On Dit Issue 85.3 by On Dit

On Dit

Issue 85.3

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Editorial

We’re very lucky to be able to feature Michael Nicholson’s artwork on the front cover of issue 3. There is a big fish and a small man who has pulled it out of the water. It could be a metaphoric message of “expect the unexpected” or sheer confusion of what to do when you find yourself in such a unique situation. However, art is subjective and we will let you read the artist profile and commentary from Michael and interpret it your way. There are bigger fish to fry. We write this editorial on Harmony day, a day where we’re supposed to celebrate cultural diversity in our community. But as we hear via the news, media and even on public transport, this isn’t always the case. It was also the day the Turnbull government announced changes to the Racial Discrimination Act. First introduced by the Whitlam government, the legislation has purpose to protect marginalised groups from casual scrutiny and to help undo the wrongs of Australia’s divisive past. A particular section of the Act has become subject to intense discussion in political spheres. Young Liberals have told us that 18c stifles freedom of speech and shuts down debates. And Turnbull’s case for change was to achieve “clearer laws” and therefore becoming fairer laws for all Australians. In favour of repealing 18c, George Brandis once said in parliament, “People have a right to be bigots”. Even if the words “offend, insult, humiliate” were replaced with ‘harass’ pass through the senate, it probably won’t stop racist attitudes in our community.

When the Racial Discrimination Act was last tweaked by the Keating government, it made the impression that comments like “Asians are swamping the country” were unacceptable. In a time where attacks are being carried out on new immigrants and overtly racist parliamentarians are being re-elected to parliament, these proposed changes are willing to give a free pass to those who promote their causes no matter how offensive, insulting, humiliating. Symbolic change is important and as history shows, these changes are a catalyst for cultural and social shift on a mass scale. Whether positive or negative, that’s probably subjective to personal interpretation. As editors, we know the power of words and the effects of their meanings. The removal of one word can change the tone of a paragraph or the point being made. Our writers tend to go over the word count and one of our challenges is to remove words but keep it as similar to the original version as possible. Most of the time we achieve this and when we can’t, we help them find other words to convey the same idea. Student Media is the only time to muck around with shit pun-headlines, taking a dig at administration processes and publish a cartoon of the (outgoing) Vice Chancellor on the front page of the third oldest student publication in the country. It’s the kind of free speech we want to fight for. This is freedom. Jesse, Jenny, and Tom

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Contents Editorial Correspondence Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On State of Union SRC President Vox Pop Left, Right, and Centre

On Dit Editors Jesse Davidson, Tom Haskell, and Jenny Nguyen Cover Art Michael Nicholson Contact ondit@adelaide.edu.au

Articles How Art Kept Me Sane Fringe Round-Up Artist Profile

We r e c o g n i s e t h a t t h e K a u r n a Pe o p l e

Politically Correct Name Calling

custodians of the Adelaide plains

Elon Musk Asphyxiating The Glass Ceiling Tinder Gone Tits Up

are the traditional land-owners and

Ngaldu tampinthi Kaurna miyurna yarta mathanya Wa m a Ta r n t a n y a k u

Food Review WOMAD Round-up Polarising

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Cor r esp ondence ~ Dear Editors, As a mother, I am worried about the overall morality of this so-called “Student Union” if they continue to print the overzealous tripe found in this student publication. I sent my son to the best Presbyterian college in all of South Australia, and to see him excited to write for this magazine breaks my frail heart (I have heart problems). I opened up the magazine expecting to see some quality student journalism, and instead found some filthy article about something called ‘Cuck-holding’. I’ve no idea what this filthy sexual act is but I would prefer that my Sebastian doesn’t know about it until he’s good and married. I’d expect a publication from a refined institution of higher learning such as the University of Adelaide to be printing material at a standard of quality akin to publications like The Daily Mail, or perhaps even The Australian. Instead your magazine reads like the bloody communist manifesto, or better yet the funnies section of the Advertiser (However, I must admit my husband doesn’t mind reading The Phantom from time to time!) My proudest moment as a mother was when my son Sebastian received a merit in English Communications in Year 12, and to see him exposed to this kind of immoral journalism is disgusting. My son needs real role models like Grant Denyer and David “Kochie” Koch; in fact anyone from the SUNRISE cast circa 2004 would be pretty good. And my god, the font is so small! I had to put both my glasses and my contact lenses on at the same time just to read the font you kids have used in this magazine. Please, never publish another issue of On Dit again. If you do I will have no choice but to take this story to A Current Affair and see what Tracy Grimshaw has to say about it! Regards, A concerned Mother

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Find On Dit online at: facebook/ onditmagazine twitter/ onditmagzine Instagram / onditmag Email us: onditmag@gmail.com to join up to our mailing list Catch up online with breaking news stories on student politics, clubs news and more.

Find these articles and more online: 25 things to do before the big 2 and 5 Toro Y Moi Review Greg Fleet Review Adele Concert Review Adelaide Festival round up Fringe Reviews

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STATE OF THE UNION Words by AUU Board President Brodie Scott

AUU Board President Brodie Scott was unable to provide a shor t statement for this issueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s State of the Union.This page has been intentionally left blank.

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SRC PRESIDENT Words by SRC President Mark Pace

We joke about what a disaster 2016 was, but it pales in comparison to the perpetual chaos our government has already let loose this year, with an agenda against students and in favour of corporatised universities. I like a good meme as much as the next guy, but it’s going to take a lot more than just a few viral memes to make this coalition government back down; it’ll take organising, it’ll take mass protest, and it’ll take a public so outraged by what our government is doing to education in Australia for Malcolm Turnbull and his Merry Men to back down. Wednesday the 22nd of March thousands of Australian students marched through their universities, malls, and parliaments demonstrating the full force of the student movement. Adelaide University sent a contingent which met with the other two South Australian universities at Parliament. Marching up University grounds toward North Terrace full of energy and placards telling certain politicians to fuck off reminded me of my first Student Rally in 2014. It also reminded me just how far the student movement - even at Adelaide Uni - has developed. We’ve witnessed entire degrees being axed, courses move online, and major faculty mergers that threaten the security of our staff and the quality of our education. Attack after attack; students at Adelaide University will always mobilise and fight back.

This is a government hell-bent on leaving the next generation of Australian students with US-style deregulation and a lifetime of debt. While student welfare rots, changes in federal policy trivialise our well being by transitioning the support placed on students to the corporations our universities have become. For over 4 decades students have been fighting the same battle. Against the trashing of our higher education system, and the corporatisation of our universities. Malcolm Turnbull and the liberal party have made it clear, that it is their agenda to disenfranchise Australian Students. We’re capable of making students a priority for politicians, we can make university funding a priority for Australians, and we can Make Education Free Again. With our first student rally for the year over, the Student Representative Council and the Make Education Free Again still have a lot to offer. We’ll be watching Canberra closely in the leadup to the May Budget, running events for you on campus like open student forums, campaigns and stress less day. We’ll be engaging with students, collecting signatures and stories all while fighting and pushing on campus for a quality and accessible education here at Adelaide University. They say cut back; we say fight back.

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WHAT’S ON? // APRIL PK’s 21st

WiLdStyle 10

Celebrating 21 years of PK,

Wild party times at Ancient World, dress up like we’re in New York, Berlin or Tokyo baby. But don’t come in a Geisha/culturally insensitive costume, because that isn’t cool. This is a free from judgment environment. $10 on the door or ‘dress to express & impress’ to get in for a fiver.

1st April / PK’s Place lovable friend, fearless leader and

party

birthday

starter. the

Happy smartest

friend we know. For catering purposes, please RSVP to PK by 31st March.

