URBAN LUX MAGAZINE S T Y L E | CU L T U RE | C ON SC I E N C E m a r c h | a p r i l 2011
EVA MARCILLE
BULLIES BEAUTY & THE INDUSTRY
ANTHONY MACKIE
MAKING ADJUSTMENTS
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POWER OVER PREJUDICE YOUTH TAKE A STAND
BREAKING
http://LiveUrbanLux.com
STEREOTYPES
The problem: bullying, prejudice, stereotypes. Our solution: The Power Over Prejudice Summit and POP School Program. Helping middle school students STOP STEREOTYPES is how we POP! We would like to thank URBAN LUX Magazine for the generous support.
It takes approximately $250K to present the POP Programs—we need your help today! Donate. Sponsor. Volunteer. Our Power Over Prejudice programs depend on support from our sponsors, volunteers, and individual donors. To help with to our cause, go online: poweroverprejudice.org
Anti-Prejudice Consortium, 3154 Northside Parkway, N.W., Atlanta, Georgia 30327 | ph: 404.745.4549 | Anti-Prejudice Consortium is a Georgia based 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization.
URBAN LUX MAGAZINE “ URBAN is NOT a definition of race. It’s city dwelling. It’s a lifestyle. It’s STYLE, CULTURE and CONSCIENCE . . . It’s URBAN LUX MAGAZINE “
| CONT E N T S |
| CONTENTS |
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contributors
urban lux approved
- listen: anthony david - as above so below
STYLE
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CULTURE
12
CONSCIENCE
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4
the lux team
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photo: MIKE QUAIN
editor’s note
- eva marcille - bullies beauty & the industry
- anthony mackie makes adjustments
- the anti-prejudice consortium travel pretty
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destination
&
beauty guide
the photography of mike quain featuring eva marcille
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focus
27
real raw advice
28
on the lux scene
- stalking - bullying in the 21st century
ON THE COVER: EVA MARCILLE photography: Mike Quain hair & mu: Terrell Mullins styling: Jennifer Austin
| EDI TOR’S NOTE |
| EDITOR’S NOTE | PICTURE IT, MIAMI 1986. A s o p h o m o r e i n a n e w s c h o o l w i t h o n l y a c o u p l e o f f r i e n d s, I r e m e m b e r h o w a w f u l i t f e l t b e i n g c a l l e d n a m e s a n d b e i n g s t e r e o t y p e d . I n f a c t , i t s e e m e d l i k e t h e wo r s t o f t i m e s. Fa s t f o r w a r d t o 2 0 1 1 , the issue of stereotyping and bullying still thrives and unfor tunately this b e h a v i o r n o w h a s d e a d l y c o n s e q u e n c e s. B e i n g e m p a t h e t i c t o w a r d s a n y o n e , especially children, experiencing this type of treatment, I was happy to be introduced to a local organization that addressed these issues head on. S o, a s y o u g a z e a t t h e s t u n n i n g M s. E v a M a r c i l l e , r e a d a b o u t t h e t a l e n t e d A n t h o n y M a c k i e a n d e x p l o r e o u r o t h e r f a n t a s t i c f e a t u r e s, b e s u r e t o s p e n d s o m e extra quality time lear ning about how you can help to STOP STEREOTYPES by suppor ting our featured org anization the Anti-Prejudice Consor tium. Enjoy . . . LENTHEUS CHANEY - Publisher/Editor | LentheusC@UrbanLuxMagazine.com
photo: Ish Holmes
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| THE LUX TEAM |
| THE LUX TEAM |
CONTRIBUTORS Zach Davis
Zach Davis is a father; husband, life coach, and author, whose passion to inform and help others led him to the pages of ULM to give you real relationship advice. Along with his friend Okeeba Jubalo, they form Z & O Publishing, an urban publishing company.
Salah Ananse
With over 16 yrs as a producer/ DJ on the underground scene, Salah Ananse’s talent has put him on bills with notable DJ’s such as Vikter Duplaix, & ?uestlove & opening DJ spots for artists such as Dave Chappelle, India Arie, Joi, Dwele, Musiq & The Roots.
Okeeba Jubalo
A true Renaissance Man & Visionary; Poet, Photographer, Fine Artist, Graphic Artist, Musician, Song Writer, Entrepreneur & Author. Read his raw wisdom in Sugar & Salt, the ULM relationship column on page 27. OkeebaJubalo.com
Mark “Six” James
Mark “Six” James is the Founder and Executive Director of Panther Protection Services, LLC a full service protection agency. He is a seasoned Close Protection Operator/Executive Protection Specialist with over 25 years of firearms, martial arts and celebrity/ executive protection experience.
