Issue 26 by Jack Swan

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Words From Jack Swan Told you we were only playing with a relegation fight. It has been a crazy season. I must admit that I have struggled to enjoy large parts of it. The European adventure was fun but at the same time quite flat. I always felt like we would qualify, I thought that we would get out of our group and I thought that we would give Napoli a good game but not have enough. In the league, it always seemed like we would be alright, I had a slight panic but thankfully the board did at the same time and we made the right call and I never felt in trouble when Monk was appointed. It has just been a little bit inevitable. Like we have just been going through the motions. Are we bored of the Premier league already? Is this what it is like for safe mid-table teams? There have been some things which we couldn’t predict. I don’t think any of us saw Jonjo’s wonder goal coming, an FA Cup win at Old Trafford will live long in the memory and thumping Cardiff 3-0 was a pleasant day but that was highly predictable. We are going to keep on producing these fine magazines over the summer. We have a World Cup to look forward to and one where we are going to see Swans players in action. How bizarre is that? I’m sure we will have a crazy pre-season. I know the dates of Huw Jenkins holiday and we all know that any bids for Bony will only arrive once as sets foot on that plane.

Cheers

Jack Swan

Contents 4:

Review of the season

18: Watkins to sign? 24: Swans 4 Cancer 26: Pictures of the Month

28: Jokes By Spense

34: Where are they now? We talk to the very best Cyril

46: Yaya to Swansea 52: Quiz of the Year 54: Tributes to Bellamy 56: Intellectual Spense

58: Inventive Spense 60: Race to Player of the Year

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R�� Seas�� I look forward to writing this each season. Bizarrely, I think that I’m happier with the players in our squad this season to last season. Many are expecting a big shake up and I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed if it does happen. There are players that we can afford to let go but there are a few that we must do our utmost to keep here. Vorm: He’s been our best keeper this season but I think that says more about his understudy than our Dutch international. He has made very few howlers and has been reliable enough without ever making a string of match winning saves. It seems like an age ago that we signed him and I couldn’t see us fending off the inevitable mega money bids from Europes elite after his first few months. Expectations are difficult to keep with but I’m not expecting any bids from Real Madrid this summer. Arguably room for improvement? Never been totally comfortable with crosses and he seems to be pulling off less wonder saves. It is only so long that being good with your feet can keep you in good stead…… when a goalkeeper. Tremmel Is it just me or can you quickly tell just by looking at him as to whether he will have a decent game or not. He’s a big frame of a bloke who sometimes looks confident, sure of himself and quite scary, in which case: play the boy. At times he does resort to how I picture Lenny from of Mice and Men (an educational reference to my G.C.S.E English there) completely lost and a bit simple. Not a great season, not played as much as the previous campaign but certainly hasn’t been pushing for that number one shirt as he did this time last year.

I fluked a C grade by the way and yes, that does show how easy our current school system is. Between the sticks Without really knowing how Cornell is progressing, I will assume that he is nowhere near ready for the Premier League as yet. With this in mind, I think we do need a new, experienced keeper added to the squad. Ruthless decisions are needed to progress as a club, Vorm has been OK but how many more points would we of had if we had Marshall from up the M4 in goal for us? I’m feeling kid of ruthless and I say lets get a top keeper in as a number one and let him and Vorm fight for the shirt. Davies: I feel like I’m writing this on a bit of a downer but he’s not pushed on as much as what a lot of us had hoped. It has probably been a more difficult season for him as he’s now expected to be a Premier League player. Last term we were amazed by how quickly he took to life in the richest league in the world and I thought it was short sighted of Man United chasing Baines when our tennis racquet hooligan had better times ahead of him but it just hasn’t happened for him. I think he’s gone backwards as the season has gone on a bit and has offered less going forward and been a bit shaky at the back. It is possible that the Laud has some answering to do with this, could be simple confusion and unconfidence. Good player, fantastic talent. I still love our Seven Sisters schooled boy. Taylor: Surely he is a better right back than Tiendalli. I’m a better right back than Tiendalli. I think Taylor has been managed really badly to be honest. Anyone who had the length of time

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out of the game like Neil had, must play regularly to get back into form, fitness and confidence and he was never going to get that here this season. He’s done OK, had the obvious howler, Monk got a bit annoyed with him cramping up but I really think that he should have got out on loan for three months at the start of the season (with the option of a call back before you all start saying ‘what about injures, we were in the Europa cup etc….. ) and I think we would now have a proper Neil Taylor back. For me, he is still damaged over twelve months after making his comeback game without any fresh injuries. Very poorly managed. Rangel He’s growing into more of a Swans legend each year and his goalkeeping cameo will add to that legacy. He’s been Mr dependable since he arrived at the club but I don’t think it has been his greatest season in a Swans shirt. He’s certainly been our best right back and is always missed when not there but he’s just been a bit sloppy, looking a bit slow against the top wingers and he does get found out with crosses from time to time. We clearly need another right back added to the squad, whether that right back is a young

player who can slowly be our first choice above Rangel or whether we need to start the season with someone else is up to Garry Monk. I’d find it very difficult to leave Angel out as he has done so much for the club and has been so consistent over the years. I’m glad it’s not my decision. Far from a disastrous season but not his best. Chico Has he played his last game for the club? Good luck finding a buyer. You just feel like banging your head against a brick wall whenever you hear his name. He has absolutely bags of talent as a footballer but I think he’d be more suited to beach soccer. He’s not a centre half. I say that but he was the best centre half in the Premier league for a few weeks, when Monk first got the job. I think I’ll just leave this bit with the commentary of me banging my head against a wall one last time. He has to go. Just too unreliable. Too difficult to plan around and a complete liability…. Although brilliant at times.

