Issue #33 by Jack Swan

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£28 million! We are in some ways immune to it now aren’t we? Football has been crazy for many years. We watched it from a far for decades but now we have completely adapted into the crazy world and we barely blink an eye lid at a sum of that magnitude being transferred to get a player to switch allegiances. To put it into context, this fee would buy the stadium outright plus an extension, it could give every season ticket holder their money back for every season that we have been in the Premier League or it could buy Cardiff City an even deeper hole to bury their heads in. It is probably the first time since Lee Trundle that a player has left and I’m pleased with the deal for all parties. As it turns out, that move wasn’t great for our showboat king but at the time, very few of us begrudged him his move and we were more than happy with the million pounds that we had for him. This deal feels very similar: I haven’t heard anyone with anything but kind words for the beast. He gave us eighteen wonderful months, loads of money and he has clearly left for the right reasons and to a really top club. I hope and expect that he will perform better in Manchester than Trundle did in Bristol. I wrote in the last issue that I don’t think we will totally appreciate how good he is until he’s performing at the top level for another side. I don’t know why that is but I think there is a kind of disbelief about it. We can’t possibly have a world class player playing for Swansea even if all the stats kind of prove that we have (well did).

being an idiot with his tweets and so things may have happened (as they always do) in the three days that this magazine is in with the printers. I must admit that I kind of don’t care either way on that one. Nelson Oliveira was the only slight positive from our Chelsea thrashing and I have heard some rave reviews about him, I don’t want to get people carried away but apparently he is much better than Bony anyway! The season has a strange feel to it already. It seems like we are closing down and looking forward to next season already. There is still a lot of work to be done but I think that most of our transfer dealings will be with next season in mind and we may start looking at some of our fringe players over the next few months. We nearly have the luxury of being guaranteed safety and that could be a brilliant foundation for us to develop some youngsters and maybe give some players some experience. I’m not saying that we should treat the next five months as some extended training exercise but we don’t need to panic buy, we don’t need to replace for the sake of it and so this may leave an opportunity for someone to come in and have a chance when usually the games are too vital for that and who knows, maybe we will find the next £28 million player? Cheers.

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Mi�-W�� R�� All drawings by Simon Meyrick Who I would swap him for:Hugo Lloris, Joe Hart, Thibaut Courtois, David De Gea You can only judge a player on what you have seen, it may be early days but the boy looks calm, composed and a real, top quality keeper. He is at a great age, seems to have no obvious weakness and has been a revelation. He’s the best Polish keeper by a mile isn’t he!

Verdict: Champions League Contender!

Who I would swap him for:I have to pay for this paper! He’s becoming annoying to be frank. Opposition managers have realised for sometime that we have major problems down both flanks but especially at left back. He is being targeted which clearly makes his job more difficult but he isn’t at the level of the rest of the side which is really frustrating. I have no issue with the boy but for the fact that he isn’t as good at football as the rest of the team, if we were playing a different game then I may have issues with Siggy but sadly for his sake, we are playing football: Well Siggy is!

Verdict: Championship/Premier League relegation scrap

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Mi�-W�� R�� Who I would swap him for:Kompany, Cahill There are other centre backs who are better than the captain of Wales but none I would risk swapping him for as I still see him as absolutely vital to our side as his organisation is far superior to any other at our club. He makes mistakes like all defenders do, I would love him to be two inches taller and to be able to really impose himself on the strikers but I’m a huge fan of the former Stockport player and I like to think that he’s here for good now! Verdict: Champions League contender

Who I would swap him for:Kompany, Cahill, Demichelis, Vertonghen, Fonte, Skrtel, Shawcross, Jagielka He looks a real touch of class. For a South American to come into the Premier league as a centre back and stroll through their first five months is basically unheard of. He is nearly unnoticeable at times, he goes about his business with a beautiful calmness and he just oozes quality. Him and Ash could get a wonderful partnership going and give very little away. Verdict: Champions League Contender (with more to come!!)

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Who I would swap him for:Nobody!! If I was listening to my heart! It pains me to say it but he’s lost too much pace and is really struggling this season. He was totally non-existent for Adam Lallanas second goal and he isn’t at the level that he once was. He has slowed down and the club have also progressed which has left him behind the quality of the bulk of the team and it pains me to say it but we need new blood here.

Verdict: Absolute perfect guy to support the Under 21s

while being back-up to first team!

Who I would swap him for:Matic, Fernandinho, Carrick, Schneiderlin, Wanyama, Dembélé, Paulinho, Wilshere, Kouyaté, Song, Henderson, He’s returned a far better player than the boy who left. He is going to leave a hole in the centre of midfield when he’s away in Asia. Clearly our best central midfielder this season and almost the first name on the team sheet. He’s chipped in with some vital goals as well.

Verdict: Top 10!

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12 Mi�-W�� R�� Who I would swap him for:Susan Boyle at present! I really hope Garry Monk kicked a boot at him after the Liverpool game: what a complete idiot! He’s as frustrating as he is talented. Somebody, somewhere will get the best out of him, I haven’t given up yet but I wouldn’t think less of our gaffa if he has had enough of the former Liverpool player after he’s clearly made Monk look a total bathplug. If he stays: he stays. If he goes then Tara but! Verdict: Currently a Relegation Scrap hero! But a Potential Champions League contender

Who I would swap him for:Hazard, Schürrle, Salah, Oscar, Silva, Nasri, Di María, Sánchez, Sterling, What a player! I have just put wingers down by the way, irrespective of which side they play. I would potentially argue that our Ecuadorian looks more dangerous than a couple of the players I have put above but it is still early days. He will give a lot of full backs nightmares and I’d like to just emphasise the gulf between our better players and weaker players in our current starting eleven by giving you this picture: imagine Rangel or Taylor playing up against Jefferson Montero! Verdict: Champions League contender

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Mi�-W�� R�� Who I would swap him for:Hazard, Schürrle, Salah, Oscar, Silva, Nasri, Navas, Di María, Valencia, Sánchez, Walcott, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Sterling, Özil, Tadic, Townsend, Chadli, Downing, Lallana, Sissoko, Mirallas Blows hot and cold like all wingers do but a real quality player on his day and I’d take him over a good few players above when he is on song but he hasn’t been at his absolute best of late. He and Dyer are in danger of becoming our weaker players as we continue to improve, I am a huge fan of both of theirs and are not implying selling them or knocking them in anyway but the fact is that little Jeff seems to be besetting the bench mark and they need to raise their level! Verdict: Top 10

Who I would swap him for:Fabregas, Yaya Toure, Erikson, I really wouldn’t swap him for anyone else and wouldn’t be too sure I’d swap him for Erikson. He is a really special player who is a lovely piece in our lovely jigsaw. He creates things but is also a player who can get back and help out when needed. He does go missing in some games and does shy out of a tackle from time to time but then if he didn’t then he would be Yaya Toure. Brilliant player. Verdict: Champions League Contender

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16 Mi�-W�� R�� Who I would swap him for:HugAguero, Costa I wrote this before he went and thought it right that I kept him in here: If I said that I actually wouldn’t swap him for Aguero, would you call me mad? Reason being is that he gets injured a lot and so I think we’d get more games and goals out of our Ivorian. He is really special, whether he will be here come February, I don’t know (we do now!). He certainly won’t be here in August but we have had the pleasure of seeing an incredible player in our team. I expect him to go on to become the best player to ever wear a Swans shirt, piping Jan Molby and Frank Lampard. Verdict: Premier League Title Contender!

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Mi�-W�� R�� Squads are increasingly important these days. This is how I feel our second eleven are doing. Ratings are based on them as a ‘back-up’ and not as if they were in the first team. Tremmel He has a face that looks as though he’s been unlucky, as though the whole world is against him. He seems to invite calamity. A couple of years ago I thought that he had a fantastic season and was at that time better than Vorm. I struggle to believe that Cornell isn’t a better option than him now but if he’s not then we need to bring someone in as there is no point companioning if Fabianski was to get injured for some time. We need cover now, just in case. Cover rating: 3/10

Jazz I think he’s currently our best full back. It is a bit like saying that Lee Dixon is ITV’s best pundit but I’d say both statements are true. He’s now 23, he is kind of into the make it or break it time of his career. I am happy with him as cover. I’d just like there to be better options in front of him. Cover rating: 6/10 Tiendalli Dwight Dilly-Dally. How on earth did we end up with him? Oh yeah, he was brilliant when he needed a new contract. On that note, it might be worth keeping him because he will e fighting for his career again next season. Yep, still got another year after this with him! Is his agent the only person to get the better of Huw? Awful player! Cover rating: 0.5/1,000

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Am I right in thinking that we have only conceded two goals when he has been on the pitch? Rooneys awayRepair at old Window Trafford and Costa at Stamford Bridge and I assume that he was injured at that point: If not it must have been while walking to the changing rooms. I really like him. I think he looks a fantastic talent and I really hope we find a way for him to stay. I am a little surprised that we haven’t experimented with him as a full back but he’s a great player.

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I didn’t really think that I could put him in the first eleven here as he hasn’t played much. It pains me to say this but he hasn’t looked great on his return, I’m sure he just needs to have some games under his belt but he’s not been his usual unbelievable self. I hope to see him back in starting eleven soon and Jonjo an revert to here.

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Carroll How good is he? That is the question! How much money would we spend on him? I’m going to risk looking foolish in year to come and say that he’s not the ideal player for us right now! I feel like Leon has a few years left and they are similar players. I wouldn’t be surprised if Allen becomes available again in a few years and so I don’t think we need to replace Leon yet and I’d love to see some different options there. Bring in a big, strong, physical midfielder: just as an option. BUT I do like Carroll and he’s done little wrong, I just think we could do with someone with different attributes. 7/10 Barrow We are a funny lot us football fans aren’t we. We are easily pleased and this guy pleases us immensely. It is really hard to know how good he is but we will have a load of fun finding out. He doesn’t seem to have too many tricks of yet, seems a bit like a rugby player, he just runs: but it seems incredibly effective. More game time please Mr Monk!

