Bonus: The Scarlet Turkey #25

STURKEY

CARLET

The Independent Salford Rugby League Fanzine

“Sis, I thought everyone spoke French down here?”

This is a fanzine - an independent sports publication produced by fans for fans that attempts to be amusing and occasionally serious. It is not Hello! or OK magazine or an official programme.

This publication may not be suitable for people who lack a sense of humour. Mard types may find some of the content slightly offensive so they would be advised not to buy it.

Vingt Cinq

£0

Spring 2006

9th July 1988. Great Britain defeat Australia in the Third Test at Sydney 26-12.

“Enjoy it while it lasts boys. You never know, we might be playing for Salford in 10 years!�

Contents

25

Front Cover.....................................

Cover Blast From The Past.......................

Past Lets Talk Turkey The Editorial.......................................

Mystic Gino The mastermind, the cosmic mystic....

Ooh La La!!

A resume of Salford vs French teams..

ScarletTurkey Snapshot #25........

Super League XI Preview We take our annual brief look at our competitors......................................

Partners In Scribe We have a chat with Doncaster’s fanzine............................................

Red or Dead..................................

Mangetout, Rodney. Mangetout Our guide to common French phrases Alec Murky Whinging old get..............................

Super League Cinema...................

1 2 4 5 6 8 9

10 12 13 14 16

Inspirations - The crappy 1998 season, Fans opinions. The late great fanzines; The Tangerine Dream, Dream House of Pain and Wally Lewis Is Coming. George Orwell.

Gone since Issue 1 - Paul Carige, Jason Critchley, Garen Casey, Andy Platt, Henry Paul, Jason Haribo, Joe Bloggs, Andy Greg, Pete Waterman, Central Park, Valley Parade, The Valley, The Boulevard, The Fat Slags Wilderspool, Goulding, Neil Tunnicliffe, Hudson Smith, Malcolm White, Greg McCallum, Daredevil Duck, The Corvos, Kevin Ashcroft’s marbles, Aussieland, Paul Terzis, South of The Shed bogs.

The characters, events and situations portrayed in this publication are entirely fictional; any similarity with events or persons past or present is purely coincidental. Most of the contents are lies, half-truths and complete bullshit.

No animals were injured in the making of this fanzine and no genetically modified organisms are present. The opinons expressed in this fanzine, unless stated, are not the opinions of Forever Reds. This fanzine has no official connection with Salford City Reds Rugby League Football Club and they therefore cannot take any credit for the quality and ideas of the content within.

THE SCARLET TURKEY PO BOX 128 MANCHESTER M25 3BQ zine@scarletturkey.com www.scarletturkey.com

Back Copies: £1 per issue inc. P&P Cheques made payable to: ‘The Scarlet Turkey’

Next issue on sale: Bank Holiday Monday vs Harlequins Don’t put your hard earned on it it though

Lets Talk Turkey The Editorial

Welcome to the special downloadable freebie mini issue that is number 25 of the Scarlet Turkey. We haven’t suddenly become dead generous with this freebie, basically we realised in blind panic that there was no way we were going to be able to produce 20odd pages in 3 days and than 10 pages in 6 days was more likely to actually happen. The result being that you are now reading the first ever downloadable RL fanzine (as far as we know) and we expect to be doing a full issue 26 print version later this season.

As I write this it’s not a bad time to be a Salford fan – three wins from our first four games is probably something only our most optimistic fans would have expected. It’s fair to say that we did have a similarly promising start to last season too, but the manner of our wins this season and the teams we have beaten suggest that there is a genuine improvement on last season. The new signings that have been brought in seem to have really introduced some genuine competition for first team places that we realistically haven’t had in previous seasons – the superb form of Stuart Littler, now without a squad number in the first XIII, has shown illustrated this.

We certainly have more creativity in the team compared to last year, when Luke Robinson was relied upon so much. The presence of Dunneman

gives the team much more balance, and the added creativity of Wilshere and the options provided by Fitzy all combine to make us a better prospect with the ball in hand – undoubtedly a problem for us in previous seasons.

