The Docket - April 2023

DOCKIT THE

HIGHLY CLASSIFIED EDITION

To avoid unwanted visits from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, do not even think about leaving this 2023 Dockit April Fools Edition in your garage, attic, country club, think tank, summer home, desk drawer, bathroom stall or anywhere else that Merrick Garland might just happen to wander by.

2022 LCBA OFFICE RENTAL PRICING

CONFERENCE ROOM

For meetings only. Seats 16 – 20 comfortably

During business hours (8 am – 5 pm)

• Member- Free

• Non-Member $150/1st hour. $50/hour after

• Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: $25/hour

After Hours (5 pm – 9 pm)

• Member - $25 per hour

• Non-Member – Not Available

• Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: $50 per hour

MEMBER CENTER “The Bar”

Accommodates up to 100 people

During business hours (8 am – 5 pm)

Members (add $25/hour for after hour events)

• Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served: Free

• Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages): $50 per hour

• Hosted beer & wine reception or party (beer & wine provided by Association): $250/ 1st hour, $50/hour after

Non-Members: (add $50/hour for after hour events)

• Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served): $50 per hour

• Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages and food): $300/ 1st hour, $50/hour after

• Hosted beer & wine reception or party – Not Available

Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: (add $25/hour for after hour events)

• Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served): $25 per hour

• Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages and food): $150/1st hour, $25/hour after

• Hosted beer & wine reception or party – Not Available

Association Committee Meetings (Conference Room or Member Center)

Without beer & Wine - Free

With Hosted Beer & Wine - $150 flat fee (for 5 – 15 people), $200 (over 15 people)

Room rentals are based on availability. Rentals include use of A/V already in room (phone, TV, Speaker. WIFI).

All rentals include free parking in our large, well-lit, 45 vehicle parking lot adjacent to the LCBA building.

publication

300 Grand Avenue, Suite A Waukegan, Illinois 60085 (847) 244-3143 • Fax: (847) 244-8259 www.lakebar.org • info@lakebar.org

THE DOCKET EDITORIAL BOARD

Jeffrey A. Berman,Co-Editor

Hon. Charles D. Johnson,Co-Editor

Jennifer C. Beeler

Kevin Berrill

Hon. Bolling W. Haxall

Hon. Daniel L. Jasica

Hon. Christopher M. Kennedy

Jennifer Luczkowiak

Kevin K. McCormick

Shyama Parikh

Stephen J. Rice

Neal A. Simon

Hon. James K. Simonian

Rebecca J. Whitcombe

Alex Zagor

STAFF

Greg Weider Executive Director

Jose Gonzalez

Assistant Executive Director

Nancy Rodriguez Receptionist

To place an ad or for information on advertising rates, call (847) 244-3143. Submission deadline: first day of month preceding the month of publication. All submissions must be made in electronic format (high resolution PDF or JPG format at a resolution of 300 pixels per inch or more.) See www.lakebar.org/page/Docket_Advertising

The Docket is the official publication of the Lake County Bar Association, 300 Grand Avenue, Suite A, Waukegan, Illinois 60085 (847) 2443143, and is published monthly. Subscriptions for non-members are $45.00

Reproduction in whole or part without permission is prohibited. The opinions and positions stated in signed material are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the Association or its members.

All submitted manuscripts are considered by the Editorial Board. All letters to the editor and articles are subject to editing. Publications of advertisements is not to be considered as an endorsement of any product or service advertised unless otherwise stated.

BREAKING NEWS –The LCBA Offices are to Be Relocated

As winter moves slowly but inexorably toward spring, change is in the air here at the LCBA, and I want to share the exciting news with you. While

it may involve travel for some, it won’t be nearly as harrowing as the tales of hapless people heading to Savannah (or trying to do so, anyway), nor involve a secret Presidential trip to Kyiv (I like adventure as much as the “next President” but not the kind that involves Kalibr cruise missiles exploding nearby). No. This is something much sunnier and more exhilarating.

After substantial deliberation, the LCBA Board of Directors has concluded that, even as the impacts of the Covid pandemic and the Cyclospora outbreak recede into memory, maintaining an LCBA office complex in Waukegan no longer makes any sense (the related question of whether it ever did was tabled, once again, after voices resembling Rick Lesser and Scott Gibson were heard

objecting loudly from the area near the member liquor lockers). For far too long, the Board agreed, the LCBA headquarters building has more closely resembled a ghost town than a professional activities center.

Accepting this “new normal,” and after much cajoling from me (a sad and empty HQ is not a good look for my Presidential legacy, after all), the Board has agreed to try to keep up with the times. As such, while recognizing that “offshoring” is the wave of the future, the Board has decided that, effective immediately, the LCBA office is to be relocated to that well-known center of commerce and jurisprudence, the Northern Mariana Islands. This group of fifteen islands in the Pacific Ocean, located roughly halfway between

BY ARTA R. VEDINE PRESIDENT

Hawaii and the Philippines, is a Commonwealth of the United States. The vast majority of the population resides on just three islands – Saipan, Tinian, and Rota. The other islands in the Commonwealth are sparsely inhabited, and thus particularly well-suited for our use.

The advantages and benefits of this momentous change are almost too numerous to describe. But, feeling as undaunted as any litigator must be, I cannot resist sharing a few.

Islanders in the Northern Mariana Islands are U.S. citizens. No passport is required for U.S. citizens to travel there. In addition, U.S. citizens can live and work in the Northern Mariana Islands visa-free. As such, both short-term visits and longer-term relocations will be as simple and easy as, say, directing a Gridiron rehearsal.

The Northern Mariana Islands have a tropical climate, with daytime high temperatures in the 80’s year-round. Imagine how much more productive the LCBA staff will be once they are ensconced on one of these remote islands with laptops in hand, sitting in the shade of lush palm trees, and relishing warm tropical breezes on a quiet and deserted beach. And, of course, locating the headquarters and conference center in this idyllic setting should finally put an end to all of the irritating and needless agonizing, debating and grousing over venues for Committee conferences (I’m looking at you, Family Law Committee and Criminal Law Committee).

In addition, just think about how much more attractive the background will be for LCBA Zoom meetings, with endless sand, azure waters, cloudless blue skies and swaying palm trees filling our screens. And, imagine how much more pleasant it will be to interact with tanned, fit, and happy staff members whose attitudes and visages have been improved from spending countless hours on and near the seashore (not to mention from consuming proprietary coconut liquor from the official LCBA still). Indeed, the staff will never be far from the shore, since the islands are only a few feet above sea level and, with looming climate change, the beaches will get closer

all the time. Certainly, a win-win scenario for all concerned.

