Mayhem! Magazine - Issue 4 (Valentines Special Feb 2012)

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PORTSMOUTH’S #1 FREE

LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

ISSUE 4

Catch up with…

Jonah Hill if what to do e on l you’re sing ’s day valentine

WIN Tips on how to…

FIGHT THE FLAB

PETE FIRMAN reveals his secrets

Mayhem! Meets the…

KAISER CHIEFS THE

SIX NATIONS

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EXCLUSIVE ONE TO ONE WITH

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MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

Submit yours by February 29th to: win@mayhemmagazine.co.uk with ‘FEET’ as the subject title. We’ll announce the winning entry on www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk by March 2nd. Prize must be claimed and used by the end of March. Make sure you give us your name and phone number so we can contact the winner. To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

WORD FROM THE TOP!

Editor Mia Habens Graphic Design Tidbury Design Staff Writers Mia Habens Edward Couzens-Lake Contributing Writers Tim Lockwood Ben Jones Karla Hettesheimer Tori Harris Asha Lal Felicity Patrick Jamie Levy Jennifer Le Roux Kelly Wickham Fiona Jack Anabela Gavrilova Chris Morley Alice Hare Hayley Malins Nightlife Paparazzi Mick Wythe Liam Deluchi Promotions Daniel Tidbury Jennifer Le Roux Sales/Marketing Simone Sarsfield Jennifer Le Roux Distribution Mayhem! Ambassadors Director Daniel Tidbury Publisher Tidbury Media 023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk The Clock Tower, 44 Castle Rd, PO5 3DE www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk Mayhem! is a free, light-entertainment magazine dedicated to relieving Portsmouth’s 18–35yr-olds of the pressures of everyday life. Among course-work and boring professors, a-hole bosses and messy housemates, Mayhem! offers a welcome distraction for those just trying to get away from it all. Keep up to date with the latest trends, fashions and interviews with our monthly instalments available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across the city and surrounding areas at the beginning of each month. © Copyright 2012. All rights reserved, Tidbury Media .

EDITOR’S

LETTER Happy February Love Bugs, we’re back!… …and in celebration of Valentine’s we’ve snuggled up with our February favourites! We catch up with TV comedian-magician Pete Firman, cozy up with Keira Knightley and chat one-to-one with the Kaiser Chiefs! We’re on a health mission this month with tips on how to lose your festive flab, and how to cook the best bangers and mash in the world – good enough for that special someone or even to enjoy with your other single mates! For all you lovers out there, we’ve packed this issue with all things gooey to get you and your beau in the mood for love - plus how to get yourself out of trouble if you forget the big day! We’ve got exclusive previews to some of this seasons sexy lingerie courtesy of Ann Summers and Vollers. If you’d rather forget all about the creepy flying baby with a bow and arrow this month, then fear not, we’ve got a rugby rundown in time for the Six Nations Championship and a chat with hollywood funny man Jonah Hill… So why wait – put your feet up and enjoy!

Mia Habens

@MAYHEMMAG

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| Editor

THE MAYHEM MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

5

WHO’S ON BOARD!

24 Leap year fun

08 Catch up with… Jonah Hill 12 Six Nations rundown 14 Fighting your festive flab 16 Make up with… Tori Harris 20 Bangers and mash 22 Pancake day!

26 A chat with… Keira Knightley 34 Straight laced! 42 Mayhem! meets… the Kaiser Chiefs 46 8 Best movie robots 72 One to one with… Pete Firman

54 Romeo’s rivals! 56 Valentine’s on a budget 58 How to… make your girl feel sexy 60 Excuses for forgetting Valentine’s day 62 Meet the parents 64 Singles guide to Valentine’s 66 Boring relationship? LOOK OUT FO R YOUR DRU NKEN MATES WIT H OUR MAYH EM! MOMENTS... ON PAGES 48 -53

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MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

67 Cheque please! 68 Good in bed? 76 Condition your housemates… To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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TOP OF THE HILL!

“ I was a aker m e l b u o r t s y a w l a I but ” t h g u a c got

l l i h h a n jo N BY W R IT TE

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MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

TIM LO

C K WO O

D/H OT

FEATU

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TOP OF THE HILL!

Jonah Hill stars alongside Ari Graynor and Sam Rockwell in ‘ The Sitter’. The new movie directed by David Gordon Green is a comedy about a college student on suspension who is coaxed into babysitting the kids next door, though he is fully unprepared for the wild night ahead of him. Here the Hollywood funnyman talks about his experiences of babysitters when he was a kid, how he got into the comedy business in the first place and the secret to his dramatic weight loss.

WERE YOU A TROUBLEMAKER WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER , OR WERE YOU A GOOD KID?

IS IT JUST REALLY FUNNY TO GET A NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND TEACH HER TO KICK SOMEONE IN THE BALLS?

I was a troublemaker, definitely. I stirred the pot. Just general misbehaving. My mum makes fun of me because I did do a lot of bad stuff, but I always got caught so I always served the time for the crime. I never got away with anything. I always got busted. The other kids’ mums didn’t want them hanging out with me for a couple of years. Then I became a little angel. Now I’m an angel.

Yes. It’s really funny. It makes you laugh even though you know it’s a cheap joke. It still makes you laugh. There is just something funny about kids doing inappropriate stuff. I think ‘South Park’ is a great example of that. These are actual little kids and the idea of the movie is that there are all these movies that I didn’t think were very good that were like: “Oh, you don’t want this guy babysitting your kids, he might give them too much candy, or something.” I wanted to make the punk rock, R-rated, middle finger to those films, which was like: “Oh you ‘really’ don’t want this guy watching your kids.” That to me seemed like a cool idea for a film, for a funny movie.

HOW WAS WORKING WITH THE KIDS ON THIS?

It was great. I loved them. I was a fan of Max Records from ‘Where The Wild Things Are’; we talked to Spike Jonze about Max and he said really great things about him, and sure enough, he was great. And the other kids, Landry (Bender) and Kevin (Hernandez), they were all great. I like kids, especially as acting partners because they are so spontaneous, and I like to improvise and be spontaneous especially in the broader comedic stuff like this. The spontaneity is everything. And their minds are so disconnected and so spontaneous that it’s really a great challenge as an actor to play off that energy. I like to bring that energy to the comedy stuff.

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I’M SURE MANY OF OUR READERS HAVE YOUNGER SIBLINGS, SO HAVE YOU GOT ANY ADVICE FOR BABYSITTING? HOW DO YOU GET THEM TO GO TO BED?

Candy. Candy. Candy wins their heart always. You can get them to act however you want by candy bribes. If I need them to do something, I throw a candy bar at them and say: “I’ll give you more candy. There’s more where that came from if you give a performance, and don’t talk too much!”

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TOP OF THE HILL!

DID YOU HAVE A BABYSITTER WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Yeah, she was cool. Her mum worked for my dad and she turned me on to some really good music, like The Pixies, Black Flag – she was into punk music. I had a crush on her. She’s actually been getting a lot of talk-time on this junket. This has probably been the most she’s been talked about for ever. IS IT TRUE DUSTIN HOFFMAN’S KIDS GAVE YOU AN INROAD?

Yeah. Dustin is the one who encouraged me to be an actor, and got me my first audition for my first movie. And I knew him through their kids. They went to college with me, and high school. IS THERE AN ONGOING DIALOGUE WITH DUSTIN? DO YOU STILL SPEAK TO HIM?

Yeah, he was really proud that I was doing ‘Moneyball’. He was really proud of me taking that step, and he respects Bennett Miller (director) a lot. We spoke after he read that I was doing ‘Moneyball’ and he said, “I’m proud of you for taking that step in your career. I think it’s important.” 10 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

WHY DID YOU START IN COMEDY?

I love comedy, I love drama, I love it all, so for me, the movies I have made, what I became known for, like ‘Superbad’ and stuff – what Judd (Apatow), myself, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and all those guys were all doing at that time, they were the coolest movies being made. That was my opinion. They were the most counter-culture, against-themainstream movies that became the mainstream. So for me, it wasn’t about, ‘I want to be this or that,’ it was about, ‘What are the coolest movies I can make right now?’ And I thought we were – with Judd leading that – accomplishing something really different and cool. And now that has been copied a million times, so what’s new? What’s cool? What other stuff is there? How can that evolve? And for me the evolution included doing things like ‘Moneyball’ and ‘Cyrus’ and evolving in that way. And also I grew up. I was a kid, 21 or 22, when ‘Superbad’ came out. I was a kid. Not that I’m an old man now, but I’m maturing and evolving as an actor and as a person.

WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET CREATIVE?

Honestly, now that I have become healthier, I find exercising really helps me be creative and clears my head, if I run or something, or work out. I get just a clarity of energy. You know when you work out and you feel like, ‘Oh man, I feel really good, I feel inspired, I feel interesting thoughts coming’. It wipes clean all the worries of the day, and then you can have this blank canvas. CAN YOU TELL US YOUR REGIME?

I just do push-ups and sit-ups and P90X – have you heard of that? I do that sometimes. It’s this workout on DVD. I feel like I have been plugging this guy’s thing, I feel like I am working for this guy. I don’t make any money off of these videos but I should. I travel a lot for work, obviously, as well, and you can do these in hotel rooms, with this DVD. I just try and not eat bad stuff. I can’t give up beer. That’s still my thing. I wish I could. I would literally be like… I could get off those last few pounds if I gave up beer, but I can’t. I love it.

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TOP OF THE HILL!

DO YOU THINK THAT WEIGHT-LOSS MIGHT HELP YOU LAND MORE SERIOUS ROLES? THE CHUBBY GUY IS OFTEN THE FUNNY GUY.

There have been a lot of really talented dramatic actors of all shapes and sizes. I think, as I mature, in many different ways – physically, emotionally, literally grow older – I think different roles are afforded to me, and I think as my résumé matures… I mean, I was big in ‘Moneyball’ and that’s the most praise I have ever got for a performance, so I don’t really think like that. I think it’s about the work that you are doing. I think getting in better shape is a sign of maturity. I think you are taking things more seriously. That’s what Bennett Miller said about me, that: “I could tell he wanted to shed his skin, or shed whatever box he was in,” and I thought about that. I didn’t think about that at the time, but when he said that, he was a very insightful guy, so I thought about that. IS IT MORE DIFFICULT TO BE A BAD SON, LIKE IN ‘CYRUS’ OR TO BE A BABYSITTER?

I mean, Cyrus was a more difficult role to play, for sure – it’s such a different tone of movie. What I really value about my career, and I feel really lucky about, is that I can have a movie like ‘Moneyball’ come out and a month later have ‘The Sitter’ come out. I don’t know many actors that have that kind of diversity in their careers, to have two movies in two months that are unrecognisable from one another. So I think doing a movie like ‘Cyrus’ and then have ‘Get Him To The Greek’ come out, and then doing a movie like ‘Moneyball’ and having ‘The Sitter’ come out just displays what I am trying to do with my career in a nice way.

I GUESS YOUR MOVIES AREN’ T REALLY FOR KIDS, BUT HAVE YOU EVER HAD A KID RECOGNISE YOU AND SAY SOMETHING FUNNY?

