College anxiety

Art by SELENA CAO COLLEGE CONCERN

ISPENT MOST OF THE PANDEMIC from the comfort of my room, turning almost all of my communication digital and waiting until the end of senior year to finally see others in person. The COVID-19 pandemic halted long anticipated events and made learning more difficult, but it most greatly affected my confidence in socializing.

After months in quarantine, you would expect me to want to leave the house and city that I have spent the last year confined in. While I am thrilled to have the opportunity to go out with friends now that restrictions have loosened, unfortunately, these final months of senior year are just that — the final months. With such little time left for finding closure and saying goodbye, it’s disappointing to see how my senior year has come to an end.

It’s not like I’ve become completely socially inept — deep down I know I will manage to create valuable friendships wherever I go. But I can’t help my mind from drifting towards my biggest nightmare — being an outsider at my new home for the next four years.

I have lived in Palo Alto my entire life and gone to school with the same students for 12 years, but in just three short months I will be a plane ride away from everyone and everything I know. In college, I’ll live with people from all walks of life which may be beneficial in terms of broadening horizons; however, I can’t say that I’m confident that the way I communicate will be able to translate to these new people.

Attending a school in Texas known for its fraternities and sororities doesn’t give me too much hope that I’ll be able to relate to the other students. While I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with those who participate in Greek life, I prefer to spend my nights on walks with friends or meeting them online — significantly different from what you would expect from someone in a fraternity.

I purposely chose a school out of California so that I could have a different experience and I stand by that choice. Unfortunately, the past year that I have spent mostly by myself makes me question how ready I am.

As a senior in high school, I’m supposed to feel ready and prepared to enter a new environment and face unfamiliar situations, but I feel just as confident as I did my first day of high school — or even less. At least then, I had a group to sit with at lunch, familiar faces to wave to during passing period and family to greet me when I returned home. These last few weeks, filled with relaxing with friends on the Quad and enjoying the long-awaited senior activities have been exciting, but for the next few months I will have to continue to grapple with the dread of living somewhere completely different.

For the most part, I’m confident in my college decision — all of the reasons why I want to attend remain unchanged. It’s more important that I’m OK with being temporarily uncomfortable as I’m certain that I will encounter an awkward silence or moments of angst. With all of this being said, I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way nor do I feel hopeless. There is a challenge, but I don’t see that as a negative. I’m excited to be furthering my academic career and I believe that my hard work in high school has paid off. Aside from my irrational thoughts, I know that I will find a new community and adapt to change. v