St Louis Sinner Feb 2012

COVER ART

Matt Isbell

Junkyard Amy Lee Agents Of Influence ST VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE

Feb - 2012

Some type of utopia has to FAILED RESOLUTIONS & MENTAL INSTIT UTIONS teeth. constantly be produced by the pubAn Indy Publisher’s worst nightmare in February is failing to make some grounds on at least one New Year’s resolution made – and for some, like myself, it’s even more haunting after printing those predicted resolutions of 2012 in the prior issue as they are sure to sit on the mind’s of some readers for months. And while the allknowing-and-powerful computer tells me it’s 10:47 pm instead of 4-something-inthe-morning, 72 hours before print, I still find it quite disheartening to argue that I made strides in my resolute commitment to produce a higher quality publication in 2012. I should have gained six days the first month, not 72 hours. I should have emailed our staff the deadline 14-days sooner, I should have led by example, not worn character. I should have shit in one hand not the other. Maybe I should have scratched the whole “resolutions” theme in the last issue or worked in a “if” or “but” here and there to open a loophole for my shortcomings. And you know what some people say about “ifs” and “buts”, “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were ‘candies’ and ‘nuts’, WE’d all have a Merry-Fucking-Christmas!” Maybe that’s why my last resolution in 2011 was, “NO MORE RESOLUTIONS....” At least not unrealistic ones. These kind of commitments, which are mind fisted into each of us by our media, produces a dangerous environment – even more so for folks looking to quit a few powerful vices, like drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, cheating, and over eating.

Maybe discussing these thoughts here is borderline inappropriate or unprofessional or irresponsible as a printed publication, but that’s been my reputation since day one. An Indy Publisher should steer away from boasting shortcomings and failures in order to produce the illusion of being flawless, even if it means lying through one’s

lisher to sell his or her publication, the slightest crack in the bubble is often seen as weakness – and no one likes to invest in weakness. WE’re Americans, you know, USA #1! And when put in perspective, it’s quite maddening – at least for some. The relentless pressure of perfection, creating some twisted utopia month after month, not only cracks bubbles, but minds too. That’s the nature of not only Indy Publishing, but business in general. Either one, when taken too seriously, can land you in a padded room, strapped to a bed, and getting pumped full of happy pills from some quack.

For some of us, though, resolutions are about defeating one’s demons in order to create an inner peace. As a sinner, I’m no stranger of demons – cocaine, booze, lust, television, etc. – but none have been harder to defeat than sloth. I’d

CHASING DEMONS AND DODGING DREAMS consider managing my sloth a great victory, but that dream seems to escape me, too – as does my dream of serious indy publishing. This dark entity called sloth is a dream killer that never sleeps nor shows mercy. It sits beside you on the couch, in the car, everywhere you go – a constant haunting always present yet never in reach to strangle. It’s enough to drive one quite mad. And that’s why God made drugs and alcohol and happy pills and padded rooms... to deal with those sins we can’t escape or defeat. So maybe we should quit trying to chase these demons away with resolutions every year and learn to live with them... some are quite fun to hag with!

And that is just another tale of fear and publishing in two cities...

WRITERS, RANTERS, OPINIONISTS & OTHER ALL-OUT FREAKS: Mark Taylor-Canfield Paul Blow Lucifer Saab Lofton Malice Henry Nicolle

Stu Kimberly Peters Emily Eufinger The Surley Gourmand Guitar Doug Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

Kendra Holliday Tina D Zak Weedman

Publisher: Chuck Foster Layout: Terri Daniels Editing: Jon Thrower Cover Art: Matt Isbell

The Sinner is a group of contributing writers. Their opinions, rants and ideas do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sinner itself.

The Sinner encourages contributions from its readers but retains the right to edit material due to content or length of submission.

FOR ADVERTISING OR SUBMISSION INFORMATION, CONTACT US AT CHUCK@THESEATTLESINNER.COM. SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS THE 25TH OF EVERY MONTH.

ESSAY | Letter to the State Bureau Chief (Editor)

by Henry Nicolle Hi Timm, I am responding to your request for interviews with Ron Paul supporters in our local area. I contacted all of the folks I know and have received no volunteers for an interview. There is no reason spoken, simply no response, no returned calls.

There may be a lack of confidence in mainstream reporting. Possibly, I may not be in good standing. (If that is the case, I am the furthest from knowing why it should be.)

The only common element in my conversations that I could perceive was one similar to the kind of evasive feeling one gets when talking to prisoners about their feelings regarding their jailers: Cautious, guarded, unsympathetic and un-revealing.

In my conversations as I travel, I hear we have serious problems brought on by ignorant policies and conduct of the people in government. The complaints run from complaisance through greed and hubris, to open defiance of our Rights and Liberty in the executive and judicial branches.

Respect for our law and principles of inherent, individual Rights does not exist in the conduct or policies of our institutions.

The perception that the corruption of self-governing has progressed so far that people sincerely believe that we are on an uncorrectable path to violent internal conflict, a thing which few wish to experience. The few who do not recoil from conflict believe that the social, monetary, and political bodies are fatally parasite-infested, therefore the sooner corrective action is taken, the less painful the correction and the more promising an outcome without killing the host.

Opposing these sentiments are a larger number who stoutly disagree, who support our aggressive law-and-order state’s everybody-is-a -terrorist-and-this-is-war internal policing and security policies, who applaud the debt-based monetary system and its associated consumer economic system, who demand invasive government controls and benefits for some illusive greater good and think a kick-ass foreign policy should drag foreigners into the New World Order or crush them into pre-stone-age because it’s good for our economy and makes us safer at home.

The idea that an intolerable government should be modified, replaced or abandoned at the will of the People is inconceivable to both people of our governments and their majority supporters.

Among those who support Ron Paul, support for the concept of self-government, selfdetermination, assistance to preserve individual Rights, Liberty, and Property is foremost. They do not represent a “team” in the business as usual political arena. While Ron Paul is a symbol for a progression to a free country and a free People, these principles are only vague figures in the fog motivating the Tea Parties and Occupy proponents and participants. They look to political business as usual and old leadership for new direction.

Most supporters of Ron Paul are looking for the changes the last dozen administrations unfaithfully promised and which no president can deliver. The American media and our corrupted political processes have made Ron Paul a political icon, a toy of the powers that be behind the scenes, to be used up in a desperate effort to maintain the failed status-quo long enough to substitute a replacement with a future life.

Perhaps the foreboding sense of impending domestic disaster and the futility of asking for peaceful change for Liberty and respect for the individual has dampened any desire to crow before a dreadful dawn. The war upon the American People has already been initiated by the federal government and their assets among the States. This war has been ratified by policy, practice, judicial opinion and legislation. These are historically irreversible steps by governments and subjects.

I always talk too much and my opinions are always vulnerable to critical comment, Timm. Thank you for reading.

In January of 2008, you suggested that you (as writer and editor) discounted Ron Paul, because the consensus among your peers was that Ron Paul (nothing personal) had no future as a candidate.

This time around, Ron Paul has gained notably in the public eye, but the media (your peers) remain opposed to his candidacy, often aggressively opposed, blatantly biased and if not speaking in poor terms of Paul’s candidacy, denigrating his supporters. Much press coverage he receives is mortally diminished and twisted, demonstrated by the conduct and reporting of the recent debates and follow-up.

I do not know what is in the minds of our Ron Paul supporters. I have passed the question around to our lists and even asked the Ron Paul National Campaign staff for other local contacts in pursuit of the question. I have received nothing.

Thank you for your call and your question. All I have to offer in return are these opinions. Best regards Timm and Good Luck! I think we’ll need a lot of it.

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2012 - Occupy The New Year

written by Mark Taylor-Canfield 30 days. At least 30 protesters were also banned from the capitol campus during the demonstrations.

As a result of my banishment, I filed a class action lawsuit in federal court against the Washington State Patrol. The suit claims that the WSP’s actions violated the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution. So far, US District Court judge Robert J. Bryan has agreed with me. He has granted a temporary restraining order, allowing me to visit the state capitol, and prohibiting the WSP from banning any more demonstrators from the capitol campus property.

This has been a great victory for freedom of speech, freedom of assembly and freedom of the press!

photo courtesy of occupyseattle.org My Occupation It all started for me last year in October when I decided to burn my Bank of America card at an Occupy Seattle protest march at Pike Place Market. Because of an iconic picture of that personal act taken by photo journalist Joshua Trujillo, my face and my name quickly spread across both the TV news media and the internet. By the next day my photograph had been published internationally by the Associated Press, Washington Post, CBS News, etc.

Suddenly, I was being quoted in national news media articles about the Occupy Wall Street protests in New York City, Oakland, and elsewhere around the country. Reporters from the LA Times and AP became my constant virtual companions as they kept in daily communication with me. I was asked to do many guest spots on national radio and TV programs to share my views about the movement. The news website Crosscut invited me to join a panel discussion at Seattle City Hall as a representative from the Occupy Seattle media working group. The Seattle Times invited me to address their editorial board meeting and suggested I write an op-ed for them.

The constant media requests were difficult to keep up with despite my best efforts. In November I become a regular guest on the Thom Hartmann and Norman Goldman shows. The Huffington Post started to publish my articles on the occupy movement and I was contacted by the producers of numerous live syndicated national talk shows. I never really had any time to react to all of the media appearances. I just kept responding to as many requests as I could handle without completely sacrificing my personal life.

I must admit that there were many days during the past three months when I woke up to repeated media phone calls at 5AM which did not stop until I finally turned off my cell phone around midnight or later.

While the port protests were happening on the west coast of the US in December, I missed sleep for several days due to the incessant calls I was receiving day and night. I did interviews for national and international news media, including the BBC. How did I do it? The answer is - I never slept…

My original act of burning the bank card was done with the hope that it would inspire others across the country to do the same. By November 5th, on “National Bank Transfer Day”, thousands of people had chosen to burn or cut up their debit cards issued by Wells Fargo, Chase and Bank of America. Some reports estimated that, as a result of the protests, approximately 700,000 people withdrew their money from these financial institutions and transferred their accounts to small

locally owned banks and credit unions. One Seattle credit union (BECU) signed up over 600 new customers during the demonstrations.

Obviously, the Occupy Wall Street movement has proved that it wields significant economic power – enough to influence the US consumer’s financial behavior and their personal financial choices. As evidence of this economic clout, millions of dollars have already been transferred from large corporate Wall Street banks back into local economies across the nation.