Well, I did ‘How To Train Your Dragon’ and ‘Megamind’ which are both Dreamworks animated movies, and I did ‘Night At The Museum 2’, so kids recognise me. My character’s name was Brundon, and it was a memorable scene with me and Ben Stiller, and the kids like that. They love ‘Megamind’ and ‘How To Train Your Dragon’; when parents tell them I’m the voice of one of the characters, Snotlout and Titan, and they love that stuff – the kids go nuts. My nephews love it. CAN YOU TELL US HOW YOU FIRST GOT INTO IT ALL?

I just think it was what I was good at. I think I was good at entertaining, at writing, at being funny. You know you’re funny if you can make people laugh. I realised that was a tool in life early on. I enjoyed it, it came easy, like when you make someone laugh, making someone happy is a powerful tool, so you immediately think, ‘Oh, that’s good, I should keep doing that,’ because it’s making people happy. Of course, I’m going to want to make people I love around me happy. So I knew that was good, but I didn’t necessarily know it was a job. And then Dustin (Hoffman) was really the person who was like, ‘This could be your job if you do it right. I’ll help you out’. And that was really kind of him. He had no reason to do that besides just thinking it was true, maybe. And now I will do the same thing for people, if I see someone I think is talented that needs a hand. It’s your responsibility when you see someone who has talent, raw talent, to do that because if Dustin hadn’t done that for me, or Judd Apatow hadn’t done that for me, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.

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WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Sacha Baron Cohen makes me laugh a lot. I was one of the writer/ producers on ‘Bruno’, and I worked for Sacha for six months as a writer for him, and Sacha really makes me laugh; and Ben Stiller; Vince Vaughn makes me laugh – I’m working with them right now – Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Larry David. CAN YOU PINPOINT WHERE YOU FIND HUMOUR AND WHERE YOU DON’ T?

To me, all the people I really respond to, like ‘The Larry Sanders Show’, ‘The Simpsons’… ‘The Larry Sanders Show’ is one of the greatest pieces of art ever I think, because it’s very real and honest. To me, whether I’m doing something really broad, like this movie, I still try and keep it honest as an actor, so that you connect with the feelings, even if it is something silly. Oh, and Will Ferrell really makes me laugh. And John C. Reilly. I thought ‘Step Brothers’ was a masterpiece – it’s so insane but it’s so brilliant I think. Those are all different people with different styles of humour, but I think the things that really kill me, that make me die, like ‘Borat’ is I think the funniest movie of the 21st Century. WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM ‘ 21 JUMP STREET ’? AND DOES JOHNNY DEPP REALLY HAVE A CAMEO IN IT?

You are going to have to see. He may have a cameo in it, he may not. It’s like ‘Bad Boys’ meets a John Hughes movie. It’s a big action comedy, it’s so fun and funny, and I’m so proud of it. I can’t wait for people to start seeing it. I can’t wait. The test audiences have been going crazy. It’s been so fun to watch this experience, especially as I have been with it for five years by the time it comes out. FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

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EYE ON THE BALL!

WRITTEN BY BEN JONES, PICTURES COURTESY OF GETTY IMAGES

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EYE ON THE BALL!

sportsmen, each seemingly in the strongman mould, who

Since the game turned professional in 1995, great strides have been made with regards to fitness and dedication. Gone are the days of aftershave-drinking drunkenness, to be replaced by ice-baths and cryogenic chambers. Sure, rugby players still have the odd blow-out – witness the member of England’s squad during last year’s World Cup in New Zealand who got into hot water (or should that be cold?) for falling off a ferry. But, by and large, we are living in a modern sporting age and rugby will not be left behind. The Six Nations is an annual competition between England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France and Italy. So, there’s no better time to get down your local, or perch in front of the TV with some mates, and celebrate this wonderful game. But how does it all work? Well, the Six Nations is a round-robin competition – no knockouts here – at the end of which the team with the highest number of points wins. Teams will play each other either home or away on an alternating annual format, so, for example, Wales travel to Dublin to face Ireland on February 5, but will next year welcome the Irish to their home, Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium. The nature of the tournament is such that it is still possible for more than one team to win going into the final day, which makes it a real nail-biter. Take, for example, the Wales team of 2005, who won all their matches en route to a Grand Slam, or the England

side who were remorseless on their way to three victories in four years between 2000 and 2003. So much about the Six Nations makes it an amazing competition to watch, but it is surely given added spice by the inter-country rivalries. In days gone by, scores between nations were settled on the battlefield; now they are settled on the rugby pitch. The Welsh dislike the English. The English dislike the French (who, in turn, dislike just about everyone else). Everyone likes the Irish – but it’s still nice to beat them, and the Italians are just too, well, Italian to care. They do have a habit, though, of defeating unwary teams at their Roman cauldron of a home, the Stadio Fluminio. No one will take them lightly. All these ingredients go into the melting-pot to give us, the viewers, a heady, intoxicating mix of top-class rugby. This could be the most open tournament for years. Defending champions E ngland will be looking to produce an improvement on their less-than-glorious showing at the World Cup, where they were as much in trouble off the pitch as on it.

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Fans of the Red Rose will be hoping for better things under interim coach Stuart Lancaster, who has coached England at a number of age-group levels. France veer from the sublime to the ridiculous. They reached the final of the World Cup despite playing terribly (losing to Tonga must rank as an all-time low point in French rugby), then played their hearts out to almost upset New Zealand. They have another new coach, Philippe Saint-Andre, taking over from the characterful Marc Lievremont. Wales suffered heartbreak at the hands of the French in New Zealand, and will be dying to put things right. In Sam Warburton, they have one of the best young talents in the game, and if he can galvanise the team, they could well win the competition. Ireland will be looking to blood some youngsters as some of the older heads are put out to pasture. Scotland are on an upward curve under former England coach, Andy Robinson, and Italy could spring a surprise or two. All in all, the scene is set for an exciting tournament. Let the games begin! FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

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FIGHTING FESTIVE FLAB! GETTING FIT… WWW.POUNDATTACK.DE

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WRITTEN BY KARLA HETTESHEIMER

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GETTING FIT… WWW.POUNDATTACK.DE

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WHEN TO STOP: WARNING SIGNS A certain amount of discomfort during exercise is normal and inevitable – after all, you are challenging your body to do more than it is accustomed to. And you can expect to have some sore muscles after a vigorous workout; often the soreness doesn’t show up until a day or two later, especially with strength training. But pain and other symptoms that occur during exercise can be warning signs that something is wrong. You should stop exercising right away if you: 1) Have pain or pressure in the left or middle part of your chest, or in the left side of your neck, left shoulder or left arm; 2) Feel dizzy or sick; 3) Break out in a cold sweat;

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4) Have muscle cramps; 5) Feel sharp pain in your joints, feet, ankles, or bones; 6) Notice that your heart starts racing or beating irregularly. FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

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WRITTEN BY TORI HARRIS

FOR THE GIRLS!

SHINE

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THIS VALENTINE’S!

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DO FALSE LASHES RIGHT‌ YOUR EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO YOUR SOUL‌ The smoky rose quad from N o7 is your perfect tool for this look. 1) Starting with the lightest shade, brush liberally over the whole lid and up to the brow – this is the base and highlighter. 2) With your eye open, use the darker of the two pinks to mark the crease – keeping your eye open ensures the shadow is in the right place. 3) Closing your eye, blend with the lighter pink but ensure you don’t go right down to the lash line – leaving the highlighted colour. 4) Add the darker purple to the outer corners for a bolder look. 16 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

Fake eyelashes work wonders – when applied properly! Find a natural looking pair – ones with a clear strip opposed to a black one look more natural and can be applied without a line of eyeliner. Before applying the glue, measure the lashes; don’t be afraid to cut them! Truth is, almost everyone needs to trim them and more then just a little bit! Before you glue them on, run a tiny bit of black mascara through your lashes and curl them slightly. This helps them to blend in with the fake lashes – avoid getting mascara on the fake lashes if you want to use them again!

LUSCIOUS LIPS‌ Make sure you coat your lips in balm a few days before so you avoid any chapped, dry looking lips, Elizabeth Arden 8hr Cream Skin Protect is the best for this – it lasts forever and can be used on any dry skin, spots, eczema‌ it’s my ‘go to’ product for everything! On the day itself go for a nude lip colour – maybe even something flavoured?! You want your lip gloss to be appealing and not left all over him at the end of the night! To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

ANYTHING

GOES Vintage Clothing

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Anything Goes is the charity shop for Bivol Trust, which provides art, dressmaking and social groups for young people with learning disabilities in Portsmouth, Fareham and Gosport. Come to us for an excellent range of affordable vintage clothing! If you are looking for special outfits from the 1940’s or 1950’s or just funky dresses, tops, skirts, jeans, bags or accessories from the 1960’s, 70’s or 80’s, come and have a look! See also our special range of rare and sought after Edwardian and 1930’s dresses – ideal for weddings and a fraction of the usual cost! We also sell vinyls, vintage books and bric-a-brac. Visitors to our shop are amazed at our low prices and will come back time and again, so why not join them? You will come away with a bargain and you will be helping young disabled people too!!

SPRAY TANNING Fully mobile spray tanning service using Sienna X products. Providing gorgeous natural looking tans from the comfort of your own home. A full body spray tan takes 15 minutes and will leave you feeling fantastic for 7 days – only you will know your tan came out of a bottle!

Come to me for £15 Come to you £20 TANNING PARTIES AVAILABLE 07540 649347 toriharris90@gmail.com

97 Elm Grove, Southsea PO2 1LH

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HEALTH COUGH… PLEASE!

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Now all your questions and concerns can be answered by our resident health expert. Every month a selection of questions that you’ve sent in will be answered – including helpful tips, treatments, suggestions and whether or not you should seek further medical advice. Our highly qualified Mayhem! health advisor will provide information on medical conditions,

while allowing you to remain anonymous – so that you can ask even the most embarrassing questions without all your mates finding out! We’ll always do our best to provide the best advice, but if symptoms US, EMAI L .UK persist or you’re unhappy with TO WRITE TO CO M MAGAZ INE. HE AY M your diagnosis, consult your O@ LL HE RNER AS H HEALTH CO IT W local doctor or medical centre. TH E SUBJECT. Can’t wait to hear from you...

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HEALTHY RECIPES…

BANGERS AND MASH THIS SERVES 4…

WRITTEN BY ASHA LAL

FOOD GLORIOUS

FOOD

we are More than eve r now at and what con stantly told wh this all not to eat. Having

ver sty le in 1.2 an onion Jamie Oli nex t series the seconds or ent er

YOU CAN DO IT! Cooking is like riding a bike – it just comes more naturally to some people and there will always be a few incidences resulting in blood-loss. Being good in the kitchen doesn’t mean slogging away for hours and spending loads of cash on ingredients that you can’t even pronounce and will probably never use again. It’s about cooking and eating food that you and others will enjoy. 20 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

SUBSTANCE OVER STYLE!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to a few ‘posh’ restaurants and the food has been great, but you have to ask yourself ‘do you want to eat that type of food at home’? I think most of us want food that tastes amazing with minimal time and effort… right? So, if your local Indian is proving too much for your delicate stomach, you’re running low on cash or you’re sick of eating beans on toast, it’s not too late! Learning to cook is a great skill that will last a lifetime, even if you only learn a few favourites.

BE YOURSELF!

