Transformation Coaching Magazine April 2021 by Transformation Coaching Magazine

INSPIRATION & GROWTH Facing Game Over Are You Listening? One Minute at a Time Upgrade Your Relationship Status It’s All Interconnected Don’t Listen to Con Artists The Garbage Man’s Son

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FEED YOUR SPIRIT What is Real? Finding Your True Self We Create Our Lives

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PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Kate Pennell, Owen Waters, Mark Pitstick, Noelle Sterne, Arielle Giordano, Linda Commito, Alan Cohen, Mary Boutillier, Gregg Sanderson, Jo Mooy

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Facing Game Over

When we can no longer do what we love to do, it’s time to shine light on the fears that hide in the corners of our creative hearts. By Kate Maria Pennell I still remember the tension in my body—the emotion choking me and pressing behind my eyes. I was angry, helpless, and in pain again. In my teens, I dealt with a painful condition that left me with arms and hands that didn’t work properly. And now there I was, sitting in art class. Art was personal to me, art was a passion, and once again my hands wouldn’t work properly. That day my dam was close to breaking. I remember the kindness and optimism of Mr. Hall, my teacher at the time. He always treated me with understanding and respect, trying to support me however he could. I never thanked him enough. “You could try to put the paintbrush in your wrist splint to hold it, or you could try using your left hand.” I had already been forced to give up my music as my fingers had lost

their dexterity, and now I was facing the heart-wrenching fear that I may have to give up my art too. What if I can no longer do this? As creative people, what we do is often interwoven with who we are and how we see and relate to the world. To stop doing what we do can mean more than just having to give up a hobby. We feel as if we are facing a form of death—the death of a dream or a little part of ourselves. Who am I if I cannot write? How will I balance my world if I cannot play music or paint? What will my world look like without looking through a lens? We wonder if the creative flow will build up and blow us apart or just leave us fractured and cracked if it chooses to flow elsewhere and we are left dry, with only our memories of more fertile times. Enough of that, let’s look at the good news.

FACING THE FEAR

Living through what I did was dire, but what it taught me was that if I let the creativity flow, it will find a way. The fear and the anger (and the pride because that was in the mix, too) blocked the creative output more than the physical problem did. I had to give up my illusions of control and perfection and then experiment again. It may have been easier for me to do so being younger, but isn’t our inner artist like a child? Luckily, children have a loose understanding of limits and thrive in finding a way around them. What I learned was that when my creativity could not flow in one way, it would find another outlet—if I let it. My creative writing and poetry developed as it had never before; I learned to paint with words, to imprint my heart on the page in another form. I became more mindful of my artistic practice. Painting with my left hand taught me to consider every mark that I made, which, incidentally, my teacher had spent a whole term trying to teach us. My paintbrush had to be put aside to rest, so I learned to reach for other untried mediums, like pastels or clay that I could control more easily, directly with my fingers. I experimented and gained new skills. I grew. When I was no longer able to play music, I dared to sing. I learned to acknowledge how I felt, to grieve, to be kind to myself, and to choose to continue a creative life. The king is dead; long live the king. All in all, my greatest lesson was that I can trust my creativity. I feared that the situation I was in would rob me of my creativity, of my very soul, and yet it was that creativity that helped me to overcome my situation. Like water, I both needed it but feared its depths. And, like water, I learned to let it flow and carry me in its currents.

My intention in writing this is to shine a little light on the fears that hide in the corners of our creative hearts. Like the bogeyman, those fears dissipate when brought into the light and examined. I want you to take heart and know that you can trust your creativity to bring you through, even if you face losing what you love

to do. If it feels like game over, play a different level or a whole new game— but stay in the game. The fear of losing something can be worse than it happening. Although it’s right to honor what has to be laid to rest, the good news is you can find a way forward if you trust your creativity and expand your creative

e xpression. It’s not just for the special people; I am as special as you are. Author’s Note: You’re welcome to a copy of “Create Smarter Not Harder.” It helps you to use the innovative power of your subconscious mind to be less stressed and more productive— even in your sleep. To receive a copy, visit: https://katepennell.net/subscribe/.

Permission to Launch with Kate Pennell

Kate Pennell, English and slightly geekish, is a coach and dream catalyst who lives in Spain with three kids, various furry creatures and a patient husband. She loves nature, creativity and seeing people discover what truly makes them come alive. Kate provides the people she works with permission to launch and helps them begin to fly as they were made to. She teaches, encourages and connects with fellow travellers across our global village. Find out more at https://www.permissiontolaunch.website/.

What is Real?

Life is about experiences.