Of course, there may be little in the way of existing housing or other infrastructure on the more remote Northern Mariana Islands. Still, the Board believes our staff will be content to live on one of the islands using tents or sleeping in hammocks under the stars on the beach, thereby reducing their “cost of living” to a level commensurate with their existing salaries. Reciprocally, the LCBA can stabilize its payroll outlay, since no cost-ofliving increases will ever be needed.

While travel to and from the islands may be a bit more difficult than commuting to Wauke -

Resolute Systems Welcomes

gan, the infrequency of flights to the region should not prove to be an insurmountable problem. After all, once they arrive, who could possibly want to leave such a tranquil location in a paradise where productive work is possible without any interruptions?

So, get ready to join the great migration to remote Oceania. Submit your employment application now, and be a part of the LCBA staff as it relocates to the Northern Mariana Islands. Or, start planning your next Committee CLE retreat in our sultry conference center. Either way, I have my bathing suit and blender ready and I will see you on the beach! Just don’t forget the sunscreen.

JUDGE DAVID BRODSKY, ret.

MEDIATOR | ARBITRATOR

to Our Illinois Team of Dispute Resolution Professionals

Resolute Systems is pleased to welcome Judge David Brodsky, Ret. to our team of dispute resolution professionals. Judge Brodsky will concentrate his mediation practice in the areas of:

We congratulate Judge Brodsky on his outstanding judicial career where he developed a reputation as an extremely effective pre-trial mediator. To schedule mediation with Judge Brodsky, please contact Mike Weinzierl at 312.346.3770, x125 or go to our Web Pages at davidbrodskymediation.com

• Personal Injury

• Wrongful Death

• Medical Malpractice

• Legal Malpractice

• Commercial

• Products Liability

• Contract

•

•

• Nursing Home

• Premises Liability

•

• Eminent Domain

• Probate

CONFIDENTIAL TOP SECRET CHIEF JUDGE DOCUMENT

ChiefPageJudge’s The

Dear Dockit Reader:

This month we are obliged to pre-empt our normally scheduled Chief Judge’s message to bring you a grave public service announcement.

As you may have heard on the news, yet another trove of classified, top-secret documents has been found at the home of one of our national leaders.

Your intrepid Dockit Editorial Board has uncovered a major scandal at the highest level of our court system, and we will not hesitate to publish, national security implications be damned! Here, for our subscribers only, is just one of the many top-secret documents we found on Chief Judge Levitt’s Peloton:

BY CHIEF JUDGE MARK L. LEVITT

To-do items before I leave the chief judgeship to Deputy Chief Judge Dan Shanes:

1. Finalize messaging to announce new 19th Circuit partnership with online gambling sites:

a. Message 1: “Court assessments are bogus and barely cover the costs of my tanning bed. Now that gambling is everywhere, we need to get in on the action and finally raise some real revenue for our circuit.”

b. Message 2: “Every case is a gamble, am I right peeps? So, why not get rich on the outcome, even if your side loses? We are now taking action on all kinds of cases. Place your bets on your favorite parties, lawyers and areas of law! How can you lose?”

c. Message 3: “Here for your divorce? Is family law your thing? Add to the excitement by letting a few Benjamins ride on the court’s next ruling? That’s fun for the whole family!”

d. Message 4: “Right across town, people are betting inside a stupid tent. They deserve the option of losing their money in the grandeur and glamor of our classically ornate facilities, such as Courtrooms C-105 or C-406.”

e. NOTE TO SELF: let’s also add a bunch of slot machines to all of the Circuit Clerk’s facilities—they need to raise a LOT of dough and FAST!

f. ALSO: Don’t forget to issue Administrative Order reminding fellow judges they cannot gamble on cases in their own courtroom. Only bet on other divisions. Common sense, really, but best to get it out there in writing.

2. Complete plan for not leaving chief judgeship to Shanes:

a. Start undermining integrity of upcoming vote to select Shanes as chief: use terms “fraud,” “illegal,” and “rigged” in all meetings with court personnel and grammar school students.

b. Incite associate judges to storm 8th Floor to disrupt transfer of power.

c. Come up with better chant than “hang Dan Shanes.” Maybe just nickname him “Sleepy Dan”?

d. Retain Sidney Powell—she has great ideas; research if Rudi Giuliani still has law license.

e. I deserve another term as the greatest Chief Judge in history. We were set to win, and frankly, we did win, another term as chief.

New 19th Circuit Book!

• Join our safe and secure online cou rts betting platform today!

• All the courthouse gambling action you crave!

• Thousands of ways to bet on your favorite trials, motions and appeals

• You can even bet on “in-game” action, like the number of objections by your favorite public defender, or the over/under on daily nollies by your favorite prosecutor!

• Quick and easy to withdraw your winnings or receive a credit against your judgments, fines or court costs!

10. Cockalorum: a boastful and self-important person

9. Mooncalf: a foolish or absentminded person

8. Smellfungus: an excessively faultfinding person

7. Snollygoster: an unprincipled but shrewd person

6. Pillock: a very stupid or foolish person

5. Lickspittle: a fawning subordinate; a suck up

4. Ninnyhammer: simpleton, fool

3. Mumpsimus: a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong

2. Hobbledehoy: an awkward, gawky young man

1. Pettifogger: shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable

Today’s Courthouse Line

Odds of winning:

• Motions to suppress in Courtroom T-612: 100 to 1

• OP’s in Courtroom T-511:

• Neighbor dispute: 50 to 1

• Adult sibling vs. Adult sibling: 35 to 1

• Judge losing her $4!+ after 7th frivolous OP hearing: 3 to 1

Spread:

Salvi firm at trial: -$32.5 million / any defense firm: + $32.5M

Over/under:

• Number of his speaking engagements that Jed Stone mentions to Court before scheduling next court date: 5

• Crimes committed by defendants while appearing on Zoom in Mundelein Branch Court: 8

• Sexual acts committed by defendants while appearing on Zoom in Mundelein Branch Court: 2

• Average number of seconds per bond hearing by Judge Collins: 48

• Hearsay violations in 1st Floor courtrooms: 114

• Lake County lawyers hired by Kelleher & Holland today: 2

Gambling problem? Join our VIP Club!

