Desomber2016 by The Beat

ISSUE #29 “DESOMBER” 2016

Dear reader, It’s December. If you’re also wondering how it became December so immediately after August, you may not be alone. Many events recently may have contributed to this feeling, may have left you thinking: “What the hell?!” and “Well, there goes that.” I’m still reeling. I’m still real. Right? As you peel yourself away 2016, perhaps like a single slightly soggy sock you forgot to take off before you went to bed, THE BEAT is here to remind you that there is a pulse in many strange places. To us, it sounds like music. So yes, we’re a lil’ somber this December. But we’re getting down to business. Also, we talk about some rad female artists here. It seems most fight to propose a solution to a question: Where do you find the pulse when it gets dull? To us, sometimes the beat lies in music. <3, THE BEAT

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS EVER MADE!

If you want to have a horrible holiday season, make sure these songs are in your daily rotation? (and you thought the good ones were bad)

e Funky, Funky Christmas // New Kids on the Block e Last Christmas // Wham! e Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays // N’Sync e Come on Christmas // Dwight Yoakam e The Christmas Song // David Hasselhoff <3 Jon Ollom

ok maybe this is the greatest Christmas song ever made, I can’t tell

DESOMBER 2016

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

4 JP Holiday Flea @ Spontaneous Celebrations 1PM

5 Copeland / Rae Cassidy @ Middle East Downstairs 7PM

7 Twin Peaks / Together Pangea / Golden Daze @ Sinclair 8PM

11 Chris Cohen / Beach Toys / Lina Tullgren @ The Lilypad 10PM

12 Big Mess / Pixels / CosMc @ Charlieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kitchen 9PM

13 Basement / Citizen / Turnover @ Royale 7:30PM

18 Eskimeaux / Japanese Breakfast / Christian Holden @ Middle East Upstairs 1PM 25

19 Grrl Haus Cinema @ Brattle Theatre 7:30PM

14 Sad13 / Told Slant / Vagabon / Emily Reo @ Middle East Upstairs 8PM 21

Ultimate Painting / EZTV / Doug Tuttle / John Andrews & the Yawns @ Middle East Upstairs 7PM - American Wrestlers / Varsity / Sinnet @ Great Scott 9PM

(sorry kanye) :(

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

8 Downtown Boys / Dent / Funeral Cone / Thee Cavemyn @ Middle East Upstairs 8PM

Sun Club / Bat House / Strange Mangers / Sports Coach @ The ER 8PM - Midriffs / Carinae / CosMc / Salty Greyhound @ BU Central 8PM - Guerilla Toss / Nice Guys / Wydyde / Steep Leans @ MassArt 8PM

10 Solo Sexx / Bobbie Maack / Ronnie Vega / Andre Altrez / Pharess / Tashawn Taylor @ Trixieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Palace 8PM - Kal Marks / Cende / Pope / Littlefoot @ Allston 8PM

16 Dead Heavens / Black Beach / EYES / Hot Dirt @ Speakers Night Club 8PM

17 Cultural Survival Bazaar @ Prudential Center 10AM-10PM

22 Emo Night Boston @ The Sinclair 9:30PM

29 Kurt Vile and the Violators / Woods / Nathan Bowles @ Royale 8PM

31 Diarrhea Planet / Vundabar @ The Sinclair 8PM

The Districts Puppy Problems / Salty / Tangiers @ Greyhound / Tuxis Great Scott 9PM Giant / Cove Sauce @ Modesthaus 7PM

TRIM / CYBERBULLY / Journey to the Center of the Colon @ Deep Thoughts JP 8:30PM

DESOMBER 2016

Brittle Brian / Request Freebird / Melissa Lozada / Boyscout Thriller @ Blockbuster Video 2PM

*** VISCOUS POSITIONS - ISABELLA Local electronic genius Isabella Koen, who dropped music as simply Isabella, released Viscous Positions earlier this year. The album brims with minimalist yet multi-textured sounds and darkly danceable rhythms. It opens with the relatively upbeat and punchy “Living Accents” before descending into more shadowy territory. “Cloying Traces” is a hypnotizing trance whose sounds gradually get harsher, while “Mu/timode” employs ringing synths and an intermittently machinegun-like beat. Definitely check this out if you want an experimental techno record that you won’t get distracted from. <3 Emily