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Ash Our best defender without doubt. More than capable of a mistake as any player is but massively missed when out as we found out for a spell this season. His leadership skills have improved this season and he clearly wore his heart on his sleeve that little bit more when his mate became gaffa. Not his best season in a Swans shirt but another one which showed his importance to the side and how vital it is that we keep hold of him. Take a run and jump Rafa and Napoli. Amat I like him. He has a lot to learn as all young centre halfs do but I think he has a lot to his game. Good on the ball, good height, generally good positioning and he makes good decisions. Whether or not, I’d be happy with him being our first choice partner for Ash next season remains to be seen but I’d rather build a back four around him and Ash than Chico and Ash……. I’d probably go out and buy someone with a bit more experience though, but maybe not and I would trust Monks view on it, its his position. Bartley The forgotten man. He’s a giant and loves a tackle and could become a really top centre back in a (dare I say it) Stephen Caulker mould. He totally commanded the back four in our FA Cup match against Everton and it was really unfortunate for him to pick up that injury when playing so well. Managed 5 goals in his 19 matches on loan at Birmingham, if he can net 5 goals in 38 Premier League matches, does that tempt you with putting him in? allowed 5 glaring errors to break even! Tiendalli There are times when you get infuriated with football and footballers and it seems that Dwight highlighted an

awful lot with what is wrong with football this season. Last season, we saw a player fighting for his career, knowing that every performance would decide on whether he would get a contract extension with us, an offer from another club or drop into football obscurity. He worked hard, put in some really top quality performances and I was more than happy when he signed his three year deal with us, all be it after a little bit of silly buggers. This season, with the security of a three year deal, we’d of been better off polishing Dwight York’s football boots and converting him to a full back rather than playing this idiot. Completely clueless, completely uninterested and we know that C there is no way in the world that we are going to be able M to offload him to another mug until 2016. Who knows though, he might play well towards the end of that year Y when he realises that he wants to get a new contract CM somewhere. MY

At the back I personally think that Laudrup organised our defence CY appallingly and that this is the main reason for our slight CMY demise (if you can call our season that). I think that our K back line has better players in it than how they have performed, I don’t think we need a mass exit and recruitment but we certainly need more organisation. I would like to see Chico and Tiendalli leave and then bring in an experienced centre back and an energetic right back. Amat and Bartley are ideal back-up players with their age but I would like to have a proven player at the heart with Ash. Keeping hold of our captain is vitally important.

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Leon I needed some cheering up after thinking about Tiendalli, and Leon never fails to put a smile on my face. Laudrup made many a mistake in my eyes but probably none as blatant as his undervalue of our most important player. Our former Hammer is absolutely vital to us time and time again. He makes us tick, he wins back possession better than any other player in the team, he manages to control the tempo of the game better than most in the league and he’s always missed when not in the starting eleven. His performance in the must win Norwich match at the Liberty was as good as any I have seen in a Swans shirt since he owned the Chelsea midfield at Stamford Bridge last season. There was just no chance of him coming off that field on the losing side and it is crazy to think that he probably would have been sitting on the bench should the managerial change not have happened. In 26 issues of this mag, I’m really running out of words to describe him but he is always the first name on my team sheet and on anyone’s team sheet who has watched five minutes of the Swans.

Jonjo Everyone is raving about Ross Barkley but should Jonjo get more credit? I was amazed when we signed him, I didn’t see him as a Swans player, thought he was overpriced and overrated because he was at Liverpool and I just couldn’t see Huw or Laudrup wanting him here. It was soon obvious that he had amazing talent but for the first few months, it seemed that for every bit of raw talent we saw, we then got a glimpse of youthful naivety. The Liverpool game obviously being the most blatant of these. He’s cut out the glaring errors somewhat and is moulding himself into a really top Premiership midfielder. There is very little that he can’t do. He may not have the pace of a Ross Barkley, but he has the physique, has the tenacious tackling, the passing quality and the eye, confidence and ability to notch up the odd wonder goal. His last five goals have come from outside the box and most of them being vital goals. Great season but lets not rest there, more net please.

JDG How much money would you part with to sign up our Dutch, Canas Canadian, Pilipino, Jamaican. He He has had a good first season, has the cultural background to considering that he has had to become a fantastic United adjust to a new, faster league. Nations peacekeeper and maybe He’s a good player, there isn’t it is that desire for peace that really anything lacking from makes it incredibly difficult for his game, he doesn’t give the him to put in a decent tackle. He’s quality, really quick ball away easily, his positionthinking, quick feet and a really calm head in front of goal ing is generally good and he but he’s not angry and determined enough to mix it up in has a little bit of bite to him. the centre of a Premier League midfield. Cue, a stroke of He played a more advanced genius from Garry Monk (I’m sure I said it first though, role under Monk in his first few scroll through back issues) stick him out wide. He has a games in charge and he fantastic cross on him, gets into danger positions and adapted to that with ease. I carries a ninety minute threat. He looks more comfortable think he’s a good squad player out there, more free, less defensive responsibilities and a and someone that we can depend on but he’s never better player. But still, how much would you part with? £5 going to be picked above Leon for me. million = yes. £8 million?

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Michu It seems like an age ago that we started the season and although he didn’t get off to the same scoring record as he did last term, for me, he stood out as an even better player. I feel for the guy, he got his Spanish cap and must have been on cloud nine before injury destroyed his season. He obviously got rushed back and finished the season as an imbecile, a complete shadow of his former self. A good time for a Summer break, I can’t see him leaving us this summer as he has no mutual transfer fee, we wouldn’t sell him for less than £15 million and nobody will pay that for him after the last six months. Can he form a partnership with Bony? How many goals would we score in 38 Premier League matches if our starting eleven consisted of Michu, Bony, JDG, Shelvey and Routledge? Would be nice to find out. Brilliant player, really looking forward to seeing him back to his best. In the Middle of the park I think we are blesses in midfield and are really blessed with different options. I wouldn’t really want anyone to leave and can possibly see one coming in. A lot will obviously depend on whether we sign up JDG, who seems to want to make any decision after the World Cup, assuming that he thinks he can impress and get a bigger move. I’d be more than happy starting the season with the same group of midfielders that we have now. I’m not totally sure what I would do with Ki but he seems to of had a good season by all accounts. Would you fancy having SteveLGSidwell in the squad? Experienced, Contractors qtr landscape.ai 1 20/01/2014 British, 23:05:31 good passer, I’ll just throw that name out there.

Routledge It’s a long season isn’t it and I think it favours those who end the season well as we all have short memories and we tend to remember the last couple of months and judge the season performance on that. I’m a big Routledge fan and thought that he was our most creative player last season, basically guaranteeing a chance a game. But he started this season woefully, it took him until this side of Christmas to really get going at all and at times I was really worried about his body language, seeming unhappy and quite uninterested at times. Thankfully, that’s all forgotten because he found his form and has been back to the player that we know and love and back to England talks. He’s a confidence player and is back to his confident self and backs himself to take on his full back time and time again. He crosses the ball at pace with the outside of his right foot better than any player that I can remember, its effortless and is almost inevitably on target time and time again. If your going to pick an England squad on form then throw him in. Dyer The reversal of Routs. I was really unimpressed with Dyer last season and really slated him at one point, thinking that he’d been found out and that it was time to part ways with our reformed handbag thief. He has been our most consistent winger this season and would be really staking a claim for Rio if he had stayed injury free. The highlight of the season had to be him destroying the Napoli full back, rarely do you see any professional player being made to look such an idiot as Dyer made him out to be that day. He’s lighting fast and when playing well is unplayable. He’s had a good goalscoring return this campaign which have kept us above the danger zone in reality. Is it just me or have we never had a time when Dyer and Routedge have both been on top form at the same time?

