STELLAR DAY ISSUE 16 | DECEMBER 2016
The
December Issue
SALT DOUGH ORNAMENTS An easy DIY to do with your kids this holiday season , and a great way to make memories !
LOVE ALWAYS WINS Hear one woman ' s heart about why love is so important right now .
COPING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS Suffering through the loss of a child can make this time of year excruciating . Read Norina Murphy ' s advice for parents walking this road .
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Love Always Wins Arizona Lovin' Dear Dad Love Never Dies Looking A Little Deeper What Love Is Not The Languages of Love Loving Intentionally
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Giving Through The Power of Presence The Gift Of Grace Love Yourself Hearty Beef Chili Salt Dough Ornaments Money Saving Christmas Ideas Editors Note
Magazine
LOVE ALWAYS WINS By Jessica Williams
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 3
When I plan on the themes for each magazine, I only plan as far out as the Lord wants me to plan out. As mystical as it may sound, I have gotten into a habit with being in tune with the Lord and the direction that He desires each magazine to take. Sometimes I feel like I hear the theme for the month and I want to shout ‘No!’, mostly because it’s a theme I don’t want to tackle. Sometimes it makes me giddy with excitement. Sometimes I just shrug and respond with, ‘Ok Lord, if that’s where we’re going, I will go!’ When He told me that December was to be about LOVE, that’s what I did. I shrugged my shoulders and thought, ‘Well, ya obviously. It’s the holidays so of course we are going to talk about love.” NOMADIC
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moment. When fear is rampant, anger is flaring, and confusion is abounding, I believe God is calling us to love each and every person we come into contact with. I believe he is asking us to take off the gloves and to just look into one another’s eyes, into humanity and to shout, ‘This isn’t fair! But I am going to choose love over hate, and forgiveness over grudges.”
I believe he is asking us to take off the gloves and to just look into one another’s eyes, into humanity and to shout, ‘This isn’t fair!" But I am going to choose love over hate, and forgiveness over grudges. Little did I know, the Lord so perfectly orchestrated November’s theme with Encourage- which we ALL needed after that crazy election and the uproar the world was in. But I couldn’t have planned it better myself to have Love be the theme directly following such an insane time. As the election was unfolding and it dawned on me what December’s theme was (already planned month’s in advance no less!), all I could do was smile. All I could do was feel gratitude and hope
flowing through my veins. And all I could do was agree with the Lord and remember that HE planned this issue knowing what ALL the readers would need, way before we even knew we did. There was no way for me to plan that. It was a reminder to me about how much HE loves us. He loves us enough to do little things like plan the theme of this magazine to tie in perfectly for such a time as this, that it may reach and encourage all the hearts that would need to read it right now in this very
We are living in a crazy time right now. I am going to be the first one to stand with all of you and say, “what the hell is going on?!’ But I choose love. Love will always light the way. Love IS the reason we are here. Love IS why God sent his son for us. Love WILL always win. It might not always seem like it, it might seem confusing, hazy, scary or just downright evil. It would be easy to stand back, point fingers, cast blame, and to live in fear. It would be understandable to want to divide and to prepare to fight. But I KNOW that love always wins. One way or another, love. always. wins. Good will prevail. So, this isn’t another issue or article about love and why it's a good idea. This is my battle cry. My flag that I champion ahead into the masses; a call to every single one of us. Let us
on love and wear it like the bright beacon that it is. May we not be afraid to disagree, but to love one another instead of hate because of our differences. Maybe we protect minorities and those who have no voice. May we stand with the broken, go ahead of the brokenhearted, and fight for the downtrodden. May we care MORE about others than ourselves. Not because it’s easy, but because it is the right thing to do. I said it last month, and I will say it again because it’s just that important:
Love always wins. AND ENCOURAGEMENT ALWAYS BACKS IT UP.
Jessica Williams Editor-in-chief She currently lives in Arizona with her husband Jason, their three kiddos and they cherish family time the most. She loves encouraging people and leading the way for
inspiration to flourish. Being a part of SDM has enriched her life in one hundred ways and she is forever grateful for the incredible women who joined in this vision as we move forward in encouraging others together.
