VOLUME 12
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Š 2019 Wildling Magazine All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced by any means without prior written consent from the publisher, except for brief portions quoted for the purpose of review, as permitted by copyright law. www.wildlingmagazine.com info@wildlingmagazine.com Instagram @wildlingmagazine Facebook facebook.com/wildlingmagazine Front Cover image by Rebecca Lindon Inside Front Cover image by Michelle Leach Back Cover image by Jessica Kosmack Inside Back Cover image by Jennifer Townshend 1
CONTENTS VOLUME 13 December 2018
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Contributors
48 Motherbees
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Editor’s Note
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The Lake District
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The Pursuit Of Spontaneity
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A Daydream
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Homeschooling, Unbound
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Reiki With Children
21 Thailand
73 France
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What’s In A Name?
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Film Soup
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Puppy Dogs’ Tails
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Hawaii
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Healing Pelvic Trauma
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Stockists
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CONTRIBUTORS Rebecca Lindon www.rebeccalindon.com Jennifer Townshend www.instagram.com/jennifertownshend Julie Guertin www.julieguertin.com Shakira Wood www.rochfordandrochford.com Heng Ou www.motherbees.com Heather Johnson www.holisticlifetherapies.co.uk Jessica Kosmack www.jessicakosmackphotography.com Stephanie Bryan www.stephaniebryanphoto.com Michelle Leach www.magnoliaadamsphotography.com
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EDITOR’S NOTE There’s a focus on boys in Wildling Volume 13, from our ‘Puppy Dogs’ Tails’ fashion editorial to Alison Standley’s essay on the reality of living with disability and Jennifer Townshend’s account of homeschooling her son. Our travel diaries take us to Thailand, The Lake District, France and Hawaii and Stephanie Bryan shares her experimental family portraits in the ‘Film Soup’ photography essay. It’s been a great year for female empowerment, with women prioritising their needs and self care. This issue also welcomes a focus on hesaling for mothers, with articles on reiki, zuo yuezi and holistic pelvic care. This is an area we delver further into on the Wildling Woman blog and podcast which you can find on our website. As always, we would love to hear from you if you have your own story to share - you can contact us via the website or on info@wildlingmagazine.com Rebecca Lindon Editor-in-Chief
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THE PURSUIT OF SPONTANEITY PERSONAL ESSAY words by Alison Standley and photography by Rebecca Lindon
After baby number four you would think I had this down to a fine art. They are individually so different but get on beautifully most of the time. Just going with the flow is a part of my parenting method although I would be lying if that wasn’t firmly held in place by a fairly strict every-day routine. When the eldest was four weeks old a neighbor popped in to see how it was going (I don’t think terraced houses keep the noise in!) it wasn’t going very well. Another friend shared her copy of The Contented Little Baby book and the system just worked for me. My mother had already died and couldn’t help me so, although I now understand the controversial side to the book, it gave me a solid ground to start from and all four boys have fed, slept, and woken up to the timings. In a strange way I find this is much easier to flex out of when holidays and beautiful days drag us into adventures.
No one ever wants to hear that their child has any type of condition. It is not what you dream of for your parenting role and it is not a world you are familiar with, but it is the path we were given. It is not an uncommon condition (around 25000 people in the UK) but his type is rare and he is affected more than most children and is getting weaker all the time. It is a degenerative condition but each person is an individual and planning for how he will progress is taken one day at a time. As there is no crystal ball, we keep a healthy lifestyle, push him as much as possible and strive to live an inclusive life all doing activities and visiting new places together. By the time he was three he was already wearing leg splints (AFO’s) to help him walk. But already as a family we had to accept that certain normal activities like walking and cycling were not going to be possible for him and therefore us. He could walk much better wearing the supportive splints but not for very long and certainly not carrying much. So a beach trip has always involved carrying Frankie or taking the pushchair, or later his wheelchair.
There is a nine year gap between the eldest two and the youngest but this is not a problem and they all get along; the eldest were older enough to feel no jealousy. In fact they were not particularly interested in the babies but now they play with them, they enjoy a little window back into their own younger days. It is great to see a fourteen Now he is a full time chair user and this has year old come off a screen to leap around on a obvious limits to an outdoor lifestyle; it does not trampoline with his brothers, all of them. mean that anything is impossible it just adds that relentless layer of preparation and takes some of By the time Frankie reached two we knew he the spontaneity away. As long as he is warm and wasn’t walking with the same method as other the ground is hard we generally get everywhere. children his age. He was reluctant to walk very This is where the differences of ‘them and us’ start. far and we used the pushchair a lot. This was the A walk in the woods for us means considering start of hospital appointments, puzzled doctors, which chair to take - has it rained and will the and MRI scans and eventual diagnosis of Charcot ground be boggy (useless for chairs) will it rain, Marie Tooth. will he get cold, are there any steps? 5
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The thought process goes on. As much as we are used to this it becomes more important as he gets older; to lift a four year old is normal and do-able but to lift a thirteen year old up unexpected steps and then his chair, makes a walk less fun but if we always stuck to the path he would miss so many beautiful moments and we would miss them as a family. Yes I have lowered his chair (and him) down banks, pushed through thick mud with only a glimmer of ‘how will we get back?� but we always do and he has seen the places which might have defeated us without a driving attitude and his desire to see what is round the corner.
