PINK PARENTING
europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine
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issue 03 WINTER 2011/2012 £3.95 03
The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!
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ISSUE 03
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ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: CO-PARENTING i corrie’s charlie coNdou i ONLINE SPERM DONATION i leapfrog
.m wwwwww .m oo c cc icsi.sc.oc .ou. ku k
will be be You will happy to to know know that Moccis Moccis come in in adult adult sizes sizes too. too.
Moccis keep feet of all sizes warm and Moccis keep feet of all sizes warm and cosy. The skid proof leather sole will cosy. The skid proof leather sole will keep little ones from slipping and the keep little ones from slipping and the double elastic makes sure that they stay double elastic makes sure that they stay on. No more cold feet and no more dirty on. No more cold feet and no more dirty shoes indoors. shoes indoors. Ideal for packing and travelling Ideal for packing and travelling Wipe clean or machine wash Wipe clean or machine wash Easy to put on and stays on Easy to put on and stays on Perfect gift for parents / grandparents Perfect gift for parents / grandparents Matching designs for all the family Matching designs for all the family www.moccis.co.uk www.moccis.co.uk info@moccis.co.uk info@moccis.co.uk +44 (0)333 577 7500 +44 (0)333 577 7500
WINTER 2011/2012 07 News, WE LOVE views, reviews, gifts, gadgets and gizmos. 26 The Q&ACorrie WITH... CHARLIE CONDOU star on being a pink parent. 28 TVCOVER STORY: NEIL PATRICK HARRIS superstar and avid tweeter, Neil Patrick Harris shares why having twins has changed his life.
34 Expert READING THE SIGNS in sensory integration, Megan Faure reveals how to decode your baby’s signals.
38 Suitcases WINTER out RETREATS – we’ve found some brrrrilliant winter retreats for you with or without the kids.
47 Pablo BECOMING DADS – BOOK EXCERPT Fernandez’s book offers an insight into the adoption process from a gay perpective.
50 Kid’s FESTIVE TREATS nutritional guru Annabel Karmel offers great Christmas themed recipes for all the family.
56 AALBERT KENNEDY TRUST close-up look at the Albert Kennedy Trust. 58 Ailbhe HAVINGEganTWO GAY MUMS offers a personal account of what growing up with two gay mothers was like.
61 The BEHIND THE BRAND – LEAPFROG history, success and future plans of this children’s educational toy heavyweight.
64 Parenting LEGAL LOWDOWN law expert Louisa Ghevaert explains the legal aspects surrounding co-parenting.
66 Andrew BEATINGLoosely NARROW MINDED OPINIONS on how to prepare your child for prejudice and deal with narrow minded people.
68 Are SPERM DONATION ON LINE websites a better alternative to unknown donors? Pride Angel’s Erika explains all.
70 Law YOURfirmLEGAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED Finers Stephens Innocent answer all your parenting related legal questions
72 Jamie’s JAMIE’SItalian, ARMY a great restaurant with authentic Italian dishes that the whole family will love.
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
WINTER 2011/2012 www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting
PINK PARENTING
europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine
issue 03 WINTER 2011/2012 £3.95
03
The stories, science and all
things parenting for the LGBT
community!!
ISSUE 03
ING.COM WWW.PINK-PARENT
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
i leapfrog charlie coNdou i ONLINE SPERM DONATION ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: CO-PARENTING i corrie’s
Group Publisher Jeff Crockett Managing Editor Giorgio Severi Art Editor Damian Browning Contributors Ailbhe Egan, Megan Faure, Louisa Ghevaert, Annabel Karmel, Caroline Kelly, Andrew Loosely, Jonathan Penny, Erika Tranfield, Business Advisor PJ Mack
Welcome to Pink Parenting We are thrilled and proud to be sharing issue 3 of Pink Parenting with you, full of real-life stories, insightful articles and great tips to help you be the best Pink Parent you can be! In this issue, our celeb feature is TV superstar, Neil Patrick Harris, who shares how he has adapted to fatherhood and what it means to him, and we hear from baby sensory expert, Megan Faure who shows us how to read your baby’s face and decode the signals. We love our journalists but there is nothing better than hearing real-life stories, such as 21-year-old Ailbhe Egan describing her childhood growing up with two gay mums. With co-parenting a viable option for parenthood, our expert explains the legal side and what to expect. And finally we have a fab Q&A with Corrie’s Charlie Condou who chats about life, babies and all things parenting.
Interim Sales Manager Carlo Mendez
With all this and lots more why not make a cuppa and a mince pie, sit back, relax and enjoy our magazine – Happy reading.
Freelance Sales Susan Calatayud, Pier Minole
Team PP
Accounts Manager Jennifer Bailey Legal Advisor Samuel & Davies Client Liason Officer Connie Wilson Printed by Buxton Press Advertising Enquiries advertising@pink-parenting.com
Annabel Karmel
Andrew Loosely
Louisa Ghevaert
Contact details: Pink Parenting Magazine Suite 318, Building 50, Argyll Road, London SE18 6PP Tel: 020 3556 3767
Annabel is the UK’s leading child
Andrew is a published author and
Louisa is a expert in fertility and
nutritionist and best-selling author of
expert in Chinese medicines. He
parenting law. Her knowledge covers
books on feeding babies & children.
frequently talks on the radio and
international and UK surrogacy,
Annabel was awarded an MBE in
at seminars about the benefits of
donor conception, co-parenting and
June 2006 her outstanding work in
herbal medicine in conjunction
embryo storage. She also regularly
the field of child nutrition.
with the mind and body.
speaks at UK fertility sector events.
Jonathan Penny
Megan Faure
Erika Tranfield
Jonathan heads up Fundraising
Megan is specialised in both sensory
Erika has a Biomedical Science back-
and Communications for the Albert
integration and neurodevelopment
ground and is the co-founder of Pride
Kennedy Trust. He originally worked
therapy, and treats babies with
Angel, a social network and Google
at the charity as a volunteer eight
sensory integration difficulties,
ranked #5 website that helps couples
years ago and has been employed
including extreme fussiness, poor
to become parents through donor
by AKT for the last four years.
sleep habits and feeding problems.
conception and co-parenting.
www.pink-parenting.com
SUBSCRIBE AND SAVE!! SUBSCRIBE TO PINK PARENTING MAGAZINE AND GET 6 ISSUES FOR JUST £18.95 WITH A GREAT SAVING OF OVER 22%!! VISIT PINKPARENTING.COM/ SUBSCRIBE FOR DETAILS!
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
TB6296 Cuddledry Pink Parenting A4 Advert_Layout 1 28/11/2011 10:25 Page 1
award winning bath, swim and beach products for babies and tots the original cuddledry速 baby bath towel
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IF YOU’RE GOING TO FANCY DRESS PARTY THIS FESTIVE SEASON, WHY NOT dress up your child in one of these adorable costumes? From lions and elephants to
monkeys and lambs, this range has got something for every occasion and will suit every little character ranging from 6 to 18 months. These cutie costumes come fully lined and zip up bodysuits that have been practically designed with snap closure poppers for easy nappy changes that won’t interrupt play time! Complete with all the cute animal features be it tail, horns, trunk or mane, all come with matching slip on booties with skid resistant bottoms. www.mumsaid.co.uk, from £32.99
ANIMAL ATTIRE
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LEAPFROG LEARNING
THE LEAPPAD EXPLORER FROM THE AWARD winning educational toy company LeapFrog, is the ultimate learning tablet just for kids. With a built-in camera, and a library of 100+ apps, games and activities, the durable LeapPad Explorer features endless ways to inspire creativity and turn learning into fun. It’s a new way to learn, a new way to play and
a new way to unlock your child’s potential! www.leapfrog.com, from £79.99
Last month, the state of Queensland in Australia passed legislation to officially recognise the civil partnership of same-sex couples. The move opens up the state to the potential for hosting civil ceremonies for couples keen to make their commitment official in Australia. With over 300 days of sunshine a year, beautiful beaches, and the famous Great Barrier Reef, there are endless possibilities for sharing vows in Queensland.
TESCO SUPPORT LGBT STAFF TESCO, THE UK’S LARGEST RETAILER WITH over 2,700 stores in the UK and operations
ANNABEL KARMEL APP UPDATE
in 14 countries, employing over 492,000 people, has just launched its new website ‘Out at Tesco’ devised to attract, support and develop their LGBT employees and ensure they are feeling confident to be themselves at work. Tesco has also just announced that they will be a major sponsor of World Pride 2012. For more details please visit www.outattesco.com
KIDS NUTRITIONAL GURU, AND PINK PARENTING regular Annabel Karmel has updated her best selling
app. It provides all you need to know when it comes to feeding babies & toddlers. The app shows you how to make tasty and nutritious meals, with videos and handy cooking tips. The recent update includes two new episodes of Annabel’s Kitchen, and 20 new delicious recipes for all the family. www.itunes.com, £3.99
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embrace life
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MONSTER MAYHEM ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
EVERY CHILD LOVES TO BREAK OUT THE PAINTS AND CRAYONS FOR AN intense colouring session but sometimes it’s just too much work or there is
not enough space. With the Monster Colouring Book app you get all the fun at the touch of your fingers, and there’s no cleaning up afterwards. There are over a hundred monsters to choose from, stickers to decorate them with and patterns to make them unique. With so many monsters to colour, this app will chase boredom away for hours. www.monstercoloringbook.com and iTunes, £2.99
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PIGGYBACK RIDER
THE PIGGYBACK RIDER IS A MUTUALLY enjoyable, effortless way to carry a child
(2.5+ years) on your back. Weighing less than 3 pounds, and about the size of a rolled towel, it functions like a backpack, utilizing a shoulder-mounted foot-bar to distribute the child’s weight at your core, enabling a more natural and walking posture. The child stands firmly on the wide foot-bar, holding integrated grab handles and secured by safety tethers. Ideal whilst hiking, touring, shopping, walking, exploring, and everywhere else you decide to go. www.thepiggybackrider.com, £70
PINK PASSPORT
For decades, passport applicants have been required to provide details of their mother and father. But now, after pressure from gay lobbyists, applicants will be given the option of naming ‘parent 1’ and ‘parent 2’. The change has been made following claims the original form was ‘discriminatory’ and failed to include same-sex couples looking after a child. The decision has been already been met with opposition, as campaigners for family values, say that the move will ‘denigrate’ the roles of parents bringing up children in traditional families.
BOOK CLUB
GIZMO of the month
ZZZOOLIGHTS ZZZOOLIGHT, THE LAMP THAT HELPS your children dream. Enchanting animals
will watch over your children’s sleep, as friendly guardians of light. Made from polypropylene sheet, and designed by Italian architect, Ramin Razani, these white lamps are virtually unbreakable. Zzzoolights do not warm up, are low voltage and are a perfectly safe lamp for your child’s night-light. www.zzzoolight.it, from £60
MOMMY, MAMA, AND ME AND DADDY, Papa, and Me are two very cute board
books that show a day in the life of two toddlers and their loving parents. From the first cup of juice in the morning to the final kiss goodnight, these books, one of the first to show gay families, engage you and pull you along with their rhyming text, gentle humour, and focus on fun. Perfect for bedtime stories, and also helps to educates your child to understand your own family dynamic. www.amazon.co.uk, £5.99 each
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THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS
FEEDING TIME FUN
LET’S BE HONEST, BABIES AND CHILDREN are not the neatest eaters, and most get bored quickly. When you’re trying to feed them meals in a not-so-entertaining environment, things can get pretty messy. Here is where Boon Inc comes in – they have created a line of innovative feeding products that are safe and non toxic, designed to minimise messiness and also offer a fun way to serve meals. Each and every product has been made with careful thought, considering all there is to consider when it comes to how a toddler eats their food. Whether it’s their wrap, a protective bowl cover that provides body armour for your dishes or their caterpillar stack, a kid’s snacks container that keeps all your snacks safe while on the move, these products are definitely for the trend – setting parents.
