STELLAR DAY ISSUE 20 | APRIL 2017
The
April Issue
HOMESICK
If you're longing for home, you'll want to check out this company on page 23.
A WANDERING MIND How taking our thoughts captive really can set us free in a busy non-stop world.
THE FAITH TO WANDER
Sometimes we have to have deep faith to wander. Read encouragement from one woman to another.
Photos throughout by Jen Leigh Photography
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We Are Not Wanderers A Wandering Mind Shall Be Sight Calling Tech Support Coloring Outside-In Restore Beautiful Wandering Homesick Candles
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Rest & Wander 5 Warning Signs That Prince Charming Is Not Your Prince Finding Me Again The Faith To Wander Getting Lost Stellar Day Shop Editors Note
WE ARE NOT WANDERERS BY JESSICA WILLIAMS
In a sense, we are all wandering. We are all just
wander isn’t exactly home. That your soul
trying to make the best of this life, find our
belongs elsewhere and that it will arrive at
place, discover our journey and make the most
that destination at a predetermined time.
of it. Whether you’re somewhat grounded, feel
While this earth is incredible, amazing,
settled, or are a gypsy (so to speak) we are all
beautiful and created FOR us, you can feel
still wandering through this life. At any point in
with every fiber of your being that we belong
time, circumstances could change our direction
to something more.
and we could be thrust into things that we never thought possible for ourselves. Our plans
And it’s because we DO.
are inevitably, not our own, after all. I believe that we were all created for a If you believe in Jesus, you may also FEEL to
purpose. A purpose so masterfully created by a
the core of your soul that this earth that we
Creator whose plans and designs far surpass STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 3
our own understanding. By one who sees all things, knows all things and created all things. He knew what you were set to do upon this earth way before you even existed. The Bible tells us that He knows how many hairs are on our head and that He loves us more than the sparrows. We were never intended to truly wander. We were created for so much more than that. I am in no way suggesting that we should have everything figured out. That our plans should be concrete and that we should know our “defined purpose” indefinitely. God’s purpose
for our lives is fluid, personal, and ever changing as he teaches and grows us. But we are not wandering. He loves you so much; enough to know exactly where you are physically, emotionally and mentally RIGHT NOW. He knows your sorrows, your struggles, your strongholds and your holdbacks. He knows your thoughts, your dreams, your desires and your wants. He knows where you’re going to be tomorrow, in a year, in ten years an beyond. Any the crazy part? He is already there. We are not wandering. Our God is intentional. And
He has a marvelous plan for you. What may feel like drifting and floating through our days, maybe just be space that the Lord is giving you to grow. Feeling like you’re not walking inside your calling could just be time that God wants to equip you for the call. Not knowing what you should be doing could be the Lord asking you to listen so He can reveal it to you. The bible says:
OUR GOD IS INTENTIONAL
"What may feel like drifting and floating through our days, might just be space that the Lord is giving you to grow."
“Sensible people keep their eyes glued on wisdom, but a fools eyes wander to the ends of the earth.” Proverbs 17:24 My prayer for you is this: That you would seek to keep your eyes on the wisdom of the Lord. That you would remember that we are not here without purpose. That we are here ON purpose, FOR a purpose and WITH purpose. That our God loves you incredibly; too much to let you wander aimlessly for all of your days. And that if you keep focused on Him, your wandering will turn to intentionally walking beside him in his God given purpose for you. We were not made to wander. We were made to walk right beside our creator and to live inside his desires for us. May our wandering hearts find their ways back to Him. Back right beside Him walking in truth, light, love and passion for this life that he has given to us.
A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
BY NICOLE THOMPSON
A Wandering
MIND
"You see, the problem isn’t actually Pinterest or any other social media. The problem is that I’m prone to wander." I’m changing my relationship status with Pinterest to “It’s complicated.” I love it but I hate it. Sometimes it’s good for me and other times it’s the worst. I hope we can work things out because how else will I know what to cook for dinner, find detox bath recipes, or save all of the DIY projects I’m never actually going to do? What DID we do before Pinterest? I honestly don’t even know. First world problems. If we break up it’ll be one of those it’s not you it’s me situations. You see, the problem isn’t actually Pinterest or any other social media. The problem is that I’m prone to wander. Not in the romantic, free spirit type of way though. That whole ‘not all those who wander are lost’ thing, that’s not me either. When I let my mind wander it usually ends up in
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places it shouldn’t be, chasing rabbit trails that lead to fear and discontentment. My mind is so easily pulled from the truth. I can quickly find myself in unhealthy thinking if I’m not careful. I’ve had to set boundaries for myself to keep my mind from wandering into unhealthy thinking. Some of these things are innocent enough. They might be fine for other people, but I know how they affect me so I’ve had to let them go for now. A little while ago I realized I had to break up with HGTV. I didn’t want to do it. I love HGTV but it just wasn’t good for me anymore. What starts as me sitting down to relax and enjoy some good clean TV quickly gets my mind wandering to house projects I wish I could do. It doesn’t take long for that to grow into discontentment with my home. Sure I can watch a show here or there but the problem is I don’t often just watch a show here or there. I end up watching multiple shows in a day or
watching it multiple times a week and that’s just enough for that discontentment to set in. It’s the lie that what I have isn’t enough and that thinking always steals my peace and joy. Years ago I had to let go of romance novels for the same reason. These were good clean “Christian” romance novels, nothing inappropriate. However, in reading these books my mind quickly wandered to the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only.’ My husband is AMAZING, I love him more and more every year, and we’re in a good place in our marriage but when I read those romance novels what we have suddenly isn’t enough. I want big gestures and love letters and as much as my husband loves me that’s just not his jam. And that is totally okay, until I get swept up in those books. I’ve also had to set boundaries for what I listen to. For some reason
"My mind is so easily pulled from the truth."