Political Repression Despite the popularity and the high profile nature of this movement, city governments in the US have continued to use law enforcement agencies to dismantle all of the occupy camps. Some nations in the Middle East may have chosen to use their military forces to repress their own uprisings, but in the US, protesters have been forced to face violence and arrest by municipal police departments.

In Seattle, the US Department of Justice conducted an eight month investigation of the Seattle Police Department in response to allegations of racial profiling and civil rights violations. Attorneys for the federal government revealed their findings on December 16th, concluding that the SPD has been guilty of a systematic policy of violating people’s constitutional rights and other federal laws.

US Attorney Jenny Durkan announced the results of the investigation at a press conference: “We find there is reasonable cause to believe that the Seattle Police Dept. engages in a pattern or practice of using unnecessary and excessive force, in violation of the United States Constitution.”

Seattle City Council member Tim Burgess, a former law enforcement officer, was not surprised by the Justice Department’s conclusions. Burgess serves as chairperson for the Seattle City Council’s Public Safety Committee. In response to the US government’s report on civil rights violations by the SPD, he stated that the results of the investigation, “… confirm what many, including myself, have believed for some time...”

On November 28th I was detained by Washington State Patrol Troopers while covering a sit-in demonstration at the state capitol building in Olympia. The demonstrators were protesting state funding cuts for social services, education, and healthcare. During this event I was wearing a press pass that was clearly visible. Although I was not charged with any crime, the WSP issued a “trespass warning” that banned me from participation in any of the events at the state capitol for

or it does not represent them. Corporations and professional leaders have taken over our political and electoral systems. The people have no way of holding their leaders accountable except for occupying the protest camps.” . . . “Most of us believe that we are society’s last great hope to save the planet. The only people who think we are dangerous are those who own the banks and the war machines. The media is one of the biggest culprits in the negative propaganda campaign against us. The corporate and mainstream news media have become largely irrelevant.”

Whatever the New Year may have in store for us, it will certainly not bring about an end to the latest series of global uprisings. One thing is for certain - we can’t afford to go back to the same old business as usual. That system is now simply unsustainable. Our old style of economics and politics do not work for We The People anymore. That is why folks are finally rising up against the irrational and unreasonable systems that do not benefit the majority of the population on this planet. We need a new vision of the future from folks who are committed to establishing peace, justice, and economic equality.

Occupying The Year 2012 Now that we have embarked upon a new year of political action and culture jamming, it’s time to reassess the situation and apply new strategies. We have entered the much dreaded and greatly anticipated year of 2012.

Regardless of the many esoteric predictions about the end of the Mayan calendar, etc., this year will be a very historical time during which great social change is inevitable. Our global financial system is failing. Governments are in crisis and people are suffering from the lasting effects of tyranny and mass exploitation. We We Are The Ninety-Nine Percent! have now lain to rest many of the cynical prognostications that foretold of the imminent collapse of the Occupy Wall Street uprisings during the winter of 2011.

Apocalyptic claims regarding the end of civilization have been exaggerated and ill-informed from the beginning. There are still many marches, rallies, and protests happening each day in communities all across the USA, Canada, the UK, etc.

January 20-21st has been chosen by the occupy movement as national days of protest devoted to challenging the US Supreme Court’s ruling on the infamous “Citizen’s United” case. The court decision allows PAC’s and corporate groups to provide unlimited campaign contributions to political candidates. US Senator Bernie Sanders has launched a nation-wide campaign to overturn the ruling. He claims that the Supreme Court’s decision undermines our democratic electoral process.

To understand the true meaning and significance of the Occupy Wall Street movement’s influence on society, one must get beyond all of the 10 second news sound bytes and the deliberately simplistic and insulting rhetoric coming out of the mouths of right-wing shock jocks. In an effort to provide a little bit of humor and satire for the movement, I have been writing episodes for an animation series project photo courtesy of occupyseattle.org called “Occupy London!” I will quote one of my own activist characters - “Riot Girll”.

The following explanation of the occupy move- Facebook:www.facebook.com/marktaylor-canfield ment comes from a statement Riot Girll makes to a Twitter (“mtsea”): www.twitter.com/marktaylor-canfield/ skeptical BBC news reporter. The reporter asks her, “Why should the news media continue to cover the MTC Blog: movement? I mean, what have you really accom- www.dailykos.com/blog/MarkTaylorCanfield plished?” . . . “We have already changed the entire political and economic dialogue in the United States, the Occupy London! Pilot Episodes: UK, Canada and many other countries. There are now http://goanimate.com/movie/0Bu8rlrpYWdc Occupy groups in Spain, Italy, France, Denmark and http://goanimate.com/movie/0bWQg90I6UH8/1 other nations around the world. We are the majority! http://goanimate.com/movie/0FQC9TD_A9hc/1 We have suffered long enough under corrupt repres- http://goanimate.com/movie/029p6w9tBbHU/1 sive regimes. We stand in solidarity with our brothers http://goanimate.com/movie/0_RvmSy4EUrk/1 and sisters in Yemen, Egypt, Tunisia, and Syria.” . . http://goanimate.com/movie/09zoTJbO-vCk/1 . “No one can stop this movement. The people have http://goanimate.com/movie/0pMdVe2H4Oqg/1 spoken. They want democracy, free speech and open government. Government must be open to the people

Live Green Or Die written by Saab Lofton “A meaningful response to global warming would be a fatal blow to free markets and capitalism ... embrace this reality instead of implying that modest changes in lifestyle and shopping habits and the like can decarbonize Human endeavors on a crowding planet.”

– Andrew C. Revkin, The New York Times, December 7th, 2011

Ballard 2 Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW Ballard Brothers Burger 5305 15th Ave NW Seattle, WA 98107 Queen Anne Piece of Mind 623 Queen Anne Ave N Mecca Cafe 526 Queen Anne Ave N Downtown Five Points Cafe 415 Cedar St Hurricane Cafe 2230 7th Ave Fantasy Unlimited 2027 Westlake Ave

Georgetown Stellar Pizza 5513 Airport Wy S Pioneer Square The Central 207 1st Ave S J&M 201 1st Ave S Greenwood The Baranof 8549 Greenwood Ave N University District Piece of Mind 4339 University Wy NE College Inn Pub 4006 University Wy NE

Fremont Piece of Mind 315 N 36th St The Dubliner 3535 Fremont Ave Lake City Piece of Mind 12516 Lake City Way Hollywood Erotic 12706 Lake City Way Capitol Hill Linda’s 707 E Pine St Shoreline Darrell’s Tavern 18041 Aurora Ave N

For a complete list of our distibution points, log on to www.facebook.com/theseattlesinner

One of my calling cards is to point out how We the People are LONNNNG overdue for a Greenpeace version of F.D.R.’s New Deal. In other words, tax the rich/cut that bloated military budget so we can afford to train/hire the unemployed...

“The August [2011] jobs report was dismal for plenty of reasons, but perhaps most striking was the picture it painted of [ethnic] inequality in the jobs market.

Black unemployment surged to 16.7% in August, its highest level since 1984 [the era of Ronald, SIX letters, Wilson, SIX letters, Reagan, SIX letters], while the unemployment rate for whites fell slightly to 8%, the Labor Department reported.”

– Annalyn Censky, CNN Money, September 2nd, 2011 ...to erect windmills, install solar power panels, grow/process industrial hemp, which can make fuel, fabric, paper and plastic, and so forth (check out an organization called the Apollo Alliance to see what I mean). So what’s keeping this from happening? The undue influence of my arch-nemesis, the Libertarian Party. Lately, its claim is that SUPPOSEDLY any attempt to fund eco-friendly job creation would SUPPOSEDLY fail simply because of what happened to these businesses: Solyndra and Aptera. However, the FACT is, in each case, a lack of funding was at fault...

“Solyndra was facing, in particular, Chinese companies that received massive subsidies from the Chinese government. The investment our government made in Solyndra wasn’t a hand out; it was an attempt to help balance the playing field. But that attempt was one-tenth, one-twentieth what its Chinese competition saw. That Solyndra competed at all is remarkable and laudable. This isn’t an attack on China. What the Chinese government is doing is what the American government should do... The right [i.e., the libertarians], meanwhile, has seized on Solyndra’s collapse as proof that... we should stay mired in the tar of the 20th century. Oil companies and their allies [again, those damn libertarians] are patently not interested in progress.”

– Phaedra Ellis-Lamkins, The Huffington Post, September 1st, 2011 “[Aptera CEO Paul Wilbur] was hoping to get a $150 million loan from the Department of Energy but needed to raise matching funds... Aptera had trouble drumming up interest from investors, who have been spooked [another word for cowardly] by the difficulties other small electric car makers have had... Wilbur told The Associated Press... ‘We have a million sympathizers, but when it comes to writing a big check there aren’t many of those.’”

– Dee-Ann Durbin, Associated Press, December 2nd, 2011 ...so yes, additional investment IS necessary – and I doN’T want to hear a goddamn thang about how eco-friendly job creation is SUPPOSEDLY a bottomless pit, financially speaking, not after those Wall Street’s bail outs or a decade of quagmires in the Middle East. Then again, the corporate elite and the military-industrial complex just so happen to be the only things libertarians don’t mind our taxes going toward, which quite literally makes them the enemy of all that live; greed and war are more important to their asses than life itself. I shutter to think about how many homeless families have to sleep in cars – even during a subarctic winter – all because of this shit in the 2010 libertarian platform ...

2.0 Economic Liberty- All efforts by government to redistribute wealth, or to control or manage trade, are improper. ...well, I guess that makes me an improper motherfucker! Fertile soil, breathable air and drinkable water is FAR more important than the maintenance of MTV Cribs lifestyles/MC Hammer mansions. If a three-bedroom/two bath/ one-car-garage suburban home ain’t enough for you, seek psychiatric help immediately.

And for the LAST time, Scandinavia has BOTH free expression AND free social services SIMULTANEOUSLY, so doN’T claim that Stalin will rise from the grave if the rich are heavily taxed!

Speaking of the undead, in the movie Blade, the familiars were traitorous collaborators who served vampires out of a desire to be bitten – similarly, libertarians are economic masochists who’re under the delusion that capitalism will SUPPOSEDLY provide rewards if it’s kept intact, which reminds me of this line from an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ...

“Ferengi workers don’t want to stop the exploitation. We want to find a way to become the exploiters.”

– Rom (responding to a suggestion that he form a union) ... so the choice is clear: Get paid a living wage with full benefits to protect the environment OR more of the same bullshit until the Earth is burnt out (and us along with it). Before y’all decide, I’ve got one last quote ...

