A L I C E & T H E M U M S MARCH 2021
ISSUE 14 / £6
CHANGING OUR LANGUAGE when discussing gender and sexuality
BUSINESS MUMS 3 stories from 3 mums who have followed their dreams
PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS Kayleigh talks about expecting her rainbow baby
REDEFINING SINGLE MOTHERHOOD
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CONTENTS 04 Editor's Note 06 Dana's Birth Story
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08 The Sweet Life of Kay 10 Redefining Single Motherhood 13 Stop Mum Shaming 15 Two Mums, One Love 18 Business Mums: Stories Magazine 20 Business Mums: Beach Huts
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22 Business Mums: Basking Babies 24 Keeping Fit During
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Pregnancy 26 Dealing with Work Related Stress 28 Separation Anxiety PostLockdown 30 Colouring for Mums
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EDITOR'S NOTE
This issue contains a vast range of issues, all with incredibly value and importance. One of my goals I gave myself this year when it comes to the magazine was to ensure it was more inclusive of all different types of parenting, and every magazine feels a step closer to achieving my vision! I don't know about you, but this month feels incredibly optimistic. There seems to be a lot of hope in the air. People are excited and the anticipation for life beyond Covid is very much in the air. But this is a reminder that it is also okay to feel nervous about it all too. It's okay if you aren't ready to go full throttle into post-pandemic life and it's okay if you're an introvert like me and have got used to the lack of social interaction. Life is pretty overwhelming sometimes, but particularly now. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this read with a cuppa! ALICE & THE MUMS | 4
Alice x
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Dana's Birth Story: Talking Trauma BY DANA FRUTOS My son is two years old and I think about his birth all the time. I think about how I wish I could go back and do it over. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I had known what to expect and I wish I had known I would be ok. I was induced at 38 ½ weeks because my son was small for gestational age (SGA). Several hours after they started the induction, the contractions began. I expected the contractions to start slow and increase in duration, frequency, and intensity as they progressed. This is not what happened. The contractions came at me fast and they came at me hard. Immediately they were 1-3 minutes apart. It varied and I couldn’t keep track on my silly contraction app. I couldn’t know what to expect. I’ve never felt such immense pain in my life and there was no end in sight. I was 0 centimetres and I was told, “It will only get worse.”
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I didn’t ask any questions, and I should have.
I’m the luckiest mama in the world, but the trauma from his birth
“Is this normal for an induction?”
still stings. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but we can’t
“What can I do to help myself?” But I
ever do anything over and that’s ok. This is my story, and I’m
couldn’t think straight enough to ask questions. Twice I asked for something for the pain
learning to find peace with it. To any mamas to be: When you’re drained and its agony and you can’t take it anymore, take a moment to stop and think. Ask
and twice I was given pain medications.
the questions you want answers to. Ask for the help and comfort
When I wasn’t offered the epidural, I figured
you need. Ask for what you want and for what will make you feel
I couldn’t have it yet. I was already too
better. You are about to be someone’s mother and you deserve to
delirious to remember that I could have it
do it in a way that is right for you and your baby. And don’t try to
whenever I wanted. I was already too
write your birth story ahead of time. Know that it may not go as
broken from the pain to just stand up for
you imagine. But no matter how your story turns out, it will be
myself and bloody ask for it. I clenched and
yours, and it will make you a mother.
tried to breathe through 10 hours of the most excruciating pain of my life. The next morning I managed to ask for the epidural and the nurse chirped, “Of course!” I was too exhausted to be relieved. I received the Epidural and for a day and another night we waited for my son to progress. Finally, the following morning, after a mere 30 minutes of pushing, he was born. However, this is the part where I really wish I could go back and fix it. My son was born with the cord wrapped around his neck and he wasn’t breathing. I didn’t realize what was happening at the time because they make it a point not to tell the mother that her child isn’t breathing. All I knew was that I couldn’t see him or hear him and I was told they would be taking him to the NICU. I got to see him briefly after they had stabilized him, but his face was already covered up and he had a CPAP. I gave him a quick kiss and watched them take him away. Two hours later I was able to follow him to the NICU, and 28 hours after that he was released from the NICU. He was ok. He was and he is perfectly healthy. We got so lucky.