certain music brings me back to my college days of working out and partying. I can feel my mind wander back to that college girl who worked out like crazy and restricted her calories to look good in another size smaller all to be noticed. Before I know it I’m far from knowing who I am in Christ and lost in lies of finding my worth in my appearance. Suddenly how I look now isn’t enough and if only I looked a certain way or wore a certain size I would be happier; yet another lie that steals my peace and joy and leaves me feeling discontent. Letting my mind wander is hazardous to my thinking. When I don’t keep my focus on the Lord, there’s room for the enemy to sneak in and lure me away. It always leads me from the freedom of truth into the bondage of lies. I often find myself operating out of fear or confusion (or both) when my mind has wandered too far past the boundaries of safety. This is what the enemy does. His plans are always to steal my joy, kill my hope, and destroy my peace. So while saying no to HGTV isn’t always easy I know the price it will cost me and I’ve learned it’s just not worth it. Nothing is worth my peace and joy, not even Fixer Upper!
Nicole Thompson lives in sunny Gilbert, Arizona with her husband Brad and their almost 4 year old daughter Claire. She's a stay-at-home mom and thinks of herself as an accidental writer. It wasn't something she went looking for but never the less the Lords' plans prevailed. She loves encouraging women to walk in the freedom and abundance Jesus promises us!
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SHALL BE SIGHT BY CASSIDY RICH “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” I love this quote from The Lord of the Rings, one of my favorite movie trilogies. We like to stay in our comfort zones and not wander out where we might be uncomfortable, lost, or exposed to embarrassment. The idea of not knowing what is coming next is scary and frightening and something we try to avoid as we meticulously plan out our lives. For the longest time I was afraid of trying new things and meeting new people because I didn’t know what lay ahead. I didn’t want to wander and have adventure – I wanted everything to be predictable. God has the best sense of humor in putting us exactly where we don’t want to be and teaching us to trust Him through it. It’s a lesson I’m finally learning. Moving to Washington, D.C. three weeks after graduating college was me getting into “dangerous business” and stepping out in faith. I had no idea what my roommates were going to be like, who I would be working with in the office, or the people I would meet at different social events. What I have found is that when we truly surrender all to God and trust that He really does have our best interest in mind, everything is just as it should be. My roommates, Carlee and Tessa, are the best girls ever and have been an incredible source of encouragement during this whole adventure. Having no plans and just walking out of our apartment to explore the city on the weekends is more fun than I ever thought it’d be. Having faith and then seeing the result of my faith is rewarding and fulfilling and makes me want to keep trusting in the Lord, even when I feel like I’m aimlessly wandering. The hymn “It is Well with My Soul” perfectly states: “…when the faith shall be sight….” While the author of the hymn was talking about entering Heaven and worshiping the Lord for all eternity, I think these words still apply to life right now. Trust in the Lord, seek His will for your life, and don’t be afraid to wander. The Lord knows where you’re going, how long it will take to get there, and what is waiting for you when you get there. Wander with faith and you won’t be disappointed.
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CALLING TECH SUPPORT BY ESTHER GALLAGHER Straying thoughts, meandering mind, weaving me in and out of reality – making me fall off-task, keeping me from my purpose and my people. Zoning in and out of conversation while my eight year old tells me about some complicated series of numbers and symbols he’s coded for a game, while listening to a co-worker tell me about how she jerry-rigged something out of aluminum foil and wire to cook her campfire chili over the weekend, even while praying to the One who is supposed to be first in my life. Finding myself drifting way off-course instead to the doctor appointment I need to schedule, to reminding myself to buy chicken broth for tomorrow night’s lemony spinach and orzo soup, to scheduling that flight for our trip back to New York over spring break. After my tech-savvy son finishes his story, I respond, ‘that’s so cool’ – a response which doesn’t apparently make sense for the glitch he’s just tried to explain. So he replies, ‘Mom, were you even listening to me? How can a glitch be cool?’…. and I snap suddenly back but his confused, frustrated little face tells me I’m one second too late and that maybe the glitch really lies within my brain function instead.
