Jack Swan Issue #90 by Jack Swan

IS SU E

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LITTLE INTRO It has been many a moon since Swansea and Cardiff met at 3pm on a Saturday. There are a few factors for this. Sadly, there isn’t quite as much interest in the game as there has been. Both sides have nothing to play for in the league and although pride is at stake, its obviously not enough to attract the TV companies to cover the game. The other is that both sets of fans have grown up somewhat. I took my kids to the home fixture; their first derby game and I explained what happens. ‘Right, basically, their fans will pretend that they want to fight us. Our fans will pretend to want to fight them, there will be shedloads of police who will be being paid to stop anything from happening, but nothing is ever going to happen anyway. It is basically like a fayre ground ride, it’s a bit scary but everything is perfectly fine.’ Twenty years ago, was different. Thirty or forty years ago, even more so. And the Police deserve credit for that. They do deal with the big games so much better than in years gone by, they are there to be seen but to stay out of it. My kids loved it and I loved taking them. We still have that banter, that hostile environment but without anyone going home and unable to work the next day or some poor kid getting a proper hiding. If people want a scrap then join a boxing gym or whatever. I love a derby game where we’ve already won the first one. It is a game I can actually enjoy. No side has ever done the double and so, we are in the mixer and they aren’t. Neither sides are playing well, it’s a hard one to call. Strange timing too after the international break and Wales being somewhat united with that. We look at a few classic derby games this issue from years gone by to get in the mood.

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THE LAST DERBY AT THE VETCH FIELD

In November 1998 Swansea hosted their rivals at the Vetch, long before any genuine talk of the ‘Morfa Stadium’. Little did we know at the time, but this was to be the last encounter between these two sides at the true home of football in glorious Swansea. And like many of those before them, it turned out to be a cracker.

69th minute the Cardiff keeper Jon Hallworth saved twice from Jason Smith before the ball landed at Martyn ‘Psycho’ Thomas who slotted home the equaliser. ‘Psycho’ had a habit of scoring important goals and this was no different, the Vetch went wild and suddenly the game was there to be won.

The build-up and atmosphere was as to be expected as Matthew Bound remembers “It was the usual lead up to it, loads of stuff in the press, big day, first game where away fans were allowed back in the ground if I remember rightly. It was very evident that the police were on eggshells. The helicopter was out and all that. The build-up before the game for us was ‘don’t get sent off, keep eleven players on the pitch and don’t concentrate on what the fans were doing.’

Cardiff lost the Flying postman through injury. A strange moment for the Vetch field seeing one of their ex-loved players being stretchered off in a Cardiff shirt at the Vetch…. I’ll let you guess the reaction.

Despite the team talk, for Swansea, in the first half they were completely on the back foot “We were atrocious in first half, could have been a few down in reality. Roger saved a few crackers in first half. Think we went in at half-time 1-0 down.”.

The game was drifting out for a draw as Swansea won a corner in the last-minute of time as the North Bank roared. Richie Appleby swung the ball in, a certain Mr Nick Cusack flicked the ball on and that man Matt Bound who kept his composure and drilled in the winner. The match winner remembers “with about 1 minute left, I’ll say from 25 yards out but really it was about 6. I just struck laces through it and it went in. A really great feeling. Living in the city, you realise how much it means to everyone. It’s unheard of to score the winner in the last few minutes of a derby and I’m privileged to have done it. We all went out for a few beers after the game to enjoy with the fans. I think I was bought a few…… I was in a pickle when I got home anyway”.