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We just came back from London and experienced one of the many ‘I’ll only be a minute” moments as a non-disabled person looks my son in the eye and dashes into the accessible toilet before we can. Without wanting to overuse the word relentless you have to start to absorb society and its “me first” attitude. The lady yesterday saw that we would take some time and she was more important, how do you explain this to a thirteen year old? But he sees it all - the cars taking disabled spaces, the damaged and dirty accessible toilets, the lift full of able-bodied people too lazy to use the escalator and he hears the conversations I have with healthcare officials/ teachers/cafe owners while we try and be the same as everyone else. While I totally understand some places like old buildings not being easy for wheel chairs it is only when faced with a flight of stairs that you know he cannot use that the frustration starts to build. Again this starts to feel relentless. It took three weeks to get his taxi driver to carry his school bag, four years to achieve an extension so he could independently access his home, three years to sort school toilets, two years to raise the funds for a powered wheel chair so he could be independent at high school (only to realise this chair will not get him far outdoors so more fundraising), the list is relentless. When a situation flows and is easy the difference it makes to us all is huge, we are a large family but we like to go and experience places together and being spontaneous is not always possible.
I force him to sometimes find a solution to a problem even if this involves crawling or using his teeth; my hope is for him to be independent as much as is practical, even if this pushes him out of his comfort zone and is awkward to watch. But how else can we create a world where he doesn’t simply look for help before trying to help himself. Lots of this is not what I expected when having children, that is part of the deal with a child with any additional needs. Emotionally it is a mountain to climb to accept and not dwell on the ‘what if ’s’ as that will not change anything. We have a different normal to other families and some are much worse off than us. My other children know no different and that has hopefully created at least three other future adults who can view disability from the inside with compassion and see a person or friend instead of any limitations. But when I am faced with spreading myself thinly as I need to support Frankie that often includes taking the younger two along and it can be stressful. We don’t have much support with childcare so we just get on with it. The other three have attended many hospital appointments, the little two since birth and they think going to London (Great Ormand Street) is great - I try and link in one other, better thing, to do be it a park or museum or just chasing the pigeons. Looking forward I want to enable Frankie to achieve his goals of future higher study and employment in a job he loves. But I wish this for all my children equally and that is always the challenge - to be the form filler, the appointment rememberer, the cheerleader and any other parental push that will get them there.
The very nature of Frankie’s deterioration means that he needs more help than the average thirteen year old. I have four children and a husband who also deserve my attention and then usually last on the list is me. It is a challenge to give F enough help without (unwillingly) making him dependent. Do not take for granted the idea of independence.
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HOMESCHOOL, UNBOUND PERSONAL ESSAY words and photography bt Jennifer Townshend
We started phonics when my son was three. It was successful in that he read words at three, but not successful because he did so reluctantly. When he began resisting books altogether, I dropped the push to read even though I knew he could read if I forced it. A couple of years later, he picked up a basic reader and read the whole thing in my lap. The day before he wasn’t reading and nothing new happened in our lives, but apparently something magical happened in his brain, and he was willingly reading. He’s had his nose stuck in a book ever since. I walked away from that experience unable to shake the questions: What if his moment for reading was meant to happen at seven? Would he have endured a year or two of pressure that created a world of anxiety around reading instead? Would he have missed out on this love of reading altogether? After my son’s first semester of second grade, my husband and I found ourselves with a list of cons about my son’s public school experience that greatly outweighed the pros. Both of us experienced a mix of homeschool, private and public school growing up. We felt that the homeschool years were the ones we were most ourselves and grew in well-roundedness that enriched our lives even into adulthood. We didn’t struggle with stereotypical worries about homeschooled kids, as our experience showed us homeschool could mean freedom, not isolation. We took the plunge. I found the first year adjusting to homeschool, after time spent in the traditional model of school, to be a little like the newborn year. Suddenly my child was with me all day everyday again; that seven or eight-hour window of solitude and uninterrupted work wasn’t mine anymore. Some people questioned our decision out loud. I tried to be an expert, but I was truly just winging it some days – a lot of days. My little angel wasn’t as easy to teach as I thought he would be. I struggled with not living up to the fairytale image of homeschooling I had concocted in my head. It was just an awkward year. In addition to the personal struggle, I fell straight into repeating some of the issues we set out to avoid. I tried to replicate the standard school experience at home. We drowned in workbooks, lesson plans, disconnected ideas, and an exhausting schedule of disjointed programs for “socialization” as we made the public school our standard of comparison. My son wasn’t thrilled to wake up to a new homeschool day as I’d hoped, and I had missed my ambitious mark of inspiring lifelong learning in my seven-yearold. I needed to reset, but I wasn’t finding clarity by diving further into education theory. Looking back, there were a few main ideas that set us on the path to a restful place where confidence grows and learning happens.
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First, we began with prose not pros. Trying to change the educational philosophy as a reset point would have added even more stress to our day. We started instead with lots of books. We were no longer limited six subjects; we probably learned about fifty! We found that a series of beautifully illustrated informational books was much more inviting than a third grade textbook. It sparked a new interest in learning, and a starting point. We also looked to the longed-for benefits to shape our schedule. Why not begin planning with the items on the “pros” list that brought us to homeschool instead of trying to do a better job at everything on the cons list? We wanted freedom of schedule, so we planned a couple vacations in the season where most families are in school, the rates are cheaper, and the lines aren’t so long. I didn’t want to nag my kid off to school five days a week, so we worked on a peaceful morning routine. I wanted to see my son outdoors more, so he enrolled in a wilderness program, and we joined a nature outing group that his little sisters can attend. Some of the rewards of homeschooling can be enjoyed up front! One year, we did the bare minimum in way of core subjects for a period. I took the advice of a seasoned homeschool mom and professional teacher and took a year of rest. We condensed structured curriculum to three hours of our day and filled the rest of the time with only what my son wanted to learn. I made things available to him and learned what he gravitates towards. I found my son at the piano at least five times a day. I found him lost in library books for hours. I now find him taking French lessons on apps and asking for presents like a portable chess set and wood puzzles, because he wants to challenge himself. What kids gravitate towards easily become the areas that teach endurance and lead to confidence. My objective changed, and my goal became a well-rounded human, not a high scoring student. The walls containing school at home fell away. We found science in the forest and math at the grocery store. He began discussing literature with my friends at random, and the pressure to force discussion questions left me. The real life lessons, though, mean even more to me. My son is home as we raise his newborn and toddler sisters, and this teaches him more about parenting and child development than a classroom ever could. His involvement in wilderness school has gifted him adventure skills and character lessons. Today during school hours, he jumped into a freezing lake with his friends and ran back to warm up next to a bonfire built with a fire kit they made themselves. He learned more about himself through that exercise than passing a test. Learning becomes a way of life in homeschool. Finally, I learned to check my ego at the door. This year, we enrolled my seventh grader in a rigorous classical homeschool program where he attends a class twice a week in an environment of engaged students with a qualified teacher. He was ready for a challenge and craved regular time with other students at the same time that we added a new baby to our family. I’ve found that homeschooling is individualized, and gone are the days where it meant you were an island if you don’t want to be!