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If your favourite meal is sausage and mash and the way you cook it isn’t quite how it looks in a celebrity recipe book or the icing on your cup cakes isn’t quite like how Delia does it, it doesn’t matter… do it your way! To get you started, Mayhem! is here with a quick and easy classic! To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

Fr

gemen a n a M t t h S g i up A r e n a e e y w w to feel good you po W e n insid r ee A ing you t e o p l He

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t Weekly Session t Tips t Support t Run by a Health Trainer t Approved by the NHS t t The Health Trainer is a qualified specialist Weight Management Health Trainer t Free Weight Management Groups Southsea Community Centre Every Monday 11.00am - Midday

Southsea Community Centre (Mens only group) Every Monday 12.30pm - 1.30pm

IAG Centre in Arundel Street Every Tuesday 1.30pm - 2.30pm

Friendship House Every Wednesday 12.30pm - 1.30pm

John Pounds Centre Every Wednesday Midday - 1pm

Paulsgrove Children’s Centre Every Wednesday 6pm - 8pm

St George’s Business Centre, Portsea Every Thursday Midday - 1pm

Friendship House Every Friday 11am - Midday

For more information or to sign up contact the Health Trainers on: t. 023 9229 4001 e. info@learninglinks.co.uk w. www.portsmouthhealthtrainers.org.uk

EASY PEASY LEMON SQUEESY!

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The shops prepare by stocking up with sugar and lemons, and packs of so-called pancake mix. In reality these are little more than flour and powdered milk. It’s far cheaper, and no more difficult, to make your own at home. So here is a simple yet scrummy recipe!

HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN! 1) Put the flour into a large bowl and whisk in the milk. Use large actions to get a lot of air into the mixture. Add the egg, and keep on whisking until the mixture is smooth and you can’t see any of lumps of flour in it. 2) Heat the oil in a small frying pan and watch for smoke rising from the surface. Being careful,

as the pan will be very hot, ladle out just enough mixture to cover the bottom of the pan. 3) Allow it to cook for a minute, by which point it should have separated from the bottom of the pan. Slide it back and forth by shaking with the handle to make sure it’s loose, and then flip it over by flicking the pan upwards with a snap of the wrist, catching the pancake

WRITTEN BY FELICITY PATRICK

UNUSUAL PANCAKE TOPPINGS BLACK MAGIC PANCAKE

INGREDIENTS ™ &&%\ à djg ™ & aVg\Z Z\\ ™ '*%ba b^a` ™ 6 a^iiaZ d^a in the pan again on its way back down. It should have turned over once in the process. Cook this second side for a further 60 seconds, or until golden brown. 4) Slide out onto a plate and serve rolled up with the topping of your choice. We’ve given a few unusual suggestions here Then err‌ eat the thing, anyway you want.

PANCAKE RACES!

500 years ago a woman in the town on Olney was cooking her pancakes when she heard the church bell calling her to confessions. She ran to church in her apron still holding her frying pan tossing the pancakes to stop them burning. This caught on and pancake racing was born! People now dress up with their aprons and frying pans and race against each other. They’re usually small events in local communities but information can be found online. Just google it! 22 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

Crumble Oreo cookies into your pancake mixture before cooking, then use a dollop of vanilla ice cream to top it off. This is a spectacular addition!

IN BLOOM PANCAKES

Why not go Jamie style and add a few flowers into the equation to celebrate that Spring isn’t too far away. Try edible pansy’s “Viola X wittrockiana� and a drizzle of honey.

PINK LADY

Add a handful of raspberries and macadamia nuts to your pancake mixture before cooking. Then top with raspberry sauce, whipped cream and a sprig of mint.

SMORE ME UP

Add a handful of chocolate chips, marshmallows, crumbled digestive biscuit and walnuts. Top with some chocolate sauce and whipped cream for an ultimate treat!

CAVIAR KING

Add some chives and diced onion to your pancake batter. Then once cooked, spread some sour cream over your pancakes and spinkle a teaspoon of cavier and some chives on top. Don’t knock this one till you try it! Trust us!

PESTO PRINCE

Spread some red pesto onto your cooked pancakes, sprinkle some pine nuts then add some rocket to complete this mouth watering pancake.

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JOB VACANCY

Time for tea? GOLDSMITH AVENUE SOUTHSEA PO4 0AW

023 9235 5245

Think you’ve got what it takes to sell advertising space for Mayhem! Magazine? GET IN TOUCH TODAY!

023 9229 4408 DANIEL@TIDBURYMEDIA.COM

WRITTEN BY MIA HABENS

IT’S A LEAP YEAR!

WHAT TO DO ON YOUR EXTRA DAY? this

29t h!

THROW A LEAP YEAR PARTY Anthony in Texas is the self proclaimed leap-year capital of the world. Every year this little town holds a festival and leap-year birthday celebrations, complete with a carnival and hot air balloon rides. Now we’re not saying go all the way to Texas, or organise a parade, but leap year parties are a great way to celebrate the milestone and you only have to do it every four years!

PROPOSE ‌ TO YOUR MAN Speaking of marriage proposals, according to custom a leap year is the only time when it is acceptable for a woman to propose to a man. The tradition began in the 5th Century, when St. Bridget Invented at the Savoy Hotel complained to St. Patrick in London on February 29, about the fair sex having 1928 the Leap Year Cocktail to wait for men to propose. was said to have spurred Patrick finally relented and many a marriage proposal: set February 29 aside as the day allowing women q PVODFT HJO the right to ask for a man’s q PVODF (SBOE .BSOJFS hand in marriage. If the q PVODF TXFFU WFSNPVUI man refused he would q PVODF GSFTI MFNPO KVJDF have to pay a fine of a silk q 4UJS BOE TUSBJO JOUP B DIJMMFE dress, a silk pair of gloves cocktail glass. Serve with a or a kiss, so girls, if the twist of lemon. proposal doesn’t work out it might still do wonders The perfect leap year for your wardrobe! accompaniment!

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MAYHEM!

FACTS: ™ I]ZgZ VgZ VWdji [djg million people in the world born on February 29.

™ I]Z X]VcXZh d[ ]Vk^c\ a leap year birthday are 1 in 1,461. ™ I]Z :\nei^Vch lZgZ the first to come up with the idea of adding a leap day once every four years to keep the calendar in sync with the solar year. Later, the Romans adopted this solution for their calendar, and they became the first to designate February 29th as the leap day. ™ 6 eZghdc l]d ^h Wdgc on February 29 may be called a ‘leapling’ or a ‘leap year baby’. In non-leap years, they typically celebrate their birthday on either February 28 or March 1. ™ 6 hdaVg nZVg ^h i]Z time it takes the Earth to complete its orbit around the Sun — about one year. But the actual time it takes for the Earth to travel around the Sun is in fact a little longer than that – about 365 Âź days (365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds).

To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

CHECK OUT WWW.STREETARTUTOPIA.COM FOR MORE!

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FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

25

GETTING CLOSER TO KEIRA!

WRITTEN BY JAMIE LEVY/HOTFEATURES

26 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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GETTING CLOSER TO KEIRA!

Keira Knightley is set to shock movie fans with spanking scenes in her new movie ‘A Dangerous Method’. There’s already an Oscar buzz about her frank and often harrowing performance in David Cronenberg’s sexually charged new film which also stars Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortensen. ‘A Dangerous Method’ tells the story of a scandalous affair between Sabina Spielrein, a beautiful but troubled Russian who suffers from uncontrollable and violent fits, and Carl Jung, the married Swiss psychiatrist, who agrees to treat her. We got exclusive access to find out more…

“you never know where you’re going to find that little key into something” SO THERE ARE SOME PRETTY EROTIC SCENES IN THIS? HOW DID YOU PREPARE FOR THOSE SPANKING SCENES?

Well those scenes, when my agent phoned up and said David Cronenberg wants to offer you a film I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is like a dream come true really’. I love his work, so how amazing. I hadn’t read it but I was already ninety percent there. Then they said Christopher Hampton’s written the script and I love his work too, so it was even more exciting and I read it and went, ‘This is fascinating and what a character and I love it and I’m interested - but there are these two scenes…’ and I phoned him up and I went, ‘I love you, I love it but I really don’t

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know if I can do that. I don’t know if I want to do that. I’m really, really not sure about it’. And he went, ‘Well I think it would be a tragedy if you didn’t do the part because of that, so if you want them out then we just won’t shoot them. We’ll take them out of the script, or we’ll find a way that will make you comfortable doing it’. And partly the reason I phoned him was to say thank you, but I think I ought to pass on it because I thought they were integral to the piece. I didn’t think they were sex for sex’s sake as I think they sometimes are in films. I thought it was really important to see them and really important to show that within the study of that relationship.

FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

27

GETTING CLOSER TO KEIRA!

28 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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GETTING CLOSER TO KEIRA! ARE YOU GLAD YOU DID IT?

I don’t know. I made the decision based on a piece of work that I thought was valid and exciting. Am I glad I did it? I don’t know how to answer that. I stand by it and I’m really glad that I did the film. I’m proud of what the film is and I think it was very important to have those erotic scenes within all of it. YOU DO SOME INCREDIBLE THINGS IN THIS FILM, ALMOST LIKE AN EDVARD MUNCH PAINTING AT TIMES…. HOW DID YOU PREPARE FOR THAT?

Yeah, I did actually use that! It sort of came from lots of different places really. For those scenes it said ‘ravaged by ticks and has hysterical fit’ and you go, ‘Ok, what does that mean?’ I started reading about it and I had a book that was actually Jung’s case notes of Sabina when she first entered the Burghölzi. I also found a part in her diary, where she felt like she was a dog or a demon. I thought, well, that’s not in the script but that’s a huge thing to feel about yourself and I thought it would be interesting to reflect that through the tick. So it was a bit of a creation really. HOW MUCH DO YOU LIKE TO DELVE INTO THAT DEEP RESEARCH?

I absolutely love it. It’s a very new discovery. I haven’t been to drama school so I didn’t know how to prepare for the role and being mostly a film actress you literally get there on the day, you never see how other actors prepare. So it’s been a big voyage of discovery. I found that personally for me, research is really helpful and I love doing it, I absolutely love it. You never know where you’re going to find that little key into something. So I had to try and cram in as much information as possible and then sort through it from there.

that I couldn’t get my head around. It’s actually for me been incredibly liberating in both playing this part and in playing parts subsequently to this. I found that incredibly inspiring which came from the analyst that talked to me. DO YOU ENJOY WORKING WITH A DIRECTOR WHO SHOOTS AT SUCH A FAST PACE?

It’s very exciting. Normally I am somebody who loves to rehearse and David has publicly said he’s absolutely somebody who doesn’t like to. I think he’s like a magician. I have no idea how he creates the incredible atmosphere. I think, in a lot of people’s hands I would have freaked out that I hadn’t met anybody and I hadn’t been working with them for a month before, but he has such confidence in himself and who he’s hired that it imbues you with confidence. It kind of makes you go, ok, you think I can do this, yeah, I can do this. WITHOUT REHEARSALS HOW DID YOU CREATE THE ACTING SCENES WITH YOUR FELLOW ACTORS?

