Issue 17 by Jack Swan

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�O�D� F��M �A�K ��N Why does Hue Jenkins bother do go on holiday pre season? He never gets the chance to relax. Don’t bother going to Stoke away next year and book yourself your holiday then, we always lose that game and it’s always dire. Sunderland away is another one, always boring, have another holiday then. That is right, we are established in the premier league now, so we can use terms like ‘we always lose up there’ with the likes of Everton and Manchester City instead of Exeter and Rotherham. It has been another one of those close seasons though hasn’t it. Talk of the gaffa going seems to be just talk but there is that nagging doubt in your mind when the media keep banging on about it time and time again. I hate pre-season anyway, I hate there being no football. Saturdays are just another day, nothing to read about on a Sunday morning and the world is just a deeply depressing place. Would Nelson Mandela die during the football season? He’s died from boredom; another month without the Premier League was just to much. (If he’s still alive when you read this, I took a chance, it doesn’t look good for him when I’m writing this, and he’s probably died by now, a truly great and inspiring man either way though – feel I should put that in). I am very pleased to announce though that we have managed to keep hold of everyone at Jack Swan magazine. Many of you would have heard the rumours that Matty was set to be the new face of BT Sport but although he was offered the chance before Jake Humphreys, he decided to stay with this magazine. Spense was earmarked to replace Lee Mack on ‘Would I lie to you’ but they failed to buy him out of his long term contract with us and refused to accept our offer of the programme turning into a Swansea City programme based solely on truths about the club. So we will still be the same, the Swans will still be great and Huw Jenkins will have to learn to fiddle the books a bit more and tie in his holidays during our European tour and get the bill wiped from the clubs annual tax returns.

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PLANET & SWANS A8QʋSɼORȰHʤLFɪɸʙɨ 8ʜʠɠԸHVʣLʝQɪɗ marriage made by Swansea We at Jack Swan are delighted to announce that our new website will be launched from the main port of call for all Swans fans online. We have all been glued to ǀǏǒ/ 7+Ǌ< 6ƼǄ< Planet Swans over the summer OR ǀǏǒ/ 7+Ǌ< Ƭ2" knowing that any potential 6ȴHWɭȱHɡ ʍɨ 6ʖPʝɚ 0ʑʪʢLɭɖ *Hɢ ʖɚ WʝXɭɓ signing will be looked at and ʨLʃɓ -Dɭɖ 6Zʋɚ ʱʱ scrutinisedMDɭɖ ʣZʋɚ#ʙʖɃɏ by other true Jacks. Fɛ ʅɖ If you haven’t joined the Planet Swans forum yet then I have no idea how you have managed to get through the close season. It is a great site, with a great new look and now you can see our new and old Jack Swan issues there to.

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We asked people on Facebook: Is the fact that we can watch Swans games down the pub, good for football? Alex Collins Absolutely, especially when tickets for a lot of matches are unavailable. Without the option of watching the matches elsewhere we'll be back to the days of ceefax and the sporting post. Nina Fairclough it is for us who cant get season tickets Andrew Howells football on the whole is now being priced out of the range of many people when there is no need due to the obscene amounts available from sky , so maybe people deciding to watch for free in the pub might start to change chairmens minds as to the pricing policies , look at germany to see how it should be done Gerald Roger Jenkins Some pubs have their own season tickets to cope with the demand....

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I’ve taken a lot of flack from mates for not physically going to watch the Swans since our promotion to the Premier League but I have to admit that I prefer to watch it in the pub. Before I go on, I am a Vetch boy, a North Bank season ticket holder and I have said on numerous occasions, I loved the place and miss it daily. And I can’t get that same feeling at the Liberty: it is nobody’s fault, I’m not bitter about it, I don’t love the club any less, it is clear that the club have come on since our former cabbage patch days and we would certainly not be in the Premier league without our shiny new stadium. But I don’t like it. But that’s just me. For most fans, it has never been so good. The infrastructure down Landore is great, we all like to moan about parking etc.. But imagine 20,000 fans in Sandfields, it could never happen. The pubs around the stadium are great, Rossi’s is a revelation and the view from every seat in the stadium is perfect. The atmosphere is as good as anyone’s in the Premier League and because of all this, people have caught the greatest bug in the world, which is ‘football’ and that can only be a brilliant thing for mankind. I would never and hope I could never put anyone off from going to follow the Swans in SA1 but I do love watching the games in the pub. I have my routine just as I had a routine when watching the Swans at the Vetch and the early days at the Liberty. And just like our former days, I like to see how busy it gets. Away games are very busy, especially against the big boys, the home games against the lesser sides brings out those of us who watch every game but don’t have a season ticket and the other games are anyone’s guess. The foreign satellite which so many of the pubs now have installed has been a revelation for pubs but it has also been a revelation for me and many a fan alike. If fans can’t get to a game they can be surrounded by other Swans fans, with a bar selling reasonably priced beer (as against stadium prices) and a decent atmosphere instead of watching some dodgy internet feed alone on a small computer screen. I think the landlords and landladies across Swansea have now mastered their chosen system as well. I watch most of the games in the brilliant Other Place in Pontardawe and I can count on one hand the amount of technical issues there has been, the game flows perfectly 99% of the time and when it doesn’t it is quickly sorted. With a new season approaching, we all expect to see new faces on the pitch. I hope and expect that we will see additional faces off it as well with the interest in the Swans continuing to improve. Wherever you watch the games – enjoy it

Spenser Davies Not good for my liver (or marriage)! Mike James get to go too see the swans at home got a season ticket and down the pub to watch the away games happy days Vince Hotten What you want is a massive pub with a football pitch in the middle, simple really! Chris Stevens Yes when your a prem team which is a sell out every week.

Bayern Munich President “We could charge more than £104. Lets say we charged £300. We’d get £2m more invome but what’s £2m to us? In a atransfer discussion you argue about that sum for five minutes. But the difference between £104 and £300 is huge for the fan. We do not think the fans are like cows, who you milk. Football has got to be for everybody. That’s the biggest difference between us and England”

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Call 01792 CITY 862999 GAMES All SWANSEA ALL SWANSEA CITY GAMES LIVE LIVE Multi Screen Venue, SKY S PORTS, ESPN & AT THE RACES On a possible move elsewhere he obviously said the inevitable, political stance of being happy here but he also acknowledged that nobody leaves SA1 for the better. Saying within it and not so well elsewhere.

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK Is Vorm the best keeper at the club? Sarah Roberts: yes Tony Davies last season yes but Tremmel has been better this year, better distributor of the ball to, wouldn't be sad if Vorm went Tim Rendell No Tremmel is !! For the umpteenth time Simon Meyrick Vorm has the ability to make some incredible saves but I've actually felt more confident when Tremmel has played this year. Never thought I'd say that a year ago. Chris Pickford no Emyr Evans Vorm is a better shot stopper than Tremmel and has better reflexes and that's what you really want from a keeper Ben Abrahams Vorm edges it for me, Tremmel is a solid prem class keeper but when vorm is on his day he can be world class.