Monica Compton
Compton is a business owner of Pinnacle Productions Inc., a full-service event planning agency. She is an award-winning writer and trained journalist. Compton worked as a reporter for a Pulitzer Prize-winning newspaper and has been published in numerous industry magazines. She is currently writing a novel and a travel book.
Kenny J. Grace
Project Manager/I.T. Engineer, over 20 years leading global software development solutions, and runs an I.T. Consultant Firm (K G Consulting, LLC). He’s an effective communicator, creative writer, and very passionate about community service and entertainment public relations.
Bria N. Bryant
Bria N. Bryant has always had a passion for art and all things fabulous. The femme fatale has graced the pages of several well known publications, and continues to leave a well-heeled footprint in the community by dedicating her time to outreach programs that give back. She is a publicist as well as an accomplished fashion stylist, make-up artist and hair stylist.
YOUR NAME HERE
We are looking for talented and eager writers to contribute current and engaging content for our readers. If you can write and or blog about exciting topics and trends in one or more of the categories of Entertainment, Fashion, Travel, Sports, Politics and Electronics, Please send a sample of your writing and categories of interest to PR@UrbanLuxMagazine.com.
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| LISTEN |
| LISTEN |
URBAN LUX APPROVED ANTHONY DAVID - AS ABOVE SO BELOW
*****
OK!
Let me start off by being completely honest. There is NO WAY that I can give a completely unbiased opinion about Anthony David’s new project As Above So Below. This is not only due to the fact that is he a friend, it also due to the irritating yet undeniable fact that his voice makes women melt! How do you compete with that? Any self-respecting man would be just a little envious of that power. I even had an ex try to play his music in the bedroom! That was a no go! With that said, I have to say that this project is his best to date! A little more than a year ago the subject of the new album came up while Anthony David and I were hanging out. He told me that he was looking for a fresh edgier sound than his previous projects. He was exploring sample-based approaches to his sound and liked what he was coming up with. He let me hear “4evermore” (produced by DJ Kemit), which is a duet with Algebra and the albums first single I loved it! This was before Phonte (The Foreign Exchange) added his verse to round it out.
At this point I knew he had special bubbling in the kitchen. What I didn’t know was that a few months later, Anthony David would abandon that approach in favor of a month long sabbatical in Nashville, Tennessee with famed producer Shannon Sanders. He came back with head nodders like “Let Me In”, “Body Language” and “Reach Ya.” He also came back with a cover of Tears for Fears’ “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” which features a verse by his cousin Shawn Stockman (Boyz II Men). He surprises you with his adept handling of an electro track on “Girlfriend.” He then brings it all back with his no-nonsense guitar powered tune “Backstreet.” Overall what is overtly apparent is Anthony David’s tremendous storytelling ability. When you listen to his music, you visualize images of true life America. You see the good, the bad, the funny, the sexy and the vulnerability of life in America today. So if an endorsement by the Obama’s is not enough for you, take it from me. Anthony David’s As Above So Below is definitely worth the money. OVERALL RATING: CLASSIC *****
CLASSIC ***** QUALITY **** DECENT *** LACKLUSTER ** CRAP *
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by: SALAH ANANSE
| STYLE
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EVA MARCILLE
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BULLIES BEAUTY & THE INDUSTRY SINCE WINNING America’s Next Top Model in 2006, the beautiful Ms. Eva Marcille has been on the move. Her acting career is flourishing with reoccurring roles on both Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, which is in its 5th season, The Young and the Restless and most recently the stage play, JD Lawrence presents Me and Mrs. Jones. Well, Eva cooled her high heels for a few minutes at the photo shoot for this issue of Urban Lux Magazine to share with us her thoughts on bullies, beauty and the industry. URBAN LUX MAGAZINE: Has acting always been a passion of yours? EVA MARCILLE: I have always loved theater and always loved the stage. I can’t honestly say that as a kid I wanted to be a movie star but I always knew that I would be in front of people. I thought I was going to go into law but if you go into law it’s just like acting anyway. I studied theater in school, was a Mass Communications Major in college and was a part of the drama department. So, I think it was a natural progression but it wasn’t something that I anticipated but it is something I enjoy and it’s a blessing to be doing it for a living now. ULM: We heard that you are working on an