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The Sweet Life of Kay Pregnancy After Loss By Kayleigh Williams
W
e sadly suffered a miscarriage in May 2020 during the national lockdown, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. We were both so gutted but I felt like my body had let me down. Although we were blessed with Harry I thought we were never going to get the chance to be a mum again, I was filled with so many different emotions for months. We found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby in December 2020 and we were filled with so much joy and excitement, however I couldn't help but feel so many nerves. I really didn't want to go through the heartache of losing another baby. I wouldn't ever want to try again if we went through it a second time. Owen reassured me that we have to go with the flow and keep content for our babies
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sake. We had only just found out we were pregnant so there isn't any need to panic right now. We held off telling anyone for such a long time, purely because I didn't want to have to tell everyone our news and if anything bad happened I would have to tell so many people the opposite to what we were expecting. Pregnancy is such an overwhelming feeling in itself but I felt so on edge 98% of the time for the first 6 weeks, I couldn't focus on anything until we had our early scan. We booked our 6 week private scan because we wanted to know that the baby was growing smoothly, and my body miscarried our previous baby at 6-7 weeks so this was such a crucial period for us, literally anything could happen and we wanted to be so prepared for the
worst. I couldn't sleep, I had the worst stomach pains from anxiety and I simply couldn't relax until I knew our baby was okay. The two days my nerves escalated felt like 2 months! Owen kept reassuring me that everything will be okay but i felt like my anxiety was taking over my mind all of the time!
"I really didn't want to go through the heartache of losing another baby."
Thankfully our 6 week scan was fine and everything looked as normal as it should have been which was a huge relief and a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could finally breathe. However, a week later I started getting nervous again for my 12 week scan which was another 6 week wait- so long! I can hand on heart say that the 6 week wait for my 12 week scan felt like the longest wait of my life. There was so many ups and downs and my emotions were all over the place. Our beautiful baby was completely healthy at our 12 week scan and everything was as normal as It could have been! I will never get over how many mixed emotions we felt along the way, but hitting that 12 week mark meant the absolute world to us, I couldn't believe it. I would be lying if I said I still don't feel nervous
everyday, because that sort of anxiety never goes away. I'm never going to get over the feeling of loss because its something I will never forget, but I'm learning to accept that everything is okay and trying not to panic in the ways that I have already done before. Everyday is a new day and a chance to keep going. I feel more than blessed to be able to do this all over again, it feels so surreal to know we're having another beautiful baby and we're so ready to give them the best life possible. Harry is so excited and we cant wait to watch him be the best big brother in the world, we truly feel so lucky in so many ways. I'm feeling all of the kicks now, and it really is the most reassuring feeling in the world, and such a precious thing to experience. ALICE & THE MUMS | 9
Redefining Single Motherhood BY PAULA GAUGHAN Imagine a single mother. Go on; don't filter out the stereotypes. Exhausted? Skint? Chaotic? Young? Uneducated? An untidy home and unruly kids? A quick browse through Google does little to quell these beliefs: The Sun's clickbait, "Single mum with five kids on £18k benefits who wants MORE cash for uniforms (despite splashing out on fags and takeaways)." ; Channel 5s new show "Who Needs a Man when you've got a Spray tan"- need I say more! ; Even our beloved NHS is at it too, denying single parents in certain parts of the UK the right to fertility treatment. Their report states that, “single mothers are generally poorer; they are likely to have greater support needs compared to two-parent couples, thereby placing a greater burden on society in
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general.” Talk about the media fanning the flames of such prejudices. Back in April 2019, when I found myself plunged into both single motherhood and national lockdown-a combination that go together about as well as a toaster and a bathtub- the shame I felt was insurmountable. My childhood- growing up in a large, Catholic family where divorce or separation was something that only happened to other people, plus the fact that this was not how I imagined my life panning out led me to feel like I'd somehow failed. It was a bitter pill to swallow, I'd always been the girl who did things the way you expected: good exam results, car, degree, first flat, long term relationship and a career that was ascending. Sure, my pregnancy
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had been a little unexpected, but we'd welcomed it. This was different. I had to survive before I could thrive. My confidence was shattered and, as is quite typical in new motherhood, I'd lost my sense of self. I'd spent all of my 20s in relationships and had literally no idea how to be alone. Of course -the great irony of so-called 'single patenting'- I was never truly alone, I had my daughter with me every day. During this stolen time together, punctuated only by doorstep visits from grandparents and friends allowed our bond to flourish and we became an impenetrable unit of two. The evenings were sometimes long and lonely but I found solace in making every decision-for Stella and myself. I read books, studied child development, put all my energy into planning, preparing and resourcing fun activities we could base our lockdown days around. I was striving to make Stella's childhood as fun as possible in challenging circumstances, perhaps spurred on by guilt and a desire to overcompensate for her unconventional family, but on this journey I found myself. I backed myself- something I hadn't done in a long time. I decided to put my activities 'out there', on Instagram, for others to see. I made connections, then conversations, then friendships. My inbox pinged with
"I read books, studied child development, put all my energy into planning, preparing and resourcing fun activities we could base our lockdown days around" ALICE & THE MUMS | 11
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DMs from all kinds of women: singleparent families, blended families, conventional families yet we all spoke the universal language-motherhood. Back in those early days I didn't speak much about my marital status. I suppose part of me needed to conceal this truth while I came to terms with it myself. People would say to me- 'oh I had no idea you were doing it on your own' and I'd almost breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't fit the stereotypes. Now I wear my label as a bad of honour: Every day I get to see my daughter's personality evolve and-at only two- she is already perceptive and kind, hilarious, loving and fantastically bright. I did that! For any parent, single or otherwise, the one piece of advice I have learned as I've healed over the past year: be kind to yourself. Mistakes happen. Bad days happen. At times you may feel resentful, hurt, overwhelmed and so, so alone. Forgive yourself. Release any guilt. Be kind. Children don't need to perfection; they need love, attention and a parent who shows up every day and does the best they can. Learn to trust yourself and you'll realise that everyday we're teaching our children valuable lessons in empowerment, compassion and resilience, just by existing!