By Owen K Waters

What is real? What is there to hold on to? One of the main reasons for experiencing life on Earth is to discover what is real. We spend our lives coming here, going there, trying this and trying that. We acquire physical things and eventually let them go. Life’s experiences pass by like so much water under the bridge. One constant in all of life’s ever-changing realities is the inner observer. This aspect of your inner self is present

in all of life’s experiences, watching, learning, remembering. However, when you go even deeper than this, you reach the underlying basis of all consciousness, the awareness that, simply, you exist. This fundamental awareness can be summarized in two words: “I am.”

THE GREAT “I AM” PRESENCE

You are one individual viewpoint of the great I Am, the consciousness of All That Is, the all-inclusive and all-embracing Infinite Being.

Consciousness is reality. Experiences may change from minute to minute, but underneath the flow of experiences lies that constant awareness, the sense of being that says, “I am.” Life is about experiences that unfold at different locations in space and time. Space, however, is merely a construct of the Creator’s consciousness. The concept of space was created to allow an infinite variety of viewpoints to exist. Time is also a construct of consciousness. Time enables change within space, making events and experiences possible. Is physical matter a construct of consciousness? Matter is composed of energy, and energy, like all things in life, is a construct of consciousness.

THE DEFINITION OF ENERGY

Energy is compressed consciousness. Each unit of energy is formed by counter-rotating vortices of “Intent.” These vortices push together to form a tiny sphere of compressed consciousness within their center, which becomes a particle of living energy. Intent and Love in motion are the original, fundamental principles used in Infinite Being’s creation of the universe. Like thought and feeling, these aspects of being operate as complements to each other, and yet each one can be defined as an underlying, fundamental principle. When intent (the principle of thought) and love (the principle of feeling) are set into motion, then one invokes the other. The same complementary action occurs in electromagnetism when electricity is set into motion. The electrons—particles of compressed, original Intent—invoke a complementary magnetic field within the fabric of space. The fabric of space is created by the Love aspect of the Creator. Love is the aspect of Infinite Being which provides the supportive matrix upon which all else is built. From the point of view of physics, the fabric of space would be defined as pure, inert, magnetic energy.

Or, at least, it would be if physics had gotten around to defining it yet. It used to be called the aether, but its properties were not fully understood at the time. Physics, for the most part, does not currently believe in the aether, does not currently believe in a Creator of the universe, and, as a result, has no idea why particles of energy exhibit signs of consciousness.

THE ORIGINAL CREATION

Before the original Creation occurred, Infinite Being formed an expression of itself which was to become the Creator of the universe. Then, as the One Creator, it focused its Intent, expressed its Love, and brought these two aspects of Itself into motion. All of the universe was built upon these underlying principles, which make possible the facets of Creation such as time, space, energy, and matter. A universe in motion makes possible the changes we call experience. But if life is constantly changing, then what is there to hold on to? What is unchangingly real? Unchanging reality is to be found beneath those fundamental aspects of the Creator’s Intent and Love in motion. Infinite Being is the underlying reality. Infinite Being is all that is, it never changes. “Being” is pure potential, whereas “doing” is the acting out of that potential. The underlying reality of Infinite Being is complete beingness. Infinite Being is real. It never changes. It always is; just is. How do you connect with reality? By meditating, by using the affirmation, “I am Infinite Being,” you can build your connection daily to the true reality which lies within you. When you make spirituality your number one priority at the start of each day, then daily meditation becomes a habit, something which occurs with ease. By building that inner bridge to reality, you are empowering your own potential and also helping to shift the global mind towards enlightenment.

Spiritual Dynamics with Owen K. Waters Owen is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at: http://www.SpiritualDynamics.net. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential. Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. For the past 12 years, he has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their insight and clarity.

Finding Your True Self

By Dr. Mark Pitstick When I was 20 years old, I worked parttime as a respiratory therapist. On one of my first calls to the emergency room, we worked on a five-year-old boy who had been hit by a truck. As we treated him, the story unfolded: He had been walking to his first day of kindergarten and was the only child of young parents. Despite hours of resuscitative care, he died from multiple injuries. In shock, I stumbled out into the hall just in time to see his parents’ faces contort in grief as a doctor told them the news. I went outside, shook my fist at the sky, and cursed God. How could an all-loving, -powerful, and -knowing God allow a little one to die so tragically? What kind of world was this where innocent children suffer and die and people experience such losses? Afterwards, I entered a period of agnosticism and experienced the emotional pain and confusion that accompany a bleak spiritual perspective. Over time, this and other difficult events in my life motivated me to search for answers to life’s existential questions, such as: “Who am I? Why am I here? Is there a loving and just God? Why is there so much suffering? What happens after I die?” You know the questions. I began a quest to prove to myself whether or not God and the afterlife really exist. During 35 years of intense searching, I assembled sensible, evidence-based answers to these questions. Here are the answers in a nutshell: 1) We each are timeless beings of energy, consciousness, light, spirit. We are integral and forever parts of God/Creative Energy/Source. 2) We are briefly here on earth for the rich opportunities for service, adventure, growth, and enjoyment. 3) There is a Divine Presence/Light/Power/ Intelligence that is infinitely loving, wise, and fair. It’s not a big man in the sky, though.