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Am I right in thinking that we have only conceded two goals when he has been on the pitch? Rooneys away at old Trafford and Costa at Stamford Bridge and I assume that he was injured at that point: If not it must have been while walking to the changing rooms. I really like him. I think he looks a fantastic talent and I really hope we find a way for him to stay. I am a little surprised that we haven’t experimented with him as a full back but he’s a great player. Cover rating: 8/10 Bartley Just when I thought he’d cemented a place in our first eleven, along came Carroll. It is hard to know how much to criticise him for that performance, mainly as we don’t know what his instructions were but also because nobody at our club has ever been able to deal with the Geordie. As cover goes, he is fantastic. Whether he’s happy as cover: I am not so sure. Cover rating: 7.5/10 Leon I didn’t really think that I could put him in the first eleven here as he hasn’t played much. It pains me to say this but he hasn’t looked great on his return, I’m sure he just needs to have some games under his belt but he’s not been his usual unbelievable self. I hope to see him back in starting eleven soon and Jonjo an revert to here. 10/10 Carroll How good is he? That is the question! How much money would we spend on him? I’m going to risk looking foolish in year to come and say that he’s not the ideal player for us right now! I feel like Leon has a few years left and they are similar players. I wouldn’t be surprised if Allen becomes available again in a few years and so I don’t think we need to replace Leon yet and I’d love to see some different options there. Bring in a big, strong, physical midfielder: just as an option. BUT I do like Carroll and he’s done little wrong, I just think we could do with someone with different attributes. 7/10 Barrow We are a funny lot us football fans aren’t we. We are easily pleased and this guy pleases us immensely. It is really hard to know how good he is but we will have a load of fun finding out. He doesn’t seem to have too many tricks of yet, seems a bit like a rugby player, he just runs: but it seems incredibly effective. More game time please Mr Monk! 6/10

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Dyer He somehow manages to dip in and out of form faster than Man United. The whole country was outraged that he wasn’t in the England squad a few months back and now we’d all rather see Barrow come off the bench before him. Strange player. I actually think that he could grace any bench in the world and I mean that as a compliment. If I were Man City and I’m 1-0 down against Bayern Munich in the Champions League Quarter Final, would I want a Jesus Navas on the bench or Nathan Dyer? I’d genuinely go with our handbag thief. I just think he is a great impact player. 8/10 Emnes He’s alright isn’t he. I think he should be banned from playing the same time as Gomis. Either that or one needs to have a haircut! He’s alright. I can’t really get any more excited than that which is possibly worrying as this is the sexiest position on the field. He’s better from the bench than starting, we have learned that much. He’s better at Swansea than at boro, we have also learned that. He’s alright! 6.5/10 Gomis I was really pleased to hear Monk say that we haven’t played to his strengths yet as this is exactly how I felt about it. It took us a good few months to really work out how we should be playing for Bony and it may take us the same time with the Frenchman. He’s not as good at holding the ball up as the Ivorian but then few are. We need to work out where he wants the ball and then judge him on that. I like his attitude, he’s busy, he wants the ball and he wants to get into the danger zone. I think we may have played a blinder with this boy! Tine will tell. 8/10 it is the best squad that we have ever had as a club. When we then also think about our Youth academy and what is being achieved there then it’s very exciting. Where would our second string finish in their own right? I’d say they would be a mid-table Championship club at present but would only be a few signings from being a lower Premier League club. Another reminder of the progression of our club. We can’t wait on a new back-up keeper, we need that now! We need to bring in first choice full backs straight away and I’d be happy enough to get to the summer without anyone else. I would like a new central midfielder but I think we need to see what Carroll can do and also Shelvey also and so I wouldn’t really like to sign one just yet. I’d say that it was a really big few months for Jonjo, it is his last chance at the club I think. The next fifteen or so games will shape his career. I don’t want to see a new striker come in now. I would like us to see how Gomis gets on until the Summer and see where we are then. We are lucky that we have 30 points on the board, we can relax and experiment and look at next season a little bit. I think we have missed out on a top 4 finish which I still think we were capable of and I think Southampton have proven that. Our progression is still remarkable; we continue to defy the odds. Our squad is incredibly healthy. Everything is great isn’t it?

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H�� w��l� y�� n� �� £25 ��i�� r�� B��? Nathan Matthews 2 full backs and a striker

Ian Harding Andy Robertson from Hull, Vietto from Villareal, Naughton from Spurs, (Mitrovic is probably more likely than Vietto) Steve Thomas Got to invest in our defence. Terry Greenslade Buy him back. Stephan Jones Donate it to the homeless Christopher North gambling, alcohol and wild women. then waste the rest... Benji Dorward Take him back on loan in the summer after he doesn't play much and City buy another £40m odd striker... Def need 2 full backs! Sean Aspland Kyle naughton, Will Hughes, Jordan Rhodes Gareth Davies Buy Jack Swan a few pints. Alan Godrich 50 /50, strengthen the squad ,ground improvements /expansion ,and getting some decent ales in is a priority Simon Robbins Loic Remy Martin Davies Stadium rebuild and lb and rb Simon Meyrick Stick it all on red... you know, coz red is such a lucky colour. Emyr Evans Buy Cardiff City and run them in to the ground! Oh wait someone's already doing that!!! Martin Davies I think hj and gm already sorted these things out -money spent on stadium and a good fullback on bench warming duty

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I� B�� g�o� �n�u�� f�� M�� Ci��? W�� /�ec�� rs� �h�i�� w�� e��e�? Ian Harding Play less than Aguero, Play more than Dzeko and Jovetic. City might even partner him with Aguero. He wont be wasted there. Geraint Wyn Nicholas City play 4-4-2 so hopefully he be ahead of Dzeko and Jovetic. Think he be a big hit there. Mary Scfc Cherrington I can't see them spending that kind of money just to be a bench warmer, I really hope that he does well Gerald Roger Jenkins Compared to us, the chances Citeh create, we may have sold them a monster........! We have potentially sold them the title.... Sean Aspland Him and Aguero up top will be class! Jack Raf From the list players that we have sold since being in the premier league, he is by far the player with the most potential. Yaya will feed the beast and the beast will keep scoring Hari Powell He's good enough to keep the bench warm for Dzecko and Aguerro. Matthew Vincent He's good enough for man city, just depends Whether he is given a chance Robert Day Wilf will score for fun up there, playing with class players will only make him better but he will miss our game out of respect. Alex Collins If attitude counts for anything then Bony will do very well. Mike Dauria We all know the qualities bony has but does have a very poor touch at times and gives the ball away quite a bit of course theres his genius touch which made up for with Swansea but he’s at a top club with top players. I think he will do well and play with aguero but cant give to many balls away good luck to him Martin Davies Properly play a good few per season -I think wilf will do well and sure to score a few

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BARGAIN BASEMENT: RENAULT ££995 995 51 RENAULT MEGANE MEGANE 1.6i 1.6i CLASSIC, CLASSIC, 44 DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,87K,MOT DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,87K,MOT 01 Y FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, MET.RED, PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,115K,MOT/TAX £995 06 YFORD KA 1.3 STYLE, PURPLE, PAS, LOW INS, 108K, NEW MOT ISSUED ££ 995 01 FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, MET.RED, PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,115K,MOT/TAX 995 00 W JAGUAR S TYPE 3.0 V6 AUTO,SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS,97K,MOT OCT 2014 £995 54 DAEWOO TACUMA 1.6i, 5 DR,MET.BLUE,PAS,R/C/L,E/W, 75K,MOT JUNE 15 £ 995 99 T FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, 5 DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,109K,NEW MOT £ 795 98 S SAAB 93 CONVERTIBLE AUTO,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,LTHR,115K.MOT JULY ££495 52ROVER RENAULT CLIO 1.6i DYNAMIQUE,3 DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,C/L,134K,NEW MOT 995 03 45C70 1.4 IMPRESSION, 5DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,88K,MOT JAN 14 ££695 695 99 V VOLVO 2.5 GS T, BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,124K,MOT FEB 14 53 FORD FIESTA 1.4 TDCi LX, 5DR,BLACK, PAS,R/C/L,E/W, 171K,MOT SEPT 15 £ 995 99 VROVER VOLVO45C70 GS T, BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,124K,MOT 695 03 1.42.5 IMPRESSION, 5 DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,88K,MOTFEB JAN1414 ££695 54 FORD FOCUS 1.8 TDCi ESTATE, WHITE,PAS,R/C/L,E/W, 173K,MOT FEB 15 £ 695 95 N VOLVO TOYOTA 850 CELICA 2.0 AUTO GT, RED,ALLOYS,PAS, C/L,E/W, MOT MAY FEB14 2014 £250 95 M 2.0 GLT ESTATE, BLUE,PAS,C/L,E/W,MOT £ 295 99 V TOYOTA YARIS 1.0 GS, 3 DOOR, BLUE, PAS, C/L,98K MOT AUG 2015

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�Ic��e� � �� M�n�� Left: Happy 30th to Liam Flew from Lydia, bump and all our family's. Right: Gareth E Morgan gets well treated by Santa Bottom Right: Morgan enjoys his day out as a Swansea mascot

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I continue to have this thought and in reality, I think we all do: how far can the club go? The majority of fans have a similar opinion: the club are currently overachieving: we have made fantastic decisions in recent years, great signings and we can’t continue to do this. At some point we will appoint the wrong manager, who will make a few poor signings and then the inevitable slump down the league will come. There is only one way that we can go: relegation is a ticking time bomb! That is certainly one way of looking at it. Arguable the sensible way of looking at it but sensible is boring and not always right either. I like to look around the obvious and seek unique examples that can prove that we will be European Champions in my lifetime. Here we go!

happen to be very, very good at it though. At one point we may get something wrong. We have in the past: We had Rory Fallon! But over the years we have generally got these deals right. We have purchased players at low to reasonable prices and then sold our players when they hit their top value (Michu being the exception: although you never know!). It wasn’t too long ago that the deals we were making were for a few hundred thousand, and then we got into the Lee Trundle one million pound man figures, then the Jason Scotland kind of money: onto Scott Sinclair and so on. I remember writing an article a year or so ago about this and about whether we could keep progressing. Whether we could keep increasing the figures but having the same results: i.e. profit! As profit and money tends to lead to success: well it certainly helps!

The transfer market is a stock exchange. We buy: We sell. Our players are simply assets and we wish to purchase our assets at as low a price as we can and sell them for as high as possible. This is obvious, this is what every club wishes to do. We

We have clearly increased the stakes and come up with the right result with Wilfried Bony. This deal has brought us to a totally new level, one could argue that it is harder to find players at this level as the quality

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of scouting is so great that the top clubs will always be one step ahead of us but I’m not convinced. The French league isn’t the most fashionable in Europe however there is stuff we can learn from it and especially Olympic Lyonnais. OL won their first ever top flight title in 2002. They then won the next seven. No side in any of the top five leagues in Europe had ever won eight straight titles before this achievement. They have graced the quarter finals of the Champions League on three occasions during this time and the secret to this success is exactly what we are currently doing.

of pounds are wasted. That is an extreme version of it but managerial changes is a huge reason why clubs waste so much money. OL don’t do this. They know that managers come and go, so they don’t simply say ‘here is fifty million, do what you like’ as other clubs do and then sack him because he spent it wrong. It’s quite a cowardly act from a board to do this, to hand over complete control to a manager and then be able to simply axe him when it all goes wrong, it takes a far braver board to be active in transfer dealings and to take some of the weight

They sell well and buy well. It sounds simple, it sounds obvious, it sounds like every club would certainly aim to do it but the reality is that they don’t. Like us, OL started trading their assets for small amounts and have increased this year on year. They have a clear strategy, they know what age to buy, what age to sell, what positions to buy and they also know when to do this. As well as looking at clubs who have succeeded in the transfer market, it’s helpful to look at the exact opposite and look at those who fail and try and work out why they do. A classic waste of money is the ‘change of direction’. A current manager at a club wants a big striker up front to compliment the Luis Suarez next to him. King Kenny spends £35 million on Andy Carroll but is sacked six months later. The new manager likes the ball played at the feel and wants the big man out the door as soon as possible. Its’ only a matter of time before Brendan is gone and the £15 million they spent on Joey Allen is wasted as he wont fit into the Liverpool side when Sam Allardice takes over! But that is classic. That is how millions and millions