The Swans were behind inside five minutes as the ‘Flying Post-man’, Swansea old boy John Williams hooked the ball home after a bit of naïve defending from the Swans. Cardiff could have easily extended their lead as Middleton, Ford and Nugent all had decent chances but failed to find the net. Cardiff continued to press but Mr Roger Freestone who holds the record for the most derby appearances cemented himself even more Many drinks were drunk by many a folk in Swansea. Incredible to of a Swans legend. think that was to be the final derby game at the Vetch but what a match to end it. Jason Smith nearly put the ball through his own net but Rog’ pulled off an unbelievable save to prevent it from going 2-0 before another SWANSEA CITY: R. Freestone, S. Jones, M. Howard, N. Cusack, J. immense save from a Nugent effort just before half-time. At 1-0 the Smith, M. Bound, J. Price, M. Thomas, A. Newhouse, S. Watkin, R. Swans were still in the game but needed a change. Appleby. SUBS: J. Alsop, L. Jenkins, S. Roberts. The change came in Julian Alsop who lifted the Vetch and those CARDIFF CITY: J. Hallworth, M. Delaney, M. Ford, G. Mitchell, S. around him. The Swans were suddenly testing the Cardiff defence Young, R. Carpenter, J. Fowler, W. O’Sullivan, J. Williams, K. and were able to get far more of a stranglehold of the game. In the Nugent, C. Middleton. SUBS: D. Hill, C. Allen, J. Eckhardt.

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WHEN SAUNDERS DESTROYED CARDIFF 1982/83 saw Swansea relegated from the top-flight back into the old Division Two in the same season that saw Cardiff promoted from the third tier to join the Swans in the same league. The Boxing day fixture at Ninium Park saw a 3-2 win for the home side and so there was real pride to play for in the return fixture at the Vetch in April 1984. The day was marred by clashes before, during and after the game as fans played the ‘big-I-am’ by comparing their little winkies in discreet places. A theme which would continue in encounters for the next two decades. On the field it will be remembered as one of the best ever games seen at the Vetch in what was otherwise a miserable season for the Swans who were nearing back-to-back relegations. The game started as the season had with Cardiff heading 2-0 up. Swans fan Phil Gates was at the game ‘I was 17 and went to all games at that time, home and away. I lived in Cwmbran and so surrounded by Cardiff fans. I lived right next to Andy Dibble who played in goal for them. When we were 2-0 down, he came to get the ball which was right by us, he looked up and could see me. I could tell that he knew what was coming.’ And what was coming was one of the greatest comebacks in any derby anywhere. Dean Saunders who Phil said was simply ‘unplayable’ on the day scoring a brace as Swans turned the game on its head to win 3-2. ‘The Swans fans kept singing throughout the game. Even when we were 2-0 down. When it went 2-1, you could tell that the Cardiff fans were worried, at 2-2 they were silent and when we went 3-2 up it was chaotic with the home fans but they were still. After the game, I knew what Andy Dibbles car looked like and so wrote ‘3-2, what a come back’ on a piece of paper and stuck it on his windscreen’. Phil still remembers the game fondly to this day, ‘for me, living in Cwmbran, I’d have to put it right up there with the best days. If we were to lose then I’d have never heard the end of it, to win, I’d put it up there with the play-off final and everything’. It isn’t just Phil who remembers that day well. Mike Phillips got married that day but had set the date before the fixture was published. ‘when the game was announced my original best man and ushers refused to attend the wedding.’ He told me. ‘I got kidnapped during the evening festivities by the guests who came straight from the game so that I could watch the highlights on TV’. ‘There was a guest who was covertly listening to the game on the radio. It was agreed beforehand that if Cardiff scored he would tap his knife… Swansea the fork… if memory serves me right, we went 2 down, the excitement got the better of him when the third went in… he had a severe slapping from his other half ‘.

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LAST DERBY AT NINIAN PARK ; When Joe nearly became God This has to be the cruellest game in recent memory for the Swans. This was the first meeting between these sides at ninian park for over a decade and was subsequently the last ever, as Cardiff moved to a new stadium made entirely of lego. The away side were the better side from the first whistle. Jordi Gomez was tripped by Paul Parry early on but Mike Dean failed to give the penalty. Moments later Mark Gower troubled Stuart Taylor in goal but the keeper was able to make a fairly comfortable save.

the supporting Parry behind him. The winger lofted his cross into the back post and, as Swansea waited in vain for an offside flag that never came, Bothroyd squared for Chopra to side-foot home from five yards.

