Lay Your Head Down

A conversation with Mary Lambert

This last year was possibly one of the worst on record, politically and personally, for many of us. I found myself repeating the phrase “life ain't a bowl full of cherries” more than I would like to admit. While talking with Mary Lambert, for a few blessed moments, all of that negativity blew away.

In Mary’s presence, I felt like I was swimming around in the biggest bowl of cherries imaginable. Mary’s laughter, the cadence of her voice, and her radiant positivity in the face of life’s obstacles left me astounded and drenched in joy.

Mary Lambert rose to fame literally overnight. A graduate of Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle with a degree in composition, Mary was busy singing, performing spoken word poetry, and applying to grad schools to become a music teacher when she got a call from a friend, asking if she’d be interested in contributing the refrain for “Same Love” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.

Despite having only two hours to create something, Mary jumped at the chance, knocked out the chorus, and then joined Macklemore on an international tour which took her all the way to the Grammy Awards, where she sang in arguably the most moving and emotionally raw performance ever seen on the Grammy’s stage.

Suddenly, Mary went from being a girl who could sing to a celebrated singer. Despite a life of significant trauma, Mary’s sweet spirit and powerful gift comes through in every lyric she writes. She embraces her story, especially her challenges, to find joy and meaning—something listeners have responded positively to.

After two years of touring, signing with a major record label, and putting out her first studio album, Heart on My Sleeve*, Mary reflected on her path and realized she needed to make a change. “I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. I was looking forward to Thanksgiving, the only time I had at home. It had been on the calendar, and I just kept looking at it as this golden beacon of, like, fudge and family.”

Instead, she got a surprise call from her manager and learned that she was needed in Australia. “I cried so hard,” says Mary, “feeling that they were taking away the only thing I had left.” With a little clarity from her girlfriend, Mary was able to realize that she had made the choice to prioritize her career— which meant she could make the choice to make a change.

After realizing that she could determine her own “ideology,” Mary went on to apply that wisdom rigorously to her life, taking ownership of her career, schedule, and artistic expression. “There’s not going to be a ‘they’ telling me I can’t do something. I’m gonna do whatever I want, and it’s gonna be fun.”

After leaving Capitol Records, Mary decided to self-release her third EP, Bold, which is a celebration of her unique identity and newfound independence. “I wanted to find the joy again, and Bold really represents that,” says Mary.

Her current tour, ‘Everybody is a Babe,’ is the “final culmination of that endeavor” and Mary’s way to rewrite her entire pop career.

Colorful and refreshing, Mary’s album, Bold, feels like a warm conversation with a friend: the highs and lows of life, shared and mourned and celebrated together. Some songs get your toes tapping, like “I’d Be Your Wife,” and others will bring out the handkerchiefs, like the duet “Love is Love.”

The track “Lay Your Head Down,” featuring her spoken word poetry, is the album’s masterpiece. In this outpouring of feelings, Mary bounces between adorable quips about chocolate cake, the vapidity of social media, and the overwhelming agony of shame, all while the steady current of her piano carries the listener through.

The sheer openness that radiates from Mary’s most recent album establishes a vulnerability the listener feels compelled to return. She opens her heart to us, and then gently asks us to take a look at our own” “What is the state of your heart? Is it concave? Are you awake?,” she writes.

By pushing pop beyond its socially constructed boundaries, her lyrics call the listener to a deeper state of reflection. Music provides “an opportunity to talk about those experiences and heal,” she says. Mary finds this lyrical vulnerability a powerful and enjoyable calling.

Mary’s transparency gives readers permission to pull their own shame skeletons out of the closet. “Whether it was talking about incest, mental illness, or body image, any time that I opened up, the response was overwhelming.”

In turn, this intimate response from her audience has provided Mary with a greater sense of personal connection, or “feeling less alienated” from the world.

As an independent celebrity, Mary has positioned herself to effect real change in the world. In particular, she is on a mission to rid the world of shame. “Shame is not a propeller in any way,” she says. “It’s not helpful; it’s toxic. It makes people live half-lives.”

Due to her experience of “feeling deep shame” for the majority of her life, “about identity, about the thoughts I had, and who I was,” Mary speaks knowingly yet lovingly. “I know the power of letting shame go,” she says.