I think that’s partly him [the Director] being very clever with casting – and that’s part of the art of casting, we all really got on. It was almost like being set up on a blind date because you don’t ever know if it’s going to click and really fortunately and partly because Michael’s wonderful, Viggo’s wonderful... They’re just wonderful people, really warm and great and creative. So it was very lucky. YOUR CHARACTER MAKES AN INCREDIBLE TRANSFORMATION - STARTING OFF AS HYSTERICAL AND BY THE END OF THE FILM SHE’S VERY SELFPOSSESSED. HOW DID YOU MAKE THOSE TRANSITIONS?

Using it as therapy for myself? I don’t do that. I mean, yes, there is an argument to use acting as therapy and I think a lot of actors do. I’m definitely not one of them. Instead I think this role actually did have something to do with the fact that it’s an incredibly dark subject matter. So there was a sense of getting all of the darkness out there and then having a lovely time. I mean, I didn’t use it as a therapy personally – I think it’s a dangerous path to tread. It’s a bit like opening Pandora’s Box if you start to try and do something like that, so I don’t.

That was quite a difficult one because there was an option to go, ‘and then she was completely better’. I don’t know that she was ever totally free of it, of the trauma of it. I think that what was extraordinary was that she managed to live within society and function within society. Which is something that she couldn’t do in any way before and people had totally lost hope. Was she happy? I don’t know. I think there was a constant struggle between herself and the illness and I think what she learnt was a way to deal with it and not to give in to it and take over her. I did sort of see her as two warring beings. You’ve got one that’s the illness and one that’s the intellect. I think that’s what’s brilliant with what Jung did, he stimulated the intellect to become stronger than the illness. But I think it must have been a constant battle within her.

HAVE YOU TRIED PSYCHOANALYSIS?

CAN YOU TELL US WHAT ELSE YOU’VE GOT COMING UP?

I did speak to two psychoanalysts about this role and they were so helpful. They were absolutely amazing. I spoke to one who put a book together on Sabina Spielrein . She very kindly gave me her time and spoke to me about her. Then another one who I sat with for a couple of hours and just sort of talked it through – it was the masochistic side of it

Yes, I have a film called ‘Seeking a Friend at the End of the World’ which is with Steve Carell, I just finished shooting it over the summer. It’s a very, very black comedy about the end of the world. Then in two weeks I’m about to start ‘Anna Karenina’ with Joe Wright who directed ‘Atonement’ and ‘Pride and Prejudice’, so that’s very exciting.

CAN THIS SORT OF WORK HELP PSYCHOLOGICALLY?

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FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

29

TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOUR COPY OF MAYHEM! MAGAZINE AND SEND IT IN TO: HELLO@MAYHEMMAGAZINE.CO.UK AND JOIN OUR MAYHEM! HALL OF FAME

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! on Commercial Road om s.c or www.ann summer Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

33

CORSETS BY VOLLERS

Straight

34 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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HISTORY LESSONS!

Corsets aren’t ‘back’‌ ‌they’ve never been away! Portsmouth. What’s it all about? Well, the Royal Navy, obviously. There’s been a shipping base in the City since 1194 – that’s a bloody long time ago by any standards. Mayhem! however, has lifted the lacy petticoat of history and peeped underneath to reveal some other aspects of the City’s past, present and future.

The Yep, corsets. Underwear. Unmentionables. Just think, you work your way through 16 layers of goodness knows what and, just as you’re about to get your sex-starved hands on the prize, you’re confronted with a mass of leather and bone strapped to the object of your affections – and if you struggle with a mere bra these days, then you’d have stood no chance with a corset...

3FE 4BUJO -BDF 5SJN ÂŁ125

The term Corset is Latin – from Corpus, meaning ‘body’. They first became an affectation and delectation for genteel ladies in the late 18th Century. Naturally, as they were uncomfortable, expensive and cumbersome, they were hugely popular - especially among the men-folk of the day, determined, as they were, for their women to be slim of waist and tightly under DPOUSPM JO BMM UIF SJHIU QMBDFT (FOFSBM consensus among women was that the tighter they were laced, the better

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WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

it was for all concerned. A 15-inch waist for a dedicated wearer was by no means unusual. The growth of the corset industry did not go unnoticed by one enterprising Portsmouth man by the name of Harry Voller. Back in 1899, a Naval life was not for him so, determined to escape a life of rum, sodomy and the lash, he left school with the intentions of becoming a self made man, choosing the manufacturing of corsets as his path to success. Starting a business was rather more simplistic in those days. Harry had no need to worry about marketing or having a viable business plan. Instead, together with his wife Nelly, he purchased a few needles, some suspenders and a small supply of whalebone (easily obtainable in the days before (SFFOQFBDF 5IF DPNQBOZ LOPXO today as Vollers had been born. FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

35

HISTORY LESSONS!

Brocade ÂŁ175

#SPDBEF Lace Trim ÂŁ295

Harry and Nelly could have given up after just two weeks of trading. Despite corsets being a must-have item and the fashion rage of the age, their total takings in week two were precisely nothing. Zilch. The world, it seemed, did not want to be held in place by Harry and Nelly’s nimble fingers. Maybe a life on the ocean wave would be Harry’s calling after all?

Black Satin/ Black & White Lace (# 1899) ÂŁ215

36 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

And yet, nearly 113 years later, Ian Voller and Corina Voller, are the 4th generation of Vollers to own the business and the first husband and wife partnership since Harry and Nelly. Their company is now the most famous and renowned manufacturer of corsets in the world, supplying extensively to both national and international markets, as well as exhibiting throughout the fashion world. Harry would be very QSPVE PG IJT (SFBU (SBOETPO XIP IBT made the family name synonymous throughout the world with regards to the corset industry.

Because, believe me, corsets are )6(& SJHIU OPX " NVTU IBWF 5IF staple of any wardrobe; a beautiful, glamorous, feminine and sexy fashion item. Ian and Corina cite Madonna, an icon who helped bring the corset back into the public domain – the – girl who â€œâ€Ślaced herself into a scrap of satin and steel and forgot to finish dressingâ€?. Madonna’s style has changed over the years but, back in the 80’s, that damned girl really was Vogue. The popularity of the corset has not waned since. From whale bone and tightly laced madness to a versatile fashion must have that has comfort and style uppermost in mind. It’s the concept that Vollers have altered, not the waist size. Indulge yourself. You can wear a modern corset as you sachet at the ball, or wear one with jeans and boots as you take to the town. Endless possibilities. And, as you envelop yourself in waves of finest satin and lace, think of that early 20th Century workforce and how it all began in Portsmouth, of all places.

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CORSETS BY VOLLERS

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FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

37

CORSETS BY VOLLERS

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39

CORSETS BY VOLLERS

Black Satin £135

40 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

41

MAYHEM! MEETS…

INT ERV IEW BY

JEN NIF ER LE RO

UX

42 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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MAYHEM! MEETS…

ars. tour in almos t two ye ar wit h re-emergence this ye ture Is a new album – ‘ The Fu ahead Medieval’. We catch up ll this Port smouth’s Guildha going. .. mon th to see how it ’s HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE BAND TO ANYONE NEW TO KAISER CHIEFS?

We’re in the line of the great British bands. SO YOU RETURNED FROM YOUR TWO YEAR HIATUS THIS YEAR, HOW HAS 2011 TREATED YOU?

2011 was good. We all had a great time working out how we were gonna release the album and loved the fact that it came off. The night before the album was released was genuinely exciting and it felt the same as when we released the first record, which was sort of the point; to do something new, to make things exciting again. After that we’ve played some great gigs all over the world. Glastonbury was a highlight as was Splendour in Australia; our massive homecoming shows in Leeds and more recently we did our most extensive tour of Europe ever, so all in all, another year of good times. WHY DID YOU TAKE THE BREAK? WHAT WERE YOU DOING DURING THAT TIME?

We toured or were writing/recording all the time from 2004 to 2009. When you do that, I think you start taking things for granted and it was great to be at home for a while, sit back, take it all in and work out what to do next. As everyone knows now we’re hardly idle to the time off. After Off With Their Heads we toured for another year then had some time off and pretty soon got into writing and recording the 25 tracks that got released in various ways around The Future Is Medieval album. That was a lot of fun. We were able to get together and make music and then go off and do other things before coming back to it again. There was no real deadline. Just when it was finished and the website was designed we could hit the button and stick it out for everyone to enjoy. We loved that. We also liked that it was our little secret. As things progressed the number of people who needed to know got bigger and bigger but we were massively impressed that the whole thing didn’t leak before the day. Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

43

MAYHEM! MEETS…

eb 21 Playing F outh t sm at the Por all Guildh

HAS YOUR SOUND AND YOUR INFLUENCES CHANGED OVER THE YEARS?

We think that it’s important for bands to develop over time and, particularly on the last album, we tried to stretch the boundaries of what people expect from the Kaiser Chiefs. Loads of people have mentioned to me that they couldn’t believe that certain songs on the last album were by us and that was with intention. We wanted to try different things and experiment with different approaches and different sounds. We think if it’s the five of us playing and singing then it sounds like KC and the challenge was to try to do these different and interesting things while keeping the big tunes that we have been famous for. We keep doing that and we’re looking forward to the year ahead and more new music coming out for everyone to hear. 44 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

WE UNDERSTAND YOUR BAND NAME COMES FROM THE SOUTH AFRICAN FOOTBALL TEAM, WHAT IS THE BANDS LINK TO SOUTH AFRICA?

The name does come from South Africa but the link comes from Leeds – our home town. A Leeds United legend, Lucas Radebe signed for Leeds from Kaiser Chiefs and we loved the name so we nicked it! WITH YOUR MOST RECENT ALBUM, ‘ THE FUTURE IS MEDIEVAL’, WE UNDERSTAND THAT RATHER THAN SIMPLY ALLOWING DOWNLOAD, YOU LET THE FANS PICK 10 OUT OF THE 20 SONGS TO MAKE THEIR OWN ALBUM FOR £7.50. WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO TAKE THIS APPROACH?

It came from an idea Ricky had, but the main motivation was seeing record sales in general go down and down. And people more and more think music is something disposable. I think that a lot of people are guilty

for letting that happen and we just wanted to do something different to everyone else, to stand out from the crowd, to make people stop for a minute and listen to the record rather than just downloading it and moving onto the next thing. Obviously something has to happen with how music is sold and we were just trying to actually do something rather than just sit around and moan about how things used to be. HOW DO YOU THINK ONLINE HAS INFLUENCED THE PRODUCTION OF FULL ALBUMS?

More than ever tracks are important and iTunes has made it easy to grab music you want quickly. I think that is a great thing in a way but though people think we are a singles band actually albums have always been massively important to us. We always tried to make our albums flow and be interesting all the way through.

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MAYHEM! MEETS… The way we did The Future Is Medieval made that less important and that again was intentional. If people want to pick and choose tracks we thought it would be cool to give them more choice; let them get on with picking tracks. But in a sly way, because they had to pick 10 to complete the album, we got a lot of people thinking about the album and the running order, in order to pick the ultimate track list. We are also about to release the vinyl version ourselves – basically ‘cause it’s not really financially viable for record companies to do that anymore. So basically, I think while bands and artists are still interested in making albums, they still have a long way to go. HOW INSTRUMENTAL WERE YOUR AWARDS WITH NME AND THE BRITS TO YOUR SUCCESS AS A BAND?

