PINK PARENTING
europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine
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issue 05 JUN/JUL 2012 £3.95 05
The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!
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ISSUE 05
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ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: COMMANDO DAD i SLEEP PATTERNS i MY CARRY POTTY i SUMMER SNACKS i LEGAL Q&A
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JUNE/JULY 2012 07 WE LOVE
News, views, reviews, gifts, gadgets and gizmos.
12 Q&A WITH... COMMANDO DAD
We catch up with Neil Sinclair, author of Commando Dad, and ask about his ideas behind his new book and what being a Commando Dad means to him.
16 COVER STORY: BARACK OBAMA
Times seem to be finally moving forward for same sex marriage in the US. We take a look into what this could mean to the LGBT community and the politics behind it all.
21 SLEEPING ROUTINE
Megan Faure, co-author of Babysense Secret and expert in child behaviour explains about the importance of sleep, and how to establish a good sleep routine for your child.
24 PRIDE IN PARADISE
We have chosen 3 destinations with Pride in mind, ensuring that where ever you are, you can be sure to join in the fun.
28 SUMMER FOOD FUN
Annabel is back with some tasty recipes guaranteed to be enjoyed by all the family this summer whether you’re making them or eating them.
41 BEHIND THE BRAND: MY CARRY POTTY Creator of new solution to potty training My Carry Potty, Amanda Jenner shares her story on why she created the portable potty and her exciting plans for the future.
44 LEGAL LOWDOWN
Linzi Bull takes time out to discuss the legal importance of establishing parental responsibilities of your child and what needs to be considered.
47 YOUR LEGAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Law firm Finers Stephens Innocent answer more of your parenting related legal questions.
48 ASK THE DOCTOR
Dr. Lavy explains all about gestational surrogacy and if this could be viable option for you.
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©Disney ©Disney. Based on the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ works by A.A.Milne and E.H.Shepard
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JUNE/JULY 2012 www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting
PINK PARENTING
europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine
issue 05 JUN/JUL 2012 £3.95
05
The stories, science and all
things parenting for the LGBT
community!!
ISSUE 05
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: COMMANDO DAD i SLEEP
PATTERNS i MY CARRY POTTY i SUMMER
ING.COM WWW.PINK-PARENT
SNACKS i LEGAL Q&A
Group Publisher Jeff Crockett Managing Editor Giorgio Severi Art Editor Damian Browning Contributors Linzi Bull, Megan Faure, Louisa Ghevaert, Annabel Karmel, Caroline Kelly, Dr. Gad Lavy, Dr Thomas Mathews Business Advisor PJ Mack Interim Sales Manager Carlo Mendez Freelance Sales Susan Calatayud, Pier Minole Accounts Manager Jennifer Bailey
Welcome to Pink Parenting So much has happened over the last few months regarding marriage equality, with President Obama making history by affirming that he agrees to same sex marriages, we take a look into the impact this will have on LGBT couples, Pink Parents, and the politics surrounding this contentious and controversial issue. Also, in this issue we chat with Neil Sinclair, the author / founder of Commando Dad, about his book, the launch of his website and his views on bringing up children, and Megan Faure explains how important it is for your child to have a good sleeping routine, offering tips and tricks to get your little angels off to la-la land. Annabel Karmel is back with some great summer treats for the whole family to enjoy and finally Amanda Jenner tells her story of why she invented My Carry Potty and her campaign to reduce the age of potty training from 4 years to 2 years. With all this and loads more, why not make a cuppa, sit back, relax and enjoy our magazine. Happy reading! Team PP
Legal Advisor Samuel & Davies Client Liason Officer Connie Wilson Printed in the UK by The Magazine Printing Company using only paper from FSC/PEFC suppliers. www.magprint.co.uk Advertising Enquiries advertising@pink-parenting.com Contact details: Pink Parenting Magazine Suite 318, Building 50, Argyll Road, London SE18 6PP Tel: 0843 2895844
www.pink-parenting.com
Annabel Karmel
Dr.Gad Lavy
Caroline Kelly
Annabel is the UK’s leading child
Dr. Lavy is the medical director and
Caroline is a member of the family law
nutritionist and best-selling author of
founder of New England Fertility, and is
team at Finers Stephens Innocent.
books on feeding babies & children.
an internationally recognised speaker
She specialises in all aspects of private
Annabel was awarded an MBE in
and author on the topics of infertility,
family law, including international and
June 2006 for her outstanding work
assisted reproductive technology,
domestic children law, residence,
in the field of child nutrition.
surrogacy and egg donation.
co-parenting, surrogacy and adoption.
Linzi Bull
Megan Faure
Dr. Thomas Mathews
Linzi is a Senior Associate and Co-
Megan is specialised in both sensory
Dr. Mathews’ dedication to helping
Head of the Family Group at Harbottle
integration and neurodevelopment
couples fulfil their dreams of a family
& Lewis LLP. She has experience in
therapy, and treats babies with
began when he joined the pioneers of
all aspects of relationship breakdown
sensory integration difficulties,
IVF, Steptoe and Edwards, at Bourn
and has particular expertise in
including extreme fussiness, poor
Hall in 1984, where he now holds
complex same-sex children law cases.
sleep habits and feeding problems.
the position of Medical Director.
SUBSCRIBE AND SAVE!! SUBSCRIBE TO PINK PARENTING MAGAZINE AND GET 6 ISSUES FOR JUST £18.95 WITH A GREAT SAVING OF OVER 22%!! VISIT PINK-PARENTING.COM/ SUBSCRIBE FOR DETAILS!
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JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05
WE L♥VE
THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS
BENDY BATH
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
EVER WISHED YOU COULD FOLD UP YOUR BABY BATH TUB WHEN it’s not being used? Well FlexiBath is the first and only hard plastic bath
tub which you can fold up flat and put it away in seconds. Coming in 6 eye catching colour combinations, the FlexiBath can also be accessorised with a baby bath support, which ensures maximum comfort and safety for your baby during bath time, and a bath toys set consisting of a small table that attaches to the bath with suction pads which includes a tea/coffee making set, colourful cups, jugs and a funnel.
www.amazon.co.uk, £24.99
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WE LL♥ L♥VE ♥VE
THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS
STYLISH STORAGE
PRACTICAL, PRETTY AND TERRIFICALLY TOUGH, YOUR little ones will love the new range of endearing animal themed
storage bins from 3Sprout. With these cute and quirky storage bins you can pack up toys, books and laundry and you might even get your kids to help tidy up too! Made from 100% organic cotton canvas and decorated with various animal characters, these stylish storage bins can take whatever your kids can throw at them – perfect for any parent looking for something individual for their children’s nursery. www.huggle.co.uk, from £25
COOL & COMPACT
WHEN IT COMES TO CAPTURING THAT SPECIAL MOMENT, THE NEW Optio LS465 from Pentax promises to do the trick. Not only does this 16
megapixel camera offer a host of advanced, user-friendly features ready to snap that perfect picture, but it also comes in an eye-catching compact casing with 10 interchangeable skins that is perfect for any occasion. Ready, steady, CHEESE! www.pentax.co.uk, £89
HOTSEAT TOTSEAT
THIS INNOVATIVE PRODUCT HAS BEEN ESPECIALLY designed to make life on the go a little easier. The safe,
comfy and funky Totseat highchair can be shortened or extended to fit all manner of chairs. When it’s not in use, it squashes into its own tiny travel pouch that can easily fit into your bag and accompany you anywhere you go. www.totseat.com, £24
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SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
CHANNEL 4 WANT YOU!
Channel 4 is making a groundbreaking new series exploring fertility and parenting, including IVF, egg sharing, adoption, fostering, surrogacy and sperm donation. They would love to speak with people who are thinking about taking the first step to starting a family, and/or exploring different ways to have a family. For more information please contact Samantha Williams on 020 3465 9060 or email her at samantha.williams@thegardenproductions.tv
GRAND DESIGNS
EDITORSthe PICK ofnth mo
DRAGONS OF WALTON ARE A TALENTED TEAM of interior designers, who have been designing
nurseries worldwide for over 20 years. Beautiful hand-painted furniture is their forte but they also craft wallpapers, fabrics and fittings; everything you need to make your child’s room fit for a little prince or princess.
