Issue 35 by Jack Swan

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Editorial Best Premier League eleven More From Stand Back Art Loan Report What The Fans Think Pictures Of The Month Pointless Diamond Lawro Loves Swansea Take the Money What the Fans Think Jokes By Spense Picture Quiz Jokes By Spense Guide For Away Fans Jack Swan does Top Gear More From Spense Vital Information Race To Player Of The Year Mind Puzzles

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Our season is seemingly over in terms of things to fight for however I am more excited for our remaining matches than I have been for a while. Our last five games have been brilliant, we could have easily pinched a point at spurs and all three against Liverpool but we have consolidated our impressive league position and April brings four pretty winnable games. I love the new system we have adopted, our signings have just strolled into the starting eleven and I’m already looking forward to seeing what we can do next season. Someone said to me a few days ago that this summer is our most important transfer window for some time; I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t feel like any of our main players are going anywhere, I think our squad is pretty solid and our first eleven is a comfortable top half team. Our manager isn’t going to be prized away; I actually think Sir Huw might enjoy his holiday come June. A striker is the obvious position where there is concern but we have eight games to try and solve half of that problem by getting Gomis firing. I like him: I think he will come good. He is still the subject of conversation, he is still the one that we aren’t totally convinced on but I think there have been enough flashes of late for us to get optimistic.

perfectly for him, keepers aren’t guessing his move, defenders aren’t quite getting the blocks in. This wont last forever, underneath it all, I’m sure he is still a top quality player but he’s certainly in a purple patch and Gomis clearly isn’t. People will argue that he should have scored two against Villa before he finally did find the net but I feel like things just aren’t going his way this minute, on another day he could do exactly the same thing and have scored three. That’s football. I can see as many as three strikers coming in should we play the same system, which would be exciting in it self; if not slightly expensive. Olivero has managed to be as successful as our previous loan strikers. He’s shown some nice touches, glimmering moments but generally just not at the races and you wouldn’t expect us to be spending any money on him at this moment in time, although 8 games can change everything. This issue is rammed as ever. I hope you enjoy it. Always keen to hear your thoughts. Cheers

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Strikers go through spells where everything goes right for them. Harry Kane looks top draw but at this moment in time, the ball is falling

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Bes� P�� Lea�� 1 All pictures by Stand Back Art

As we approach our best ever points total in the Premier League, I wonder what our best Premier League eleven is. Goalkeeper There are only really two options here although Tremmel did have an outstanding couple of months at one point but the clear option is Vorm or Fabianski. First impressions make a huge difference in everything and football is no different and Vorm gave us as great a first impression as any signing we have made. The Dutchman made countless top draw saved in our first few months of our debut season and we all instantly loved the guy. He was worth ten million plus at this point, arguably the best keeper in the league; even the world! Best keeper ever!!!!! It didn’t stay like that though. Without having a go at the player, he became human; he made very few mistakes over the three years he was with us but he made very few match winning saves outside of the first few months. His distribution was always phenomenal but he even seemed slightly lost as to what to do with the ball at his feet when Laudrup took over and truth be told; I was really pleased to see him leave when he did. Alex Ferguson famously said that a good goalkeeper is worth 15 points over the course of the season; Vorm didn’t earn us any in his last season. He just wasn’t pulling off match winning saves. He wasn’t making awful mistakes but is that enough?

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thought he got worse as his second season went on. His turning circle was awful at times and he got found out on more than one occasion. Without wanting to sound like sour grapes for him leaving; I couldn’t believe our luck when we swapped him for siggy. Taylor came back in but was noticeably worse; poor offensively and defensively and the crown had to stumble its way to Davies. That is until the last 6 weeks. Since our formation change Taylor has been outstanding, absolutely quality and its left me with a very tough decision. So much so that I’m going to go for Dwight Tiendalli!! Seriously; Ben Davies: just! I feel like he had less bad matches but very tight.

Fencing and as his confidence grew he had an almost unique ability to cut inside in the final third Decking when most full backs would overlap. This caused mayhem in the opposition defence time and Panels & Trellis time again. Security Fencing For me, he had a pretty poor end of his career with the Swans. His first campaign was all Gates champagne and roses; he was magnificent but I Sheds Turf & Top Soil Decorative Agregates Old & New Sleepers Plus Much More INSTALLATION SERVICE AVAILABLE

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Well, it proved out that it wasn’t enough when we replaced him with Fabianski. Here we have a keeper who has also made very few mistakes (one against Liverpool springs to mind) but has made match winning saves and has earned us points. He’s been a revelation and for me and has to go down as our best keeper in the Premier league. This may be harsh as if I compared Vorms first 7 months with Fabianski then I probably would make a different decision but I’m sticking with Fab! Left Back Now here is a tough one! Again only really the two options and they are very even in every aspect. Neil Taylor really impressed and surprised me in his opening season, he was solid defensively and bombed past his winger with intent and really pushed down the bi-line and delivered some decent crosses in. Then the injury and a certain Mr Ben Davies.

The Seven Sisters schooled boy (I’ve missed writing that) was an instant hit and a real revelation. We all loved him for being local, being an unknown and taking to the Premier League like a duck to water but he was also pretty damn good. Defensively he started even stronger than Taylor and as his confidence grew he had an almost unique ability to cut inside in the final third when most full backs would overlap. This caused mayhem in the opposition defence time and time again. For me, he had a pretty poor end of his career with the Swans. His first campaign was all champagne and roses; he was magnificent but I

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Right Back: Just the two options again; Angel Rangel or Kyle Naughton. Naughton has settled in with complete ease, he’s really adapted to first team Premier League football without any problem, he is solid defensively, positions himself very well and also loves to get forward, has pace and can put in a fantastic delivery. But it has to be Angel Rangel and that isn’t just my heart speaking. It’s easy to forget how good we were defensively under Brendan. We first of all managed to dominate possession even against the biggest clubs and we were really tough to score against, especially from open play. Our favourite Spaniard was right at the heard of all of that. I can think of very few players who embarrassed him over his first couple of seasons in the league, his positioning was almost always perfection and his communication with Ash and the rest of the back four is second to none. But he brought a sense of calm to the whole side when he was at his best. He was always an outlet, always wanted the ball and our players always trusted him with it. Is it any coincidence that Nathan Dyers form has completely gone since Rangel has? He’s lost that bit of pace which you need at full back but his first couple of

season were superb! Angel Rangel! Centre Back Clearly we have Ashley Williams as one of them but who to play alongside him? Caulker? Chico? Fernandez? Let’s ignore Caulkers foolish choice of destination after his loan spell with us. He did a fantastic job for us. He was dominant in the air, positioned himself well and was clearly a great ally to Ash who you felt held his hand and walked him through some matches (and Caulker has missed that support ever since). He wasn’t as blessed with the ball at his feet but in the air he was great and gave us a good solid season.

10 Bes� P�� Lea�� 1 Right Back: Just the two options again; Angel Rangel or Kyle Naughton. Naughton has settled in with complete ease, he’s really adapted to first team Premier League football without any problem, he is solid defensively, positions himself very well and also loves to get forward, has pace and can put in a fantastic delivery. But it has to be Angel Rangel and that isn’t just my heart speaking. It’s easy to forget how good we were defensively under Brendan. We first of all managed to dominate possession even against the biggest clubs and we were really tough to score against, especially from open play.

Our favourite Spaniard was right at the heard of all of that. I can think of very few players who embarrassed him over his first couple of seasons in the league, his positioning was almost always perfection and his communication with Ash and the rest of the back four is second to none. But he brought a sense of calm to the whole side when he was at his best. He was always an outlet, always wanted the ball and our players always trusted him with it. Is it any coincidence that Nathan Dyers form has completely gone since Rangel has? He’s lost that bit of pace which you need at full back but his first couple of

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Bes� P�� Lea�� 1

Chico was the complete opposite. He gave us flair, blessed with the ball at his feet with the ability to break through the midfield and start an attack from deep. He didn’t always make the best of decisions (to put it mildly) and was a complete tool half of the time but when he wasn’t a complete idiot; he was half decent! Federico has the assets of both Caulker and Chico and a bit more. He’s calm just like the Spaniard but solid and reliable just like he who got a bit lost on the M4. He’s without doubt the best partner that Ash has had and has to be in our best Premier League eleven. I can’t recall any South American centre back adjusting to the Premier League with such ease; if you can then please send it in! Federico Fernandez Holding midfield It’s too early for the impressive Cork (I know he’s been here as long as Naughton!!!!) and so for me it is between Leon and Mr Allen. I must admit that I love them both. Joey is getting rave reviews at the moment as the silent man behind Liverpool’s revival. He’s a lovely neat and tidy footballer, he puts in a shift, gets right around the park and is clearly trying to add more of a goal threat to his game but he does the simple things really well and he’s a player that Swansea City should be proud of as we not only developed him but he pretty much sums up our style of play. But then there is the greatest player to ever wear a Swans shirt. Leon is god in my eyes; his anticipation is extraordinary; he seems to be a few seconds in front of every other player on the pitch. The ball

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finds him, wherever he is; the ball follows. I haven’t given up hope of him returning to his very best; his greatest strengths are his ability to read a game and that never goes. He could play on with one leg and I’d still be outraged with his omission from every England squad. A real pleasure to watch every time. Leon Britton!

Centre Midfield I’m keeping with the old 4-5-1 although this has seen different roles in midfield. I’m kind of going for the Laudrup midfield where there was the one deep and then one slightly more offensive and one in the hole. For the most central of central midfielders we have a bit of choice; Johnathan De Guzman, Jonjo Shelvey or Ki. JDG had a really great engine on him that resulted in him getting a lot of chances and having a good return in front of goal. It is always nice to have a bit of pace in that midfield but he wasn’t too keen on

the dirty stuff. Wouldn’t get involved in any scraps on the floor or in the air and seemed pretty easy to bully. Shelvey is finally looking like he’s able to put a few performances together and get some consistency. He has the rawest talent out of any of the three and scores some insane goals and always has that threat about him. He doesn’t have the engine that JDG had and does go missing in games where he seems to take a little breather. His physical edge and ability to ‘mix it up’ would give him the edge over the Dutchman for me though. There are two Ki’s. The Ki in his first season and the Ki this year. The former Ki was infuriating, he gave the ball away too easily, looked really sloppy at times and was quite lightweight in the engine room too and couldn’t score in a brothel. The boy that returned is a man my son. He’s bigger, stronger, more composed and looks like a player that is confident and in control; he owns the space around him. He’s the complete player and would be my choice in this role without any shadow of a doubt. Fantastic player.