www.booninc.com
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BOOTS BOOTS
Get Get expert expert Get expert fertility fertility fertility information information information and and support support and support online online with with online with Boots Boots WebMD WebMD Boots WebMD Let Let us us support support Let us support you you in in taking taking the the you in taking the first first step. step. first step. Visit Visitwww.bootswebmd.com www.bootswebmd.com Visit www.bootswebmd.com and andsearch search‘fertility’ ‘fertility’... and search ‘fertility’
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Two Two floors floors of of fairtrade fairtrade Two floors of fairtrade Two floors of fairtrade & shopping in the & eco eco shopping in the && eco shopping in the eco shopping in the pituresque pituresque town town of of pituresque town of pituresque town of Hebden Hebden Bridge Bridge Hebden Bridge Hebden Bridge
!!!! n e p O n w e o p N O p o w o h S N p e p O n n n o li e e h O w Op Onnnnlililinnneee SSShhoopp NNoow OO Clothing Clothing Clothing& & &Bags Bags Bags Clothing && Bags Clothing Bags Home Home HomeFurnishings Furnishings Furnishings Home Home Furnishings Furnishings Food Food Food& & &Kitchenware Kitchenware Kitchenware Food && Kitchenware Food Kitchenware Handmade Handmade HandmadeFurniture Furniture Furniture Handmade Handmade Furniture Furniture Children’s Children’s Children’sToys Toys Toys Children’s Toys Children’s Toys Jewellery Jewellery Jewellery Jewellery Jewellery Natural Natural NaturalSkincare Skincare Skincare Natural Skincare Natural Skincare Books Books Books& & &Music Music Music Books && Music Books Music
Shop Shop Shoponline online onlineat at atwww.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk www.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk www.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk Shop online at www.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk Shop online at Open 7 days a week www.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk 11-13 Market Street Open Open777days daysaaaweek week Open days & late Open Open 7every 7every days daysThursday aThursday aweek week week & & late late every Thursday & late every Thursday until 8pm from & &until late late every every Thursday Thursday until 8pm 8pm from from until 8pm from 24th Nov – 22nd until until 8pm 8pm from from 24th 24thNov Nov––22nd 22ndDec Dec Dec 24th 24th 24thNov Nov Nov– ––22nd 22nd 22ndDec Dec Dec
11-13 11-13Market MarketStreet Street 11-13 Market Street Hebden Bridge 11-13 11-13 Market Market Street Street Hebden Hebden Bridge Bridge Hebden Bridge HX7 West Hebden Hebden Bridge Bridge HX7 HX76EU 6EU 6EU West WestYorkshire Yorkshire Yorkshire HX7 6EU West Yorkshire Tel 01422 847 462 HX7 HX7 6EU 6EU West West Yorkshire Yorkshire Tel Tel 01422 01422 847 847 462 462 Tel Tel Tel01422 01422 01422847 847 847462 462 462
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FESTIVE FROCKS ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
TRADITIONALLY INSPIRED, EACH COLLECTION IS MADE FOR MODERN LIVING, using classic techniques and gorgeous fabrics to create fabulous pieces, you
will want to treasure forever. The Rachel Riley collection ties the craft of fine tailoring and needlework with the skill of the seamstress and pattern-cutter. Enthused by countryside living, you’ll find gorgeous smocks, party dresses, pyjamas and floral prints. Kids will love wearing Rachel Riley clothes on long walks, days out in the park, or for any occasion! www.rachelriley.com
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©Disney ©Disney. Based on the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ works by A.A.Milne and E.H.Shepard
Healthy snacking for kids from 12 months on
Available from all major supermarkets Hello I’m Annabel Winnie the Pooh & I have searched the hundred acre wood to bring you these tasty & healthy snacks for those little ones with rumblies in their tumblies. The range is naturally yummy, contains no artificial colours or flavours & made using only the finest ingredients so your toddler will have lots of energy for fun filled adventures.
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MADE FOR KIDS AND FUN LOVING ADULTS ALIKE, THE CUTIES and Pals luggage range is made up of some of the most incredibly
adorable pieces of luggage to be found. With a range of cute well thought out characters making up the shapes of the sturdy and lightweight roller bags, the range is perfect for any travelling you are doing with your child. The character designs are engaging and include; Cazbi Bee, Pookie Pig, Peko Penguin and our favourite P-Rex Dinosaur! So inject some fun and colour into a trip with these cool Kid’s cases from the guys at Picture Case.
FUN LOVING LUGGAGE
www.picturecase.co.uk, from £25
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PORTABLE POTTY
editors product of the month
SPICE GIRLS (& BOYS)
SPICE GIRL STAR EMMA BUNTON HAS TEAMED UP WITH Argos to launch her very own line of kids clothing. Available
from January 2012, the collection has been inspired by Emma’s frustration at not being able to find cool clothes for kids at an affordable price. In fitting form, her four-year-old son Beau will be modelling some of the designs. No doubt he’ll do his mum proud. However, this is not the first time Emma has worked with Argos, having starred in a photoshoot for duvets back in 1985.
Invented and designed by a mum, My Carry Potty is the most innovative solution to potty training - ideal for use at home and when you’re out-and-about. Tried and tested by toddlers and loved by mums and dads, these potty come in pretty pink, boyish blue www.mycarrypotty.com, £24.99 and cheerful yellow.
WHEELY GOOD RIDE
AVAILABLE IN A VARIETY OF STYLES, THE WHEELYBUGS HAVE A GREAT unisex appeal, making them ideal for both girls and boys. Their ultra simple
lines, cute looks and vibrant designs instantly stand out and their sturdy wooden frames can withstand any amount of robust fun.
www.argos.com www.wheelybug.com, also available from Amazon, from £49.99
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PREHISTORIC PLAYTIME
THESE POSEABLE WOODEN AND CLOTH DINOSAURS FIGURINES ARE FROM Anamalz. Each dinosaur is lots of fun to pose and use in interactive, imaginative play, and any dino-obsessed children can interact using the dinosaurs and chatter away what they know about each. Some of the dinosaurs, like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, will be instantly recognizable, even to parents. Others, like the Torosaurus or the Parasaurolophus, will send them off to Google to learn more. For parents who prefer wooden toys and want to fill their child’s dino-craving, the prehistoric line is perfect.
www.anamalz.com, also available from www.amazon.co.uk from £4.95
HIGH STYLE HIGH CHAIR WHEN IT COMES TO HIGH CHAIRS, THERE ARE FEW AS DURABLE AND appealing as the HiLo kids chair. This unique, modern high chair offers a secure and comfortable seat for babies’ ages six months old and up. The stylish and contemporary design does not look out of place in any room, and it is perfect for little boys or little girls. If you’re looking for a high chair for the first time, you couldn’t find a more ideal choice than this one.
www.agedesign.ca, available in the UK from www.littlesaints.co.uk
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CUDDLEDRY
THIS UNIQUE HOODED APRON TOWEL makes bath time safe, simple and snug - for you and your baby! With this original, organic apron towel you stay dry as you lift your baby from bathwater easily and naturally, he/she stays warm and tenderly wrapped so that everyone is happy.
At Little Dish they know it’s not easy making good nutritious meals for your little ones day in and day out. So that’s what they do. There’s nothing in their food that you wouldn’t find in your own kitchen. Using 100% natural ingredients and no added salt or sugar, Little Dish create every recipe in partnership with a nutritionist, and each Little Dish is taste-tested by a team of www.littledish.co.uk tiny tasters before its let of their kitchens.
www.cuddledry.com, from £29.99
SANTAS SHOES INCH BLUE MAKE IT VERY DIFFICULT for us not to spoil our children. With literally hundreds of designs, motifs and themes to choose, you will find a pair to suit any occasion - shopping for shoes has never been this fun.
www.inch-blue.com, from £18
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ANIMAL ATTRACTION ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
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SEND YOUR KIDS TO BED IN A PAIR OF AVA AND LUC pyjamas this winter. Made from the softest organic cotton
and printed with eco dyes, their collection includes sleepsuits and reversible bandana bibs for babies up to 12 months, and pyjamas and printed cotton appliqué T-shirts for ages up to 6 years. Both safari and dinosaur designs feature bold black and white prints on brightly coloured backgrounds, guaranteed to keep your little monster warm all night long. www.avaandluc.com t-shirts from £15.99, pyjamas from £19.99
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Village Kids specialise in Designer Babies, Children and Junior/young Teenager Childrenswear and Shoes. We have choice of Smart occasion wear from Suits, Jackets, Trousers, Shirts & Ties for Boys or Girls Dresses and skirts for that Special Occasion. New styles arriving daily from brands: Armani, Boss Kidswear, Dior, Dolce and Gabbana, Energie, Hackett, Juicy Couture, Miss Sixty, Ralph Lauren, and many more.
Visit www.villagekids.co.uk for more information or call 01322 528836
T H E H U M A N R I G H T S CA M PA I G N F O U N D AT I O N
Family Project The HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN FOUNDATION FAMILY PROJECT works for fairness and equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families. Through partnerships with a broad coalition of organizations and individuals, the Family Project dramatically improves the way key institutions serve our families with its three main initiatives: WELCOMING SCHOOLS: A comprehensive, LGBT-inclusive approach to addressing family diversity, gender stereotyping and bullying in elementary school environments. HEALTHCARE EQUALITY INDEX: Establishes the "gold standard" for healthcare institutions regarding policy and practice with LGBT families. ALL CHILDREN – ALL FAMILIES: Provides innovative resources and training to help foster care and adoption agencies welcome and support LGBT families. Visit the Human Rights Campaign website at WWW.HRC.ORG/FAMILY for more information.
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Rock & Roll
THE WISHBONE FLIP, MADE FROM SUSTAINABLY-GROWN WOOD, IS brilliantly simple, offering 3 toys in 1. With its innovative flipping mechanism, the kids toy transforms from rocking to rolling mode in seconds with no tools required. Your little child will love to take teddy for a stroll in the inner compartment, and in ride-on mode, kids can spin and whizz around on the Flip’s four castor wheels to their heart’s content.
www.shopwishbonedesign.com, from £120
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
No matter where you are in the world, your journey to family begins here. We welcome international patients. Take your first step and give Dr.Bruce Shapiro or Dr.Said Daneshmand a call today to start your journey!
The Fertility Center of Las Vegas (FCLV) has been dedicated to providing the highest level of reproductive care for more than two decades. Dr. Bruce Shapiro & Dr. Said Daneshmand work tirelessly to offer effective, individualized care for male and female-factor infertility. The doctors’ commitment to advancing the science of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility (REI) has won international acclaim. Their peer-reviewed studies and papers have brought worldwide recognition. For more information please visit our website.
TheFertilityCenterLV.com or call +001.702.254.1777
Q&A WITH...
Much loved Coronation Street star, Charlie Condou, talks about acting, his childhood, and opens up about his love of being a father.
Q. Have you always wanted kids? CC: Yes, I’ve wanted to be a father since the age of about 10, I don’t why, I’ve always been one of the people that always loved kids, or maybe it’s because I’m just one of life’s natural carers but I never really saw why being gay should be an obstacle to achieve that. Certainly when I was growing up, I didn’t know of any other gay people that had children so I had no role model to look up to, which is partly why I decided to write a column in The Guardian, because even though I am very private person, and like to keep my family out of the limelight, it just seemed the politically right thing to do to open up about it. If there are other LGBT people out there who sees a very visible out gay man who has a family and is willing to write about it on a regular basis, it might encourage them to find the confidence to start their own family.
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Q. Are you similar in any way to your TV character Marcus Dent? CC: Yes we are similar in a lot of ways, Marcus likes to look after people, he’s very practical, responsible, and I definitely have those traits, but he’s less moody than I am. Actually, the gay parenting storyline in Corrie went down really well and we got nothing but support from the viewers. The tabloids tried to slate us by saying that the storylines were becoming too gay and verging on the ridiculous, but in terms of the response from the general public, they were overwhelmingly supportive and positive. Soap operas are a good forum for these kinds of storylines, as they are political in a low-key kind of way. They don’t ram anything down the viewer’s throat, they are just ordinary people going about their daily life. That way the public get used to it in a gentle way. Marcus’s situation is very different to mine, as the child in Corrie, is very much Sean’s son, even though Marcus is around to help Sean bring him up, and is actually in a lot of ways the better father figure. Marcus wants more than anything to be a father himself whereas I already am.
Q. How will you explain to your brood that they are part of a different family dynamic? CC: You realise that you have to prepare your child for every situation in life, granted mine is a unique situation, but it’s not that uncommon anymore. Georgia Mae is already well aware that she has a mummy and a daddy and also a ‘wawa’, which is what she calls my partner Cameron, as she can’t say papa. She also knows that not all kids have a ‘wawa’, but that some do and she is not on her own with having three parents. A lot of people that have step parents and parents are divorced and they have half brothers and sisters. These days the nuclear family seems to be the exception.
Q. How has parenthood changed you and your outlook on life? CC: It’s made me more tired and more of a grown-up. It’s made me more responsible. When you become a parent you simply don’t have the option of putting yourself first. I think a lot of the time we do put ourselves
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first, particularly as gay men it can be, and I don’t mean this in a patronizing way at all, a very self obsessed lifestyle and that’s great. I had wonderful time through my twenties and thirties not having that much responsibility, but when you have a child you suddenly realise that you generally have to put your child’s needs in front of your own. For example, it was important to make sure that Georgia had her lunch today and that meant that I did not have time to get anything to eat myself until now and its four o’clock, but that’s just the way it goes. You see that you are putting someone else first without question. It’s a really lovely thing to experience.
crash into trees, because the minute you stand in front of it to stop it, it’s just going to knock you over and keep going anyway. All you can do is run alongside saying “Are you ok? Are you ok?” and to me that’s what being a good parent is, it’s about teaching them how to grow and hoping that when they get to the point that they go out in to the world that they have the tools to deal with it all.