anti-bullying project. What can you tell us about it? EM: Frame by Frame Productions and I are developing an idea for a television show centered on bullying. The idea of the show is to be that mediator, that middle person, that other voice that the kids don’t have. We would sit down in a one on one with the person being bullied and then with the person doing the bullying. We will also hold a forum at the school with the administrators, teachers and students to basically try to get down to the bottom of the problem. Bullying is for lack of understanding; you do whatever it is you do. You can’t necessarily expect kids to be mature so sometimes you gotta force the card, push the envelope and interject so that fewer kids are depressed, suicidal and homicidal for that matter, for whatever reason they were teased and bullied and eventually becoming a huge burden on them as an adult. Because that is what ends up happening, it goes into your life issues as an adult so I am trying to stop it before it gets any bigger. ULM: What advice would you give young ladies who want to enter modeling but don’t fit what the industry defines as the standard of beauty? EM: Well, take it or leave it, I’m a realist. If you want to be a doctor; you need a degree and if you want to be a model there are certain standards that come along with that. For me, 5’7”, they say you have to be taller than 5’7” so you beat the odds but when you look at me I look taller than 5’7” so I am still fitting into the illusion of what a model is. I don’t think that we have to live in the ideas of what everybody thinks beauty is but there are standards and if you are not that person, that’s not a bad thing, it’s just not the cloth that was cut for you. ULM: Do feel you have ever been stereotyped in this industry? EM: This industry it’s filled and made up of stereotypes. So the answer to that question would be yes, I have been stereotyped. I think the reality is just knowing who you are, owning it, loving it and doing away with everything else. Someone can give you a full plate but you don’t have to eat everything on it. I am a black woman and when they cast for a black woman they want someone strong. Black women are synonymous with strength . . . stereotypical. As far as falling into stereotypes, I don’t. I stay in my own lane. Find out what EVA is up to next. Follow her on twitter @Evamarcillenews
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behind the scenes photo by: KAT GODUCO
ANTHONY MACKIE
MAKES ADJUSTMENTS
| CULTURE
| CULTURE |
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Are we in charge of our lives, or are decisions made for us long before we consider them? Do we control our destiny, or do unseen forces manipulate it? In the romantic thriller The Adjustment Bureau, ANTHONY MACKIE (The Hur t Locker, Eagle Eye) who plays as Har r y, the sympathetic Bureau representative, has joined an all-star cast that includes Oscar® winner MATT DAMON (the Bour ne series, Tr ue Grit) and EMILY BLUNT (The Devil Wears Prada, The Wolfman).
“I had a teacher in college tell me that once you realize that ever y choice you make in life is a bad choice, you’ll be much happier in your life and I live by that.” In asking him what he thought the meaning was, Mackie explained, “ever y time you take a job, ever y time you do something or make a choice, it takes you off a different path, so once you realize that ever y decision you make is taking you away from something else, you’ll be happier with it. You just have to live with it and g o with the flow.”
I recently went to a screening of the film and walked away inspired. I also had the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Anthony Mackie who says that he was ver y happy to be a par t of the film. “As with all films you never know how it’s g oing to tur n out and I felt that this move was something special because of the script and the cast”
Of course I had to ask Anthony about overcoming stereotypes in his industr y and he said, “I don’t make the obvious choice when it comes to projects to be a par t of. Take The Adjustment Bureau for example and other movies I have done. When my representatives and I look for a project, we don’t look for a project written specifically for a black actor, we look for projects that are Anthony shared with me that after he finished the film, it written well and have a really interesting diverse cast.” reaffir med for him that the question of fate versus free will was ver y present in his life. He says he lear ned that “free The Adjustment Bureau hit’s the big screen nationwide will is a day to day challenge that we face in the choices on Friday March 4th. It’s a must see and I promise we make and is the sole reason why we are where we are”. you will walk away looking a life a little differently. Anthony made the choice at a young age to leave home and enroll in boarding school and says that if he hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t be where he is now as he has several friends that made different choices and they now are at different spectr ums in their lives.
