STELLAR DAY ISSUE 21 | MAY 2017
The
May Issue
DEFEATING DEPRESSION
Find tips on defeating depression before it defeats you.
COURAGE
Having the courage to live without fear even when we fear the most.
THE COURAGE TO FORGIVE MYSELF One writers past story about forgiving herself for forsaking everything that was important to her, and how she found healing.
courage
Stellar Day Magazine
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Without Fear Courage To Say Yes The Courage To Forgive Myself Defeating Depression Before It Defeats You Coo-rah-j The Narrow Road Courage In Kindness Courage & Fear Ripe With Courage You Will Find What You Are Looking For
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Teaching Courage My Anchor Holds Be Still & Know That I Am God Courage Strong & Courageous Four Stages That Take Place When You Fall For The Wrong Guy When It All Just Seems Too Big Just Do It Gentle Roar Editors Note
Courage by the dictionary’s definition, is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. I struggle with fear. Anxiety tries to surround me, disable me, bind me, and do me in. It beckons at the deepest crevasse of my heart and whispers lies that my mind and heart know they shouldn’t believe, but still do sometimes. It’s what tends to hold me back, hold me captive, hold me hostage and tries to suffocate the life right out of me. Fear can be so disabling and wrestling with it is no easy feat. So when I have nothing else left to do, I cling to this: “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not
leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 Having courage to face this world and walk in this life is something I will always struggle with. There are so many unknowns. There are so many uncertainties and so many things that are horrifying, upsetting, and just plain wrong. This world is so twisted, bent, and lost. I struggle with fear because I am human; but because I have Jesus, I know that I have HOPE. I know that I can be brave because of the hope that I have in Christ and that He will never leave nor forsake me. Do you feel that today? Do you feel like He’s left you or forsaken you? Do you find it hard to believe in Him because of what that might mean? Do you feel afraid to trust Him with your entire heart?
WITHOUT FEAR By Jessica Williams
"Anxiety beckons at the deepest crevasse of my heart and whispers lies that my mind and heart know they shouldn’t believe, but still do sometimes."
"I know that I can be brave because of the hope that I have in Christ and that He will never leave nor forsake me."
I am not always perfect at having courage. In fact, I struggle with it daily. I’ve gone through seasons where I had to find courage just to get out of bed. I’ve had seasons where I’ve had to face more than that. But I can tell you, through it all, Jesus has never left or forsaken me. Even when life seemed to be down and out, forgotten and unwanted, left behind and beaten, I could hear Deuteronomy 31:6 in my heart. For the Lord your God, He is the One who goes WITH you. He is always with you. He is always going before you. He is always paving the way. And even when the road seems long, dark and uncertain we can be certain of one thing. We serve a God who is bigger than our fears, who has
conquered our fears, and who wants to be the one to go before us in every situation. Fear is real and it is not going to ever go away completely. For me, it tries to creep back in when I least expect it. But I am reminded time and time again, that my God is a God who loves me. Who doesn’t forsake me. And He’s one who I can trust. Facing your difficulty or fear with bravery and confidence in a King who goes before us is not always easy. But you CAN trust it. You can trust HIM. Have the courage to trust in a God who cares intimately about your heart and who wants to go before you to conquer your fears daily. Lay them down at his feet, surrender them to Him and trust that He’s working all things for your good.
PAGE 3 | BACKPACK
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inspections and we were finally licensed as a foster home. We’d prayed a lot and seen God open doors for us to do this ministry but now was the moment when it all became real. My heart in my throat and with so many doubts in my mind, I said, “Yes, we will take this baby boy.” This yes has set our lives on a course that has forever changed me, my husband and our three biological children. The foster journey began for me about three years before this phone call when I heard someone speak at church about the 17,000 children in Arizona alone without a family. I
"YES, WE WILL TAKE THIS BABY BOY."
COURAGE TO SAY YES A FOSTER MAMA'S STORY By Allison Utterback I got the call the evening of January 2, 2016. My heart began pounding as I heard the voice on the other end say, “This is so and so from the Department of Child Safety and we need a home for a three day old baby boy…” They went on to tell me the baby was born with narcotics in his system. This was my first call as a foster mom and I was scared. We had signed up for foster care classes and done the tedious homework. Our house passed the
was stunned! It didn’t take long to see that God was calling us to respond to this need. If you’re like me, when you begin chasing a dream, you feel brave and resolute. Then life smacks you upside the head with its demands and realities. I was eager to begin foster classes and learn lots of great insights for being an amazing foster mom. But then we couldn’t find time to get our homework done (yes, there’s homework). Or, sometimes our babysitter fell through so we’d have to scramble to get to our foster certification class. You have to do a lot of work to get certified and at times it felt overwhelming. Somehow we got through it because it was important to us, but then the doubts started to come… If I’m a mom who daily loses my patience with my own kids, how can I be a foster mom? Will my heart be able to handle this ministry of loving a child only to give them away? I told God, “I’m about as tough as a toasted marshmallow. Are you sure you’ve got the right girl?”
God kept opening doors and I have nervously walked through them. Getting back to that night on January the 2nd when the first baby came to our home… I will always remember sweet little Avery. His round face and beautiful high cheekbones. We held him and sang to him all the time. He was only with us four days before going to a relative. The next call I received to place another baby was within hours of Avery leaving our home. Our second little boy, Bryce, was born with significant health issues. I balanced his special eating regime with weekly doctor visits and calls from his very concerned mother. Bryce was renamed “Brycie pooh” by my five-year-old son. In just four short months and between all the appointments and stressful feedings, Brycie pooh found his way into our hearts. After four months with us the day came when he was to be reunited with his mom. We drove him to his real home and celebrated with his mom and grandma as I attempted to catch them up on all they’d need to know to care for him. Then we loaded up our car with a now empty car seat and I cried the whole way home. Being a foster mama is stretching me in painfully beautiful ways. I can’t plan, I can’t control, and I can’t hold
onto any rights to know or understand what is going to happen. How did we get here? The simplest answer would be that I am blown away by God’s grace. When I really let the truth of the cross seep into my heart and mind I can’t help but want to obey God. The truth is we are a lot like these foster kids until God adopts us. What an amazing thought! My story is forever changed because of the beautiful exchange God made for me. Allloving and wise, He gave His own Son on the cross so that I, sinful and lost, could be His child. What a crazy, beautiful adoption story. Right now I am mama for a time to a beautiful 16-month old boy we call K man. He has been in our hearts and our home since July of 2016. For all he knows I’m his mama and in my heart he’s my son. Except that he’s not. You see, in foster care that love that a mother naturally possesses can’t be reined in, nor should it be in my opinion. These babies deserve to be loved whole heartedly. K man has certainly stolen my heart. He smiles with his whole face, he laughs at everything, and is ticklish on every inch of his
body. He nestles his head into my chest when I hold him and oh boy, he just might break my heart. I have gotten to know K man’s birth mama too and she is in just as much need of a mama herself. I love how God is weaving together a beautiful story with K man and his two mamas. I don’t know how this story will end but for each day he’s with us there is an invitation to say yes. Yes, I will love him. Yes, I will open my heart to the possibility of being broken. Yes, I will love his mama. Yes, I will trust you God even though this is hard. Yes, yes, yes. Today there are still more than 17,000 kids in the Arizona Foster Care System. If you would like to learn more about foster care or adoption, click here: www.cfcare.org or www.abcs.org
Courage is fear that has said it's prayers. K A R L
B A R T H
All photos pictured taken by Shari Lopatin
THE COURAGE TO Forgive Myself By Shari Lopatin I can remember the first time he said my Jewish heritage
grandfather fought the Nazis in World War II. As a kid, I
bothered him: it was the night before 9/11 … Sept. 10,
reveled in watching the envy drip from my classmates’
2001.
eyes as I bragged about my eight nights of gifts every December. At age 14, I became a Bat Mitzvah and
I awoke to smoking towers in more ways than one the
shared the celebration with dozens of friends from
following day. We’d been together for a year, and he’d
school and dance, bouncing through life, wearing my
celebrated one Hanukkah with my family. Yet, when I
Star of David necklace with pride—and then I met him.
refused to convert to his religion—Christianity—he called Jews arrogant.