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Pablo The most infuriating player to ever wear the shirt. He has the ability to be magical, to spot and cut open a pass like no other but then he also manages to see things and players that don’t actually exist, resulting in him passing the ball to a steward or linesman. He seems to prefer the central role, we would assume that he’ll be competing with Michu for that position next season and so we would expect that his playing time will be minimal. A wonderful footballer at times, he doesn’t score as many goals as he should, it does seem that his back has hit the stretcher more than he has hit the back of the net. He’s been labelled a luxury player at times, I think that he is less of that now, I do see him putting in more of an effort in getting the ball back and we actually look quite solid with him as apart of a three man midfield which I never thought I would have said. A wonderfully frustrating player who I don’t know what to do with. Keep him? Don’t keep him? I don’t really care.

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Pozuelo It’s pretty obvious what Monk thinks of him and althou I trust his judgement, I must say that I have been a fan our young Spaniard. He’s a livewire, he makes things happen, great runs off the ball, cheeky little flicks and scoops and a real inventor on the football pitch. I like his workrate, he is clearly slight and arguably isn’t the type of player that you want in a relegation dog fight but I’d be sad to see him go, may I suggest a loan move. May I suggest Brighton?

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Lamah I actually quite like him. He must be shocking in training because he has always done alright when playing, although many disagree. He’s big, he’s strong, he’s unpredictable (in both a good and bad way) and I do see some potential in him. There is no way in the world that we will keep him next season and I’m not saying that I would but I do quite like him. He’s no Itay Sheckter.

I think I only wanted to keep Routs this time last season and wanted a mass clear out of our underperforming wingers. If Lamah goes, Pozuelo out on loan, then we a left with Routs and Dyer as real out and out wingers, Pablo who prefers the middle and maybe JDG who now plays wide. I think we would clearly need to add one player to this squad and maybe two if we don’t sign JD

Vasquez I feel slightly sorry for Vasquez, strikers always need go for the fans to appreciate them and for them to get som confidence and he had two perfectly good goals wron ruled out for offside. ‘Ifs and buts’ will always live in football and the fact is that they weren’t goals and his record is pretty abysmal. I’m still not convinced that he isn’t a good player but we wont remember him with fond memories and I doubt that he will think of his time here as time well spent. The big question is: is he better than Sheckter?

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Pozuelo It’s pretty obvious what Monk thinks of him and although I trust his judgement, I must say that I have been a fan of our young Spaniard. He’s a livewire, he makes things happen, great runs off the ball, cheeky little flicks and scoops and a real inventor on the football pitch. I like his workrate, he is clearly slight and arguably isn’t the type of player that you want in a relegation dog fight but I’d be sad to see him go, may I suggest a loan move. May I suggest Brighton? Out Wide I think I only wanted to keep Routs this time last season and wanted a mass clear out of our underperforming wingers. If Lamah goes, Pozuelo out on loan, then we are left with Routs and Dyer as real out and out wingers, Pablo who prefers the middle and maybe JDG who now plays wide. I think we would clearly need to add one player to this squad and maybe two if we don’t sign JDG. Vasquez I feel slightly sorry for Vasquez, strikers always need goals for the fans to appreciate them and for them to get some confidence and he had two perfectly good goals wrongly ruled out for offside. ‘Ifs and buts’ will always live in football and the fact is that they weren’t goals and his record is pretty abysmal. I’m still not convinced that he isn’t a good player but we wont remember him with fond memories and I doubt that he will think of his time here as time well spent. The big question is: is he better than Sheckter?

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and lets not underestimate his importance when defending set-pieces, where he seems to clear the ball away more than any other. He will be in the World Cup shop window and I do expect some bids over the summer, it would certainly take double what we paid for us to part ways and even then, I’d rather we kept him. Emnes Hands up if you were excited when the news broke of this mega signing! He’s done alright though hasn’t he. I prefer him this spell than I did last time round. He’s not a striker, he likes sitting in the hole behind the striker and he actually worked really hard in the centre of midfield against Cardiff. I’d be tempted to sign him up, he does give a different option. Who signed him in the first place? Bony Us Swans fans are used to our club finding Europes Gems at cut down prices. So when the club parted with the best part of £13 million, we expected a player who could score goals for fun while walking around the field doing the Macarena. It took sections of the crowd a while to warm to our beast, while it took him a little bit of time to totally settle in. Not fully fit and adapting to a new country and league, he still managed a very impressive goal scoring record while not fully at his best. Since then, we saw the real Wilfried. Without doubt, the strongest player in the Premier League, Duncan Ferguson probably would have given him a run for his money in his time but I can’t think of any other player with the same strength that our top scorer possesses. He toys with defenders. He looks at them as though they are totally wasting their time trying to get the ball off him, it is his ball and when he is ready to pass it to one of our players then he will, but in the mean time just stop annoying him. He’s even had plaudits from Alan Shearer who will generally find any reason to dislike the Swans and our players. His movement over a few yards is brilliant and he knows where the back of the net is. Very cool customer, which he proves with his penalties

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Ngog Nope. Not even going to waste time writing anything. Up the top We are in a difficult situation where we have a top quality striker, who is incredibly strong and is our best player but then nobody else. We clearly have to bring in another striker but who and for how much money. We only play the one up top, we have no EUROPA League next season and whoever comes in will be completing with Wilfried Bony for game time: Not going to get much of it. We need to somehow find a similar player to Bony (ideally) who is also quality (because if Bony gets injured for 6 months then he will be our main man) and can also play with him as a plan B (Imagine that, having a plan B). Very difficult to find the right man, I would probably bring in another striker as well, someone a bit different, bit of pace, lively, someone like Shekter. Offload Please: Chico, Tiendalli, Lamah, Vasquez, Ngog Must hold onto: Ash, Ben Davies, Amat, Bartley, Leon, Jonjo, Routs, Dyer, Bony,

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G�r�� M�� t� ��p� S�� Wa�� u� � �e��n�? So the Swans aren’t going to attract any quality players to the club this summer because they haven’t heard of our manager. You can say what you like about footballers but they are always true and loyal to their managers and will never join a club for more money, greater league exposure, quality of football or first team football but ONLY to play for a manager who they once had in their sticker album as a child.

swapped the word ‘Caribbean’ with ‘Dagenham Upon Thames’ then I’m not quite as keen to uproot the family.

