Jack Swan Issue 97

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ISSUE #97 FREEInside: Football Stuff Non-Football stuff Trivia Jokes by Spense Pastel Interview Vegan Review Angel Rangel Interview pt2 The BEST magazine in the World NEW CARDIFF CITY MANAGER REVEALED Cardiff City: the gift that keeps on giving

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I was very glad to be invited to the wonderful fundraising concert held recently in Tabernacle Chapel Pontardawe for Pantry Foodbank. Thank you to everyone who organised and supported this lovely event for such a good cause. It is of course a sad fact that we need foodbanks in 21st Century Wales and that their use is increasing. Something else that may become a feature of our communities are “warm banks”community spaces where people can go to keep warm without having to worry about energy bills. As with food banks, it is totally unacceptable that we need such places. But given the current pressures on families I called for the idea to be supported by Welsh Government and was glad to see that some funding will now be provided through local authorities for this.

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Roeddwn yn falch iawn o gael fy ngwahodd i’r cyngerdd gwych i godi arian a gynhaliwyd yn yng Nghapel Tabernacl Pontardawe ar gyfer Banc Bwyd Pantri. Diolch i bawb a drefnodd ac a gefnogodd y digwyddiad hyfryd hwn ar gyfer achos mor dda. Rhywbeth arall a allai ddod yn gyffredin yw “banciau twym” - mannau cymunedol lle gall pobl fynd i gadw’n gynnes heb orfod poeni am filiau ynni. Fel gyda banciau bwyd, mae’n gwbl annerbyniol bod angen llefydd o’r fath arnom. Ond o ystyried y pwysau presennol ar deuluoedd, galwais ar Lywodraeth Cymru i gefnogi’s syniad ac roeddwn yn falch o weld y bydd rhywfaint o arian yn cael ei ddarparu nawr drwy awdurdodau lleol ar gyfer hyn.

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I sent issue #94 to print before the season had begun. In that, I wrote

little intro with jubilant optimism.

I’ve learned my lesson! We started the season shite. We only started faring better when my expectation declined. Staying up would be ne…. Thank you very much.

I always hate the derby. Always. The fear of losing outstrips the joy of winning. I’d always rather not play them; I’d take a draw. Always the same, always has been - except for this season.

I slept like a log the night before. There wasn’t an ounce of nerves at any stage during any of the day. The inevitability of the result was almost (and I say almost, as in not-quite, but it was almost) boring.

They are an absolute joke of a club. They even have a pantomime style, villain looking leader. Their stadium is actually made from real lego!

They were so bad that day, that they were the ones clinging on to a 2-0 loss. They spent the whole game wasting time. Hoping to leave the game with as smaller loss as possible. Absolutely embarrassing.

I overheard a conversation in a queue before the game where one fan said, “I couldn’t name you a single player”. I racked my brain, nor could I. Nor could anyone in the queue.

Shortly later, the chant starts up ‘Cheer up………’. Nope. I don’t know his name either. They have become irrelevant to us. Gone are the days of Bothroyd, Ledley, Gabidon, Chopra, Whittingham and David Jones or even Neil Warnock at the helm.

We knew that we’d be in for a game then.

In some ways we should recognise that they are the greatest football rivals that any club could ever ask for. They are so shit that you couldn’t invent or imagine a club that was so perfect to be your chosen rival.

However, just like for Captain James Hook at the start of the lm aptly named ‘Hook’, it was too easy. I want my war. I want to win at the end but it has to be a challenge.

Cardi City, you are an absolute disgrace.

Cheers

STATSMAN

FOCUS on KILLAY

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this
The Little Intro...........
18 4

THE RANGEL INTERVIEW -

Meeting Laudrup. What was that like?

My hero. I was nervous myself; he was one of my heroes as a Barca fan, him and Koeman. He became manager and I thought that he would be a typical ego-centric guy and he was literally the humblest guy I have met. A quiet guy, laid back, respectful to everyone. A man of not many words but when he spoke, he made sense.

He was cool, wasn’t he?

He was. We were neighbours as well. I was sad when he left, his wife was lovely. He was the perfect man for the Swansea way. I agree with people when they say that Brendan had great attention to detail, and Michael didn’t. Defending was something that he didn’t care about, he would say ‘use your own knowledge for that’. In training it was all about going forward. But he was great for me, and it worked.

You must have played in that West Ham game, his nal one. We were poor defensively in that game. Defending deep, Andy Carrol winning headers. Was that his tactics?

That wouldn’t have been his tactics, that would be up to the players. A couple of weeks before, we had a tense

meeting with sta and players, I’m not going to name names, but players were having a go at him that he wasn’t showing passion. That when we lost, he wasn’t unhappy. But that was Michael. When we won the league cup, he wouldn’t show emotion like the last few managers, going over the crowd after a win. Michael was classy, feet on the ground, you don’t need to be super high when we win or super low when we lose.

Zidane does the same doesn’t he?

Exactly, the same generation. I think that was taken the wrong way by some of the British players. If you lose 3 games in a row then you need to be tough, that’s the British way. We lose, you need to work harder in training. That’s not always needed.

Was there a click? I heard of a divide at the time between the British and the non-British players. That was an issue. The rst season of Laudrup, we had four Spanish players; myself, Michu, Pablo and Chico. Small group, we blended in very nicely. Second year, he brings in 4 more. That’s 8 players, half the team. Half don’t speak English. When you are winning games then people don’t mind that you don’t speak English but when you lose then

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it’s a problem. Spanish players, some were arriving late for training, Michael wasn’t really angry about it, and everything added up and I think that was a part of the problem. Playing in Europe as well.

Unfortunately, that West Ham game, we lost in a bad manner and Michael ies to Paris the same day to see his daughter or his son (I can’t remember which) who wasn’t well. Everything was taken out of proportion and that was it; he was gone. For me it was the players because he didn’t do anything di erently from the rst season. The best football that I had was under him. He took my game to the next level.

Obviously, Monk came in. What was that like for you?

It was tough with Garry because he was a great captain and a great teammate. He was on the right-hand side of defence with me for years and so we had a good relationship but for some reason he stopped believing in the Swansea way. He had Pep Clotet as an A-licence coach because Garry didn’t have the licence to be a head coach. He jumped into the rst team being the main guy, but Pep was doing the tactics. But it (the tactics) was like I said we’d see in Spain, hard to break down.

We had players that wanted the ball and to dominate games. But he didn’t want that, the main thing was to stay up. Following season, he got rid of 6 Spanish players,

brought in the British, tougher, physical players. It worked for a year, but I think that was from the momentum we already had. We were all a bit disappointed with how things were changing. We’d won the League cup and slowly it all went away.

What’s it like having a captain who is your manager the next day?

He was still treating us the same. Individually, I would go to his o ce, and I’d say that he was the same guy. When it came to decision making, I said that I think you should really think about the Swansea way. I felt like I could say it, but he wouldn’t listen.

Ashley Williams at that time, was he agreeing with you or with Monk?

To be honest, I don’t know. He was obviously captain and him and Garry had many meetings, but come Saturday, it was more about the results than the style.

Around that time, we seemed to go as a club from being one that was enjoying itself to one that needed to stay up no matter what?

I agree. As soon as you lose the philosophy then you are in trouble. We went from signing Michu for £2.5 million; one of the best around, Chico who was brilliant for us, Hernandez was class. We went from that to players that cost three times more because we had turned into another

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Sunderland or Aston Villa. Sam Clucas for £15 million, Baston for £20, Gomis was free but his signing on fee was ridiculous.

All we could o er players now was the training facility. Whereas before we had that plus a great philosophy which the fans loved. Success wasn’t guaranteed but it’s more likely without huge pressures. Obviously salaries, you go from low wages to 60-70,000 a week and you were left thinking ‘where are we going?’