At first with awards we took them for granted and just thought it was a good night out but I think they were actually really important – especially the first few, and especially to separate us from the crowd when we went places outside the UK. WHAT IS THE SONGWRITING PROCESS FOR THE BAND AND HAS IT CHANGED WITH NEW TECHNOLOGY OVER THE YEARS?

Our songwriting process has always been pretty much the same. Nick comes with songs/ideas/bits and we finish the music and Ricky finishes the lyrics. Very occasionally something different happens but that’s about it. Things have changed a lot though since we started. We used to be jamming in a rehearsal room for hours and hours and before we were first signed we (well Nick and Peanut mainly) spent hours recording on bits of equipment we got for bargain prices or borrowed off people. One thing at a time, learning as we went, that’s how we did our original demos. Now it’s a lot easier, Nick will demo songs in his studio Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

and send them to us to listen to before we play them together. It speeds up the whole process. In fact Nick’s studio is great. We recorded a few of the songs for the new album in there. And we’re currently working on the new single. We can just get in there and get on with things; no need to wait around for other people. It makes life dead easy. HAVE ANY OF YOU GOT FAMILIES NOW? HOW DO YOU MANAGE BEING ON THE ROAD AND FAMILY LIFE?

There’s only one Kaiser kid so far. But from the start we were all close to our families and so going away for months and months is hard. We just try and get back to see people as often as possible or get them to come out to us. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT?

During the time off me and Nick put out a couple of singles by a band called The Neat who are great. And we’ve got a load of unsigned or new bands on the bill with us on the tour. I think there’s five or six different ones over all the dates. They are all worth checking out. On top of that, there’s a band from Leeds called Stalking Horse who are cool and another band from San Diego called Transfer who just supported us in Europe. They are genuinely brilliant. A really great live band, even Whitey watched them when they were supporting us and that’s almost unheard of. IF YOU COULD COLLABORATE WITH ANOTHER ARTIST, WHO WOULD IT BE?

I personally love Lou Reed, but never meet your heroes. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2012?

First off, do this interview and then we have a little bit of recording to do for a single we are going to release early in the year. More new material. After that it’s back on the road round the UK, USA, Europe, Australia and everywhere in between. That takes us to about September. After that who knows? FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

45

HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!

WRITTEN BY FELICITY PATRICK

THE TERMINATOR

OF THE BEST

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He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He absolutely will not stop‌ until you are dead. That’s what you’re up against when dealing with the iconic Cyberdyne Model T-800. That is of course until you manage to reprogram him, then you would get the greatest bodyguard in history. He’s an unstoppable, catchphrase creating, motorcycle riding, sunglass wearing, robotic angel of death.

C-3PO – RS’ STAR WA Q E DB N (PME TI JOZ BO like? to what’s not

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Leader of the Autobots and ult imate va lia nt robot wa rrior! Plus he ca n tra nsfor m into a truck and give you lifts home.

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WALL-E

ha rd task to make a It’s not an easy at ’s th t loveable, bu metal machine is th r word fo really the on ly bot. -collecting lil’ ro ish bb ru , ky pluc

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47

SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME NOT…

ROMEO’S WRITTEN BY KELLY WICKHAM

RIVALS e hin d as b e e n b his tory h

lly u y a ct ua g e h t e r w he girl … g et s t he

KING KONG

SHREK All young girls grow up reading fairy tales with the idea of a female being trapped somehow, until a knight in shining armour sweeps her off her feet and rescues her. Unlike most conventional princes, Shrek is an ogre, and although the rescue doesn’t go quite as planned, the prince (or ogre in this case!) wins the princess’s heart, breaks the spell on her and marries her back at his swamp – proving once and for all that true love does conquer all! 54 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

The lovable giant gorilla, actually dies in his attempts to gain the love and affection of Ann Darrow, the glamorous blonde bombshell. Kong might have a reputation as a scary ape, but when the natives present Ann to him as a sacrifice, he falls in love with her. It’s not until we see King Kong on top of the Empire State Building, that he finally displays his affection and love for her, protecting her to the end. The infamous line “it was Beauty who killed the Beast” confirms the true affection.

OSGOOD FIELDING III

KING HENRY VIII Surprised to see this man as a romantic? Well, even with his reputation, the former King of England was obsessed with his second wife, Anne Boleyn. He wrote in a letter to her, ‘My heart and I surrender themselves into your hands’ and even signed himself as ‘Your servant and friend’. Henry spent seven years in turmoil before marrying his true love, only to have her beheaded three years later for adultery with several men, including her own brother! Just eleven days later, he married Jane Seymour, the only one of the lucky wives to bear him a son!

The character from the 1959 film, Some Like It Hot, Osgood breaks all conventions of a typical romantic. This millionaire finds himself falling in love with Daphne, who is really Jerry, a male musician in female disguise! Unbeknown to Osgood, he proposes to Daphne on his yacht and she (he?!) accepts under the impression that he can receive a nice cash settlement after their wedding. At the end of the film, Jerry tells Osgood he can’t actually marry him, bringing a range of reasons to which Osgood takes no notice and insists the wedding plan continues. Finally, Jerry confesses and removes his wig, pronouncing “I’m a man!”, only for Osgood to speak the film’s memorable last line, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”

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FOR HER‌

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*ODMVEFT #BUI BOE 4IPXFS (FM 60ml, Body Cream 60ml and a Bath Lily. Comes in Strawberry, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Moroccan, Satsuma, Coconut, Shea, Mango and White Musk. ÂŁ6 www.thebodyshop.co.uk

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THE ART OF KEEPING HER SWEET!

HOW 2 MAKE YOUR

GIRL FEEL LIKE A WOMAN WRITTEN BY MIA HABENS

lis t en up lads !

MJLFT UP GFFM TFYZ "OE &WFSZ HJSM JO UIF XPSME BO ¤T JU GUFO BT QPTTJCMF˜ TIF XBOUT UP GFFM JU BT P JFS BT T F JU¤ SF ZPV DPNF JO BOE BEEJDUJPO 5IBU¤T XIF MPQ FWF FE USJDLZ BSFB TP XF¤WF E TBJE UIBO EPOF *U¤T B NBLJOH IFS GFFM IPU TPNF GBJM TBGF SVMFT GPS SN BOE UJOHMZ˜ "OE JG TIF GFFMT BMM XB PO UIF GBWPVS TIF¤MM XBOU UP QBTT

UGLY ON THE INSIDE If your girlfriend ever sees you eyeing up another woman‌ beware! Even if it’s a celebrity hottie on the telly! In this eventuality, you need to have some stock answers that you can reel out at 0.5 of a second, so she knows you’re ‘telling the truth’. Firstly‌ “I was just thinking how fake she looksâ€? is a great start. This should be quickly followed up by, “I bet she’s such a diva, you know‌ ugly on the insideâ€?. Add in a quick compliment and you’re safe! 58 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

GOOD VIBRATIONS No, not like that! I’m talking about the ‘can’t keep my hands off you’ tingles. Nothing makes a girl feel sexier than knowing she’s driving you wild with anticipation, so take every opportunity to touch her. Even if it’s only a cheeky under-the-table knee squeeze or running your finger gently down her arm‌ those goose bumps rising will lead to other things rising later!

LINGERIE LAW Lingerie is a tricky subject, but handled correctly can make your girl feel super-sexy and guarantee you the first catwalk show. The most important thing to remember is – get the size right! Too big and you will make her think you A) think she’s fat, or B) want her to have bigger assets. Too small and she will think, well, the same actually! So, stick to the lingerie law and your well on your way to some bedroom bliss!

I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU Nothing makes a girl feel sexier than knowing she has your undivided attention. Therefore, make sure you only have eyes for her when you go out together‌ attentively listening and taking in every word‌ even if you’re checking out the bar-maid in your peripherals! Just be careful not to stare!

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Portraiture doesn’t have to be stiff and boring!

„ „ 777 4)$"5290(/4/'2!0(9 #/-

HOW COULD YOU FORGET...?

EXCUSES FOR

FORGETTING

WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

TO BUY A VALENT INE’ S GI FT 8F BMM TVGGFS GSPN BNOFTJB OPX BOE BHBJO )PX NBOZ PG ZPV GPS FYBNQMF IBWF HPOF BXBZ GPS UIBU ÂŁTQFDJBM ¤ XFFLFOE POMZ UP OPUF UIBU ZPV¤WF GPSHPUUFO UP QBDL B DIBOHF PG VOEFSXFBS *U¤T BMM UPP FBTZ UP GPSHFU CJSUIEBZT BOE GPS HPPEOFTT TBLF UIFSF BSF QFPQMF PVU UIFSF XIP XPVME SBUIFS QMBZ B HBNF PG SPDL QBQFS TDJTTPST XJUI %FBUI IJNTFMG UIBO GPSHFU UP TFOE UIFJS .VN B DBSE PO .PUIFS¤T %BZ

˜IPXFWFS BT DSJUJDBM BOE TFSJPVT BT BOZ PG UIF BCPWF JOGSBDUJPOT NJHIU CF BMM QBMF JO DPNQBSJTPO UP UIF GBUF UIBU BXBJUT ZPV JG ZPV GPSHFU UP CVZ ZPVS QBSUOFS B IT HASN’T 7BMFOUJOF¤T HJGU #FMJFWF VT XIFO ARRIVED YET MISUNDERSTOOD VALENTINE’S DAY A classic and goodie for any time of XF UFMM ZPV UIBU UIFSF JT OP GFBS the year. Don’t hesitate to wheel it This can work really well! Look MJLF UIBU FYQFSJFODFE XIFO UIF out again, but remember to add the suitably shocked at your beloved’s look of sadness on your face that gift admission and say something BGPSFNFOUJPOFE CFMPWFE TBZT UP the postal services, curse them for the lines of, “...well that sort of ZPV ÂĄ ZPV¤MM OFWFS HVFTT XIBU *¤WF evermore, have let you down – again! along goes against the whole meaning of CPVHIU ZPV GPS 7BMFOUJOF¤T %BZ¢ As a further act of contrition, look the day doesn’t it, I mean, I am hugely Â&#x; BOE BMM ZPVS NJOE DBO PGGFS up something online that you know grateful, but‌â€? – and then blather on they won’t like and show it to them, about how it’s about love, expressing JO SFTQPOTF JT B UVNCMFXFFE little sniffs of sorrow accompanying and sharing your love, and doing your explanations. The happy so for free – like having a long walk CPVODJOH JUT XBZ BDSPTT B WFSZ denouement being, when they admit together for example, that’s romantic HJGU GSFF EFTFSU 5IFSF¤T B TUPSN to not actually liking it that much (and free) – and it was your intended B¤DPNJO VOMFTT ZPV DBO UIJOL anyway, you can nobly offer to cancel gift for them all along, a lovely long the order and take them shopping for walk in the countryside, just the two RVJDLMZ -VDLJMZ BT BMXBZT special’ instead. Sorted. of you. They’ll melt into your arms, .BZIFN JT IFSF XJUI B SBGU ‘something Now go bathe in your loving reward and likely your bed later on. PG SFBEZNBEF FYDVTFT for being so thoughtful. While you’ll still get your pressie! 60 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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HOW COULD YOU FORGET...?