If you want to change the world, go home and love your family. MOTHER THERESA
ARIZONA LOVIN' BY ESTHER GALLAGHER Photos by Kitchen Sink Studios
It’s a state, it’s an affair, it’s a state of affairs… and it involves me, my Husband, and this matchmaker chick named Frances who turned me on to state 48. The Mr. has suspected it for some time but doesn’t really understand the full extent of my affection for Arizona. In fact, I can’t really fathom it either. It certainly wasn’t all starry eyes, tingly goosebumps, and butterflies in my stomach at first. In fact, I turned Arizona’s advances down for many years and had so many reasons to dislike him—too wild, too hick, too damn hot (in the Fahrenheit sense, not the tall dark and handsome way), and not urban, lush, or hip enough. Having lived here since I was five, Arizona always
seemed just soooo… Arizona; it wasn’t a state that had cities with cool nicknames like La La Land or the City that Never Sleeps and its capitol, Phoenix, although a big, small town wasn’t anything like Sinatra’s Kind of Town. In fact, Arizona’s bragging right to the ‘Valley of the Sun’ only served to remind its inhabitants that they really do live on a ball of fire and are destined to blister away at least six months out of the year. None of these traits fit my relationship profile. But then, little by little, I warmed up, quite literally, to this state; started taking him in with my eyes, feasting on the Saguaro-lined horizon and miles-long stretches of the undeveloped Sonoran landscape, admiring his artistic style painted in the peachy-pink hues of his breathtaking sunsets, breathing in his creosotescented cologne during our hikes, appreciating the southwestern flavors of not just his taco festivals (I do like a man who can cook), but also the spicy cultural delights he dishes up at his museums. S T E L L A R D A Y M A G A Z I N E 7 |
My husband, a native New Yorker who would move back east in the blink of an eye, thinks I’m holding him captive here in the desert. While he appreciates our home state for many things, he is certainly not besot with it like I am. But he’s come to a certain degree of acceptance of my growing relationship with Arizona. I guess that as I’ve matured and learned to look for love in all the right places, I began to embrace all the beautiful qualities and experiences Arizona had to offer me. They were there all this time but I didn’t see them because the grass always seemed greener beyond the state’s xeriscaped borders. But then, enter Frances into the dating scene, that is, Frances Boutique, who skillfully marketed Arizona to me in the way of love and romance. Frances Boutique, located in the heart of central Phoenix, has been fostering Arizona lovin’ since its inception in 2006. And oh my, does she rant and rave about Arizona’s style with her carefully curated blend of unique clothing, jewelry, paper goods, and handmade
gifts. The owner, Georganne Bryant is dedicated to collaborations with local businesses to enrich the Phoenix community. The award winning annual craft fair, “Frances Crafeteria,” being held this year on December 2, has showcased hundreds of independent Arizona crafters and artists. With a loyal following, Frances has been voted “Best Boutique” by Phoenix New Times since 2006. I recently ventured out to Frances looking for some relationship advice but walking away from a desert-inspired shopping spree that ignited my romantic spark with Arizona into flames. Shelves showcasing cholla-designed stationery and the tiniest, potted succulent magnets, baby onesies with coyotes howling at the moon, tees and trucker hats designed by the famed State 48 entrepreneurs from Chandler High School, gift wrap awash with bright cacti blooms that can make even me (a terrible gift-wrapper) look like a Macy’s professional, vintage inspired ‘Blakely’ pitchers and drinking glasses to serve up prickly pear
lemonade on the hottest of summer days, and swoon-worthy Native American printed handbags … these are just a few of their product that baited me to Arizona, hook, line and sinker. (My husband’s right, we are never leaving this place. Little does he know that I’m staking out our burial plots at the nearest cemetery to cement the deal.) Frances has become so skillful in sharing the AZ-love, that they affectionately named a section of their store ‘the souvenir shop,’ and it’s the perfect place to take our snowbird relatives and friends the next time they visit. Forget the kitschy Grand Canyon State magnets and postcards at the airport-Frances has an armadillo-themed serving tray that will pack nicely in Aunt Eileen’s suitcase and rusticsaddle scented candles for Uncle Joe, a city slicker who’s always dreamed of being an urban cowboy. Have you been resisting Arizona’s temptation too? Playing hard to get? Forget it-- LOVE is LOVE so don’t fight it like I did. While in reality I don’t condone extramarital affairs, cheating or love triangles of any kind, I must admit that I will forever have a place in my heart for Arizona, cactus wrens, sunflowers, peachy-pink sunsets and all, thanks to Frances Boutique who helped me see the majesty in, and invest deeper pride and appreciation for, my home state.
Dear Dad BY SARAH COSTA
Dear Dad, When we were asked to write about love this month, I started thinking about all of the relationships I’ve had over the years and trying to come up with something that would encourage people. Usually, my mind jumps to Mom when I think about love, but the more I thought, the more I started to write this letter instead. Dad, I love you. I’ve not always felt the emotion of love when I think about you because when I picture you in my mind, knowledge is most important. What I know, what I know about God, others, how I live, and what I want to do with life. But as I lay down thinking about what to write and who you are, I realize how deeply you love Jesus. Thank you for that. You were the one who first told me that love is STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 10
a choice. Feelings DON’T always accompany choices, but we make the right, loving choice anyway because love is a verb. I’m coming to see how choosing to be a Pastor is one of the biggest, most courageous acts of love a person could demonstrate. Thank you for your courage. I’ve watched you over the years study long hours, read all you can, become a true student of Scripture with a somewhat baffled mindset. You are a smart guy, and I always thought writing a sermon would be fairly easy for you with all that you know. But you don’t take it lightly, you love Jesus too much to slap some words on a page and start talking on Sunday. You meditate, you write and rewrite, you study other’s thoughts on the Scripture and then pray. Thank you for loving the body
of Christ more than your own time. I see your love so much more now as I think about you and what you’ve chosen to pursue in life. You’ve chosen to pursue Jesus. You’ve fixed your eyes on Him and fight to keep them there. You choose to make Him known not just on Sunday morning, but by involving yourself in people’s lives. I know that’s not the easiest thing for you, but because of your love for Christ, you do. Thank you for your desire to grow beyond what’s comfortable. Our relationship has had it’s ups and downs, but I’m so thankful that God allowed me to see this huge love you’ve cultivated. The next time I hear you preach, this is what I’m going to be remembering, how much you love Christ, how courageous it is, how persistent it is, how wise it is in where you direct it. And I hope you know how thankful I am to have a dad like you to pattern my love after. I may not be the perfect mom; I will fail in relationships and choices, but I will choose to love Jesus and keep looking to him for how to love better.
I love you, Dad.
Sarah
Love Never Dies COPING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS AFTER THE LOSS OF A CHILD
BY NORINA VERDUZCO-MURPHY, LCSW “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous.