Bes� P�� Lea�� 1

Centre Midfield

I’m keeping with the old 4-5-1 although this has seen different roles in midfield. I’m kind of going for the Laudrup midfield where there was the one deep and then one slightly more offensive and one in the hole. For the most central of central midfielders we have a bit of choice; Johnathan De Guzman, Jonjo Shelvey or Ki. JDG had a really great engine on him that resulted in him getting a lot of chances and having a good return in front of goal. It is always nice to have a bit of pace in that midfield but he wasn’t too keen on

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16 Bes� P�� Lea�� E�� The hole! Well, this is a really tough one. Marvin Emnes or Mark Gower? That actually would be a tough decision but so is Michu or Siggy. Siggy has the two spells with us and its easy to forget that the whole world could have been very different had we not have got Siggy on loan in our debut season. His goals were vital in keeping us safe and he was different class compared to the side we had back then. He stood out from a mile away and it was no great surprise that he opted for a bigger club, albeit because Brendan left. It is a great compliment to how our side has progressed that he doesn’t really stand out anymore; that’s not because he is any worse, he is still a brilliant player with the ability to both create and score goals in the blink of an eye but the players around him are also of that class. Bizarrely, I think that Michu stood out in his second season (before his injury) more than his first. Not many agree with me on this but it was at this time where he won his solitary Spain cap and although the goals weren’t as easy to come by, he was a marked man and I thought he was fantastic. He was a defenders nightmare, he would switch off for minutes at a time and let the defenders get comfortable before exploding into life and jumping into them and just being hard bloody work. He knew where the back of the net was, could score with his head and with his great movement and was just a class act. Whatever happened to him happened. And whatever will happen to him will happen. I haven’t given up on

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him making a return and being brilliant once more but I am a continual optimist. This is probably the toughest decision of them all and I’m going to go back to it! Wing I’m going to give a massive compliment and say that Wayne Routledge earns a place on one wing regardless. He’s been our most consistent winger over the four seasons by a country mile and it also saves me the awkwardness of deciding which flank to play him and other people and so he’s in! I have never seen a player able to cross the ball with the outside of the foot while running at pace as consistently as him and I think he’s been underrated on many occasions. So that leaves us with Sinclair, Pablo, Montero and Dyer.

Ah Scott Sinclair. I struggle with my feelings towards him. Whenever I see him, I have mixed emotions. He was a huge reason that we are where we are and we must remember that. I don’t begrudge him his move in anyway and I get annoyed by people when they say that he left for the money and that he must have known he was going to sit on the bench. I’d hate to think that any aspiring young footballer thinks that they aren’t good enough to force their way into any team. I truly believe that he was ambitious enough to think that he was better than David Silva. You and I know that is ridiculous but surely we want young people to think this? Would we rather he said ‘I’m not going there, I’m not good enough’. BUT it’s always nice when someone leaves you for pastors new and it turns out that it’s not all that kop. He didn’t actually do that great for us in the Premier League and wasn’t a great

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18 Bes� P�� Lea�� 1 Wing I’m going to give a massive compliment and say that Wayne Routledge earns a place on one wing regardless. He’s been our most consistent winger over the four seasons by a country mile and it also saves me the awkwardness of deciding which flank to play him and other people and so he’s in! I have never seen a player able to cross the ball with the outside of the foot while running at pace as consistently as him and I think he’s been underrated on many occasions. So that leaves us with Sinclair, Pablo, Montero and Dyer. Ah Scott Sinclair. I struggle with my feelings towards him. Whenever I see him, I have mixed emotions. He was a huge reason that we are where we are and we must remember that. I don’t begrudge him his move in anyway and I get annoyed by people when they say that he left for the money and that he must have known he was going to sit on the bench. I’d hate to think that any aspiring young footballer thinks that they aren’t good enough to force their way into any team. I truly believe that he was ambitious enough to think that he was better than David Silva. You and I know that is ridiculous but surely we want young people to think this? Would we rather he said ‘I’m not going there, I’m not good enough’. BUT it’s always nice when someone leaves you for pastors new and it turns out that it’s not all that kop. He didn’t actually do that great for us in the Premier League and wasn’t a great loss. I don’t think too many of us were concerned when we heard that we had sold him; decent player; nout special! Dyer. I can’t recall any player who dips in and out of form so much. I have written him off on many

occasions now but he keeps bouncing back. He’s so quick its scary, he manages to contribute defensively really well because of this pace and when on form; he knows where the back of the net is. Off-form he doesn’t know where his feet are and he has had too many occasions like this. He’s currently going through another awful patch but I have no doubt that he will soon be incredible again! Pablo. Do you remember how excited you were when we signed him? His injuries is what done him in for us. He would take four of five weeks to get up to scratch but was injured every six weeks. At his best he was incredible, the West Brom match springs to mind when we played with the three wingers and blew them away inside thirty minutes. His vision was outstanding and he was at times brilliant but injuries got the better of him like they have many a player. Montero. Is it wrong that I want to put him in our best ever eleven when he’s not even in our current one? I don’t care: he’s going in! His pace makes Dyer look slow, he just plays a game with Chicken with his opponents he has the ball at his feet and waits and waits and waits some more and pounces the moment the defender moves. His cut back for Gomis in the Villa match as superb, if he can add some goals to his game then he wont be here long! £20 million plus move away in summer 2016 in my opinion.

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20 P�� Lea�� Bes� E�� Fabianski

Up Top. Vasquet, Shekter, Graham, Gomis or Bony.

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I wont waste too much room or time here: Bony. Graham did a decent job. I have faith that Gomis will come good but there clearly is no decision to me made here. Could put an argument for Michu up top but Bony is the man.

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Which, leaves us with the issue of who to play behind him and we all know that we have to play Siggy there as it’s a far better partnership. So that’s my eleven.

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Jazz Richards : Since leaving Swansea on loan to Fulham on a 2 month loan, Jazz has become a Regular starter in the Fulham Starting lineup making 10 appearances since joining. Earning himself a call up to the Wales first team and a contract loan extension untill the end of the season Alan Tate : Alan has been a regular force in the Crewe Alexander side this season making 20 appearance and gaining 2 assists Modou Barrow : Being one of the newest players to go out on loan this season Modou has made 1 sub appearance and 1 start for Nottingham Forest signing on loan untill the end of the season David Cornell : Has yet to make a start for league 2 side Portsmouth since arriving on loan untill the end of the season Ryan Hedges: Hedges has made 10 appearances for league 1 side Leyton Orient this season scoring 2 goals and earning a call up for the Welsh u21's squad Josh Sheehan : Josh was one of three Swansea youngster to make a loan move to Yeovil untill the end of the season this year with Josh being a regular in the side. Since the move he has made 6 first team appearances earning him a call up to the Welsh u21's Liam Shephard : Liam Shephard was the first youngster to arrive at Yeovil on loan and has been a regular in the squad making 13 appearances for the first team and earning him a call up to the Welsh u21's Stephen Kingsley : Stephen is the 3rd youth player to make the loan move to Yeovil and has been a regular starter since joining until suffering a horrible collision in one match. Stephen made a speedy recovery and was offered a call up to the Scotland u21's.. Rory Donnelly : Rory has been a regular starter for Tranmere Rovers this season although picking up a slight injury he has managed 14 appearances 5 goals while getting 3 assists and picking up the League 2 player of the month for January PD Plumbing half landscape.ai 1 29/03/2015 14:12:43

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Are you put off watching Wales because of Cardiff fans? Diana Doyle YES i will not step in the cardiff stadium since garry speed when the fans were like animals throwing things at you when we were wearing swansea tops with garys name on the back Tom Skittlebomb Crawford Not put off but I do think it's a shame that we can't all get together and put differences aside to support our country. Most others seem to manage it, why can't we? James Williams No the FBOA have stopped me Alex Collins No...cause I'm Scottish. Stephen Brace Nice thought tom but unfortunately for Wales Cardiff fans really don't let us swans fans go to enjoy watching Wales play. I know plenty of people who to go but feel threatened and I'm afraid to say that I have experienced that same hostility coming into the recent six nations. Something needs to be done and fast . Richard David Shields Let's put it another way....are you put off watching Cardiff fans because you're Welsh? Andrew Howells Swansea fans are just as bad when there are games here , have watched Wales many times in Cardiff and its just a minority of bellends that pipe up Tim Rendell Both as bad as each other !! I will never watch a home international watched Wales v England a couple if years back and the handful of English fans totally embarrassed the childlike attitude of the internally booing sets of Welsh "fans" the only time to come together as one and support their nation and they can't even do that !! Says it all really.........Shameful Matthew Ambrose Tbh Cardiff fans wearing their Cardiff tops instead of welsh and putting up cariff flags being childish to other fans is a major put off it's disgusting support your team push rivalry to the side don't hate us because we are better than you and have more welsh internationals than you Chris Pickford No, that's a ridiculous reason not to support your country.

Dan ScFc Yeoman We should all grow up and realise were supporting our country not our club, Cardiff fans act childish wearing their Cardiff shirts etc. And a few of ours do it, England do it with ease yet we can't, it's embarrassing Simon Daniels Stephan Brace.. I had a pretty rough experience at the Autumn tests years ago when we drew with the Aussies… great game! Watched in O'Neills. Everyone happy until they showed highlights of the Swans in a Welsh Cup game. Place went mental. Lots of verbal abuse and glasses thrown at the screen. Guys I'd been standing and chatting with during the Rugby suddenly getting really aggro, so I left pretty sharpish… Had a Motorhead gig to go to in the Uni anyway so no loss! I'd been living in Brighton for about 6 years at that point and had travelled down for the gig/game combo with a pretty strong Sussex accent hiding my Jackness so got away without any problems. . . So no change at the rugby since 2006 at least! Ian Wishart Yes. Myself and my family was abused so bad during the Scotland game a few years back at Legoland. We left at half time and i will never go there again to support Wales ever again. Because of those brain dead scum. They called my 6 year old son A swansea scum C#/t and abused the rest of our group. When i complained to the nearest Steward he said that it was a football match so expect it. I went mental. I wrote a rather detailed letter to the FAW. and to this day still haven't received any reply. Thats how the FAW want it to be then they can stick their International games where the sun don't shine. Sarah J Raf 100% Terry Greenslade Be nice for Wales to play in the Liberty???? Ash Swansea Jack Thomas We are all Welsh and no matter who we support locally, we all need to get behind Wales. Darryl Jones Don't agreed at all with the question... All the rivalry the English clubs have between them when that hanging white crock of shot goes on their ALL ENGLISH.. We should be the same for our country.. End of!!!

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Right: Andy has the best trained dog in Swansea; a Jack who barks whenever hearing the word ‘Cardiff’. Below: Karen from JKs sends in pics from her trip to the Sahara; Karen explains: It's for Cancer research Wales. We trekked 89 km which took 7 days 6 nights across the Sahara dessert. My sister and I have already raised over £5,000 for this event. We at Jk's started raising money 10 years ago after my brothers girlfriend died at the age of 17. That was 10 years ago January this year. With my Father dying from Cancer in 2013 after only begin ill for 5 weeks we thought we would do something different to remember by. Since we started 10 years ago we have raised a healthy £313,283.20. That is without what we raised from this event. Our online donation site is www.justgiving.com/karen-taylor36 Many thanks karen

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Cork can sit deep, Shelvey and Ki are both perfect for I could quite happily lose myself in a computer the ‘sides’ of the diamond and Siggy loves to play in management game once more. I gave up weeks, the hole and so you can be forgiven for being lazy arguably months or even years of my life to and assuming that this is how we will shape up; but Championship manager and later football manager we don’t. And this isn’t football manager; this is a in time gone by. I’m sure these games have game that consists of people and real life. progressed somewhat from when I played The reality is that we them last but I also don’t play a diamond assume that you have to anymore than Liverpool set out with a fixed play a 3-4-3 or Chelsea a formation; even if it is 4-5-1. Modern day Centre Centre customised. football and intense Forward Forward coaching and tactics And the media need a allow complex systems ‘named’ formation; Man which can’t simply be city are slated for their labelled as a specific 4-4-2, Chelsea dominate Offensive name and how we with their 4-5-1, Midfielder currently play can’t be Liverpool have their simply called a diamond. complex 3-4-3 and we Side Side have adapted to a It was welcome to see Midfielder Midfielder diamond. Simple as Gary Neville have a good that, no need for look at our average anybody to think Defensive player positions in the further than this, it has a Midfielder first half against name; we play a Liverpool which clearly diamond! showed that our Full Full diamond was no such Back Back Except; we clearly don’t. Centre Centre thing. He gave a lot of Back Back credit to Monk for the I’ve had issues with the way that we had adapted labelling of the Keeper our game specifically for diamond since we have Liverpools set-up. changed our set-up. The diamond in midfield is exactly as it says on the tin, a holding midfielder, with two either side further forward and one sitting in the hole behind a front two.