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from a manager. OL have a board that look over the transfers, the board includes the current manager but the idea is that more eyes are a good thing, that if you get numerous people looking at a player then you are taking less of a risk than if you simply get one person making that decision. OL had four different managers during their eight championships. Paul Le Guen, who later spent an unsuccessful year at Rangers. Gerard Houllier, who later went to Aston Villa (yeah I’d forgotten too), Alain Perrin, who you may remember from his brief spell at Portsmouth and Claude Puel who is yet to embarrass himself in the Premier League. But it is certainly fair to say that none of these managers have had a great deal of success with other clubs and yet they managed to win a French title with a side that were playing in the lower tier barely a decade previously: an impressive managerial achievement you

would think, yet they have disappointed when at other clubs: Sound familiar? One of the major advantages OL had over other sides is that they had no expectation. The fans didn’t demand anything in reality. They were a small club and a club which wasn’t really in a crazy football city. Marseille is the capital of football in France in the same way that Newcastle or Liverpool is here. The Geordies are demanding. They expect a certain amount of success and they expect marquee signings. They expect a Shearer or an Owen every summer and this is where problems arise. If your fans and local media demand a ‘name’ each summer then you are always going to pay over the odds. Ironically, Newcastle have been reasonably sensible in recent years, they have picked up some great bargains, the likes of Demba Ba and Pappis Cisse have been more successful for them than Michael Owen was but the crowd and local press don’t accept that. They want the management out (he’s gone), the chairman strung up

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because they aren’t signing people they get excited about. Being able to avoid this played a major factor into how OL could develop year on year, selling for high prices and searching out bargains elsewhere. This has been a perfect combination when you add this to their realisation that managers aren’t permanent and that real stability comes from the top. Will we be able to find the next Wilfried Bony? Probably not, he was something quite exceptional but I feel quite comfortable that we wont have the next Albert Luque, who was a £10 million signing for the North East club who came with much promise: Yep, I’d forgotten him too. There is one other rule which OL have marvelled in over the years and that is to know WHEN a player is going to leave to a ‘bigger club’ and to then have his replacement ready and waiting and to avoid a last minute rush in signing someone. This also cuts out the ‘settling in period’ which most new players have when they join a new club.

Obviously I’m not suggesting that Huw could see that Bony would be gone in January or this summer at the latest and brought Gomis in for that very reason. It isn’t as though he has a portfolio of being one step ahead of the game or anything is it? I hope I may have brought some optimism to some of you. We have progressed form the foot of the football league with our current board and system. We currently sit in ninth place in the Premier League. I don’t believe that our progression MUST come to an end, I don’t believe that there is a set bar and we can’t go past that, if we continue to have a clear direction, continue to have stability at the top and continue to play the stock market of footballers with a clear goal then progression isn’t only possible but it is inevitable! In Huw we trust! Anything is possible!

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How plastic is he. What position do these players play in:De Vries Keeper Kevin Austin Centre Half Sam Rickets Right Wing Mark Gower Centre Midfield Fallon Right Wing. No: Striker You Sure? Yeah. What nationality is he? Fallon? Irish. Irish at a world cup? I don’t really follow the World Cup Bound Midfield Howard Tory MP When will you stop supporting Swansea? End of the season because I’m giving up my season ticket because nobody wants to go and everyone is in the pub. And when did you first get yourself a season ticket? Play-off semi-final You got your season ticket while we were in the semi-final? Yes. You committed to the club before we got to the Premier League? Yes.

My god, what a commitment you made, your not plastic at all!! £300. £300 without knowing that you were going to watch Liverpool? Yes. That’s a proper fan that. Did you consider selling it when you could have had £400 for it? No. How many games do you go to? Do you go to every match? Not so much this season as I’ve been forced to work away quite a lot. But Swansea isn’t your first team is it? No, no they are not, that would be Liverpool.

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We can exclusively reveal that Ashley Williams will be Joseph himself (better known as the Elephant man). e can exclusively reveal that Ashley beclubJoseph himself (better known as the Elephant man). out of action for at least threeWilliams monthswill while ut of action for work at least months while head. club The cause This case isn’t as blatantly obvious to the naked eye doctors onthree his bizarre-shaped This asthe blatantly obvious to the naked octors work onailment his bizarre-shaped head. The cause with elephant man however as a eye footballer, it for this is still unknown but it is becoming a caseasisn’t as with the elephant man as a footballer, it expect r this ailment still unknown but it which is becoming a is always useful if however the ball reacts as you would greaterisissue and something Garry Monk and is always useful if the ball reacts as you would expect eater issue and something which Garry Monk and it to when you make contact with it and this rarely his backroom staff are keen to correct as early as it to when you make contact it and rarelywith our s backroom staff are keen to correct as early as happens when a ballwith comes intothis contact possible. happens when a ball comes into contact with our ossible.

“The ball has always reacted strangely he ballwhenever has alwaysit reacted strangely has bounced off his head but henever it has bounced off head butincreasingin recent seasons it ishis becoming recentlyseasons is becoming obviousitthat there is aincreasinggrowing problem” obvious that there is a growing said Garry Monk. The clubproblem” are keen to stress id Garry Monk. club are keen to stress that thereThe is no obvious danger to the at there is no obvious to the the captain of Walesdanger and although ptain of Wales and procedure is although incrediblythe rare, it is also ocedure is incredibly perfectly safe. rare, it is also erfectly safe.

This is in fact the first time that anyone has his is inhad factsuch the first timesince that anyone surgery Joseph has Carey in the ad suchlate surgery since Joseph Carey in the 1890s. The procedure then was te 1890s. The procedure then was unprecedented and was deemed a nprecedented and was deemed a wonderful success by both doctors and onderful success by both doctors and

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captains head: especially when in the opponents may decide to get this problem fixed sooner rather may decide get this problem fixed sooner rather captainspenalty head: especially when in the opponents thantolater. area. than later. penalty area.

“One thing is for sure is that if he does score with h “We have tried everything to see if we could get him is for is that if he does score his about “We havetotried to see we could getGarry him Monk “One thing head: It issure a total fluke” said Monk. “I with thought learneverything how to head in aifstraight line” head: It is a total fluke” said Monk. “I thought about to learn how to head in a straight line” Garry Monk keeping him back for corners but you never know, said “but he couldn’t even get close”. It wasn’t until him back corners buton you said “buthe hemissed couldn’t even getyards close”. It in wasn’t untilthat the keeping long as hefor gets his head it never then itknow, mightasbounce from two out a match long as he his head it then might he missed from two yards out in a match that the offgets someone elseon and go in.it As longbounce as the opposiclub and manager decided that there must be some off someone else and in. aAsfree long as the opposiclub andserious manager decided that there mustoffside be some tion don’t givego him headers: we have a chanc issues. “Thankfully he was anyway but tion don’t him a free headers: we have a chance serious issues. “Thankfully he was offside anyway that but he can’t togive score”. that was the moment where we realised to score”. that waspossibly the moment where thatthe he can’t be just that we badrealised at heading ball”. possibly be just that bad at heading the ball”. Sympathy hasn’t rolled in from fellow professionals hasn’t rolled in he from fellowscore professionals “I had noticed that couldn’t in a brothel” On close inspection with the clubs doctor, it was Sympathy had noticed that he couldn’t score in a brothel” On closeapparent inspection with the clubs doctor, it was that there were physical problems. “His Wayne Rooney tweeted with the hash tag of apparenthead that has there were physical “His tweeted with the hash tag of #fromonehomenationscaptaintoanother. more bobbles onproblems. it than a Christmas tree”Wayne Rooney #fromonehomenationscaptaintoanother. head hassaid more bobbles on it than a Christmas tree” Dr Jez McCluskey “it would be impossible for said Dr Jez “it would be impossible for go”. It is believed that the operation will cost the club a himMcCluskey to know where the ball could possible It is believed operation will cost the modern club a game him to know where the ball could possible go”. fee inthat thethe region of £115,000. In the fee in the region of £115,000. In the modern game, League I suppose if he nets one goal in the Premier It is unclear whether the operation will be done if henext netsfew oneyears goalthen in the PremierbeLeague It is unclear whether the operation will bewill done it would moneyinwell immediately or whether the club wait until thesupposethe the nextspent. few years then it would be money well immediately or the whether the waitAuntil thedepend on end of season toclub carrywill it out. lot will end of the out. A half’s, lot willatdepend theseason fitnesstoofcarry otheritcentre presenton Amat, spent. the fitness of other half’s,are at present Amat, Bartley andcentre Fernandez all fully fit and so the club Bartley and Fernandez are all fully fit and so the club

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"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives," smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii. "You seem pretty sure of yourself," I replied. "I am," she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire." The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today. Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend. A Red Neck American walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo." My girlfriend says I lack commitment..............well, she's not really my girlfriend. The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring in the New Year. There'll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes. I just stole a turkey from Sainsburys. The Security man ran after me shouting 'what you doing with that'. So I shouted back 'Potatoes, peas, sprouts, carrots & gravy, ya dickhead" !! What's the difference between Father Christmas and Brendan Rodgers? Millions still believe in Father Christmas

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After being completely blown away with our academy last issue, we are really pleased to say that Nigel Rees (the clubs academy manager) will be keeping us updated with what is going on with our futures stars. Here is what Nigel had to say:Swansea City AFC Academy programme underlines a long-term desire to enhance our reputation as on of Britain’s leading Clubs. The infrastructure at our Club is improving year on year. The Academy staff are fully committed to setting high standards on and off the field, to meet the demands of young players from eight to twenty one. All those players have already shown potential to achieve at the highest level, with the ultimate aim of progressing through the Academy and into the first team squad as full professionals. As an Academy our primary function is to develop players that have the potential to make the transition into the First Team environment and represent Swansea City in the Premier League. In order to accomplish this goal we have introduced a very structured curriculum but we have also looked to further develop our recruitment process. Recruitment is a never-ending process and is the lifeblood of all football teams. It is probably the single most important factor in any football club environment. From the senior team down to Development Centre players, an ability to recruit ‘quality’ players is absolutely crucial if we are to be successful In order to support our Academy recruitment strategy we have been establishing Development Centres in a number of key areas throughout South and West Wales. These centres have proven to be

successful and cater predominately for players who are close to making the transition into our Academy squads. The curriculum is very structured and mirrors the Academy delivery programme. We have this year established fourteen Development Centres, each one catering for under 7 to under 12 age groups and in some venues up to under 14. These Centres are not a moneymaking venture and we charge the minimum to cover the cost of the facility and the coaches. We emphasise that we are looking to develop players and support the development of the coaches who work within this structure. The Development Centres are very closely linked to the Academy and serve as a very effective tool in talent identification. New Centers established in Barry, Treorchy, Bristol, Bridgend and the existing Centre in Pontypridd give’s us the opportunity to identify players who historically would not have had an avenue to come into the Swansea City structure. In addition, West Wales as a whole now has a Swansea City Development Centre in order to cater for as many players as possible. In addition we have been working very closely on the development of our pre academy age groups i.e. under 5 to under 8. They have a structured curriculum and in addition to their football development we have worked on their social skills and the importance of nutrition. We have tried to develop the person as well as the player. This has been very successful and we are looking to further develop this programme by making the project accessible to far more players and parents. Breakfast clubs and workshops have been a very successful delivery mechanism to both players and parents.

as they need to reach their potential and enjoy their football.