Because, however can we feel joy after our heart dies?
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone
I do not believe you ever “get over” the loss of a child. You can, though, manage through life, after a period
If this quote is theoretically true, what happens then
of mourning that is right for you. Keeping in mind
when your child dies…does our heart die too?
there has never been a loss precisely like yours, there
Indeed, it may feel like your heart died but your love
are still some general guidelines bereaved parents
for that child lives on. Dying may be a part of the life
have found helpful through the years. I’d like to share
cycle, but by nature, we most certainly should never
them with you.
out live our children. Moving forward in life anytime of the year, after such a loss, is difficult but the holidays
1. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is
are especially hard after the loss of a child. The
you’re feeling. The best thing you can do during this
memories of a loved one who contributed so much to
holiday season is be kind to yourself. Please don’t
the celebration and who has passed away is
embrace the belief that you have to feel a certain way
overwhelming, with the loss felt all over again or even
or do certain things in order for your holiday to be
more deeply at this time of year. Watching others
“normal.” There is nothing “normal” about living
embrace the excitement of the holidays may leave us
without your child. However you feel is absolutely ok.
feeling depressed…perhaps even angry. After such a tremendous loss there may be feelings of guilt about
2. Set realistic expectations for yourself. This time of
decorating the house, putting up the tree, the giving
year is different, especially if it the first year after your
and receiving of gifts – anything that brings us joy.
loss. Examine the tasks and events of celebrating and STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 12
I know it doesn't come naturally, but ask for help."
"
ask yourself if you want to
4. Memorialize your child- Put out
others who this doesn’t feel right
continue them. Take others up on
a “memory stocking” where you
for, staying involved with the
offers to cook, shop, or decorate. I
and other family members can
holidays is a symbol of life
know it doesn’t come naturally,
write down memories you have.
continuing. Let the holiday routine
but ask for help. People are more
Pick a special time to read them
give you a framework during these
willing to do things then we think
out loud together. Buy a special
tough times.
they are.
ornament. Or simply light a
3. Surround yourself with people
candle in honor of the child you
6. Seek Professional Help-
lost.
Therapists and support groups offer a way for you to get support
who love and support you. Share your plans with family and friends
5. Skip it- Yes, you can cancel the
outside your family. In sessions,
and let them know of any intended
holidays. This may not feel
you can openly and freely discuss
changes in holiday routine.
possible if you have young
your child and your feelings
Memories can sometimes be a
children in your home, so I
without being concerned about
source of comfort to the bereaved.
understand that. But if you are
how it will affect people in your
Share your memories with others
going through the motions and
immediate circles. You’re not
by telling stories and looking at
feeling nothing, and your other
“crazy” for seeing a mental health
photo albums if you want to.
children are at an age to
professional. It simply means you
understand, take a year off. For
are human. And any human could use trained grief support after such a significant loss in their lives. The love you have for your child can never be fully articulated; the feelings of loss are beyond our comprehendible reach. Cut yourself some slack, extend lots of grace to your spirit, be your soul’s own best friend. It may feel like life without your child will never return to one where you can enjoy the holidays again. It will take time, sometimes more than the first set of holidays even, and that is absolutely acceptable. Love never dies. You will always feel the weight of the loss, but as time passes, you can find ways to embrace that love within and continue on a different path…..until you meet again. Norina Verduzco-Murphy, MSW, LCSW -As a clinical social worker for the past 16 years Norina is a therapist who truly believes there is no stigma in mental health treatment, and through her private practice work with individuals, couples, families and children, she offers a compassionate voice to those who seek her care. Norina received her Master's Degree in Social Work (MSW) with a specialization in children, youth, and families and is a licensed clinical social worker who is certified as an active parenting course provider as well as a bereavement, pregnancy and infant loss specialist. In her “spare” time she a field instructor for the University of Southern California’s MSW program. Norina is the proud mother of 2 amazing children and the wife of a kindhearted soul who is a disabled veteran and cancer survivor. You can visit her website and social media channels by clicking here.
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LOOKING A LITTLE DEEPER B Y
N I C O L E
T H O M P S O N
A few months ago, I was reflecting back on the little girl
their identity and not the lies the enemy wants us to
that I was, so bound up in fear and shame. I believed so
believe? And by God’s people I believe he meant all
many lies about myself. At a young age I believed I wasn’t
people. He created us all and so we are his. In his love for
enough and this lie bled out into every crevice of my
us he allows us to choose whether we want to live as
heart. I can see it so clearly now, through the ways I
though we belong to him or go our own way. It’s always
interacted with others, things I said or didn’t say, and
our choice; he never imposes himself on us. He will love
risks I didn’t take. The Lord brought my mind back to a
us from a distance until we invite him closer. He’s so
particular age so I could remember the little girl I once
patient that way, perfect love.