“It is much easier to integrate a lunch counter than it is to eradicate a slum.

It is much easier to guarantee the right to vote than to create jobs or guarantee an annual income. These things cannot be done without a radical redistribution of political and economic power.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)

StoptheDrugWar.org

by Scott Morgan

Mitt Romney Promises “A Full Answer” About the Drug War

St Louis, MO

SSDP (Student For Responsible Drug Policy): Excuse me Governor, do you think the Drug War is working?... Governor, please answer my question.

Romney: It’s a long question... that deserves a full answer, not just in a photo line like this. So come... look on my website. You’ll see my answer.

Of course, there is absolutely nothing on Mitt Romney’s website that explains his views about the War on Drugs. But maybe – hopefully – what Romney meant wasn’t that he had a drug policy page on his site, but rather that he plans to create one. He’s right that it’s a long question, so if he’s going to put together a long answer, well, I’m looking forward to seeing it.

How amazing it is, though, that a group of college students had to follow him around for days and demand answers on drug policy before it even occurred to him that he needs to have a position on this. In all likelihood, it never even occurred to Mitt Romney before this very moment that this issue is actually important enough that people would want to know what he thinks about it before deciding if he should be president.

Ron Paul Explains Why Other Candidates Won’t Discuss the Drug War SSDP: Dr. Paul, why do you think other candidates aren’t talking about drug policy?

PAUL: I think... I think they are easily intimidated... and they... they think that... people are going to hold it against them if they talk sensibly about drug policy.

I think they’re about 20 years behind the times. I think prohibition of any kind doesn’t work.

If you’ve been following our coverage of the presidential candidates in New Hampshire, you’ll find this to be a refreshing change in tone.

I think he’s exactly right, and it’s worth pointing out that you don’t have to be just like Ron Paul to win points with voters by supporting drug policy reform. Paul’s libertarian philosophy doesn’t resonate well with many progressives, who are otherwise impressed with his drug policy positions. Any number of politicians on the left could earn enormous support, especially from young voters, just by copying Ron Paul’s approach to marijuana policy and ignoring much of the rest of what he stands for.

Ron Paul is a complicated political personality, but the lessons to be learned from his politically successful advocacy of drug policy reform shouldn’t be too difficult to grasp: public support for changing our drug laws creates a substantial and growing opportunity for politicians with the wisdom to capitalize on it.

I’ve been so busy marveling at the disturbingly idiotic drug policy positions of various republican presidential candidates that I’ve largely failed to comment on the candidate who is actually fighting for drug policy reform. Iowa doesn’t even have medical marijuana yet, but a guy who wants to end the drug war entirely went in there and shook things up so hard that many were relieved when he only pulled 21.4% of the vote.

A lot of people have a lot of problems with Ron Paul, but when the poo starts flying in his direction, it’s never because he wants to legalize marijuana, or even meth. That’s not the debate his critics want to have with him. If anyone really believes that Ron Paul’s ideas about drug policy are a non-starter with voters, they sure are reluctant to point it out.

Face it, Ron Paul’s belief in changing our drug laws is easily the least controversial position for which he is known. It’s the one thing no one ever challenges him on, a fact which, by itself, ought to completely bury forever the notion that politicians who support things like the legalization of marijuana are engaging in a act of overt political suicide.

No one will ever make an attack ad saying that Ron Paul wants to legalize drugs, because saying that about Ron Paul would just make him more popular. You can’t burn someone by reinforcing what their supporters love most. It’s a principle Obama seems to have forgotten and would do well to remember before November.

Obama Interview Ignores Marijuana Legalization Questions As everyone is probably pretty well aware at this point, one of the most popular activities at the White House is the practice of organizing online forums for people to vote on questions for the president, getting everyone all excited about it, and then completely ignoring the vote totals and disappointing participants with predictable answers to generic questions. It happened yet again today: Although 18 out of 20 of the most popular questions submitted by voters via YouTube were about the drug war or pot, the president in his 45-minute postState of the Union chat didn’t address a single one. [Huffington Post] Of course, the president has answered similar questions in the past, mocking legalization supporters on one occasion and calling it a legitimate topic for debate on another. What the president has never done is actually answer such a question completely or intelligently. At this point, it’s rather hard to imagine that he ever will.

And so the cycle is certain to repeat itself again and again, as one web forum after another is dominated by marijuana and drug war questions that will continue to go unanswered (though some may occasionally be acknowledged and sidestepped). The “legitimate debate” to which Obama says we’re entitled is something he nonetheless refuses to actually engage in, and the frustration that drives this issue to the front of the line in every such forum will be well fed for the foreseeable future.

In the meantime, it ought to be obvious to everyone that something is very wrong when this many people keep asking the same question and the president has nothing to say.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

WHAT’S THE BUZZ? TELL ME WHAT’S HAPPENING! There’s been a lot of interesting biz going on in the world as of late and I feel the need to comment on it, instead of my usual bragging. First off, Wikipedia blacked out for 24 hours last month to protest the now defunct U.S. anti-piracy SOPA legislation. Apparently, Wikipedia is now anti-censorship. That’s a laugh right there.

Every time I’ve tried to add an entry into their database they have rejected and deleted it and they ultimately banned me from posting. Now that’s censorship. A lot of peeps on Facebook were screaming and hollering that SOPA would have made the posting of youtube videos and Axl Rose jpegs on Facebook a criminal offense, punishable by up to a ten year stint in a FEMA camp, a $10,000 fine, and a verbal tongue lashing by Roseanne Barr. That’s utter nonsense—I personally read all 1200 pages of the SOPA bill and it said nothing about Axl Rose jpegs.

In other news, the Susan G. Komen Foundation ­(a breast cancer awareness society) announced they were cutting off funding to Planned Parenthood under pressure from rightwing Republican extremists. The public backlash was fast An Axl Rose jpeg and furious, and Komen quickly relented and resupplied the funding. What’s interesting about this story is that in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Komen has teamed up with Discount Gun Sales to offer a pink version of the popular Walther P-22 handgun (retail price $429). This makes perfect sense, after all: Guns don’t kill people... women with breast cancer kill people. I plan on purchasing a Breast Cancer gun myself to add to my collection, along with the Lung Cancer gun, the Testicular Cancer gun, and the KISS “I’m a Capricorn, she’s a Cancer” gun.

Finally, in the world of sports, 79 people were killed and hundreds were injured at a soccer match in Egypt when rabid fans celebrated the The Breast gun (size DD): deadly in pink. game’s outcome by attacking and killing each other. This proves once again that soccer is the world’s stupidest sport and has the most retarded “fans.” You never see this type of behavior at a curling event, nor does it occur at a golf match. Personally, how anyone can get so excited over grown men running around in shorts kicking a ball is waaaaay beyond me. I played soccer myself as a youth in the eighth grade, in fact they invented a position just for me: “rover.” I roved all over the field, scored goals, scored with the cheerleaders, and took Gatorade breaks whenever I wanted. Soccer is fun to play, but boring to watch. My personal theory on worldwide soccer hooligan violence is that there is an international, underground Cabal controlling it. This secret Cabal is a terrorist organization bent on creating chaos, destabilizing the world economy, with the ultimate goal of destroying American values. Think I’m kidding? I’m not. The members of this Cabal, plus the hooligans they control and even the soccer players themselves, should be whisked away by teams of Navy Seals, incarcerated in Guantanamo Bay, and tried for the crimes of high treason, hooliganism, inciting violence, murder, anarchy, and the wearing of ridiculous uniforms. They should then be found guilty and hung by the testicles until dead. This is all opinion and speculation on my part, but I’m usually right about these things.

Next month: more conspiracy theories and PDB’s bartender of the year!!

Public enemy number one.

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Lacero and Nether January 14th @ Studio Seven

If there was one show to catch in Seattle last month, Lacero and Nether at Studio 7 on January 14th was it!

Luckily for The Sinner Lani Linton was there to photograph the two powerhouses.

Lacero defines their sound as a“light metal” infused with the “grooves and feel of Latin and Jazz music.”

While it sounds impossible to blend the two, Lacero does so with ease. Nether on the other hand resonates the Seattle alternative sound through a powerful stage presence. Look for these two on FaceBook for future show listings.

photos by Lani Linton

8

UP ALL NIGHT....

Collection

Eve Lucien breathing fire

Internationally known Isabelle Celeste Murray

On January 14, 2012, the Crack Fox held a very special Conspiracy with a Gothic Prom theme. It was also a celebration of Carrie Meyer from Insomniac Studios 40th birthday party! Carrie lined up a very talented group of performers for the evening - including local favorites Ami Amore of Exotic Rhythms Bellydance and PixieNyx, and guests from all over the country, including Saideh from Iowa, Celeste from Indianapolis and the world-renown Tempest from Providence, RI. There was black cake and much fun was had by all!

Internationally known Laura Tempest Schmidt

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

HEARTBREAKERS Friday the 13th, 2012 - St Louis, MO

I can’t quote how many times the 13th of the month actually lands on a Friday, but when it does, having First Jason roll into town for a show is quite the devilish delight. Front man Ari Lehman was the original Jason in the first Friday 13th film, the boy in the lake who opened the door for the sequel. His style of metal-fused rock-n-roll is the backdrop for his macabre lyrics and antics, creating a show that is as sinister as Friday 13th. And with LOUG and The Haddonfields on the bill, you know it was one hell of a monster bash!

Megan Hat’s Birthday Bash At The Ballroom

I’m not one for birthdays or having my photo taken, not even with friends. And I’m certainly not one to print my photo in The Sinner, under any circumstances, unless I wear a costume. But when we received an email from Nikole Knebel asking us to come hang out at The Silver Ballroom with her and Megan for Megan’s BDAY, we had to swing in. The request might seem a bit strange, but we stumbled upon Megan’s birthday party last year by accident, landing her party and Nikole’s cheeseburger cupcakes in The Sinner. Why not one more time!