U18 Development League Friendly U21 Development League U18 Development League Friendly U21 Development League U18 Development League Friendly U21 Development League U21 Development League U18 Development League Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly U18 Development League Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly Friendly

* all fixtures are subject to change

Fairwood

Fairwood Fairwood

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Round Up

Congratulations to our under 14 squad who qualified for the next round of their age group FA Cup competition today by beating Fulham 3-1. The players gave an excellent performance both individually and collectively. The match was an excellent advert for Academy football and our young Swans were a credit to our Club and played very exciting and entertaining football throughout the match. The lads came back from being a goal down against a very organised and disciplined Fulham side. Fulham have been an established category one Academy for a number of years and this result is testament to the structure and curriculum we have introduced during the last twelve months. This squad will now go into the last 16 of the competition. 11:00am 11:00am

11:00am 11:00am 6:30pm 11:00am 11:00am 1:00pm 11:00am 11:00am 6:30pm 7:00pm 11:00am 11:00am

Crystal Palace Crystal Palace QPR Bristol City Bristol City Under 21's Under 18's Under 16's Crystal Palace Under 21's Under 18's Under 16's Coventry City Under 13's Coventry City Under 11's Coventry City Under 9's Millwall Millwall Under 14's West Bromwich Albion Under 12's West Bromwich Albion Under 10's West Bromwich Albion

The project at Cwmdu has allowed us to continue to focus on establishing a skills based curriculum to develop the technical ability of the players whilst ensuring that we cater for all ability ranges. Our coaches are qualified to differentiate in their delivery programme to ensure that all abilities are catered for and that the players have an enriching experience whilst at the centre. The age groups covered at Cwmdu ranges from under 5 to under 9 year olds. At this age players develop at very different stages and movement between the different age groups is fluid in order to cater for the different stages of player development. Players need time to develop and fulfill their potential. We are not an organisation that expects players to develop overnight and we pride ourselves on being patient and giving everybody as much opportunity

Cardiff Athletic Stadium Cardiff Athletic Stadium Fairwood

No one can reliably predict the future for any young player, but we hope that when a player leaves the Academy, at whatever age, he will be able to reflect on his association with the Academy as being positive, worthwhile and fruitful.

Training Ground Training Ground Fairwood

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Support the Stars of Tomorrow Today! Acadamy Fixtures

The Foundation Phase is a very important part of a young player’s development as the “golden years” of learning are between the ages of five to eleven. As an Academy we have been working very closely on the development of our pre academy age groups i.e. under 5 to under 8. The newly established facility at Cwmdu has allowed us to continue with this development and we have produced a skills based curriculum to develop the technical ability of the players whilst ensuring that we cater for all ability ranges. The age groups covered at Cwmdu range from under 5 to under 10 year olds. The Cwmdu facility has given young players in and around Swansea the opportunity to access a structured football curriculum delivered by qualified coaches.

Under 18's Under 16's Under 21's Under 18's Under 16's Charlton Athletic Brentford Brentford Under 21's Brentford Cardiff City Cardiff City Under 14's Coventry City Under 12's Coventry City Under 10's Coventry City Under 18's Under 16's West Bromwich Albion Under 13's West Bromwich Albion Under 11's West Bromwich Albion Under 9's

Sat 24th Jan Sat 24th Jan Mon 26th Jan Sat 31st Jan Sat 31st Jan Mon 2nd Feb Sat 7th Feb Sat 7th Feb Mon 9th Feb Fri 13th Feb Sat 14th Feb Sat 14th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sun 15th Feb Sat 21st Feb Sat 21st Feb Sun 22nd Feb Sun 22nd Feb Sun 22nd Feb Sun 22nd Feb Sun 22nd Feb Sun 22nd Feb

Our under 21 squad has been in excellent form recently and a number of our players have trained with the First team squad on a regular basis. The squad recently travelled to Liverpool and won 2-1. Liverpool are a very established Academy and matches of this nature allow us to monitor our development as an Academy. The squad plays Ipswich Town and QPR during the next few weeks.

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as they need to reach their potential and enjoy their football.

Round Up

On Wednesday 21st January, our under 18 Youth squad will play Doncaster Rovers in the last 32 of the FA Youth Cup. This squad has shown significant improvements during the last six months and has given some excellent performances this season, notably a 2-0 victory against Cardiff City recently. The players have worked extremely hard and have shown great commitment and hard work during training and have been a credit to the Academy on and off the field. If the squad progresses through to the next round we will play Chelsea away. Our under 21 squad has been in excellent form recently and a number of our players have trained with the First team squad on a regular basis. The squad recently travelled to Liverpool and won 2-1. Liverpool are a very established Academy and matches of this nature allow us to monitor our development as an Academy. The squad plays Ipswich Town and QPR during the next few weeks.

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52 G�i�� F�� Aw�� F�n� The Liberty stadium is a rich mans Vetch field and like many new stadiums, has lost that bit of magic that the old ground had. Maybe character just needs time to develop but we can’t hide from the fact that the new ground has certainly been a major reason for the Swans success since 2005. It was then that the Swans played their first game there with a friendly against Premier League outfit Fulham, which was a massive club to play against back then for the league one side! It is named the Liberty Stadium due to a sponsorship contract from the Statue of Liberty! Visits to New York globally have trebled since the naming. Everything inside the stadium is useless and overpriced like basically every ground these days. I would seriously suggest having a beer and some food before you get to the ground. There are some brilliant, friendly pubs on the way into Swansea and most pubs will welcome away fans with a bit of banter but half a brain! JK’s Club is a couple of junctions before the stadium and I know Karen welcomes away fans and its 2 minutes from the motorway.

start of it, locals will drag you off to wherever they are going from there but it’s a good place to start! Parking is useless around the stadium, we are expanding the ground and nobody has a clue how this will work. We actually have an old train station that is a 2 minute walk from the stadium but it doesn’t make sense to reopen this somehow: the powers at be!! If your happy to pay a fiver then you will find somehwere close, if not, you will have a walk! Onto the club: We are awesome. I’m sorry to tell you that and I expect you already knew it but we are. The club is run by a board of directors who are Swans fans, with 20% share holding being held by the supporters trust. Our chairman took no wage and no expenses for the first few years he was with us and the whole board are borderline worshiped. On the pitch: We are pretty damn sexy there too! We demand good passing football and we get what we want. Leon Britton is god here, how he has never played for your national team just shows the clear stupidity of your past managers.

If you are travelling by rail, please don’t judge Swansea by the train station and its surroundings! The city is stunning; there are some magical spots for whatever you are looking for, it just so happens that if you enter the city via a train, you enter the part of the city designed for junkies. Wind Street is the lively place for a night out or at least the

Crowd: It is no Vetch but then the Premier League is no Division 3. It’s getting better at times and we are renowned as one of the best and most vocal fans in the league (which says a lot about the prem). Just to let you know, ‘sheep shagging’ is no insult, fire away! Make a weekend of it! Whatever you want, Swansea has it! People are friendly as can be. Don’t be a prick and you will be fine

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& W�� y�� lo��! Sunderland

Man Utd

Every season there seems to be a weird team. One that you just cannot work out, one that are half decent one minute and then absolutely woeful the next and Sunderland are that side this term. I still cannot work out whether Poyet is a great manager or a complete idiot and I imagine that the reality lies somewhere in between.

Great Man United sides have an ability to win when they are playing badly. This united side has that attribute but the problem is, is that they play badly every week. I don’t think that you can knock their spirit in anyway, they really have overachieved this year. I still think they will finish outside the top four. They have been battered in games and taken the points and you can say that’s a sign of a good side when it’s a one-off but not every week.

I wrote in this issue in the article labelled ‘future’ that certain clubs demand named players and that is their problem and Sunderland seem to be equally as bad as their Geordie neighbours at this. I look at their side and it is predominantly full of overpaid players who weren’t good enough to play for better sides and that is generally not a great asset to have. Assuming that we have our midfield back, I think we will win comfortably to be honest. I think they will do well to stay clear of relegation this year and a lot may rely on a certain Mr Defoe but has the league progressed since he was here last?

There is no fear there at all. Nobody that I’m scared of and in reality, there are better players in the West Ham side and I would say that they are a better team. I expect us to be the better side and they can’t ride their luck forever so 3-0 Swans!

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We put a bit in the last issue about Stephan who was spending a couple of nights on the streets in Swansea to raise money and awareness of the homeless problem in Swansea. Here was his experience:I was dropped off at Castle square at 14:00 on Friday. I had a back pack with a plastic bottle and a sleeping bag inside. I must admit I was nervous. Nothing could have prepared me for what the next 48 hours would be like. This was the hardest, craziest, eye opening, heart breaking thing I ever have or likely ever will do in my entire life. I witnessed a dark side to Swansea that most people don’t even know exist. I am struggling to come to terms with how differently I was treated compared to my normal day to day life. There are many good people out there, I was bought some food and numerous cups of tea throughout my weekend, thank you so much! I had 2 ladies come and pray for my life. However, the vast majority of people showed a selfish, disgraceful attitude towards the homeless. I was spat at. I was chased by a group of boys in a

car from the spot where I was sleeping underneath a bridge. I was causing no harm to anyone, just trying to shelter from the rain. They called me scum, junkie, threatened with violence until I just grabbed my sleeping bag and ran. I was refused entry to McDonalds to use the toilet. Women looked at me with disgust, ushering their children away from me like I was an animal. I was told to go away when I asked a stall owner in the centre of town if his bin bags had any dry cardboard in to sit on. You would swear I had asked him to borrow his Mercedes. I was judged instantly just because of my appearance. The Police were rude, insensitive and aggressive towards me, until I explained my story and mentioned the media, at which point they completely changed their tone and were shaking my hand. Mind blowing. The homeless problem is much larger than the public realize. I sat watching families and children in designer gear, laughing and joking as they walk the shops, spending their Christmas money. Young couples holding hands, hot coffee in hand, looking to grab a bargain. Yet literally yards away is a world that couldn’t be further from this ideal. I witnessed what I can only describe as a homeless village,