***

THE THINGS I NEVER SAY - I’M GLAD IT’S YOU I usually find myself on Bandcamp when I’m doing homework or studying and need some background music that won’t distract me. I liked this album’s cover artwork so decided to give it a listen. Positive: the album is fantastic and fun and I found a new band I really like. The album intertwines everything to love about punk music with alternative/indie themes. Negative: I didn’t get any studying for my com theory exam done. Pray 4 me. <3 Caitlin Bell

*** 6

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

SADIE HAWKINS EP - VAJJ You know that moment when you hear a song and all of a sudden you’re lying on a beach fully dressed and your head hurts but you know that whatever happened was probably the most fun you’ll ever have? That’s what you think of when you hear VAJJ’s Sadie Hawkins EP. VAJJ is an all-girl garage-witch-alternative-surfrock-jam band from Orange County, California, and they’ve got so much going on (including tackling the patriarchy). They have a raw, unpolished sound that ranges from ragin’ to vibin’ in a matter of seconds. The soft yet heavy vocals of singers Alexia del Alcazar and Julie Manoukian go greatly with the screaming riffs, and the drums of, well, all of them (they are not afraid to swap instruments every now and then), and will have you banging your head as you imagine yourself going slightly over the speed limit down Pacific Coast Highway on a warm summer night. Their EP, Sadie Hawkins, is out now and they’ve got another album on the way. Some of their major songs include “Eat the World,” “Tangerine Juice,” “He’s 2 Quiet,” and “Jackie’s In Love.” Check them out and let yourself drift away on the wings of grungy Orange County surf rock. <3 Hannah Harn

DESOMBER 2016

“My only child be not so blind See what you hold There are no words no ears no eyes To show them what you know”

Nico’s 1970 album Desertshore is strikingly theatrical. The opening song, “Janitor of Lunacy”, begins with the crescendo of strings and organ. After 30 seconds of bare instrumentals, Nico suddenly appears, her harrowing voice screaming in an operatic manner. The bravado of the opening orchestra, matched with Nico’s unique singing, becomes the cornerstone of this album. Further, it seems that on this album in particular, Nico’s vocals have a noticeable distressed quality akin to a wounded Phantom of the Opera, or a somber icon reflecting on their failures. Nico seems tormented, like she is in competition with the background strings as they attempt to outweigh her chants. Listening to Desertshore, I began to think about Nico as an individual. Nico’s unique persona follows the idea that she always seemed a little worn out, restless, gaunt: a figure trapped in misery. But who was the person, beyond the brand and persona? It could be deduced from her peers—of which included Lou Reed, John Cale, and Andy Warhol, that she was likely an artistic person, someone that valued creativity, but this is not a character trait as much as it is an aesthetic guideline to her life. Set apart from her friends, who was the unhappy voice behind this dark album? Was she a freewheeling hippie? An avant-garde punk? A pretty junkie? It seems that Nico was the latter. A sadly empty, slender-faced success story from across the sea, with an existence made up of tragic variables. Here are the facts: Nico, for all her greatest artistic ventures, still remained a tormented soul. Multiple accounts showcase her bête noir behavior. According to an article by Simon Reynolds, titled from the Velvet to the Void, Nico would often spew racist sentiments. “She had a definite Nordic Aryan streak, [the belief] that she was physically, spiritually and creatively superior…Every once in a while there'd be something about Jews and I'd be, 'But Nico, I'm Jewish,' and she was like 'Yes, yes, I don't mean you.”