4) We suffer when we forget to view life from a spiritual, more cosmic perspective. For example, that little boy’s tragedy compelled me and, I presume, others to find sensible answers to life’s most difficult questions. Since then, many thousands of people have been helped just by my outreaches. So was his death a tragedy or a victory? 5) When you die, everything about you—except for your body—continues on in another dimension of your creation, in the next page of life’s never-ending saga. I invite you to consider two important and powerfully life-changing questions. First, what would it take for you to be convinced that you really are a timeless energetic being who eternally experiences life? Are you like a Miami talk-show host who told me he would only believe in afterlife when he saw an embalmed corpse climb out of a casket? If so, you will probably have to wait until you pass over and see for yourself. But maybe you are more open-minded than he was. What if you knew that many people— including renowned scientists, famous individuals, and probably some of your loved ones—have had firsthand experiences of spiritual realities? Would it help to know that denominations in every religion and spiritual wisdom source believe in universal salvation, an eventual heavenly afterlife for all? Would you be more convinced if you knew that ground-breaking clinical and scientific research strongly indicates a continuity of consciousness? My second question is: If—as the evidence indicates—we all really are timeless awareness, how would that change your life? Would it help to know that you can’t ever lose loved ones, but are only separated for a while? Could you better survive, and even thrive, through life’s changes if you deeply grasped that you are eternal by nature, an indestructible being of energy? Might this knowledge assist your life in many ways and improve the way you treat yourself and others?

Take a few moments and think about these questions. Internalizing the great news that you are an infinite and integral part of life helps you realize just how exciting, rich, and safe your earthly experience can be. You can connect with the tangible—and sometimes instantaneous—benefits that accompany a deeper understanding of your undying nature. Earth is a difficult place to live, I know. Like most of us, I’ve grieved over loved ones who have passed on. Broken relationships have saddened and haunted me. I’ve experienced cruelty, disappointments, unfulfilled dreams, financial loss, depression, and health challenges. Despite the beauty and many positive aspects of planet earth, life here is no picnic. Hardships, loss, and eventual death are integral parts of the human experience. No one is immune from these struggles trials. However, evidence* clearly shows that, no matter what does or doesn’t happen to you, you can handle it and you’ll survive it. To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which does not kill you makes you stronger—and nothing can kill your spirit.

Your real self is much more resilient and mighty than any difficulties you might encounter. Look at it this way. Do you worry and grieve the next day after watching a movie in which the main character struggles or dies? Of course not—it’s just a movie. Well, in this earth experience that is a minute fraction of your life’s movie; you—as a soul—are the producer, director, and actor. Much collective evidence strongly indicates that our relatively brief lives on earth are very much like movies. Life is like a play, a drama, a learning experience. Your true self has lived before and will live after this and every episode. My wish is that you will enjoy the many great benefits of an internalized knowing about your true infinite self. Author’s note: for more on scientific proof of the afterlife, visit my website http://www.soulproof.com and http://www.thesoulphonefoundation.org.

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and webinar/workshop facilitator. He directs The SoulPhone Foundation and founded Greater Reality Living Groups. Dr. Pitstick can help you know and show—no matter what is happening to or around you— that your earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit http://www.SoulProof.com for free articles, newsletters and radio interviews with top consciousness experts.

NOT JUST A GAME! Each custom-designed deck of Just Ask 1 2 3 cards offers 53 thought-inspiring questions and a Directions card. A lovely organza gift bag is included to hold the cards for selecting.

