WHY IS GOD PUNISHING ME? After decades of abuse, Ester Fourie finally found Jesus and was prompted to forgive those who had caused her so much harm. This is her personal story. My childhood was very different from most kids. From the age of eight, my father began to sexually molest me. Overcome with guilt and shame, I felt dirty and alone. Many years of repeated sexual abuse also resulted in the development of an eating disorder. Overweight and with a very low self-esteem, I found love at the age of 13 and I thought that this would be my ‘way out’. He was older and had a more
school events with him. These church “I REALISED events were awesome but I often had to walked away from one abusive situation to walk on egg shells and lie to my husband THAT I HAVE A another – this time physical and emotional. about what we had experienced. PURPOSE I eventually believed the lie that the abuse As an adult, I decided to stop the abuse IN LIFE”. I received was what I deserved. and after 32 years of marriage, I divorced my husband. Soon after, I visited a church DESPERATE AND AFRAID and realised that I did not know God. I came to I was married at 15 and five months pregnant. Shortly the beautiful discovery that He was not a God of thereafter my son was born with club feet. Once more I punishment, like I had thought. I realised what Jesus thought that this was a punishment I deserved. Financially had done for me and I wanted a relationship with him. my son’s father supported us, but both physically and I then decided to get baptised and God cleansed and emotionally – I was a complete wreck. healed my body and soul. I now had a small baby to care for who underwent four With the help of God, I was prompted to forgive operations to rectify his feet – the last one when he was my ex-husband and my father. This was hard, but I three years old. After every operation, I remember walking am grateful to Jesus and those who have walked this up and down with him in our tiny one-bedroom apartment journey with me for helping me to completely release as he cried for many days, and I had no idea how to help my father. him. I was 16, afraid and alone with no help. Today I honour my earthly father, because God At first, I didn’t want more children, but then I fell pregnant instructs us to do so. He was a sick man, struggling for a second time and sadly lost the baby. Thereafter I had a with many of his own demons but I know that if I had little girl and when I held her in my arms for the first time, I kept the hurt and resentment in my heart, it would knew I would fight for her to have a better life. have destroyed me. FRUSTRATION MOUNTS I realised that I have a purpose in life. God saved, I was forced to attend my husband’s church to baptise my son healed and restored me. Today I am remarried to a but before this could happen I had to attend Bible courses wonderful, supportive and loving man. My relationship and adopt their religious beliefs. Without any relationship with my children is slowly being restored and my with God, I did all that was requested of me but still felt relationship with Jesus grows deeper by the day. empty. I grew unsatisfied and frustrated and I kept searching “To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown for purpose because I thought I was being punished. of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of My husband instructed me that I was not allowed to mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their attend church myself, but only drop off my children. Only righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the after my third child was born, did I eventually attend Sunday Lord has planted for His own glory,” (Isaiah 61:3). secure living environment. However, I
THE CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE
61