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I certainly can’t boast that we started a superstar curriculum series and stuck with it for six years. Or that we have perfectly decorated a school room and find ourselves smiling at the school table at eight in the morning after a lovely family breakfast and full night’s sleep. I find those families to be in the minority of homeschoolers (and I wonder if those minority homeschoolers are fibbing just a little). I did find that those magical light bulb moments I first experienced with my son as he read in my lap happen many times over in a child’s education, in their own time. Homeschool is an invitation for these discoveries to occur in a restful setting and an opportunity to savor them with my children. And that, my friends, is the good stuff.
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THAILAND TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Julie Guertin
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We love to travel as a family, and we never miss an opportunity to explore the world. We love discovering new cultures and tasting some authentic and local food. We’ve always been intrigued by Asia and last year, we finally had the opportunity to realise our dream. After doing some research, we felt like Thailand was a great destination for our first time in Asia. Because our trip took place at the end of September and it was still rainy season in Thailand, we decided not to go to the South. We spent a few days in Chiang Mai (including a road trip to Fang). Afterwards we flew to Bangkok and spent most of the remaining time there and at the Thai Elephant Refuge located in the Phetchaburi province. We had so many amazing experiences. Our last minute road trip to the Ang Khang Royal Agricultural Station located at the Myanmar border was one. It was raining, the road wasn’t the safest, but discovering this rural part of Thailand was a fantastic adventure. Our tuk-tuk ride in Bangkok’s Chinatown was another... the six of us all piled up in a small tuk-tuk, enjoying the smell, lights and the bustle of the area. The visit to the Thai Elephant refuge was undoubtedly a highlight. We spent the night at the eco-lodge and the following day at the rescue centre. I wish we could have spent more time there. The day spent at the refuge was the best part of the trip. Feeding and washing the elephants were certainly the childrens’ favourite activities during their stay at the rescue centre but they also loved to hear the stories of the animals rescued and staying there. Lastly, as cliché as it sounds, seeing my kids discovering the world is always one of my fondest memories when I travel with them. Driving in Thailand was hands down the most significant challenge we encountered during our trip. Trying to make sense of the road signs or waiting at red lights surrounded by dozens and dozens of overcrowded motorbikes can be… quite stressful. Travelling is always a great way to make you realise that we take a lot of things for granted. This trip to Thailand was also a great reminder of the importance of slowing down and taking time to experience things as a family.
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WHAT’S IN A NAME? PERSONAL ESSAY words and photography by Shakira Wood
I hated my name growing up, Shakira Wood! Before Shakira Shakira (hips don’t lie) came along, no one had heard of the name so could never pronounce it correctly and my first school wasn’t the most diverse - I was one of only a handful of kids from a multicultural background. Not only was I always the last to be called on the register (my son has my husband’s surname Cliff – so I’ve escalated him to the front of the line), but I used to get so embarrassed having to tell people my name. I would always get a funny look, or comment. I remember wanting to change my name and on the odd occasion, I would tell people I had a different name entirely. I’m not sure if it was the difficulty people had pronouncing it that embarrassed me more or the connotation of where my name and therefore I originated from. Whilst I don’t like to think about which it was, it’s definitely telling of the times. My response to people who upon hearing my name and perplexingly asking that vile question “what are you?”, would be to say “I’m half cast”. It was only after that comment was met with one too many astonished gasps that I realised it wasn’t a very pc thing to say, unbeknown to me I was only repeating the term that my school friends had branded me with. How at the age of six with a foreign sounding name and a face that doesn’t quite fit by other people’s standards, do you find the words to explain that your parents are from different ethnic backgrounds. As a child the last thing you want to be seen as is different and when the first conversation you have with anyone new is about your race, it can be tough.