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Just Ask 1 2 3 is a fun pathway to conversation, kindness and connection! There are different pathways to connecting: Deck 1 Easing In – easy, playful questions to break the ice and have fun! Deck 2 Getting Closer – thought-provoking questions to get to know each other better . . . including ourselves. Learn more:

JustAsk123.com & LoveIstheNewCurrency.com 13

We Create Our Lives

Photo Credit: Unsplash/David Goldsbury

Claim your power to live the life you most want. By Noelle Sterne

We have been given the ability to imagine, declare, decree, visualize, and expect what we want. We’re not tiny objects buffeted in an uncertain, perilous world. Instead, we are the masters, the victors, the creators of our lives and worlds. Most of us don’t realize, much less claim, this gift. But some know—the golfer who visualizes the perfect swing, the dancer who envisions the perfect plié, the host who pictures the perfect feast. The more we believe in, develop, and practice our creative ability with passion and expectation, the sooner our pictures will be brought into our lives. This is the universal Law of Attraction. You have undoubtedly heard or read about it: Like attracts like; what we concentrate on grows and manifests; that which is like unto itself is drawn. Many in our world talk about “life” with a sigh, as if we have no say in what happens to us. Many ascribe the troubles they encounter to “luck” or an unfeeling or retributive “God.” Many wonder why their lives fail to satisfy them, or worse. If we don’t consciously create, we create by default. We go along with whatever experiences haphazardly seem to come our way. “That’s life,”

we say with resignation. “Life intervenes while we’re making other plans.” We may like what is happening or not, consider ourselves cursed or fortunate. Whatever our reactions, even to “good” events, we feel like victims. But our lives do not have to be this way! With our God-given gifts of visualizing and concentrating, we can exercise our creative ability for anything—health, abundance, beautiful relationships, right and satisfying work, comfortable surroundings, creative productions, even audacious dreams. We can know that we attract all through Divine Love, and that the outcomes elevate us, lift and stretch our consciousness of God, and benefit everyone involved. Our creative ability is innate. Once we recognize and use it consciously, we can create not only objects but especially outcomes. How do you want that meeting, phone call, family gathering, work session to turn out? How do you want to feel and act before, during, and afterwards? Apply this understanding to something you want to create, especially something that you feel is difficult or impossible, or something you’re fearful of. Make a simple list of outcomes: “I want this meeting/presentation/phone

call/work session or date/holiday/family gathering to produce for me . . . .” And list the best feelings and results you can envision. Whenever I’ve made a list of my best desired outcomes beforehand, I visualize and feel the positive outcomes. I write them down and feel them as if they have already taken place. For example, “In this meeting, my words come easily, others react well, we all enjoy ourselves, and accomplishments, harmony, and agreement result.” Doing this exercise diligently beforehand, I’ve experienced all the results on my list! An apparently difficult meeting results in accord and understanding. A work session goes smoothly with answers to knotty problems appearing quickly. A family gathering evokes only love and joyous sharing. You can create—bring into your awareness and physical experience— anything, from the most apparently trivial to the most momentous—a shopping bag, a resolution, a home down payment, a soulmate. We can never lose our creative ability. Our birthright is mastery, our heritage power. Claim your power to live the life you most want. Claim your ability now to be the creator of your life and your world.

Trust Your Life Now with Noelle Sterne, Ph.D. Author, editor, writing coach, workshop leader, and academic mentor, Noelle Sterne has published over 600 stories, essays, writing craft articles, spiritual pieces, and occasional poems in literary and academic print and online venues. Publications include Author Magazine, Chicken Soup for the Soul (five volumes), Inspire Me Today, LiveWriteThrive, MindBodySpirit, Journal of Expressive Writing, Mused, Pen and Prosper, Romance Writers Report, Ruminate, Sasee, Textbook and Academic Authors Association blog (monthly), Thesis Whisperer, Transformation Coaching (bimonthly), Two Drops of Ink blog, Unity Magazine, WE Magazine for Women, Women in Higher Education, Women on Writing, Writer’s Digest, and The Writer. With a Ph.D. from Columbia University, for 30 years Noelle has assisted doctoral candidates in completing their dissertations (finally). Her published handbook to assist doctoral candidates is based on her professional academic practice): Challenges in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Psychological Struggles (Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2015). In Noelle’s spiritual self-help book, Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011), she draws examples from her academic consulting and other aspects of life to support readers in reaching their lifelong yearnings. Continuing with her own, she is draft-deep in her third novel. Her webinar about Trust Your Life can be seen on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95EeqllONIQ&feature=youtu.be Visit Noelle at her website: http://www.trustyourlifenow.com.

Are You Listening?