While I totally agree with giving our manager more credit, I personally think that he was giving him the wrong credit.

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Brendan has mastered a very complex system in their set-up. I mentioned in the last issue how it totally tucked us up at Anfield and that Monk had no response to it. It allows two advanced wingers on both flanks at times while dominating the midfield and keeping a solid three at the back. This isn’t something which you can simply show the players a picture of ‘how you are going to set up”, it involves every player knowing their exact role and constant communication on the pitch throughout the ninety minutes. Our former manager has a very continental style in the way that he approaches the game. Mourinho is a master of this, his players know what they need to do right down to the tiniest of details and he demands that, any player such as Juan Matta who can’t do this will be out, they need to be able to implement a game plan and be able to adapt and change systems throughout the match. Van Gaal has struggled to get his approach over to his squad but he has this same aim and it is starting to show rewards, whether he plays with the fans favourite; 4-4-2 or 3 at the back, there is far more to it than a simple formation.

best football sides in the world in recent years have come from mainland Western Europe, Spain, France, Germany and Holland have been streaks ahead of the rest of the World. There is no coincidence that managers and players have moved freely between these countries, learning new ideas, new tactics and this is why this part of the world has dominated football. They are more advanced tactically than the rest of us. There are very few in the Premier League that are finally catching up. When you look at the top 5 or 6 clubs now, the managers (possibly with the exception of Pelegrini) are tactically incredibly aware. And show an insane amount of detail to everything: I firmly believe that this is what we are up to and that this is who Gary Monk is able to compete with. Our set-up is bordering ‘Total Football’. With the exception of the two centre backs, each player seems to have incredible amounts of freedom and

The Premier League is lagging behind with complex tactics. For years, it was assumed that every side would play a 4-4-2 formation, a little nippy boy feeding off a big lump up front and that was British football. Knowledge is king. And knowledge spreads. The

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yet a clear understanding of what is demanded of them. There is no ‘fixed’ positions. The full backs have to add the width to the attacks and so are encouraged to bomb forward at every possibility. Our midfield three rotate. Shelvey loves to get the ball from deep and Ki loves to get past the last defenders. The front three are all over the place. And mix and match constantly. Siggy is as advanced as the other two and seems to have as little defensive responsibility; the three almost seem a ‘unit’ where they work it out between themselves. It would be interesting to know exactly why we have changed to this way or exactly who allowed or forced it. It may be that Monk felt Gomis needed more support than Bony did and this set-up was all about this or it could be that he needed Cork to complete the pointless diamond or maybe Naughton was the missing piece, Rangel wasn’t up for the added exposure. I expect us to use it for the rest of the season and we

could be perfecting something very special. It took Liverpool half the season to really get hold of their new way of playing and it could be that Monk has thought that we have the luxury of perfecting this ready for next season without it costing us anything; the fact that the players have adapted to it straight away may be a bonus OR there may be a lot more to come. Monks reputation grows each issue, I have always thought that he will be a good organiser but I have a feeling that he is a lot more special at this than what I realised. Brendan is probably the most organised manager in the league and our man has learned from him and its really exciting to see. One thing is absolutely certain though; Its not a diamond!!!!

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The way our board is set up with the Supporters Trust is the envy of fans up and down the country and in fact across the globe. Having fans with direct involvement with the football club is brilliant and long may it continue. The potential of foreign investment has scared some but it has certainly reminded us all that the trust plays a vital role in us securing our future identity and success. We have had the same board members with the same stake for over a decade, the stability has been incredible and the rise even more so. Let’s not kid ourselves, at some point we are going to need new members on the board and it is looking very likely that that time is going to be upon us very soon.

start with or it may be time you get your prioritise straight. Lets be real about it; this board took a gamble on a club that was worthless and its now worth a lot. They don’t owe us anything, as people; I would think no less of any of them if they cashed in and got as much as they possibly could and enjoyed a millionaire lifestyle with their family: Who wouldn’t!

We don’t like change! We don’t want or need it but change is inevitable; nothing lasts forever. I have heard numerous people who are outraged at certain board members looking to make a ‘quick buck’ on their shares as rumours suggest at least one of our board are looking to pocket some capital. Now, I quite like Swansea City Football Club; I think we are wonderful. In truth though, if I owned 15% shares in it and I could sell 5% of them for £5 million; the only decision I would have is whether to have my second home in France or Spain! If this isn’t the case with you then you either have a lot more money than me to

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Fortunately, I think (I don’t know) that our current reality; I’m not that concerned at all. There can be no reality; I’m that all. of There can be no can’t ortunately, I thinkare (I don’t that our current evilnot plot to concerned take moneyatout the club: it just members able know) to negotiate a deal which allows evil plot to take money out ofwhere the club: it justbe can’t embersany areseller able to to park negotiate a deal which allows happen to an extent it would worth a their yacht at Grand Prix circuits an extent where it would be worth a ny sellerwhile to park their yacht at Grand multi-millionaire getting involved. ensuring that our club isPrix stillcircuits in safe hands;happen to multi-millionaire getting involved. hile ensuring that our happy. club is still in safe hands; keep everyone eep everyone happy. They may be able to pocket a few hundred grand a They may be here able to pocket fewthere hundred grand a year and there abut are far, far better So, it is inevitable that shares will be sold and sooner year here and there but there are far, farsafer better o, it is inevitable that shares will be sold and sooner investment opportunities with and far more rather than later. The big question then is; to who? investment opportunities safer and more business ther than later. The big question then is; to who? rewarding results.with The image of afar wealthy rewarding results. The image a wealthy business person coming in andofmaking a fast buck is And to be honest; who cares? person coming in and making a fast buck is nd to be honest; who cares? ludicrous, it doesn’t make any sense! ludicrous, it doesn’t make any sense! I know this sounds blunt and there is fear, of course now this sounds anddoesn’t there ismake fear, of courseIf our fear In the next six months, I would be very surprised if there is butblunt football money! In the next months, be veryon surprised if the ere is but football doesn’t make money! If ourfootball fear club is that someone is looking at Swansea wesix don’t have aI would new member the board, that someone looking at club we don’tchances have a new member are that they on willthe be board, the with theisintension ofSwansea making afootball ‘fast buck’ then I think are that theyand will incredibly be ith thewe intension of making a ‘fast buck’ then think chances from abroad are overestimating the stupidity ofIpotential from abroad andand incredibly e are overestimating the stupidity of potential wealthy have no investors. wealthy background and have no in ‘soccer’. The vestors. background in ‘soccer’ reality is that it. The won’t make Nobody should invest in a football club to make reality thatblindest it won’tbit make obody money! should invest in a football of notice to It is incredibly rare club that to it ismake an ‘investment’ it is the the blindest bit of notice to even oney! Itis isgenerally incredibly rareofthat it isOf ancourse ‘investment’ it pay us though, we won’t more a gift. we should us though, we won’t even generally more of gift.isOfgiving course payhow much attention toawho uswe thisshould gift and notice! tentioncontrol to whothese is giving us this gift andour how much people have over club but in notice! Lost millions! ontrol these people have over our club but in

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We need to embrace this investment because if we Huw Cooze and Phil Sumbler appear to be fantasti We needdon’t to embrace if we Huw Cooze Phil Sumbler appear fantastic then allthis we investment will do is putbecause off some investors and andand do brilliantly for the clubto onbe a daily basis for lit don’t then all we will do is put off some investors and and do brilliantly for the club basisafor little club acknowledgment buton thea daily last thing football the club will have less people to choose from. And acknowledgment but the last thing a football club the club let’s will have less people to choose from. And wants in reality is to actually be run by the fans. be honest, what option do we have? Who else wants in reality is to actually be run by the fans. let’s be honest, what option do we have? Who else could buy these shares? could buy these shares? We’d descend into a kind of Welsh Committee We’d descend into a kind of Welsh Committee football club where we’d have meetings about whe The Supporters Trust? For God sake no!!!! football club where meetings The Supporters Trust? For God sake no!!!! to have the we’d next have meeting and it about would when take weeks to have the next meeting and it would take weeks to be decide which brand of toilet paper we should First of all, the trust clearly cannot afford it, although decide which toilethave paper we should beover the las First of all, the trust afford although it is keen toclearly extendcannot its share. Theit, trust is brilliant and using.brand Thereof would been 17 votes it is keen to extend its share. The trust is brilliant and using. There been 17 votes over thehis lastjob and yearwould to see have whether Monk should keep year to see whether Monk should with keepthe his under job and Gomis would be training nines. Gomis would be training with the under nines.

As it currently stands, it is perfect, we have busines As it currently it isthe perfect, we have peoplestands, running business of thebusiness club and we ha people running the business of the club and wejobs haveand w a clear understanding of who has what a clear understanding whohaving has what and controls what of while the jobs safety netwho of the tru controls which what while the safety net of the trust feedshaving the fans information. which feeds the fans information.

The club is going to have new blood on the board The clubvery is going have board soontobut wenew needblood to leton thethe board sort this: th very soon butmy we absolute need to let thewith board sort this: can’t they see have trust this, I really have mywhat absolute trust with this, I really can’t see the concerns are. what the concerns are.

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Stopped at the motorway services earlier, picked up a Mars Bar, a bottle of water, and a sausage roll. As I approached the checkout, I mentioned to the girl at the till I only had a £50 note "No problem" she said "Put the sausage roll back" When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries at Sainsburys, the cashier barked: "Strip down, facing me" Making a mental note to complain to my MP about this unnecessary security rubbish, I complied. After the shrieking and hysteria finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should position my credit card. They need to make their instructions a little clearer for us oldies. In the mean time I've been asked to shop elsewhere.

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46 Pic�� Q�� 46Just for a change: Answers Pl�� Kid�! Pic�� Q�� are on page 98! Get the link between all 4 as well

Answers are on page 98! Get the link between all 5 as well

but that isn’t the football of today. Today it is all about today! Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes! And in my 1) opinion Jonjo isn’t in my first team plans today.

A big part of this isn’t just that we have better central midfielders. We have good options going forward. Montero looks ridiculously dangerous, Siggy is outstanding, Bony is (and I genuinely mean this word) World class and Dyer/Routledge/Barrow are all very capable2) on their days. So what we need is for them to have the ball, 2) we need a midfield which is controlling, a midfield who can win the ball back and give it to our danger men and that is what Leon and Ki can offer. This is short sighted but I do feel far less inclined to ‘nurture’ talent than I have previously. We don’t really 3) and players aren’t loyal in anyway and so I need money don’t see the 3) point in playing him in order to smooth the diamond. I think that those days have possibly gone in terms of the Premier league. Each game is too

important for that and at this moment in time, he isn’t in our first eleven in my opinion. It is sad in a lot of ways that football has come to this but that is where we are. It may simply be that the British footballing world has become more professional and that this will bring the very best out of young players. It may well force players like Jonjo to be even better but you can also see why the English FA are concerned about players lacking minutes. But I couldn’t care less about the FA and I doubt the Swans do either. If I could get Jonjo to sign a ten year contract and he had no possible way of leaving it then I’d play him now but there is no loyalty in football and so in many ways it is the footballers that are brining it on themselves. Why should a club invest time and playing minutes into a player who will jump at the first chance they get?

