TIPs (Issue 04)

Page 1

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE ISSUENo.4 July2023 WHERE DO I START?WHAT'S ON? INTHISISSUE: T.I.P.s Trauma Informed Parents FALSE ALLEGATIONS Eventsonlineandin yourarea Photo::©CoECT THEBASICSOF THERAPEUTIC PARENTING TAILS FROM DOG THERAPY Fromfeelingrubbish tofeelinggood! WellbeingDealingwiththeFallout TheSummer HolidaysSurvival guide Thebenefitsofworkingwith ourfour-leggedfriends SchoolsOut!

Inthisissue

CoECTNews

Editor'sNote

MeettheTeam!

TAILSfromDogTherapy

SchoolsOut-It'sthattimeagain!

Wellbeing-FromFeelingRubbishtoFeelingGood!

AsktheExperts

FalseAllegations-WhytheyHappenandWhattodo

What'sonWhere?–EventsandConnections

ListeningCircleViewpoint

Trauma-InformedQualifications

WheredoIstart?-ThebasicsofTherapeuticParenting

AnnualConference'MakingtheChange-TraumaInformedTeaching'

Toadvertisewithuscontact:tips@coect.co.uk www.coect.co.uk ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE Page1 Page2 Page3 Page4 Page6 Page9 Page12 Page14 Page16 Page18 Page19 Page20 Page22

TrueFostering

Afteraperiodofnearlyfouryears,theOfstedinspection ofTrueFosteringtookplacelastweek.Aswithmany fosteringagencies,thethreeyearlycyclewasexceeded duetoCovid.Inspectionsareverythoroughandlasta wholeweek,withtheinspectortalkingtofosterparents, childrenandstaff.Inaddition,ourinspectorattendeda trainingevent,observedFosteringPanelandspoketothe Agency’sseniormanagersTheinspectorwashighly impressedbytheinnovativepracticeandgavetheAgency positivefeedbackonthefinaldayWearenowawaitinga reportonceithasbeenthroughtheQAprocessandthe judgementhasbeenofficiallysignedoff.Therewillbe moreonthisinthenextissuewhenwewillbeableto sharethefindingsandthejudgement.

TRUEFosteringarealsodelightedtohavedevelopeda new‘pod’offosterfamiliesinEastAnglia.Inadditiontoa newTherapeuticSocialWorker,theareawillhaveitsown ProfessionalTherapeuticDevelopmentGroup (TherapeuticSupportGroup)andadedicatedChild SupportWorkerwillberecruitedInaddition,tohelp managethegrowthacrosstheagency,another administratorwillberecruitedtohelpwiththesmooth runningoftheagency.

TheCoECTschoolsteamareexcitedto announcethattheirnewbook'TheA-Z ofTraumaInformedTeaching'isnow availabletopreorderonAmazonand throughothergoodbookstores.

Thebookissetoutinasimilarstyleof SarahNaish’s'A-ZofTherapeutic Parenting',andispackedfullof strategiestosupportchildreninthe educationalenvironment

Thebookcanbepre-orderedon Amazonusingthislink tinyurlcom/y6zy6krz

SAfERFostering.

TheTrainersatInspire TrainingGrouphavebeen busyprovidingvirtual trainingforAustraliathis month.

Wehavealsobeenbusyschedulingtrainingfor thenextacademicyearforschoolsand universities.Youcanfindournewbespoke trainingtocomplimentUniversity UndergraduateCoursesinourbrochurewhich canbefoundhere.

StopPress!

Getbreakingnewinfoonourbrandnew inspirationalcoursesforKinship/Connected CarerswithEnzaSmithMBE(HeadofKinship CarersUK)andSarahNaishBookearlytoavoid disappointment.ContactInspire@coect.co.uk

CongratulationstoThe HavenParenting& WellbeingCentreLtd forwinningthe CoachingAwardforthe SouthWestinthe LUXLifeMagazine Health,Beautyand WellnessAwards2023!

OurrecentlypurchasedcaravanatHavenHolidayVillage,Burnham-on-Seawillbeletoutthisweekendtoourfirst fosterparents.Thecaravanwaspurchasedsothatfosterfamiliescanhavefreeholidaysinachildfriendlysetting thattheycanreturntoagainandagainforconsistencyforthefosterchildrenTheAgencyislookingforwardto seeingtheholidayphotos!

SaferFosteringisexperiencinggrowthacrossWales.AnewTherapeuticSocialWorkerisbeingsoughtintheSouth Eastofthecountrytohelpsupportourfosterfamilies.

WellbeingNews TIP'SMAGAZINE ISSUE4
1
COECTNewsUpdate
TrainingNews

Editor’sNote

WelcomeEveryone,

Theacademicyearisnearlyover,thiscanbringmixedemotionsforchildrenand theirfamiliesasweapproachtheendoftermforschool.Acrossthecompanies whicharepartofCoECT,wehavesupportedfamiliestonavigatethistimeofyear, thetransitions,thegoodbyes,andtheend-of-termeventslikesportsdays,exams, andend-of-yearleaverscelebrations.Wewishallthechildrenandyoungpeople transitioningontopasturesnew,goodluckintheirfutureadventures

NextmonthbringsthelaunchofthenewA-ZofTrauma-informedTeachingbook whichtheCoECTschoolsteamhavebeenworkingon.Thebooklauncheson21st Augustandwearelookingforwardtosharingourperspectives,strategiesand solutionsrelatingtoTraumaInformedTeachingattheAnnualCoECTConferencein October.YouareinvitedtoourvirtuallauncheventforthebookonMonday14 August,moredetailscanbefoundonpage16ofthisissue.

Inthisissue,weexplorethebenefitsoftherapydogswithRachaelandhertherapy dogBuddy.Asthesummerholidaysapproachwetakealookathowtomanagethe summerholidays,withstrategiestousebefore,duringandafter.Emmatakesus throughthebasicsoftherapeuticparenting,andAmytellsherwell-beingjourney. Also,ourAsktheExpertssectionfocusesonlyingandstealinginthisissueofthe magazine

BackinJanuary,atthestartoftheyear,Sarah,myselfandtheteambehindtheTIPs magazinecouldhaveneverimaginedhowpopularitwouldbe.Itisgoodtoknow thatweareabletoreachsomanyparentsandprofessionalsthroughourelectronic andprintedcopiesofthemagazine

Thankyoueveryone,forspreadingtheword,andsharingtheTIPsmagazine,we hopeithashelpedmanyparents,familiesandsupportingprofessionalssofar.

Bestwishes

Sair, SarahandtheteamatTheCentreofExcellenceinChild Trauma
ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 2

MeettheTeam!

TheCentreofExcellenceinChildTraumaismadeupofateamofexpertswhohave essentialreal-lifeexperienceWeareAdopters,FosterParentsandBioparentsof neurodiversechildren,andalsoworkasprofessionalsinthefield.

