THE “GAS-HOG

“Ok! So, we are going to enter the water with a back roll”, - you would never guess Benji is only 24 from the way he speaks and carries himself. “Go ahead and put all of your scuba gear on and sit at the edge of the boat with your back against the water. Start with the fins. Then your regulator in your mouth and hold it in place with your left hand and the mask with two fingers, like this” - his fingers make a cool semi-triangular shape. “With your right hand, hold the back of your head to hold your mask in place. Then, point your chin toward your chest and gently fall backwards. You’ll do a little somersault and pop right back up. Don’t forget to give the OK signal as soon as you’re settled. Got it?”

My head nodes on autopilot. Bobby appears to be calm and composed. Somehow it feels even more unnerving. I am supposed to be the calm one right now. The adrenalin rush makes my hands shake. The mask feels a little loose. My fingers try to adjust the strap. No success. A fraction of a second later Benji’s head turns my direction. Bobby’s already in the water.

I guess this is it. The heart is racing so hard, it feels like it’s about to break through the BCD vest. Chin down. Eyes close. Benji’s instructions sound distant and far away. My feet kick off the boat.A moment, and my entire body is under the water. That’s it. I’m in someone else’s territory. The cold, dark, heavy shadow takes over my entire being. The brain tries to fight, but fails, defeated. No more control.

“My mask won’t stay on”, - trying to make my way to the buoy. Bobby and Benji are ready to descend. “Let’s see if I can fix it”, - Benji’s fingers are meddling with the strap. The fear mixed with anxiety seep from every pore of my body.

“Don’t worry. We won’t dive until you are 100%

comfortable with everything”, - Bobby’s voice is calming and soothing. How is it that he is so calm? I am the one who is supposed to be that! A quick thought runs through my mind, and a small smirk makes its way to my face. It would be really funny if I am the one who actually won’t be able to descend. Seems like all the courage and decisiveness went into prep-talk and encouragement I gave to Bobby. My brain is racing, trying to find something to hold on to to anchor itself and calm down.

“Try it now”, - Benji’s hand appears out of nowhere right by my side. “Does it fit better?”.

It sure does. A nod of approval from Benji’s side tells me that, now that all is good, we are ready to dive. Bobby’s head disappears under the surface. Another second, Benji is under too.

My mind is frantically racing through all the memories and moments from the last few days, trying to find something to hold on to. I need some sort of an anchor. Just something! My eyes glance down the crystal clear emerald-colored water. I can see the bottom. Bobby and Benji are half-way there. There is no more time left to linger behind. My mind makes the last feeble attempt to fight against it, and gives up control. The water closes above my head. I am under.

Heart’s racing, what feels like 100 mph, but the feeling of all-soothing calm is spreading through every cell of my body. The underwater world feels… good. Huh. Unexpected.

It takes less than a few seconds for my brain to completely rewire. All the skills we practiced and focused on so much kicked in right automatically. The breathing is easy. It feels so natural to just float.. This buoyancy thing is working after all. My ears seem to cooperate too. That’s a very welcomed bonus.

Benji’s descending deeper. My mind is still trying to adjust to what I am able to see with one glance. The mask is definitely obstructing the vision a little. Eyes follow Benji.

The heavy and all-consuming feeling of fear transforms into excitement that captivated my entire being. The reef below is breathtaking. The colors, life… Every inch is covered with something to see. Benji’s hand is motioning to something at his left. A head of an eel, half as big as mine, is sticking out from his hiding hole. Bobby! Where’s Bobby?! He has to see this!

It takes almost a 180 degree turn for my eyes to find Bobby just a couple of feet behind me. His camera is following something on the reef already. My mind makes a mental note to practice these “find your buddy” skills better. Benji’s floating in front as if he’s a fish himself. He’s in his element. The life I’ve never seen before draws me in. I’m in a different world. The one I was so afraid of, and the one I now never want to leave.

A movement to the right catches my attention. Bobby and Benji are looking at something. Benji’s hand is calling to come close. I don’t want to move just yet, do I have to? Another motion from Benji’s side tells me to hurry up. His hand motion changes to a new sign. A three minute stop? Are we going up? Why?! Feelings of bitter-ish regret, inner protest, and responsibility to obey merge into ultimate feeling of confusion. The responsibility takes over. After all, he knows better. Trying to carefully ascend my brain is focusing on the bubbles. Can’t go faster then the bubbles. The mind gets lost in the process. Benji motions to stop. We must be 15 or 20 feet off the surface. My eyes try to follow the sun rays and lock on the sun, shining somewhere above the water. The beauty around me is overwhelmingly soothing. There is something unexplainable about this feeling. I found a new element I never knew I belonged to. Benji’s hand sign to continue ascending. Bobby’s already up. Benji is next. Another few seconds, and my head breaks the surface of the water.

Hands automatically reach to take off the mask. “Man! You are a “gas-hog”! You use A LOT of oxygen!” Benji’s voice from the right doesn’t make sense. A lot of oxygen? What does that mean? My eyes find Bobby’s. “I almost ran out of oxygen”.

A wave of shock pierces my body and mind. BUT HOW?!