4) 4)

5) 5)

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My childhood was very happy. My dad used to put me inside a tyre and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears. I’m not an expert on masturbation, but I hold my own. ***Joke of the month*** I had to give my girlfriend CPR in the middle of sex last night. It was the easiest way to blow her back up. People say I'm condescending. That means i talk down to people. Someone ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today. It just goes from bad to worse!

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Scientists have invented a drug to prevent depression affecting lesbians; its called trycoxagain. Stopped at the motorway services earlier, picked up a Mars Bar, a bottle of water, and a sausage roll. As I approached the checkout, I mentioned to the girl at the till I only had a ÂŁ50 note "No problem" she said "Put the sausage roll back" When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries at Sainsburys, the cashier barked: "Strip down, facing me" Making a mental note to complain to my MP about this unnecessary security rubbish, I complied. After the shrieking and hysteria finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should position my credit card. They need to make their instructions a little clearer for us oldies. In the mean time I've been asked to shop elsewhere. When you strangle a smurf what colour does it go? My girlfriend told me that my c*ck is two inches bigger than her ex's. And that is why she will never go back into a lesbian relationship. "Grab your taco you've pulled" Chat up line from dyslexic Mexican.

52 G�i�� F�� Aw�� F�n� The Liberty stadium is a rich mans Vetch field and like many new stadiums, has lost that bit of magic that the old ground had. Maybe character just needs time to develop but we can’t hide from the fact that the new ground has certainly been a major reason for the Swans success since 2005. It was then that the Swans played their first game there with a friendly against Premier League outfit Fulham, which was a massive club to play against back then for the league one side! It is named the Liberty Stadium due to a sponsorship contract from the Statue of Liberty! Visits to New York globally have trebled since the naming. Everything inside the stadium is useless and overpriced like basically every ground these days. I would seriously suggest having a beer and some food before you get to the ground. There are some brilliant, friendly pubs on the way into Swansea and most pubs will welcome away fans with a bit of banter but half a brain! JK’s Club is a couple of junctions before the stadium and I know Karen welcomes away fans and its 2 minutes from the motorway.

start of it, locals will drag you off to wherever they are going from there but it’s a good place to start! Parking is useless around the stadium, we are expanding the ground and nobody has a clue how this will work. We actually have an old train station that is a 2 minute walk from the stadium but it doesn’t make sense to reopen this somehow: the powers at be!! If your happy to pay a fiver then you will find somehwere close, if not, you will have a walk! Onto the club: We are awesome. I’m sorry to tell you that and I expect you already knew it but we are. The club is run by a board of directors who are Swans fans, with 20% share holding being held by the supporters trust. Our chairman took no wage and no expenses for the first few years he was with us and the whole board are borderline worshiped. On the pitch: We are pretty damn sexy there too! We demand good passing football and we get what we want. Leon Britton is god here, how he has never played for your national team just shows the clear stupidity of your past managers.

If you are travelling by rail, please don’t judge Swansea by the train station and its surroundings! The city is stunning; there are some magical spots for whatever you are looking for, it just so happens that if you enter the city via a train, you enter the part of the city designed for junkies. Wind Street is the lively place for a night out or at least the

Crowd: It is no Vetch but then the Premier League is no Division 3. It’s getting better at times and we are renowned as one of the best and most vocal fans in the league (which says a lot about the prem). Just to let you know, ‘sheep shagging’ is no insult, fire away! Make a weekend of it! Whatever you want, Swansea has it! People are friendly as can be. Don’t be a prick and you will be fine

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& W�� y�� lo��! Hull: Not sure what has happened to Hull. They looked like they were [progressing nicely, had a good manager and were a secure Premier League outfit. It just hasn’t happened for them this season, they don’t have much of a goal threat and have given away some shocking goals this season.

They have picked up some points of late but I think this will be a massacre. I really do. I think Monk is tactically a million miles better than his previous manager and I can see us walking this match. I’m not scared of any of their players. How did Barkley get in England squad ahead of Jonjo?? 3-0 Swans.

A spirited performance against Chelsea will give them optimism into our game but lets face it: They aren’t very good. Like all games, it will all hinder on that first goal but I expect the Swans to dominate from the first whistle and really put them under pressure: Could be a rout!! 4-0 Swans Everton: I had suspicions that this was going to be a long season for the Toffees. Martinez is brilliant and letting a side loose and was the perfect candidate to take over form an organised David Moyes: for the short term. The problem is that players need reminding of their organisation and defensive responsibilities and the Spaniard has shown time again that he doesn’t care for this aspect of the game.

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Ja�� Sw�� D�e� T�� Ge��

I haven’t seen such devastation on the faces of millions of people since Robbie Williams left Take That. Thousands of facebook statuses in total uproar, the samaritans reported a 4 billion percent increase in their calls and god himself declared himself with too greater backlog to answer peoples prayers. That is right; Jeremy Clarkson has left Top Gear! But it’s ok. Me, Matty and Spense are going to make everything ok again. Here you have Jack Swan does Top Gear!!

second, the Stig came third, and the car came last. Despite the result shown in the film, the presenters mockingly denied this outcome (by saying things such as Hammond getting killed in an accident and Clarkson's boat exploding which 'killed' him), and insisted that May in the Mercedes-Benz won the race fairly and foremost. The "disputation" of the result can be alluded to the fact that May was stopped by the Metropolitan Police to check the camera car's permit. The loss of time put him into heavy traffic, and cost him further. Winner: Bicycle

We are going straight into a race; a rip off from this race:London Race - Car vs. Bicycle vs. Boat vs. Public Transport - Distance 17 miles[edit] Series Ten, Episode Five May (in a Mercedes-Benz GL-Class) raced Hammond (hybrid bicycle[1]), The Stig (using the London public transport system), and Clarkson (by motorboat) from Kew across to London City Airport. The Stig started on a bus, then got on the Tube before taking the DLR. The bicycle was the winner by a fair margin. Clarkson, in the speedboat, came

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Wh� N�ed� Cl��ks��? London, is far quite far away, costsoflots of money London, is quite away, costs lots money and and was on public transport. Swansea we didn’t have much timesoand our challenge MattyMatty was on public transport. Swansea is wellis well we didn’t have much time and ourso challenge was was regarded as having wonderful options it from the Brunswick in Swansea the Pontaradwe regarded as having wonderful options when when it from the Brunswick in Swansea to theto Pontaradwe in Pontardawe. to public transport Inn in Inn Pontardawe. comescomes to public transport and routes from Swansea to and routes from Swansea to the Swansea He opted I had the comfort of a car. the Swansea valley.valley. He opted I had the comfort of a car. to go theor tram the range not tonot go for thefor tram theor the A top A oftop theof range S reg S reg tube theor train the river Volkswagen Sharen, tube or theor train theor river Volkswagen Sharen, a full a full boatdecided and decided that there MOT, taxed, insured boat and that there MOT, taxed, insured and and no better fourtyres. legal tyres. It currently can becan nobe better way toway to four legal It currently a bendy new wheel travel travel than athan bendy bus. bus. needsneeds a newawheel arch arch but that’s not worth but that’s not worth The Brunswick! spending on until 16:50:16:50: The Brunswick! spending moneymoney on until see if it survives we seewe if it survives the the Although theone only one next 0-60 MOT.mph 0-60in mph Although I’m theI’m only next MOT. thein the driving, theone onlywho one who dayit and can stop driving, I’m theI’m only same same day and can it stop a sneaky pint, the others with the of a hill. had a had sneaky pint, the others with the use ofuse a hill. werefocused. fully focused. were fully We We recorded our thoughts Spense had his trusty recorded our thoughts as we as we Spense had his trusty travelled our routes; bicycle. is a route travelled on ouron routes; bicycle. This isThis a route incidentally, you ever he knows well and incidentally, if you ifever whichwhich he knows well and wondered Spense has a record time wondered wherewhere Spense has a record time of 34 of 34 uphis with his jokes, minutes, his strava came came up with jokes, it is it is minutes, his strava times times actually he cycles that hisjokes best enter jokes enter vary somewhat wasup fully the occasionactually while while he cycles that his best his his vary somewhat but hebut washefully forup thefor occasion and knew that was flying thefor flag the green head! head! and knew that he washeflying the flag thefor green party. party.

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And then we were off. Jack Swan: I have played this quite badly, why did I park my car facing the wrong way?? I need to find out how to get onto Mansel Street. My next right must take me there and indeed it does, slight queue but get on it and it’s reasonably clear. Through the city centre without too much trouble. Hold my breath when I get to Dyvatty lights, this could be a real nightmare but fly through it straight to the front! This is a near enough perfect start. Spense will clearly be ahead but I’m very confident at this time. Spense: Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, Someone ripped the pages out of both ends of my dictionary today. It just goes from bad to worse! Bang, bang, that’s a cracker!! peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. Matty: Which way is the bus station? If in doubt then head down hill! ooooo the Potters Wheel, I see where I am

now. Chances are that there won’t be a bus for a while anyway; most people are finishing work now, I could ask in there. If I stop for a pint then the traffic will die down and I will be able to get a bus easy and win the race! 16:58 Jack Swan: I couldn’t have asked for a better start but I know that every second counts here. If I can get beyond Llansamlet before the five o’clockers knock off then I’m home and dry. Hafod is inevitably busy, I won’t stop for a pint and carry on. Roundabout by the stadium is chocker! Gridlocked from Rossi’s roundabout to

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the one at MPN; Spense is clearly a long way ahead of me right now. I need to get through here and onto a free bi-pass as soon as possible if not I’m gong to get caught out at both Ynysforgan roundabout and Clydach! Spense: Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, Scientists have invented a drug to prevent depression affecting lesbians; its called trycoxagain. I’m on fire!!!! peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. Matty: At the cinema, which arm rest is yours?? That pint was good, another wouldn’t go a miss. 17:09 Jack Swan: I’m held up at the stadium quite badly but I managed to get some speed up from Rossi’s straight to Ynysforgan without being held up too much. Right to the front of the queue at the roundabout and I have to be back as favourite. Clydach is my only real obstacle now but that can be a nightmare. I’m certain that

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Spense is still ahead of me but I got 6 miles of bi-pass to fly down assuming that it’s free!!! Spense: Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, I had to give my girlfriend CPR in the middle of sex last night. It was the easiest way to blow her back up. That’s joke of the month there!! peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. Matty: £2 a pint…..Be rude not to have another; haven’t got car. Is it possible to be allergic to water? That would be awful. Could you drink beer then? Jack Swan 17:15 I’ve been 25 minutes. I’d say I’m about neck and neck with Spense and his best ever time but I’m now sat in bumper to bumper traffic at Clydach roundabout. There are bloody roadwork signs saying 600 meters away and I can’t remember whether there were traffic lights here earlier today; there was yesterday! This is going to be close but surely I can get through this roundabout in the next five minutes and I’ll be home and dry!

