February 2019, Transformation Coaching Magazine’s 100th Issue! by Transformation Coaching Magazine

Celebrating 100 Issues! Yes, you read that right! This is the 100th time the Transformation Team has collaborated to bring you high-quality, real-life inspirational content without the fluff (or being bombarded with ads). It’s the 100th time our amazing authors have contributed their transformational stories and powerful insights. Transformation Magazine has transformed since it begain in November of 2010... it began as a local, free publication that ran throughout the West Coast of Florida. This area is a hub for personal, spiritual, and professional development, which inspired the need for a publication that would highlight local businesses and writers (it’s a hot spot for writers) who cared about healthy living, growth, community and the environment. We knew we were onto something when we would receive emails and phone calls from readers who told us we were an answer to their prayers or that they had a whole collection of every issue of Transformation on their coffee table. We started ge�ng topnotch writers from across the country and around the world wanting to contribute. We started pu�ng Transformation online and began ge�ng subscribers from around the world. Over time, our digital readership exploded while the cost of printing increased and our hearts ached for a more “green” way to spread our message of empowerment. In 2014, we went 100% digital, and in 2018 we officially embraced our “life coaching” focus and changed our name to Transformation COACHING Magazine. And THIS YEAR we are excited to be announcing our NEW BRANDING! Our new logo is the ultimate symbol of “transformation”: a Phoenix Butterfly, rising from the ashes and transforming into its full potential through education. Throughout the years, one thing has become abundantly clear... that Transformation is more than a magazine, t’s a movement! Thank you for transforming with us! Joeel, Natalie, Lisa, Cat, Leah, Victor and the rest of the Transformation Team

COACHING & BUSINESS TOOLS Live Your Passion and Change the World Freedom or Bust! A True Story of the American Dream COACH SPOTLIGHT: From Stuck To Transformed: A Worldwide Journey of Self-Discovery IS COACHING DEAD? (The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make)

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INSPIRATION & GROWTH Cooking on Faith You Deserve to Say No Finding Purpose in Death Take Your Life Back! 3 Simple Steps to Set Yourself Free Every Minute Matters Transform with the Power of Adventure Finding Home A Happy Outcome is Assured

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FEED YOUR SPIRIT The Natural Rhythm of the Universe

PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Linda Commito, Rachel Livoni, Natalie Rivera, Noelle Sterne, Ph.D., Russell Heath, Joeel A. Rivera, Rena Greenberg, Marla Sanderson, Mary Boutieller, Gregg Sanderson, Terez Hartman, Jo Mooy, Alan Cohen, Marylois R. Schott

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We believe that self-employment is the ultimate form of empowerment. Our mission is to bring you guests whose powerful entrepreneurship stories and real-world advice will give you the inspiration and tools to create a business and life that you love.

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Live Your Passion and Change the World

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman By Linda Commito What is it that enlivens you, that you find joy in expressing, and that you would do for free because it’s what nourishes you and gives meaning and fulfillment to your life? Most of us feel fortunate when we have such a passion—that quality of aliveness and intensity. For some people it might be their job, for some a creative endeavor, and for others it is in giving. People who are passionate about giving respond to the needs of others as to a calling. They are as committed and generous in their expressions of love and kindness as someone else might be about offering their gifts as an artist, writer, or teacher. One time, I took a drawing class taught by an artist who told us: “I HAVE TO draw! I draw on anything that is available to me—paper bags, the back of a baseball ticket, a receipt…wherever I am.” When we think of the people who have truly inspired us, they are most likely the people who did what they did because it was “who they are” and they couldn’t stop doing it. What would our lives be like without such inspiration? What is it that makes you excited to start your day? What feeds your soul? What excites you so much that you forget to look at the clock and then are shocked when you do, realizing that

hours have sped by unnoticed? When you find that “thing” that gives your life meaning, that makes you feel alive: Embrace it! Savor it! Dream about it and cherish each moment doing it! And if you don’t yet have the luxury of pursuing your passion full time, find ways to bring it into your life and work, into your daily routine. Do it because it’s who you are—you can’t not do it! Create the space and time to be, to love and cherish that aliveness within you. Do it because you’ll slowly die to who you are if you don’t. Feed your passion daily, whether it be in spoonfuls or totally immersing yourself in the flood of your creative energy. Let it wash through you so that you can offer it up—renewed and replenished to put on the altar of life—YOURS. And then support others in doing the same.

Live your passion and you will change the world! Photo Credit: Unsplash/Valeria Zoncoll

Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more compassionate and interconnected place. Her awardwinning book of inspirational stories, Love is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make a positive diﬀerence in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Visit www.loveisthenewcurrency.com for more information and/or to sign up for an uplifting monthly newsletter. Read about everyday acts of kindness on www.FB.com/kindnesscollaborative. Linda believes that in order to inspire a kinder world the place to start is with children. She volunteered at a Title One elementary school, working with over 500 students, to create and facilitate “Kindness Starts with Me,» a program which includes a website (www. kindnessstartswithme.com) and a book for children.

Cooking on Faith

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Lubos Houska (spread)

By Rachael Livoni Ten years ago I awakened to a personal transformation tool that completely sculpted my life. In 2008 I was 60 pounds overweight, had a negative bank account, a foreclosure on my home, an abusive relationship that defined me, had just received my second job layoff, and a severe depression episode laid me out on the couch for three months straight. Hope had officially left the building. I felt defeated, and I began the process of taking my own life. As my soul began to leave my body, a powerful inner voice I’d never heard before said, with thunder, “Get up! Get up! Get up! I am not done with you yet.” Hearing that higher inner voice for the first time terrified me. I crawled up the wall with my back, bandaging my own wounds, and began stumbling down the hall. “Where do you want me to go?” I screamed from the pit of my stomach.

“I have nowhere to go and nothing to live for!” Before I became anymore confused, the once-forceful higher voice fell soft and gentle. I found my two feet planted in my kitchen. Before I could even ask what I was doing here—I had a near-empty pantry and fridge, and I was almost empty of life myself—that now-gentle voice sighed and simply whispered in my ear,

“I want you to create something from nothing my dear.” I didn’t have the energy to agree or disagree. I found myself grabbing a pan and cooking on pure faith, not even having the energy to wonder what it was I was making. What came of my culinary spiritual awakening was a vegetarian Mexican casserole dish that I have not been able to repeat to this day. I had never created something so beautiful, nourishing,

and authentic from so few resources! This heightened level of creativity, talent, and power could not be explained, but it has grown exponentially along with me in the kitchen ever since. Putting off major life changes can be easy. Excuses prevail as to why we aren’t juicing kale every day, prioritizing dance lessons over watching another episode of Dancing With the Stars, finding or pursuing that red-hot purpose beckoning to us. Life’s distractions and our internal reasons to put life on hold can make us feel all too human at times. However, hope is just around the corner. As a matter of fact, it’s just down the hallway. Indeed, personal transformation is no further than your kitchen. Cooking is the most accessible, affordable, right-underneath-your-nose tool for empowering a life shift. How awesome is that? Simply tuning into the frequency and intent of cooking, while knowing that it is a self-learning platform, is all you need to convert your kitchen into an episode worthy of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Next time you hop in your kitchen, consider being an open channel to absorb five life lessons from cooking. They will give you access to your “easy button” for personal transformation and make your next meal time a “heal time” for your soul.

FIVE LIFE LESSONS FROM COOKING

1. Forgiveness. Celebrate your next mistake in the kitchen! When you burn that garlic gluten-free bread with Earth Balance butter say, “Who wants Cajun croutons? They’re as perfect as I am.” Practicing the art of forgiveness in the kitchen and celebrating mistakes rids your life of guilt and shame. 2. Creativity. Try new things! See ingredients you already have with multiple purposes. Can you use a collard green leaf as a tortilla? Consider using your favorite organic

jam as a sweetener for your own oil and vinegar dressing. Cook with the colors of the chakras in mind to keep those energy centers balanced. When we see what we have in a new light, with creativity, our resources expand exponentially. 3. Get Grateful. Do you really think the five-yearold, hard-as-a-rock garlic powder lingering in the corner of your spice pantry is really good? Clear the energy and increase vibrational flow by releasing what you no longer use. You can do this each time you cook. As you gain clarity and see what you have, you become grateful. 4. Play. Is there a reason why you’re uptight in the kitchen? Release your clenched buttocks long enough to play some music, light a candle, and practice some of those Dancing With the Stars moves. Try singing “Cook-aroke” to spice up the atmosphere. Use playfulness to overcome the I’m-tired-don’t-feel-likecooking bad mood blues. 5. Empty Yourself. Empty your head and your heart before walking into the kitchen. Ask your guides to help empty limiting dinner beliefs that influence what type of cook you are, what you are capable or not capable of doing, or that you don’t know what you’re doing. When you empty yourself, you leave space for your Higher Inner Chef to come in and take over and make you the most brilliant cook ever!

It was cooking for personal transformation that turned the worst day of my life into my sprout of personal power. I never meant for a vegetarian Mexican casserole to be a part of my soul’s purpose, but we all get our callings in different ways. Only months after beginning to build my intuitive culinary confidence

and starting to cook differently on that drizzly day in 2008, I miraculously allowed forgiveness to flow into my heart. And with forgiveness, I began the journey of blessing and releasing 60 pounds from my physical body. I used creativity to see my world differently and, as a result, I was able to leave an abusive relationship that spanned 13 years. I became grateful by seeing my resources as abundant instead of seeing myself as a victim, and I started my own business. I used my playful spirit to find my own true joy, and I was able to get off depression medications. I fearlessly emptied my mind and started taking orders from my Higher Inner Chef to find peace. Cooking for personal transformation isn’t only focused on what you eat, it’s also exploring how much you’re willing to learn about yourself in a small, accessible, affordable space like your kitchen—whether you want to shift your life, remove road blocks, or just get happy. So next time you find your feet planted in the kitchen looking for a snack, remember that a bite-size opportunity for personal transformation is waiting to be served up.

Like spices, a little introspection goes along way. May every meal time be super soul healing time. Keep on cooking in the kitchen. Together we transform.

The Grateful Pantry with Rachel Livoni Rachel J. Livoni was raised in a small wagon wheel town just outside of Yosemite, CA where she hosted her own outdoor cooking show to pine trees, squirrels, and deer by the age of 5. She was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness by an inventive entrepreneurial father and devoted religious mother. Rachel started journaling at a young age and won many prestigious writing contests and awards as a child. She received public recognition and was awarded a cash prize for her ﬁrst motivational self-help essay at the age of 13. She now lives in Oakland, CA with her family as a freelance writer and vegan chef.