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I touched on it in the last issue. Fantastic as this season has been, I really don’t feel that too many players have been at their very best. I actually expect us to be better next season, this doesn’t mean that I expect us to finish higher. We could be a far better outfit all over the park but if Michu contributing ten goals less then it may be telling. Anyway, this is how I feel that each players has done and what I think about them for next season. Players in bold are players that I would definitely keep hold of. Goalkeepers:We will want 3 goal keepers on our books next season and I think that we are currently really strong in this position. Michelle Vorm: One of the best keepers in the league, maybe Europe. This season certainly hasn’t lived up to the hype of last though. Quite a few blunders early on, seemingly struggling with new directions for distribution and with a couple of injuries, it just hasn’t been a great season for the Dutch number two. His future is in his hands, I would be more than happy to see him as our number one for the next decade. I would however take a silly bid for the only habitant of Mumbles Lighthouse. Should we be offered £15 million for example then I’d be more than happy to push Tremmel to number one and find a young cheap back up keeper and add another wod to the bank balance. Gerrard Tremmel: I just assumed that we’d offloaded him last summer. He looked so incredibly out of his depth against Stoke last season that I had no faith whatsoever in him. So we all held our breath when the news broke that Vorm would be out for a couple of months and the German was our only real option. We were breathing again pretty quickly and for me, and I never dreamt I would say this, he’s been the better keeper this season and even more bizarrely, I feel more comfortable with him in goal. He’s big which makes him a real asset defending corners and crosses. He’s also a great shot-stopper and gets down low quickly for a big man. His clean sheet performance away at Stamford Bridge in the league cup Semi-final will be remembered for a long time but what has been strangely over looked is that he didn’t concede a goal in the Quarter final, 2 legs of the Semi-final nor the final. A record? Goalkeepers can go on into their late thirties and early forties so I think he has a lot of good times left in him at SA1. David Cornell: He seems to of been around for ages but still only 22. He’s represented Wales at under 17,19 and 21 level and has had some first team experience at Hereford. Being a local boy I really hope he’s good enough to be our third choice between the sticks but there is always the possibility that he might be called upon for a few months, in which case sentimental value goes totally out of the window. Truth be told, I have absolutely no idea. Not a smidgen. Next…………..

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Personally with European football I would want 9 recognised defenders next season. I kn that the Laud wants 2 players per position but I would want an extra one to cover the cen defensive position. It is such a key and specialist position and I wouldn’t want to turn to a youngster should we pick up a couple of injuries.

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Ben Davies: Words fail me. I remember Joey Allen playing his first game for us and the pride that I felt watching him taking on the mammoth side of Blackpool. But I’d long heard the name ‘Joe Allen’, his name would be mentioned down the North Bank when he was still in nappies ‘watch out for this Narbeth kid’ we’d hear. Well I hold my hand up and admit that I had ne heard the name Ben Davies until he started our League Cup campaign against Barnsley alongside a host of other reserve players. I can’t even pretend to of paid too much attenti to him then as it was our first chance to look at the ‘Korean Gerrard’. So it was the next ga that we all had our real first experience of Ben. Taylor down injured against Sunderland: B comes on.

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* Showing * All Premier Games Burger Van Open Matchdays Sat 3PM to Include Bar & Lounge Swansea HomeHe& Away has barely set a foot wrong since. Defensively he is superb, he has a goal to his name a

a couple of assists and he’s really made a reputation for himself. A few big named players have said that he deserved to be nominated for young player of the year and he’s been immense and you have to say that he has made his position his own. The Seven Sisters schooled tennis racquet hooligan has certainly won over the Swans faithful. Possibly like nobody before him, I think this season could be the start of a magical relationship betwe club and player. What odds of a stand being named ‘The Ben Davies stand’ in 2043?

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LIVE BAND OUTSIDE (weather permiting) Neil Taylor: You got to feel for him. He was one of our players of the year last year, one of the first nam EVERY SUNDAY on the team sheet at the start of this season and he may struggle for a game next year. H

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clearly hasn’t played enough football to comment on his season, he is a real quality playe and one who I hope and expect to remain at the club for a long time. With European foot year, he will hopefully get a good run of games and will be looking to push Davies fo Mon:next 11:30 - 14:30 17:00 - 21:00 his first team place back. Without any doubts though, keep him.

Tue 11:30 - 14:30 17:00 - 20:00 Wed:Dwight 11:30 14:30 17:00 - 21:00 Tiendalli: How many years do we need to go back before he would be too good for us? It feels weir Thur: 11:30 - 14:30 17:00 - 21:00 to suggest, (and ‘suggest’ probably isn’t a strong enough word) that he now isn’t good Fri: 11:30 - 14:30 17:00 - 21:00 enough for us. He is our best full back at going forward, our best and most consistent cro Sat: 12:00 18:00 of the ball at the club (with the exception of Routledge) and he likes to run at players, like shot and has a goal to his name. There are though huge question marks defensively. He w Sun: 12:00 - 16:00

brought in as cover for Davies when Taylor got injured and with Taylor back to fitness, his position is filled. We already have 5 wingers at club and Jazz has signed an extension so I think its ‘Thanks, kind of sorry but bye?’ Is that how it works?

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK Would you have offered Tiendalli a new contract?

Personally with European football I would want 9 recognised defenders next season. I know that the Laud wants 2 players per position but I would want an extra one to cover the central defensive position. It is such a key and specialist position and I wouldn’t want to turn to a youngster should we pick up a couple of injuries.

Cai Fitter Yes! Decent cover when needed, and he doesn't seem to mind if he's the back up player!

Ben Davies: Words fail me. I remember Joey Allen playing his first game for us and the pride that I felt watching him taking on the mammoth side of Blackpool. But I’d long heard the name ‘Joe Allen’, his name would be mentioned down the North Bank when he was still in nappies ‘watch out for this Narbeth kid’ we’d hear. Well I hold my hand up and admit that I had never heard the name Ben Davies until he started our League Cup campaign against Barnsley alongside a host of other reserve players. I can’t even pretend to of paid too much attention to him then as it was our first chance to look at the ‘Korean Gerrard’. So it was the next game that we all had our real first experience of Ben. Taylor down injured against Sunderland: Ben comes on.

Sam Walsh can play RB or RW, good at both, also a great crosser of the ball Meuryn Nelson Yes Ian Wishart Yes. Rhydian Lloyd Defo gonna need the squad next year and he's proved he's a squad player. Dublin Jack Yes, as cover for Rangel. Good player Emyr Evans Seems happy to be a back-up (but should get plenty of game time again next season), can play a variety of positions, and should be cheep enough on the wages front. Plus didn't cost us a penny to buy. Definitely sign him up!