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H��es� Sw�n�e� hot It bath. was48 only 48 hours was horrenbehind a popular barshop and quarter. shop quarter. wasItonly hours but it but wasithorrenbehind a popular bar and Make Make shift shift hot bath. For many people, howlive they live their hutsout built of pallets and plastic For many people, this is this howisthey their huts built ofout pallets and plastic sheets.sheets. It wasIt was dous. dous. lives. Think it fora just a minute. something only believed existed in movies aboutabout it for just minute. something I only Ibelieved existed in movies or theor the lives. Think have made mistakes inlife, their life, but who third world. were at8least 8 people Many Many have made mistakes in their but who third world. There There were at least people living living How can we justify keeping murderers In Swansea. hasn’t?hasn’t? How can we justify keeping murderers and and there.there. In Swansea. 2015. 2015. serious criminals in a warm cell,watered, fed, watered, other other serious criminals in a warm cell, fed, a TV, yet people are allowed to suffer timeawith a group of 4 homeless with awith TV, yet people are allowed to suffer these these I spentI spent some some time with group of 4 homeless extremes, through noof fault ofown? their own? teenagers. anof hour of speaking to them,extremes, many many through no fault their teenagers. WithinWithin half anhalf hour speaking to them, This experience has changed forThe ever. The I was accepted of them. They opened up and This experience has changed my lifemy forlife ever. I was accepted as oneasofone them. They opened up and have raised use straight at length their circumstances. I haveIraised will bewill putbe toput useto straight away away spokespoke at length aboutabout their circumstances. 2 lads2 lads £2500£2500 drop the ocean as to thethese help these told mehad theybeen had abused been abused andrun had run away. but it but isn’tita isn’t dropain thein ocean as to the help told me they and had away. people Appreciate whathave youfriends have friends One 17old year oldhad boybeen had on been the streets need. need. Appreciate what you and and One 17 year boy theon streets since since people ever goAofrandom it. A random of kindness was 14.were They all were allusers. drug users. They blame ever let golet of it. act of act kindness he washe14. They drug They blame the thenever,never, towards someone less fortunate than yourself establishment thetheir waylives theirhave livesturned have turned towards someone less fortunate than yourself will will establishment for thefor way go a million a pasty, out. hatred Their hatred towards the police runs deep. go a million miles.miles. A cupAofcup tea,ofa tea, pasty, an oldan old out. Their towards the police runs deep. jumper that has sitting been sitting your wardrobe Unbelievable. This should be allowed to jumper that has been in yourinwardrobe for for Unbelievable. This should never never be allowed to happen. arethey kids,need they help. need help. years?years? happen. TheseThese are kids, are some fantastic organisations who work notthe only thethat coldgets thattogets (I couldn’t are some fantastic organisations who work It’s notIt’s only cold youto(I you couldn’t feel feelThere There tirelessly tothese help these people, theysolely rely solely my or toes) the uncomfortable situation of sleepingtirelessly to help people, they rely on on my toes) theor uncomfortable situation of sleeping donations, andhelp anyyou helpcould you could offer would on concrete. theThe fear.hunger. The hunger. The boredom.donations, and any offer would go a go a on concrete. It’s theIt’s fear. The boredom. longZacs way!Place, Zacs Place, The Wallich, Parklands Church. The loneliness. The feeling thatare you are waiting long way! The Wallich, Parklands Church. The loneliness. The feeling that you waiting Do something amazing. you, Stephan around for something, you are waitingDo something amazing. ThankThank you, Stephan Jones.Jones. around for something, when when really really you are waiting for nothing at all. It’s existence. a sad existence. for nothing at all. It’s a sad I amatnow at home, a fulland bellyafter andaafter I am now home, with awith full belly nicea nice

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MoreThanLoftLadders half landscape.ai 1 08/10/2013 20:01:22

Lu��!

Examples of not being unlucky When you play darts and score heavily and have thirty darts at a double before your opponents has one. But they only need the one and win. When the white ball goes in-off after you pot the black in pool. When you end up in a bunker in golf. When you have more possession and shots than your opponent in football but give away stupid goals and lose. I get really annoyed with the belief that we were in someway unlucky to lose to Tottenham (I know it was a while ago, its been a long debate!). I think people get confused with what bad luck is. The online dictionary describes it as ‘an unfortunate state resulting from unfavorable outcomes’.

we were ‘unlucky’ to conceded two goals. So that’s their goals. They had two, perfectly good goals (not in anyway lucky). Did we do enough to score three goals? Again, was there some freak reason that we didn’t score more? Was there some crazy unforeseen event which unfortunately meant that it was more difficult than usual to put the ball in the back of the net? I get genuinely infuriated with the idea that we were in anyway unlucky in that match (and others like it). The reason that we didn’t win the game was because we weren’t good enough to keep a clean sheet and wasn’t good enough to score three. It is that simple. The game is that simple in most cases.

The two goals we conceded against Spurs weren’t unfortunate, there were no unfavourable bounces, and there was no freak moment of play. We totally switched off and gave them two goals. So, I struggle to see how we can say that

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LOGS FOR SALE Were we the better team? Well, again, no. Sadly for us, defending corners is a part of the game. If the game was simply about creating chances or passing the ball then we’d have won but that’s not what the game is.

We went through a spell where we conceded 3 goals in 5 games from corners. That is no way near good enough. We can’t simply moan after the match that we were unlucky to lose it because we played some lovely passing: that is going back to the Martinez days. I had a chat with a mate in a very good drinking establishment a month or so back and we came to the conclusion that us Welsh are happy being unlucky. We don’t demand to win, we are happy as long as there is an excuse. The rugby team are a classic example, every game they play, they are hard done by. They deserved to beat the all blacks, were really unlucky Australia and were23:50:10 Enterprize Shedsagainst half landscape.ai 1 23/07/2014 robbed against the Spring Box. That’s the usual annual summary I hear along with a stat along the lines of Wales not beating the All Blacks since the day the moon broke from the earth.

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Other countries don’t settle for this. Italy win. Or they lose. That is what happens during a game of football (okay they get draws too, don’t get pedantic!). We need to adapt to this, we were in no way unlucky against Spurs, the rules of the game was followed and they scored more goals than us. Monk, his staff and us fans need to focus on why we lost and the reason was because we gifted them two goals. Cut that out, win the game and stop moaning!

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Lu��!

Were we the better team? Well, again, no. Sadly for us, defending corners is a part of the game. If the game was simply about creating chances or passing the ball then we’d have won but that’s not what the game is. We went through a spell where we conceded 3 goals in 5 games from corners. That is no way near good enough. We can’t simply moan after the match that we were unlucky to lose it because we played some lovely passing: that is going back to the Martinez days. I had a chat with a mate in a very good drinking establishment a month or so back and we came to the conclusion that us Welsh are happy being unlucky. We don’t demand to win, we are happy as long as there is an excuse. The rugby team are a classic example, every game they play, they are hard done by. They deserved to beat the all blacks, were really unlucky against Australia and were robbed against the Spring Box. That’s the usual annual summary I hear along with a stat along the lines of Wales not beating the All Blacks since the day the moon broke from the earth. Other countries don’t settle for this. Italy win. Or they lose. That is what happens during a game of football (okay they get draws too, don’t get pedantic!). We need to adapt to this, we were in no way unlucky against Spurs, the rules of the game was followed and they scored more goals than us. Monk, his staff and us fans need to focus on why we lost and the reason was because we gifted them two goals. Cut that out, win the game and stop moaning!

Where is the defending for this goal? This is 2 minutes into a match! We can’t defend like this and then complain that we deserved to win because we had ‘more of the game’. That is one of the worse pictures I have ever seen. Embarrassing.

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I nearly got hit by a woman driving a car this morning, but luckily I jumped out of the way just in time. Into the road. ***OLDIE BUT GOODIE*** I said to my mate, "My a*sehole is hurting this morning, any idea what it is?" He replied, "Ring Sting." I said, "Why do you think he will know?" ***High brow joke alert*** There are three types of people in this world: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened. Actually,there are 10 types of people in this world those who understand binary,and those who do not. ***Joke of the month*** I went to the gym yesterday and I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said, 'How flexible are you?'' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays' Little Freddy attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Freddy asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Freddy, looking worried, said 'Dad, I think the milkman wants to buy Mum .....' I was skint today and spent my last pound on a scratchcard. I couldn't believe my luck. I had nothing to scratch it off with. You will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station - it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film. I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming. "And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9 As he inserted the rectal thermometer, Dave got a painfully hard and obvious erection. "Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

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It took me a couple of weeks after our promotion from League one to realise that we were in the third round of the FA Cup. It now seems like a lifetime ago but that was a greater excitement to me than the Championship itself. The prized third round draw was the ultimate of excitement for us in the lower leagues. We graced it very rarely but few will forget that night against West Ham and it was inevitable that one day we would draw a Man Utd!

exciting? We have embarked on the greatest decade that any club has ever had in terms of excitement, in fact that the last fifteen or so years have been ‘edge of the seat’ stuff with promotions, relegations, last minute survivals and play-off final agony. This cannot continue indefinitely, the fact that we have found a slightly tame time was inevitable, the fact that this time has come in the Premier League is arguably unfortunate

This also seems like a lifetime ago now. We brushed Tranmere aside with our second string and we head up to Ewood Park fully expecting to stroll into the fifth round. The magic of the cup draw has disappeared for us, we now dream of a nostalgic trip to a lower league team rather than pulling a ‘big team’ at home.

‘unfortunate?’ yes, this wasn’t one of my common misspelt or misused words, this was the exact word that I actually meant. You see, being a mid-table team in any other league still brings other excitement, the potential of a good run and reaching that last play-off place and that magical cup run and draw spring to mind.

It made me think, and this is a really depressing thought but what are we looking forward to anymore? We play the top sides every year and have done so for the past four seasons, the allure of drawing one in a cup isn’t there anymore. I begin to wonder how Aston Villa supporters continue to have any interest in the game. They have had generations of boredom: of complete mediocrity. They must dream of a day that they are so bad that they have the excitement of relegation and the fun that goes with it. But is this not what football is? Can it continually be

Being a mid-table Premier League team is actually quite boring. There is very little to look forward to. Thankfully with football and the Swans especially, excitement and change is rarely far away. It will be interesting to see when we are next excited about a cup draw, it may well be the semi-final draw this year, it could potentially be a third round draw in a decades time when gravity has taken its course on our league position. I like to think that it will be some European competition with the prospect of facing one of Europe’s elite: I don’t mean a Napoli! I mean a Barca! Time will tell but the days of the excitement of the third round draw have gone for now!

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All these are facts except 1 which I made up. Which one is made up? answer on answer page 98. Lightning is a powerful burst of electricity that happens very quickly during a thunderstorm. Lightning is caused by an electrical charge in the atmosphere that is unbalanced. The movement of rain and ice inside a thundercloud creates an electrical charge, with the negative charge (electrons) forming at the bottom of the cloud and the positive charge (protons) forming at the top.

Lightning rods (also called conductors) are metal rods or similar objects that divert lightning safely to the ground, they can often be seen at the top of tall buildings. Most lightning occurs over land rather than oceans, with around 70% of it occurring in the Tropics. There are bolts of lightning striking somewhere on Earth every second. Lightning strikes usually last around 1 or 2 microseconds. Lightning contains millions of volts of electricity.

Opposites attract so the negative charge at the bottom of Thunder is the sound caused by lightning. Read our the cloud seeks out a positive charge to connect with. thunder facts for more. Lightning can occur inside clouds, between clouds and from clouds to the ground.

The average temperature of lightning is around 20000 °C (36000 °F).

Around one quarter of lightning is from cloud to ground.

Lightning is usually produced by cumulonimbus clouds that are very tall and dense.