Both sides went looking for a winner to boost their play-off chances but in honesty, it was Cardiff looking more dangerous. Bothroyd had a low, driven free-kick diverted just wide as the Swansea wall stood firm. Then it took a superb save by De Vries to deny Ledley as he burst into the area, the Dutch stopper getting the faintest In the 11th minute, Nathan Dyer played a wonderful one-two with touch to divert the goal-bound shot past his right-hand post. Jason Scotland to put himself free to fire left footed past Taylor to take a deserved lead. The home side responded well and put the Joe Allen came off the bench for the tiring Gower in the 66th Swans on the back foot somewhat. Mark Kennedy played a neat minute and added fresh impetus to the Swansea attack. And two one-two on the left to send Chopra into the Swans box and his low minutes from time the diminutive Wales Under-21 star seemed to cross was only just cut out by Ashley Williams. have earned a famous win, when he picked up a loose ball on the edge of the area and lashed it past Taylor. I don’t think I have The Swans looked dangerous on the break though and Gomez sent celebrated a goal more. Play-Off final included and it should have a left-foot volley dipping just over the Cardiff bar. But Cardiff been the winner. resumed their stranglehold and the chances came thick and fast, although without any real quality in the final third. But in a frantic finale Cardiff played a hopeful ball high into the Swansea box and McCormack went tumbling over. I must have You felt a goal was coming but not sure which way. The post came watched this challenge 50 times and at no stage, from any angle is to Swansea’s rescue as Chopra turned on a sixpence and shot it anywhere near a penalty but Mike Dean, clearly still concussed across keeper Dorus de Vries, who then had to plunge to his right gave it and denied the Swans a famous victory. as Bothroyd crashed the rebound goal-ward. Another good chance It would have been so fitting for the us to complete the double at came and went when Chopra nodded a deep cross into Joe Ledley’s the last ever match in Ninian park . path, only for the Cardiff skipper to let Gary Monk get a toe in. Cardiff manager Dave Jones: “Two minutes to go it was a sloppy Many will remember an incident just before half-time that saw goal for us to give away, we were pressing to try and get the win referee Dean cut on the forehead by an object thrown from the Bob and were caught with a sucker-punch. “But fantastic character Bank stand, occupied by home fans. Dean was to later thank those from the players, they never gave up and came away with idiotic fans with a genuine gift. something from the game. “We deserved something and if we’d come away with nothing I would have been really down-hearted.” Dyer almost doubled Swansea’s lead soon after the restart, as Taylor could only parry a Gomez shot into the little wingers path. Swansea manager Roberto Martinez: “If that’s a penalty you’re But Kevin McNaughton got back and scooped Dyer’s clipped shot going to give six or seven penalties (in a game). “Both players are off the line. trying to get into a good position and it’s a very, very soft penalty. “But disappointing because the result doesn’t reflect the McNaughton then outpaced Monk deep down the right wing and fed performance and to come here to Ninian Park is a big ask.”

THE NATHAN DYER HEADER No side had beaten the other in the league for over a decade when summer move to Cardiff. A game which had seen Swansea these two met in November 2009. Between 1999 and 2008, clubs completely dominate was suddenly level at half-time. avoided each other in the league before re-joining each other in the The pace of the game was a lot slower in the second half as both Championship after the convincing promotion with Martinez. sides and supporters seemed more scared of losing the game than A league cup meet (Jordi Gomez winner!) previewed two draws in wanting to win it. Chances were scarce. Ledley seemed to foul Allen the league that season before this incredible match the following in the box but nothing was given and Ross McCormack nearly put the away side in front with a 25 yard free-kick smashing the crossbar. season. The Swans got off to the dream start as Nathan Dyer somehow scored with a header (yes, a header!) following a Darren Pratley Within a minute and with the crossbar still shaking, the Swans were cross from a free-kick. It was already a deserved lead as record ahead again. Bessone was once again the creator and Pratley the signing Craig Beattie could, arguable should, have put the swans up finisher. The Argentine with a left-hand cross at the other end found Pratley at the near post to volley home his second of the inside 3 minutes. game and put the Swans back in front. Pratley had not scored for Pratley volleyed in himself 6 minutes later following a Bessone 26 games since last season’s corresponding fixture at the Liberty cross to leave the Swans 2-0 up in the opening quarter of an hour Stadium but he certainly proved Swansea’s hero on the hour to seal and the Liberty rocking like it never had before. Bessone was a late the win. Cardiff were unbeaten in their last six games and tried to replacement to the starting line-up as captain Garry Monk injured find a way back into it. himself in the warmup. They piled on late pressure, but the Swans held firm to claim a vital The Swans were cruising! Absolutely murdering their rivals, win as Dave Jones suffered the dreaded manager of the month especially down the right hand flank where Dyer and Pratley were curse. After the game, Swansea City manager Paulo Sousa: “When linking up with no answer from their feeble opposition. Pratley teed we made mistakes, they punished us. But we started the Joe Allen up with a chance from just outside the box but Marshall second-half well and put our identity on the game and controlled the managed to keep it to just the two goal lead. In typical Swans rhythm with a lot of possession and personality – and our creativity was dynamic. fashion, it was never going to be that easy though! Jay Bothroyd became arch enemy number one in SA1 that day. Being a general asshole all day long (the kind of asshole you’d love to have playing for you but when playing for Cardiff you want to see strung up!!).