Freedom or Bust! A True Story of the American Dream

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Austin Schmid

By Natalie Rivera

The American Dream is about the American Spirit—it’s about the dominion of choice. I apologize in advance if this oﬀends you. Nevermind, I hope it pisses you oﬀ and makes you want to stop squandering your potential. You deserve more than where you are right now. I spent most of my life with one foot weighted down with the obligations of approval and conformity and the other tied to a rebellious rocket shooting for the stars. Needless to say, my heart is an epic battleground and I’m stretching the limits of my, ahem, flexibility.

I cannot help but be ME. Believe me I’ve tried otherwise. I was a weird kid. I didn’t know I was weird until one day in 5th grade. A boy at my bus stop told me, and I quote, “Natalie, you always act like an animal.” The truth is he was probably right. But, so began my typical childhood self-consciousness and approval seeking behaviors. Don’t get me wrong, I was still weird, but I chose to share that side of myself only with my family members, who are just as gloriously strange as I am.

SCREW THE AMERICAN DREAM

I never believed in the American Dream I was sold…You now, the cliché: go to school, get good grades, get into a good college, get a good job, loath working, and waste your free time on TV and booze…do this until you’re 65, retire, live in poverty for 5 to 10 years (consuming more TV and booze), and die. Today, this glorious misappropriation of human potential would include Facebook and YouTube, but not much else has changed.

Screw that. I would rather live in a cardboard box than accept the mediocre life society told me I “should” want. This isPixabay/Free-Photos what I’d preach from my Photo Credit: soapbox when I was 15. I had never met

anyone who truly enjoyed what they did for a living, and I never observed a relationship I would want. Think about that. How sad. Yet, adults in society vehemently encouraged me to submit to the inevitable suffering of adult life, unfulfilling relationships and working my butt off to make someone else rich. Then, they’d package it neatly with the imminent reward of a white picket fence, a dog named Fufu, and a BMW. But, I knew the sugar coating was BS. Like a cat turd in a candy shell. I knew there had to be a better way. The status quo made me gag. Thank God I had parents who encouraged me to forge my own trail. Yet even with the freedom to choose, I didn’t know what else to do. I took a year off after high school and then went to college for lack of a better idea. I also went because I actually enjoy learning and expanding my mind…and also because my one year of full-time employment at Walmart was enough to make even vagrancy look appealing. Good times. Into the proverbial box I dove with nose plugged and my finger in the air. Five years later, I had finished 2.5 years of college, I worked in a marketing and design career I never wanted, owned a house in the suburbs, and was in a marriage that was just as uninspiring as I had expected. Everything was just peachy. But it wasn’t.

I had submitted. I was doing a darn good job living everyone else’s dreams.

I might have seemed okay to the outside world, but I had become burnt out and dead inside. I felt exhausted and empty, like someone drained my blood. At work I would look at the carpet under my cubicle desk (a.k.a., voluntary prison) and dream of curling up in a ball under there and taking a nap. When I would get home from work I’d frantically prepare dinner, eat and clean, knowing that once I sat down I wouldn’t be able to get up again. By 7:30 p.m., my young bod was totally done for the day. Then one day I was stopped at a traffic light and thought to myself, “I wonder how long this light is. Maybe there’s enough time to close my eyes for a few minutes.” Then I noticed how strange that thought was. I looked at the other cars around me, all filled with people twice my age, none of whom looked like they felt as terrible as I did. For the first time, I realized

something wasn’t right. I went to the doctor and had her do every test imaginable, yet they all came back showing I was “healthy.” Right. Eventually, my doctor labeled me with “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” (which is really just a cover-up for “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you”). So, I started eating a natural, balanced, healthy diet and I improved, a little. One morning my alarm went off and jolted me into a fit of dread. I hit the snooze button and observed myself thinking, “If I had to KILL someone in order to NEVER have to wake up to this damn thing again, I think I might do it.” Crap, did I just think that? A few weeks later, I sat in my cell at one in the afternoon and lamented the fact that even though I was done my work for the day because I work like a rabid beaver, I had to plant my bum in that chair for another four hours because, well, that’s just the stupid corporate world we live in. I was either going to cry, throw up, scream, or stab someone. I had to get out of there. I told my boss I was sick and needed to leave. I got in the car and just started driving…not home…just anywhere other than this. I ended up 45 minutes away at a state park. I drove in, took a turn I’d never been down before, parked my car and started walking. I walked and walked until the sun glistening on a small swampy pond caught my eye. I walked toward it, sank into the grass on the bank, and I cried. I cried because I sucked at life—I just couldn’t stuff myself into that box. I cried because I knew the rat race was slowly killing me. I cried because I shamed myself into accepting my life with the justification that other people would DIE to have what I had—I “should” like it, but the truth was that I didn’t. And I hated myself for that. I knew what I had to do, but it scared the crap out of me.

That day I made a decision to be free. I made a decision to stop living everyone else’s dream. I made a decision to be motivated by my own laziness. I could work my butt off for MYSELF and create the freedom my heart longed for. I decided to stop “shoulding” on myself.

I banished the word “should” from my vocabulary. From that day forward any time I was told or thought that I should do something I’ve seen it as a signal for me to immediately and forcibly do the OPPOSITE.

I was no longer taking advice from people on a treadmil going nowhere. I finally embraced that the American Dream wasn’t MY dream. And so I started to let it go. I said goodbye to my very last employer at the age of 24 and started my own graphic design and marketing company. Soon after, I decided to go back to school full-time. I slowly began taking control of my life. I also embarked on a psychological revolution of ravenously consuming self-help and spiritual books. During my soul searching, I discovered that my purpose was to help others live their potential and fulfill their purpose. When I graduated, I opened a non-profit teen life coaching center. I was feeling a bit more like myself, and my fatigue had improved, but I still had this deep ache inside—like a hungry beast devouring me from within—that I quickly stuffed down and repressed, just like all of my deepest desires. Through my new business venture working with teenagers and families, my own mind expanded. Observing them forced me to see that there WERE other ways to live. Looking deeply into the intimate lives of others was a mirror in which I could see my own reflection—showing me how much of my life wasn’t really mine. One day, as I facilitated an exercise called “if you really knew me,” designed to help families express their individual truths, I saw a young teenage girl open up to her family. She had been assigned to my program due to property crimes and selfinjuring behaviors. Her mother and little

brother embraced her with deep reverence and tears of understanding, as she bared her soul and told the truth of the torment of her inner world. What an honor to witness such love, such vulnerability, such power in revealing her truth. I had an epiphany that day, and there was no turning back. I HAD to be me! After so long with my true self hiding in she shadows, I wasn’t even sure who I was, but I was 100 percent certain who I wasn’t. Within a three-month period I totally wiped out EVERYTHING in my life. I stepped down from my non-profit, I left my empty marriage, I sold my house, and I even got rid of my dog. Again, I made a decision to be free. To finally follow through on the promise I’d made to myself—to stop living everyone else’s dreams. I made the decision to stop trading in my magnificent life for comfort and certainty. I made a decision to stop settling for less than all that I am. Although there were moments in which I was temped to retreat back into the darkness of repression and denial, I clung firmly to my deep-seated desire to live authentically. As soon as I released all of which no longer served me and let go of the identity I had created around everyone else, the most amazing and perfectly aligned people and circumstances magically appeared in my life. I found my soul mate and partner in life and business. I found my true calling as an entrepreneur—as an empowerment life coach, speaker, and educator. As if by magic, my fatigue had lifted. (Turns out my CFS was depression manifesting itself in my body. Go figure.)

Today, I am authentically, totally and emphatically ME. I own it. I don’t apologize. I am living the American Dream!

You may be thinking, “wait, what?” Didn’t you say you hated the American Dream? Let me explain. I’ve come to understand that somewhere along the line, society’s idea of what the American Dream is got wildly off track.

THE REAL AMERICAN DREAM

The American Dream isn’t about the cliché of the picket fences (or the reality of voluntary slavery). It never was. It’s always been about the American Spirit— it’s about the dominion of choice. The American Spirit was demonstrated in the courage of the immigrants who came to America with a few dollars in their pocket and the hunger that pushed them to become America’s best small businessmen and businesswomen. The American Spirit was carried in the hearts of the pioneers who picked up everything they owned and left behind everything they knew to head west in search of a better life. Today, the American Spirit is seen in the young mother who puts herself through college, in the woman executive who never took “no” for an answer. It’s seen in the impoverished youth busting his butt, staying after class to get help from his teachers, and working a job to save money so he can go to college. In the teens who voluntarily turn off the TV, video games, and/or social media because they know that the dreams that ache in their heart can’t be found behind a screen; they know that their life is worth so much more than that. It’s about having the freedom to choose to turn determination, risk, courage, blood, sweat, and tears into a bold life with limitless possibilities. The American Spirit is about freedom or BUST—live your potential or die trying! Yup, that’s me! That’s my life’s mission. Maybe I’m not so weird after all—I just heard the call of Spirit.

Ignite Life with Natalie Rivera

Natalie Rivera is a firestarter, speaker and entrepreneur. She is passionate about empowering others to GET REAL and live authentically. After a decade of living a life that wasn’t hers and developing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Natalie let go of everything and completely transformed. Through her journey to healing she rediscovered her true self and greater purpose—to inspire others to transform their lives. Natalie “retired” from the rat race at 24, put herself through school as a freelance designer, created a non-profit teen center, and later created Transformation Services, Inc., which offers motivational speaking, curriculum development, life coaching, event management, and publishing. She is also the Publisher of Transformation Magazine. Visit http://www.transformation-academy.com.