My, my, has multi-tasking, the thing that we once were so proud of, become the thing that prevents us from living intentionally. While it has its purpose at times, for many of us it’s become a side effect of undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. Our quest to think it all, do it all, be it all, leaves us sometimes unable to show whole-hearted, undivided love and intention-attention to those we hold dear. And our people who are so desperate for our attention see a lack of presence in our glazedover eyes and hear it in our Siri-like ‘oh that’s so cool’, robotic ‘uh-huh’ and re-play ‘oh wow’ replies. We desire to be fully available for each other, but our overworking synapses fire away and propel our brains into one too many directions for us to sit still long enough. So lately, when I find myself wandering away from my Father, my people, my task at-hand, I ask for tech support; “Lord, bring me back.” I repeat it over and over until I return to His intentions. When we find so many things competing for our brain space, let’s ask God to bring us back to Him first and foremost- even if it takes repeating this out loud a bazillion times. Then we can take
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this prayer further, “Lord, hold captive my sight, touch, taste, smell, hearing, and every thought.” Once He’s got us where he wants us, ask Him to redirect us to the one thing/person that He wants us to pay attention to in that very moment. To whomever or whatever needs us in this very second that we will never get back. “Lord, help me give myself completely to this kid-co-worker-husband-friendstranger who deserves my undivided attention right now.” If we’re still feeling scattered, fidgety, glitchy and unfocused, asking, “Lord, still my mind so that I can be the single-minded in my pursuit of You and redirect my focus so that I can be the single-tasker you need me to be.” Just as He calls upon each one of us singly, uniquely, lovingly, so can we make others feel like they are the most important people in our worlds. Besides prayer, what else do we need to consider removing—any physical or mental distractions, any idols or priorities -- that take us away from Him and our service to others? Among the many resources to help us become more mindful– yoga, prayer, medication,
"WHEN WE FIND SO MANY THINGS COMPETING FOR OUR BRAIN SPACE, LET’S ASK GOD TO BRING US BACK TO HIM FIRST AND FOREMOST." counseling, memorizing scripture, pursuing bible study – can we ask Him for discernment about what’s best for us? When we seek our master of redirection, He’ll reprogram our thoughts and restore our senses so that we can press pause, make eye contact with our 8 year olds and say, ‘hmmm, those glitches can be tricky; what’dya say we ask tech support for a fix?’
Coloring Outside-In By Sarah Humphrey
To wander is to move. To look around. To gaze. To let your imagination run away with you.
I’m not sure about you, but I think we could use a little more wandering. Wandering has brought me creativity, exploration, adventure, and life. It has brought me the joy of process and the pursuit of peace. It has gathered me into focus more than it has taken me away from concentration. Isn’t that ironic? To wander is to look around. To look around is to absorb. And to absorb is to reconcile.
At least that has been the case with me. I often reconcile by wandering. The Native American culture does that; they color and gather from the outside in. I’ve always loved this attribute in regards to that part of my generational line. I was born to wander, to feel my surroundings, to pray through those feelings, and then to release that reconciliation back into my environment.
I can do the 1-2-3 if I have to, and there are many times that I do. I’m a mom. We have things to do, places to be (on time even!), tasks to be done in a correct order. I understand. Lord, do I understand! A house can be chaos without the simplest of orderly chores completed. And yet, when we do things in the order opened by the Holy Spirit, we can usually find more rest in the process. And this has really become the calling of my life, this place of abiding in God through His presence. It’s not living by a standard list of rules and regulations but living by the senses of His expression, by the comfort in His voice, and by the confirmation in His word. He has made me to wander, in Him and with Him.
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So I kept wandering… looking for my home, which would be found in the Heart of God.
It took me awhile to feel ok about
Hungry with a wandering heart,
So, take a few minutes this week
this honestly--because I was
asking God to reveal Who He
to color outside the lines! Mark
often persecuted for my
really is.
your gains from the outside in.
exploration. People couldn’t
Establish peace by learning
understand; it didn’t fit the
The Beatitudes state that the
through faith. Take a few “small”
program. I was too much or not
“pure in heart will see God,” and
risks in order to see His beauty.
enough all at once. And so I kept
this exploring brings me purity. It’s
Write down how it made you feel.
wandering…looking for my home,
not because I obey the rules,
Sometimes it’s in the vulnerability
which would be found in the
though I definitely honor what I
to wander that we can finally see
Heart of God.
know to be His law. But it is
He has been with us the entire
because His grace is bigger than
time, gracing us with choice, and
In the journey, I also found parts
anywhere I can go. And that’s
leading us with His wisdom.
of me that were lost, broken, and
what I’ve really wanted to know.
missing. I rejoiced in parts of me
Even in the depths, will You be
that I noticed were confident,
there? Yes. Even in the heights,
strong, and resilient. I embraced
will You be there? Yes.
Sarah Humphrey is wife to David and mom to three. She is an author, voice
the messiness of a restless soul in order to create the space for the
He will be there, wandering with
mercy and grace of God Himself.
me. I will be there, journeying
It’s when we are at the end of
inside Him. He holds everything
ourselves that God can really
within Himself, in His hands. And
show us who He is. And, for me,
it is my gift, as His child, to walk
that’s what I wanted.
alongside Him in the adventure.
actor, and advocate for balanced living. She loves living a simple, adventurous, and creative life! You can follow her on Instagram @shumpdee..
n e t f o r e d wan s y a w l a r e d won
RESTORE BY ANDREA FORTENBERRY
On January 2 of this year, my husband was out running errands and when he came home, I was not myself. I was a crazy lady who needed an escape after being with my children (ages eight and five) for 11 days straight with zero alone time. (For an introvert, that is a long time to go without the refreshment of quiet and being alone.) I loved being with them and we had even gone on vacation to Disneyland, which was a blast, but I just needed some space. I couldn’t even pinpoint it at first, but when my husband shooed me out of the house, it became so apparent: that was my problem. I had not taken time for myself in quite a while.