“When we took the lead, we started to control the game. It was difficult because they are a strong side especially with their long balls and set plays – but we are becoming mentally stronger, more focused and in the end we deserved this nice win.

It was Bothroyd himself who reduced the deficit on 32 minutes with their first real chance of the game. When he beat the offside trap to chest down Chris Burke’s ball over the top and coolly fire past Dorus de Vries in bottom left-hand corner. And within two-and-a-half minutes of Bothroyd’s third goal in as many games, Cardiff were level.

“Darren Pratley played well and is coming close to his best with a lot of resource – he is an outstanding player. “It means a lot to all of us and is not just special for us but the fans and the city, there is a lot of happiness here.

“We can be proud with ourselves, fans can go to work with more McCormack’s free-kick from the right was met at the far post by energy and to help the city to grow. The win reinforces our captain Mark Hudson who squeezed the ball home with a header convictions and confidence and tells us once more that we’re in a from the narrowest of angles to score his first goal since his good way.”

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RUSS, PATTS, PLEASE DO THE SWIM AWAY UP IN LEGO LAND! CARDIFF CITY COMPLAINT AN EMBARRASSMENT) (and it takes a lot to embarass Cardiff City We live in a shity little time where people love to be offended. Grow up Cardiff City!!!! Whether straight, gay, man, women, Trans, rich, poor, black or white then you have the right to be offended by pretty much In case anyone disagrees and thinks that doing the ‘swim away’ to anything. And people lap it up. People love to be offended. Cardiff fans is torturous and the equivalent to some kind of abuse then take a look at Cardiff forums and what they think of it. Here I’ll never forget Jonathan Ross and Russel Brand breaking all kinds area couple of posts. of complaint records after they were twats to the ageing actor of Manuel from Fawlty Towers. “I was at the game too as a youngster. I remember being sat on one of the buses waiting to be taken back to the railway station when a They were out of order. What they did wasn’t nice, and they had handful (7-8) of what I would have said then were older boys (late 18,000 complaints about it, a record at the time. teens) from Port Talbot (I think), came and sat on the bus opposite me, they had tide marks up to their shins/knees and had been However. At the time of the airing and the hours that followed, only chased into the sea.” a handful of people complained. Not many people who actually listened to the programme were offended. What then happened, Another said: was thousands of people heard about this ‘offensive thing’ which “They were from Port Talbot and Neath. The oldest one was about had happened and then deliberately searched for it, listened to it, 18 the youngest 15. There was about 10 of them and we were all for the sole reason of being offended. They then wrote to complain pissing ourselves over the next couple of days, reminiscing over about the offense that they had. what happened. My brother was one and my mate I work with was another. I was with them all day and going to the game but unfortuHow fucked up is that? How pathetic must your life be? nately the police decided I was chanting too vigorously in the game Which brings us nicely to Cardiff City. and took me back to the police station so I could catch my breath. How can an entire football club be so pitiful as to complain about It shows how old we were by the fact that my father had to come somebody doing the ‘swim-away?’ and sign me out cause I was a juvenile and my mates who got wet were mostly the same age in school. Are the football club genuinely offended? Are the fans who were at the ground genuinely mortified by a swimming action? Of course, I'm not proud but I'm not embarrassed either and neither are any of they aren’t. They are mortified that their football team is shit and the boys who were there....they were just kids. has no prospect of being anything other than total shit. They just lost 3-0 to their rivals. They couldn’t care less about a swimming Now some say it was like the film "300" when thousands of action. Persians were driven into the sea by the few Spartans which makes me think, was this bit of history written by an ancestor of Tootsie The world has gone absolutely mad. Let’s not join in. Let’s not avoid (or what ever his name is). After reading a few pages of his book doing the swim away in case some wanker wants to roll over and "From Dimhead to Stone Island" I think this is a possibility.” pretend they’re having a breakdown from the bullying. It is a joke and a joke that nobody is genuinely offended by. Nobody anywhere. Does it sound like they are suffering from PTSD?