You Deserve to Say No

By Noelle Sterne, Ph.D. The more you honor yourself and practice taking your stand for “No” and what is right for you, the easier it will become. Do you feel you can’t refuse the requests or plans of friends or groups? Do you secretly resent or rage at them? Do you feel they’re eroding or wasting your time, the time you want to or need to use for other activities? We all have such feelings. To assert ourselves for ourselves takes commitment and practice, especially without making enemies of cherished friends we’ve had for a long time or groups and activities we believe in. Saying No, though, to people and activities that don’t feel right is our right. As we practice saying No, we gain a sense of deserving, empowerment, and freedom. We make better choices when we say Yes, and we enjoy those friends and activities without feeling pressured when we do say Yes. From my own life and my coaching and advising graduate students writing their dissertations (for which they must say No a lot), I share several ways to help you say No. Then you can say Yes to yourself for activities you love and value and that feed you. You know what they are (a few): painting, craft projects, writing, taking courses, giggling with your Significant Other, baking experiments, car repairing, music composing and playing, exercising, plain old revitalizing alone time. 14

Friends: Just Say “Not Now, Thanks“ When you’ve made a habit of “regular” contacts with friends, such as weekly or monthly nights or days out, lengthy daily phone calls, and “quick” lunches that never are, the habit can be very hard to break. You need to summon your courage and explain to your friend. Explain that you are making some changes to honor yourself and re-embark on a long-neglected project or interest. If you can relate your need for seclusion and concentration to similar needs in your friend’s life, like studying for a real estate license or training for a triathlon, the parallel could help. As you decline, you can put the onus on yourself by saying lightly, “This is the sacrifice for my wanting to develop my project.” If your friend presses, reply firmly, “Thank you, but no.” Rehearse in the mirror if you have to. Reassure your friend that it’s you and not her or him. Similarly with rapid-fire emails or texts: I had a friend who relentlessly responded to my initial infrequent catch-up emails within two hours. I felt pressured to respond quickly and always received an almost immediate long, detailed reply. Eventually, I realized I was spending too much time and attention and wrote her (kindly) that my emails would be spaced out. I assured her, though, that the time between emails in no way indicated my lessening of affection. She got the idea, and we now correspond about once a month.

To soften what your friend may take as rejection of calls or dates, offer a bribe that’s an alternate: “How about having our call on Friday?” Or “Let’s meet for lunch two weeks from Tuesday.” Or suggest coffee or drinks at the end of the day, after you’ve put in some wonderful time on your project.

Groups: Just Say “Later, Thanks” The strategies are similar with organizations or groups that have come to depend on your contributions. Giving your time to worthy endeavors is admirable, and you may enjoy the involvement. If you’ve been very active, your organizations and (other) officers may call on you for everything. You know better than I that, rabbit-like, one committee obligation breeds the next. One of my dissertation coaching clients had a case of excessive involvement. Trevor was extremely active in his community. After work on Mondays, he volunteered for the neighborhood watch, on Tuesdays coached Little League, on Wednesdays ushered at his midweek church service and attended two committee meetings afterwards, on Thursdays met with the town voter registration officials, on Fridays tutored at-risk kids at the Y, and on Saturdays served dinner at the local shelter. Trevor complained to me (not surprisingly) that he wasn’t making any progress on his doctoral work. I counseled him to start practicing saying No and to choose only two of his weekly activities. “Promise yourself,” I added, “you can resume the rest after your degree is awarded.” We then generated specific scripts so he could withdraw gracefully from many of the activities for the foreseeable future. Here are some scripts for you: • I really love doing this (volunteering, coaching, dishing out stew), but I’ve got to concentrate now on my project. • I’m SO sorry, but I can’t do this (volunteering, etc.) until I wrestle my project to the ground. • Maybe you remember how it was with your own big long, monstrous project. That’s how mine is now. I’ve got to give it my all, and I’ll be in touch when it’s under control. • Regretfully, I must withdraw from this (volunteering, etc.) for the next eight months [or the time you feel you need, and add six months] because of my project. I look forward to help-

•

ing coordinate the Christmas pageant (or another appropriate event in the future). As I resign for now, I know you’ll find a qualified replacement. I’m glad to give him or her some pointers to ease the transition. Thank you for understanding. I look forward to resuming with you and the group.

See the pattern? Make your definitive statement, give your reason quickly without describing every wrenching detail, refer to a time frame that’s comfortable for you, and make a promise for the future. I urge you to announce your withdrawal and alternate plans either in person or on the telephone, even though either of these options takes more courage than email or text. You may have to field a few questions or objections, but have the confidence that you can.

When They Really Feel Rejected

When others feel rejected and hurt by your No, they may become cruel in their disparagement, sarcasm, and sniping. Often their venom comes from grudging admiration and hidden jealousy that you’re really acting on your dream project. They may wish they’d had the courage and gumption to do the same on theirs. Your job now is not to let anything they throw bother you. A tall order, granted. There’s a trick, though, and it’s one of perspective. Keep telling yourself this: They needed to do that. This statement may go against all your logic and the rage rising in your stomach. Realize, though, that the stabs of others are very likely not aimed at you personally but stem from something completely unrelated and probably very deep. I don’t mean to psychoanalyze anyone, but the causes could be their lack of childhood love and support, wrath at an absent parent, frustration at a stalled career, jealousy of everyone perceived as more accomplished, or feelings of unworthiness and toolateness. In other words, They needed to do that. I suggest, too, you repeat a concurrent perspective: It was the best that they could do at that moment. When you realize that they needed to attack you for their own convoluted, unforgiving, transferential reasons,

you can take in this principle easier and act on it. You’re not condoning or excusing them. Rather, you realize that their level of maturity allowed them to act in the best way they knew how. For more discussion of these points, see my book Trust Your Life (Sterne, 2011, especially pp. 130-31). You can respond to their barbs in one or more of several ways: 1) Answer with grace and consideration. “Marsha, you’ve accomplished a lot too—look at your influential contributions to the town council.” “Doug. I’ll be the same person after my project is finished. We can still watch the hockey playoffs together.” 2) Reply with boundary-settling. “Tim, I don’t appreciate those deprecating remarks. If you can’t give me support, let’s not talk until my project is finished.” 3) Respond with silent affirmations. • I see you now, Bernard, in perfect happiness and satisfaction with your life. • I affirm for you, Lois, all good you wish for yourself. • You too have unlimited potential, Lauren, and I support you in it. • Noah, you have all the energy, enthusiasm, and desire to resume your own project.

Say Goodbye to the Crazymakers Sometimes, though, the lack of understanding and putdowns can get to be too much and, regretfully, you may have to let friends and acquaintances go. They are just too destructive. You spend too much time and energy intoning “They needed to do that” and fighting your urge to strangle them. Face the fact that they are toxic people and usually “crazymakers.” Toxic people know how to push others’ buttons and “inject pessimism into every situation,” as Jessica Stillman says in “7 techniques to handle toxic people” (Inc.com, http:// www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/7-techniques-to-handle-toxic-people.html). Much has been written about crazymakers in the psychological literature, such as their narcissism and their easy escalation to physically abusive behavior. I like master writing teacher Julia Cameron’s (The Artist’s Way) detailed description:

“Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers . . . charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions.” They break and destroy schedules (yours), put their own schedule above everyone else’s, expect special treatment, discount your reality (including your project goals and deadlines), spend your time and money, set others you know against you and each other, are expert blamers, create unfounded dramas, hate order, and, finally, deny they are crazymakers and turn the blame onto you (see Cameron, pp. 4649). Any of this sound familiar? An artist’s mother chose the night before his very first gallery opening to demand that he put up her storm windows (“Winter will be here in only eight months”). As a new chef was just about to test his finally-perfected original recipe for an all-important contest, his buddy appeared in the kitchen unannounced and pulled him away to celebrate the championship game of their grade school soccer team (“Hey, don’t you want to support the guys?”). A graphic designer finally snagged an interview with a top firm and enlisted her friend to watch her kids. The friend canceled at the last minute: “I had to get my hair done, and they didn’t have another opening for two whole days.” If you’ve got to deal with such crazies, here are some ways to curb them (see also Stillman and Travis Bradberry, “How successful people handle toxic people,” Forbes, http://

www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/10/21/how-successful-people-handle-toxic-people). • • •

•

Set your limits. The artist should tell the storm-window mother he will take care of the task in a month. Say no. The chef should tell the high school soccer buddy firmly, “Thanks, but no.” Choose your fights. The graphic designer may have a fight on her hands confronting her fair-weather friend about loyalty and broken promises. Confront the crazymaker only when you feel you have time to get involved. Remember that it’s unlikely you’ll “win”—they always have another rationale and seemingly endless energy to keep the battle going. It’s what feeds them. Become aware of and control your emotions. Hard, for sure, and it’s too easy to get sucked into the emotional drama, especially because they know exactly how to get you where it “guilts.” But repeat to yourself, “This is a crazymaker. I will not bite.” Not responding to them at all is often the best choice. (Turn the other cheek.) You’re refusing to engage, and you won’t be giving them more to argue with and try to convince you to do what they want. Don’t let their negativity, judgments, or condemnations pull you down. You are responsible for your own frame of mind. Their toxic mindsets do not serve you. Reject them and replace them with your own

•

optimism, enthusiasm, and forwardthinking. Remember that timehonored saying, by Bernard Baruch: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Recognize you may have to let the crazymakers go as friends, like the graphic designer. Know too that everyone comes into your life so you can learn and grow. You may feel sad to say goodbye to a “friend,” but remind yourself that you deserve the honor of true friendship. Arm yourself with a few affirmations. Self-affirmations help set new habitual responses, and your brain actually changes when you repeat and believe them. • I am unaffected by their mindset. • I don’t have to win or reform them. • I deserve joy in everything I do. • I deserve friends who truly support me. • I now attract friends who truly support me and activities that truly nurture me.

The more you honor yourself and practice taking your stand for No and what is right for you, the easier it will become. You will feel better and your life will go more smoothly. And, almost magically, the more you say No and know you deserve to, the more people and circumstances you will attract who help you say Yes to what you love and deserve.

Trust Your Life Now with Noelle Sterne, Ph.D.

