2018 Healthy Spirit, Mind and Body

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HEALTHY SPIRIT, MIND AND BODY

Kelly Frey: Her courageous journey inspired by faith, family and friends

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Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

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111 Blvd. of the Allies • Suite 200 Pittsburgh, PA 15222-1613 1-800-392-4670 www.pittsburghcatholic.org

8 | Desert spirituality:

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What is it and what is it all about?

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11 | St. Lucy in his corner:

Praying through the intercession of a saint for a man’s failing vision.

4 | Finding answers:

12 | Kelly’s journey:

A high school teacher’s selfeducation leads her to a better life.

A popular TV anchor meets life’s challenges head-on.

6 | Taking a stand:

17 | Feeling groovy:

Bishop Canevin students attend D.C. March for Our Lives.

Music can do more than soothe the troubled soul.

7 | Green Teens:

18 | Power of the Almighty:

A program run by the Sisters of St. Joseph opens doors for youth.

The spiritual path taken by recovering alcoholics.

On the cover...

The Connection Between Mind, Body and Spirit “The wellness paradigm holds that there is no separation between mind, body, spirit and emotions. All aspects of the human condition are so tightly connected that it is impossible to distinguish one from the other. An ancient theory that is supported by many experts in several disciplines suggests that each aspect of the human condition is comprised of energy, with the most dense energy being the most obvious and tangible: the physical body.

— From “Wellness,” by Dr. Brian Luke Seaward, “The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Body-Mind Discipline.”

Cover design by Rita Cappella Photo by Pam Gianoglio

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

VISIT: WWW.PITTSBURGHCATHOLIC.ORG

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Vol. 10, No. 1 Publisher | Bishop David A. Zubik General Manager | Ann Rodgers Editor | William Cone Operations Manager | Carmella Weismantle Healthy Spirit, Mind and Body Magazine Project Editor John W. Franko Associate Editors Phil Taylor (Special Projects) Matthew Peaslee (News) Staff Writer | John W. Franko Graphic Designers E. Denise Shean | Rita Cappella Advertising Director Carmella Weismantle Account Executives Michael A. Check | Paul Crowe Michael Wire Circulation Mgr./Parish News Coord.

Peggy Zezza Administrative Assistant | Karen Hanlin

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Office Assistant | Jean DeCarlo

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Called to be an advocate for mental health

By EMILY LYONS BOUCH As a Catholic school English teacher, I am tasked not only with teaching writing and literature, but also with educating the “whole person,” mind, body, and spirit.

It’s easy to see that when one of these elements is neglected, learning becomes difficult, no matter how engaging I think my lesson is. Hungry bellies are more interested in what’s being served in the cafeteria than the lesson I’m serving up.

A student who is emotionally distraught, whether from family troubles at home or drama over prom dates, is not interested in the emotions of fictional characters.

And a student who is an atheist or a lukewarm Christian does not want to discuss a Catholic moral perspective on our literature.

An area of educating the whole person that is of particular interest to me — and the one most neglected by our society — is mental health.

I was born a nervous person and have suffered from anxiety my whole life and depression since my teens. Because of the

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stigma and embarrassment I felt about having a mental illness, I did not seek help.

As a result, not only did my mental health suffer, so did all other aspects of my life.

I stopped exercising and couldn’t eat, was emotionally distraught, felt socially estranged, nearly dropped out of college and abandoned my relationship with God. Needless to say, this was the lowest point of my life.

Looking back, I realize that God let me hit rock bottom because I was too proud to seek help until I was desperate.

God was answering my prayers for relief through human measures: counseling and medication.

Years later, I was talking with a priest about my rocky relationship with God and how I didn’t think God loved me because he had made me “broken.” The priest told me something I will never forget: “God made you this way because he loves you this way. There is something in all our human weaknesses that can bring glory to God and lead us to him and salvation.”

This priest gave me permission to love myself in my weakness and to allow God to love me in all my imperfections. I began to see my mental health as part of God’s plan, and not a mistake or oversight on his part. God created us as “whole people,” not just bodies, not just minds, not just spirits. The inextricable linkage of all these components is what makes us human.

I now recognize that my initial terror and mortification of having a mental illness was largely due to the unhealthy way that our society deals with mental health.

Mental health is something to develop and

maintain in the same way that we take care of our bodies through diet and exercise, our spirits through prayer and sacraments, our emotions through healthy relationships, and our intellects through life-long learning.

Stigma prevents people from seeking the help that they need. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in five Americans lives with a mental health condition, but the average time between the onset of symptoms and treatment is eight to 10 years.

My eyes have been opened to God working through my nervous symptoms.

I see that I am a stronger, more resilient person for having conquered my anxiety.

Counseling developed my communication skills and gave me the tools to voice my feelings and deal with conflict and criticism. I also feel called to be an advocate for mental health by talking to many people who need a listening ear, and by encouraging them to love themselves as they are and to see help as a gift, not a curse.

I am currently a group leader for Recovery International, a mental health support group that teaches cognitive-behavorial therapy techniques. Most recently, I published a young adult novel, “Moving the Chains,” to raise awareness about mental health in a more accessible, entertaining way.

Weakness of any kind is part of what makes us human. God made us this way because He loves us this way!

Bouch teaches at Quigley Catholic High School and is a member of St. Teresa of Avila Parish in Perrysville.

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People gather near the U.S. Capitol during the March for Our Lives event March 24 in Washington. Hundreds of thousands converged on the nation’s capital demanding gun control after recent school shootings.

Poignant message of March for Our Lives not lost on local high school student

BY ANDRÉS RECALDE On Feb. 20, Macaila, my girlfriend, told me that she wanted to go to the March for Our Lives, the national demonstration against gun violence, and that she wanted me to go too, but only if I wanted to. Macaila was the first one who told me about the March for Our Lives. It was something I would have considered doing, but I would not have had the motivation to go through with it.