YOU’RE BROKE Now, you will have to expand on this one a bit – just saying “I’m broke” won’t cut it. Explain how you have been putting money away for that charity you’ve always supported (it’ll be the first they’ve heard of it, but hey...), you know, the one for abandoned puppies and kittens, and, what with that and your commitment to other laudable institutions that are hell bent on saving the world, you thought a little bit of materialism was, perhaps, something that wouldn’t sit well alongside all of your noble causes? Sorted – and you’ll look good with it.

YOUR LAST PARTNER DIED ON VALENTINE’S DAY Probably only to be used if you actually want to free yourself of your partner’s clingy, ‘buy a gift for every bloody occasion’ tendencies. Because, let’s face it, no man or woman is going to make their emotionally fragile partner relive that terrible memory and will probably want, in their embarrassment, to gloss over the day and all of its connotations as soon as possible. It might mean, of course, you don’t get to receive your present now. But there is nothing like adopting a really pained expression and saying “hold me” at this point. You’ll get anything you want now – a nice meal, a hot bath ran, your laundry and ironing done, and yes, that long walk in the countryside. Again.

IMPROVISE! Think and act quickly. You’ve got a brain, everyone says so. Engage it. In days of yore, leg warmers and Mrs Thatch, young lovers gave each other ‘mix tapes’ which was a cassette tape (ask your Dad) full of songs that were ‘special’ to them – romantic, cheap, and hugely effective if you get my drift. Now, use the intuition our elders had. Look around the room, the house. Is there a festering bottle of wine at the back of a cupboard that you can whip out, or some autobiography by a rancid celebrity that you were given (see previous Mayhem!) as a Christmas gift that you can safely pass on? Hell, given what you might have in your kitchen at the time, you could even announce that you are going to cook them a ‘special meal’ , as for Valentines. There are not believe, Just make sure many people eaths in you’ve got more just the two d than bread and ’s Romeo Shakespeare cheese in the t six! and Juliet – bu fridge if you resort to that one though!

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EASY WAYS TO SURVIVE MEETING YOUR GIRL’S DAD

E B HJSM XIP VO GP F ¤W PV Z Â&#x; SF UV JD Q JT *NBHJOF UI FOPVHI MJLFT ZPV JMZ DL MV F TI E BO F MJL Z FM ZPV HFOVJO MJGF¤T CFBVUJGVM BOE U FB HS H JO HP ¤T OH IJ ZU FS CBDL &W NFFU IFS GBUIFS Â&#x; P U OE PV S PV Z FT JU OW J IF UIFO T TFSJPVT CVNQ JO UIF SPBE WRITTEN BY ANABELA GAVRILOVA

BE A POLITE GENTLEMAN No father wants to imagine you kissing his little princess, let alone anything else. That’s why you should only be friendly with your girl in his presence – there should be no hand holding, no light kisses on the cheek, no loveable looks. If you’re not cautious you’ll end up on daddy’s list of ‘Most Hated People on Earth’ and you really don’t want to go there‌ A weird, yet effective way to throw pops off your trail would be to give him the ‘fake celibacy speech’, how disgusting youngsters’ sexual culture is nowadays and how you’d like to wait etc, etc. This is a bit unnerving to do, but totally worth it – at least you know her dad’s not going to kill you on the dining room table because he has the wrong idea.

FIND SOME COMMON GROUND Another key to success is to please the old man by lying mercilessly about liking the things he does – if he likes Manchester United, then you’re their number one supporter too; if he likes drinking from midday then you better start training; if he likes collecting porcelain figurines, well‌ it sucks to be you. Word of advice – don’t try too hard or else you’ll obviously be a suck-up and no one likes those.

WHERE’S THE LOVE?

Dads hating their daughter’s boyfriends seems to be set in their DNA – you’re either never going to be good enough for her or you’ll be seen to be perverting daddy’s little angel. As you can see, it’s a lose-lose situation. That’s why the team here at Mayhem! have pitched in to help you with some useful tips on how to get into pops’ good graces. 62 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

Now you’ve gotten into pops’ good graces (which rarely happens) you need to maintain the effort. So, how do I do that, I hear you ask. The answer is simple – show him that you’re completely besotted with his daughter even if you’re not. Say all sorts of mushy trivial stuff like – “Oh, the moment I saw her, I knew she was the one�. It may sound stupid but equally so does the fact he let you come within 500 feet... To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

TABLE FOR ONE PLEASE...!

THE SINGLES CLUB WRITTEN BY CHRIS MORLEY

As a single person, Valentine’s LOOK AFTER #1 Day can mean many things. If you have nobody to plan things for, seize the day. Take your mind off the Hope for the possibility of various love connotations by doing new love, pining for a lost something especially for yourself, one, almost any interpretation no matter how obscure. The world is your oyster, and just because you you can think of. Whether have nobody on your arm, nothing is you’ve yet to be shot with closed to you. It may be strange or Cupid’s arrow, or are cursing painful seeing couples walk hand in him for poor aim, you can still hand as if they’ve been glued together by a romantic prankster, but think of enjoy the ‘loveliest day of the it this way – you’re free. Nobody’s making you do anything you don’t year’, and here’s how. We want to do, and there are no parents to begin with the age-old meet! No need for any considerations principle of ‘looking out bar your own. No big questions like for number one.’ ‘does my bum look big in this?’ 64 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

LOVE AND HOW TO FIND IT Have a real think about what it is you’re looking for in a partner. It’s all very well jumping on the bandwagon but you need to know where you’d like to be going. After all, it’s a big thing. Keep an open mind, at least to begin with – then start searching. There are two main ways to go about this. You could try proper social settings – that old favourite (the pub), gigs, clubs, galleries, anything that involves a group of people sharing a common interest. That way you’ll know potential Miss or Mr Right has at least something small in common with you before you take the plunge. (P XJUI UIF èPX GPS B XIJMF UIFO when the time feels right, see where things go. One date is no indication of a future together, not by a long shot. Do your best to make time for the other person, for example regular meet-ups, a drink, a meal out. Regular contact will enable both of you to make an informed decision as to where this goes. Remember, a new friendship brings its benefits even if it doesn’t end in full-blown, mad, passionate love. If it’s meant to be, you’ll spot the signs. If, for whatever reason, you aren’t comfortable with or can’t afford to socialise regularly, it could be time to enter the world of internet dating. But, as with all things in life, be wary. Tell people only what you want them to know… for now anyway. And if things become uncomfortable with one of your ‘matches’, there is always a ‘block’ button in the event of absolute emergencies, but hopefully it won’t come to that. Just enjoy yourself, it’s that simple.

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WRITTEN BY ALICE HARE

STEAM IT UP!

RELATIONSHIP

GETTING BORING?

TURN IT AROUND Believe me, I’ve had my share of the bored bedroom blues! The solution to this problem relies on your bedroom style. The rule I’ve given myself, and I’d recommend everyone else to try, is to completely flip your sex rules upside down. If you’re a dirty dominator, try swapping roles with your partner to become the shy submissive one, or vice versa and try to surprise them with this decision, it’ll completely blow them away. 66 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

INDOOR PICNIC Being indoors may completely blow the whole picnic idea out the window, but it can be surprisingly romantic and it’s extremely useful if the weather is rubbish (or if you’re just lazy like me). My perfect picnic menu consists of ice-cream, strawberries and melted chocolate (of course). After devouring with this magic combination, you’ll be glad the bedroom is only down the hall, so don’t forget to save some of that chocolate for later.

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PLAY TIME

HAVE A GIGGLE

This may require some control over your blushing, but why not try taking a trip to your local Ann Summers together, or by yourself if you fancy surprising your partner later on. It can be a lot of fun, and will often leave your imagination racing, which is essential if you’re looking to spice up your sex life. On the other hand, you can surf the web and order online, then leave your boyfriend or girlfriend to open the package when it arrives in the post.

If all else fails, and the two of you can no longer produce any laughs together, head out to a comedy club so that you can at least laugh at other people. There is usually a comedy night every two weeks at the Wedgewood Rooms in Southsea, or try )JHIMJHIU JO (VOXIBSG Quays if you fancy heading out later on that night. Make sure to sit at the front, I always find it funnier when the comedian takes the piss out of my other half!

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CHEQUE

REAL STORIES

WHAT’S MY NAME?

After a fun first date we ended the night going back to his for coffee, where one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. Half way through sex he stopped and asked me, “what’s my name?� I rather embarrassingly had forgotten and couldn’t answer. Let’s just say the mood swiftly passed and I got out of there sharpish, never again will I break the ent on w e w ex y m ith W hen I was w e Ic number one rule – ng ei nema, after se a date to the ci a never sleep with a ve ha d d to go an Age 3 we decide ise guy on a first date na on ay m e , but th KFC, as you do (especially if you as off en be ve ha t or ch icken mus ng ki don’t know his pu date w ith him we ended the name.) – Maie, e’s er Th ca r pa rk. in the cinema Brighton e th in e se r u neve somet hing yo th ou m rts Po , na rom-coms. – An

PLEASE? WRITTEN BY HAYLEY MALINS

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wi It was my first date ard a pla ne going gh Hyde Pa rk I he rou th d as we wa lke where someth ing bering I’d read some overhead, remem th wi noncha lance r II air show I sa id d at me about a World Wa tu rned and looke he now�. To wh ich ular reg a it’s “that’s a Spitfire y’k ’t id, “no it isn sed “W hat?� he sa e th of ral completely bemu Mo �. se licen use I have a pilot’s are u jumbo jet, I know ca yo s ing th t ou d impress a guy ab story, don’t try an ie, London on clueless on! – Le

MY LOVE T DON ’T COS A TH ING out

d I took my girlfr ien tine’s len Va te to celebra cy fan a to ar last ye ered restaurant , show meho s, her with rose d an ies ok made co th a serenaded her wi on ly song I had wr itten ing gh lau rt for her to sta . gift al re r he for and ask th ou m rts Po , m – To

ENCH NOT SO MUC H A FR IAN! EG W AS KISS AS A GL I had

a guy I was out on a dinner date with g great, goin was it as and s age fancied for lon pro g the date and after dinner we decided to ly I didn’t realise nate we went to a bar. Unfortu ner as when I din with nk dru how much I had really smug with walked up to the bar, feeling g, I managed to how well the date was goin self with an eggmy nd head-butt the bar. I fou about a week for d hea fore sized lump on my have a strict ‘two and no second date. Now I Beth, Southampton glasses of wine’ date rule! –

M IXED M ESSAGE S

so I had been single for a wh ile tes ma girl my of when a couple a on up me set ld cou y said the up for it. ly nite defi was I e, dat d blin that However, when I showed up to me ced odu intr Satu rday they ns Tur h. wit k wor y the e Joe – a blok and gay was I t ugh tho y the out le for that’s why I had been sing diff Car so long. – Josh,

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WHO’S THA T GI RL?

I remember I had a date w ith my now ex-boy fr iend to meet his m ates , odd I know, but I w ent along th in king if I won over the fr ie nds I wou ld be set. I was sm iles and ab all out to buy ev er yone a dr in when I hear k d my boyfrien d introduce as his ‘other me girlf riend ’, ne ed less to say I wasn’t his gi rlfr iend in an y sense as soon as I hear d that. – Jess , Cardi ff FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

67

GETTING HOT BENEATH THE SHEETS!