8 April / Ancient World

ABSS + AULSS mid semester fiesta

Fourwords Reunion finale party!

Considering that tomorrow is

Lots of iconique club events have done their send off for the Rhino but this is one of the very final sweaty basement parties at the Frome Street venue! Hosted by the Fourwords crew, there will be plenty of ~vibes~ and indie dank tunes (eg. the stuff you might hear at Transmission in a couple of years time). $5 entry and extended late licence because fuck 3am lockouts!!!

13 April / La Hacienda

Good Friday, repent for you sins by joining the Law and Business societies on their mid semester fiesta. Ralph Lauren attire is compulsory.

16 April / Rhino Room

The Smith Street Band live acoustic set and signings 11 April / Clarity Records

The Smith Street Band’s Wil Wagner will be in town to spruik the new LP, More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me, set for release on April 7. Catch this special one-off acoutic performance before they head on a regional run of shows with Groovin’ The Moo and headline their own national tour.

Groovin’ The Moo

28 April / Wayville Showgrounds The rural town of Wayville, a 20 minute trek from the CBD, will host the popular touring festival in 2017. Catch Hottest 100 favourites, Amy Shark, Violent Soho and Milky Chance performing at the AA event.

Mr Burns

Space Theatre / 22 April - 13 May Yes, this is based on The Simpson’s character, Mr Burns. The postelectric production by the State Theatre Company collaborating with Belvoir will run in the better half of April through to mid May. Check out the State Theatre Company website for other cool events (we recommend the Tangent discussion series). 10

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6PM

THE ROUNDUP With Demi, Ellie and Kieron

7PM

TWIN SPEAKS With Darcy and Nicole

8PM

THE FLANUER FILES With Adrian, Hamish and Mahendra

9PM

OBJECTIVE UNKNOWN With Josh and Tim

9:30PM

THE CAMPUS UNIVERSITY NEWS TEAM With Mitchell and Nicholas

10PM

SCIENCE SMACK With Jack, Kiri and Shannon

11PM

LATE NIGHT LOWDOWN With Louise and Michael

12AM - 1AM

MIDNIGHT STATIC With Nic, Soph, and Tom

facebook /auustudentradio

twitter @austudentradio

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Vox Pop

CHARLIE

PAT R I C K

Economics Advanced

Law/Commerce

1) I’m gonna stay home more and do uni work.

1) Try to study.

2) God no, the Mayo was gross.

2) It wasn’t a cafe by the time I got to uni.

3) Reading by candle light. I don’t think these questions are really funny. (Ed’s note: shutup Charlie)

3) Play on your phone until it dies.

4) Khe Sanh by Cold Chisel

4) All Star by Smashmouth

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1) What are you going to do now that the Fringe is over? 2) Do you miss the Mayo Cafe? 3) What is the best way to enter tain yourself during the a blackout? 4) What song should we play in our DJ set at Waite?

D A I SY

BERNICE

Masters in Architecture

1) Cry in the shower.

1) Stay at uni and do more work.

2) No but they did good chips; no mayo though which was misleading.

2) I’ve never been before because it was out of the way.

3) Get in the car with my housemate and drive to Mt Osmond and watch the power come back on.

3) Stare at candles.

4) Laika by Jesse Davidson (Ed’s note: who’s that?)

4) Busty and the Bass covering Macy Gray’s I Try

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Left, Right & Centre Where we ask three hacks across the political spectrum what their take is on the hot issues around campus

Left

Centre

Patrick Stewart

Ali Amin

Whitlam Club

Adelaide Uni Labor Club

1 Absolutely, as recent examples have made clear. After Carlton & United Breweries sacked 55 of their workers and offered them their jobs back at a huge pay cut, mass boycotts of CUB products played a huge role in the reinstatement of the workers at full pay. Recently the mere threat of boycotts led Coopers to apologise after their bizarre involvement with the anti-marriage equality Bible Society and its video with Liberal MPs. Consumer boycotts, particularly in combination with other actions like rallies, petitions, community campaigning and lobbying those in positions of political influence, are very effective. 2 It’s crucial that governments invest in renewables. Fossil fuels are a huge cause of climate change, and deeply detrimental to our environment. The

coal industry is also not viable long-term – the jobs that get food on people’s tables and roofs over their heads are coming increasingly from renewables, and less from the coal industry. Renewables also present the solution to South Australia’s energy problems. Keeping up the production of energy from renewable sources, and utilising new ways to store this energy long-term, is the best way to ensure we have a stable, thriving power network. However, we must ensure a just transition for workers in the coal industry while we increase investment in renewables. We need to make sure these workers have all the support they need to transition to secure jobs in other industries. 3 Absolutely not. Soggy chips are never acceptable.

1 It really depends, boycotts can be an extremely effective means of protests if targeted correctly. However, often the company being boycotted is just a subsidiary and the top group just does some price changes elsewhere and the boycott doesn’t mean shit. I don’t think most boycotts have tangible economic effects (even those against Apartheid South Africa) unless targeted against a single firm, e.g. your local coffee store. However, boycotts tend to attract media attention which changes public perception, bringing new items to the agenda, and as such what politicians consider important enough to address. 2 Absolutely! Phasing out fossil fuels by switching to low greenhouse emitting energy sources such as renewable energy is crucial for climate change mitigation. Increased investment will give us an edge in the renewable energy race making Australia a

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1 - Do you think boycotts are an effective means of protest in the modern day? 1 - Are renewables worth investing in or should we stick to old practices? 1 - Is it fine to have chips under the parmi/schnitzel?

Right Rachael Ingleton

Adelaide Uni Liberal Club superpower in a world market that is demanding low-carbon energy. It will also mean massive long term savings by decreasing economic losses due to extreme weather events. Furthermore, government spending in this area is an obvious target for stimulus to achieve full employment. There is no excuse not to be paying workers to retrofit buildings, to install solar panels and to construct windmills to generate energy. 3 Chips should not even be on the same plate.

1 The recent boycott of Coopers beers highlights the ineffectiveness of boycotts as a form of protest. This phenomenon, which is slacktivism at best, highlights the unwillingness of activists to engage in a dialogue over serious issues. The very purpose of political protest is to challenge ideas, and the people who promulgate those ideas. Withholding purchase of a certain beer, or attendance of a certain event won’t communicate a message, and won’t challenge anything. It only emphasises the narcissistic, and selffulfilling desire of enraged youths to feign political engagement. Our culture is built around politics of the pub – far greater ends are achieved through challenging your mates over a frothy, rather than throwing a tantrum. 2 Renewable energies are imperative to Australia’s development, and our responsibility to manage the harms inflicted on the environment. The adoption of environmentally

minded policies has occurred across the political spectrum, and no ideology is mutually exclusive with an ethos of environmentalism. Like anything, the adoption of renewable energies requires a consideration of the competing interests and costs. Specifically, South Australia should not be disadvantaged by investment in renewables. A nationally driven target for renewable energy is required, so that the environmental impact is balanced with the real financial costs paid by individuals. We require a balancing act between secure access to coal energy, and a national progression towards renewables, so not to unfairly disadvantage people, or neglect environmental protection. 3 Absolutely not. Just like a biscuit, some things should never be served soggy.