I was the first Jew he’d known, having grown up in a small farming town in Iowa. Perhaps it was because I
I should have broken it off that night. However, I was 19
was different than other girls, but he found my ways
years old and he was my first relationship. When he
both fascinating and intriguing.
apologized a few days later, I told myself it was a slip of the tongue and we moved on.
It felt surreal when he’d later called Jews arrogant, but his apology calmed my fears. Like all toxic trends,
I’d always been proud of my Jewish heritage; my mother had family who died in the Holocaust, and my Jewish
however, it didn’t end there … it never does. STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 09
"YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF. NEVER HAD TRUER WORDS BEEN SPOKEN, AND THEY WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE. He soon asked if I’d attend church, and I said sure, if he
I couldn’t challenge his delusions without regressing into
would try temple. He refused. Then, he asked if I’d
a fight, so I let him lay the “facts and figures” before me,
consider becoming a Jew for Jesus, but later recanted,
month after month. I felt ashamed—maybe I was being
saying I’d have to surrender everything Jewish, even
selfish, maybe he had a point—and slowly, I started to
eating challah. He loved me, he said, “But I can’t marry
doubt my own heritage, my own family bloodline.
you because you’re not Christian.” It ended one weekend after more than five years, when I wanted him to marry me. His approval somehow
he admitted he no longer loved me, and I told him I
dwarfed into this looming, unattainable ideal that I’d
wanted to die. The next day, I called a pastor to convert
been pursuing my entire life. I sought it while trying not
to Christianity, then drove to his house, but he looked at
to betray myself, and his anger grew.
me with cold eyes and said, “It’s too late. Why didn’t you do this before?”
“You’re being selfish,” he would tell me when I wanted to spend Rosh Hashanah—the Jewish New Year—with my
I stopped eating and shrunk to 100 pounds, wanting
mother. “You’re choosing your family and your heritage
nothing to do with Jewish culture for fear new friends
over me. I thought you loved me.”
would detest me. Over the coming months, I hiked my way out of despair through the mountains of
Then, the research started. He became obsessed that I
Prescott, and a year later, I met Oscar.
was strictly Russian and Polish and had been converted to Judaism. He spent hours on the computer, printing
“You’re Jewish?” he asked when I revealed my
information from so-called historical sites that proved his
background. “Tell me about it!” But I refused, the
point. He told me the New Testament was supposed to
overwhelming shame washing over me like a tsunami.
replace the Old Testament, and Judaism is a religion that should no longer exist.
One day, while visiting my mom’s house, Oscar
memories like a broken movie. I acknowledged
wanted to watch my Bat Mitzvah tape. In front of
what he had done, then accepted my part—maybe I
my mother, I said no. Oscar couldn’t understand
was weak, or naïve, or blind—but none of it
my hesitation, and later that day, I broke into
changed the ultimate truth. I tumbled through this
convulsive tears, unable to pinpoint the emotion
abyss until, like the sunrise welcoming day, I found
that surged like lava.
the courage to say it. “I forgive you, Shari.”
“You’re angry at yourself for turning your back on
In a year, I would find myself standing at the West
your culture,” Oscar told me. “You have to forgive
Wall in Jerusalem—the last remnants of the
yourself.”
original Temple of Solomon—with a dampened and crumpled prayer in the palm of my hand, crying
You have to forgive yourself. Never had truer
alongside my Jewish travel mates against aged
words been spoken, and they would change my life.
bricks.
At first, forgiving myself implied I had done something wrong, and I couldn’t face the
This was my birthright, and I had seized it with the
possibility that I allowed this overpowering denial
fervor of the Maccabees or Jews following Moses.
to happen. Yet deep in my subconscious, I knew
The Wall towered over my small body, and as I laid
Oscar was right: my only path to peace was self-
my hand upon its rough surface, I felt the presence
forgiveness.
of my parents, and their parents, and their parents, and their parents, and their parents, and their
I spoke to myself in the quiet of dark and replayed
parents, and their parents, and theirs …
D E F E A T I N G
D E P R E S S I O N
BEFORE IT DEFEATS YOU By Acacia Williams
A
I feel like I’m suppose to write on the subject of “depression”..…sounds fun right? No, and that’s why it’s been so hard for me to muster up the courage to talk about it. No one wants to talk about the gloomy aspects of life, but it’s so important that we are transparent with one another by exposing the reality that we are all human which makes us frail and broken at times. So let me go ahead and get a bit vulnerable about my recent experience with depression. Let me preface this with, whatever it is here that I write, I don’t expect to gain pity for myself. I do however hope that maybe my words will resonate with someone, so that they will realize they’re not alone in feeling the way they do. We are all in this fallen world fighting troubling battles of our own and sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that we are in the fight together. So, I’ve been going through some transitions lately, which generally sends me into this anxious spiral of feeling uneasy or uncomfortable and in turn causes me to sink into this lowly state of mind about myself. It’s what one may call a “vicious cycle” and vicious it is indeed. Let me start by elaborating on some of the specific things I’ve been telling myself. “You are not intelligent” “You are not where you should be in life” “It takes you so long to process things before you
understand” “You get so easily overwhelmed” “You have a talented and successful family but you are not talented or successful” “What have you even accomplished?” “You are bottom of the barrel status”…YIKES! Should I stop there? See what I mean by vicious? When I’m being attacked by these negative thoughts, I begin to start labeling myself as a nobody. Let me note, no one person except for myself has said these nasty things to me. I am my own bully and my own worst critic and it’s emotionally exhausting. I don’t even know how to describe how terrible and worthless these thoughts make me feel sometimes. I have this mental image of myself just getting pelted with dodgeballs of negativity. OwchOuch! Oftentimes, these unwanted thoughts produce a foggy mindset and it’s like my brain switches to a slow-motion mode. When my confidence is depleted I no longer feel capable or equipped to do the things in front of me, and just start to go through the motions without much purpose, it’s as though I’m sleep walking through life. I try to talk to people about my struggles in hopes of getting things off my chest, but sometimes I can’t translate my feelings into words, but then again I don’t want to come across as a complainer either. So, I isolate myself. I sit in the bathroom and cry. I have no
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 12
"BUT GOD TELLS YOU THAT WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD, HE HAS EQUIPPED YOU WITH THE STRENGTH, COURAGE, AND CONFIDENCE TO COMPLETE THE TASKS BEFORE YOU."