by: LENTHEUS CHANEY photo by: Andrew Schwartz
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| CONSCIENCE |
| CONSCIENCE |
POWER OVER PREJUDICE, (POP), a program of the Anti-Prejudice Consortium (APC), is a non-profit organization that works to help students learn about prejudice and bullying, including cyber bullying, in their schools. Their mission is to empower and educate youth to respect and embrace differences among all people through the “Power Over Prejudice” programs. Their purpose is to be a resource and partner with Middle Schools and their surrounding community to address prejudice, discrimination and anti-bullying. Also, Power Over Prejudice provides guidance and support through its POP programs to respond to students’ efforts to eliminate bullying in schools. Through their education of middle school students in the metro Atlanta area, The Anti-Prejudice Consortium (APC) provides them the tools needed to fight prejudice, promote acceptance, and gain diversity awareness during their formative years and beyond. Childhood bullying, stereotyping and prejudices can have lasting effects. Up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years. Children who are bullied at school seldom do well socially or academically and are more likely to think about suicide. When teasing becomes hurtful and unkind, it crosses the lines into bullying and needs to STOP. The U.S. Department of Health defines bullying as “aggressive behavior that is intentional (not accidental or done in fun) and that involves an imbalance of power or strength.”Any child can be bullied and parents are encouraged to get involved by learning to recognize bullying and know how to respond. Sometimes it is useful to approach teachers or counselors at first and perhaps involve legal authorities for more severe circumstances. Bullying has to be taken seriously and not just ignored as something kids have to ‘tough out.’ Organizations like the Anti-Prejudice Consortium and their annual “Power Over Prejudice” (POP) program provide a non-bullying solution to this growing epidemic. There are various types of bullying including physical, verbal and cyber. The consequences of these types of bullying can be severe, leading to fear of going to school, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other mental health conditions. Physical bullying includes some type of physical contact that would hurt or injure someone like hitting, kicking, shoving/ punching, etc. Boys are more likely to carry out these types of acts. However, verbal bullying is the most prominent type from both boys and girls. When students comment about one’s appearance or sexuality, name calling, spreading rumors or gossiping it may be determined as a form of verbal bullying. Now, with today’s technology, students have turned to the internet, social media, cell phones and other devices to send or post texts or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person. This type of bullying is defined as cyber bullying. Most cyber bullies are hidden by the internet and remain anonymous. With cyber bullying a bully can pick on a person with much less risk of being caught.
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STEREOTYPES are generalizations or assumptions that people make about the characteristics of all members of a group, based on an image that is often incorrect, about what people in that group are like. People stereotype in many different ways. Some students view cheerleaders as the “popular” girls or the “mean” girls. However, not every girl on the cheerleading team is mean or popular. If a boy wears his pants really low or his shirt really long, he also may be stereotyped as a tough guy or a bully. While these stereotypes are not necessarily true, it demonstrates how stereotypes can lead to prejudices. Many students judge or form an opinion about others or groups without knowledge and base their assumptions on their limited knowledge of the fact. To STOP STEREOTYPES students should avoid labeling others and start educating themselves by learning skills and developing tools to recognize their own biases and to help overcome prejudices in their schools. Prejudices dealing with race, financial situation, and religion are just a few examples of the social issues that the Power Over Prejudice (POP) organization is fighting to remove from the middle school population and beyond. Since the inception of POP in 1997, over 7,000 middle school students and over 550 school counselors have been trained at the POP Summits with tens of thousands of additional students impacted by the POP School Programs. Held each fall, the three-day event brings students together from private and public middle schools with a wide variety of demographics and backgrounds to tackle issues of bullying, stereotypes, prejudice and racism.
| CONSCIENCE
| CONSCIENCE | POP encourages open and honest dialogue to help the diverse middle school students better understand the experience of prejudice and allow them to explore their own feelings. The selected student-leaders take the lessons learned from the POP programs back to their schools to design and implement an in-school anti-prejudice program.