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HOW ART AND A FEW WORDS KEPT ME SANE THESE PAST FEW YEARS by Francesca Castandiello

We live in a world where everything and everyone is just one click away. No matter where you go – the bus, the sidewalk, the local café, the park, the university, or the mall – there is a colossal chance of seeing someone’s eyes and fingers incessantly glued to their own phone, laptop, or any digital device. Mostly everyone utilises these implements to post snippets and updates on their lives on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Lately I’ve noticed that we often overlook the idea that our social media accounts no longer reflect and depict our true lives and who we are anymore, but instead it reflects the kind of life we want to show others, regardless of its authenticity. Say for example, we meticulously curate the best ‘instagram-worthy’ photos for

the purpose of aesthetics and ‘fitting in’, and even on Facebook, where we untag photos of ourselves we think don’t look ‘cool enough’ to be displayed on our timelines. Because of this, it has become a rarity nowadays to come across something online that’s genuine and frank – something raw. However, if you dig deeper and look closer, you’ll find that there are still some things on the internet that are worth looking into, and things that may surprise you. These past two to five years or so, there had been an influx of sprouting art accounts in Facebook that captured the attention of many, myself included. Accounts like Berlin ArtParasites and Artidote toy with the entire

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spectrum of human emotions through the use of two powerful outlets – art and words. These arts and humanities accounts may be compared to the content you see on Tumblr – a site that has quite a reputation on catering to the hipsters and ‘cool kids’ of the recent decade. However, Berlin ArtParasites’ and Artidote’s choice of platform on mainstream Facebook is the reason why it has garnered more than 4 million followers today. If you’re one of those people who believe that Facebook is an outdated channel and most certainly a thing of the past, then don’t fret because you can easily locate these accounts in twitter, instagram and even snapchat too.

sions – a cathartic feeling of being able to connect with a stranger’s raw emotions and bear the pain as if it’s your own. Even in moments where I don’t seek for it, it seeks me. It finds its way through every cavity and crevice of my soul, speaking words I never thought I needed to hear. It has taught me the significance of empathy in world like today’s – where we tend to bury our underlying vexations deep down ourselves because of the notion that no one will ever understand what we’re going through.

“Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.” Chuck Klosterman

These accounts post daily about anything under the sun – the raw, naked truth about depression and anxiety, political satire (because sometimes we just need to laugh at the ridiculousness of our world today), relationships, love, teen angst, racism, domestic abuse, gender-equality, and basically the quandaries of both generations X and Y. But what strikes them as different and unique is the way they address pressing societal issues through the fusion of stimulating, abstract art pieces, and soul-tugging poetry and prose that compels you to take a step back and view life introspectively. Their simple, yet thought-provoking messages kept my head over the water for all these years now, as in moments where I felt like descending into the chasm of emptiness and apathy to the world, I found solace in reading other people’s words and submis-

I’ve never been the kind of person to appreciate visual art before. It was the kind of language that everyone seemed to speak fluently, yet it had always been a foreign tongue to me. However, I’ve always been a lover of words and its ability to both influence and ignite. They’ve always spoken to me in volumes a lot louder than what others can hear. But through these accounts, I am able to admire these art pieces with the help of words. I am able to discern a deep, substantial meaning from something so abstract. Through these accounts, I’ve also gained a whole new level of awareness, both on others and my own self by discovering the unvarnished truth about life. And most importantly, it gave me hope – the kind that makes getting up each day a lot easier knowing that somewhere in the depths of those accounts, I can find even a morsel of empathy that will constantly serve as a reminder that I am not alone, and that I can get through every single day with a brave smile and a stronger heart.

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Adelaide

Mad March/Fringe Round Up Words by: Tom Haskell Soph Landau Jenny Nguyen Kyriaco Nikias Elana Bartholomeusz Jesse Davidson

TORO Y MOI

Riverbank Palais The opening weekend of Adelaide Festival played host to American musician, Chaz Bundick. Better known as Toro y Moi. The chillwave superstar graced the Adelaide festival season with a special one off performance supported by a full band (unlike his last performance at Big Day Out which was a solo show spectacular). The Riverbank Palais set the scene beautifully for the sold out show with the Torrens bridge and the CBD skyline framing the 6 piece band. Hitting the stage shortly after 8:30pm, Toro y Moi opened with Empty Nesters, a popular cut from the 2015 release, What For?, before Bundick formally greeted the audience and introduced his band. Later on, the

band delved into their past collection of LPs with New Beat proving to be one of the set highlights, motivating the masses to move to the funky beats! Of course, no festival opening night is complete without a semi-controversy. A dedicated fan managed make his way onto the stage then danced by the keyboard and drummer for a solid 30 seconds before Bundick signaled to the security guard to get him off the stage. Closing with Spotify favourite, Rose Quartz, Toro quietly hopped off the stage sans encore. Toro y Moi was a wonderful way to kick off what would go on to be a very successful season of record ticket sales for music, opera, theatre at the Adelaide Festival. JN

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Adelaide Festival La Gaia Scienza

So modest is the fame of the Italian trio La Gaia Scienza that even more remarkable is the polite revolution they incite in musical performance. Its three musicians have for three decades sought to restore life to some of the greatest early music. The likes of the Australian Brandenburg Orchestra have, at least in the eastern states, popularised the performance of Baroque music on period instruments. To bring this approach, as did La Gaia Scienza, to Romantic music, is remarkably rare. But the goal of historically-informed performance is susceptible to the just-as-bad substitution of one musical immovability

for another. Seeking to hear music exactly as it was intended to be heard (which is, in reality, impossible) can be a recipe for artificial pretence, for suffocating any creative license under pedantic rigidity. In spite of this, the music of La Gaia Scienza achieves a balance in which each instrument is respectfully allowed to sing with individual presence. That this trio — whose name is nearly unknown outside Italy — came to perform but one concert in Adelaide is invaluable to Australian music. KN

Patrick Cash

The Chemsex Monologues Making its international debut, the thought-provoking and confronting messages of the show are universal, sparking a dialogue about the normalised use of drugs in gay communities all over the world.

of hardcore drugs such as methamphetamines and GHB being used for their erotic advantages, The Chemsex Monologues questions the problems of the phenomenon without sensationalising the issue.

A narrator, a nameless gay man, a fag-hag, and a sexual health worker take turns in delivering authentic perspectives through heavy and humorous monologues, revealing a narrative of the troublesome chemsex scene. The narrator, played passionately by Richard Watkins, opens the show with ease as he introduces the potentially naive audience to the thrills of chemically enhanced sex. With the increasing popularity

Cash’s thoughtfully constructed script humanises the people behind the statistics by offering realistic perspectives, while also exemplifying the normalisation of gay death through apathetic observers and depictions of ‘controlled’ usage gone too far. SL

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patrick mcaffrie

Democracy Doesn’t Work It seems like these days that everyone has a take on political issues. With this mind, the idea of listening to a comedian bang on about these issues for an hour might seem a little tedious. However, this is the fantastic thing about Patrick McCaffrie; he is able to take these political satire cliches and make them completely his own.

political systems and just needs a platform to vent his frustrations. Luckily for us, his venting is witty, quick, and sometimes just a bit too real. In his show, Pat takes on everything from Cory Bernardi’s rampant homophobia, One Nation’s aspirational working class voters, and even why Perth is literally the worst city in Australia. TH