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When I first became a mom, I often felt bad for feeling like I needed time away from these people that I love. I always wanted a family, but I had no idea how much I’d have to give of myself every day and how quickly my tank can hit empty when I’m not making regular time to get it filled back up. I often had thoughts like, You should be able to handle this, what’s wrong with you? Other moms can do this, why can’t you? But as time passed and I grew into my role of being a mom, I realized that I wasn’t the only mom who felt this way. It was such a relief! I then felt free to need and make time for myself. But I still struggle with making it happen often enough.
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So back on January 2, I went where I often retreat when I need a break, Barnes and Noble. Wandering through shelves of books with a warm drink in my hand and the sound of my own thoughts was amazing! I found a seat in a comfy armchair and sat breathing, thinking and dreaming for 2017. My mind found its way to Psalm 23:1-3a: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." Isn’t that what we need, moms? We need the Lord to guide us to times of quiet and peace so that He can speak to us and restore our souls. So during a few hours at Barnes and Noble, God gave me the idea of hosting a event for you, Restore: Soul Care for Moms. Because you, weary mama, need a break sometimes. And it’s okay. It’s good and healthy for you to spend some time restoring your soul so that you can continue loving and serving your family well. You are worth it! Here are all the details: Friday, May 19th from 6:30-10 PM at The Saguaro Hotel in Scottsdale. Tickets are $65, which include three+ hours of encouragement and fun to restore your soul, along with snacks, dessert, coffee, and a gift! I’ll be speaking, along with my awesome friends, Cyndi Hobgood and Jennifer Kruse. You don’t want to miss it!
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I strategically planned this event at a hotel so you can hopefully spend the night afterward and have extended time away on Saturday. You can sleep in, hang out at the pool or shop and eat in downtown Scottsdale, which is just steps away from The Saguaro. My friends at The Saguaro are offering us 20% off room rates for the weekend! I also strategically planned this event to be the weekend after Mother’s Day so that it can be your Mother’s Day present. Tell your hubby and kids this is what you need and let them gift it to you! I’m offering a special discount to Stellar Day Magazine readers! Use the coupon code STELLARDAY for $5 off. There are only 80 tickets available, so make sure you purchase early before they’re gone! I hope to see you there!
Friday, May 19th, 2017 6:30-10 PM The Saguaro Hotel in Scottsdale. Tickets are $65 Speakers, encouragement, food, fun, and a gift! For tickets, click here: https://andreafortenberry.ticketspice.com/restore
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Beautiful Wandering BY COURTNEY BAREMAN
For much of my life, I had a vision and plan…I
where I wanted, but when I arrived - it wasn’t what I
knew where I was going and how I wanted to get
had expected. I needed to breathe and push pause.
there. I could picture my grown up life,
Reevaluate before moving forward. I decided that I
responsible and very successful. My walk-in
wanted to give life to something that for a long time
closet would be full of pencil skirts and pointy
had been pushing to the furthest margins of my life…I
shoes - an outfit that I would do my important and
wanted to write.
meaningful work in. I held on to my vision and plan closely and tightly, maybe too much so. I went to
During this journey there it has been more of a
school, got the grades, and landed the right job.
revealing or uncovering, not like discovering a new
But then I began to wander.
species. It was like finding dinosaur bones and putting them together again…pieces coming together, some
As I began to ask big questions about what I want to
broken over time and a few missing, but overall
do in life and what I want my life to be about it
uncovering what had always been there. Familiar. For
became less about the fancy wardrobe and more
me, now is the reassembling stage. Putting those bones
about other things. Things that were not really a part
back together- seeing what works and what doesn’t.
of my initial plan. I needed room to roam and find my
And making sure they don’t get broken in the process.
voice and figure out who I was. I needed to
Trying to understand how it all works together and the
wander…not without purpose or aim, but as a reaction
purpose of each part. This is not a quick or painless
to the white-knuckled type of control, I had become so
process. It requires bravery to show up and try, day
accustomed to. The plan didn’t work…well, I got to
after day. Showing up and trying.
And the beauty of this wandering is I am not sure
whatever I accomplish. I am reminded that the best
where it will lead for me. I have a dream and I am
stuff is happening right in front of me. I don’t have
working towards it, but I am holding it loosely. It is a
the next five years of my career mapped out or a
dance, certainly. I am not scared of hard work or
strategic plan in place. I am grateful for each
failing, even publicly. Instead, I show up and I do my
opportunity, for the chance to let the writer in me
best work. Day after day. And then I wander a bit. I
come out and play after being locked away and
stop and I live my life. Looking my family in the eyes
denied for so long.
and meeting friends for coffee. I am reminded of who I am, and the truth that I am so much more than
As a mother, I want to show my girls it is ok to
"What a gift it can be… to remember that we are small and are not in control."
wander and that there is a beauty and blessings in following what you believe you are called to do. I have laid a lot of the fancy trappings down in order to build better and more meaningful life. A life that I can live each day with a sense of excitement and gratitude. I hope that does not go unnoticed. As they grow I want them to know there is room for them. That don’t have crushing expectations about success or disappointment, but instead, we are cheering them on as they wildly chase what makes their soul come alive and who they are created to be. And if they need to stop and breathe, I will be there, taking deep long breaths right next to them. So I continue to discover every day. Learning new things and remembering long established truths. During this time, I have learned there is value in the wandering, it is worthwhile. I have learned that not everything in life will be up and to the right. Always bigger, better, and easier. Even though that is so deeply what I believed for years. Instead, there is room to grow and learn. There is time to explore and enjoy the journey. To experience and live life, not just trying to win. Life is better when some wandering is involved…there can be a sense of humor and adventure inherent in the wandering, if we allow room for it. What a gift it can be in regards to our perspective…to remember that we are small and are not in control. And wandering allows time for the best stuff. As we wander, adventure, and explore off the beaten path may we keep our eyes up and our hearts open because there is truly so much to be learned, seen, tasted, and experienced. We made just need to take a few steps off of the well-beaten path.