It is always the most important factor in every single football transfer that has ever been. Agents will regularly say ‘its not about the money, it’s simply a case of which manager has more World Cup appearances’. We have seen thousands of footballers coming out and saying ‘I know that they are offering me Champions League football however my current manager scored more goals in his career than their manager and so why would I move?’ You may have sensed some sarcasm there and you would be right. There is no doubt that Laudrup brought in some quality players through his ‘contacts’ and knowledge of Spanish football. But nobody can convince me that Michu and Chico moved here because they wanted to play for Laudrup, they may of said that but then we all suck up to our boss. You don’t uproot your family because you want to work for a manager that you liked watching as a kid. If Walter Boyd was to contact me and ask me to work for him on his Caribbean beach bar then I may be tempted but as much of a hero as our 0 seconds sending off striker is, if he

The truth is that there are many factors which players consider before moving clubs, especially when it is to a foreign country. How many managers in the Premier League are known for their football career outside of this country? Mark Hughes would be very well known I expect. Maybe Steve Bruce to a lesser extent. Paul Lambert will be known in Germany and potentially Tim Sherwood and Gus Poyet by some. The Premier league isn’t made up of talented, superstar, ex players turning manager. We were the exception under the Laud but it’s not a rule. Carlos Tevez and Mascherano signed for Alan Pardew while at West Ham, was that really because they respected his playing career? I have been amazed by how many people have voiced concerns over ‘who will he attract’. We are now an established Premier League team, we have a reputation for being a very well run club, loyal fans and attractive football, we are in a position to be able to pay very generous wages, we have EUROPA league pedigree, we have top notch training facilities and we live in the most stunning part of the UK. No player will turn us down because Garry Monks playing career lacks decorations. Agree? Disagree? Find Jack Swan on Facebook and tell him he’s an idiot!!

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W�� T�� N��?

He has scored a goal in front of the queen, appeared on global news channels and somehow avoided a prison sentence. With his first interview in nearly a decade, we speak to Eddie Donne, the real Cyril the Swan. I met up with him in the Sessile Oak in Trostre, they do a cracking carvery if you are ever passing. How did you first become involved in the club? In 1993 I became involved in the ground staff down there and then the year after I got an apprenticeship down there and then the grounds man left and I got asked if I wanted the job. We got to the autoglass final in the first year I was there, I’d be in the North Bank every week, would always go in the North Bank, never worked match days. Sort the pitch in the morning, in the North Bank in the night.

years of me being there.

Did you ever try and sort the bump in the middle? The camber, that was the only thing that stopped the pitch from flooding. It did work, as you know though, if you were stood in the North Bank, you couldn’t see the other side. It did work but the only problem was that the water would go to the touchlines. We actually sorted a lot of it out in the last season, the last season was the best the field had ever been.

What was the facilities like down there, I hears that when the club was struggling, they were borrowing stuff off the council Oh yeah, we were borrowing off Swansea council all the time, they were good as gold as long as we sorted some tickets out for them. In the end, it was funny because I went to work for Swansea council down St Helens. But back then we were driving mowers, no trailers or anything, through the Sandfields into the Vetch. Sand, Singleton car park was our favourite spot. It was the wrong sand to put on the pitch obviously but Sharpy didn’t care, if it looked like sand then it was going on it. How hard was the Vetch to maintain? We didn’t have anything. I think it was only the last year of the Vetch that we actually bought a tractor. After 13

Were you always a Swansea fan? Yeah, a local boy. Its funny because as a boy I would ask all my mates ‘do you want to watch the Swans’ and none of them were interested, they were all Liverpool fans or United fans. Liverpool was my other team because the Swans were never in the paper then and obviously the Toshack connection. I was chuffed when Jan Molby came down here. Made me look good in a football kit anyway. Can you remember your first game as a fan?

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W�� T�� N��? Do you know what, this might sound cheesy but my uncle took me to the Leeds 5-1 game. I was only 4 but I remember it and of course the North Bank went right back then

drunk, you will never be able to do it. I drove a car with Cyril’s head out the sunroof, a little Nissan Micra.

When did you first become Cyril?

Do you know what, looking back I wish I did and I would have won them. No, our training was as you know.

I think it was ’97 or ’98. His first ever game, I didn’t do. Obviously with it being first game of the season, there was a lot for me to do on the pitch and that. The guy who did it first game said that he couldn’t do it the next game and so Harry Griffiths asked if I wanted to and I said ‘I can’t, I will be busy’. He said, ‘no its an Evening game so do it for a laugh’, so I went over the Clarence to get some courage, as you would. My first game was against Norwich, Norwich scored and a load of their fans were jumping up and holding onto the fence. I ran round and knocked Hamilton (their manager) over, then ran to the away fans and started pecking their hands to get them down from the fence. I thought that if I’m only going to be Cyril once I may as well have a laugh. I ran across to the North Bank as we scored. I got suspended for that game. Did many people know that you were Cyril? I tried to keep a low profile. When the parties started and the bookings started then I used to be driving around a lot of the time in the costume. Head was on all the time, people think that I was drunk in the suit a lot, you try taking penalties and running around in that costume

Did you used to train before the mascot race?

You won them though didn’t you? There was quick boys who I was never going to beat, don’t forget that Cyril had a 4 foot head, not quite that big. When it is on then it is bouncy and you know about it but some of the other costumes are ‘pyjama costumes’ as we call them, nothing on them. I knew I’d been set-up one year when they put an athlete in a costume but he only finished second. I came third the year before. He was a hurdler. Explain to me the Zumba the Lion incident to anyone who might not have been there. That’s the one isn’t it. I remember there was a big build up to Millwall anyway, I know a lot of their fans and they are tidy but that day, you could see what was happening. Early kick-off, I think it was 12 o’clock, no pubs open and on a Sunday. We got briefed by the club ‘whatever you do, don’t get into any trouble today’. I ran onto the pitch with the players (as Cyril), I had a couple of slaps off the Millwall players then but that’s what everyone would do if they saw an 8 foot swan. I got on the pitch and Zumba isn’t there but a steward told me that he was coming and that he’s going to be taking penalties against me.