By Jo Mooy

Noelle Sterne, author, editor, academician, writing coach, mentor, and spiritual counselor, has published over 600 pieces in print and online venues. These include Author Magazine, Black Fox Literary Magazine, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Children’s Book Insider, Fiction Southeast, Funds for Writers, Graduate Schools Magazine, GradShare, InnerSelf, Inspire Me Today, New Age Journal, Romance Writers Report, Transformation Coaching, Unity Magazine, Women in Higher Education, Women on Writing, The Writer, and Writer’s Digest. A spiritually-oriented chapter appears in Transform Your Life (Transformation Services, 2014). A story appears in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Touched by an Angel (2014), and another in a Tiny Buddha collection (HarperOne, 2015). Noelle also contributes monthly posts to the Textbook and Academic Authors Association blog Abstract and Two Drops of Ink. With a Ph.D. from Columbia University, for 30 years Noelle has assisted doctoral candidates in completing their dissertations (finally). Based on her practice, her handbook for graduate students helps them overcome largely ignored but equally important nonacademic difficulties in their writing: Challenge in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Spiritual Struggles (Rowman & Littlefield Education, September 2015). In Noelle’s book Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011), she draws examples from her academic consulting and other aspects of life to help readers release regrets, relabel their past, and reach their lifelong yearnings. For more about both books and Noelle’s services, see her website: www.trustyourlifenow.com. © 2019 Noelle Sterne

From Stuck To Transformed: A Worldwide Journey of Self-Discovery

Let me tell you the story of my own stuckness... It starts in Tel Aviv, which, in 1980 when I was there, was a dysenteric’s paradise: It had public restrooms on every other block—the limit of my range. I’d been a year and a half overseas—first in Italy, then, in the fall of 1979, I dropped down to Africa, crossed the Sahara, navigating the sands by compass. I traveled east through the jungles and onto the savannas of Kenya and Tanzania. From those great plains, I headed north across the eastern Sahara traveling old camel routes on the backs of open trucks. Africa at that time was a place where you could still have adventures; where the reach of modernity was tentative, where life was raw, disease ridden, almost always difficult, and sometimes violent. One morning, in Khartoum, the capital of Sudan—where the Blue and White Nile meet, where the desert sands blow into the city and clog the streets like snow—I met a member of the local elite, Syd, who, in a fit of self-importance, invited me to lunch with the President, Gaafar Nimeiry. On the drive out to the president’s palace, Syd pointed to the big houses on lush green lawns, richly irrigated by Nile river water on the right side of the road and said, “Old regime.” He pointed at the new houses being built on brown arid sand on the other side of the road and said: “New regime.” Unspoken was the corruption and veniality that made both sides of the road possible. At the presidential compound he went in first to clear with security—a second later he rushed out, voice pitched high in alarm. “The guard posts are deserted. I think Photo Credit: Pixabay/Free-Photos there’s been a coup.” We raced through the gate and across the compound into the presidential palace. Inside was a courtyard paved with white and black tiles. Syd

clapped his hands shouting in Arabic, calling for the guards. The house was silent. He told me to stay put and pounded up a staircase. No way would a white boy get a chance to explain what he’s doing in the President’s palace to a guard slinging an AK47. I chased up the stairs after him. He banged on the president’s bedroom door, shouting. It opened and out came—not the president, but the president’s wife wearing substantially less than a burka; about what a Victoria’s Secret model wears on the job. I reeled. Sudan was a conservative Muslim country, between this and the coup I was in serious trouble. “He’s just a friend,” Syd said, dragging me away. And, this being Africa, the guards had deserted their posts for their mid-morning meal of bread, fava beans, and camel’s milk cheese. “It’s why a coup is so easy,” Syd said, as we left. Note: Nimiery was overthrown in a coup five years later. I sailed down the Nile in a felucca and spent 11 days trapped in Cairo waiting for the parasites roiling my belly to quiet down enough to make a mad dash across the Sinai to Israel. Sick, homesick, alone, and depressed, I staggered from one public restroom in Tel Aviv to the next. A voice raged in my head: Hop a plane home, get reamed out by my family doc—and then awake the next morning in my childhood bed and not have a clue what to do with my life. The thought of being home without a direction sparked a terror so great that no matter the pain, I couldn’t return. It was then, on the streets of Tel Aviv, that I decided what to do with my life; it would be nonstandard, devoted to adventure, and on my own eccentric terms. Surprisingly, Israel had hospitals. I checked myself in, got fixed up, and headed into Asia. A few years later, a friend, who lived on a

sailboat, and I were skiing a ridge in Alaska. I asked him where he’d sail her—thinking, perhaps, to a neighboring village. He said, “The South Pacific” and I said, stunned, “You can do that?” Two years later, without bothering to learn how to sail, I launched myself into the Gulf of Alaska on a 25-foot wooden boat headed for distant horizons. In the Pacific, I raised the dot of Pitcairn Island after navigating 3,300 miles by the moon and stars; in the Tasman Sea, I was knocked down by a rogue wave; In the Gulf of Carpentaria, I was plastered with whale snot when the whale pacing my boat blew. It took four years to sail around the world. The Atlantic crossing was my last and longest: 4,700 miles, 51 days, and the most beautiful, with clear skies and easy seas. In the Mediterranean, I’d picked up a book of poetry, and I sat on the bow like a figurehead—the boat behind me, nothing in my sight but sea and sky, flying fish, and sea birds— singing out poems I’d memorized:

self a home with my own hammer and saw. It was a major shift—from adventure and wilderness to connection, community, roots.

When I was young and easy; two roads diverged in a yellow wood; I will arise and go now.

Then I discovered transformational coaching. I learned that the world and our lives in it are not as they are, but only as we see them to be. Shifting how we see enables us to remake, reinvent ourselves. To be clear, this is not always an easy process, but for me it provided a pathway out of my stuckness and into a new, self-created life. I am not now the same person I once was. I started life a radical introvert—too shy to strike up a conversation with a Coke machine. I spent years of my life running from people, and now I work deeply and intimately with them. I have created—am creating—the life I want to live.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and goose bumps pocked my skin. I was going home. On that passage, the passage home, I made four promises to myself: to end my epic adventuring; to find a meaningful job; to marry; and to build my-

And here’s the point of my story: I couldn’t do it. The old adventuring life that had kept me happy and alive for 20 years was now dead to me. But I couldn’t create the new life I wanted. For the next 15 years I struggled to make it happen. For a job with meaning, I ran environmental organizations and every morning I walked to work feeling like a claustrophobe locking himself in a closet. Looking for a wife, I went through woman after woman, happy with none; and when in Alaska, I wanted to build my house in Maine; when in Maine, then in Alaska. Fifteen years.

Life Full Out with Russell Heath

Russell Heath‘s mission is to get people to live full out. He’s been living full out since he was a kid. In his teens he hitchhiked to Alaska; in his twenties, he lived in Italy, crossed the Sahara and the jungles of Africa; in his thirties, he sailed around the world (alone); in his forties, he wrote novels; and in his ﬁfties he bicycled the Rockies from Alaska to Mexico. He’s lead two Alaska environmental organizations and recently moved to New York to dig into leadership coaching. He now coaches leaders who want to make good things happen in the world.. Visit www.russellheath.net

Finding Purpose in Death

The pain and hurt in life are not there to hold yo

By Joeel Rivera We all have loved ones that come into our lives to help us grow, and sometimes when they leave us the lessons become even more powerful. Many people find it hard to look through the pain of loss to reveal the blessings that often lie within the curse. Don’t get me wrong, I still miss my brother and all the experiences that I would have wanted to share with him, even if I see the greater purpose that he has inspired in my life through his death. As an expression of gratitude, I share this letter to my beloved brother, Daniel.

Pixabay/Pixel2013

Daniel, I write this with tears, but these tears are diﬀerent than the ones that I carried for many years. I can now say that I truly understand your last words before your death. It seems like yesterday we were sitting across from each other in your room, practicing how to read each other’s minds. People thought we were twins because of our resemblance and the way that we communicated and understood each other without words. It seemed

that from an early age you understood life, as if you were an old soul, knowledgeable and compassionate about making the world a better place. We always found ways to encourage each other through the challenging times. Even when I had given up on my belief in myself after failing my ﬁrst year in college, you encouraged me and reminded me of my potential. That night of July 1st 1999, when you were 17 and I 19, we sat on the roots of several-hundred-year-old Ceiba trees at two o’clock in the morning, probably as many people had before us. We were in a deep discussion about life. You looked at me as if you were talking to my soul. You explained that you had a deep feeling that you would die young and you knew that you would make a larger impact through your death than through life. I questioned you, but you could not explain the feeling. We sat there in silence as we both started to weep, as if mourning the inevitable. Two days later I was awoken by the sentence that still takes my breath away to think about. “Wake up, Daniel has been in a car accident.” I desperately asked if you were okay, just to ﬁnd silence. However, I continued to probe and received the answer that in my heart I already knew. Why you? I asked, wishing that it was me instead. My emotions and my body sat still in time, not knowing what to think or feel. I remember coming back home from your funeral as it started to rain. As if by instinct, I started to run in the rain, just like we had so many times as

ou back; they are there to inspire your greatness. children. It almost felt as if through the rain you were washing away my tears. Those words lingered in my mind,

“I will have a bigger impact through death.” You never explained the pain. I was lost, desperate, overcome with the grief of losing my brother, my best friend, my guide. I developed severe high blood pressure, was sleeping two hours a day, developed ulcers, and lost over 25 pounds. Several months later I reached my breaking point after getting in a car accident that nearly took my life. I remember being on my knees at home screaming, talking to you, desperate for answers. That night I saw you in my dream—you looked at me with the same look that you gave me that night under the tree. Through tears of your own you explained that you were okay and that you were paving the way for me and that you no longer wanted me to suﬀer. I woke up with a sense of peace and purpose. This sense drove me to go back to school and ﬁnish

my Bachelors with a 3.8, my Masters At the point of my life when you with a 3.9, and my Ph.D. with a 4.0. It passed away, I was reckless and drove me to open a counseling center confused and through your death for youth to honor your name, as I had you shifted me from dying an early, promised the day after that dream.

or a traumatic, death. It is as if Through your death I have menyou had a contract with my soul. tored, motivated, and shifted thousands of youth, individuals, and families, and As my brother, my best friend, will continue to share the light that you and soul mate I thank you for all the wonblessed me with.

Ten years after your passing, in a state of sleep, I had a dream that was so vivid that it seemed real. I saw myself living many diﬀerent lives and in each one of them I would die a traumatic death. At the end of the last one it was as if my spirit was lifted and I experienced your presence, your light. I explained that I didn’t see how I could live these experiences again because each time I come back more confused—it had created a fog in my being. You stated that in the next life you would come back with me and die an early death to shift me and change my path so that I would not have to go through the cycle again. I asked why you would do that, and you answered that I had done the same for you. And, that it is exactly what you did.

derful moments that you gave me in my development. I thank you because the tears that I shed now are of joy and gratitude for your sacriﬁce. I ﬁnally understand your words, “I will make a larger impact through death.” I know that the greatest thing that I can do for you is make the impact in the world that you so desired. As I promised so many years ago, through my life your name and spirit will continue live and be shared, Daniel Rivera. Love you eternally! Joeel A. Rivera The pain and hurt in life are not there to hold you back; they are there to inspire your greatness. By embracing the lessons and finding meaning and hope within them, you inspire others to do the same.