As you can probably guess from the title, Pat is a little cynical towards our

altar girl

Modern Retelling of Othello Adaptations of Shakespeare are no stranger to any theatre-goer. But what if you immersed your audience in an underground party, with bare concrete floors and trashed red cups? For any looming tragedy, this would be its hellish home. Melbourne’s Rotten Honey present Altar Girl. Labelling itself as “Othello meets Heathers meets Cruel Intentions at an underage party in the bathroom,” Altar Girl presents a horrifyingly familiar setting – a high school gathering. Beginning in this web of bitchiness, intoxication, and desire clearly allows the play’s insidious themes of jealousy to seep through. Modernising not only its temporal setting, Altar Girl also casts a female Othello, or Ollie, whose relationship with golden girl Dess is undermined by queen bee Lara. This interestingly brings issues of sexuality to the noxious mess of betrayal. This visceral performance retains that teenage sense of nervous terror throughout, but also a slightly discomfited immaturity. Think Skins, with its duality of transfixing

intensity, yet youthfully gawky cast. Here, this is both a strength and downfall. Altar Girl is certainly engrossing, but at times, the audience is confronted with voyeuristic discomfort, perhaps in the same way adults feel shocked at the crudeness of an unhinged teen party. The intimate setting of the Adina Treasury Tunnels is a highlight. With only twenty audience members, it insinuates creeping into the underworld of human nature. The actors’ intimidating proximity further increases the play’s overall intensity. Lighting and sound includes messily draped fairy lights and muffled trap – certainly evocative of what to expect in the aftermath of a private school party. Altar Girl certainly keeps its audience in suspense, in pursuit of such a raw interpretation. The immersive tragedy with intensity abound, although sometimes too earnest, certainly brings tangible peril for every character within. For better or worse, we all wait intently at our collective altar, watching Othello’s dark demise. EB

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Adele

Second-hand Concert While there was a record turn out of 70,000, those of us who had not secured tickets and didn’t want to miss out either, resorted to other means to catch Adele’s debut performance in Australia. I was one of the latter and I was hell keen to go because I know the lyrics to the songs and my friends were talking her up all bloody week. So in a last minute scramble, I found some tickets via Gumtree. But then bailed because lol, $650. With thanks to the reliable and fast service of the Adelaide Metro ‘Oval Express’ buses, I had arrived 30 minutes before the show started and still managed to find myself a decent spot. I guess you could say the amenities were pleasant. I poured myself a slightly warmed red tin — no expensive venue drinks for

me! — and plonked myself down by the banks of the Rizzy Tizzy. The sun had started to set and Adele didn’t feature a support act but jokes on you ticket holders; I was thoroughly enjoying the band playing at Womadelaide’s Novatech stage which I could hear from Botanic Park. Close to 8pm, the sun had eventually set, and Adele’s powerhouse vocals sent tremors across the Torrens with her opening number, Hello. I was refreshing Snapchat to view the stories of my mates who were snapping just about every part of the event. I can confirm that Queen Adele definitely did slay and her setlist comprised of all the hits from her three studio albums. I was there for a good while but then realised my phone battery was at 1% from the endless scrolling and refreshing of apps. Convenient too, as the concert had just wrapped up. JN

GReg fleet We Are Idiots

Sitting down in the very intimate Rhino Room Beer Garden, I was excited to be so close to such an iconic Australian comedian. Some jokes hit the nail on the head with a Gen X style of edginess - you know, the type of edgy that spits in the face of late 80’s political correctness. Other jokes were incredibly dated such as one referencing Ben Cousins - I don’t remember the last time he was relevant in popular culture but each to their own I guess.

Unfortunately, the highlight of the night for me was the warmup (whose name escapes me). This might be because he was younger, or it could be that he was funnier. Again, it’s hard to be objective about this. The audience themselves seemed to thoroughly enjoy Fleet but they were all mainly my parents’ age. TH

Artist Profile

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Michael Nicholson At the tender age of 21, Michael Nicholson has built up quite the portfolio. Learning completely on his own, Michael has been painting regularly for the last 5 years. He attributes this experimental nature to a lack of any formal training which has allowed him to utilize his creativity in an unstructured way. Literature has played a huge part in fueling his desire to paint. “Most of my bigger paintings are representations of what I imagine the scene might be in certain books. Likewise with drawings and sketches, they mostly revolve around themes that are expressed in some of my favourite books.” “I find it a little bizarre that the fuel that motivates me to draw and paint comes from literature and not art, but that’s the way it’s always been! That said, I think I find most inspiration from books. I love to read and most of my bigger paintings are representations of what I imagine the scene might be in certain books.” Michael cites Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Old Man and the Sea, and Catch 22 as the most influential literature in sparking his creativity.

Wheat

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Artist Profile

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Sunset The themes often seen in Michael’s art include the chaotic beauty of the Australian landscape as well as subtle hints at satire through pieces like ‘See No Evil’. The Australian landscape is something from which Michael draws a lot of inspiration. There is a sense of harmony between the burnt horizons and landscapes of Australia in Michael’s art that reveals an urgent desire to call others to appreciate the natural beauty of this country. Through his art, Michael aims to emulate the style of modern art he most appreciates, Impressionism. “I’m a big fan of Van Gogh, but I can trace a lot of my inspiration to paint from local artist, Angus Hamra. He just seems to understand paianting; unlike so many modern artists, his pieces never seem contrived. In terms of study, Michael has finished a Bachelor of Media and is entering his final year of law. When he’s not making amazing works of art, you can find him playing with puppies or going rock climbing

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Artist Profile

See No Evil (top right) and an untitled landscape (below)

Artist Profile

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Artist Profile

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olitical debate used to be such nice business. Well, nice in the sense that words like ‘libtard’, ‘cuck’, and ‘SJW’ would make even the most fervent political junkies raise an eyebrow.

“Libtard” “Cuck” “SJW” In a 1968 interview, Conservative commentator William Buckley, fired back at his liberal arch-nemesis Gore Vidal to ‘Stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I’ll sock you in your Goddamn face and it’ll stay plastered.’ This followed twenty minutes of heated discussion about the role of protesters in the Vietnam War, the worst foreign policy disaster in modern American history. Call it a moment of unrestrained passion sparked by genuine conviction. Compare that to Milo Yiannopoulos’ recent appearance on Bill Maher’s show, when comedian Larry Wilmore tells him to ‘go fuck yourself’ after the former takes a jab at his IQ. The discussion lost real purpose much earlier, It just needed a memorable note to finish the crescendo, which Wilmore

gladly supplied. Cue wild applause. What kind of precedent does this set for the future of political debate in our society? Is there any difference between this and the back and forth slur-sparring underneath Donald Trump’s Twitter posts? We’d like to think our online venting rituals bare no relation to the real world, but don’t forget the alt-right was borne out of 4chan’s political discussion board; or that YouTube sparked a firestorm when the Ghostbusters reboot appeared to replace quality with identity politics; or that third-wave feminism arguably became mainstream from the notorious Gamergate fiasco. These are the historical examples our generation will take into the voting booth. But people create movements, and movements create leaders. If the people get more and more blood-thirsty, then our leaders will be happy to represent this mean streak in the political arena, where policy is a football, and ideology its goalposts. The likes of Milo Yiannopoulos have been instrumental in this degradation, hammering the point home about the dangers of political correctness- that Marxist social justice warriors want to take away our right to say what’s on our mind. Cultural Marxism, deploying political correctness as a weapon, is the number one roadblock for left-wing politics. The obsession on me, and what politics can do for me, in a world embracing the need for

Politically Correct Name Calling Words by Ivan Bucalo

~ On Di t ~

serious, economic change, is too near-sighted. It gives Milo ammunition against an imaginary bogeyman, and draws in followers against an enemy everyone can get behind: narcissism. The difference with Milo’s anti-PC crusade is that it comes sugar-coated with a moral flavour. By exercising my right to be an asshole, I’m actually promoting free speech and saving democracy! It’s a very clever win-win scenario he’s concocted, and what’s more, anyone who tries to inject common courtesy or manners into conversation becomes an oppressor. Manners is not the same thing as political correctness. What not all, but many free speech advocates want is to tip the balance of power in their favour; to substitute good, logical arguments for brute force, like Donald Trump did with his now infamous hatchet jobs on the mainstream media, Mexican rapists, and Rosie O’Donnell. And who else did they learn the value of being an asshole but their opponents on the left?

