"The act of expressing your feelings to another person is essential."

“The act of expressing your feelings to another person is essential.”

When entrepreneur Rob Goddard was depressed, he wanted to end his life. But thanks to the support and advice of a friend, he was able to move past those feelings. As a published author, speaker and business leader, Rob wants to encourage men who are fighting issues relating to depression and anxiety to talk and listen to each other. We speak to Rob about the second edition of his book “Suicide to Success” and discover more about his mindset and what we can do to effectively support those in need.

Rob is a hugely successful businessman; he’s hadhappy and healthy relationships and has six children.However, he has also been negatively impacted bydepression and anxiety. In 2012, Rob was strugglingto cope and decided that he wanted to end his life. Alocked fire exit door and the advice and support of hisfriend Alex changed his mind, and he’s since becomean advocate for opening up conversations about mentalhealth amongst men.

During our interview with Rob, he repeatedly refersback to the fact that he’s not a qualified medical orhealth professional, he’s simply someone who has beenthrough difficult times and is happy to talk about hispersonal experiences. It is clear that Rob is incrediblypassionate about being able to provide support toothers; after all, suicide is the single biggest killer ofmen under the age of 45 in the UK. It is the cause of 18deaths per day.

The second edition of his book “Suicide to Success”is a personal autobiography outlining his thoughtsand feelings at the time of his depression, and anexplanation of how he overcame those feelings. It’s aninspiring read and one which social workers can useas a valuable tool when supporting anyone affected bydepression and anxiety.

Tracking the book as it travels around the globe.

At the very start of the book, there is an innovativesignatory whereby readers are encouraged to sign thebook and pass it onto others. It’s a way of tracking tosee how far it travels, and how many people have beenhelped by Rob’s story. It’s an inspirational idea and onethat has personal meaning for him.

He says: “We all know the meaning behind the‘message in a bottle’ and there’s something inspiringabout sending out a message and not knowing whowill read it, or where it will end up. I always say thatanyone can buy a book online, but it’s the personalrecommendations and stories behind how that bookhas helped someone which will really make an impact. Ilove the idea that readers can sign this book and leavemessages in the back which could really help someonein their time of need. I wrote my first book four yearsago and my motivation was to help one person. I maynever know them but just knowing that it could help justone person, ten people or even a hundred people is anincredible feeling.”

Rob has made it his mission to pass his book on to asmany people as possible. He regularly leaves copiesbehind in railway stations, cafes and even airports;places where people wouldn’t expect to find them. Hehopes that this approach means that somebody couldfind a copy when they need it most. This desire to helpothers was behind his decision to donate all royaltiesfrom the book directly to the mental health charityCampaign Against Living Miserably (CALM).

Open communication is vital.

“The act of expressing your feelings to another personis essential. Suicide doesn’t kill; it’s isolation that kills”Rob Goddard

Rob is clear that we need to encourage men to be moreopen and honest about their thoughts and feelings. He believes that it’s time for men to talk and listen to each other; it’s a conversation that is becoming increasingly more mainstream but there is still progress to be made. When asked why he thinks some men find it so hard to reach out when they are struggling to cope, Rob thoughtfully replies:

“I could give several reasons why. I’m not a medical professional or a psychologist, but in my experience, as men, we tend to be much less sociable than women. When we do talk to our friends, it’s generally related to facts. You might find us talking about careers, money, houses, cars or sport – everything is very factual. And if we take that factual approach, we need to be shocked by the statistics that show three times as many men take the decision to end their lives.”

“It took three years for me to publish my book and tell my story because I was concerned what people would think about me in business community. I didn’t want to seem weak but ultimately a friend pointed out that all anyone wants is honesty. I believe that there is a big issue because men are less communicative, and when someone feels anxious or depressed, they tend to isolate themselves. It’s this isolation which is the problem. If you’re suffering from depression, you don’t want to be a burden on someone. You don’t want to admit that you’re not perfect.”

He adds: “There’s also a generational thing. When I’ve had conversations with others who have been through the same feelings, a common theme is that they feel ‘less of a man’ – particularly if it’s been sparked through a loss of a job or income. Historically, society has positioned men as the ‘providers’ so if they feel that they’ve let themselves, or others down, it’s really difficult to talk about. Ultimately, it’s a huge combination of factors and it’s not just relevant to the UK, but the whole world.”

Practical tips to show support.

In the book, Rob has created a dedicated bookmark – one side showing how to find someone to talk to and the other detailing how to spot the signs that someone may be in trouble. Rob believes that both sides of the bookmark are equally important.

Rob says: “I only needed one person to change my life, but others may need two or even more people to help stave off what they were planning to do. I acknowledge that suicide is an incredibly difficult subject to discuss. The person in need of help certainly won’t want to talk about it, and it can be difficult to open up the conversation without a fear of triggering something. But we need to be in a place where we can say to our friends and family that we’ve noticed if they’ve been behaving differently. We need to move away from asking “Are you OK” – which can have a limited response, to “How are things with you?” – it’s a much more open question which leads to further conversations.

“I’m a firm believer in ensuring that they do not get away with evasive answers. That’s the wonderful thing about friends; they won’t let you off the hook because it’s coming from a place of love. I believe that to show support to someone, whether it’s a family member, a friend or even someone you’re supporting professionally, you need to be there to listen and ask questions without judgement. You can’t find instant fixes but just one conversation can make a big difference in preventing someone from isolating themselves or worse. I write about these topics and talk about them openly. I am a voice but I’m very aware that I can’t provide the solutions for people. The more we talk about it, the less of a taboo it is. The way we talk about mental illness and suicide has changed dramatically in recent years, and I want to encourage this to continue.”

Rob’s story is incredibly personal but extremely relatable to those who have had similar feelings and those experiencing them. He says that whilst he still has to be watchful of his own mental state, his experiences give him both a sensitivity to spot the signs in others as well as a credibility to talk about it. One tool that he uses to help himself is to always face his biggest fears head on.

“A confidence coach once asked me, what is the worst that could happen?” he says. “It was an interesting question because it forced me to really face my fear and it’s something I’ve continued to do. If I have a stressful situation, I ask myself the same question; it often takes away a lot of the stress and anxiety. It’s such a helpful tool to have at your disposal, and now I’ve asked myself that question so many times that it’s become a reflex for me.”

“When I was at my lowest point, my confidence was shot to pieces and I began working with the confidence coach to help me believe in myself again. She told me that I needed to change my perspective on life and consider what a ‘plan B’ would be. This is such a great strategy because it gives you hope for a brighter future. As long as you have a bit of hope, that’s enough.

It’s about helping someone to live in the moment.”

Find out more.

“Suicide to Success” can be bought on Amazon, with all royalties donated to CALM.

To speak with Rob about his experiences, you can visit robgoddard.co.uk or simply send an email to rob.goddard@robgoddard.co.uk

At Social Work News, we would like to pass on our copy of Suicide to Success to spread Rob’s message. If you would like to be entered into a free prize draw to receive our copy, please email us at press@ mysocialworknews.com