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Conifers from Hell because of the size of the club. Swansea are a big club and have got the fan base, they were struggling when I arrived So I come and I got there I couldn’t in league 2 at out the half timetime but when I’m standing in the centre believe the fan base. circle speaking to Kevin Johns when Zumba comes over and Do you keep in touch with any of the swans players if he’s giving me all this, ‘your so who? nothing but a knob’, ‘you’re a I speak with andpaper Roberto sheep …..Tatey ’ ‘it is all talk quite a bit still. L and there is nothing to you’ If Harry hasifmagical powers why does he need etc…Potter I just said you carry on glasses? then its going to kick off isn’t it I haven’t got a clue do you normally get answers for that? We So, do usually get penalties answers, they we did the and Iare not usually very good answers buthethey are usually about scored, missed, I scored, he as good as the question missed and so I won the Askpenalties me another I will cometoback to it butone as he is gong get the last ball out of the net, I pull the goals not overhave his head. Why does Tarzan a beard? So aI beat and Is this windhim up?on I’vepenalties never had questions like this in my life,I walk off and he’s meant to walk off as well but he came behind me and tried to pull Matty: No this is the kind of magazine that we are my head off but it was the first time that I used the new harness so itthis wasn’t shifting. I then realised that I had Gs Roofing portrait.ai 1 30/06/2013 23:54:36 P.c Help me and outqtron one two spare hands, I swiped his legs and as he’s going down I uppercut him and then I pulled his head off and chucked it into the North Bank.

Matty: Well John Cornforth said when he’s in the bedroom with Jane he has a beard then.

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conifersfromhell@hotmail.co.uk mail@conifersfromhellco.uk Daytime: 01792 474554 Mobile: 07816 470372 The Millwall fans were laughing. I think it took all the Mobile: 07816 pressure from the fans. Even the470372 Millwall manager was Daytime: 01792 474554 Mobile: 07816 470372 I could then see two coppers coming after me, so I ran straight down the tunnel with the two coppers chasing me, straight into the changing rooms on the left, and I think it was John Hollins the manager there. I got in there stripped off quickly and I had a swans training top on underneath. There was a bang on the door from the coppers ‘where is that Swan’ but everyone was going ‘hang on a minute we are getting changed, we’ll be out now’. The bell then goes for the second half and all the boys line up to go out. I grabbed a physio bag and some water bottles and walked out with them. I’m walking out the second half, the police walk into the changing rooms and all that is left is Cyril in a pile on the floor.

laughing because they sent him out to rip my head off The Swans fans were signing ‘Cyril done you;’ and the Millwall fans started singing it as well to their own mascot.

We all went out for a few after the game as we always did, few beers and steak by night if we were lucky and remember catching the bus in the next day and thinki that I hope its all died down. Went down the newsage and I was on every page of every paper. I had a lot of stick from the papers as well, I wont name them but th called me ‘just a Swansea thug’, rang me Dad up in his house, stuff like that.

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Wďż˝ďż˝ďż˝ďż˝ ďż˝ďż˝ďż˝ Tďż˝ďż˝ďż˝ Nďż˝ďż˝? So I come out half time and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m standing in the centre circle speaking to Kevin Johns when Zumba comes over and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s giving me all this, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;your nothing but a knobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a sheep â&#x20AC;Ś..â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;it is all paper talk and there is nothing to youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; etcâ&#x20AC;Ś I just said if you carry on then its going to kick off isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it So, we did the penalties and I scored, he missed, I scored, he missed and so I won the penalties but as he is gong to get the last ball out of the net, I pull the goals over his head. So I beat him on penalties and I walk off and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s meant to walk off as well but he came behind me and tried to pull my head off but it was the first time that I used the new harness and so it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shifting. I then realised that I had two spare hands, I swiped his legs and as heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going down I uppercut him and then I pulled his head off and chucked it into the North Bank. I could then see two coppers coming after me, so I ran straight down the tunnel with the two coppers chasing me, straight into the changing rooms on the left, and I think it was John Hollins the manager there. I got in there stripped off quickly and I had a swans training top on underneath. There was a bang on the door from the coppers â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;where is that Swanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; but everyone was going â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;hang on a minute we are getting changed, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be out nowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. The bell then goes for the second half and all the boys line up to go out. I grabbed a physio bag and some water bottles and walked out with them. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m walking out the second half, the police walk into the changing rooms and all that is left is Cyril in a pile on the floor.

The Millwall fans were laughing. I think it took all the pressure from the fans. Even the Millwall manager was laughing because they sent him out to rip my head off. The Swans fans were signing â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Cyril done you;â&#x20AC;&#x2122; and the Millwall fans started singing it as well to their own mascot. We all went out for a few after the game as we always did, few beers and steak by night if we were lucky and I remember catching the bus in the next day and thinking that I hope its all died down. Went down the newsagents and I was on every page of every paper. I had a lot of stick from the papers as well, I wont name them but they called me â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;just a Swansea thugâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, rang me Dad up in his house, stuff like that. I got banned for three matches but how do you ban a grounds man from going on the pitch?

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W�� T�� N��? You got summoned to the Welsh FA. Explain that story. We played either Stoke or Milwall and I’m winding the North Bank up, as you do and then we are having a team photo with the mascots, captains and referee. So I come in and Steve Dunn (the ref ) turned to me and said ‘have I got to put up with this all match?’ and I went to nod to say ‘yes’ but I butted him. Later on in he game, the ball came to me out for a throw in on the North Bank side and I kicked it back to the opposition player but caught it sweet and I winded him. I also got in trouble because we all ran on the pitch when Martin Thomas scored, so I was up in front of the Welsh FA for all three charges.

was going to pay for it but the club sorted it out thankfully. I heard a rumour years ago that Martin Thomas was Cyril for the day while being banned, do you know if this is true? Julian Alsop it was. He did one match. I was banned and Julian did it. Martin Thomas might have done it as well, I’m not sure. Can you imagine players doing that now? Going in the North Bank and running round as a mascot. We used to have a laugh, the players would fight me like hell in it.