Q. What advice would you give to a gay couple that want to have kids? CC: It depends on how you go about it. I would say as gay people we have to work a lot harder at becoming parents because it’s
I THINK IT’S VERY EASY AS A PARENT TO LOOK AT YOUR CHILD AND PROJECT YOURSELF ON TO YOUR CHILD, BUT THE SECRET IS TO REALISE EARLY ON THAT CHILDREN ARE THEIR OWN PEOPLE Q. What were you like as a child? CC: I was a pretty good kid! I was loved and I always felt loved. I did not have this overwhelming desire to be a father because mine was absent or anything like that. I was very lucky! My mum and dad were divorced but I saw my dad regularly and I had a step dad who was around from the time I was 6 months old. I sort of paradox my family as I was brought up with a mum and two dads too. Basically I was a nice kid, fairly bright and responsible, a bit like I am now. I was never bullied, and realise how lucky I was.
Q. What qualities and skills do you think make a good parent? CC: Patience and understanding for sure. It’s very easy as a parent to look at your child and project yourself on to them, but the secret is to realise early on that children are their own people. A friend gave me a good analogy about being a parent recently comparing it to pushing a snowball down a mountain, as it starts to gather momentum it gets bigger and bigger and all you can do is run along aside making sure that it doesn’t
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never going to happen by accident. You have to plan it, and what’s really good about that is it makes you think really hard about what it is you want. My advice would be to go for it, because so many people that have said to me, “We really want to become parents but at the moment it’s difficult because of money” or “We’re not sure how to go about it”. Just take the first step. If you want to use a surrogate start researching companies, or do you want to adopt? just make that first call to the adoption agency. If you have been discussing it with a friend, go out to dinner with that friend and have a serious conversation about it. But just make that first step because sometimes I think you can look at it from the position of not being a parent and think it’s huge and it’s so difficult to have a child as a gay man or woman and even think it’s too much for you to even contemplate. If you start slowly and take a step at a time before you know it, you’ve got a son or daughter on the way. That’s what we did; we just took a step at a time and have never looked back.
For more information on co-parenting and the legalities involved please visit page 64.
WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT Since actor and part-time magician Neil Patrick Harris joined the social networking site, Twitter, his 2million-plus followers have been given intimate VIP access to his family life with his partner David Burtka and their baby twins.
ith a Twitter alias of ‘ActuallyNPH’, Neil Patrick Harris signed up to the social networking site in 2009, and amassed over 30,000 followers in the first 7 hours of being online, and has been posting intimate musings and delightful pictures of him and his growing family ever since. In August 2010, Neil, star of the long running CBS series, How I Met Your Mother, tweeted to his fans that he and long time partner David were expecting twins saying “So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We’re super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy...” later posting a picture of himself and David at the Paradise Pier in Disney’s California Adventure Park, both beaming with happiness. In October of the same year, true to his word, Neil tweeted once again to the world “Babies!! On 10/12, Gideon Scott and Harper Grace entered the Burtka-Harris fold. All of us are happy, healthy, tired, and a little pukey.” »
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S E P T E m B EW R I /N TO ECRT O 20 B 1E1R/ 22 00 11 21 – I S S U E 0 3 2
CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT
“You have to be verY committed to wanting kids. because You have to go through the financial and health hoops, choosing the right egg, and doing all that. You can’t just accidentallY get knocked up one night. believe me, we tried.”
© Neil Patrick Harris / Twitter
Neil frequently uploads images to Twitter and even his dogs Fred and Watson get in on the action! Appearing on the Late Show with David Letterman a month later, Neil chatted openly about fatherhood and his newly aquired family, whilst aslo revealing his love for dressing the twins up in funny costumes. “We do one a month,” Neil said, “We’re doing a calendar, so that when they’re older, we can humiliate them and embarrass them.” In one photo, which Neil showed, baby boy Gideon was seen in a tiny sombrero holding hands with sister Harper, who was sporting a thick unibrow, channelling painter Frida Kahlo to celebrate the annual Mexican holiday. “We couldn’t figure out what holiday to do for May so we went Cinco de Mayo,” Neil went on to explain over the laughter of the audience.
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Other photos that have appeared on Twitter show the twins dressed as leprechauns for St. Patrick’s Day, as bunnies for Easter and as characters from Peter Pan for Halloween, this time Neil and David joined in by taking the opportunity of dressing up, David as Peter Pan and Neil as Captain Hook. Neil also gave Letterman a lesson on the birds and the bees, gay style! “Well, I will tell you this. You have to be very committed to wanting to have kids. Because you have to go through the financial hoops, and the health hoops, choosing the right egg, and doing all that. So, yeah, you can’t just accidentally get knocked up one night. Believe me, we tried.” The surrogacy procedure saw both Neil and David have one of their sperm taken to produce a baby. It is unknown, at this time, which one is whose. It is certain that each of the fathers created a child by IVF. Of course, a DNA test would tell which is which, although the couple may never want to know. Neil also remarked to America’s People Magazine, “We found an egg donor anonymously through a hilarious process of looking at people’s profiles and then came across
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an amazing surrogate who had helped same-sex couples before.” As is usually the case with gay couples, or gay parent hopefuls, Neil and David had to face a lot of physical and emotional challenges along the way. Many forget that LGBT couples cannot easily have a child. Besides the biological challenges, social attitudes often put up barriers that keep parents from either adopting babies through gay adoption or having their own child through surrogacy. In many cases of surrogacy, the surrogate mother will have no contact with the baby after the baby is born. In some cases, the surrogate does have contact with the baby and parents, depending on which route the parents decide to take. Many gay and lesbian couples opt for using surrogacy, IVF or adoption for having their own children. Reports are that Neil and David chose California for their surrogacy location as there are clearer laws on surrogacy, especially when it comes to gay and lesbian parents seeking surrogate mothers. There are no laws banning or against surrogacy in California where they also have a commercial surrogacy agency to help LGBT couples. »
www.PINK-PARENTING.COm
Leaving our mark for over 20 years. We love memories, but more importantly we love beginnings. We’ve been pioneering infertility treatment, sperm and egg donation, and gestational surrogacy with same sex couples for over 20 years. Under the leadership of Dr. Gad Lavy, New England Fertility can help you begin your family – and start your own memories.
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join the adoption revolution At New Family Social we believe in giving homes to children who need them.
There is a huge community of LGBT people across the UK forming permanent families by adoption. It’s the most rewarding thing in the world. Join us now for advice, Video conference consultations available. www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk 0871 423 5656 and to talk to others in your area. Quote PPG12 at website checkout when ordering Or visit one of our 39s stores: London (Battersea, Blackheath, Chelsea Green, Chiswick, Crouch End, Dulwich, Muswell Hill, Putney, Temple Fortune and Notting Hill), Bath, Brighton, Bristol, Bury St Edmunds, Cardiff, Cheltenham, nefertility.com or call +001 203.325.3200 Cobham, Colchester, Edinburgh, Exeter, Guildford, Hale, Harpenden,visit Harrogate, Kingston, Knutsford, Leamington Call us on 0843 2899457 or visit ourSpa, website: located just north of NYC Marlow, Morpeth, Newbury, Newport, Oxford, Salisbury, Sevenoaks, Conveniently St Albans, Tunbridge Wells, Winchester and Windsor.
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12/09/2011 10:04
CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT
“THIS IS A SORE SUBJECT, BECAUSE WE ARE TWO MEN WITH CHILDREN, AND SO WE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL OURSELVES. DADDY ONE AND DADDY TWO SOUNDS STRANGE… SO DAVID’S DADDY AND I’M POPPA, JUST TO DIFFERENTIATE.” The next dilemma for Neil and David was what should twins Harper and Gideon call their fathers? The topic of who gets called what came up when Neil sat down for a chat with Jay Leno. “This is a sore subject, because we are two gentlemen with children,” the 38-yearold said. “And so we didn’t know what to call ourselves.” going on to say, “Daddy One and Daddy Two sounds kind of strange… So David’s daddy and I’m poppa, just to differentiate.” Yet the fact that David’s name is easier for a baby to say hasn’t escaped Neil’s notice. He says, “One of the child’s first syllables is da da… So I’m going around, trying to teach them pa pa.” “The last thing in the world David or Neil want is for the twins to go into showbiz at an early age. Just because daddy was a huge child TV star doesn’t mean the couple want that for their kids,” said an insider, who believes Gideon and Harper will get an old-fashioned upbringing. “That means strict bedtime, regular school and playtime and lots and lots of love.” It’s obvious to all of us that Neil and David make great parents, however they managed to get a lot of practice in before the arrival of their twins as David is the father to twins with his former partner. Neil has said he
ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
has relished the role of stepdad. When the couple would spend time with David’s twins, Neil loved getting to “be the fun guy who takes them to Disneyland.” It wasn’t until an interview with New York Magazine in 2008 that former Doogie Howser, M.D. star publicly expressed his desire to have children of his own with David, stating “We’d make very good parents.” The couple met while Neil was starring in Cabaret on Broadway. Though David, a chef and actor, was in a long-term relationship at the time, it wasn’t until David split up with his partner, that Neil started to date him. “It was all very quick and fast and I’m still head over heels” Neil told New York Magazine, “I’m just bowled over by him, he’s made my life exponentially more liveable. He’s just great. I’m his forever protector and I’m happiest when he’s happy.” Following the passing of the Marriage Equality Act in New York on June 24, 2011, Neil and David announced their engagement via Twitter once again, stating that they had proposed to each other five years previously, but kept the engagement secret until samesex marriage became legal. The couple were recently honoured at the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Centre‘s 40th
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Anniversary Gala, receiving the Rand Schrader Distinguished Achievement award in recognition of their support for the Center and for serving as role models to the LGBT community. The Centre’s CEO, Lorri L. Jean, elaborated: “As a couple, Neil and David are respected and loved by the LGBT community and are role models to many, especially our youth, for how to live openly, with honesty and integrity. And with their support over the years for many LGBT services organizations, they exemplify the Centre’s mission of empowering, healing, advocating and leading in the LGBT community.” Neil is one of a growing number of highprofile stars to come out, fall in love and become a parent, and his story is helping everyone understand that gay people deserve the same opportunity to take care of our families and loved ones. The world has followed Neil’s journey from child star to popular leading man and now, many will look on as he and David build a family together. As more and more loving and committed gay and lesbian couples start families, it is important to be reminded that stories like Neil’s reflect what most fair-minded people already know - gay people and their families are no different than them.
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
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BABYSENSE SECRET Do you know how to read your baby’s cries? Can you predict when she is about to start crying and interpret her gaze? Although every baby is different, babies share a universal language, a set of signals that tell us how our baby is coping with stimulation and when they have had enough or are becoming over stimulated. Meg Faure, looks at some of the signals your baby and toddler will show you and how to interpret these signals.
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WORDS_ MEGAN FOURE
A
baby has six states – two sleep states (deep sleep and light sleep) and four awake states (drowsy, calm alert, active alert and crying). For each state, your baby has a range of signals that reveal how she is feeling and coping with the world. By reading your baby’s secret language, you will know when to stimulate her, when she has had enough and how to prevent crying as well as be able to set up a reasonable sleep pattern for your baby, based on her capacity for interaction.
“I AM HAPPY – INTERACT WITH ME”
When your baby is content and in a calm alert state, she is ready for interaction. In this state, the brain is ready to make connections, the mind ready to learn and your baby is emotionally ready to bond. Use this precious space and stimulate and nurture your baby.
• NEWBORN – your newborn will signal this state by making eye contact. Her hands will be open and relaxed and she will really look intently at your face. Her body is still. • BABY – your older baby may reach out for toys and examine books with intent. She will sit quietly on your lap while learning from her world.
• TODDLER – your toddler will show curiosity but be contained and not overly busy. She will call you and may ask “what’s that…”
“I AM STARTING TO BE OVER STIMULATED – LEAVE ME TO CALM DOWN OR REMOVE THE STIMULUS FROM MY VISION” We all have different capacities for interaction. At a certain point, your baby will start to become a little disorganised and need a break from stimulation. Look around your baby’s world to determine why she is over stimulated and remove her from the space or the stimulus from her.
• NEWBORN
– newborns can only really interact and stay organised for a few minutes at a stretch. Your newborn may signal she has had enough, just by loosing eye contact or by looking away.
• BABY – older babies can organise their movements and turn away from the interaction. They may seem to lose interest and push toys away. Other babies may have very busy arm, and leg movements. • TODDLER – this subtle signal is often missed in toddlers as toddlers who have had enough often become a little busier and interact more randomly as opposed to constructing interactions. Toddlers also start to use the word “No!” or “Not” firmly – signaling they have had enough »
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
BABYSENSE SECRET “I AM OVER THE EDGE AND A RESPONDING WITH A CLEAR SIGNAL – CRYING” It is easy to try to keep your toddler going or to miss your newborns very short awake time. If this happens and your baby goes into sensory overload, you will not miss the clear signal of crying but the question become how do you deal with your baby?
• NEWBORN / COLIC
is the classic response a newborn has to overstimulation. To deal with colic, swaddle your baby and decrease stimulation and attempt to put your newborn to sleep, even if this means rocking or holding your newborn to sleep. A sling is a wonderful way to create a contained quiet space to sooth your baby.
