RECHARGE RECHARGE RECHARGE A ZINE FOR POSITIVE YOUTH
FALL 2013
ME IT’S ALL ABOUT -
a program of
“HONEY, IF YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF, HOW THE HELL YOU GOINNA LOVE SOMEONE ELSE?
-RU PAUL
RECHARGE ZINE
“It’s all about ME” -Fall 2013
Editor: Alessandro Bisignanon Design: James M Lee Contributors this issue: Alanna Groleau, Changu Changezi Produced by Positive Youth Outreach (PYO) a program of the AIDS Commitee of Toronto (ACT)
www.positiveyouth.com
from the editor As the fall season wraps all around us and layers of clothing become an option again, Recharge releases yet another compelling zine with a theme that is of interest to all of our readers: “It’s all about me.” Self-care is actually what I had in mind for this issue, exploring the different perspectives that our authors had on this subject. First, you will read the final part of the article written by Alanna in which she talks about the willingness of a person to disclose and what strategies should be in place for it to be a positive experience. Another article throws it back to the title and encourages us to think that it might not be all about me but it is “Actually, all about you” which proves the diversity of opinions that I always try to capture and represent in the zine. Next is a great piece done by one of our own members of the Advisory Committee in which can be seen how one can boost our own energy by using what is at our disposal in a way that can empower us and give us a positive outlet to express our feelings. Furthermore, in September, we recognized a very important milestone—no, not just my birthday—but ACT turned 30, a day that not only helped me understand the organization better but get closer with the people I work with, if you want a glimpse of that experience you can find it in the ACT is 30 and going Strong. Lastly, a poem that explain why PYO is My Sanctuary. Hope all of you are taking care of yourself and I hope that you will enjoy this issue as much as I have in putting it together. If you have any suggestions or submissions please feel free to send it to me at pyozine@actoronto.org.
Alessandro Bisignano Youth Support Worker, Positive Youth Outreach pyozine@actoronto.org
I want to DISCLOSE! If you choose to disclose, FANTASTIC! Get ready for a great journey. Before anything, the most important part is that you yourself are educated about HIV/AIDS and will be able to answer questions by those you are disclosing to. Your local AIDS Service Organizations (ASOs) have all this information for you. It also helps to have something to give to them to read themselves in case they are not comfortable asking questions. It’s also good for them to have to refer to later on if questions arise after you’ve talked to them. The first time you disclose will probably be the most uncomfortable. Picking who you disclose to first can make a difference. A positive reaction is what we would aim for, so if there is someone you trust, who loves you and has been there for you through past rough times they might be a good person to start with. How do you communicate best with this person and what is going to be most comfortable for you? Even if I usually only talk to someone online, I personally prefer to disclose in person. I think it’s more personal, it’s easier to read their reaction (and therefore easier to react appropriately), you can give them physical information on the spot, and they can’t just disappear on you. This may sound good to you, if not, texting, MSN, a Facebook conversation etc., is perfectly acceptable. It all boils down to what’s going to be most comfortable for you, how you best articulate, and what your personal values are.
Alanna About the author:
My name is Alanna Groleau. I am 20 years old and have been HIV+ all my life. I love educating people on HIV and shattering stigmas. Disclosing personally changed my life and hope it can change others’ too.
Actually it’s all about YOU! Although the theme of this month’s Zine is “It’s all about me”, for my own better self-care after coming to terms with my diagnosis I’ve realized that it’s not really about me at all.