If it wasn’t for her, I would not have marched that day and I thank her for inspiring me to go to the protest. I was no stranger to standing up for what I believed in, but this was the first time my girlfriend really had the opportunity to do the same. It was exciting for me as an activist, a boyfriend — and most importantly — as a student.

On March 24, we departed on a bus

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from Pittsburgh at 1:35 a.m. and arrived in Washington, D.C. at 8 a.m. I stepped off the bus and was shocked at my surroundings, not because they were out of place, but because everything was right where we left it. The “we” I’m referring to is Bishop Canevin High School. Every year BCHS sends a group of students and some teachers to the Ignatian Family Teach-In to learn about social justice issues. The weekend ends with lobbying Congress and afterwards, we depart from Union Station by van. Here I was again in Union Station, ready to stand up for what I believe in. Yet, as I walked into the familiar, I felt more and more anxious.

The march started at noon, so with plenty of extra time in Washington, we decided that the best thing to do was to find some place to eat.

As we sat and ate, doubts began to fill our

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

minds. What if someone brought a gun to the rally? What if … and that’s when my mother texted me. She told me that she was proud of both my girlfriend and me for taking the trip on our own to make our voices heard. Then she said, “If there are counter-protesters and they start [with] smoke bombs lift the front of your shirt and cover your mouth and nose.”

Then I thought, well if there’s panic, what if we get trampled? With more worry in our minds, Macaila decided it was best that we just head toward the demonstration.

As we got closer and closer, the crowd got denser and denser. There were people chanting about gun reform. There were many, many individuals proudly holding up incredibly creative signs. The atmosphere was unlike any other, and I knew I had made the right decision to join my girlfriend on this journey. We walked a couple blocks amongst the crowd and then settled in as close as we could, shoulder to shoulder with people of all ages.

As the students started speaking, I realized that this was a bigger issue than kids dying in schools. It’s about brothers, mothers, sisters, and fathers dying on the streets as victims

As the students started speaking, I realized that this was a bigger issue than kids dying in schools. It’s about brothers, mothers, sisters, and fathers dying on the streets as victims of gun violence. of gun violence. The problem goes beyond mental health. It involves poverty and racial discrimination in America.

While this message was easy to hear in some of the students’ speeches, it was even easier to see on stage. Almost every student that lost a loved one outside of a school shooting was a racial minority. Women have a higher chance of being victims of gun violence than men, and transgender individuals have an even higher chance.

The speakers continued, and the crowds

started chanting. Suddenly, I felt like I was a part of something important. I was a part of something that would make a difference for the better. I was a part of the protest sparked after the last school shooting of at least 2018.

Except, that didn’t happen. Nothing changed after the protest. All the importance I felt, all the power in that 800,000-person crowd, all the messages those victims tried to convey — gone. No national law changed. Even at the state level, very little is being done.

I learned that we cannot expect things to happen because of a protest — we must make them happen.

The rally showed me that the most important change is the change you can be a part of. It showed me that everyone has a voice and collectively, that voice is loud. We must get rid of lawmakers who are complacent with students being at risk every day across their county, region or state. The best way to do that is to vote them out and vote for those who put the lives of children before money in their pockets.

Recalde is a senior at Bishop Canevin High School in Pittsburgh’s Oakwood neighborhood.

Green Teens project yields fertile ground

BY SISTER LYN SZYMKIEWICZ The Sisters of St. Joseph of Baden developed community gardens in 2009 on the grounds of our motherhouse in order to address hunger in Beaver County. We also invited teens to intern throughout the summer to learn about gardening and simple landscaping tasks.

We called this program, Green Teens.

This story is about the first two young men who came to intern with us — David and his twin brother, Zach. Their story is anything but normal.

Dave and Zach were 17 and struggled academically. They were challenged mainly because their family situation was very stressful. I came to learn that these two young men missed their father. He had left them when they were in elementary school.

In the year prior to beginning Green Teens, their mother became very ill with cancer, and now they lived with their grandmother.

She was poor but cared for all three of them.

When I asked Dave and Zach what talents they had to offer the program, their only response was that they didn’t know how to

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

When I looked at his face you would have thought David was seeing a thousand dollar bill under the lifted straw. It was the look of mystery and awe. His only words were, “I did that?” do much of anything. God put them in the right place because that was the purpose of their work in Green Teens.

David, he was the one that got me! And it was simply about planting grass.

One of the big projects that summer was completing a renovation in the sisters’ cemetery. We were having a new walkway put in one of the rows between the grave markers, which meant we then needed to sow a large area of the cemetery with grass seed. David would be working with me on this project so we

started from the beginning.

“David, have you ever planted grass before?”

“No,” he said. We needed to talk about preparing the soil. Just throwing grass seed on whatever soil was there would not work.

See Green, Page 15

Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 7

A reflection on desert spirituality

By FATHER EUGENE LAUER The most important thing to understand about desert spirituality is that it is not a “getting away from it all.” Rather, it is an effort to “get inside it all.” It is essentially an effort to enter into the deepest realm of reality.

We Christians believe that, through God’s creation, there is a Divine Dimension within every person, every physical thing, every event. The primary reason why one goes to the desert is to come into touch with this Divine Dimension. In our culture, there are so many distractions, so much frivolous activity, that it is not an easy task to come into touch with God. There is a great emphasis on “silence” in desert spirituality, a special kind of silence. It is an attempt to create an atmosphere of “listening” in prayer. One unusual methodology is suggested by some proponents of desert spirituality. Take a holy word and repeat it over and over again until nothing else is in your mind. However, the goal is not to reflect on the meaning of the word, but to clear one’s consciousness of everything else — and then stop and LISTEN. Perhaps one has created a moment when one is now perfectly passive, completely open to any sort of touch by the Divine. One is not exercising any effort to ponder a spiritual

8 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

reality, but simply to be open to the Divine.