Hopefully things can pick up off the field too. Just looking at our playing kit you can see that sponsorship appears to be up, and it was well documented that our corporate hospitality was sold out for the Wigan game – that said, we are still regularly criticised for the (lack of) size of our crowds. The fact is, apart from London, no other club has as much competition (sporting, cultural and entertainment) as we do – couple this with nearly 30 largely barren (and often positively poor) seasons and we clearly have a challenge on our hands.

Inroads appear to be being made – the gate against Les Catalans was about 1000 more than I had expected, with the Shed fuller than it had been for at least 5 seasons. The Wigan crowd would no doubt have been comfortable higher too if it wasn’t for that blizzard in the hours before kick off.

With so many other local distractions it is difficult getting enough attention to create a bandwagon (unlike some RL towns where there is so little else to do that the clubs dominate awareness) so our crowd increases are likely to be incremental, but hopefully

we can keep them going in the right direction. The excellent new Channel M show, Code XIII can only benefit us, especially with awareness of the channel increasing – can any other club boast a pretty much dedicated local terrestrial tv show?

The next stage of off field development is clearly the stadium. The Wigan and Warrington teams that we beat were operating on a salary cap 50% higher than ours – what could we do if we could spend the same as these other clubs? That is what the new stadium will give us – if (when!) we get it cleared…..

At least we can say that the latest hurdle will more than likely be the final one. The planning inspectorate will be inviting comments from the main parties involved very soon, in response to the other parties statements. Then 4 weeks before the enquiry (as yet, no date has been set), the parties proofs of evidence which back up their original statements, are presented.

Throughout the process, comments by third parties (ie. us) are welcomed and will be acknowledged. So in essence, this is your chance to give the project a final push that it deserves.

Write your letters of support to: The Planning Inspectorate, 4/04 Kite Wing, Temple Quay house, 2 The Square, Temple Quay, Bristol, BS1 6PN Enjoy the season

The Ed

Mystic Gino Feeling hot-hot-hot, do do doo do etc. Or at least I was until I forsaw the kind of weather we’ll be having in Perpignan for the big Catalan tour de faust. Don’t bother bringing your shorts peeps, as Perpignan is a whopping two degrees warmer than Salford on average. To quote Paul Storey, “South of France, crock of shit”. Blast those Pyraneean cold fronts. Nevermind, I’m sure the Heiniken will be flowing long before kick-off as per usual. I suppose the only thing to worry about is bird flu. Which is precisely why I’m taking a packet of bird seed with my hand luggage. Pumped with anti-biotics and full of Trill goodness.

Yummy.

MG’s Predictions

11th March vs Wakefield (h) - It’s pretty easy to get carried away of late what with recent run of results and all. Aye, I forsee a win. Pundits say the key to beating Wakefield is to stop Solomona. Well we couldn’t stop him last year. In fact, he was the best player on the pitch by a long way in the Wildcats’ second visit to The Willows. Yet we hammered Wakefield 37-0. The key to stopping them is surely to wrap up and snub out Solomona’s second phase support?

WIN - 24-16 17th March vs Leeds (a) - Th,,,,oh piss off.

LOSS - 46-14 25th March vs Catalan Dragons (a) - Ole. We’ve been waiting for it for quite a while and it finally arrives. Plus we’ve got a realistic chance of winning.

Now be honest, are you really going to be that distraught if we end up getting beat over there? Arse.

WIN - 6-18 7th April vs Huddersfield (h) - Our recent record against these guys has been bloody well poor if we’re being honest. The simple fact here, is that we have to beat the Giants. Because just like Roy Cropper trying to cop off at the Playboy Mansion, our following fixtures aren’t pretty homes’.

WIN 24-22 Good Friday vs Warrington (a) - What a cracking day to play Warrington on. And at their place too! It’s a good job that it’s a cracking day out, because this is bound to hurt.

LOSS 52-12 Easter Monday vs Leeds (h) - Now to be fair, I already said piss off.

DRAW 0-0 21st April vs Saints (h) - You’ve always got to look forward to Stains at home. I don’t know why like...