When we hear with our heart, we know the Truth. By Arielle Giordano To listen is an expression of the feminine. It means that you are genuinely open and available to whatever it is that you are focused upon. You sense the Truth in the message through your heart. When you are really listening to what someone is saying, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with it or believe it—it just means that you hear what was truly intended.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”—Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart Real listening means that you are present. It empowers you to hear the truth regardless of the source. Did you know that gender, culture, family history, personality, opinions, perceptions,

and values are some of the factors that contribute to and impact our way of communicating? Moreover, communication and language are deeply intertwined—and in language we share who we are as human beings. If you know and see the Truth within, you will find that same Truth outside of yourself; it comes full circle. This means that you are being authentic regardless of who shares your company, and, as a result, you connect with those who are in alignment with your highest good.

“Your mind, it will trick you, but your heart, it will not.”—Nikki Rowe Listen to your heart, even when the pressures of daily life tell you to pull back. When you feel uncomfortable, that pressure can help you open up like a flower and hear the wind of your soul.

“Always listen to your heart. The wisdom of your heart is the connection to your authentic power—the true home of your spirit.”—Angie Karan

Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com

One Minute at a Time

We never know how much time we have, but we can choose how to live our lives fully, one moment at a time, with awareness and appreciation. By Linda Commito I am fully aware that I’ve let numerous days and hours of my life slip by without notice, especially in younger years, when time was plentiful and easy to squander. But now, with a greater understanding of how precious each day is, I can get irked when people or situations rob me of this gift of time. These “stolen moments” cannot be recovered or repaid. Covid has made many of us more aware of TIME on many levels . . . for some too much time, for others not enough. But a new time-robber has entered the scene—“waiting to get a vaccine.” It’s become the topic of conversation for those of a certain age: “Did you get yours? How? Where? When?” After two months of no response on multiple lists, it wasn’t until I was up at 7:00 a.m. on my 4th day of another “promising opportunity,” staring at the computer screen with droopy eyes during the waiting period, watching and counting every 60 seconds with the hope of seeing a

“BOOK NOW” button highlighted, that I got woke. Each of the preceding times, I had sat there with impatience for about an hour, only to learn that all of the appointments were booked at the locations near me. Wasted time that I could have been sleeping! This time, I decided to see what I could accomplish in each of the 60-second periods. It was the inspiration to put pen to paper and start writing this article. What could I do in a minute that would prove time well spent? • I filled out an address label to mail a gift to my mom. • I dashed to the refrigerator to grab a yogurt. • I ate most of the yogurt. • I wrote an email response • I deleted some old messages. (Only 1000-plus more to go!) • I said a prayer for a friend. • I made a TO DO list for when I was fully awake (and it was way shorter than usual)! At the end of that hour, I had no appointment, but I had some satisfaction . . . I had regained a semblance of control

60 SECONDS By Francesco Tarantino

60 seconds to be quiet to feel the wind to hear the sounds of life whispering around me 60 seconds To be engulfed by the love of my partner Like a wave full of joy Sweeping against the shoreline Covering the sands of my sorrow 60 seconds A lifetime in miniature A morsel of the magic of life Sitting there waiting to be felt and heard and imagined and tasted and wondered about 60 seconds To be cherished as if there were no other 60 seconds to breathe 60 seconds to pray 60 seconds to disappear to become one with all the 60 seconds That ever were

While having spent most of his life with his career in music, Francesco Tarantino is now rediscovering his first love—poetry—and he is working on a poetry book at present. Francesco also recently an original music CD “Love and Madness” available on http://www. harmonyisbest.com or popular streaming sites.

over my time. And with that, came a sense of calm and a decision to “wait it out.” Fortunately, I didn’t need to . . . that very day I received a text offering me an appointment. Mission accomplished! Now onto the next . . . preparing for an hour-long hold, hoping that someone answers the phone to tell me when I might expect a refund on a flight that was booked over a year ago. I’ve made several attempts, but this time, I intend to have a good article to read and a notepad for creative ideas. I might even take my phone onto the patio and watch the birds fly by OR JUST BREATHE! Author’s Note: Here are a couple of fun ways to enjoy your minutes! Just Ask 123 question cards are an engaging, fun way to get to know someone. And they can take just a minute to answer. And the Love Is the New Currency book offers inspiring stories that can be read in minutes. Purchase at my website, http://www.justask123.com, and receive FREE SHIPPING on these for a limited time. Francesco Tarantino, my partner, wrote and recorded his CD, Love and Madness, and is offering to share a favorite song, appropriately titled: Stolen Moments. (And you can dance to it!) Listen at https://loveisthenewcurrency.com/stolen-moments/.

Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game.

NOT JUST A GAME! Each custom-designed deck of Just Ask 1 2 3 cards offers 53 thought-inspiring questions and a Directions card. A lovely organza gift bag is included to hold the cards for selecting.