desire to do anything, I don’t want to work, I don’t want to cook, clean, go out… I just want to mindlessly scroll through social media feeds which in turn can make things even worse, because that’s when even more comparison takes place. “I’m not trendy enough” “If only my house looked like that” “why can’t we be more like them?” Friends, this is a slippery slope, darkness is trying to slowly creep it’s way in and take over your thoughts. But, we have the power through Christ to put a stop to this! At times, it may not seem like we do, there are moments when we feel too defeated, but Christ says “take every thought captive” “divine power destroys strongholds” speak truth to the lies. Satan is the father of lies and he wants you to believe all these preposterous thoughts about yourself. When I got to the point of feeling so down, defeated, and worthless, I began to wonder, was something wrong with me? Was it my hormones? Medications I was taking? Was it merely the fact that I was simply going through a transitional time in my life? Was it because I had a lot on my plate? Was there a chemical imbalance in my brain? At the time I didn’t really know, but now, I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that it was just the darkness of Satan’s lies trying to mess with my mind. Spiritual warfare is serious, real, and ugly. Satan will try and tell you, you’re not capable to do something, but God tells you that with the spirit of the Lord, He has equipped you with the strength, courage, and confidence to complete the tasks before you. Satan will try and tell you that you are worthless in more ways than one, but God says you are so worthy, valued, and precious, enough so that He sacrificed His son upon a cross for you and adopted you as His dearly beloved child. I think sometimes when we hear a familiar bible verse that we’ve heard several times, we can take that scripture and that truth and water down it’s
meaning and it’s power in our life, but the words of His truths still carry as much weight as ever. Do not take for granted the depth and the richness of these words, You. Are. Fearfully. And. Wonderfully Made. I read a C.S Lewis quote the other day that absolutely brought me to tears and this is what it said- “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been born in God's thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking." This is how we should see ourselves, a beautiful creation born in the mind of our heavenly father, a creation with purpose, a creation who is cherished, a creation whom is fiercely loved. So stop striving and embrace the unique and wonderful being that God has created you to be. If you are currently dealing with the unmerciful mind battles of depression, here are six 6 simple things that have helped me come out of such a trying time. 1. Meditate on scripture and pray hard that not only would you know the truth of His words, but that you would BELIEVE them. 2. Find a hobby, it could be something physically active, something creative, or something outdoorsy. 3. Go out for coffee with a friend, talk about the highs and lows of your week, you will find joy in supporting and encouraging one another. 4.Dream. Dream in a way to where you’re not comparing yourself with someone else, but allowing yourself to set goals and ideals of something that is reasonable and achievable. 5. A girly bubble bath with candles and music is always a good idea! 6. Lastly, and it may take courage, but seek counsel. There may be some situations where it may be necessary to speak with somebody who has the education and understanding to listen and then help navigate you to find the appropriate resources to move past some of the struggles you may be dealing with. So, if you are wrestling with constant unfriendly thoughts which sometimes lead to a state of depression, you are not alone. And may I remind you, that you have purpose and you are a beautifully designed creation of Christ and that alone is something to rejoice in! Have courage to lean into Christ and use the weapon of his truth to stand brave and relentless to fight the lies trying to tear you down.
Coo-rah-j By Esther Gallagher
Remember the by-gone era of glass jars of peanut butter? I’ll never forget the peanut butter and broken shards of glass all over our golden mustard linoleum.
Our father, an Italian immigrant who had saved his whole life to buy, without any loans or debt, a brand new house in bloody hot Arizona circa 1978, had just transported us across thousands of miles in the old blue Chevy from Passaic, New Jersey to Phoenix; a Promised Land of low-cost subdivisions, strip malls sporting mega grocery stores, and what seemed like miles of dry cracked desert landscaping where you could pick up whole dirt puzzle pieces and watch the gnarled tumbleweeds roll down the streets with the help of the blazing southwestern winds. So different from the upper-floor apartment space, walk-to-thebagel shop advantages, sights, seasons, and temps of the green Garden State that my sister and I were born in. This was a place where Giovanni Savona, my 42-ish year old daddy (about my age now) could make an easier life for us, have enough backyard space to plant a great big garden, and fulfill his dream of making enough money to send his children to college, all while never again having to scrape snow off a windshield.
The terrifying image of her throwing the peanut butter on the floor kept replaying as we screamed, “Daaaaddy?! Come home,” trying to elevate our little voices over her desperate cries to him over the mustard yellow phone that matched the flooring. “Pleaaase, quit that job already and get
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 15
back here! You made me come here, I’m all alone with two small children and I can’t handle this on my own!” My first and most vibrant memory of the home state of the roadrunner and Palo Verde tree: My mom, feeling so alone with no community and no help, tired and likely at wit’s end with her stubborn five- and needy two-year olds; her heart aching for what would have been the onset of Indian summer weather back in New Jersey, her dad, church community, familiar walks around the neighborhood, her favorite deli and bakery. But of course, I didn’t understand the weight of what she was going through; instead all I could process at that moment were the colors; the summer tan peanut butter, mustardy linoleum and phone, trendy khaki green refrigerator, and burnt orange carpeting of the day. All reminiscent of the inviting, warm, autumn-ish colors of the leaves beginning to turn back east but at the same time, heavy-feeling and reflective of the uneasiness and uncertainty of our new world.
What time was it in New Jersey at that moment? It had to be about 9:00 at night. He must have been tired to the bone after a long workday in the New Jersey factory while we unpacked and moved in on the other side of the country; a tiredness that I imagine he had similarly felt when he harvested the golden wheat fields in his town of Corleone as a young man. He had moved us safely across the country but gone back to New Jersey to finish up the job from which he was hoping to get laid off from. With a bit of severance, it would give him just the extra bit of money to help us deepen our new roots, maybe pay for that new palm tree and volcanic rock
Daddy came back, got a great job at Motorola, finished his high school degree, planted those palm trees, my sis and I made friends with the red-headed sisters, Kelly and Debbie, in our cul-de-sac, we ate Mexican food for the first time, spent summers poolside, picked figs and citrus from our trees, and all 4 of us kids made Daddy’s college dreams come true (Go Devils!). When I think of moving, I think of the courage of my parents and so many others.
landscaping, while looking for permanent work in Arizona. While the company he was working for was going under, they weren’t losing quite enough money to justify the lay-off just yet. So a couple weeks of working there turned into a month and he was trying to hold out just a little bit longer until the great peanut butter incident and enough was enough already.
Everyone’s moving situation looks different and yes, people move all the time, so it probably doesn’t seem like a big deal for most. But what we give up and sacrifice, especially as parents, takes a great deal of energy and ‘coo-rah-g’-- my dad’s endearing, Sicilian accented way of saying ‘courage.'
You are courageous to step out of your comfort zone into all the new things that your new place has to offer and your children will learn and be stronger for, and will have great appreciation for, all of it even the hard times.
Finding new community in our workplaces and
At your tiredest, loneliest, ‘I can’t handle this and I
neighborhoods, being the new kid at school,
just want to throw a glass jar of peanut butter’
learning the lay of the land and the not-so-good
moments, remember that with time, you will find
areas around town, where to shop, figuring out
your people, your resources, your new job with
who you can trust in a pinch to pick up your kids
better pay, your new favorite bagel shop or
from school, how adjust to oven-hot temps or how
walking path at the park. You are courageous to
to layer up for the snow… It seems overwhelming
step out of your comfort zone into all the new
when I think about stuff like this that my friends
things that your new place has to offer and your
and family have experienced as part of moving
children will learn and be stronger for, and will
across state and country lines when all I’ve ever
have great appreciation for, all of it even the hard
done in my adult life is move literally down the
times. You may be experiencing the sharpness of
street! If you’ve moved and the transition was a
your broken glass jar situations right now, but you
piece of cake, I still tip my California Love hat
will plant those trees, eat of their fruits and bring
(cause this NJ girl who has never adjusted to the
those dreams to beautiful life. Like Giovanni says,
115+ temps would move to SoCal in a heartbeat,
Coo-rah-j, my friends because easier times always
hat and all)…. to you and say, you are braver than
come.
you realize.
Want Whiter Teeth? E V E R Y O N E
D O E S !
V I S I T O U R W E B S I T E T O O R D E R Y O U R S T O D A Y !
THE
NARROW ROAD By Nicole Thompson
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 20
As I sit down to write this it’s Good Friday. The timing isn’t lost on me. My eyes are still puffy and swollen from yesterday. I cried more tears in the last 24 hours than I have in a very long time. Authenticity is hugely important to me and something I strive to be in all areas of my life. There is so much weighing heavy on my heart these last few days that I wish I could share with you. However, these heavy things aren’t all mine to share. That’s the tricky thing about social media and putting yourself out there. I share the good, the bad, and everything inbetween but it’s really not the place to share all things. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to hide anything or misrepresent myself; it’s just that not all things are meant to be shared so publicly. I try to remember that as I follow others on social media. Even those of us that try our best to be authentic still have unseen struggles that never make it onto your screens. So while my intention is to be open and honest, I can’t share the full scope of my heavy heart today. I hope you’ll understand and bear with me anyway.