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Through the POP programs, many students have shared testimonials about their discoveries and how they’ve overcome their prejudices, bullying and stereotyping. They agreed to attend a POP program to learn the tools for embracing differences and promoting awareness back at their schools, while undertaking the overall expectation to create a school-wide project that promotes Power Over Prejudice. POP encourages students, parents, and the community to get involved by facilitating at a POP summit, volunteering at the POP in-school programs, or simply partnering with POP as a sponsor or donor by contributing funds or services to their cause to “change lives” for the future. The statistics show that students who attend the POP summits and programs develop a true understanding of prejudices, learn vocabulary to address issues of intolerances in their schools, and practice ways to handle prejudice-related conflicts. Because of POP core values, students will overcome prejudices in their schools. POP is compassionate and caring about each situation, respectful and mindful of the dignity of each individual, and fair and equitable in each relationship. To learn more about the “Power Over Prejudice” summit and the Anti-Prejudice Consortium, please visit www.poweroverprejudice.org. by: KENNY J. GRACE photos courtesy of APC
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DESTINATION & BEAUTY GUIDE DESTINATION: COLUMBIA
THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL
IT’S PEOPLE are passionate, it’s culture diverse. Cosmopolitan
SPRING is upon us, and it’s time to trade your many-hued rainbow of lipsticks, rouges and eye shadows for shades that will not only lift your spirits and confidence but make you forget you even had the winter blues. The easiest way to take your makeup look from drab to fab is to add a little spice to your lip color. Despite what many have been socially conditioned to believe, bold lips can be worn by women of all races. The key is finding a shade that compliments your skin. If your skin is fair, choose a color with a blue-base; for olive skin, try an orangebased color; and if your skin is dark, go for a deeper color.
yet historically rich, Columbia is a country in celebration, welcoming tourists with a mission for safe travel, where the only risk is falling in love with the destination and not wanting to leave.
Located at the cross roads of Latin America and the broader American continent, Columbia’s five international airports make it easily accessible to North and South American travelers. A melting pot of ethnicities, Columbia’s modern culture is influenced by Spanish, European, African, Native American, Middle Eastern and Caribbean heritages. Its diversity is celebrated in a plethora of fairs and festivals all year long. The Carnival of Blacks and Whites takes place every January in the Andean city of Pasto. The rituals of Indian, Spanish and African cultures are celebrated in a unique allegory of antiprejudicial expression. On “the day of the blacks,” carnival revelers wear black marks on their face while on “the day of the whites,” participants throw white talcum powder at each other. The festival culminates in a joyous union of all cultures pronounced by a parade of enormous figures designed by local artisans.
| TRAVEL PRETTY |
| TRAVEL PRETTY |
Photo courtesy of Troy Jensen
The most-awaited festival of the year is The Barranquilla Carnival, a genuine expression of the Columbian people. Taking place every February, this four-day celebration blends colors, races, legends and musical rhythms. The highlight is the Battle of the Flowers, a parade of floats, costumed characters and dance groups. Other notable festivals include the International Film Festival of Cartagena, a celebration of Ibero-American movies, and the Ibero-American Theatre Festival of Bogota, the largest theatre showcase in the world.
Kim Kardashian is rocking one of spring’s hottest looks, a brilliant deep purplish pink color – fuchsia. To achieve her look try mixing colors to create that perfect shade. It should be relatively easy for those with fair skin to find the right color. M.A.C. lipstick in “Utter Fun” would look fabulous alone and topped with clear gloss for fair skin. It can also be used as a base for olive and dark complexions.
Columbia’s largest city and capital is Bogota. Located 8,661 feet above sea level in the Andes Mountains, Bogota has gone to great lengths to lower its crime rate and elevate its image as a safe tourist destination. Part of this endeavor includes the construction of major U.S. hotel chains in the early 2000s – Marriott, Sheraton and Hilton – and a mass transit system that has become a model for other transportation systems in the continent.
Touted as a major gastronomic capital of Latin America, Bogota offers a vibrant nightlife and eclectic cuisine. World-class restaurants can be found in the cities six dining areas offering national and international specialties. Bogota’s 50 shopping malls offer the latest fashion from haute couture Columbian designers. With over 300 hotels, Bogota is a main destination for international groups and business travelers, which translates into modern facilities with a cosmopolitan flair.
by: BRIA N. BRYANT
The city also has the largest network of bicycling paths From festivals to fashion, culture to cuisine, Columbia is a destination covering 186 miles. Each Sunday, the streets of Bogota are in celebration. Ethnically diverse, the country is breaking stereotypes closed to motor vehicles, allowing pedestrians and cyclists and offering a secure travel environment for its visitors. to enjoy the paths in a city-wide celebration called Ciclovia.