He has barely set a foot wrong since. Defensively he is superb, he has a goal to his name and a couple of assists and he’s really made a reputation for himself. A few big named players have said that he deserved to be nominated for young player of the year and he’s been immense and you have to say that he has made his position his own. The Seven Sisters schooled tennis racquet hooligan has certainly won over the Swans faithful. Possibly like nobody before him, I think this season could be the start of a magical relationship betweenC club and player. What odds of a stand being named ‘The Ben Davies stand’ in 2043? M Y Neil Taylor: You got to feel for him. He was one of our players of the year last year, one of the first names CM on the team sheet at the start of this season and he may struggle for a game next year. He clearly hasn’t played enough football to comment on his season, he is a real quality player MY and one who I hope and expect to remain at the club for a long time. With European football CY next year, he will hopefully get a good run of games and will be looking to push Davies for his first team place back. Without any doubts though, keep him. CMY

K Dwight Tiendalli: How many years do we need to go back before he would be too good for us? It feels weird to suggest, (and ‘suggest’ probably isn’t a strong enough word) that he now isn’t good enough for us. He is our best full back at going forward, our best and most consistent crosser of the ball at the club (with the exception of Routledge) and he likes to run at players, likes a shot and has a goal to his name. There are though huge question marks defensively. He was brought in as cover for Davies when Taylor got injured and with Taylor back to fitness, his position is filled. We already have 5 wingers at club and Jazz has signed an extension so I think its ‘Thanks, kind of sorry but bye?’ Is that how it works? Kantelew half landscape.ai 1 15/09/2011 20:03:20

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK Could davies play centre back? Steffan Scfc Mortimer Could have some pace in the backs with Davies but he's a good lb. Jason Scfc Griffiths I think that's where the manager wants him 2 play in the future so yes Jacob Humphreys He could play anywhere on the pitch, he’s quality, big strong guy with decent pace and good on the ball. I would be very surpised if Wales wil be able to leave either him or Taylor on the bench when both fit and so it will be interesting to see where Coleman plays him

Angel Rangel: Possibly his best year yet. He has earned himself loads of brownie points for his off-field charity work and his desire to steal a tramp. He’s a senior player now and one who expresses his commitment and determination on the field which fans love to see. Scored a couple of good goals this year and could have had a couple more. Pushed forward with purpose and with real intent and direction and seemingly loving playing under the Laud. I wouldn’t be too surprised if the Spanish national team are keeping tabs on him and for me one of the best right backs in the league at the moment. Jazz Richards: Like Cornell, he’s 22, represented Wales at under 17, 19, 21s and even got himself a couple of full caps. He’s earned himself some really good reviews at Championship club Crystal Palace and with the Swans attaching him to a three year contract, I expect that Laudrup has plans for him next season. Whether this is as Rangel’s understudy (learning how to lure tramps into your 4x4) or a full season on loan only time will tell. Ashley Williams A very poor start to the season followed by his usual calm and assuring self. He’s strong, quick and generally has a great starting position. Gets away with blue murder at times, beating a centre forward into oblivion while the referee is watching Pablo’s tricks. I’m pretty sure that he was desperate to put a nail in Marthinez and Wigans coffin which is why he was so determined to take that appalling indirect free-kick. He wins some Jack Bastard points from me for that. It is frustrating for us fans that players like Ash are constantly being linked to some top European clubs (and Liverpool) but the alternative is that their useless and nobody is even aware that they exist. I think he could slot into any side in the Premiership but I hope and expect him to stay even though I heard a very strong Arsenal rumour the other day involving a £2,000 bookies bet. Remember, you heard it here last!!

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The Colliers Arms in Skewen have been advertising with us basically from our first issue and Anna has been telling me from the very start that they will soon be doing food. Well soon has finally arrived and so I decided to pop in and have some food when picking up their gigs for July.

We got to the colliers about 1 o’clock and both opted for a dinner with all 3 meats which were turkey, beef and pork. I love a dinner, meat and veg and I’m a happy man. Generally though, I find that eating a dinner out is never as good as home cooked.

I’ve been told off in the past for writing about food in the magazine by the great Terry Williams. He has no interest in what I have for food and says that I should keep with football, so I decided to use this space to wind up the former Dire Straights Drummer.

Both my wife (who gets a few mentions this issue) and I agree that this was the best cooked dinner that we have had eating out by a long way. It was really good, meat was great, gravy was outstanding and I love cabbage and worship a good mashed Swede with tons of butter. I would massively recommend popping in and having a spot of lunch there. Really impressed, great pint of ale as well. Very impressed all round, should of started doing lunches years ago.......

WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK What do you think of our defense this season? Who will be your prefered back 4 next year? Need any new arrivals, whether for a start or cover? Jamie Scfc Thomas I think we should have Rangel, Chico, Williams, Taylor..we were solid when Chico and Williams were consistantly starting together. Jason Scfc Griffiths I think Williams will leave in the summer. Davies has been top class this season didn't miss Taylor at all Steffan Scfc Mortimer ki in defence. He was good on Wembley. Ben Abrahams Tiendalli's contract runs out at the end of the season. So we defo need another full back if he goes. Id keep him personally, he does a decent job as backup and seems happy with that. Emyr Evans Ki was good in defence at wembley against league 2 opposition but don't think he could deal with prem strikers

Chico Flores: Like Ben, we have all fallen for him. I saw Williams say that he’s even more crazy than you think and not even being able to give an example because it is constantly all the time. Footballing wise he’s also not bad. A proper centre back who also likes to dive around like a little winger pretending he’s been shot. I hate it when anyone else does that but he does it with an entertainment factor. A cultured defender who is at ease with the ball and loves to push into the midfield and have a pop when possible. He’s settled right into the British game and will go from strength to strength. I’m still waiting for him to appear in a Swansea pop video, maybe when Bronwen Lewis (who was wrongfully not put through on the Voice, keep your letters coming) releases her debut song he can appear in that. Gary Monk: I saw a comment on facebook during the Wigan game which read ‘Gary Monk, jack bastard you are, premier league you are not’. It seems that every time he plays I see a similar comment from somebody and I really struggle to understand why to be honest. He isn’t as good as Chico or Williams which is why he doesn’t start instead of them but back-up players never are. I think he’s had another good season, solid and dependable as ever. I’ve always been a huge fan of defenders with great positioning and anticipation as they don’t need to rely on pace, the likes of Martin Keown never had any pace but were always in the right place at the right time and our skipper is in that mold. I would love to see him see out his career with us and take up a coaching role at some stage. I must admit though that I think we do need an extra centre half next year. We have been lucky this season that neither Ash or Chico have been out for too long but if one were to then I don’t think Gary is able to play twice a week regularly for a couple of months. If the Laud is determined to only have 4 centre backs, then with European football next year I expect one to come in and so either Gary or Bartley will need to give way. Kyle Bartley: I bit of a weird season for Kyle and for our first experience with him. At times he looked as though he may be pushing Ash and Chico for a first team place and he’s finished the season a long long was behind them and behind our skipper. His height is a great asset for us, he’s leggy and good on the ball. He quite likes to get involved and push himself into the midfield. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he plays in front of the defense at some stage of his career. He is a real test for our coaches to be honest; we aren’t used to having players of his caliber and background. He’s been trained by Arsenal and Rangers and if he is to push on to the next level then it is our back roomed staff who need to take him there. I have no idea whether we are set up well enough to do this or not. It will be a great achievement of the club if we can turn him into the next Ash or Chico and will send out a message to young players that we are the place to go. Our success has been based on our ability to stay in games and so it must be said that we have true quality at the back. I do really worry about a major injury to Ashley Williams or Chico though. The former will be very difficult to replace if he did leave to another club. I can’t see us really bringing in anyone at the back who would walk into our first eleven but expect some cover. I asked in the last issue how ruthless Laudrup will be?’ and I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes some decisions at the back which us faithful may see a harsh.

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Leon Britton: I’m going to get shot down here but I actually don’t think it has been Mr dependable best year. He’s had some outstanding performances; I will never know how he didn’t walk into next England squad after dominating the midfield against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. I ju don’t feel like he’s been as reliable as usual, even his stats aren’t quite up to his usual high standard. I actually think that for the first time since his arrival, Leon’s first team spot migh be under pressure. There are very strong suggestions that Canas will be coming into the squad and assuming Michu drops into the AM position that will leave two positions for Leon, Ki, Canas and maybe JDG. He’s a cert to stay in the squad and in my opinion is the greatest player to wear the shirt and one of the main reasons that we are currently where are but he might not feature as much as he would like next year.