• BABY / CRYING
is the indicator that your baby has had more than enough. Take her to a quiet space and put her down to sleep. Sit with your baby until she is calm and help her to find self-soothing strategies such as sucking a dummy or thumb, holding a ‘doodoo’ blanky or humming to herself.
• TODDLER / CHAOS is the signal that your toddler is over the edge. Your toddler will become chaotic, busy and very winey. Many toddlers resort to temper tantrums and dig their heels in. In this state, your toddler feels as vulnerable as you do. Do not respond to the behavior hysterically rather calmly interpret the tiredness and acknowledge the feeling. Use words to interpret your toddler’s behavior for her; “I know you want another story but you are also very tiered. Mommy wants to give you the sweet after your sleep…” Help your toddler to sleep, rest or find a quiet space.
“I AM OVER STIMULATED AND CANNOT HELP MYSELF – PLEASE HELP ME TO CALM DOWN”
Use these strategies to read your baby’s signals and help her to be settled and content. But don’t forget every experienced mother and father has missed a few signals and has ended up with a colicky newborn and chaotic toddler. And every one of those mums and dads has learned from the experience and has lived to tell the tale!
If you miss the early signals of overstimulation and persist in stimulating your baby, your baby will start to give you very clear signals that enough is enough. These signals are best met with age appropriate calming strategies or you may need to help your baby to go to sleep as very often over tired babies are susceptible to over stimulation.
THE BABYSENSE SECRET
• NEWBORN – newborns who are over stimulated start to exhibit signals that we often associate with digestion or hunger, such as hiccups, blueness around the mouth and sucking on their hands. • BABY – facial expression begin to take precedence with grimaces and frowns. Your baby may also start to groan and wine with irritability. Sucking on their hands in an attempt to self-calm is often evident. If your baby does suck on her hands encourage this as it is an independent self-soothing measure.
Megan Faure is co-author of the Babysense Secret, available to purchase from www.hippychick.com,, £12.99,
• TODDLER
– all those antisocial behaviors toddlers are so renowned for, such as nose picking, bum scratching, hitting out and hyper active behavior are often signals that your toddler has had enough.
ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
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WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
Making your dreams come true Welcome to Kiran Infertility Center! The Surrogacy and Infertility Super-Specialty Clinic. The desire to have a baby is one of life’s most important and exciting decisions. We provide the latest updated technology and expertise, with the help of world class equipment and personalised care for making your dream come true.
SERVICES • Surrogacy • IVF • ICSI • Blastocyst Culture • Oocyte/Embryo Donation • Cryopreservation • Sperm/ Egg donors of all races available tel: +91-40-655-49313 | email: info@kiranivfgenetic.com | web: www.kiranivfgenetic.com tel: +91-994-817-5768 | facebook: facebook.com/KiranIVF | twitter: twitter.com/KICIndia
Join us for an informational seminar in New York on Saturday, December 10th 2011, 4 pm onwards at The Empire Hotel, 44 West, 63rd Street, New York, NY 10023.
PACK YOUR BAGS
WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI
We have found another 9 stunning destinations for every stage of parenthood. If you fancy time away to plan your next steps, or if you already have a family or even if you want to take your surrogate away we have covered all angles with two aims in mind – to unwind and relax!
SCENIC SNOWSCAPES AND TIME AWAY FOR TWO ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
THE CAMBRIAN / ADELBODEN, SWITZERLAND Offering panoramic views of the Swiss Alps, the Cambrian is located in the centre of Adelboden, and offers the kind of hotel that tense desk huggers the world over spend their days dreaming about. It features a massive spa area and a heated outdoor pool overlooking the mountains. The spacious, elegantly furnished rooms offer free Wi-Fi, flat-screen satellite TV, a DVD player, and a minibar. Spa facilities at this resort include an indoor pool, 2 saunas, a Jacuzzi, and a modern gym. Guests can enjoy unique views of mountains and waterfalls from the sun terrace and the lounge, which features a fireplace and a billiard table. Modern Swiss cuisine made from seasonal and regional products is served in the Cambrian’s restaurant. Scott’s bar offers a wide range of drinks and snacks. In an underground car park guests can hire bicycles free of charge to explore the surroundings with a shuttle bus taking skiers to the slopes. www.thecambrianadelboden.com
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KLAUS K / HELSINKI, FINLAND
This contemporary hotel, housed in a late 19th-century building is situated in the heart of Helsinki and is a fusion of Nordic modernism and Finnish tradition, with minimalist designed rooms that are still luxurious and comfortable. www.klauskhotel.com
101 HOTEL / REYKJAVIK, ICELAND
The 101 hotel is Reykjavík’s first boutique hotel and is located adjacent to the Icelandic opera and opposite the National theatre and the National center for cultural heritage Perfect for a romantic weekend away. www.101hotel.is
»
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
PACK YOUR BAGS
HOTEl yASMIN / PRAGUE, czEcH REPUBlIc
Experience the amazing atmosphere of one of the best design hotels in Prague. This four star hotel and its staff will make your stay as comfortable and relaxing as possible. www.hotel-yasmin.cz
SUMPTUOUS SPA TREATMENTS FOR yOUR BABy BUMP
MAVIDA BAlANcE HOTEl & SPA / AUSTRIA
Offering designer accommodation perfect for a holiday and a spa that will take your breath away, a room at the Mavida Balance is the ultimate in relaxation and calm. www.mavida.at
AlPAGA HOTEl / RHôNE-AlPES, FRANcE On the edge of a snowy Alpine resort, the new 22-room Alpaga offers a fresh take on French chalet-chic. With its pine exteriors and low-slung roofs, Alpaga’s complex of Savoyard chalets may look traditional, but inside their pine-clad walls and oak floors you’ll find bronze silk curtains, black velvet armchairs and built-in slate-topped desks that ooze a sophisticated Zen look. Balconies offer stunning views over the surrounding mountains, and beds have crafted leather headboards and are dressed with faux-fur throws. Baths are designed in slate and black granite and contain bathtubs and walk-in showers. A spa with picturesque glass walls features a large indoor pool, steam room and sauna. And in keeping with the hotel’s quietly modish atmosphere, the hotel’s restaurant skips the trad fondue and instead serves delicious and contemporary French bistro dishes. Perfect for whisking away the family for a cosy holiday in the winter wonderland! www.alpaga.com »
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Take his breath away on a Swiss city break. ZĂźrich
MySwitzerland.com/gaylesbian Discover the charm of our Swiss cities.
FLYING, SWISS MADE – SWISS.COM
205_11d_14_ins_pink_pareting.indd 1
12.09.11 10:02
The Chateau Ribagnac, Limousin. Photo: PaulDawson.co.uk
H a n d - p i c k e d p l a c e s t o s tay F o r g ay & s t r a i g H t t r av e l l e r s
Fabulous & family friendly... Our collection ranges from boutique hotels in city destinations to large houses to rent near the sea in England, France, Spain, Scotland and Wales.... and most of our properties welcome children of all ages - see our child friendly theme.
Further Afield is a proud member of the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association: www.iglta.org
PACK YOUR BAGS
CoSy CaBin CoMFort With or Without the KidS ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
San Lorenzo Mountain Lodge / South tyroL, itaLy
The San Lorenzo Mountain Lodge is a 16th-century chalet surrounded by forests, meadows and mountains and has the magic of Hansel and Gretel’s candy cottage – minus the witch. Take the family for long walks through the mountain ranges for breathtaking South Tyrolean scenery which is unrivalled. The lodge’s alluring interiors:of fur furnishings, mohair throws, lashings of larch and black-andwhite photos of the lodge as it once was. Fresh from the fashion world, the owners bring a relaxed elegance and heartfelt hospitality to this former hunting lodge. You and your family can opt to self-cater or enjoy South Tyrolean cuisine prepared by a renowned local chef. Lodge dwellers can work off food and wine in the outdoor lounge – complete with a panoramic Jacuzzi – or retire to the indoor spa area for calm and relaxation. The San Lorenzo Mountain Lodge offers a unique and striking experience for all the family. www.sanlorenzomountainlodge.it
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HOTEL J / sTOCKHOLm, sWEdEN
Stockholm in the winter is a beautiful place and has lots of activities for all the family including ice skating, cycling, kayaking and hiking, Located just 15 minutes away from central Stockholm, Hotel J situated just by the inlet of the harbour, is the perfect place to rest your weary feet after a wintery days stroll around this iconic city. www.hotelj.com
CHEWTON GLEN / HampsHirE, UK
An English classic – Chewton Glen is a luxury country house hotel and spa set in 130 acres of Hampshire countryside on the edge of the New Forest National Park. The great English hospitality and the balance between heritage and evolution is what make Chewton Glen a 5-star luxury hotel and spa that constantly surprises. www.chewtonglen.com
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A
t The Wishmaker, we will carefully design and hand-build the beautiful playhouse or bedroom of your child’s dreams. Whether they play at being a princess with their own castle, a pilot with their very own airport, or even an intrepid adventurer, The Wishmaker allows them to be anything they dream of being in the comfort and security of their own little world of fantasy… just make a wish! Individually designed by The Wishmaker, we can create any bespoke themed bedroom or playhouse for you.
The Adventures House pictured includes; ★ Ground-floor and first-floor play areas ★ Garage ★ Kitchen ★ Fireplace ★ Window seat ★ Table and stools ★ Aeroplane ★ Boat with a crow’s nest ★ Slide ★ Inside and outside lighting ★ Exterior paint protection ★ Child-safe and anti-bacterial internal paint finishes
Af fording y our chi ld the spectacular
The Baron’s Bunk bedroom shown includes: ★ Full-size single bed ★ Realistic sit-in biplane with red and green coloured wing lights ★ Upper level with room for friends to stay ★ Slide ★ Study area with built-in desk in the control tower's upper level ★ Locker-style wardrobes to lower level of control tower with inner secret compartment ★ Brick-effect buttresses with built-in drawers ★ Reading and ambient lights and step lighting ★ Shelving and ladder ★ Child-safe anti-bacterial paint finish
The Princess Diva bedroom shown includes: ★ Full-size single bed ★ Upper level with room for friends to stay ★ Slide ★ Wardrobes and drawers concealed within the turrets ★ Stage and stage canopy ★ Colour-changing reading and ambient lights ★ Step lighting ★ Shelving ★ Back-stage changing room ★ Child-safe anti-bacterial paint finish
The Guild of Master Wishmakers Ltd Call: 01536 525 229 email: info@thewishmaker.co.uk
www.thewishmaker.co.uk
fantasy of play and adventur e!
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join the adoption revolution At New Family Social we believe in giving homes to children who need them. There is a huge community of LGBT people across the UK forming permanent families by adoption. It’s the most rewarding thing in the world. Join us now for advice, and to talk to others in your area.
www.baby2mom.co.za
Call us on 0843 2899457 or visit our website:
newfamilysocial.co.uk
We make your Surrogacy and Egg Donation Simple and affordable! Full Service Surrogacy and Egg Donation from a renowned agency at a lower cost.
Don’t pay your Agency more than you compensate your Surrogate! Simple Surrogacy should be your surrogacy and egg donor agency: l one of the largest surrogacy and egg donation agencies in the U.S. l excellent reputation helping our clients achieve success for 10 years l expedited matching with our database of available surrogates l quality services and personal attention at affordable prices l speak with previous clients of our program l over 32 babies already expected for 2011 l have helped many International Gay couples complete their families Visit our web site to learn more. See how Simple Surrogacy in the United States is the best option for creating your family.
We look forward to making your parenting dreams come true! For more information please visit us at www.simplesurrogacy.com, or www.simpledonations.com Call us toll-free at 1-866-41-SURRO to speak with our Executive Program Director for a free consultation.
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BOOK EXCERPT
BECOMING DADS A GAY COUPLE’S JOURNEY TO ADOPTION The British Association for Adoption and Fostering has recently published an honest and heart warming account of a gay couple’s parenting journey, here we have the first two chapters!
INTRODUCTION SEPTEMBER 2007
My name is Pablo. I’m 36. I was born and grew up in Spain but have been living in the UK since 1995. In 1996 I met Mike and we’ve been together since then. Mike is English, and he’s 40. We’re both what I guess people would call “professionals”, with office-based jobs that pay an average salary. In census terms, Mike is white British and I am white European. We live in a town in the southeast of England. I can’t honestly remember when we started to discuss adoption seriously. About five years ago I guess.We talked about it every now and then. Sometimes Mike was more positive, at other times he wasn’t. I was always more or less enthusiastic, although I can’t say I was ever 100 per cent sure. We kept going around in circles, all the while thinking it was pointless anyway as no one would
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actually give us a child. We’d never met or even heard of a gay couple adopting! Whatever information I managed to find suggested that it would be extra difficult for us to adopt as a gay couple and that gay adopters tended to be offered the “leftovers”: children that nobody else wanted because they had extreme mental or physical problems. This was really offputting. We looked into intercountry adoption, but most countries refuse same-sex couples and even single men. In any case, most agencies estimate that the cost of an intercountry adoption starts at about £20,000 and Mike and I are not in a position to even think about spending that kind of money. We never really considered surrogacy because it’s not something that can be arranged in the UK. Besides, again, it’s hugely expensive and complicated to go abroad to do it. We also never really felt the need to have a child that was genetically ours.