The thing is I was hoping for a season of just fun, light hearted stuff and I thought that’s what I was coming into. I just want a little break from the heavy stuff. Yet there it came again like another wave crashing over me. Some things stirred up the sadness and disappointment of our miscarriage. Before I could gain my footing from the first wave another one came at me again. To be honest they both surprised me and I didn’t expect to be so affected by this double-whammy reminding me of our loss. But there it was again, that all too familiar grief. I’ve been blessed with some different opportunities that I’m excited about. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I struggle to not feel like these opportunities came at the expense of our loss. Of course these things may have come my way even if I was still pregnant. However, the enemy is always working against me. If he can’t keep me from doing something he’ll go after my joy in doing it. This season just doesn’t look like I thought it would. I thought I’d be talking about baby names, decorating a nursery, and stocking up on diapers by now. Instead things look very different. I’ve been involved in a few different things for a while but recently those things have shifted around a bit. I’m pulling back from one area to pour more into another. Please hear my heart, I am excited to be more involved in this area. I see God working and using me there and I know it’s where I’m supposed to be. However, that too came with another wave of grief. I’m leaving the safety and comfort of something I love and walking into what sometimes feels like hostile land. God keeps leading me down the harder path, the narrow road. So the tears have been coming easy this last day or so and I suspect it might continue a bit longer. While my heart is tender with grief, God is also breaking my heart for what breaks his. He’s showing me the brokenness and the unlovely and revealing His heart on the matter. The responsibility that comes with it feels heavy and with that more tears. I don’t want to take what God’s entrusted me with lightly. I so want Him to find me faithful.
"COURAGEOUS WOMEN AREN'T UNAFRAID, THEY JUST DON'T LET FEAR STOP THEM." As I mentioned in the beginning, I sat down to write this on Good Friday and now I’m finishing it on Easter Sunday. The timing is another reminder of God’s attention to my life. I imagine that on the day Jesus was crucified the disciples were filled with heavy, grieving hearts. Things looked dark and they didn’t understand how such circumstances could possibly turn out for good. They didn’t know that Sunday was coming. Yet just three days later Jesus was raised to life conquering sin and death for all of eternity. Jesus chose the narrow road and I am forever thankful. Dear readers I want to encourage you to keep fighting the good fight. Keep doing that thing you know God has called you to. Don’t let the enemy convince you to stop and don’t let him steal your peace either. I almost
missed it. The enemy had just about convinced me I was really just supposed to stay where I was. Yet I know that comfort doesn’t produce the kind of fruit I want my life to bear. I spent too much of my life paralyzed by fear and I’m not going to let it stop me anymore. That’s the legacy I want to leave not just for my daughter but for the next generation coming up behind me. I want them to see that courageous women aren’t unafraid they just don’t let fear stop them. I want my daughter to be courageous enough to do the right thing when it’s least popular and to obey God when it doesn’t make any sense at the time. Let’s empower the next generation by showing them what God can do through courageous women who follow after God with everything they’ve got. Can you imagine the impact that would make?
Courage In Kindness BY RACHEL SCHROEDER
What does it mean to have
choosing to love, even though
A life filled with small moments
courage? We've all seen the
love is so often unanswered
of love may not get turned into
obvious examples of
and undeserved. It is
a blockbuster, but you never
courageous acts; those
courageous to be the one who
forget those people who stuck
moments when the hero rises
smiles at a stranger. It's
up for you when you felt low.
up and it’s totally glorious and
choosing kindness, when insult
The battles which must be
the soundtrack swells
flashes. Being the one to ask for
fought and re fought daily are
underneath.
forgiveness takes an awful lot
the very hardest.
of courage. Choosing to The character of courage itself,
prioritize relationship over
They require the utmost
though, might be a little
being justified is a brave
courage; the kind that says “try
quieter. I think it might have
choice.
again.”
less to do with heroism and more to do with kindness. In
It is courage who speaks up for
my mind, courage looks like
those without a voice. STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 23
It is courage who speaks up for those without a voice. Rachel Schroeder
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 25
COURAGE AND FEAR By Amy Whitehouse
As I drove the two hours from Gainesville to Jacksonville I rehearsed what might be most effective. Mother, I care about you and want to help. Let’s go to an AA meeting together. Mother, I love you and would like for us to attend an AA meeting. We can go together, and I’ll drive us. Mother, I worry about you and think going to AA would be so good for both of us. My palms were sweaty on the steering wheel as I considered broaching the elephant in the living room. It hadn’t gone well when I’d tried to talk to Dad about his alcoholism. Denial was ironclad in my family. I was going to visit my parents for the weekend; I’d spend one day with Mother and one day with Dad, and then head back to my job in Gainesville.
Just a few weeks earlier I’d called home to break the news to my parents that my husband had left me. My sister Sara had answered the phone. “Hello?” she said. “Hey, Sara, I need to talk to Dad.” “He can’t come to the phone, he’s leaving.” “Well tell him to call me when he gets back.” “Nooo, he’s leaving,” she drew out the last word dramatically. “He’s moving out.” The world dropped away from beneath me. Dad was moving out of the house? I was surprised but not entirely so. He’d begun asking my advice on whether to divorce my mother since I was thirteen. I hung up, trying to absorb the monumental changes happening in my life. Sometimes Mother would be the most obvious drunk. Other times I thought it was Dad. Adult children of alcoholics develop an either/or
frame of mind. But they were both on the path of self-destruction. I can’t remember why this weekend trip seemed important, but I was going to spend one day at Mother’s (our) house, and one day at Dad’s new makeshift apartment. I continued to rehearse in my head how to best present the invitation to Mother. I loved her and wanted her to get help, and thought I could be part of that process. I had yet to face my own alcoholism, but God had all that covered. I arrived at our home feeling the familiar anxiety whenever I pulled up in our driveway. I never knew what to expect: charming Mom or drunk Mom. Our visit went well enough and I finally put forth my idea shortly before leaving for Dad’s place. “Mother,” I said. “Yes?” she answered. “I’d really like it if you’d go with me to an AA meeting sometime soon. I could get the details and drive us.” Her eyes narrowed and her body stiffened. Bitterness answered: “Why don’t you just not come home for Christmas?” Her face had hardened. I headed out the door to drive to Dad’s. I had done the most courageous thing I’d ever done.
RIPE WITH COURAGE by Bonita Blakeman
When I considered writing an article on courage, I panicked a little. My voice has been hidden for a while, and I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen. In some ways, I lost the art of the real me, the intimacy of the soul. In my quietness, I was afraid of what others might see by reading me. So this piece is an honest leap of faith, because through it, I'm learning what courage truly means to me. While contemplating all this, it was as if the actual word was sitting right in
front of me, like the elephant in the middle of the room, saying “I know you can see me... What do you have to say? I'm waiting ...can you acknowledge me?” This became so personal that I knew it must come from the inside out and from my heart! Sometimes life can be all consuming, and we can forget who we are by losing ourselves in the day to day. Courage, though, allows me to take an honest look and see myself again.
"Courage, though, allows me to take an honest look and see myself again." STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 27
"When our courage is given a voice, we find the grace to face our fears and the traumas of life."