ExecutiveEditor-SarahNaish SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an Adopteroffivesiblings,former FosterParent,retiredSocial Worker,Bestsellinginternational Author,KeynoteSpeakerand founderofthreeIndependent TherapeuticFosteringAgencies

ExecutiveEditor-SairPenna Sair(Sarah)isaTherapeutic Parent,Trainer,and TherapeuticParentingCoach DirectorofNATP,and IndependentPanelChairfor twoTherapeuticFostering Agencies

Contributor-EmmaEdwards EmmaisaTherapeuticParent, Adopter,DirectorofNATPand TheHavenParentingand WellbeingCentre

Contributor-SarahDillon SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an AttachmentTherapist,Keynote speaker,formerchildincare, Author(TherapeuticParenting) HeadofTherapeuticServices (Fostering).

Contributor-AlisonDouglas AlisonisaTherapeuticParent, Adopter,SocialWorkerand OperationsManagerintwo FosteringAgencies.Alisonis alsoSafeguardingLeadat NATP.

Contributor-JaneMitchell JaneisaTherapeuticParent, AdopterandKeynote Speaker,AuthorandHeadof FamilyStabilityintwo TherapeuticFostering Agencies

Contributor-AmyJohnson AmyisaTherapeuticParent, formersocialworkerand passionateself-careadvocate, sherunsahealthandwellness businessandisco-directorofa socialenterpriseabout emotionalwell-being.

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 3
ManagingEditor-KathrynTalbot KathrynworksacrossCoECT, specialisingincommunications andpublicrelations.

TAILS from Dog Therapy

I'vebeenworkingasaPlay& CreativeArttherapistfor about14years,anddespite having a well-stocked playroomandtherapysuiteI startedtakingBuddymydog

withmeasanextraadditionafew yearsago–theresultsIfoundwere quiteastoundingandhisintuitionleft mefeelingsomewhatwowed.How doeshealwaysseemtoknowwhatthe childrenneed?

ManyofthechildrenIseeareoften waryandresistanttothetherapy processandgiventheirhistoriesof developmentaltraumathisistobe expected."Whoisthislady?","Why shouldItrusther?","Howisshegoingto helpme?","Idon’tneedtherapy!"are someofthequestionsandstatements thechildrenhavebeenabletoshare.

Buddy’srolevariesdependingonthe youngpersonpresent,butheis definitelypartoftheconversation providingapositivepresenceinthe roomwithunconditionalloveand withoutjudgement.Heenthusiastically greetseachandeveryoneasthey arriveandforsomechildren,thisistheir firstexperienceofsuchawarm,eager, excitedandI’msopleasedtoseeyou helloIrememberonechildwouldask eachweek,‘WhyisBuddybehaving

likethat?’andIwouldsay‘Because he’spleasedtoseeyou’'Doyouthink helikesmeRachael?'theywouldreply. Iwouldalwaysconfirmthis,yes,he likesyou,canyoutellhelikesyouby thegreetinghegivesyou?Eachweek wehadthesameconversationand eachweekIwasasked,doesBuddy likeme?

EachweekIgavethesameanswer andconfirmedthatyesBuddylikes you25sessionslaterwhenthischild arrivedandreceivedthesame enthusiasticgreeting,heturnedtome withahugesmileonhisfaceandsaid,’ helikesmeRachaeldoesn’the?’The differencethisweekafterthesame repeatedexperiencewasthatthechild didn’tneedmetotellhimthatyes Buddylikeshim,hewasableto recognisethisandmoresofeelitfor himself–thiswasaveryspecialand poignantmomentnotonlyforthechild butforBuddyandItoo.

Anotherspecialmomentwaswhen achildwithcomplexeatingneeds begantoexplorewiththesnacks anddrinksfreelyavailableinthe roomandsubsequentlyintohis homeenvironmenttoo.Duringhis initialsessions,thischildwould arrivewithouthavingeaten breakfastandhavingthrownback hissnacksandlunchtohiscarers

Thischildwouldfrequentlygo withoutfoodordrinkforthewhole dayBuddyalwaysseemedtoknow itwasthedaywesawthischildand everyweekwouldrefusetoeathis breakfasttoo

'CanwetakeBuddyforawalk?'the childwouldaskwhenhearrived Soon,Iwouldreply,'heneedsto havehisbreakfastfirst,sohe’s fuelledupandreadyfortheday.' Buddywouldthenhappilyand quicklymunchthrougheverything onofferandbereadytogo

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 4
"Dogsdefinitely haveaplaceinthe therapyroom–Icall Buddymycotherapist!"
Photo:BuddyTheTherapyDog ©RachaelGotham

Thischildsoonbegantotakecharge ofpreparingandmakingsureBuddy hadeatenandalwaysofferedhima drinkonourreturnfromourwalkAs wewalked,weoftenchattedandnot havingdirecteyecontactandBuddy tofocusonmadeforamuchmore comfortableandlessintensesetting forthischildwhofoundthetherapy roomtooformalanenvironment. Buddyevokedlotsoftopicsof conversationandindirectlysupported thechildtobegintosharesomeofhis ownpastexperiences

I’venoticedahugedifferenceinallof thechildren’sengagementwithinthe presenceofBuddy,theirdefences noticeablylessen,andtheyclearly enjoyhavinghimpresentintheir sessionsI’mnotatalloffendedwhen theytellmethattheycometosee himTheyalwayscheckthathe’s goingtobetherethefollowingweek whichisanotherwayofthem indirectlylettingmeknowthatthey’ll bebacknextweektoo.

Buddyhasmostdefinitelyenhancedthechildren’ssenseofsafety andprovidedawealthofopportunitiesforinsightandhealing,heis likealovableteddybearbothinlooksandtemperamentandhas beenafantasticadditiontothetherapyroom

AdayinthelifeofMolly theCoECTOfficeDog

Mollyisan11yearoldShihTzuandshespendsherweek daysbeingpartoftheofficeteamastheofficialCoECT officedog.

AdayinlifeofMollynormallyconsistsofwalkingintowork withherownerShethenspendstimeenthusiastically greetingeveryonefirstthinginthemorning,mainlytoseeif anyonehasanynewtreatsforher.ChickenandHamis definitelythewinner!

Shelikestohavelotsofcuddleswitheveryoneintheoffice andthistakesupmostofherdaytoensureshespends timewitheveryoneandtheyarehappyMollyispartofthe teaminmanywaysandhasevenjoinedinwiththeTeam's YogaSessions.

Afterabusytimesupportingherco-workersMollylikesto sleeponherownofficechairandspendsalotoftime snoringafterhercrazyzoomies!

Toadvertisewithus contact: tips@coect.co.uk www.coect.co.uk ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 5

School's Out - It's that time again!

ManagingtheSummerHolidays

It’sreallyimportantthat wecompletelychange ourideaaboutwhat ‘holiday’actuallymeans Inthepast‘holiday’may

havemeant,rest,relaxationanda breakfromroutineWhenweare caringforchildrenwhohavesuffered traumatherecanbenorealbreakin routine,andoftenthebehavioursand challengeswefacedathomeare magnifiedwhenonholidayIdonot saythistoworryyou,asyoumaybe luckyandhavesomereallyexcellent holidays,butitisimportanttostay realisticandthinkpracticallyabout whatyourchildcancopewith,rather thanwhatwewouldliketodoStep awayfromanynotionthatyourchild willbegratefultoyouforproviding suchalovelyholiday.Inreality,they mayonlyappreciatetheholidayin retrospectandonvideo!