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In 2003 I made enquiries at our local council. They suggested we go to a London agency, as they might have more experience of dealing with gay couples. At the time, the Adoption and Children Act 2002 had not come into effect. This meant that only one of us could make the application, and the other one would be treated as “someone else with whom the child lives in the house”. We really felt this was not right, but we might have given it serious consideration had we not known that the forthcoming Act would allow unmarried and same-sex couples to apply jointly, so we decided to wait. As it happened, the Act did not come into effect until December 2005, and by then we were starting to plan our wedding, so everything was put on hold. We got married in Spain in May 2007 (same-sex marriages – as opposed to civil partnerships – became legal in Spain in 2005). After the wedding we started talking »
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BOOK EXCERPT about adoption a bit more seriously again. In the end we reached the conclusion that there was never going to be a time when we were both 100 per cent sure that adoption was the right thing for us. The uncertainties and changing factors are so many that it would be impossible. The difference this time was that instead of just letting the matter drop for another few months as we’d done before, we decided that we would do something about it. Make enquiries, start the application process, even get approved by a panel…all those things don’t mean that you have to take a child on if you are not sure.We could always stop the process if we changed our minds. So why do it? We must be such traditional guys that a few months after getting married we’ve started going on about having children! I suppose it’s quite a natural thing to do. You get to that age in your mid-thirties when all your (heterosexual) friends have children. I always wanted to have children. Then I accepted that I was gay and thought that it was not to be, which to me was one of the hardest things about coming out. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that this needn’t be the case. I love children. I love playing with my friends’ kids and with my nephew and nieces. It feels quite natural to me. It’s what people do, isn’t it? They have children. I don’t see why I shouldn’t have a paternal instinct just because I’m gay. I want to look after a child (or children). I want to bring them up, educate them, watch them grow, support them, share their joy in the good times and cry with them in the bad times. I want to be a grandfather one day (but not too soon!). I know Mike and I would make good parents. Mike struggles with this still. He worries that we’ll get the child from hell who will burn the house down on the first day. More importantly, he worries that because we’re a gay couple, we’ll be imposing something on the children that will make them stand out: they’ll get called names at school, get picked on. I tell him that they’ll probably get picked on anyway.They could have big ears, or red hair, or whatever else you get picked on at school for. And whilst coming home to two dads may not be the ideal family they are dreaming of as they sit in a foster home waiting to be adopted, surely it has to beat not being adopted at all.
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“JUST HAD A THOUGHT THAT THIS COULD BE OUR LAST CHRISTMAS ON OUR OWN. IT’S UNLIKELY REALLY, AS I’M SURE THE PROCESS WILL TAKE LONGER THAN A YEAR, BUT I GUESS IT’S POSSIBLE.” We know there will be intrusions and difficult moments. That it will be hard, and emotional, full of doubts and life changing, whatever the outcome. We’ll find out a lot about ourselves. We’ll have to make tough decisions. We also know that we’ll have doubts and change our minds back and forth a million times. But that is the process we are starting; and maybe at the end of it there will be more than two of us in our family.
WEDNESDAY 3RD OCTOBER 2007
After much deliberation, Mike finally emailed the Children and Families Unit at the council in a nearby town today. We’ve been advised not to approach our local council, since agencies don’t want to place children in the area where they lived before they were taken into care. This, I guess, is to avoid coming across the birth family in the supermarket whilst doing the shopping. A private agency was out of the question from the start as most are religious agencies. Although current legislation states that they cannot exclude us because of our sexuality, we feel that we don’t want the people with whom we will be closely involved to accept us reluctantly. We’ve been honest and have already stated that we are a gay couple. After all the emotion, stress and doubts, it ended up being quite a straightforward email and a bit of an anticlimax, really. But here is where it officially starts and, though filled with anxiety about how it will all turn out, we are excited about it.
will be able to advise you whether an application to social services is appropriate and you will be given an opportunity to decide whether you wish to take the application to the next stage’. So basically it’s like the first audition for The X Factor: they get a first impression and if it’s no good you’re out! The letter says that they are very busy at the moment and it will be a few weeks before they can arrange a date for the interview. This is fine as it gives us a chance to prepare and think things through a bit more. Let’s just hope the interviewers are nothing like the X Factor judges!
FRIDAY 21ST DECEMBER 2007
Just had a thought that this could be our last Christmas on our own. It’s unlikely really, as I’m sure the process will take longer than a year, but I guess it’s possible...
BECOMING DADS BY PABLO FERNÁNDEZ
SATURDAY 27TH OCTOBER 2007
The adoption team have sent us some information leaflets and a form to indicate in writing if we are interested in attending an initial interview. We’ve said yes, of course.
FRIDAY 16TH NOVEMBER
We’ve received a letter from the council about the initial interview. ‘You will be given an opportunity to hear about adoption as well as being invited to discuss your personal circumstances. Hopefully at this stage we
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Becoming Dads is the 14th title in BAAF’s ‘Our Story’ series, which explores adoption and fostering experiences as told by adopters and foster carers, and is available from www.baaf.org.uk
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Battersea Dogs & Cats Home 150 years of dedicated care In 2010, Battersea Dogs & Cats Home commemorates 150 years of dedicated service to London and its surrounding communities. The Home has taken in over three million dogs and cats since it was founded in 1860 and today remains as firm as ever in its commitment never to turn away a dog or cat in need of help. Text HOME to 70123 to donate £3 to Battersea and help us continue our work. Texts cost £3, plus network charge. Battersea Dogs & Cats Home receives: Vodafone £2.70, T-Mobile £2.47, Orange £2.62, O2 £2.65.
www.battersea.org.uk
WJ1773_BDCH_Generic2_PinkParenting_297x210.indd 1
14/6/11 17:03:13
ANNABEL KARMEL
In the lead up to Christmas little ones are full of excitable festive spirit. With schools and nurseries finishing well before Father Christmas visits, cooking lovely festive goodies together is a great way of channelling your child’s eager anticipation.
STAINED GLASS WINDOW COOKIES
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My novelty Christmas cookies are eay and fun to make together with children. They enjoy crushing the sweets and cutting the dough into different Christmas shapes using different cookie cutters. The crushed melted sweets harden to make a stained glass window effect in the centre of these edible decorations.
utside it’s just short days, wet weather and shopping mayhem, to get away from all the Christmas madness and get in from the cold try cooking these fun festive recipes with your children as an enjoyable antidote to the consumer madness. Use ribbon to tie my stained Glass window cookies to the Christmas tree, or try hanging them by your window to catch the light. Tie them high if little hands and paws get too tempted! Giving homemade gifts is really special. Children feel proud to give to friends, families or teachers something that they have made themselves. These cranberry and white chocolate cookies look great either ready made or layered up in a jar – but wrap them up quickly before the little cooks help them to disappear!
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Ingredients • 350g/12 oz plain flour • 2 tsp ground ginger • 100g (4 oz) butter • 1 egg • Coloured boiled sweets
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• • • • •
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda 1/2 tsp salt (half) 175g (6 oz) soft brown sugar 4 tbsp golden syrup Narrow ribbon
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RECIPES_ ANNABEL KARMEL
Suitable from 2 years. Preparation time 50 mins / Cooking time 12 mins
Method Pre-heat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4. Mix the flour, bicarbonate of soda, ginger and salt into a bowl. Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs, and stir in the sugar. Beat together the egg and golden syrup and mix into the flour mixture to make a smooth dough, kneading lightly with your hands. Crush the sweets using a rolling pin. Sprinkle flour on a cleanwork surface and roll out the dough until about 1/2cm (1/4in) thick, then cut into shapes using a selection of Christmas Cookie cutters. Transfer to lined baking sheets. Cut out shapes in the centre of each cookie, making sure you leave a good edge all around the cookie. Completely fill the hole in each cookie with crushed boiled sweets. Make a hole at the top of each cookie using a drinking straw so that you will be able to thread a ribbon through it later. Bake for 11-12 minutes until golden. While the cookies are still warm, check the holes are still there, otherwise push a straw through again. Do not remove the cookies from the baking tray until they have cooled as the boiled sweets need to harden. Once the sweets have hardened, lift the cookies onto a wire rack with a palette knife to finish cooling. Decorate with piped white icing. Thread ribbons through the holes to make loops for hanging. Makes about 25 cookies
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FESTIVE TREATS
CRANBERRY AND WHITE CHOCOLATE COOKIES
Instead of giving baked cookies as a gift for Christmas, why not give the recipe for one of your favourite cookies and then layer all the ingredients in a glass jar and tie a ribbon around it. All of the ingredients for these cookies are in the jar apart from the butter and they are very quick and easy to make. Prep time 8 minutes Cooking time 20 minutes
Ingredients • 150g self raising flour • Generous pinch of salt • 50g light brown sugar • 100g butter softened • 40g dried cranberries, roughly chopped • 50g white chocolate chips or white
Method Preheat the oven to 180C / 160 Fan Put all the ingredients into a bowl. Mix together, then bring the dough together using your hands and knead for a few seconds. Make 20 little balls out of the mixture. Put 10 balls on one baking sheet lined with non stick paper. Push down to flatten them slightly. Put the remaining 10 on another baking sheet. Bake for about 20 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.
chocolate cut into small chunks
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With Annabel Karmel’s chilled meals in your fridge, you will always have a tasty and nutritious dish for your growing toddler, even when you don’t have time to prepare something yourself. Now available in Dunnes Stores. Download Annabel’s iPhone App and get 100 recipes perfect for babies, toddlers and the whole family.
Available on the App Store for €5.99.
www.annabelkarmel.com
FESTIVE TREATS Ingredients • 1 tbsp milk • 2 eggs • 150g butter at room temperature • 150g caster sugar • 150g self raising flour • Half tsp baking powder • Zest of half a small orange • 45g dried cranberries, chopped • 4 x Curly Wurly Chocolate Bars • Glace cherries & Sultanas
RUDOLPH CUPCAKES
Method Preheat the oven to 180C / Fan 160C / Gas 4 Line a deep muffin tin with 12 paper cases. Put the eggs, caster sugar, baking powder, butter, flour, milk and zest into a mixing bowl. Beat together using an electric whisk. Stir in the cranberries and spoon into the cases. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes until well risen and lightly golden. Leave to cool on a wire rack. To make the icing, sieve icing sugar into the soft butter, beat together until smooth. Add cocoa powder and mix. Chill in the fridge for 20 minutes to firm up a little. Pipe or the icing over the cold cupcakes. Slice each Curly Wurly into to make 6 antlers and into the cupcakes. Place a cherry on each cake to make a nose. and use sultanas for eyes. Chill until firm. Makes 12 cupcakes Its easy to make a baked potato into a special treat and childen will have fun helping you make them…
bases of the potatoes. Scoop out some of the cooked potato, making sure you leave a border so that they keep their shape.
Suitable from one year Prep time 25 minutes / Cooking time 1 hour
Peel and cube the butternut squash and cook in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes until soft. Mix the squash with the scooped out potato flesh and mash together. Add the parmesan cheese and a knob of butter and season. Stuff the potatoes with the mixture.
Ingredients • 2 x 250g potato (oval) • 2 x 90g potato (round) • 125g butternut squash peeled and cubed • 4 to 5 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated • A knob of butter • 2 baby carrots • Frozen peas • Strips of red pepper • A little cream cheese Method Preheat the oven to 200C/400 F (Gas 6). Prick the potatoes with a fork. Cook the large potatoes in the oven for 1 to 1 hour 10 minutes and the small potatoes for 45 to 50 minutes until crisp on the outside and tender on the inside. Cut a thin slice off the
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Put the large potato onto a plate and the small potato on top to make the snowman’s head. Attach baby carrots for the nose and hat, using a cocktail stick or make a small hole in the potato and push the carrot in. Use peas for eyes and buttons (you could use a dab of cream cheese as glue or cocktail sticks) and attach a strip of red pepper for the mouth. Make sure you remove the cocktail sticks before serving!! Makes 2 Snowmen
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CHARITY CLOSE-UP
WORDS_ JONATHAN PENNY
KT) edy Trust (A n n e K rt e lb the A up to Since 1989 oung people y T B G L d e g in has support eless or livin m o h re a o , wh re 25 years old find out mo e w re e H t. n ironme lp. a hostile env you can he w o h d n a ty hari about the c he Trust is named after Albert Kennedy, a 16-year-old children’s home runaway from Manchester who died after falling from a car park roof in the City centre, while being chased by several attackers in a car. Manchester’s gay community was moved into action by the Trust’s founder patron Cath Hall, a foster carer who admitted she could not meet the full range of needs of LGBT young people in her care. As a result, the Albert Kennedy Trust was formed, aiming to meet the individual needs of each young person and ensure they are set back on track in life, they support several hundred young people every year who have experienced domestic violence or have been ejected from home just for being brave enough to come out as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Trans to their parents or care giver. Currently working in Greater London and Greater Manchester, The Albert Kennedy Trust offer safe and supportive homes with LGBT carers, and provide a more informal support through mentoring and befriending. Support is also available by phone, face to face or email. The trust also teaches independent living skills for young people through their accredited training programme and provides a help in crisis through their Emergency Support Project, and help young people fund more permanent homing through their Rainbow Starter Pack. Despite the many vulnerabilities of young LGBT people, AKT’s experience is that it’s possible, with work, care and understanding, to support them to independence and empowerment, and our young people continue to inspire us by their courage and resilience. We run an established supported lodging scheme, principally
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for 16-19 year olds, which provides LGBT carers and a safe and supportive home. We have a strong base of mentors who work with young people to help them achieve independence and rebuild family relationships, and our staff team provides advice and advocacy for young people, many of whom experience homophobia from staff or service users in mainstream housing support settings. Our volunteering and life skills training programme offers opportunities to the young people to resume control of their lives with support from us in accessing education, employment and training – and to work towards the futures they want.