So I went to the FAW head quarters. I’m in a room upstairs for ages and there are cameras everywhere outside. Sky Sports, ITV, BBC and so I stick Cyrils head out the window. Steve Dunn is down stairs in the waiting room, waiting for us to go in and I came downstairs ready for the meeting but dressed as Cyril. I go in and Alan Evans is there, the old Chairman of the WFA. He wanted me to walk and to say what I could see and what I couldn’t see. I bumped into everything, trying to get away with it. I then start pecking at their biscuits in the Welsh FA office. But that’s who Cyril is, he is mischievous, there is nothing nasty but they wanted to make more of it. They actually called my Cyril in there. ‘thank you Cyril, if you could go outside and wait for our decision’. Next thing I know, I had £1,000 fine. The club said to me ‘don’t worry, we couldn’t buy that publicity’, because I was thinking to myself that I didn’t know how I

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W�� T�� N��?

Is Cyril an example to all men of what happens when you get married? He’s tamed a bit hasn’t he?

Now he has yeah. It might have something to do with me not being him as well. I think the two go together. I tried it in the Liberty but you can’t even blow your nose now without the stewards getting involved. I remember one game, we were 4-0 up at half time and the head steward asked them to remove me from the ground because the crowd were getting too wound up. They said ‘Eddie get out, your winding the crowd up’ I would have said that ‘that’s my job’ but a job you get paid for. I just laid on the floor, they tried picking me up and I’m dead weight in that. I got away from them and ran away and all the Swans fans are throwing cups and everything at them, the away fans were cheering me on. I was hiding amongst the police then. Did you make a lot of it up on the cuff? The Beckham thing? I was chuffed with the Beckham one, I wanted to do something a couple of games later but they weren’t having any of it. Do you remember Beckham said that he liked wearing womens skirts and that? Well I was going to come put a pair of knickers on and drop my trousers. I’m glad they talked me out of it now. Do you have any hard feelings towards the club? I will always be a Jack, I love the football club but I got my life back now, I’m my own boss, I work for Llanelli town council. I will never get that Vetch feeling

back but I don’t get the 3 o’clock in the morning calls saying that I have to get the pitch sorted because a game needs to go ahead tomorrow, working with no equipment, no machinery, just a fork. I don’t miss that. I do miss certain things, mainly the match day experience, getting the pitch ready and then a few beers with the boys but none of that happens now, too business minded. Any funny stories… Do you remember Night Fever on channel 5 with Patsy Palmer? A karaoke programme which was boys against girls. Keith Chegwin was on there and they got me on and they asked me to go in the room with the other guests, I go in there A1, Westlife, Keith Chegwin and I get told ‘no drinking’. We get in there and there is alcohol everywhere, champagne, Carling, Strongbow and they are all getting drunk, off their head. We had 4 mascots from 4 different leagues and I was one and Terry Venables was doing the judging, They sing a song and they got me to hold up the score, so I throw the card into the audience but it takes them an hour to find it. So I was there messing about with Terry Venables and was picking at his hair, nearly got his wig off. He had a massive guy next to him trying to get involved. We go back to the hotel afterwards and they gave us a massive slab of cans each, so we are in the hotel drinking and people were smoking and the alarms go off with the smoke. Everyone out. Next morning the Romanian rugby team are trying to find out who started the alarms as it disturbed their sleep before

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W�� T�� N��? a big match. We left pretty quickly. Another one was when X-Ray phoned me up and said that there is a business based in Barcelona which are targeting people in Wales and ripping them off. So they wanted me to go out there from Cardiff airport and join up with the team to do some filming. I’m thinking its warm enough in winter here yet along autumn in Barcelona. But I get to the airport, and its in Cardiff of course and I have to get Cyril through customs and everything, in Cardiff onto the plane. Straight away, ‘what is in there sir?’ and I said ‘Cyril the Swan’, few dodgy looks behind and everything but got through and got to Barcelona. Boiling hot day, we went through the streets of Barcelona and find the guy and I present him with a Welsh flag and a magnifying glass to read the dodgy small print that he puts on everything, all filming done. Well after we done that we had a few hours to kill before getting the plane back and so we went to see the Nou Camp. But it was all closed and they wasn’t doing any tours. But one of the guys saw that I was Cyril and said ‘Cyril the Swan!’. Even in Barcelona, they knew who he was and they then let us in and gave us the tour. It was crazy really. A massive thanks to Eddie for meeting up with me for this. We were over two hours in there in the end, chatting about some great stories of Cyril down at the Vetch. I will share more of those stories over the next few issues. Brilliant guy and very missed in my opinion along with the Vetch. Is football becoming to business like? Do we need places like the Vetch and mascots like Cyril used to be? I personally think so.

Taken from Very WestHam 26th May 2014 Whether it's Teddy Sheringham or Les Ferdinand who takes on the role of attack coach at the Hammers next year, they may well be bolstered by the club's latest proposed offensive signing. With Bubbles the bear getting ever closer to retirement, the ever proactive board are considering an audacious move for Swansea's Cyril the Swan - possibly the most deadly of all of the Premiership Mascots. Cyril's previous attacking record includes a stunning strike against Lenny the Lion during a mauling of the Millwall pussycat when the sides met some seasons back - a performance that grabbed Hammers fans attentions. After some routine argy bargy, the Swan proceeded decapitate Lenny and drop kick his detached head into the crowd! Reports indicate that Cyril has become disillusioned with the insipid family friendly atmosphere at Swansea under Gary wots-his-name and has become embroiled in a bitter dispute with Chico 'squealing' Flores and wants to spread his wings for a new challenge. Coupled with the philosophical switch at West Ham towards unbridled offensive aggression, it is believed that the new attack-minded ethos will extend to also include support staff. The signing of Cyril will make for a partnership with Argentinian League top scorer - Mauro Zarate who joined the Hammers earlier this week. it is hoped that the pairing can prove as potent as the Zarate-Aguero strike team that helped Argentina U20's to a world cup victory in 2007. STILL NOT FORGOTTEN OUTSIDE OF SWANSEA!

Wh� �� I?

1) I played 691 games in my career

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2) I played 68 times for my country 3) I played for my country at their only trip to a World Cup 4) I passed away in 1997. 5) I have a statue outside the Liberty Stadium

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��A �O ��N �OR ��S!!!!!