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THURS FEBRUARY 9th The Load Levelers; Izzy Cox (Austin, Texas); Ando Ehlers & GG Chaos Death Polka!; Dan Infecto @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $6

WED FEBRUARY 22nd Late To The Party (Baltimore, MD); School Shootings; Motar + guest @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $5

FRI FEBRUARY 10th Local Chaos, Seattle Sinner, KGRG 89.9FM and Jagermeister Present: 9th ANNUAL SEATTLE SKA FEST DAY 1 Chris Murray; Natalie Wouldn’t; Dubcar; Lushy; Moon; Special Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 8pm, $10

THURS MARCH 22nd Joe Buck Yourself; Shivering Denizens; Hard Money Saints; Ando Ehlers & GG Chaos Death Polka!; Derek Dunn from the 357 Band @ 2Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW in Ballard 21+, 9pm, $8

SAT FEBRUARY 11th Local Chaos, Seattle Sinner, KGRG 89.9FM and Jagermeister Present: 9th ANNUAL SEATTLE SKA FEST DAY 2 Chris Murray; The Skablins; Giraffe Aftermath (BC) Reggae On The Rocks (BC); The Skarate Kids; Juice; The Longshots (Eugene, OR) @ Mirkwood And Shire Cafe 117 E Division St, Arlington, WA All Ages/ Bar With ID, 5pm, $12 MON FEBRUARY 13th Izzy Cox (Austin, Texas); Junkyard Amy Lee; Gravediggger; The Mean Street Meanie @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave in Everett 21+, 9pm, $5 SAT FEBRUARY 18th Tina D’s Birthday Bash featuring Dreadful Children; The Triple Sixes; 9lb Beaver; Ando Ehlers & GG Chaos’ Death Polka; Celebrity Comedic Roasting by Paul Diamond Blow Hosted by El Caballero @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $6

SAT MARCH 24th 10th annual CHAOSPALOOZA featuring Moral Crux; Toe Tag; Potty Mouth Society; Poorsport; Load Levelers; Shakin’ Michael J + Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 7pm, $10 SUN APRIL 1st Filthy Still (Providence, RI bluegrass punk) + guests @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave in Everett 21+, 9pm, $5 MON APRIL 2nd Filthy Still (Providence, RI bluegrass punk) + guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $5, $1 beer night!!!

Stayed tuned for a lot more tasty shows to be announced soon including SEATTLE PSYCHOBILLY BRAWL! Thanks for the support. Hope to see you at a show soon. www.facebook.com/local.chaos.greg - www. twitter.com/localchaosshows www.localchaosproductions.com

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

On The Scene With Malice BANDS TO WATCH FOR 2012 (and the BEST places to watch them) There’s no better way to spend a cold, bleak winter night than going out to a comfortable bar to hear great music and to hang out with good friends who feel like family. Two of our favorite hangouts are The Crack Fox and Lemmons. Both of these places feel like home and we have a good time even when we go out without a plan and have no clue who’s playing or who else will be there. Also, Lemmons has the BEST pizza on this planet, but it takes an hour to cook, longer if you order deep dish. That said, it’s well worth the wait.

Listed below, but not in any particular order, are my favorite local bands to see live, up close, and personal.

And where you can see them in the near future. : Butcher Holler (The Crack Fox & Lemmons) Butcher Holler’s new CD At Any Rate is full of songs that will rock your soul and stir your feet, Like Butch’s creeper song “Peeping Tom Blues” where he does all kinds of crazy things so he “can come back and be with you again,” but not in a good way. The track “Lemmy Smiled” will bring a smile to your face as well. Jamey’s song “Woke Up Old Today” drifts in and out of my consciousness all throughout the my own days, with lyrics both haunting and soulful. His “Loner’s Lament” is also a favorite. My husband knows all the words to this one and will drunkenly sing along. “Shame Talking Blues” and “Time On My Hands” are among my new favorites. To be truthful, I haven’t listened to anything else since I got this CD. It’s great traveling music; my trek to work everyday is a 9 song trip..

It’s always good to hear “Andale” with its cool surfer vibe because that also means I’m halfway home. In Butcher Holler, you’ll hear traces of Social D, bits of Merle Haggard and Conway Twitty, as well as pure Jamey & Butch & Jonathon. It’s a new sound, but at the same time it’s the old familiar sound you grew up listening to on your dad’s country radio station. You’ll soon find yourself tappin’ your toes and singin’ along, even if you don’t know all the words.

Rat Rod Kings (The Crack Fox & Lemmons) The Rat Rod Kings are in the studio now recording their CD. This band is a Sinner Favorite and I can’t wait to hear more from them. You gotta love any band brave enough to rock a cigar box guitar.

The Reebs (The Heavy Anchor) The Reebs new CD Shame & Whiskey will be released, or should I say “unleashed,” on the Rat Rod Kings - photo by Rabid Rabbit masses March 3rd @ Heavy Anchor. I love this band, and I don’t get to see nearly enough of them. They’ve shared the bill with Hot Rod Walt & The Psycho Devilles, and may do so again.

Scene of Irony and Moe & Company are headed back to the UK in March. Yay, Moe!! Moe is a local punk rock legend, I don’t think there’s anybody who’s lived here for any length of time who hasn’t heard of him.

Ockum’s Razor (Heartbreakers) Ockum’s Razor recently played Friday the 13th @ Pops. If you dig intense melodic metal, this is your band! I asked frontman Christopher Davis for any updates: “Right now, we are in the beginning of postproduction of our new music and the name of the album is entitled, Decapitated Society. We have a PledgeMusic campaign set up and people can get exclusives ranging from anything like getting the digital download before anyone else, signed cd’s, up to stuff like an executive producer credit or one’s face on the actual disk itself. We will be including additional music never before released in a physical format, plus other stuff that has been out of print. It may even be a double-disk. We haven’t posted a track listing yet, but that will go on the campaign too.

Ockum’s Razor - photo by Rabid Rabbit A portion of our campaign will be donated to Play It Forward, as well.

We will be releasing the music sometime this year. This August, we will also be celebrating our 10th anniversary as a band (www.pledgemusic.com/projects/decapitatedsociety).” Their next show is February 25th at Heartbreakers on the Landing.

The Quaaludes Featuring the DTs play wickedly funny songs, delivered by two stunning singers in coordinating outfits and the superb Lupe Flores on drums (I have a new favorite drummer!)

Bass Amp & Danno are hilarious to watch and highly entertaining to hang out with. Their songs are funny and irreverent. These guys don’t take themselves too seriously, but they do have serious talent.

is,

Lou St

MO

Evolve Thru Scars (friends of mine from Memphis and Mississippi who want to play HERE) I have recommended The Crack Fox or Lemmons. These guys could very well be The Next Big Deal, with legendary Memphis guitar player Chris D’abaldo and a group of really FIERCE musicians. They’ll rock your socks. **Other Upcoming Shows** Social D @ Pops: Saturday April 28th Hot Rod Walt & The Psycho Devilles: Thursday June 21st (no venue confirmed yet)

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Raising Hell With Guitar Doug Exceptional songwriter talks about her life as a musician, dealing with homelessness and personal demons.

“Being homeless really has shown me that I have the strength and the will to endure. I’m not sure how that will come across to most people, but I know that I have become a better person because of my experiences”

Junkyard Amy Lee can be found on the bill with some of the areas most popular acts in the rock and rockabilly scene. There are very few who would describe her songwriting as anything short of incredible. “Amy is the best” is what Chris Rutledge of Antique Scream said about her recently when I spoke to him before a show where they were sharing the bill.

Every time I have seen Amy, she’s always wearing the same pair of jeans that look to be more a bunch of patches than actual pants. She also wears a necklace that appears to be made out of a bicycle chain, along with feathers and other items found outside on the street. Initially, I thought it was all a cute gimmick, but these are not stage clothes. Amy has also spent many years of her life homeless, traveling from town to town, battling depression and anxiety.

These years have given her time to hone her skills as a guitarist and songwriter, weaving tales the listener would only describe as Dylanesque. Being a Bob Dylan fan myself, I couldn’t help but ask her how much of an influence he has on her musically, because the style in her writing jumped out at me instantly the first time I saw her live. Surprisingly, she cited Woody Guthrie as more of an influence, though Dylan has also taught her how to craft her skills as a songwriter.

I found it interesting, because Woody Guthrie wrote the American classic “This Land is Your Land.” A song about inclusion and harmony in America, that as a kid singing in my music class, had me believing everything was just peachy keen and all a person had to do was join in the singing, hang a flag outside the door, and wait for the good fortune to just fall from the sky.

Throw in saying my prayers before bedtime, and when I grew up I knew I would be rolling in the dough, have a beautiful wife and go to work each morning carrying a brief case. The reality of the world turned out to be much harsher, though I did at one time have a beautiful wife and go to work carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit. The rest turned out to be something quite different, and it would appear life for Junkyard Amy Lee has been no picnic either.

There is nothing cute or folksy about the songs she writes. They deal with some of the harshest, but most honest material I have seen in the 5 years of writing this music column. The truth of the matter is, If Dylan had a dark side, it would be Junkyard Amy Lee and if Woody Guthrie were singing about America in 2011, the lyrics would go somewhere along the lines of one of her songs. That is, if he were honest as a songwriter.

Though she has a tune or two that one might call a love song, many of her lyrics are complex musical stories about life on the road, self doubt, total alienation from the American dream and freeing herself from the man.

The America Amy is singing about is the one causing protests in the streets of America, even as I write this column. She is singing about an America nobody seems to sing about, but is all too real for millions.

She’s led a life of living in junkyards and out-the-way places, sleeping on cardboard or in tents, wondering where her next meal will come from, and scratching out a tolerable existence, in an intolerable situation.

Let’s face it, life in America sucks for many people.

But, for whatever reason, Amy sings about her own hardships fondly. Even after writing this column, I still don’t know if she fully understands that there is another world where people have enough money to buy cars, groceries, go to work every day and are quite happy with the whole thing. It’s not all about having to “fight the world” as she describes it.

The friends Amy sings about and talks about in

the interview below, are not singing “This Land is Your Land.” They are trying to figure out how to get to a soup kitchen when they don’t even have the bus fare to get there, or how they are going to stay dry in the Seattle rain when they go to sleep at night because someone stole the one piece of plastic tarp that was their only protection from the elements. They are runaways, street musicians, and people who ride the rails.

Junkyard Amy Lee is as close to pure Americana as I have found since writing this column. Only in her case, the listener assumes the good old American apple pie was found dumpster diving, panhandled, or picked up after waiting in line at the local food bank.

The America Bob Dylan sang about is totally different than the America we live in today, and Amy captures it perfectly in her songwriting.

fortunate, and you see evidence of that in the homeless population. So, I guess in a nutshell, what I was trying to say is that I can let go of some of that anger, and I’m working on channeling it towards more positive things.

What are some of the day to day obstacles Seattle homeless deal with that housed folks might never think of?

You talk about Woody Guthrie being your biggest influence. Is the America he sang about decades ago in “This Land Is Your Land” the same America we are now living in?