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Clearly, Nico was oftentimes caught in her own web of obliviousness, and among her blind superiority are the inklings of a classic Femme Fatale. Nico practiced contradictory behavior: she sang beautiful songs but held vicious beliefs; she was an extreme heroin addict yet still maintained a superiority complex; she had relationships with some of the most significant forward-thinking people in history—yet she still found herself stridently caught between old-world ideals. Consequently, it seems like Nico’s songs became her; she was personified and classified by the music she created, while the person she was remained a mysterious, vacant illusion. Nico’s album Desertshore, therefore, is a perfect metaphor for Nico herself: rather cloying, and enjoyable only in a dark hour. It’s at times sentimental, but mostly mournful and upsetting, much as Nico the unenlightened chanteuse was herself. Oh Nico, if only you could have listened to the lyrics you crooned. <3 Sydney Wertheim

DESOMBER 2016

Loca l mend restau rant ed b s re y revi comewed local mu by l ocal sicians punx

Restaurant: La Mamma, 190 Brighton Ave, Allston Kristen: The only time I could probably Recommended by: Jilian recommend going to Medford of IAN SWEET La Mamma would be after (formerly of Boston) a drunk night in Allston when this is the only place open after 10PM. Although Olivia: Jilian warned me that they I should have have “the shittiest pizza,” I known that fighttried it out for myself and was ing our way through served a cheese slice that may a crowd of Mayday Paor may not have been sitting in rade fans waiting outside the display case all day. As I Brighton Music Hall on our began to eat some french fries, I way to La Mamma was a bad thought to myself “you can’t go omen, but I ignored my senses. wrong with an order of fries” (and Thanks to my many intolerances I am quite the fry enthusiast), to a variety of food ingredibut the disappointment sank in ents, I was only able to order like these greasy potatoes into the fries (which may have been a my stomach. So, if you ever need blessing in disguise). The fries a late-night pit stop before were frozen, soaked in grease, heading back home, La Mamand quite frankly, unappetizing. ma has a wide-ranging menu After 10 minutes of hearing the of questionable delicacies three people in there yelling (from Italian to seafood at the soccer game on TV (and to Mexican) from which at each other), we decided to you can choose, just bail and eat some tacos a few eat at your own doors down at our very first discretion. Beats & Eats location, Habanero. Would recommend La Mamma only if very, very, very drunk and on the verge of starvation.

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Ode To the queen of the groupies Pamela Des Barres, You royally screwed over every woman in the rock industry from the fans to the musicians to the publicists If she shows her passion for a band? A groupie. If she withholds her love for the music? Still a groupie. Every female in rock, simply illegitimate. An endless groupie paradox that was born under your reign. And yet, Pamela Des Barres, You are empowering. Your passion for music and its creators coursed through you. Why be admiring from afar when you could be a part of it? Be in the spotlight! Or backstage! Or in Mick Jagger’s bed! You loved what you did And did what (or who) you loved. A rebel in the face of standards of purity and obedience, Pamela Des Barres, You are the rock ‘n’ roll groupie queen. <3 Olivia Gehrke

DESOMBER 2016

thoughts on fiber art: <3 Danielle Richard I don’t believe that either feminist or femme art needs to include genitalia to be emotionally and politically charged, and yet we see female bodies objectified in art everywhere. We live in a world where female bodies are a political statement. This happens without their consent. Women don’t have to include genitalia in their jokes, in their art in order to be smart, in order to be funny, or in order to be considered. Recently, femme and feminist artists have been claiming their intellectual property with materials that have been classically considered ‘domestic’, ‘fine’, and ‘soft’ arts. There are three women I will discuss who use fiber art to shred the paternalistic, patriarchal concept that fiber art is feminine, that femme is a box where independence curls up to tuck itself under the bed. Essentially that women should look, think, and act a certain way. Ligia Bouton is an artist from Santa Fe, New Mexico. Her work combines fiber, sculpture, drawing, and performance to interact with her take on appropriated narratives, science and functionality, and how all of these things integrate in the third dimension. Her work, “Pretty Is As Pretty Does,” combines decorative wall painting with sculpture and fibers to bring the room alive in a way that I cannot help but associate with the reality of a ‘womanly’ experience. The decorated gold trim is interrupted with furry, monstrous growths bursting through the walls. The viewer is confronted with the very real ‘ugliness’ and ‘prettiness’ that is forced upon our gender. Her work is available to view at ligiabouton.com. Beili Liu is an artist from Jilin, China who creates, “material-and-process driven, site responsive installations” (beililiu.com). Liu creates installations that heave with lightness, explode with order, and fall with grace, fearlessness, and height. She creates space-specific works with commonplace materials such as string, paper, water, fire, and scissors. In an Art in America review from 2009, Liu’s work is described as, “materially simple but metaphorically rich” by Janet Koplos.