A GLOSSARY OF THE TOP TEN TERMS FOR THE HIGHLY LITERATE LAWYER (WHO SEEKS TO DENIGRATE AN OPPONENT WITHOUT THEM REALIZING THEY HAVE BEEN INSULTED)

Family Law Committee, approved by acclamation

Pets are important part of many people’s lives. Over half of Illinois households have pets, there are plenty of those who consider their pet “part of the family.” So, it was a huge step forward when Illinois courts ceased treating pets as “property” and could allocate custody of a pet. Now, even the Illinois Domestic Violence Act allows a judge to award temporary legal custody of an animal to one partner if there is a danger present.

But have we gone far enough? Not in this Committee’s eyes. We need to establish a separate Court to deal with decision-making issues, “parenting” time, and yes, even financial issues pertaining to pets.

The separate court could also address who picks up the animal’s droppings, whether it would be abusive to dress the animal up in cute baby outfits and, in the case of huge turtles and dogs, whether it is or was okay to ride the pet.

Should the judge be a pet, too? Possibly.

So long as this Committee can bill by the woof and meow, we see no glaring obstacles.

Mr. Fuzzybutt, Cat Meow. Meow meow Rawwwwrr, ffft.

Prrrr, purrrrrr, purr. Hiss? Meow meow meow. Grrrr. Meewwww, meow meow: (1) rrrr; (2) hisssss; (3) meow meow rawwwwr.

Mewwww, purrrrr prrrrr rawwwr – meow meow grrr! Snarl! Howwwll growl meow meow. Arf! Meow meow meow grrr fft. Fffft. Ffffffft. Mewwww mew hiss mewwwww…. Meow!

Hiss hiss hiss hissssssss! Hiss grrrrr! Meow.

[At this point, the cat walked away. No matter how many times the interviewer called the cat back, the cat refused to turn and look back.]

Both

Whether you have a potential liability issue, need advice on managing your practice, or an ethical question…we are here to help

THE DOCKET JUST CAN’T DO THIS SHIZBIT ANYMORE! OR CAN IT?

After the sixth year in the past decade or so in which it has produced a parody edition of the Docket, lovingly styled the “Dockit,” which sadly has gone unnoticed by most of the members of the Lake County Bar Association, the Docket Editorial Board has in one voice declared they “just can’t do this shizbit anymore.” Still, despite the whining, it appears they will indeed continue to produce a fake Docket for April Fools whenever the mood strikes them.

“The membership’s demand for a Docket parody is just too high, said Docket Editor Fejj Manber, who proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs “it may not be glamorous, but someone has to take on the responsibility to keep people interested in this organization.”

A recent Docket

survey revealed that precisely zero people in Lake County have ever expressed an interest in reading a parody version of the Docket. Undaunted, the Docket Editorial Board has persevered and now has pushed out not one, not three, not six, but five parodies since 2010.

“We absolutely intend to continue to print these parodies for the foreseeable future” said Docket Editor Harcles Sonjohn. He added “We just need to recharge the cattle prod to induce more timely submission of content by Editorial Board members for the next one.”

He then put on some sick shades and peeled out of the Courthouse garage in a high powered foreign sportscar.

Meanwhile, regular Docket contributor, Reve Stice, who spent the past three nights in the Docket

sweatshop office churning out material to make up for the fact that promised content had not been received, said simply, “Why am I doing Mraig Crandell’s job? Where’s Baron von Matwood-Baloney when we need her?”

Key LCBA staffer, Gose Jonzales, who has been producing photoshop images for the Dockit for eighty continuous hours, was unavailable for comment because he still has to spend another eighty continuous hours working on photoshop images.

A poll of the Docket Editorial Board showed that 90 percent of members wished they had joined the Community Outreach Committee, instead. The remaining 10 percent responded petulantly “I know you are but what am I?” which, while perhaps hilarious, was

otherwise unhelpful.

“When I joined the Docket Editorial Board, I expected to get to do cool stuff, like inform the legal community of important information about the peccadillos of Judges and moral defalcations of their adversaries,” said one newer members who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Instead, I am locked in an attic drinking real absinthe and desperately trying to write parody articles for the Dockit. It is maddening. And, by the way, the walls have started breathing in and out. Is that normal?”

If for some inexplicable reason you actually like the Dockit and want to see more, please call the LCBA office and state your interest. Call any time, day or night. For the late night volunteers, Reve Stice will happily answer and sign you up.

Nineteenth Judicial Circuit Modernizes its Fundraising Methods

local settlors committed on the indigenous Potawatomi tribes (and because the Potawatomi name had already been taken)—would be installed on the third through fifth floors of the criminal court tower, and offer slot machines, card and table games, a full-service sportsbook, and scantily clad wait staff fulfilling their community service hours. Included in the development plan is a buffet-style restaurant component focusing on artisanal food and drinks, including King Crab legs, 40 oz. prime rib, and Green River soda. Judge Levitt was quick to shoot down questions concerning any competition from the planned Park City casino by noting that since the Park City casino was to be built on or near the former, temporary Park City courthouse, that the gaming license granted by the Illinois Gaming Commission rightfully belonged to the Circuit Court, so “I thought I would just take it. What are they going to do about it, sue me? Good luck with that.”

Hours of operation for the Little Fort Gaming Hall will be 24 hours per day, except for a two hour closure on Sundays between 9 and 11 am so people can “Get Jesus” without conflicting with early NFL kickoffs. Inmates will be allowed to access the Gaming Hall on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with any winnings being contributed back to the Circuit Court in order to reduce

courthouse coffee shop. After a brief pause was taken while she stared at a shiny object for 10 minutes, President Devine gleefully explained the Wake and Bake dispensary would continue to serve its coffee menu, along with “the dankest stuff I’ve ever had, man.” Because smoking is prohibited on courthouse grounds, most of the menu will focus on edibles and psychedelics, with Devine noting that the Kids’ Korner Children’s center would now be open for all ages, and that the former prove-up courtroom on the first floor would be converted into a padded “calm down” room with sensory deprivation devices to help with any bad trips.

While pricing for the Wake and Bake was not available at the time of the news conference, President Devine ensured that all LCBA members would be guaranteed to free samples with their first order, and, more free samples with every new customer that LCBA members bring with them. President Devine did clarify “That’s where the free stops, either you bring someone else, or you pay! You got me??!! I’m serious bro!” Hours of operation would be from 11 am to 7 pm daily because “Getting up early sucks,” although Devine warned that due to meandering staff, open hours may fluctuate. Dispensary proceeds would be used to fund new art installations at the courthouse, as well as trips to the Bahamas for senior State’s Attorneys. President Devine finished her remarks by extolling the virtues that the Wake and Bake dispensary would provide to the Nineteenth Judicial Circuit, including bringing harmony and peace to the bar, and as a great way to “Stick it to the man.”