LOSS 12-24

Ooh La La!!

W

e’re all aware later this month we embark on the next chapter of the Salford – Anglo-French story. On 25th of March we travel to meet Les Catalans Dragons over in Perpignan.

This will obviously be a mementos occasion for all clubs this season but more for Salford than most. Whether you agree with the French inclusion or not I’m sure you’ll agree we have some special links with the game over there.

This trip is not our 1st trip to

on the same day as they had beaten Wigan in Lancashire Cup Final at Station Road Swinton. They traveled through the night reaching France at 5.30am the next morning. Following a four hour trip to Paris they had lunch and amazingly played against a Paris XIII on Sunday 21st October. 11 of the team that had played just 24 hours earlier managed to take On that tour we were invited part in the game and went on by the French RL as we were to win a high scoring the tie 51 seen as the premier side in the UK. The squad traveled by – 36. Next stop was Lyon-Villerbanne on 27th October winTrain from Salford to Euston for a connecting train from Lon- ning 34-17. Just one day (yes one day) later, they met and don Euston at 17.45. All this beat Beziers 41-8. On the 1st of November they had traveled 60 miles to take on Albi for the start of a mammoth 3 games in just 4 days!!! Again the reds were victorious 44-5. Again the next day they played and won, this time beating XIII Catalan 41-16 and just two days later the curtain came down on the whistle stop tour with another convincing win this time over Villeneuve 34-10. the land of garlic, Berets & frogs legs! In fact it will be the clubs 6th trip. Our history with France dates back as early as 1934. And of course the famous “Red Devils” tour in the same year. On that occasion was lead by legendary AJ ‘Gus’ Risman (below) and the side was coach by Lance Todd.

After that tour the name The Red Devils became our Nickname after the programme form the Paris XIII had announced the visitors as Les Diables Rouges de Salford.

That game was also the 1st time Salford had played on a Sunday!!

Stats from the tour: V Paris XIII – 51-36: Tries: Bob Brown 2, Cliff Evans 2 Barney Hudson 2,

Risman, Billy Watkins, Aubrey Casewell, Jack Feetham & Emlyn Jenkins.

Goals: Gus Risman 9.

V Lyon-Villerbanne 34-17: Tries: Harold Osbaldestin 2, Bob Brown 2, Barney Hudson, Alf Middleton, Emlyn Jenkins & Cliff Evans.

Goals: Risman 5.

V Beziers 41-8: Tries Brown 3, Evans 2, Williams 2, Feetham & Dalton.

Goals: Jenkins 5, Person 2 V Albi 44-5: Tries: Hudson 3, Feetham 2, Brown, Risman, Watkins, Williams & Middleton.

Goals: Risman 6 & Watkins.

V XIII Catalan 41-6: Tries: Hudson 4, Osbaldestin 2, Day, Miller, Middleton, Watkins & Jenkins.

Goals: Jenkins 3 & Harris.

V Villeneuve 34-10: Tries: Osbaldestin 3, Middleton2, Feetham, Dalton & Jenkins.

Goals: Risman 5 The next time we visited France was 30th April 1975

when we took part in a sports festival in Marseilles. An under strength Red Devils played against a French national side losing 13-23 without key members of the side including David Watkins.

Then in 1984 to mark the 50th anniversary of the 1st tour the club was invited to this year’s location, Perpignan, to meet XIII Catalan. Again the reds were beaten this time by 7-8. Members of the 34 tour traveled over with the team

enjoyed success on French soil, winning 24-16. We actually met PSG 3 times in their short stint in Super League, Winning every time, once in the Challenge Cup and both league meetings.

But PSG isn’t the only French side to play at the Willows.

Way back in 1934 before the 1st tour, a French select side lead by the French legend Puig-Aubert, and the reds won 35-13.

We returned again in 1986 as part of the “Tournoi International de Paris” a four-team competition including XIII Catalan, Paris Chatillon and Barla Presidents XIII. Salford went on to win the competition Another first between the beating Barla 32-16 in the final. Salford and a French side was the first Sunday game at the 10 years later we were back in Willows when Cavallion were France, a rearranged Tuesday the visitors. Yet again Salford night game on the 2nd of July. won this time 43-10 scoring 9 tries.