by: MONICA COMPTON
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“ I b r e a k S T E R E O T Y P E S o n e c l i c k a t a t i m e” |the photography of mike quain| FEATURING EVA MARCILLE
photography: Mike Quain - quainphoto.com hair & mu: Terrell “Kalefe” Mullin - terrellmullin.com styling: Jennifer Austin - jlynnstyle.net ass’t.: Fernando Suncin lashes: Ja’Maal Buster - jamaalbuster.com
Camelia Skikas jacket Lauren Stuckey leather arm sleeves
EMPIRE FETICHE HOODIE model: Von Vincent hair & makeup: Billionaire styling: FAGNIDI Alain Michel photo: FAGNIDI Alain Michel Marco Marco for House of Infinite Radness basket weave tank and shorts Versace shoes Flirt silver chain cuffs
Nicole Miller top Lauren Stuckey belt Chinese Laundry shoes
Marco Marco for House of Infinite Radness jacket Chinese Laundry shoes
Karen Caldwell top Nicole Miller pant Chinese Laundry shoes AMI bangels
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STALKING - BULLYING IN THE 21st CENTURY MANY MAY THINK that stalking is Like many other criminal behaviors or clinical Delusional Stalkers an issue only relevant within the Hollywood set and go about their days thinking that “this won’t or can’t happen to me.” The truth is that it can, and stalking is unfortunately one of the most dangerous forms of bullying. It’s often further intensified in this world of 24/7 wired technology.
disorders, stalking can range from subtle with no malicious intent to severe feelings of betrayal and violent actions based on the false belief that they are in a relationship with the victim. While most cases of stalking do not elevate to extreme levels of violence, it is important to know that they can.
Delusional stalkers frequently have had little, if any contact with their victims. They may have major illness like schizophrenia, manic depression or erotomania. This individual believes he is having a relationship with his victim even though they may never have met.
Bullying is a form of abuse and is defined as repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one person’s power over another person. This “imbalance of power” may be social or physical power and the victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target.
STALKING BEHAVIORS Stalking behaviors to recognize include: •Accusing the victim of stalking to try and undermine the victim’s credibility. •Attempting to defame the victim’s character. •Breaking into the victim’s home, car or office. •Cyberstalking - hanging out at chat rooms visited by the victim. •Gang stalking is when the stalker encourages multiple perpetrators to assist in their harassing activities. •Frequenting locations where you socialize. •Gathering information on the victim: contacting people who know the victim; searching public or personal records, or the trash, for information. •Mirroring your friends on facebook and other social media. •Persistent phone calls, text messages, emails, letters or notes. •Placing messages in the media. •Sending gifts from romantic to the bizarre. •Surveillance of the victim. •Threats and violence: the stalker uses threats of violence against the victim or their families to discourage them from going to the authorities or other family members. •Threatening to commit suicide in order to coerce the victim to intervene--all methods of forcing contact with the stalker. •Waiting at the victim’s workplace or in their neighborhood
Communicating with the Stalker Let the stalker know their attention is not desired. Make your communication clear, concise and free from emotion and anxiety. Communicate once and only once. After the initial communication, sever all future contact with perpetrator. Stalkers thrive on your energy. They want to elicit your attention positive or negative. Do not feed their obsession for interaction. Unlike fine wine, communication with the stalker doesn’t get better with time. Maintaining ongoing communication is only reinforcing the undesirable behavior. Remember logic and common sense need not apply with most stalkers. From a stalkers perspective, all communication is good and in their mind they are still connected. Having someone else deliver the message to the stalker is encouraged and highly desirable.
Typical bullying types of behavior are often rooted in a would-be bully’s inability to empathize with those whom he or she would target. The act of bullying can be rendered in one or all three forms of abuse – emotional, verbal and physical. Typically, it involves coercion or intimidation in an attempt to achieve dominance over a victim. Bullying can be defined in many different ways and can range from one-on-one simple acts to more complex forms such as stalking. When we think of bullying actions, stalking is often excluded as a type. In fact, stalking is one of the more abusive types of bullying. STALKING is defined as the willful and repeated following, watching, and/ or harassing of another person. In most cases, the purpose of stalking is to force a relationship with an unwilling or unavailable target. Just like bullying, it is a crime of power and control. The act of stalking is a continuous process, consisting of numerous incidents. While many of the individual activities of the stalker may be legal (calling on the phone, emailing, texting or giving of gifts), it is the collection or concentration of the activities that become illegal particularly if they are unwanted. “Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have).”
Intimate Partner Stalkers Intimate partner stalkers are often referred to as “the guy or girl who just won’t let go.” Studies show the vast majority of these stalkers are not sympathetic, lonely people who are still hopelessly in love, but in fact emotionally abusive and controlling during relationships. These individuals are tacticians of power and control.
