Living In the Light Javannah Davis SHE/HER

Church Hurt In the LGBTQ+ Community

Okay, let’s talk!

Growing up in a faith-based community or a family rooted in religion can be restrictive for the average individual; granted being voluntary or involuntary. However, for an individual who is LGBTQ+ growing up in such an environment can be more than restrictive, it can turn out to be a significantly traumatic situation. Growing up LGBTQ+ in the church, I was always taught to love the sinner, but hate the sin. The issue with that is that it can translate to a young queer boy or girl developing into their own feelings and emotions that there’s a part of themselves that they should hate. Organized religion teaches us everything that’s wrong with being different and that its either follow their lead or be lost to eternal hell fire. This is not entirely true, and is not the case. Just because you identify as whomever under the LGBTQ+ umbrella that doesn’t mean that you have to choose between your Identity and Spirituality.

Faith is the foundation of the lives of many people throughout the world, offering guidance and support during times of a variety of struggles, one may experience during their lifetime. It can also be an intricate part of one's own mental well-being. Individuals in the LGBTQ+ community are no exception! Oftentimes faith may be complex in the case of non-affirming religious beliefs or a sense of possible rejection from spiritual communities. Spirituality and religion can still be integral to the lives of individuals in the LGBTQ+ community.

I want to introduce Bishop Malik L. McFarley. He is a well known pastor in the LGBTQ+ community, and has himself grown up in the church and has felt the hindrance of organized religion. Bishop Malik has opted to share his story and answer a few questions in regards to his journey of self-acceptance and his growth as a community leader.

Javannah: Tell us about yourself as a clergyman

Malik: Well, I have been preaching since the age of 14 years old. I was ordained and installed as a Pastor at 20 years old in 2011 and started a second location at 21 year old in 2012. holiness religion being raised by my greatgrandmothers and grandmothers growing up.

Javannah: What were your experiences being raised under such a regimented faith-based system?

Malik: My experiences growing up in church was a mixture of good as well as bad. My grandparents raised me in the Pentecostal church but I ventured out as I got older to go to more contemporary ministries and churches. Ministries that were melting pots with many different races and cultures and backgrounds.

Javannah: How did growing up in the church affect you as a gay man?

Malik: Growing up in the church affected me as a gay man because in the first 4 years after graduating high school, until me coming out at 22, I had to keep my sexuality a secret. Any relationship that I had did not have any real significance because I had not fully come to that truth about myself. The church would have ostracized me and at that point in my life I wasn’t ready mentally or emotionally to go through that scandal and drama that I KNEW the church would quickly bestow and put upon me. Coming out can definitely be a challenge to one's faith; what they were raised to believe seems somewhat contradictory to how a person may feel on the inside especially in the black church community. Suicide is a big problem to those.

Javannah: Has your sexuality and religious beliefs caused a disconnect between you and your family?

Malik: Yes, in the beginning it did bring about a disconnect with me and my family. Throughout the years I built enough courage and bravery to let them know that if you cannot accept me for who I am, then I can no longer let you have access to my life or my husbands as well. As well as our union together.

Javannah: How does religion play apart in your marriage?

Malik: For my marriage, we are very more spiritual than anything. God is the focal point and foundation that we have built upon in our journey and in our marriage. I personally believe that it is with the help of God that has kept us married this long.

Malik: No, my experiences never kept me from going to church. However, it did keep me mentally in a place of not knowing my worth as a person; not knowing who I really was at the time. At that time I was living for other people and not myself while thinking that God approved of it at the same time because the people approved of me.

Javannah: Have you ever felt a sense of losing faith due to rejection from the church, and do you believe that there can be a negative impact on individuals in the LGBTQ+ community because of the potential rejection they may experience?

Malik: For me personally no I didn’t have a loss in faith because of the negativity of the church as a gay man, but I do believe that there are a majority of those in the LGBTQ+ community that do loose faith and totally turn away from church because of the harsh judgement the church brings on them and how the church treats them.