Woody Guthrie and Bob Dylan are two of my greatest influences, more so in their song writing than anything else. I think people would like to hold on to the romance of the dust bowl and the cowboys of the wild west, or the political upheaval of the 60’s and 70’s but most folks in my generation will never have a clue as to what it’s like to really struggle through life the way people did before us. We’ve got it easy, compared to our parents and grandparents.

Where did you first learn to play a guitar and how much of your style is self taught?

My father bought me a guitar for my birthday when I was 16.

I think he figured it would keep me from running away, or give me a lesson in patience, or something grand and fatherly as I like to think of him that way. I soon found out that I could make money by playing guitar instead of panhandling, and that people would actually notice me on the street. I played a lot of shitty Nirvana covers.

You are open about the fact that you have been homeless. How has that affected you personally and musically?

Being homeless really has shown me that I have the strength and the will to endure. I’m not sure how that will come across to most people, but I know that I have become a better person because of my experiences. I don’t have to fight the world anymore, because I make the decisions to be who I want to be, and do what I want to do, and I couldn’t be any happier.

When you say “fight the world, any more”, what exactly are you saying? Why would you feel the world as something that needs to be fought?

Well, there’s a lot behind that statement and I could probably write essays for years on that. I’ve been frustrated, upset, and full of rage and hatred towards society, because of the situations that are created within our systems that allow people to fall through the cracks.

I deal with severe depression and anxiety day to day, and I’m not about to bore you with a sob story. Luckily, I have found people in my life that I can ask for help when I need it. It took me a long time to realize that I have a support network, but a lot of people aren’t that

I notice references it in your lyrics, especially references to trains. Did you ride the rails?

Well I don’t hop trains, and I have to say that again and again. But most of my friends have ties to that lifestyle and it carries over into my songs. I’ve hitchhiked all over the northern states and up and down the west coast for years. Sometimes following work, sometimes because being on the road feels right. It’s one of the last free things we’ve got, and I’ll take advantage of it while I can. It’s doing something that people write about. It’s mysterious. It’s sometimes illegal. You feel invisible and totally exposed.

Playing music helps me get by, whether its busking on the street in some town, or playing for a few friends while they wait for their train.

So, of course I’ll sing about it.

I wish there were more public restrooms. It’s hard enough finding a coffee shop or a storefront even when you have money to buy something first. Being able to use the bathroom in privacy, and wash your face or comb your hair is a fundamental morning routine that everybody takes for granted What exactly do you call the style of dress you wear on and off stage and how did you decide to take it on as your own?

I suppose to most people I have some kind of style - I love punk and metal and crust and grindcore, and there is a style of dress that goes with all of that. But really I’ve been wearing the same pair of pants for the last 4 years and I’ve been patching them up with canvas and leather because it’s durable and waterproof. No shit.

I’ve been doing it for about 10 years.

Tell us about some of the traveling you have done.

You’ve run away, lived on the streets, and we are in the worst economy since the Great Depression, and in the middle of three wars. Why would you choose the word “easy” to describe life in America in 2012. Are you some sort of eternal optimist?

I haven’t got any sage advice for the masses here. My grandmother raised her brothers on a homestead in North Dakota with an 8th Grade education. When her oldest brother went to fight in WWII she watched over the township he had created and ran the gas station until he returned. She then went on to raise 7 children, while maintaining a marriage to my grandfather for 60 years. She’s 94 and lives independently. Most of my friends are divorced, or single parents, they’re all unemployed - could any of them live that life? I don’t know yet.

Where does the rage and violence you deal with in some of your songs come from?

A lot of the subject matter of my songs can be taken a lot of different ways, but nonetheless I find myself following the American oral tradition of Murder Ballads, the stories of jilted lovers exacting revenge in violent crimes of passion, often relaying the complicated feelings of regret and sorrow that follow those acts.

How many of your songs are autobiographical?

I have written some songs for people, for example “Zachariah” is about a boyfriend I had once, and the feelings I had after a complicated and messy break-up.

I have written a few about what it’s like to be traveling alone. Most of my songs however are just stories, mostly influenced by traditional American roots and blues songs.

Jan 10th, 2012 @ El Corazon

I Defy

Tina D Photography Tacoma punk-metal favorites, I Defy and Seattle's own Piss Drunks come together at El Corazon 1/10/12 to kick off the night for punk heavy-hitters, Total Chaos.

The show also featured the longtime underground Seattle Punk scene favorites, Dreadful Children who are playing Feb 18th at the Funhouse for Seattle Sinner Photographer, Tina D's Birthday bash.

s k n u r D s s i P

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Energy and enthusiasm, gang-raping attitude

Interview by Chuck Foster

W

e found ourselves at Just Bill’s last month for Sinister Fate, a freakish goth-rock band out of Chicago. Il. With a dead camera battery, we felt reduced to mere spectators for the night. But that’s not a bad thing at Just Bill’s. It’s that gritty dive bar in Overland, home to Chunk’s Of Meat Productions, where heavy rock enthusiasts are seldom disappointed by any show on any night.

And Agents Of Influence made sure this night was no exception for all the rockers who attended.

Perhaps forgetting to charge the battery was a good fate. AOI is electrified in front of a crowd, dripping acid from their pores instead of sweat.

And trying to catch them standing still long enough to capture a quality shot is a challenge for any seasoned photographer. Describing their live set in words is an equal challenge, as high-octane and hard-hitting only scratch the surface of this trio.

Duke Davis is AOI’s front man, belting out the vocals like a mythical giant while playing lead on guitar. Duke’s alter is Nick Cowsert on backup vocals and bass – a madman of musical sorts, relentlessly striking the cords as he bounces and leaps all over the stage. And backing up the two is Mike Scott on drums, raining blow after destructive blow without ever missing a lick, and making it look simple while doing so.

After their set I got these guys to take a few minutes and discuss the show with Sinister Fate and shoot the proverbial shit for a few....

How did Agents Of Influence come to be?

Agents of Influence came to be almost by accident. I was working on re-forming my old band Gutterspike.

As fate would have it I bumped into Nick just kind of hanging out one day. Nick, bassist and back up vocals for AOI, had played in a band with me years prior. It seemed fitting to do something all new, so we started scouring the St. Louis scene for a drummer.

That was a big concern for us, finding a decent drummer for a metal band can be a tough job. I have been in that position one too many times, and figured we may not find anyone.

A pretty big portion of the St. Louis scene is geared more towards a more technical writing approach then we are. We try to be a little more groove oriented, so locating a drummer on that same page was a concern. Oddly enough as I was running through Craigslist ads I spotted a drummer in South St. Louis. The first Jam session with Mike went extremely well and the rest just kind of fell into place for us. We have a killer working relationship. Never any drama or problems.

I like to ask this question each month: What’s the story behind the name/concept of AOI? The name also kind of came about in an odd way. We were searching for something that was unique and not already taken. Everything we would think of someone had used.

If I researched the term “the flaming butt-cracks” it was being used by someone, somewhere. Nick actually came up with the name.

We like it because it is somewhat generic in its meaning. An Agent of Influence could be a shot of whiskey, or a bad mother-fucker pointing his gun at you.

Let’s talk about the Just Bill’s show. How did you guys get involved with the Sinister Fate show?

We ended up playing with Sinister Fate by way of our relationship with Voodoo Queen Management.

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Yvonne puts on some of the best shows in town and treats the local bands with respect. We do several Voodoo Queen shows per year and look forward to many more. That show was a blast by the way.

What about touring... are you guys thinking of it?

As far as touring goes, Hell yeah! The ultimate goal for us is to do this for a living. Currently we are just trying to build a presence regionally, write the right songs and hopefully open up some doors of opportunity this year.

Let me ask you this: which local bands does AOL like to catch live?

That’s a great question. There are so many good local bands here. Virucide and Desolate are two bands we like to play with. WMFO never disappoints. Chaos Order is another great local band.

We like to see St. Louis bands who are trying to carve their own Niche or sound. Back in the day Fragile Porcelain Mice were awesome to catch and I believe they have played some shows lately though we weren’t able to catch ‘em.

How would you describe “Age Of Influence” in one sentence?

Energy and enthusiasm, gang-raping attitude.

And what about a typical AOI show?

A typical AOI show is really just a good party.

We bring the attitude and the tunes to shake your ass to.

What about 2012, any resolutions?

Better quality shows, doing whatever we can to

improve and nourish the STL music scene, no matter what type of music you play or like. 2 killer EPs by year’s end.

What about 2012 predictions... end of the world, the presidential election, super bowl, Kim Kardashia’s next husband/wife, etc.?

Politically we try and keep that opinion to ourselves. The country is in big trouble, and we hope with each day things will get better.

The end of the world will be here, it’s just a matter of when and how. To worry about the end of the world is an exercise in futility.

The Kardashians, well I will plead the fifth on those types of people. I have much more respect and admiration for celebs who are truly talented like Al Green or a band like Government Mule.

Somebody that produces an artful product.

Any last thoughts to share with our readers, or AOI news?

Last thoughts are simple. Get out and support your local bands and artists. Do business with your local neighbors. Companies that contribute to our local scene and economy, and of course come bang your heads at an AOI show real soon!

My last question: When can St. Louisans catch you guys live again?

Agents of Influence will be playing a Voodoo Queen show coming up at Pops in Sauget on Saturday, March 17th. This is going to be a killer show with Bare Knuckle Conflict and Grim. You can hit us up for tickets at www.facebook.com/ aoistl. This will be one to remember!

MATT GRAYSON BENEFIT SHOW Saturday, January 21, 2012

I can’t say that I know Matt Grayson personally. I can say that I’ve heard of him and his works on numerous occasions in the St. Louis music circle. It was certainly unfortunate to hear that he was involved in a life altering motorcycle accident in Los Angeles on October 24th, 2011. Tragedies of this nature are never easy on friends nor the community, but when they do strike, friends and community come together in a powerful force. And that was the case on January 21st at FUBAR. Fourteen bands performed this night with 100% of the proceeds from the event going to help Matt on his tough road to recovery. And I mean 14 of St. Louis’ top punk bands, like The Fuck Off And Dies, The Scam, The Humanoids, The Haddonfields, Ultraman, Fister, and Better Days to name a few. It was a punk show like no other I have witnessed. The two stages of FUBAR were completely surrounded by friends and rock enthusiasts, making it a challenge to mingle back and forth – or even keep up with which band was playing when and where. It really didn’t matter in the end, it was a great night for a great cause... get well soon Matt!

SELDON @ JUST BILL’S AliyaRose Photography Seldon is a Metal band to keep your eye on in 2012.