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My name is actually a Muslim name meaning “thankful”. However, my mum’s family are Hindu. There’s a long standing and difficult history between Hindus and Muslims and so my grandad has never called me by my name, rather a muffled version which makes me laugh! Mum grew up in Kenya until she was fifteen and when the political situation became so fraught, her family decided to move to London. She was expected to stay at home and look after her dad and siblings, but instead decided to go to Art college which is where she met my dad; a middle class white British man. As you can imagine her parents were shocked. Mum was the first woman to marry outside of her immediate community, but also to marry outside of the Asian community. My grandad was well respected, he was regarded as a panchayati raj, one of 5 wise elders chosen by the community to settle disputes, hold assemblies and offer advice. So when mum announced that she wouldn’t be having an arranged marriage and had in fact decided to marry my dad, they found it really hard to accept and could not give their blessing. Mum didn’t hear from them again for five years. They didn’t attend her wedding and it wasn’t until she had my sister that they were slowly able to rebuild a relationship. Mum has always said that she completely understands why they reacted in the way that they did, they had never known any other way and that was how they had been brought up. The funny thing is you would never know it to look at us now, in fact I was never aware of any of the history until recently. My mum’s family are in my view the most open minded, kind and close knit family I am lucky enough to be a part of. Knowing what I know now, I’m sure my mum’s choice to follow her heart and not what tradition dictated has a lot to do with that. She always jokes and says that she set the bar high, so her three siblings got away with everything! My dad’s parents were equally traditional and came from an extremely formal English cultural background and whilst surprisingly they welcomed Mum into the family, it wasn’t a relationship without its difficulties. The night before her wedding, Mum had painted mehendi on her hands. Mehendi is a beautiful form of temporary body art and the ritual symbolises joy, beauty and spiritual awakening. Traditionally the bride’s family hold a mehendi ceremony and an artist or relative will paint henna onto the bride’s hands and feet, but Mum in this instance had to do it herself since none of her family attended the wedding which always makes me so sad. When my dad’s mum saw it, she flipped! It was a completely alien concept to her and despite Dad’s explanations about it being an Indian tradition which was important to my mum and not a tattoo as we know it, she couldn’t get over it and caused a huge drama on the day. Mum ended up working in education, teaching people from other countries to teach children in English and the onus was put on her to teach the curriculum as it stood. However, the people that Mum taught would tell her stories of how they would bring up their children in their own countries - games they would play, instruments they would learn, life lessons they would teach. She started to think what a shame it would be to lose these traditions and heritage – who are we to put a restriction on which cultures our children should learn about? If we teach them about a diverse range of cultures then surely they will grow up to be more open and understanding of people from other backgrounds, not angry and frightened, just as her family had been. 32
Mum used to bring all of these amazing multicultural objects and activities home from her group teaching sessions to test on me on my sister. As a result, we were able to experience and appreciate a multitude of cultures from a young age. When my husband and I got married, we decided to write the whole ceremony ourselves – we had a friend compare and read poems from Bob Marley and my husband and I recited some honest and slightly risquÊ vows, but we also decided to incorporate some of the Indian traditions into our wedding. The wedding started with everyone on their feet jeering as loudly as they could to welcome the groom into our family. My husband was blessed and then had to break a clay pot filled with grains with his foot to symbolise overcoming any obstacles which lay ahead of him. Aeki Beki, a game we played during the ceremony in which my husband and I had to try to find a gold ring in a bowl of milk and other objects whilst blindfolded, whoever won (me!) would rule the household. Finally we exchanged wedding rings and garlands to symbolise our mutual respect and consideration for one another. And whilst we didn’t necessarily believe in the meaning of the rituals, the rituals themselves brought the whole wedding party together, the day was filled with love and happiness and when tradition does that it can be so beautiful. As a result of the difficulties Mum faced in marrying my dad because of her traditional upbringing, it would be fair to assume that as a family we have discounted the importance of tradition. However, it is actually quite the opposite. Whilst tradition was part of the reason my mum was effectively exiled from her community, it is also part of the reason she was able to return to it.
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I have had many a debate as to why traditions are so important and in these difficult political times I’ve often questioned their benefit. But I have come to realise, it’s not the traditions themselves that are important but in fact it is the act of carrying out the tradition that brings people together and forms a community – this is fundamental to us as human beings. Communities are formed and sustained through acts of tradition be it rituals or celebrations and there is no denying that families are stronger within a community. Celebrating Diwali has been one of the longstanding celebrations within my mum’s family, which since my sister and I were born we have come together to celebrate, with food, candles and fireworks. The tradition has effectively brought us back to together. We tend to take the best parts of our upbringings and continue them through with our own kids, forming our own traditions. When I look back at my childhood, some of my fondest memories are coming together to celebrate various festivals and holidays. A lot of us celebrate traditions that have been born from religions that we don’t all practice – Christmas, Halloween, Easter – the reason being because these traditions bring us together, even if just for a day. We want to feel that sense of familiarity and belonging and tradition allows us to do that. When I had my son I wanted to ensure that he learns about my family and our traditions, but also about other cultures, just as my mum taught me. It is fundamental for me to help Rochford to understand where he came from in order to understand who he is and who he wants to be. Like it or not, your history and background has a huge impact on who you are as a person. I want Rochford to understand his heritage and continue our traditions through, but also to learn and be open to people from other backgrounds and become part of a bigger community whatever his beliefs. Communities as they used to be are becoming fewer and far between – we no longer wave to the neighbour next door. If a stranger in the street dares to say “hello”, they are often met with a suspicious look. A lot of us find comfort in our closed houses and seek “community” in the soulless social media sites (me included), which claim to offer a social network to bring people together when in fact, more often than not, they have the opposite effect – creating comparison, envy and insecurity. I worry a lot about this new digital age my son is growing up in and how I can bring him back to reality and give him a real sense of community that I had growing up. One way of doing that is to celebrate the traditions that my family and others have been brought up with and ultimately show him that being part of a community makes us stronger, feel safer and gives you people you can rely on or just talk to. They say it takes a village to raise a child and never has a truer word has been spoken. When choosing a name for our son we really wanted to have an individual name which had meaning to us, we settled on Rochford. Rochford is my family’s middle name on my dad’s side - my sister and father have it, his father had it and so on. It goes way back through the generations and since I took my husband’s surname it was important for me that Rochford had a name which linked him to my family. He also has Rochford as a middle name, Rochford Rochford Cliff, poor child! And whilst to a lot of people, a name is just a name – to me it is so much more.