UNION JACK & JILL
www.dragonsofwaltonstreet.com
INSPIRED BY THE BEST OF BRITISH AND being an official supplier of Team GB, Next have recently launched a delightful british summer clothing line for children with a patriotic range of, rompers, dresses and sleepsuits in red, white and blue and incorporating the Union Jack flag.
www.next.co.uk, from £12
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WE L♥VE
THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS
SILVER LINING
A NEW AND EXCITING CONCEPT IN BABY WEAR HAS JUST BEEN launched by British brand Silver Sense. Their innovative collection is made
from a unique blend of silver fibres and natural cotton to create a very special range of baby clothes with remarkable health benefits. Silver kills bacteria at the same time as healing the skin, and is also thermo-regulating keeping baby cool in summer and warm in the winter. Silver Sense has thoughtfully designed each item to make sure it has everything your little one needs to be comfy all the time. www.silversense.co.uk, 3 Pack short sleeved vests £49
HI CHAIR HI STYLE YOUR BABY IS THE MOST PRECIOUS thing in the world to you so why not
treat them like royalty on top of a high chair fit for a little king (or queen). The OXO Sprout highchair, now available in pink and walnut, is an attractive and comfortable extended-use chair that grows with your child. OXO’s ingenious seating design adjusts in height and depth (with no tools necessary!) to accommodate kids as they grow from 6 months right up to 5 years old. You can also remove the tray entirely to allow older children to sit up closer to the table during meal times.
SLEEP TIGHT...
WRITTEN BY ADAM MANSBACH AFTER HIS OWN daughter failed to nod off one night, Go the F*ck to Sleep, combines cutesy rhymes with expletive-ridden pleas. Described as a “children’s book for adults”, and favoured by the likes of Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron, it reached No. 1 on Amazon.com’s bestseller list a month before its release, and is now available as an audio-book narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.
www.oxo.com, £199.99
ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
www.waterstones.com, £9.99
10
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BEEP BEEEEP...
BAGHERA TOY CARS ARE CREATED IN FRANCE BY A TEAM OF YOUNG DESIGNERS who take inspiration from the old style cars, including Racers, Speedsters and Classics
These cars are designed, tooled and built to last with a sturdy metal body, rubber tyres and padded seats, particular attention is paid to the quality of finish. These cars are a perfect addition to any child’s toy collection www.custardandcrumble.co.uk from £65
COMMANDO DAD
An indispensable training manual for new recruits to fatherhood. Written in no-nonsense terms by Ex-Commando, Neil Sinclair, this book will teach you all the basic skills you need to survive and thrive as new dads. The book is also supported by a fully interactive website (www.commandodad.com) including resources, forums and ‘how to’ videos you will need to succeed on your parenting mission
ROCK ON
ROCKID IS A CLEVER CONCEPT DESIGNED BY DUTCH DESIGNERS Ontwerpduo which combines a rocking chair and cradle in one. You
can read a book or sing a lullaby while softly rocking the chair which also rocks the cradle. When your baby outgrows the crib, it can be transformed into one big rocking chair. Made of coated birch plywood and upholstery, and is available in black, gray and green. www.ontwerpduo.nl
A MONSTER IN PARIS
A 3D-ANIMATED MOVIE SET IN PARIS IN 1910. A movie-mad cinema projectionist and his wisecracking friend find themselves mixed up in an adventure after a science experiment goes wrong, and a monster, decked out in a hat and a sharp suit is at large in the city, the monster turns out to be a gifted guitarist and along with Lucille, a pretty nightclub performer is soon impressing the patrons of Paris. Definitely a great movie for children of all ages.
www.amazon.co.uk, £9.99
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Q&A WITH...
Ex-Commando and dad of three, Neil Sinclair has recently written a training manual for new recruits to fatherhood, here he shares his thoughts on parenting, his family and the reasons behind his book, Commando Dad: Basic Training. Q. What inspired you to write a book about parenting?
Q. How has being in the Army, trained you to be a Dad?
NS: The inspiration for Commando Dad: Basic Training came as I recced bookshops looking for something to tell me what to do as a new dad. All the classes and books only led up to the birth, not the entire life beyond. I have had an exciting, and sometimes dangerous career- I have cleared mines in Iraq, tracked drug barons in Belize and dug snow holes in the Arctic – but the experience of bringing a tiny baby trooper home was one of the most daunting of my life. What I wanted, as a new dad, was a straightforward guide that could teach me – fast – all the practical skills I needed to be an effective parent. But that book simply didn’t exist. The books for dads were either novelty books (and believe me, if your parenting is a laugh a minute, you’re doing it wrong) or books that were too wordy to be practical. At 0-silly-hundred-hours, with a screaming baby trooper in your arms, 700 pages of someone telling you about their emotions isn’t the answer. This got me thinking that what I needed was a basic training manual for new baby troopers; a parenting version of the ‘Basic Battle Skills’ that I was given when I joined the army. And that is what I hope I have created with Commando Dad.
NS: Being a Commando has affected every part of my life in so many ways I could write another book about them all. But in terms of being a parent, it has helped in two major ways. When I became a new dad, I fell back on my military training: my ability to adapt, improvise and overcome. As I got to grips with
ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
hours, with no sleep, you are being lashed with rain and have been told you’re doing a 6 mile log run, what keeps you going is personal morale. You believe that no matter what is thrown at you, you can handle it, and that experience has been invaluable to me as a dad. Parenting can be really tough and at times it can feel like an isolating and unrewarding experience. It is at times like this you need to fall back on your morale.
WHAT I NEEDED WAS A BASIC TRAINING MANUAL FOR NEW BABY TROOPERS; A PARENTING VERSION OF THE ‘BASIC BATTLE SKILLS’ THAT I WAS GIVEN WHEN I JOINED THE ARMY AND THAT IS WHAT I HOPE I HAVE CREATED WITH COMMANDO DAD. the basics I did what came naturally – I applied military precision to the task: I got essential kit and supplies, I got organised and I got into a routine. And this approach helped me to create a well ordered and happy family unit, and laid the foundations for Commando Dad. But my career in the army helped me in another key way, and that is that I learned the importance of keeping my morale high. When you have been on exercise for 72
12
Q. What have you learned yourself about from writing the book NS: Writing Commando Dad has taught me a lot about myself as a parent. It has made me feel proud about how far I’ve come in the past 10 years. I have gone from being a complete novice to a father of three, a qualified child minder and now in the fantastic position of being able to offer advice to other dads.
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© Images courtesy of Paul Brown Imaging
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Q&A WITH... It has also underlined what I knew about myself as a parent: I am still a Commando Dad in training. My teachers continue to be my three troopers: Sam, Jude and Liberty. As they grow and develop each day, I’m faced with new situations that require me to learn new skills, ask questions of my peers, research and ultimately adapt my parenting style so that I can continue to meet their changing needs. I also hope that, via the forums on the Commando Dad website, that dads can share their experience and advice with me – and other dads.
Q. The army is well known for being regimented with discipline, what are your views on discipline NS: Discipline – the act of teaching your troopers to obey rules, and using age appropriate sanctions to guide behaviour - is an essential element of parenting. Its purpose is to keep your troopers safe, to teach and guide them. It is not about punishment. The key to discipline is to be age appropriate. Between the ages of one and three – the age covered in the book – troopers are gradually developing a greater understanding of cause and effect, and they do not have the ability to think logically. There are certain steps that parents can take to lay the groundwork for later, logical, decision making though. These includes things such as keeping calm and objective when disciplining your trooper and only saying the word ‘no’ when you mean it (which is harder than it sounds). I am also a firm believer in parents having self-discipline. Parents should never, ever, vent anger or frustration on their troopers. Parents should always strive to set a great example for their troopers to follow.
Q. Is it only soldiers that will understand your book NS: Absolutely not. The book is all about applying military precision to parenting – in terms of being organised, prepared, and planning ahead, all while being the best dad you can be. You don’t need to have been a soldier to understand the book. I do use some military terms that I have adapted to parenting, but I include a glossary at the end of every chapter. These include terms like ‘flash to bang time’ (the time it takes dads to react to a situation), ‘squared away’ (everything organised and in the right place), and ‘compassion fatigue’ (when tiredness makes you feel you have no compassion left. Dig deep).
Q. Would you like your children to join the army? NS: My approach to parenting is to equip my troopers with everything they need to make their own decisions. If they decide to join the forces, then I will support them 100%. loved my time in the forces, so I know first-hand what an amazing experience it is.
Q. Do you have a history of military in your family NS: Not at all – both of my granddads, Napoleon Bonaparte Sinclair and Teddy Williams fought in the Second World War, but we’re not a military family. From four years old, I was obsessed with being a soldier. I finally got to realise my dream when I signed up at 15 years and 11 months. A year later my twin brother Mark followed me into the army.
Q. What does the future hold for Commando Dad? NS: In terms of Commando Dad the book, I want to get it an as many new dads’ hands as possible, and for it to become a well-thumbed and useful resource. I have built a website where I have put how to videos and other resources on there, and there’s also a great forum where dads can ask for help and share experiences with other dads. It’s www.commandodad.com. Then there’s the app – it’s still in development, but will be out soon. In terms of what does the future hold for me, Neil Sinclair, well I shall continue to be the best dad I can be to Samuel, Jude and Liberty.
Q. Did you raise all three of your children the same way? NS: In terms of the practicalities – did I do everything the same way, then no, because over 10 years my parenting style has changed (and hopefully for better). But I have loved them all the same, and I am trying to raise them all to be kind, responsible adults.