Garry thought that Leon and I were too old to be playing at 32. Nathan Dyer should have been playing every week. He took our con dence away. Although I don’t think it was Garry, it was Pep. After that, three players who were the core of the team for years on that right hand side were out. Nathan goes on loan to Leicester, I had 2 years on the bench and Leon didn’t play much.

Even against the lower teams, we didn’t try and keep the ball. It went worse from there, whatever you try. Whoever you bring in. I think that Guidolin did great for us, passionate but I don’t think that he was physically t. Some players weren’t happy too because managers are supposed to be the rst at training and the last to leave. Like Laudrup, he would just come in for training and then leave. Which upset some players.

Bradley was a great man, but it didn’t work out for him. He is a really good man with good values though. Some of the players came at the wrong time. Roque Messa for example, he could have been the next Leon but the Swansea way had gone.

As players, how did you feel when the takeover happened. Did you feel that things would change?

Good question. Maybe it did. When the Americans took over, big players got sold. Ashley Williams got sold just beforehand to make the books look better. They took over and as a player, you could see that Huw wasn’t making the signings anymore. The Americans knew nothing about Swansea. So, I thought who is making the signings here?

They basically gave that power to the manager who I think was Paul Clement at the time. Huw did so much before that. You are always going to get some bad signings but overall, he did amazing and with the Americans, there wasn’t that person in place. No philosophy either.

I heard that they invested £100 million without knowing that you can get relegated. I don’t know how true that is. Like in the MLS in America! I wouldn’t be surprised.

That would make sense! What is your greatest personal achievement as a player?

It has to be ful lling the dream of being in the Premier League. My rst senior year in Spanish football I was in the fth tier of the Spanish league and so to go to the top and play nearly 200 games is my biggest achievement.

You were the rst choice right back for the club season after season. Manager after manager trusted you, liked you. That is so rare in football. To be able to keep di erent style of managers happy. Even Leon Britton couldn’t do that.

Up to Laudrup yeah. I can’t complain. They maybe had the reference from Huw Jenkins saying what I’m like as a player

and a person. First season 52 games, my rst big injury was at 27. Brendan said when he came back for Tate’s testimonial, he said that he had to show clips of me playing to the Liverpool full backs because they couldn’t play out from the back. He said that he tried to sign me too, in the January after he signed Joe, but the club said that they couldn’t replace me.

A few years at Liverpool could have been nice though? Yeah, but I wouldn’t have been here for eleven years then. I would have had more money but with no disrespect to Joe, I don’t think that he enjoyed his football in Liverpool like he did here.

Certainly not Stoke. Who was the best manager you played under?

My best football under Laudrup ,he took me to the next level as a footballer. Brendan took us to the next level, kept us in the Premier League.

What was it like coming back as the opposition?

It was nice actually. I was really nervous. They say that you are more likely to pull a muscle in a game like that because of the emotion. It was great, to hear both sets of fans cheering your name. You don’t get that very often so that was brilliant. I know we lost 3-0, that was my third game, and I was so un t because I had 2 months without a club leaving Swansea. It felt great, to get the appreciation from the fans, them appreciating me when I was here and after, it was great.

What are you doing now?

First of all is family time. Which is the most important thing to me. I Spent three years in London with QPR, missing

stu , and so it’s important now to be here. I knew retiring would be mostly about them.

That takes me to Ponty academy where my son plays under 12s. last year I was helping coaching the under 12s because my boy was playing a year up. This year he’s decided to play to his own age group and so I said, ‘ok I’ll take the head coach role’ and I’m loving it.

We’ve got a good group of boys with lots of quality. The academy is run by Kevin Hodder and his brother Andrew is head of development. They have been there 10 years, the academy from under 8s to under 9s I think. They are very professionally unlike the other ones like Briton Ferry – I must mention them because they are our rivals! Ha-ha

My daughter is with them!

Oh is she! Maybe take that out then?

I’ll leave the banter in. I don’t let her read this magazine anyway – too many swear words! How seriously do you take the coaching? I do take it seriously. That’s the problem. I am very competitive, and some parents tell me ‘I think it’s a bit too much’ but I say, ‘do you want to win?’ because I know how the crowd are upset when they don’t win. All I know is that its results driven and I’m trying to prepare the kids so that in 2 years’ time, two or three of them could be in the top academy and so I’m preparing them. Simple rules like don’t be late, work hard, show respect, the values which I’m trying to implement. You will need this as a professional too.

And life skills really Exactly. You go to grass roots, and you see the di erence. Sometimes seeing parents shouting at players on the pitch, arguments etc… Here it is ‘I’m the coach, you are not the coach, no parents on the pitch. Parents and players don’t talk during the game, we have 3 coaches there, we need to keep it professional. I do feel like I’m more suited to a professional environment. It’s good to be there to help my son develop, as a father he doesn’t listen but as a coach he listens, but I think it’s great to see other players developing too, they have lots of potential. We have had 4 games so far; we have won 3 and lost 1. The other academies have been together for 4 or 5 years and know each other very well and so we are doing good.

Do you have a formation which you play for the players or do you t the players into a formations?

I think it’s a bit of both. It is 9 aside football. I was playing a back 3, one CDM (defensive mid elder) and because the boys know FIFA we use this terminology. Then one CAM (attacking mid elder) and a front three.

But then I look at the players that we have got, and I think

that I don’t think that we can really do that. So, all that I have done is switched to a 3-4-1 because we were way too open and exposed. I have two wingers, two at mid elders and now we are really good. We still keep the ball. You protect the back three. It depends on the game too, on Sunday I think we will play with a right footer on the

and

in.

on the

but sometimes its switched to

What I did in the summer, because it is hard, we only had 2 hours a week training and so I would do videos and send them into the group. We also have a video camera of the games and so I do an analysis of that.

You are properly into it then? Yes, because that is all I know. It is working and so why have a di erence between academy and graduates?

I assume that you train in Pontardawe? No, we don’t actually. We train in Pentrehafod and also Penyrheol because there aren’t enough facilities in Pontardawe. We have a lot of age groups, and we can’t all t onto what is there. It is obviously quite a way out of ponty. This is for both training and for home games. We play the other sides, and they all have their academy within their area.

I hear that they are going to build a school on the pitches that remain in Pontardawe too. I nd it strange to be honest with you. The parents and everyone are buying co ee’s, maybe heading o to do a bit of shopping while the training and matches are going on and although we are Pontardawe, none of the money is being spent in the Town and as a club, we need to pay Pontardawe’s money to use the facilities outside of it.

It is obviously going to get worst if they build the school on the elds too. I know Alan Tate has spoken about the importance of keeping the elds and I hope that they listen. There needs to be more pitches in Pontardawe to play football and certainly not less.

Is this a steppingstone from under 12s to seniors? What do you mean seniors? In Ponty?

Just into general management? I have rejected a couple of chances to go into the professional game. One being the First Team coach kind of thing, not a manager. Which I think is really what you need to do rst before you go into management. You can’t go from playing to being the manager. I know Garry did it and it worked for him for a couple of years, but I think that its important to educate yourself.

I’m discovering what type of coach I am, the methods in training, how I talk to the boys and all that. Maybe in a few years’ time when my boy is 15-16 and I don’t need to coach him anymore and my wife says that I need to go and do something new.

Do you see yourself improving as well?

As a coach? Massively, yeah. It is a nice environment learn because if you lose a game then there is not much pressure. I did a session with Nathan Dyer yesterday for the rst time, he hadn’t done one before, with his team – under 9s at Ponty. He loved it, he said that he to do more, and it reminded me of where I was a year From then until now I’m a di erent coach, how have come on. How con dent I am, how we are set-up, boys get the message from me very quickly. That Nathan in three months’ time for example.