self-granted impunity, even at the most petty and rudimentary level. The information age has posed a very loaded question to the millennial generation: If people really are this nasty to each other online, of all places, why should I care about them in real life? The right says you shouldn’t; it’s every man for himself in this big, scary world. The left doesn’t really have a good retort; it chastises this lost soul like a hungry child stealing out of the cookie jar. Those of us who think the world should be a little fairer and a little more compassionate —regardless of your political ideology — must learn that sheer intensity of belief, no matter how sincere, looks like fanaticism on the surface. Trying to force empathy means promoting self-deception- and a lot of people are waking up to how much they’ve been lied to by the world around them. We cannot let political profiteers like Milo, like Trump, and Pauline Hanson or Cory Bernardi here in Australia, be martyred as casualties

“What unites the many ideologies of the right is the shaming done by their opponents, who dismiss the ever-growing minority as fascists or xenopohobes, playing into their trap, and convincing more people that anyone even slightly left-leaning is a special snowflake who can’t fathom foreign ideas.” What unites the many ideologies of the right is the shaming done by their opponents, who dismiss the ever-growing minority as fascists or xenopohobes, playing into their trap, and convincing more people that anyone even slightly left-leaning is a special snowflake who can’t fathom foreign ideas. Cultural Marxism is an annoyance, but not a serious danger. Historically speaking, the law has usually favoured the perceived victims in society, and certain schemers, like Milo and like Donald Trump, have engineered a system in which aggressors can simultaneously play the victim- and the power of victimhood as a social adhesive cannot be understated. As history shows, it can make people say and do horrible things with

of liberalism gone wild. Even if their views seem repulsive, accept there are justifiable reasons why people subscribe to them. I remember Margaret Thatcher saying that her greatest achievement was convincing Tony Blair to move the Labour Party more towards the centre, because by leading through example she managed to make her enemies defect. Now the left has a chance to do the same. And if someone should get called a ‘crypto-Nazi’ in the meantime, let it be the exception, not the norm. That’s why Vidal’s accusation still holds the same biblical weight even after some forty-odd years. But I don’t think we’ll be saying the same for ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, and of course, ‘deplorable’.

MONDAY, APRIL 19 2017 - FREE SPEECH FORECAST: 18C - STILL FREE

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The Adelaide Schemer CAFFE PRIMO 9.90 LUNCH DEAL OR NO DEAL

PANDA PLOY: LIVE FROM ZOO ENCLOSURE SPACEMAN: ‘I’M A FIXER’ TALK of actual space man Elon Musk and Jay Weatherill teaming up to fix SA’s energy woes has set the state abuzz. Can he turn us into the Silicon Valley of the South? Do we get to go to Space with him? Will we someday watch Port and Crows play the first zero-gravity Showdown on Ganymede in the New Adelaide moon colony?

SPECIAL REPORT

Words: Paddy Reynolds Artwork: George Thalassoudis

$200 BILLION TAXPAYER FUNDED GAME CHANGER

ut wait! Just a few months ago weren’t we planning to become the world’s nuclear waste dump? Whatever happened to that? We South Aussies love to dream big with schemes and ventures that the rest of the country would never have the guts to attempt. Sometimes they succeed (Only state founded without convicts or a state religion, first state to give women the vote, everything fun that happens in March, the Pandas) but sometimes they’re disasters. >>>

1893, A Utopia in Paraguay:

1960, A Metropolis in Monarto:

There was a plan for “New Australia”, a utopian

In the 1960s everyone was worried that Adelaide

society based on the principles of Christianity,

was growing too quickly and soon we’d soon run

Communism, and preserving the “colour-line” of

out of room. Premier Playford and the Liberal

“English-speaking Whites”. It was determined

Party’s solution was the MATS Plan; $4.5 billion

that the jungles of Paraguay were the ideal lo-

of multi-tier highways, roads, and even a subway.

cation for this utopia. Half the “New Australian”

The plan was shelved when Premier Don Dunstan

settlers who sailed across the Pacific were South

and Labor took over but don’t worry, big schemes

Australians. The society quickly split over prohi-

are a bipartisan issue in SA. Dunstan decided to

bitions of alcohol and sleeping with local Par-

solve urban sprawl and overpopulation by build-

aguayans. Soon they were broke and having to

ing a satellite city close to Murray Bridge that

hunt monkeys to prevent starvation. After a few

would be named Monarto and house 150,000

years the Paraguayan government intervened

people. It was imagined as “a new vision of an

and shut down the experiment though many

Australian city” with palatial townhouses and cy-

Paraguayans can still trace their ancestry to the

cle paths. The local farmers were moved off their

South Australians of Nueva Australia. Harry

land in preparation and it was around then that

Taylor, (born and raised in North Adelaide) re-

someone realised Adelaide’s population wasn’t

turned undeterred. If Paraguay had failed then

actually growing quickly enough to justify any of

the fruit growers of the Riverlands would form

this and the plan was abandoned. This story does

his Anglo-Saxon/Christian/Communist utopia.

have a happy ending, the government not know-

This had more initial success but Taylor’s oppo-

ing what else to do with the land created Monarto

sition to militancy in the union movement and

Zoo, the largest open range zoo in the world and

support of conscription in the First World War

one with an incredibly successful endangered an-

lost him Left-wing support. Gradually he aban-

imal breeding programme. I can’t recommend it

doned his utopian vision becoming a main-

enough for a day trip out of the city.

stream figure in Renmark local politics.

The plan was shelved when Premier Don Dunstan and Labor took over, but don’t worry; big schemes are a bipartisan issue in SA.

1970, An Iceberg in the Gulf: In the late 1970s, Saudi Arabia founded the Iceberg Transport International, a consortium seeking to tow icebergs from the Poles to areas with water shortages. Of course South Australia loved the sound of this and Flinders University Meteorology Professor, Peter Schwertfeger, became the Australian coordinator. The South Australian government went so far as to study this proposal seriously but determined that the Gulf of St Vincent was too shallow to contain an iceberg and it would have to be moored off Kangaroo Island instead with no feasible way to get the water to Adelaide.

1980, A Cable Car in the Hills: In the late 1980s Premier John Bannon decided to turn Mount Lofty summit into a major tourist site. Plans included a grandiose tower with a revolving restaurant, a 170-room hotel and most impressive of all a cable car from the summit down to Waterfall Gully. For readers from the Adelaide Hills know that you could be commuting to the city by gondola lift had this only gone ahead. The plan was deemed too expensive and watered down to the current non-revolving restaurant accessible only by car or Sunday morning #fitspo hikes.

1987, A Neo Tokyo In Salisbury: This last one is by far the strangest. In 1987 the Japanese economy was booming and they had more money than they knew what to do with. They decided to build a futuristic city in Australia large enough to house 100,000 Japanese, apparently on the basis of us having a “nice climate”. The city was to be called the Multifunction Polis

(or MFP for short) and the Department of Foreign Affairs officially defined it as “a cosmopolis to become a forum for international exchange in the region and a model for new industries and new lifestyles looking ahead to the 21st century”. Noone in Australia had any idea what that meant but South Australians liked it. Adelaide beat out the Gold Coast and Melbourne to win the MFP which was to be built on swampland close to Salisbury. Rumours abounded of what this cyberpunk city would contain: genetic implants, a custom free zone for pharmaceuticals, a centre for global sports betting, a world university, and nuclear power were all discussed while terms like ‘5th sphere living’, ‘technopolis’, ‘biosphere’, and ‘21st century renaissance’ were bandied around. The jealous NSW government raised concerns that the Japanese funding was coming from gambling rackets with links to the Japanese underworld while others raised the spectre of Yellow Peril claiming this was all an insidious form of colonisation by the Japanese. South Australia didn’t care; we were heading straight to the future! The plan came to a sad halt when the Japanese economy burst in the mid-90s and funding dried up. The site of the MFP would become the suburb of Mawson Lakes which lacks a biosphere but does have an Adelaide Metro interchange, a UniSA campus, and even a Caffe Primo. Having been up there I can tell you that it is neither a Blade Runner dystopia nor a Jetsons utopia but there is a pretty cool planetarium and that’s sort of futuristic.