Both the Little Fort Gaming Hall and Wake and Bake Dispensary are expected to open in summer 2023.

WHY SHOULD YOU JOIN?

The LCBA Lawyer Referral Service (LRS) is a valuable member benefit as well as a public service. LRS provides member attorneys with an opportunity to build business through client referrals. The service benefits the public by helping callers quickly find an attorney in the area of law in which they need help.

The LRS program is designed to assist persons who are able to pay normal attorney fees but whose ability to locate legal representation is frustrated by a lack of experience with the legal system, a lack of information about the type of services needed, or a fear of the potential costs of seeing a lawyer.

Cost is only $200 annually for a Standard listing or $350 for a Premium listing. Download the application at www.lakebar.org/page/LRS or contact the LCBA office for more information.

Classif ied Documents Discovered in Devine Garage

LCBA President Tara Devine has come under intense scrutiny after classified LCBA documents were recently found in her garage. The documents were discovered during a routine waxing of her Lexus SUV.

Lake County leaders reacted swiftly, declaring that Devine may be subjected to an intensive investigation, at least after they figure out whether she is a Republican or Democrat. Possible outcomes range from “hell to pay” to a declaration of “nothing to see here.”

Wide ranging speculation has ensued over what the documents might contain. David Del Re announced that his recipe for the LCBA chili cookoff “has not been seen for months” and that “a GAL may need to be appointed.” Recently-elected Judge John Joanem, whose chili won the cookoff, questioned whether Del Re’s chili recipe really warranted classified status at all.

Further speculation has revolved around who may have had access to the documents. Pat Salvi Sr. was seen waxing Devine’s Lexus just this past February after having lost the Salvi firm’s Super Bowl bet with his errant pick of “Notre Dame.” Asked why he has repeatedly tweeted about chili since that time, Salvi stated “no comment.”

Other compromised documents may include minutes

from the secret deliberations about where the Family Law Seminar should be held. These discussions are a highly sensitive LCBA secret due to the tight-lipped nature of Family Law practitioners, who we all know abhor gossip and reject all use of innuendo. Caryn Barone Atwood, who has been appointed “Special Prosecutor” to investigate this aspect of the affair, announced on Friday that she would leak information at regular intervals throughout her investigation, but “shhhh don’t tell anyone.”

But perhaps the greatest threat to law and justice in Lake County stems from the unrefuted suggestion that documents containing members’ comments to the Bar Poll may have been compromised. Not-so-random suggestions of how certain lawyers truly feel about their colleagues have begun to appear on Twitter, in what can only be called “mean tweets.” As just one example, one commenter wrote that “his chili was maybe second best and gave me loose stools for a week.”

Devine herself has remained mostly silent about the scandal. In her recent President’s Page, she seemed to want to turn the page by touting a $1.3 trillion “LCBA Infrastructure Plan.” She also deflected, noting that “Immediate Past President Joe Fusz has a big cluttered garage, hint hint.”

Lake County Court

Strange place that Lake County court. We had to wait in a long line just to get in, with some people using their own line. Tried to do online check-in, but this place doesn’t allow it. Worked well at Chili’s last night, so I figured it should here, too. And I got free chips and salsa there, too. Didn’t eat all of them, so I tried to bring in the rest of the chips here. Joe, the guy at the metal detector didn’t let me, though nothing beeped at all. This dude needs a life, man, he doesn’t smile for anything. I give him zero stars.

It was so noisy in the corridors that I needed a quiet place just for a few minutes, so I went to the library. Libraries are always quiet, so I figured the library inside a courthouse would be the quietest of all. Boy, was I wrong. In the library to the courthouse, everyone is talking to the computer screen. I guess they don’t read much at this courthouse. At the library where I grew up, nobody could talk at all. The library at the courthouse was noisier than any other library I’ve been to. I can’t figure this place out.

So I figured I should go to the courtroom. Man, whoever numbered this place makes me rethink legalizing marijuana. I needed to go to room 121. Then I went to the first floor, and the rooms stop at 107. I was told then that room 121 is across the street, like that’s common knowledge. When I went across the street to room 121, the sign on the door told me to go back to room 207. I figured that must be one floor above me in 121, but I’m told there’s no courtrooms on the second floor above 121 and I had to go back to the building I just came from.

I figure then that room 207 must be right above room 107. Right? Nope, not with the people who numbered this place. The stoned guys who numbered this courthouse probably need my chips. Better ask Joe the security guy at the metal detector who’s probably eating them by now.

So I went back to the building I came from to get to room 207. I went to the second floor. When I got to room 205,

there was a window and no other rooms. Apparently, room 207 is not only not that close to room 107, it’s nowhere near room 205. Are you kidding me, Lake County courts?

I went downstairs and then went to another part of the same building. I figured the Circuit Court Clerk’s would direct me to the right courtroom, so I finally got there.

Then when I finally got to the courtroom, it was still odd. Everyone had to get up ‘cuz some cop told us to. Seems like it’s ‘cuz the judge – who had his own entrance -- came in, so he told us to get up. If the judge has his own entrance, he doesn’t need us to move. And I really don’t know why he deserves any more special treatment. Whatev’s. The way these people run things, I don’t know how they’ll stay in business long.

One woman is on the computer, talks with the judge and won’t talk with you except to tell you to sit down and wait for your name. I guess if I was on the computer they’d talk with me, like in the library. Then the lady next to the judge with the typing machine shushed everyone even more. That’s probably because the cop seems to like it only when everything’s quiet. And everyone at the judge’s stand refers to “His Honor”. When I got there, I referred to “My Honor” but everyone looked at me funny. Apparently, I don’t have the same honor as he does, though I don’t know him yet.

I need to come back because they just started to discover things about the reason I’m here. But they told me to be here, so I thought they’d be done discovering things.

I just hope they start to discover how to run this place. Incomplete for the courts, zero stars for the person who numbered these rooms.