Q. What do your kids think of Commando Dad?
Q. What was your childhood like?
NS: I’ve been talking about it literally all my daughter’s life, so she’s just accepted it as completely normal that dads write books. She’s just takes it all in her stride and doesn’t really see what the fuss is about. My sons are completely the opposite, in their opinion, I am now famous. They are really enjoying going into school and telling their friends and teachers about it – and anybody else that will listen! Actually, I’m going in to their school to talk to their classes about Commando Dad and writing a book, which I’m really looking forward to. I have included the kids as much as possible, getting their opinion on designs for the book and the website, and they’ve given me their ideas for an app. I can’t wait to take them into a bookshop and show it them on the shelf. If it wasn’t for them, it wouldn’t be there!
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NS: My childhood was brilliant. I was lucky enough to have two parents who loved eachother and loved us four kids completely. They gave us everything we ever needed. They were Salvation Army Officers and then my dad became a vicar, so they could never afford to give us a huge amount of material things, but in terms of everything that matters, we lived in abundance.
Neil Sinclair is the author of Commando Dad: Basic Training which is available from Amazon.co.uk. For more parenting tips, techniques and resources please visit www.commandodad.com
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PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENT
WORDS_ LOUISA GHEVAERT
On 9 May 2012 Barack Obama became the first US president to endorse gay marriage. This was heralded as an historic political and cultural moment in the US that would have been unthinkable even ten years ago. It propels the last civil rights battle in America further into the spotlight in a presidential election year and raises questions about the motivations and significance of Obama’s change of opinion.
G
ay marriage remains a contentious issue across America. Thirty US states ban gay marriage including North Carolina, which passed anti-gay marriage legislation the day before Obama’s personal affirmation in his interview with ABC News saying “I’ve been going through an evolution on this issue” and “At a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married”.
CIVIL RIGHTS
Obama has always supported civil rights for gay and lesbian Americans. This is something he was unequivocal about in his interview with ABC News saying “I’ve always been adamant that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally.” Obama has during his administration repealed the controversial don’t ask don’t tell legislation and he told ABC News “That’s why in addition to everything we’ve done in this administration rolling back don’t ask don’t tell so that outstanding Americans can serve our country or whether its no longer defending the Defence Against Marriage Act which tried to federalise what has historically been state law, I’ve stood on the side of broader equality for the LGBT community”. He went on to say that he was also very mindful of “Those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained even now that don’t ask and don’t tell has gone because they’re not able to commit themselves in a marriage”. Previously, Obama stopped short of endorsing gay marriage. He told ABC News “I’ve hesitated on gay marriage in part because I thought civil unions would be sufficient. That this would give people hospital visitation rights and other elements that we take for granted and I was sensitive to the fact that for a lot of people the word marriage has something that evokes very powerful traditions and religious beliefs and so forth”.
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Obama acknowledges that his family and friends have played a big part in his change of opinion about gay marriage. He told ABC News that over the course of several years he had talked with friends and neighbours and seen members of his own staff in very committed and monogamous same-sex relationships, who were raising children together and this had challenged him. However, he acknowledged that the biggest influence came through discussions with his wife, Michelle, and his personal experience as a parent. Speaking from the heart he told ABC News “Malia and Sasha, they’ve got friends who’s parents are » same-sex parents. They’ve been times when Michelle and
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PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENT I have been sitting round the dinner table and talking about their friends and their parents. For Malia and Sasha it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and frankly that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change of perspective”. Obama’s change of opinion over gay marriage does not, however, come as a complete surprise. Some see this as a natural progression for Obama, who’s own parents’ mixed-race marriage was deemed illegal in some US states, and who has always campaigned for social groups suffering discrimination. Obama’s charismatic presidency and his determination to stand up honestly for the integrity of his beliefs and deliver change to bring about a more fair and equal United States of America is also strongly supported by Michelle, who remains firmly supportive on this and other equality issues. It is clear that Obama places great value on family life and his own relationship with his wife, children and friends all of whom have influenced his views and his evolution in thinking about gay marriage.
SOME ARGUE THAT IF OBAMA CAN BE SEEN TO LEAD PUBLIC OPINION ON THE ISSUE OF GAY MARRIAGE RATHER THAN REACT TO IT, HE WILL STRENGTHEN HIS POLITICAL PLATFORM AND HIS ELECTION CAMPAIGN. HIS REPUBLICAN RIVAL, MITT ROMNEY, OPPOSES GAY MARRIAGE MAKING THIS A DISTINGUISHING FEATURE BETWEEN THEIR TWO POLITICAL CAMPS, BOTH OF WHOM CONTINUE TO DO BATTLE OVER THE ECONOMY.
POLITICS
It is undeniable that gay marriage is a significant issue in the presidential election campaign in the run up to the election in November 2012. Whilst Obama’s endorsement of gay marriage is likely to mobilise young voters and bring vigour to his campaign, the US remains strongly divided over this issue. Some argue that if Obama can be seen to lead public opinion on the issue of gay marriage rather than react to it, he will strengthen his political platform and his presidential election campaign. His Republican rival, Mitt Romney, opposes gay marriage making this a distinguishing feature between their two political camps, both of whom continue to do battle over the economy. However, gay marriage is not dealt with politically and legally at federal level and it remains the preserve of state law and politics. Whilst American attitudes may be changing and evolving, this is happening slowly and states remain free to ban gay marriage. For many, gay marriage represents equality and acceptance and the right to marry the person they love rather than a different ‘equal’ option. This is a similar picture around the world. However, the institution of marriage holds strong political and religious values that encapsulate the religious union of a man and woman before God and which make many vigorously oppose gay marriage, making this a contentious issue. Politics and religion have historically been long intertwined and it is difficult to see a separation of church and state on this issue, when it engenders such strong held views for so many across the United States of America. Gay marriage therefore remains for many a sensitive issue representing values, choice and civil rights. It is a core election campaign issue that distinguishes Obama and Romney and makes the presidential election campaign about more than just the US economy in these challenging economic times. Some say this is classic Obama delivery, leading from behind and playing the long game in order to bring about change and greater equality and not just a vote about economics, whilst some remain sceptical that this is merely a political device designed to win votes and secure his re-election as president.
GAY MARRIAGE AND RELIGION
Obama’s affirmation of gay marriage is also significant because of the religious issues many equate with the institution of marriage. It marks a personal journey of change and reflection on Obama’s part. Eight years ago when asked about this issue he said “In my faith when a man and a woman get married they are performing something before God”. During his interview with ABC News he describes his change of opinion in a remarkably personal way that acknowledges the evolution of his own religious faith and discussions with his wife, Michelle, about this saying “This is something we’ve talked about over the years. She feels the same way I do. We’re both practising Christians and obviously the position may be considered to put us at odds with the views of others but when we talk about our faith the thing at the root we think about is not only Christ sacrificing himself on our behalf but also the Golden Rule treat others the way you would want to be treated.” Obama has shown courage and bravery in backing gay marriage in his role as president of the United States of America and as a world leader, notwithstanding his own personal religious beliefs and lifestyle decisions. The strength of his own marriage and personal religious faith adds further force and conviction to his public affirmation of gay marriage. Poll data shows that African-Americans in particular were less likely to oppose gay marriage after his announcement than before. His sensitive and honest explanation of his own evolution and thinking on the issue of gay marriage has captured the world’s attention. His endorsement of gay marriage is big news. However, it remains to be seen how this will translate in practice given the significant resistance to gay marriage amongst religious and conservative groups across many US states.
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GAY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
Obama was a black child brought up by white grandparents and a white single mother after his parents separated and he learned from an early age what it was like for him and his family to deal with discrimination. He married a strong, educated, professional black woman and he has created the sort of family life he never experienced as a child. He then integrated into society and ultimately ended up representing the United States of America, leading by personal example on the issue of gay marriage. It is not just the issue of gay marriage that is challenging law and policy makers across the United States of America and around the world. Family life for the gay community is changing too. More and more gay people are building families and becoming parents embracing assisted reproduction, surrogacy, coparenting, known donor arrangements and donor conception. There is now more acceptance than ever before of gay families and increasing numbers are growing in confidence and embracing parenthood. However, the legal issues gay families face can be complex and challenging as the law does not always treat them equally. This is something Obama remains very aware of, based on his own experience with his staff and his children’s friend’s same-sex parents. Assisted reproduction, surrogacy, co-parenting and known donation offer a wealth of choice for prospective gay parents and yet there is often a distinct lack of joined up legal thinking which can leave gay parents without legal status for their children and a lack of legal protection for their family. This can create all manner of problems and involve complex legal solutions and hard fought legal battles when things go wrong. Prospective parents looking to build families through third party reproduction, surrogacy, donor conception and co-parenting need to get to grips with the legal issues form the outset. The law does not yet treat gay parents and families formed through assisted conception equally and there is still a long way to go before this is achieved. Perhaps these are issues Obama will shoulder in years to come in his drive to achieve greater equality and based on his own personal experience of marriage, parenthood and family life. In the meantime, he represents the United States of America’s first black president and the first president to back gay marriage and he will be remembered for his charismatic support for equality and fairness for the gay community.