Transformation Coaching with Joeel A. Rivera Joeel Rivera is a visionary creator, coach, speaker and serial entrepreneur. He is a former psychology professor with Master’s Degree in Counseling and Education and is currently completing his dissertation for his Ph.D. in Psychology, with an emphasis on happiness. Joeel infuses a deep understanding of the science of psychology and human potential into all of his programs. He has worked with thousands of organizations, INDIEpreneurs and life coaches who are committed to mastering the power of their mind and creating their destiny. He has almost 40,000 students from 170 countries around the world. Visit http://www.IgniteLife.me and http://www.Transformation-Academy.com.

Take Your Life Back!

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Maxim Tajer

With conscious awareness and intention you can set a new, more positive course for your life that will create a beautiful future and, at the same time, heal your past.

by Rena Greenberg Einstein’s famous definition of insanity is,

“Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Why do so many of us keep repeating the same fruitless behaviors only to experience an outcome completely opposite of the one we desire? While insanity is one plausible theory, what’s most likely is that we keep repeating negative thoughts and behaviors because we are comfortable with them. It’s that simple. Even when the results are painful and uncomfortable, our human instinct is to repeat everything we say, think, and do. Think about the things you did, the words you spoke, and your dominant thoughts today. Chances are your actions, statements, and thoughts are very familiar to you. This can be beneficial when your behaviors are life-affirming, such as offering affection to loved ones, preparing healthy food choices, and being polite; however, the results can be devastating when the intentions behind your thoughts, spoken words, and actions are unconsciously coming from a place of hurt or fear. Your subconscious mind records everything that it has witnessed—both positive and negative. If you are like most people, you have had painful experiences in your lifetime that have etched their signatures on your psyche. When you go through the motions of your present-day life without awareness of how these traumatic memories from the past have impacted you, they can set in motion a stream of negative impressions that influence your reactions to current day events.

MAKETheA RADICAL SHIFT great news is that with con-

scious awareness and intention you can set a new, more positive course for your life that can not only create a beautiful future for yourself but, at the same time, heal your past. That’s where the tools of hypnosis and daily self-hypnosis (a form of meditation) come in.* Because, as we’ve established, we are comfortable with repeating the same behaviors and thoughts

day after day just because they are familiar, no matter how old, outdated, and unproductive they are. For change to happen in our lives, we need to make a radical shift in our perspective. *Author’s note: The hypnotic state is a trance state brought on by intentional relaxation and focusing exercises. It allows us to implant new thoughts and images into the subconscious mind. Each suggestion is like a seed, which can be watered with intention, emotion, and repetition. We’ve all heard that we are only using 10 percent of our mental potential. Hypnosis helps us to tap into and activate a higher potential within ourselves so we can end self-sabotage and achieve our heart’s desires and greater destiny. Albert Einstein also informed us that,

“You can’t solve a problem at the same level it was created.” Hypnosis takes us to a deeper level within ourselves, where we discover new, hidden resources within that help us to heal and make new choices. You can’t force yourself not be angry, gluttonous, hurt, sad, lazy, or selfcentered, but when you tap into a greater understanding of what is motivating and driving you, your behaviors can begin to shift naturally. For example, let’s say that you are feeling perpetually irritated because someone in your household is not doing their fair share of the work. You may try to rationalize your anger and tell yourself it’s justified because you are pulling more than your weight, or you may try to talk yourself out of being angry by making excuses for the other person. Either way, it’s likely that your feeling of resentment has a solid, consistent hold over you and is influencing your behaviors. You may find yourself being critical or condescending to your housemate, spouse, or child. As a result of your consistent negative thoughts and spontaneous actions,

the subject of your negative feelings is likely to react to you in an equally negative way. You may assume that since your resentments are justified, if you act out your feelings of annoyance it will prompt the other to change, but that is unlikely to be the case. Unfortunately, the energy of judgment and negativity will just come back to you because there’s no other outcome possible, since like attracts like. Even if the negativity doesn’t come back to you from the person upsetting you, it will come in some other way. If you are emotionally eating as a way to cope with your life challenge, you will experience the pain that comes from the health and weight repercussions of eating when you’re not hungry. But what is the solution? You can’t change your feeling of anger and resentment anymore than you can not feel the pain of a boulder falling on your foot! This is the challenge of the human condition! It is only by shifting your awareness at the deepest level that any change can happen for you. By practicing selfhypnosis, you can access a much greater strength, understanding, wisdom, forgiveness, and compassion than is available to you in your daily waking state. You can begin to make connections between what you are feeling now and what you have felt previously in your life, and have understanding about how you draw certain situations, thoughts, and feelings to yourself. It’s only once you start to make inner connections that the outer changes can begin to occur on a permanent basis. For example, you may see that you have a belief that you have to work hard to earn love, or that you are comfortable being a victim, since that is a role you saw one or both of your parents play perfectly. It may become clear to you that you need to dominate, manipulate, or be in control in order to feel safe, even if it’s costing you your health and happiness. These kinds of observations can be life-saving! Once you realize that you are playing out a scenario because of past programming or deep-seated beliefs about yourself, it becomes evident that the other people in your life are simply the players in your drama. When you can honestly realize that if this situation was not so troubling that it was

dominating your life right now, it would be another, you can begin to make the shift necessary to free yourself from the selfinflicted bondage.

ACCESSRatherINNER STRENGTH than ruminate day af-

ter day about how you are going to get someone else to do something differently than they are doing it, you can access your greatest strength within yourself. Remember The Wizard of Oz? After her perilous journey to get to the famous Land of Oz, where she traveled in the hopes of being rescued, in vain, Dorothy discovered that to get home all she had to do was click her heels three times and recite the phrase, “There’s no place like home.”

What if the only thing you had to do to claim your freedom was to surrender all the troubles you are holding on to that have become your identity, and just lay them down? This may sound incredulous to you! But I have seen the results of releasing the past and embracing the new, over and over. A few years back, a man named Frank came to me with his wife for gastric bypass hypnosis. Aside

from both of them being obese, they had many troubles including financial setbacks and family conflicts. I always tell the people that the weight loss will just be a side benefit because the real issue is taking your life back. All areas of our lives are interconnected, and the weight is just a symptom of a life out of balance. Eight weeks after our initial session, I had the pleasure to work with Frank again. He was like a new man! Not only had he dropped 41 pounds and three pant sizes, but he felt much more peaceful than before. The conflicts in his family began to resolve themselves and those that hadn’t were no longer bothersome to him (before they had been keeping him up at night). His friends and coworkers all commented on his new positive attitude. His confidence level was soaring! How could so much have changed for Frank in such a short time? When you get out of the space between your ears and stop recycling the same, habitual, unproductive thoughts, there is an opportunity for your deeper mind and heart, your Spiritual Self, to step in and guide you to a new way of thinking. It’s nothing that you can force. You can only open to it and allow it. After our initial sessions, Frank began practicing selfhypnosis every single day. The subconscious mind has a power to change our thinking and our lives beyond our wildest dreams. Frank made a decision to lay his problems down at the foot of his subcon-

scious and open to a new possibility. That is all we are required to do to create an opening for a deep healing of our lives.

The past does not equal the future. Change is inevitable. You are not the person today that you were yesterday. However, your old thoughts are dominating you like a runaway truck speeding downhill, desperately looking for a runaway truck ramp. They won’t let up on their own. They will only gain speed each time they recycle themselves with added justification and evidence for their point of view. Put your hand on your heart, bow your head, and ask your heart to take those painful, small thoughts, and bathe them in love and compassion. Imagine the sun dropping rays of healing light into your heart, bathing those old impressions with a healing, soothing light. Ask for patience and wisdom to see things in a new way. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be free. Open to the unknown . . . Release the known that has held you back. Affirm to yourself, “I am courageous. A wonderful new beginning is opening up to me.” Say “yes” to you!

Love Life, Live Happy, Live Healthy with Rena Greenberg Rena Greenberg, a Hay House author, can be reached at EasyWillpower.com. Her weight loss and gastric bypass hypnosis success has been featured in 150-plus news stories including USA Today, Woman’s World, The Doctor’s, CNN, Good Morning America and Nightline. PBS stations nationally aired Rena’s show, “Easy Willpower,” in August 2015. Her wellness program is sponsored in 75 hospitals and 100-plus corporations. She conducts hypnotherapy sessions with people all over the world on Skype.

Free

3 Simple Steps to Set Yourself

By Rev. Marla Sanderson

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Geralt

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to let go of behaviors and expectations that set you up for unhappiness.

I used to be a quitter. If any small thing got in my way, I simply gave up. Was it fear? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of something else? Yes! I wasn’t proud of it, and I was willing to do anything I could to free myself. I worked diligently to overcome all the fears I could find—and even some I only suspected. After all, what kind of life could I expect with an attitude like that? I’m not a quitter anymore. Over the years I’ve developed an ability to persist that sometimes amazes even me. I guess too much of anything can be a trap, and here I was, caught in it. I spent about a year and a half on an idea that went nowhere. I was so in love with the idea, I was unwilling to give up, even though it had become frustrating and was costing more money than it made. I was stuck and I needed to get out, but something in me just wouldn’t allow me to quit. I felt a huge burden of responsibility to make it work. It’s important to point out that there’s a difference between quitting and letting go. Quitting is often motivated by fear—letting go by wisdom. I remembered that recently as I managed to free myself from this “stuck” place. How about you? Do you ever feel like you’re in a rut? Or that you’re caught in an unpleasant pattern? It’s natural to feel this way. I believe these feelings are part of a Cosmic Plan designed to push us on to something better. If you’ve had enough of what doesn’t work, put your foot down. I mean it. Stomp that foot. Do it right now. Can you do it? If you really want to free yourself, you have to cut the cord and never go back.