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58 Ja�� Sw�� D�e� T�� Ge�� the one at MPN; Spense is clearly a long way ahead of me right now. I need to get through here and onto a free bi-pass as soon as possible if not I’m gong to get caught out at both Ynysforgan roundabout and Clydach! Spense: Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, Scientists have invented a drug to prevent depression affecting lesbians; its called trycoxagain. I’m on fire!!!! peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. Matty: At the cinema, which arm rest is yours?? That pint was good, another wouldn’t go a miss. 17:09 Jack Swan: I’m held up at the stadium quite badly but I managed to get some speed up from Rossi’s straight to Ynysforgan without being held up too much. Right to the front of the queue at the roundabout and I have to be back as favourite. Clydach is my only real obstacle now but that can be a nightmare. I’m certain that

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pile’ peddle, pile’ peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. peddle. pense:Spense: eddle, Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, I’m not an I’mexpert not an expert Matty: Why Matty: does Why thedoes Easter thebunny Eastercarry bunny eggs? carry eggs? n masturbation, on masturbation, but I hold butmy I hold own.my Yep, own. thatYep, jokes that jokes ood!! peddle, good!! peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle. peddle. Rabbits Rabbits don't laydon't eggslay eggs

17:21 17:21 atty: Matty: Jack Swan: an an unborn Can an unborn baby fart baby or burp? fart orThat burp? would Thatbe would beJack Swan: roundabouts Ponty roundabouts are jammed; are jammed; I really don’t I really want don’t want ally weird, reallywould weird,itwould smell?itWhere smell?would Whereitwould go? I it go?Ponty I to see Spense to see Spense fly past here. fly past Which here.way Which would wayhe would he hink I might think have I might lost have thislost race.this race. come from? comeI got from? 3 minutes I got 3 minutes before his before record histime. record time. Think I will Think be I will be 7:19 17:19 there before there before ack Swan: Jack Swan: then butthen what but if what if here are There no traffic are nolights trafficand lights I’m and through I’m through ClydachClydach he’sone pulled one oundabout. roundabout. No real obstacles No real obstacles now, might now,have might a havehe’s a pulled outbag? of the bag? ight delay slight atdelay Tescoat roundabout Tesco roundabout in Pontyinand Ponty and out of the What if he What liedif he lied etweenbetween there and there theand mainthe roundabout main roundabout by Otherby Other besthis time best time ace but Place should but be should therebe within therethe within nextthe 4 ornext 5 4 or 5and his and is 25 minutes? is 25 minutes? I I inutesminutes which would whichbe would 34 minutes: be 34 minutes: has Spense has Spense got uptothe go up the ut some put more some effort moreineffort for the inrace??? for the This race??? is This is got to go hill just to hillcome just to come ighty close. mighty close. back down, backhe down, he won’t have won’t to have do to do pense:Spense: that! Who that! Who eddle, Peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle, My My designed designed this this hildhood childhood was verywas happy. veryMy happy. dad My used dad to used put me to put me road layout? side a inside tyre and a tyre roll and me down roll mea down hill. They a hill. were They were road layout? Idiots!!!!Idiots!!!! oodyears. Goodyears. I like that I like joke; that that’s joke; going that’singoing the ‘good in the ‘good

Wh� N�ed� Cl��ks��? Spense: peddle, peddle, peddle, When you strangle a smurf what colour does it go? Come on Spense, I can do better than that, if that goes in the mag then I’m losing my touch! Peddle, peddle, peddle, Matty: I never seem to pee as much as I drink, how does that work? One night I’m going to drink 8 pints and pee into 8 glasses, bet they won’t fill up!! Jack Swan: 17:23 well I’m here. No bike outside. Would he have brought it in? Moment of truth…… Nowhere to be seen; I won! Spenser was about 3 minutes after me and we haven’t seen Matty since! I think Spense was kind to me by us leaving at 4:50. Think the bike would have won comfortably if we had left at 5. In next months issue, we go to Mexico to make friends!

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Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What do you feel like for dinner my love ......chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Chicken, please.' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat *******, I was talking to the cat!’ When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory .... I don't remember what I chose. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. My wife just said to me "Look at this, I've had this since we got married 20 years ago & it still fits me". I said " it's a blooming scarf." My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed and laughed. Then I remembered that my wife and I have different dentists. People claim these days there is no such thing as job security. What a load of ********. There's a bloke in my town who's been selling the Big Issue for the last 20 years. Doris was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Boris. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Boris's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Doris was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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All these are facts except 1 which I made up. Which one is made up? answer on answer page 98. Real ale is defined by CAMRA as beer brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed, and served without the use of extraneous carbon dioxide There are 2,500 different real ales in the UK and 3,000 pubs stocking them

There are now more than 700 real ale brewers in the UK, the highest number since the war and four times as many as in 1971 (whenCAMRA was launched). Despite having a reputation forstrength, real ales come in manyforms. At the lower end are theMilds, which have strengths ofaround 3.5 per cent. At the higher are the powerful Old Alesand Winter Warmers, whosestrengths can reach as high as10 or 11 per cent

There are currently 8.6 million regular drinkers of real ale inthe country In 2013 a surprise poll in New Woman magazine found that 72% of women thought that a beer belly was more attractive than a 6-pack Thats 31 per cent of all beer drinkers Although traditionally associated with beardy men, 32 per cent of women have now tried realale Once people have tried real ale, they stick with it (it has a conversion rate of 40 per cent). 121,000 people began regularly drinking real ale during the last year. Although traditionally associated with older men the number of18 to 24-year-old real ale drinkers grew by 17 per cent last year 20 Parkway, Sketty, Swansea SA2 8JJ 3 Picton Arcade, Swansea, SA1 3BH Tel/Fax 01792 299963 Tel: 01792 205709

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1st

Ki: He just gets better and better; a complete midfielder. I can’t really add to what I have said in previous issues about the man. Is it just me or does he even look taller these days? Taller and strong. He hasn’t scored the ‘Worldies’ that we saw him do at Celtic but I think they may be to come as his confidence continues to rise. He is enjoying the added freedom he has since Corks addition and we are enjoying watching him. Ash: So Robbie Savage thinks that Ash is now ready to grace a top 4 club! What games has he been watching for the last four seasons? He’s been one of the best centre backs in the league for quite some time now. The arrogant idiotic pundit with a rising waistline also feels that we will struggle to keep hold of him over the summer; this coming from the same guy who pipped us for relegation this season with an inexperienced manager. Fabianski:: Mr reliable. Signing of the season, I still can’t get my head around why he wasn’t number 1 at Arsenal. De Gea will probably deserve his place in Premier League team of the year when it is announced but I don’t think anyone else deserves to be ahead of him this season. A great find, absolutely crazy that nobody else was chasing him.

2nd

Special Mention: I saved myself plenty of words for this as there are many special mentions I feel I need to make this issue. Neil Taylor: I wrote him off before he kicked a Premier League ball, left back was the first position I’d have improved after our promotion to the promised land and he proved me very wrong with his first seasons performances. I’d have carried him to Crystal Palace in January for half of the fee reported for him as he’d been poor in my opinion and I couldn’t believe that someone was gong to pay real money for him. Once again, he’s proved me totally wrong! He’s been one of our best players the last month or so and he loves the new formation which allows him to really ‘own’ the left flank. Really fantastic few games, I am more than happy to be proved terribly wrong in this instance.

3rd

Jack Cork: What a player! Just slotted in without any issues. Neat and tidy, knows where to be, knows how to control a pace of a game and knows when he needs to put a good tackle in. So far, very, very impressed! Kyle Naughton: We all love Rangel but this guy is streets ahead of him. He’s got that extra bit of pace, the ability to deliver a real top cross and is very solid defensively. Keep it up!

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Wh� i� ��n�� l�� e��? Dai Morris Ash all day long

Andy Jones Gomis for me

Martin Davies difficult one this captain ashley williams

Steve Poole Ki. Since coming back to us from loan, he's upped his game.

Stephan Jones Ki Craig Wilkinson Ki Matthew Vincent Ki, thought he give the ball away far to much when he first came to us, had a very good season player of the year for me Ian Harding Ki, no contest for me. Rhys MacMillan Ki deffo James Williams Fabianski Martin Davies gary monk - has a team full of brilliant players Mark Richards Ash Williams by miles ever present reliable skipper John Taylor Fernandez, bring out the best in ash Marc Sherlock Ki or ash tuff call Jason H Heslop Ki Kerry Atkinson ki Liam Flew Ki all day long was unsure about him before this season but he has been different class this year followed closely by shelvey Steven Edwards Fabianski Malcolm Rees Ash outstanding and Ki Conway Jones ki Stephen Waite fabianski

Tony Davies Ki Matt Myatt Got to be ki, the loan done him well he's playing with confidence and yes maturing as a player also a great work horse for the team....only going to get better Darren Rees Ki Ian Wishart Ash, Fabianski or ki. Paul Harris Most were knocking Ki before he went on loan. Stuart Mayes Fabianski Andy Jones Most consistent for me is ash. But ki and faby been very good too Matt Myatt But that's what a loan does sometimes makes you a better player plus he was getting game time on loan so that helps Neil Pritchard If ki is not player of the year there is something wrong

Steve Sax Fabianski Christopher Aston Ki Spenser Davies Sigi... Ian Jones Ki and Fabianski gotta be front runners. Both consistently outstanding Kevin Stephens Ki for me Andrew Howells Fabianski Mervyn Griffiths 50/50 between Ki and fabianski . Another 50/50 would be best January signing, naughton and cork both been excellent signings so far Matthew Ambrose Ki Tom Skittlebomb Crawford For me it's definitely gotta be Ki. Different player since we loaned him to Sunderland and quite worrying how close we came to loosing him... Dan ScFc Yeoman Ki and fabs Craig Wiggins The big Pole in our goal!!! Geraint Evans Bony Emyr Evans If he had stayed fit and injury free it would be Montero. But it's Ki for me. Richard OConnor Ki or shelvey Kristian Davies Gorra be either ki or captain ash Hari Powell Ki Paul Griffiths Fabianski or Ki Terry Greenslade Williams without a shadow of a doubt.

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1) You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Knowing that there can only be one passenger in your car, whom would you choose? 2) Acting on an anonymous phone call, the police raid a house to arrest a suspected murderer. They don't know what he looks like but they know his name is John and that he is inside the house. The police bust in on a carpenter, a lorry driver, a mechanic and a fireman all playing poker. Without hesitation or communication of any kind, they immediately arrest the fireman. How do they know they've got their man? 3) A man lives in the penthouse of an apartment building. Every morning he takes the elevator down to the lobby and leaves the building. Upon his return, however, he can only travel halfway up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way - unless it's raining. What is the explanation for this? 4)How could a baby fall out of a twenty-story building onto the ground and live? 5) Bad Boy Bubby was warned by his mother never to open the cellar door or he would see things that he was not meant to see. One day while his mother was out he did open the cellar door. What did he see? 6) There are six eggs in the basket. Six people each take one of the eggs. How can it be that one egg is left in the basket? 7)

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In the next of our series of interviews, I met up with UKIP candidate for Neath: Richard Pritchard: How is this area performing? Bits of extreme from both sides. There are some people who are working well and there are people who are struggling to get jobs. There are some really useful businesses around here but the trouble is that being a rural area, stretched out, people have to travel fair distances and that can be pretty daunting to some people who have got to travel ten miles or more every morning to get to work on very low wages. One of the problems is that wages are too low.

Do we promote tourism as well as we could do in this area? When you look at Ireland and how well they have done Tourism is very difficult. One of the things with Wales is that it is a bit damp and for many years you have been able to fly to Lanzarote for a thousand pound for a week or so and it will cost you that to stay down here. It could be marketed much better, and its access is the other thing. Train travel needs to be improved but I think the beauty of Wales is its rural-ness.