PINK-PARENTING.COM
Louisa Ghevaert is a leading expert in UK fertility, parenting and family law and a passionate supporter of parents, children and families. She is a partner with Porter Dodson Solicitors & Advisors.
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JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05
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27/02/2012 14:33
WORDS_ MEGAN FAURE
THE IMPORTANCE OF SLEEP
Feeling jaded and sleep deprived? You are in good company. Less than half of all babies sleep through before the toddler years and even if they do, sleep issues can raise their ugly head at any time. Sleep problems need to be addressed because not only do you feel bad, sleep deprivation is also not good for your baby.
Sleep is important for your little one because it is healing for his body and mind. During a long period of unbroken sleep, your baby will cycle from light sleep to deep sleep and back many times. When in the light sleep state he will dream and his amazing brain processes and lays down memories of the experiences he had during the day. This sleep state is surmised to be essential for memory and learning. Deep sleep is just as important for development because during this sleep state, your baby sorts the important information from the day from the irrelevant. The superfluous synapses are literally pruned and connections that are not commonly used are severed, freeing up energy and brain connections for more useful function.
Megan Faure, co-author of the Babysense Secret and expert in child behaviour, runs through the importance of sleep, typical patterns and routines.
So if sleep is so important, what can you expect from your baby? Although every baby is different, there are simple guidelines that can be generalized to most babies. These are the typical sleep patterns you can expect in the first four years plus the reasons why a baby of a Âť certain age could be waking.
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TYPICAL SLEEP PATTERNS AND PROBLEMS THROUGH THE AGES
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BABYSENSE SECRET Age
Time between sleeps 'Awake Time'
Number of day sleeps
Number of hours of sleep at night
Common problems to rule out if your baby is waking more frequently
Variable - will have 2 - 3 night feeds
Reflux Hunger Day/ Night reversal
Variable - will have 1 - 2 night feeds
Hunger Reflux Snacking at feeds Needs solids Not learnt to self sooth
0-6 weeks
45-60 minutes
6-17 weeks
60-90 minutes
Variable depending on how long each sleep is
4-6 months
1.5 - 2 hours
3 - 4 naps
8 - 10 hour stretch
6-9 months
2 - 2.5 hours
2 - 3 naps
12 hours
9-12 months
2.5 - 3 hours
2 naps
12 hours
1-2 years
3 - 4.5 hours
1 nap
12 hours
Teething Habits Nutrition
12 hours
Pinworm infestation Boundaries Iron levels low Night mares
2-4 years
4.5 - 5 hours
1 nap (variable)
The easiest way to get your baby into a routine is to make sure you settle him to sleep as when his age appropriate ‘Awake Time’ is up (See table for age appropriate Awake times). Take note of the time your baby and then make sure to watch that he goes down according to his ‘Awake times’.
NEWBORNS ARE UNABLE TO SELF-SOOTH EFFECTIVELY, WHICH IS WHY YOU MAY HAVE FOUND YOURSELF ROCKING, PATTING AND LULLING YOUR NEWBORN TO SLEEP.
2. Read your baby’s signals for tiredness In addition to watching the ‘Awake Time’, you should observe your baby’s individual signals. Signals that your baby is tired may include rubbing eyes, sucking hands, touching ears, looking into space, drowsy eyes or many other self-soothing strategies. When your baby shows the signs of drowsiness, he should be put down to sleep.
ESTABLISHING A GOOD SLEEP ROUTINE
One way to guide your baby into better sleep habits is to establish a
3. Settle your baby with sleep cues
sleep routine. The key to routines is that they need to be flexible and age appropriate. There are three steps to setting up a sleep
Use soothing strategies to shift your baby into a drowsy state before putting him in the cot, such as dimming the lights or drawing the blinds; giving a feed, if this is helpful to settle him (such as before bedtime); a soothing massage for older babies and swaddling for little ones works a wonder; rocking your little one until he is drowsy. Once drowsy, put your little one in the cot so that he puts the last piece of the puzzle together for himself – self-soothing to sleep.
routine effectively:
1. Follow age appropriate awake times for your baby All babies have age related optimal awake times - intervals in which your little one can be happily awake. During this time he will be content and interactive, learning from his environment. If your baby is kept awake for longer than his ideal awake time, he will become
IMPORTANCE OF SELF-SOOTHING
needy, easily over stimulated and generally irritable. In addition to this he will not naturally fall into a sleepy state and thus will be more
Newborns are unable to self-sooth effectively, which is why you may have found yourself rocking, patting and lulling your newborn
difficult to get to sleep.
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Habit - dummy or breast or bottle Needs protein Separation anxiety
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WHERE NEW PARENTS FREQUENTLY GO WRONG IS BY CREATING DEPENDENCE AND HABITS AROUND SLEEP TIME, SUCH AS ROCKING A SIX MONTH OLD TO SLEEP OR FEEDING A TODDLER AT NIGHT.
to sleep. However, we do know that as your baby gets towards 4 months of age, he has the innate ability to access self-soothing strategies, such as sucking his hand, sucking a dummy, holding a ‘sleep lovey’ such as a bear or Tag blanket, or to simply hum to sleep. If this natural ability is allowed to develop, without too much interference, you will have a good sleeper. Where new parents frequently go wrong is by creating
2. Feeding to sleep In the early days, your newborn may fall asleep on the breast or bottle but as he gets older, make sure he is fully awake (just drowsy) when you put him down to sleep. Sit when you feed him and avoid lying next to him as you are both more likely to fall asleep. After 6 months old your baby does not need milk at night. Do not offer a feed between bedtime and 4am.
dependence and habits around sleep time, such as rocking a six month old to sleep or feeding a toddler at night. Try from around 4 months to give your little one the space and time to self sooth – do
THE BABYSENSE SECRET
not let him cry or become distressed, but if he is moaning to sleep, support him to find his blanky or thumb and to access self soothing strategies independently.
SOLVING THE COMMON SLEEP ISSUES
1. Rock to sleep
This must be one of the most common sleep problems in the first year. If you find your baby will only go to sleep if rocked to sleep, you should begin to break the habit gently by weaning your baby off
Megan Faure is co-author of the Babysense Secret, available to purchase from www.hippychick.com,, £12.99,
rocking slowly by stopping just short of him falling asleep and keeping your hand on him as he settles in his cot. If he screams, pick him up and rock him gently and put him down when drowsy. Be consistent and patient – this habit can be broken.
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PACK YOUR BAGS
With World Pride 2012 coming to London in July, with a packed itinerary of shows, debates, poetry, music and partying, culminating in the main parade throughout the streets of the capital, we have tracked down accommodation located in 3 other extravagant Gay Pride hosting cities. Firstly we visit the colourful carnival atmosphere and Latino spirit of SĂŁo Paulo, which has hosted a pride event since 1997 and now is reported to be the biggest gay pride event on the planet, inviting crowds of over 4 million. Next, the ancient city of Athens, which hosts an all-volunteer, non-profit Pride event, with its annual street parade, live shows and dance parties meandering throughout the city streets. Lastly but by no-means least is the vibrant, artistic metropolis of Barcelona, where an event providing ten days of culture, sport, debate, entertainment and non-stop partying takes place. So we are convinced one of these city breaks away from the humdrum of day-to-day life allows you to let your hair down, put on a pair of heels and camp it up!
