It’s frightening to look into our hearts and see what we actually are capable of and admit the things that we’ve done. fragile—and I have to respect it, and guard it, and protect it, and remember that I can’t walk in my own strength. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF RECOVERY? (IE. IS THERE ANY ONE STAGE IN THE JOURNEY THAT STANDS OUT AS ‘MOST DIFFICULT’?) I think there are two major turning points…the first step is by far and away the most difficult—it’s the one that we will resist until the very end. It feels like dying to admit that there is something bigger than me, that I am never going to be able to control, and it has made my life unmanageable. We all want to think that we can do this on our own, that we don’t need the help of God or other people, and if we just try harder and do better that next time we’ll win—and that’s a delusion I think the enemy of our
souls encourages. He wants to keep us in that game as long as he possibly can. And then, the [next] turning point, for almost everybody I know who has really found quality sobriety…they’ll talk about . . . what the 12-steppers call the fourth step, which is “fearless moral inventory.” It’s this process of self-examination and confession, where we actually face all of our defects—and I think we can only do that when the fear of punishment is gone. I don’t know how anybody does this who doesn’t know or trust the love of God. Because it’s frightening to look into our hearts and see what we actually are capable of and admit the things that we’ve done. And not just what we’ve done, but what drove us to do it. I thought my biggest problem was my sexual behaviour…my first sponsor told me that my biggest problem
was that I thought sex was my problem. He said, “Sex is your favourite solution—it’s the medication you’ve been using to dull the pain caused by your deeper problems.” I wanted to repent of my behaviour and nothing else. If all you do is stop that behaviour, and there’s nothing else that changes, you’ll be even more miserable than you are today. And I do know folks who’ve managed to ‘white-knuckle’ it for at least a few months, or maybe even a few years . . . into what they call sobriety, which is really just abstinence. And they can become, what the alcoholics call, a ‘dry drunk,’ where all the underlying character defects remain in place, they are miserable and miserable to be around. But, they tend also to carry an air of superiority because they believe they’ve actually defeated sin, and if they can do it, everybody else can and should. They’re blind to their real sin, because they’ve categorized sin in such a narrow spectrum. They don’t see how they’re sinning, just because they’re not sinning in sexual ways. WHAT’S YOUR APPROACH WITH LIVING IN A WORLD THAT, QUITE FRANKLY, DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE WHAT WE MIGHT BE DEALING WITH IN TERMS OF RECOVERY? It’s not easy in this very highly sexualized culture that we live in. There are certain things that I have to do because of my vulnerability, because of my weaknesses. There are movies that I just choose not to see… but still, there will be a temptation for me to pursue lust tomorrow at the airport, in the mall. Heck, in church! We addicts are great forgetters which is why we need to be around each other, to remind each other of how crucially important all this is. I need to set myself in the morning to love rather than lust, to see people rather than bodies, to pray so that I don’t objectify people. Tomorrow will be an opportunity
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