Bubba Examines the America’s Cup
B
ubba Whartz, holder of a Coast Guard six-pack license and the all-around champion of guys who simply slip through the cracks of life, had his red baseball cap on, the one with a Peterbilt emblem on it, as he spoke with conviction about the state of highly competitive sailing to Doobie. Doobie is the bartenderette at The Blue Moon Bar, a hangout of a disparate gang of characters in Sarasota, FL. She doesn’t take any flak from anyone, but she is also distressingly good-looking, has a gorgeous figure and usually wears leather britches that fit her so well that when she bends over to pick something up behind the bar all conversation at the bar stops, as if the assembled multitude of male customers were struck mute. I was in the bar as Bubba expressed his feelings about sailing. They were, however, not addressed to me, those remarks; they were directed at Doobie. I’m not certain how much Doobie knows about sailing. For certain I know more. Doobie, on the other hand, is a much more attractive vessel to fill with information. I have whiskers. Doobie does not. And I wear trousers that look like my haberdasher had learned his trade in Pakistan. Doobie, in her tight leather pants, looks as if her clothing had been designed by God. If angels looked like Doobie, I would change my wicked ways today, tomorrow for sure. “It’s like the irresistible force meeting an immoveable object,” Bubba was saying, staring at Doobie, who was busy with behind-the-bar tasks. “Doobie,” continued Bubba, “some sailing has gotten so complicated and dangerous now that what used to be a sport of gentlemen is a lot more like NASCAR racing, just a great deal more expensive.” Doobie looked at Bubba for a second and he, encouraged, continued. “I don’t know what a truly competitive NASCAR automobile costs to campaign these days,” Bubba said. “Maybe a whole year might cost as much as a million bucks. Some of
those costs are, of course, defrayed by selling participating sponsorship to various companies. The companies pay a big price and get their names on the cars. I may not be exactly right on all of this, but companies like Hooters, Sunoco, Budweiser and Home Depot are big players on the NASCAR racing circuit. “So let’s say we are talking a million, just for argumentative purposes. And NASCAR racing is real popular. It gets television coverage all year long. You see those cars going round and round the track, endlessly. Sometimes there are wrecks, even cars catching fire. Cars flip upside down. Cars run into each other. The drivers’ compartments are built like forts. They have roll bars and other technology I cannot even speak of because I don’t know enough. The drivers wear Nomex suits to keep them from being incinerated if their car catches fire. The suits work most of the time. “But a big wreck, cars going every which away, plowing up the infield grass, hitting the wall, spinning out and being destroyed by other cars going just as fast are part of what makes the fans at the track lick their lips. The specter of death or serious injury is a huge attraction. There are people who still have Dale Earnhardt’s car number, 3, on their own cars as a way of paying homage to Earnhardt, who was killed at Daytona in 2001.” “America’s Cup sailing,” the live-alone, live-aboard sailor continued for Doobie’s benefit—I was definitely on the sidelines in this discussion, “is getting to the point where someone is going to get killed. The boats, the IACC cats that are made with materials more suitable for NASA than sailing, because of their extreme cost and the advanced technology it takes to make them, are getting so dangerous that people sailing them are wearing helmets, crash helmets, like the NASCAR people are required to wear. “There was a time, a long time ago, when gentlemen who raced large sailing yachts in competition like the VISIT US AT THE ST. PETERSBURG BOAT SHOW NOV. 29-DEC. 2 BOOTH 132
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December 2012
SOUTHWINDS
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