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STOP MUM SHAMING! By Lauren Xena Campbell www.gentlewomaandascholar.com On any given day I probably question my ability to parent over a hundred times. It can be hard to know if what you are doing is right at the best of times, and for first-time parents, especially, we are often our own worst critics. We pride ourselves in wanting to do everything right by our little ones, and yet, oft as not, we're not always sure what that is. It doesn't help that there is so much debate and question about the so-called 'right way' to care for a child. With philosophies such as nature verse nurture, it seems that the modern mother cannot win no matter what course she takes. Breastfed versus bottle-fed. Dummy's or self-soothing. Nappies or cloth diapers. When to wean. What to wean with. Everyone has an opinion. And there seems to be no way to shake the shame. No matter what you do, someone always seems to be judging. Mum's that stay at home with the kids are lazy and don't contribute to society. Those that go back to work are selfish workaholics that obviously don't love their children. Freezer
dinners are a sign of bad parenting. You're too strict or too soft. Kids should be home-schooled. Kids should be allowed screen time. No screens. Sugar makes them hyper. A few treats now and then are okay. You're spoiling them! And with so many voices telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing, it is hard to hear the most important one – the voice within you. Mum shaming existing in every corner, and no matter what you do you will never please everyone. So I am here to ask you, beg you; ignore the shaming, the judgment, the snooty looks in the frozen aisle when you pick up that bag of chicken nuggets and do right by you. Listen to the natural voice that was born within you that day your child came into the world and ignore all the 'helpful advice' about what others have done or do, and follow your own path. Recently I was told I was a bad mum, several times in fact because I asked for help when I needed it. Some laundry here, some cleaning there, babies got colic, I haven't slept for days, I just want an hour's me ALICE & THE MUMS | 13
time so I can have a bath and relax a little, nurse the rib I broke after passing out from sleep deprivation but no, that's not right. I'm a mum now. Mum's have to live up to a certain standard, be everything to everyone. Can't ask for help, just stop being lazy...But I've got news for you. Perfection doesn't exist. But love does. Please don't listen to the voices that tell you your house should always be immaculately clean. Have fun, be messy, snuggle with your baby, play, learn, love, and grow, and don't worry if the dusting has to wait another day. If your nature is to stay at home and finger paint with your child at the kitchen table instead of working 9-5, and that's your dream, don't let anyone tell
you to do otherwise. And if you follow a different course and there's a passion you pursue, a few days at nursery doesn't make you negligent. All mum’s need a little help sometimes. We are all human. And just as we ourselves do not wish to be shamed by others, judge not lest ye be judged. We all believe strongly about things but the cycle of shame has to end with us first before its projection by others can diminish. If you see a mum who looks tired or worn, ask if she is okay. And truly listen. If you can, offer a helping hand, even if it's just a 10 minute tidy or a coffee chat. Sometimes even the smallest gesture can make the biggest impact. And remember this – when
those nagging voices start to shout, drown them out. You don't need to prove anything to them. You are a good mum. From the moment that embryo embedded itself into your womb and started the magnificent journey of parenthood, you have done right. You have done what's right by you, whether you ate the perfect vegan diet, or munched on peanut butter out of the jar, your instincts, your body, the nature of who you are, has helped to shield and protect your child. Let's all give ourselves and each other a break. Motherhood is a sisterhood, and pride as parents starts at home. And for when you next need a reminder - You're doing great!
Two Mums, One Love Emily on why we need to stop romanticising 'coming out' stories, changing our language when discussing gender and sexuality with young people and the challenges faced as parents in the LGBTQ+ community. BY
EMILY
TIBBOTT
I recently made an Instagram reel entitled, “Why we
wedding day is long behind us but we’re facing a
need to stop romanticising ‘coming out’ stories." I
new set of ‘typical questions’ faced by the lesbian
had 30 seconds in total to convince strangers on the
community, particularly same-sex parents.
internet why ‘coming out’ can be damaging to
When we attended the clinic who would help us
LGBTQ+ people. I could talk about this for the next
to conceive our daughter, the first thing we noticed
1000 years but I’ve only got 1000 words here to talk
is that despite seeing us both, 3 mornings in a row
about it.
