies hoose items ou lo e not ust items ou need llo this piece to proudl displa the things that bring ou o ispla to our heart s con tent ince this collection is or our o n pleasure onl ou can decide ho to ar range the la ers a ing in spiration rom others is part o the process but there s no right or rong a to st le a piece o urniture ust ollo our intuition letting the col lection de elop organicall ccessori e around our piece he nal tas o la er ing is to ll in the hite space around our collection don t o erloo the oor the le t and the right or—i it s a shel ithout a bac —the all behind it
I
lo e being surrounded b stuff as much as cra e neatness and organi ation eet ing both these needs in m displa s is uite the balancing act
ecause m space is co selected items orth their eight in gold a mirror or illusion and re ection and a plant that ust gra es m ne l painted ceil ing.
Et Voila! A thing of beauty. How much more do you love your space? Oh-one nal step indulge in a little me time hose la ers o o aren t going to admire themsel es
lee lee
August 2015 | 27
May your walls know joy; May every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility. Maryanne Radmacher-Hershey
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
‌to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective‌
August 2015 | 29
Find Your Joy by Mags Baker
Want to know the #1 way to get a more joyful life? Do less of the stuff that makes you unhappy. It’s as easy as that. But, I can’t hire a housekeeper and make my commute shorter and make my kids behave better and hire a personal chef! No, you probably can’t. but you can make those less enjoyable parts of your day much more enjoyable. Removing feelings of unhappiness is a super effective (and often overlooked) way to make a happier life. Almost everyone can easily list dozens of things that make them happy, but when you can pinpoint and change feelings of unhappiness, that frees up a ton of space in your life for happiness. For me, I hate feeling sad and anxious. Those are my two biggest “opposite of happy”emotions that drag me down to a place that is hard to return from. So I try to avoid those feelings in everyday life. (Of course it’s ok and natural to feel both of those things, but today I’m talking about removing unhappy feelings from the everyday grind, to make it the everyday joy!). When I decided to “get happy”, I started to notice when those things would happen. Here are some of my examples: When I would try on a shirt that had fit during my hardcore dieting days, and didn’t fit anymore, I felt sad. I decided that feeling sad first thing in the morning really didn’t set my day up for success. To change that, I made the conscious choice to not feel sad in that circum30 |
Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
stance anymore. I said “Mags, this shirt used to fit you. It doesn’t anymore. This can make you so sad, feel like a failure, and ruin your whole day, or you can choose another shirt”. I chose another shirt and stopped my emotions in their tracks. This makes my morning routine a TON happier, and I leave my house confident and at peace. When my husband and I would head out somewhere together, we had different meanings of the phrase “we’re leaving at 6”. I’m a fan of “out the driveway at 6 ready to be on schedule and arrive 15 minutes early”, and he’s more “around 6 I’ll be starting the finishing touches of leaving”. For YEARS this made me so anxious waiting at the front door tapping my foot from 6-6:15. I decided I loathed that feeling, so I made the conscious decision to not feel anxious in that circumstance anymore. Now, I give my husband a 15 minute buffer, which sometimes works. When it doesn’t, and I’m waiting at the door, I sit at the table instead and enjoy a few calming breaths as I think about all the great parts of my day and how lucky I am to be doing whatever I’m about to be doing. This has taken all of the frustrations out of that part of our day, and both of us leave the house happy. When I would go to the gym (I LOVE Zumba), I would always notice who was in better or worse shape than me and judge accordingly. That made me feel real crummy, every time. Very few of us can say we are the fittest person at the gym, and if we are, we probably aren’t even that happy because we’re spending every minute at the gym! Comparisons NEVER lead to happiness. You either feel sad that you’re not as good, or sad for feeling good
that you think you’re better. I made the conscious decision to stop comparing, focus on my own reasons for being there (happiness!), and started sending positive vibes to all the people there who I knew were feeling crummy comparing themselves with everyone else. Making the conscious decision to be happy is hard, it takes a TON of practice, and it feels really weird at first, but it is worth it to infinity and beyond! You deserve to be joyful (or at least not unhappy!) in your everyday life.
Remember, thoughts become feelings. You have the power to change your thoughts and change your feelings. I’m Mags Baker. I help women across the globe fall madly in love with their bodies, learn to eat whatever they want, and crave the good stuff, and I’m leading the diet-free happiness revolution at MagsBaker.com.