It’s about other people, how much I can help and empathize, and what I can do to better the world around me. Can I volunteer? Donate my time? Spend time with someone who is disabled or suffering? What activities can I do that can help or assist someone who is less fortunate than me? Once you’re diagnosed, your focus first turns inward on yourself. Then slowly as you realize that you’re not going to die and as you start to adapt to your new life, you gain an appreciation for life and begin to value other people. My empathy for my aging parents and for my friends has grown enormously. I’ve started to understand people and their
motivations a lot better and I aim to help out whenever I can. I’ve donated $10 or $15 during the monthly POZ Party at Club 120 instead of the suggested $5 donation. Obviously that’s not a huge difference – but the desire to help others is steadily becoming the dominating theme in my life. Maintaining ourselves and our health is definitely important. But once we start to stabilize that part of our life, the volunteering, the giving back, the concern for others, the extra hard work, and the altruism all become so important. I’m not really interested in getting anything back. I just feel like giving and helping. I’ve started to understand activism and why so many HIV-positive individuals seek to contribute in that area. Yes they want to educate, but they also want to help. Maybe it makes them feel good to think about another person. By helping someone else feel good we end up making ourselves feel good. The best type of self-help.
It’s all about ME! I started writing a journal when I was fifteen, I’m thirty now and I still write. I started writing because I really enjoyed writing at school. The idea of words, especially poetry, conveying a meaning and message fascinated me. I suppose it was mainly because my mom got me into the habit of reading books while I was a kid. She would take me to this store back home called Book Land. This was not just an ordinary stationery store but was more like Disney Land for me because they had all these fancy stationery, cartoon stickers, plastic and metal pencil boxes that had the teenage mutant ninja turtles drawn on them, beautiful greeting cards, coloring books, puzzles and what not. As kids if we heard someone saying they were going to Book Land in our world that meant those kids were being rewarded by their parents for either getting good grades or just for being good. As time passed I developed more interest in coloring, drawing, painting, decorating, making and designing greeting cards by myself; my creativity grew stronger and fabulous-er … see how fabulously I just created another word haha!!! Anyways so as I grew older doing something creative for someone meant that I either had a crush on him/ her or that I dearly loved them.
So whenever my family saw me wrapping up a present and designing and coloring a card they knew what was going on. All this led to buying really nice journals and diaries to write stuff down in and start recording and logging the memories of my life into. I started writing about things that I couldn’t share with people due to the fear of being judged. I was made fun of for keeping a journal but I could deal with that. Sharing all those thoughts, emotions, feelings and ideas with those blank pages was so therapeutic at that time. It was the most effective and refreshing outlet I had at that time, it still is. I even named my diary (and no it wasn’t Dear Diary :P ) to make it sound like I was talking to a best friend, a best friend who would always be there to listen, who would let me vent and reflect and never judge me. Sometimes I would share excerpts from my journals with the same friends who made fun of me for keeping a journal, to reminisce old times and they would be surprised and happy that I stored those memories for good. Sometimes when I’m bored or feel down I pick up one of them and just randomly open up a page to read what I did on that exact same date 10 years ago and I’m usually amused and sometimes amazed at how far
I’ve come, glad that I continued doing some things to this day and sometimes not so happy about how some things are still the same in me. I shared my fears, my secrets, names of guys and girls I used to have crushes on, my first date, my first kiss hahaha! I know it all sounds very movie like and in reality when I look back into all those years, it really does look like a movie, my movie. A movie that was all about me, my life, my experiences, my adventures, my heartbreaks, my accomplishments, my passion, my successes, my failures, my everything.