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wORdS_ GIORGIO SEVERI
HOTEL UNIQUE
Located in the affluent residential area of Jardins, and just meters from Ibirapuera Park, São Paulo’s largest green area, the Hotel Unique rises like a gracious ocean liner in dry-dock. Shielding dark glass and a desert garden of mini, sand-toned cubes of rock, palms and agaves are the first impressions that the hotel offers. Dramatic high internal spaces such as the lobby are accentuated and illuminated with walls of beige marble, and sharp, geometric themes making the spectacle even grander. The rooftop terrace displays amazing views over the city, if you manage to take your eyes off of the fascinating crimson red swimming pool. www.hotelunique.com
www.PINK-PARENTING.COm
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»
PACK YOUR BAGS
HOTEL FASANO
One of the most elegant hotels in São Paulo has been a longnurtured dream of the Fasano family, who for over a century has devoted itself to providing the best in Italian cuisine in Brazil. Guests can enjoy the inviting accommodations and relax by the hotel’s exquisite spa and rooftop swimming pool, or take time out to indulge in the Italian culinary delights at the world renowned Fasano Restaurant next door. www.fasano.com.br
PONTA DOS GANCHOS
Located on a private peninsula near Florianópolis on Brazil’s south coast, Ponta dos Ganchos is one of the country’s most exclusive beach resorts where sunsets sparkle and breakfast lasts all day. This relaxed rainforest retreat is on its own peninsula, fringed by tropical trees, choppy shores and oyster farms, with plenty to keep you busy – there’s an indoor pool, tennis and volleyball, even a private cinema. Snorkelling, diving (including tuition), canoeing, sailing and boat trips are also on offer. www.pontadosganchos.com.br
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www.PInK-PAREnTInG.COm
PACK YOUR BAGS
SEMIRAMIS
With the capital city of Greece becoming an increasingly popular gay destination in recent years, it celebrates its vibrant Gay Pride Celebration in early June. Just a short drive from Athens, in the outskirts of Kifissia is the Hotel Semiramis, offering its guests luxury living in a completely funky environment. From the brightly coloured walls in the bathrooms to the cool furniture and ultra modern designs, this hotel is a far cry from the ancient ruins that surround it’s glass walls – a must stay for all retro fans! www.semiramis.gr
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THE MARGI
Situated in the most exclusive area of the Athenian Riviera, Vouliagmeni, The Margi hotel is a fabulous haven away from home. Offering luxury in a Mediterranean ambience, and nestled between the sea and a pine forest, this hotel promises moments of absolute pleasure in the Athenian coast. With its superb cuisine, impeccable service and exquisite design, this unique boutique hotel offers a truly memorable experience. www.themargi.gr
LIFE GALLERY HOTEL
The Athens Life Gallery Hotel is located in the sophisticated area of Ekali in the northern part of the city. It is a proud member of the renowned Hotel chains “Design Hotels” and “Great Small Hotels of the World”. Set within a glass building of unique architectural design this Hotel reflects the natural surroundings and experiences of everyday life. In this luxury environment guests can experience a sense of balance and tranquillity. The minimalist, airy architecture, high aesthetics interior design and superior levels of hospitality make this one great stay! www.bluegr.com
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PACK YOUR BAGS
W BARCELONA
An avant-garde icon of stunning architecture rising high above the Mediterranean in Spain’s most dynamic and stylish city, the Hotel W Barcelona was designed by world-famed architect Ricardo Bofill. Offering panoramic views over Barcelona and the sea, the hotel features a spa, infinity pools, an amazing rooftop bar (on the 26th floor!) and luxurious rooms. Located along the famous boardwalk ‘La Barceloneta’, the hotel brings an exciting mix of entertainment, recreation, culinary delights, nightlife, and hospitality to one of the most exciting European destinations. www.w-barcelona.com
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Eco REtREats – tIPIs & YURts Gran Hotel DYfI foREst, walEs la Florida
Situated in a beautiful and remarkably remote location in the heart of the Dyfi Forest, Eco Retreats is the ideal place to escape the pressures of the outside world and find After years of restoration Gran Hotel La some nearly space four to reconnect with nature,work to your loved ones Florida doors 2012. hotel is and to opened yourself.itsEach tipionorApril yurt29th, has its ownThe toilet and located 300 and meters above the and offers spectacular shower unit is situated on city its own secluded spot so views of Barcelona, the blue Mediterranean Sea and you can really makeout thetomost of the peace and quiet. as far as the Pyrenees. A beautiful hotel with all the luxury www.ecoretreats.co.uk that you can expect from its 5* rating. www.hotellaflorida.com
Take his breath away on a Swiss city break. Zürich
MySwitzerland.com/gaylesbian Discover the charm of our Swiss cities.
FLYING, SWISS MADE – SWISS.COM
205_11d_14_ins_pink_pareting.indd 1
H a n d - p i c k e d p l a c e s t o s tay F o r g ay & s t r a i g H t t r av e l l e r s
12.09.11 10:02
ANNABEL KARMEL
SUMMER FOOD FUN
ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
S
hare some family fun in the sun, and then enjoy a bright and tasty summer meal together. Summer is the most wonderful time to enjoy the outdoors. Sharing a kick-about in the garden or a day out at the seaside are just a few of the fun things we will all hopefully get to enjoy this summer. I’ve put together these summer recipes that all my family enjoy sharing and I hope that you do to. You do not want to spend hours in the kitchen this summer, but have fun quick recipes to hand that you can put easily pull together when you have hungry children clamouring at your heels for food. By having ready to eat salads or cooked meats in the fridge you can create something tasty and healthy that is much better than giving them crisps or a chocolate bar. Summer fruits are juicily delicious and home made ice creams and ice lollies are not only great fun to make with the kids but also a yummy healthy desert that are perfect for barbeques and long summer evenings. Fingers crossed for some sunshine, and let the fun begin!
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RECIPES_ ANNABEL KARMEL
TASTY TURKEY OR CHICKEN SLIDERS A slider is a bite-sized burger. The Americans originally came up with the term and no-one seems to be sure why, I can only assume it is because they slide down so easily when eaten! If you have older children, you could make these twice the size.
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Ingredients • 3 slices white bread, crusts removed
• 4 tbsp milk • 1 red onion, finely chopped (approx. 125g /4 ½ oz)
• • • • •
1 tbsp olive oil 1 garlic clove, crushed 250g (9oz) chicken or turkey mince 2 tsp dark soy sauce 3 tbsp tomato chutney (I love the Waitrose version of this)
• 1 tsp tomato purée • 2 tbsp sunflower oil, for frying • salt and pepper, to season
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Method Put the bread in a food processor and whiz to make breadcrumbs. Add the milk and leave to soak. Sauté the onion for 5 minutes in the olive oil until softened. Add the garlic and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a food processor and add the remaining ingredients. Season to taste and whiz for 1 minute to chop and combine. Heat the sunflower oil in a large frying pan. Drop tablespoons of the mixture into the pan and press down using a wet teaspoon. Sauté for 2–3 minutes on each side or until golden and cooked through. Makes 15 Sliders
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SUMMER SNACKS
SALMON & VEGETABLE FUSILLI This is a favourite recipe of mine; it’s a delicious combination of spring vegetables and tender chunks of salmon. It makes a delicious meal for the whole family. The light cheese sauce couldn’t be simpler – just stir together the ingredients and heat through…
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Ingredients • 200g fusilli • 2 tbsp light olive oil • 1 onion, finely chopped • 1 clove garlic, crushed • 100g orange pepper cut into strips • 100g broccoli florets • 1 medium courgette (150g) sliced and the then cut into semi circles • 250g salmon fillets • 200ml fish stock • 150g crème fraiche • 200ml vegetable stock • 150g tomatoes, skinned, deseeded and cut into chunks • 75g parmesan cheese, grated • Salt and freshly ground black pepper
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Method Cook the fusilli according to the directions on the packet. Heat the olive oil in a heavy based saucepan and sauté the onion and garlic for three minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the orange pepper, broccoli and courgette and sauté for 6 to 7 minutes until tender. Cut the salmon into chunks. Put into a saucepan, cover with fish stock and poach over a gentle heat for 3 to 4 minutes or until cooked. Remove from the pan , strain and set aside. Stir the crème fraiche and vegetable stock into the cooked vegetables and bring to a simmer. Stir in the chopped tomatoes and chunks of salmon and simmer for two minutes, then stir in the parmesan cheese and season to taste. Toss the drained fusilli with the sauce taking care not to break up the salmon and serve.
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www.molo-kids.com Ad_Pink_Parenting.indd 1
24-06-2011 17:32:09
SUMMER SNACKS
LUSCIOUS LYCHEE FROZEN YOGHURT
I adore frozen yoghurt and it is a little less rich than ordinary ice cream. Lychee is one of my favourite flavours and is very refreshing. Its worth investing in an ice cream making machine as you once you have tasted this you will want to make it again and again. 20 minutes preparation
Ingredients • 500ml full fat natural yoghurt (1x 500g pot) • 150ml single cream • 75g caster sugar • 1 x 425g tin lychees
SUPER SUMMER BERRY YOGHURT ICE CREAM
Method Mix together the yoghurt, cream and sugar. Blend the lychees together with 200ml of the juice from the tin. Freeze and churn the mixture in an ice cream maker. If you don’t have an ice-cream maker, pour the mixture into a shallow container, place in the freezer for 1 hour, then transfer to a food processor and whiz until smooth. Freeze for 2 hours, then process again before freezing until firm. Makes 6 portions, suitable for freezing
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Another great way of making frozen yoghurt is by using using frozen fruits. 30 minutes preparation
Ingredients • 200g mixed frozen summer fruits eg: strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, cherries, redcurrants • 200ml (7 fl oz) double cream • 400ml (14 fl oz) mild natural yoghurt (eg Onken set yoghurt) • 75g (3 oz) caster sugar plus 1 tablespoon
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Put the frozen berries in a small saucepan together with one tablespoon of the caster sugar and cook over a gentle heat for a few minutes until soft. Puree the fruit and press through a sieve to get rid of the seeds. Whip the cream until it forms soft peaks. Mix together the cream, yoghurt, sugar and sieved fruit puree. Freeze in an ice-cream making machine. Alternatively, spoon into a suitable container and put in the freezer. When half frozen beat well until smooth either with a hand-held electric whisk or a food processor, to break down the ice-crystals that form. Return to the freezer and stir one or two more times during the freezing process to get a smooth ice cream. Makes 6 portions, suitable for freezing
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JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05
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From the moment My Carry Potty, a portable leak proof potty for children, hit the shelves, it has been a story of continued success and growth, and is showing no signs of slowing down. With daunting statistics of children up to age of 7 still wearing nappies, we caught up with Mumpreneur, Amanda Jenner, to find out more about My Carry Potty, her quest to lower the age to toilet train your child, and what impact this is already having on our society.