Getting Help Assistance may be found at local domestic violence or rape crisis programs -- which should be listed under “Community Services Numbers” or “Emergency Assistance Numbers” in the front section of the local phone book or in victim assistance programs located in most local prosecutors’ offices. Check the governmental Blue Pages of your local phone book. Stalking is a crime that can impact anyone. There is no single psychological or behavioral profile for stalkers as every stalker is different. This makes it virtually impossible to devise a single strategy for all victims and circumstances, and is why it is so vital that victims of stalking immediately seek the advice of local victim specialists who can help devise a specific plan for your unique situation. For more information, visit: pantherprotectionservices.com. by:Mark “Six” James CPO, EPS
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SUGAR AND SALT RAW,REAL, RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM ZACH & OKEEBA Guys I am a 45 year old single, no kids, financially fit and very attractive woman. Many people tell me that I still look like I am in my 30s, but I can’t seem to get a man my age to stay with me. They are fine until they find out that I am their age, what is that about?
OKEEBA: Men that are your age like them younger so that they can run GAME on the younger chicks. He knows that you have been around the block enough to see through his smoke talk. Look for some younger dick that will be happy with an older woman that is more experienced. Hell, some younger dick may super charge your battery. I am not saying that you get a young and dumb boy-toy…go and get you a young and smart boy-toy. Help! I have fallen for my married co-worker! Normally I wouldn’t say he was my type, but we work in law and spend 50 hours a week together. I find myself imagining scenarios where we get deep into some “briefs”. He’s completely oblivious to my advances, and has never done or said anything appropriate, but he just does it to me. I want to say something, but don’t know how. I’m not a home wrecker and have never done anything like this before, but he is all I can think about. I don’t want to break up his home, but I feel like I don’t want to deny myself either. What do you think I should do?
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ZACH: Most men that are 45 and still dating are 1, divorced or 2, old players. They often feel a need to validate their youth with younger women. Usually they get the nice sports car they always wanted, and not to compare the two, but they like their women just as fast and head turning. So even though you may look and play the part of a younger woman, the reality is you are going to get old. Sorry, even without seeing you a young looking 45 doesn’t look like an age appropriate looking 35. So maybe you need to find your own “fountain of youth”, and let that inner cougar out and get your groove back!
Hey fellas, I’m in marriage that’s has had its ups and downs after ten years, but I recently ran across the “one that got away” on Facebook and even before we reconnected I always wondered about “what if ”. Anyways, we have talked a couple of times and she’s divorced, but always wondered “what if ” too. She lives out of town and we’ve talked about seeing each other which I know is wrong, but I feel such a connection like it was meant to be. What do I do? I love my wife, but no longer feel in love and can’t get my mind off the “one that got away”. Help man down! - Mr. Reunited, FL
| RAW REAL ADVICE
| RAW REAL ADVICE |
ZACH: Sorry man, but you have to keep the past in the past, if it was meant to be then it would have been. Facebook and other social networking sites are being confused for people’s paths crossing; they are meant to reconnect you to people from your past and to keep you in touch with people in other cities. Not to be confused with a random meeting two people have after they dated years ago, and then think it had to be fate. One of the two of you was probably searching for the other’s name and “reconnected”. It’s not fate and what you’re feeling is fake. Believe me; if she was the ONE, I doubt you would have let her get away. OKEEBA: You can’t live in “THE NOW” and “WHAT IF” at the same time. She is where she is for a reason…IN THE PAST. Let it go and work on what you have at home. Hell, that is just some illusion that is not real so let it go. Your “WHAT IF” woman will have issues just like your “THE NOW” wife at home. Sometimes it’s best to stick with the devil that you know. Then again…talk to your wife and let her know what you are feeling. Give your wife the chance to tighten it up around the house before you jump ship. Jumping ship isn’t always the best move because you might end up in a “NEW” sinking ship.
ZACH: If you are not a home wrecker then don’t be, but saying something may turn you into one and if you don’t care then put your cards on the table. You only live once right? That way you know if there is even a possibility, but you also have to be ready to accept him rejecting you. If he is not your normal type you may be infatuated with the kind of man he is rather than with him. He sounds like a “good man”, hard working and faithful, and that is what you want, so that is what you can’t get off your mind. So if you don’t want to be a home wrecker, then cut back on some of those hours with him and find your own “good man”! OKEEBA: Would you want some loose b$%h chasing your husband while he is at work providing for his family? Get your damn mind right and go get your own man…YA DAMN TRAMP! Please submit your RAW REAL questions to ZandO@urbanluxmagazine.com
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