The group has redefined themselves this year, and says to expect something that is guaranteed to be Seldon’s heaviest, but yet profound and passion driven for the eyes to see and ears to hear. And that’s exactly the way the band performed at Just Bill’s last month!

For more info on Seldon: www.facebook.com/seldonstuff For more info on AliyaRose photography: www.facebook.com/aliyarosephotography

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GOLDEN TABLETS LOCATED Everybody Mormon Now

By Brian A. Boone Mysterious golden tablets adorned with ancient writing have been found in upstate New York. Found along with the tablets are stone goggles that seem to almost magically decode the tablet's writings into an understandable language.

The tablets are in fact those reported missing by Mormon church founder Joseph Smith. Smith claimed to have been given the tablets and seer stones in 1830 by the angel Moroni. The words on the tablets reveal the words and actions of Jesus Christ's arrival in North America shortly after his death and subsequent resurrection and disappearance.

Smith took the information on the tablets and compiled the Book of Mormon, which would become the holy text for the Church of Latter Day Saints. New York residents, however, dismissed Smith as a liar and heretic when he lost the golden tablets and could not reproduce the information therein.

It would seem Smith was not lying after all. Presumed nonexistent by non-Mormons and just missing

by Mormons, the tablets were found not far from the site of their original discovery near Albany, New York.

Construction workers happened upon the tablets and stones while breaking ground on a housing development.

A Mormon worker instantly recognized the tablets and promptly took them to his local church elders, who instantly endorsed the tablets as authentic.

"When Joseph Smith was tormented over which of the many Christian factions was the one true faith, God visited him in the form of Moroni and presented to him these golden tablets which would be the basis of the one true religion, which he was to form," said LDS church spokesman Joseph W. Wright. "Unfortunately, the tablets became misplaced and our beloved leader was heavily persecuted. It would seem that we were right all along."

In the face of such insurmountable evidence, every citizen of the planet will now be required by law to be Mormon, what with the LDS' recent takeover and consolidation of world government. As a result, Mormon beliefs once thought to be ridiculous, racist or downright insane are now, quite literally, to be taken as Gospel.

Among the changes: 1. Good people get their own planet when they die. They will inhabit this planet with their favorite wife, who will spend all of eternity gestating and giving birth to spirit babies.

2. Black people are evil and will be killed en masse.

3. Everyone will be issued a short-sleeve white shirt, bike helmet and name tag.

Church and world president James E. Faust is expected to address faithful Mormons tonight at 7pm in order to coincide with Family Activities Night. At that moment the world will finally see the golden tablets that have brought about such rapid, monumental change.

The press conference was rescheduled from 5pm in order to give President Faust more time to locate the tablets and stones, which he seems to have misplaced.

Gina Simon Photography

Model: Amanda 22

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

The Hot New Weight Loss Fad:

Amputation

By Brian A. Boone

Easily the most popular and enduring New Years resolution is to lose weight. But for many Americans, diet and exercise is just not effective or convenient.

A growing number of obese people or those otherwise displeased with their appearance are resorting to a controversial new surgical procedure that guarantees a reduction of body mass with minimal dieting: amputation of the extremities.

"My patients are desperate to lose weight and are at the point where they will try anything," said Dr. William Moczek of Tacoma. "I always explain the side effects to them, such as ‘you will have no arms or legs,’ to which they always say ‘losing weight is losing weight.’"

Many weight loss amputees are first drawn to the procedure by their inability to lose fat on their arms and cellulite on their legs. Amputation quickly and effectively eliminates the problems of chubby legs and flabby arms by simply removing the limbs whole.

"Losing this weight this way has changed my life. I don't even have to exercise," said Meredith Taylor, 45, of Kirkland. "Well, actually I can't really exercise because I don't have any limbs, so I can't very well run or lift weights. But now I can fit into those Diesel jeans. And let me tell you, I sure do turn heads down at the beach and at the guide dog training center!"

Amputation is not a new concept. For centuries doctors have used amputation as a medical solution to gangrene, disease and diabetes. "Amping," as devotees call it, experienced a surge in popularity during the Civil War and has remained hot in landmine-rich countries for decades. This is the first time amputation has been widely used in America for cosmetic purposes; the modern craze was likely begun by amputee and model Heather Mills McCartney, who wears a prosthetic leg and married a Beatle.

"It's really revolutionary, and a surprisingly quick surgery," said Dr. Mozcek.

"You come in the morning, and you're out by noon, relieved of thirty pounds and four areas of trouble zones."

Dr. Moczek is also considering another weight loss procedure in which unused or seldom used bodily organs such as the spleen, liver, cerebellum and left kidney could be removed, allowing patients to lose up to twenty pounds.

Scott Fleig is the mastermind behind Myndzeye Photography. His works border fringe, manipulating innocent ideas into twisted creations, breaking all the rules of academic photography with one click of his finger. It was that aspect of his works which landed him on the cover of The Sinner last month, beating out over a dozen other submissions from talented Seattle artists. And that’s quite a feat in the sinful world of local photography. With that mentioned, I thought it would be interesting to sit him down for a minute and discuss last month’s cover and his latest Valentine’s Day shoot.

How did you get involved in photography?

I’ve been into photography since I was a teen. I couldn’t draw or paint but needed an artistic outlet. I let it go for years and got back into it about seven years ago.

I came to the conclusion that I still needed an artistic outlet and began to re-hone my skills. I started networking online and found an interest in the alternative model scene and the look of atypical styles and genres. I found myself “seeing” concepts for shoots in my head and decided to try to break just about any rule of photography I could by playing with light, angles and perspective. That’s how myndzeye Photography was born.

What about last month’s cover shot, how was it created?

The January cover shot was from a set I did with a model and a creative team (makeup artist, stylist and wardrobe person) out of Boise, ID. led by Analisa Ravella. I had contacted the model, Corrie, about doing a set together and we started talking. I wanted to do something that was a bit disjointed and a little twisted (themes I really like) and thought including a doll would be something weird to add. Corrie mentioned she could stand “en pointe”(on her toes in ballet shoes) and the vision was complete – a twisted ballerina set! Analisa and her team did a great job bringing my vision in to reality with the leotard, tutu and that awesomely creepy doll! For the cover shot, I asked Corrie to crouch down in the corner of the studio while holding the doll, I switched out to my fisheye lens and got right up to her feet while laid out on the floor and snapped that image! I was actually laughing deviously when I saw it on the camera display.

Let’s talk about your recent Valentine’s Day shoot...

The V.D. shoot was another vision I had that started with the idea of Samantha in that blue dress with a stuffed animal; sort of a little girl and her stuffy but again with a twisted feel – dark and eerie. Darren Hafner was enlisted to do the makeup. When we arrived at the studio of my friend John, he had the “heart backed”chair sitting in the corner and I started thinking about adding the Valentine’s theme. I envisioned a slightly “psycho chic” taking out her frustrations on her “pet” rabbit for getting stood up by her guy on Valentine’s day! John had the perfect knife and Darren had some theatrical blood in his kit. The attitude was all Samantha! I think we nailed it!

What inspires you to shoot shots like these throughout the year?

After I got back into shooting, my son expressed an interest in photography and asked what he could shoot.

I told him to look for everyday things and shoot them in unusual ways. I guess I follow that advice myself. I like shooting artistic nudes with a lot of light and shadows. I like dark, creepy and emotive. I am inspired and refreshed when a viewer is moved (in any way good or

bad) by my work. I don’t worry about making everything technically “right” every time. I’m inspired by the weird, twisted images that pop into my head! :) What can readers expect next from Myndzeye Photography?

I don’t have anything set in stone at the moment but I am knocking around a few ideas in my mind’s eye. Two concepts I plan to do in the near future

are a body-part light & shadow idea we came up with and a “You’re Co-Worker Might Be A Kinkster” themed series of shoots. I am always looking to collaborate with models who are slightly twisted too!

And last, where can readers find more of your work?

My website is under construction (again) and until I get that back up, my work can be found on Deviant Art (www.myndzeye.deviantart.com). I also have a book published and that can be found at Blurb.com (www. blurb.com/users/myndzeye). It’s called Fleshstones. I am also on Facebook and Model Mayhem.com

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t was a little over 5 years ago when Dallas Moses found himself amongst friends, kicking-back over a few beers, talking about art shows. Hesitantly, he mentioned an idea that he had been pondering for some time, an erotic art show which would coincide with Mardi Gras. As Mardi Gras engrosses the city of St. Louis with debauchery, lust, and general sin every year, Moses thought an art event of this nature had the potential to not only entertain the masses, but expose each attendee to an alternative medium. Not only has Naughti Gras become a mirror of the vision Dallas had some five years ago, it’s now considered a juggernaut in the St. Louis art community.

However, transforming this grand dream into reality was a massive undertaking, especially for Moses who had never organized an event of any kind. He understood that creating Naughti Gras would demand more than his friends’ support.

Jerry Steele For starters, it would need the creation of a committee to organize and promote the event, and an appropriate space to house the vision. Now enter the local entrepreneur willing to gamble on such a rogue idea: Tim Ayres, owner of Koken Art Factory.

With Tim’s support and networking, Naughti Gras received enough submissions from local artists to produce a rather large show, bringing in several hundred attendees its first year – tripling what the group had expected. That was five years ago. Today the event, which now includes nightly entertainment, brings in over a hundred submissions from local artists and thousands of attendees over its two night run. Yes, it’s quite the juggernaut.

As Naughti Gras celebrates its fifth year this February 10th and 11th, it brings the beats of Booty Grabbers Delight and DJ Needles on Friday night and Soul Cafe, DJ Alexis and the House Kings, and Ellon the Felon and the Metronome on Saturday night. You will also be entertained with several erotic performances by St. Louis’ QUIXOTIC, Exotic Rhythms Belly Dance, Randy Dandies, Van Ella Production, Cosmic Collaborative, Jenuinne, Sumaiya, Beggars Side Show and Improv Trick. In addition to the art and two stages of entertainment, guest will enjoy live art by Art Dimensions, a sexy photo booth with Insomniac Studios, and a fortune teller experience.

Paul Lapusan Tickets are available for purchase online at www.kokenartfactory.com or toll-free by calling 877-996-4753.

They are $10 in advance, while Russ Rosener supplies last, and $15 at the door.

Kelly O'Keefe

Matt Isbell

Alan Gibson Art

The Surly Gourmand Devouring Slices of Misery so You Don’t Have To

RN74 1433 4th Ave in Seattle • For reservations call 206-456-7474

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don’t know what the name “RN74” is supposed to mean. I would be inclined to avoid giving a restaurant a string of numbers and letters in lieu of a proper moniker, mostly because I wouldn’t want patrons to mistake the name of my eatery for an abortion drug.