Some Fathers of the Desert must have been influenced by the psalms which speak of silence in this way. The psalmists are encouraging us to be peaceful, perhaps the “peace that the world cannot give,” and allow ourselves to be open to a mysterious touch of the Divine, and then simply listen.

William McNamara, the founder of the Spiritual Life Institute in Arizona and Nova Scotia, in his book, “The Human Adventure Contemplation for Everyone,” calls this desert approach to spirituality “… a long, loving look at the real.” Once again, the focus here is on the belief that the Divine Presence is the most basic reality in everything.

In our present culture, one of the greatest obstacles to a practice of desert spirituality is our focus on “workaholism.” We glorify “being busy.” Sociologist Anne Wilson Schaef, in two of her books, “When Society Becomes an Addict,” and, “We’re Working Ourselves to Death,” names the U.S. an “addictive society.”

Workaholism is venerated as one of the most authentic ways to live and function in our country. This addiction causes a certain lack of freedom, and consequently a lack of genuine peace.

McNamara gives an interesting summary of the impact of desert spirituality on our culture. He maintains that desert spirituality

moves us in four directions. [a] To cherish rather than grasp: To cherish means that we approach all reality, all persons, events and created things, with a sense of wonder and awe, looking for the Divine Touch that is within them all.

To grasp means that we anxiously or possessively grab at everything, that we “use” persons, things and events solely for our own goals without respecting their inner goodness. Grasping is simply a self-centered act of “using creation.”

One interesting way of understanding grasping is to view it in our relationships. Do we feel “grabbed” in some of our relationships, sensing that some friends are draining us of our energy, consuming our time with no real concern for intimacy? Or, do we sometimes “grab” at relationships and try to get every possible advantage from others without respecting their genuine concern for us?

The poet Rainer Maria Rilke, in these two ironic quotations, gives us some unusual but interesting insights into the nature of cherishing: “Slowness gives meaning to everything,” and, “Learn to take one-minute vacations.” [b] To enjoy the “doing of things” rather than simply “getting them done:” With a desert spirituality mindset, we

See Desert, Page 10

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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 9

DESERT

[c] To allow God to enter my life as God wills and not simply as I have carefully planned — to be open to “Divine Adventures.”

In our stressed-out addictive culture, it could seem that sometimes a Divine touch that we experience could be an intrusion, a hindrance to what we are trying to accomplish. Desert spirituality can lead us to discover that what is taking place may be a “Divine Adventure.”

Gilbert Keith Chesterton, that insightful and clever British author, gives us a definition of adventure that can fit well our understanding of desert spirituality. He writes: “an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.” We don’t always plan adventures. Sometimes they just happen, and we need to be wise enough to recognize the Divine presence within

Continued from Page 8 focus on discovering the Divine in our present task rather than on “getting things out of the way.” However, if we have the anxious and obsessive mindset that we must do everything quickly and get it finished in order to get on to the next task, we can often miss the mysterious touch of God that is indeed present.

Do you keep a check-list of all the tasks that you have to do in a day? If so, consider this. Do you get more joy out of doing them, or out of crossing them out at the end of the day? A valuable prayer/ meditation some mornings could be to reflect on your list to search for the Divine dimension that is indeed in each item.

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Desert spirituality moves us away from feeling that all our prayers should be goal-directed, that we should be accomplishing a specific result through our contact with God. Sometimes it is more valuable simply to sit quietly in the presence of God, with no focus on a result, just enjoying the Divine presence. them. A Divine Adventure, therefore, is simply “a Divine intrusion prayerfully recognized and joyfully received.” Desert spirituality invites us to be open to Divine Adventures. [d] To spend quiet time simply enjoying the presence of God: Desert spirituality moves us away from feeling that all our prayers should be goaldirected, that we should be accomplishing a specific result through our contact with God. Sometimes it is more valuable simply to sit quietly in the presence of God, with no focus on a result, just enjoying the Divine presence.

I heard a story from a young mother that expresses this quality of desert spirituality in a very touching way. She had decided to become a Catholic, especially because of her deeply developed faith in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. When she was to receive her first Communion, the old priest who had given her convert instructions encouraged her to use every moment of that dramatic experience fully in shaping her new role in life. She told me that that was exactly what she did not want to do. When I asked her what she wanted to do in that dramatic moment, she said simply, “I just wanted to be with Him.” What a splendid expression of the most important quality of desert spirituality.

Father Lauer was a Pittsburgh diocesan priest. This article was among the last things he wrote before passing away May 20.

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

‘I once was blind ... but now I see’

By FRANK BALESTRIERE On March 14, I got up from bed and did something I had not done for years. I opened my eyes and could see clearly — without glasses or contact lenses. This may not seem like much, but for me it ended a journey of close to 30 years.

Almost 30 years ago, during a routine eye exam, the doctor referred me to a specialist.

He told me that tests showed possible glaucoma, but wasn’t sure.

After going to a specialist, Dr. Snyder, I was diagnosed with Kerotoconas. Simply put, my corneas were pulling away from the center of my eyes. Also, they were misshapen and their shape could alter.

The disease had no cure, but wearing contact lenses (hard variety) could slow it down and give me better peripheral vision.

This started my long battle between my

See Eyes, Page 16

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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 11

Kelly Frey In an emotional speech, popular TV anchor discusses her life battling cancer WTAE-TV anchor Kelly Frey’s fight against breast cancer has captured the hearts of people throughout the region. By documenting her struggle, she has inspired many women who are facing their own battle.