When lightning strikes the ground it seeks out the shortest route to something with a positive charge, this might be a tree, a tall building or if they’re very unlucky, a person.

Lightning can also occur during volcanic eruptions, dust storms, snow storms, forest fires and tornadoes. The study of lightning is known as fulminology.

It is estimated that between 10,000 and 15,000 birds are killed by lightning each year.

Astraphobia is the fear of thunder and lightning.

Thousands of people are struck by lightning every year.

The Tampa Bay ice hockey team that play in the National Hockey League (NHL) are called the Lightning.

Direct lightning strikes are usually fatal.

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Ki: I haven’t picked up any papers after the Chelsea drubbing but I’m sure some will mention how difficult life with Bony is and will be. Although this may be true, as expected, Ki was missed in that match more than any other player. He’s matured into (and pardon the obviously deliberate pun) a key player for us and one who we clearly miss when he’s not on the pitch. He has always been calm on the ball but whereas he was sometimes a bit careless and too relaxed in possession, he now values the ball while also keeping that calming influence. Arguably the first name on the team sheet at this moment in time. It would be nice if he could end up with five or six goals come the end of the season as we could pretty much call him the complete midfielder then! Little Jeff He’s been injured all month and yet he’s somehow progressed onto this list. We have missed him, there is little doubt about that. He is streaks ahead of our other wide men at the moment which is a concern in reality: especially when he isn’t here. It will be very interesting to see how good he can be and where he will be this time next year. He has the attributes to give full backs absolute nightmares and he generally delivers. A goal is overdue; I think he needs to add that to his game. There is no reason why he shouldn’t be scoring at least half a dozen goals a season and they would come in very handy. He’s the kind of player that makes you pay your money to go to the game, incredibly exciting talent. Fabianski Just gone off the ball slightly in the last month. It’s a tough game as a keeper, he had that howler against Liverpool and he hasn’t done anything else wrong since then but it just feels like those super saves aren’t quite there and he may even seem to be slightly less commanding but that could just be me looking at it too much. On the whole, he has been fantastic, a real top keeper and clearly an improvement on Vorm and that’s not me having any sour grapes towards our former keeper but the man we sold for £5 million isn’t worth licking the boots of our freebie! I feel like I keep adding this at the end, it is a deliberate ploy so that I can say ‘I told you so’ should it happen while also hoping that it doesn’t but I do still wonder whether a full season might take its toll on him after his spell with Arsenals bench.

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1) Two people come to a river. There is a boat, however it can carry one person only. How can they each get to the other side of the river using the boat? 2) A man decides to quit his job, so he turns off the lights, and walks out of the room, and 200 people die. Why do 200 people die 3) A man dies of thirst in his own home. Hows is this possible 4) A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun and points it at him. The man says, thank you and leaves. Why 5) It's more powerful than God., It's more evil than the devil. The poor have it. The Rich need it, If you eat it, you'll die. What am I 6) What has 5(sometimes 4) hands but is normal? 7) A man walks into a party and pours some punch and ice into a cup. He was really thirsty and drank it really fast. Then he left the party.Later he hears that everyone at the party died. There was poison in the punch. How did the man not die if he drank the same punch 8)

10)

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With the run up to the election, I met up with Dan Thomas and Duncan Higgitt who are the Plaid candidates for Neath and Afon respectively. This is what they said. How is this area performing? DUNCAN: Economically: not great I think we are dealing with legacy issues that go back as far as 100 years with the industrialisation and coal disappearing but one recession after another is like another kick while we are on the floor. It isn’t that people don’t want to work or anything, they do want to work but what we hear when Dan and I go out is fear on the door steps, 0 hour contracts, benefit cuts, and benefit changes. You know there is an awful lot of fear.

is getting it, why are they getting it and what are they spending it on and you can see that this is from the newspapers and TV. Do you think that there is a problem with the culture of people seeing benefits as a way of life? DUNCAN: I think it goes from person to person and every person has a different need. There are people who obviously do that but I think that it is a very, very small minority. One thing we always hear from the conservatives, whether in Wales or in Westminster is that they should ‘go out and get work’ but where is the work? Where are the jobs? Every person Dan and I speak to who are out of work want to work but can’t find it.

Do you think that is confounded fear or is it just media hype? DAN: I think its confounded isn’t it; there is a lot of council estates round here and the bedroom tax has come in. I speak to people and they want to downsize but there isn’t the houses and so they are caught in a trap. I think that comes down to a lack of leadership from the Labour led council. DUNCAN: I think the media has played its part. There is an awful lot of comparing going on and people think that ‘this person doesn’t deserve this because they don’t work as hard as me or whatever’. It has moved away from the old school thought of collective responsibility and when if your neighbour was down then you would look after them. Don’t get me wrong, its not like everyone is saying this but you do get it more: People wonder where their money is going, who

Duncan (left) & Dan (right)

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DUNCAN: I would like to see more enablement; I would like to see people being given the tools to help themselves. For a couple of reasons: the first is that I worked on a financial education bill in schools where our long term thinking was that we would have school leavers with the knowledge to

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Isn’t that basically David Cameron’s big society?

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DAN: But that’s the Conservative response to everything. They say that more people are in work than ever but they are on 0 hour contracts. They don’t have regular work or regular income but I think that people on benefits need more support to get into work because the vast majority don’t want to stay on benefits, I think that’s the media. DUNCAN: They get kicked twice as they don’t have a job but instead of them being supported to find work they have to justify why they deserve support. That has to be demoralising. I’m lucky, I have a job but that has to be demoralising. What should drive the economy locally? DAN: Investment in infrastructure. They are on about balancing the books and getting rid of the deficit but growth has got to be key to push this country forward but I think that it is a lack of creativity from Westminster and imagination from the Assembly as well. DUNCAN: I would like to see more enablement; I would like to see people being given the tools to help themselves. For a couple of reasons: the first is that I worked on a financial education bill in schools where our long term thinking was that we would have school leavers with the knowledge to

look after finances. We can’t compete with the likes of Vietnam on wages and so we need to think of other ways to compete and it would be great if the World saw Wales as a place full of people who are able to look after finances. Another way is that we have been doing work up in the Afon valley where the enthusiasm for change is huge. I was in a meting up there recently where they are looking to open up an old tunnel from the Rhondda valley that comes through the mountain. People there were really up for it and really wanted to do it. This idea that community spirit has gone: It hasn’t but we need to give people the tools so that they can do this themselves. Not only do I think this is the best option but I also think that it is the cheapest option as well. Isn’t that basically David Cameron’s big society? DUNCAN: To be honest with you, I dismissed it pretty early on as a gimmick and we haven’t heard anything of it for quite a while. If his idea is based around decentralising power then Plaid Cymru believe very much that we should give power down to as close to grass roots as possible. I don’t think that makes us Conservative.

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DUNCAN: One of the economic theories we have at the moment is trickle down wealth and in reality it is absolute crap: it doesn’t work. The whole idea that a rich person will spread their wealth out has never been proven apart from hiring the odd gardener or what have you. Rich people will generally put their money into assets.

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SMART PHONE REPAIRS DAN: No, I don’t think we are. For example, I think the Welsh assembly should have done a lot more Broken with Swansea gettingScreens into the Premier League. There are fans travelling from all over Britain and we should be selling Tablets Wales. I don’t think enough is spent on promoting Game tourism and I think that tourism Consoles Swansea would admit that. They have had funding cut and it should be increased.

going to hold any power?

I speak to you in Neath. Do you think that we

DAN: I think this time round, we could hold the balance of power. I think that we are speaking with the greens and the SNP and we would form a coalition if need be. I think that we are a serious alternative in Wales to the other parties.

forget how& pretty even these are? Business Home siteparts support

DAN: Yes. You have Cefn Coed colliery down the road,CCTV I don’t think that that is utilised. I don’t think Installations that many people even know that its there. They should be selling these things. Victoria Gardens should be putting Internet Cafe on more events. DUNCAN: Going back to the Afon valley, they have the mountain bike facility there but what we hear is that they are not making enough of it and we hear that the council are thinking about selling it off. It’s ranked as a top 10 mountain bike area in the world.

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Would you be happy to go into a coalition with ANY of the other parties?

to celebrate our move DUNCAN: We already have a we will give your computer loose alliance with the Greens an MOT and virus scan for FREE, and the SNP. I couldn’t tell you formalised itinto is although just drop yourhow computer our it looks very formalised to me. ENDS DECEMBER 15th new shop. OFFER Alongside the Greens and the SNP, we are very much anti-austerity plans.

REPAIRS & MAINTENACE OF ALL COMPUTERS!! And I still don’t understand why Obviously that isn’t going to the Olympics weren’t there but get you anywhere near a NEW AND RECONDITIONED COMPUTERS SOLD! that’s a different question again. majority in the commons and Why would somebody vote for are going to need one of SISTER SHOP: PC RESCUEyou Plaid Cymru in the general theSHOP big boys. Either the election when you are never Conservatives or Labour. (OPPOSITE WILKO), MORRISTON

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Some may say that the problem with de-centralisation on that scale, right down to grass roots is that the wealthy areas will get greater financial backing than poorer areas and the gap between such areas will increase? DUNCAN: One of the economic theories we have at the moment is trickle down wealth and in reality it is absolute crap: it doesn’t work. The whole idea that a rich person will spread their wealth out has never been proven apart from hiring the odd gardener or what have you. Rich people will generally put their money into assets. Are we making the most of tourism in this area? DAN: No, I don’t think we are. For example, I think the Welsh assembly should have done a lot more with Swansea getting into the Premier League. There are fans travelling from all over Britain and we should be selling Wales. I don’t think enough is spent on promoting tourism and I think that tourism Swansea would admit that. They have had funding cut and it should be increased. I speak to you in Neath. Do you think that we forget how pretty even these parts are? DAN: Yes. You have Cefn Coed colliery down the road, I don’t think that that is utilised. I don’t think that many people even know that its there. They should be selling these things. Victoria Gardens should be putting on more events.

going to hold any power? DAN: I think this time round, we could hold the balance of power. I think that we are speaking with the greens and the SNP and we would form a coalition if need be. I think that we are a serious alternative in Wales to the other parties. Would you be happy to go into a coalition with ANY of the other parties?

DUNCAN: Going back to the Afon valley, they have the mountain bike facility there but what we hear is that they are not making enough of it and we hear that the council are thinking about selling it off. It’s ranked as a top 10 mountain bike area in the world.

DUNCAN: We already have a loose alliance with the Greens and the SNP. I couldn’t tell you how formalised it is although it looks very formalised to me. Alongside the Greens and the SNP, we are very much anti-austerity plans.

And I still don’t understand why the Olympics weren’t there but that’s a different question again. Why would somebody vote for Plaid Cymru in the general election when you are never

Obviously that isn’t going to get you anywhere near a majority in the commons and you are going to need one of the big boys. Either the Conservatives or Labour.