Luckily most people won’t mistake the two, especially since RN74 is the Seattle outpost of Celebrity Chef Michael Mina. I don’t know much about Michael Mina, other than his celebrity status and that he has another RN74 in San Francisco. But I was curious about this place so of course I decided to check it out.

Pretzels ($8) weren’t pretzels per se, in that they weren’t actually pretzel shaped. This of course brings up a strange paradox: can something actually be a pretzel if it isn’t pretzel shaped? After all, in cuisine, may times the shape of something is what defines it. Semantics aside, these nuggety nuggets of pretzel material were tasty: crusty brown outside, steamy and cloudy inside, the way your mom’s car windows get. This was accompanied by a tiny ramekin of sweet mustard.

Maitake Mushroom Tempura ($10) was awesome in its sheer simplicity. The waitress described these as being “mushroom clouds” but I wouldn’t go quite that far with the hyperbole. If I were the waitress I’d describe the tempura as “fungus vapor,” and then I would follow that up with the disclaimer that the fungus vapor is as delicious as that description is disgusting. But my gross verbal meandering doesn’t do the tempura justice. The batter was light. The mushrooms were airy, without a trace of grease. I wish RN74 would fry everything on its menu.

Tomato Soup “Fondue” was awesome. $9 got us a plateful of small cubes of grilled cheese sandwich.

With the grilled cheese cubes was a ramekin of tomato soup for dipping, set over a little alcohol lamp which existed pretty much only to justify calling this dish “fondue.” The grilled cheese was a technical marvel: in cross section it was about ¾” thick. Thin layers of bread sandwiched a slim strip of melted gruyere. Sadly there was way too much soup, so we resorted to scooping it directly out of the fondue pot. They cleverly made the soup tart, maybe a little too tart to be eaten by itself, with the expectation that it would be mellowed out by the grilled cheese. Also, the spoons suck: they’re too skinny in cross section, and too deep, and it’s difficult to get all of the soup out of the bowl of the spoon without looking like you’re going down on the spoon.

Lobster Corn Dogs were, for $12, a total ripoff.

The golden brown batter was masterfully constructed, but the lobster meat was, strangely enough, the worst part of this corn dog. Actually that isn’t so strange because lobster sucks. Let’s just face it. Lobster is just a big, expensive, bland shrimp. They could’ve made a fucking badass corndog with a regular hotdog inside it and charged half the price and that corn dog would have been good enough to fellate.

The Hass Avocado Louie with crab cakes ($21) was unfortunate. The original Crab Louie salad is pretty gross. This one is no upgrade, and was even worse because it was too symmetrical. The plate was

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cleanly divided into perfect bilaterally symmetrical halves, with some romaine hearts in the center, four grape tomato halves (two on each side of the plate), two neatly carved demilunes of pickled cucumber, two farty hard-boiled egg halves, and two precisely shaped crab cakes. Beneath it all was a subterranean stream of gloopy orange dressing. The crab cakes themselves were tasty, but in the quest to make them as cylindrically shaped as possible, they used very finely shredded crab meat instead of lump crab, which would have been unfortunately too chaotic for RN74 from a presentation standpoint but way fucking tastier.

Roasted Mad Hatcher Chicken ($18) was fucking tasty. A golden brown chicken breast tenderloin was succulent and melty like when your girlfriend comes home drunk, and topped with a crisp bronze sash of skin. Underneath was a pile of truffled mac and cheese, but all that truffling effort was lost because underneath THAT was a pool of demiglace so rich and flavorful, it totally wiped out any truffle flavor.

Honestly I’m waiting for someone to come up with mac and demiglace instead of mac and cheese because I’m getting tired of fancy mac and cheese that claims to use some kind of fancy cheese but just ends up tasting yellow. Whereas macaroni and DEMIGLACE? That would be so fucking awesome it would rock the ever living fuck out of your face. Garnishing the roast chicken were a couple tiny cute carrots that rolled around in the demiglace too, becoming even more delicious because, you know, there was shitloads of demiglace all over those carrots. And that, my friends, is the most times I have ever typed the word “demiglace.” Demiglace.

We closed out with profiteroles ($10). This was probably one of the most awesome desserts I’ve eaten in a while. When I was a kid I liked every kind of sweet shit, as most kids do, but these days I’m suspicious of anyone who would waste calories on sugary crap instead of foie gras or some awesome thing like that.

But these profiteroles were great, with one exception, which I’ll get to in a second: crunchy chocolate mushroom caps of pastry topped balls of rocky road ice cream, with a pastry crème stem on the bottom, and little dollops of cream These awesome dessert ‘shrooms were what I imagine the magical bigefying mushrooms from Super Mario Bros taste like. And truly, those profiteroles embiggened me with their delightful chocolatey flavor. The only flaw, as I mentioned earlier, was a big streak of Nutella which snaked between the profiteroles and looked like a smear of dog shit on a sidewalk.

RN74 is what, when I was a kid, I imagined “fancy restaurants” were like. The presentations are precise and everything is very well executed. If there’s one flaw in Celebrity Chef Michael Mina’s vision it’s that, as with the lobster corndogs and the Crab Louie, the execution of these dishes sometimes gets in the way of the flavors, which is too godammned bad. I suppose that’s the price of celebrity.

Rating: 8 celebrities out of 10

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Anatomy of a Hangover

by Emily Eufinger

6245 Gravois, St Louis

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weet dawn alights upon the windowsill, dewy morn coaxing heavy eyelids unclosed. The sparrow’s happy song sounds a melodious dance to greet daybreak; all the night’s transgressions forgotten beneath a blanket of virgin snow aglitter with radiant sunbeams.

Yet inside, all is agony. First light brings searing pain stabbing through the retina; walls and ceiling spin indistinguishably in a whirl of confusion. The slightest whisper feels like a spur-shoed elephant tap dancing along the parietal bone. As life comes into focus, the first understanding is unmitigated horrendous physical torment. Comprehension brings only misery; with each realization—each memory of the evening’s malfeasance—the affliction increases exponentially. The body cries out for sustenance with a rumble that penetrates to the bowels, hunger playing patty-cake on the guts. This is anguish to make men pray for sweet, sweet death; for surely to die would be the only end to this suffering.

There may be no rest for the wicked, but there is a bar for them.

Shamble, stumble, or stagger on down to Walkers for protein and starch to soak up all the greasy sins of weekend debauchery. Start off with a Bloody Mary for a little lubrication to jog that memory.

Order five more to erase it again. At Walkers, they know your pain, that’s why they have weekly drink specials to ease the squeeze on the wallet, and the post-party headache.

The menu is simple and straight forward, so there’s no added strain on an already aching brain.

They serve what you expect to see on a pub menu— wings, burgers, soups, salads, sandwiches—but with made-from-scratch breadings, batters, and dips, and house-made wing sauce and salad dressings.

Giant flakes of salt adorn the Hand-Cut French Fries ($3), absorbing any residual liquid sin fermenting in the liver.

The White Cheddar Mac & Cheese ($4) is a warm gooey cloud of forgiveness; the Thick Mashed Red Potatoes and Rosemary Mushroom Gravy ($3) are pillowy and comforting.

For the culinary masochist, the demonic spices gilding the Cajun Dry Rub Wings ($8) will put some pain on both ends of the body—coming and going—but they’re cooked to perfection: crisp outside and juicy inside.

The always-effective burger charges down the gullet like a knight in shining armor atop a blazing stallion, accompanied by an overeasy egg, cracked black pepper bacon, chili, and cheddar cheese. Walkers knows this is no ordinary burger, and has thus aptly titled this behemoth The Hangover ($8).

So the next time you wake up naked on the floor of a stranger’s kitchen, feeling like some evil night creature ate you and then crapped you off a cliff, there is a hangover cure-all clinic named Walkers with the remedy to nurse you back to a fair approximation of a human being. You can wash away the depravity of the previous night, rinse your conscience as clean as your memory, and start all over again. In case you block out the address as well as 12-14 hours of your life, go to www.walkersrestaurantandbar.com for more information.

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Love is in the air this February, my passionate Aquarius. The scent of long stemmed roses

that fills the air this time of the year once again haunts your thoughts of meeting that perfect someone, your special Valentine, before the 14th passes you by once again. Year after year the online dating services fail you. So does speed-dating and church groups for singles. I understand your irritation. As hard as you try to prove your worth to the opposite sex, whether it be through your six figure income, your sleek car or downtown condo, nothing seems to catch that special someone’s eye. And who are you kidding, that special someone is really that special anyone who will have you, regardless of your fast car, fat job or downtown condo.

So. What does all this mean for you this Valentine’s Day? For starters, watch for the signs. Forget about Hollywood tales of love and glamour. They’re out of your reach, so don’t dwell on them. I know it will be a difficult task to conquer, much tougher than dropping cigarettes and coffee at the same time was last month. How could it not be when the media and fairy-tale fortune tellers flood your mind with all the latest dating gossip of other Aquarius, like Eddie Van Halen, Henry Rollins and Christina Ricci.

We both know that you’re not the swiftest fish in the sea of beauty and charisma; for that fact, you’re not even a fish. But it could always be worse... far worse.

Don’t be embarrassed. I sense your lust burning through the seat of your pants as you drive down Aurora on your way to work, instead of taking the quicker route, I-5. You like to tell friends that the ride is a bit more scenic, peaceful and less congested. All true. But it’s the scenic part of your reasoning that you leave lingering in the air that should worry you this month. Is it really Mt. Rainier that you speak of or the bush walking along Highway 99?

Your desires are understandable, and if nothing more, human. Let me put your mind and soul at ease. There’s nothing wrong with finding companionship by the hour or evening as we both know you can easily afford it. Of course, it is against the law, so maybe you should look elsewhere than Aurora for your Valentine’s Day date this year. We both know that you can’t, nor won’t. It’s not about the money, either, is it my horny Aquarius? This is about a hidden fetish for dominance, stemming from your childhood and a mother’s obsession with control that crossed the line one too many times. It now seems that it’s your own control slipping out of sight. Wh at can you do before it’s too late?

For starters, the newfound dedication to your church isn’t going to help quell your lustful thoughts, nor will your door-to-door fund-raising. Prayer certainly hasn’t helped, so don’t expect miracles in a stronger commitment to the lord almighty. You’ll only be disappointed in the end. And where the “end” could be this month for you is much worse than masturbating to weird porn on the patio of your condo.