Only $15.95

JustAsk123.com & LoveIstheNewCurrency.com 21

Upgrade Your Relationship Status

How to turn a cheese-and-crackers relationship into a gourmet banquet. By Alan Cohen In the early 1900s a European man named Frederic had a dream to travel to the United States. At that time, air travel had not been developed, so he booked passage on an ocean liner. Such a trip required all of his savings, but it was worth it. Considering that he could not afford the luxury meals the ship offered, Frederic brought with him a supply of cheese and crackers. While the other guests sat in the ornate dining room enjoying lavish multi-course meals, Frederic sat on a bench on the deck, rationing out his simple meals for the duration of the cruise. One day another passenger passed Frederic eating his Spartan meal. “Why are you sitting out here eaten cheese and crackers?” the fellow asked. “I can’t afford the dining room meals,” Frederic answered. The passenger laughed. “Don’t you know that the meals are included in the price of the voyage?” Frederic, astonished, put aside his cheese and crackers and entered the lavish dining room he deserved all along. The second half of his voyage proved far more enjoyable than the first. Like Frederic, many of us settle for meager rations in life while we are entitled to enjoy a great banquet. One of the areas we tend to starve ourselves in is relationships. Let’s take a look at how we can trade a cheese-and-crackers relationship for a gourmet feast.

Most people believe they are missing something in a relationship. Either they are single and wish they had a partner, or they are with someone and wish their relationship was better. It is a rare person who says, “I am completely satisfied with my relationship status.” There are two ways to improve your relationship status: One is to find a relationship or trade your current relationship for a better one. If you are in a toxic, abusive, or dead relationship, there’s no sense trying to fix it. You will do better to quit fighting an uphill battle, let go, take stock of what you have learned, and move on. Many people stay in unhappy relationships too long, and wish they had the courage to leave years earlier. The other way to get into the gourmet dining room is to do your inner work to upgrade your current relationship. It is tempting to think, “I’ll find someone better.” In some cases you can, but in most cases you end up trading one set of problems for

another. Your current partner meets seven out of ten of your relationship criteria, and your new partner meets a different seven out of ten. So you haven’t really upgraded; you’ve just rearranged the furniture. The biggest mistake people in cheese-and-cracker relationships make is to think, “If I can just get my partner to change, I will be happy.” Yet changing another person’s behavior in order for you to feel better is never a worthy or practical goal. If you’ve tried to change your partner, you know this doesn’t work. You just set yourself up for frustration and the same argument that keeps recycling in different forms. If, however, you are willing to do your inner homework and make an effort to change your attitude about your relationship, you can make real progress. There are two elements to this monumental move: First, move from deficit vision to appreciation vision. Quit complaining about what your partner isn’t, and start celebrating what he or she is. When you first met this person, there were lots of things you loved about him or her. But over time you have drifted from what’s right to what’s wrong. If you turn your rudder back to what’s right, you can enjoy so much more. The second element in the crucial shift is to give more of what you wish to receive. In any situation in which you perceive that something is missing, what is missing is what you are not giving. The illusion is that if

your partner would give more, you would be happier. The truth is, if you would give more, you would be happier. More validation, more appreciation, more patience, more kindness, more communication, more support. When you invest those noble qualities in your relationship, you are the

immediate recipient of those blessings. They are your fastest ticket to the main dining room. Take stock of where you are settling for cheese and crackers not just in your intimate relationship, but in all of your relationships and all of your life. Jesus said, “It is the Father’s

good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” The purpose of your spiritual journey is to discover that you deserve the great banquet and claim it. No matter how cheesy your relationships or life have been, like Frederic, you can make the remainder of your voyage a world- class experience.

Get Real with Alan Cohen

Alan Cohen is the author of many inspirational books including the bestselling A Course in Miracles Made Easy, and his new illuminating guide, The Master Keys of Healing. Become a certified holistic life coach through Alan’s life-changing training program beginning in September. For information on this program and Alan’s books, videos, audios, online courses, retreats, and other inspirational events and materials, visit http://www.alancohen.com.

It’s All Interconnected

Your life—and our common human experience— is all about beautiful interrelationships. By Mary Boutieller “It’s never just one thing!” I say this in my yoga classes a lot. Even as I announce that we are going to work on, say, the wrists, we know that it’s never just the wrists. And we know this because the wrists are connected to the arms, which are connected to the shoulders...Our bodies are interconnected miracles of blood and tissue, nerves and cells—all communicating and working together to maintain homeostasis. It really is a beautiful thing— at least most of the time. Life is like that, too. It’s never just one thing. When we think of a river, it’s not just the water that makes it a river. It is also the banks upon which the river rests and rolls; it is the rocks, fish or destination that makes it a river. And when the river meets another body of water, does it cease to be a river? Likewise, a home is not just a bunch of wood or concrete. It is also the people who inhabit it and the kindness that fills it with love. These things and more make it a home. William James said, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” It can be that way with relationships too. Whether we are talking about love or strife, relationships are about more than two people. Usually, it is not one thing that turns a few words into an argument or turns hope into a dream realized. It is the many small actions, conversations and attentions that either draw us toward one another or keep us apart.