CAMPAIGN SLOGANS CONSIDERED, BUT REJECTED, FOR THE NOVEMBER 2022 GENERAL ELECTION

Match the candidate to the corresponding alternative campaign slogan(s):

a. “It’s God’s will, and he’s never been wrong about me before!”

b. “Because a reversal is much kinder coming from family!”

c. “It’s really just like traffic court on steroids, so I’m definitely qualified”

d. “I mean, come on, it’s not like you really have another choice!”

e. “No, it’s literally that you have no other choice”

f. “The circuit judges unanimously endorse my candidacy….so they do not have to again consider my associate judgeship application.”

g. “If elected, Levitt will have to take my request for a transfer out of Family Law more seriously.”

h. Help me introduce my newest product: MyRobe

SSD cases can be time-consuming and confusing, with complex requirements and deadlines. With nearly 25 years of experience, The Good Law Group has won cases at all levels of the claims process, including cases originally declined by the Social Security Administration.

1. Mike Nerheim

2. Sharmila Manak

3. John Joanem

4. Mark Curran

5. Chris Kennedy

6. Rod Drobinsky

7. Chris Ditton

8. Liz Rochford

10. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

9. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

8. I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

7. You’re not good looking enough to be this stupid.

6. Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.

5. If you were twice as smart as you are, you’d be half as smart as you think you are.

4. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Sadly, it seems you only gargled.

3. That was a good presentation. I never expected that from you.

2. You can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any lawyer I have ever met.

1. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

A nostalgic look at the “real” top ten best/worst comments from the bench during oral arguments in the 19th Judicial Civil Division courtrooms …

Skip the Bars and Switch to BarTindr

The pandemic has led to innovations in how lawyers work, and now how they play. New products serving the profession continue to appear. In one such move, Sullivans, Martindale Hubbell and AVVO, have joined forces to release a new feature called BarTindr

BarTindr allows lawyers to include their dating status alongside their career credentials, allowing for a one-stop, attorney shopping experience.

These venerable lawyer search companies are committed to shaking up the lawyer dating scene. This product is a tailor-made amicus curious for busy lawyers whose career demands leave no time for the traditional dating game. BarTindr requires lawyers to simply add one of several status options to their legal profile:

• Investigation - I am currently searching for a partner, any partner, so please, please swipe right

• Discovery - I think I have an idea of what I want in a relationship, and want to be picky, but who is kidding whom?

• Trial - I am in a relationship, but not yet truly committed, so don’t hesitate to swipe for me

• Continuance - I am not actively searching, but

if you “blow me away,” I could be open to something

• Appeal - I am in a relationship that was committed but I am looking for any excuse to bolt and start fresh

• Remand - My previous partner dumped me and I need a rebound opportunity

Those who don’t want to announce a status can choose the opt-out option called “Cease and desist mode.” It sends the message, “I’m not easy, so don’t message me-zy.”

In addition to the available status options, one further enhancement over traditional dating sites is there are no overbearing “get to know you” questions or other irrelevancies that tend to lead to mindless swiping or weird messages (“Are you into chancery?” “Is that a mechanics lien in your pocket?”). In fact, there is no messaging system at all through BarTindr. If someone wants to reach out, they simply use the professional contact information contained in your profile. Don’t worry, your administrative assistant can screen the calls for you. Whether you then choose to cross-examine your latest match yourself—well, that is up to you!

Best of luck out there and, if no one has told you lately, update your professional profile!

JUDGE’S SPEAK OUT!

As lawyers of Lake County are well aware, the Judges have strong opinions on our cases. But these Judges also have many views on a great number of issues, as illustrated below:

1. Judge Ortiz: “Baby horses know how to walk when they are born. So do human babies. They are just lazy. Get walking, lazy babies!”

2. Judge Manak: “‘Bookkeeper’ is the only word that has three successive ‘double letters’. It has been my entire life’s goal to find a way to use this to my advantage.”

3. Judge Ditton: “They say the word ‘tattoo’ is one of the most misspelled words in the English language. I don’t belerve that.”

4. Judge Shanes: “Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or else it will digest itself. Each day, I cover the rest of my body in mucus, just to be on the safe side.”

5. Judge Slavin: “Leave Waldo alone. Ironically, he went on all of those trips to find himself.

6. Judge Brodsky: “Most people have a “Bucket List.” I have a “Bucket Bucket List.” It is a list of buckets. Sand buckets, 5 gallon buckets, wooden buckets, plastic buckets, excavator buckets… I hope to collect them all!”

7. Judge Simonian: “Did you know, swear words are processed in a separate part of the brain from regular speech? THE AWESOME PART.”

8. Judge Vorderstasse: “If I get bored at court, when calling the next case I repeat ‘Beuller? Beuller? Beuller?’ over and over. After about 15 minutes, I usually stop. Usually.”

9. Judge Berrones: “I’m pretty sure that if chickens drove cars, the ones that loved danger would play “Human.”

10. Judge Novak: “I’m about to blow your mind – you know that song B-I-N-G-O? It’s entirely possible that the farmer was named ‘Bingo,’ not the dog. Mind. Blown.”

“In a world full of trends, I want to remain a classic.”

Judge Smith

“Today, I will be as useful as the letter ‘g’ in the word lasagna”

Judge Lombardo

“Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!”

Judge Shanes

“I am sending this selfie to NASA…because I’m a star!”

Judge Bishop

“I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!”

Judge Salvi

“We know the voices in our heads aren’t real, but sometimes their ideas are just too good to ignore.”

Judge Ortiz

“An apple a day will keep anyone away, IF you throw it hard enough.”

Judge Betar

“You don’t have to like me; I’m not a Facebook status.”

Judge Fix

“They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic’ is too hard to spell.”

Judge Levitt

Heads Up: Multi-Lingual Legal Documents are now Required!

Effective September 1, 2023, all legal documents and pleadings filed in Illinois Courts will be required to be presented in four languages: English, Spanish, German and, because the law relies so heavily on its maxims (see, e.g., “Docket articulus scribo non est meus articulus,”1 “lex non curat de rebus nonbillable,”2 and “qui male agit sobrius incipiet bibere”3), the documents will also need to be written in Latin. “Dmanant!”4 exclaimed Chief Judge Levitticus, noting that “these Docket articles are already pain in my asinus.”5 When reached for backup comment, Deputy Chief Shanes stated, “no problemo.”6

This move was spearheaded by newly elected Supreme Court Justice Isabel Rochförd, a former Lake County Judge, and was embraced by the entire Supreme Court unanimously, in recognition of the tremendous diversity of the Illinois legal community.

