This month’s BlaqueOut theme is masculinity. I think about masculinity o8en as someone who has friendships with gender- expansive adults, but also as a professional who works with families. Over the last few years, I’ve noCced more tolerance for men in their exploraCon of what it means to be a man, although I fear the Black community may be slower in that tolerance than others, someCmes. I’ve been delighted to talk with more fathers who fighCng against the cycle that taught them emoConal intelligence and nurturing connecCons are less important than physical strength and control. Men are enjoying more rewarding relaConships with their children and their partners. More men are allowing themselves to stay home with their children while their partners work. More men are wearing dresses and makeup. As a woman, I don’t have direct experience of what it means to confront a too- Cght expectaCon for masculinity and decide that it is no longer for you. But I offer two memoirs by authors that do. through his experiences with his family, friends, and trauma. He talks about his relaConship with food a8er he discovered that it could be a comfort and a distracCon and then again when he needed to feel more in control of his life. I think about this book at least once every few weeks. It’s a powerful book and Professor Graham (and commenters) offer a powerful review.
Here are a few quotes to Cde you over unCl you can get the book: “And don’t fight when you’re angry. Think when you’re angry. Write when you’re angry. Read when you’re angry.” “It ain’t about making white folk feel what you feel,” she said. “It’s about not feeling what they want you to feel. Do you hear me? You beNer know from whence you came and forget about those folk.”
“My body knew things my mouth and my mind couldn't, or Heavy by Kiese Laymon: An American Memoir (Nonfic7on, essays) I read this book as part of the discussion group led by Rochester, NY cultural leader, Tokeya Graham. You can see her discussion recorded live back in March: hNps:// P.watch/2oA2z6uDDX/. Heavy is basically a leNer to Laymon’s mother. He explores how he came to quesCon his own understanding of what it means to be a man
maybe wouldn't, express. It knew that all over my neighborhood, boys were trained to harm girls in ways girls could never harm boys, straight kids were trained to harm queer kids in ways queer kids could never harm straight kids, men were trained to harm women in ways women could never harm men, parents were trained to harm children in ways children would never harm parents….. My body knew white folk were trained to harm us in ways we could never harm them.”