If you’re not quite ready, that’s OK—but when you are, try doing this: FIRST: Recognize there are infinite possibilities for your life that you know nothing about. Yet they exist in the realm of possibility. And they exist for you. You deserve something better than what you have right now. We all do. Are you ready to allow that “something better” to happen? If you can say “yes” with all your heart and soul, proceed to the next step. SECOND: Give up what’s not working. It may be scary to let go of the current situation, even if it’s a bad one; but once you do, you make space in your life for something new to happen. What would you like to free yourself from? • Like me, an idea that isn’t working? • Unworthiness? • Poverty thinking or other areas of lack? • Addictions? Habits? Or other negative behaviors? • A relationship that sucks the life out of you? • The feeling there’s something wrong with you? • Something else? What then? Be specific. “Letting go” doesn’t mean you have to divorce your spouse, quit your job, or anything so drastic. It just means to let go of a behavior or expectation that sets you up for unhappiness. Let’s look at the spouse thing for a minute. This could apply to any relationship with anyone in the world (including yourself). It might mean you could…

•

Forgive someone, and not hold a grudge. • Refrain from trying to make them be different from the way they are. • Walk away from an argument instead of adding fuel to the fire. • Give up the need for someone’s approval, acceptance, or respect. • Stop the urge to blame, justify, or try to be right. • Do any combination of the above or anything else you can think of because somewhere deep inside, you know. Yes. You know. THIRD: In a world of infinite possibilities, you can’t possibly know all the good things that could come your way. Decide what you want to be, do, or feel and leave space for something even better. The point is that everything in your life starts in your own mind. When you’re finished with what you’ve got, try thinking differently about it. Kick negative thinking right out of your head. Resolve to think positive thoughts, expect positive things, and take positive steps.

Once I was willing to let go, I saw new ways to implement the idea without cost and without the heaviness. Ideas are still forming, and I think they’re better than the original plan. I feel a sense of lightness and freedom, and I am excited to get on with the new. Someone once said, “Your only prison is in your own mind,” and I got to prove that to myself once again.

Practical Spirituality with Rev. Marla Sanderson Rev. Marla Sanderson is a skilled spiritual counselor, speaker, teacher, and workshop leader. She has studied and practiced the Science of Happiness and Science of Mind for over 40 years. Her website, The New Thought Global Network, showcases ideas from many New Thought disciplines. She is ordained in the Centers for Spiritual Living. (Religious Science). Contact her at 727-475-8991, or revmarla@newthoughtglobal.org or visit www. newthoughtglobal.org.

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Every Minute Matters

By Mary Boutieller As I sit here listening to the wind blowing outside, I find myself filled with easy gratitude —for the breeze, for the plants and trees just outside my door, for friends, my husband and family, for the untold hundreds of things I take for granted or don’t notice with enough consistency, and for this very moment. How often do we miss these moments while thinking of or doing other things? Recently, I watched a YouTube clip by Kyle Cease, and he talked about how he makes every minute matter. In other words, he does his best to stay in the present. (He’s an interesting guy—kind of funny, kind of serious…check him out.) So as I sit here contemplating the direction of this little article, I’m doing my best to stay in the present moment, to let my thoughts swirl from one idea to another, waiting for my fingers to start moving, then pausing, then moving again. Imagine if we could do that on a more regular basis. What would it feel like if we allowed our conversa-

tions to come into being naturally, if we sat comfortably in each others’ presence, if we moved into our yoga poses by feeling what our bodies need and if, instead of complaining about the weather, we noticed the subtle and beautiful changes of the seasons. What if we really just paused—to take a breath, to say what’s on our mind, to hug someone, or to give that same someone or something our fullest attention? Someone said that we are not “human doings;” we are human beings and, yet, it can be a struggle to just be—to not always have a goal or an end in sight. I tend to be a multi-tasker (and we know that doesn’t really work well), yet I find that when I focus on one thing at a time, I feel much calmer. We all know this, right? Yet we push and pull, reach and tug at ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, because it can be uncomfortable to just be inside our own skin. I talked with a friend the other day about getting a relaxing massage and we both kind of laughed because it’s pretty

rare for me to get a massage just to relax… There are things to accomplish, even during a massage. Can you hear the craziness here? Even as I said this, I thought that a relaxing massage, bath, walk, talk…is probably exactly what I need most of the time. Who should be the one to give us permission to take care of ourselves, if not us? Over that past few months, I have let go of some of the obligations that weren’t bringing me joy. I started feeling too busy, too confined to a self-imposed schedule, saying yes when my heart was saying no, feeling tired and drained. It wasn’t super easy—ego can have a pretty persuasive voice. Interestingly, for each thing I let go of, my breath got a little easier and I was able to relax a little more. Some of the tension left and I started sleeping better. With more space in my life, I was able to take nice walks, enjoy a hot bath, play a little more, hang out with my honey, read—all things that nurture me. What’s amazing to me is that we already know this! We know what we

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Fietzfotos

need—we can hear the voice of our hearts! It may be obvious or it may be subtle, but surely it’s there. What is it that you already know? All we have to do is listen and then decide if you can “be” in that place. Yoga teacher Ganga White said, “Yoga is more about learning and refining a lifelong process than merely reaching goals.” Living fully in this life, moment by moment— allowing more of what we need, letting go of what no longer serves us, finding joy in the simple things, appreciating everything—this is how we refine our “lifelong process.” I’ll leave you with this poem by Donna Faulds:

“Just for now, without asking Breathe out whatever blocks you from the truth. how, let yourself sink into stillness. Just for now, be boundless, free, Just for now, lay down the weight with awakened energy tingling in you so patiently bear upon your your hands and feet. shoulders. Drink in the possibility of being Feel the earth receive you and the who and what you really are—so infinite expanse of sky grow even fully alive that the world looks wider as your awareness reaches different, newly born and vibrant, up to meet it. just for now.” Just for now, allow a wave of With love and light, may we be all breath to enliven your experience. that we can be.

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

By Gregg Sanderson

“Here is a test to ﬁnd whether your mission on Earth is ﬁnished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” —Richard Bach

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Pexels

“You have cancer,” the doctor said, as casually as if she had said, “Hello Mother.” Right away I got to put to the test everything I’ve believed for 40 years or so. Immediately, that Elegant, Glorious Obfusca�on (EGO) kicked in. I can handle this. A�er all, I’ve been at this stuff for umpteen years, and I can just shrug it off. I don’t need to reprogram anything. However, my ego would say, “I don’t need to put my money where my mouth is.” Besides, I have a lot of errands to run. I can always do it later. I can just know, “It’s OK if I have cancer. I’m OK, even if I have cancer.” Yeah, sure. One way to tell if Bummer BS is operating is to no�ce the �me you spend thinking about the situa�on. It never le� my mind for a minute, so I knew I had work to do. So much for my Ego’s attempt to “protect” me. A�er a fi�ul night’s non-sleep, I woke up feeling worry/fear/terror. To call it panic would not be inaccurate. I know the best reprogramming force available is strong emo�on. It was running full bore. The part of me that s�ll had a grip on ra�onality knew this was a great opportunity. I couldn’t let all that power go to waste. I woke up my favorite counselor, and we got to work finding and cleaning up the BS. I discovered a fear I would let people down if I were in the hospital or dead. My word has always been an obsession with me. In fact, my consul�ng firm’s mo�o was “Never miss a deadline.” I even broke up with a talented business partner and good friend because just once he didn’t do what he said he would. When I upgraded the BS (It’s OK if I let people down…I’m OK even if I let people down) I no�ced an immediate difference. The important thing to know is that once

I change the BS, nothing in the rest of the world has to change for me to be happy. The trip is always easier without fear in the driver’s seat. I s�ll had cancer, but was no longer falling apart. Remember, the BS is unconscious, and unrelated to the physical world. I s�ll keep my word, I just don’t worry about it. If I have to cancel some appointments because I’m dead, that’s the way it is. No stress. I look and act much younger than my years, and a�ribute much of it to be�er BS. I often no�ce how folks much younger appear so old and sick. I a�ribute most of this to the happiness work I’ve done over the years. I live virtually stress-free, and we all know that’s a major factor in health and aging. I’ll be 86 on my next birthday. It’s a mental fountain of youth! There are a couple of important takeaways from this experience I’m happy to pass on to you. … uh … let’s delete the phrase “pass on.” 1) When you aren’t happy, don’t believe your ego when it tells you you’ll be fine and everything’s OK. You won’t, and it isn’t. Once you break through the ego barrier and upgrade your BS, THEN you’ll feel better. 2) Recognize your bad feelings entirely as a result of bummer BS, no matter what’s going on in your life. You CAN feel good, and find less stress, more options, and a greater acceptance of “what is.” You can even make macabre jokes about it 3) See every upset as an opportunity to upgrade. Be willing to change that hidden BS and dive right in. The more emotion you have, the more powerful your reprogramming. Assuming you’re now willing to make the changes you need to be happy, all that’s le� is to do it. Don’t miss next month’s thrilling issue of Transformation Coaching for the ﬁrst instruc�on.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certiﬁed Trainer for Inﬁnite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.

Transform with the Power of Adventure

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Ibrahim Asad

By Terez Hartmann

The Journey Really is The Destination! All the preparations have been made... cast off the bowlines and sail away...

Isn’t it amazing to see how well we live and how great we feel when we align with the spirit of fun and adventure? The thrill of seeing, doing, or experiencing something fresh and new—par�cularly something you have deliberately chosen—is an ultrafabulous way to get your juices ﬂowing, reestablish your spiritual connec�on, and keep your life really rolling! Considering that every inten�on for change is linked to enjoying the journey more, while expanding your life and Self, it’s no wonder that par�cipa�ng in adventure feels tremendous! Have you no�ced that when you travel to a place you have never been, try a new food or beverage, meet new people, hike a new trail, etc., all your senses become heightened, and you are much more present and alive? During these �mes, it is natural and easy to focus on beauty and fun—and apprecia�on always leads to a great des�na�on. Adventure brings focus, presence, beauty, and apprecia�on along for the ride: Talk about one HECK of an A-list power tool for letting transformation happen! Embrace ADVENTURE and ENJOY the Journey NOW Here’s another great reason to embrace and incorporate The Power of ADVENTURE into your Transformation repertoire: Participating in some kind of happy adventure today and NOW allows you to enjoy now, which is what having new stuff/ experiences is all about any way… …Plus during the time you are consciously enjoying your adventure, you are too busy to be worrying about what hasn’t happened yet, and shift from a mode of resistance to a flow of ALLOWING! Think about it this way: When you discover you have lost something and then frantically search to find it, you rarely—if ever—do. In contrast, when you step away for a while to do something completely unrelated (which shifts your vibe and emo-

tional state), lo and behold—and often right in front of you—you happen upon THE item you were once desperately searching for. This can also be the case for your dreams, visions, and intentions. At the same �me, when you get into the groove of choosing to enjoy your day-to-day life and discover/ create happy adventures just for the fun of it—without any ulterior mo�ves—you begin to realize that you no longer need some “future” thing in order to feel or truly be successful. And then your great adventure of life only becomes even more magical at every turn! The Power of ADVENTURE on YOUR Terms Like the word “success,” we all have our own idea of what ADVENTURE means. From simply choosing a new nail polish color or a�ending a diﬀerent spor�ng event, to traveling solo overseas or hiking across the country, there’s a level of adventure to suit every taste. Regardless of what others may deem to be a worthy adventure, all that ma�ers in the grand scheme of Allowing YOUR Transforma�on is what gives you a sense of joy in exploring something new that appeals to you. Always remember this is YOUR Transforma�on and YOUR life we’re talking about, baby! Tools for the Trip Find ADVENTURE in Your Own Backyard!