HOW YOU CAN HELP AKT:
Become a carer for our Supported Lodgings Scheme We are always looking for people who have a spare room and can welcome a young LGBT person into your household. You can contact the services team by calling Greater London on 020 7831 6562 or Manchester on 0161 228 3308. Make a donation to AKT It costs as little as £15 to provide a night off the streets to a young LGBT person in crisis. Please consider making a regular or one-off donation towards our vital work. Help to spread the word Without support from the public, many of our services may not be able to continue so please help us to spread the word so that we can reach out to as many people as possible.
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BARAK’S STORY When I was 16, my family relocated to the UK to escape the racism we faced elsewhere in Europe. My parents are religious people and as a son I was expected to help discipline my sisters, and was beaten when I refused to join my father in being violent to them. I didn’t come out to my parents myself: my sister told them I was gay, and that was when my real problems started. My parents would not accept my sexuality. They threatened and punished me. They told me I had to give up being who I was or they would make sure that I lived a worthless life. I tried to get help from social services and the police, but they spoke to my parents and believed the lies they told them. Finally my parents threatened to send me to Nigeria for a ‘cure’. I was so frightened I left home as soon as I could and found a place to crash. It was when I joined an LGBT youth group that I was referred to the Albert Kennedy Trust. AKT knew I was entitled to support from the start and even gave me some clothes and money for food, as I had nothing. Help from Social services was limited and the benefits office refused my claims as they said I hadn’t been in the UK long enough. Finally, I was given a place to stay. On my 18th birthday, Social Services withdrew all their support, including my rent. I was given a notice to move out, and they told me to return home, leave college or find a job. AKT found a lawyer who carried on arguing my case for social services to keep supporting me. They also gave me money for food and travel. AKT and some teachers from my college supported me. I was then assigned an AKT Mentor who helped me deal with everything that was going on. The last two months have been a roller coaster. I was offered a conditional place at a top university to study law but even though I was awarded 3 A’s at A-Level, they refused me a place as I didn’t get an A*. Fortunately, Petra, from the Services team, called the University and explained my situation and they were overwhelmed that I had been through so much and still came out with 3 A grade A-Levels. Not only did they reverse their decision and award me a place but they also offered me a three year scholarship. I started my course last week and I love it. I know it will be hard work but it will be worth it. When I graduate, I would like to become a Human Rights Lawyer and help young people like myself. I can’t thank the Albert Kennedy Trust enough for everything they have done. They have not only kept me off the streets and given me a mentor and have helped me to secure my future’.
To help people like Barak or if you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact us: London - 020 7831 6562, Manchester - 0161 228 3308 www.akt.org.uk
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EXPERT VIEWS
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WORDS_ AILBHE EGAN
All too often in the media today, we hear only the views of the parents, but what is equally as important is for us to hear the views of children who have grown up with LGBT parents. In this issue, 21 year old Ailbhe Egan, talks to Pink Parenting about her personal journey growing up and what having two gay mums means to her.
Family, in my opinion, is defined by love not blood. It shouldn’t matter that one of my parents isn’t a blood relation of mine; it should be more than enough that I love and appreciate my parents and am loved and appreciated in return. I think most prejudice comes from simple ignorance or lack of understanding. People are often afraid of things they don’t understand, or which don’t conform to the norm, but I think once people connect on a human level and get to know individuals from varied backgrounds, the barriers of prejudice are broken down and the fear is removed. It’s harder to fear and hate someone when you get to know their personal story. Of course I have come across some bad reactions when people hear about my family, but who from an unconventional background hasn’t experienced some discrimination? Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and ideals and I don’t expect everybody to accept and agree with my views or chosen lifestyle, but I’d rather you didn’t make any solid judgements until you get to know me and my family.
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y name is Ailbhe Egan and I am now 21. I grew up in an amazing happy house in Ireland living with two brilliant parents. But our house was never recognised as a family home. My parents had been together since they were my age, they loved each other and me very much, but we were not acknowledged as a family unit. This was because my parents were in lesbian relationship. My mum’s partner, Anto, was of no blood relation to me, but she was still very much my mother. She was there at my birth, she taught me how to ride a bike and bake bread, and all the things that a parent should. Every day she put up with my mood swings and loud music same as my biological mother. I was closer to Anto than a lot of my friends were with their own parents, but in the eyes of the law she was a stranger to me. How could this be fair? In the eyes of the law, one of my parents had absolutely no rights over me. There was only one name allowed on my birth certificate and I only had one legal guardian. If Fiona, my biological mum, went away, my other mother couldn’t sign my permission slips for school or consent forms should I have needed medical treatment and she couldn’t sign for me when I was applying for my passport and bank account. If anything we to happen to my biological mother, Anto would have had no rights towards me and vice versa, even though she had been a major part of my family all of my life. Now that I am an adult myself, I think it is important to speak about my personal experiences growing up in a lesbian family, though it is a difficult topic to discuss as having two mums is all I have known, and I can’t exactly live my childhood again in a straight conventional household and then compare the two! All I do know is that I finally have the chance to talk about how amazing and utterly normal my parents were and still are. In my quest to discover more about growing up in gay household, I discussed it openly with all of my friends and sought their opinions. Thankfully they all agreed with me and felt the same way around my parents as they did with any of our other friends’ parents. Some even said they felt more comfortable and less judged in my home because my family was so accepting and open minded. It has always been obvious to me that I came from an extremely supportive loving family, and my friends reassured me that having gay parents definitely hadn’t mess me up at all! In conversation, several of my friends admitted to being wary and unsure about the words gay families in the past, but since getting to know me and learning more about my family, none of them saw the big deal anymore.
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“FAMILY, IN MY OPINION, IS DEFINED BY LOVE NOT BLOOD. IT SHOULDN’T MATTER THAT ONE OF MY PARENTS ISN’T A BLOOD RELATION OF MINE; IT SHOULD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH THAT I LOVE AND APPRECIATE MY PARENTS AND AM LOVED AND APPRECIATED IN RETURN.” Choosing to come out as a gay or lesbian is a huge life changing decision in itself. It not only affects you, but the people around you too. People see you differently, no matter how open or alternative you are. People choose to come out, but a child can’t choose their parents. You definitely don’t choose their sexual orientation. You are pretty much landed with a family and left to make the most of it. Having gay parents can be hard to deal with, especially as a young child. There can be confusion and at times it can be very hard to comprehend why your family seems so different compared to the friends around you. I know I had a bit of an advantage, because I grew up in a gay community with lots of friends in similar situations. This definitely helped me understand more and then have the ability to explain to others. And despite the occasional discrimination and awkwardness, if I had the choice I still wouldn’t change my parents for the world. I think my parents were unbelievably brave to come out, at 17, in a much more conservative, narrow-minded Ireland. It must have taken so much courage, and I really admire them for that. And then, to rock the boat even more, they decided to have a child together. This made me the first baby born to out lesbian parents in Cork and Kerry, and one of the first in Ireland. Again, I really admire their strength and determination; my parents are such role models for me. They proved two young women can make excellent parents, and, corny as it sounds, they showed me once you have love and determination you really can achieve anything. »
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EXPERT VIEWS “AT THE AGE OF 21, I AM NOW CONSIDERED AN ADULT AND WILL NEVER HAVE HAD THE EQUAL CHILD PROTECTION RIGHTS THAT CHILDREN OF MARRIED STRAIGHT COUPLES HAVE HAD ALL THEIR LIVES. BUT I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT. I’M NOT THAT BOTHERED ABOUT MY OWN RIGHTS ANYMORE. I WANT IT FOR MY COUSINS, MY FRIEND’S SIBLINGS AND CHILDREN.” There is so much speculation about gay parenting at the moment. To be honest, I strongly believe gays and lesbians make just as good parents as straight couples. For one thing, a gay couple can’t have a child by accident. Children born to, or adopted by, gay couples are planned and so definitely wanted. Obviously the exact parenting methods used by individual families can differ greatly depending on the couple, but that is part of being unique human beings, and can happen in any family. So how can you single out an entire group, purely by sexual orientation, and say “you are unfit to raise children”? People don’t seem to realise what same sex marriage would really mean. No, it would not mean the collapse of the marriage system; it would not be encouraging something unholy or unnatural. It would mean recognising same sex families as what they really are, families. Just as “normal” or “proper” as families with adopted children, families with step parents or children, interracial families, or heterosexual families. Same sex marriage would mean both my parents would have a legitimate legal say in my welfare, my education and my upbringing. Not having gay marriage in Ireland is not going to stop people falling in love. Denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marriage won’t make them go away. This is something that will eventually come to Ireland, and the sooner the better. If marriage exists for one group, then why not for everyone? How can people be so excluded simply because of their sexual orientation? At the age of 21, I am now considered an adult and will never have had the equal child protection rights that children of married straight couples have had all their lives. But I have accepted that. I’m not that bothered about my own rights anymore. I want it for my cousins, my friend’s siblings and children. I want all future generations to have the legal protection and recognition they deserve. Something that my family have never had. Ailbhe is a member of Believe in Equality, an online group of young people, ranging between 16 and 24, who are the sons and daughters of lesbian and gay parents. Their main goals are to share experiences with other children of LGBT parents and campaigning for legal equality for LGBT families. For more information please visit www.believeinequality.wordpress.com
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WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI
LeapFrog is a household name for those of us who have children and even for those of us who don’t, making educational toys, interactive books and electronic games that inspire a love for learning.
L
eapFrog was the brainchild of Mike Wood, an employee of a law firm working with tech companies. Noticing his 3 year-old son, Matthew struggling to connect names of letters to the sounds they made, Mike embarked on developing a children’s toy to assist learning, which would eventually become the LeapFrog Phonics Desk. To assist Mike on his journey he enlisted the help of a previous client who was investing in technology being developed at Texas Instruments. Mike spent the next four years performing focus groups on mothers and developed a prototype of his idea, conducting research on the manufacturing costs to ensure that it would have a viable place in the market.
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In 1994, MIke took his prototype to a professor at the Stanford University School of Education for his expert opinion. Armed with his feedback, he went on to refine his toy, and a year later, developed the first toy that LeapFrog would market. The Phonics Desk sold well, however the company was plagued with delivering issues. Nevertheless, demand for the product was strong, and the company started to develop its second phonics toy. By early 1997, LeapFrog had expanded quickly and was already offering distribution to over 10 countries around the world, and in 1999 the LeapPad was launched, and quickly became their flagship product. Three years later LeapFrog Enterprises went public, and was listed on the New York Stock exchange.
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In 2007, the company fell on rough times because they had relied heavily on past success without evolving or offering new products or experiences. It was at that time that LeapFrog decided to create a completely different portfolio, so rather than concentrating on just a couple of toys that help children, LeapFrog decided to devise three clear categories. The first, to create more traditional toys that were durable and could last, aimed at their youngest audience. The next was a product category helping children 2 years and above with their reading, and then the last category was what they call the ‘mobile learning’ category, which would include all LeapFrog hand-held gaming and tablet devices which are used for multiple learning programs and applications. With a much larger and comprehensive product portfolio, LeapFrog was able to increase their recognition and market share significantly. Helping to keep LeapFrog at the forefront of the toy market is the fact that many of their core products are linked to a »
WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
BEHIND THE BRAND
CHILDREN MIMIC THE BEHAVIOUR OF THEIR PARENTS, WHICH IS WHY A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, PRETEND PLAY LAPTOPS WERE VERY POPULAR ALONG WITH PRETEND PLAY MOBILE PHONES WHICH ARE STILL VERY POPULAR. backup system, which means as a parent, you can connect the toy to your computer and then have the ability to personalise that toy. My Pal Scout, a cuddly puppy, can be programmed the name of your child, their favourite colour and food. You can also download additional content, almost like upgrading the toy, so as a parent you are can easily gain more involvement in your child’s learning experience. LeapFrog is now also offering a web based tool for parents called the Learning Path, which can be used to track the progress of your child. With information entered such as their name and age, the website is able to record the progress and performance of your child in reading and maths, and compare it to an average of what a child of that age should know. It also provides additional tips for the parent should the child be struggling and will also let them know when a child has done really well in a particular subject, and is ready to progress on to the next stage of learning.