On Jan. 15, Pittsburgh Magazine honored her as Pittsburgher of the Year at a reception at the Rivers Casino. She recounted her fight in her emotional acceptance speech.

Good evening. What a night! Thank you!

It’s overwhelming!

Truly. It’s absolutely overwhelming for me. To see this sea of people in front of me tonight. Family and friends and, yes, some people who I’m meeting tonight for the first time in person.

I am so humbled and wondering how I ended up here. Feeling unworthy for any praise or accolades. I have done nothing on my own. I just received a tough diagnosis this year ... but it’s not unlike what many, many people are going through. Truly.

So THIS, has made me NERVOUS for this event. For THIS moment.

And then I had a flashback to my younger years. Do any of you remember “The Brady Bunch?” You know the episode where Jan was nervous to speak in front of people, until Mike told her to picture everyone in their underwear?

Yep. Who is nervous now?

But I have been thinking what in the world

12 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

should I say? It’s weighed heavily on me. I’ve wanted to say something profound on behalf of the multitudes of people who are struggling with a cancer diagnosis or for those who have gone before us — survivors — and to honor those who have left this world.

I just kept coming back to the fact that there are no words to fully express or to be that ONE representative. What I’ve realized in this latest trial, time and time again (where is Charlie LaVallee, CEO of Variety Children’s Charity?). As in the words of Mr. Rogers, “the greatest gift you ever give is your honest self!” Charlie has reminded me so often, “Be your authentic self.”

And the reality is, this year, for me, I’ve done nothing unusual. I am just one of hundreds of thousands of men and women who received a terrible diagnosis. Cancer. It’s terrible. I feel survivors guilt though in a way because, personally, mine was caught early, still very aggressive. But my outlook is good. So I have complicated emotions. But standing here tonight, it’s almost surreal reflecting on these last 12 months because no matter what — no one wants to be told at 43 or any age, “You have breast cancer.”

I’m still getting used to saying it.

I have breast cancer.

And it’s not lost on me tonight, that it was almost exactly one year ago, Jan. 21, a normal Saturday night, I had kissed my children good night, prayed and tucked them into bed, then started to make my way up to my bedroom. The old sports bra I was wearing was itchy and I kept thinking, “I really need to throw this thing out, right!”

But as I started to scratch a spot near the strap on my right side — that’s when I felt it. It was that simple. A lump. A hard lump. It didn’t seem that big. But it was there.

I debated whether to tell my husband. I didn’t want to scare him. But I knew I had to. I had a sick feeling in my gut. As Jason

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

walked up the stairs, I took a breath and said, “I found a lump.”

Looking back now, I realize how bizarre and stressful and in a fog I was those first days are after you find a lump. Most of it is done in secrecy. You don’t tell anyone. It’s hard.

There’s a flurry of doctor’s appointments.

Tests. Mammograms. Biopsies. Blood work.

MRIs. More doctor appointments.

And then the call came from my OB/GYN on Groundhog Day — yes — I have breast cancer.

Triple negative, invasive ductal carcinoma.

Your knees shake. It can seem at that moment the world is crashing down. I have young children, one of whom needs ‘roundthe-clock care. I just remember steeling myself on that phone call and saying, “So what is the next step? What do I do now?” She started to refer me to breast surgeons, and ultimately when I called for the first available appointment, Dr. Ronald Johnson had an opening the following Monday morning.

I asked what he was “like” to several people.

This was the man who I felt was going to be the first person I met in hopefully a team of people who I prayed would save my life. I was told he might be a little “to the point” and matter of fact. Some people like that, some people don’t. It was perfect for me. I was ready to attack this cancer head-on. I wanted to know everything. Even if it wasn’t pretty.

Knowledge is power, and the only way to take down a powerful and crushing enemy is to find a weakness by learning all that you can.

That first meeting with Dr. Johnson I was scared. I was so cold. I was quietly shaking inside. And when Dr. Johnson started talking Grade 3 cancer even though it’s Stage 1 and chemo, 24 weeks of it! Surgery. Radiation. My head was spinning.

But I wanted to live. I wanted to live.

Many of you know what has followed by my March 20 (2017), on-air announcement, a personal e-mail I sent out to my colleagues at WTAE and, of course, my Facebook posts.

My choice to talk about my breast cancer openly came about for several reasons. For those who know me, I like to handle things head-on and be honest and as transparent as possible. I didn’t want anyone to be afraid to talk with me about it or ask me questions!

I planned to be the same old Kelly — just bald and with false eyelashes!

That was going to be the hardest part, I would find out (morning show ladies know), after I glued the corner of my eye shut one morning! And I had nightmares that my wig would be all disheveled on air! But I didn’t want this to be the “pink”

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

And the reality is, this year, for me, I’ve done nothing unusual. I am just one of hundreds of thousands of men and women who received a terrible diagnosis.

Cancer. elephant in the room. So, you have to find the humor in all of this.

And, as for using Facebook, starting to post, there was no plan. No one ever has a plan on how to handle cancer. Everyone deals with things differently. But I wanted to do what I felt was right and educational and, obliviously, by having a public persona, if maybe being open about my experience would help one other person — just one person to get a mammogram and find it early — to know what lies ahead, to find joy even in cancer, to ease the pain, TO GIVE A VOICE — then THIS is all worth it. It is a blessing to have this opportunity because of cancer to share.

Breast cancer, in particular, touches so many people.

It is so prevalent! Two-hundred fifty thousand U.S. women will get this diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma this year.

One in eight U.S. women will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.

More than 60,000 will find out they have ductal carcinoma in situ.

And that is not even taking into account the almost 2,500 men who receive a breast cancer diagnosis every year. The numbers are staggering.

After getting over the shock of being diagnosed, you realize you are not alone in this.