ASPHYXIATING THE GLASS CEILING Words by Lani Gerbi

ack the Ripper might have captivated the public imagination, thanks mostly to his twitter handle and gross modus operandi, but let’s be real here. Aside from the not-getting-caught bit, he was sort of an amateur. He actually didn’t kill all that many people. In fact, you can count his victims on one hand, and if you happen to be the six-fingered man who killed Inigo Montoya’s father, you’ll have a spare digit. They even have a nickname, ‘The Canonical Five’, which sounds less like a collection of mutilated bodies and more like an Enid Blyton book gone horribly, horribly wrong. Five Never Go Adventuring Again, anyone? Of course, any people is still too many people when you’re talking about murder, but comparatively speaking, he really wasn’t that bad. He got out-murderer-ed by his own knock-off, Jack the Stripper, who killed eight female sex workers over the course of 1964 and 1965, but frankly that’s neither here nor there. Our little comparative discussion is going to remain strictly within the Victorian era, to allow you to temporarily smother your moral objections to laughing at dead people, on the basis that they would all be dead anyway by now. Now, our friend Jack confined his extracurricular activities to a single year, 1888, but he was not the only serial killer operating along the River Thames at the time— lucky Brits. Neither was he the cleverest, the most calculating, or the most prolific. That title, in my opinion, belongs to a woman called Amelia Dyer. Dyer was working in the field for around a decade before and after Jack gave it a go. No, literally, working. Her business modelwas murder. Amelia Dyer was what the Victorians called ‘a baby farmer’, and in fact later became known as the Reading Baby Farmer. In theory, a baby farmer was a person who took in illegitimate children for a fee, then sought and placed them with a permanent family. A sort of monetised cross between the modern foster system and ye olde Dickensian orphanage. In practice, baby farmers often neglected, abused, drugged, and/or murdered the children under their care. Dyer used to throw hers in the Thames. Similarly permanent destination; noticeably less pleasant than advertised. Oh, and the substance most commonly used to keep abused children pliant? An opium based cordial known as ‘Mother’s Friend’. I’m not joking, look it up. I wonder how humanity is not extinct yet. Moving on.

“In practice, baby farmers often neglected, abused, drugged, and/or murdered the children under their care. Amelia Dyer used to throw hers in the Thames.” But Amelia Dyer, also known as the Ogress of Reading, wasn’t the only baby farmer around. There was also the Brixton Baby Farmer, the Baby Farming Murderess, the Cardiff Killer, the Southland Witch, and the Baby Farmers, a married couple working together. Obviously this was a bit of an issue, so let’s have a quick look at why. The answer is pretty simple. The British government passed a law in 1834 which excused the fathers of illegitimate children from any and all financial obligation to both mother and child, thereby creating the Deadbeat Dad that you couldn’t legally sue. Honestly, even if affordable and effective contraception had been available at the time – which it wasn’t – this was just asking for trouble, but to each their own bad governmental decisions. This is also Reason #24601 why middle-aged white men should not be allowed to legislate on any issue that even tangentially involves a uterus. Judicial history lesson over. Back to murder. Of course, not all of the female serial killers in the Victorian era were as prolific as Dyer – and thank goodness for that, or we might have had a real population problem. Dyer is, after all, thought to have killed around four hundred children in her day. She killed and disposed of her victims cleanly and efficiently, used multiple aliases to avoid detection, and generally ran a very tight ship. Yes, she was eventually caught, but only after twenty years of uninterrupted serial killing, and even once they figured out what she’d been up to and she confessed to it all, they couldn’t find most of the bodies. That’s some impressive/terrifying credentials there, and yet people still find reports of violent crime perpetrated by women to be surprising. Of course, yes, statistically speaking, men commit violent crime much more often than women – but they don’t have a monopoly on cold-blooded killing, goshdarnit. Women can be prolific serial killers too! That cannot have been where I was going with this… Oh well.

TINDER

Gone Tits Up Wo r d s b y E r i n G e a r Art by Nozhat Hassan

“A fuccboi, at least in my experience, is someone is someone who asks for your Snapchat before asking for your phone number or Facebook; and proceeds to only communicate with you via Snapchat like a horny little boy. ”

Ah Tinder: the place all young singletons go in this culture of instant self-gratification for an ego-boost, or maybe even a quick fix of the bedroom variety. Tinder has certainly changed the dating game for Millennials, and the rhetoric of ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’ is more relevant than ever in our dating culture. In fact, I’m actually nostalgic for Shaggy’s bad boy ‘Player’ which has gone out of fashion, and pales in comparison to the ‘fuccboi’ exclusive to our generation. A fuccboi, at least in my experience, is someone is someone who asks for your Snapchat before asking for your phone number or Facebook; and proceeds to only communicate with you via Snapchat like a horny little boy. He is someone who will only acknowledge your existence after dark; is someone who thinks ‘Netflix ‘n Chill’ is a legitimately good suggestion for a first date, and is someone who most definitely will not message you after sex. Lacking any subtlety, he also likes to work his views on monogamy into the conversation – which according to him is an outdated and unnatural practice. I’m always left wondering, ‘what fucking hippie cult did you sprout up from?!’ While I’m by no means ready for a long term relationship; I still believe that having respect for your partner by, oh I don’t know, not sleeping with anyone else is an expectation I’m allowed to have. If you’re seeing multiple people, that’s called dating honey; you’re not protesting monogamy by being a serial dater. There’s a big leap between dating somebody, and being in a relationship. I also don’t like that the common expression for a date is now ‘just hanging out’, as if it’s supposed to prevent expectations or suggest you’re emotionally unavailable. However, it doesn’t prevent all expectations. In fact, it heightens one expectation in particular; sex. This is where we’re at with dating – sorry, ‘just hanging out’ - we’ve devolved. Chivalry, dignity and respect are out. Chauvinism, ‘dick pics’, and rudeness are in.