ISSUE 03 – WINTER 2011/ 2012
With the major advancements in technology, parents now want to have the latest gadgets for themselves and for their kids. Children mimic the behaviour of their parents, which is why a couple of years ago, pretend play laptops were very popular along with pretend play mobile phones, which is another reason the new LeapPad has been so successful, working as a tablet PC for kids and doing almost all the same functions that an adult can do on their tablet PC. You have the ability to read an E-book, play games, paint pictures, make videos, share content, but there is no access to the internet which has been done quite deliberately. When offering internet access to children it has to provide an experience that is relevant for that child and is in safe environment. The Internet offers so much and has changed the way we work, play and buy, but it needs to be monitored very closely with regards to children. Interestingly, if you were to give an iPad to an adult and a child, that are not familiar with the use
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of touch screen, it will be the child that understands it first. This is because children are much less afraid, willing to adapt and discover new things. Nowadays, modern technology is so much more accessible to parents, which makes the process of finding suitable content for your child a lot easier. For the future plans, LeapFrog want to always stay true to their educational heritage and pedigree, because this is one of the key aspects that they are truly passionate about, which sets them apart from the rest. They want to produce toys that are durable and that will last for years. They want parents to be happy to trust buying a LeapFrog toy or product and be in a position where parents know the educational benefits, or the benefits for their child’s development with their brand. LeapFrog want to also continue to develop their toys and go even further down the route of providing electronic experiences which are focused around adult technology but made suitable for their children.
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
Want to be a dad? Lesbian couples and single women are looking for genuine gay men willing to donate sperm by personal arrangement.
Pride Angel is the leading Worldwide LGBT Parenting Connection Site. Visit our site for more information about Legal Rights, Health Screening and Home Insemination.
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Register as a co-parent or sperm donor for free
www.prideangel.com
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Pink Parenting Sep.indd 1
LEGAL LOWDOWN
THE ART OF SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING
Co-parenting can be an ideal family building solution if you are in a same-sex relationship. Successful co-parenting is not, however, for the faint-hearted.
equally important to tackle what legal status and responsibilities the remaining adults will have (in the absence of being legal parents) and agree what further legal steps are needed to achieve this.
WHAT IS CO-PARENTING?
Co-parenting usually involves between two and four adults who want to conceive and parent a child together. This could involve a lesbian couple and a single or gay man or perhaps a single woman and a gay couple. It may also involve a lesbian couple and a gay couple. A co-parent is different from a known donor in that he or she will play a more active parental role in the child’s life and upbringing. A co-parent does not, however, have to have a genetic link with the child, making it a versatile family building option for same-sex couples and those conceiving with donor gametes.
PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY
Obtaining parental responsibility for a child is one way of achieving significant legal status and responsibility for a child within a co-parenting situation (although it does not confer legal parenthood status). Parental responsibility gives the right in law to make (or share) the decision making process to secure a child’s welfare and upbringing. For example, consent to medical treatment and immunisations or apply for a school place. Parental responsibility is therefore different from legal parenthood, since legal parenthood dictates financial responsibility for a child, citizenship and inheritance rights under English law. More than two adults can hold parental responsibility for a child. In a co-parenting situation, it is possible to hold both legal parenthood and parental responsibility for a child, one or the other or neither. Parental responsibility can be obtained by agreement or court application, making it a flexible legal tool in co-parenting cases.
WHO ARE THE PARENTS?
It may sound like an obvious question, but in a co-parenting situation it can result in a far from obvious answer. A child can only ever have two legal parents under English law. In a co-parenting situation, this can create problems and issues when there are more than two adults involved, especially when it comes to registering the birth and deciding who will be named as the parents on the birth certificate. To make matters worse, legal parenthood does not always follow biology in co-parenting cases. The birth mother will always be legal mother (even if she conceives with a donor egg or uses her same-sex partner’s egg). Who will be the second legal parent is, however, more complex and relevant factors include whether the birth mother is single or in a civil partnership and whether conception takes place at a UK licensed fertility clinic or by private arrangement at home. It is therefore important for prospective co-parents to get to grips with who will be the legal parents from the outset and agree this. It is
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CARE AND RESIDENCE
It is possible to obtain a shared residence order in a co-parenting situation to formalise arrangements for the care and residence of a child. This will also confer parental responsibility upon the adults in question, although it is not always necessary or desirable. It is important for prospective co-parents to decide and agree from the start how they intend to care for the child and how they will share parenting time. The needs of a newborn baby need to be a primary focus and care arrangements may well be dictated by breastfeeding arrangements in
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WORDS_ LOUISA GHEVAERT
All co-parents must prepare for the unexpected. Life is rarely straightforward and the parenting journey is bound to have its ups and downs along the way. A whole raft of curved balls could be thrown your way, ranging from sickness, relationship breakdown and new relationships, redundancy, death, relocation or the development of special needs by your child. The risk factor is multiplied in a co-parenting situation and co-parents need to work even harder in practice to plan for and deal with these sorts of events. If you fail to do so, the implications could be disastrous all round. Sometimes when things get tough, maintaining a sense of humour can make all the difference too. A sense of humour can break the ice, ease built up tension and bring some much needed breathing space. There is some truth in the expression “parents that laugh together stay together” and this applies to co-parenting situations as well. If you do need to tackle a sensitive issue or problem, do so with care. Plan what you want to say in advance and pick a sensible time to discuss matters to avoid a knee-jerk reaction. Choose your language carefully and try to avoid blaming your co-parent if something has gone wrong, and instead suggest possible ways of solving the problem. If problems arise that cannot be resolved, litigation should always be a last resort. Court proceedings can be complex, costly and stressful. It is always better to try and resolve matters between yourselves, or if possible consider mediation, round-table meetings with a specialist lawyer, or the collaborative law model as an alternative. Specialist input from an expert lawyer at an early stage can make all the difference in tackling difficult issues and helping to reach a workable solution.
THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING AGREEMENT IS COMMUNICATION, MUTUAL CARE AND RESPECT, PLANNING AND AN ELEMENT OF FLEXIBILITY. the early months. Adult work schedules are also likely to be relevant, especially if work timetables operate Monday to Friday or involve shifts. There may need to be some care and understanding in terms of everyone’s involvement and actual care of the child. It might be the case that the two legal parents will take the lead parental roles and that their partners will take more of a backseat in practice. As a rule of thumb, the greater the number of adults actively involved in the day to day care and upbringing of a child, the harder they will need to work to manage the mechanics of this. There also needs to be care and thought over the management of key events such as the child’s birthday, Christmas, Easter (and other bank holidays) and family holidays. It can require a significant degree of time and care to strike a happy balance and a good deal of compromise all round to try and manage and meet everyone’s expectations. Arrangements for the care and upbringing of a child will also inevitably change and evolve over time, as the child becomes more independent and begins to develop interests and activities. This requires an element of flexibility on the part of co-parents and an ability to review and re-assess arrangements on a regular basis.
THE IMPORTANCE OF A WILL
A co-parent, like any other parent, should make a Will to decide what to do with any inheritance and provide for their child. As part of this exercise and depending upon the basis of the co-parenting arrangement, co-parents may also look to appoint legal guardians in their Will to care for their child in the event of their death. However, legal guardianship appointment can be complex in a co-parenting situation, making it important to seek expert legal help and guidance.
DO I NEED A CO-PARENTING AGREEMENT?
A well crafted co-parenting agreement is an important tool. If you are armed with one of these, it could save a lot of trouble and misunderstanding. A co-parenting agreement is not one hundred percent binding in law, but it could be of important evidential benefit if a dispute were ever to arise. To hold maximum weight, it should be drafted by a legal expert, entered into before or contemporaneously with conception and the parties should be independently legally advised. This helps to ensure that everyone understands the relevant legal issues and what this will mean in practice. In the absence of a well drafted co-parenting agreement and expert legal advice, co-parents risk mismatched expectations, misunderstandings and a general lack of clarity about precisely what they are hoping to achieve in legal and practical terms. The preparation of a well constructed co-parenting agreement will help prospective co-parents tackle and understand the legal status that everyone will have and what additional legal status can be achieved. It will also help to manage expectations, map out a legal action plan and help everyone to set some ground rules in terms of day to day parenting.
THE BENEFITS OF CO-PARENTING
Co-parenting at its best can bring great benefits and reward. It can give gay or single men who want to become fathers the opportunity to play an active parental role in a child’s life beyond that of a sperm donor. It can also give lesbian couples and single women the opportunity to introduce a male figure into their child’s life. Co-parents can invest time, energy and love into their child’s life and this can bring joy and happiness. Co-parenting can bring new perspectives and introduce new experiences into the life of a child and the other adults involved. Co-parents can also care and support each other along the parenting journey, at a time when many other parental relationships are under strain or have broken down altogether. A successful co-parenting agreement can enrich everyone’s life. A co-parenting agreement is both the catalyst for the creation of new life, as well as a life changing event for the adults involved.
AVOIDING DISPUTES
The key to a successful co-parenting agreement is communication, mutual care and respect, planning and an element of flexibility. It is important to regularly review arrangements and re-work things if they are not working well. Never underestimate the importance of getting on top of little niggles before they develop into full scale problems. Look ahead and pre-empt situations too if you think something is likely to become an issue.
WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM
Louisa Ghevaert is a leading expert in fertility and parenting law and has litigated some of the most well known fertility law cases in the UK. Louisa heads the fertility law team at Porter Dodson Solicitors. For more information, please visit www.porterdodsonfertility.com.
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WINTER 2011/ 2012 – ISSUE 03
EXPERT ADVICE
WORDS_ ANDREW LOOSELY
HELPING YOUR CHILD DEAL WITH NARROW-MINDED OPINION Despite a 17 year study by Stonewall indicating that children raised in a gay or lesbian environment are on the whole happier, have less behavioural problems and are more adapted to everyday life, children still encounter prejudice and come face-to-face with narrow minded people. The idea that raising a child with only one sex is detrimental to the child’s outlook and experience of life is still a common misconception.
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f we compare it to a heterosexual single parent family, of which numbers are increasing, it’s interesting to see that they are same sex families or units too. The difference is that they generally receive support and admiration for their efforts of raising a child singlehandedly, and bizarrely face little or no discrimination from others about the child missing out on being raised by at least one member of the opposite sex. There’s no doubt that your child will be thoroughly content with their life at home, and as long as they receive the love and care that you give them, they may see no reason why others are targeting them with their biased views. As you will have strived to bring your child up with a holistic view of life, it can be thoroughly frustrating to see your hard work undone when outside influences play a part in segregating them from the crowd, just because they are thought to be a little different. Some schools are now taking positive action for children of gay and lesbian parents, and adopting a zero tolerance policy that tackles bullying or bigotry of any sort, much the same they do when addressing issues of bullying over race or disability. Nevertheless, other schools are taking their time in catching up, and this means that the foundations must be made concrete at home. Your child will no doubt be proud to have two parents that
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SCHOOLS ARE NOW TAKING ACTION FOR CHILDREN OF GAY AND LESBIAN PARENTS, AND ADOPTING A ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY THAT TACKLES BULLYING OR BIGOTRY OF ANY SORT. have beaten all odds to raise them, and as a child of a lesbian or gay couple, a lot of thought will have gone into the parenting before conception took place. Unlike heterosexual couples that can encounter unplanned pregnancies, yet face no stigma, the child of the gay parents will always be coveted, always be planned, and always be showered with love. Explaining the reasons behind the prejudgment can give them a little insight into how other people are viewing the situation, and hopefully give them the tools to deal with it or laugh it off. Your child’s school has a moral obligation to ensure that your child faces no prejudice or bullying whilst in their care, and you could take some proactive action on this. The best way to tackle this is to educate the bullies.
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• You can suggest the school incorporates same sex relationships into their sexual education class, you can even volunteer to give a talk to the older children.
• You can suggest they stock the library with appropriate literature, and they are so many books on pink parenting that range from toddler age to adult, giving a holistic view across the board.
• A one to one – not just on parent’s evening – with your child’s teacher or head will enable you to get your point across, and hopefully they will work with you to broaden the minds of the other students. There are three recognised possible reasons that may cause people to develop a prejudice in the first place and your child can be armed for this if they have an understanding of why people might feel like this. The following reasons are seen as common causes of a prejudiced state of mind:
RELIGION
There are many belief systems in the world that may see homosexuality as being against their way of thinking and this could have consequences when children are mixing together at school. Explaining your views on religion to your child, and supporting them to research some of the world religions to better understand where they are coming from, will give them the tools to form their own opinion on how others may be thinking life ‘should’ be lived.
FEAR
It will help your child to understand why people bully, and knowing that the main cause for bullying is often fear will take away the threat your child feels if any name calling starts. They will hopefully see the bully as a frightened little mouse trying to defend itself against a sabre toothed tiger using words as its weapon.