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Player Watch Michael Obafemi 27 touches v Luton

15 touches v Coventry

Michael Obafemi looked a completely new man against Coventry. Confident, busy and a nightmare to defend against. We compare him that day to a month earlier against Luton. He had more touches (27) against Luton but generally deeper and further wide than his 15 touches v Coventry. Less than 30% (8) of his touches against Luton were in the final third compared to 67% (10) v Coventry. The circled touches v Luton show his dribble attempts. He didn’t try any dribbles against Coventry, with a 100% pass record. We are now seeing a far more direct, goal-poaching striker although quite an unusual one and somebody who has needed to learn his role in the team. With 0.2 headers won per game, Obafemi only wins a header every 5 games. Although, this obviously has a lot to do with the Swans style of play. Piroe only manages 0.5. The reality is that any header is probably an attempt at goal as against a long flick-on. More interestingly is the Irishman is only offside once every 5 games. Piroe offside four times more often. Although, again,

this says more of the way Swansea play. Obafemi is there to keep the line and it’s the wide men who break it. Christie, Laird, Bidwell, Latibeaudiere have all been offside more frequently. Against Coventry, a lively Obafemi wanted more through passes. Over the season, Grimes averages 101 passes per game but less than one of those are deemed to be ‘key’. Downes 67 passes per game but 0.4 are key. Nobody averages more than one cross every two games and only Patterson and Wolf average above one key-pass per game. With only one goal in his first 14 games, Obafemi now has 6 in 10. He is learning to play the Russell Martin way and the way they both embraced each other, there is clearly a mutual respect. The manager publicly criticised him earlier in the season but it seems to have worked. I’d love to see more passes put through to him to allow him to be offside more. You feel that he’s a player who should be offside once or twice a game, breaking that line and sniffing a chance. You fear that the 0.2 offsides per game is a poor reflection on the passes coming into him as against a credit to his timing.

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HERES TEN SWANSEA QUESTIONS FOR YOU 1) In 2015 it was estimated that what contributed £5 million to the local economy? a) Beaujolais Day b) Swansea City Football Club c) Studio 95 2) Swansea was built on Copper. Being named Copperopolis and the Copper capital of the entire World. Approximately, how much copper was extracted in Copper miles in and around Swansea? a) 1 Million Tons b) 500,000 tons c) none 3) In what month does it rain the most here? A tough one as its pretty constant! a) April b) October c) December 4) what was built in Swansea in 1887? a) The Grand Theatre b) Swansea Castle c) The Vetch Field 5) According to Wikipedia, Swansea is the 25th largest City (in population) in the UK. How many of the cities which are larger than Swansea DO NOT have a current Premier League Football Team? (Excluding, Belfast, Edinburgh and Glasgow which are on the list) a) 8 b) 10 c) 12 6) Apparently, only 6.4% of people in St Thomas can do this, yet 38% can in Pontarddulais. What is it? a) Play an instrument b) Speak Welsh c) Own a dog 7) Swansea Castle, the Tabernacle Chapel, Morriston and the Swansea Guildhall are the only 3 what in Swansea? a) buildings built from pure lime stone b) buildings before the birth of Queen Victoria c)Grade one listed buildings 8) Why is 5 Cwmdonkin Drive, well known? a) The house of Dylan Thomas. b) It was Bryn Cartwrights house in Twin Town c) Only surviving house in the street after Swansea blitz 9) Sir Garfield Sobers achieved what at St Helens? the first time it was achieved in a game of first-class cricket? a) Scored 400 runs in an innings b) Scored six 6s in one over c) Hit a ball into the sea 10) What did the people of Swansea first see in 1893? a) The Evening Post b) Electricityc) telephone lines ANSWERS INSIDE BACK COVER