Javannah: Have you experienced a sense of rejection from your religious community? If so, how did you cope?

Malik: Yes, I definitely experienced very harsh rejection from the religious community that I was a part of. I coped by understanding that just because you are rejected by man, does not mean that God rejects you. God accepts you who you are and loves me the way I am as well.

Javannah: Do you consider yourself Religious or Spiritual or both?

Malik: I definitely consider myself spiritual in the place in life that I’m in right now. I was very religious for almost more than half of my life and I saw the many negative and difficult places and positions that it put individuals through. I am spiritual because I can have a better connection with God without having all of the religious dogma that religion provides.

Javannah: Do you feel there’s a significant difference between being religious and being spiritual?

Malik: Yes, I do believe that there is a very significant difference being religious and spiritual. Religion to me is man made to try to understand God in a humanistic way. Being spiritual is trying to understand God in a spiritual way and having a connection with the God of your understanding. Malik: The only time where I felt like I had almost lost faith was during the time before coming out. Having mental conflicts in my mind about how I thought God wanted me to be and how I truly felt on the inside.

Javannah: How important is religion to you?

Malik: I believe that my relationship with the creator is what’s most important to me. Its a deeper and more intimate experience I believe than any religion can offer me. What is important for me as a person is that I want to see people learn to unconditionally LOVE individuals for who they are. I believe that everyone is deserving of love and acceptance in this world; no matter what you may agree or disagree with in a person's life. I’ve always wanted to be seen as a person that creates change and a person that brings more inclusivity in our world. Actually the rejection from the church caused me to work even harder for these goals.

Javannah: Can religion and/or spirituality contribute to a greater positive mental well being for those in the LGBTQ+ community who seek for it to be?

Malik: Yes I feel that any form of spirituality especially being done inclusively can definitely be a great benefit for the LGBTQ+ community. It would give the community a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves and the affirmation it could bring for a greater change in the community.

Javannah: So on the flip side, have you felt rejection from individuals in the LGBTQ+ community because of your religious beliefs?

Malik: It has been a very bittersweet experience with the LGBT community as far as being rejected for my religious beliefs. Some accepted and some have rejected my beliefs because of what religion has done to them in the past in their lives; because of the negative side of religion that they may have come from. Many of them either reject it fully or many people are still confused because they still feel like being a part of the LGBT community will still send them to hell which I do not believe at all.

Javannah: A benefit to having some sort of faith-based foundation can help us find answers that may concern us about death, loss, and the meaning of life itself. Without this benefit do you think a person can find themselves questioning life’s basic fundamentals that

Malik: I do believe that it can be very difficult in our lives if we don’t have that faith that things are going to be alright. Everyone needs that peace that passes all understanding in their lives which includes a spiritual connection with their higher power so that they can have strength and courage to live another day.

Javannah: Do you feel the church could be a guiding force in the LGBTQ+ community if they were more inclusive of these individuals?

Malik: Yes, absolutely. The church could be a powerful guiding force in the LGBTQ+ community if they were to learn to be more inclusive and affirming in their ministries than they are now. Many great things can happen from that.

Javannah: Has the recent pandemic affected the way you attend church?

Malik: At the moment during COVID-19 I mostly worship at home during this time. Before I fellowshipped with more affirming and inclusive churches throughout my city on a frequent basis.

Javannah: Are there many local places of worship that are LGBTQ+ friendly?

Malik: There are many inclusive and affirming churches throughout the US in different cities and towns that are accepting of the LGBTQ+ community and who embrace their sexuality and/or gender.

Remember lovies, you don't have to make a choice between your religion and your sexuality or gender identity. It's always

possible to find affirming and accepting spiritual communities that can provide validation, support, and a basis for good mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I have provided a few in this article that may help those looking for expression of their spirituality.

https://rochesterunitarian.org/lgbtq/ https://www.spirituschristi.org/

https://www.newwaysministry.org/resources/parishes/#toggle-id-28. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/lgbtq/Â

With love, this is your girl Javannah saying, be good to you!

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