Most of us have encountered loss in some form or another; loss of identity, loss of a job, miscarriages, possibly failed marriages, or feeling bankrupt. But when our courage is given a voice, we find the grace to face our fears and the traumas of life. When courage begins to take hold and take up residency in our hearts, the most beautiful unfolding begins to happen. Hope begins to spring up, and we can once again see the beauty for the ashes of life. As I become present with where I am today, I become stronger. I've learned that if fear never speaks, then courage may never be found. And when I see the truth of this, my fear becomes a
tool God uses to uncover my strength. It transforms into a weapon, and the sting is taken out of passivity. Its power is lost, and I can begin to breathe new life once again. This journey is so sacred that even the things we fear the most become the places of our greatest triumph! Courage is standing up from the inside-out in the midst of adversity, or simply taking a stand and speaking up on whatever issue I may be facing. It represents my strength, my inner resolve, my dignity, my inner beauty, and the grace that is so sufficient as it prepares a beautiful place in my heart on which I can place my stake in the ground. I'm still learning to stop and see all this at the ripe young age of 63! And if I could pass anything along to the generations rising, it would be to always have the courage to allow your heart to speak, for your voice matters. Honor and treat yourself with kindness. And above all, apply grace to all the sacred spaces of your life. Every day is a precious gift; let the essence of your courage not only change your world, but let it speak volumes to those around you. You are so much bigger and brighter than you know!
Bonita is a natural creative, a grandmother to ten and great-grandmother to two! She spends the majority of her time in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California hosting a variety of travelers from Hollywood filmmakers to International government officials. She is known by her joyful sound as a worship leader, her hearty laugh, and the love she always leaves with those she encounters.
www.jenniferstampsphotography.com
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 30
You Will Find WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR COURTNEY BAREMAN
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment
There is no shortage of courage if we are willing lean in, look
that something else is more important than fear.” – Franklin D.
carefully, and listen closely. Rarely does courage look like the
Roosevelt
Braveheart moments…William Wallace riding on his painted horse rallying his troops and yelling about “FREEDOM!” What
Roosevelt was a smart guy and a source for several powerful,
freedom looks like in my life is showing up and choosing to do
inspiring quotes. Often courage though doesn’t look inspiring
the right thing, which is almost always the more difficult thing.
from the outside. A child walking into school. People talking.
Choosing to engage when I would rather run. Believing that
Getting out of bed. Telling the truth, even though there will be
people can change and that it is worth taking the risk to be
a consequence. Often it is the everyday tasks that make up life
vulnerable and honest. Choosing daily to believe that God’s
that require the most courage. A child walking into school, in
call on my life is bigger and better than mine, and surrendering
spite of crippling anxiety is a hero full of courage. Friends who
my agenda takes courage. You still feel the same rise in your
are willing to have honest and difficult conversations are
heart when you witness courage be it your child, a friend or
models of courage and grace. Someone battling depression
William Wallace. Although some of these acts are small they
who finds the courage and strength to get up, out of bed, and
are no less beautiful or courageous than the grand gestures.
to make it through the day requires courage. Being willing to be honest, even if that means waves are made and feathers are
I am training myself to see these moments more, these
ruffled. These are everyday acts of courage that add color,
sometimes-tiny acts and truly recognizing them. Celebrating,
flavor, and beauty to our lives.
pausing, and letting them sink into my soul. It is easy to be
cynical, critical and skeptical. That comes naturally to most people, myself included. It’s my gut-level, honest, default mode. But I have learned that I will see more of what I am looking for. If I am looking for the junk, then I can certainly find it. The news and the internet and my squinted eyes can ensure that. And the same is true for courage. When I look for it, big or small, I can find it happening all around me‌pretty much all day. Little deposits of sweetness found all over. Seeing this though, requires me to be observant and to care about things beyond myself and my little world. To get off my phone and out of my head and enter real life. I need to pay attention to the stories unfolding in front of my eyes, in my neighborhood, and all around me. Taking noticing what is really happening, below the surface. People notice courageousness because it often takes someone choosing to make a sacrifice or step back, in order for others to gain. It feels different. This idea of creating room, even at a personal cost is so counter cultural you can almost feel the discomfort when it happens. Courage sees the value in believing and the action of elevating others and doing what is right, even when it is difficult in a culture of short cuts, halftruths, and fake smiles. Even though it may be uncomfortable it is worth having, growing through, and learning from. A wonderful thing about courage is that it is inspiring and therefore contagious by nature. It is the best kind of viral spreading. When we witness strength and courage suddenly our backbone becomes a little stronger and our willingness to step outside of what is comfortable grows. Like a just-forming dandelion being blown into the wind, something that was just one fuzzy thing, has now turned into a bunch of seeds and made deposits everywhere within reach. The only way we will get better at being courageous is by doing it. By growing that muscle and practicing over time. In doing so we are also modeling that idea for others, maybe for the first time. We have the opportunity to show what every day courage looks like. How dazzling and beautiful it is in our lives, if we can just have eyes to see it.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 32
TEACHING COURAGE By Jennifer McMorran Having courage is tough. But the idea of teaching our children to be courageous can simply be...overwhelming. One of my all-time favorite public figures, authors, and researchers is Brene Brown. In her book, Daring Greatly, she states that we, as parents, are called upon to teach our children how to be courageous. We do so by taking off our own shield of armor, sharing with them our own vulnerabilities, and reassuring them that they are loved even when things are tough and courage is hard to find. Last year, my husband and I learned the power of vulnerability and how our actions can teach our children to have the courage of a lion.
"THROUGH IT, OUR SON TAUGHT US THE POWER OF COURAGE. We live in a very sports-centric suburb outside of Phoenix, Arizona. Our children are blessed to be able to play sports here year-round and there are some amazing programs available. Our family feels very strongly about health, having an active lifestyle, and the value of teamwork. But we are not a “winning at all cost� kind of family. That said, we had an experience with our young son last year that had me both frustrated and amazed. Through it, our son taught us the power of courage.
My son played little league baseball with the same team for several seasons and he really, really loved it. But as time went on, things became more and more about the “win.” This affected my son greatly both emotionally and physically. He would often be very quiet in the car after practice and “why” was often the first word out of his mouth. “Why can’t we just play to have fun?,” “Why can’t we all learn to pitch?,” “Why doesn’t everyone get a chance to bat?,” “Why do I get benched every game even when I don’t miss practice?,” “Why should I give 100%; I won’t get played anyway?,” “Why do I have to go to practice; I’ll still have to sit at the game?,”...“Why, why, why?” My husband and I would encourage him, of course, and tell him we were proud of the efforts he was putting forth. We also, acknowledged that we didn’t have all of the answers to his “why” questions. And as the season went on our hearts broke more and more each time he came to us with more of those “why” questions. Of course we had our opinions and were upset with how the team was being managed but having played sports all through our youth, my husband and I knew that this was not necessarily a battle worth the drama. We chose instead to focus on our boys. Through the season, we shared with our sons our own personal struggles on teams growing up and described how those struggles don’t necessarily go away when you walk off the field. We explained also that some of these battles work to teach us lessons on how to deal with similar issues down the road. That school, college, work, and even friendships/relationships are all the same game but different arena. And then one night, around the dinner table, our family decided that no matter the outcome, we would keep giving our all and see this particular season to the end. We also encouraged our son to share some of his “why’s” with his coaches. After all, my son really did love baseball and he lit up every time he got the chance to be on the field. About a week later, after practice, my son didn’t come running off the field with the other kids. After several minutes I began to worry and went looking for him. There on the field, he stood talking with one of his coaches. When the two finally came off the field together, my son went straight to the car but the coach walked to me and said, “In all my years of coaching, I’ve never had a kid like yours. You should be very proud!” I said thank you and we chatted a bit longer. Still not knowing exactly what had transpired on the field, I returned to the car
Our family is at it’s strongest when we are together. And that our son has more courage in his little finger than most adults. Brene Brown wrote, “Putting down the measuring stick in a culture that uses acquisitions and accomplishments to assess worth is not easy...Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.” Brene Brown has a powerful and wonderful Parenting Manifesto in her book and on her website and I highly suggest reading it. It has helped give me courage when I’ve needed it most with my children. I know that I will struggle and fall short with them time and again. But going back to our situation last year, is a reminder of how important it is to have courage.
and asked my son how practice went. “Good,” he said. Then after a long pause he continued, “Mom, I thought a lot about what’s been happening and why I’ve been so sad. So I asked the coach if I could have a minute of his time, alone. I decided to ask him all of my ‘why’ questions.” I sat silently listening to him as he continued. “You know what Mom, I’m glad I did it and I don’t even care if I get to play anymore!” I burst in tears...ugly, sobbing tears! “Why are you crying Mom?” came the question from the backseat...I got out of the car and hugged him tightly. I told him he was so brave, that I was so proud of him, that I would not have had the courage to do that to any of my coaches, teachers, or adults growing up...and that I loved him more than he could ever know! As the season went on, things changed a little with the team and how it was managed. But more important to us, was what we learned about our family. How important it is to show up, give your all, and be vulnerable...even when it’s so very difficult. We learned that our actions, as parents, speaks volumes.