GOOD IN BED? WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

hear , re you’re surpris ed to Th e an sw er , we ’re su e an sw er ally, in your case , th is probably ‘no’. Actu

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To accu r at e ly de y ou r s e x ual p e t ermin e r f or m a y ou n e e n ce , d t o br ea ‘G ood I n Be d’ in k dow n t o it ’s compon t hre e e n t s an d u n de r w hat e s t an d a ch o f t h em m e an s .

GOOD (PPE NFBOT EJÊFSFOU UIJOHT UP different people. If I was to take you out for a meal and offer you a glass of rainwater and a piece of stale bread, there’s a good chance that I’ll be heading home a lot earlier than expected. If, however, you had been trapped in a rabbit hole for six days with nothing but the cold nag of a possible lonely death as your companion, you might just think my offering is the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen. It’s all in the perception. So, if your own sexual technique is the moral equivalent of that piece of stale bread then all you have to do is work on how you’re perceived. There are probably better ways to do this than trapping your partner in a rabbit hole for a few weeks though! 68 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

IN BED Now, what about this whole bed thing? As you get older and wiser, you’ll learn the hard way that there is nothing quite like a nice fresh, soft and comfortable bed to partake in naked wrestling within. Sure, you’d like to be a bit more, well, spontaneous, but let’s face it, the last time you had sex in the kitchen, your pimpled little ass slipped into the cutlery drawer and you got a fish knife impaled upon an unyielding buttock. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac, humiliation isn’t. A bed is far more comfortable. And safer!

Finally, there is the word in. And let’s face it, there’s a lot more to sex than that word. As a man, you may think that the only goal is in, and that everything that you do has to lead to you finding your way in, getting in and staying in for as long as possible. There is so much more to it than that! Why fixate on one page when there are whole chapters to read and indulge in. Explore the rest of the book, expand your repertoire so that ‘in’ is part of the menu, a thrilling possibility, but not the be all and end all. You know, if you can get over the fixation of ‘in’, then you may just be PO ZPVS XBZ UP CFJOH (PPE *O #FE

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WWW.MAYHEMMAGAZINE.CO.UK

GET INVOLVED!

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY TO PUT A HAT ON YOUR HEAD?

On the 30th of March 2012 Brain Tumour Research and its member charities will be encouraging nurseries, schools, colleges, universities, public sector bodies and office workers to make a donation in order to nominate their ‘head’ to wear a hat for the day in aid of the charity’s annual ‘Wear a Hat Day’. The campaign aims to raise awareness regarding the prevalence of brain tumours and the need for vital research. ‘Wear a Hat Day’ is an annual awareness day which encourages people to make donations to wear a hat to school or in the office. This year Brain Tumour Research is also encouraging students and workers nationwide to challenge their ‘head’ to wear a hat for the day. From sponsored silences to charity runs and office bake-offs, organisations around the country are being encouraged to raise money in any which way they see fit in order to sponsor their ‘head’ to wear a hat.

Brain Tumour Research has recruited the help of Kate Langrish-Smith, crowned ‘Hat Maker of the Year 2010’, to develop the official range of campaign hats. Instructions to make your own bespoke hat will be available to download from the website alongside another downloadable PDF which will allow you to create your own hat simply out of paper. These interactive features allow everyone to access and support the campaign and both DIY hats will be accompanied by an online instructions video.

Sue Farrington-Smith, Director of Brain Tumour Research, comments: “Brain Tumour Research receives less than 1% of national cancer research spending in the UK yet the deadly disease kills more children and people under the age of 40 than any other cancer. ‘Wear a Hat Day’ is a fun way of increasing awareness and getting people raising money for an often overlooked form of cancer”.

Philip Treacy, celebrity hat designer and patron to the charity, comments: “Fashion is a feeling and a mood and therefore how better to express your passion and commitment to a subject such as brain tumour research than by wearing a fantastic hat? It immediately creates a statement and it doesn’t matter what the hat is or how much it costs; everybody who gets involved will feel a million dollars on the day, whilst also raising much needed research funds and awareness.”

Philip has also contributed to the campaign by providing an image of a hat that he has designed for an exclusive badge that will be available as a limited edition. This badge will be available for purchase through the website, alongside this year’s wear a hat badges which will be launched for sale during March – brain tumour awareness month. Brain Tumour Research represents the united campaign voice of the Brain Tumour Research group of 18 charities. Launched in 2009, the charity was established specifically to raise funds for brain tumour research. To get involved, request your fundraising packs or for further background into Brain Tumour Research go to www.braintumourresearch.org

Press enquiries: Amy Seaman or Samantha Webb on 01903 821550

Brain Tumour Research comprises the following 18 member charities who have united together: Ali’s Dream, Anna’s Hope, Astro Fund, Brain and Spine Foundation, Brainstrust, Brain Tumour Action, Brain Tumour Email: amyseaman@pegasuspr.co.uk Research Campaign, Brain Tumour Research and Support across Yorkshire, or swebb@pegasuspr.co.uk Brainwaves, Charlie’s Challenge, Children’s Brain Tumour Research Centre, Ellie Savage Memorial Trust, Ellie’s Fund, Headcase, Levi’s Star, Issued by: Pegasus Public Relations On Behalf of: Brain Tumour Research The Diana Ford Trust, the PPR Foundation and Thorne Mason Trust. In 2010 these charities jointly raised nearly £2 million with funds raised being allocated to provide support and research at existing UK centres where brain tumour research is already being carried out. 70 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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Reg charity no: 1093411

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TRICK OR TREAT?

GHT TH E NEW SATURDAY NI TE FI RMAN STARS IN PE AN CI GI MA N DIA COME WE TR ICKE D HIM IN TO HI T ‘TH E MAGI CIAN S’. PR IM E TIME BBC ON E FI ND OUT MORE … SHOW S, SO READ ON TO N EE TW BE US TH WI CHAT TI NG

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72 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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TRICK OR TREAT?

YOUR MUM INTRODUCED YOU TO THE WORLD OF MAGIC WITH A BOOK WHEN YOU WERE ABOUT EIGHT. WHAT WAS IT ABOUT MAGIC THAT GRABBED YOU AND DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR BOOK?

I do still have the book. It was ‘The Pocket Book of Magic’. I think as a kid I was drawn in by the idea of having a secret and keeping secrets. It’s cool to baffle an adult when you are eight and then not tell them how it’s done. YOU WON YOUR SCHOOL TALENT CONTEST A COUPLE OF TIMES, THE OTHER KIDS MUST HAVE BEEN ASKING YOU TO DO TRICKS ALL THE TIME…? WHAT WAS FIRST TRICK YOU EVER PERFORMED?

Yep, I would do tricks in class and I even ran a ‘Jacks, twos and eights’ card ring at one point. I rinsed them for tons of cola cubes! The first proper trick I performed was a box that produced an infinite number of fake cigarettes. Perfect for a schoolboy. CAN YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST EVER PAID GIG?

Not really. When I was about 15 I would do young children’s birthday parties, balloon animals, the lot. They were horrible, I’m surprised I stuck with it. Luckily I quite quickly moved into doing close-up magic in bars and restaurants for adults.

YOUR FIRST BREAK CAME FROM THE TV SHOW ‘MONKEY MAGIC’… WHERE DID YOU SEE THINGS GOING BACK THEN?

I had no idea! I was 21 and making a TV show that I hadn’t really chased after getting. I just sent in a showreel as a bit of a laugh and got the gig. What it did do was focus my life and that one ‘chance’ happening turned into my job for the last 10 years. DURING THIS TIME YOU LIVED WITH FELLOW MAGICIAN ALI COOK . WHAT WAS IT LIKE LIVING IN A HOUSE OF MAGIC? WHAT WAS THE WORST TRICKS YOU PLAYED ON EACH OTHER…?

It was magic 24/7. We didn’t really play tricks on each other. We spent our time trying to think up new tricks. YOU PLAYED THE EDINBURGH FRINGE IN 2007 AND TOURED ALL SORTS OF OTHER FESTIVALS BUT WHICH HAS BEEN THE BEST?

It was certainly a huge buzz to do Montreal’s ‘Just For Laughs’ Comedy Festival. I was on the bill with Hollywood big hitters. It was very nerve-wracking, but so much fun. TRAVELLING THE WORLD PERFORMING MAGIC AND GETTING TO MEET SOME OF THE WORLDS GREATEST MAGICIANS FOR TVS ‘ THE SECRET WORLD OF MAGIC’ MUST HAVE BEEN AWESOME. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO VISIT?

I loved Argentina because it was so different to the magic I was familiar with.

WHO WAS YOUR FAVOURITE MAGICIAN TO INTERVIEW FOR THE SHOW?

There is a French magician called Gaetan Bloom. He is a creative genius and a fantastic guy to hang out with. YOU WROTE A BOOK CALLED ‘TRICKS TO FREAK OUT YOUR FRIENDS’ FOREWORDED BY DERREN BROWN. ARE YOU GUYS MATES? HOW MANY OF THE TRICKS IN YOUR BOOK DID YOU TRY OUT ON YOUR OWN FRIENDS…?

Derren and I are friends. I was very grateful he agreed to write my foreword. I gathered the material over the years, so yeah, lots had been tried on my pals and used when I have been working real audiences. WHO ARE YOUR MAGICAL INFLUENCES? DO YOU HAVE ANYONE IN PARTICULAR YOU LOOK UP TO?

I love lots of dead guys you will never have heard of! I have a thing for magic history, I’m a big fan of moving things forward by understanding what has gone before. My heroes are magicians who were great entertainers. I see a lot of people doing magic and it’s so indulgent. We are here to entertain, make them laugh, gasp, care. Don’t just do it for yourself. LOTS OF OTHER MAGICIANS HAVE GLAMOROUS ASSISTANTS… IF YOU COULD CHOOSE AN ASSISTANT WHO WOULD IT BE?

Are you offering? I prefer working alone, I’m a lone wolf! TURN TO READ ON…

CHECK HIM OUT ON SATURDAY EVENINGS AT 6.35PM ON BBC ONE... Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

73

TRICK OR TREAT?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PRE-SHOW HABITS OR RITUALS?

Just some time alone to collect my thoughts and focus on the show. I usually pace quite a lot. HOW DO YOU FEEL MAGIC IS PERCEIVED BY THE AUDIENCE NOWADAYS?

I think people love magic. They just hate bad magicians. PEOPLE HAVE STARTED CALLING YOU A ‘GEEK’ MAGICIAN; INSULT OR COMPLIMENT?

Compliment. I think... It refers to the kind of magic/sideshow stunts I perform. The geek was the guy in the carnival that would do anything. He’d bite the heads off chickens and snakes and eat glass etc. Those things arrest an audience. I tried to do those kind of shocking things with magic in my early days. I guess the geek thing stuck. IF YOU WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO PERFORM ONE MORE TRICK EVER… WHAT WOULD IT BE?

The appearing £50 note. YOU’RE ABOUT TO START YOUR JIGGERY POKERY TOUR AND HEADING TO FAREHAM. WHAT CAN PEOPLE EXPECT?

Expect laughs and tricks. WHERE DID YOU GET THE NAME FOR YOUR TOUR FROM?

I thought it perfectly summed up what us magicians do! FINALLY, FROM BEING IN THE BIZ FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS, WHAT GOLDEN NUGGETS OF ADVICE CAN YOU PASS ONTO ANY ASPIRING PERFORMERS?