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PUPPY DOGS’ TAILS FASHION photography and styling by Rebecca Lindon
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Dungarees, boiler suit and skipper hat by by Monty & Co., jumper by Zara Kids and balaclava by Muddy Puddles.
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Striped jumper, graphic sweater and scarf by Tootsa MacGinty. Salopettes, winter jacket and snow boots by Muddy Puddles. Denim jacket by Mingo Kids.
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Opposite Page: Trousers by Tootsa MacGinty and grandad shirt by Monty & Co.
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HEALING PELVIC TRAUMA LIFESTYLE ESSAY words and photography by Rebecca Lindon
“Each time we deny our female functions, each time we deviate from our bodies’ natural path, we move farther away from our feminine roots. This can create distress within our bodies and can set the scene for further problems, physically and emotionally, for ourselves and our families.” Tami Lynn Kent, Wild Feminine The pelvic bowl is a woman’s energy centre - the place through which we draw-in and release energy. It is the place where we manifest from and bring forth life in all its forms. Our ancestors were very aware of this innate wisdom and that’s why there is so much ancient womb symbology seen in the form of triangles and spirals. In recent centuries, the rise of the patriarchy and this loss of womb worship has left women feeling disconnected from this space within us…. unsure of its power and importance and therefore prone to energy blockages. Sexual abuse, sexual assault, birth trauma and emotional blockages centred around our key relationships can all create scarring and chronic tension in the pelvic bowl which affects us both physically and through negative emotional patterns. Let us focus a little on the trauma of birth. There are so many physical and emotional stumbling blocks that take place around the birth experience. Take a moment to remember your birth/s, what emotions do they bring up? Publicly we often see that image of the mother, father and baby with the words ‘we’re so in love’, and the photographs that follow of baby’s milestones as mama smiles on. We rarely talk about the intentional cutting that may have taken place during their birth, the forced caesarean, the difficultly pushing the baby out into the world, the miscarriages, the feeling of being powerless as your birth is directed by health professionals. If you have never really faced those events and the emotions associated with it (guilt, shame, anxiety, sadness, anger) they will store themselves in your pelvic bowl, your energetic centre. Scar tissue as a result of episiotomy can also become hard, blood cannot access the tissue easily and this is often the case for decades on. These occurrences may manifest as physical pain during sex, incontinence, low libido, lack of sensation or emotionally as belief patterns that ripple out into the world around you.
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This year my dear friend and reflexologist Gemma Challis trained in Holistic Pelvic Care; a physical practice that restores balance in the pelvic bowl, physically, emotionally and energetically via internal vaginal massage. The aim is to release tension and trauma through the trigger points and fascia and foster greater connection to the pelvis and access creative potential. To help a woman feel fully embodied. In certain regions of France, post partum HPC is practised after birth as normal but in most of the western world, a woman receives no pelvic checks at all after birth. The work that Gemma and other HPC practitioners are doing for women is hugely important in restoring feminine health and wellbeing. Gemma invited me to experience a pelvic evaluation and treatment involving tissue manipulation / massage alongside womb meditation. Whist I was apprehensive about such an intimate experience, Gemma has been treating me via reflexology for many years and I have a high level of respect and trust in her goal to provide support and healing to women. I fully recommend talking with a practitioner before your session to ensure you feel comfortable in their presence.
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The treatment begins with a discussion about the physical and medical history of your pelvic bowl and identification of your goals. This is followed by an assessment of the pelvic floor muscles before an internal massage. During this process, Gemma worked on certain trigger points and whilst some were easy and comfortable, others created a sudden flowing of tears and tenderness in the tissue. As this happened, we discussed the emotions that were coming to the surface and then meditated to release the energies and ground them into the earth to be transmuted. For me, the biggest emotional blockages were around lack of support (as a single mother this is not surprising) and a disconnect from my feminine side. My Grandmothers both died when I was young and (whilst my mother was present from a distance) I was raised by my father from the age of 11 as I moved from a child into womanhood - as a result I am fiercely independent to my own detriment and find it difficult to show vulnerability in the presence of others. As we let go of that tension, I could feel energy flowing into the left side (feminine side) of my pelvis and was aware of the presence of my female ancestors‌. a magical moment that I have been able to recreate many times since. Whilst I have no physical pain in my pelvis, Gemma has treated women who have seen the alleviation of bowel and bladder issues following treatment snd she herself has shared how receiving HPC has cured her own decade-old pain during sex. I also witnessed my own pelvic floor muscles strengthen from the start of the treatment compared to the end, as well as feeling markedly lighter emotionally in the weeks since. Ultimately, your body is the guide during HPC treatment, the practitioner is led by you and what your body requires to restore pelvic balance. If you are currently struggling emotionally following birth, assault or abuse or are experiencing pain and discomfort in your pelvic area (and have been checked medically to ensure this is not the result of a serious condition) then please do consider finding a pelvic health practitioner in your area. Self care can absolutely include walks in the woods, meditation and nourishing your body through food but sometimes we need help along the way to identify deep-seated energetic blockages that we have been unable to shift for ourselves. www.norfolkretreat.co.uk
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MOTHERBEES ARTISAN PROFILE words by Heng Ou
I grew up in an environment that honoured food as medicine. My aunts and uncles are acupuncturists and I’ve grown up with that language around me... that what we do and what we eat benefits our energy levels, our weight, the colour of our skin, the clearness of our eyes and how regular our periods are. I didn’t have any issues getting pregnant first time around. I think it was all those decades of eating well and being mindful and conscious about food being medicine. I didn’t know about post partum care though, I was always more focused on having a natural childbirth, training for it, hypnobirthing and finding the right midwife. Postpartum wasn’t part of my knowledge until after my first birth. My aunt, who is an acupuncturist and a really good cook, came down to see me after my birth. She helped me understand what postpartum nourishment was all about it. There’s certain foods that you need to eat to nourish and circulate the blood which in turn helps with lactation. Essentially, it’s all about keeping the body warm and not to touch anything cold internally or externally. This is what we do in Chinese culture and I thought it was pretty darn special. All I had to do was lay in bed and feed my daughter whilst my kitchen was filled with great food! With my second and third child, post partum was different for me. During my second pregnancy I didn’t take care of myself after birth. I went straight back to work a couple of days after birth and then two years later when I was pregnant again, I felt really ill for the last month. It definitely related to how much energy I had reserved, or not reserved after my second birth.