In announcing this new initiative, the Court’s Reporter of Decisions, Harry Hand, whose staff is responsible for publication of the Court’s Rules and its Style Manual, acknowledged that there might be a bit of a learning curve to get all of the state’s lawyers up to speed on these new language requirements. Mr. Hand pointed out, however, that lawyers whose first language is German or Latin

1 “the Docket article I write is not my article”

2 “the law does not concern itself with nonbillable matters”

3 “he who does wrong while sober must start drinking”

4 “[Darn] it!”

5 [translation censored due to the sensitive nature of Docket readers]

6 “Not a problemo”

would have a good head start in this process. For the rest, he quipped “tempus ut satus exosculatio in verbo.”7

Future law school graduates will be required to pass four bar exams, one in each of the four official languages. “Splendide!”8 exclaimed the CEO of BARBRI in a press release. Law schools throughout the state have pledged to support their students by immediately raising tuition by 400%, explaining “but we were going to do that anyway.” Continuing Legal Education courses also will be offered in all of these languages, with most CLE providers expected to suffer from hostile takeovers by BARBRI. Practicing lawyers will be required to obtain at least tres hours of CLE credits in each language during each complaining period.

The LCBA Executive Board announced that it wholeheartedly supports this groundbreaking effort by its amazing alumna, Justice Rochförd, given the Association’s longstanding emphasis on making the legal community diverse, inclusive, and so opaque that all people must hire lawyers. The LCBA, speaking through its Chief Billing Expert Rick Lesser, believes that a multi-lingual profession will greatly steer society’s resources to the highest and best use of money: “attorneys’ fees,” per Lesser. As a particular show of support, LCBA President Tara Devine announced that beginning with the August edition, the LCBA Docket will be printed in English, German, Spanish, Latin and— just to one-up the Court—Swahili. 7

They Really Sai d That

It is certainly stressful being in an open court, pleading your case in front of a judge. You are likely to fumble your words and misstate things. If you do, don’t feel bad… you are not alone. Here are a sample of things actually said to a Judge in Lake County:

1. “I feel like I’m walking on egg shelves here, your honor.”

2. “She’s just gasping at straws.”

3. “This is putting me in the fecal position.”

4. “Well, that’s a mute point…”

5. “Allow me to flush out that argument.”

6. “I have a self-defecating sense of humor.”

7. [In response to an inquiry about the time of day]: “It was pinch dark.”

8. “For all intensive purposes…”

9. “Let me nip that right in the butt…”

10. [Said outside of court at a restaurant, but too good not to share]: “I’ll have the flaming yawn.”

The Lake County Docket

“Not as Sexy as a Redbook Quiz” Quiz

1. Do you find yourself sneaking in clever, witty Easter eggs into your pleadings whenever possible?

A. I find that is true

B. I would never do that, man.

C. What a weird question.

D. (Wait, did you just do a haiku in those last three answers? What a clever, witty Easter egg!)

2. Train A was traveling at 35 miles an hour. Train B was traveling at 50 miles an hour. How long will it take for Train A and Train B to pass one another?

A. Four Hours.

B. Dude, I don’t have any idea. 5 hours?

C. “C” is usually the correct answer, so whatever this answer is, I’m choosing it.

D. You didn’t tell us how far away Train A was from Train B. How do you expect us to answer this question? This is stupid. This whole quiz is stupid. Ugh!

3. Is it ethical for Judge John Joanem to go back in time, and steal the idea for Facebook from Mark Zuckerberg?

A. Yes.

B. No.

C. Dude, I don’t have any idea. 5 hours?

D. By the time I tried to answer this question, it now appears that that Judge Joanem invented Facebook so I’m guessing this is no longer a rhetorical question.

4. What is the theory of special relatively?

A. What isn’t the theory of relativity, am I right?

B. My uncle is my mom’s brother, and therefore he is my special relative.

C. Something I can check on Wikipedia.com

D. That the laws of physics are the same for all nonaccelerating observers, and that the speed of light in a vacuum was independent of the motion of all observers. Eat that, answers A through C!

also be acceptable, for some reason; 4: (D)

Answers: 1: (E); 2: (C); 3: (A) or (D), but (C) would

Community Outreach Committee Introduces New Fight Club

n an increasingly polarized world, the LCBA Community Outreach Committee has found a primal activity which it believes can help to bring the Lake County legal community back together, regardless of political perspective. Having spent years fruitlessly trying to bring various groups and interests together with excellently catered meetings, discussions and other fantastic diversity-oriented events, the Community Outreach Committee has recently found great success fostering constructive, across-the-political-spectrum interactions through a brazenly partisan fight club.

Realizing that coming to a consensus was unattainable, or at least far less appealing to the masses of lawyers who can only get serotonin from dunking on their partisan opposites, these fight clubs have become an extraordinary success. It seems, explicitly politically motivated violence is the only way to bring people together in the age of social media (editors’ note: many members of the LCBA deplore violence, while others reject the use of the word “violence,” preferring it to be called “political action”).

The format of these events is rather simple: on the first full moon of each month, the membership of LCBA political factions all gather under a sketchy tunnel you need to go through to get to the Waukegan lakeshore, with their chosen fighters. Then, after a rendition of a

random eastern European county’s national anthem meant to inspire unity between all of the parties, the night’s fights begin.

What follows is a brutal three-way brawl, with a politically neutral LCBA representative always being the wild card because, in their own words, “both sides of the political spectrum represent the same corporate interests.” Themed nights based around Chick-fil-A, mask or vaccination mandates, and if the people who chanted about hanging the Vice President of the United States for not subverting democracy are or are not reprehensible, are just a sampling of the thought-provoking themes so far.

While the events are already highly regarded, the Community Outreach Committee believes that this is just the start of the club’s eventual ascendency to the top of the LCBA affiliated activities hierarchy. Its upcoming black tie crossover event “Brawling Devine Crosses the Line” has tickets starting at one hundred dollars (one thousand dollars for partners in Lesser Lutrey Pasquesi & Howe, LLP). Less politically focused than its other fight nights, the Community Outreach Committee hopes that the resentment most Lake County lawyers have for Lake Forest firms (the fight nights often target Lake Forest and Lake Bluff lawyers first because they find their “unreflective sense of economic and moral superiority” to be somewhat sickening) will be enough to generate a large turnout.

A Christmas

Carol by

Charles Dickens (abridged to meet Lake County Local Rule 2-1.02)

Christmas Sucks! YouSuck! YAY Christmas!

TheGrapevine

Tremendous Accomplishments by your Fellow Attorneys

We at the Docket have scoured the dusty, rarely opened books in the Lake County law library to discover a great many historic achievements by your fellow attorneys. Below we detail just a sample of these many triumphs.