Ki I feel like Ki sums up our season a bit. Great in patches, really poor at times and you genera feel like there is more to come. Also like the Swans, it’s really hard to put your finger on where he’s good and where he’s not. He has everything, he’s tall, strong at times although really easily pushed off the ball at others, very calm on the ball, although too calm at time and apparently a great shot although as far as I know he still boasts the record of the mos shots without a goal in the premiership this season (and he don’t shoot often enough). Hi passing stats are up there with Leon Britton’s last season and yet you feel like he gives the ball away too much. I am expecting better things of him next season, it difficult to say he’s been poor this term but I certainly hope for more consistency (although his stats say he’s m consistent). I think he may struggle for minutes on the pitch next year, we could have Ki an Leon as our reserve centre midfield partnership. Crazy? I think so. Kemmy

Played a major role in Swansea City assuring they hit that magic 40 points mark. His speed played a huge part in ensuring his pivotal role in the squad amassing as many driving poin as possible. On the field it was pretty much as last year. Best player in the world, followed b worst player in the world then injured. His glimpses of brilliance wants you to keep with h I do still think that if he was to have a full season with no injuries then he would be a really top player. A Tom Huddleston type which you could say is what we are lacking. However, assming that the Laud wants only 4 centre midfielders, I don’t think it would be wise to tak a risk on his fitness. Genuinely wish him all the best but I think it is probably time, as it was with Bodde to cut our losses.

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK How do you think we are blessed in centre midfield? Leon ki kemy, would you sign JDG? Do we need Canas? Anymore? Would you like Michu in atacking midfield role next year? Who is your 3 men in the middle of the park next year? Talk centre midfield to me everyone.... â&#x20AC;˘ Jason Scfc Griffiths We need a gd forward no1 target and we need 2 get jdg on a perm he will prob cost around ÂŁ7 million a cent defender Vince Hotten I think we need Canas or another quality defensive midfield player. Ki needs to fulfill his potential and Kemy you'd hope wouldn't be more than a fringe player. Ideally Michu would be better off as an attacking midfielder but we need to sign at least one quality goal scoring striker before he can play in his preferred position. JDG is a must! . Martin Davies I would have in central mid field jdg leon michu

It is a part and parcel of our game now that we have three central midfielders with one further advanced than the other two. We have played with three wingers on a number of times this season with one in the advanced role. Knowing that the Laud wants to keep competition for places with not too many on the books it may be that he thinks we only need 4 â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;holding midfieldersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and 1 advanced midfielder with the knowledge that a winger could fill in if required. Leon Britton: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to get shot down here but I actually donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think it has been Mr dependable best year. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s had some outstanding performances; I will never know how he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t walk into the next England squad after dominating the midfield against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. I just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been as reliable as usual, even his stats arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite up to his usual high standard. I actually think that for the first time since his arrival, Leonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first team spot might be under pressure. There are very strong suggestions that Canas will be coming into the squad and assuming Michu drops into the AM position that will leave two positions for Leon, Ki, Canas and maybe JDG. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a cert to stay in the squad and in my opinion is the greatest player to wear the shirt and one of the main reasons that we are currently where we are but he might not feature as much as he would like next year. Ki I feel like Ki sums up our season a bit. Great in patches, really poor at times and you generally feel like there is more to come. Also like the Swans, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really hard to put your finger on where heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s good and where heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not. He has everything, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tall, strong at times although really easily pushed off the ball at others, very calm on the ball, although too calm at times and apparently a great shot although as far as I know he still boasts the record of the most shots without a goal in the premiership this season (and he donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shoot often enough). His passing stats are up there with Leon Brittonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last season and yet you feel like he gives the ball away too much. I am expecting better things of him next season, it difficult to say heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been poor this term but I certainly hope for more consistency (although his stats say heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mr consistent). I think he may struggle for minutes on the pitch next year, we could have Ki and Leon as our reserve centre midfield partnership. Crazy? I think so. Kemmy Played a major role in Swansea City assuring they hit that magic 40 points mark. His speed played a huge part in ensuring his pivotal role in the squad amassing as many driving points as possible. On the field it was pretty much as last year. Best player in the world, followed by worst player in the world then injured. His glimpses of brilliance wants you to keep with him. I do still think that if he was to have a full season with no injuries then he would be a really top player. A Tom Huddleston type which you could say is what we are lacking. However, assming that the Laud wants only 4 centre midfielders, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think it would be wise to take a risk on his fitness. Genuinely wish him all the best but I think it is probably time, as it was with Bodde to cut our losses.

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Gareth Lewis Any midfield would benefit from having canas top player! Ben Abrahams Need another attacking midfielder. Kemy is good, but you need better than good if the club is going to progress and start challenging for European spots through the league. Need 2 strikers, a central attacking mid and full back. Emyr Evans Still not convinced with ki but am happy with the midfield as a whole. Wouldn't knock any improvement tho. Michu has to play in attacking midfield tho Martin Davies We need strikers urgency

Michu I’m putting him here as an attacking midfielder as I think that is where we want him to be next year. He has been incredible this season. His movement is superb, he manages to find that half a yard like all top goalscorers. He is a really weird player though, he is a real hard nut at times, throws himself about, is really happy to work hard, chase lost balls and get stuck in and seems really up for everything. He will then go through a quiet disinterested stage where he won’t make any runs, wont chase anything down and will just float around seemingly singing ‘postman pat’ to himself (I’d love to hear that in Spanish). I think these (I call them) ‘lazy’ spells are really important to making him such a great player as they make him so difficult to mark. A centre back can win a comfortable ball off him, have time to tak Go t T h e rmisa snapped the ball down and pick a pass and feel incredibly comfortable vand then in half l In c e n tamount iv e S c hofe m the next time round. We must assume that he won’t score the goals next year a e he has this but with a quality striker in front of him, he might find having more spa O N himself LY and dare I say it, score more.

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Jonathan De Guzman: He seems to of done a good job of lowering his value of late. I think out of all the players who have disappointed since the cup win, he has really dropped of the boil. I would of broken the bank to sign him up a few months back but he has been very quiet of late. One issue he is going to have is where his best position is. He has played as a deep lying midfielder and more advanced and although I actually think that long term he will be better a bit deeper, he hasn’t performed well there and looks dis-interested recently. His goals have been valuable this season and I am a big fan of his, whether he has simply fallen out of form, got fatigued or what I don’t know but he has strolled through the motions the last couple of months. I would love to see us sign him up though, I think that alongside somebody in his ear for 90 minutes, he could be a real quality centre midfielder. He does need to up his work rate at times but if we can bring a striker in and keep Michu’s and JDG’s goals in the side then it will be a real asset. I also think that bringing in other goal threats will help both JDG and Michu find space. At the moment, if I were the opposition, I would think that as long as Michu or JDG don’t score we’ve kept a clean sheet. Michu I’m putting him here as an attacking midfielder as I think that is where we want him to be next year. He has been incredible this season. His movement is superb, he manages to find that half a yard like all top goalscorers. He is a really weird player though, he is a real hard nut at times, throws himself about, is really happy to work hard, chase lost balls and get stuck in and seems really up for everything. He will then go through a quiet disinterested stage where he won’t make any runs, wont chase anything down and will just float around seemingly singing ‘postman pat’ to himself (I’d love to hear that in Spanish). I think these (I’ll call them) ‘lazy’ spells are really important to making him such a great player as they make him so difficult to mark. A centre back can win a comfortable ball off him, have time to take the ball down and pick a pass and feel incredibly comfortable and then is snapped in half the next time round. We must assume that he won’t score the amount of goals next year as he has this but with a quality striker in front of him, he might find himself having more space and dare I say it, score Gs Roofing qtr more. portrait.ai 1 30/06/2013 23:54:36