(as is typical with IVF procedures) the nurse in
I’m Emily, a 32 year old teacher and small
question still couldn’t remember which one of us
business owner from Essex. I live with my Welsh
was which, and who was doing which bit. We opted
wife Georgia and our daughter Alana who is a
for reciprocal IVF wherein one mum (me) gives
seriously sassy almost-3-year-old. Georgia and I got
eggs, which the other mum (her) can carry once
together 12 years ago and was the one I had to ‘come
fertilised with donor sperm. This worked perfectly
out’ for because I knew these were not feelings that
for us, as having never been interested in carrying a
were going away anytime soon. When we announced
baby, I found myself drawn to the idea of having a
our engagement 6 years later, we had the very
child that would resemble me and share my DNA.
typical question; “Who will wear the dress?” among
Science never ceases to amaze me, and after one
others. We had the most glorious wedding day
failed round, we were very fortunate to have our
surrounded by all our loving and very supportive
baby on board. Nevertheless, it would have been
family and friends. These days our
great if Annette the fertility nurse could have gone ALICE & THE MUMS | 15
"Our wedding day is long behind us but we’re facing a new set of ‘typical questions’ faced by the lesbian community, particularly same-sex parents."
you feed her with your, you-knows?’ No Jane, we gave her a bottle of lesbian juice, aka Stella Artois, and left her to fend for herself just to keep all four of our tits in tact. Needless to say, 12 years since first coming out, I still find myself having to ‘come out’ to random strangers, be it; at the park; meeting a new colleague; or at medical
a little further in an attempt to remember which
appointments, on an almost weekly basis. The fun
one of us she was shooting a frozen embryo into via
of being gay really doesn't ever end!
catheter. These days we mostly hang out in parks, rather
On a serious note, we have found ourselves surrounded by a small community of other amazing
than the dingy gay bars of Torquay that we once
LGBTQ+ folk and the overall feeling among them is
frequented as closeted gays. I’d go so far as to say
that even in 2021 ‘straight’ and ‘cisgender’ are both
that kids’ parks are way more savage. If you’re not
still presumed to be the default. This means young
fighting to get a muddy toddler their turn on the
queer people are still having to pronounce
swing, then its quick fire questions from random
themselves if they are anything other than that.
(and probably well-meaning, but nosey)
Furthermore, we've noticed that by romanticising
grandmothers. ‘Who’s daughter is she?’ ‘Oh she’s
peoples 'coming out' stories it reduces them to
both of yours?… How does that work then?’ ‘Did
some one-off epiphany
ALICE & THE MUMS | 16
moment in which all of the built up tension subsides and everything is rainbows and sparkles. For a lot of people this is a hugely inaccurate representation. Often spanning years or months of anxiety, stress, and secret-keeping in order to protect ourselves or the ones we love, 'coming out' can sometimes be the only last viable resort. This can in fact go on for weeks, months, years in order to gradually reveal our full selves to everyone we know or have ever known. This in turn comes with its own challenges of fixing and nurturing any relationships that have been ruptured in the process and ending those wherein the outcomes have not been positive. Below I've included 3 key tips for pressing pause on romanticising 'coming out': Include gender neutral toys in your child's collection and have childrens' books that help to break down gender stereotypes Use inclusive language when talking to our young people "Do you have feelings for anyone?" (rather than 'a boy' or 'a girl') Ask young people that you are close to about their romantic preferences or preferred pronouns if it is appropriate to do so. Overall, Georgia and I have had mostly positive responses when coming out to new people, particularly strangers. Oftentimes, kind people go above and beyond to respond in a way that reduces our discomfort and lets us know that we're in a safe space. There have, however, been times where this isn't the case and we have had to quickly assess whether we are going to play the 'best friends' card stashed safely up our sleeves or remove ourselves from a situation. These days we are working to unlearn everything that our cisgender and heterosexual society has taught us, in order to raise our daughter to believe it's the norm to not have to come out to us in the future. It's a lot of unpicking but we can't wait to see what the world looks like when she is our age.
"The overall feeling is that even in 2021 ‘straight’ and ‘cisgender’ are both still presumed to be the default. This means young queer people are still having to pronounce themselves if they are anything other than that."