In an attempt to bridge the gap between republicans and democrats, Dennis Gravel wrote a torrid romance novel about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s love affair.

Hillary loved Denis’ book so much, she traveled the country, reading it at many events.

“This,” purred Hillary, “gives a whole new meaning to ‘Hot off the Press.’”

A.I. is coming for you

With the rapid growth of artificial intelligence such as Chat GPT and other programs, many people are worried they might lose their jobs.

What do you think? Are you afraid A.I. will replace you?

“No computer can clear a call as fast as I can. Besides, by the time they get A.I. fitted for a robe, I’ll be on a beach. Only 432 days, 6 hours and 29 minutes to go . . .”

Ray C. Efficiency expert

“Never. That software stuff doesn’t have the guts to tell the State they got no case. In every case. Every. Single. Case.”

Bob R. Inefficiency expert

“Nah. I’ll just postpone its implementation forever, like I do with all new software.”

Erin C. Systems Analyst

“Chat GPT might be able to write a brief, but can it maintain a perfect record of tardiness in every court appearance for 30 years? I don’t think so.”

Greg N. Watch repairman

“The best pillow ever just got even better! Use Promo Code: “Insurrection” to get 15% off today! (I advertise everywhere--no computer program could ever do that!)”

Chris D. Pillow guy

“No worries here. Everyone already thinks I’m a robot—I’ll blend right in.”

Dan S. Robot

“The ‘artificial’ part will be new to judges, but the ‘intelligence’ part will be VERY new.”

Mark L. Chief Philosopher

“Please! Hurry the *$&# up and get that #*$&%! bot trained to run the Jerry Springer courtroom so I don’t have to.”

Tricia C. Relationship counselor

“I expect very strong job growth in my segment of the market.”

T-800 Human Resource Manager

1/20-2/18 Aquarius: Known for being independent, but a nurturer -- you will join all of the Guardian ad Litem lists this year and, as usual, work without the expectation of any remuneration!

2/19-3/20 Pisces: You need to learn a sense of balance; take on an equal number of crappy civil and criminal cases for personal, if not professional, success; do not hide behind the excuse that you are not qualified -- the clients won’t realize it until it’s too late and hardly anyone ever files ARDC complaints anymore!

3/21-4/19 Aries: Your typical smug and smart-aleky expressions are not going to ingratiate yourself (or your case) to the Judge or opposing counsel this year, so you might as well keep your mouth shut and wear a mask to: 1) avoid re-contracting COVID for the fifth time and 2) remind yourself to keep your mouth shut!

4/20-5/20 Taurus: Channel your methodical planning this year by going to Trial as often and for as long as possible; even if you don’t get paid...at least you will feel good about yourself and the rest of us will get a break from you while you are prepping for trial!

5/21-6/20 Gemini: Stick with bench trials this year; postCOVID the jury will not appreciate your personal quirks and peccadillos, unlike the Judges who have at least learned to tolerate your BS!

6/21-7/22 Cancer: Spend some time networking and joining as many organizations as possible; in addition to getting to eat a bunch of mediocre food from Waukegan eateries, it will appar-

ently help you if you ever decide to apply for Associate Judge!

7/23-8/22 Leo: Surprising adventures and travel are in your future; you will be headed to numerous Lake County branch courts and perhaps even visit the new Juvenile Court complex in Vernon Hills this year!

8/23-9/22 Virgo: Usually you are the sign of perfection and beauty, but after two years of nothing but sweatpants and t-shirts, your work wardrobe desperately needs a refresh; remember: we can still see 1/2 of you on Zoom.

9/23-10/22 Libra: Your usual even-keeled and calm personality will be challenged this year-Judges are coming, going, and swapping courtrooms like flies at the LCBA summer cookout (and with a similar clarity of purpose)!

10/23-11/21 Scorpio: Your jealousy and petty need for revenge will finally be sated – an old foe is substituting in as counsel and he/she/them has no idea what an ass his/her/them’s new client is!

11/22-12/21 Sagittarius: Your combined qualities of energy and intelligence will come in handy as you try to understand what rules and procedures each different courtroom and judge expects you to follow concerning in-person versus remote court appearances.

12/22-1/19 Capricorn: Meticulous planning and hard work will need to take a back seat -- you will desperately need CLE credits; sign up for every LCBA seminar possible but then turn your camera off and mute yourself so you can use that time to spread political vitriol on social media.

YOU MIGHT BE A LAKE COUNTY ATTORNEY IF:

1. You have ever settled a divorce case by virtue of an agreement with opposing counsel that the attorneys would each pitch in $100 to buy the clients’ Ayam Cemani breed chicken (otherwise known as a “Lamborghini chicken”) since the parties could not agree on who was going to be awarded the chicken, and then turn it into soup.

2. You have ever been involved in a hearing for an Order of protection that began when the spouse/wife declared to your client that she was going to take his “two pet service squirrels and turn them into owl shit as soon as he left the house!!!!”

3. You have ever had to explain to a client that your “dignity” would not allow you to have a hearing to determine who gets custody of the desktop “Texas Instrument” calculator.

4. You have ever had a client tell you she invited a court reporter to her Lake Forest wedding ceremony, so she’d have the vows in writing for use in the divorce proceedings.

5. You have ever had an opposing counsel call for a sidebar, and had the Judge respond by saying, “Good idea, counsel! I’ll have a mint julep.”

6. You have ever defended a woman over a battery charge following her chasing her husband out of the house in his boxers while wielding a Ginsu kitchen knife, with the defense that that was all a simple misunderstanding following the husband’s girlfriend’s announcement of her pregnancy, and she had already suffered a punishment worse than anything the court could impose on her.

7. You have ever had a case where you were related in some way to the Judge, opposing counsel, and the defendant, and you didn’t see anything wrong with that.

8. You have ever had a client’s deposition interrupted by her husband saying, “I did NOT sleep with your cousin Susan. She’s my SISTER, for chrissake!”

9. You have ever filed a petition seeking an “emergency order of custody” for a goat, because the husband had announced his intentions of having a barbeque, featuring your client’s beloved pet, Marvin.

Board of Directors’ Meeting

March 18, 2023

Minutes of the wholly irregular meeting of the board of directors of the Lake county bar association held, after a mystery

BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Tara Devine President

Katharine Hatch

First Vice President

Daniel Hodgkinson

Second Vice President

Kevin Berrill Treasurer

Jeffrey Berman Secretary

Joseph Fusz

Past President

Hon. Jacquelyn Melius Director

Craig Mandell Director

Jeffrey O’Kelley Director

Sarah Raisch Director

Jeremy Harter Director

Judy Maldonado Director

Greg Weider Executive Director

Meeting Minutes The

bus ride, in some dark, back room of a tavern somewhere in lake county, we think, on sunday, March 18, 2023.