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HOMESICK CANDLES B Y
J E S S I C A
W I L L I A M S
Do you ever just feel like you want to be home, even if you are physically there? If you live far away from the state you call home, if you have a familiar place that you love, or even if you love the state you currently live in- these candles are for you! Created with the wandering heart in mind, lighting up one of these candles could bring you right back to all the comforts of HOME. Having never lived anywhere else in my life, and feeling loyal and true to my home state of Arizona, I purchased this one and I LOVE it. The refreshment of the desert after it rains consumes my home on the regular.
In all truth, these candles are amazing. They burn clean, the scent is true and light, and they are a great size! This one sits on the corner of the counter in my kitchen and I light it almost every single day. The aroma is comforting, warming, and up lifting. Now I want to buy all of them just to smell what the other states smell like! HA. I was blessed to review this product from our friends over at Homesick Candles. All opinions are my own. And if you glance to the right, you'll find a special offer just for our Stellar Day readers!! What what!!
FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL:
Get 15% OFF any candle with the promo code: homesickstellar15 www.homesickcandles.com
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Wander. What a pregnant word.
REST & WANDER BY AMY WHITEHOUSE
We are attacked continually by media, news, and mostly, bad news. Wandering away from this attack is a healthy choice. One of my favorite “prescriptions” from any doctor was this one:
“Get a massage, eat a great steak, and don’t watch the news.”
Okay, I can comply with that – almost. But then I meet a friend for dinner and there are television screens scattered across this otherwise urbane restaurant, and my eyes can’t help but flicker and read the subtitles. It’s rude to do this, of course, but almost impossible to resist.
As I am enjoying my seventh decade on this earth, I feel it is more important than ever to wander. But, mindfully, not just anywhere. One way to wander is mentally: daydream,
We hear it all the time – “I’m created as a being not as a doing” – but how much time do we devote to simply being? AMY WHITEHOUSE
read a banned book, meditate, or just
stop at Graceland, listening to books on
listen to some Beethoven and daydream.
tape, and mostly just sharing life stories.
Our brains need rest. After that, I traveled to central Mexico to Another way to wander is geographically. I
attend a writers’ conference in San Miguel
keep reading in What-I-Regret-Most
de Allende. I’d never gone into the middle
articles written by older people is that most
of Mexico (isn’t it dangerous?) and I’d
people regret not traveling. So, recently, I
never been to a writers’ conference. It was
took my first cross-country car trip from
delightful and I’m already planning to
Arizona to Kentucky and beyond. I think of
return for next year’s event.
myself as “not a great traveler” so I was very apprehensive. But my younger friend
What about relationally? Is it okay to
and I had a blast, making an impromptu
wander into unknown social groups?
Like, what about making friends with a transgender or a gay woman? It’s not scary! I’ve met some of the most intelligent and compassionate people in the LGBT community. I am sorry to think that some of my Evangelical friends would probably never get to know some of these lovelies.
And finally, the really touchy area, what about wandering religiously? Is God afraid of me doing that? Of getting to know what Buddhism is about, or what Catholics prioritize, or what a Muslim thinks? I think God can handle my curiosity; He made me a curious, thinking woman.
But what I think is most important, I already touched on. Our minds need to rest. Wandering in the desert or on a quiet beach or in a cool forest and just “being” seems to be more necessary than ever. We hear it all the time – “I’m created as a being not as a doing” – but how much time do we devote to simply being?
Please wander.
A visual artist, writer, and piano teacher, Amy Whitehouse has lived in the Valley for twentyfour years and considers Arizona home. Recently she attended the San Miguel de Allende Writers’ Conference where she met favorite authors such as Mary Karr and Billy Collins. Amy is currently working on a memoir of growing up in the South in the 60s. Art lovers around the globe have collected her paintings, many of which can be seen at AmyWhitehousePaintings.com. A visual artist, writer, and piano teacher, Amy Whitehouse has lived in the Valley for twenty-four years and considers Arizona home. Recently she attended the San Miguel de Allende Writers’ Conference where she met favorite authors such as Mary Karr and Billy Collins. Amy is currently working on a memoir of growing up in the South in the 60s. Art lovers around the globe have collected her paintings, many of which can be seen at AmyWhitehousePaintings.com.
www.jenniferstampsphotography.com
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STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 28
FIVE WARNING SIGNS THAT PRINCE CHARMING IS NOT YOUR PRINCE
BY RACHEL DEITRICK
L
adies, wouldn’t it be great if we could
It may be because although you have an
all just find that guy we are looking
idea of what you want in a potential guy,
for and live happily ever after? Being
you are not aware of what you don’t want.