Behind the brand...
MY CARRY POTTY
L
ong before Amanda started her own family, she knew that she wanted to do something with her life to make a difference; “I always knew from a very young age that I wanted to run my own business, but I just never knew what the business would be. I started my family at a young age and I remember being out with my eldest child George, who at that time was only 15 months old, and my newborn daughter Holly, shopping one day. George told me that he needed to pee, so I got my potty out from under my pushchair and he did his business. It wasn’t until I was confronted in the street by an elderly man who had taken particular offence to my pouring my sons toilet on the side of the street. He was so rude to me that I packed up my kids and rushed back home. I remember feeling mortified, and going straight to the internet to see if there was anything on the market for mothers
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who had faced the same problem as me with their children. I searched for potties that had a lid, but couldn’t find anything on the net.
RESEARCHING AND CREATING
“As I was doing my research, I remember thinking that this could be my business that I had always wanted. I quickly found a designer who I hoped would be able to make sense of my scribblings, a week later the designer called me back to show me his interpretation. The minute I saw it, I knew then that this was something that every parent around the world would want for their children.” “However, a short while after this my marriage broke down, and a lot of my plans and ideas for My Carry Potty were literally put on the garage shelf as I dealt with the divorce and concentrated my time on my kids. It wasn’t until I met Darren, my current partner, that the passion for My Carry Potty
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was revived. I contacted Motion Touch, a UK based design and manufacturing company that loved my idea and were happy to produce a prototype. Unfortunately I had given all the wrong dimensions and it ended up looking like a portable commode for adults, which was hilarious, but we got it right in the end.” “Now that I had created My Carry Potty I wasted no time in going straight to John Lewis to see what they said. With perseverance (and some stalking), I finally managed to set up a meeting with them and luckily they loved it, putting an order in for 356. Though this was not a massive order, I still had to pinch myself to make sure that this was not a dream. I had got validation from something I had done all by myself. It was a great moment for me in the history of My Carry Potty.” “I went ahead and put my first order of 2000 potties to be made. I had them all sent to my home so I could test every single »
JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05
BEHIND THE BRAND
ON AVERAGE, A PARENT WILL USE UP TO 5,500 NAPPIES UP TO AGE OF 3.5 YEARS OLD, COSTING PARENTS AROUND £1400, WHICH ROUGHLY EQUATES TO £33 A MONTH. potty to see if they were 100% leak proof before I sent them off to John Lewis, I had to check, just for my own piece of mind.” “It wasn’t long before buyers from all around the world were calling for orders and it soon became apparent that I would need some help distributing the potty, so got in contact with Cheeky Rascals, a UK based distributor who also helped me in getting My Carry Potty in other shops.” “You can now find us in stores like Mothercare, Kiddicare, Toys r Us and on Amazon. We also export to 27 countries worldwide and are stocked in over a thousand stores in the US. Things have gone crazy for us.” “I have also just recently written a very simple book to go with My Carry Potty with reward stickers and charts. The whole ethos behind My Carry Potty is that parents really do need to get involved in the potty training experience and need to research into what to expect when beginning this milestone in their children’s lives. It’s not easy and takes time and patience especially as now statistics show there is a huge increase on both parents having to go out to work, leaving less time to potty train their children.”
ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
MY POTTY TRAINING ACADEMY
On average, a parent will use up to 5,500 nappies up to age of 3½ years old, costing parents around £1400, which roughly equates to £33 a month, and the reason for My Potty Training Academy is to change this by uniting parents and nursery schools with the same potty training programme. Using a simple technique that will be used at home and at the nursery school will make it easy for the child and parent to follow, leading to a successful potty training. “At the academy, children will be given a potty, put on a 12 day training programme and supplied with a big A3 magnet board to chart their daily success. Ideally I would also like to hire unemployed mothers to help me in training nurseries and we hope to be in 300 nurseries by the end of 2012.” “My next venture is to get the Academy endorsed by the government. The problems arising from late potty training are not just on the children themselves but also to the sheer amount of nappies being dumped in landfills every day. In the UK alone, parents are throwing up to 8 million disposable
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nappies away a day. This accounts for 4% of household waste costing the tax payer £40 million a year. Disposable nappies also take up to 500 years to decompose, contributing to the global warming due to the emissions they release.”
PLANS FOR THE FUTURE
Since starting My Carry Potty, Amanda has committed herself to spending an hour a day answering parents emails, letters, Facebook and Twitter questions about potty training concerns; “I get about 100 emails a week globally asking me for advice on potty training, so I would like to become the potty training ‘guru’ There is so much out there on child nutrition and obesity but nothing on toilet training which is a real problem now.” For the future, who knows, I have so many ideas for My Carry Potty, the list is endless. You will just have to watch this space. It’s very hard work, and I work all hours, but it’s so rewarding and I love it, and just by helping one parent and their child with their potty training makes it all worthwhile for me - that’s just the way I am.”
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LEGAL LOWDOWN
Parental Responsibility is an important legal issue for a pink parent or a would-be pink parent and is something that should be carefully considered, ideally in advance of the child’s birth. We hear from Linzi Bull of Harbottle & Lewis about all you need to know before the arrival of your little one.
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any couples embark on their wonderful journey to parenthood without knowing what Parental Responsibility (PR) is in law, why it is necessary to have it and how to get it, in those unfortunate cases where it is not given by agreement. There are other issues, too, that pink parents applying to the Family Court for parental responsibility orders need to know, and there is a body of case law that gives useful indicators. Parenting involves taking decisions and exercising responsibilities. PR is a legal construct which is defined as ‘…all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child’. It is essentially the legal recognition of an existing biological reality. If a child’s parents are married, the biological mother and the biological father will both acquire PR when he is born. If they are unmarried, whilst the biological mother has PR automatically, the biological father does not.
with the biological mother and anyone else that has PR and then registering it at the Principal Registry of the Family Division. In the event that consent is not forthcoming, then unfortunately the only remaining option is to make an application to Court for a PR order with all the emotional and financial cost that legal processes entail. PR is also conferred by the making of a residence order (an order which states who the child will live with) and this is the four option. If PR is obtained in these circumstances, it will then last for the duration of the residence order. More than one person can have PR for a child at the same time and it is important to know that PR is not lost by one person if another acquires it; it’s not a one-in one-out system. As a result of relatively recent changes in the law, step-parents and civil partners can now also acquire PR by entering into a PR Agreement or obtaining an order of the Court. Any PR Agreement must be signed by everyone that has PR for the child, which can prove particularly problematic where there are three or more parties involved.
Acquiring PArentAl resPonsibility
the legAl side
The unmarried father can acquire PR in one of four ways. The first is by being registered as the child’s father on the birth certificate, for which you would need the consent of the biological mother. The second is by entering into a formal PR Agreement in the prescribed form (available on the Court website www.justice.gov.uk/forms/hmcts)
ISSUE 05 – jUnE / jUly 2012
The law says that a person with PR has ‘a say’ in the important decisions to be made in the child’s life, for example, in relation to issues of health, elective medical treatment, education and relocation. What it does not do is enable a non-resident parent to
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wORdS_ Linzi BuLL
interfere and insist on having input into day-to-day decisions about the child. For example, PR does not allow you to dictate what the child should eat for lunch or wear to playgroup or whether he can stay up late to watch ‘X-Factor’ on a Saturday night. Unfortunately, the legitimate exercise of PR and the practicalities may not always be easy. In the recent High Court case of Re WB [2011], the biological mother entered into a PR Agreement in respect of her two children with her same sex partner shortly after they registered their civil partnership. She did not need the consent of the biological father to do so as he did not have PR – he was an unmarried father, the children were conceived through artificial insemination. The biological father applied to the Court for PR and a contact order (which would set out when he and his same sex partner saw the children) in 2008; the PR application was resolved by consent two years after that application was made. However, it seems from a later judgement given in the case that this was perhaps a pyrrhic victory as it had proven difficult for the father to exercise PR in relation to schooling; there had been issues with attendance at the school. The Court confirmed that the father should receive school reports and photographs and also that he should be able to communicate with the school and attend meetings there. The biological father’s partner does not have PR and whilst the Judge said that he had no objection to him also attending school meetings, he said ‘… the Head Teacher is always the final arbiter of parents’ attendance at and involvement in school’. The lesson being that it is important to give some thought to how PR will work in practice once you have it and how to ensure that it will be respected. The welfare of the child is the Court’s paramount concern when determining an application about a child. The Court will not make an order where it is not in the child’s best interests to do so. Although not an exhaustive list, the main things that the Court takes into account on an application for PR are i) the degree of commitment which the applicant has shown to the child, ii) the degree of attachment which exists between the applicant and the child and iii) the applicant’s reasons (or motivation) for applying for the order. Where those criteria are established and it is shown to be in the child’s best interests, the application for PR will be granted. In the author’s experience, the majority of applications in the context of heterosexual relationships are successful. Where applications have not been granted in the heterosexual case law we have, there will generally be obvious and exceptional reasons why, such as in the case where the father had caused severe injury to the child that was the subject of his application. It is worth a pink parent having an understanding of how his or her application for PR would be approached by the Court. The following summary deals with three cases each involving a lesbian couple with a child and a gay father who wanted to be involved in that child’s life and who then applied to the Court for PR. In each, the issue of protecting the integrity of the nuclear family from a perceived or potential threat from the applicant is significant.