Minds e l z z Pu

1) An Arab sheik is old and must leave his fortune to one of his two sons. He makes a proposition: Both sons will ride their camels in a race, and whichever camel crosses the finish line LAST will win the fortune for its owner. During the race, the two brothers wander aimlessly for days, neither willing to cross the finish line. In desperation, they ask a wise man for advice. He tells them something; then the brothers leap onto the camels and charge toward the finish line. What did the wise man say? 2) A man was walking in the rain. He was in the middle of nowhere. He had nothing and nowhere to hide. He came home all wet, but not a single hair on his head was wet. Why is that? 3) The person who makes it has no need for it. The person who purchases it does not use it. The person who does use it does not know he or she is. What is it? 4) You’re escaping a maze, and there are three doors in front of you. The door on the left leads to a pit of lava. The door in the center leads to a room filled with deadly gas. The door on the right leads to a lion that hasn’t eaten in three months. Which door do you choose? 5) What has cities, but no houses; forests, but no trees; and water, but no fish? 6) If I am holding a bee, what do I have in my eye? 7) How can 8 + 8 = 4? 8) The water level in a reservoir is low, but doubles every day. It takes 60 days to fill the reservoir. How long does it take for the reservoir to become half full? 9) A farmer needs to take a fox, a chicken, and a sack of grain across a river. The only way across the river is by a small boat, which can only hold the farmer and one of the three items. Left unsupervised, the chicken will eat the grain, and the fox will eat the chicken. However, the fox won’t try to eat the grain, and neither the fox nor the chicken will wander off. How does the farmer get everything across the river? 10)

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A very nice, innocent Australian woman wanted to get married, but she was only willing to marry a man provided he had never had sex with another woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decided to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with Scotty Greer, who had lived his entire life in the Australian Outback and has had no experience with women. They meet and she likes him, with the feeling that they are perfect for each other. Finally they got married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to prepare for the evening and when she returned to the bedroom, she found her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked with all the furniture from the room is piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asked! "I've never been with a woman" he sayed, "But if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!" I was just waiting for my sister at Heathrow airport, as I saw her emerge in arrivals I shouted "Hi sis"... Blimey, never seen as many armed police appear as quickly in my life! Mid-Wife for sale; Can deliver My wife asked me earlier before going to the hairdressers "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?" "A power cut" ....was apparently was the wrong answer! I was sat on the edge of my bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me, You spoil those dogs.....! I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She said ‘hardback?’ and I was like, ‘Yeah and little heads' I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body. “ Identify it “. She replied