It is our backgrounds, our baggage, our buttons, that can keep us from seeing the person or the situation as it is, right in front of us. These things can keep us from understanding the part we play in the evolution of our lives. Sometimes we just don’t “see” the connection. Maybe we don’t yet have the understanding to know how one affects the other. We may not realize that when we tighten our jaw repeatedly for days or years, we run the risk of headaches or neck pain until, one day, it clicks. We tighten our jaw, we rub our neck, and the connection is made. In our relationships, it is the same. When we take anything for granted, whether it is a spouse or a job or a body part, we can pile up the debt of insensitivity and inattention until it takes a cosmic 2 x 4 to wake us up. Maybe we shouldn’t wait so long. Recently, I listened to a podcast where the speaker said that if we could imagine, every once in a while, being without the thing we love...whether it is our partner, a cup of coffee, a hug... how would that feel? If we could spend just a couple of moments imagining that this could be the last time we tasted honey, held our child’s hand or watched the sunset...wouldn’t that wake us up to the gifts that are right in front of us? Wouldn’t that make us want to pay a little more attention to the things that we usually take for granted and think will always be there? In those moments when I pause and think this might be the last time I experience “this”, it brings a tear to my eye

as my heart fills with gratitude, and I am reminded all over again of the goodness in my life. You see, it’s never just one thing. It’s never just you or me, alone and independent, grinding our way through the world. It has always been about the beautiful interrelationships that make up your life and my life and our common human experience. Look around my friends and take it all in. Marvel that your body is connected by an unending web of connective tissue. Be in wonder about the person you are standing next to, who is connected to the community in which you live, which is connected by degrees to the entire Universe.

Carl Sagan said this, “The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of star stuff”. Star stuff indeed! May you truly understand that you are an integral part of it all.

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

Don’t Listen to Con Artists

Your personal self is your only true identity. By Gregg Sanderson Each of us has multiple identities. Your individual identity is who you are. It’s everything unique about you. You live in the world as yourself. Your self-esteem comes from your BS about who you are and what you do (BS=Belief System of course). We also have collective identities. We identify ourselves and others by traits that describe us. We view ourselves and others as part of one or more groups who may look, think, or act alike. For example, we have young, old, white, black, male, and female. There’s rich, poor, immigrant, citizen, gay, straight, spiritual belief or political party. I’ll bet you can think of even more. It’s fine to join or adopt ideas from any group. It enriches your life. But when the collective identity eclipses your personal self, you sign up for the “Vs” (Victimhood, Vengeance, and Validation). I was once with a friend who apologized to a group of women on behalf of the entire male gender. He regretted generations of mistreatment. Translation: “I apologize because somebody who looks like me, but wasn’t me, once mistreated somebody who looks like you, but wasn’t you.” He showed me the flaws in collective identity. You view yourself as a part of the group, but you also see others through the lens of your collective. You assign to them a personality, history, and BS that may have nothing to do with who they are. The more you identify with a group, party, or tribe, the more you’re involved in the “Vs”. When self-esteem

depends upon your collective, you can be a victim of your color or gender. Your heritage can make you vulnerable, and being “too old” or “too young” can appear to invalidate you. You can mess up your life if you try to get even. Think of the groups that tell you that you are less or more than you believe you are. They all take aim at your self-esteem. Some to raise it, some to destroy. When you let a collective tell you who you are, you set yourself up to suffer. Please understand it’s not wrong to be part of a collective. It just won’t make you happy, and we’re talking about happiness. The “Happiness Paradigm” of Stimulus>BS>Response can only apply to you as an individual. Only you have the unconscious BS that ignites your emotions. Only you can choose how you identify yourself and relate to the world. Only you have the power to make you happy. Your personal self is your only true identity. All else is description. Con artists will tell you otherwise, and they’re easy to spot. They follow a set pattern: 1) You’re not OK 2) I’ll make you OK 3) Give me your money, your homage, or your vote. Think of preachers, pundits, and politicians. Think of marketers, motivators, and manipulators. Think of peddlers, peers, and prom dates. OMG! They’re all over the place! Ha ha, the joke’s on you. You’re already OK and always have been. It’s only your bummer BS that makes you think otherwise.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.