We took on the new French side Paris St Germain at the And of course our 1st meeting Charlety Stadium in the outskirts of Paris. Again the Reds with Les Catalans Dragons last month, In which we did the damage (literally to Stacy Jones) early on and won the game 16-0.

So here’s to another great chapter in the story and lets hope it’s a good one. Hope to see you all there.

Les Diables Rouges The Spirit of ’34!

Scarlet Turkey Snapshots

#25

Hi-sixes all rou Castleford as tnd in achieve promot he Tigers to Super Leagu ion back e

Super League XI A-Z Bradford

Best Thing about: We don’t have to go there again Worst thing about: “Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully, Wooly Bully” Most Likely to: Have out of form players picked for GB Least Likely to: See Newton play more than 10 games. Finish Odsal.

Castleford

Best Thing about: Taking their end Worst thing about: Have you seen Deliverance?

Most Likely to: Bring Brad Davis out of retirement again.

Least Likely to: Have all pack free from suspension.

Les Catalans

Best Thing about: Cheap flights.

Worst thing about: Stifling heat for the players in July.

Most Likely to: Have squad decimated by flu.

Least Likely to: Play their home games in the venues first listed. Get relegated.

Harlequins

Best Thing about: Finally seem to have a home ground.

Worst thing about: The kit they got lumbered with for using the ground.

Most Likely to: Serve warm beer.

Least Likely to: Stick to our original fixture date.

Huddersfield

Best Thing about: The usual pub crawl.

Worst thing about: The usual hangover.

Most Likely to: Say Robbie Paul is the one of the best players in the world. And so is Michael De Vere.

Least Likely to: Half-fill their ground.

Hull

Best Thing about: It’s 100 miles away and will be under water by 2050.

Worst thing about: The group of scroats that goad away fans from the corner of the East Stand.

Most Likely to: Have chairwoman mistaken for a bloke.

Least Likely to: Field a player with a decent haircut.

Leeds

Best Thing about: Loads of decent pubs in the area Worst thing about: Being a Friday we don’t get enough time to enjoy them… oh, and we never win there.

Most Likely to: Never give McAvoy a game Least Likely to: Lose to Salford – only team we’ve not beaten in Superleague.

St Helens

Best Thing about: Often great to watch.

Worst thing about: Not so great to watch them hammer you.

Most Likely to: Rain when we play there Least Likely to: Have a season with no off field controversy

Wakefield

Best Thing about: Beltin’ piss up Worst thing about: We always under perform there.

Most Likely to: Beat a top team and then suffer a humiliating defeat.

Least Likely to: Lose at home to Salford.

Warrington

Best Thing about: Dead easy to get to.

Worst thing about: Drums.

Most Likely to: Bleat about being a massive club.

Least Likely to: Sing without the aid of a drum.

Wigan

Best Thing about: Beating them, which is nice Worst thing about: Fridays, bring back Sunday Most Likely to: Play at Orrell.

Least Likely to: Give their coach time.

Partners In Scribe

Shit title, but you get the idea. We have a bit of a chinwag with the main bods inlvolved with other Rugby League fanzines.

#1 - Who The Hell Was St George Anyway?

Doncaster Lakers

There can’t be many clubs in Rugby League that have been through the mill as much as Doncaster have over the last decade. Which of course, makes writing a fanzine that much easier. Although the writers at Doncaster’s Who The Hell Was St George Anyway? will hardly agree that’s it’s merely a piece of cake. Mind you, it takes some doing to be continiously releasing issues for going on 11 years. We recently caught hold of their editor Jemmo for a cheeky chat.

Turkey:’Who the’...is the longest running club fanzine in RL™. When did it all begin and why?