IGNORANCE
If the bullies are heterosexual they may struggle to understand a gay or lesbian relationship, and may not take the time to try to understand it. Ignorance is not bliss in this case as their views can be peppered with decade old rumours about disease and unnatural living. Your child could begin by explaining the gay family life to their friends so that they can develop a clear understanding of how things really are and that there is very little difference in the family structure. In many cities being a child of a same sex couple is now considered trendy, and bullying of it is so five minutes ago! Above all, don’t stop trying, and don’t take no for an answer. Your child is proud to have you as their parents, and it’s about time others realised what a perfect family unit this is!
Andrew Loosely is the creator of The Baby Creating Plan and has been helping couples to conceive naturally and alongside IVF with great success. As a published author he writes articles on fertility and areas relating to developing children.
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SPERM DONATION
ecent articles in the news have highlighted the downsides of using unregulated sperm donor websites, portraying them as placing vulnerable women at risk. Is this really the case or is sperm donation online providing a much needed service, which is not being met by fertility clinics alone? Often highlighted are the occasions when male donors try to abuse the system by requesting payments or offering natural insemination (in other words sex) as the best method of conception. Unfortunately some online forums seem to be dominated by donors chatting to each other and boasting about the number of children they have conceived. There is certainly a downside, which individuals must be aware of when trying to find a known donor. Finding a known donor or co-parent can be like trying to meet a lifelong partner - unfortunately along the journey you may have to encounter men or women which are not likeminded and who you do not connect with, before eventually finding the right one. This said, despite the media’s negative tilt, the option of using a known donor has many upsides, which is why it is becoming such a popular option for many single, gay or infertile couples. So what are the advantages? The obvious one may be cost, with IVF funding being cut by so many regions throughout the UK, many single people or couples may simply not be able to afford fertility treatment through a clinic. However after speaking with Erika the co-founder of Pride Angel, a leading parenting connection website, she believes that this is not the main reason people go down the online sperm donor route. Erika says ‘Many women choose a connection service, because they want more information about the donor than they receive at a clinic, they want to understand their personality and mannerisms,
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MANY SINGLE WOMEN AND LESBIAN COUPLES, WISH FOR THEIR CHILD TO KNOW OF THEIR DONOR AND WANT TO MAINTAIN CONTACT, BE IT OCCASIONAL OR ON A REGULAR BASIS. after all the donor is going to make up 50% of the child’s genes’. ‘Many single women and lesbian couples, also wish for their child to know of their donor, they want to maintain contact, be it occasional or on a regular basis, the important factor is educating people about any potential risks and providing the necessary support and guidance regarding health risks and legal rights’. An recent article in the Telegraph wrote ‘These unregulated sites are so popular that the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) last week announced plans to increase payments made to sperm and egg donors in the hope that this will increase the number of regulated donations’ Connection websites are not obliged to be regulated in any way, unless they are involving themselves in the procurement of gametes. Websites which act purely as connection services put the responsibility, rightly so, on the users to make their own informed decision regarding whether they choose to take their donor to a clinic for treatment or undertake artificial insemination following suitable health screening checks by their GP.
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There are dozens of websites providing a donor connection service, however many of these websites do not monitor their donors or control the numbers of connections between donors and recipients. This is why when choosing a website it is important to use one who is being responsible. Speaking with Erika from Pride Angel, she said ‘We are one of the only connection services worldwide who constantly monitor profiles and we suspend any users who are not meeting our criteria’. ‘No mention of natural insemination, payments, shipping of sperm or anonymous donation is allowed. Any users which break this ‘code of conduct’ are suspended.’ ‘Pride Angel also uses a limited message credit system which means, that not only can donors only contact a limited number of recipients, but is also means that donors are more likely to be genuine’. There have also been many stories in the news recently from donor-conceived children, about their search to find their origins. For some it may be a happy ending, but for many more it is not. With the change in the anonymity law in 2005, we will not be able to see the effects of children wishing to meet their donors, conceived through fertility clinics until 2023. What will be the effect of these reunions? Will there be the issue of rejection by donors or even the devastating possibility of genetic attraction, which has already been estimated to occur in 50% of cases between adopted children and their biological parents or siblings? Genetic attraction tends to only occur when there has not been any previous contact throughout a child’s upbringing with their donor or sibling and does not occur between known donors and their biological children. Many women are also now considering finding their own egg donor through a donor website, especially when there are such long waiting times for egg donors within the UK, Some recipients wish to meet the donor to find out more about them, and likewise egg donors feel happier donating to a women or couple who they believe will provide a happy environment for their donor offspring. Speaking with one egg donor, they said ‘I was able to select the family to who my eggs were donated to, we had several meetings and together we decided that they would like to tell their child from a young age. I agreed that they are welcome to come round anytime. Their child is now 5 and I have met him 6 times in total. Although genetically he is my child I will never be his mother nor would I ever want that position, I simply helped a wonderful couple become a family.’ A donor conceived child said ‘I know where my genetic mother is and can visit her if I would like to, but my real mother is the mum that brought me up’. Another donor-conceived child said ‘I know who my dad is, even if I only see him occasionally, that means I am no different to any of my friends at school’. ‘Pride Angel receives numerous thank you messages from recipients who have eventually found the right donor and from men who have been able to become parents themselves through co-parenting arrangements’ Surely a solution is for women to be able to use known donors, even if they are found through website connection services, so they can pass on more information to their children about their origins. After all, it is the children’s welfare which is of paramount importance.
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PINK-PARENTING.COM
EXPERT ADVICE
Q&A WITH FINERS STEPHENS INNOCENT
Q. SO WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE IF WE’RE CIVIL PARTNERS? A. Well, it’s still a good idea to make a will to deal with other gifts and the points mentioned above. It’s good practice and gives you peace of mind. If, however, you had not made a will, but were in a civil partnership, at least the law will recognise the rights of your surviving civil partner. If you have no other close family members, your surviving civil partner will take everything. If you have close family members, your surviving civil partner will get a share in your estate. It’s not ideal, but it’s a start, and it’s much preferable to the situation if you were not in a civil partnership and didn’t have a will. Q. WHAT ABOUT TAX IF WE ARE CIVIL PARTNERS? A. If you die with assets worth more than £325,000, everything over that value will be taxed at 40%. This is the current rate of inheritance tax. However, assets passing to a surviving civil partner are tax-free - for wealthier couples, this is a really useful tax-saving device, and is a genuine advantage to being in a civil partnership. •
Q. WHAT IS PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY? A.
Parental responsibility is the legal term for all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property. One of the most crucial advantages to having parental responsibility for a child is what it allows the holder of it to do in relation to the child. This will include matters relating to health, education, religion, the child’s name, living arrangements, appointment of guardians and so on. Those with parental responsibility also have to be consulted by the other parent about critically important matters such as taking a child out of the jurisdiction.
Q. CIVIL PARTNERSHIP – SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I?
My partner and I are considering whether we should enter into a civil partnership, as we have started to discuss the possibility of having children together. Does being in a civil partnership make any difference to us?
Q. SO HOW CAN PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY BE ACQUIRED? A. Well, save for in cases of surrogacy where a parental order is subsequently made, the mother of a child always has parental responsibility. Fathers will also have parental responsibility if they were married to the mother at the time of the birth or subsequently, or if their name is on the child’s birth certificate for children born after December 2003. A person with parental responsibility can also enter into an agreement to give it to another person, or it can be awarded to that person by an order of the Court. Courts are very likely to grant parental responsibility to a parent if such an application came before them, given how straightforward it now is to acquire it by other means. A female civil partner will acquire parental responsibility if she and the child’s mother were in a civil partnership at the time of the child’s conception. It can also be acquired by a woman who is not the civil partner of the mother by becoming registered as a parent, entering into a parental responsibility agreement with the mother, having it awarded to her by the Court, or by virtue of having a residence order in her favour. Commissioning parents in a surrogacy situation will obtain parental responsibility for their surrogate child provided they obtain a parental order in the Court.
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Aside from how this would affect any children of the family that there may be in the future, entering in to a civil partnership will bring about a number of changes to your legal and tax status, which are of particular consequence if one of you died. Q. WHAT WILL THE SURVIVOR INHERIT IF ONE OF US DIES? A. If you and your partner had not entered in to a civil partnership, and if one of you died, the survivor would have no automatic right to inherit. As a result, if you choose not to enter into a civil partnership, you really both should make wills that provide for each other (and any children) in the event of death. In those wills, you can each ensure that your surviving partner will inherit, and set out what should happen if you survive your partner. In the wills, you can also set out all of the usual things like to whom you wish to leave specified personal belongings, your funeral wishes, and who you would like to be guardian for any children you might have. There is more on guardianship later. The only problem with this, is that it is estimated that around 40% of the UK public have never made wills. If this is the case, you will die intestate, and if not in a civil partnership, your partner will not automatically inherit. This can lead to real injustice and financial hardship, not to mention huge legal bills coming out of your estate as your partner and family try to rectify matters, not always amicably.
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Finers Stephens Innocent is a Central London based law firm offering legal advice in all areas of family law and relationships for more information please visit - www.fsilaw.com
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TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR FAMILY!
Expert legal advice fr from approachable, professional lawyers 24/7 service at competitive rates
Protecting your family
civil partnerships children/surrogacy/guardianship pre and post nuptial agreements cohabitation
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Protecting your assets
Caroline Kelly caroline.kelly@fsilaw.com +44 (0)20 7344 5565 ask Caroline a question at www.fsilaw.com/pink-parenting or scan here www.fsilaw.com/pink-
There’s never been a better time to think of parenting. Recent changes have made it easier for lesbian, gay and bisexual people to become parents. Stonewall’s plain English guides for men and women are invaluable if you don’t know where to start. Join us now and help us continue this vital work. Become a Friend of Stonewall at www.stonewall.org.uk/pride or visit www.stonewall.org.uk/parenting to find out more about our family work.
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FAMILY FEASTS
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escribed as offering high quality, authentic Italian food at a good price, Jamie’s Italian certainly ticked all the right boxes. There are now 24 locations throughout the UK, with restaurants even in Sydney and Dubai, which bring a mix of rustic culinary delights that even I found hard to find fault with. Arriving on a very foggy morning at Jamie’s Italian in Canary Wharf, the first thing I noticed was the warmth radiating from inside the restaurant, with friendly staff to greet me as I entered. Though the restaurant is big, it is still able to transport the
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diner to a friendly trattoria in Italy. Entire hams hang from the ceiling and a strategically placed pasta machine hints at the rustic Tuscan cuisine which adds authenticity to the experience. I found myself easily forgetting the cold outside and was able to really soak in the atmosphere. The menu at Jamie’s is well thought out and offers a great mix of Italian dishes with traditional English. There’s an entire section dedicated to starters and olives with antipasti planks, available in both meat and vegetarian versions. Arriving on a wooden board which is stacked on top of tinned tomatoes, both
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planks come with incredibly soft, gooey baby mozzarella, and a sliver of pecorino cheese. Pastas and mains are equally attractive, from typical Italian dishes to your hearty burger and chips, but make sure to leave room for one of their mouth watering deserts. Even the cappuccino at the end of my meal was one of the best I have ever had in England. With all this, the restaurants also take good care of your little angels too, providing activity sheets and crayons to concentrate on while they wait for their food, and you won’t find children’s food on the menu, as all kids are given red 80’s style retro ViewMaster where they can look in and choose what they would like to eat by flicking through the 3D images, providing an excellent distraction for both children and parent. Jamie’s Italian gets my vote, providing great food, with great service and at a great price. Perfect for just the two of you, or three, or four…
Jamie’s Italian restaurants are located in major cities throughout the UK www.jamieoliver.com/italian
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MUST HAVE
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© Greg Reeder
AND FINALLY...
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he tomb of Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep, known as the “Tomb of the Manicurists”, lies south of the Unas causeway in Egypt, and dates back to the 5th Dynasty (ca. 2465 – 2323 BC). Discovered in 1964, archaeologists unearthed a tomb dedicated to two men who were both royal manicurists in the palace of the King. Depicted on the walls throughout the tomb are the two men together, embracing each other in intimate poses usually reserved only for husband and wife, and painted in nose-kissing positions. Much debate has been provoked to explain their “exaggerated affections” for one another, with some saying that they may be brothers, others have suggested that they may have been gay companions. It is hard to know what the truth is as very little is known about gay life in ancient Egypt, with most sexual scenes being depicted as rituals played out with gods as opposed to mortals.
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A CAR THAT’S AS MODERN AS YOUR FAMILY. THE NEW FORESTER. Unlike most cars the Subaru Forester has the World’s only Boxer Diesel engine which has a low centre of gravity, which helps you roll less on corners and remain stable, even on more challenging roads. It also has a Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive system, which helps it stick to the road when you need it most. So you can rely on the Subaru Forester to keep the whole family safe, wherever you’re going, whatever the weather.
Call 08430 222074 visit subaru.co.uk/safe or text ‘forester’ to 60800 Forester range fuel consumption in mpg(l/100km): Urban from 29.1 (9.7) to 37.2 (7.6). Extra Urban from 44.1 (6.4) to 50.4 (5.6). Combined from 37.7 (7.5) to 44.8 (6.3). CO2 emissions from 174 to 167 (g/km).