ISSUE4

Preventativestrategies

Minimiseyourchild’sexposureto endoftermstresssuchas leaversceremoniesetc (see Schoolissues)

Planningiskey!Ifyouare approaching long school holidays,investinawipeoff planner.Thiscanbemonthlyor weeklyPlacetheplannerina visibleareaUsedifferentcolours foreachchildTheplannerdoes nothavetobefullofcomplex, expensivearrangements The importantthinghereistoensure eachchildhassomethingwritten downforeveryday,morningand afternoon.

HolidayPlanner

Whetheryouarestayingathome orgoingaway,establisha

‘holidayroutine’.Naturallythere willbelesstimepressurethan schooldays,butyourchildren willbeabletorelaxmuchmore iftheycancontinuetopredict theirenvironment,and boundariesremaininplace

Ifyouareplanningongoing away, do not share informationaboutthistoo earlyThelongeryourchild hastothinkabouttheholiday, thelongertheyhavetofeel anxious,ortoescalatetheir behaviourtoremindyouthat they‘arenotworthy’ofsuch rewards

Downplaythewhole‘goingon holiday’anticipationIusedto aappearabitdisappointed thatIhadtogoonholiday!

6

©Dayis from Getty Images via www.canva.com
TIP'SMAGAZINE

Ifyouareflying,ifpossiblevisitthe airportforadayoutpriorThisdoes notneedtobeconnectedtothe holidayverballyatthetime.

Self-cateringmaybethebest option,whereyoucankeeptoa familiarroutineandchildrencan havetheirownspace,(andyoucan haveyours)!

Youmayfindyouhaveaneasier timeifyoureturntothesame holidaydestinationforthefirstfew years.Thisbuildsresilienceinyour childrenastheylearntorelaxina differentenvironment.

Whentravelling,ensurethatone adultistheperson‘incharge’This personwillhavetheticketsandbe theonelookingconfidentaboutall arrangementsIfyoushowdoubtor hesitancyit’slikelythatyourchild willjumpintothevoidandfeel compelledtobetheone‘incharge. Yourchildwillbewatchingyou closelywhenyouareinanykindof transitionalstate

Rememberthataholidaymaynot feellikeaholidaytoyouPlana brain-break(respite),andrecovery timeforyourselfbothduringthe schoolholidaysandafterwards. Whenyouaregoingaway,ifyou haveanotheradultwithyou,planin advancetimealoneforeach person

Ifyouplantousenighttimedriving inthehopethatthechildwillsleep, beawarethatyourchildmaybe hypervigilant/overexcitedandbe unabletosleep.Thiscancontribute toaverytensestarttoaholiday.

Iftravellingbycar,rememberto ensurethateachchildhastheirown specificplacewhichisnotchanged Packabagwithone‘present’per hourwhichcanbegiventothe childrenThesedonothavetobe expensive,butcanbesmallnovelty items.

Useelectronicequipmentsparingly inthedaysbeforealongjourney

Thiswaythechildmayhavegames andappstheywanttocatchup with

Strategiesduring

Duringschoolholidaysbearin mindthatourchildrenoftensuffer fromsensoryoverload,soavoid havingtoomanyexciting activitiesclosetogether Explore‘DayCamps’andseeif youcanenrolyourchild,evenifit isonlyforafewhalfdaysduring theholidayIftheycanmanage thisitmayhelpthemstayin contactwithpeopletheyknow fromschool.

Lowkeyactivitiessuchaspicnics inatentinthegarden,paddling poolsetccanbereassuringand easierforeveryonetomanage Ifyouhaveplannedadayout,do notbetemptedtosharethis aheadoftimewiththechildren Somethingmayoccurwhich makesitimpossibletogoandthis leadstoalackoftrust.Planin yourheadthatyouwillbegoing onthetripoutonacertainday, thensharethatinformationwith thechildrenonthemorningof thatday

Ensureyouhavemadereciprocal arrangementswithother therapeuticparentsThismeans thatyourchildrenwillbeableto haveperiodsawayfromthe homeinanenvironmentwhere

Useempathiccommentaryto expresswhatyoufeelyourchildis feeling.Wherethereisan escalationinangryorotherwise challengingbehaviour,don’tbe afraidtorelatethebehaviour backtobeingonholiday‘Itmust bereallyhardtofeelsocross aboutnotseeingyourfriendsat schoolIknowinthepastyousaid goodbyetopeopleanddidn’tsee themagain.Itcouldbethatyou areworriedyouwon’tseeyour teacheragaineither?’

Whenplanningrecoverytimefor yourselfduringtheschool holidays,donotsharethereal purposeofyourtimewiththe childrenThemoreboringand uninterestingyoucanmakeit sound,thelesslikelyitisthatthe childrenwillinsiston accompanyingyou,ortryingto preventyouleaving.

Strategiesafter

Astheschoolholidayscometoan endthereislikelytobean escalationofanxietyaround returningtoschoolItisagood ideatorefrainfrommentioning howlongitisuntilthereturnto school,unlessitisverynear

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 7
ExcerptfromTheA-ZofTherapeuticParenting

DoareviewoftheholidaysWrite downwhatworkedwellandwhat youneedtoavoidIt’samazing howquicklyweforget.Usethisas thebasisforyourplanningand preparationforthenextholiday Dependingontheageand emotionalageofyourchildren, exploreyouthgroupssuchas Cubs,Guides,ArmyCadetsetcIf yourchildcanmanagestructured timeaway,thenbyjoiningoneof thesegroupstheyarelikelytobe includedinaweekendcamp.

ArmyCadetsgoawayforatwoweekcamp,andIhaveoften foundthatchildrenwithatrauma backgrounddoverywellinthis structuredenvironment

Holidayscanbestressfulforparentsandchildren

Thisinformativeshortsetofthreevideosgivesparentsand carersstrategiesto;

Manageend-of-termstresseswhenroutineschange Helptomanagelongschoolholidays

Havemoresuccessful,lessstressfulfamilyholidaysaway

Clickheretofindoutmore:https://tinyurl.com/2s3kw9mw

SurvivingtheHolidaysWebinar ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 8

WellbeingFrom Feeling Rubbish to Feeling Good!