PS. we both wore a dress! ALICE & THE MUMS | 17
Understanding the World Through Stories By Sophie, Stories Magazine
Stories is a new magazine hoping to help children learn more about the world around them through news. If you asked me this time last year, I would not have imagined that I would be sat on my living room floor making flower bouquets out of paper or soaking an egg in vinegar to see if it becomes bouncy. Let me go back. In 2019, I started a master’s in Journalism. Last Summer, I had to come up with an original news artefact but, as we unexpectedly went into lockdown, everything had to be done from home. I thought about how we as adults were relying on information to understand what was going on during this confusing time, and it was no different for children. Thinking about all the parents and teachers trying to find the words to explain the situation, I came up with Stories, a UK-based magazine with news, activities, and games for primary school children aged six to eleven. Some adults who see the news as negative, overly political, or are concerned with fake news and misinformation might think it is not relevant to children, but this does not have to be what news is about. One of the reasons I decided to become a journalist was I like learning new things and I love speaking to different people. This curiosity about the world and wanting to ask questions is something lots of children share. This magazine does exactly what
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the name says, it tells people’s stories, what they are doing and why it is special or important. I also add in some fun facts and research to make sure the news is easy to understand, accurate, and balanced for my readers. Every month I pick some ‘days’ to add to my calendar, which can be used like a content’s page. These can be national or international awareness days, holidays like Mother’s Day or Halloween or events, such as the Olympic Games. The idea is that the magazine does not need to be read at once, but children can read about each day as it happens. And when they are done with one magazine, the new month begins in the next issue! Every magazine is thirty colourful pages and looks at lots of different topics, for example, science, books, and nature. I brainstorm each day thinking how to explore it using a feature, activities, or sometimes both. Articles look a little different than you might expect as they often take shape as mind maps, post-it notes, or question and answers, with lots of colour, pictures, and graphics. The activities always go with the days and can be anything from science experiments like how to make an egg bouncy, to a Mother’s Day craft, dot-to-dots, recipes, and competitions. Sometimes the news is sad, but I think it is important to think about the positives and
what we can do to help. So rather than avoid World Cancer Day all together, I profiled three charities who are raising millions to beat cancer through unique and fun ways that children could get involved with. Lots of the topics are things that children might have heard about, either at school, by overhearing TV news or even from adverts or family members. To my surprise, a small section on Brexit was one the most popular features in the January issue, as parents said their children were happy to finally understand what they had heard so much about. I love receiving feedback, and I have a page dedicated to readers’ thoughts, where they can even send in their own stories. In a time where we are all staying home, being able to chat with all sorts of people is helping me to hear what is going on in the world, learn new things, be creative, and read lots of exciting stories, and I hope it is doing the same for my readers who are stuck at home.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT STORIES, OR BUY A COPY, PLEASE VISIT WWW.STORIESMAGAZINE.CO.UK. ALICE & THE MUMS | 19
FROM CHARITY CHIEF TO BEACH BOSS By Sarah Stimson, owner of www.waltononthenazebeachhuts.com Two and a half years ago I was 44 years old, the Chief Executive of a charity, sat as a director on two different boards, was studying my masters degree part time and raising two small children with my husband. I spent up to five hours a day commuting on the train and although I loved my job, and felt it was making a difference to the world, my stress levels were sky high and my family life suffered. Often there comes a point when you are forced to re-evaluate your choices and for me that came when my dad died relatively young, at 65, and I developed a hacking cough that wouldn’t go away. My GP was concerned it was a life limiting condition and I had to consider what it would mean for my family if I died younger than I’d hoped. Luckily for me, after x-rays and numerous tests, the cough eventually went after 6 months and it turned out to be a particularly nasty chest infection that took several rounds of antibiotics to clear, but it thankfully wasn’t fatal. By then I’d decided I’d achieved everything I wanted to do in my old job. I’d been there for
eleven years and been promoted to the most senior position. I finished my masters and really wanted to work for myself. Most importantly, I realised I wanted to spend more time with my family. We are incredibly lucky to live on the East Coast with the beach on our doorstep and I hoped to start a business that fit in with my young children, who at that point were three and six, and allow me to enjoy the place we live in. In early 2019, with an inheritance and the sale of our old flat in London, which we’d rented out when we moved to Essex, we invested in three beach huts, set up a website, launched some social media and crossed our fingers that people would hire them. The first year was hard. Not because of the new business, but because I grieved for my old job. I was well regarded and well known in the industry I worked in. I went to awards dinners and industry parties and had meetings with important people in huge corporations. I had helped lots of people launch their own careers and had delighted in watching them progress. Overnight, that was all gone. The fact that it had been my choice to leave it all behind didn’t ease the discomfort. Year two was a different kind of challenge. A global pandemic wasn’t in my business plan and as I hadn’t been self-employed for long I wasn’t eligible for any government support. Beach huts were specifically excluded from the
hospitality grants too so I had to hope and pray we’d be able to trade. By the end of May some lockdown restrictions were lifted and with Covid safe precautions in place, we were able to open. Despite the difficulties the past two years have brought my family so much joy. My children get to see me much more often. Although homeschooling wasn’t really in the plan either. I’ve loved renovating our huts to kit them out for hire, and meeting all our guests when they come for their days out. The beauty of living five minutes from our beach huts means I get to be very hands on with our customers and although they make their bookings online, they get to meet an actual person who cares whether they enjoy their time at the beach. We’re about to open for our third year and now have six beach huts of our own, and two that we manage for other owners. I can’t wait to spend this summer on the beach with my children. I hope that they look back on their childhood with fondness, and that our small family business is helping other families to make wonderful memories too. Find out more about Sarah's business below:
FB: www.facebook.com/waltononthenazebeachhuts/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/waltononthenazebeachhuts/ Twitter: www.twitter.com/wotnbeachhuts/ ALICE & THE MUMS | 21
BASKING BABIES: CARLA'S STORY
By Carla Davison Carla Davison, owner of Basking Babies, tells us about how she began her business and juggling mum life along with being a business owner.