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MY ANCHOR HOLDS BY
SARAH
How deep into Jesus are you willing to go? How much searching of the Scripture are you willing to do? How big is your desire to truly know HIM? Will your anchor hold? After the hardest start to a year that I’ve ever had, walking through some of the darkest points in my life, this thought keeps pushing at me, invading my daydreams, calling me to wake up early and asking me to set aside myself. You see a ship has to drop it’s anchor in a storm in order to not be carried off, and not just five or ten feet. The anchor has to go way down deep, among the rocks that are solid, that are unmovable. So, how deep, Sarah? Are you really holding onto ME, or do you only want answers to your questions? Do you only want fixes for the things you see as problems? How much do you want to know me? How well DO you know me? I spent the better part of two months praying for God to reveal Himself to me, praying that He would direct us, praying for Him to please, help me to know what He wants! It seems like a good prayer. It seems like the right thing to be asking of God, right? Don't we all want God
COSTA
to reveal Himself to us? Don’t we want to see what He is doing?! Don’t we want to follow Him, and isn’t that good? And I had this notion that God would somehow reveal Himself to me as I was thinking or going about my day. That as I prayed, confessed sin, and asked for Him to show me things, that ideas would pop into my mind or that Alex (my husband) and I would both agree on something. Or even that I would “just know,” you know? I would have peace about things and know that it was the right answer. Hello, argument-city! (for weeks). Why was I so far off?! Why wasn’t He directing us or uniting our hearts over some pretty huge things?? I wanted what He wanted for our life; so, why was it so hard to hear Him? Why? Because I wasn’t listening. He already HAS done all of those things.He spoke to the prophets and apostles, and they….get this…wrote it all down for us! WOAH!!!! Like, WHAT?! The God of the universe, who made all of it, who still controls all of it, who came up with ALL the ideas everywhere…He spoke, and people wrote it down! Mind-blowing, right?! Like, where on earth did He hide
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 36
Instead of wishing we knew what He wanted for our life, GO FIND IT! Jesus says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37). That’s IT. This is the greatest commandment. That’s what He wants for our lives, to love Him with all that we have and all that we are. Right now. Right where you are. Right in this circumstance you find yourself in. Right in the middle of this pain that threatens to crush you. Right in the middle of the frustration you face. Right in the middle of the joy of His blessing. Wherever you are in life, LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING. Where you are and what you are going through, He has not left you alone. When you dig deep into Jesus, and deeper, searching and learning, and experiencing Him through His word, there you find all the things “beyond what you could ask or seek.” He is there in the pages ready to leap off them. His word is living and active. His word, even when super confusing (reference: Ezekiel), still reveals himself…”So that that? Maybe we should start an expedition to
they may know that I am the Lord.” He wants
find such an important document! Any takers?
us to know Him, to love Him.
We could search at the beach first. That’s where hidden treasure always is in the
So, girl, please stop all the sighing and
movies anyway. And I like the beach. But
waiting around, I wasted enough time for
whatever, we’ve got to find it because those
both of us, dive into the Bible. Ask God
words must be important!
for the Holy Spirit to teach you as you read His words. Don’t wish that a feeling would
You guys, they ARE. Instead of praying for
hit you, or a thought would cross your mind
God to reveal Himself to us,we need to dig
or some sign that might strike you as “what
deep into the Bible. Instead of wishing we
He wants for you.” He wants for you to get
would receive answers that appear in our
to know Him. Dig deep into Jesus so that
thoughts miraculously, open up to Psalms, or
your anchor holds. It really doesn’t matter
Romans, or John, or Genesis, or hey even try
where you start; He is calling you, waiting.
Ezekiel, and start searching out who God is
and what he has to say about issues.
Go.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 38
BE STILL
& KNOW THAT I AM GOD BY RENNAI HOEFER
Do I have courage? Am I brave? I’ve asked myself, and researched all month, trying to deconstruct this topic. My immediate response, a hard “nope.” The idea of raising a shield and wielding a sword while running into battle is seemingly the best image I could construct for what bravery and courage would look like. I wondered what
the Bible said about it? What is the difference between the two? Why even have two words? While both may encourage the aforementioned sword wielding, bravery is the willingness to pursue, fight, or withstand all pain, danger, and resistance for any purpose, without fear. Arguably, there are times
"HAVE COURAGE HE SAYS, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST."
IN THE BIBLE, WE SEE THE LORD ASKING MORE OFTEN FOR HIS FOLLOWERS TO HAVE COURAGE THAN CALLING THEM TO BRAVERY, BECAUSE HE KNOWS OUR HEARTS. our Father asks bravery of us, more often though, we are asked to have courage. However similar, courage is this ability and willingness to do the above in spite of our fears, because our purpose is worth it. Does that stir something inside of you? It does me.
I am God. I Am. Know that I can do all things according to my will. I will move, I will change hearts, I will heal, I will save, I will give life, I will. Know that I am in control and that isn’t your responsibility. Have faith, and have courage to be still and trust that I will.”
My heart has been hurting lately for all the pain I see around me. It’s in the world, the lives of my friends and family, and we have been facing our own struggles in my home. I wonder sometimes how others face these struggles; when they hurt for or hope for those they love, yet feel helpless. I pray. Then suddenly, the Lord gave me Psalm 46:10 one evening. The words, “Be still, and know that I am God” flooded into my head and through my mouth as I sat there thinking. He spoke. I had never thought in depth about this verse, but in this moment, I understood.
In the Bible, we see the Lord asking more often for his followers to have courage than calling them to bravery, because he knows our hearts. He knows in our brokenness we are susceptible to the enemy’s fear. He also shares his promise, that our steadfastness will be better, that our reward is in Him. Have courage he says, and I will give you rest. Have courage, and know that I am God. Have courage to persist, to follow me, to live like Jesus and love with your whole heart. Trust in me.
He was telling me, “Be still. Stop. There is nothing you can do. There is nothing anyone can do, but God.