CALL TO ORDER

President Devine called the meeting to order at 12:01 a.m., just moments after “last call.”

ACTION ITEMS

Suspension of Robert’s Rules

A motion was made to suspend Robert’s Rules of Order and boot Robert from LCBA membership, because no one since Keith Grant has had any idea what his rules are or when he last paid his dues. No discussion was followed by the typical ambiguously muffled voice vote, and so the motion was declared “what-effing-ever!”

Consent Agenda Items

• December, 1957

Board of Directors Meeting Minutes

Draft minutes from the December 1957 meeting

of the Board of Directors was included in the agenda packet, because it never was previously approved. The minutes confirmed that the Swedish Glee Club was an excellent place to conduct future meetings and that a woman’s place was in the kitchen.

• New Members Since December 1957

A New Members report reflected that precisely 20 new members have joined since December 1957 but only seven actually paid their dues. The Board members were tasked with collecting those overdue dues payments “by any means necessary.”

A motion was made and seconded to approve the Consent Agenda. Upon unanimous voice vote, the motion was declared carried. The Consent Agenda is approved.

Treasurer’s Report

The Financial Report and any supporting materials were included in the Agenda packet. The Treasurer confirmed that,

BY JEFFREY A. BERMAN SECRETARY

prior to the last meeting there was approximately $268,965.00 in the checking account. However, there is now $4.87 in the account because “someone” has been losing on a new sports betting App and needed to “settle up.” Apparently one can lose a lot of money betting on Salvi-owned minor league teams. Brian Lewis has offered to wager enormous sums on future Wolverines games and donate the proceeds to himself, then publish self-congratulatory ads in The Docket.

A motion was made and seconded to approve the Treasurer’s Report and increase ad prices for The Docket to $268,965. Upon unanimous voice vote, the motion was declared carried. The Treasurer’s Report is approved.

NEW BUSINESS Zoom In The Room

• Executive Director

Weider made a presentation regarding the continuing use of Zoom

in courtrooms, even as the pandemic abates. He then turned to the more controversial initiative: to use Zoom to capture and webcast the weekly marathon meetings between Tara Devine and the Executive Director. Weider, who is among the primary proponents of the initiative, remarked “I really want, no I definitely NEED, all of you sons-ab*$%#*s to have to feel my pain!” Weider then doused himself in gasoline and unsuccessfully attempted to light himself on fire several times (who knew Zippo lighters were so unreliable?) before eventually being tackled by Craig Mandell. Craig, who was late to arrive at the meeting, didn’t actually know that Greg was attempting to light himself on fire – tackling is just how Craig says hello these days because that is how Grayson greets him every evening, and everything that Grayson does is cute, cute, cute.

Discussion followed. A motion was made and seconded to approve Zoom in the Room. Upon unanimous voice vote, the motion was declared carried since the Board recognized that Greg’s life seemingly hangs in the balance.

Strategic Plan Committee (Chaired by the Past President) Update

Joe Fusz, in his role as immediate past President, informed the Board that as immediate PAST President, he really does not care what happens in the FUTURE. Fusz, who is solely focused on the PAST, indicated that the Strategic Plan, as he saw it, is a

foolish pursuit, proclaiming “I mean, seriously, can the association actually get better than when I was the President?” Some other member of the Board at that point stirred for a moment and seemed to begin to prepare to say something, but instead coughed, yawned, stretched, and then rolled back over and fell back to sleep.

LCBA Free CLE Update Executive Director

Weider provided an update regarding the status of the on-going efforts to get someone—anyone—to present CLE for the LCBA and, for that matter, to get someone—anyone—to attend those Brown Bag CLEs that do take place. Apparently “technical” problems are gumming up the works. The CLE content prepared by interest speakers has been inadvertently sent to Steve Rice, who has been turning the material into TikTok videos. These videos are all the rage with the kids but have failed to get CLE approval from the Illinois Supreme Court.

OTHER MATTERS

Bathroom Break

Board members took their customary bathroom break, which lasted roughly 42 minutes.

April Fools Day Edition of the Dockit

It was then discussed that these minutes do not necessarily reflect the views and actions of the members of the LCBA Board of Directors, and only really give a fuzzy view into the deranged mind of an evil, satirical wannabe, who is writing them in the middle

of the night while heavily medicated (yet coherent enough to refrain (sadly) from saying anything remotely interesting about either the Honorable Judge Shanes or Mark Curran).

ADJOURNMENT

A motion was made to adjourn by the First Vice

LCBA Crossword

President, who woke up, yawned, and informed everyone that she wouldn’t be conducting any “ridiculously boring meetings” when she is President. Upon unanimous voice vote, the motion was declared carried. The check was paid and the meeting concluded at 12:57 a.m.

Across

3. Judge, “___ to Beaver”

4. Like Diana Ross, Rochford is now one

5. Judge, Song from “Encanto” that we don’t talk about

7. Standing Committee, “You’re a Grand Ol’ ____”

9. Standing Committee, “I see dead people”

Down

1. Judge, is not in the cover band for Dave ____

2. LCBA President and John Waters’ favorite actor

4. Judge, “ain’t nothing gonna breaka my ____”

6. Standing Committee, “All in the ____”

7. Judge, Alka Seltzer

8. Judge, Bangles ‘80s song about Mondays

Monthly

Committee Meetings

• RSVP to a meeting at www.lakebar.org.

• Meetings subject to change. Please check your weekly e-news, the on-line calendar at www.lakebar.org or call the LCBA Office @ (847) 244-3143.

• Please feel free to bring your lunch to the LCBA office for any noon meetings. Food and beverages at restaurants are purchased on a individual basis.

MEMBER RECEPTION SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

LCBA Member Receptions will generally be held on the 4th Thursday of every month.

Your $500 sponsorship includes:

• Recognition in advertising before the event and on signage at the event

• Reception from 4:30 – 6:30 p.m.

• Complimentary beer and wine. Upgrades available for additional fee.

Contact Jose at jose@lakebar.org to add your name to a reception.

300 Grand Avenue, Suite A, Waukegan, IL 60085 Tel: 847-244-3143 • Fax: 847-244-8259