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Tracy Krumm is an artist from St. Paul, Minnesota whose work, “investigates relationships between labor, gender, duality time and culture,” (tracykrumm.com). She uses her personal ties to place, time, and people, which she describes as, “often transient and fleeting,” to inform her process. Krumm’s work consists mostly of metal that has been tied, knitted, and crotched to create three-dimensional bodies of work that speak in space. She creates forms that use traditional, gender-specific techniques to integrate mathematical, scientific, botanical, and utilitarian ideas with handmade processes. We don’t need be talking about ‘femininity’ when we’re talking about the badass women of our world, their careers, and their accomplishments. Our cultural identity as ‘woman’, and womanhood in general, affects our work and the way we think about the world. That persona was forced upon us. But, let me be clear:

It in no way defines the work we make.

DESOMBER 2016

w/ Vancouver Sleep Clinic @ The Royale November 2, 2016

Going out on a Wednesday night is a strange thing. You become an interesting, cool person who goes to shows on weeknights, but you also end up getting home at midnight when you need to wake up at six the next morning. Nevertheless, it was worth it because Daughter is a lovely band who always plays such lovely shows. I first saw Daughter at Boston Calling last fall, but seeing them headlining in an indoor venue was infinitely more rad. They played a lot of songs off their new-ish album, Not to Disappear, but didn’t ignore their old stuff (e.g. “Youth”). At one point, I think some equipment caught on fire (only a little fire though, and we didn’t even need to evacuate), but I missed it because I was standing near the back of the crowd. This is an excellent segue to my big complaint about the evening: the same people with their phones taking pictures during every single song. For the first half of the set I was behind this girl who, I swear, took at least five pictures during every single song. I eventually moved, but there were yet more people holding their phones up to take pictures. I’m not against taking pictures, but I took a picture at the beginning of the set and then put my phone away to enjoy the music. Daughter doesn’t have a fancy stage show, the pictures were all essentially identical except for my growing levels of annoyance as I stood behind raised phones all night. <3 Delaney

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

*ATTENTION* If you missed FIDLAR at the Paradise on 11/14, don’t fret! You too can revel in the full FIDLAR experience! How, you ask? Just go on YouTube—you may find a video of the entire show that the guy next to me filmed continuously on his iPhone. (((I’m sure the quality was surreal and that a lot of people will want to watch it!))) <3 Olivia Gehrke

DESOMBER 2016

Stay warm and enjoy some wintry tunes while sipping on a delicious mocha-- with ingredients found in your very own dining hall!

-Hot cocoa -Coffee -Whipped cream -Cinnamon/Sprinkles -Half & Half

1. Fill up your finest black plastic mug halfway with coffee. 2. Top off with hot chocolate, leaving a little space at the top. 3. Add a splash of half & half (or a dairy alternative) for ~*extra richness*~. 4. Make it decadent with whipped cream from the waffle station. 5. Dust on some cinnamon from the pancake station or add sprinkles from the ice cream bar. 6. Cozy up in a corner and relish your newfound barista status! 7. Last but not least, share with friends... OR opt to keep it top secret. <3 Sophie Sachar