How you came up with the idea of your business: When I was pregnant with my first son the realisation that a successful career usually comes at the sacrifice of family life hit me hard. I had a great job as a Chartered Accountant in London, but I could see that even with part-time/flexible work I wasn’t going to be able to balance family life in the way that I wanted to. By complete chance (I was just googling different things as I believe many people do when they’re pregnant!) I happened to read about baby massage and I was so intrigued and impressed by the associated benefits that I decided to train as an instructor. I loved it! Everything I learned resonated with me and
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I wanted to support and empower parents in their early parenting journey. I could also suddenly see a path where I could make it possible to have successful business AND be able to put my family first. My first child was born, and this was also the birth of Basking Babies!
How I got started? Whilst I was up through the night feeding my baby, I would think through all aspects of my new business. I thought through business names, sketched logos, designed session plans, and dreamed ahead into the future about how what Basking Babies would become. Only a few weeks after the birth of my first child I ran my first baby
"I wanted to support and empower parents in their early parenting journey."
massage class from my house in Brentwood.
Where you started and how far you’ve come? I continued to run baby massage classes on a weekly basis, but the demand for the classes quickly exceeded the capacity of my house! I began running classes from a venue in Brentwood, and I shortly after launched baby yoga classes (as the perfect follow-on from baby massage) and the word continued to spread. I knew that there was a far greater market for Basking Babies classes than I would be able to provide on my own. I also felt passionate about helping other Mums to be able to run a successful business whilst being able to put their families first. So I put a simple message out on Facebook to see if anyone would like to join my team, which lead to my first 3 franchisees. I have continued to grow the business year on year – whilst also being a full time Mum and growing my own family. I now have 3 boys and 13 franchisees operating all over Essex. My next plan is to continue the spread the Basking Babies love all over the UK.
What hurdles you have to overcome? I think that there are always hurdles to
overcome when you run a business. Things change and if you don’t change the business with it then you don’t end up with a good business or a business at all. A good example of this is the COVID-19 pandemic where I had to shift the business from our usual face to face classes to live online at very short notice. Thankfully it worked really well – the franchisees really enjoyed being able to continue to deliver their courses and we received the most incredible testimonials from our clients. Our online classes also immediately became accessible nationwide, so we enjoyed welcoming clients from all over the UK during this period. We will now continue to offer live online classes nationwide in addition to our in-venue classes. I’m delighted that we have managed to grow as a business through such surreal and difficult times.
How you cope with managing a business and a family? I’m not going to lie – sometimes it is really challenging! My husband works incredibly long hours so I’m alone in looking after the children and running the house. I basically work at every opportunity I can in between looking after my boys. I have an 8 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old so I work whilst my 2 year old naps and the other two are
at school and then I work when they are all asleep in the evening. It does mean that I often work until the early hours of the morning to make sure that I keep on top of everything. I feel lucky to have found work that I genuinely love. I love every aspect of it. I honestly look forward to the moment when the children fall asleep and I bring out my laptop!
What inspires you? I often feel inspired in rare moments of peace and stillness. For instance, when I’m lying with my boys at bedtime, or when I’m awake in the middle of the night, or even on the school run (before I pick up!). During these moments things I’ve taken in from all around me, perhaps from conversations, social media, articles etc, seem to organise themselves and ping into my head as new ideas for Basking Babies. Whether it’s deigning a new course or making amendments to constantly improve the business.
Any advice/tip you wished you’d been given? I’ve recently begun working with a business coach and I’m enjoying it so much. So I’d definitely recommend to anyone running their own business to find a good mentor and to never stop learning and improving. The support feels great and you end up with an even better business!
Anything else you would like to share? I am a big believer in following your heart and your instinct. I always tell my children to dream big as dreams really do come true. If you have an idea or a dream then believe in yourself, you can make it happen. Find out more about Carla and Basking Babies below: www.baskingbabies.co.uk carla@baskingbabies.co.uk 07921810679
ALICE & THE MUMS | 23
KEEPING FIT DURING PREGNANCY By Ben Simpkins (London Fitness Mamas) T
his month we are going to give you a quick run
through pregnancy.
through of what you can do to keep yourself as fit
throughout pregnancy. I will cover some bits you can
1) Strength Training
focus on and what to look out for in case you need to stop. Keeping yourself as active as possible through
Provided your technique is good then you should be looking at improving your strength. With focus on your
pregnancy has many benefits. From boosting your
upper back, arms, glutes and hamstrings. These are
energy, building strength, and improving your sleep. It
the muscles that get stretched and weakened due to
can reduce the risk of gestational diabetes along with
postural changes so try to keep these muscles as
preparing you for postpartum life. Not to mention
strong as you can.
potentially making labour easier and helping you to recover quicker. Essentially keeping active throughout your pregnancy for as long as possible is a good thing.