My Christmas wish, of course, was to be cancer-free, which I still find an odd term, because once you get a diagnosis, no matter what, you always wonder not if but when cancer will rear its ugly head again.

Because, as I’ve found out over and over, assume nothing. Cancer throws you curve balls. When my tumor didn’t shrink after three rounds of the highly potent AC treatments, things got even more real. I don’t think I realized how “bad” a development that was until months later. My cancer wasn’t responding to some of the heaviest drugs.

But my ever-positive oncologist, Dr. Vikram Gorantla, who I call Dr. Vik, has always been so

encouraging, even when you knew, and I know now that was not great news. But you looked again at my original biopsy and decided to take a leap of faith, as you put it. My HER2/ neu (diagnosis) was actually fairly borderline and almost considered positive. So why not treat me as positive and see if it would work?

When you have cancer you have nothing to lose. But part of that new treatment plan hinged on my insurance. Would they cover it, being that I was in between. They did. And I started a main drug called Herceptin and also Perjeta.

I tell you this part of the story to showcase the importance of insurance companies that will cover the cost of drugs that are recommended by a patient’s cancer doctor — even when it might be a “leap of faith.” And I also tell this story because of the importance of Herceptin. A drug that was originally developed for patients with metastatic breast cancer through years of research and development and the never-ending goal to find a cure. Herceptin, and now many other drugs that have followed in the pipeline, are not only keeping hundreds of thousands of metastatic cancer patients alive today, all that research has the trickle-down effect and is being used to treat even Stage 1 cancer patients like myself. And those with other cancers in the hopes, in the prayer, that this doesn’t return again, keep spreading and to keep patients healthy longer. More research, more funding needs to be given so that we can SAVE MORE LIVES! I stand here tonight as proof.

Life has been heavy this year. Punctuated by joyous moments, really funny moments and a whole lot of laughter. A roller coaster ride for sure.

But, to be honest, for those of you who know my family’s story, breast cancer, as bad as it is, just can’t compare to the journey that we have had with my son.

Nothing still comes close for Jason, my husband, or for me to the seven months that I carried him with a terminal diagnosis and we planned to bury him.

Nothing.

It’s hard to revisit those days. I don’t do it very often. They were so raw at times.

But when I see my 8-year-old, 70-pound son now, I am reminded every day how absolutely precious and priceless life is.

God carried us through my pregnancy and the subsequent years that have followed.

Every day is a blessing — a verse that has carried me through this year, “the steadfast love of our Lord never ceases ... his mercies

See Frey, Page 14

Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 13

FREY

I didn’t want anyone to be afraid to talk with me about it or ask me questions! I planned to be the same old Kelly — just bald and with false eyelashes!

Continued from Page 13 never come to an end ... they are new every morning! Great is your faithfulness!

I would be a fool now to let breast cancer rob me of my joy.

But when I think back, being wheeled into the operating room on the day Bennett was to be delivered via C-section at 35 weeks, and we heard our little boy cry out. HE WAS BREATHING ON HIS OWN. Yes, he did have major medical complications. But he was stable. His Apgar scores were 8 and 8. WE REJOICED, AND THANK GOD, THAT FOR WHATEVER REASON BENNETT WAS ALIVE. These last 8 1/2 years haven’t been easy.

They’ve actually been extremely difficult.

They’ve brought us to our knees repeatedly

praying Bennett would survive. We’ve been in the hospital hundreds of days and prayed in the back of ambulances countless times.

Today, our world has gotten smaller. Jason and I never go out on dates. We structure our days around our son’s care and our family’s lives around his daily needs. We monitor medicine and constantly research

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for something better — the latest equipment, treatment, therapy — and we make phone calls to insurance or to reorder supplies, and we go to lots and lots and lots and lots of doctor’s appointments. All the while realizing, you are just one seizure, one sickness, one bad day from being right back in the ICU. This is the life of a parent who has a child with severe medical issues or special needs.

(Where are my special-needs parents tonight? Or those who know the life of a medically fragile child? I love you guys.)

It is not easy. It will take you on the highest highs and then plummet you into the lowest lows. Sometimes all in one day.

But this journey is one that has revealed to us the incredible love of our Lord. No matter what happens. Although I would give anything for my child not to suffer anything, I know Bennett’s life was spared for a glorious reason. So I pray for wisdom every night for my little boy’s care and for my stamina, patience and for the willingness and ability to hear when God puts opportunities in my path.

And I know someday, someday, I WILL see my little boy ultimately restored. Healthy. He will talk. He will walk! I will hear, “Mom, I love you,” one day in heaven.

So when I’ve been asked all these months, how do you stay positive? How are you always smiling?

My answer? God. Jesus Christ.

I know that when I die, whether it be this year or in another 50, I’ll be going home to be with the Lord.

But until that moment, here on this earth, I had better make the best of my time. And that’s why there is so much joy, even through trials!

It was a few days after my diagnosis that a devotional appeared on our bathroom mirror and it hangs there tonight. Jason put it there. I don’t know where it is from, but it couldn’t be more appropriate: “The promise is not that the Lord will remove the load we cast upon him, nor that he will carry it for us — but that he will sustain us so we may carry it.

“He does not free us from the duty — but he strengthens us for it.

“He does not deliver us from the conflict — but he enables us to overcome.

“He does not mitigate the hardness or severity of our circumstances, taking away the difficult elements, removing the thorns, making life easy for us — but he puts divine grace into our hearts, so that we can live sweetly in all the hard, adverse circumstances.”

So THIS ... (showing Pittsburgh

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

Magazine) is first and foremost, not about me. Thank you, Lord!

To the staff and editors and everyone involved in Pittsburgh Magazine, photographer Cory Morton and writer Jessica Sinichak, who bestowed on me this honor, thank you. You brought awareness and light to much-needed issues! THIS is for you!