The Garbage Man’s Son

Ordinariness is a genuine state of authenticity that gives us permission to do or not do anything. By Jo Mooy

droves to see him. But an old woman who used to be his next-door neighbor said, “What’s this? I thought all When Mazu Daoyi, the most influential Zen the commotion was due to the visit of some extraordiMaster of the Chan Dynasty, returned to his ancestral nary person. I see it’s just that little boy who was the home for a short visit, his countrymen turned out in garbage collector’s son.” 32

On hearing her words the master didn’t get upset. He improvised a lighthearted reply. “I advise that you never return to your native place—for no one can be a sage in his own hometown. This old woman sitting by the side of the brook still calls me the garbage man’s son.” In the reply, Mazu remains authentic and humble. Though revered and treasured as the greatest Zen Master across China, he accepts the fact that he’s still the garbage man’s son. This story serves as a reminder to behold and embrace the ordinariness in life and, more importantly, in ourselves. When chasing unusual or noteworthy accomplishments, it’s so easy to be swayed by the glitter surrounding the accolades. Before Covid, most lived in a world of glitz and glamour and the attainment of wealth. That was before a microscopic virus reset the dial on individual consciousness. The self-help articles preached how to get ahead or improve your position, your relationship, your career

or your life, using “five, nine, or 25 advice hacks to success.” For others, the measure of achievement was how many likes, followers, or people they influenced. Fanning the fires of separation, the ultimate career advice in business was to be individually remarkable and to distinguish yourself high above e veryone else. When the pandemic sledgehammer fell, the hacks and followers and likes no longer mattered. All the specialness we believed about ourselves was suddenly unimportant and, in hindsight, maybe silly. Even famous people were coming off their high perches. Turns out, no one was more special than anyone else. Instead of feeling separate, we were stuck together in a collective soup trying to get through each day without getting sick or making our neighbors sick. The speedometer that controlled daily activity usually purred along at 100 miles per hour. The virus downshifted activity to a dull 35 miles per hour. A new normal cast a pall over the landscape. How 33

do we live life in the slow lane? How do we distance ourselves from others? How do I fill my empty days? Many discovered it wasn’t necessary to do 20 things a day because no one actually cared if you did them or didn’t. I asked friends or neighbors what they were doing, they replied, “Nothing! I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to be quiet and alone.” They weren’t necessarily lonely. Rather they were sitting it out by embracing silence and stillness. It was an activity many were unfamiliar with and had to learn. In pre-pandemic days the word “ordinary” had negative connotations. If you were judged “ordinary” it meant you were not outstanding or you were somehow less than a high achiever. After a year of managing the virus, it turns out that being normal was better than okay. In that normalcy we found ordinariness! Ordinariness is a genuine state of authenticity that gives us permission to do or not do anything. It especially removes all stigma associated with not doing anything. It allows us to be at ease and accepting whatever activities we choose to engage in. Or to not engage, if that’s what we choose. In these exceptional times, where questioning our collective sanity often becomes a daily activity, ordinariness is an anchor in reality. Instead of vigilantly watching every nuance occurring on the national stage, ordinariness says you can disconnect the news feed and do something for yourself. For example, many found happiness in their gardens. Ordinariness said

you can refresh your garden with new plantings. It also said you can sit and stare at the old plantings without any feelings of judgment or guilt that you must plant something new. Ordinariness is a remarkable new way to abide in the Zen practice of Wu Wei, known as the art of doing nothing. In the state of ordinariness, one can instinctively sense how all things are entwined whether plants, minerals, animals, air, or spaciousness. No one and no thing was above or below. Each was simply a tiny cog in an indescribable and vast cosmic machine. When that realization struck, it was clear that ordinariness would not have been possible but for these exceptional times. Had we not downshifted the gears from 100 miles per hour we would have never found it or experienced it. Another Zen Master, Suzuki Roshi suggested that chaotic times create an enlightened awakening to our real true nature. When confronted with chaos or during confusing times, he said: “The ordinariness of life creates enlightened activity and in that ordinariness, you gain access to your own awakened nature.” So, while enjoying the serenity of watching a garden, whether new or old plantings, you step into a world of stillness. As that expands, you will experience becoming more normal. In that sublime ordinariness and stillness, you will touch the remarkable spark that exists inside each one of us. Once touched, you’ll never forget it. But remember, no matter what insights you learn in the stillness about life or about yourself, you’ll always be the garbage man’s son.

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.