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Solutions Solutions Counseling & EAP for Life Oh, You Better Not Pout!
“I have had enough of the whining! I just can’t take it anymore.” No, I didn’t actually utter those words to any recent client, but I sure thought it a couple of times. I know, I know, not very therapeutic. Not very nurturing and “unconditional loving” either. That’s why I didn’t say it. I have admitted to you before that I’m not the best therapist for someone committed to staying in the victim position, and that is what a whiner is: a person who is going to complain, but not really do anything about whatever he is complaining about. You see, I assume that by the time you got the courage to call my office and schedule an appointment then drummed up the gumption needed to actually show up for the appointment, you are ready to make a change. Not just gripe. Sometimes I wish I was one of those therapists that could just see you week after week and listen unconditionally with the belief that by just being fully present with you, you’ll find your own best path. I’d be a whole lot richer! I would also be a sham. I believe that if you only needed someone to listen to you, you probably could have found a friend to do that. You come to me because you need some additional skills, or a plan of action, or someone to call you out on your unhealthy behaviors. Please understand, I’m not “antiwhiner.” I believe that whiners truly don’t like their circumstances. I also believe that whining is a generational curse; it’s a behavior learned in childhood. The child observes adults whining/griping/complaining but not doing anything to positively change the situation. You see, whiners simply would like for their circumstances to magically change instead of taking some personal responsibility to make the change happen. They want their partner to wake up one day choosing to be a better
December 2013
from
by Keri Forbess-McCorquodale, MS, LPC, LMFT, CEAP
season, check yourself. When you find person (more thoughtful, less angry, the traffic frustrating, remember that less critical, happier); they don’t want you are fortunate to have a car. When to adjust their own behavior to ensure someone treats you unkindly, remind breaking out of the pattern. However, yourself that you could have such bigger as they learn the lesson “You teach problems. When you’re in the crowded people how to treat you” in therapy, the mall, be grateful to have a mall with whiner begins to transform into a more fully stocked stores and some money in assertive (non-whining) individual. your pocket to spend in them. Don’t let A good friend sent me an article the first world problems even leave your some time back that really resonated lips. Remember, no pouting. with me. It was about the fact that the vast amount of the whining that occurs is a result of just how good we have it. People in third world countries are not whining about how someone was mean to her, or that his phone is slower now that he did the download, or that traffic is “horrible.” No, no, they are much more concerned about their family’s next meal, or where they’ll sleep, or how they’re going to keep their children safe from the insurgents. It’s only because we’re a first world country that we have the audacity to complain about such trivial things. My friend and I have adopted www.tutoringcenter.com “that’s a first world problem” as our mantra when we gripe to each other. So, as you go through 3471 Nelson Road your holiday
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