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK Are you happy with the 4 wingers we have at the club? Andrew Howells dyer and routledge are fine , lamah looks as if he could be ok , and hernandez is crap Leon Vincent Dyer has had a poor season, Pablo is nearly amazing but is crap at the mo. God knows about lamah yet. Routledge been brilliant. Id lije to sign at least one more Andrew Howells hernandez is only good with the ball at his feet, his passing , decision making, tracking back etc has been terrible don't think dyer has had a bad season just not as good as last Leon Vincent Pablo started the season slow and then came good before injury and hasnt been great since. Agree that his work rate is.poor but do think that on his day he is class. We need more days though. Dyer, Kristian Davies Hernandez is shite. I d rather play schecter than Pablo and that's saying summit!!!!!!!

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I assume that we’ll have 4 wingers at the start of next season. It is possible that we’ll have 5 with only the one attacking midfielder. Wayne Routledge I must admit that I didn’t think he was this good. He’s been superb from start to finish, scoring goals but creating a shed load more. I really think that his delivery is up there with anybody’s. On either foot he can deliver a cross which is begging to be put away and his tricks seems to always give him enough room to get one in. His work rate is brilliant, tracking back with pace but this also allows him to start moves from deep with plenty of yards to run into. Michael Owen picked him above Hazard in his team of the year and I can’t really argue with that. I don’t want to keep banging on about ‘a quality striker’ but should he come in and there are at least two players to pick out in the box then I think we could see Wayne reach double figures for assists which is rarely seen. The jouneyman has settled and it’s a relationship which should blossom for both parties for many years. Pablo Hernandez To sum him up in one word: ‘frustrating’, 2 words? ‘Frustratingly inconsistent’, 3 words ‘potentially world beater’. He does things which only the very best players in the world do and then something which only Stuart Downing would understand. He’s had a tough time this year, first year in Britain is often difficult for flare players like him, he had basically no pre-season and just as he got fit and into some form, he got injured. I have heard the term ‘luxury player’ fitted to him on a number of occasions and I hate to say it does fit. He isn’t a work horse, he isn’t someone who will track back with determination and win his fair share of 50-50 tackles and so he has to perform at the other end. I still think that he has the potential to be our best player. The form he reached before his injury was outstanding but he hasn’t got back to that level. I certainly expect him to have another season here and am looking forward to it but he has to raise his game. Nathan Dyer Much like Pablo to be honest. An outstanding impact player, his pace is to die for, especially over the first few yards. He hasn’t had a good season though. His touch at times has been awful to put it nicely. He’s never been the most consistent with his end product and has been at the heart of a lot of really poor performances this season. I have no idea whether he will stay; I doubt he has much value at the moment to be frank. Last season I would have turned down bids in excess of £10-12 million, I’d be tempted with half that now but can’t see anyone paying it. I would happily have him coming on for the last 20 minutes in games, upfront in some cases as he did against Wigan. He might of run out of petrol at the Swans though. Lamah I can’t really comment too much on him. All seems bizarre. A 2 year loan when he only has a 2 year contract? He certainly has the physical attributes to be a quality player. He’s big and strong and lightning fast. I’m looking at our coaches again and hoping that they might be able to make him into a player. Who knows? Cracking voice on him though.

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Luke Moore Better than Cantona? Not quite. I really feel for Luke Moore though, I don’t really understand what he has done wrong this year. He started as our reserve striker Graham, coming on now and again and doing well. He then came on at half tim home to Reading, completely changed the game and helped rescue a draw. Immediately after that game, he went from second choice striker to forth choice Graham was dropped, Michu pushed up front and for some bizarre reason, Sheckter was pushed ahead of him. Then in January, Graham went, I thought th Laud had realized it wasn’t even worth learning how to spell Sheckter’s name. Moore scored a few goals in a few games and then finds himself on the bench again. I hope for Moore that he goes because I think he’s a good player and I thi he’s been treated really badly here. He’s not the quality striker that we are after b he’s a lot better than Sheckter and this year has been a better player than Graha I’d keep him but I’d play him.

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It is very hard to really say anything here. He’s not really had a run of games, don FREE WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT OK now and again but he’s just not built for being a lone striker in the premier league. People have banged on about him not being able to score in a brothel a including Bingo tote etc.. whatnot but we haven’t even seen him have many shots. His goal was a huge

deflection but he done well there but even in that game he was bullied out of everything. I will be amazed and very disappointed if he was to stay on at the cl

So after our greatest season of all time, I find myself desperately hanging to just nine players, 2 of which play in the same position. Those players ar Gerrard Tremmell, Ben Davies, Neil Taylor, Ashley Williams, Chico Flores Angel Rangel, Leon Britton, Wayne Routledge, and Michu. I would also ke (but wouldn’t shed a tear should they go) Ki, Pablo and Luke Moore and w try and sign up De Guzman. That would give us 14 players assuming Vor stays.

I think it will be a busy transfer window with the prospect of some real Ja bastards leaving. It could be really exciting though.

Time moves quickly in close season and a few developments have happen since this was written, JDG signing another loan deal and it seems very lik that Tiendalli has left the club now. I’m sure there will be other developme while this is in the printers and I should update this text to ‘today’ but I ca be bothered. Seems a lot like work

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WHAT YOU SAID ON FACEBOOK How are we prepared upfront next year? Luke Scfc Harris Shcechter is worthless, cant wait untill he goes back, Luke Moore is much better, id hang on for at least another season, unless there any other reason to let him go Kyle Scfc Thomas No way sing Shechter ! Luke Moore's worth hanging on to but deffo not used in the starting line up. Id sing like 2 strikers maybe, but at least one really good one! Michu would obviously be in the starting line up, and i would start him as a striker, but would rather an actual striker and Michu in midfield, imagine Michu scoring a load of goals from midfield and a good goalscoring striker in front of him getting a load too. Vetch TheGnome If there is any truth in the rumour of Sinclair coming back, it wouldn't surprise me if it was as a striker. Worked out well for Thierry Henry? Probably nonsense but a few of us had this conversation the other day, plus he knows where the net is... Kyle Scfc Thomas wasn't he a striker originally ? yeah he knows where the net is, got some pace, and he's go on the ball, but then there's all the positioning, timing runs and stuff like that can he do that ? i could see him making a decent striker though