Icomefromaprofessionalbackgroundin socialworkbuthadneverheardof compassionfatigue,andwehadbeen fosteringforthreeyearsbeforeIwentto aworkmeetingaboutcommissioning sometherapiesforfamiliesin2014,

andtherewasatalkoncompassionfatigueItwasan absolutelightbulbmomentformeatthetime.Itjust madeabsolutesensethatmyhusbandandIwere experiencingsymptomsHowever,itwasanothertwo yearsin2016beforeIdidanythingaboutitandthenI rangupalocalhealingcentre,andtheysignposted metoEmotionalFreedomTechnique(EFTtapping) Thiswasveryhelpfulatthetime;however,Iam embarrassednowtosaythatIonlywentforone sessionandthoughtIwasfine.Wehadbeen absorbingourson’straumaforfiveyearsbythenand inhindsight,onesessionwasnotenough.However,it didgivemeagoodstartingpoint(andmyhusband andsonalsowentforasessionatthetime)andit openedmymindtotrydifferentthings

Irealisedtheoccasionalspadayacoupleoftimesa year,baths,andregularexercisewhilstithelpedme tofeelabitbetter,wasn’tenoughtoprevent compassionfatigueIgotbackintoweeklyyoga, running,andmonthlymassageandItried acupunctureforafewmonths.Thiswasalsothetime IfoundtheNATPcommunityonFacebookFeeling isolated,thiscommunityconnectionmeant everythingIwasnolongerfeelingquitesoaloneon thisjourney

Attheendof2018,thingscontinuedtogetharderforlotsof differentreasonsanditwasatthebeginningof2019whenI realised,IwasonthebrinkoftotallyburningoutMyhusband saidhecouldn'tcarryonlikethisanymoreWehadsomuch goingoninadditiontomanagingthechallengingbehaviourof ourfostersonsatthetime,andthingswerereallystartingto feeloutofcontrol.Untilthispoint,“doing,doing,doing”was largelymycopingstrategyIwasneverpoorly,Ijustkepton goingHowever,IhadrealisedthatIwasfeelingdowneveryday too.

Lookingback,Ifoundmyselfatacrossroads.Irealisedif nothingchanged,thelikelihoodwouldbeIwouldenduppoorly aftershoulderingeveryoneelse’sburdensinadditiontomy ownIalsohadthestarkrealisationthatnotonlyamInot invincible(andcompassionfatiguecouldhappentoanyone)I couldenduplosingbothmyhusbandandfamilybecauseI realisedthatverysoon,butIwouldalsonolongerbecoping

Whathelpsme

AsIwasemotionallyeatingandfeelingtotallyrubbishinmyself, IreachedoutaboutanutritionalprogramwhenIwasata crossroads I'veneverfollowedanykindoffoodprogram,diet, oranythinglikethatinmylifebutitsoundedinterestingand likesomethingthatwouldhelpmefeelbetteraboutmyself,soI diditforamonth

Withinoneweekofdoingthisprogram,Ifelttotallydifferent It wasquiteextraordinary.Thebrainfoghadgone,theenergyhad returnedandyetIwaseatinggoodcleanwholefoods(and supplementsfromwholefoods).Mygutwashavingatotalreset andmybodywasfloodedwithvitamins,minerals,andnutrients Ifeltamazing!It’shardtowritewhataturnaroundthiswas becausetosayitwassolife-changingsoundssodramatic,butit was!NotonlydidIhaveenergy,butIalsohadsomuchclarity andIfeltsomuchstrongerinmyself.Sincethen,Ihave completedadiplomalevel4innutritionandwentonand changedmycareersothatmostimportantlymyfamilycome first.Ouradoptionwasfinalisedwithoursonin2021,andwe finishedfosteringrealisingwehadenoughtomanagewithour sonandourownlives.

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 9

Thebiggestimpactofmybeingonthisjourneyoverthe past45yearsagohasbeenonmylovedonesAsIbecame healthier,happier,andmoreresilient,myfamilyis happier.WhenIamstressed,thisheightensthestressin thehouseholdIt’ssosimplebutsopowerfulOverthelast 4.5years,Ihavebeenembracinganewworldoflooking aftermyselfIamamuchbettermumandamuchbetter personbecauseofit

Thereissomethingabouthavingasenseofcontrolover ourwell-beingandwhatwecandotobethebestversion ofourselvesMyhusbandandIhaveattendedHavening sessionswithSairatNATP(in2019)andIhavedonealot ofpersonaldevelopmentHalElroddescribesinhisbook calledTheMiracleMorningthatbyincorporatingsome self-carepracticesyoustartthedaystrong.Iamnowpart ofamorningcommunitywhichisfreetojoinWebeginby doing5minsofmeditation,gratitudejournaling,positive affirmations,fiveminutesofexerciseandafewtipsfroma successcoachIt’sscientificallyproventhatdoingcertain self-careactivitiesinthemorningwillincreasethe chancesofourdaygoingpositivelyJoiningthisfree communityalonehasbeenlife-changingformany (dramaticagainbuttrue!)

Ourhomeisfarfromperfect(who’sis!)andwhenthings escalate,IfeelfarmoreinformedabouthowIcanprotect myenergyandmanagemyemotions.Eatingwellandno longereatingemotionallyordrinkingalcoholtoselfsoothewhenstressed,meansIhavemuchbetter

nutritionalhabitsandgreatguthealthwhichdirectly impactshowIfeel.95%ofserotoninisproducedinthe gutsoourguthealthdirectlyimpactsouremotionaland mentalhealth

Self-careactionplanninghasbeenfundamentalinmy journey.BeforetheholidaysIalwaysplanself-caretime.I enjoyrunning,cycling,swimming,cold-water dipping/swimmingaswellastimewithfriends,timein nature,musicetc.Iamagreatbelieverinfindingoutwhat worksforyoubutstartingwith5minutesadayisagreat startiftimeisanissue.

Atdifferenttimes,I'vecompletedself-careactionplansto improvedifferenthabitsthatIwanttoincreaseby workingonconsistencyAshumansattimes,wewantto makechangesandattimeswehavethemotivationtodo so,butwhenwelosemotivation,wedon'tnecessarilyhave theself-disciplinetocontinue,soIknowmyself,by writingoutaplan,signingitandstickingitonthefridgeit reallyhelpsInowhelpotherschangetheirhabits

IkeeptryingnewthingsnowbecauseIalsobelievethat differentthingscanhelpusatdifferenttimesinourlives. Learningtotuneintoourownfeelingsandbeingarmed withtoolsandstrategiestohelpbuildouremotional resilienceandpreventcompassionfatigueIbelieveinthe longrunwillempowerustobethebestversionsof ourselvesandenableustobethebestparentstoour childrenItisalsoimportantforustomodeltothenext generationhowtoself-care!

FormoredetailsonhowAmyishelpingothersintheirwellbeingjourneygotohttps://wwwfeelgood-wellbeingcouk/

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 10

Coming Soon!

WellbeingDayRetreat

Friday29thSeptember10am-4pm

Gloucestershire

ADayRetreat,focusedon relaxation,reflection,and rejuvenation.Thedaysupports interventionandinterruptionof compassionfatigue

IntimateRetreatfor6-8people

TherapeuticCoaching Techniques

2courselunch

UseofSpafacilitiesinthe afternoon

SIGNUPTODAY!

£90perticket NATPMembers25%DiscountApplies Findoutmoreathttps://tinyurl.com/2p8m7mws Otherlocationswillbeaddedin2024 wwwthehavencentrecouk
ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 11

ASKTHEEXPERTS

Letourteamofexpertswithfirst-handexperience, guideyouthroughsomeofthosetrickyTIP moments!