You may need to get creative with foot positioning and variations on exercises later on. But you should be able to work these muscles throughout your pregnancy.
There may be reasons that you wish/need to cut exercise out. Things like hyperemesis, a pregnancy red
2) Exercise Movements
flag, if you’ve struggled to conceive and you just don’t feel comfortable to train. Along with the above, you
As a mama, you will perform certain movements in
may just know in yourself that your body isn’t happy
your day to day life that require a base level of
with it any more.
strength. Just holding a newborn baby along for an
And you need to know that whatever option you choose, it is absolutely OK! Do what you can and if you need to stop at 7 days, 7 weeks or 37 weeks then that’s
extended amount of time can cause serious burning in the arms. It’s like holding a wriggle medicine ball! Trying to include movements that involve pushing,
fine. Rest and focus on what you can do with things
pulling, bending at the hips, squatting, lunging,
like breathing/pelvic floor exercises and walking.
rotating and balance can all help you in your
If you are lucky enough to feel good to train then here
postpartum journey. Use a variety of movements to
are some basic tips to keep you going as you move
help cover all of these areas.
ALICE & THE MUMS | 24
Some aspects of these movements will need
heard about kegels and “try to squeeze like
to be adjusted as you get further through your
you’re holding in a wee”. But what happens when
pregnancy. So speak to a pre and post natal PT
you have to run, jump, lift a heavy weight from
who can guide you on what you can do during
the floor (your baby!). Can your pelvic floor
each trimester.
handle that strain? Possibly not, so get used to contracting your
3) Keep Moving
pelvic floor with your squats, lunges and other movements.
Just keeping yourself walking around, providing your body feels up to it, can really impact your
Again speak to a professional to help guide
health and wellness throughout pregnancy and
you on this to make sure you are working both
into postpartum life.
your muscles and your pelvic floor to the best of
It seems simple but focusing on your steps and
your ability.
making sure you hit 10k-12k steps each day is a
It is worth remembering what are red flags
great goal. It can help keep you feeling better
when it comes to training either pre or postnatal.
mentally while keeping your baseline fitness up.
If you experience any of the following then stop
Again though you may need to adjust your daily
exercising immediately and seek help from your
step count as you go through your pregnancy.
medical team.
Monitor how you are feeling and keep moving
• Spotting
where you can while feeling comfortable.
• Fluid leaking • Chest pain
4) Combine Your Pelvic Floor Work with Exercise
• Dizziness / feeling faint • Severe headaches • Regular painful contractions
Preparation is key for postpartum life and getting
• Swelling or pain in your calf
used to your pelvic floor work combined with
• Swelling or pain around pelvis
movement will set you up for a quicker recovery
• Placenta previa
after giving birth. I am sure you have
• Concerns that your baby is moving less
ALICE & THE MUMS | 25
Work Related Stress By Kerry Johnson, Trainee Counsellor
Stress is worn like a badge of honour by many of us, but normalising stress is a cause not a solution to the overall problem. If we accept too much of this horrific entity into our lives as something we should expect and deal with, then we are accepting a predominantly miserable existence. Some stress is good. It’s a natural response to
future of your job is uncertain, stress is just something you have to accept. But what is stress and what is it doing to us? Stress is the feeling that occurs when you’re under pressure. When you are stressed, your body releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. The problem with cortisol in particular is a big one.
danger and challenges in our lives, and helps to
It can lead to problems including Anxiety,
motivate us and keep us on track. But chronic
Depression, Digestive problems, Headaches, Heart
stress is a common issue faced in our society,
disease, Sleep problems, problems conceiving,
much of it stemming from the workplace.