MotherBees started because I knew that in Asian traditions there are postpartum delivery services. In China, in Taiwan and in Singapore, many mothers invest in two or three months postpartum care. I remember visiting Shanghai and they have so many more products available in stores for new mothers. Culturally they know that this time in a woman’s life is so important to support their longterm health… for the next child, for ageing, for the arrival of menopause. I put some ideas together and I started working with some of my friends who were pregnant and providing food for them after birth and it has grown from there. Providing food in this way is my medium to express empathy. Zuo yuezi is the Chinese tradition of postpartum care. It literally means ‘sitting the month’. Pretty much all Asian cultures will sit out for a month after birth. A lot of women in cities may find it more challenging but in the countryside and villages they usually move into their mother-in-law’s home and stay there (with or without the husband). They do not work, do not clean and do not cook for a minimum of 30 days. In India this period is 42 days. This time helps reduce postpartum depression because the mother is cared for and is not isolated. In the west, we often find it difficult to ask for help because of the guilt associated with that. Some women may already have a tendency towards depression and anxiety or may be triggered by a big life event… like birth, when hormones are fluctuating. We don’t know how to regulate ourselves after birth. That depression creates a ripple effect in terms of how we relate to ourselves, our partners and our family. It can change the whole family dynamic. My mission is to improve the immune system via the right foods. 48
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The Chinese believe that you are born with a certain amount of jing and throughout our life experiences, this deteriorates and lessens. Birth is certainly one of those experiences.. it takes a coin out of your jar. We need to fill our reserves again following birth so that when we get to peri-menopause and menopause we have enough jing to deal with what that period of life brings. Right now MotherBees is operating in southern California delivering food and I’m hoping we can expand that further out to meet demand. However, my book ’The First 40 Days’ is available for everybody to purchase. The book helps get you in the prepping phase - a good time to read it is the third trimester of pregnancy when you can start to mentally and physically create a space for postpartum care. Even down to creating a physical space in your pantry that is filled with post partum ingredients and snacks that are just for you, and developing your most intimate space after birth which is usually the area around your bed.
emotional support and one good physical support. Find these people before you give birth and ask them if they’ll be your back-up if you need a lifeline. It will give you just a little bit of comfort. They could be a family member or friend, someone who will be there if you’re feeling a little sad or lonely or when you just need to talk to somebody. Don’t live in complete isolation - just hearing someone’s voice can remind that you’re still important, that you’re still here and you really matter. Second to that, food is really important. You don’t have to go too crazy. You can eat well by just sautéing greens or make yourself a soup from a handful of vegetables - put it all in a pot, boil it up, add lentils and have that for a few days. That way you’ll have a storage of some good nourishment in your fridge. It doesn’t need to be complicated.
Lastly, the postpartum period is the foundation for your motherhood so take the time to think about what you really want out of it. There’s going to be challenges coming ahead so if you identify your goals then you can revisit those when you need to. If I had to offer two bits of advice to prepare for And connect with your breath. You need peace in the post partum period it would be to look for yourself. two people you can contact at any time - one good www.motherbees.com
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THE LAKE DISTRICT TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Rebecca Lindon
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Ullswater is the second largest lake in the The Lake District, but arguably the prettiest. Inspired to write his poem ‘Daffodils’ after a visit to Glencoyne Bay, Wordsworth remarked that Ullswater was “upon the whole, the happiest combination of beauty and grandeur, which any of the Lakes affords”. In Autumn this year, we were invited to stay at Another Place, The Lake, set on the shores of Ullswater Lake and playing host to incredible views of the valleys and wildlife. Its location gave us easy access for the walk up to Aira Force waterfall, Halin Fell and The Steel Knots but provided enough activities to make a day spent at the hotel just as exciting as exploring further afield. We arrived on a windy afternoon and whilst I unpacked and got planning, the children went straight to the Kids’ Zone - a cabin playing host to crafts, games, evening movie nights and toys aplenty for children up to 12 years old. Whilst my daughter got straight to the drawing table, my son spent most of his time playikng air hockey with one of the wonderful ladies who run the space with such care. The following day, as we stood at the bottom of Aira Force, watching the water crashing down into the river below us, after a beautiful walk through the woods, my son turned to me and asked ‘Can we go to the kids’ club now?’ And honestly that was testament to how welcoming and fun it really is. On our fitst morning, after at least three courses of breakfast, the children were watched by one of the same ladies in our suite as I enjoyed a massage at the spa. As soon as the pool was open for family swimming, we made our way down and were greeted by large ceiling to floor windows that allowed you to soak in the sunshine dancing over the hills whilst swimming. Cue squeals of delight (from me)! The promised rain showers cleared to make way for a relatively warm day and we ventured outside to explore the grounds. During the warmer months, the hotel has a range of activities available including kayak and paddleboarding lessons and hire as well as archery for children. In the colder months there are warm nooks in the library, an outdoor hot tub and the highlight for me; an incredible vegetarian menu in the Rampsbeck Restaurant. We strolled out onto the jetty and conversed with the swans, rambled along the pebbled shores and mooed at the longhorns before setting off towards the waterfall in our car. The air around the lake and the surrounding hills is clear and moist - like a long drink of mountain water - and we returned to the hotel invigorated after our adventures. The following day we drove in a different direction and caught an Ullswater Steamer at Pooley Bridge (near where Wordsworth saw those daffodils). It was a foggy and rainy day and whilst my daughter napped in the cabin area, my son insisted on standing out on the deck, drinking in the scenery with his hot chocolate. We even saw some hardcore kayakers out on the lake, gritting their teeth against ice cold winds. As we returned to the dock, the captain told us to drive up into the hills towards Tirrill and stop at at the old church to observe the view of the lake below. We took his advice and enjoyed one last look over Ullswater before heading back to the flat lands and wide skies of Norfolk. www.another.place / www.ullswater-steamers.co.uk 54
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A DAYDREAM FASHION photography and styling by Rebecca Lindon
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Dress and velvet wings by Numero 74 and Unicorn costume by Wild & Soft, all available at Smallable.