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

On December 2, I took it to The Middle East Downstairs in Cambridge to see Sorority Noise and Free Throw. I went with my friend Sloane, my brother who goes to Tufts, and his friend. I had never been to the Middle East before, but I had seen Sorority Noise once and Free Throw twice, so I thought I knew exactly what to expect out of an emo/indie/punk show. I expected hundreds of die-hard emo kids hurling themselves towards the stage, screaming lyrics directly in the bands’ faces. I often take it upon myself to be one of those people, as I am a monumental fan of both bands. Animal Flag, a Boston band, opened the show. I unfortunately did not catch their set, but I have heard very good things about them from the various music nerds of BU. Ratboys was next, and they absolutely blew me away. They sounded like an emo Hop Along had a baby with Pinegrove. The female lead singer encapsulated Hop Along’s Frances Quinlan’s unique high-pitched vocal style. After their set, Free Throw came along to scream about being sad. Being from a New York City suburb in northern New Jersey, I had managed to see Free Throw once in New York opening for Tiny Moving Parts and once in Jersey opening for Somos. As much as I would have liked to see them headline the Middle East, an opening slot for Free Throw would have to do because they are an amazing band who put on perfect sets at previous shows. Free Throw opened with their blaring, yet beautiful power ballad, “Such Luck.” As expected, the crowd went absolutely crazy when the dynamic transition from the quiet opening to the song’s loud ending happened. Free Throw just has a way of making their fans want to be on stage with them, screaming their lyrics, and pouring out their emotions. It’s an incredibly gratifying feeling, and they put on an amazing set. It was easily their best set out of the three shows I had been to. I admit, I found myself crowd surfing, not to my surprise. Finally, Sorority Noise came on. Nearly the entire crowd pushed to the front like it was Walmart on Black Friday. Sorority Noise has a fan base filled with a mix of sad emo kids and jumpy pop punk kids, a juxtaposition which has the emo kids screaming lyrics and the pop punk kids pushing their way to the front. Obviously the former is much more pleasant and I identify with said group much more. That aside, Sorority Noise put on a very unique and visceral show. They took their songs and melded them with covers of bands spanning the emo genre. These covers included Boston’s own I Kill Giants (RIP), The Menzingers, Brand New, Modern Baseball, and a full cover of Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle.” This made the show so incredibly unlike any emo show I had ever been to, and it will always stand out to me as one of the best. <3 Zach McCollum

DESOMBER 2016

1. Better drumming. Ringo doesn’t come through on this track or many other tracks ever. 2. “7 Things” has a relatable story. Even if things are not perfect, and your relationship may be going astray, your dedication and genuine adoration for your partner can often overtake all other feelings. “Hey Jude” is just about how John Lennon is a shitty dad and an abusive dickhole. Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. 3. Speaking of relatability: I can sing along to 7T pretty well. 4. 7T knows when to end! Not drone on and on for four insufferable minutes. This is a pop song, not a damn symphony. 5. The kid’s name wasn’t even Jude. Get it right, Paulie. 6. All things considered, 7T stands up as an earnest portrayal of young love, and first and foremost, it really rips! This is the sort of bedroom sing-a-long that holds up. When it comes down to it, Paul had written better tunes before “Hey Jude” and he would write some better ones after. And as good as it is, the best pop doesn’t always come from the genius songwriter. Sometimes it comes from the major label machine. The monster itself. 7. This song wasn’t even written by the real Paul McCartney. Everybody knows that the real Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1967 and was replaced by a guy who thought that “Silly Love Songs” was good enough to release to the public. <3 Andre Orlando

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Alexa Sanchioni

Have you ever looked up at the night sky and been so overwhelmed that you had an intense existential crisis at midnight on a Tuesday? Well, skip the crisis and just listen to the stars instead.

es rd Ari Thi d by n re ami tow , a Yo Taur s h r Pon u are us You d Py Jone mont hobl B e n s a r o Pin h ys g by Wo Bria Thi of e t of . f uns been . Lat Jacu g ak zzi e The acre rsel nd m more alf a ly ee ti wh s u a n Masnd yo joy to do jour ng, y ere sfied ling you’ ve n i o i a a i t u e d n s rem you ffort it’ rea art c r mom ’s co d ar litt atc min e no le or by ra e ther g, or d he or h n e f for up a an o g fro t sur ext ! Wh akin in a you m l e n t it g, b bra ank . to , and d find d fri . Cal C n r h L l e figu i you l t he T re then some nd to l c i h t ann w o c r el ut w egro omhe up yo gie ur e re to ner s. Cancer

You Gemini by T are Bon us E een F brin inal ex Suicide P g wi ams . th of bo apat uts of them i ten h n n y t i hit , bo ense hili yo th s to t u hard. of whim and h c e K h e grin ep y will to p d o u tial sh off stone a ur nose nd t ist the ry thou unti exis g you l they ht-spirtenwon’ back a l s t impo from wh hold a rtan t. t’s