The good thing for us is that is that we have played game at the highest level. So, we can use that knowledge, other people who have managed for longer have experience in how to talk to the boys, how to message across and so we need to learn that. Then in three or four years’ time then maybe he will manager and I will be the assistant or the other around. It could be.

Obviously, you get on well. You got on well on the and o it too?

Oh yes. He’s still in Swansea. We see each other every day.

A massive thank you to Angel for giving me his time this interview. He’s a genuinely, really nice guy don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear

It always makes me proud of our city when people Angel stay here. He has come here from sunny Catalonia, he’s lived in London with QPR but this home. Nathan Dyer the same. They earned Premier League wages, they could pretty much move wherever they want to but they stay here. I love it! Be proud of where you live everyone! We don’t know how lucky we are!!!!!!!

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right
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left
cut

that I don’t think that we can really do that. So, all that I have done is switched to a 3-4-1 because we were way too open and exposed. I have two wingers, two at mid elders and now we are really good. We still keep the ball. You protect the back three. It depends on the game too, on Sunday I think we will play with a right footer on the right and a left footer on the left but sometimes its switched to cut in.

What I did in the summer, because it is hard, we only had 2 hours a week training and so I would do videos and send them into the group. We also have a video camera of the games and so I do an analysis of that.

You are properly into it then?

Yes, because that is all I know. It is working and so why have a di erence between academy and graduates?

I assume that you train in Pontardawe?

No, we don’t actually. We train in Pentrehafod and also Penyrheol because there aren’t enough facilities in Pontardawe. We have a lot of age groups, and we can’t all t onto what is there. It is obviously quite a way out of ponty. This is for both training and for home games. We play the other sides, and they all have their academy within their area.

I hear that they are going to build a school on the pitches that remain in Pontardawe too. I nd it strange to be honest with you. The parents and everyone are buying co ee’s, maybe heading o to do a bit of shopping while the training and matches are going on and although we are Pontardawe, none of the money is being spent in the Town and as a club, we need to pay Pontardawe’s money to use the facilities outside of it.

It is obviously going to get worst if they build the school on the elds too. I know Alan Tate has spoken about the importance of keeping the elds and I hope that they listen. There needs to be more pitches in Pontardawe to play football and certainly not less.

Is this a steppingstone from under 12s to seniors? What do you mean seniors? In Ponty?

Just into general management?

I have rejected a couple of chances to go into the professional game. One being the First Team coach kind of thing, not a manager. Which I think is really what you need to do rst before you go into management. You can’t go from playing to being the manager. I know Garry did it and it worked for him for a couple of years, but I think that its important to educate yourself.

I’m discovering what type of coach I am, the methods in training, how I talk to the boys and all that. Maybe in a few years’ time when my boy is 15-16 and I don’t need to coach him anymore and my wife says that I need to go and do something new.

Do you see yourself improving as well?

As a coach? Massively, yeah. It is a nice environment to learn because if you lose a game then there is not that much pressure. I did a session with Nathan Dyer yesterday for the rst time, he hadn’t done one before, with his boys team – under 9s at Ponty. He loved it, he said that he needs to do more, and it reminded me of where I was a year ago. From then until now I’m a di erent coach, how much I have come on. How con dent I am, how we are set-up, the boys get the message from me very quickly. That will be Nathan in three months’ time for example.

The good thing for us is that is that we have played the game at the highest level. So, we can use that knowledge, other people who have managed for longer have more experience in how to talk to the boys, how to get a message across and so we need to learn that.

Then in three or four years’ time then maybe he will be the manager and I will be the assistant or the other way around. It could be.

Obviously, you get on well. You got on well on the pitch and o it too?

Oh yes. He’s still in Swansea. We see each other almost every day.

A massive thank you to Angel for giving me his time for this interview. He’s a genuinely, really nice guy and I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear that.

It always makes me proud of our city when people like Angel stay here. He has come here from sunny Catalonia, he’s lived in London with QPR but this is his home. Nathan Dyer the same. They earned Premier League wages, they could pretty much move wherever they want to but they stay here. I love it!

Be proud of where you live everyone!

We don’t know how lucky we are!!!!!!!

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Stats Man: Cardiff City

It won’t be a surprise to you that for this months ‘statsman’, we look at the Cardi thrashing. Most of you would have seen the stat that Matty Grimes (147) made more passes than the whole Cardi side (146). Of these, Matty Grimes was successful with 128 of his attempts while Cardi managed just 84. Our captain’s success rate would have been higher but for the fact that he took corners and freekicks!!!

You’d be fair to assume that playing ten men was a big part of this. However, the rst seven minutes saw Grimes making 18 passes and the inbred fuckers up the road just 16. So, he was out-passing them before they got the man sent o .

A stat which is absolutely astounding is that Grimes touched the ball 153 times. So, he made only 6 touches that weren’t a pass. One being a tackle and one being a block.

He wasn’t alone though. Jay Fulton made 111 touches, 108 of which were passes and one tackle.

These stats are insane. This is one touch passing at a di erent level. When we look at the direction of the Swans passes; 379 passes went left, while 377 went right. Almost a perfect distribution to spread the ball. We did make 316 backward passes (which annoys some) but we made 441 forward ones. It was men against boys.

mins

Wintle 82%). The Swans have 13 players who average more passes per game than the top Cardi mid elder – Callum O’Dowda (25), including not only Bender and Fisher but also the Cardi keeper Allsop. That is right – their goalkeeper sees more of the ball, on average, over the whole season thus far, than any of their mid elders or strikers!

We know that the game isn’t just about passes but the Swans are superior in every single aspect. We average 12 shots per game to their 10. We convert 11% of our shots. Them just 7%. This equates to us scoring 1.4 goals per game and them 0.8.

There is nowhere, within any stats, at any stage of this season, for a Cardi fan to have the slightest minuscule amount of optimism. This wasn’t a one-o , this wasn’t a result of an early red card, this is where both teams are right now.

18 Grimes passes, 16 Cardi passes

7
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Quiz

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Easy. Very easy for you this one! The link will help and you will get it quickly! Text in your answers to 07880 369545 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) NO Answers at the back anymore as requested by the locals in the Masons Arms in Wanuarlwydd. Blame them!!!! Send your answers to 07880 369545 to get your name in next months issue! There is a link between all ve! 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 46 Pic Q Just for a change: Answers are on page 98! Get the link between all 4 as well SPECIAL OFFERS on WHEELS, SUSPENSION KITS & BODY KITS! ENITZ HMOTOR FACTORS EVERTHING FOR THE MOTOR TRADE Friendly & Experienced Ser vice Phone for a FREE quotation & up to date prices Open 9am - 6pm Monday to Saturday 01792 462124 2/3 KING EDWARD ROAD, SWANSEA TRY US FIRST FOR Janspeed Scorpion Sportex SPORTS EX AUSTS K+N Pipecross GreenCotton Jamex AIR FILTERS & INDUCTION KITS Spax Gmax Koni Avo SUSPENSIONS Full range of ALLOY WHEELS CT Racing & MA XPOWER Sports & NEON SNOOPER DETECTORS All Parts and accessories Available a N M Example of how it works Answer: Leon Britton Lee On Britton
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“During the 2007 Six Nations Championship, James Hook played in all of Wales's games, but was hampered by being employed at inside centre, rather than in his preferred position of y-half for the rst four matches. As a result, he struggled to make an impact. In the nal game against England, however, he was nally switched to y-half and produced a Man of the Match-winning performance, scoring 22 points in Wales' 27–18 win.”

A Wikipedia extract there. Twelve months earlier, the Ospreys man had replaced an injured Stephen Jones to make his Welsh debut. Wales were suddenly blessed with two quality number 10s.