We are all expecting and dreaming of this wonder striker who will bang in 20 goals next season and create another dozen. I expect we’ll bring in at least two strikers. We will want at least 3 on the books. Luke Moore Better than Cantona? Not quite. I really feel for Luke Moore though, I don’t really understand what he has done wrong this year. He started as our reserve striker to Graham, coming on now and again and doing well. He then came on at half time at home to Reading, completely changed the game and helped rescue a draw. Immediately after that game, he went from second choice striker to forth choice as Graham was dropped, Michu pushed up front and for some bizarre reason, Sheckter was pushed ahead of him. Then in January, Graham went, I thought the Laud had realized it wasn’t even worth learning how to spell Sheckter’s name. Moore scored a few goals in a few games and then finds himself on the bench again. I hope for Moore that he goes because I think he’s a good player and I think he’s been treated really badly here. He’s not the quality striker that we are after but he’s a lot better than Sheckter and this year has been a better player than Graham. I’d keep him but I’d play him. Itay Shechter It is very hard to really say anything here. He’s not really had a run of games, done OK now and again but he’s just not built for being a lone striker in the premier league. People have banged on about him not being able to score in a brothel and whatnot but we haven’t even seen him have many shots. His goal was a huge deflection but he done well there but even in that game he was bullied out of everything. I will be amazed and very disappointed if he was to stay on at the club. So after our greatest season of all time, I find myself desperately hanging on to just nine players, 2 of which play in the same position. Those players are:Gerrard Tremmell, Ben Davies, Neil Taylor, Ashley Williams, Chico Flores, Angel Rangel, Leon Britton, Wayne Routledge, and Michu. I would also keep (but wouldn’t shed a tear should they go) Ki, Pablo and Luke Moore and will try and sign up De Guzman. That would give us 14 players assuming Vorm stays. I think it will be a busy transfer window with the prospect of some real Jack bastards leaving. It could be really exciting though. Time moves quickly in close season and a few developments have happened since this was written, JDG signing another loan deal and it seems very likely that Tiendalli has left the club now. I’m sure there will be other developments while this is in the printers and I should update this text to ‘today’ but I can’t be bothered. Seems a lot like work

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I always hated taking my car to the garage. I always felt as I was getting ripped off. I am happy to say that Stadium Auto Repairs changed all that. I didn't get hit with any unexpected charges and the work was completed when they said it would. I am not afraid to bring my car to Stadium Auto Repairs! -Maria F. Pontardawe

It's a long way to come but I feel you know me & my vehicle! I prefer a small efficient firm to a large glossy operation. The use of a courtesy car is important. -Mrs M Date Caswell

WE WILL CONTINUE TO USE STADIUM AUTO REPAIRS EVERYONE IS FRIENDLY AND OBLIGING WITH THEIR CUSTOMERS. -Mrs J Leach Llangennech

The vehicle was collected by Keith and returned by him approx 4 hrs later. This is an excellent customer service and I would request it again next time. Many thanks -Miss Jenkins Neath

Excellent service and the price was very much lower than elsewhere. Thank You. -Mr A Bristow Nantyglo, Ebbw Vale

THE COURTESY CAR MAKES IT ALL A HASSLE FREE SERVICE. GREAT STUFF. -Mr Griffiths Birchgrove

I booked my car in, explained what needed to be done, was given the use of a courtesy car while the work was done to what appears to be a very high standard and charged a reasonable price - works for me! -Mr S Cox Pontardulais

I will continue to service all our vehicles with Stadium Auto Repairs as the standard of work and service we receive is excellent -Stephen Dare

J��e� �� S��n�� The Metropolitan Police are baffled after authorities at Wembley opened the stadium this morning........... ........to discover that 70,000 seats had towels on them! A murder has been committed Police are called to a house overlooking Gowerton golf club and find a man standing, holding a 5 iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor The policeman asks "Sir, is that your wife?" "Yes" "Did you hit her with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did" The man stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head "How many times did you hit her?" "I don't know; Five, six, seven ..... Put me down for a five" Apparently the Man U board have decided that Moyes should have the same fast track induction that Howard Webb went through when he joined the staff.

Gr�n� H�� r��n� L��: R�y�� M�� e� C�ic�’� �� h�� - to�� s�� n� h�l� �! Manchester City have confirmed that Abu Qatada is their new manager. He knows a few things about staying in Europe. If you get an email telling you that you can get swine fever from a tin of ham ignore it. It's spam. I don't believe the reports about Jimmy Tarbuck It can't be true........ They're saying he's a comedian... What a load of b...Nonsense

M�� J��e� Fr�� S��n�� In the pub last night; A woman accused me of only being after one thing.... I said "I assure you I'm not, I'm hoping to get my ironing done too"

What do we want!? A cure for Alzheimer’s! When do we want it? When do we want what? Two Cardiff fans in London. 'Is this Wembley? No it's Thursday. So am I c'mon for a drink. what happened to the frogs car after an accident? iit got toad away,

How the Vetch ﬁeld used to be...

Swansea City

West Bromwich Albion

Norwich City

60.6%

g ?

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Sh l Sh l

The famous Millwall song which parts of the North Bank adopted many years ago. Well it turns out that now they do. It came as no great surprise that we are the most popular team in the Premier4. Everton 59.2% ship with other fans, and this taking into account that we are 5. Southampton 56% Our Great Dane has spoken about wanting Welsh – I imagine a reasonable section of people asked, just don’t 6. Newcastle United 54.8% competition for places and having 2 players like us for that reason. 59.6%

7. Hull City for every position. I expect in 54.8% reality we will 8. Fulham 54.6% Does it matter? Is it something to be proud of? I personally think want 3 goal keepers and 3 strikers and then 2 so, yes. We can be pretty sure that a similar pole next year will see 9. Arsenal 54% per posoition. Cardiff drop down the league when Premiership fans get to see 10. Crystal Palace

52.8%

11. Cardiff City

52.2%

13. West Ham United

51.4%

17. Liverpool

49%

our hooligan friends up the M4 close up and I don’t want to be

This is how I see us in each position and I thought of like that. 12. Manchester City 51.4%

On the field we play sexy football and off the field our fans give

have a half decent second eleven, certainly a friendly banter in a family friendly atmosphere while our good 14. Sunderland 51.4% board run the club as a model for every club in football. second eleven which would push for 15. Tottenham Hotspur 51% promotion in the championship. It is interesting to see 16. Aston Villa 50.4% Am wrong or right? 18. I Stoke City 19. Manchester United

45% 42.8%

Discuss these ratings at 20. Chelsea 41.6% http://alturl.com/vbap2 6,000 fans were asked which teams they likes and which teams they didn’t. This is the table for the most popular

that the more successful clubs are towards the bottom of the league. It will be interesting to see whether we are still top of this league when we top the premiership next May.

Tel: 01792 650002 Fax: 01792 650003

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Unit 14, SA1 Business Park, Langdon Rd, Swansea, SA1 8QY

THE UNION INN All Swans Games LIVE Davies 7.5/10 He’s been brilliant and keeps getting better, starting to overlap his winger with

Williams 7/10 Getting back to his very best after a slow start and a few very sloppy back passes.

Britton 7.5/10 Mr consistent and very noticeably missed when not in the team. The best player to ever wear the shirt.

Great Company Live Music Most Weekend

Vorm 7/10 Not the superhero that he was this time last year but still a top keeper.

Chico 7.5/10 A foolish early red card got us a bit worried but he’s looking the business at the moment.

JDG 7/10 A decent goal scoring record and a great delivery. A bit hot and cold but improving. Sign him up.