Welcome You are er Beach, t h g u a Leo h, by Sl is mont You are Mystery Cove by Dog. Th hesitant or l e o e Although e f Rally. p Monster t don’ d the y’ve d aroun summer is far away, it’s reserve ur life - the what. never too early to plan for yo r ple in back no matte of the future. What can you do ot r got you ave a whole l ou; change your life before the to y g n i You h heat wave? Because b4 you know it rround love su you sometimes you’ll be back to your childhood town, even if eel it, know awkwardly encountering question-filled can’t f there. high school acquaintances you mildly it’s distaste. So take that internship, book that flight, go to that strange warehouse party. Blow old pals away with your eventful life! You may get to feel smugly superior for it.

o by rpi ry . Sco Wor tock ool/ are sens sch art- e. Youff Ro s of is stpsychight Je tres her our so m but s at y al u, h T e d we fect ion me yod nip You L are ibra L colto af tens onsu y an bud you ady Ga Joan d o c Tr the ver n g r a n ne g o t it. in e of i ad tim a. b h l ng you your c e to This i y Dre tryi let sses bubb muc r b o s o e t . r m w o h y e f r ’ e e o a a o t e t u b don s th e i ndl Get ld hor r tha rt zon k out anyfore becom to ha rif t co e. D t h a be and tha t pie y you lor t ye you You t drea rcing r gran hat for ! m d “Da might inter Apply ma! nci find nsh for ius r n a a i t ’ r u y o p oun o Aq dr d t In Ci ursel ! Aben This e r r h f a c e It! ocus You tio compe les” lew a f n. ou B ti’s by Y ou gott life

wn h y ’ll mont king do ad. You atwal ndy ro no m o n Capricorn on o i i w s t -sotina ake, You are Being No ever our des ou t in a y y h One, t h Going Nowhere er reac hich pa wand vby STRFKR. This month w elf u ne ter ours ion. Yo hat y will be all about personal t w t c le dire who or ! drive, free will, and your new d! ow n n fi k own goal s for yourself, but t er migh you have to be careful. you

o Virgife withYou e L VDES. sr a You s by N f a mi h, o ter ont Lobs one heck this m t, but are us devilonly tha se. Be no ve vo t chie ya? No on the e creatiand s s ’t aren humor iinto thocrafting quite your o tune e cool can be is t u om th sure with s ing! Yo ending ipts t s p vibe ous gif about s the rece urn i t grac pulsive so keep the re a f im mber have re o Dece make su if you ou can and licy so mind y f po ge o eturn. chan r

You Sagitt ariu Nigh a s tmar re bit Am e is a s. Dece by Baerican taki ll ab mber, d Rab out for lax ng a down ing. Ev deep b sitting you, e back it i as su n if reath, , yo a s im ch an are d pu u cann nd report o a t r t n e t y crea and to d our f slow ti e t off. hat al onal a o thing et up, nd l o T w a ke a rela s that you go xi d o t itie f some eep bre o swit ng, ath, ch s, re life and ju sponsib let ’s s s i impl t enjo le si y de.

You don’t want to hurt others in the process. While being independent, don’t forget to be tactful when it comes to your friends, loved ones, and peers. Make sure to maintain those bonds!

<3 Sophie, Caitlin, Sydney, and Hannah

TTTTTT Winter Edition TTTTTT

ces boy Pis Star .This ush e d

ar ekn to r ngs You e We ime hi h, h t g ; t t he sues hrou ng as by t t s o o ot e i l d n e e t is forc work ke as tim . s r or t be l ta you acle s l mus t wi Take obst Thing i . gh ing s. and take hrou worry e go t b o it ork n’t t w do out ay! But e ab our w y ar

DESOMBER 2016

a l b u m ✶ h o r o s c o p e s

ALTERNATIVES TO COAL Coal: that classic item placed in the stockings of miscreants young and old. Unfortunately, coal isn’t exactly...effective anymore. If you give someone coal, they’d probably go “hey, haha, that’s kinda funny”; if they’re kids they might throw it at their friends, if they’re middle-aged white dudes, they might try to barbecue with it. What’s the point? Below you’ll find some alternatives to coal that will be sure to get your point across:

River Water: Fresh, funky, and sustainable! Also kind of gross, if you consider the fact that you’re purposefully dumping water into a sock. At least you don’t have to wear it or deal with being the owner of that stocking.