To the doctors, the nurses, staff, everyone from Magee Hospital, and in the medical field, who day after day lovingly care for patients in sometimes heartbreaking situations. THIS is for you!

To the cancer fighters, to the survivors, as we honor those taken and all the family members and friends who love them — THIS is for YOU! Never, ever give up HOPE! To those of you I’ve met through businesses or individuals supporting cancer patients or nonprofit groups who help the medically fragile, and Bennett’s schoolteachers and staff of Pioneer Education Center, who tirelessly nurture our loved ones who have debilitating medical conditions, cognitive or physical impairments and handicaps and who strive to make their lives, no matter how short, or long, the best they can be. THIS is for You! To my medical marijuana mamas, how appropriate that this story was also included on the cover. Yep, you are here tonight. We will not stop to find a cure when our child is suffering and to get them what they desperately need — THIS is for you!!!

To my WTAE family, Chuck and Jim, who trusted me and gave me free reign to hopefully handle all this with humor and grace, to my co-workers who have allowed me to be me every day, bald head, false eyelashes and all, especially the AM team. And the ladies and Sam of the morning show — THIS is for you!

To my church, who prayed and delivered meals and prayed some more — THIS is for you!

To my friends, who I call family, who have been there, just been there. Quietly checking in, giving me emotional support, delivering pick-me-up items, offering to help. THIS is for you.

And to my family, my mother-in-law, my aunts, my brother, who have traveled to be here tonight. Thank you for loving me and supporting me!

My incredible parents, Pen and Angela Frey, who exhibit the true meaning of love, you are perfect role models and have set the bar so high for what parents should be, and have been nothing short of amazing through Bennett and my journey with cancer — THIS is for you!

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

But this journey is one that has revealed to us the incredible love of our Lord. So I pray for wisdom every night for my little boy’s care and for my stamina, patience and for the willingness and ability to hear when God puts opportunities in my path.

To my beautiful, strong, smart, perceptive and resilient daughter, Marena. Who when I told you I was going to lose my hair, which was so, so hard, all you asked was “Will it grow back?” I knew it would be all right. I love you so much. THIS is for you.

To my husband, my rock, although I know I am so stubburn sometimes, dare I say difficult, Type A — you love me still. My dad said on the day we got married, “She’s all yours now!” We compliment each other, even though we’ve had our fights over feta and Windex. Those stories are for another night. There is no man I’d rather be with. God blessed me when he gave me you. It’s been a tough year. So THIS is for you.

And finally, to the one person who couldn’t be here tonight. But is my biggest motivator.

My hero.

He’s not here because he’s sick or because he had another obligation or because he lives too far away. In fact, this whole time I’ve been talking tonight, because we live right across the river on the hill, I can see the light in his bedroom window.

Tonight would have simply been too much for him. He’s been having more seizures lately and can’t handle the commotion and noise. I wish that he could be here the most. My son.

Without ever being able to say one word, he has given me more perspective and taught me more about living through his daily struggles than anyone else ever could.

Bennett — THIS is for you. I love you, Doodle.

So when you leave here tonight, go, live, find joy in every day. It’s there no matter the circumstances!

Faith, family and friends.

God bless!

GREEN

Continued from Page 7 It was like the parable of the sower and the seed (Mark 4:1-20). One: if the soil wasn’t ready, nothing would grow. Two: some seeds might get thrown into thorns or weed patches and gets choked out. Three: some seed could fall on good soil that was ready to receive the seed and would produce fruit — 30, 50 or 100-fold. We wanted the good soil!

Over the period of three days of hard back-breaking work, the project was finally complete and David did a great job.

David learned to ask questions when he didn’t understand something; he made suggestions when he had an idea that might help and he really took ownership of the project.

One day David and I were riding past the cemetery site and I happened to look over at the grass seed project. What I saw was a faint green sheen, which meant the grass seed was growing and beginning to show above the straw. I stopped the tractor and said, “David, look over there! What do you see?”

He said, “I don’t see anything.” We walked over to the newly planted grass, squatted down while I lifted up a handful of straw so that he could see the fragile green shoots of grass we had planted coming up. I said, “David, you did such an excellent job, the grass seed is right on schedule, shooting up between the straw.”

When I looked at his face you would have thought David was seeing a thousand dollar bill under the lifted straw. It was the look of mystery and awe. His only words were, “I did that?”

Over the coming weeks I made sure David gave a quick tour of the grass-seed project to every volunteer group that he worked with as project leader. As I stood in the background of each tour, I noticed that David had become strong, confident and caring, and I was sure he was capable of doing anything I would ask of him.

I am convinced that creation has a way of tending to our wounds. God has gifted creation with the ability to touch those places that hurt deep within us, offering any one of us the grace to become strong, confident, and caring and quite capable of doing whatever God asks of us.

Sister Lyn is director of grounds and eco-projects for the Sisters of St. Joseph in Baden.

Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 15

EYES Continued from Page 11 eyes and contacts. The disease would cause the contacts not to fit on some days. On others, it felt like hot coals in my eyes.

I actually had to wear soft lenses with a hard lens on top due to rejection of the hard contact. I broke so many I lost count.

I prayed to St. Anthony to help me find lost contacts. The prayers brought results in many ways.

Over the years I saw my doctor and my eyes held their own. Then one Holy Thursday, I got up and discovered I had no sight in my right eye. I visited my doctor after Easter and learned the cornea was weak and torn. I was referred to a cornea specialist.

We healed the eye, but before further plans were made the specialist moved his practice to California.

Enter Dr. Hall McGee, another cornea specialist. We talked over my options, which were few. As stated earlier, there is no cure. The only option is a cornea transplant. I finally decided it was time. No other options were available, and contact lenses were no longer staying on my eyes.