was. As a mama of a three year old girl now it shattered my heart. I never want my girl to believe such lies about
As I let those questions sink in a little deeper I thought
herself or feel so fearful and ashamed. Then my mind
more about how God see us. He made time and therefore
went to the woman I am now. I am by no means perfect
exists outside of it. So he sees who we are right now in
and I definitely haven’t “arrived” at any final destination,
light of all our past experiences. He doesn’t just see our
but I have changed and grown so much since then. God
behavior, he sees past it to the heart behind it. He sees
has entrusted so much to me and in that moment it
the hurt from past experiences and has compassion on
overwhelmed me. God how did you know that little girl
us. He’s not an angry God waving a gavel in his hand
would grow up to be this woman? How could you see
waiting to judge us. He’s a good Father eagerly waiting to
past all the mess in my heart? The next thought that
lavish love on his children. As I thought about all these
came to my mind was not my own but from the Lord,
things something in my heart adjusted. I want to love
“Would you love my people that way?” I just sat with that
people that way. I want to see past their behavior to the
question for a little while. Would I love God’s people that
hurt behind it and have compassion for them. That
way? Would I love them not as they are but who they
impatient woman at the grocery store may have recently
might become? Would I love them out of the truth of
buried one of her children. That child in your son or
AS I THOUGHT ABOUT ALL THESE THINGS, SOMETHING IN MY HEART ADJUSTED. daughter’s class (you know the one) might not come from a loving home. There might be a lot more arguing and yelling than tender hugs and loving words. We just can’t know all the hurts and burdens others are carrying around with them, but we can ease their burden by loving them right as they are, just like God does for us. Please don’t misunderstand me though, I’m NOT advocating that we let people walk all over us all the while we keep a smile on our faces. That is not love, that’s a lack of boundaries and a different discussion. However, when others lash out at us in anger, we have an opportunity to defuse that anger or add fuel to the fire.
"A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger." Proverbs
15 1 :
AMP
Let’s be extinguishers and not flame throwers. Let’s look past people’s behavior to the pain hiding beneath it. Let’s love them without selfish motives, when we have nothing to gain. Let’s be careful with each other’s hearts and thoughtful with our words. Every little seed of love that we sow into their hearts is worth it. Every choice to love, no matter how insignificant it may see does indeed matter. It’s good for their heart, it’s good for ours, and it matters to God.
what love is NOT y
B
Rennai Hoefer
Of everything we know that love is and what it can be, enough attention is not given to what love is not. So often we think love is compromise, sacrifice, it's never giving up, it’s pursuing no matter what the cost to ourselves. Sometimes this isn’t love at all. One sided concessions are not compromise. One person sacrificing all they have and all they are for another is martyrdom. Enabling someone who is abusive, to others or themselves, or chooses self destructive behavior and calling that love or support detracts from what love truly is. Love is not acceptance of abuse, manipulation, addiction, or destructive behavior. We are called to love the way Jesus loves, but God did not call you to love others in a way that sacrifices His love for you. Remember, Jesus loves us while we are sinners, but that love doesn’t accept, tolerate, or promote sin. In faith, it can be hard to know when we are serving God with our love and forgiveness, or when we are suffering for the sake of what we believe to be love. He also commands we love God with all our being, and love our neighbors as ourselves. In order to love others as ourselves, we have to love ourselves, as Christ does.
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BE LOVE SO MUCH LOVE THAT WHEN OTHERS ARE WITH YOU THEY ARE LOVE. ABRAHAM
The LANGUAGES
Of
LOVE By Hayley Erin
The first time I ever heard of the five love languages was when my mother taught me about them ages ago. At the time, around my eighth birthday, I pretty much just picked the one I liked the best and stuck with it. I had no idea how it would come to help and impact my life in the future. It wasn’t until I became a nanny that I really started to pay close attention to who thrived from which language. Every single person has a love language, just as everyone has an eye color. Some people have both eyes the same color, some have eyes that are two different colors, and some have eye colors that are mixed and swirled together. It’s the very same with love languages too! You could have one or more than one. Ultimately, it all comes down to how you personally receive love from others. The first of the five is Acts of
Service. Doesn’t sound very much like a language, does it? Well, remember: Actions speak louder than words. If you are anything like my own mother when someone does something for you (be it cleaning the kitchen, organizing your desk, folding laundry, washing the car, making dinner for you, so on and so forth…) then you feel as if you are the most important woman in the world in the moment. To my Mum, it’s almost like she’s won the lottery! Her eyes tear up, and her “I’m special” smile comes out. Making her happy definitely makes me happy. Gifts are the second language: the language of giving… and receiving. It’s pretty selfexplanatory. I’ve always enjoyed giving loved ones gifts but I never really knew how much some people clung to the love that a thoughtful gift brings, whether it’s store bought or hand crafted. Little ‘E’, one of the kids I
nanny, was the one who taught me all I know about this specific category. Only four years old and God gave her the sweetest, kindest little heart I’ve ever known. One of her favorite things to do is go digging in her mom’s gift bag box, pick out her favorite ones – big, small, shiny, spotted – then bring out toys and stuffed animals from her room and sort them into the bags. Afterwards, she decides which family member and friend she will give the presents to. How incredibly adorable is that?! I think it goes to show which language she fits in with. Hint: If you can’t figure out which language best suits you, we have a tendency to show others the love that we receive best. (See Exhibit ‘E’ above.) E, if you haven’t already guessed, loves gifts! So an important way for her to show and tell you she loves you is for her to give you gifts. No complaints here! Thirdly, is my personal favorite: STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 19
physical touch! From hugs to high fives, snuggles to a pat on the back, they never cease to warm my heart and leave me singing for days. Granted, some of you don’t feel super comfortable with being touched at all. (I will say this: it depends on the person and the level of my love tank. And I definitely don’t go around telling random strangers what my love language is. For some reason they automatically assume I want or need to be touched and hugged all the time. Weird, right?) But something about receiving a squeeze on my shoulder or a family member pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead puts me at ease. Fourth up is quality time. This one is challenging only in the fact that it can feel like your love meter never quite reaches its full limit. However, it is also such a sweet language where you can spend hours and hours with someone you love and not grow tired of them. How cool is that? Last and one of the most important is an actual audible language. The language of encouragement, or more commonly known as words of affirmation. As an adult, I’ve learned more about the type of love I need to give and receive and this is at the top of both of those lists. Because, as much as I love hugs and snuggles, I crave affirmation more. I need someone to tell me I’m doing a good job, to help remind me that I’m on the right track, to tell me that I am indeed beautiful and loved, with their words just as much as their actions. Let’s face it, we all need affirmation. It gives us that boost of confidence in who we are and lifts us up when we feel lost and insecure about where we stand in life. We women need each other to build one another up and stand beside each other as sisters. We are all similar in that regard. It doesn’t matter what we do for a living, what household we grew up in, which country we dwell in, what our skin looks like, how tall we are or which season in life we face – we all need encouragement in ourselves. Who’s a better outreach for other women, than a woman like you? Something God has been laying on my heart lately is that we all need to know we are loved. All of us. In so many different ways and languages. So, which do you think yours is?