Mytwofosterchildrenage12and14keepstealingfood.Theydon’tnecessarilyreally wantitasIoftenfinditintheirroomsgoingmouldy!Theyalwayshavefoodtheycan helpthemselvesto,buttheyonlyseemtowanttheunhealthystuff.Help!

AC,Horsham

SarahDillonreplies:

Thechildrenarestoringfood Althoughitfeelslikestealingtoyou, themotivationisdrivenbyafearof hungerIprefertocallthistaking ratherthanstealing Theremayhavebeenatimewhen thechildrenweredeprivedoffoodor therewasalackoffoodavailable Furthermore,manychildrenfrom traumausefoodasasubstitute parent.Junkfoodreleasesasurgeof dopamine,whichgivesthechildren atemporaryfeelingofeuphoria. Unfortunately,thishighisshortlived. Wealsoneedtorememberthatthe vastmajorityofchildrenwhohave experiencedearlylifeneglecthave veryhighlevelsofcortisolintheir bloodstream

Thisdrivesthemtocravesugarand othercarbohydrates.Ioftenlikenthisto someoneaddictedtococaine. Researchtellsusthatsugaris7to8 timesmoreaddictivethancocaine. Itisimportantnottoshamethe childrenHelpthemtounderstand wherethisbehaviouroriginatesUsing ‘namingtheneed’canbevery valuable,particularlywithregardsto feararoundfoodWemightsay somethinglike“Ithinkyouhavebeen worriedabouttherenotbeingenough food,whichiswhyyouhavebeen hidingfoodinyourbedroomPerhaps theremayhavebeenatimewhenyou werelittlewhentherewasn’tenough foodI’msosorrythathappenedtoyou Inthisfamily,therewillalwaysbe enoughfoodPerhapstheremayhave

beenatimewhenyouwerelittle whentherewasn’tenoughfoodI’m sosorrythathappenedtoyouIn thisfamily,therewillalwaysbe enoughfood“thenrecommend usingasnackboxfilledupevery morningIncludeasmallamountof junkamongsthealthiersnacks Remindthechildthatoncethe snackshavebeeneaten,theboxwill befilledagainthenextmorningThis canhelpthechildtobeginto managethesugaraddiction alongsidethereassuranceoffood availability.Ifthechildeats everythingatonce,wecanreassure themthereisanunlimitedamount offruitoranotherhealthysnack theycanchoosefrom.

My9-year-oldadoptedsonjustliesbare-facedallthetime.Heliterallylooksmestraightinthe eyesandtellsmefabulousstoriesaboutwhathappenedatschoolorcompletelydeniesdoing somethinghedid.HowcanImakehimadmitthetruth?

AWHull

SarahNaishreplies:

Icallthis‘MadLying’Sometimesit appearsmad,asifthechildis unawareofwhatishappening. Sometimestheyaresoconvincing, itcanmakeusquestionourselves. Rememberheisnotdoingitto annoyyou.Thisisanearly survival-basedmechanism,soit's instinctive.

Firstly,askyourselfwhatyouare tryingtoachievebyforcinghimto ‘admitthetruth’?Doyouthink therewillbesomemagical responsibility-takingarisingfrom this?Icanassureyoutherewon't It'sactuallyquiteawasteof

everyone’stimeandcreatesstresson yourrelationship,deepeningyourson’s senseofshame

Withlyingwemustrememberthat sometimesourchildrencannotadmitthe truthastheirfearofwhatmighthappen istoooverwhelmingWecan'tappealto therationalprocessingpartoftheirbrain becausetheyarelockedintosurvival behavioursatthetimeweareconfronting themIusedtojustletthechildknowthat Iknewwhathadhappened,thenifthey continuedtodenyit,Iwouldjustsay, "That'sinterestingWell,Iamsureyoucan sortitout.YouknowwhereIamifyou needme."Thisallowsthechildtimefor theirbrainto‘unfreeze’andhelpsthemto regulate.Thereisnopointtryingtohave anintense,point-scoringargument aboutwhoisrightandwhoislyingwhen thechild’sthinkingbrainis‘offline’.

TherapeuticParentstendtomeetlying headon,notbycorrectingorarguing,but bysimplystatingwhatthetruthisand sayingwewillapologiselaterifthat

provestobewrongThereis definitelynomileageininsistingthe childtellsyouthetruthastheyare oftenunclearwhatthetruthisor meansTheyarealsoscaredofyour reactionProperlyscared-asin terrified,soonceyouhavesaidyou knowthetruthandhavedecided theconsequenceis'X'theyareable tobelessfearfulandsometimes evenadmitthelie!

Rememberthatmanyofour childrensimplycannottellthe differencebetweenwhathappened andwhatishappeningso sometimestheyareunawarethat theyarelying,becausetothem, theyaretellingthetruth.

Myno.1strategy?Stopaskingthem questions.Everytimeyouaskachild aquestionyouinvitealie.So, change“Haveyouemptiedyour schoolbag?”into“I’venoticedyour schoolbagneedsemptying,bringit heresoetc”

ISSUE4
TIP'SMAGAZINE 12

Areyoulookingtobecome partofacommunity?

Canyouspare2hourspermonthto meetupwithlike-mindedothersfora relaxedchatoveradrinkandsnack?

Areyouaparentofaneurodivergentchild, orachildwhohasexperiencedadverse childhoodexperiencesinearlylife?

Wearelookingforpeoplewhohaveaninterestin coordinatingpeersupportgroupsforotherparentsand theirfamilies.

WENEEDHELPWITH: Coordinatingournationwide peersupportgroups,called ListeningCircles

www.naotp.com oremail listeningcircles@coect.co.uk Volunteers
Formoreinformationplease
FREEMEMBERSHIPPROVIDED TOTHENATIONALASSOCIATION OFTHERAPEUTICPARENTSFOR OURVOLUNTEERS. Wearegrowing! Nowrecruiting nationwide! FORFULLLISTOFBENEFITSGOTO WWW.NAOTP.COM
Needed!
visit:
ISSUE4 7

FALSEALLEGATIONS

WhytheyHappen andWhattodo

AtCOECTwehaveextensive experienceofallegations andareverywellawareof theextremestressthatthese place on parents and familieswhosereputations

andcareersmaybeplacedatrisk andwhocomeunderintensescrutiny Inthisarticlewewillfirsttalkaboutthe differentwaysthatallegationscan happenandthenspecificallyexplain howitcanhappenthatachildcan makeafalseallegation.

Whenwearefacinganallegation,we caneasilyfeeloverwhelmedanddon’t knowwheretostartYoumaybe experiencinganallegationinseveral differentways,andeachcircumstance isdifferent:

Somethingnegativehashappened andthechildhasmadeatrue allegation

Asmalleventhappenedwhichhas beenblownoutofproportionand misinterpreted

Thechildhasmadeanallegation aboutsomethingthathappened buthasmis-rememberedwhenit happened/whoithappenedwith andconfusedthecircumstances.