At the same time, a young Jonny Sexton (same age as Hook) was making waves in Ireland. Ronan O’Gara (6 months older than Jones) was the man with the green number ten shirt.

While Wales were attempting to t both into a starting fteen. Ireland said ‘there is one jersey. Fight for it!’

Stephen Jones and James Hook had great careers. Howev er, O’Gara and Sexton had better. Both attaining over 1,000 international points.

Competition for places brings out the best in players. It always has and it is a lesson which we can bring to our current Swans predicament of ‘who plays up top?’

It is well-known that Piroe and Obafemi both want that striker role. In our rst 6 games of the season (when we were in the bottom 3) we tried to t them both in as the Dutchman played behind our Irish international.

In that time, Obafemi managed one goal (against Millwall) and Piroe one from the penalty spot at Middlesboro.

Piroe then scored four goals in the next ve matches as Obafemi found himself in the doghouse after missing out on a move to Burnley. When the Irishman got his chance after Joels red card, we’ve picked up seven points from a possible nine.

Surely it would be crazy to attempt to t them both in again?

Since Obafemi’s exile, the side has developed and matured. Oli Cooper is making a real case to go to Qatar, and it is going to take something special for anyone to take his starting place away. Cundle is getting better every game, he brings a pace to the game that we haven’t had.

Paterson is t once more and will want to get his place back, while Ntcham is developing into a really nice asset to have.

Further back, when t, Joey Allen will make a real case for dislodging Fulton alongside Grimes and so we have real competition in that mid eld. Essentially, we have seven people ghting it out for those 4 central positions.

Obafemi and Piroe are both young. They should be hungry. They need to ght it out. They need to squeeze every bit of their ability out of themselves to earn the right to lead our line. They need to give everything in training to improve and grab any chance that they have because if they don’t then the other one will.

We play a lot of football in this league. Both will get the opportunity, whether starting or o the bench. I don’t want to see them starting together at all! Never. Ever. No matter how many they score.

P.S Good luck Liam Cullen on dislodging the two of them. But that’s football!!!

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I Love You Baby

“Right then, Lee, I would have been more than happy to have your babies…”

The laughter fairly boomed throughout the Morgan’s Hotel event room but I got the sick feeling that people were laughing AT me rather than WITH me.

At the head of the room Lee Trundle’s face had frozen in a look of pure shock and discomfort and Kev Johns was struggling to keep hold of his microphone in suddenly shocked ngers.

Now I’m sure that our beloved Magic Daps has had plenty of approaches for a bit of procreation, but never so blatantly from a little rotund bald bloke with a room full of witnesses around us and a video camera silently lming for posterity from the rear!

Yes, all in all I’d made a bit of a tit of myself.

There are mitigating circumstances though; so please let me put some context on my wild statement and perhaps justify it - and at the end of that justi cation you can judge if you will, me dear reader…

We were all at the A Touch Far Vetched Evening With Curt & Friends Night, a charity event set up to commemorate Super Lenny Johnrose who sadly passed away from Motor Neurone Disease.

Curt was there with Trundle and Kris O’Leary - alas Leon Britton was unable to attend at the last minute due to illness - and the three former Swans were putting on a ne performance through a lively Question & Answer session hosted by Kev Johns (who else, eh)

We’d had an emotional start with the panel re ecting on their memories of Lenny and then we’d roared with laughter at tales of Trunds thwarted in a hotel room with a St Trinians girl by arch disciplinarian Kenny Jackett.

Coming o the back of a question on which two players each panelist admired most I felt compelled to take the microphone for the follow up. After quickly pointing out that my grandfather used to go drinking with Curt and Wyndham Evans and their exploits would have even made Trunds blush, I then went on to describe the two moments in football that I will never ever forget.

The rst was Curt’s driving run and emphatic nish for the fth against Leeds in that rst ever top ight game…and the second was Trundle’s ‘shoulder roll’ against Hudders

That was the point where I admitted that at that very moment, I would indeed have allowed Magic Daps to become a parent with me!

For those of you not around in those Vetch Field days let me attempt to describe what I witnessed: rst of all, with his back to goal, the talismanic striker took a ball dropping from the sky on his chest and then he let it hit his left shoulder before proceeding to turn around, allowing the ball to run along his neck and drop down o his right shoulder.

There was a little volleyed touch before Trundle proceeded to arrow a ball deep into the oppositions’s half, accurately picking out a…Hudders eld defender. Oh well!

Whatever the end result, the whole manoeuvre was a shocking split second piece of skill that you maybe see from the likes of Maradona on the training pitch but simply don’t expect to see in any professional game in this country, let alone in the lower leagues.

It completely shocked me - I still rely on replay footage to con rm that he did it - and thoroughly outraged the Hudders eld manager Peter Jackson, which was almost as entertaining as the outrageous piece of skill itself!

So yeah, as I stood there on the North Bank that afternoon in absolute amazement, telling myself that was the very reason I paid my money to watch the game, I would indeed have let Trundle have his way with me…he’d already seduced me with a ick of the shoulder so I wouldn’t even hold out for him to buy me dinner rst!

So now, dear reader, you know why I blurted out my blooper in front of polite company. Judge me if you will. But before you do, join me in raising a glass of Kool Aid to Lee Trundle, one of the most skillful and entertaining players ever to wear a Swans shirt…

baby!

…cheers
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WHO IS CATHERINE ELMS?

Catherine Elms is a dark pop singer-songwriter with a soft yet powerful voice; introspective and erce in equal measure. Drawing on the raw, heartfelt emotion of Tori Amos and the brash power of PJ Harvey, Catherine has found an evocative and cathartic style that is all her own. A self-taught pianist with heavy rock sensibilities, Catherine creates an epic and transcendent sound that explores millennial frustrations with sensitivity and quiet hope.

Catherine has released three singles from her debut album this year, described as “dark and lush” (Jammer Zine), “immersive and captivating” (Music Crowns), and “not for the faint of heart” (Sinusoidal). Each single was accompanied by a conceptual music video blending Catherine’s spirited performances with the striking visuals of Scott Chalmers (videographer for Jamie Lenman, Saint Agnes, Birdeatsbaby).

Catherine will be touring the UK in the new year to promote the album, with dates in London, Bristol, Brighton, Cardi , Bath, and more to be con rmed.

THE ALBUM LAUNCH PARTY

To celebrate her debut album release, Catherine will be hosting an album launch party on Friday 25 November in Elysium, 210 High Street, Swansea.

This intimate show will feature Catherine performing a

selection of songs from the album, with some new arrangements of the songs never heard before. The show will also feature Catherine sharing stories from behind the songs, exclusive signed merch, custom cocktails named after songs from the album, a guest photobooth, and an after-party until late where guests can chat and party with Catherine.

Standard tickets are £5 each, and VIP tickets come with a signed copy of the album for £10 each. Support acts are to be announced

Dark pop singer-songwriter Catherine Elms from Swansea self-releases her debut album ‘I Have Seen It, I Do Not Fear It’ on 18 November 2022, and is holding a special album launch party on Friday 25 November in Elysium, Swansea. “Introspective music with dark intensity” – Sinusoidal “A must-hear artist” – CLOUT “A rich and inventive name arriving on the scene” – Music News UK SWANSEA’s CATHERINE ELMS, DEBUT ALBUM ‘I HAVE SEEN IT, I DO NOT FEAR IT’ OUT 18 NOVEMBER 2022
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THE ALBUM: ‘I HAVE SEEN IT, I DO NOT FEAR IT’

After struggling with mental illness throughout her twenties, Catherine reconnected with songwriting during lockdown, and found that writing music was a cathartic means of healing and self-expression during her darkest times.

She spent the next two years writing her debut studio album, ‘I Have Seen It, I Do Not Fear It’ - a body of work that chronicles a journey of self-discovery and actualization.