I recently went on a date with a guy that needs join the anthology of terrible Tinder tales. It did not have a ‘happy ending’. For the sake of anonymity I’m going to call him Jake, a name I decided upon after Googling ‘what’s the most fuccboi-ish name?’ – coincidentally enough, it’s not too dissimilar from his real name… I’d been talking to Jake on Tinder for four or five days before I agreed to meet him for lunch on Sunday. He seemed like a pretty normal guy, checking out on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat; there were no red flags. He even offered to pick me up and drop me home, which at the time I thought was a nice gesture – it was actually just a matter of convenience. Nevertheless, he picked me up at 12:30 and we went to Hahndorf for lunch. The date itself was probably the most dull, one-sided experience I’ve ever had with a person. Jake spent the entire time talking about himself, his mates and their antics. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I thought he must have been talking so much because he was nervous. Not the case; he was just in love with himself. Not once, in between slopping colossal amounts of food into his mouth, did he ask me anything about myself or even remotely try to include me in his one-man conversation. He even tried to order for me! Offended by his blatant disregard for me at all, I managed to get a word in for the first time in about an hour, and said ‘what’s this, the 1950s?’. His response was ‘settle down love’, as he watched the waitress walk away in her see-through black leggings. Safe to say I was less than impressed. After what felt like two of the longest hours of my life, it was finally three o’clock and I suggested we head back to the car; he was more than obliging. He then, rather expectantly,

“Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I thought he must have been talking so much because he was nervous. Not the case; he was just in love with himself.” asked me ‘so, my place or yours?’. I actually laughed out loud because it had not even crossed my mind that someone would think going to have sex after a lunch date was an acceptable expectation. I politely declined, saying ‘neither, just drop me home and we’ll see about next time’, with absolutely no intention of ever seeing him again. He did not take this rejection well. With a hint of belligerence, he said ‘but I bought you lunch?’ - as if it were an obvious and fair exchange; lunch for sex! He was treating me no better than he would a sex worker. He expected to have sex with me because he’d bought me lunch, because he’d paid for me. He started waffling on about how I’d wasted his whole day, so I handed him some cash, saying ‘now I don’t owe you anything’. He’d worked himself up into such a state of anger and frustration that he stormed off to his car, and yelled at me from across the car park ‘you can find your own way home then!’ I was too dumbfounded to be able to retort quickly enough that I ended up just watching him drive away and flip me off. He left me there. In Hahndorf. After lunch. Because I wouldn’t have sex with him. What the fuck!

~ On Di t ~

Fo o d

The Beigelry Words and photographs by Michaela McGrath

Bagels, they’re just savoury donuts right? WRONG! Bagels are the crux of the modern, Brooklyn-chic brunch and are finally gracing us mere Adelaidians with their wholesome brekky goodness. Our great city has seen an influx of specialty coffee shops and niche smoothie joints breathing life into the otherwise forgotten corners of the CBD, however none to the extent of The Beigelry in Topham Mall. Entering the Beigelry, you could be forgiven for thinking you’d been transported into a downtown New York bagel spot. Serving up an authentic slice of The Big Apple, the breakfast joint has taken inner-city Adelaide by storm with a classic take on the iconic NYC bagel. Industrial interiors, chilled out atmosphere, and hidden gem finds make for an authentic hipster-chic experience. The guys at the heart of The Beigelry phenomenon create the traditionally handcrafted and boiled bagels fresh every morning to achieve a homemade quality every time. Better yet, the shopfront is only a few minutes from the train station, making it the perfect detour for a nutritious and delicious brekky. Using 100% local ingredients, the delicious carby treats come in a range of flavours and can be loaded with a range of toppings and schmears. Stick to the menu or go wild creating your own, the team are always keen to accommodate to any wacky taste combinations. Whether you’re more of a plain Jane or an all-in-bagel-fiend, Beigelry’s menu offers bagels that are sure to quell even the most extravagant of cravings. Feeling something sweet? Chow down with a blueberry bagel with maple schmear and fresh strawbs. After something a little bit fancy? Whack some smoked salmon on that rosemary and parmesan delight. Not only does The Beigelry exclusively source their ingredients from local producers, but they also boast a stunning array of Adelaide bevvys. Whether you’re

after a morning pick-me-up or just to quench your thirst, the bagel joint has you covered. The fridges are lined with an array of sodas by Adelaide Arcade’s Two Bit Villains and the potent cold brew coffee courtesy of SA’s own Mischief Brew. The Beigelry is open Monday to Friday from when the bagels hit the shelves. Stacked with fresh goodies every morning, they’re only open until sold out so I advise getting in quick smart if you want to get your hands on one of these delights.

WHEN? 7.30AM – 3.00PM (or until sold out) WHERE? Shop 19, Topham Mall, Adelaide IG: @the_beigelry FB: @thebeigelry

~ On Di t ~

LISTENING TO A WORLDLY SOUNDTRACK Rejuvenating the Botanic Parklands with food, arts and music, Womadelaide cements itself as he most unique event in March. Words: Nicholas Garbas Photography: Jenny Nguyen

Crowds gathering to hear a sick band at the four day event.

March and Adelaide go together like a red tin and a forty-degree day, like a Saints boy and Fat Controller, like Beau Brug and University Clubs. A significant (and obvious) reason for this is the influx of events, artists and food that make Adelaideans not talk shit about their city for once. One of the main draw cards during this period is Womadelaide, where, for just over a hundred dollars per day, you can unleash your free spirit and align your chakras and let the smell of Scott Green hit your nose as soon as you scan your wristband at the gates. Now as I mentioned, Womadelaide can be expensive, and this year, the festival announced a cheap run of tickets for the Monday event for just $65 a pop. So, unless you have that cash handy you might have needed to think of alternative strategies to get in. You spin the old ‘go with your parents and act like you’re under 12’ trick, or pretend you’re friends with On Dit to swing yourself a reviewer’s pass. If all else fails you can add jumping the fence to your Womad to-do list. Once you’re in, it really is quite a unique event to experience for the first time, apart from the music and food it all feels rather uninhibited, especially when you think that everyone there is a regular person outside of those gates, like Shirley from the office wildly thrusting her hips to the West African roots music of Lamine Sonko.

Fire display is really LIT

Byron Bay Donuts If you live a fast-paced lifestyle and can’t wait for your doughnuts, then avoid the hundred person stack that awaits you before you get a Byron Bay doughnut. You’ll probably lose the same amount of calories waiting for the line, but it really is quite a nice piece of sugary dough.

~ On Di t ~

On Dit celebrated 25 years of WOMADelaide festival 10-14 March and sent two reviewers to the iconic four day event. Nicholas, who attended his first WOMAD, reviewed doughnuts and live bands while Daisy, attending her 5th WOMAD, reviewed the Trees - just to be different. Happy Birthday, Womadelaide!

Best performances of the day: Jesse Davidson My first stop was at the performance On Dit’s own Jesse Davidson, Jesse falls into the indie genre, and he’ll introduce himself and his band no less than five times during a show. Jesse Davidson and his band, or Jesse Davidson and the Boys, or Jesse Davidson and the Jesse Davidson’s (depending on what part of the show you see) display a smooth mix of rock and contemporary music. For someone with limited musical knowledge, as I am, it was a noice way to start the festival. Philip Glass Ensemble’s Koyaanisqatsi : This was a live performance of the soundtrack to the experimental 1980’s film Koyaaniqatsi, composed by minimalistic composer Philip Glass. The movie itself has no plot structure or characters, but is rather a collection of time lapses and aerial shots. It’s difficult for to describe the soundtrack without sounding pretentious (like that Art buff who interrupts you with the correct way to pronounce Van Gogh) but in short it’s repetitive, it wakes you up when you’re feeling relaxed and enjoying the spectacle, but it calms you down when you are at your most alarmed. The whole experience feels like a fever dream where your eyes are forced open a la A Clockwork Orange, but whether you like it or not, you’ll surely feel like it’s something completely different to anything you have seen before.

.Hot 8 Brass Band Now I was only fortunate enough to sneak in for two songs, but for a band which has had so many tragic deaths, these fellas do well to put their upbeat interpretation on variety of Jazz, funk and hip-hop classics. Ana Tijoux I’m not going to lie, at this point I was really hungry so I grabbed two sandwiches midway through Chilean superstar Ana Tijoux’s set – I didn’t know who she was before Womad but she certainly got the crowd going, including Shirley (thrusting) from the office, with her fusion of latin hip-hop and jazz. I had to leave because I almost dropped my sandwich.