26 and single, I am becoming more
We need to know what characteristics we
passionate about healthy relationships
desire in someone but it is just as
that last and the steps it takes to get
important to know what to avoid and steer
there. We all want to be loved and to find
clear from so that we don’t make the
the relationship we’ve been longing for but
wrong choice. This is called “guarding
unfortunately it isn’t so easy to find that.
your heart” and a lot of us women have let
We often rush and settle for something
our guards down to the point that we will
less than what we are worth because of
take just about anyone who gives us a nice
our insecurities, and when that
compliment. When we do not guard our
relationship doesn’t work out, we move
hearts we lack direction of where we are
right on to the next shallow one. As I
going within a relationship, and lack of
observe other women who have dated
direction leaves us wandering around on a
more guys than they can keep track of, it
path that leads to nowhere.
breaks my heart to see these women place themselves in these situations due to lack
When you don’t know what you truly want
of understanding. Most women today do
or where you are going, any destination
not understand their worth, and attract
will do. Stop wandering and start following
men who also do not understand how
the directions that will guide you into a
valuable they are.
relationship that lasts and continues to thrive. Last month I talked about
So let me ask, do you find yourself
becoming whole before entering a serious
wandering through relationships? Going
relationship. When you are ready and do
through guy after guy with nothing
decide that it is time for a relationship,
working out? Stuck in a long term
guard your heart and have direction to go
relationship that you know is a dead end?
off of. Is this man whole as well? Or is he
still half empty in certain areas of his
does he worship? Is he a man with
life? Don’t just settle for the first guy
a servant’s heart or is he self-
who is insanely handsome and has it
focused? Ladies, learn now that if
all. Instead take time to observe the
he does not make you a priority
different areas of his life and to
while you are dating, he still won’t
recognize these five warning signs...
if you get married. If he spends more time with friends, playing
1. Limited perception and direction.
video games, and going out than
What is this man’s vision for his life?
he does with you or more
What does he want and how does he
importantly, with God, this
get there? Does he know his purpose
behavior will carry on into a
and what he is called to do? Is he
marriage if it is not changed
actively pursuing the steps it takes to
before. If his career, money, and
get there? What are his dreams and
possessions are more important to
goals? Yes, men hate asking for
him than the things that are most
directions, but any man who is
important to you, this is a red flag!
marriage material needs to have
And keep in mind that a man
direction and vision for his life. If he
without a servant’s heart will
does not know where he will end up in
never be marriage material
the future, neither will you! Setting
because marriage is all about
yourself up to marry a man who has no
serving and sacrifice. A man
idea where he is going will keep you
cannot serve a woman when he is
wandering, which is what you want to
focused on himself and his
avoid.
happiness.
2. Battling brokenness.
4. Escape artist.
What is his story? How has his past
When it comes to problems, does
affected who he is today? Was he
he always attempt to disappear
raised in a home with divorced
into thin air and pretend like the
parents? Was he rejected, abandoned,
problem doesn’t exist? Is he afraid
or abused? Did he suffer from any
of facing the truth? Can he
addictions such as pornography or
communicate about problems
drugs? How many women has he been
openly or does he keep things
with previously? Has he taken the time
bottled up inside? Does he have
to heal from his past and get things
the ability to confess, confront,
straightened out? It’s ok to find out
and correct the problem?
about this person’s past and make sure
Communication is key in any
that they have taken the right steps to
successful relationship and when
heal from anything that has caused
problems arise a man needs to be
brokenness. Keep in mind that when
able to discuss them openly so
you commit to this person, you are not
that a solution can be found.
only committing to their present but their past and everything that comes
5. Unreachable and unteachable.
along with it as well. If his issues have
Is this man one who listens
not been dealt with correctly, there
attentively or “listens” as what you
can be a relapse. Make sure that he
say goes in one ear and out the
has truly moved forward so that you
other? Is he able to be reached or
don’t get brought back into his past
ignores meaningful conversations?
with him.
Is he always right and can never take the blame for his actions?
3. Worthless pursuits.
Does his pride get in the way of
What does this man choose to pursue
learning the truth? Can he
and what are his priorities? What does
continually demonstrate self
he spend his time doing and who does
control? A prideful man who is not
he spend his time with? What
willing to be reached or taught is
acting in self idolatry because he assumes his ways are
prince charmings out there who may seem to have it all
always better than everyone else’s. A man who chooses
together and to not let your feelings and emotions get
to not learn how to function in a healthy relationship is
in the way of the truth. Always know that you were
never a good choice and can lead to divorce quickly.
bought at a price and are so worth being pursued by a
When it comes to self control, a man worth marrying
guy who is willing to learn and desires to give you the
needs to be able to demonstrate this in every area of his
best.
life. Lack of self control can lead to laziness, cheating, debt, addictions, and so forth. Self control is a must! So there you have it, five warning signs that may just help you steer clear from those guys that are everything you think you want but aren’t everything you need. Now that you know what to avoid, you are probably wondering “what is a good quality in a guy to look for? Are there any?” Absolutely. Here’s the key - if he is teachable he can learn to build a relationship that thrives. If a guy is teachable and willing to learn, then he can learn how to create vision for his life, become free from his past, pursue the things that matter, find solutions to problems, have a servant’s heart, and to have self control in every area. My last words to you are to remember to rely on wisdom, not feelings. Feelings and emotions are temporary but wisdom lasts forever and keeps us from falling. Know how to guard your heart from all of the
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23
Fill your life with adventures, not things. FINNISH PROVERB
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 32
Finding Me Again BY DANIELLE NESPER
Living essential oils and I saw how it was working very well for other people. They're taking their health, and their kids health, into their own hands and finding a more natural way to go first. I wanted to know more. Pretty soon I was heart deep into these oils and I hadn't even purchased them yet.
