Children are among God’s many blessings, but they are not the only blessing.
isolation, and resolution. Look at Hannah
friends and support groups.
(1 Samuel 1); she exhibited almost all of these. Remember: children are a gift, not the gift. When Unfortunately, infertility is a grief cycle within a
people quote verses about children being blessings
grief cycle: the monthly cycle of hope and despair
from God, it’s easy to feel you’re being punished.
interrupts the greater grief process, often leaving
Of the thousands of infertility patients we have
couples wondering if they will ever stop hurting.
talked with, I’ve met only one person who told me she’s never wondered whether God was punishing
Spouses grieve differently. Because infertility
her (She was an atheist.) Children are among God’s
occurs during the childbearing years, it’s often the
many blessings, but they are not the only blessing.
first major loss husbands and wives experience as a couple. It can be a shock to discover they grieve
Read up and speak up. As believers, our bodies
differently. Many researchers have concluded that
are temples of the Holy Spirit. So we must manage
gender-based differences significantly complicate
them well. Christian ethics here require thought
the crisis. One sociologist observed that, in
and investigation. Will the clinic show respect for
general, “Wives saw their husbands as callous and
your convictions? (Most will.) If you do high-tech
unaffected by infertility while husbands saw their
treatments, will you limit the number of potential
wives as ‘overreacting’ and unable to put things
embryos to those you are willing to carry to term?
in perspective. While wives felt their husbands
Take responsibility for your treatment.
were unwilling to talk about infertility, some husbands wondered what there was to talk
Let God strengthen you. This is most important.
about.” In another study, half of the infertile women
Keep asking yourself, “Do I believe God is good?”
said their infertility was the hardest thing they
and “Will I trust Him?” Resist the temptation to cry
had ever experienced; only fifteen percent of their
out, “My stupid body!” Know that God made you
husbands said the same thing.
fearfully and wonderfully in love, mysterious as His reasons may be. When Job hurt, he fell on his face
Yet it’s not always she who feels more pain; in some
and worshipped. Worship your Creator in your
marriages, he does. And infertility is not a “woman’s
pain. He cherishes you and bears your hurt. You’re
problem.” Its causes are about evenly split between
not alone.
the genders. Reprinted with permission. This article first appeared
30
One solution to the emotional disparity is for both
in HomeLife. Sandra Glahn, Th.M., is adjunct professor,
partners or the one feeling more emotional pain to
Christian Education and Pastoral Ministries, at Dallas
connect with a support group or find an Internet
Theological Seminary (DTS). Together with Dr William
buddy. Some psychologists estimate that even
Cutrer, she has co-authored other books which explore
happily married couples should expect only about
the spiritual, marital, emotional, medical, and ethic
25 percent of their support to come from their
issues surrounding infertility. More articles on this topic
spouses. The rest must come from family, church,
can be found on www.aspire2.com