What should be driving the economy locally? Private businesses developing the area and that is where I think governments should be (focussing). Government cannot create jobs without creating another government department which means that anyone who has (the created) jobs are paying taxes for that department. So what we have to do is make the conditions right to attract businesses to this local area. Personally, one of the things I think, and this is a personal view; but there is a problem with the toll on the seven bridge because you get a managing director who flies in from America and he gets to Heathrow, picked up in a limo, sweeps down to Wales, thinks that it’s a good road and he sees that a lorry going over there is £16-£18 a time. He doesn’t see it on the way out, he’s thinking £36 a day for nothing or very little. That is one of the negative things which we need to get around. The facilities are good, there is a lot of factory space but it’s not being used. There are some but not enough.

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Do we have a problem with immigration in this country? Very difficult. Uncontrolled immigration is a problem but immigration happens at all sorts of levels. You have local immigration, people moving from one town to another is immigration of some sorts, what we have in this country as a whole is uncontrolled immigration. 50 years ago, you came in on boat or a flight and they were very expensive. Now for £200 you can come from Greece to here; no trouble at all and that’s a problem to deal with. Its not immigration that’s the problem but the integration into the community.; that is where I think the problem is. It’s a fear. I agree that we have to put a control on it; we can’t have people coming over here and claiming benefits. I know it’s a very small number but it’s the ones that grab the headlines and unfortunately it doesn’t look good. Do you agree that immigration is good for our economy? Every study suggests this I don’t disagree because immigration also introduces new blood in to the community. Immigration into this country has been going on for centauries, I’m talking about thousands of

years, 1300 years ago they were a bit aggressive coming from Sweden and Norway, and they were a bit punchy then! But they came over and they left things which we inherited but over the years they have come in and integrated, they have become a part of the community. They don’t isolate themselves because they didn’t come in that great a numbers. What happens is that if you have masses amount of people coming over at once then (there is a problem). Down here it isn’t too bad but where people are going is becoming a big problem because they are swamping the community. So what sort of areas are you referring to? Parts of London, parts of the North. What happens is that you get a few people there and people join them. It happens the other way, you go to Spain and there are English communities in Spain. They are not integrating, that is the problem. What sorts of nationalities are doing this? All sorts of nationalities. From the Indian sub-continent, from Eastern Europe. You want to go somewhere where everyone speaks your language and that is what they tend to do. Its hard going somewhere and learning a language but I think that if someone wants to come to this

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Tip of the Month country then they should learn the language. Sorry I don’t speak Welsh, I was too old to start but its not the dominant language, English is the dominant language.

Isn’t the UKIP anti-immigration policy based on an ideology? The idea that people in this country should look a certain way, react a certain way, like certain things, believe in a certain god. Our country has always changed. My grand mother is French, my great grandfather was Irish. If we go back far enough then we are all immigrants. Isn’t our country just evolving like it always has? UKIP is not against immigration. What we are looking for is a bit more like the Australian system which is a bit more controlled because we are a small country with a vast amount of people I it. I read somewhere that we are the next most densely populated country in Europe next to Holland and Holland has problems. We are welcome to people if they want to work in this country, I have no problems with religions in any shape or form; that is up to them. But not to try to force things to change as change will come any way, change will evolve and change has come over the last hundred years dramatically and it will continue to but it must evolve naturally.

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It is pretty clear that you and the rest of your party share a very similar stance on immigration. Do you share many other views? Would it be fair to say that apart from your shared view on Europe, thereSwansea are socialists andSA1 capitalists 9 Dillwyn Street, City Centre, 4AE and people from all political backgrounds? Yes. One thing I like about UKIP and the words ‘United Kingdom Independent Party’; the word I 07767 163029 / info@uplandscomputers.co.uk think is most important is ‘independent’ as we are independent of thought. There are things I disagree with in the (UKIP) leaflet and I am Business & Home site entitled to disagree. I am fed up withsupport parties who bang on about idealism and that’s what I have CCTV Installations been against more than anything else. In 100 Internet years time UKIP might be as Cafe bad as the others but at the moment I think it’s the way forward because it has a broad base.

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SMART PHONE REPAIRS Farage has become incredibly popular as Broken someone whoScreens is seen as different from the Tablets other leaders and has been blessed with Gamemedia Consoles unrivalled coverage. Is it a blow for him and the party that he will now be sharing the

TV debate platform with three women who are REPAIRS & MAINTENACE OF ALL COMPUTERS!! all also very different to the Clegg/Milliband So for arguments sake, come May, you get in as and Cameron clones? NEW AND RECONDITIONED SOLD! an MP and there are another 100 UKIP MPs. Do WontCOMPUTERS make a difference, he answers the debates you think that you will be pressured into as honestly as possible and not everyone does voting in a certain way? SHOP: PC RESCUE that. I don’t think he really puts personal attacks SISTER SHOP It’s my choice. As far as I’m concerned if someone on people; he attacks the policies but not the is putting forward a good argument then fine but people. (OPPOSITE WILKO), MORRISTON if I strongly disagree with it then I will say no!

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country then they should learn the language. Sorry I don’t speak Welsh, I was too old to start but its not the dominant language, English is the dominant language. Isn’t the UKIP anti-immigration policy based on an ideology? The idea that people in this country should look a certain way, react a certain way, like certain things, believe in a certain god. Our country has always changed. My grand mother is French, my great grandfather was Irish. If we go back far enough then we are all immigrants. Isn’t our country just evolving like it always has? UKIP is not against immigration. What we are looking for is a bit more like the Australian system which is a bit more controlled because we are a small country with a vast amount of people I it. I read somewhere that we are the next most densely populated country in Europe next to Holland and Holland has problems. We are welcome to people if they want to work in this country, I have no problems with religions in any shape or form; that is up to them. But not to try to force things to change as change will come any way, change will evolve and change has come over the last hundred years dramatically and it will continue to but it must evolve naturally. It is pretty clear that you and the rest of your party share a very similar stance on immigration. Do you share many other views? Would it be fair to say that apart from your shared view on Europe, there are socialists and capitalists and people from all political backgrounds? Yes. One thing I like about UKIP and the words ‘United Kingdom Independent Party’; the word I think is most important is ‘independent’ as we are independent of thought. There are things I disagree with in the (UKIP) leaflet and I am entitled to disagree. I am fed up with parties who bang on about idealism and that’s what I have been against more than anything else. In 100 years time UKIP might be as bad as the others but at the moment I think it’s the way forward because it has a broad base. So for arguments sake, come May, you get in as an MP and there are another 100 UKIP MPs. Do you think that you will be pressured into voting in a certain way? It’s my choice. As far as I’m concerned if someone is putting forward a good argument then fine but if I strongly disagree with it then I will say no!

Do you think that’s a general thing with UKIP candidates? UKIP have taken over a number of local councils and the first thing that they have done is get rid of the cabinet and they also do away with the whip; there is no party whip, everyone votes on their conscience. Does that make it difficult for you all to agree on a manifesto? I don’t think so, I think providing that its not written in stone, I think that it should be a general guideline but things change, over five years

things change and something you say at the beginning might be a disaster after three years but some of the parties will carry on because it was in their manifesto. I think you need to be a bit more sensible than that. Farage has become incredibly popular as someone who is seen as different from the other leaders and has been blessed with unrivalled media coverage. Is it a blow for him and the party that he will now be sharing the TV debate platform with three women who are all also very different to the Clegg/Milliband and Cameron clones? Wont make a difference, he answers the debates as honestly as possible and not everyone does that. I don’t think he really puts personal attacks on people; he attacks the policies but not the people.

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The other thing is that very few are professional I actually feel slightly sorry for Farage as the politicians, they are people who have had jobs, party has grown so quickly, it has been worked for most of their lives and you are quite impossible for him to really understand and right, it is very difficult. There are people who know all UKIPs have said things which I candidates. It almost totally disagree with but seems inevitable that one thing that happens in the odd one will be a UKIP is that we deal with it 2010 Results bad choice who will say rapidly, there is no something stupid. How Neath. UKIP problems, no messing; out long have you been you are gone! polled 2% with the party? How are candidates being The selection, I had to go chosen as it’s totally for a selection, I had to do new for the party to interviews, talked about have this many my political views but the standing? thing is that most of the I have been in the party council, the councillors are for about a year but I done from local parties have been very and that is unfortunately sympathetic for a long where there isn’t much time. I was a conservacontrol over. But the tive, a member of the parliament candidates are party and I got so checked, we have checks disillusioned with the on our social media, blandness, especially anything like that, people with as far as Europe was check and if there are concerned, I was looking people who have made forward to a strong mistakes then it shows up. leader who would take us out of Europe but that’s Its obviously more not happening. Now we difficult for a relatively have a case of Nigel Farage who is very charismatnew party who doesn’t have the set up and ic and the party has expanded so rapidly, experience of a conservative or a labour party, especially since the European election and it’s as its grown so quickly? ceased to be a one part protest group and You’re the first journalist who has hit the nail on become a multi-party based on common sense the head, it’s expanded so quickly. Lets face it, which within politics is very rare. they have had 60 to 100 years to have their bad guys removed and they still turn up, they still have

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people who get through and get caught doing things they shouldn’t and amazes mewith the Nick brassClegg Do you think that a lot of it the problem neck theyhehave to very pointDavid fingers but UKIPhe deals is that looks Cameron, is a similar with it quickly and the slightest hint are age, from similar backgrounds, doand youthey think that might be behind what we don’t like about him and out! you can also say this about Ed Milliband?

You’re the first person to ever call me a I think that you have hit one if the major problems of journalist! at first the moment, are all cloned. They SoBritish whenpolitics did you becomethey a UKIP supporter?come out of public school or university, they get an internship or a researchers jobisand thenwell they I’ve been thinking that Farage doing forbecome 3 MP; That is a big oran 4 years because his arguments were far more problems with this logical (than the others) but he has also constantcountry as there are ly been saying that he wanted to very few MPS who get out of Europe which I think it’s have had a proper job the best thing that can happen. and I don’t mean solicitors or barristers;

From you when need ashould mix of we take the UKIP party serious? people as you need aPast manifestos have beenaa mix of sexes, we want complete Is there a certain house of joke. commons time? Date? and not a house of I think elite. the 2010 manifesto which I have not seen and neither has He looks comfortable Nigel Farage was somebody’s with Cameron? fantasy wish list which was a complete joke and caused a lot of Yeah butIthey all problems. thinkare people have to theUKIP same. Look at Ed take seriously since the local Milliband, haselections; he had a they are and European proper job? No! That’s the ones that really rattled the at least one thing you can say about Cable that! cage. Will the Liberal Democrats be looking to abolish Having a bit of fun here. I have a few policies tuition fees?

here from the UKIP party and I hoped that you could tell me it signing is a current a that We made thewhether mistake of up topolicy, something past or I have just made it cost up:- of and it wasn’t we policy didn’t really appreciate the full until we opened the books up and got the famous

Every professional team a comment that Dannyfootball Alexander andshould Georgehave Osbourne maximum non-British in it… has had which of wasthree a note saying ‘sorryplayers all the money No idea gone’ That was in the 2010 Manifesto. You must have had an idea of where the country