There is no darkness so dense, so menacing, or so difficult that it cannot be overcome by
LIGHT VERN P. STANFILL
LOVING INTENTIONALLY By Sarah Trapp
Remember how I said I lived a busy life? It somehow got busier. Between being a full-time graduate student, an intern, and an almost part-time preschool teacher, I barely have room for the other roles in my life. But while I’m a student, intern, and a teacher, I’m also a wife. It’s one of the hardest roles that I’ve ever taken on, and I know it will only continue to become more difficult as our family grows. I’m so close to being done with school, but life has been moving faster than ever before. Due to my decrease in paid working hours, my poor husband has to work 42.5 hours a week to make sure we have enough income for Denver’s insane rent. I’m working early mornings, going to class, and staying up later at internship and often later for homework. My husband works very early morning shifts, goes to class, and regularly meets with his mentor. He spends countless hours in the library apart from that. We have less evenings together than in the past, and STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 22
rarely do we have a full day off with one another. We thought that going into year three, we would have an idea of how to make time for each other, but lets be honest, we are still new to this whole marriage thing. But we have learned that we have to take the time to be intentional with one another and get quality time together, or neither of us will feel loved or cared for. But this isn’t always easy. As a preschool teacher, I have to be at work at 7:00 a.m. each day I work, working an average of 20 hours a week. Twice a week, I’m a counseling intern to atrisk, traumatized youth, and one day a week I go to lecture. In between those times, I have meetings with my own therapist, mentor, and supervisors. Not much room left in my schedule on a day to day basis. Throw in homework, cooking dinner, running errands, and my time is more and more constricted. Somehow, I’m supposed to be able to have time with my husband in this.
I haven’t yet figured out how to balance my schedule even as I am nearing the end of my program, but I’m learning how to balance my marriage. Dates look totally different than a year ago; rarely is it about going out to dinner. Staying in and making a meat and cheese board and sharing a bottle of wine trumps getting fancy and going out, partly because it’s cheaper and partly because we are simply exhausted. We sit and talk. We have to be intentional together, because if we don’t, we will miss each other completely among the busy schedule of our daily lives. And I’ll be completely honest, this semester has been difficult. The love is there, but it can often be smothered by tasks and other responsibilities. There are days that my husband and I walk around like zombies and argue because of our lack of time for each other; some weeks are so
crazy that sleeping in the same bed and saying goodnight is the most loving and intimate act there is. Loving intentionally looks different for everyone, but for us it has revolved around simplicity. An “I love you” note before one of us leaves for work, taking a break on a giant paper to go get gelato, or turning off the TV when we are exhausted and just want to veg have helped us to love each other well. It might seem silly, but its so needed. Loving intentionally gives my marriage a better grade that I could ever receive on a paper or test. I’ve also learned that loving intentionally doesn’t mean only focusing on the good parts of marriage; it isn’t always comfortable. It means working at both the easy and hard things, especially when we want to go with the flow of life. It means
loving my husband when there is laundry all over the house, a trash full of stinky garbage, and when he is in a sour mood from a rude customer at work. It means loving my husband well when I am exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed from my clients, and in a bad mood because someone almost hit me in traffic. Loving intentionally means giving him space, while also making time to talk about the things that I think are silly, but that make him happy. So, I encourage you today to look at your marriage. How can you love intentionally? What does it look like for you? It’s no secret- being intentional is hard and love can be messy, but it is so rewarding.
GIVING
THROUGH THE POWER OF
BY SARAH HUMPHREY
When we fail to pause, we fail to be. Sometimes the busy hustle and bustle of the season, as well as the busy chaos of life, steals our presence. And when we are not centered, it’s difficult to invite His presence. It’s Scriptural that the Holy Spirit is the comforter and the healer (John 14:26); He can also be grieved (Ephesians 4:30). During a season where we desire to celebrate the birth of our King, we must also remember that birthing is created from rest and love. When we strive and rush and perform, we go nowhere. Yet when we settle
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PRESENCE and quiet ourselves and yield, we produce fruit. And this is the fruit that will last. There are few things in my life I love more than presence and giving. They are the essence of Jesus in me. My top two love languages are quality time and giving gifts, so as you can imagine, Christmas is the holiday I look forward to every year! I love the mystery of the paradox of Christ; that in one scene He is born of a teenage virgin and in another He is crucified to a cross. In His birth, He is a non-conformist. In His death, He is the Savior.