He may not be calling you or me to unsheathe our swords, but still, he is asking us for courage.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 40
courage. By Rachel Schroeder When I think about courage, I think about the people I admire most. I think about my loved ones who have big ideas; who go out on a limb and risk upsetting everything in order to go for that idea. I think of my friends who tell the truth, even when it's hard. I think of people I know who've faced insurmountable odds, who've survived the unthinkable, and who've come out the other side holding onto kindness. I think about how much courage it takes to love. One example of courage in my life is my mom. She is strong, wise, loving, funny, honest, talented...I can go on and on. But her wisdom was hard won. She can tell her own story, but the short version is that she is a survivor. My mom tells the truth. She will tell the truth every time; she doesn't just tell people what they want to hear. She has been truly alone. And yet, she knows how to love well. She is the greatest champion, the one you can count on to be on your side. She's always ready to go somewhere new, or revisit a beautiful part of the world. She treats people with respect, and she is ready to learn something from everyone. She finds beauty wherever she goes. My mom’s courage looks like finding new ways to think and grow and learn; even when every circumstance would say she should build walls around her little kingdom. It looks like risking criticism from those around her in order to be the most truthful version of herself. Of course I look up to my mom, but the way she lives can inspire anyone. It seems to me that this quiet kind of courage; this steadfast pull toward loving people well no matter what, that this is where the magic spark of courage lives.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 41
STRONG & COURAGEOUS By Danielle NEsper
This is my third attempt to write this article. Not because it was a tough topic for me to write on but it’s been a tough topic to figure out what area in my life I want to talk about when it comes to courage. Courage to put myself out there in my new business, courage in being a mom with all of the decisions and crazy situations that we get put into, courage to give and tithe more faithfully to the church or to people, or even courage in my marriage. I feel like courage is something I’m always dealing with in many different ways every single day; but my heart right now is going through a season where I don’t have a lot of courage in one specific area of my life. Relationships. One relationship specifically. One that is deeply cherished, deeply bonded, but it looks very different right now which is extremely hard for me. There’s a lot that we face in life, especially relationally, that really takes a lot of strength, guts, passion, persistence, hard work, unconditional love, and courage. Sometimes relationships look different for a while. It’s a season. Well you at least hope it’s just a season. You’re confused as to why it looks different compared to what it has always looked like and why they are closed off to you now more than they ever have been. When you talk to them they say it’s stuff that they’re going through and to not take it personal but they won’t open themselves up to you to let you walk this hard season with them. It’s baffling to me and saddening. My heart hurts. Are they sick? Are they angry? Are they scared? Are they hurting? Right now I am just trying to find courage in that scary space. This very new shaken scary space. The definition of courage is the ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief. I think right now I’m dealing with both pain and grief and I need some serious strength and courage to get through this. I am confident that Jesus is right in the center of this and that He has a marvelous and beautiful plan but sometimes these really raw feelings are hard to overcome. I am fearful of what lies ahead in this situation and it’s mainly fear of the unknown but when I think that way or start to really get fearful God says to me “I
“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He Won't Let you down; He Won't Leave You."
God is striding ahead of you. The
He has every relationship, every
word stride’s definition is to walk
situation, every obstacle in His
with long, decisive steps in a
hands and He’s caring for it.
specified direction. Guys, God knows what He’s doing. God knows
Wow. I may have to remind myself of
specifically where we’re going with
that a lot in my days but that’s okay,
this situation. I don’t know yet, it’s
I can do that! I might even need my
not my time for me to know yet,
amazing hubby and incredible family
but what I do know is what God
members to remind me of that when
calls me to as a believer. We fight
I can’t see it for myself!
the long and hard fights with people and for people even if it’s
Some days are easier than others
just doing that through prayer.
but I can never forget what the Lord
Loving them like Jesus loves them…
is telling me. He won’t let us down,
Unconditionally!
He won’t leave us. I can let fear of the unknown in this relationship
It’s hard when our humanness
cripple me, anger me and scare me
have this in my hands and I’m
shows. It’s good to be transparent
but I just have to lean on the Lord
caring for it.” Deuteronomy 31:6 in
and honest in life but sometimes
and be strong and courageous.
the Message translation says, “Be
my humanness shows and I’m not
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded
strong. Take courage. Don’t be
always proud of that. I don't always
you? Be strong and courageous. Do
intimidated. Don’t give them a
respond the best ways because I’m
not be frightened, and do not be
second thought because God, your
scared or hurt and because I’m
dismayed, for the Lord your God is
God, is striding ahead of you. He’s
human but I have to be courageous
with you wherever you go.”
right there with you. He won’t let
with what the Lord has tasked me
you down; He won’t leave you.”
with. I need to wait on God’s timing
Holy moly that is some
and really give this relationship to
reassurance right there and some
the Lord because I know He will
serious truth!
care for it.
By Rachel Deitrick
FOUR STAGES That Take Place When You Fall For The Wrong Guy Loneliness is a fear that we all have; no one wants to walk through life alone. When it comes to relationships and our need to be with someone, often times we settle and compromise for the wrong person due to our loneliness and our need to be desired. Relationships for the most part are not taken seriously because we want everything to happen quickly and conveniently; if we can find someone quickly then our loneliness is cured. Because we want quick results, we don’t take the time to truly get to know someone before we make a decision to commit. This can lead us to fall for the wrong person which can lead to a destructive path. Proverbs 16:25 says “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” Here are four stages that will take place when you fall for the wrong guy that can lead you down the wrong path. 1. Attraction. Attraction is always the first step and the most dangerous. If you allow yourself to become attracted to the wrong person it can have a domino effect and can lead you further on to the next stages. If a guy comes along and starts to meet any desires of the flesh that you have rooted in your heart you will begin to have a strong attraction toward him. These desires of the flesh are better known as lust, which is an uncontrolled desire of people, objects, or power. The more time you spend with the wrong guy the more you will become attracted to the desires he possesses that satisfy your lust. Lust often begins with a physical attraction to someone but men always come with accessories that can further entice us. These include his money, home, car, STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 43
“ There
is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death.
”
Proverbs 16:25
materials, and lifestyle. Even if you don’t find his
relationship that is unhealthy. The guy I dated
physical appearance very attractive, the lust for
had many things that attracted me to him, but in
the accessories that come along with him can
reality there were several red flags that I noticed.
still cause a strong attraction. I once dated a guy
Because of my attraction to him, his lifestyle, and
set up by my friends. Before I met him I was
the way he made me feel, I began to ignore the
already attracted to him and manifested lust in
red flags and pursue a relationship based off of
my heart because of the way my friends
the strong feelings that had taken over.
described him. They talked very highly of him and told me things that lured me in. My feelings
3. Commitment. After your emotions take control
for this guy began to emerge before I had even
and you become blinded to the red flags,
set my eyes on him and I quickly made him an
commitment follows. Because of the things he
idol. My guard was let down due to the strong
has done for you, you find yourself committing to
attraction that developed and everything went
this man because you have become convinced
downhill from there.
that he is the right guy. And because he has done things for you, you start to feel like you owe him
2. Blinded. Once you become attracted to the
yourself. You may start to feel pressured and give
wrong guy and let that attraction take root, you
in to things you know that he wants and start to
will begin to ignore any warnings signs that this
regret it. The guy I dated took me out, bought me
guy is not right for you because you have become
things, which in return made me feel as though I
blinded by your emotions. Although we may be
needed to commit to him and that I owed him for
aware that there are red flags, in our emotional
the things that he had done for me. Although I
attachment we become desensitized to them and
kept my boundaries with him, I still felt as
then eventually blinded. We begin to overlook
though I needed to commit and that it was the
the things that we do not want to settle for
right thing to do based off of his actions.
because we base the relationship off of emotions and feelings instead of wisdom. You get to the
4. Trapped. Over time, more things about this
point where although you realize that he may
guy will be exposed. Who he truly is will be
have undealt with issues from his past, is
brought to the surface and the red flags that you
unfaithful, or has no plan for his life, he makes
ignored earlier will become alarms that are going
you feel desired and that is enough to keep you
off in your mind. Commitment will eventually
where you are. Basing a relationship solely off of
turn into a relationship that you become trapped
feelings provides no foundation and can lead to a
in. You have become so emotionally tied to him
that you feel like you can’t live
emotions kept me there. I did
without him, but become more
not want to be involved with
aware that this guy is a
this man anymore. Our lifestyles
counterfeit and being involved
did not match up, he was not
with him is only hurting you. If
what I wanted, he did not value
this guy has red flags that are
me like he should have, and was
not resolved, attempting to
attempting to lead me to sin
work things out with him is just
instead of drawing me closer to
going to lead to a never-ending
God.
cycle of separation and getting
I eventually came to the realization that I needed to stop ignoring the red flags so I could save myself.
back together. Even if you get
These are the dangers I
away, your emotions will
experienced when I fell for a
eventually lead you right back
guy who was not right for me.
to where you came from. This is
Many women are trapped in
why it is so important to use
toxic relationships due to lack
discernment from the very
of wisdom and discernment
beginning and not let yourself
from the beginning. This is why
become attracted and
it is so important to guard your
emotionally attached without
heart against potential men
using wisdom first because your
with no purpose for your life.