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Cape by Numero 74 at Smallable..
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Tutu skirt and fawn mask by Obi Obi, angel wings and headband by Meri Meri, all available at Smallable.
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REIKI FOR CHILDREN LIFESTYLE ESSAY words by Heather Johnson
Reiki is a Universal Life Force energy. It is in everyone and everything. The practitioner is simply the channel, allowing the energy to flow through them and out of their hands, then into your body. It feels warm, a bit tingly and very relaxing. No one is ever harmed by Reiki. It is an intelligent force that works with your body. Your body wishes to relax and to heal itself, but often doesn’t get the chance, due to the pressure and stress in our lives. I learned Reiki in 2002 when my youngest child, Becca, was five. This changed many things for me, and it helped me to help my children. When they were upset or hurt, I had something wonderful in the palms of my hands that I could use to help them to feel better. Once I had reached Reiki Master level and started teaching, I taught Becca Reiki 1 as she had become fascinated by what I was doing. I hold monthly Reiki shares and Becca asked to join in with my students. At a share everybody gets a chance to receive and to give Reiki, and Becca, who was then about seven, could see the energy. She said there were rainbow coloured tubes of light running through everyone’s bodies. When it was her turn and we gave her Reiki she giggled because she said it tickled. It was just amazing. All three of my children have subsequently learned Reiki. They’ve used it, quietly, in their own way, on themselves and their friends, even on me! They haven’t gone on to be therapists yet, but it has been in the background for them all the time. You simply never lose it. I think it helped me to be a calmer nicer person. I found having young children to be very stressful at times, so having the Reiki handy helped both myself, and them. Trying to be kind to yourself isn’t always easy, but the Reiki is always there to support you. At bedtime you can just put your hands on your belly, the relaxation begins, and you soon drift off to sleep. Giving Reiki to your children is a wonderful thing to be able to do. As parents we are filled with love for our children, and giving a hug always helps them. Add the benefits of Reiki, which is also flowing through you, and it can make this time together very special. My children used to ask for Mum’s hot hands when they felt they needed some TLC. They said it made them feel fuzzy. It gives them huge comfort, helps them to relax, to forget their troubles and fall asleep. Children are much more sensitive to energy than adults, they absorb it very quickly and a few minutes at bedtime is usually enough. It can help to soothe a broken heart, or a bruised knee and it is an amazing feeling to be able to do that for your child. Reiki is love magnified. It has taken me in a wonderful direction and I’ve met some incredible people as a result. I have gone on to learn different versions of Reiki, including Reiki Drum and Angelic Reiki. I now teach these and more. My life is so much better for it. If this is resonating with you, then do consider it.
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There are many Reiki Masters out there who can teach you. Listen to your intuition and you will be drawn towards the one who is right for you. You will love the Reiki. It is like having energetic first aid in your hands. It can propel you forward to find your life purpose, it can help to heal the past and unravel phobias. It helps on all levels, mind, body and spirit. It is something to learn for yourself, to help yourself and subsequently it will help your children, your family. The effect of one person learning in a home is amazing. We all have an impact on those around us, whether positive or negative. Imagine your energy having a beneficial effect on your family. This ripple goes on and on, creating happier children, who then pass that onto their friends and this then goes out into the world. So happy parents, happy children and on and on it goes. Imagine the effect of happy children in school and them having a good impact on others and vice versa. It is all about vibration really. I wish you well on your journey because it is truly amazing.
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FRANCE TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Jess Kosmack
I turned 40 this year (2018) and I made a conscious decision to celebrate all year long in ways that would be memorable for years to come. One of those ways was to take a trip -- our first really significant trip as a family of four -- and we decided on France quite easily since it holds a very special place in my life, though it had been nearly 20 years since I’d last visited. I lived in the south of France for a year in my early twenties and the idea of going back there so many years later with my family in tow just felt magical to me. France also has special significance for my husband whose Scottish grandparents had a summer home along the Mediterranean; and though he never visited it, we have in our home many photographs and paintings by his grandfather of this beautiful place. We visited five areas of France in a little over two weeks: Paris, Montpellier (this is the city I lived in during my year in France), La Roque-sur-Pernes (in the Vaucluse region of Provence), Le Lavandou (the small seaside town where my husband’s grandparents had their home) and Annecy in the French Alps. Aside from the nostalgic moments of going back to my French “hometown” of Montpellier, there were several standout moments; at least one from each of the five areas we visited: Paris: stepping out of our incredibly Parisian flat every morning along Rue Montorgeuil and being assaulted with the smells of fresh bread, the pedestrian-only traffic rushing by us, and the aproned waiters at the cafe on our corner bringing us coffee and croissants. Montpellier: visiting my old apartment and seeing that the old door is still painted green and the laundromat on the ground floor is still there. La Roque-sur-Pernes (Provence): visiting the orange-tinged village of Roussillon and hiking the gorgeous Sentier des Ocres - an old ochre quarry that looks like you’ve arrived on Mars while being surrounded by towering trees and lavender. Le Lavandou: avoiding the crashing waves of the Med while we hiked the Sentier du Littoral - a trail that literally hugs the ocean in the most gorgeously dramatic way you could ever imagine. Annecy: renting a paddleboat and spending a blissful hour floating on lac d’Annecy in the hot sun....in mid-October! My children also loved wandering the impossibly narrow and steep streets of Montpellier and making wonderful discoveries like Pomme de Reinette & Pomme d’Api -- the most unbelievable toy store we’ve ever seen. And of course, they adored the private pool we had in Le Lavandou!