In us, it is the same. Though the world may have the ways of a wearied soul, I want to rejoice. And the way I rejoice is to invite His presence. Why have Christmas if we can’t have Christ-in-us, Immanuel? If we fail to invite Immanuel, we fail to love. So as I settle myself this holiday season, after giving thanks, I will invite Presence. Sometimes it can be difficult to slow down, sometimes it can be easier to keep in the flow of the rush, but let’s set aside 15 minutes daily this season to BE PRESENT. I love my early mornings. A
hot cup of coffee and one Scripture can give me the sweet surrender I need for my day. What is your favorite way to be still? I also love to catch my breath. Instead of gravitating to media in between projects, I will take deep breaths this season and look around for beauty. What is your most fruitful way to re-center? I thrive off quiet and worship. I’ll let my head hit the pillow to classical Christmas music this year, as well as the twinkle of a few lights. What speaks peace into your soul? I love to celebrate. I will take the time this year to look into the eyes of each of my family and friends, and I will honor
the God-inspired creativity in each of them. Just as Jesus was born of Mary, He is also born in us. And that is worth celebrating! What is your favorite way to honor others? Sending a handwritten note? Making a phone call? Setting up that long-awaited coffee date? Connect with those you love this year. No matter what way we choose to cultivate Presence, we will gain the peace and joy that only Christ can give through His birth and His death. I am so grateful that He lives in me! As I rest through this season, I will look forward to giving life. It is in the quiet places where we make room for Him, when many others turned Him away, so that we will give
voice to His beauty on the Earth. We can only sing “Joy to the World” when He has unlocked the joy inside of us. And as He is the Creator and Giver of all good gifts, I will silence my heart and my soul enough to listen to His still small cry: the sound of a baby being born in a broken world, who brings hope and peace and love, when all else has failed. The power of giving is always found in presence. Let it be true of us this Christmas! To hear more about presence, the simple life, and joyful creativity, you can visit Sarah at www.sarahhumphrey.com. She is an author, a voice over artist, and teaches on healthy living. In spirit, she celebrates Christmas every day of the year!
THE GIFT OF GRACE
“And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. . . . For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.” John 1:14; 16-17 NASB Although I try to prevent it, there usually comes a time when I start to feel overwhelmed by Christmas. You too? Last year I wrote these words after realizing that I don’t need to feel that way anymore: I love buying gifts for family and friends and not just at Christmas.
I enjoy shopping and finding a special something for the special people in my life. As I prepare my heart for this Christmas season, I realized one of the greatest gifts I can give myself and others is some grace. A whole lot of grace. Right now, my office is a wreck. We have boxes and bags all over the floor, most with food for my son’s food drive. Some are empty and haven’t been hauled out to the recycle bin, some are waiting to be mailed and some are . . . well, I don’t even know what’s in some of them. My desk is in no better shape: it’s strewn with Christmas cards and school pictures that need to be mailed; my planner, Bible, and books are
in multiple piles. My kitchen table has Christmas crafts all over it waiting to be finished and wrapped. I have baking I want to do and am trying to muster up the energy to do it now at 9:00 p.m. and clean up afterward. A load of laundry is on the couch and another is in the dryer, both needing to be folded. Tomorrow is another full day and I’m honestly not sure if I
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will be able to attend to any of these messes. But instead of stressing out, I am choosing to gift grace, to myself and others. I’ve decided not to get mad or frustrated at myself for the many loose ends I have yet to tie. Instead, I’m going to trust that most things will get done. They may not all get done on the timeline I originally wanted and if they don’t, oh well! I’m just going to do my best with the time and energy I have. I try to remember that Jesus wouldn’t want us to be frustrated and stressed as we prepare to celebrate His birthday. Gifting myself grace honors Him. I realize that I also need to give grace to others during this busy time of year: to my child who keeps unraveling the roll of packing tape, to the other who wants me to play outside with her when I have so much to do, to the people waiting in line with me at the myriad of places I will go in the next week. I will gift grace. Let’s slow down for a moment, take a deep breath and remember God’s grace to us so that we are able to give it to others this Christmas season.
"Instead of stressing out, I am choosing to gift grace, to myself and others."
LOVE
YOURSELF I have seasons where I love
my day to do whatever the
myself well and other seasons
heck I want, showering, eating
where I really don’t take care
well, doing devotionals,
of myself like I should. I’m
exercising, and the list goes on
going to be extremely honest
and on. It’s hard being a
with you, I’m in one of those
mommy and a wife and people
seasons right now of not really
‘demanding’ a lot of your time,
taking care of myself. Taking
energy, and attention. They
care of yourself can look many
aren’t actually demanding, it
different ways.
just comes with the territory.
Giving myself the ‘me time’
It’s the same if you’re working
that I need, carving time out of
either inside or outside of your
By Danielle Nesper
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home and your boss and/or
say good for you girlfriend! I juggle
things. Not only that but different
customers are demanding so much
and juggle and other things start to
seasons call for different needs also! I
of your time and attention and you
fall short and it normally ends up
need to learn to balance taking care of
feel, at times, ‘what about me?’
being myself that loses. I’m fine, I
myself on a consistent basis and start
Where do I fit into all of this?
will take care of myself when I have
treating myself like I love myself
the time, when I have the energy,
because I do love myself! And even if
Maybe it’s the people pleaser in me
when the kids are in school…. NO.
we don't love ourselves as much as we
but sometimes I get too caught up
Take care of yourself RIGHT NOW!
could at times we HAVE to change our
doing things for others and it
thought process and take care of our
catches up to me and I have to stop
I literally force myself to think
minds first and foremost. Think
for a second and acknowledge that
differently sometimes and actually
positive, be positive and positive
I’m not okay! I have a hard time
focus on me. It’s a good thing for us
things will happen! The primary cause
balancing it all. A really hard
to take out some time for ourselves
of unhappiness is never the situation
time. Some people may not have a
whatever that may look like! We’re
but your thoughts about it. It’s all in
hard time in this arena and to you I
all different and need different
our minds.