Weight gain Memory and concentration
Saying no is difficult for many of us to do. However, when we say yes to jobs that don’t
impairment. While your workplace might need you, you are
reflect our pay, our capabilities, or time
not a machine and there will be a point where you
availability, we are verbally accepting this as part
will break, and potentially unable to work at all,
of our contract and our job description slowly
and this can have a large impact on your self-
expands without any reward or recognition.
esteem and confidence. Working like a machine
Meanwhile, our mental health slowly declines.
does not always lead to career progression and
‘But I’m scared to say no to my boss!’ This is a
pay rises, instead it can sometimes prevent it, why
common issue I hear. The problem is that
would they move you up the ladder when they can
employers are aware of your fears. Particularly
get you to do this much work at a reduced rate?
during this pandemic where you may feel the
There has to be a balance between hard work
ALICE & THE MUMS | 26
It all starts with selfworth, if you can’t value yourself, how will everyone else value you?
and reward, the employer needs to know you are
familiar with the importance of this, and how
an asset and good at the job, whilst being
beneficial it can be to work on becoming your
valuable, having potential and more to offer. They
most assertive self.
need to be scared to lose you! It all starts with self-worth, if you can’t value
I see assertiveness as a balancing act, it does not mean saying no all the time, it does not mean
yourself, how will everyone else value you? There
being aggressive, it means being aware of your
are always parts of a job that we enjoy less, but
boundaries and your self-worth, and learning how
when we are overwhelmed by a workload that is
to effectively command this in all areas of our
unmanageable then the employer needs to
lives. If you are looking after yourself, after all, you
address this. Can the work be split amongst the
are able to look after those around you.
team? Can we recruit another person? Is there a
My biggest piece of advise with stress
way this work can be reduced or be achieved
management is to address the cause. A workplace
more efficiently? None of these questions will be
that pushes you a healthy amount is good for your
considered if you don’t raise the problems, and you
career and wellbeing, too much stress will hold us
will head down a path of more unmanageable
back and make us ill.
stress! Of course this will not apply to everyone, but
Remember, your employer won’t make changes if you keep battling through and doing what they
there is one word that I have learnt in my training
want you to, so it’s important to use your voice and
that has helped many people, and that is
take ownership of your own mental health, or no
‘assertiveness’. Some of you will already be
one else will!
ALICE & THE MUMS | 27
DEALING WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY POSTLOCKDOWN school/nursery days. So what time
teachers and the more disruptive it
A fter the first lockdown, many
they are up and dressed, eat
will be for the whole class.
parents found that their usually,
breakfast and what time you leave
confident children had developed
the house and perhaps do a practice
dealing with this, so trust them to
some separation anxiety once they
run a couple of days before so that
make your child feel safe and secure.
were heading back to school and
there is less panic on the day which
Never go back, no matter how hard
nursery and speaking with parents it
will help ease their anxiety.
it is. Instead wait 15/20 minutes and give the school/nursery a call if you
seems, particularly in younger children, that this will be the case again after this lockdown. Here are my tips to help but it is important to
Remember, teachers are used to
Allow your child to be
feel you need to.
upset
It is never nice seeing your
Praise and plan
remember that how you react will
child upset and often we tell them
It is important that you
impact the frequency, intensity and
not to cry but actually, allowing their
acknowledge how brave
duration of your child’s behaviour so
emotions to be expressed will help
your child has been for getting on
try and remain calm and be
alleviate the stress. Acknowledge
with their day when you know it was
consistent.
that it hard to say goodbye and
really hard for them and that you
accept that they will feel sad when
give them some praise for doing so.
Talk positively about it
you leave.If you think it might help
Praising them will give their self
Talking to your child about
and not upset them further, try
esteem a boost and help build their
what is going to happen can
leaving a note (sometimes a joke is
confidence.Planning something nice
help minimise their anxiety.
good idea) in their lunchbox or
to do together on the weekend will
Explain that things are likely staying
school bag to let them know that
give them an incentive to keep
as they were before Christmas, so no
you are thinking of them.
trying but also it will be something for them to look forward to. It is
new routine to learn. Point out the positives like seeing their friends and teachers and reassure them that school/nursery is only allowed to
Keep it short and sweet
As difficult as it is when your child is clinging to you
likely that you will also have your own anxieties but modelling resilience will hugely help your child
open because they feel it is safe to
wailing, try and keep your goodbye
to be resilient so try to not let your
do so and you would not send them
short and sweet. Do not sneak off
own emotions take over.
if wasn’t.
without them noticing as it will only
Remember that you are doing an
make the situation worse and it will
important job in helping to teach
Practice
break their trust. The longer you
your child how to deal with their
Remind your child of their
hang around the more intense it will
emotions and that it will help them
become, the harder it will be for the
in many ways throughout their lives.
usual routine on ALICE & THE MUMS | 28
Colouring pages! Introducing something a little new here... Colouring is perfect for mindfulness. This last year I've been developing planners and colouring books aimed at mums for practicing self care and learning to relax a little better. I need a little bit of feedback, and where else is a better place than in the magazine and exclusively for my print subscribers? So sit back, relax, and let the patterns on the page take you away to a quiet place... and come back next week for an exclusive little look at some of my planner ideas. I'd love your feedback, so please send it over to me via Instagram.
I Am hguonE
Enough Enough Enough Enough Enough hguonE
Enough
hguonE hguonE hguonE hguonE hguonE
ALICE & THE MUMS | 30
I AM THE BEST MOTHER FOR MY CHILD