Routledge 7.5/10 In the form of his life, scoring and creating goals and looking dangerous and making something happen in almost every game.

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Michu 9/10 Arguably the best player in the league thus far. Scores goals, brings players into the game and a real handful.

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Rangel 7.5/10 Had a couple of poor games after I claimed he was the best right back in the league but has been brilliant.

Ki 6.5/10 He’s had a tough time of late and seems very sloppy at times. Has real quality and the ability to be a real talent.

Hernandez 8/10

again. Took him a few

games after no real 223 Port Tennant Rd. Tel 01792 655969 pre-season but if he is a real quality player.

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Ra�� t� Pl�� Ye��

Michu: Talk is that Manchester City are after our main goal scorer last season and I would be very surprised if we went the whole Summer without one of the ‘bigger’ teams giving Huw a sneaky phone call. I think he will be with us next season and I am very excited about the prospect of him playing with a quality striker, whether that is Bony or someone else.

1st

He was simply immense last season and strolled away with this player of the year award. It is hard to put a value on any player but one who was so vital in our success last season and will probably single handily assure safety most seasons must be worth an absolute fortune. £30 million is great but will it make a better side than the one we have with him in it? I really don’t think so. Fantastic player – well deserves this most prestigious award of them all. Ashley Williams: A more ‘will he won’t he’ stay player. It seems more than possible that he will go, rumours always fly around about this and that but he has been brilliant for us for a number of seasons and this season was no different after a shaky start. His positioning is generally brilliant, he loves a good tussle and when needed he can move.

2nd

I’m not surprised that the likes of Arsene Wenger have been interested in him. His distribution means that he can play with the best footballing side, I just hope that he knows that he is at the best footballing side. Ben Davies: I feel emotional just thinking about him. What a man. He has done what should be impossible and that is not only stepping up to Premiership football directly from the youth ranks but playing a whole season. People raved about Raheem Sterling at the start of the season but Brendan himself said that the season caught up with him and so he played very little after Christmas. Ben Davies got better through the season, he got more confident, he got into more attacking positions and drove forward with purpose.

3rd

Anyone who watched the FA-Cup final must of admired Calum McManaman and his Man of the Match performance, we destroyed Gael Clichy and any other of the multi-million pound defenders that Man City had. A few days earlier and he barely had a sniff, got substituted because our Tennis racquet hooligan had him in his pocket. He has the potential to be a true legend at the club and I look forward to singing in the ‘Ben Davies’ stand in 20 years time.

CLASSIC ROCK AT ITS VERY BEST “...one of Wales's most talented covers bands with two blistering sets of power, peerless musicianship and raw blues...” The District Club, Pontypridd

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Live music every weekend Pool / Darts/ Table Football ÂŁ2 a Pint Wednesday 6pm-9pm Smoking Shelter Disco & Karaoke every Friday Sky Sports and ESPN Bar Meals Starting Mid-September Find Us on Facebook:Penybont Inn Heol Giedd, Ystradgynlais, 01639 842600 SA9 1LT

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Fibreglass Roofing, Slating, Lead Valleys, Tiling, ALL uPVC Work Undertaken, We are a well established local, family firm based in Swansea. We have a large and varied customer list. Our work is second to none, we are always prompt, reliable and always leave the work site clean and tidy. Although based in Swansea we have worked outside of the area on a number of occasions, such as Cardiff, Neath, Resolven and further up into the Welsh Valleys.

Total Total Roofing Roofing We keep a portfolio of most of our work for customers to look at and to let them know they have the best people for the job. The use of Fibreglass on a roof not only comes with a 20 year guarantee, but it gives you, the customer 100% security especially on Solutions Solutions sheds, garages, etc. Using any other materials on these types of roof can be broken or lifted so that unwanted visitors can get in.

Fibreglass, if done properly, can last almost a lifetime. therefore giving you the security you require for your property. We always explain to our customers the security aspect of a Fibreglass roof, because we believe in customer trust and satisfaction. Apart from Fibreglass, we also deal with all aspects of roofing such as Slating, Tiling, uPVC and all roofing repairs. Our work is very varied as are our customers, from commercial properties; Nursing homes, Bakeries, Banks, Petrol garages, Post office, etc. To residential properties; Extensions, Dormas, Porches and complete new roof (Slated and Tiled). We have even Fibreglassed a fish pond. Our prices are competitive but reasonable and our work is neat and professional

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Open Monday to Saturday 8am - 8.30pm Sunday 9am - 1pm m

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Telephone Orders Taken on

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T�� P�� In��

(�p��)

Over a decade after leaving the Swans, we caught up with the Australian fraudster in the Nags Head in Mumbles. Accompanied by two rather large men in suits, I ask:What brings you back to South Wales? I popped over to Europe for a few things; I get free air travel through Tony Fernandez (QPR chairman and owner of Air Asia) I wanted to pop back to attend Sketty has talent in the Vivian Arms last night. Do you know them over there? <Pointing at 2 women> I don’t know them no. Did you participate in the competition in Sketty? I did, I was robbed not to win it. I did a brilliant act and they fell for some dying kid’s sob story. He was useless. What was your act? Sorry but we aren’t hear to talk about Sketty has talent are we? What about them over there playing pool? Do you know them? I don’t know them no. You weren’t very popular during your time here were you? I find it ironic that people say that. Swansea wouldn’t be where they are today without me, in fact if I was still there and with my investment they would be bigger and better. People moaned when I got rid of players but Roger Freestone doesn’t play for you now – I was right. If people gave me another three days, I was working on a deal to bring Lionel Messi, Christiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney to the club. Is it hard to see how far they have come on? Not at all, I know that I was the main reason behind it and I am on to far bigger and better things. I am to be the new owner of Real Madrid. Really? Yes, there are a few small matters to sort out but that will be sorted very soon. Have you settled me fee yet by the way? What fee? You first asked for £1,000 and when I said I was unwilling to pay you said that you would attend as long as I bought the coffee? I’ll just have the money please.

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What? The pound for the coffee? Yes I hand over the pound. One minute please Tony, makes a phone call ‘Yes, I have the first instalment in my hands, I can be in Madrid this evening, we can sign everything and I will bacs the £600 million over next Wednesday’. Sorry about that, do you know them over there <pointing at two old men up at the bar> I don’t know them either, shall we crack on? Do you mind if we take a rain check? I’ll be here tomorrow. I’ll buy us lunch. Bring your family; I’ll buy you all lunch And any friends you have. OK, bye. The three of them leave sharply………….I never saw him again, if any of you saw his act in the Vivian Arms in Sketty please text in what his act was 07974 055529

This interview never happened.

An advert in Jack Swan magazine gives you online coverage as well as in our paper copy.

MORE HITS Thanks to PlanetSwans.co.uk we are expecting our online views to go through the roof. Attracting over 15,000 visitors a day and around 75,000 page views a day, Planet Swans is Swansea’s busiest unofficial website and our online magazines will be directly linked from planetswans.co.uk meaning that our magazine and our advertisers will get even more hits.

DID YOU KNOW?

Our online readers can view our advertiser’s website with a click of a button

R��e� f�� A��i��n� �� Ja�� Sw�� 1)

Jack Swan will refuse to deal with anybody who has (or claims to have) a car worth more than any house

Jack Swan will refuse to speak with anyone wearing a tie. They serve no purpose other than to make you feel more important. Please take it off.