Even ordinary, day-to-day life can hold adventures, if you allow them. 1. Make a list of things you could do to add a sense of adventure and fun to your day-to-day life. 2. Keep this list handy (via pos�ng it on your fridge, keeping it on your phone/iPad, or in your wallet) and choose at least one adventure weekly, daily or ANY �me you’d

like to add more FUN to your life! Embrace ADVENTURE on a Larger Scale

When you wait to live, you live to wait, so why not start enjoying the journey NOW?! 1. Think BIG and make a list of the grander adventures you’d like to par�cipate in that could rock your world in beau�ful ways! 2. Choose something from your list, live that adventure, and enjoy the journey NOW! The Bottom Line on The tower of ADVENTURE! Could you imagine what your life would feel like if you decided to find the fun, beauty, and freshness in ALL that you do every day and, as the icing on the cake, actually let yourself take that trip, start that business, plant that garden, invite new friends into your life, etc.? What if instead of living solely for “des�na�on fixa�on,” being “forced” to change, or suffering your way from one point to the next, you allowed yourself to take the scenic route with the inten�on of exploring and savoring the sweetness of every mile and moment? What if life felt more like a con�nuous flow from one awesome adventure to the next filled with bonuses, upgrades, and happy surprises with only small rest periods in between? What if you truly ARE the Creator of YOUR life experience, the journey really is the des�na�on, and YOU are the one who determines whether transforma�on is a rough ride or a JOY ride?! Welcome to the des�na�on and ongoing ADVENURE of LIFE! “...Today I experience the greatest adventure of my life! I move forward with confidence, following the stars in my sky, for I know that where I go and where I am, is always, always right…” —from “Being the Destination”

ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann

Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann,“Your catalyst for all things Fab-YOU-lous,” is the author of Allowing Your Success!, a proud contributing author of Transform Your Life! book one and two, a professional Keynote Speaker/Workshop Facilitator, Singer-Songwriter/Recording Artist, “Allowing Adventures!” & “Savor Vacation” Facilitator, and true Renaissance Woman, and Visionary. She keeps her ﬁre lit by embracing and promoting a lifestyle of “Allowing,” and by using creative expression to elevate and ignite the human spirit, a passion that she shares with her husband, soul-mate and creative partner of over 15 years, John Victor Hartmann. Together they share “Allowing TRUE LOVE” workshops and experiences designed to help others attract, allow, and maintain extraordinary relationships, and create custom jingles and voiceovers in their studio, THE Creativity Express. Visit: http://www.TerezFirewoman.com

The statistics say Finding Home 244 million fled their homeland last year—and all were searching for something much bigger than a physical dwelling. What’s a home? It’s a physical address with a number nailed on the front wall. It’s a roof over a structure that shelters occupants from the elements. For the poor, that might be a tent that many call home (more on that later). For the wealthy, it’s a mansion that proudly defines them and their place in society. But it’s much more than that. It’s a place. It’s a sanctuary. It’s a concept, and it’s an ideal. Wars have been fought over it. Fences have been built around it—either to lock someone in or lock something out. It’s where you go to celebrate holidays. It’s where you return to weather an emotional crisis. It’s what we call Home! Celebrated poet Robert Frost said home is, “The place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.” My mother often got a dreamy, far-away look in her eyes and her voice became reverent when she talked about “home.” It wasn’t the Florida place she lived in. Rather, it was her ancestral home in Antigua. It was an ideal embedded

in her DNA covering centuries of family history and memories that surfaced whenever she thought about Antigua. She often suggested, “We should go home.” In her later life, when she wistfully suggested it, the implication was, My time’s running out. For the last several months, stories about immigrant caravans swamped the news cycle. Syrian refugees, Muslim bans, Brexit exodus, and Palestinian repatriation were camouflaged by the “imminent scourge at the U.S. border.” It’s been especially hideous because The Wall has not been funded nor built to keep “them” out. One side begged asylum please. The other side said no, do it legally. Crushed between the rhetoric on both sides were mothers with infants and toddlers who left a “home” where women were raped, tortured, and shot. Despite the odds, they walked thousands of miles in hopes of finding a better one. The world of the 21st century is no longer Robert Frost’s “place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.” One wonders if the words on the Statue of Liberty “send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me” will also erode away in the hostility and

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

nationalism of this century? Will these tempest-tossed families be allowed in to the United States? I don’t know. What will happen to those who asked for asylum? I don’t know that either. And yet, all they want is a home and safety. This I do know. Home, no matter if the roof is slate tile or a ripped plastic bag, is a place of shelter with a degree of safety. I saw a home in the slums of India. It was 30 feet away from a white-washed four-story mansion. Lights blazed every night in the mansion as servants moved about. Inside the slum-home lived a woman who, every morning, reinforced her leaking plastic with dried palm fronds. I gave that woman in the slum-home an orange throw pillow I no longer needed. It turned out to be her only possession with any value. She gave it a place of honor in the center of the dirt, under her plastic bag roof. When I walked past her home, I saw her sitting beside the cushion as though to protect it. An inch-high remnant of a candle burned nearby. That was Home to her. That image of her in her home stays with me five years later. She claimed a bit of dirt, hung strips of plastic over a few tree branches, and staked out her sanctuary.

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Andy Macmillan

By Jo Mooy

When we walk in the door of our homes, kick off our shoes, and flop on the sofa, we’re in our sanctuary. Those on the move, running from war and oppression have no dirt, nor plastic to hang on a stick for an address. The statistics say 244 million fled their homeland last year—and all of them were searching for something much bigger than a physical dwelling. They were seeking the sanctuary of a home. Many will never find it again. The entire world is witnessing awe-inspiring homelessness. It’s one of the greatest initiations humanity will experience. It’s an initiation whose implications will pass from generation to generation. Cultures, tribes, religions, and families are being left behind. Lives are being uprooted and tested in ways most will never comprehend or endure. Homeless, these individuals are stepping into the breach, not knowing where they’ll end up or who will allow them entry into what they hope will become, a new home. The initiation continues! For deep inside the core of every human is a root that needs to be grounded. That root always finds its own home, that place where they have to take you in. 41

A Happy Outcome is Assured

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Hian Oliverira

By Alan Cohen

Because love is our nature and destiny, eventually everything will be healed. Can you imagine being an adopted child reunited with your birth mother after 60 years? My friend Diane signed up for a genealogy research service, did a DNA test, and found that she had a cousin unknown to her family. Diane contacted Sherry, who confirmed that she had been adopted and, through previous inquiry, knew that her mother’s name was Marcia. Diane’s aunt is Marcia, which sealed the match. Deeper inquiry into secret family history revealed that Marcia had a child out of wedlock 60 years ago and gave her up for adoption. She later married and had several children, but never told her husband, children, or other family members about her older daughter. Diane invited Sherry to come and meet her long-lost cousins. When Sherry arrived at her cousin’s home, she found a sign posted on the door: Welcome home, Sherry. Consider Sherry’s relief and reward to finally be reunited with her family, for whom she had searched for 60 years. The stage was set for a joyfully tearful weekend. Before long, knowledge of Sherry’s family membership got around the clan. While Marcia initially denied the birth, her children convinced her to meet Sherry. You can imagine the intensity of that meeting. When Marcia held her daughter in her arms, she wept and said, “I should have kept you.” After many years of angst in the hearts of mother and daughter, the saga had a happy ending. A Course in Miracles urges us to remember, “A happy outcome to

all things is sure.” What a powerful affirmation to hold in mind when things seem to be going wrong! We all struggle with some relationships, and wonder if they will ever be resolved. Take heart. Somehow, some when, they will. The pain is just a chapter, not the conclusion. When Jesus dictated A Course in Miracles to Dr. Helen Schucman, he told her, “Midterm marks are not entered on the permanent record.” It is likewise said, “The record books do not show the score at halftime.” Because love is our nature and destiny, eventually everything will be healed. “Nature bats last” does not apply only to the physical world. Our spiritual nature has the final say. Yet we tend to be fooled by appearances, which often indicate separation, lack, and brokenness. But appearances generally run contrary to reality. A Course in Miracles also tells us, “Only the creations of light are real.” But what if someone with whom you have enmity dies, or leaves you, or you have lost touch with this person and you will never see them again? How in such a situation can a happy outcome be assured? The answer lies in the truth that our real nature is spiritual. Geography or even the end of the body does not stop our relationship. True relationship is not of the body; it is of the soul. It matters less what the bodies are doing, and more what spirits are doing. You can be living in the same house with someone, sleeping in the same bed, and have no real relationship. You can also be physical separated, with an ocean between you, but if there is love, you are together. If someone has passed away or left your life, you can connect with them in spirit. In prayer or meditation, call this person to you and speak to their soul. Their reality does not depend on

what their body is doing. Say what you would say to them if they were sitting in front of you and they fully received your communication. You will find that your connection with this person has not been severed by the absence of their body. Real communication is not of the body, but the spirit. Many years ago a friend become upset with me and stopped speaking to me. I regretted the loss of our friendship. Yet over the years I have had many dreams of him, in which we are together, laughing, hugging, enjoying each other’s company. In my heart we are still connected. Our relationship is very much alive in spirit. It is only on the physical or personality level that there seems to be separation. Meanwhile only union exists. If you look back on all the things you worried about in your life, you will realize that very few of them turned out as you worried they would. Usually things resolve themselves naturally. Even if some of your worries came true, they provided you with valuable life lessons that helped you grow, and they too were resolved. Why, then, would you think that your current worry is any more justified than your past worries? The ego tries to convince us that our current situation is an exception to universal truth. It is not. The same love that has always guided and taken care of you, will continue. The grace that has upheld you will not stop now. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. . .” February is Valentine’s month, when we celebrate loving relationships. While we tend to focus the holiday on romantic relationships, all relationships are holy and important. Let us use this month to create happy outcomes, and know with deep certainty that one day only love will remain.

Get Real with Alan Cohen

Alan Cohen is the bestselling author of the newly-released Spirit Means Business, illuminating how you can succeed with money and career without selling your soul. Become a certiﬁed professional life coach through Alan’s transformational Life Coach Training beginning September 1. For more information about this program, Alan’s books and videos, free daily inspirational quotes, online courses, and weekly radio show, visit www.alancohen.com.