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aNSWERS INSIDE BACK COVER

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the PUB story

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We love the pub and you cannot beat the pub story. A pint in hand, the excitement whilst its teller gets nearer to the excitement. The complete anti-climax when its shit or the shock when the odd one actually lives up to the hype. Get down your local, and share, tell, hear or eavesdrop on a pub story! We have some pub stories here which have been sent into us to share. Please send in your own. They don’t have to involve a pub but just be the kind of story you would share in one! Michelle Collins Williams: The dillwyn arms , when the landlord was on holidays we painted the whole pub Manchester United he was a Liverpool supporter he hit the roof the evening post even turned up and took our photos fab pub and amazing landlady and landlor Huw Cooze: Prince Albert in Morriston had a lock in one Sunday afternoon (days when pubs shut in the afternoon), the police raided it, everyone hid, there was an Anderson shelter out the back and a few hid in there, when police looked inside, Willie the jug came out asking if the war was over. Ady Lewis: In the 1980's a bloke in the Coracle ate a Dog Sh*t Sandwich for a £5 bet...... James Dewitt: Following on from the theme, I used to work in the Gatekeeper in Cardiff outside the Millennium Stadium. There is a glass lift in the middle of the pub which frankly had already seen some things. One evening on a very busy shift, someone took a sh*t in it, right in the middle. Anonymous: One of the places I used to work (won’t mention) at had a regular customer who had made friends with a bunch of the bar staff. Total scumbag, always hitting on everything with a pulse and big noting himself, just a complete tool. He came in all the time with his butt monkey of a friend who hung on his every word and idolized the dick. Anyway this happened before I started there but it was confirmed by several staff members and dickhead himself. After we closed the staff would all stay back for drinks, we'd have some pretty epic drinking sessions and because this guy was a mate he was included. One night he gets annihilated and downs a whole pitcher of beer, throws up and fills the pitcher again and then drinks the vomit. He couldn't finish the vomit after drinking about half of it , so butt monkey friend decides to finish it off for him. It wasn't even his sick! Who does that? "I woke one morning in a hotel room after a night of very heavy drinking. I tried to get out of bed and couldn't. I literally couldn't move from my waist down! I thought I'd been stupid while drinking, jumped over somewhere, fell over and damaged my back. Stomach churning, heart racing I threw back duvet and found I had two legs down one pyjama bottom leg. I looked like a bloody caterpillar! Took me ages to get my leg out." Not sure I belive this one?? I once woke up with a thumping head and no memory of the night before to find myself in a chicken grain silo 10ft off the ground on a farm on the Israel/Lebanon border. Truth. I drink less nowadays

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THE PUB DEBATE

Is promoting the Women’s game ruining Mens football?? We are seeing increasing number of female pundits, commentators, and presenters in our beautiful game. We are also seeing Womens football promoted like never before. We ask the question and give you two different opinions: is this ruining football?

YES! by Mike

I’m not sexist but the token gesture of a woman presenter in every football game is getting ridiculous. As is the constant promotion of the Womens game; both are being completely rammed down our throats. Every game there is a woman on it and half the time they are clueless, that’s not sexist, half the men in the pub are clueless but they don’t get to be a TV football pundit. The reason women are on it isn’t because they are the best person for the job but because they are a woman. Football is worth billions of pounds. However, it is worth this because it is high level. People don’t pay £80 a match to watch the local game in the park but they will pay that to watch a Champions League final where Messi plays against Salah. Women’s football is nowhere near as good as the men’s champions league final. The greatest woman to ever play football would not be good enough to play football league. This isn’t being sexist, this is a fact. To have a woman pundit, based on the fact that they know about football because they played 100 times for the England women’s team is like getting in a pundit who played 100 times for Briton Ferry FC. It has gone too far. When Alan Shearer or Garry Neville says something then I’m interested in what they have to say. I’m interested because they have played at the very top of this sport and they know more than the ‘guy in the pub’. There is this push for equality in sport and its crazy. Sportsmen and women earn what they are worth and that is what it should be. Nobody wants to pay to watch the local pub team play another pub team and so as against getting paid, the players need to pay subs for the pitch. That isn’t unfair, that is life. Yet for some reason, Women’s sport is supposed to be treated differently. If Women’s football is interesting enough for people to pay good money to watch it then they would have earned good money and good luck to them. The reality is that it isn’t as good. The quality is nowhere near there and neither is the entertainment. For that reason, they can’t compete with the Mens game. Maybe one day it will change and the Womens game will be more popular and the pundits will earn the right to be on TV but right now they are there because their gender. And that is Sexist. There is a man, an ex-footballer, who has played at the highest level of football who isn’t employed by Sky or BT Sport because they have given a job to a woman who knows far less about the game than they do but simply because they are a woman. That is sexist; calling it out is not sexist. I don’t watch Womens football because I don’t enjoy it. I don’t watch under 18s matches either. That’s not ageist. If Womens football can get to a stage where it has mass following and demands TV rights, sponsorship packages, sells out stadiums etc… then good luck to them and let them earn all the money that they are entitled to. Until then, unless you know more than the average Joe then get off our screens!!