During the litigation, concerns were raised that the father would abuse PR and use it as a mechanism to interfere with the family life of the mother, her civil partner and the child. Indeed, the father’s behaviour towards the child’s family was criticised by the Court. He had, for example, bombarded the women with phone calls to try to resolve issues about the child and sent them frequent postcards blaming them for the issues surrounding contact. At the father’s suggestion, the Judge in that case made a PR order which was limited and so we do not know whether he would otherwise have gone down this route. The PR order prevented the father from visiting the child’s school for any purpose or from contacting any health professional working with the child without the written consent of the women. In a child’s life, where questions about education and medical treatment are arguably among the most important, the father here obtained a significantly watered down version of PR. It would be interesting to know if, and how successfully, he has been able to use it.
When Parental resPonsibility is refused
In another interesting case from 2007, the child’s biological father made an application for contact and PR. The child’s biological mother was in a civil partnership with the father’s sister. The child lived with the women. The Judgment records the fact that the women came to see the involvement of the father as an awful mistake and that they blamed the breakdown of the adult relationships on his attempts to assert himself as a father to the child. They argued that this had been just a family agreement in which the father was kindly offering to help and allow them to start a family. The father in this case accepted that the women were the child’s nuclear family. Again, the women were acutely concerned that if the father had PR he would abuse it and interfere in their family life; if the application was granted they said, he would present a threat to their family and the Court agreed that he might ‘forcefully’ advance his views. A watered down version of PR, with restrictions or limitations, would not suit either side the Court said, since it would raise false hopes on one side and be threatening on the other. Applying the criteria set out above, the Court found that the father had shown commitment and acceptable motivation and that the amount of time he was seeing the child did not preclude development of an attachment to him. Despite this, the father’s application for PR failed on welfare grounds. The Court found that it would be wholly contrary to the best interests of the child to grant the father’s application for PR. However, an order was made which provided for the father to see his son four times a year. The case of R v E and F from 2010 was a decision of leading High Court Judge, Mr Justice Bennett. It concerned Daniel, who was 7½ and lived in London with his mother, Emily and her civil partner Frances. By agreement pursuant to that civil partnership, Frances acquired PR for Daniel. Richard was Daniel’s biological father and was in a same-sex relationship with John; the men lived in Massachusetts. As in the previous case, the adult relationships broke down and Richard applied for PR and then residence in relation to Daniel. The Court says that well known decisions on heterosexual PR case did not readily transfer to cases such as this one but that they were not going to be ignored. Unlike the father in the Re B case, »
GaininG limited Parental resPonsibility
In Re D (a case from 2006), PR was granted to the biological father of his daughter but with conditions attached. The child’s biological mother and her civil partner both had PR, the latter by virtue of a shared residence order (option four above).
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juNE / july 2012 – ISSuE 05
LEGAL EXPERT VIEWS LOWDOWN “AT THE AGE OF 21, I AM NOW CONSIDERED AN ADULT AND WILL NEVER HAVE HAD THE EQUAL CHILD PROTECTION RIGHTS THAT CHILDREN OF MARRIED STRAIGHT COUPLES HAVE HAD ALL THEIR LIVES. BUT I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT. I’M NOT THAT BOTHERED ABOUT MY OWN RIGHTS ANYMORE. I WANT IT LOSING FOR MY COUSINS, MY FRIEND’S PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY Once PR is acquired,AND it will lastCHILDREN.” until the child is 18. It is rare to SIBLINGS Richard did not accept that Emily and Frances were Daniel’s nuclear family (the Judge thought this was wrong). He wanted to continue to be a parent and acquire PR so that he had the legal right to be part of the decisions to be made about Daniel. He said that he was committed and had always been committed, and had a close and loving relationship with Daniel’. Emily and Frances told the Court that they were deeply concerned about what would happen to their family if Richard was granted PR. It would, they said be immensely distressing and would provide more scope for battles. The Judge agreed and Richard was not granted PR; he obtained an order for contact of not more than 50 days each year.
lose PR but in exceptional circumstances it can be removed by Court on an application by gay another person with PR for There isorder, so much speculation about parenting at the moment. the child or, ifI strongly he is of believe an appropriate on an application by To be honest, gays and age, lesbians make just as good the childashimself. parents straight couples. For one thing, a gay couple can’t have a There are only Children a small number and same child by accident. born to,ofordecisions adopted about by, gayPRcouples are sex couples familiesObviously in the lawthe reports what planned and or so alternative definitely wanted. exact and parenting cases there a number questions for depending any potential methods usedare by raise individual familiesofcan differ greatly on applicant. may there thousands pink and families the couple,Itbut thatbeis that part of beingare unique humanof beings, can where issuefamily. of PRSodoes litigation instead is happenthe in any hownot canlead you to single out anand entire group, easily andsexual simply agreed. There others where agreement is purely by orientation, and sayare “you are unfit to raise children”? reached mediation or solicitors correspondence. The Peoplethrough don’t seem to realise what same sex marriage would difficulty is that are not really mean. No,these it would not reported. mean the collapse of the marriage The Law cannot does not apply different principles to gay system; it would not and be encouraging something unholy or unnatural. and lesbian relationships than itsex does to heterosexual ones are, but It would mean recognising same families as what they really some of the simply do not fit in families. Justestablished as “normal”legal or principles “proper” as families witheasily adopted these cases – the family different now interracial to when itfamilies, did when children, families with steplooks parents or children, or they were founded. heterosexual families. Same sex marriage would mean both my The High Court saida that giving general guidance these cases parents would have legitimate legal say in myin welfare, my would be fraught risk. The Court of Appeal agreed in a decision education and mywith upbringing. from last gay yearmarriage (a caseinwhere mother father had Notlate having Irelandthe is not going and to stop people married to appease family who the hadright issues with her falling in love. Denyingthe gaymother’s and lesbian couples to marriage sexuality– that This the father had PR that - butwill both were in won’t makewhich themmeant go away. is something eventually same-sex relationships), that was not possibleexists because come to Ireland, and thesaying sooner thethis better. If marriage for the so fact specific. The Court one cases group,were thenallwhy not for everyone? How reiterated can peoplethat be the so child’s welfare the paramount consideration. excluded simplywas because of their sexual orientation? Finally, will21, have PR now (as well as what roles and responsibilities At the who age of I am considered an adult and will never each adultthewill have in protection a child’s life) should form part of the have had equal child rights that children of married prospective parent’s discussions before is conceived. it straight couples have had all their lives. ButaI child have accepted that.IfI’m is that the biological will beanymore. registered on the child’s notagreed that bothered about myfather own rights I want it for my birth certificate or siblings that a and PR Agreement will all befuture entered into on cousins, my friend’s children. I want generations the child’s birth,protection expensiveand and costly litigation can beSomething avoided. to have the legal recognition they deserve. These can and, that mydiscussions family have never had. in the writer’s opinion should, be facilitated and formalised by a specialist family solicitor.
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Ailbhe is a member of Believe in Equality, an online group of young people, ranging between 16 and 24, who are the sons and daughters of Linzi Bull is a Senior Associate and Co-Head of the Family Group lesbian and gay parents. Their main goals are to share experiences at Harbottle & Lewis LLP. She has experience in all aspects of with other children of LGBT parents and campaigning for legal relationship breakdown and has particular expertise in complex equality for LGBT families. For more information please visit same-sex children law cases. www.harbottle.com www.believeinequality.wordpress.com
ISSUE 05 U 0L 1Y 1 2/ 20 01 21 2 3 – JWUI N E T E/ R J 2
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EXPERT ADVICE
Q&A WITH FINERS STEPHENS INNOCENT
Do watch out though, because you will not qualify for adoption leave if you arrange a private adoption, become a special guardian, adopt a stepchild or have a child through a surrogacy arrangement. In addition, different rules may apply for an overseas adoption. Of course, if you don’t satisfy the criteria set out above, you may be able to take annual leave or unpaid parental leave instead. It is always worth asking!
Q. SPERM DONOR’S POSITION
We are a lesbian couple and would like to use a sperm donor. How much involvement from the donor should we expect. Does it make a difference if we do this privately or should we go to a clinic?