"The enemy finds his place in our weaknesses and really does his yucky work when sometimes we don't even recognize it." Since I gave birth to my daughter, Cadence, I have struggled with myself more than I ever have before. Why? Hormones probably. Depression? I'm sure there's been some of that mixed in there. I'm a happy, positive, love the Lord, caring kind of girl but I've had a lot of inner struggles that I've never had before. It's never been a big enough deal to get serious help but I've just been off with myself.
A lot changes when you have a baby…like a lot…and that seriously messes with our hormones on a whole - mentally, physically, and emotionally. The enemy finds his place in our weaknesses and really does his yucky work when sometimes we don't even recognize it. Until we DO recognize it. For me it was Young Living essential oils that helped me recognize it. I had been hearing a lot about Young
I wanted to dive into these oils and really take my overall health into my own hands. That felt empowering and I hadn't even started on my 'oily' journey yet. God's timing is perfect and we finally decided that now was the time for me to dive into these oils and I've been loving every second of it. I'm learning so much and already changing some not so good habits which has been awesome.
"I have felt like I have been wandering aimlessly within myself for far too long." I've also been working on my bedtime routine to take care of myself more and that's all thanks to one specific oil called Endoflex. Y'all. Endoflex is incredible. It's a blend of oils that help support the endocrine system and helps balance out all of those female hormones. It does a whole bunch of other things but my focus is balancing out my hormones and this amazing oil is already working. I have been using it for about two weeks now and I have been able to see and feel a big difference in myself and it has been super encouraging and empowering! I use it throughout the day but mainly at night. I add a drop Endoflex to some coconut oil and I rub it on my lower back, throat, chest, and the bottoms of my feet. Then I hop into bed and I cup my hands and take several deep breaths to smell that Endoflex goodness that was left over on my hands. I just take a couple minutes and slowly breathe it in and that helps me to kind of unwind my mind from the day which has made a huge difference. I am so excited to be on this journey with these oils and I cannot wait to see what the future holds with it all. I have felt like I have been wandering aimlessly within myself for far too long‌my daughter is four years old‌so it was seriously time. I'm happy to say that I definitely feel like I'm finding me again. I'm excited to dive deeper into my family, my home and myself one essential oil at a time.
To contact Danielle about more details about Endoflex or other oils you might be interested in, please click here.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 34
THE FAITH TO WANDER BY KATE LEMONS I’ve heard that faith doesn’t come through striving or from staying put. It comes in trusting and stepping out. Many times I’ve stepped out into what He’s shown me only to then stop, aim, and try to hit the target the way I’ve envisioned it. It surely has revealed my need to be in control, especially when I don’t make the mark or what I believed to be the mark. In these revelatory moments, He has asked me to take a look at my roots of fear and distrust. In my pain-filled seasons, He’s always been faithful to
HE ASKS ME TO TRUST HIM, TO BE VULNERABLE, TO COME WANDER ALONGSIDE OF HIM. show me where weeds have popped up. Side by side, we dig up the roots, and He sows new seeds of life that yield sacred fruit my soul needed on this journey to becoming whole. Isn’t it ironic that surrender is simply what He asks of me? If I’m honest, my pride and believed lies have led me to wrongfully interpret surrender as the “easy” option or to “give up.” But then my old performance-based mindset creeps back in and sets out to prove
myself to NOT give up or fail. I give it everything I’ve got, and yet still He just asks me to lay it down at His feet. This is not giving up but giving in to Him; that is far more powerful than anything I can accomplish in my own strength. In His kindness, He doesn’t allow me to carry on with the straight and orderly path paved with stress and anxiety. He asks me to trust Him, to be vulnerable, to come wander alongside of Him. Wander- “To walk or move in a leisurely, casual or aimless way.” To be honest, this definition invokes a bit of fear in me. Where is my set of orderly steps to reach my destination--to be sure I reach the end goal? I don’t want to wander off and mess things up or miss something along the way. But He says He wants me to walk leisurely? Not hurried but relaxed? This means I’ll learn to choose to trust Him. To be able to surrender it all: the highs, the heartbreaks, the waiting, the not knowing. This allows me to look at surrender through the lens of love. It’s not giving up
but instead saying, “Here, take this, do what You will with this. I trust You. I release my grasp of this my false notion of control. I’m trusting You will be with me on this leisurely walk, and it will be life giving--not suffocating--no matter what we come across.” Yes, WE. I am never alone no matter what it “feels” like. It can feel really lonely in the seasons of suffering yet He is the one that empathizes the most with me in these times--because He’s walked down this path. I don’t have to carry such a heavy load of trying to figure-it-all-out. Trying to get from point A to point B this time around isn’t even a question. I choose to take His hand and enjoy wandering to unknown places as I surrender all my hopes, questions, and concerns. Are you enough? That’s really what I’m asking. Can I walk “aimlessly” with You, trusting I will still see beauty in the unknown? That is where I’m wandering. The wander will bring the rest. It will bring visible signs of His love, His protection, His joy, and His surprises over me. And so I’m learning to wander again with my Daddy….