Be good. Be original. Be on time.

PETE’S TOUR – JIGGERY POKERY, SWINGS INTO THE ASHCROFT ARTS CENTRE IN FAREHAM ON MARCH 1ST. GET YOUR TICKETS NOW.

WWW.PETEFIRMAN.CO.UK 74 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

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STUFF WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

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FOOD Think about it for a second. Have you ever said to your housemate, “Excuse me, do you possibly think you could move all of your possessions away from my possessions?�. No! You’re more likely to say, “Come on man, shift all of your crap off my stuff�. And you know what? They’d probably say the same thing to you. It’s all about the conditioning of cohabitation. Your roomie will regard your personal space in the same way that the Ebola virus relates to human flesh. But this attitude can be corrected without having to physically attack them. Mayhem!, ever the chilled and peace loving mag, offers these hints as a way of helping improve your roomies behaviour! 76 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2012

The most common reason for your housemate nicking your food is that it’s easy. You know, the microwavable variety where the most taxing thing involved is peeling off the cellophane top. You really fancied that Tesco’s Lasagne tonight didn’t you – but he ate it, the bastard. Well fight back! Buy ingredients, make the meal yourself. It’s simple to do and cheaper than stashing that microwavable crap in the fridge. A bagful of fresh fruit and veg at any good market will come in at considerably less than £10, while, rather than spending a fortune on tasteless sandwiches from M&S, get a baguette and make your own. It’s so easy it’s stupid – with the added bonus that your lazy roomie will look elsewhere for their freebies.

BEER Most housemates have the alcoholic palate of a recycling bin – as long as there’s alcohol in it, they’ll drink it. Well, maybe anything. One way around it is to convince them that the beer of your choice is so unfathomably foul, that they won’t even think of asking you for a can, let alone take one without your permission. You only have to do this once. Find the cheapest supermarket in the area and buy a pack of the DIFBQFTU CFFS UIBU UIFZ TFMM (FU CBDL and honey trap your fridge. Once they’ve tasted one, they won’t go back there for more.

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YOUR CRAP, MY STUFF!

MAYHEM! FACT:

y to You’re more likel on a get stung by a bee any windy day than in other weather.

CLOTHES TOILETRY ITEMS Yes, your roommate really does use your personal items when you’re not BSPVOE (VBSBOUFFE Think about the first place you wash and the last thing he did‌ ew! The trick here is to buy two of everything. Explain that one toothbrush is used for your teeth while the other is used for cleaning around the U-bend. You also have two flannels – one for deep cleansing, while the other is for scrubbing down where the sun don’t shine‌ they’ll never remember which is which, so will leave well alone.

No wonder you couldn’t find your favourite pair of skinny jeans to wear at that party – your housemate has them on and is cavorting around in them. *Shudder*. So, put your best foot forward and explain how you’ve just had to have all your wardrobe treated because they’d discovered an outbreak of cockroaches at your home, and you know what‌ the little buggers lay their eggs and crap just about everywhere – especially nice warm things hanging up in dark wardrobes. That’ll not only keep them out of your clothes for a while, but off just about everything else you own. And they’ll feel all itchy-scratchy for ages!

AS A LAST RESORT‌ Pull the crazy card! And we mean crazy, crazy. It’ll be fun! Just think of their reaction when they come home and see you crouched in the kitchen, colander over your head, steak knife in one hand, a picture of the Devil in the other‌ all the time muttering that you’ll get the swine that did this to you, oh yes, you and your friend the talking goat, you’ll get them. Trust me, if they see you like this, there is no way on earth that they are EVER going to want to even look at your stuff again, much less help themselves to it!

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FROM 100’s OF LOCATIONS The Guitar Centre Chilli Tattoo Passion Fish Tully & Co Bold Forester Vintage Pig Hi-Lites Hot 4 You Errand Jervis The Wine Vaults 5th Hants Volunteer Akash, The Bored of Southsea Porters Body Kare Barnabys Fins Café Bar Bamboo Chandni Chowk One Legged Jockey The Brewers Arms Mr Pine Fitness First Zensation The CakeHole Bakery Fortune House The Festing Nicks Body Piercing Kings Theatre Kingfisher Dead Mans Glory Little Johnny Russells The Globe Inn Christies Estate Agent The Leopold Marmion Tavern Lock Stock & Tackle The Grove Veterinary Surgery Pompey Cars SKLEP Friendship Centre Computer Junction Lin’s Thai Café Corals Fondantly Yours Blockbuster The Deco Consol Suncentre One Eyed Dog Thrift Clothing James Henrey DLO Barber Shop On-Line Café Great China Oriential Food Store Laundry Care Percy Cramson Mediterranean Supermarket Cutting Collar Southsea Printing Jamoocha Adjustable Beds & Waterbeds The Fitted Bed Centre Relentless The Master Fryer

Toirreg Morrocan The Honest Politican Kings Centre The Bridge Tavern Sally Port Cake Shop The Spice Island Still & West The Wellington Monks Bar The Dolphin The Beauty Retreat The Manna Tea Rooms Mellors Eden Bespoke The Pembrooke Pub Duke of Buckingham The American Bar Ever Health Centre Cha Chas The Beauty Rooms Soprannos Elimis Tammys Nail Bar Owens Edward Parmen Barbers Oxfam Shenanigans Irish Café Jewel In the Crown Suki Taveren Review Hairdressers Laundrette Spice Merchants Noble House Istanbul Restaurnat Ashby’s Gastro Pub Smyths Hairdressers Liquor Land Adelphi Books Dress Code Nevaeh Hairdressers Tango Tea The Betting Rooms Garbo’s Hair Rowlands Pharmacy Butterfly Beauty New Kwiki Mart Flo & Stan IRIS Hair Studio Southsea Gallery Gallery 01 Barbers Moulin Rouge Bonzo Art Studio Wok the Duck Kings Estate Agents Bellamys antiques PC Ideals Total Mark Factors The Royal Albert The Duke of Devonshire Yan Huana Healthcare Albert Food Store Rainbow Convenience Store Hot 4 You Pizzas Rokki Astons Estate Agents

Goose @ the V&A Hedonic Earls Passport & Visa Gatsby’s Kingfisher Parmiters Antiques Tattoo Asylum Magic Bean Doctor Zhao Hideout Zam Zam Estate Agents Southsea Fruit & Veg Cartridge World PC Repair Flowers At Tiffanys Southern TV Services The Green Room A Proper Pompey Kitchen Lighthouse Café Ken’s Kebab House The Lighthouse Mojo’s Café Casa De Castro Thai & Asian Foodmart Impress Dry Cleaners Ladbrokes Cutprice Just for You Pharmacy Edgar Hills News Syn Star Laundry Land The Ark Furniture Store Designs in Mind Putai Restaurant Bentleys Yussed The Barber Capkand I Kims Sewing World Cartwrights News Ken’s Fried Chicken Delicatessan Amandas Boutique New Era Agency Barbers @ 231 On the Rocks Model Shop Tasty Bites Bistro Deluxe Beauty Jaipur Spin City Age UK Book Bonanza Portsmouth & District Cat Rescue Nearly New Electrics Student Washing Machine Rental Twins Noodle Bar Haslemere Cycle Southsea Health Shop Ospreys Fish & Chips St Paul’s Sports Centre Café Parisien Language Specialist School

Subways Mail Box etc Wrap & Roll Purple Door The White Swan New Theatre Royal Pharmacy Guildhall Newsagent Maggabite Isambard Kingdom Brunel Coffee Cup Stand Yates Guildhall Walk Health Centre The Registry Café Coco Co-op at Student Union Student IT Support Centre Library Coffee Shop Nuffield Sports Centre A1 Electrical Goods J.W Newsagents Waves Hairdressers The Rowens Hospice Best One Brothers Convenience Store Dylan Ford Store Brides of Portsmouth Corralls Redz Hairdressers Regency Leisure Amusements Princess Bel Hair Coffee Cake The John Jacques The Carpet Clearance Warehouse Body Image Tattoo Rabbetts Sight Care Elegant Nail Clinic Fratton Road Bikes Frodington Arms Dominos Pizza Ritas Hair & Beauty New look Superdrug Penfolds Lean Choice Barnardos Pam Purred Pets Goulds Jewlers Sue Ryder Sweet Memories Ross Records Seavan Fried Chicken Rollys Sandwich Bar United Footware Kits 2000 Malkia Hair Salon AJ’s House Clearance Small Beginings HR News Tessy’s Sandwich Bar Aphrodhite Hair Salon Age Furnishings Hadleys House Clearence

Macks and Son Fishermans Wharf Pompey Hardware Creative Ink Brilens Screen Printers Kebab 2 go Kwiki Mart The Red, White & Blue The Fawcett Barber Sanderson Electricial The Daily News The Bed Zone Robbies Bakery Top Design Barbers Fawcett Road Domestics The Casemates Fernham Hall The Cloisters Café The Folly Wine Bar The Red Lion Foggies Fitness First Delaneys Sant-Yago Shape Hairdressers Pizza Go Go Speedy Pizza Kingsleys Hong Kong Charlies Drift Bar Rae Palmer Midnight Tandori Mozzarella Joes Bamboo Hampshire Boulevard The Old Vic Fleet The Spring Arts Centre Cascades Jet Garage Blackwell Bookshop US Salons Sellars The Eastney Cellars The Italian Bar & Grill Bombay Express Aubergine Hungry Dragon Anything Goes Pyramids Centre Wedgewood Rooms The Deco The Barn PJ’s Guitar Centre Feed Café Bar Risa/Highlight Aspex Gallery Portsmouth College Southdowns College Havant College Groundlings Theatre Fernham Hall Ashcroft Arts Pks Tattoo Consol Centre Hm Hairdressers One Five Seven Menswear

Kens Kebabs Tinos Coffee Kimbers Music Connextions Traditional Fish and Chips Envy Hair Salon Chris Gage Hairdresser English Clothing Co. Nail Creation Tkuk Extreme Sports Lord Arthur Wetherspoons Regis Hair Brass Monkey Stephen Barbers The Crown Wetherspoons Nailz The Vanguard Tattoo Studio Nirvana Hair Jerelle Hair Mark Searle Hair Amnesia Hair Red Lion Gosport Ice Rink Fareham Go Karts Hoeford Inn K&S Music Funky Barnett No. 1 Barber Castle Tavern Fryday Chips Fourth Place Fox and Sons Hair and Beauty Academy Gosport Snooker Club Regency Game Cafe The Spring Hair For Him And Her The Accessory Cellar Lu Chinos The Star Slot Casino Reflex Records Popping Cafe Wetherspoons Port Solent American Diner Snow and Rock Watermark Pizza Express Port Solent Chiquitos Purbrook Churchillian Drayton Victory Centre Enterprise Centre, Cafe Fitness First Animal O’neil Yo Sushi Havant Train Station The Curlew Havant Art Cafe Victorial Park Portsmouth Gymnastics Havant Train Station Lemon Tree Razors Edge …to name just a few!

If you would like to be part of Mayhem! Magazine and join our distribution list, just let us know and we’ll tell everyone who you are, in the next issue out in March! Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

FEBRUARY 2012 | MAYHEM!

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