1
Figure out one or two emotions that are the opposite of happy for you, that you encounter on a daily basis. Mine were anxiety and sadness.
2
Throughout the day, notice when you feel those feelings and take note of the actual thoughts that brought you there.
3
Pick one recurring source of unhappiness (frustrations during a commute, children’s messy room, lines at the grocery store, bills in the mail...etc.) and decide to change your thoughts on that circumstance. Only one for now!
4
Practice what you’re going to say to yourself the next time you are in that situation. A lot. Run through that situation and your plan many (10+) times.
5
When the moment is right, rock it sister! Notice how good it feels to not be unhappy! Joy truly is a choice.
6
Spend all that extra mind space enjoying the great parts of your life!
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“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.� -Emily Dickinson
Blissful ! Guilty Pleasures by Tami Raegor
melts in your mouth. Umm – can you taste it? Your need to have it is growing and resisting it is becoming harder and harder. But that guilty voice is pleading with you not to do it. It’s telling you – It’s not good for you or it’s bad for you.
You know what you want!
You are going to regret it – you will feel like crap if you do it.
You know where to find it and it is calling your name!
You have no willpower so you are a failure.
But underneath all that desire, the stirrings of guilt are starting to build.
There are so many other things to do – taking care of you is just plain selfish.
The more you think about that yummy deliciousness, the more the guilt factor raises. The closer you get to giving into your need to have it, the louder the negative self-talk becomes in your head. Oh it would taste so good – smooth and sweet as it
Just STOP the NONSENSE NOW! Who on earth decided that treating yourself with the sweetness and joys of life should be something that you should feel guilty about? I don’t know who did but I do know something, the phrase “guilty pleasure” should be thrown out the window and buried. August 2015 | 33
In your life right now, you deserve to experience all the joy and pleasure that you want. It is all around you. Maybe it is a piece of dark chocolate or a scoop or two of ice cream. It could also be reading a chapter or two in that new book you saw in the store or getting a nice relaxing massage. Taking care of you and having pleasure doing it is part of life that you should do more often. It is fun, relaxing and it will fill you with joy and happiness. What scares you more - having guilt about taking care of yourself or enjoying a piece of cake or ice cream? I personally struggle with the guilt around food. Given the chance – I would read or get a massage in a heartbeat. But food – OMG! It’s like an inner battle. I want that – no you can’t have that – I am overdoing it – did I overeat?! I am now working on turning off the inner battle and instead really enjoying my food by reminding myself that I do deserve sweetness and treats in my life. We are all meant to have sweetness or treats in our life. Life is meant to be fun and food is one of the ways to have that in your life. Eating ice cream brings back happy memories from my childhood so instead of feeling guilty I think about that and, in turn, I eat my ice cream with a smile on my face.
6 Ways to Bliss Out Your Pleasures 1. Change your conversation with food – Show it gratitude for the blessing it is. 2. Create a list of things you would love to do for you and use it to make plans. 3. Schedule time for your bliss-ful pleasures.
It’s hard I know, the idea of being able to freely eat whatever you want when you want it – yes even the dreaded “junk” food. Your body is one of the wisest beings on this planet. It knows exactly what to do when you eat ice cream –get the calcium and other nutrients and get rid of the rest.
4. Before going to a party – check in with yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy every last morsel.
Seems easy enough, doesn’t it? But here is the thing when you feel guilty or have guilty thoughts about your food before you eat it, you are robbing your body of its ability to do its job efficiently. When you have guilty thoughts about your food, you are telling your body that you don’t trust that it knows how to digest the food for your highest and best good.
5. Once a month treat yourself to something special – a mas-sage, a workshop or class, a facial, go shopping – buy a pair of jeans that make you feel awesome.
Here is the other thing about food that has gotten lost in time – being grateful for it. When I was a kid, we used to say grace. I never understood it and just wanted it to be over so I could eat. It’s become a lost art form and now I finally get it. Saying grace or something like it, is theway to show gratitude for your food. When you have guilty thoughts about your food, you are showing your displeasure for the food you are just about to eat. You get so involved with worrying about
6. Make your birthday all about you – take the day off and plan a blissful ‘YOU’ pleasure day of things you love to do. Celebrate life! Celebrate life thus far and the joy and bliss of the coming year!
