Connection to Asian media

EMBRACING MYSELF THROUGH ASIAN MEDIA

IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, WHEN MY MOOD WAS UN- classic TV shows like “Gossip Girl.” predictable and my insecurities were through the roof, I strug- Looking back, I realize how naive and disrespectful I was to gled with my identity more than anything else. When I en- drop my interests just because of my desire to fit in. Don’t get me tered sixth grade, it had only been a year since I moved to the wrong, I still love shopping and watching corny teen TV shows, United States from Tokyo. Although I was half Japanese and half but thinking that I couldn’t be a girl who spent time at the mall white, I didn’t think I could fit in with the Palo Alto community. and also watch anime built a false dichotomy between my Japanese

After hearing the topic of Lake Tahoe circulate around my self and my American self. fifth grade classroom in the winter, I went home to ask my Japanese The reality is that I am just as Japanese as I am American, and mom what it was. She replied, “I don’t know, an amusement park?” trying to push away my Japanese side was not only harmful to my

I would hear the kids who have grown up their whole lives mental health but also to my family members who pride themin Palo Alto talking about their weekend barbecues or their selves on being Asian. bike rides to the ice cream shop, and compare it to my Being both Japanese and American is a major part of sushi nights or Japanese shaved ice — known as kakigori who I am today and who I want to be. I love celebrat— parties with my family. ing my Japanese heritage with my mother and still

As I settled into Palo Alto, I started watch- being able to have a classic American high school ing anime. It replaced the connection I experience. had lost with my life back in Japan, and it Looking at Western media today, K-pop made me appreciate my culture immensely. music is climbing the charts. Most recently, It was the perfect balance of artistic expres- the 7-member K-pop group BTS’s hit song sion and creative storylines. It was exciting “Dynamite,” topped the Billboard Hot and innovative compared to the repetitive 100. They were the first all South Korean live-action TV shows that dominated televi- act to have reached the spot, exemplifysion. Anime led me to take interest in other ing the massive popularity of K-pop in forms of Asian culture, the predominant the West. Additionally, the 4-member one being K-pop. K-pop group Blackpink has gathered

Throughout seventh grade, right global attention because of their cool when I got home, I caught up on the latest girl concept, catchy pop sound and season of Sailor Moon and cheered when their many collaborations with Western she defeated the evil kingdom. I watched pop icons like Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez concert stages of my favorite K-pop artists and Dua Lipa. and utterly failed at copying their dance Anime has grown in popularity due moves, or I tuned in on the latest gossip in the to the realization that the genre’s shows K-pop media. I felt out of place and upset due cover many complex and mature topics. to the fact that I couldn’t relate with my fellow Much of this recognition can be accredited classmates. to Hayao Miyazaki, the founder of Studio Ghibli

That all came to a screeching halt as I entered which created the movies “My Neighbor Totoro,” high school and left anime and K-pop behind. “Spirited Away” and “Howl’s Moving Castle.” While it could have been me outgrowing a With beautiful craftsmanship, these movies phase, upon reflection I would say the primary evoke deeper emotions and move us in ways that reason was my desire to be seen as fully white a live action movie cannot. and to have interests that were traditionally Seeing the massive amounts of attention “white.” I sacrificed my passions because I that Asian culture has received in Western mewanted to be someone who fit into the Palo dia has driven me to reconnect and rekindle my Alto demographic — to be the girl who love for anime and K-pop. I wish that I never spends her weekends shopping at Stan- rejected my culture, but recognizing my misford shopping center, going to the take now gives me an even greater appreciabeach with family and watching tion of my multiculturalism. v