Kate Lemons is wife to Shane and mom to three boys in sunny Arizona. Whether at home with her kids or working as an occupational therapist in her community, Kate loves the joy and laughter that comes with being childlike. She can always be found contemplating the Heart of God and giving her joy to others.
Getting Lost BY CHRISTINE CRAM
My husband owns a motorcycle. One of his most favorite things is to take his bike out for a nice ride, and discover new places. Ever since we were dating, he and I would dream of the day that I could join him on a ride. I have been on a motorcycle before and honestly, I loved it. There is something about the freeness I experience anytime I am on one, and riding is kind of dangerous, which is exciting in a strange way. Also, my husband looks extremely sexy on his bike. I’m sorry but not sorry. Ok back to the point… I recently bought a helmet and we went on our first longer ride. We had a great time together. You know what is funny? I have lived in Arizona for about 20 years and I am still discovering new roads. My hubby and I found this one particular road and we just got lost on it. We stopped along the way, got out, and just stood there. We were just starring at the huge sky and the most beautiful view of the moon and I couldn’t help but think that feeling was one of the best feelings ever. Feeling lost but yet found.
Known. Seen. Small. Embraced. Secure. Whole. Loved. I became flooded with all of those feelings and emotions and it literally took my breath away. I was reminded just how small I am, and all the worries and stresses of my small life really does not compare to the vastness and the greatness of how big our God is. We serve a big and loving God that always seems to meet us just where we need to be met. He never ceases to amaze me with how much He shows up in my life. Time after time He is there. He loves me when I doubt Him, when I ignore Him, when I wander away from Him, when I try and control my life and situations. He never leaves my side. What a friend we have in Christ. I cannot wait for our next ride, and what we will discover together. I encourage you friends, get out and get lost. I think you will be surprised just how found you will feel.
STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 36
Sarah Costa BEACHBODY COACH & FITNESS ENCOURAGEMENT
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Dear Stellar Day Writers, To each and every writer, contributor,
Your words across these pages WILL change
supporter, prayer warrior and believer in
lives. People WILL be moved to action. What
Stellar Day:
you are doing here might seem small, but it's not. I watch each of you perservere through
WE THANK YOU.
to write what the Lord has on your heart. I see you struggle with the enemy and doubt
It can't be said enough, and so it won't. I
every single word that's penned down. And I
couldn't do this without you. It's not lost on
watch it all unfold every single month into
me that it takes an army to create what
something incredible, beautiful, worthy, and
Stellar Day is.
life changing.
I am thankful for your unwavering trust. For
What you are doing here matters and I will
your hearts that DON'T wander from this
always be thankful to you, dear friends, for
movement and that you keep coming back
that.
time and time again- all in the name of encouragement. It blows me away that there
Jessica Williams
are so many women who simply desire to see
EDITOR IN CHIEF
others lifted up.
Thank you.
Our love will never wander.
Jessica Williams, Editor in Chief Jennifer Stamps, Associate Editor Nicole Thompson, Blog Manager Esther Gallagher, Connecting Support
Contributing Writers In This Issue Amy Whitehouse Andrea Fortenberry Cassidy Rich Christine Cram Courtney Bareman Danielle Nesper Esther Gallagher Jessica Williams Kate Lemons Nicole Thompson Rachel Deitrich Sarah Humphrey
Special Thanks AFC Chiropractic Homesick Candles Honeybook Jay & Jess Photography Jen Leigh Photography Jennifer Stamps Photography Nine Retreat Nu Skin Restore Sarah Costa, Beachbody Coach
EDITORIAL OFFICES Located in sunny Scottsdale, AZ Stellar Day Magazine is published by Issuu and created in Canva. www.stellardaymagazine.com
Stellar Day
Magazine
Dani Homemaker Young Living Consultant
Photo by Kym Ventola
EDITOR'S NOTE My heart is so prone to wander. Don't you relate? In a world that tells us to chase the next best thing, that if you aren't happy to go for something else, to wander from occupation to occupation, or that it's normal to feel discontent, no wonder we feel like we are aimlessly floating. Finding a place in every one of my days to center my heart on truth is so important. Because although we may feel like we are aimlessly wandering, alone, with no direction- it's simply not true. We are not alone. I couldn't get out of this issue without addressing loneliness. It is real and it can be fierce for some of us. In a chaotic world full of fast changes and indecisive lies, allow me to remind you- we are not alone. There is a God who's heart does not wander from us. He does not leave us. He will not fail us and He loves us with a love so strong and so steadfast- one that never wavers or wanders. Placing your trust in a God like this might seem scary, but I can tell you that it is the best thing I have ever done. People have failed me, this world has failed me and you likely feel the same. But I know that MY wandering heart can find it's way back to a heavenly Father who's love expands as far as the east is from the west. Alone I will never be. So when the enemy tries to remind my wandering heart that I am alone, I will stand strong and high and remain in Him. I will never be alone again because of Christ. Jessica Williams Editor-in-chief