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
the guilt and fear around eating it that you forget about what a gift it is to have in your life. No matter its form – no matter its label in society, it is a gift. Yes, no matter its form. We were meant to enjoy sweetness in life at times. The idea that you need to eat perfectly all the time in order to have the perfect body or diet is just ridiculous! What is life without cake or ice cream? Boring! When you are at a party and everyone is having yummy chocolate cake – resisting it and denying yourself is the way to win the game right? Nope - There is no game. They only thing you are doing is penalizing and preventing yourself from having pleasure. What about cravings – is your body trying to sabotage your success? NOPE! When your body craves something, it does so because it is lacking a particular nutrient that it needs. The craving comes in the form that best fills that need and yes it can come from sweets or “junk” food like ice cream or potato chips from time to time. Denying yourself of that which you crave does nothing but make you eat more while you try to deceive your body by filling it with food it doesn’t want. You have been told to stay away from some of the foods we eat because they are “bad." But are they really? Dark Chocolate is loaded with anti-oxidants and magnesium, ice cream is full of calcium and other vitamins, and potato chips contain salt and potassium – all are nutrients your body needs to run efficiently. Do your body good – give it what it wants and enjoy the pleasure it brings you. Can you give yourself permission to eat what you are craving and feel good about eating it or does the idea
bring the guilt roaring back? This guilt will sabotage your body’s ability to digest the food to get the nutrients it needs. Why? Because you are stressing yourself out about it. Stress causes a chemical called cortisol to rise. Cortisol is best known for its role in increasing belly fat - the one thing you are trying to avoid. When you feel guilty about your food, you are setting off your stress bells which then raises your cortisol levels which then raises the risk of you manifesting what you fear most – weight gain. So the one thing you are trying to avoid becomes a reality because of the guilt you feel when you eat your “guilty” pleasure. It’s time to ditch the guilt and allow yourself the gift of a joyful pleasure while giving your body what it craves. Food is just one example of a so-called “guilty pleasure”. “Blissful pleasures” could also be reading a book, meditating, getting a massage, taking that art class that you have been thinking about or anything else that makes you feel good or your heart desires to do. YOU have one body. It is your one true home. It is the one place that will always stay with you until the end. So why would you not take care of it? Did society or someone close to you tell you that it was selfish for you to take care of you? Did someone think they were doing you a favor by telling you that YOU do not matter and that all that does matter is you taking care of others and to be humble about it? Got news for you – YOU cannot take care of others when you do not take of yourself as well as you could if you did. Why? Well you can only give so much when you yourself are not refilling or refreshing your own energy. If you were to take care of you – you would have more energy to help others.
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On this planet in this life, you are supposed to experience every bit of what life has to offer. This does not mean going through your day to day in a fog. This means exploring, having fun and allowing blissful pleasures to fill your life. Enjoy reading that book, have a massage, date night with your partner, relaxing by a bubbling brook or starting your business to make some extra cash or cash in on your dream of having it all. It does not matter what it is – what matters is that you do it and you feel good about doing it. Guilt and fear are like the vacuum cleaners of life. They both rob you of your dreams and make life really hard. It’s a rat race all the time. Doing your best to fit in - Not stand out, follow society’s rules and be humble about it. This is YOUR life. YOU get to determine what it is you want to do with it. YOU can create any life you want when you follow your heart and allow yourself the gift of blissful pleasures. You came to this planet with a purpose. YOU are meant for great things. Your heart and soul are calling for you
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Creating Joy by Choosing Indulgence
to start honoring and loving YOU. Toeing society’s rules and fitting in will not allow those dreams you have to come true. The time is now to start allowing yourself to become the true you by treating your body, mind, and soul with respect and love. You do this by giving yourself permission to enjoy the blissful pleasures around you and create the life you dream of. This dream you have is the life you were meant to live. THE TIME IS NOW! “YOU are but a star. Your star is behind the sun waiting for its turn to light up the night with the brightness that shines within. Your light is ready to shine out through every pore. This light will bring you more than you can ever imagine. It’s your birthright and your gift to the world. Your light will brighten someone’s day. But first you must allow the light to shine within your own body. Shining from within starts with honoring and loving the true you and enjoying life's pleasures.”
I nurture my soul with the food of joy, the drink of passion, and the bliss of love.
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the Perpetual You Makers