Article and illustration by Changu Changezi
ACT is 30 and Going Strong One beautiful day at the end of September, there was great anticipation at the ACT offices. The day had started like any other day coming to the office, but with the knowledge in mind that the evening would be the ACT Turns 30 event that acknowledged the work of the agency and celebrated our history of volunteers. During the hours leading up to the festivities is when I saw everyone coming together to create an event that was flawless. This was when I saw something that reassured me and showed why ACT was 30 years old; I saw Directors, Managers, Counsellors, Educators, Coordinators, Support Workers and Volunteers working together like a chosen family carrying boxes, decorating, arranging the hall, placing resources, calling performers, etc. Simply working tirelessly, so that our Service Users, Volunteers and Board Members would feel appreciated! The evening began with the Annual General Meeting (AGM) which was very interesting because new board members were chosen, votes were cast, and budgets were explained along with their details. This was helpful because sometimes not everyone knows what is necessary to keep the agency running. Following that, it was then time for the ACT Turns 30 event. This started with a cocktail hour that had delicious h’ors d’vors and beverages. People got to mingle, share stories and experiences and really come together as a community. After everyone was escorted to the auditorium the event began with an eye-opening video that
showcased 30 years of ACT, followed by some inspiring words by our Executive Director, Hazelle Palmer. But the fun didn’t stop there! Many well known entertainers performed. The host for the event, was Billy NewtonDavis; with his gracious voice and delightful personality entertaining the audience all evening. The Hon. Glen Murray spoke at the event as well and gave a speech that was so powerful, insightful and moving, that I am pretty sure more than 90% of the people were crying. (Including me!) Other well-known performers included Donny Anderson, who was a runner up contestant on Canadian Idol--this in itself, shows how far ACT is able to reach in the community and bring something meaningful to the people. Before wrapping up the evening was my favourite portion of the night, the Volunteer Years of Service awards. These are the real celebrities. The day-to-day people, who have been volunteered their time for 5, 10, 15, 20, 25-plus years and have given so much to help our community. Without our volunteers, I don’t think I would be here writing to you, or have my job in PYO. It is always amazing to see the conviction and faith volunteers demonstrate every day.
Finally to round off the evening, was none other than a performance by Celine Dion!! Okay, it was Laura Landauer a Celine impersonator, but still just as exciting! There wasn’t a dry eye in the house, with her last number of “My Heart Will Go On”. Overall the night was well attended, and proved just how much ACT appreciates its volunteers, and everyone left smiling from having a great time!
Alessandro Meet other people who are living with HIV. Talk about life with HIV in a safe space. Find out how others deal with the same issues.
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Re Sense of trust.
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Relevant issues common to everyone were talked about and shared.
A very safe place where we can share our thoughts and feelings.
Great facilitators.
Somehow we all understood why we are here. To support each other.
Open dialogue.
ACT runs groups for people living with HIV, giving you a safe and confidential space to meet each other and talk about what’s happening in your life. We offer groups specifically for gay men, as well as groups open to all people living with HIV regardless of gender of sexual orientation.
We are currently registering participants for both time-limited (10 weeks) and ongoing groups. Not sure if groups are right for you? Have more questions? Want to register? We can help. We’ll support you in finding the group that’s the best fit for you.
Registration is now open. Contact our Group Programs Coordinator for more information at 416-340-8484 ext. 283.
AIDS Committee of Toronto 399 Church Street, 4th floor, Toronto, Ontario M5B 2J6 T 416-340-2437 F 416-340-8224 W actoronto.org
@ACToronto
facebook.com/ACToronto
PYO-My Sanctuary
By SM
PYO, is a place I can go It’s that place for support, when life gets in the way There I find hope, acceptance and reassurance I can be me, both inside and out. So when I cry - laugh, hurt, or worry This is the place, where all emotions are welcomed In numbers we find commonality The will to achieve that personal best Remembering who we are, and how precious life can be So when the world fears HIV, and silence speaks volumes It helps having allies and friends who understand my situation This is the place I go to for knowledge This is the place that life finds new meaning This is my place This is my sanctuary.
We want to hear from you! Submit your work to pyozine@actoronto.org
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RECHARGE is always looking for contributors. Send your questions, comments, art & poetry to pyozine@actoronto.org
and find yourself in the next issue!!!
RECHARGE ZINE is produced by a program of
Positive Youth Outreach (PYO) a program of the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) 399 Church St, 4th Floor Toronto, ON M5B 2J6 positiveyouth.com
RECHARGE is also available online: www.actoronto.org/pyo PYO offers a variety of services to empower, support, and affirm the lives of young people 16-29 living with HIV/AIDS! You’re not alone, so get in touch!