Jemmo: It was shortly after the Dons relaunched as the “Dragons” in 95. I was a member of one of the lesser branches of the supporters club and me and my brother had this idea for a one of rag to make a bit of money for the fledgling club. No one else in the group seemed that interested except for to come up with some quite dodgy name...’The Dragozine’ being the most cringeworthy suggestion i remember of off the top of my head. After we did this “one off” people kept asking if we’d do another...which we did...then another...then another...and it’s kind of kept going since then regardless of if anyone has told us to stop.

We take it your relationship with the club is a good one?

Yeah it always been very good, coaches have come and gone, chairman have been 10pence a dozen and we’ve had more than our fair share of players rotating but bare a few examples we’ve never had any problems with the club we hear from other fanzines. I remember a couple of players taking offence to some stuff but most of the time they made it worse for themselves. We even had the

chief exec defending us in the local paper once when Sheffield threw their dummy out...my proudest moment as fanzine editor (if you have time for an anecdote) Were there any previous influences from other RL fanzines or maybe Football fanzines?

I remember at the time Doncaster Rovers had about three different fanzines out...The Popular Side, Kevin Keagan Was Crap Really and Raise the Roof....we’d seen them a few times and though that didn’t look too hard.

There were also the stallwart of RL fanzines which was the Final Hooter from which I think we learned to pinch, plagurise and “gain influence” from everywhere. Also round that time I think there was the Satanic Mills at Leigh, London Calling and a couple from Saints, the names of which seem to slip my memory at the mo How have you managed to keep it going for so long? Are you like us where we now release the odd issue when we can be arsed?

JI know that feeling...It has been hard keeping it going at times, we took a bit of a gap year last year only releasing one issue when we played Cas at home (we’d have been silly to

miss the biggest home crowd of the season) but I’m hoping to get into full flight this year.

The problem always seems to be coming up with new ideas for things, the actual writing of stuff has never been that hard once the idea is in place. We do regularly fall back on the staple diet of anti-Seagulls and anti-Hull KR stuff but we know what the customer wants.

We have always wished we’d get a bit more done by the regular readers though How many issues are you up to then?

The last issue was Issue 55. I’m just glad we got rid of the same front cover with a different face in the armour being burnt by the Dragons early on cause we’d have run out of people a long time ago Sounds like you lot have had a lot of upheaval in the last 11 years.

None moreso than last year what with the chnage of colours, name and the untimely death of St John Ellis. How was 2005 as a Donny fan? Did the fanzine get more interest from disgruntled fans/ supportive fans/ the media etc?

2005 was indeed an interesting year as a Dons fan. It of course ended horrificly with news of St.John Ellis but it had it’s ups and downs before then. The whole “rebranding” has been the biggest issue of the last 12 months and something that has been a major talking point. Personally I never warmed to “The Dragons” massively anyway so the “The Lakers” is just as good/bad depending on your point of view, we’ve always been the Dons and always will be. This news came shortly after the chairman also announced going into the play offs that if we were to win the league we would not apply for promotion on that occasion which was probably sensible if ultimately dissappointing as a supporter.

But then the bomb shell came of the colour change and people weren’t happy. People saw the Blue and Gold as our link to the past of Tattersfield but as we have been notoriously unsuccesful for over 50 years this was a past

the current chairman was keen to distant the new era from. As we took our kind of year out last year it was probably bad timing as everyone suddenly wanted to have their say but there is a lot of stuff happening over here now with the relaunch, going full time in 2007 and a Stadium on it’s way up for next year so we’re hoping that will trigger some interest in the supporters voicing their views through the fanzine...forums don;t help a great deal though. One issue with the name change does however mean the name of the fanzine makes no sense what so ever..but we were here first Super League in 5 years then?

The plan is meant to be by 2009. The club have made no secret of the fact that they will try to get there the “proper” way but have always said they will apply for the South Yorkshire franchise that the RFL are keen for us to take if we haven’t won the GF before then. The whole future is revolving around the new stadium so we’re expecting something big from next year onwards.

How is the St John Ellis fund going?