Yes, I’m tired because I have an almost four year old. Yes, I’m tired because I have an entire house to clean all the time, mouths to feed, bodies to bathe, animals to take care of, grocery shopping to do, laundry and oh my gosh not one of those things really truly is for ME and I have barely scratched that list’s surface. BUT if I take some time out for myself from time to time I am able to feel refreshed and happy to do so much for other people, my family and my home because it’s what I truly love to do and I’m so grateful for my life. But mama needs a break sometimes. And THAT’S OKAY! Instead of just taking my contacts out at night, brushing my teeth, washing my face and rushing to get into bed, because I’m exhausted from a long day,
maybe add a nice pampering face mask into the mix. Give yourself that little bit of extra time to just take care of YOU for a tiny bit. Even if it’s only 20 more minutes. Drink some tea while your mask is doing it’s thing and just relax. I don’t know about you but for me that makes me feel a whole lot different than if I were to just stay up 20 more minutes even if that’s just sitting on the couch watching tv. I need to do things like that mask more often. Take care of ME. Love myself but it goes one more step beyond that I need to be intentional about loving myself. It’s okay to put yourself first from time to time! I’m a better wife and mom when I love myself. I don’t just mean go get a mani/pedi once a month either (although that definitely should still happen). I’m talking about routine. I’m talking about my weekly schedule. I need to fit myself in. If that’s every day?
"I HAVE TO BE INTENTIONAL WITH MYSELF AND REMIND MYSELF THAT I’M HUMAN."
Great! Every other day? Great! Just carve time out for YOU in your busy schedule especially during this holiday season. I am always learning about myself and refocusing myself on ME and I don’t think I’ll ever not struggle with it. It’s in our nature to take care of others regardless of who or what we’re taking care of. We are women who are nurturers and enjoy taking care of others. But I have to be intentional with myself and remind myself that
I’m human. We may be super women but we’re also human and we need to be taken care of too. So our challenge this month is to do just that. To be more intentional with ourselves. Give yourself a break, don't do those dishes for right now (it will be fine) and take care of you for a minute. The dishes will get done at some point I promise you and there will be more dishes to come! The struggle is real. So let’s love ourselves and let’s take some time out for US throughout the month. I know if I’m intentional about it I’ll keep doing it in the months to follow which will create some great habits and balance in my life! You owe yourself the love that you so freely give to other people so let’s love our-beautiful-superwoman-selves!
Hearty Beef Chili IN YOUR SLOW COOKER
By Jessica Williams
I have been using this recipe for YEARS. This is my goto chili recipe in the fall and winter. It’s handy around the holidays when you have SO many gatherings, but you’re burnt out of having turkey and ham. And while it doesn’t particularly get “cold” here in Arizona, it’s an awesome, filling meal that is perfect when it’s a little cooler out. Not to mention, it never heats up the whole house because it’s made in a crockpot! Ingredients – 1.5 lb. lean ground beef – 1 can (15 oz.) dark red kidney beans, drained, rinsed – 1 can (15 oz.) light red kidney beans, drained, rinsed – 1.5 cups chunky mild salsa – 1 can (16 oz.) nosalt added tomato sauce – 2 Tbsp. chili powder – 1 onion, chopped – 1 cup frozen corn, thawed, drained – 1 cup shredded cheese Directions 1. Brown meat; drain. Add to slow cooker with remaining ingredients except cheese; stir. Cover with lid. 2. Cook on LOW for 5 to 6 hours (or on HIGH for 3 to 4 hours). 3. Stir just before serving. Serve topped with the cheese. A simple way to warm you up….