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Potentially the Lib Dems as well. DUNCAN: A lot of this is above our pay grade to use a phrase but scrapping trident has been discussed. I imagine that we will want the Barnet formula looked at. Going back to the question as to why to vote for Plaid: with a Plaid MP you get an MP 24 hours a day, working for the constituents around the clock while not having the distraction of government. Being an MP is a full time job, especially in this area. What would be the one policy that you would need in order to get a coalition?

been travelling on which is gradual devolution. Taking that and getting used to using that properly and moving onto the next step. Why are you supportive of devolution? Is it ideological or sheer economic? DUNCAN: For me it is economic. I had a road to Damascus moment where I reversed the whole question and thought what was Wales getting out of the union because it was difficult to see, especially when everything gets drawn towards London. You have to seriously ask yourself, how

DUNCAN: Is this a personal thing? Yeah, I can’t really ask you more than that. DAN: The Barnet Formula has to be up there. If you look at the extra powers that Scotland is having then we should be on par. We shouldn’t be treated like a second class nation. DUNCAN: I would like to see things like criminal justice and energy devolved. Would you like independence here? DUNCAN: Eventually but we have been in a union for 800 years and that isn’t something that you pull apart over night. Over the last fifteen years, we have been happy with the route that we have

bad would it be if we did have the power to set our own tax levels and that sort of thing and greater freedom. I have to say that it has to be taken one step at a time and convince the electorate at each step that the trust they have

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Do you that ita lot the you problem Nick Clegg given youthink is worth andofthat havewith moved is that he looks verymove Davidany Cameron, he isthat. a similar responsibly, you can’t faster than age, from similar backgrounds, do you think that

might don’t likeitabout And are be youbehind happywhat withwe that? How has him and you can also say this about Ed Milliband? performed so far? I think that you have hit one if the major problems of

DAN: Yeah I think so. I think that the lack of British politics at the moment, they are all cloned. They funding is holding usschool back here though but come out of public or university, they get an gradual stepsorare what are required. I think Wales internship a researchers job and then they become has to stand on its own two feet and anthe MP;potential That is a big I would like with to see that but I wouldn’t want to see problems this it overnight country as because there areI don’t think that would work. very few MPS who

comment that Danny Alexander and George Osbourne had which was a note saying ‘sorry all the money has gone’ You must have had an idea of where the country was or wasn’t? My experience when I became leader of Swansea council was that I didn’t realise beforehand some of the things that were happening.

have had a proper job

DUNCAN: I think that the assembly has but I don’t and I don’t mean solicitors or barristers; think that the Welsh Government has and I think youpeople need aneed mix of that to distinguish between the two. people as an youawful needgovernment a If you have and we have got of sexes, we wantbut a we don’t say ‘lets do anmix awful government house of the commons away with house of commons’. They (Labour notAssembly) a house ofhave done a really poor job in and Welsh elite. and we are still hearing that they are ‘going to improve the education’ but I think that people He looks comfortable have probably waited long enough. with Cameron?

When you said earlier about all our money gets Yeah but they are all sucked to London, wouldn’t it just get sucked the same. Look at Ed toMilliband, Cardiff with Would it get has independence? he had a here? To job? North proper No!Wales? That’s at least one thing you can say about Cable that!

DUNACN: Yeah potentially. As we saw with Scotland, is a leap into the unknown and d Will theitLiberal Democrats be looking to Iabolish rather be fees? honest and to say that and Plaid is a tuition party where we are utopian and we want to look made the mistake of signing up toon something forWe a better country rather than carry hoping tothat wescraps didn’tfrom reallythe appreciate fullwhich cost ofisand it wasn’t get mastersthe table pretty untilwhat we opened the parties books up much the other do.and got the famous

DAN: I think it would be the case, Cardiff is the So are you saying that if the Lib Dems had won an capital but I think it comes down to who is in outright majority in the last election, you still power because have different wouldn’t have different scrappedparties tuitionwill fees? That it wasn’t ideas as tothat where to spend their growth. I think the torys stopped you? that Plaid would spread it out and not just focus on Cardiff but I think that a Labour government I have a feeling that we would have had to look at how would. you look at Scotland then they have tuition to fundIffurther education. I’m not sure whether spread it out, the commonwealth games has

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given you is worth it and that you have given you is worth it and that youmoved have moved responsibly, you can’t faster responsibly, youmove can’t any move any than fasterthat. than that.

And are you happy with that? has it has And are you happy withHow that?itHow performed so far?so far? performed

DAN: Yeah I think the lack oflack of DAN:I think Yeah Iso. think so. Ithat think that the funding is holding us backushere but but funding is holding backthough here though gradual steps are what required. I think IWales gradual steps areare what are required. think Wales has thehas potential to stand its own feet and the potential to on stand on itstwo own two feet and I wouldI would like to like see to that but I wouldn’t want to see to see see that but I wouldn’t want it overnight because I don’t Ithink would it overnight because don’tthat think that would work. work.

DUNCAN: I think Ithat the assembly has buthas I don’t DUNCAN: think that the assembly but I don’t think that the Welsh Government has and I think think that the Welsh Government has and I think that people need to distinguish between the two. that people need to distinguish between the two. If you have awful and weand have If youan have an government awful government wegot have got an awful but webut don’t ‘letssay do‘lets do an government awful government wesay don’t away with house of commons’ . They (Labour awaythe with the house of commons’ . They (Labour in Welsh Assembly) have done reallyapoor in Welsh Assembly) haveadone reallyjob poor job and weand arewe stillare hearing that they ‘going to still hearing thatare they are ‘going to improve the education’ but I think people improve the education’ but Ithat think that people have probably waitedwaited long enough. have probably long enough.

When When you said aboutabout all ourall money gets gets youearlier said earlier our money suckedsucked to London, wouldn’t it just it get sucked to London, wouldn’t just get sucked to Cardiff with independence? WouldWould it get it get to Cardiff with independence? here? To North Wales?Wales? here? To North

DUNACN: Yeah potentially. As we saw with DUNACN: Yeah potentially. As we saw with Scotland, it is a leap the unknown and I dand I d Scotland, it is ainto leap into the unknown rather rather be honest and toand say that and Plaid a is a be honest to say that andisPlaid party where we arewe utopian and weand want lookto look party where are utopian weto want for a better country rather rather than carry hoping to for a better country thanon carry on hoping to get scraps from the masters table which is pretty get scraps from the masters table which is pretty much what other do. do. muchthe what theparties other parties

DAN: I DAN: think Iitthink would be thebe case, is the is the it would theCardiff case, Cardiff capitalcapital but I think comes down to whotoiswho in is in but Iitthink it comes down powerpower because different partiesparties will have because different willdifferent have different ideas as to where to spend their growth. I think I think ideas as to where to spend their growth. that Plaid spreadspread it out and not justnot focus thatwould Plaid would it out and just focus on Cardiff but I think a Labour government on Cardiff but Ithat think that a Labour government would.would. If you look Scotland then they If youatlook at Scotland thenhave they have spreadspread it out, the commonwealth gamesgames has has it out, the commonwealth

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R�� U� T� E�ec�i�� rejuvenated rejuvenated Glasgow, Glasgow, I think Iwe think canwe learn canalearn lot a lot from Scotland. from Scotland. Does itDoes make it it make difficult it difficult to come to up come with upawith a manifesto? manifesto? That you That may youhave mayto have please to please I noticed I noticed a car out a car there, out there, not sure notifsure it is one if it is ofone of peoplepeople from different from different wings wings of the of party? the party? yours yours but it had but it a sticker had a sticker on it saying on it saying ‘say yes’ ‘say yes’ to independence to independence in Scotland. in Scotland. How would How would you you DAN: No DAN: because No because I think Ideep thinkdown, deep down, peoplepeople want want have voted have voted if you if were youthere? were there? what iswhat best isforbest Wales for and Wales weand willwe all will come all come together together at the end at the with endthis with goal. thisI goal. want Ito want see to see DUNCAN: DUNCAN: Yes andYes I thought and I thought an awful an lot awful about lot about it it improved improved healthhealth facilities; facilities; I want Ito want see to improved see improved and I considered and I considered everything everything and came andto came thatto that education education systemsystem because because I think Ithat think under that under this this only two only weeks two weeks beforebefore the election. the election. LabourLabour government: government: we have wegone havebackwards gone backwards and not and forwards. not forwards. Do youDo think you that thinkwe that have weahave problem a problem with with immigration? immigration? DUNCAN: DUNCAN: As someone As someone who has who been hasabeen part of a part of puttingputting together together the manifesto the manifesto on a number on a number of of DAN: We DAN: were Wediscussing were discussing this earlier. this earlier. I don’t Ihave don’tahave times, a times, it’s notit’s brutal not brutal but it isbut tough. it is tough. You areYou invited are invited problem problem no. I think no. Ithat think the that media the media and certain and certain to put to your putideas yourforward ideas forward but you but have youtohave haveto have partiesparties make too make much too of much it and of then it andpeople then people get get evidenced evidenced them and them I have and had I have papers had papers returned returned suckedsucked into it. into I don’t it. Ithink don’tthat think wethat arewe as bad are as offbad off to me before, to me before, not quite notwith quitered with writing red writing marked marked as people as people think. You think. have Youtohave looktoatlook the bigger at the bigger all overallit over but asking it but asking ‘how is‘how this costed?’ is this costed?’ or ‘howor ‘how picture,picture, 100,000 100,000 peoplepeople come in come frominEurope from Europe but butare youare doing you this’ doing and this’ soand it does so itbecome does become really really then how thenmany how people many people move to move Spain to and Spain what and what annoying annoying when people when people say a) you say a) don’t youhave don’tany have any have you. have They you.don’t Theymention don’t mention that inthat the media in the media ideas, which ideas, which generally generally get pinched, get pinched, Plaid has Plaid been has been and soand no, Iso don’t no, Ihave don’tan have issue anwith issueit.with it. the ideas thefactory ideas factory for Wales for for Wales thefor lastthe twenty last twenty years or years b) that or b) hasn’t that hasn’t been costed been costed and you and areyou are DUNCAN: DUNCAN: I have an I have issue anwith issuethe with debate the debate and and thinking thinking that you that know you itknow works it works as youas have youspent have spent how it how has been it hasconstructed been constructed and the and kind theofkind highof highmonths months on it. And on it. soAnd it is so a tough it is a tough processprocess but it isbut it is tempotempo way. There way. is There no room is nofor room debate. for debate. We have We havea very afair very one. fair one. to ask questions to ask questions about about how tohow looktoafter lookthe after the infrastructure, infrastructure, the schooling, the schooling, hospitals hospitals etc.. But etc.. But the way the that way it that is being it is framed being framed in the media in the media and and UKIP isUKIP a creating is a creating from that from media. that media. It has almost It has almost become become a case aofcase ‘whyofis‘why this closed’: is this closed’: ‘because ‘because of of the immigrants’ the immigrants’ it’s been it’smade been that made simple that simple when when the reality the reality is that is it that has nothing it has nothing to do with to dothat. with that. Do theDo members the members of Plaid ofCymru Plaid Cymru share many share many views views or do you or do simply you simply just share just a share nationalisa nationalistic view. tic view. DUNCAN: DUNCAN: There are There people are people who come who to come the to the party for party different for different reasons reasons and a lot andcome a lot to come the to the party from partythe from Welsh the Welsh speaking speaking heart lands heartare lands are here because here because they have theyahave genuine a genuine concern concern for thefor the future future of the language of the language (and this (and is athis broad is a broad generalisation) generalisation) but from butour from part our ofpart the world, of the world, we we joined joined because because we feltwe that felt if change that if change is coming is coming then itthen isn’t coming it isn’t coming fast enough. fast enough. I actually I actually enjoy enjoy the mix. the I look mix.forward I look forward to the to conference the conference and and seeingseeing peoplepeople from North from Wales North who WalesI haven’t who I haven’t seen inseen a year in or a year so and or so share andashare pint with a pintthem. with Ithem. I enjoy that enjoy about that about the party. the party.