Our most exciting exclusive transfer story of all time at Jack Swan. We can reveal that in the next few weeks Yaya Toure will be signing for Swansea City football club. The Ivory Coast player is believed to be a big admirer of the club and is willing to take an 80% pay cut in order to line up alongside countryman Wilfried Bony. The African player of the year spoke exclusively to Jack Swan ‘Swansea City has always had a big place in my heart’. It is believed that Yaya was first impressed by the club when he heard about Huw Jenkins bringing in a birthday cake to training for Leon Brittons 30th birthday. On that day Leon Britton tweeted ‘it just makes the job worthwhile, the pay is useless, the hours are unsociable and it is just nice to get a little bit of recognition’. Yaya favourited and retweeted Leons tweet and replied publically with the simple word ‘undervalued’.

In a further exclusive interview with Huw Jenkins, we can reveal that Toure has signed a contract at the Liberty and the player will join the club once a deal has been agreed between Manchester City and Swansea. The Swansea chairman told Jack Swan ‘negotiations went well, we want the player here. He is a great player and will give some welcome competition to some of the players currently here.’ Asked whether the club have broken their wage structure to ensure his signature, Huw replied ‘no, not at all. He has taken considerably less money to move to the club but he wanted the move and we wanted him here it was pretty simple’. It is believed that there was a stumbling block but a compromise was agreed ‘Yeah it is true that we had

Little was thought about that at the time but Yaya became increasingly unhappy with the Premier League champions when meeting up with Swansea City’s top goal scorer Wilfreid Bony before jetting out to Brazil. It is thought that Yaya was slightly upset about the way the sky blue club had treated him on his birthday but that slight anger became outrage when hearing about how Bony was treated on his birthday. Yaya’s agent told Jack Swan ‘A club like Swansea City is where Yaya wants to be, one who respect their players and appreciate them. When Yaya heard about his good friend Bonys party after training he naturally felt sad and wanted to be a part of it’. Bony and Yaya have been good friends for many years, so much so that Wilfried kept a party bag from his party for his countries captain. Yaya tweeted that day ‘Jelly babies, 4 different colour crayons, A strawberry sweet, In the night garden cake and a Swansea City balloon, If Carlsberg made football clubs #SCFC’.

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different opinions on certain things but that’s always natural with these negotiations. It was never a major hurdle and between us we managed to sort out our differences’. An inside source informed us that the dispute was over birthday party entertainment. Currently the club do in house entertainment which involves some music and party games such as pass the parcel but the Ivorian insisted that the club employ a full time party planner. Our insider told us ‘it does make sense in a way; there are a lot of players and staff at the club, all of which enjoy certain gifts and entertainment for their birthdays. This way, each party bag will be custom made and the party will have a real personal feel to it as they will be solely responsible for player’s birthdays’.

JACK SWAN FOOD & DRINK SECTION COMING SOON!!!

The club declined to comment on this matter but the following job title was posted on the Job Centre Plus website shortly after these discussions took place.

GOV.UK PARTY PLANNER £24,995 P/A

SWANSEA A large City employer seek a professional and organised person to oversee and manage the various employee birthday parties throughout the year. The successful applicant must have excellent people skills and experience in organising grown up, office birthday parties would be ideal, yet not essential. Should you be successful, you would be required to ensure that everyone who enters the place of work is aware of anybodies birthday on that day and must ensue that every person in that building wishes that employee ‘happy birthday’.

Shortly after this, we came across the following:-

GOV.UK PARTY PLANNER ASSISTANT £18,495 P/A SWANSEA To make totally sure that the Party planner has done their job properly.

A JACK SWAN STYLE GUIDE TO ALL THINGS FOOD & DRINK IN AND AROUND SWANSEA

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Our investigational journalistic skills increased while researching this article and we dug deeper to find anything that may be relevant to this exciting new story. We managed to find a briefing from Leigh Dineen to the rest of the commercial department.

sign for the club in the next few weeks, which coincides with Ashley Williams’ birthday. It is understood that that party will have a Thundercats theme to it.

‘Hi Guys,

Just in case. None of this actually happened or will happen. Unless it does happen of course. In which case obviously, I’ll take the credit but nothing in this article has the slightest bit of truth in it. All lies, lies, lies which are designed to entertain your little brains.

Just a really quick internal email. Could you all reply with your date of birth, its just for Health and Safety reasons. Could somebody also come here and show me how to add yearly reminders onto my Outlook account. Also, does anyone know if there is a way to write a generic Tweet which can be linked to a database which automatically inserts a specified name while linked to a calendar and so automatic tweets can go out with that information on that date?

You heard it here first!!

CheersLeigh P.S Did any of you see Jack Swan playing in the Swans4Cancer match last Saturday? My god, he was amazing, how did the club miss out on him ten years ago? It is understood that office staff at the club were initially disgruntled that players would receive parties with party bags but it is hoped that a birthday tweet will keep the minions happy. Yaya Toure is expected to

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1) How many different players scored a league goal for the Swans this season? 2) Who had the most assists for the Swans this season? 3) How many player received their marching orders this season? And name them. 4) Which Swans player picked up more yellow cards in the Premier League than any other? 5)Laudrups last game was against West Ham, who scored the two goals for the Hammers which gave Laudrup his marching orders? 6) Monks first game was against one of the worse teams in Premier league history, a 3-0 win, who scored? 7) What was Swansea City’s goal difference when Laudrup left? 8) What was Swansea’s goal difference under Monk? 9) Who captained Swansea in their FA Cup exit to Everton? 10) How many different nationalities represented Swansea in the league this season? 11) Who are these 3 Swans players below?

TRUE OR FALSE 12) Swansea City posted the most profit in the Premier League for last season? 13) Swansea are the only team in the Premier League NOT to have beaten either Manchester Club in the league this season. 14) Garry Monk named his twins after Huw Jenkins parents 15) Swansea went 11 games without a clean sheet before they played Fulham at home in January. 16) Swansea failed to win any of their last 6 games in the Europa Cup 17) Swanseas entire squad cost less than Fellaini 18) Wayne Routledge made more league appearences than any other Swans player this season with 35. 19) Dweight Tiendalli was kidnapped over the summer and replaced by an alien lookalike with no brain 20) Jack Swan magazine has once again proved a massive hit with all Swans fans. ANSWERS 1) 10. Bony, Shelvey, JDG, Dyer, Michu, Routledge, Chico, Pablo, Davies, Ash. 2) Pablo 3) 2, Chico (twice) and Vorm. 4) Rangel (8) 5) Nolan & Carrol 6) Routledge, Dyer, Bony 7) -6 8) +6 9) Neil Taylor 10) 7. English, Welsh, Spanish, Dutch, Ivorian, German, Fulton. I’m sure there is no more!!! 11) Pablo, Dyer, Amat 12) True 13) False 14) False 15) True 16) True 17) False 18) True 19) True 20) False

