I
n the book Safe People, I told the story of being asked to speak to a Christian college group on the topic “How to Pick Someone to Date or Marry.” It was a mixed group and a topic that was certainly on their minds. I opened the talk with a question: “What do you look for in a person to date seriously or marry?” Here were some of the responses that I got: • • • • • • • •
Deep spiritual commitment to God A person who loves God’s word Someone with ambition Someone fun Attractive Smart and witty A leader in their field Likes sports
“Great list. I like people like that too,” I told them. “But let me share something with you. In all the years that I have done
marriage counseling, I have yet to meet a couple who was ready to divorce or having significant problems because one was not witty enough, or did not read their Bible as much as the other wished, or was not a leader in their field. There are certain traits that people have which have nothing to do with tastes and natural differences. These traits have to do with character. As I told one young woman, “You are initially attracted to a person’s outsides, but over time you will experience his insides. His character is what you will experience long-term and be in relationship with over time.” We want you to look at what your requirements are for the people you date. If you decide and know ahead of time what you will not put up with in a dating relationship, you could save yourself from a
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