Your obsession with dominance and control could land you in the slammer. I know you think it can’t happen to you, but that’s what another famous Aquarius thought too. He used to drive up and down Aurora believing that prostitutes were like “drugs do to a junkie.” Of course he meant this after he killed them and then had sex with them.

Before it’s too late, know that you have been warned this dreary February. If you fail to heed it, you might share the same fate of another famous Aquarius, Seattle’s own Thomas Newton Ridgeway, better known as Gary Ridgeway. So take my advice: Go down the road to your local porn shop and have them turn you on to some twisted porn, buy a bottle of wine, then go out on your patio and toss your cookies to your overpriced view of Lake Union. It’s a lot better than the slammer and spending nights with Big Bubba and his gang. At least I would think so...

Disclaimer: For all you crazy, fucking weirdos out there, this horrorscope is for entertainment purposes only.

It does not in any shape or form depict any real characters or situations in your near future. So please don’t kill anyone. Killings bad, MmmKay...

written by Chuck Foster

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or most of us, Valentine’s Day is a tradition associated with lovers expressing their feelings for each other by giving flowers, confectionery, greeting cards, and enjoying a romantic meal before a night of making love. While that notion may fever the 99% of us every February, the remaining 1% often concocts more sinister plans, like murders and assassinations, which was the case on the morning of Thursday, February 14, 1929 in Chicago, Illinois – commonly known as “The Saint Valentine’s Day massacre”.

Although never convicted of the brutal execution of 7 mobsters, Al Capone was the alleged architect of The Saint Valentine’s Day massacre, which was a prohibition era conflict between Chicago’s South Side Italian gang led by Capone and the North Side Irish gang led by Bugs Moran. Whether or not Valentine’s Day had any significance in the planned murders, when five members of the North Side Gang, plus gang collaborators Reinhardt H. Schwimmer and John May, were lined up against the rear wall of the garage at 2122 North Clark Street and executed, is not known. What is known about that fatal morning, according to eyewitnesses, is that two of the shooters were dressed as “uniformed police officers” and were seen leading two others involved in the execution at gunpoint out of the garage after the shooting.

Investigators believed that Capone’s plan was to lure Bugs Moran and a few of his closest associates to the SMC Cartage warehouse and garage on North Clark Street to inspect a stolen shipment of whiskey being sold at a cut-rate by Detroit’s Purple Gang, also associates of Capone’s. This theory, though, has been questioned as Moran’s men were each dressed in suits and hats, which may not have been appropriate attire for loading crates of stolen whiskey. Then again, this was the common attire at the time for all mobsters.

According to the investigation Moran was Capone’s main target, however, only part of his gang had arrived at the warehouse that morning. While Capone’s assassins patiently awaited Moran’s arrival, Moran and his associate, Ted Newberry, noticed the suspicious police car pull up outside of the warehouse and ducked into a coffee shop. It was there that the two flagged two other members of their gang on the way to the garage, Henry Gusenberg and Willie Marks. Unfortunately for the other members, they did not receive any warning.

And while Moran escaped a deadly fate, his associate Albert Weinshank did not, as it is believed that he was mistaken for Moran as the two shared physical similarities.

Witness outside the garage stated seeing four men enter the garage, two dressed as police officers. They then reported hearing numerous rounds fired from what they assumed to be machine guns and shotgun blasts. When the four left the garage the two men dressed in police uniforms escorted the other two men at gun point with their hands in the air to produce the illusion that the cops had apprehended the killers. According to the coroner’s report, the seven men were shot repeatedly, and the faces of John May and James Clark were unrecognizable from shotgun blasts. Frank Gusenberg was the only survivor, sustaining 14 bullet wounds, but never identified who shot him or acknowledged that he was even shot when questioned by the police, stating “Nobody shot me!”

So sinners, while you’re planning your Valentine’s Day dinner with your special someone, be weary of deals on flowers and candies that seem to good to be true... Especially if you’re a gangster, as you might find yourself shot through the heart with a bullet, not Cupid’s arrow!

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Think Outside The Cage with Kendra Holliday of The Beautiful Kind

How Do I Get My Mojo Back?

Dear Kendra, I have a horribly embarrassing problem.

My husband and I have been married for five years now and been together for ten years. Our first four years were amazing.

Four months after marriage we became pregnant with our only child. I suffered a horrible pregnancy that was a constant struggle. Everything made me ill, I was homebound. My poor husband couldn’t even enjoy pregnancy sex.

After our child was born I was told to wait six weeks before having sex.

However, during the birth I tore and had stitches - this would lead to another three months of excruciating pain. It turns out I got an infection and had to have surgery.

After that I had to endure another six months of painful burns to remove the scar tissue from my surgery.

Just as we were beginning to be us again with a decent sex life and our usual sexual explorations with polyamory, I became overwhelmed with jealousy with my husband and another woman.

We truly love each other and began to let the healing begin with some very harsh reality lessons. It has been almost a year now since we have started over and are facing another problem which is where I am in need of your help.

After all of this we have continued to enjoy each other in almost every way. However, we can’t seem to get sex right. I ride him and as I cum, I cum so hard that I lose all concentration and lose rhythm because of the overwhelming ecstasy. Because of this he loses his hard on. We have tried so hard to work the kinks out.

He worries that something is wrong with him since if the repetition doesn’t keep up, he immediately loses his hard on. But I know it is me because he had a threesome with some friends of ours and he came and he wasn’t even that attracted to her.

Since we are polyamorous, everything is on hold for now because I’d be crushed if he finds a girlfriend and she can satisfy his needs. He is my everything. I want to have sex where we are both satisfied. I can please him orally every time, but he wants to cum inside of me and I can’t get him there.

I wiggle in all the wrong ways.

I thought that sex was supposed to be better after baby. We try and try, and fail. I don’t want to have a sexless marriage. We have gotten our emotions back on track, but not our bodies. Please help. ~In Need Dear In Need, It took me a year to recover post-baby, but the sex was better. However, I didn’t go through the vaginal hell you went through!

You have a lot of issues at play here, and it would be best for you to see a gynecologist for a physical check up, and then a sex therapist for both of you - it would take a few sessions to work the kinks out. At this point you have so much anxiety built up that there’s a vicious circle going. You’re obviously feeling guilty and inadequate.

Why don’t you try switching some things up for a while? Try you getting off first, then he gets a turn. Instead of you being on top, let him be on top or try different positions like doggy style and spooning. Let him be in charge and control the pace. Take yoga, or learn how to belly dance.

And until you two get to a point when you are in sync again, it’s fine to take a few steps back. Start with one week of cuddling with clothes on. Then work your way down the bases, rediscover yourselves - you’re not the same people you were five years ago.

And I just have to point out that if the two of you try everything (including therapy) and still find that your emotional and physical needs are not being met, then it may be that you are no longer compatible, and that is no one’s fault. So many couples cling desperately to something familiar, even if it’s painful, because they fear the unknown. And likely the unknown is a happier, healthier place.

ask@thebeautifulkind.com www.thebeautifulkind.com Got a sex, relationship, BDSM or fetish related question? Ask your local sexpert, Kendra Holliday, Writer & Editor of The Beautiful Kind, and Co-Founder of Sex Positive St. Louis.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

This, I Shamelessly Tell You Learning to ‘respect the spine’ after a fall happens after the ‘snowpocalypse’, and other tales along the way to becoming further ‘James’

by James Stansberry

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North St Louis Mandina’s 1319 St Louis Ave Dutch Town Friendly’s 3503 Roger Pl South County Steel & Ink Studio 3561 Ritz Center MOFO The Silver Ballroom 4701 Mofo Rd at Itaska Tin Hat 3157 Mofo Rd South City Shameless Grounds 2650 Sidney The Heavy Anchor 5226 Gravois

Jefferson Ave Bistro 3701 S Jefferson Ave Cherokee District Apop Records 2831 Cherokee St Downtown Crack Fox 1114 Olive St Soulard Shanti Tavern 825 Allen DB’s Sportsbar 1615 S Broadway Laclede Landing Show Me’s 724 N 2nd St Big Daddy’s 118 Morgan St

Affton Bob’s Liquor 9347 Gravois Rd Overland Just Bill’s 2543 Woodson Rd Priscilla’s 10210 Page Ave Central West End 34 Club 34 N Euclid Tom’s Bar & Grill 20 S Euclid The Grove Just John’s 4112 Manchester Ave The Atomic Cowboy 4140 Manchester Ave

t’s almost something to laugh about. Well, now that I’m not in agony every time I sit up it is.

That something being that I got through the entire snowpocalypse (this is what folks called the minor, but debilitating snowfall that Seattle and all of Western Washington went through a few weeks ago--okay “minor” compared to say, the Northeast) without so much as stumbling, then after the snow melted, I fell down in my own living room.

Luckily my darling slave/sweetie was on hand to help me back to my feet, but once up, I understood very clearly why the spine must be respected. Can we say, ouch, ouch, ouch and ouch again? So, two days and many Alleve gelcaps later, I’m at least able to sit up without feeling like I’ve got concrete at the base of my spine. Thanks to the chiropractor we see, I’m walking normally (unlike years ago, when I fell on a Metro bus, thanks to a bad attitude, super speedy driver who took off too fast, sending me flying). I don’t think I’ll ever take my sweet, little spine for granted again, trust me.

On the bright side, business is picking up for both sweetie and me, and we’re getting to be even happier with my new place (nothing like being able to easily park on a Saturday night!), and now that the snow’s melted, we’re both looking forward to spring in the new neighborhood.

Still trying to get my rent bill settled down to a figure my over-stretched budget can handle, but the new building’s nice counselor--a lovely Asian man with a delightfully British accent (reminds me of a Chinese character from my fave show, Torchwood)--is helping me, so I’m feeling more confident than I was when I wrote about this in my last column.

Keeping these fingers crossed, because honey and I want to move forward with all kinds of adventures this year including, hopefully, doing a little traveling. Hey, it’s on the wishboard, so to me, it’s just about done!

Also, hoping to add more items to the James wardrobe, and maybe, maybe get the courage to finally walk bravely into a men’s room as the man I’m becoming, without worrying about having to deal with some guy glaring at me on the other side of the ‘men’s’ door. For now, though, I’m just glad to be sitting here writing this, without my spine screaming in pain. What comes next in Dragon Year we’ll just see, but so far it’s looking better.

This, I shamelessly tell you.

For a complete list of our distibution points, log on to www.facebook.com/saintlouissinner

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Seattle, WA