feelings will keep you trapped in
Like I mentioned in last month’s
a toxic relationship. In my
article, “remember to rely on
experience, I eventually came to
wisdom, not feelings. Feelings
the realization that I needed
and emotions are temporary but
to stop ignoring the red flags so
wisdom lasts forever and keeps
I could save myself. I began to
us from falling.”
feel trapped because my
WHEN IT ALL
Just Seems Too Big By Christy Wright I’ve written about this before, but leading up to our first-ever Business Boutique event, I was scared out of my mind. I was a nervous wreck with knots in my stomach in the weeks leading up to the event. And —you might find this hard to believe since I’m so even-keel—but I even had several complete meltdowns! (Oh, you’re not surprised by that?) Well, here’s the thing: I was in the process of planning and writing two day’s worth of teaching for a brandnew event for a brand-new audience. In fact, our company—Ramsey Solutions—had yet to break into this market. There wasn’t a Business Boutique workbook, or a community, or training videos. While I knew God had called me to do this, what He was asking me to do was far beyond anything I had ever done before. Yet there I was, insecure and scared with sweaty palms, writing and planning one of the largest events our company had ever put on. I was going to be doing 80% of the teaching during those two days and I had to get it right. I needed to give these women what they needed to start or grow their own businesses. And it was all just too big. I remember sitting in my home office behind my computer thinking, God, I can’t do this. I don’t know what to say! So I did what I always do when I’m freaking out: I opened my Bible. It fell open to Exodus and my eyes locked in on these words immediately,
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 46
"Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:10–12
19
He has a plan for the dream that He gave you, and it’s a plan and a dream that the world desperately needs you to step into.
That passage comes from a time when God was speaking to Moses, but in that moment, the words jumped off the page and God was speaking directly to me! It was a powerful reminder in that moment that God will give me everything I need in order to do what He’s asking of me. And the same is true for you. Our God is a good God. He didn’t bring you this far to pull the rug out from under you now. The same God that put the stars in the sky and the hairs on your head put that dream in your heart. He has a plan for the dream that He gave you, and it’s a plan and a dream that the world desperately needs you to step into. So even if you’ve been paralyzed by fear or freaking out at the next new big dream you’ve got stirring in your heart, don’t forget Who gave you that dream to begin with. I love what 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NIV) says: “The One Who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.” He never said it would be easy, fast or fearless, but He said He will do it. And He will. About Christy Wright Christy Wright is the creator of Business Boutique, a Certified Business Coach and a Ramsey Personality with a passion for equipping women with the knowledge and steps they need to successfully run and grow a business. Since joining Ramsey Solutions in 2009, she has spoken to thousands across the country at women’s conferences, national business conferences, Fortune 500 companies and her own sellout live events. She is the host of the Business Boutique Podcast and her new book, Business Boutique, released April 2017. You can follow Wright on Twitter and Instagram @ChristyBWright and online at christywright.com or facebook.com/OfficialChristyWright.
Just Do It By Christine Cram I recently celebrated my birthday. I am now 35 years old. Yep. 35. Did you ever have a certain age that you always associated with being old? Anyone? I do…or at least did. This is the year where I consider myself really old. Ha. However, I feel anything but that to be completely honest. I decided, starting this year, to get over some things. For the longest time, I have let fear hold me back from moving forward with certain plans the Lord has shaped for me. I just know it. I have recently let go of two pretty major things. And man let me tell you, there has been so much freedom that comes with just letting it go. I have stopped believing lies, and have just gone for it. One of the “things” I was always so fearful of was to start selling products. You guys, I am so not a sales person AT ALL. I have been approached by some dear friends to be a part of some amazing companies. I always said no, simply because I was super fearful…well that and I didn’t feel that those specific areas were for me. I finally said yes to start selling amazing products that I believe in, and that are working. Don’t get me wrong, there are many moments I find myself in sheer terror, because I don’t know much about marketing or business. Those are not my strong suits and I’m aware of that. I have an amazing team that supports and encourages me. There are many people that are strong in the business aspect that have helped and that’s just awesome. I am learning so much already and I just started. So, whatever is holding you back, really take a look and examine what’s really going on. I just want to encourage you to step out, take a leap of faith and just do it. Do it girl. Life is way too short.
To check out Christine's Nu Skin business and to see all the amazing products, please click here!
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Gentle Roar By Sarah Humphrey
Often quiet Streams inside Gentle rage Of thoughts Unsettled. Be still, my heart. For the grief Can roar But in the swirl My voice is born Strong, yet subtle Redeemed and sweet Revealed through honest release Stifled not-By unmet retreat So reveal the courage Until there is no doubt The work is done We just must come out.
Sarah Costa BEACHBODY COACH & FITNESS ENCOURAGEMENT
START YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY WITH SARAH BY CLICKING HERE!
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Dear Stellar Day Writers,
You all have been the brightest beacons of light this month! This theme had true potential to be heavy and big, and instead, each of you made it warm, personal, inviting and filled with truth. I could never fully express the truest gratitude that I have towards you. To take your valuable time to pour your heart out and to trust me with your words, all in an effort to encourage another, is something I will forever be thankful for! It truly takes courage to do this. To put yourself out there, to share a vulnerable part of your heart, to endure writers block and to finally write and wonder- is this even good enough? Will this actually encourage someone? Should I toss it?
The courage you have is leadership and it's using your life to make a difference. I am always going to be humbled and thankful for each and every single article ever written. You are making a difference. Who knows who may stumble upon these articles in years to come, who will deeply need your courage and the lives it can change and encourage. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for another incredible issue. May you never stop writing, encouraging and lifting others up! Jessica Williams EDITOR IN CHIEF
So Grateful.
Your courage has made a big difference.
Jessica Williams, Editor in Chief Jennifer Stamps, Associate Editor Nicole Thompson, Blog Manager Sarah Humphrey, Creative Consultant
Contributing Writers In This Issue Acacia Williams Allison Utterback Amy Whitehouse Bonita Blakeman Christine Cram Christy Wright Courtney Bareman Danielle Nesper Esther Gallagher Jennifer McMorran Jessica Williams Nicole Thompson Rachel Deitrick Rachel Schroeder Rennai Hoefer Sarah Costa Sarah Humphrey Shari Lopatin
Special Thanks AFC Chiropractic Dani Homemaker Honeybook Jay & Jess Photography Jennifer Stamps Photography Nine Retreat Nu Skin Dave Ramsey Solutions Sarah Costa, Beachbody Coach
EDITORIAL OFFICES Located in sunny Scottsdale, AZ Stellar Day Magazine is published by Issuu and created in Canva. www.stellardaymagazine.com
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Dani Homemaker Young Living Consultant
EDITOR'S NOTE Do you ever notice that flowers bloom and rise again every spring, without hesitation? It doesn't matter how great the season of storms it just endured. It doesn't matter if the ground above it was laid with snow for months. When the time comes, it blooms. It doesn't ask questions or take a second look, it just grows and is ready to withstand whatever may come it's little way. Flowers, to me, are the epitome of courage. This theme, courage, could have been heavy and fearless. It could have been dominate and overbearing and ever charging. Instead, I really wanted to make sure that flowers filled the pages- even more so than the faces of the writers- to remind us all that courage can be simple and consistent. Courage can look just like getting up enough strength to go to work tomorrow. It doesn't have to be at the front lines of battle. We all have fears, anxieties and struggles in our lives that make us want to be anything but brave. We think we don't have courage because we are trembling. But I believe courage is steady, strong and full of will power to withstand the storm and to rise again once it's over. It's choosing to show your colors when you feel the world has drained them from you, and knowing that you are beautiful even if you're standing alone. This issue is full of beauty in words and photos and it represents a fierce heart of courageousness and triumph. May you never tire of rising again after a storm. Jessica Williams Editor-in-chief