Theallegationisnotatalltrueand youhavenoideawhythechildis sayingwhattheyaresayingInany ofthesesituations,itisnormalto feelfrightenedaboutwhatis happeningtoourselvesandour familywhilstalsoexperiencingfear forwhatwillhappentothechildat thecentreoftheallegation Itis naturalthatourfearforourselves

isconfusedwithresentmentand betrayaltowardsthechildand hostilitytowardsprofessionalswhose jobistoinvestigatewhathas happened.Thesafeguardingprocess cancauseasituationwherethe parentexperiencesalackofsupport, careorunderstandinginhandling theseallegationsAtCoECTweare committedtomakingachangeand raisingawarenessofalltheissues aroundallegations.

Wheretheallegationisfounded,and thechildhasclearlyremembered andarticulatedwhathashappened, youmaybefeelingremorseful,guilty andangrywithyourselforothers Whateverhashappened,youare entitledtoindependentsupportfrom peoplewhocanhelpyouthroughthe processandofferreassurance. Blameservesnopurposehere. Clearly,therearetimesthatan allegation, whether current or historical,isadisclosurewhich requires extremely careful and sensitivehandling–thisisoutside thescopeofthisarticle

Sometimesallegationsareactually memoriesofpastexperiencesreemergingunderstress.Wewillnow explorethisfurther

Whysomechildren makefalseallegations

Childrenthathavesufferedfrom Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)–(traumasuchasneglect andabuse)canhavemuddled memoriesthatmeanthatthey experience past events as happeninginthehereandnow,soa falseallegationmaybeinfacta disclosureofahistoricalevent Alternatively,afalseallegationmay bemadefromangeroran unconsciousneedtorejectthe foster/adoptiveparentsorasa threat to control the parent. Whicheveroftheseitis,havingan allegationmadeagainstyouisan extremelystressfulevent

Experienceshowsusthatearly disruptionofattunementandlackof anattachmentfigureorabuseofa childhasadirecteffectonthe developmentofthearchitectureof thechild’sbrainSpecificallyin relationtotheformationofideas aboutself,othersandtheworldwe seechildrendevelopoverriding schemas(InternalWorkingModel)in whichtheyviewthemselvesas unlovable, worthless, disposable, adultsasuntrustworthyandterrifying

TIP'SMAGAZINE 14 ISSUE4
Photo from SDI Productions from Getty Images Signature

andtheworldasahostileplace.Childrenthathave experiencedrelentlessandrepeatedtraumasuch asviolence,neglect,andphysicalorsexualabuse arelikelytoformthesecorebeliefsabout themselvesWearenowfindingthatscienceand researchendorsethis:

“Childrenexposedtoongoingstressandtrauma suchasthatassociatedwithexposureto communityviolencemaydevelopschemasofthe worldasahostileplaceandexperiencechanged attitudesaboutpeople,lifeandthefuture”

(Cichetti&Lynch1993Terr,1991in SiegelD2015)

Youmaybestrugglingtowonderwhythechildhas madeanallegationagainstyou,especiallyifyou arecertainitisnottrueThiscanbeextremely upsettingandfeelsverypersonal,howevermanyof ourchildrenhaveexperiencedextremetrauma whichimpactsthechild’sfearsfortheirown survivalThesememoriesarestoreddifferentlyin thebrain,buttraumaticmemorycanbequickly reactivatedbysensorytriggersthatbringthe memorybackThesechildrenliveinthe“now”with norealsenseofpastpresentorfuture,andthey literallyexperiencethememoryasifitishappening inthehereandnow

reportingtoyourSSWthatthishasoccurredwill helpbygivingcontextandinsomecasesa chronologyofsimilarevents

However Iftheallegationistrue,andyouknowittobeso,itis alsoessentialthatyoufullydisclosewhathas happenedandwhyyouthinkithappened Sometimesparentsattempttoconcealthetruth, andthiswillusuallyendnegativelyIfyouhadabad day,andaone-offoverreactionoccurred,itis sometimesthecasethatlookingatwhatextra supportortrainingisavailable,canhelpthechildto feelsupportedandprofessionalstofeelthatthe situationissalvageableYoumustnotaccusea childoflyingiftheyaretellingthetruth.

Protectingyourselffromallegations:

Inordertoprotectyourselffromallegationsinany formitisessentialthatyoukeepdetailedand currentlogssothatyoucanclearlyevidencewhat happened.Thisincludesreportingifachildhas threatenedyouwithafalseallegationforinstance “ifyoudon’tletmedo'X',IwilltellmySWthatyouhit me”Inthiscaseaclearlogbackedupby

TIP'SMAGAZINE 15 ISSUE4
"Traumaimpactsonmemoryand oftentraumatisedchildrencan confusewhathasHAPPENED withwhatisHAPPENING.The childisnotlying,buttheymay haveadifferentversionoftheir truth."
SarahDillon,AttachmentTherapist
Doyouneedtoknowmore aboutAllegationSupport? JanealongwithCoECT colleaguesSarahNaishand GarethGriffithsdevisedthe AllegationSupportPack. TheAllegationSupportPackcan befoundat https://www.naotp.com/theasp
REMEMBERYOUARENOT ALONE!

WHAT'SON?COECTEVENTS

July-October2023

PEERSUPPORT-VIRTUAL LISTENINGCIRCLES

Thursday27thJuly–VirtualListeningCirclehostedby SarahWright-https://tinyurl.com/nhcp46u3

Monday7thAugust-VirtualListeningCirclefor Australia-https://tinyurlcom/53r4xvz2

Friday11thAugust-VirtualListeningCircleforAdoptive andFosterParents-https://tinyurlcom/mr39rp7y

Monday4thSeptember-VirtualListeningCirclefor Australia-https://tinyurlcom/bdfwt39t

FAMILYCIRCLES

Monday31stJuly-GloucestershireFamilyCircle https://tinyurl.com/49rwvzcz

ONLINETRAINING

TraumaRevolutionWebinars

SexualisedBehaviour-28July,12:00–13:00BST

PEERSUPPORT-IN-PERSON LISTENINGCIRCLES

Thursday20thJuly–NorthamptonshireListening Circle-https://tinyurlcom/3znavrut

Friday1stSeptember–SomersetListeningCirclehttps://tinyurlcom/2c6mr5xp

Wednesday6thSeptember-BristolListeningCirclehttps://tinyurl.com/mr4ysyua

Tuesday12thSeptember–CambridgeshireListening Circle-https://tinyurl.com/bdd7cszr

NATPVOLUNTEER INFORMATIONSESSIONS:

Monday11thSeptember–NATPVolunteerInformation Session-https://tinyurl.com/bddz68vm

Itcanbeveryfrightening,evenhorrifying,tocomeacrossaveryyoungchildwhois,or,appearstobe,sexually knowledgeableandactive;butifwecanputasideourownhorrorandrevulsionandseewhatthebehaviouris reallytellingus,wecanatleaststartoffwiththerightmindset

Shame–1August,10:00–11:00BST

JoinLauraforaone-hourlivewebinaronShameShameisapowerfulandpervasiveemotionforchildrenThis webinarwillexplorethereasonsbehindshame,howitmanifestsinchildren,andstrategiesforsupporting childrentoovercomethisdebilitatingemotion.ThewebinarwillalsofeatureaQ&Asession,wherewewill answeryourquestionsandprovideinsightsintohowtohelpyourchild