“This album tells my story - a journey from feeling small and trapped in a mundane life de ned by fear and self-doubt, to setting yourself free and emerging anew. It’s an album about feeling that calling for something more, and breaking free from the constraints that have been placed upon you by yourself and by others. I want listeners to know that that freedom and hope exists for them too.”

This 14-track full-band album was recorded and produced at The Nest Studios Brighton, with musicians from progressive rock band Birdeatsbaby, and with drums by Brian Viglione (The Dresden Dolls, Violent Femmes).

Drawing on her experiences as a person with mental illness, a queer woman, and an introverted musician, Catherine creates a lush sonic world that tells stories of: searching for meaning in your life, overcoming despair and apathy, being a messy weirdo in a world that values glamour and perfection, and rejecting toxic love.

While she explores dark themes, the album is ultimately a story of hope and triumph - she sings of the joy of self-actualisation, of surviving hardship, and of taking our toughest moments and burning them for fuel to keep ourselves moving forward.

“I wrote this album from some of the darkest places I’ve been, and with each track, you hear me growing, and going deeper into myself. The album represents my rst steps on a journey out of the dark, a journey towards the place – and person - I’m meant to be.”

Catherine’s cinematic sound - rich vocals and haunting pianos with pop, rock, and orchestral soundscapes - elevates this personal and intimate journey into something powerful and universal.

“These songs are for those of us who've spent so long feeling bone-achingly sad and sick of ghting our demons - but we got up and kept ghting anyway. This album is for those of us who long for something more - for ourselves, for the world, for each other.”

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call it here," said FAW chief executive Noel Mooney.

I don’t. I generally refer to Wales as Wales. However, am I right to?

Mooney went on to say "Our view at the moment is that domestically we're clearly called Cymru. That's what we call our national teams.

"If you look at our website, how we talk about ourselves, we are very much Cymru.

"Internationally we feel we have a bit more work to do yet. So, we are going to this World Cup as Wales.

I think that we need to work on this nationally too. And, while we are at it, are we Swansea City Football Club or Pel Droed Abertawe?

I am (on a rare occasion) open minded to both suggestions. I’m not a uent Welsh speaker, I wish that I was and I’m all for promoting the language. But place names and who named them is important.

To be proud to be Welsh or from Swansea but to use the Anglicised terms seems lazy to be frank. Yet, most of us do. The Welsh names which we have for our communities are the original names. That is what they were called by those that lived and grew up here many moons ago. Should we continue using any of them?

Welsh ancestors were forced to use another name which was set upon them by the English. It does seem odd, to go to

call us. It seems odd to image England referring to themselves as Lloegr.

Moody thinks that “2023 will be a year when we have a good discussion with all the di erent stakeholders - whether that's governments, our own boards, councils and decision-making bodies, sta , club and players.

"We're a very open democratic organisation and we don't just unilaterally decide today to do something like that. "I would say it's the direction of travel, but there's no rm decisions on it. It's more

"You've seen countries like Azerbaijan, Turkey and others use their own language," said Mooney. "They're quite strong on it and we spoke to the Turkish at the Euro 2024 draw about it.

"We've also had uno cial discussions with Uefa over co ees at di erent events. Asking how Turkey did this, how other countries did that.

"We've asked what their direction of travel is, for example is there a movement towards people using their indigenous language?

"What I do know is there's a renaissance of the Welsh language and a sense of great pride in what we do with the culture and the heritage."

I’m in favour. I think. I do wonder where it ends though. Should we phase out all English place names that we have? Why not?

WALES OR CYMRU - DOES IT MATTER?
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K E S B S P E N S

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1 1 1

Porky, my Obese Parrot has just died. Mixed emotions. Naturally, I'm so sad but it’s a huge weight o my shoulders.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation. The rst page says, “You’re not helping”

True story (not from Spense directly!)

1

I was on a Guard of Honour waiting for the King of Saudi Arabia on Horse guards. Right Flank Scots Guard (100 guardsmen) gap HM Queen mounted in uniform and CO, Col Gerald, then Queens Company Grenadier Guards (100 guardsmen). We were stood at ease waiting.

Col Gerald's charger (horse) erupted with horse poo, full volume for two minutes. Col Gerald says, "Sorry about that your Majesty!" She replies in a wonderful voice, "That's alright Gerald, I thought it was your horse!" 200 guardsmen silently cried with laughter and tapped their ri e butts on the gravel. From that moment every man there adored her!

I was walking down the road and rst got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano. It was an orchestrated attack.

I went to a postman's birthday party yesterday. We played pass the "Sorry You Were Out" card. No matter what goes wrong, there is always someone who knew it would.

Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a supermarket" "How long have you felt like this?" "Ever since I was Lidl"

Just been to Tesco with the wife and out of the blue she said, "What a Lazy Bastard You Are " Shocked, I almost fell out of the bloody trolley

I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head. Life was tough in the Gateaux.

QUESTION: How Many PartsDo You Think The Average

Has?

J O
8 5
1 1 1
Car
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4
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Spoke to my Son last night about him treating the house like a hotel. I thought it went ok, but now there's a bad review on trip advisor.

My memory is getting so bad I asked the pharmacist, “Do you have any Acetylsalicylic acid?” “You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist “That’s it! I can never remember that word”

Anagrams Emily Thornberry = My horrible entry

Sir Keir Starmer = Raises a smirk

Harold Wilson = Lord Loinwash

Ted Heath = The death

The new chancellors name is an anagram for Git Wreaks Wank - now the mini budget makes more sense.

P.S by the time you read this joke there will be 6 new Chancellors, 7 new PMs but no general election.

I asked at the chemist today, "Do you have anything to clear up diarrhoea?" The pharmacist said, "Try these tablets."

I replied, "No, I mean like a mop and bucket. I've just crapped on your oor!"

Just arrived home and found a beautiful woman grouting the bathroom wall and singing "It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache..." I thought to myself.... She's a Bonnie Tyler.

William Tell: Do you know where I can shoot at this apple? Son: Not o the top of my head

I asked for a penis extension on the N.H.S. Apparently, I'm already on the shortlist.

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FOCUS on KILLAY

I asked Councillor Louise Gibbard to send me a few words about the village and what it means to her:-

“It’s a real privilege to be councillor for Killay now as part of the new merged Dunvant and Killay ward. I’ve lived either in neighbouring Dunvant or Upper Killay half my life, have lots of friends and family in Killay and am probably a daily visitor to the library, shops, cafes or pubs!

One of Killay’s best points is its village feel and settled community with a lovely mix of younger families and older people living side by side, and even some students left in Hendrefoilan. You’ll always see someone you know in the precinct. Plus, there is a real wealth of community groups run by volunteers supporting one another and providing opportunities- Scouts, Brownies, churches and chapels, Killay Community Council, the wonderful dementia friendly Forget Me Not groups and many, many more.

Another strength is the great mix of independent businesses here, and it’s got to be the hair cut capital of South Wales with at least 7 barbers/ salons and counting! You may want to celebrate your new look with a pub crawl starting at the Railway Inn, then visiting the Black Boy, Commercial and the Village with chips, Chinese, curry, kebabs or pizza to nish all within less than a mile!

After all that you may be need to walk it o . Killay is perfectly placed for anyone wanting to get out and about in the fresh air with lots of access to footpaths, Clyne Valley, parks and of

and away (or in the pub!).”

Louise is spot on, there is a genuine community feel to the village and unlike most places around here, there is no rugby team or any of the social clubs which have been at the heart of creating that spirit in other areas.

Killay is also a great example of a micro-economy and how supporting local does bene t us all. Shops, cafes, pubs remain open and new owes are developing. There is money in the village. Which obviously helps however it is an example of how to keep money local.