The Natural Rhythm of the Universe

Connecting in peace and oneness as the cycle of life ends. By Marylois R. Schott It is my passionate lifework to assist those who are transitioning from this world. I hold a position of peace for them, a space that allows for what they need to take their last breath here on what we call Earth. Most often, this is done by connecting with song or Native American ﬂute. In this work, I also have been privileged to assist nonhuman creatures to return to Mother Earth and the cycle of life that we all share. At any moment I can be called to do this, and here I want to share one of my profound and beautiful experiences: 44

I had named her “Mommy Osprey.” For over a month she had become part of my life while I commuted daily along a busy causeway. Every day there had been something new to observe. I was there when she started building her nest on the top of a utility pole. She would fly overhead with twigs in her talons. Sometimes when traffic was backed up I would see her place the twig in just the right place, before flying off to retrieve something else for the nest. I felt like I was a part of these intimate moments preparing for the arrival of new life. There were hundreds of ve-

hicles around us in these moments, yet only her and me. Each time I saw her I was transported into memories of the preparations for the arrival of my children (decades earlier). While I thrilled at the female bonding we were sharing, our connection grew. If I was driving by at sunset, sometimes she would fly overhead with a fish headed home to eat her supper. (So was I). When my nights were very late, I would hear her calling out in the dark. For me it was her love song for all to hear. Putting my window down I would greet her with “Wado.” My Native American (Cherokee) Elder taught me this word for extreme gratitude to another for what has been shared. (For everything Mommy Osprey shared with me there will always be “Wado!”) Driving by one sunny morning, I could tell that she was not leaving the nest. I could feel the change in energy. How many eggs had she laid? I drove by every day anticipating the arrival of the young ones. I would send love and gratitude to my sitting Mommy Osprey. Then, one early morning from miles away I could hear her high-pitched calls. I was looking for her as I rounded the bend. I noticed her leaning over the edge of her nest. She was looking very intently at something below. I thought that she had located prey for her morning meal. As I came along, I looked where she was looking.

We Are All One with Rev. Marylois R. Schott Rev. Marylois, mother, grandmother, great grandmother! In this life, her foundation was established in the Christian tradition. She is an Ordained Minister of Holistic Spirituality. Marylois studied and practice Celtic Shamanism and her Native American blood line traditions. She is a Sun Ceremonialist, a student of life, and an amateur anthropologist. Her practices are wellness through balancing of sprit, body, mind, and emotional wellbeing. She is and shall ever be the Great Spirit’s Joy. “We are all one, together.” Contact revmarylois@yahoo.com.

There, lying on the blacktop was an osprey. I knew that this was her mate.

And I heard her screech as I passed by. In an instant, I knew what she wanted. I was being called upon to assist another with the transition from this life. He had to go back to the Mother. Lying on the road was blocking his return to the Earth and the cycle of life. I drove to the first turn and circled back. There was no traffic! On a street where cars stream by every moment of the day there was no traffic. I pulled the car over just behind the dead bird. There did not seem to be any trauma to his body. But he had begun to stiffen. There are so many different traditions I know for this simple act. I connected with Source and knew instinctively to ask “Mommy Osprey” what to do for her mate. As if she saw through my eyes, I saw the ceremonial cornmeal I carry in my medicine bag. (Cornmeal is an offering used in many Native American ceremonies.) Today, I would use it as a gift to the Earth Mother. I sprinkled cornmeal on the ground where he would lie to return to the Earth. Then I raised his lifeless body to the heavens. I invited all the elements of nature to join this Father Osprey on his journey to a new place. Then I spoke to release his spirit back to the Mother. With great appreciation for a life well lived and the continuation of the life cycle we all live.

From the nest high above me there came a loud screech. Gratitude is how this piercing sound echoed through my being. Mommy Osprey and I were connected. Now that her mate was gone, I felt concern that she would be without food. “Should I bring food to you and place it on the ground next to the utility pole,” I asked. I heard her immediate reply: “It is not your place. I am healthy. He fed me well. There is

not much more time before the little ones arrive, and the hunting is good nearby. Keep sending love; the rest will take care of itself.” “Aho” was my only response. I got back into my car, took a deep breath, and started to focus on the task of getting back into traffic. I noticed the traffic building up behind me. There was enough time for me to get back into my lane and continue on my journey before the cars started streaming past me. I knew that for a moment time had stood still, while the natural rhythm of the universe had taken over. I also knew that, truly, this is all there is. The rest is an illusion of separation. With every being whom I have shared the natural rhythm of the universe during the time of transition, it is always a place of peace, while we share our oneness.

IS COACHING IS COACHING DEAD? (The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make)

DEAD?

(The #1 Mistake that Most Life Coaches Make)

By Natalie Rivera Is coaching dead? You’ve probably heard the stories that most coaches fail and that the only ones that are successful coach other coaches. And, while there may be some evidence to support both of those statements...

The truth is that coaching isn’t dead, it’s EVOLVING.

In fact, this is the best time to become a coach because it’s an industry that is growing. It’s a 2.5 billion dollar field—so it’s a legitimate industry and SOMEONE is making that money. No, coaching isn’t dead, but the old model of coaching doesn’t work. It’s too general.

So, what separates those who are successful? The top 10% of coaches, with six-figure annual incomes, market to one specific target market, aka they have a specific niche. On the other hand, the other 90% of coaches that are mostly “general coaches” are making significantly less, with the majority grossing only $20,000 to 50,000 a year. That is a major difference. What this means is that whether you specialize or not will determine whether you will develop a thriving coaching business or struggle like the majority of coaches. But, unfortunately a lot of what you still see in the market is based

The #1 mistake most life coaches make is that they try to coach everyone. We can hear you thinking, “but wait, EVERYONE can benefit from what I have to offer!” But, in reality, even if what you offer COULD help anyone, the truth is that not every one cares. Plus, at a practical level, you cannot reach everyone. Even more importantly, if you try to market to everyone you’ll reach no one. You see, when we started coaching a decade ago it was a brand new industry. Since that time us trailblazers have learned from our failures and identified what WORKS. With all of the thousands of coaches we’ve worked with and all of the training programs we’ve been part of ourselves, it’s become abundantly clear that the coaches who are successful are focusing on a new method of coaching… Niche coaching!

The ONLY way to successfully get coaching clients is to target a speciﬁc group of people who are uniquely interested in what you have to offer and willing to pay for it.

on the OLD model of coaching, which looks like this:

Coach a client to achieve a goal of their choosing through individual coaching sessions. The result is that they spend more time chasing clients than they do actually coaching—time they don’t get paid for. It just doesn’t work. What is a Niche? I’m sure you’ve heard of the word “niche” before. What’s interesting is that in today’s economy, many industries are changing toward more personalized goods and services and highly targeted markets! So here’s a good way to look at how general coaching is different than niche coaching. General coaching, or life coaching is kind of like someone who works as a general surgeon

General vs. Niche

They can help a broad range of people and yes they can save lives. But what happens when someone has a specific problem. Like a problem with their brain or their heart. Well they go to a brain surgeon or a cardiologist. This type of doctor is highly specialized, highly targeted, and they can make up to 2-4 times as much as a general surgeon. And because this person is so targeted, people come to them.

That’s the value of a niche skill set. So what is niche coaching? Niche coaching is focusing your coaching on a very specific type of goal. Your niche would be based on a specialized type of knowledge or experience that YOU are uniquely able to address with clients. The good news is that regardless of the field that you are in, your passion, or your life experience, there are people who have the same passion or purpose or who NEEDS the transformation you can offer. I hope you’re getting the picture here. • It’s the most profitable AND fulfilling type of coaching because… • You’re coaching based on WHO YOU ARE—your unique gift • Your ideal clients SPECIFICALLY want what you have to offer • Because your niche is highly targeted, it’s easier to find your clients So, there is one secret ingredient you need to make all this work: your gift.

So, What Is Your Gift? The questions is, what unique gift do YOU have to offer? You might be thinking you don’t know, but if you DID know, what would it be? Below are a few brainstorming questions to help you start to uncover your gift. • Do you have a painful challenge you overcame? Would you want to help others thrive through those same challenges? • What personal transformation or accomplishment have you experienced that you want to share with others? • Or, do you have a passion, skill or expertise that you want to share? • What result can you help them get? What do they need from you, specifically? • What do you know really well that others would LOVE to pick your brain about? If you aren’t yet seeing clearly what your gift is, or if you can’t yet see that someone would pay for it… Hear this, I mean really hear what I’m about to say... Let me give you a great example:

Our friend and colleague Michael had a severe stutter his entire life. He would try so hard to stop it that he’d bite his tongue until it blead. As a young adult he felt drawn to Seminary School (to become a minister), yet this job would require him to speak in public. HE dove into personal development & listened to his audiobooks over and over again. Not only did the lessons change the way he thought about himself, but he became so familiar with the material that he could present it nearly verbatim. He practiced and practiced until to his own amazement, he found he could speak for 30 to 60 minutes at a time without stuttering. He ended up becoming a professional speaker and instructor and tried to open several businesses. After many years he realized his calling to help other overcome stuttering and transform their lives like he had. Started by making videos on YouTube offering tips. He was inspired by the difference his unique strategies were making for people and he found that his viewers began asking him to coach them. Word began to spread and his coaching business grew. He could see that not only could the methods he developed transform people’s lives, but he could truly make a living while fulfilling his destiny. He now has a thriving business and loves what he does; his success came when he aligned with his true gift.

The key insight here is that your true gift is often what you overcame yourself. Not always, because sometimes your gift has more to do with your professional experience, however it is very common.

By uncovering the blessing hidden within the curses of your own life, you reveal the gift contained within your experience—one you can package into a life coaching niche and offer to others to transform their lives.

EVERYONE has some piece of knowledge or experience that SOMEONE out there is willing to pay thousands of dollars for. THOUSANDS.

This article is an excerpt from the online course “Find Your Profitable Purpose-Driven Coaching Niche” by Joeel and Natalie Rivera. If you want to expand your business by honing in on your ideal target market and offering services based on YOUR unique gifts, find out more at www.Transformation-Academy. com. Plus, in honor of empowering you to continue to move forward into the new year, we’re offering this course for only $47 this month! Enter newyear47 when you check out.

Listen on our website or your favorite podcast app or watch the video version on our YouTube channel.