Mary found reframing “certain mental patterns” to be a key to releasing much of her “interior turmoil.” When she saw this power of mindset work in her own life, she became an advocate for others dealing with similar issues, or shame in general.

Cognizant of her ability to be a “vessel for hope,” Mary remembers writing her first song—at the age of 8 or 9—-in which she wrote lyrics that caused her audience to cry. This formative experience showed her the power of songwriting, performing, —and music as a “shared experience.” Many years later, she continues to build upon that legacy.

Though she couldn’t have predicted her early fame or her intentional journey since, Mary says she “always knew I wanted to do something to change the world, to heal the world.” It makes sense, then, that she equates being a musician who performs with fulfilling one’s civic duty. Finding the balance between this “obligation to be a force of good in the world” and her own artistic integrity is a feat at which she excels.

By reclaiming her creative power andshedding society’s expectations, Mary isstepping into her true self, healing herheart in the process. Her power is in hervulnerability, her joy in transparency. Insteadof being squashed by the issues that she’sfaced throughout her life, Mary has chosen tosing along, with boldness and levity and hope,and—most powerfully—she is inviting the restof us to join her.

Three Questions with Mary

Q: What's one area in which Reflection has brought you more Wealth?

A: My career. The opportunity to reflect on what I wanted to be, instead of finding a new manager and going down that same path, was an opportunity for me to reclaim my business. I was very strong willed and pretty set on what I was going to artistically do, but I had been very disconnected from my actual business and the music. I reclaimed that by understanding what I wanted to achieve.

Q: How do you think Reflection relates to Wealth?

A: I feel like you can boil down any motivation, whether it’s money or sex or power, and the root of those desires is in the need to be loved and understood. We’ve socialized ourselves to understand the best way to achieve that is to make yourself digestible; but if we’re [just] making ourselves digestible, we’re not able to embrace the complexity of our full personhood.

Q: How have you made your current work more Reflective of your whole self?

A: Spoken word has kind of been in my blood, part of my artistic identity. Something happened to me when I was on a major label, that I wanted to quiet that part of me down and I wanted to focus on world domination and being the gay fat Taylor Swift; so I was trying to figure out how to be digestible. I quieted that down: this album and this tour is so much of what I want to put out into the world.

Let it go, Let it be.

Maybe it isn’t shame that you’re dealing with,but we’ve all got feelings that are damagingto our psyche and, thus, derailing us fromliving our ideal life. Releasing those feelingstakes courage and willpower, and a PLAN.The following are some of the complicatedways that reflection + release can lead to therewarding feelings of freedom + joy

1) Change Your Mindset, then Your Life.

An abundant mindset means choosing to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. While being wealthy takes more than manifesting, we believe in the power of positivity and focus. Sit with yourself and ask: what do I want more of? Then: think about it and think about it some more. These great ideas will lead to a life of good vibes.

2) Saying No is really Saying Yes.

Our heart often knows what we need to resist—but the world doesn’t make it easy for us to say no. Getting silent and reflecting on your values can be the first step in feeling confident to say no. Remember, when you say no to something you don’t want, you’re making space for something you DO WANT to show up. Then, you can go out and get it!

3) Progress takes a Willingness to Be Imperfect.

While working toward what you want can be exhilarating, all too often the inner critic shows up and slows us way down. Releasing the need to be perfect opens up paths to various actions and solutions we might not think of otherwise. Imperfection also invites flexibility, curiosity, and self-love— all of which are way more productive anyway!

4) Happiness Fades while Joy Lasts Forever.

You’ve probably figured out by now that mere happiness doesn’t last all that long. Things or experiences can be super exhilarating—for a moment—and then you’re left with the memory (and, all too often, regret). Joy, on the other hand, is the real deal. Finding joy means starting from a place of openness and reflection to figure out what brings you longlasting peace of mind.

Connect with Mary

Follow on Instagram & Twitter @marylambertsing

On the web at MaryLambertSings.com

Or shop her merch at MaryLambert.bigcartel.com

You can be so many things at once." – Mary Lambert

Words by Cate Clother