It isn’t rocket science. When we spend £20 in Tesco on fruit and veg, the produce is made all over the world. The pro t goes to the top bosses who could be living anywhere. If that can be spent in an independent local shop, selling local produce, then that money remains here.

I remember popping into George Chaplin’s Fruit and Veg shop (in Killay) a few years back and being amazed that it was far better priced than the supermarkets. In many ways, Killay is a throwback. Independent shops being supported by the local people that live there.

The precinct is the envy of many villages. Its layout and the way the council have supported live music within it is perfect for the 21st century. I really like Killay, and I think other communities can learn a lot from it.

KILLAY PRECINCT - IS THE ENVY OF MANY VILLAGES
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FOCUS on KILLAY

LOCAL MINING DISASTERS

We look at a couple of mining disasters in the mines around Killay. Both could have been far, far worst. There will be people walking around Swansea today that will be the ancestors of the lucky survivors.

This is an extract from a newspaper at the time. Tragedy and mining accidents were commonplace and I think we can see that by the blasé tone of the piece.

Rees, of Show Street Gowerton and a man named J Williams who were in charge of the electric pumps. Both had a narrow escape.

The force of the current carried empty trams that were standing in the parting of the level out to the slant, and fortunately they got wedged between the heavy timber, which prevented them from going down the slant.

Rees on reaching the surface called for help, telephone messages were sent out and a number of people quickly assembled and endeavoured to reach the men.

A thrill of anxiety ran through the colliery valleys of Dunvant and Killay on thursday night when a rumour spread that Dunvant Penlan Colliery had been ooded out owing to a sudden inrushing of water from the old workings at Rhydefaid colliery.

A crowd of people rushed towards the slant, where it was however learned that whilst there had been a sudden ooding, the loss of life was con ned to two men. David Davies, of Caebabol, Killay and Sidney Je reys, of Station road, Killay. Both of whom are married with 2 children.

It appears that at 5:30 pm in the afternoon they were working driving down the slant, when there came a sudden gush of water that appears to have broken into the slant from a top hole in No 4 level above them.

The body of David Davies was recovered on Friday. This is the rst serious accident at the pit since it restarted 8 years ago. The company at the time experienced considerable di culty with water. The young lad, Ernest Rees who had such a marvellous escape has already been thrice in a similar predicament, though only 17 years of age. The second body, that of Sidney Je reys was recovered Saturday.”

Ten years after that the area saw the Killan Colliery Disaster.

Whenever anyone dies in a terrible accident, the word ‘disaster’ is right to use. However, this could have been far worst and is a testament to the close-nit mining community.

“Dunvant Valley Disaster Mine Flooded Two lives lost 28th May 1914

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Killan Colliery Company began operations in 1899 with two drift mines working the Penlan and Penclawdd seams. By 1919 the mine had grown to be one of the largest in the area employing 755 men, mostly from the nearby village of Dunvant.

On 27 November 1924, an inrush of water ooded the Penlan mine with such terrible force that it tore out the roof. As soon as the news reached the surface, rescuers rushed to the mine from afar to assist several trapped miners.

Two bodies were recovered almost instantly, and it soon became apparent that a further eleven men were entombed in the mine. Pumps were brought in from other mines, and rescuers made frantic attempts to reach the trapped miners.

After fty hours, a call reached the surface to send down ladders because eight men had been located. The men had survived after breathing from an air pocket and were soon to be freed. Divers were then sent to search for the remaining three men who were still missing without success. It was not until 1 January 1925 that their bodies were nally retrieved.

The men who lost their lives in the disaster were: Wilfred John (17), Willie Goulding (22), Charles Evans (30), Archie Davis (28)

There is little written about this, however ten years back, David Gri ths wrote online that “My mother Gladys Gri ths of Swansea Road Waunarlwydd always told me about Wilfred John a boy she knew.... having drowned in the Killan ,,,,the news ''mae'r Killan wedi boddi'' (the Killan has drowned) came back to Waunarlwydd...”

The emotions of the whole community must have been an incredible roller coaster over this time. The initial shock, fear and sadness as two bodies are found and that there are eleven more men at immense risk.

The heroic e ort of everyone involved in a rescue attempt. As each hour passes, feeling that any chance of a happy ending becomes less and less.

These miners from neighbouring villages wouldn’t have worked for two days while attempting to rescue their fellow miners. Then after over two full days, to nd eight survivors must have been incredible. Then more and more hours pass and the realisation that the further 3 men have perished.

You can see how these mines and the disasters that went with them helped forge the community spirit which towns and villages like Killay developed.

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THE KILLAY QUIZFOCUS on KILLAY

Not the easiest of quizzes this one. If you have no links to Killay then don’t bother! If you do, good luck.

1) Which river ows through Killay Marsh Local Nature Reserve?

2) In 1919, how many miners were employed in Killay? 355, 555 or 755?

3) The Commercial pub is associated with which brewery?

4) What shop is between China Kitchen and Stuarts Artisan Bakery?

5) How is the A4118 better known in Killay?

6) Killay AFC play in the Carmarthenshire Premier Division. But where is their home ground?

7) Who is the MP that represents Killay?

8) 1 Clos Islwyn, won what in 2021?

9) Nigel Fletcher took over the chair from Arthur Hinton of what Killay organisation?

10) “Learn, have fun and reach for the stars” is whose motto?

11) Name the building above (A)

12) If you were to drive (or walk) East on Dunvant road and took a right onto Wimmer eld Drive and then another right onto Wimmer eld Avenue. If you were to then take a right onto Goetre Fach Rd and followed that to T-junction before taking a right. What road would you be on?

A)

13) What would you nd between Killay Barbers and Allsortz?

14) ‘B’ was the 2020 Christmas Shop Window winner, but which shop is it?

15) According to the 2011 census, what was the population of Killay? To the nearest thousand!

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B)
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PASTEL

being surrounded by creativity. We might go there with a song which you think is nished but then you add little bits, you do something better, take something away which sounds a bit shit and the song evolves.

If you could rstly talk us through who is in the band and how you all met?

You’ve got me and jack and we are cousins from Manchester, which is where I am now. We moved to Swansea a few years ago because both our dads went into rehab down there and so we didn’t really have much choice.

So, we started the band down there and we had a guy from Ireland who wrote all our songs. He left and with him went all our songs. So, we thought that we better learn how to write. Got Joe in from Penllergaer and so then me, Jack and Joe got writing songs and the rst 4 that we wrote were the rst 4 on our EP. Before that, we’d never wrote a song from start to nish. We’ve then got Swansea boys Rhys Wheeler on drums and Liam O’Shea on bass.

How do you produce your music?

It’s produced in a studio up in Hull with a guy called James Kenosha. He records it and then James and our manager, produce it together. You can do a lot pissing about on laptops and that but going to the studio is all part of the magic.

We graft so much, when you go back to the studio for three or four weeks then you love it. We basically sleep there, all 5 of us. We work so hard and then you get these moments when you’re there and you ow. It is good for the creative process,

I saw you’ve previously said that the Charlatans are a big in uence on you. What was it like performing with them up in Cardi ?

Amazing. One of those bucket list moments, it was quite surreal. We took some mates with us from Manchester, funnily enough I met them at a Charlatans gig a years before. It was mad for them standing at the side of their gig a years later. It was mad but they were really impressive. They were really good. They all know what they are doing. I could watch them do a 2 hours set.

You have a proper Manc sound. Tim Burgess (Charlatans) is a Lancashire boy, but you can also hear a bit of the Stone Roses in your music, I noticed your email has a Spike Island mention. A bit of Oasis is in there too. Why is there this Mancunian musical identity?