SiblingRivalry-10August,10:00-11:00BST

Obsessionsoftenhappenbecauseourchildrenstruggletobestilland'comfortableintheirownskin’When theyarestill,thetrauma,anxietyandemptinessseembiggerandmakethemfeeluncomfortable,drivento actionandtofindadistractionJoinusforthislivewebinarwithmanyusefulstrategiessurrounding obsessions

TIP'SMAGAZINE 16 ISSUE4

WHAT'SON?COECTEVENTS

July-September2023

WEBINARS

HealingChildrenthroughTherapeuticParentingWebinar

Wednesday2August2023 10am-3pmBST

£10.25perpersonLiveAccess

Tobookgotohttps://tinyurl.com/5n8xzc4d

JoinSarahNaish(adopteroffive,TherapeuticParentingExpert) andSarahDillon(LeadingAttachmentTherapist,ChildTraumaExpert)foraliveonlineconference

Whydosomechildrenneedtherapeuticparenting? Howisitdifferentfrom‘standard’parenting?

HowcanwepracticallyputtherapeuticparentingstrategiesinplaceandmakeaREALdifference?

Inspirational,moving,andmotivational

VirtualLaunchEvent

TheA-ZofTrauma-InformedTeaching–

Monday14August202312:00-12:30pmBST

Tobookgotohttps://tinyurl.com/646scfdh

HeardirectlyfromtheauthorsofTheA-ZofTrauma-Informed Teaching,SarahNaish,AnneOakley,HannahO'Brien,SairPennaand DanielThrower,whoarejoinedbyfellowCoECTTrainerandAttachment TherapistSarahDillon.

JoinourAuthorsandTrainerson14August2023at12noon,foraspecial one-offeventtocelebratetheupcomingreleaseofournewbook,TheAZofTrauma-InformedTeaching-anessentialguidetounderstanding andsupportingourchildreninatrauma-informedenvironment

Thebook,aimedatparents,teachers,andsupportingprofessionals, discussestheimpactoftraumaonourchildrenandgivessuggestions andstrategiesonhowtocreateasupportiveandresponsiveschool cultureandhowthiscanbesupportedathome

TIP'SMAGAZINE 17 ISSUE4

ListeningCircle Viewpoint

Thisisme–Listening circlecoordinator(LCC)

ThisissuewehearfromNATPListening CircleCo-ordinatorJulie

WrittenByJulieOsland

Sara,theNATPListeningCircleVolunteerSupport recentlyaskedmetowriteanarticleonbeinga ListeningCircleCoordinator(LCC)Itallstartedaround 4yearsagowhenIadoptedtwolittlegirls,wowwhata rollercoasterthishasbeen!

Asmyeldestlittlegirlhascomplexneedsandmy youngesthasadditionalneeds(onlydiscoveredafter placement–notthatwouldhavestoppedusoncewe hadmetandseenthegirls)Therewasno“honeymoon period”thateveryonetalksaboutandthreemonthsin, shewasthreateningtostabmeWeimmediately lookedforhelpfromthelocalauthorityandwere grantedPlayTherapythroughtheAdoptionSupport Fund(ASF)

Fastforwardtoayearafterplacement,ourlittlegirlwas referredtoChildandAdolescentMentalHealth (CAMHS),promptlyseenwithintwoweeks(whichis unheardof)AtthispointIjustwantedsomeonetohelp me,helpmychild–IjoinedtheNationalAssociationof TherapeuticParenting(NATP),whatadifferencethis made!Icouldfindvideosandpodcaststolearnfrom, thereareresourcestoforwardtopeopletohelpthem understandourchildrenandwhattheymightbegoing through,andTHEmostbeneficialparthastobe speakingtolike-mindedpeople,whojustgetit

IdecidedtovolunteerandbecomeaLLC,Ichoseto holdsessionsviazoomtohelppeoplewhoareunable toleavethehouseordonothavethesupportCircles arefriendlyandinformalandifIamhonest,Igetoutas muchfromthelisteningcirclesandthepeoplethatjoin. Listeningtopeoplewhoaregoingthroughthesame issueswithschool,friendships,fighting,youfeelless alone(andslightlylesscrazy)TwoyearswithNATPasa LCCandIstillfinditasusefulasIdidinthebeginning, separately,IevenwentontocompletetheAdvance DiplomainTherapeuticParenting

IfyouwouldliketojoinmeviaZoomonthenext ListeningCircle,feelfreetobookon!

VirtualListeningCircleforAdoptiveandFosterParents

Friday11August,10am-11amBST

AsafespaceforAdoptive&FosterParentstochatand offload(LCCforIsleofMan)

https://tinyurlcom/mr39rp7y

Pleasenote,ListeningCirclesarenotexclusivelyfor AdoptiveandFosterParents–pleaseseethewebsite formoreListeningCircles.

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 18

TRAUMAINFORMEDQUALIFICATIONS

ThroughInspireTrainingwehaveasuiteofqualificationstosupportparentsand supportingprofessionalswhoworkwithchildrenwhohaveexperiencedadverse childhoodexperiencesandneurodivergentchildren

Level2SAfEParenting:ATherapeuticParentingApproach

ThisisaLevel2onlinecustomisedqualificationaccreditedbynationally recognisedawardingbodyCACHENCFEundertheirCACHEaccreditation. Cantakeupbetween3-6monthstocomplete.

Perfectforindividualswhowanttolearnandimplementtherapeutic parenting.

Level3TherapeuticParentingProgramme

ThisisaLevel3onlineInspireTrainingGroupqualificationforthoselearners lookingforadetailedintroductiontotherapeuticparenting.

ThishasaprogressionroutetotheDiplomainTherapeuticParenting accreditedwithNCFECACHE

Level3DiplomainTherapeuticParenting

ThisisaLevel3onlinecustomisedqualificationaccreditedbythe nationallyrecognisedawardingbodyCACHENCFEundertheirNCFE accreditation.Itcoversbasicandadvancedstrategiesoftherapeutic parentingandtakesayeartocomplete.

ThishasaprogressionroutetotheAwardinTherapeuticParentCoaching accreditedwithNCFECACHE.

Level3Award/DiplomainTherapeuticParentCoaching

TwonewadditionstoourqualificationsistheLevel3onlinecustomised qualificationaccreditedbynationallyrecognisedawardingbodyCACHE NCFEundertheirCACHEaccreditationThisenablesthelearnertogainthe knowledgeandcoachingtechniquesinordertobecomeatherapeutic parentingcoach

Pleasenote:Apre-requisitefortheAwardistheLevel3Therapeutic ParentingProgramme.

Formoreinformationonourqualificationsgoto wwwinspiretraininggroupcom/qualifications

TIP'SMAGAZINE 19 ISSUE4

Where do I start?