UKIP will encourage a return to proper dress was or wasn’t? for major hotels, restaurants and theatres. As smarter dress is a part of Britishness……. My experience when I became leader of Swansea council was Ithat I didn’tthink realisesobeforehand some of No idea but shouldn’t the things thatin were That was also thehappening. 2010 Manifesto Give MPS more freedom over their expenses. Any small and inconsequential ‘gains’ such as first-class travel ought to simply be considered a perk. If that’s in the 2010 manifesto…… It was in the 2010 manifesto You can see why it was such a waste of space!! No duty for any of our armed forces purchasing alcohol. Was that in the 2010 one? No I made that one up! Restoration of imperial measures. Was that in there? That was in the 2010 manifesto

So are you saying that if the Lib Dems had won an

still outright majority in thefor last Same income tax level allelection, incomesyou over wouldn’t have scrapped tuition fees? That it wasn’t £11,500. the torys that stopped That’s not current policyyou? is it? No it was in the 2010 manifesto I have a feeling that we would have had to look at how Because I know we are saying now that there to fund further education. I’m not sure whether tuition should be no tax on first £13,000 which I

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people who get through and get caught doing things they shouldn’t and it amazes me the brass neck they have to point fingers but UKIP deals with it quickly and the slightest hint and they are out! You’re the first person to ever call me a journalist! So when did you first become a UKIP supporter? I’ve been thinking that Farage is doing well for 3 or 4 years because his arguments were far more logical (than the others) but he has also constantly been saying that he wanted to get out of Europe which I think it’s the best thing that can happen. From when should we take the UKIP party serious? Past manifestos have been a complete joke. Is there a certain time? Date? I think the 2010 manifesto which I have not seen and neither has Nigel Farage was somebody’s fantasy wish list which was a complete joke and caused a lot of problems. I think people have to take UKIP seriously since the local and European elections; they are the ones that really rattled the cage. Having a bit of fun here. I have a few policies here from the UKIP party and I hoped that you could tell me whether it is a current policy, a past policy or I have just made it up:-

Every professional football team should have a maximum of three non-British players in it… No idea That was in the 2010 Manifesto. UKIP will encourage a return to proper dress for major hotels, restaurants and theatres. As smarter dress is a part of Britishness……. No idea but I shouldn’t think so That was also in the 2010 Manifesto Give MPS more freedom over their expenses. Any small and inconsequential ‘gains’ such as first-class travel ought to simply be considered a perk. If that’s in the 2010 manifesto…… It was in the 2010 manifesto You can see why it was such a waste of space!! No duty for any of our armed forces purchasing alcohol. Was that in the 2010 one? No I made that one up! Restoration of imperial measures. Was that in there? That was in the 2010 manifesto Same income tax level for all incomes over £11,500. That’s not current policy is it? No it was in the 2010 manifesto Because I know we are saying now that there should be no tax on first £13,000 which I

As well as 5,000 copies printed and delivered from Mumbles to Abercrave and Britton Ferry to Gowerton. Our online magazine is viewed the world over! www.jackswan.co.uk

R�� U� T� E�ec�i�� proposed to Conservative partyago years whatever. I think people to change. proposed to Conservative party years butago it but it whatever. I think people want towant change. all lowest outwhich of taxiswhich is Someone to me‘but today lot haven’t takes alltakes lowest earnersearners out of tax Someone said to said me today you‘but lot you haven’t any experience in Government’ and I said brilliant.brilliant. had anyhad experience in Government’ and I said at thethe mess the ones have have got look at look the mess ones that wethat havewe have got Give schools the ability to use the cain. us they in and they have experience. arewe fresh, we Give schools the ability to use the cain. us in and have experience. We are We fresh, That was probably in themanifesto 2010 manifesto are new,ofmost of us have notinbeen in politics for That was probably in the 2010 are new, most us have not been politics for It was in themanifesto 2010 manifesto manyand years wetowant a change. It was in the 2010 many years weand want maketoamake change. So,are these the policies whichyou drew you andWhat change What change youtowant to make? So, these theare policies which drew and do youdo want make? I’ve I’ve your colleagues to UKIP? with for sometime now and I know your colleagues to UKIP? spokenspoken with you foryou sometime now and I know No,ofnone of those! UKIPon stand on immigration and you No, none those! where where UKIP stand immigration and you to get out of Europe butIwhen I ask you want towant get out of Europe but when ask you ApartImmigration from Immigration and Europe; about one you policy you would like, you were Apart from and Europe; what iswhat is about one policy would like, you were thepolicy main that policy thatcurrently UKIP currently have? What quite vague about theWhat NHS.isWhat is this big the main UKIP have? What quite vague about the NHS. this big is the onethat thing that youimplemented? want implemented? changechange that people are to going to get because I is the one thing you want that people are going get because I It iswe hard; wetowant do sothings. many things. We want don’t It is hard; want do sotomany We want don’t see it? see it? make education better, wetowant to get There lots of I’d things I’dchange. like to change. to maketoeducation better, we want get hold ofhold ofThere are lotsare of things like to One of One of NHS because NHSaishappy not a state. happyIfstate. If the things the is things is like thatto Idmake like toitmake much smoother the NHSthe because the NHSthe is not that Id muchitsmoother do nothing then get attacked, if you do to go from to go from benefits work and fromtowork to you do you nothing then you getyou attacked, if you do benefits to worktoand from work something then get attacked. It is a money pit I think thatisthere such and delays and often something then you getyou attacked. It is a money pit benefitsbenefits I think that there such is delays often and somebody unless somebody has agood reallylook good out ofquite worksuddenly quite suddenly and they and unless has a really at look it at itpeoplepeople are outare of work and they are in trouble. The onlywho party who have should should dealt with quickly. job then wethen are we in trouble. The only party have be dealtbewith quickly. GettingGetting anotheranother job categorically stated NHS stay isn’tthat easy; that isI think is a problem. is a lot of categorically stated that thethat NHSthe will staywill free at free atisn’t easy; I think a problem. There isThere a lot of UKIP theone other one to get away injustice injustice by government itself whether by contactcontact is UKIP is and theand other is to getisaway causedcaused by government itself whether by with PFI’syou when you can. I just can’t the logic incompetence incompetence notno I have idea with PFI’s when can. I just can’t see thesee logic or not Ior have ideano but thatbut that inreason it. The reason why didto it get wasthe to get the should should be leaped from aheight. great height. in it. The why they didthey it was be leaped on fromon a great outbooks. of the books. Government departments aren’t listening to money money out of the Government departments aren’t listening to theseabuse childcases, abusepeople cases, people people,people, these child weren’tweren’t Whether it is benefits NHS, the people who it is being listened to andthe when the whistleblowers Whether it is benefits or NHS,or the people who it is being listened to and when whistleblowers meant serve the people whoitserve did raise the and points andpublic went they public they were meant to servetoand theand people who serve are it are did raise the points went were the people are the taking theofbrunt of the hits, forced out forced out of their It’s wrong; whistleblowers the people who arewho taking brunt the hits, of their jobs. It’sjobs. wrong; whistleblowers Thenever blowshit never hit the cushioned managementshould should be treated like heroes. The blows the cushioned management be treated like heroes. aboveNigel them.Farage Nigel Farage said that they would above them. said that they would out of Europe and £3 billion get outget of Europe and give £3give billion to the the trouble is to the NHS onNHS top on buttop thebut trouble is thatget it will get soaked up. that it will soaked up. is aresult goodfor result forinUKIP in What isWhat a good UKIP be an achievement Wales?Wales? Would Would it be anitachievement win one or are you feeling to win to one seat orseat are you feeling more confident than that? more confident than that? We should winI more. I think the We should win more. think the are generally for peoplepeople are generally waitingwaiting for They have soofmuch of change.change. They have had so had much theInsame. Wales have a Labour the same. WalesInwe havewe a Labour controlled assembly, controlled assembly, a laboura labour controlled andisthere is controlled councilcouncil and there shouting for anyone nobodynobody shouting for anyone else. else. here; 60% turn Voting Voting aroundaround here; 60% turn out, I out, I think 40,000 didn’t think 40,000 peoplepeople didn’t vote forvote for Peter in this area Peter Hain inHain this area and he and got he got votes out of 57,000 or 27,000 27,000 votes out of 57,000 or

Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o�!

Are there four better words than a ‘curry and a pint’? And there are some great deals on such wonderful words! In this issue I’m comparing two of these curry deals. The Bank Statement which is a JD Wetherspoons pub and the Pontardawe Inn. As an ale drinker, A Wetherspoons is usually a good call. Generally a huge choice of ales at very reasonable prices and this was no different, I must have had nine ales to chose from to go with my curry. ?The deal on offer was £5.49 for a curry and a pint but I opted to pay an extra pound for a samosa and an onion bhagi. There was no obvious ‘half and half’ option and so I assumed that this was inevitable; it wasn’t!! a very poor start! And to be totally honest with you, it got worse from there. The curry was nothing special, I went for a Rogan Josh, it was ok but that was the best part of it! The popodoms were over cooked and had really rough bits on it and tasted like washing up liquid. The onion Bhagi was soggy, much like the samosa, the rice was perfectly fine and the naan bread was also good but all in all this was really poor. I had to take my ale back to be topped up as it had a bigger head than Leon Knight and I foolishly chose a seat before I sat in it only to find that it had a wanky table in front of it and that was where my food was to be heading as I’d given the table number! Don’t go to booth 1 even if it does look nice and quiet!

Don’t get me wrong; I ate it all. It was cheap but it wasn’t good and I could have eaten more. I’m not raving about this at all. Then onto the Pontardawe Inn or the Gwach as its known in the village. The pub recently won CAMRA pub of the year for Neath and so I was always going to be pleased with the ales on offer and I was. The deal was similar to that in Wetherspoons but I did get a half and half option and I jumped at the offer. No table numbers in sight! I ordered my curry; a Lamb Saag and found my table and chair.

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It marks the sag with 2 chillies; don’t be fooled, there is a good kick to this curry! I’m not surprised that nobody is brave enough to take on their curry challenge as the hot as hell has 45 chillies (slight exaggeration but a lot!!). The rice was good, the poppadom was perfect, as was the naan, chips were fine although I could have had a few more; wouldn’t have complained!! It was pretty much a no-brainer to be honest. The Pontardawe Inn won comfortably. In reality it’s a very good deal they offer. I have had a curry and a pint in the Wetherspoons in Morriston and it was good but this was really wasn’t! If the magic four words get you going then I recommend you try out the Pontardawe Inn for a ‘Curry and a pint’

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As it stands at the moment

1st

The Penny Black in Burry Port

25.5

The Skyline Café, Glycorug Mountain Bike Centre

Uplands Diner, Uplands, Swansea

23.5

Changs, neath

21.5

Tambinis Express Café tollgate Port Talbot

The Junction Café on the roundabout Ystalyfera

Fairdeal Café ,Llansamlet Enterprise Park

Ponty Café, Pontardawe

This issues review comes from the well known Toby Carvery, so after hearing about it on the radio and TV for the last month I decided to sample their all you can eat set buffet breakfast for £3.99. After cancelling my work appointments, Jack swan and myself travelled to the Gorseinon outlet conveniently located 5 minutes off the m4. 2 buffet breakfasts with unlimited tea or coffee were ordered coming in at a very reasonable total of £12.

21 20.5 20 17.5

container left. Eating this rubbery concoction of mouldy tasting rubbish left me thinking it was Sunday's leftover roasties. Anyway enough negative, I did get the proper sausages and they were excellent along with the thick bacon but that's as good as it got with the food, mushrooms were poor, egg was fried and beans were in sauce what more can I say. I'd recommend paying your £3.99 and make a great big bacon and sausage butty. Step to the mark Toby .