I suppose when we lived in Manchester, we were surrounded by parents who were listening to all of that. Coming away from it and moving to Swansea, you almost take more pride in Manchester. You are obviously proud to be a Swansea Jack, but I guarantee that if you moved elsewhere, you’d be even more proud. It’s a part of who you are. You miss home. I think we are proud of where we come from. Someone said yesterday that they were not proud to be from England but proud to be from the North. I’m proud to be English too but I got what they meant.

For anyone who has been following, 5-piece guitar band Pastel have had an incredible few months. I spoke with guitarist and songwriter James about supporting Liam Gallagher and The Charlatans, performing on Soccer AM and our music scene here in Swansea.

Did you get any tips from Liam Gallagher as to how to get on with your family member in the band? No, I think we were the one giving him tips.

What was he like? Did you get a chance to speak with him?

I spoke with him a lot. We did the Friday gig with him but then he had a gig on the Saturday too and so he got o straight away tying to behave. On the Saturday, we were invited to watch his gig and then he had a party on the Saturday.

We went there and we got took in by someone saying ‘someone wants to meet you’. I called him a dirty blue on stage, me and Jack walked up to him, and he said, ‘you are a cheeky fucking cunt’ and had a laugh. We spent all night, morning, and the next afternoon there with him.

I went to YNotFestival in the summer, and I didn’t really bother much with the main stage but checking out the smaller stu . You could see the in uence that Liam Gallagher has had on being a front man, especially to the Manchester bands. Do you feel that? Yeah, I think so. When I met him, I had only ever seen him on stage and interviews. When you meet him, he is exactly like you expect only even better and cooler. I was interested to see if it was an act but its not, he’s just a cook fucker. That whole thing with people trying to be him is a bit cringy but it’s not an act to him, its natural, it is who is he.

Do you do any of the antics? Two ngers up to the crowd? Big fuck-o shades? Strutting around? I think so. We have got an attitude problem. We’ve got chips on our shoulders. Our biggest motivation is people slagging us o , putting us down etc. it might upset us but that’s what

drives us, makes us rehearse. If we walk on stage with attitude problem, its not at the people at the gigs but cunts that slag us o .

The Cardi gig, you had a United shirt on stage to Liam o and a Swans shirt to piss the locals yeah? We’ve got a mate who lives in Germany, and he designs United shirts, he does others as well but the main one he is the United one. He came over for the gig and with brought me 2 United shirts and so I just chucked one wasn’t going to wear it for the gig but I didn’t think about and still had it on when I was called on to do the sound Liam’s brother Paul took a photo of me in it and sent Liam. He sees me backstage then and shouts “Have you got that fucking shit shirt on?” and we both stuck two up at each other. I didn’t wear it for the gig but then when played our last 2 songs, I had a Swans shirt on.

Me and Liam our bass player both had one on. A guy kicked out trying to get to us, we were the rst band on, doors, 6:30 and this Cardi fan gets chucked out. He’s throwing a pint at us and then he’s barging through crowd to ght us and then 4 or 5 security guards drag out. He’s trying to give us shit and I’m poking my tongue laughing. Swansea is my second home. Its my home really; live here. Swansea has got a special place in my heart, wanted to show that up in Cardi !

Manchester is one of the greatest cities in the world music. We all know that but what is the Swansea like?

Good. When we started out there wasn’t much going now you’ve got a few bands coming through. Trampoline, Motel Thieves etc..

Did you get any tips from Liam Gallagher as to how to get on with your family member in the band? No, I think we were the one giving him tips.

What was he like? Did you get a chance to speak with him?

I spoke with him a lot. We did the Friday gig with him but then he had a gig on the Saturday too and so he got o straight away tying to behave. On the Saturday, we were invited to watch his gig and then he had a party on the Saturday.

We went there and we got took in by someone saying ‘someone wants to meet you’. I called him a dirty blue on stage, me and Jack walked up to him, and he said, ‘you are a cheeky fucking cunt’ and had a laugh. We spent all night, morning, and the next afternoon there with him.

I went to YNotFestival in the summer, and I didn’t really bother much with the main stage but checking out the smaller stu . You could see the in uence that Liam Gallagher has had on being a front man, especially to the Manchester bands. Do you feel that?

Yeah, I think so. When I met him, I had only ever seen him on stage and interviews. When you meet him, he is exactly like you expect only even better and cooler. I was interested to see if it was an act but its not, he’s just a cook fucker. That whole thing with people trying to be him is a bit cringy but it’s not an act to him, its natural, it is who is he.

Do you do any of the antics? Two ngers up to the crowd?

Big fuck-o shades? Strutting around?

I think so. We have got an attitude problem. We’ve got chips on our shoulders. Our biggest motivation is people slagging us o , putting us down etc. it might upset us but that’s what

drives us, makes us rehearse. If we walk on stage with an attitude problem, its not at the people at the gigs but the cunts that slag us o .

The Cardi gig, you had a United shirt on stage to piss of Liam o and a Swans shirt to piss the locals yeah?

We’ve got a mate who lives in Germany, and he designs the United shirts, he does others as well but the main one he does is the United one. He came over for the gig and with him he brought me 2 United shirts and so I just chucked one on. I wasn’t going to wear it for the gig but I didn’t think about it and still had it on when I was called on to do the sound check. Liam’s brother Paul took a photo of me in it and sent it to Liam. He sees me backstage then and shouts “Have you still got that fucking shit shirt on?” and we both stuck two ngers up at each other. I didn’t wear it for the gig but then when we played our last 2 songs, I had a Swans shirt on.

Me and Liam our bass player both had one on. A guy got kicked out trying to get to us, we were the rst band on, early doors, 6:30 and this Cardi fan gets chucked out. He’s tried throwing a pint at us and then he’s barging through the crowd to ght us and then 4 or 5 security guards drag him out. He’s trying to give us shit and I’m poking my tongue out laughing. Swansea is my second home. Its my home really; I live here. Swansea has got a special place in my heart, and I wanted to show that up in Cardi !

Manchester is one of the greatest cities in the world for music. We all know that but what is the Swansea scene like?

Good. When we started out there wasn’t much going on but now you’ve got a few bands coming through. Trampoline, Motel Thieves etc..

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The main reason that Swansea has now got such a strong scene is the bunk house. When we started out there are loads of venues. But unless you are really big, then you can’t sell out Sin City. We started out there and there were maybe 120 people but in a room of 700 it looks shit. In the bunk house you can get 2-300 people but if you are starting out then you can get by with 70 people. It feels like a packed out room.

Jordon Maguire (Bunk House) is so invested in young music and bands. He has started getting touring bands in too. The arena helps because we were always forgotten about here. We’d get the odd gig in singleton park but that was it. in Manchester I could go out tonight if I wanted, there is a band on every night, its thriving. Swansea is getting there though.

How was Soccer AM?

Really, really good. It was all a bit last minute. Basically, they asked us 2 or 3 weeks ago and then Tom Grennan wanted to do it for the date we were picked for and so they said that they would change the date but 2 says before, we got email to say that it was back on. We went up there on the Friday.

As far as it went, it was unbelievable, the team are brilliant. Nerve racking, rst time on TV, as a kid I watched it every Saturday without fail. To be out in the car park, to be smashing balls about.

Me, Jack and Joe were in a 6 aside team with Louis Tomlinson, Robbie Fowler, Jimmy Bullard. We had to do a volley challenge against these Portsmouth fans. I was meant to be the footballer in the band, but I didn’t score.

I’m assuming that you’re pretty busy atm. You seem in a di erent City every night, media work in day, gigs at night. Where are you staying?

In Manchester now but going back to Swansea later today. Working in the studio in a few weeks. We all still work as well so it is tough. It has got to the point now where we go on tour and we don’t lose money. We don’t make much, stick fuel in van, pay for hotel, food, night out but we never go out with no money.