Jack Swan has only so much time to talk to you about your children, unless your child happens to be interesting which I very much doubt.

Jack Swan will not participate in any conversation about football with anyone who knows nothing about football. I don’t pretend to have a deep knowledge of cars to a mechanic.

5) Jack swan knows nothing about cars; please don’t bore him with details. Prince Harry has been given the task of naming the new baby he said if the baby is a girl she will be called Denise, and 6) Jack Swan switches off the very moment you start bragging up your bank balance. An implication that you are wealthier than you actually are is incredibly sad and boring and puts you in a very difficult position when you then start haggling. 7)

Jack Swan would rather you answered your phone call during any meetings rather than hear it ring with your ridiculously dodgy ringtone.

Jack Swan doesn’t do ‘meetings’, it’s more of a ‘chat’

‘Chats’ are best enjoyed in pubs.

10)

Jack Swan only carries enough money for his own drink.

11)

Jack Swan isn’t too bothered if your late for a pub ‘chat’

12)

If you happen to be the landlord or landlady at the pub where we are having a ‘chat’ it is definitely your round

13)

Jack Swan will sometimes remember a tiny bit of some of the things which we discussed, he will need regular prompting through emails and phone calls should you expect him to actually do anything.

14)

Jack Swan gets round to checking his emails about once a month.

15)

Jack Swan doesn’t really like phone calls and there is never really a good time to call him.

16) Jack Swan will regularly promise to put things in the post to you whether it is an invoices or a magazine. He will never get around to this, should he actually have an envelope at hand, have a stamp and the item which he hopes to send (which has never happened before) the prospect of the royal mail understanding his handwriting is not good. 17)

Jack Swan will blame the Royal Mail for you not receiving anything which he hasn’t got around to sending.

18) Jack Swan will regularly promise to send emails to you whether it is an invoices or an online magazine. He will never get around to this, should he actually remember it while in a room where he is able to get onto a computer which has an internet connection (which has never happened before) the prospect of him understanding the email address which he wrote down is definitely not good. Plus his server is often down. 19)

Jack Swan will blame his server for you not receiving anything which he hasn’t got around to sending.

20)

Jack Swan works to a strict deadline and expects every advertiser of his to be available to confirm their advert on the one day he actually works each month

T��n� Bo��ng� f�� eas�� W

07974 0��529 ja��-�w��@�� .c�.�� 8QʋSɼORȰHʤLFɪɸʙɨ 8ʜʠɠԸHVʣLʝQɪɗ w��.ja�k�w�� .c�.��

179

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All Swans Games on 4 Large Screens Full Sky Sports HD GOLD AWARD SAUSAGE, GOLD AWARD BACON , GOLD AWARD GAMMON The Award Winning Butchers Always Many Offers Available from your 23 Awards in National Championship Multi-Award Winning Master Butcher True Taste Awards: Peoples Choice. Top Butchers in South Wales FREE LOCAL DELIVERIES EVERY FRIDAY 2nd Best Butchers in ALL of Wales 1st and 3rd in Royal Welsh Awards

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Wishing the Swans all the best for the New Season

About a decade ago Soccer AM came to the Vetch field for the Swans to have their go at the cross-bar challenge. When Roger Freestone took his go, he completely over kicked it and knocked over a ladder in one of the neighbouring gardens which was used to have a sneaky watch of some games.

About a decade ago, Soccer AM came to the Vetch field for the Swans to have their go at the cross-bar challenge. Roger Freestone nipped off unnoticed after his turn, stripped off and streaked by the football goals.

Swansea 3)01792 773431 About a decade ago Soccer AM came to the Vetch field for the Swans to have their go at the cross-bar challenge. Roger Freestone hit the cross bar with his turn but although the Sky broadcast discovered that the crossbar was a whole inch thicker at one end than it was at the other, they awarded him with his winning T-Shirt.

Neath 01639 644047 Port Talbot 01639 882281

Obesity is becoming a greater problem in society and Adidas have taken it upon themselves to single handily tackle the issues in Swansea. Warwick Davis, a spokesman for Adidas said ‘There is a huge problem with the size of people in Swansea. Some are huge. This needs to be addressed for the health of the city, as a company who is associated with Sport, we see it as our duty to promote healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle and to discourage people who are far too big. Some are ridiculous.’ Adidas have taken it upon themselves to ‘doctor’ the order of new Swansea City kits in order to help tackle the issue. ‘Adult sizes are getting bigger. It needs to be stopped. I manage perfectly fine with an aged 11-12 top and yet some struggle with the 13-14 shirts. We know that we will get criticized for this act but it is in your interest.’ Adidas have come under pressure after failing to order any adult sizes of the new Swansea home shirt ‘The players are managing with the size of the new kit and they are healthy people, anyone bigger obviously has an issue’. There have been calls for a photo of some of the larger players in the Swans shirt wearing the age 11-12 shirt as worn by Leon Britton. lLeft - Leon Britton wearing his aged 11-12 shirt. Right -Adidas Spokesman Warwik Davis.

PLANET SWANS

Planet Swans is Swansea’s busiest unoffcial website attracting over 15,000 visitors per dayand around 75,000 page views. You can folow them on Twitter @swansnews or visit www.planetswans.co.uk

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I’ve known Gemma who runs the salon for a number of years, Gemma has won business woman of the year awards all over the place and so I knew that it was going to be run perfectly. I must say that it is done out brilliantly- looks really good.

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And to those of you who have never been forced into a position like this, every time I popped in for baby to have his bit of booby everyone was chilled out and drinking tea. There was a coffee shop a stones throw away within the gym and so cake was a possibility. I think us men are missing out on something here.

La Vita Hair Salon

It might take us a while to learn the lingo though, one leaflet said ‘We provide a full range of colouring techniques for both men and women, including cap and foil highlights as well as tints and colour corrections. We offer a number of styling options along with Balmain and Remy hair extensions and the revolutionary Kebelo smoothing system, lasting up to 100 days’. Now I understood a bit of that, but not much. ALSO AVAILABLE

wedding & prom packages!

FrFF QBSLJOH o (ZN .FNCFST EJTDPVOU PfG o 0BQ’T Pff everZ TVFTEBZ Wifey was as ever happy with her hair cut which makes me happy and I may fancy a bit of pampering myself…………in the pub.

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And so Hollywood has come to Swansea to tell the story of the Swans’ triumphant rise to the Premier League in big-hitting movie Jack To A King. Oscar and BATFA Award-winners from the movie world are taking the Swansea football dream to the big screen. Everyone involved has the chance to be part of SCFC history. It's the fans’ chance to tell their Swans stories and see their name on the credits of a major movie. Here's what we're looking for: Photographs, video clips and digital film that readers have taken at Swansea football games, in any format, no matter how ancient. We need fan footage from the old days at the Vetch to the Liberty days, up to and including, the victorious day that Swansea made it into the Premier League. And we don't just need the action on the pitch! We'd like to see the fans too, including... banter and chanting in the crowd fan photographs and videos fans meeting players and travelling to Swans games film of the open-top bus celebrations recordings of old radio shows and phone-ins. Visit www.jacktoaking.com for information on how to send in their pictures and footage. BAFTA Award-winning director Marc Evans says, “This is not just a film about the rise of Swansea City Football Club, but the story of a town and the people who made that club what it is today.”

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