~ On Di t ~

WOMAD Tree Review Words: Daisy Freeburn (aka treehugger) This is a definitive list (in no semblance of order whatsoever) of good places to park your arse and your picnic rug if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re interested in going next year, which you should. One of the best qualities of Womadelaide is that you can leave all your belongings under a tree while you run around all day and when you come back, not even your grapes are missing.

Stage 1 Peppercorn Tree This is easily one of the most popular camps, so if you want to claim a piece of turf in the shade of the fragrant branches of this well positioned tree, get there early, preferably when the gates open. From this tree you have prime viewing of Foundation Stage, commonly known as Stage 1, commonly known as the stage where all the big acts play. This year Stage 1 was graced by the energetic Hot 8 Brass Band on Friday night, The Waifs on Saturday night, Parov Stelar on Sunday night, and The Specials on Monday night. This spot smells nice, feels nice, looks nice. 4.5 stars. Half a star deducted for crowdedness.

~ On Di t ~

West Coast Tree Look, I don’t have another name for this, but this is where most of the people from the West Coast of the Eyre Peninsula set up camp for the festival. Situated between Stage 1 and 3, it is more chilled out than Stage 1 Peppercorn Tree but still well-located. It is probably the coolest tree in terms of temperature. I watched a total of 1 band at Stage 3 this year, Dope Lemon. He was alright. I left halfway through. 3 stars.

How DOPE was Dope Lemon?

When I asked my friend what I should write for this review, he said ‘Womad? More like whoa-RAD!’ Big Moreton Bay Fig Tree Near The NGOs And Toilets This one is a favourite amongst the youths who prefer to dump their bag and not come back til closing time, flitting from stage to stage all day with nothing but a phone stuck in their bra and a beer in each hand. Good place to take a quick rest in between acts, however not the comfiest. It also boasts proximity to food and toilets, as well as being a quick run away from Stage 1. Fire display which smelled like keroscene

3.5 stars.

~ On Di t ~

Speakers Corner I don’t know anyone who sets up here. I mean, it’s where you go at the end of the night, but it’s too far away from the rest of the action. Mind you, Speakers Corner often has the best acts of them all, for example this year I cried during a song by Electric Fields, feasted on a picnic with my dad whilst listening to Hanoi Masters bloody shred it to a Jimi Hendrix song on a classical Vietnamese instrument, and had my final boogie to Icelandic duo Kiasmos on Monday night. Also, there were plenty of bats. 2 stars.

Icelandic duo, Kiasmos playing at Speakers Corner

!!!BONUS CONTENT!!!

Wow, great atmosphere - W Out of this world - O Magical - M Ahh, this is so much fun - A Dancing - D

~ On Di t ~

The Flags This area is always a sea of picnic rugs and cooler bags. It’s close to a bar, it’s close to 2 stages, it’s close to the flags if you want to take a super photogenic insta, and the ground is lush grass, lush lush green grass. Again, get there early if you want to utilise this superb location. 4 stars.

La Mambanegra (Colombia)

Stage 2 Moreton Bay Fig With The Dreamcatchers Popular amongst families. If you choose this tree as your base you will need a good picnic rug as the ground is uncomfortable. Honestly I don’t know why people choose this tree, it’s in one of the hotter areas of Botanic Park as well. A.B. Original was the only band I watched at Stage 2 this year, and they smashed it, it was so much fun. A.B. Original would have been the only positive about this tree this year. 1 star.

POLARISING

Words by Fi Fr aser Ar t by Sophie Ward

“Add a brass pole and suddenly all you see is sex”

ut those on before you go outside. I’m not to leave before I’ve put my jeans back on over my dance shorts. Jeans don’t go on easily over sweaty skin, and my dad is waiting in a car outside. It doesn’t matter. My teacher is unsympathetic. I’m not to leave until my legs are covered. I’m annoyed, but I keep that to myself; I know she doesn’t care. I know why she’s putting her foot down. You learn to work around the little constraints. You wear old, loose-fitting clothes so you can scramble out of class on time and not worry about sweat stains. You don’t wear short shorts when going out in public with a boyfriend, because people see bruises in the intimate inner thigh and make assumptions. You accept that your hands will be dry and tough, with calluses on your palms at the base of your fingers. Your

wardrobe changes because clothes just don’t fit the same way. “I’m surprised you’re still going on with that”, a school friend says during a lazy afternoon catch-up. In a way, I am too. I expected myself to have given up long ago. I keep trying to explain why, ineffectually. My friend’s mother overhears and her face freezes. It seems that when I graduated from school, I would have been the girl ‘least likely’ to take up this sport. I don’t keep it a secret. I put pictures up on Facebook, talk shop with acquaintances, encourage people to give it a go. I stop seeing skin as immodest, but all the same, I think it probably best to leave the photos out of my 21st slideshow; my grandparents will be there. I start to study health and medical sciences, with a focus on anatomy. For the first time in my life, the muscles in my body are defined enough to

be visible. My shoulders, upper arms, and back are probably the most built. There’s also a clear change in my forearms, calves, and abs. I have new bruises every week. Not that I notice anymore, unless they’re particularly brutal and I want to show them off. Sometimes I have to disclaim: nobody has done this to me. I stop trusting bathroom scales. I don’t even think too hard about how I look in the mirror. I exalt in the strength of my body when I can do something that was once impossible. Not thinner. Not leaner. Stronger. I learn how to love my body. Maybe you’ve never spoken much and he starts to message after you’ve posted a new photo from class. Responses go back and forth, and then this near-stranger drops into a paragraph that “I hope you don’t mind, but I think it’s sexy.”

I do mind. Boys who barely know me like the pictures. Boys who are close friends won’t. They worry about how it looks. I want to know how what I’m doing is any different from other friends who post workout pictures in their sports bras. I think young men have no reference point to understand what it’s like to be sexualised like this. I’d argue back, but it’s not even a discussion. Do you know some people think I’m dirty? Do you know how many times young men have mimed pulling out their wallets? Do you know that we think you’re boring, and creepy, and feral? Do you know that you disgust me? A friend in my class won’t post anything. She’s a teacher, and she’s terrified that a student or parent will find it somehow, and she’ll be fired. I stand outside and maybe my jacket isn’t quite closed over my sports bra—or was I wearing shorts? It was summer, it was hot. My friend wears a T-shirt dress that skims her thighs. She’s younger than me, and looks it. Hell, she looks like she might still be in school.

We’re chatting and the car drives past. OH YEAH, SLUTS—and he is gone. There isn’t time to react. We’re shocked but laugh, laugh about it, stick our heads back into the studio to tell our instructor about the creep whose masculinity could only be affirmed by yelling at unknown young women who are busy living their own lives. Unsurprisingly, she isn’t laughing. Truthfully, neither were we.

“D o you know how m any tim es young men have m im ed pulling out their wallets? D o you know t hat we t hink you’re boring, a nd creepy, a nd feral? D o you know that you disgust me?”

He didn’t give us a chance to say anything back, of course. I’ve thought about what I would have said, should have said, how I could’ve won. How I could’ve prevented that asshole from his smug exit down the road, entertained by his own ‘wit.’ But he didn’t give me time. Skateboaring will be an olympic sport in 2020. Pole dance, pole fitness, vertical artistic apparatus—whatever you want to call it— will not. We have international competitions, international level performers and title holders who live here in Adelaide. We dance routines that require incredible strength, acrobatics, and fluidity. We do things you never could. We dance a contemporary routine on the floor and it is beautiful and moving; we add a brass pole and suddenly all you see is sex.

$500 $455

$300 $270

*This offer is only valid at The Fitness Hub North Terrace campus. See auu.org.au/fitnesshub for Roseworthy and Waite campus offers.