82 Ja��

Sw�� Eat� F�o�!

I have seen numerous people on facebook in disarray after the Vietnam restaurant in the Uplands had changed its menu and chef. I must admit that I absolutely loved the place and (although I’m withholding judgement on the new changes) I was disappointed to hear of the change.

there was an exciting atmosphere brewing.

Luckily for me, I heard that the Poets corner was having an Indonesian night and that’s kind of the same place isn’t it?

There was no westernisation to the menu and I couldn’t recognise or pronounce hardly any of the dishes on there. Rendang Sapi, Mie Goreng Istimewa, Kari Ayam, Sambai Goreng Ati Ayam to name a few: none of which really slipped off the tongue or gave me too much of an impression of what it was going to be like: Thankfully their description was in English and it all sounded pretty good.

I must admit that my knowledge of Vietnam kind of begins and end with the war (I don’t think they had much to do with the soundtrack) and I have no real idea where they are geographically. It’s a general law that unless you happen to be good at sport, nobody knows who you are or where you are. After a quick Google, it turns out that Vietnam and Indonesia are in fact neighbours. Although 5,000 miles of sea separates them, the cuisine should be therefore similar: kind of.

Real ale on offer at £2.50 kept me happy and got me excited, it was a left over barrel of Christmas ale from the look of the badge but was a good choice and ideal for the winter weather.

There is something special about ‘themed nights’, they are kind of naughty, as though you are doing something which you shouldn’t. Eating Indonesian food in a pub???? Is that really allowed??? Anyway, the pub was really busy and

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Kids £4.50

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Courses

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Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o�!

I was eating out with a Vegi. I was buying and I chose here because I hoped that there would only be chips on the menu for him and so would be a nice cheap meal but sadly some of these words weren’t in fact animals. I went for a Curry Wrap for a starter, which is reasonably self explanatory, it was samosa like but a bit moister inside, it was good without being unbelievable. Vegi went for Bergedel Kentalong and we all obviously know what this is like!! For those of you who have never had this then it is deep fried mash potato with onion and egg. You can’t help but laugh at vegetarians can you!

I was still thinking and comparing to Vietnamese and I am really into their noodles up in the Uplands and so was intent on having some of them. I went for a Rendang Sapi which is diced beef cooked in milk with chilli, onion, garlic, ginger, galangal (what the hell is that?) Lemon Grass and lime leaf. It was awesome, I must say. It was a lot more stew-like than I expected, it was actually ideal for this time of the year and I wasn’t expecting it to be like that. Accompanied with some noodles and I was happy. Vegi went for two carrots as a main meal. No, he actually went for some noodles but without the good bits but said it was really good all the same. I’m not as much of a meat eating Neanderthal as I make out, I’m quite partial to the odd good Vegi meal. I prefer a good spicy

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Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o�!

bean burger to most beef burgers which are usually pumped full of crap but there is a difference between that and having a two course meal comprising of deep fried mash potato and noodles. It may be true that us meat eaters are saving the planet but at least we enjoy our time on it! Price-wise it was brilliant. Change from a tenna for a two course meal while trying something a bit different: You can’t really knock that. There was something special about eating this type of food in a traditional pub. As I said earlier, I do like a themed night and I know that they are looking to have other ones in the future and it’s worth looking out for even just to improve your geography some what.

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The Secret Breakfasteer

I work all over south west wales and am up at 5oclock so come half 9 Im usually in the mood for a breakfast. Ive rated on quality, price and location, each month the league table will be updated and 1 new review will be carried out very edition. As it stands at the moment Position 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th

Café the Penny Black, Burry Port The Skyline Café, Glyncorrwg Mountain Bike Centre Tambinis Express Café Tollgate, Port Talbot Café on the roundabout Ystalyfera Fairdeal Café, Llansamlet Enterprise Park 20/30

Score out of 30 25.5 24 21 20.5 20

This issues review was supposed to be at the big cam in Neath as they had it advertised in the window but apparently they don’t start food until 11am, surely this is classed as brunch. Instead jack swan and myself crossed the road and went to Changes instead. The presence of people eating is always a good sign, Inside the décor was just like a Chinese takeaway but with some tables and chairs laid out for the breakfast clientele. Both of us decided on a large which consisted of 2 sausage,2 bacon 2 fried eggs ,fried potatoes, mushrooms, black pudding toast, beans and a mug of tea for £5: great value. As for the food itself it arrived promptly and well presented as against looking like it had been dropped on the plate from a great height. The bacon and eggs where cooked just right but the sausages have room for improvement but saying that they were better than 80% of places I’ve been to. So next time your shopping in Neath before 11am try changes: If you fancy a brunch go to the big cam and write a review for jack swan! Location 6/10 Value 8/10 Quality 7.5/10

21.5 30

CAUTION: INFORMATION ON NEXT PAGE MAY SHOCK!!

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��ME

IT R��Y �S f�� A�� Ja�� Sw�� nf�@ja�k�w�� .c�.�� 07�80 369545

B� � B�� M��! DON'T AIM FOR THE URINAL CAKE!!!!!

While it's fun to aim at something, keep in mind that it is at an optimal location for deflecting a urine spray in random directions, including the direction whence the urine comes.

DON'T HIT THE BACK OF THE URINAL AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE. Think about it: if hitting the urinal cake results in a "sprinkler effect," hitting the back of the urinal head-on only comes to the same result, only with much greater chance of being hit by your own stream.

The best way to avoid these splash back situations is to angle the stream so that it follows a curve along the back surface and gently flows down into the bottom. By hitting the urinal wall at an obtuse angle, the urine will flow easier to its intended destination instead of your nice slacks.

�A�K ��N �S W�LC�ME HERE!!

EATS FOOD!

LOOK OUT FOR THIS POSTER WHERE YOU EAT!!!!

WE ARE SO CONFIDENT THAT OUR FOOD IS ALWAYS AT THE HIGHEST STANDARD THAT WE CHALLENGE JACK SWAN TO COME HERE ANYTIME AND REVIEW OUR FOOD!!!

P�� f�� Kid� I’m not a fan of chains, especially when it comes to pubs. In fairness, there are ‘chains’ and then there are ‘chains’. There are those pubs that are owned by a brewery but still manage to keep their identity and then there are those that become another ‘high street’ clone which is found in every other town. For these reasons, I should hate a Harvester but I don’t. They serve a fantastic purpose and the one down the Liberty is no different. A meal for me and two kids (toddlers really) and drinks came to a little over £15. We all had two courses and it is really well geared up for kids. A buffet, so I can instantly put them in a chair and keep them quiet with food, colouring crayons and things to colour in on kids menu and the food is quick and is pretty decent and reasonably priced. The annoying thing is that it really isn’t rocket science and so why aren’t more independent pubs doing this?

HARVESTERs EVERYWHERE Quality of Food: Quality of Childs Entertainment Quality of Adults Entertainment Value for money Beer

P��i�u� Sc��e� New Swan Ystalyfera Hungry Horse In Dunvant Dyffren Arms Bryncoch

Total 39/50 36.5/50 32/50

7 8 4 7 6

Total 32/50 What is Your Pubs Story?

Get in touch and tell us 07880 369545

OPEN FOR FOOD ALL DAY

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Mon-Sat 12pm-8:30pm M Mon-Sat 12pm-8:30pm Lasagne Lasagne Beef & Ale Pie B e f & Al e P i e Ponty Ham & Eggs P o n t y Ha m & E g s All Day Brunch Al l D a y B r u n c h Cheese & Onion Rissoles Ch Valentines Day Special 2 Ribete Steaks and a Bottle of Champaigne £19.99

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96 P��n�-�es� P��n��n�! We have all been there, (well those of us with kids) the football is on TV and we don’t get to watch hardly any of it as we are too busy entertaining the little monsters. I asked Claire from Munchkinos Childminding to try and come up with a solution. Happy New Year! Now that the children are back in school, Christmas seems a distant memory. The new toys that they had from Father Christmas could very well keep them You will need: entertained while you watch The Swans on TV. If Small Plastic toys however you find it a struggle to enjoy a match at Containers ( we used home without constant interruptions here is a new buckets ) activity for you to try. It will keep your children busy Access to a tap and engaged for a good while (possibly the whole A freezer match!!!) When tested out, for your convenience, on Salt a 7, 5 and two year old it lasted almost 2 hours!!!! Food colouring (optional) The Great Match Day Dig Empty squirty bottle (optional) This activity does take a little preparation, but it is easy and free! Frozen, Dinosaur and Moshi Monster plastic toys were collected and placed in different size containers. They were filled with water and food colouring was added to a couple of them. They were left to freeze overnight and when we were ready to use them we just popped them under the hot tap and the ice blocks came away easily. The blocks were placed on a tray to minimise mess, but a larger plastic container could also be used. We added a couple of drops of different food colouring to salt and filled a squirty bottle with warm water. Plastic knives, spoons and other digging utensils were added to the tray. The children loved experimenting and trying to work out the best and most efficient way to melt the ice to get to the toys. They enjoyed chipping away, adding the coloured salt and squirting the ice. Once they had uncovered all of their treasure they did a show and tell for us. Happy Digging : www.facebook.com/munchkinos

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corporate clients in and around Swansea area. and English speaking are always on hand to help you with all your nursery needs and to provide your children with the best care possible six days a week. The nursery employs its own cook who ensures that healthy and nutritious meals are served daily.

Q�� An��r�

Picture Quiz 1) Angel Di Maria 2) Lionel Messi 3) Phillip Lahm 4) Thiago Silva 5) David Luiz

Link: All in Fifa team of the year

Mind Puzzles:

1) They are on opposite sides of the river 2) Worked at a lighthouse 3) The man lives in a house boat, and is in the middle of the ocean with no fresh water around. 4) The man had the hiccups and the water helped him stop it, and the gun scared him which also help stop his hiccups as well. 5) Nothing 6) A person wearing a non digital watch - An average person has 2 hands, + a minute hand on the watch, + an hour hand, and sometimes a second hand. 7) The poison was in the ice and the man had drunk the punch fast enough that the ice didn't melt. Everyone else took their time and before you know it the ice melted. 8) Growing Old 9) Nowhere in sight 10) Generation Gap

Vital Information

Lightning kills 10,000 to 15,000 birds each year. It might be true, makes sense but its made up.

An� �� n�� t� �ha� y�� e�� w�n� t� �n�� i�:-