Baby Crocs: Made even better if the recipient does not have a baby they can re-gift these to.

Loose String: Just segments of string cut to different

lengths. What are they going to use those for? Tying things? Please.

Lint: I genuinely do not like touching lint. If you’re fine with it, then shove some of that good pocket or dryer lint into the object of your irritation’s stocking for a really disappointing gift.

Bird Seed: Much like river water,

very sustainable. They’ll have no choice but to stick their stocking stuffed with various types of seeds outside for the local wildlife to enjoy. At least the birds (and squirrels, probably) will have a good time with that.

A Weasel: Not recommended, but if

you’re really dedicated to your art then go for it? I guess?

<3 Molly Neylan 20

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

Hey all. Andre here, and welcome to the return of $20 Outfit, a column that we have not done in two years. We would do this more often if we could actually afford it. I know what you’re thinking; “Hey, why did they allow the kid who wears the same pair of jeans every night to write this fashion blog?” The answer is simple: I asked. To craft the $20 outfit, I went to Urban Renewals (122 Brighton Ave), the ideal place to thrift in the Bean. With their cash-only policy and vaguely unruly nature of the place, UR is where the true deals are found. Especially considering that this $20 outfit essentially turned into a $15 outfit with the deals I was finding. T-shirt: To start off, I was looking for a nice t-shirt to wear under a button-up. After sorting through a collection of Angry Birds shirts, Elf shirts, and an especially tempting Dunkin’ Donuts shirt that said, “friends don’t let friends drink at Starbucks,” I finally found the shirt for me. The black shirt reads ‘Open Mic 2000’ in Comic Sans and has an indiscriminate kind of design. There were at least 6 other shirts with the same design so head over to UR quick if you would like to match with me. Button-up: Andre is often attracted to the all-black look, but I had to do something to combat this and ensure that I don’t get stale and become isolated from my friends. The color combination - dark purple, navy blue, pale green - is far from colorful, but it brings a little bit of spark to my usual wardrobe. Just got to keep it fresh y’all. At this point, I still had a bit of money left, so I invested in a copy of The Fox and the Hound 1 and 2 on DVD to compliment this beautiful outfit. The Fox and the Hound is Disney’s greatest allegory for racism, while its direct-to-DVD sequel, The Fox and the Hound 2, is literally about Todd and Copper joining a band. Hat: I wanted to grab a hat to compliment the outfit, but unfortunately I was not able to find any kind of hat section at UR (if anyone knows where the hat section is, please let me know). Because of this, I stopped by the Goodwill on Comm. Ave to grab a hat there. Goodwill had about 5 hats total and two of them were for beer companies. Go to UR instead. Every time. <3 Andre Orlando

DESOMBER 2016

HAIKUS my grades died after november 8th, ‘cause instead of homework all i do in the day is get angry with conservatives on the internet <3 ER

I talked to you on the phone one Friday at three. So calm, so composed. Then you sung on stage A convulsing, rock ‘n’ roll mess. Perfect chaos. You sweat in my eye, Mario Cuomo. But it didn’t sting much. <3 OG 22

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #29

THE BEAT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WTBU GENERAL MANAGER: WANT T0 VOLUNTEER CHRISTIE LEIST FOR THE BEAT? gm@wtburadio.org We are always looking for TWITTER/INSTAGERM: CONTENT ANGELS: rad writers, @wtbu Andre Orlando illustrators, and layout Elise Roche landlords! FACEBOOK: facebook.com/The- GRAPHIX HUNNIE: Tiffany Topor QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? BeatBoston LAYOUT BBY: CONCERNS? LONELY? WE ARE Jessamyn Wallace TOO! TUMBLR: EDITOR-IN-C. thebeatofboston. Anna Leah Eisner EMAIL: tumblr.com wtbu.thebeat@gmail.com GET AT US ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!

DESOMBER 2016