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NO! by Pete

Money makes the world go around. Don’t be naïve enough to think that the influx of women in football has anything to do with equality. Women make up half the population but only 22% of the sports TV market. Millennials are not watching football on TV like previous generations and so getting more women to watch sport is vital for viewing figures. TV broadcasters know the importance of relatability when setting out their scheduling. We are talking a billion-pound industry, every detail is carefully thought out by numerous experts. Having more women in football will encourage more women to watch football which will make the TV companies more money. That’s it. Its about Rupert Murdocks bank balance. However, despite for the wrong reasons, its a brilliant thing! We are seeing this with presenters, but we are also seeing it with the way that the women’s game is promoted too. In cricket, the Hundred is the format which has seen the most success and I think we can expect football to follow that. In that competition, the Men and Women’s teams played the same fixture in the same venue one after another. It received the highest viewing figures for Women’s cricket anywhere in the world and that was out of choice. People bought a ticket for both the Men & Women’s games together and people elected to turn up to watch the Women play before the Men. There is an element of ‘subsidy’ in that. We are seeing the Women’s game benefitting from the popularity of the Mens game but for the advantage of the game of cricket as a whole. Tens of thousands of cricket fans would have witnessed Women’s cricket live for the first time. Enjoyed it and will come back. I watched them on TV, initially, if I’m honest my interest was far higher in the mens matches. By the final, I was equally as interested in both. In football, this has to be the next step. People won’t pay good money to watch Swansea Women’s now. However, if they kicked off at 1pm at the Liberty before a 3pm Men’s match, then people would get into it. Initially, most people may only catch the second half or the last 20 minutes but over time; interest would no doubt grow. It would give role models for young girls in the stadium. We know more girls play the game now than 20 years ago, the larger the exposure, the bigger the pool of talent and then the quality of the game increases which appeals to a greater audience and so on. The Women’s game is jumping on the back of the Mens game but it’s just having a kick-start. Once its fully up and running then the sky is the limit and we will all enjoy seeing two top quality FA Cup finals, Champions League finals etc… both men and Women’s. Darts is a great example of how TV companies can promote a sport. Twenty years ago the sport was on its ass. It’s been invested in, carefully marketed, given prime-time Sky Sports slots and now it’s a massively popular sport which is a million pound industry. Because of this, more people play it, there is more money in it, professionals can become full-time which allows them to be even better players which makes the competition more appealing for TV viewers and therefore more profitable which encourages the next generation etc… It just needed that kick-start. This is what we are seeing in Women’s football. In ten years’ time, the investment which TV companies are putting into the game now will repay itself hundred times over and the role models are vital. My daughter play but she’s first generation. The first girl in the family to play the game. She will sit down and watch a game both on TV and the Liberty. Role onto the next generation and its going to be massive. Bring it on!!

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THE VEGAN REVIEW FINDING RUSSELL THE BEST PLACES TO EAT IN AND AROUND SWANSEA.

In our first vegi/vegan review we wanted to try some proper pub grub. Nothing fancy and not a specific plant-based food place but a traditional boozer where you can grab some lunch. Somewhere like the Ship Inn.. so we went to the………….erm…. Ship Inn…… My boy was off school pretending to be ill and so he came along for the ride (and chicken….) He said that his chicken nuggets, chips and beans were ‘amazing’. There was a fair bit of food as well, not bad for less than a fiver with a drink and an ice cream desert too. There was a decent selection of non-meat dishes. Thai Vegetable curry, Spinach & Mushroom lasagne, 3 bean chilli, beer battered halloumi or a plant-based burger. I went for the burger which was pretty good. A proper fresh salad in the bun, a good crunch and a nice sauce which came with it. The burger itself was one of the vegetable ones which is secure enough in its sexuality not to pretend its anything that its not. It wasn’t tyring to be meat. It was clearly some veg and it was comfortable with that fact. The chips, for me, weren’t great. They were the same chips that my boy said were amazing but for me they were far too crunchy and more like French fry crisps than proper chips. Each to their own mind! I like the Ship. It is a proper pub. The service was great. We weren’t waiting long; the barwoman was helpful and it’s a friendly place. I don’t think Russell Martin would need to rush there instantly to try their vegan menu however I think he’d be happy enough should he be invited to a lunch time meal there. A decent start.

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