Over the years, my family had a special devotion to St. Lucy of Syracuse, a fourthcentury martyr. On her feast day, Dec. 13, we abstain from eating wheat products.

We eat a bread made from chickpea flour.

No one really knows why, but it has been a tradition on both sides of my family over the years. I have followed the traditions of this day very strictly. My younger sister, Chris, now makes the bread and we

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celebrate it still today.

My Uncle Joe donated a statue of St. Lucy to Mary Immaculate Church, now Queen of Peace, where it is on display today. My Uncle John sang “Santa Lucia” everywhere he went. I started praying through St. Lucy even more, along with St. Anthony of Padua.

A transplant for the right eye was scheduled but before it could take place, I lost eyesight in my left eye as well. So the left eye is done first and I have sight in the eye — the next day. Dr. McGee said that was unusual. It is blurry at first. I know Our Lord stepped in to guide his hands.

Before I could get the right eye done, there were some blocks in the road.

Neck surgery and back surgery delayed everything.

Finally, back to my eyes.

Finally on March 13, I had my cataract removed from the right eye. My vision is better then ever. Dr. McGee and the staff at the East Side Surgery Center were topnotch, but I know that Our Lord and St. Lucy guided them through all of my procedures. Prayers for recovery from the six operations over the past have been answered, in God’s time, not ours.

Balestriere is a member of Most Holy Name of Jesus Parish and a Passionist Associate.

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16 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

Make music a part of your life

By ZACHARY PEASLEE Music, like life, is a journey. However, as music has a definitive beginning and end, it’s never quite known how short or long our lives will be. We can do whatever it takes to be happy and healthy, but there really is no way to tell when our time has come.

As we nourish our bodies with food and work to get in shape through exercise, music can help the mind, spirit and even our physical state. A sweet symphony can be produced when we honor our entire selves. We are made in the image and likeness of God, so it’s best to treat our body, mind and spirit the best way possible. Music can aid our paths of life and make certain situations better for us.

Of course, there are many types of music.

We do not have to like or even tolerate some genres. Music, though, is so hard to escape.

Whether we turn on the radio or television and catch a 30-second commercial jingle or listen to our favorite group’s new album, music surrounds almost every aspect of our lives. Even if we try to block it out, we’re bound to have a song unintentionally stuck in our heads.

Music can bring us back to simpler times, conjuring up memories of childhood and teenage years. The evolution of music is really a wonderful thing because what the baby boomers listened to as youngsters is such a far cry from what today’s youth hears on their iPods.

There are no rules to the music you can or cannot enjoy and it can actually be refreshing to listen to something new. Young people can gain a greater appreciation for their elders by delving into the tunes of the past. Grandparents can gain a better understanding of what their grandchildren

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

are up to with a sampling of current hits.

Staying within your comfort zone might be the most practical way to appreciate the joys of music. Certain songs can reduce stress, raise levels of consciousness and inspire us to become better all-around people. There are songs that promote focus when studying and adrenaline when running. There are certain songs we listen to when we’re happy ( “Happy” by Pharell Williams, perhaps) and certain songs that help us grieve. In church, there are beautiful songs that can boost our prayers with a joyful noise.

The course of a song can be filled with twists and turns and moments that catch us off guard. Music really is a lot like life. There are times when we want to share a song with our friends and we say, “Wait for this part.”

We can easily pass over the lyrics that may not appeal to us, but when the crescendo of a melody hits and our favorite moment comes, it’s a refreshing piece of satisfaction.

Those times definitely happen in our lives.

We can be bored or perturbed by some things, but we definitely know what we like.

The emotions of music are so relatable.

When the music stops, we know it’s time to move on and find something else to do.

When we play our own final note on this earth, hopefully we leave behind our own musical moments. We don’t know when that time will come, so ride it out with the tunes that fit your style. Make music a part of your life and enjoy the journey.

Peaslee recently earned a degree in music from the West Virginia University College of Creative Arts. In the fall, the Youngstown, Ohio, native and product of Catholic education will attend graduate school at Ohio University.

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Alcoholics Anonymous and God’s healing mercy

By FATHER DON WARE This is a most intriguing topic, since many people are not aware that Alcoholics Anonymous is a very spiritual program.

The 12 steps are about cleaning up our lives, placing them in God’s hands, getting to know God better through prayer and meditation, and becoming men and women of service to others. Sounds pretty Christian to me!

I have been working with folks in AA for more than 40 years. I have learned that the founders of AA were men very much influenced by Christianity, by our Scriptures and our moral teachings and our personal prayer practices.

Let’s take a brief look at the 12 steps.

Before an alcoholic even takes the first step, he or she has to hit some kind of bottom. Their drinking isn’t working anymore, they’re drinking because they have to — they can’t stop it. Maybe they lost their job or family, maybe they got some DUIs, maybe things are still holding together, but they just can’t stop their drinking. They stop into a bar for a drink

18 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

As I have worked with AAers, I have seen the 12 steps as a spiritual discipline. AAers don’t just stop drinking. Their lives take on a spiritual depth. God becomes central to their lives.

They live their lives in service to others, and not centered on themselves. or two and always end up with a whole lot more. Maybe they drink alone at home and it ends up being a quart of something — too often.

The first three steps of AA help them to realize their lives are unmanageable. They need help and they can’t do it themselves.

AA’s first three steps help them to turn their lives over to the care of a Higher Power, whom most AAers call God. God will help them. Other folks in AA witness to how God helped them stop their drinking.

They are encouraged to simple prayer.

They can trust that God will help them.

They are in the midst of AA’s spirituality — their relationship to God. The newcomer into AA gets a “sponsor,” a mentor who will help guide them. AA is more than trying to stop drinking. Now they learn about changing their lives. (I guess we might call it repentance in our theological jargon.) In the fourth and fifth steps they admit their past failures, the sixth and seventh steps lead them to seek God’s help with their “character defects,” and the eighth and ninth steps ask that they make “amends” to those they have harmed.