TheBasicsof TherapeuticParenting

TherapeuticParentingisthe termusedtodescribea highlynurturingand structuredparentingstyle.Itis basedonbuildingstrongand securerelationshipswithyourchildby usinginsightfulandempathicresponses totheirbehavioursandemotions

Thisinturnhelpsthechildtoregulate anddevelopanunderstandingoftheir behavioursandfeelings,andwhenused withstrongboundariesandconsistent routineshelpsthechilddevelopnew neuralpathwaysintheirbrainallowing themtofeelsafe,linkcauseandeffect andreducetheirfeelingsoffearand shame

TherapeuticParentingdoesnotmean thatyoumustbeatherapistorpractise therapywithyourchild,likesomepeople thinkItisaparentingstylethathelpsto buildasecureattachmentwiththechild, minimisetheeffectsofchildhood traumaandhelpthemmakesenseof theworld

TherapeuticParentingdiffersfrom ‘TraditionalParenting’inthatitdoesnot usetimeout,anyformofcorporal punishment(smackingandhitting), shamethechild,userewardcharts,or expectthechildtoself-regulateorfeel empathyandremorse

Oneofthemostpopularmethodsof TherapeuticParentingwhichyoumay haveheardoforuseisDanHughes; PACEmodelPacestandsforPlayfulness, Acceptance,CuriosityandEmpathy

Itallowstheparenttoremain emotionallyengagedandavailableto thechild,allowingco-regulationof thechild’semotionalstateand managementoffeelingswhilst curiosityandwonderinghelpsthe childdevelopasenseoftheir experience(Reflectivefunctioning)

Playfulness–Playfulnesscanhelp childrenfeelconnected.Alightheartedrelaxedplayfulattitudecan helpthechildexperiencefunandlove Usingaplayfulresponsewhenachild isstartingtodysregulatecanhelpit fromescalating.Achild’sbraincannot experiencefearandjoy simultaneously,sobyinstigatinga joyfulresponse,thefearunderpinning thedysregulationisreduced Playfulnessinthiscontextisnot ‘playing’withthechilditisa spontaneous,unexpectedsilly,playful intervention

Acceptance–Meansunderstanding whychildrenbehaveinacertainway Theadultacceptsthebehaviourand feelingsthatunderliethechoices (Acceptanceconveysunderstanding ratherthancondoningthebehaviour Therefore,thechildfeelsunderstood andmorewillingtothinkthrough consequenceswithanadult)

Curiosity–Wonderingaloudhelps identifythemeaningbehindthe behaviourandthechild’sneed.It meansyouarenotconfrontational andhelpsfigureoutwhatisgoingon (Talktothedogoratoyetcifthe childdoesnotlike/wantyoutospeak withthemdirectly)

Empathy–Theuseofempathic listeningandcommentaryhelpsto identifyunderlyingunmetneedsIt establishesaconnectiontothe childandreflectsbacktothem whattheyareexperiencing/feeling

TherapeuticParent Methods/Strategies

Routine–Strongroutinesgiveour childrenconfidenceinwhatis goingtohappenApredictable routinehelpsreducesanxiety,helps thechildfeelsafeandunderstand whatisexpectedofthemandhelps tobuildtrustinusasadultsInturn thislessensthechild’sstress responseandhelpskeepthe ‘fight/flight’responseundercontrol andensuresasafepredictable environmentAvisualtimetableisa goodwayofhelpingachildknow whatishappening.

Boundaries–Boundariesneedto befirmYoucannotallowachildto dosomethingtoday,whichwasnot allowedyesterdayorwillnotbe allowedtomorrowClear boundariesreduceanxiety,andthe childknowswhatisexpected thereforefeelssafeChangesto boundariesneedtobedoneslowly andcarefully

Bethe‘UnassailableSafeBase.’–Beingopenandhonest,saying whatwemean,doingwhatwesay andbeingconsistenthelpsthe childunderstandthatwearesafe andcanbetrustedandreliedon

TIP'SMAGAZINE
20 ISSUE4
Photo: from©Pixelshot

Sayingsorrywhenyougetthings wrong–Itisimportanttorepair mistakesandapologiseifweshoutor saysomethingupsetting(afterallwe areonlyhumanandcanhavebad daystoo!)Thisteachesthechildthat itisoktomakemistakesorshow emotionsandmodelsthattheydon’t havetobeperfectallthetime

Nurture–Usingtime-ininsteadof time-outallowsyoutostay connectedwiththechildeventhough theymayhavedonesomething wrong.Ithelpsthemfeelaccepted andnotshamedUseconsistent reassurancethatdespitetheir behaviourtheywillstillbeaccepted (Usingphraseslike‘youhaveagood heart’)

Praise–Manyofourchildrenstruggle withbeingpraised,eveniftheyhave donesomethingverywellUse specific,lowleveltargetedpraise

Naturalconsequences–These happennaturallyafterapoorchoice orbrokenboundary,theyarenot decidedorimposedbyapersonFor example,ifachildrefusestogoto bedandisuplate,theywillbetired thenextday.Naturalconsequences helpthechildtolinkcauseandeffect

HowTherapeuticParentinghelpsthe childovercometheirdifficultiesTherapeuticparentingallowsthe adulttoactconsciouslyandnotreact emotionally.Theyareableto accuratelyinterpretthechild’s actionsandwhattheyare communicating.Theyrecognisethat behavioursareamaladaptedformof communicationandnotapersonal attack,eventhoughitcanoftenfeel likeitis

Wanttolearnmore?

Clickonthelinkbelowforourbeginnerscourseonthe basicsoftherapeuticparenting

https://tinyurl.com/mvethsaa

Duetothistheparentsaren’t constantlytriggered,whichovertime couldresultincompassionfatigueor blockedcareThisenablesthemto beabletoidentifythechild’sunmet needs,thatmaybearesultoftheir earlylifehistory.Whenweareableto helpthemunderstandtheimpacts ontheiremotional/cognitive responsesandgivethemstrategies totrytoovercomethese,thechild startstolearncauseandeffect.

Theylearnfromtheirmistakeswith oursupport,andwehelpthemmake betterchoicesHavingtherapeutic strategieshelpsusfeelcalmerand enablesustomanageboththe children’sandourownemotional regulationmoreeffectivelyAswe learnfrompositiveexperiences,we

getfromusingtherapeutic parentingwefeelmore comfortableandauthentic whenusingthestrategieswhich makesourchildrenfeelsafer. Weteachthemthepositive benefitsofattunementandhow tomaintainrelationshipswith others,buildconfidenceand self-esteemandovertime developempathy

TherapeuticParentingis effectiveforALLchildren,not onlythosewhohavesuffered traumaItsimplyworksmore quicklywithneurodiverseand securelyattachedchildren

ISSUE4 TIP'SMAGAZINE 21 "IamnotSchool-Shaped"-AChild'sPerspective
ADayinthelifeofanAlternativeEducationProvision Alettertoschool-parent/schoolworkingpartnership SchoolsSpecialEdition! Available1stSeptember2023 IntheNextIssue...
"RunningonEmpty"-TeacherBurnout
TIP'SMAGAZINE 22 ISSUE4 COECTAnnual Conference Makingthe Change Trauma-Informed Teaching Thursday19thOctober 10am-4pm Coventry £90plusVAT Formoreinformation&tobook aplace,scanQRcode
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.