Singes’ fund seems to be going great...all the other clubs have helped out so much. Even on Sunday a Batley fan road his bike pulling the guy in the bulldogs mascot suit from Mount Pleasant to Belle Vue to raise money and the first game at the new stadium is going to be a double header of The Dons v Cas and a game against 2 Super League sides to raise money.

How can people help/donate?

People can donate to the Memorial Fund at any high street bank, the account details are St John Ellis Memorial Fund; Barclays Bank; Sort code 20-35-84; Account No. 90392774. or by sending a check via the club to: St John Ellis Memorial Fund c/o Doncaster Lakers RLFC, Belle Vue Stadium,

Bawtry Road Doncaster, DN4 5HT. Donny have had a few ex-Reds in the past few years ie. Paul Mansson, Brad ‘Dr Evil’ Hepi, Peter Edwards and now of course Graham Holroyd. How did/are they getting on?

Peter Edwards joined the club in the so called “Singe Dream Team” of 2000. The team which by all rights should have won that league by a mile if we’d had a goal kicker in the infamous House of Pain season. He was always a fans favourite. Paul Mansson and Graham Holroyd have to go down as 2 of the greatest players the club have ever had. As with Craig Weston before them we’ve have a run of cracking stand offs. Holly this season so far seems to be back to his best with us and the game at Dewsbury aside has been ripping teams apart (currently stands as top scorer by some way).

Brad Hepi was...at best....Singe’s mate. is Graham Holroyd still a scruffy bastard?

Is this why he shaved his hair off to get rid of the nits?

He goes through phases. He’s done alright with the missus though.

Cast your mind back to 2003, when we played at your place. It’s still very much a game that sticks out for us lot in our National League tour. If it weren’t for a desperation Gavin Clinch pinch, you would have won the game. Do you reckon you deserved to win the match?

We’ve had a great run in recent years of beating the “big” club of the division. Leigh have found it notoriously difficult to win at Belle Vue and we were the only team to beat Huddersfield the year they spent in the then NFP. I honestly thought we were going to do it again against you lot but remember that pinch vividly...to be honest there’s been too much water under the bridge to remember if we deserved to win...but I can only assume we did...We certainly didn’t on the return game.

Now that was a beating. However when you unfurled that banner in the north stand, (“we’ll support you ever more”?) that was a classy moment.

Cheers...it took some painting too. We took a bigger one to Toulouse.

Cheers mate, you’re a gem...mo.

PS David Hodgson is doing my fantasy team a treat

Red or Dead

RED… Competition for team places … Salford City Council passing the station (even the Jimmy Saville lookalike) … New Zealand stuffing the Aussies … 96.2 The Revolution … no Leigh in superleague … England winning the Ashes (belated but deserved) … the Originaux banner … Manchester v Cancer gig at the MEN … Code XIII on Channel M … Ricky Gervais Podcasts … the Shed hammered out v Catalans … getting yards from penalties … punk football … Bill Hicks – Slight Return … flights and 4 nights in Perpignan for £120 … Robinson’s contract extension …

Alker being a top sport at the Turkey Awards do … New Order at the Apollo … skyscrapers … Mick Rock … getting our first win at the Halliwell Jones Satdium … having more than 1 halfback ... The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike ... League Weekly:‘Salford faithful top league for witty chanting” ...

MTV Dance between 2am and 4am ... Barney joining the PDC ... Chas’n’Dave at The Cavern ... www.lookalikes-susanscott.co.uk ... Rugby League 2 (don’t whinge, you’ve never had it so good) ... Ian Brown at the MEN ... Thirteen magazine ... Shudehill interchange bus station type thing DEAD… Sportspages going into receivership owing the Turkey over £200 … sub-zero summer rugby … more Friday away games … any tv show with “celebrity” in the title … Government Office for the North West calling the Stadium in … the price of the official trips to France … getting no media credit for our wins … the winter Olympics … more metrolink price rises … lazy touch judges … Coldplay … bent solicitors … BBC moving the superleague show around ... the Bradford Beer Festival running out of said product earlier than expected ... the lack of orange rugby balls in production ... anything by that whiney cunt James Blunt aka James Bland ... MTV Dance in general ... The BRITS - bring back Sam and Mick ... City Life

Mangetout Rodney, Mangetout!

ey’s guide The Scarlet Turk t so useful) no d to useful (an French phrases

Au Revoir. With hundreds of Reds heading overt to France this season, many of whom will have emptied their head of French at the end of school, we thought it only fair to lay on a quick crash course of the lingo…

Please talk slowly, my French is piss poor.