All of these steps are about what I would call “soul work” — admitting their failures and opening their hearts to God’s healing power, because they can trust God’s loving mercy.

Step 10 challenges them to continue changing their lives for the better, to recognize resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and self-centered fears and seek God’s help in dealing with these behaviors.

Step 11 teaches them go get to know God more deeply through prayer and meditation — traditional spiritual practices.

Step 12 urges them to put everything they’ve learned into practice in their entire lives and not just when working with AAers.

As I have worked with AAers, I have seen the 12 steps as a spiritual discipline. AAers don’t just stop drinking, their lives take on a spiritual depth. God becomes central to their lives. They live their lives in service to others, and not centered on themselves.

Do they do this perfectly? Of course not.

Are they saints? Of course not. But God and prayer, service, honesty, humility and compassion and forgiveness — all of these become alive in their lives. They say it best: progress, not perfection.

I should note that AA spirituality is not centered on Jesus so that it can appeal to the broadest number of people. But Catholics can find a home in AA since it helps to develop and deepen their Christcentered spirituality.

Father Don is a member of the Passionist Community of Pittsburgh.

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CNS PHOTO/COURTESY BOYS TOWN

Father Edward Flanagan, the Irish-born priest who founded Boys Town in Nebraska, talks with a group of boys in this undated photo. In the 1938 film “Boys Town,” distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, actor Spencer Tracy portrayed Father Flanagan.

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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 21

Providing comfort and hope when it’s needed most

By DAN TOBIN Every eight minutes in the United States the American Red Cross responds to a local disaster, many of which are home fires. We provide emergency relief services that ensure those impacted have food, clothing and shelter. We work to replace lost medications and — when additional services are needed — partner with other agencies to figure out the best way to provide assistance.

Simply put, we offer comfort and hope when it’s needed most.

Disaster situations by their very nature are stressful to all involved. Large-scale disasters such as hurricanes and tornadoes, or ones in which death and injury are involved, often require the assistance of volunteers who are trained to deal with people’s emotional and spiritual needs.

In these cases, a Red Cross Integrated Care Team is deployed to assist.

While licensed Red Cross mental health professionals tend to the emotional needs of disaster victims, spiritual care volunteers work to facilitate services that meet the spiritual needs of individuals, families, and communities regardless of faith tradition.

Since 1997, Red Cross Spiritual Care Teams have responded to large-scale disasters throughout the country, providing spiritual care and comfort, coordinating interfaith services, and connecting victims and their families with their faith tradition of choice.

Here in Western Pennsylvania, the Red Cross is in the process of forming a morerobust Spiritual Care Team, a network of volunteers from all faiths who are willing and able to assist members of our local community whenever needed. Members of this team would also be called upon to deploy during times of national disasters in order to help our neighbors throughout the country.

“For the past four years, my wife and I

22 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

PHOTO BY P.A. RECH/AMERICAN RED CROSS

On June 20, 2016, the Rev. Preston Williams II and Howard Bowen discuss home delivery during the tainted water crisis in Flint, Michigan..

“I try to bring spiritual comfort to people who have lost everything, to help them through a tragic situation.”

— Volunteer Keith Natoli have been members of a Red Cross Disaster Action Team, providing emergency relief to people following disaster situations,” said Red Cross volunteer Keith Natoli. “I also serve as a chaplain at my local hospital. I joined the Spiritual Care Team because I felt it was a great way to utilize both my chaplain and disaster response experience in order to help those in need.”

Since becoming a member of the Spiritual Care Team, Keith has assisted two families who have lost loved ones — one due to fire, another following a flood.

“I try to bring spiritual comfort to people who have lost everything, to help them through a tragic situation,” he added.

People who serve on the Red Cross Spiritual Care Team are tasked with upholding the Red Cross principles of impartiality and neutrality. They, like all Red Cross volunteers, deliver services regardless of nationality, race, religious beliefs, class, sexual orientation, gender identity or political opinions.

They endeavor to relieve the suffering of individuals, being guided solely by their needs, and to give priority to the most urgent cases of distress. Red Cross volunteers also work hard to maintain client and workforce confidentiality, remembering that our ability to serve is grounded in the trust placed upon us.

The Spiritual Care Team in Western Pennsylvania is relatively new, and volunteers are needed. Those wishing to become a Red Cross volunteer complete an online application, are interviewed, must pass a background check, and are then provided full training.

Working on the frontlines of a disaster can be intense and stressful, but it is also very rewarding. Red Cross volunteers make a positive impact in people’s lives each and every day by providing the basic needs that we all take for granted. Emergency and disaster situations can occur to any one, at any time, and anywhere. Red Cross volunteers stand ready to respond whenever disaster strikes.

Make a difference in your community by joining our Red Cross Team. You can learn more by visiting redcross.org/volunteer or by calling our office at 888-217-9599.

Tobin is the director of marketing and communications for the American Red Cross Western Pennsylvania Region. It covers 28 counties in western Pennsylvania.

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

Coverage that gives you home-ice advantage wherever the Penguins play is #LivingProof.

Traveling 2,200 miles to cheer on the Penguins isn’t stopping these superfans. And it doesn’t stop their Highmark coverage either, which makes rooting for Sid, Geno, Phil, and Tanger even easier — in Pittsburgh, Las Vegas, and beyond.

Official and Exclusive Health Care Plan of the Pittsburgh Penguins ® Highmark Blue Cross Blue Shield is an independent licensee of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association.

Applicable for most employer and Medicare Advantage plans. Check your member materials for details.

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018

Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 23

24 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine

Healthy Spirit, Mind & Body 2018