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We have taken home a few important things with us from this trip... - the knowledge that despite what a lot of people told us, our kids CAN keep up with the long days of travel and we shouldn’t assume they won’t be up for an adventure. - quiet time every day - we are already pretty good at this, but this trip was a reminder that to get the best out of everyone each day, we needed to build in down time every afternoon -- much like the French people do. - crepes: we will be adding a crepe pan to our home this winter!
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FILM SOUP PHOTOGRAPHY ESSAY photography by Stephanie Bryan
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HAWAII TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Michelle Leach
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As a traveling wedding photographer, I’ve loved bringing my family when possible to my destinations. Hawaii was a dream and I couldn’t wait to show them. The last time I had been to Hawaii was for a girls’ trip when I was 18. This trip felt so different. There were the obvious reasons like carrying a double stroller on to the plane, but also getting to see the growth and change I’ve made in my life. We stayed in a VRBO just steps from Waikiki beach for the first part of our trip. We spent mornings walking to get coffee and head to the beach to build sandcastles and eat Dole Whips. Our kids love the beach even though our home is about a 9 hour drive from the nearest beach. They seem to come alive. That week we snorkeled together, learned how pineapples grow, watched beautiful sunsets and talked about the future. My husband remarked at one point how sad he was that he had to work full time because he was missing watching our babes grow up. That was a bookmark moment for me, one that I would return to and make a point to continue adventuring once we got home.
major however, I really wanted my children to get to see the sunken battleship and understand what happened here. When you sign up for a tour, they explain through a movie about the day and you see footage which has never been aired on public television. I was apprehensive that my children (ages 5 and 6) would sit through the film. I held my breath for what felt like it’s entirety. At the end of the film, the lights came up and Adam, my 5 year old exclaimed, “Well that was the worst movie ever!” He was met with quite a few chuckles, but he maintained a serious composure as we journeyed across the harbor on the boat. I remember very vividly he was looking through the center of the memorial down into the top of the battleship and beautiful schools of fish were flittering by. My sweet boy asked about life and death and considered how sad it must have been for all the soldiers’ family members who were so sad. I took a photo of the back of his curly head glancing out over the water and it will forever be one of my favorites. Since then, he has picked up a book on WWII and has been fascinated with the history.
Our second stop on the trip was Kauai - one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. You step out onto pristine land that looks untouched. Here we stayed at the Grand Hyatt on the south part of the island, but our last day out we trekked to the Naapali Coast and up to the north shore.
My children would probably tell you that building volcanoes at kids’ camp was their favorite part. I can’t express enough the blessing for parents traveling for 10 days non stop with their kiddos to have a daycare center on the resort property. My kids loved it and so did we!
One of the highlights was getting to experience paradise from a child’s perspective. The kids spent time snorkeling and over-coming fears to be brave and just dive in. They tried new food (the shrimp scampi from the food trucks in the North Shore of Oahu is legendary), made new friends and chose to hike up mountains to find fun things like a hidden lighthouse. My favorite moment however was taking the kids to Pearl Harbor. Having been before, I understood the seriousness of the experience. As a history
One day in particular, we were told of a “short” half mile hike to see a hidden light house. Once we started up the steep climb, we quickly realized this was a bit longer than half a mile. A mile and a half in we finally reached the top and spent the next 15 minutes rubbing out sore muscles and staring out at the Pacific. It felt like such a huge accomplishment, but taking kids half way around the world to experience something new and beautiful isn’t for the faint of heart.
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Traveling over 4000 miles is going to cause you to deal with some jet lag. I foolishly convinced my children to sleep on the flight over but when we landed at 1 a.m. Honolulu time, they were ready to go. So plan accordingly! Our kids didn’t have iPads at the time, so I made sure to pack their bags carefully. They carried on backpacks full of candy, gum (for popping ears), stickers, markers, a change of clothes just in case and surprise bags.This always kept them pretty calm and happy. Next year we are headed to Europe. We are shooting a wedding in Dublin, Ireland and plan to visit London, France and Italy over the course of 3 weeks. We’re so excited for what’s next and hope our kids enjoy the adventure. We’ve been reading books about Europe and checking out the sites on Google Earth, namely the Eiffel Tower!
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For time together and time apart Another Place, The Lake A new hotel on the shores of Ullswater in the Lake District
another.place life@another.place 01768 486442 Watermillock, Penrith, Cumbria CA11 0LP
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STOCKISTS Meri Meri www.merimeri.co.uk Mingo Kids www.mingokids.com Monty & Co. www.montyandco.com Muddy Puddles www.muddypuddles.com Numero 74 www.numero74.com Obi Obi www.obi-obi.com Smallable www.smallable.com Tootsa MacGinty www.tootsa.com Wild & Soft www.wildandsoft.com Wildling Woman www.wildlingmagazine.com/shop Zara Kids www.zara.com
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