A.
The answer to this depends on a number of things. If you are using a sperm donor through a private arrangement (i.e. not through a licensed UK clinic), who the father is the eyes of the law will depend on whether or not you and your partner are in a civil partnership at the time of the insemination. If you are, then your partner will be treated as the second parent of the child, unless it can be shown that she did not consent to the insemination. The biological father will in this example have no legal connection to the child. If you are not in a civil partnership, your partner will have no legal connection to the child, unless such a connection is created through adoption or by acquiring parental responsibility. If you use a donor through a UK licensed clinic and you are in a civil partnership, your partner will be treated as a parent of the child (again, unless it is shown that she did not consent to the treatment). If you are not in a civil partnership but you have used a UK licensed clinic, your partner may still be treated as a parent of the child. Assuming you are not married to a man at the time, or you are not in a civil partnership to another woman, your partner will be treated as a parent if at the time of the treatment she is alive and the following conditions are met (the “agreed female parenthood conditions”):
Q. AM I ALLOWED MATERNITY/PATERNITY LEAVE?
My partner and I are considering adopting and wanted to know if we are allowed to have paid time off for maternity leave? How much time are we allowed and does my partner get the same?
• Your partner has given notice (written and signed) to the clinic that she consents to being treated as a parent of any child resulting from the treatment provided to you under the licence, and this notice has not been withdrawn by a further written and signed notice at a later date;
A.
The answer is possibly, but to adoption leave, not maternity leave. One of you and your partner may be eligible for statutory adoption leave and pay providing you meet the following conditions: you are an employee, you are newly matched with a child by an adoption agency (‘matched’ means that the adoption agency gives you the details of the child they think is suitable for you to adopt), you have worked continuously for your current employer for at least 26 weeks before the beginning of the week when you are matched with a child. Importantly, the hours and the length that you work has no relevance to your eligibility to leave. Statutory Adoption Pay is paid out at £128.73 per week, or 90% of your average weekly salary if this is less. It is probably advisable to check your office manual to see if your employer provides any enhanced adoption scheme. Some do. Your partner may be entitled to two weeks statutory paternity adoption leave, together with an enhanced additional paternity leave of up to 26 weeks. This leave can be taken after 20 weeks of the child having lived with you, but must end before the first anniversary of the child coming to your house. To qualify for this type of leave, you must have been with your employer for at least 26 weeks’ by the “qualifying week.” This is slightly complicated, but in essence, the qualifying week is either the end of the 15th week before the start of the week when the baby is due, or the end of the week you are notified you are matched with your child. You may both be entitled to statutory pay.
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• You have given notice (written and signed) stating that you agree for your partner to be treated as a parent of such a child, and this is not withdrawn by a further written and signed notice at a later date; • You have not, since giving notice that your partner can be treated as a parent of the child, given a further written and signed notice allowing any other woman being treated as a parent of any resulting child, or a written and signed notice consenting to a man being treated as the father of any resulting child; and • You and your partner are not within the prohibited degrees of relationship in relation to each other. The above only applies to cases where a child was born from treatment on or after 6 April 2009. Where a child has been born from treatment which took place before 6 April 2009, your partner will not be considered the other parent of the child, even if you were in a civil partnership or had agreed at the time that she would be. Finers Stephens Innocent is a Central London based law firm offering legal advice in all areas of family law and relationships for more information please visit - www.fsilaw.com
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JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05
EXPERT VIEWS
ASK A QUESTION AT PINK-
PARENTING.com
?
Dr. Gad Lavy, internationally acclaimed reproductive physician and founder of New England Fertility is recognised for building families through gestational surrogacy and egg donation. Here Dr.Lavy answers your frequently asked questions.
W
ith Gestational Surrogacy being such a popular choice for same sex couples around the world, Dr. Lavy gives us an insight into the procedures involved, touching on the legalities and tests needed, and what is required to be an eligible candidate for surrogacy.
sex couples. This is important as it minimizes the risk of any legal complications following the birth of the baby. Before proceeding with surrogacy a formal contract is drawn up between the gestational carrier and the intended parents. The contract covers all issues related to treatment and the pregnancy. An escrow account is kept with lawyer to cover the gestational carrier’s cost, which are typically covered by medical insurance.
Q. What is gestational surrogacy ? Gestational Surrogacy for same sex couples is a procedure in which a surrogate (carrier) is implanted with embryos created from donor egg and sperm of the of intended parent(s).
Q. What tests are required for the intended parents? Both male partners are required by the FDA to undergo screening for infectious disease. In addition sperm is collected, tested and stored at our clinic to be used for fertilization of the eggs.
Q. What is the legal status of gestational surrogacy? Gestational Surrogacy laws vary from state to state. Surrogates are chosen from “surrogate friendly” states, that allow the names of the intended parents to be on the birth certificate, thus obviating the need for adoption. Connecticut is considered to be one of the most legally friendly state for compensated surrogacy and same
ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
Q. What criteria and screening do you use in accepting potential gestational carriers? If an agency has not already been chosen, you will be assisted in finding a suitable gestational surrogate. Carriers are generally in
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CARRIERS ARE GENERALLY IN THEIR 20’S AND 30’S AND MUST HAVE HAD AT LEAST ONE SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCY. ALL CARRIERS ARE SCREENED FOR MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT AFFECTS PREGNANCIES their 20’s and 30’s and must have had at least one successful pregnancy. All carriers are screened for medical conditions that might affect the pregnancy. Gestational carriers are also screened for the following: Criminal background check – Your surrogate agency reviews the gestational carriers driving record and conducts a home visit. Psychological evaluation – These evaluations are conducted by experienced counseling teams. An interview and written personality test (PAI) is required. If the gestational carrier is married her partner will be evaluated as well. Medical Evaluation – The gestational carrier’s medical records are reviewed. If approved the carrier will be given a thorough FDA approved medical evaluation. Compatibility with the intended parents – Once a gestational carrier is identified, a clinic day is scheduled in which the carrier and her partner meet with the intended parents under the guidance of our psychological counselor. It is important that the intended parents and the carrier are compatible and in agreement on some of the important issues surrounding the process.
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Caroline Kelly caroline.kelly@fsilaw.com +44 (0)20 7344 5565 ask Caroline a question at www.fsilaw.com/pink-parenting or scan here www.fsilaw.com/pink-
Q. How does the process work when using a gestational carrier? The egg donor’s eggs are retrieved in our laboratory in the US, the sperm from one or both partners is thawed and used to inseminate the donor eggs. About 3-4 days later, one or two embryos are placed into the uterus of the Gestational Carrier. Two weeks later the pregnancy test is performed. The remaining embryos are frozen and kept in our lab for future use.
Q. What can international couples expect? We welcome male couples from countries where fertility services are not available to them or are restricted. In international cases the majority of the process can be accomplished remotely, with the sperm collection and testing performed at a clinic in the couple’s native country and the sperm samples shipped to New England Fertility for storage and then later use. Despite the fact that the couples do not need to be present in the U.S. for any part of the procedure, we encourage intended parents to meet with their carrier, be present for the embryo transfer and attend the birth of the baby. For a complimentary international Skype consult with Dr. Lavy, please send an email to info@nefertility.com. To learn more about gestational surrogacy please visit www.nefertility.com
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AND FINALLY...
WORLD
PRIDE FESTIVAL
rganised by InterPride, World Pride 2012 aims to promote LGBT concerns on an international level with over one million visitors expected to come to London for the event. So why not celebrate World Pride this year with the kids at the Pride Family Area sponsored by Out at Tesco’s, where the gardens of St Anne’s Church are taken over by a ball pit, bouncy slide and all manner of special events for children and adults alike. Even if you have small children in tow, you can still enjoy the party atmosphere. With magicians and clowns, balloon artists, charity stalls and a refreshment tent, the Pride Family Area should have everything you need to keep the kids happy on the day. The Pride Family Area takes place from 1pm - 7pm, Saturday 7th July 2012. The family zone can be found at St Anne’s Church Gardens, just off Wardour Street. Hope to see you there...!
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ISSUE 05 – JUNE / JULY 2012
50
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
A CAR THAT’S AS MODERN AS YOUR FAMILY. THE NEW FORESTER. Unlike most cars the Subaru Forester has the World’s only Boxer Diesel engine which has a low centre of gravity, which helps you roll less on corners and remain stable, even on more challenging roads. It also has a Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive system, which helps it stick to the road when you need it most. So you can rely on the Subaru Forester to keep the whole family safe, wherever you’re going, whatever the weather.
Call 08430 222074 visit subaru.co.uk/safe or text ‘forester’ to 60800 Forester range fuel consumption in mpg(l/100km): Urban from 29.1 (9.7) to 37.2 (7.6). Extra Urban from 44.1 (6.4) to 50.4 (5.6). Combined from 37.7 (7.5) to 44.8 (6.3). CO2 emissions from 174 to 167 (g/km).
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