First impressions where not good as there was no plates Location 9 available, fortunately this was sorted within a minute, Price 8 however Jack Swan had not eaten for at least a day and Quality 7 was straight in there before me and cleaned out the bacon and the good sausages! After another eternity standing at the eatery, they brought out more bacon and some very sub standard sausages (not the same quality as the 6 Jack Swan had on his plate). Potatoes and cheese! What!!!! No wonder there was a full

24 30

The Journey Continues...

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Date 2 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 4 4 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 8 9 10 10 10 10 10 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 12 12 12 16 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 18 18 18 18 18 18 19 19 22 23 24 24 24 24 24 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 26

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9pm 4pm 7pm 07:30

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Venue Americano Jazz Café The Oyster Lounge The Bay View Americano Jazz Café Pontardawe Inn Gatehouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms the marquis arms Americano Jazz Café Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms Commercial Inn- Killay Americano Jazz Café Pontardawe Inn Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms Other Place Commercial Inn- Killay Americano Jazz Café The Oyster Lounge The Bay View Americano Jazz Café Pink Geranium Colliers Arms the marquis arms Americano Jazz Café The Britannia Inn. Briton Ferry Pontardawe Inn Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms Other Place Other Place Americano Jazz Café Pink Geranium Americano Jazz Café The Oyster Lounge The Bay View Americano Jazz Café Pontardawe Inn Smiths, Llansamlet Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms the marquis arms Americano Jazz Café Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms Other Place Pink Geranium Other Place Americano Jazz Café Americano Jazz Café The Oyster Lounge The Bay View Americano Jazz Café Pink Geranium Colliers Arms the marquis arms Commercial Inn- Killay Americano Jazz Café Pontardawe Inn Gateshouse Pink Geranium Colliers Arms Other Place Pink Geranium

Band Kevin Jones The Somethings Afternoon in Paris The Good Things Faded Glory Karaoke Sunshine Cabs Basking Iguanas THE RIFF Chris Summerill The Underdogs Lost frequency League of Gentlemen Demi Morcom The Good BURGHERS This River The Fevers Iden Ursine Princes Joe Carrol Open Mic Night with Andy Collins Ryan Mancey Ursine Princes Banjaxed Jordan Marks Hocus Pocus No Direction Jonny 7 Lloyd and Rhys The Freya Bevan charity night Hoodoo Moon The Somethings Hair of the dog Gut Bucket Band The Distributors Hocus Pocus Dick and Bob Dup Like a lion Lloyd John The Flames Buttonsville This River Pollen Count the bad things Karaoke Superhans Silver hoodoo moon The Villagers Cargo The Right Honorables Brothel Creepers Expecting Company TBA Summer House Kevin Jones Demi Morcom Joe Schmo Groucho Club Idle Talk Generation Gap Pollen Count silver Stargazer Cowboys Gypsy Jazz Gutbucket Sunday Crimson Tide Bad reputation Expecting Company Worst Case Scenario Rocket Fuel

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Morriston Workingmans Club 11 Slate Street, SA6 8AA

Bingo: Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Twice Sunday

Sky sports Multi-screen on LARGE screens

Live Racing Every Afternoon

NON- Members Welcome Function Room Available to Hire

Quiz Night Every Sunday:

Team Quiz in evening. Open Quiz in morning

Ladies & Mens Darts & Pool Teams New Players always welcome

Snooker Table

Whats on this Month Saturday 28 - March - 2015 Mary Jane: Little Lady with a big voice Saturday 04 - April - 2015 Kris Kage: Great Male Vocalist Saturday 11 - April - 2015 Infusion: Outstanding Female Duo Saturday 18 - April - 2015 Just Mark Superb Male Vocalist Kris Kage

Saturday 25 - April - 2015 K J: Superb Female Vocalist

Sw�n�e� J�� Fes��v�� Gary Potter (Guitar) which are free to come along to.

Dave Cottle is chairman of Swansea Jazzland, the jazz club which operates out of St James Club in Swansea very Wednesday and on occasional other nights. He is also the festival director and is now looking ahead to what he hopes will be a suc-cessful second instalment. “I am thrilled it is happening again,” he said. “Last year was a huge success and I hope this will be as well. It is great to have the support of the organisations who are behind us and the local venues.”

The festival is based around 10 venues all located in the beautiful Swansea Maritime Quarter. The second Swansea International Jazz Festival has been arranged in partner-ship with Swansea Jazzland, Arts Council of Wales, City and County of Swansea, Univer-sity of Wales Trinity St David and business sponsors Prescott Jones Insurance Solutions.

The festival patron is Dr Karl Jenkins, the world’s most performed living composer is look-ing forward to the festival. “I look forward to returning to the 2015 festival,” he said. “Swan-sea Jazzland is an iconic venue and is a favourite venue in the UK for visiting musicians, be they from the UK or abroad. Dave Cottle, its founder, has been unstinting and indefati-gable in his efforts in keeping this non-profit making venture alive. I hope we can move forward and build on the fantastic foundation laid in 2014 with the inaugural Swansea International Jazz festival and make the festival a permanent entry in the city’s cultural diary.”

The Ticketed concerts will be held in the Dylan Thomas Centre and National Waterfront Museum, with 8 additional venues hosting the Fringe Festival.

Great deals are available on line for all day tickets each day, Friday, Saturday and Sun-day, but these tickets are limited and need to be booked early!

The 2015 Swansea International Jazz Festival takes place over the weekend June 12 -14.

Last years inaugural Festival got off to a flying start with around 10,000 visitors enjoying the combination of ticketed and free events, in a superb and compact waterfront location with brilliant sunshine! There are plenty of accessible car parks and a wide range of hotels and guest houses in the area around the Maritime Quarter. Plus both Swansea Bus and Railway stations are close by! Along with some of the best jazz musicians the UK has on offer, the festival welcomes bands from New Orleans (The Session), Holland (Busquitos), and Italy (Radio Londra). Founder member of the Average White Band Hamish Stuart brings his great funky 8 piece band to the Festival and will play hits such as ‘Pick up the Pieces’ and Atlantic Avenue’. The fantastic Jive Aces bring their brand of exciting Jump/Jive music, plus the amazing Monsters on a Leash are a 10 piece band with the cream of London's top session players featuring the music of Tower of Power. There will be ticketed concerts plus the festival fringe offering over 30 free events to enjoy. There are also jazz workshops with Gareth Williams (piano), Steve Waterman (Trumpet) and

Visit the Festival website for full details of all events and to buy tickets. www.sijf.co.uk or call the festival hotline for more information 07900 314245 Swansea Jazzland continues every Wednesday at the St James Club, bringing the best of Jazz every week to Swansea. Check out the current programme www.swanseajazzland.co.uk

FRIDAY

SUNDAY

12-14 JUNE

2015

AND B T R A U T S H ORCHESTRA THE HAMIS L CITY JAZZ

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M DYL AN THO CENTRE SWANSEA MARITIME QUARTER

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P�� f�� Kid� Hen Dderwen in Sketty is the best place to eat with the kids that I have managed to find yet!! The kids menu was brilliant; not your usual choice between sausage and chips or nuggets and chips; one had a chicken wrap while the other had some fishy thing with cheese wrapped in breadcrumbs. The whole menu was full of stuff which was different and it was a revelation to be honest!

Hen Dderwen Sketty Quality of Food: Quality of Childs Entertainment Quality of Adults Entertainment Value for money Beer

P��i�u� Sc��e� New Swan Ystalyfera Dillwyn Arms Pontardawe Hungry Horse In Dunvant Harvesters Everywhere Dyffren Arms Bryncoch

Total 39/50 38/50 36.5/50 32/50 32/50

8 9 7 7 8

There was ale available, sky sports on the box but the best thing was the bag of kids entertainment they gave. This actually allowed me to watch lower league football on TV while the kids coloured in, played snap with cards in the pack, and were generally happy. I had a burger which was good enough. There was quite a wait for food which would have been an issue if the kids weren’t so happy with their bag of stuff. We actually still have the bag and play the monster cards. This is the level now! Best place to take kids in Swansea!!

Total 39/50 What is Your Pubs Story? Is your pub unique? What Makes it great? What characters drink there? Get in touch and tell us 07880 369545

�A�K ��N �S W�LC�ME HERE!!

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LOOK OUT FOR THIS POSTER WHERE YOU EAT!!!!

WE ARE SO CONFIDENT THAT OUR FOOD IS ALWAYS AT THE HIGHEST STANDARD THAT WE CHALLENGE JACK SWAN TO COME HERE ANYTIME AND REVIEW OUR FOOD!!!

96 P��n�-�es� P��n��n�! We have all been there, (well those of us with kids) the football is on TV and we don’t get to watch hardly any of it as we are too busy entertaining the little monsters. I asked Claire from Munchkinos Childminding to try and come up with a solution. As Easter is on the horizon I thought it would be appropriate to include an Easter activity. Everyone loves a good Easter Egg hunt and one in the house can be so much fun. Don't worry if you have not got much room where your TV is; the more inventive the hiding place the better. Just remember not to put anything too close to the TV (your football viewing will be affected ) If you are reading this after Easter just replace the eggs with chocolate coins or any bits of 'treasure' Preparation A little bit of preparation will ensure this activity lasts a bit longer. Depending on your children's ages you could write out clues, or draw picture clues. Encourage siblings to help each other. You could write it so that it works like a treasure hunt, so that they have to find the clues in order. If the children are younger you could hide objects and tell the children how many they have to find in order to win the main treasure (Easter Egg or prize of your choice) Add a little basket to collect the objects in, you could even make one with them before hand. Mini eggs are great to hide as they don't melt, or packets of Haribos. An idea that works well is to hide jigsaw pieces, when they have found all of the pieces they can complete it to gain their prize. An other idea would be to hide activities. So you could hide a simple jigsaw puzzle, a colouring in page with crayons, some stickers and a blank piece of paper , a picture illustrating that they touch their toes 10 times etc. You can make this activity as easy or difficult as you want. It should keep your children occupied long enough to watch a Swans win!!! Happy Easter from everyone at Munchkinos Childminding :-D www.facebook.com/munchkinos

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Q�� An��r�

Picture Quiz 1) Bobby Gould 2 Bryan Flynn 3) Gary Speed 4) Mark Hughes 5) Walley Barnes

Link: All scored in 6 nations this year. Thats right, egg chasing, I do the same thing every year, you should know!

Mind Puzzles:

1) The old lady of course! After helping the old lady into the car, you can give your keys to your friend, and wait with your perfect partner for the bus. 2) The fireman is the only man in the room. The rest of the poker players are women. 3) The man is a dwarf. He can't reach the upper elevator buttons, but he can ask people to push them for him. He can also push them with his umbrella. 4) The baby fell out of a ground floor window 5) When Bad Boy Bubby opened the cellar door he saw the living room and, through its windows, the garden. He had never seen these before because his mother had kept him all his life in the cellar. 6) The last person took the basket with the last egg still inside. 7) Half Time 8) Just In Case 9) Shape Up

Vital Informatoin In 2013 a surprise poll in New Woman magazine found that 72% of women thought that a beer belly was more attractive than a 6-pack: Sadly not true! G Hyatt & Sons eighth.ai 1 29/03/2015 14:15:41

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Someone Clever!! I’m after a nutty scientist who is happy to answer questions at a level that I can understand for us to put in the magazine. Questions like:Are there any substances on this planet that have come from another one? Get In touch 07880 369545 info@jackswan.co.uk

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