Parlez S’il vous plaît lentement, mon Français est des pauvres de pisse.

Do you serve Joseph Holts or any other hand pulled real ales?

Servez-vous Joseph Holts ou de autres vraies bières anglaises tirées par main?

Excuse me waiter, can you guarantee that this chicken did not die of bird flu?

Est-ce que le serveur, vous m’excusent peuvent garantir que ce poulet pas matrice de la grippe d’oiseau?

Excuse me mate, where are the bogs in here?

Est-ce que le compagnon, d’où les toilettes m’excusent sont dedans ici?

Where is the rugby ground?

Où est le rugby stade?

Wasn’t it a terrible shame that Stacey jones got injured at The Willows?

N’était-il pas une honte terrible que Stacey Jones obtient blessé aux The Willows?

Is there a chippy nearby?

Y a-t-il un chippy près?

Can we have the bill please?

Pouvons-nous avoir la facture S’il vous plaît?

That pass was miles forward Ce passage était des milles en avant Where is the railway station?

Où est la gare?

Of course it’s a real student card!

Naturellement c’est une vraie carte d’étudiant!

No, actually we are the original red devils. The French press gave us the nickname in 1934.

Non, réellement nous sommes les diables rouges originaux. La pression fFançaise nous a donné le surnom en 1934.

Is there an internet café round here where I can log onto scarletturkey.com?

Y a-t-il un café d’Internet rond ici où je peux noter sur scarletturkey.com?

We come from Salford, we come from Salford, we come from Salford, Lancashire Nous venons de Salford, nous venons de Salford, nous venons de Salford, Lancashire Oh my god, these Cadbury’s chocolates taste just like they do back home?

Oh mon dieu, ces chocolats de Cadbury goûtent juste comme ils soutiennent à la maison?

Excuse me steward, is there a designated area for us to hang banners?

Est-ce que l’administrateur, là m’excusent sont un secteur indiqué pour qu’accrochent-nous des bannières?

How ow on earth do you expect me to shit into that little hole?

Comment diable vous attendez-vous à ce que je chie dans ce petit trou?

Why are the pavements in this country covered in dog turd?

Pourquoi les trottoirs dans ce pays sont-ils couverts dans des fèces de chien?

Note: The Scarlet Turkey accepts no responsibility for the quality of these translations (blame google) and accepts no liability for loss incurred due to inappropriate use of these phrases (i.e if you get belted by a burly Frenchman then don’t blame is). Bonjour

Alec Murky

Whinging for the Turkey >> Apologies for getting stuck right into it from the off, but why break the habit of a lifetime. Malcolm Alker is in his testimonial year and this season he’s got an itinerary of events planned. Not that you’d know it though. In fact, if this was a printed copy of the Turkey you had just bought and you rarely went on the internet, it’d probably be news to you. Is it just me, or is support from the club vis-a-vis promoting the Testimonial fund a tad pish? We are talking about a player here who is poised to become a legend of this Rugby League club in a bonafide testimonial. Not a wishy washy Steve Blakeley-esque testimonial, like what Mike Wainwright is celebrating at Warrington.

But a full uninterrupted 10 years at the club, the vast majority of whch has been spent as a pivotal member of the squad. However, the organisation and promotion of this great player’s fund has been (thus far) slap dash at best.

Whereas Wainwright’s testimonial, which to be fair, is a faux one, is gathering at a pace. How many genuine testimonials do you get to celebrate these days? They are rarer than cavities in a hen’s tooth. In the last decade, who have Salford gad reach the 10 year milestone with the club? Mark Lee and Ian Blease?

Anymore for anymore?

