THE VICTORY

Gentle rocking from the boat feels soothing and relaxing. Everyone’s tired. Swimming and diving is exhilarating and exhausting at the same time.

“I didn’t know if I could do it”, - Bobby’s voice is quiet, but the tone is conversational. My mind shuts all the surrounding noise out and is ready to soak in every word. This was a big deal. Claustrophobia. How did he deal with it? I didn’t think he would be able to. I didn’t think I would be able to. But we just finished the last certification dive. Thoughts, rushing ahead of each other take my mind off the track. Bobby’s voice brings me back: “Remember the pool? When I went down for the first time, and saw the air bubbles coming out… it felt like I was dying”. Bobby’s voice broke. “I know it’s so stupid! I was in the pool, under 5 feet of water, I could stand up at any time AND I had oxygen flowing into my mouth, but somehow it still felt like dying. Felt so dark. Heavy. It consumed me. It’s like… as if it wasn’t me anymore. I didn’t know that person. I couldn’t rationalize. I couldn’t think. I just… wanted out”. Bobby’s voice breaks again.

A pause speaks more than words can express.I know how heavy it felt. I was there. “And then… when the suite was off, it was easier. And I knew that I would absolutely hate myself if I didn’t give it another try. It was hard. So hard. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could. When you left to change, I stayed with Benji and wanted to try all the skills over and over again. Something clicked. It worked.”

Bobby’s eyes are focused on something my eyes can’t see. “Then the first dive. I actually was surprised how easy it was to descend! Maybe it was because I was mentally preparing so much? Don’t know. But I was cool until Benji’s reg malfunctioned and we had to go up. The second descent killed my ears”. That memory is as clear as a day in my mind. Bobby trying to descend, the pain, him pushing through it over and over again. Pain is so strong that even Benji steps in and tells him to take a break. The determination though. The quality this guy has that leaves me in awe every time. Never gives up until he gets to the goal. His victorious face after he completed all the skill requirements on the second dive that day, despite of the pain, the claustrophobia, discomfort - all of it.

“I guess the pain had its purpose. It definitely was a distraction from the anxiety”,- Bobby’s words bring me back to the rocking, moving boat again.

“But this last dive? You know, I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it at all. Definitely was not ready for it yesterday. I am glad I did it though”, - Bobby’s and my eyes meet. “I’m telling you, things happen for a good reason. I was so depleted, both, physically and mentally from the training, the skill tests, the learning… I pushed through it, because I had to, but I didn’t want to dive again. Felt stressful. Heavy. Took me to a dark place I didn’t want to be in. This dive though… it was different. Something shifted. When I got under water, that world just pulled me in. All I wanted was to keep swimming and filming. I was so mad I ran out of air. And so glad Benji let me borrow his and dive again for a little bit. That underwater world… it’s magical”. Bobby’s voice fades away. The silence takes over. No words are needed. I know exactly what he feels. That new world. It can’t be explained. It must be experienced.

“We ended on a really good note”,- a smile on Bobby’s face is contagious. “I can’t wait to dive and explore what else is out there. Just for fun”.