When we are not gigging then we have got to work. It’s hard to work 40 hours a week, rehearse, write songs etc. It is tiring but Tbh we moan to each other but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

What are the plans for the band moving forward?

I don’t really know. I saw a thing yesterday saying ‘I’m so busy worried about tomorrow that I’ve not realised that what I’m doing now was my goal 6 months ago’. It was something like that. I Suppose that’s a good thing though as it keeps you hungry. The plan is just to keep moving forward, earn more money so that we can all do this full time.

Are albums relevant in 2022? I’ve been brought up on them. The CD album was beautiful to me but with Spotify etc. Does it matter?

For us, we are musicians, so we are so infested in music and we love albums. Not everyone is like us, most people are into 3 or 4 min songs. We’ve spent a lot of time and money on our vinyl, rst one sold out in minutes, the second one, we got a thousand more done and they sold out fast too.

Big thanks to James for his time, I really enjoyed the chat, top bloke. Best of luck to the band moving forward. Really exciting times for them and for Swansea.

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THE VEGAN REVIEW

FINDING RUSSELL THE BEST PLACES TO EAT IN AND AROUND SWANSEA.

The Butchers Arms - Alltwen

The Butchers Arms in Alltwen, is renowned for its good food. However, its name suggests that meat is a vital part of the establishment… I went on the scout, to see whether it would be worth Russel Martin trying the vegan options or not? We went lunch time, and the lunch menu is very reasonably priced. Most of the menu (as with almost all places) is meat and/or fish but there were a few vegan options, both for starters and mains.

We didn’t bother with starters although they did look good, and we went straight onto the mains. Tara quickly eyed up the vegan burger – which I fancied too. However, I was more than happy to go for a Vegetable Thai Curry – half and half!!

It wasn’t like Thai curries that I’ve had before. This wasn’t a light, coconutty, milky curry but a thick, deep, almost a wintery curry. The flavours were incredible, and the contents of the curry was covered so beautifully in this thick sauce that you didn’t really know what vegetable you were eating until you took a bite. Served with naan bread, rice and homemade chips; absolutely outstanding!

The burger was immense too! Two thin patties served in a huge (I think) ciabatta wedge, with salad and homemade chips. The burgers were homemade, with veg but with a real taste. I’ve had the fake meat burgers before that nobody has a clue what is in them, and I’ve also had the child-like tasteless pea and carrot burger but this was neither of these. This was ‘proper recognisable ingredients’ but with real flavours.

The two of us had lunch and a drink each and it came to about £35 which I think was outstanding value for the quality of the food. The Butchers is well known for its meat and fish dishes, so if Russel Martin and his wife are meeting up with some meat-eating friends then this is the place for everyone to be happy!

Plant

vegetarian

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TRUE OR FALSE??

refused to play on and the referee had no choice but to abandon play. With Brazil facing sanctions that could have kept them out of the World Cup, it emerged that Rojas had smuggled a razor onto the pitch in his glove and deliberately cut himself to get play stopped. Rojas was subsequently banned by FIFA for life and Chile were excluded from the 1990 World Cup.

2) BURTON CREATION?

In 1950, Burton Albion FC was founded but its early years are more remarkable than any other clubs. Chairman and founder Robert Morton was a local businessman, famed locally for his brewery Briggs of Burton. His intention was to create a club which would put Burton and his brewery on the map. Plans for the club had begun in late 1947 and they were poised to join the football pyramid, with a newly built stadium, in the 1950-51 season.

On the 9th of January 1950, Morton watched Derby County host Thames in the third round of the FA Cup. The away side, from North London, put up a good ght against a club two divisions higher than them, eventually losing 4-3. After the game, Morton, entered the away dressing room and signed every player (15 in total), the manager, assistant manager and the physio of Thames for the following season. ‘Soccer Street’ was in the process of being built next to the stadium, with the sole purpose of housing the new players and sta .

As one player Simon Gracefelt said years later “We were o ered the whole package. A house, a car, a weekly wage that was twice what we were on at the time and the excitement of a new club.”

The Thames team and backroom sta returned home to tell their wives and family that they were to soon move to Burton. Burton won 5 promotions in 7 seasons. The manager Bill Nicholson, eventually moved to Spurs, where he arguably oversaw their greatest years.

Thames never recovered from the impact and ceased to exist in 1953. Briggs of Burton went bust in 1958 and Morton passed away a year later.

3) PRE-MATURE DEATH

A truly embarrassing moment for HFS Loans League team Congleton occurred in 1993 when holding a minute's silence before the match to mourn the death of the club's oldest fan who had reportedly passed away during week. However, the public relations department at Congleton might want to get new sources after they were forced to cancel the minute's silence when the fan walked into the ground to witness the ground in his minute's silence memorial.

Are these football stories true or have I made them up? Answers on inside back page.
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4) 7-6 CHARLTON WITH TEN MEN?

Charlton Athletic's 1957/58 clash against Hudders eld Town in the Football League Second Division will surely go down as one of the most remarkable matches ever and one that must be looked at here.

Played in December 1957, Charlton were reduced to 10 men after 27 minutes after captain Derek Ulton had to be taken to hospital due to a dislocated shoulder. Substitutions were not allowed at the time, and almost immediately, Hudders eld took a 1-0 lead through Les Massie.

Hudders eld would continue to build on their lead with two goals to Alex Bain, one to Bill McGarry and one to Bob Ledger—holding a commanding 5-1 lead over the home side with 27 minutes remaining in the match before something truly remarkable happened.

Johnny Summers and Johnny "Buck" Ryan scored a goal apiece for Charlton in the space of two minutes to reduce the margin to 5-3. Summers then scored at the 73rd and 78th minute—tying the game at ve goals all before netting his fth goal of the night in the 81st minute to give Charlton a 6-5 lead.

With barely any of the home crowd remaining having all left when their team was down 5-1 with 10 men, visiting Hudders eld drew level again at six-all with ve minutes to play before a nal-second header by Ryan gave Charlton a remarkable 7-6 victory.

From 5-1 down with 27 minutes remaining and already down to 10 men, Charlton had fought their way back into the winners' circle and had recorded arguably the greatest comeback in history in the process—leaving then Hudders eld manager Bill Shankly speechless.

5) FALSE TEETH REF?

Time for some Danish football now and we pity local side Ebeltoft, who were robbed of a deserved draw when playing Norager in the domestic competition.

Norager were leading 4-3 with seconds remaining when Ebeltoft went on the attack. As they pressed forward, however, referee Henning Erikstrup went to blow the nal whistle.

Only problem was that his false teeth fell out as he went to blow the whistle—meaning that no noise came out and play continued as normal. Ebeltoft scored to make it 4-4 by the time that Erikstrup found his false teeth and put them

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ANSWERS

Mind Puzzles

1) Fill the ve-gallon jug. Then, ll the three-gallon jug from the ve-gallon one, leaving two gallons. Pour out the wine from the three-gallon jug. Transfer the wine from the ve-gallon jug to the three-gallon jug. Fill the ve-gallon jug and use it to ll the remain ing space for one gallon in the three-gallon jug. You will be left with four gallons of wine in the ve-gallon jug.

2) Water

3) they all have rings

4) Tuesday was the name of his horse

5) A wooden leg is not a camera

6) a windmill

7) Yet

8) pants - thats a good one!!!!

9) a picture of a dog

10) a bottle

11) a beer

12) A jailer watches cells and a jeweler sells watches.

13) A white-car nation. More of a joke that one... but good. Gives Spense a run for his money!

TRUE or FALSE?

1) True

2) False

3) True

4) True

5) True

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Call us today for a FREE home visit: SWANSEA: 01792 359244 NEATH: 01639 850928 MOBILE/Text: 07976 640 959 sales@mpnwindows.com danny@mpnwindows.com MOBILE/Text: 07815 833 556
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