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T��u�e� t� Cr�i� B��l��’� c�� We are not all biased us football fans, we can appreciate a fantatsic footballer and a wonderful man whoever he plays for. In this case, neither applies. Here is a tribute, by our fans to one of the most arragant and nasty players to ever play the game. Gerald Roger Jenkins Good riddance to the rancid little turd.... Going out at the bottom is just fitting for him really Andrew Howells Obnoxious little scrote Robert Lewis In fairness he wasn't a bad footballer until his head grew so big that he had to sign for scumdiff as he was unable to play football any longer. Horrible little spoilt brat of a boy too. ( you won't believe the sweat running down my face as I concentrate on not trying to use foul, disgusting language to tell you how I really feel ) gimp!! Ps Angel Rangel done ew son Steve Thomas His career says it all. He wasn't happy wherever he played. He was ok when he played for his country nowhere near the best we've had. Dont think he will be missed don't even think the cardiff fans will really miss him either. So im with Gerald Roger Jenkins good riddance.. Tony Davies cant stand the no necked fuckwit pathetic excuse for a human being glad to see the back of the twat Dan Creaser I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire. Alan Godrich I don't think i have ever come across a player that moaned so much too the ref ,nearly always unjustified aswell ,hitting one of our players from behind mark's him down as a *****of the highest order ! Diana Doyle he always thinks he is better than everyone else and he has a bad attitude good riddance

Simon Daniels Barton. Bellamy. Terry. Just three names off the top of my head that inspire instant loathing as soon as you see their faces. Even if Bellamy hadn't been born in and played for Cardiff you would still hate him if you are a Jack. He's a nasty piece of work really. Stroppy on and off the pitch and could be a pretty dirty player. Didn't like him in a Wales shirt to be honest. A bad representation of us Welsh... Or too true maybe.. I think he could've been a much better footballer than he turned out to be. Injury and a nomadic career hindered him just as much as his personality and attitude. His injuries feeding the stroppy little kid in him which then led to the bad attitude and clashes with team-mates which saw him club hopping. Classic own worst enemy scenario. If he had been more talented and indispensable with less temper then I think Liverpool would've hung on to him, like Chelsea have with Terry, even though he's a complete and utter cretin[ Jack Swan;)] of the highest order and will be one of the first up against the wall come the glorious revolution... Perhaps Bellamy would've stayed at Liverpool if they had better golfing facilities as well... But then he does something like the Craig Bellamy Foundation that helps kids in Sierra Leone and you have to acknowledge and give him a lot of respect for that. But he's still, as they say in Polish, a total cipa, or in Germany I believe they would call him a völlig Möse... I've definitely seen a poster or meme from the Czech Republic with "Craig Bellamy Je Kunda!!" on it somewhere... He's got crap tattoos as well. And his wife left him... His middle name is Douglas.. Oh yeah, didn't he assault to women in Cardiff as well a few years back?... Allegedly... to sum up I totally hash-star-dollar signpercentage symbol-ing hate the little prick... I can say prick right? Even The Guardian would print prick Gareth Walters The nutter with a putter! The hunchback of legoland! Does a lot of good work for charity and loves to talk about it! Always showed up for Wales, never did anything of note - a career that promised so much and delivered so little and then disappeared into obscurity at his hometown club, and they were relegated and humiliated on his watch! Top bloke.

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Congratulations to Cardiff City with Their Highest Ever Premier League Finish!! Picture by Steve Thomas

In��ec�u�� S��n�� "Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." Look at these gems .. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. .. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. .. The batteries were given out free of charge. .. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A boiled egg is hard to beat. .. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. .. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. .. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. .. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. .. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it. An intellectual is a person who primarily uses intelligence in either a professional or an individual capacity. As a substantive or adjective, it refers to the work product of such persons, to the so-called "life of the mind" generally, or to an aspect of something where learning, erudition, and informed and critical thinking are the focus The intellectual is a specific variety of the intelligent, which unlike the general property, is strictly associated with reason and thinking. Many everyday roles require the application of intelligence to skills that may have a psychomotor component, for example, in the fields of medicine, sport or the arts, but these do not necessarily involve the practitioner in the "world of ideas".

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It is the highlight of every Swans players season. The prestigious award of Jack Swans player of the season. Its been a funny season, at times I haven’t been able to pick three players who have deserved any credit and yet I finish the season quite happy and optimistic. I noticed that the evening post picked 6 players for the public to chose from, a list that included Chico, Vorm and Davies. I think they must have seen different games to the rest of us. Saying that, nobody ever agrees with my choice but I think we’ll all agree with the top one.

Bony: Where would we have been without our record signing this season? It is pretty scary to think that we would probably have been looking up at Cardiff on a few occasions this season and maybe even at the end of it without our leading goalscorer. I’ve said how brilliant he is earlier in the magazine so I wont bore you anymore. Can we keep hold of him? I personally expect that he will stay, we won’t sell for less than double what we paid and I can only see one club that he would suit which might pay that money and I think that Chelsea will be looking for a big named striker. I can’t see him going to Liverpool or Arsenal, wrong player, wrong price. But I’m sure that I’ll be wrong by the time this gets back from the printers. Its how it usually works. Brilliant debut season though, I expect more next term, scary. Dyer & Routledge: I’m cheating a lot here. Both have been brilliant at times this season and both have been pretty poor at times. I think Dyer has been the more consistent of the two but has been unfortunate with injuries but Routledge certainly finished the season the better. They are becoming old timers at the Swans now, on form they are both top 8 premier league players and arguably better than that. Wingers always struggle with consistency, it’s a curse of the job, if they can both stay fit next season and get a long run of form together then they could get 20 goals between them and the Swans will get a top 8 finish.

2nd

3rd

Leon & Ash: Cheating again but I feel like they should both be in this list for the following reason: we are a much better team with both of them in it. We simply need both these players to play every game that we want to win. We look really poor at the back whenever the captain of Wales is missing and for that reason, we must keep hold of him and throw some money at him if we need to or let him go on a free next season. And as for Leon, its insane to think that any manager could pick a Swans eleven without him by choice. He’s vital to the whole structure of our team and how we play. So that’s my vindication for picking both. They are vital. At least the Evening Post were brave enough to make a decision hey. Don’t just slate my selections to your mates. find me on facebook and tell me I’m an idiot!!!

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