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Photo by Jay & Jess (And Photos Throughout)
KID FRIENDLY DIY
SALT DOUGH ORNAMENTS An easy craft with the little people you love! By Christine Cram
There is one thing I absolutely love when it comes to the holiday season…and that is ornaments. I love them. I love collecting them from places I’ve been. I love handmade ones that my daughter has made. I feel like in some way they tell such a neat story of different seasons in my life. I still have some from when I was a child that I still hang on our tree. So special. I thought it would be fun to make some ornaments with my kids this year, ones that would last from year to year. Special STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 34
Making memories is the best! ones that eventually my children would hang on their trees when they get married and have a family of their own. Here is the recipe I found for the ornaments: Ingredients 4 cups of flour 1 cup of salt 1 and 1/2 cups of warm water (add the water slowly)
Directions 1. Knead the dough. 2. Roll dough out to 1/8 inch. 3. Poke hole in each ornament. 4. Bake at 250 degrees for onehour. 5.Let ornament cool down before decorating. 6. Paint if you would like. That is it. Super easy and super special. I love anytime I get in the kitchen
with my daughter. She loves to be my big helper. What better way to incorporate my love for ornaments than making them with the people I love the most.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
MONEY SAVING
Christmas Ideas BY
ANDREA
FORTENBERRY
The Christmas season is an exhilarating time of year as we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Schedules fill quickly with plans to see friends and family, weekends are filled with parties and pageant rehearsals, and afternoons are spent baking cookies or watching Christmas movies and sipping hot cocoa. Being so busy often leaves little time for preparation of our hearts and our wallets regarding Christmas gifts. We often feel obligated to buy for everyone we know, so we overspend. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Be intentional this Christmas season. Really reflect on the meaning of Christmas: to celebrate God’s greatest gift, the birth of Jesus. We give gifts to imitate God’s gift to us, not to out-do one another or win over loved ones with money. Take an hour to plan a budget and make a gift list, then use these money-saving ideas to give meaningful gifts that you can afford. 1. Use cash only: It’s easier to spend more when you don’t actually see the money leave your hands. 2. Buy photo gifts: You can easily turn any photo into a wonderful gift at a photo shop or online retailer. You can create calendars, posters, note cards, coffee mugs, playing cards, and much more. 3. Give a family gift: If your list is long, stretch your budget and give something the whole family will love. Pick up a great family movie, microwave popcorn, and candy and you have a great family gift for
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around $25. Board games are another great option. 4. Give children simplicity: Crayons and coloring books are great gifts for around $5 that are perfect for nieces, nephews, and friends of your children. Jump ropes, jacks, yo-yo’s, kites, and Pick-Up-Sticks are inexpensive and will provide hours of fun. 5. Give ornaments: Ornaments are perfect for sisters, friends, coworkers, and Bible study members and cost less than $10 each. Recipients can enjoy this present year after year. 6. Give from your kitchen: Baked good are great for friends, neighbors, and service people like your babysitter or mail carrier. Or pour hot cocoa mix or the measured ingredients for oatmeal cookies (minus any liquid or perishable items) into a mason jar, tie a ribbon and voila, a yummy gift! 7. Give the gift of time: Make coupons for almost anyone on your list. Popular ideas include a lunch date, babysitting, help with a project, or uninterrupted phone time. These creative ideas are personal and let your loved ones know you care, but don’t cost any money up front, if at all. 8. Simplify the wrapping: Buy plain gift boxes or paper bags from a craft store. Let the kids decorate them with markers or stickers. Create inexpensive nametags on cardstock or make snowflake tags out of coffee filters. 9. Repurpose old Christmas cards: If you’ve saved old Christmas cards, you can repurpose them. Cut the front panel off the old card. Write your personalized message on the back with a calligraphy pen. Buy some inexpensive envelopes and stamps. 10. Stock up for next Christmas: With all the money that you saved from these ideas, you can stock up for next year. Christmas décor, cards, wrapping paper, gift bags, boxes and tissue paper are marked down 50 percent or more the day after Christmas. By planning ahead, you won’t pay full price next year. Enjoy your gift giving and above all, remember the reason we give —Jesus!
TO BE BRAVE IS TO LOVE SOMEONE UNCONDITIONALLY WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. MADONNA
July 2019
Sponsorship Opportunities
We have several exciting opportunities and ways that YOU can become a Stellar Day sponsor! We are a fast growing magazine and are always looking for new businesses to feature and to partner with Stellar Day. If you'd like more information, please email Esther at Esther@stellardaymagazine.com. If you'd like to submit an article or photos for the magazine, please email Jennifer at Jennifer@stellardaymagazine.com. We can't wait to hear from you and for our bright future together!
The Stellar Day Team
Sponsors and special thanks!
www.stellardaymagazine.com
We Love You.
From the bottom of our hearts.
Jessica Williams, Editor in Chief Jennifer Stamps, Associate Editor Esther Gallagher, Advertising Manager Nicole Thompson, Blog Manager
Contributing Writers In This Issue Andrea Fortenberry Christine Cram Danielle Nesper Esther Gallagher Hayley Reynolds Jessica Williams Nicole Thompson Norina Murphy Rennai Hoefer Robyn Baldwin Sarah Costa Sarah Humphrey Sarah Trapp Special Thanks AFC Chiropractic Honeybook Jay & Jess Photography Jennifer Stamps Photography Mike Olbinski Photography (Cover Photo) Nine Retreat Sarah Costa, Beachbody Coach EDITORIAL OFFICES Located in sunny Scottsdale, AZ Stellar Day Magazine is published by Issuu and created in Canva. www.stellardaymagazine.com
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Photo by Mike Olbinski
EDITOR'S NOTE What would this world be without love?
I have asked myself this question one hundred times since last months issue. It's a question that feels like no one is asking but I am reminded again and again that there IS still good in the world.
The Bible reminds us that love wins. It WINS you guys. So when life in front of you or around seems to be in upheaval or turmoil, just remember, love always wins.
December is a season to remember that Christ came as a baby, to serve us, to be an example for us, to pave the way for us. To die for us.
Love wins.
So take a minute this month to refocus your mind on the good that is in the world. That humanity will always come forward when the world seems to be at it's darkest. Remember that the God of the universe was born on a dark, dark night and came into the world shining a glorious, bright and shining star for us to find.
Love wins.
Are you ready for it? Go into this month serving others and loving them with your whole heart. No matter what your differences are, no matter what you disagree upon, no matter if others have hurt you and no matter who your enemies are. There is nothing wrong that can come from pure and true love. And that's what the world needs.
Love wins. And I'm thankful for that.
Jessica Williams Editor-in-chief