We should be shouting from the rooftops that

Stevo couldn’t resist waving to the big screen

Alker has endured, yes endured ten years with us. It should be a priority. Why? Because what’s stopping Malc leaving for pastures new if he gets pissed off with the testimonial business. For Salford, this is uncompresable. Get it sorted, lets support the lad and give him the memorable testimonial he deserves. >> That being said, you have to congratulate the Reds. The visable branding and promotion of the club is as good as it has been for ten years or so. The corporate sponsorships are way up, there are more events put on by the club and there is more of aire of proffessionality around The Willows. And the Rugby side of matters doesn’t seem to be doing to bad either! The most impressive factor, and which has certainly come across this year, is that the commeraderie amongst the squad (as an outsider looking in) seems as jovial and close knit as it has been for yonks. Perhaps the fruits of Karl Harrison’s recruitment policies are really showing now. Not only does the coach aquire players who he thinks will be valuable additions on the pitch, he also assesses their nature off it and their individual personalities.

Harrison has compiled a unit in his own image, knowing the types of player who he feels will work for each other and this is clearly evident in the defensive column of the Super League XI table. Recently, Luke Robinson came out with a cracking quote about the increase competition for place in 2006; “Pressure makes diamonds”. Now it was most probably a pisstake, and to be fair he’s paying for it. Fellow squad members have gave him a ribbing about it on GMR phone-ins and TV appearnces alike.

Somebody is also cutting the toes off Malcolm Alker’s socks. All immature jokey stuff. But

it’s great to see. It’s obvious that the Salford squad are really getting on which each other.

And unlike during the latters years of the Gregory era, we don’t have to be told every week that the spirit in the camp is more than healthy. >> Better late than never, but how good was last year’s Challenge Cup final? A cracking match with numerous memorable incidents.

None moreso that the huge inflatable cock that caught the BBC unawares. However, nothing can top John Kear going for a burton live on air in front of millions. Magic. I must say I was surprised he could lift his head off the floor nevermind get back up again. After such a spectacle, it sparks the debate, should the Challenge Cup stay in Cardiff or migrate as planned to Wembley. Either way, do you really believe the FA will allow the first big sporting spectacle on the British calendar to be held there to be an RL event? The jury’s out... >> eBay is generally good for a laugh if nothing else. Some disgruntled wag recently had the insight to sell none other than Steve Ganson under the moniker of “Crimes Against Rugby League”. Obviously scorned by a performance they thought was biased towards Hull FC, the product description included the following: Offsides, forward passes...you name it, he missed it. Steve’s ambition is to take a long, sexy bath with the Hull FC squad after a cup final. >> It was great to see the Wigan match get

passed after a what can only be described as a blizzard hit the pitch about 15 minutes before inspection. The novelty of snow on the pitch was cracking. But where was the orange ball? >> “Oh yes, they’re the great pretenders (ooh-ooh)”. We’d kind of reserved this for Warrington, who’s rocky start to the season belied their projected image, which had been hyped beyond recognition in the off-season by all and sundry. However, the torch has to pass over to Wigan. Many tipped them for the top four nevermind the top six. It’s still early days but what’s going on at The JJB? Will Ian Millward pay the price for incuring the wrath of Uncle Mo? Are they just not all that good? >> There’s a number of anniversaries to celebrate this year. It’s 10 years since Salford defeated Wigan in the infamous Challenge Cup shock, marking the end of the Riversiders imperial reign over the sport; it’s 15 years since Salford defeated Halifax in the memorable 1991 Premiership Final at Old Trafford and 30 years since Salford last won the championship. More about those events in the next issue of the Turkey. It’s also 20 years since Geoff Selby played for a short spell at The Willows. In case you missed it, we’ll be printing a modfied version of an article we wrote about Geoff in the last issue of the excellent Thirteen magzine >> RESPECT - the RFL code of conduct. A doucment released by the said organisation about how fans, players and clubs should behave. If you can grab a copy, have a browse and while you’re at it, have a good ole chuckle.

I’d hazard a guess that if fans had to stick to this, there’d be no crowds left. Pure bollocks.