Ernie’s World
by Ernie Witham
Read more exciting adventures in Ernie’s World the Book and A Year in the Life of a “Working” Writer. Both available at amazon.com or erniesworld.com.
Raindrops Keep Not Falling on My Head…
R
ain in Southern California is so rare that television weather forecasters get excited over possible mist or wet fog. “Please use caution, roads might be damp tomorrow morning from six am until six forty-five am. If you don’t have to drive, wait until the pavement dries.” Many of us take advantage of these “stormy days” by racing out in the pre-dawn and wiping our cars down with this free drizzle. “See, I told you we owned a Ford.” We all have buckets in our showers to catch the warm-up water, and those of us who can still fit, often shower together. “Pass me the loofah, will ya?” “Can’t, I dropped the loofah and bending down is not an option.” We also only flush our toilets when company is coming over. And we do whatever we can to keep our plants alive. “Man, it’s hot today. I’m sweating like crazy.” “Quick! Go rub up against the hydrangeas.” Now I find out that rain is so rare in Southern California that they have EARTHQUAKE RETROFITTING 50 + YEARS EXPERIENCE - LOCAL 35+ YEARS
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put the last remaining downpour into a museum. “We have tickets for the Rain Room at the Los Angeles Museum of Art,” my wife said. “Wow, I’ll grab our shower caps.” “Won’t need them. The Rain Room has constantly falling water but doesn’t fall on you if you hold still or move slowly.” She handed me a printout. “The installation offers visitors an opportunity to experience what is seemingly impossible: the ability to control rain. The Rain Room presents a respite from everyday life and an opportunity for sensory reflection within a responsive relationship,” it said. “’Sensory reflection within a responsive relationship?’ Sounds like something a therapist gets you to do while you stare into each other’s eyes.” On our drive from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles, I noticed the windshield was quite dirty, so Pat hit the window washer. The wipers scraped across the glass, smearing the dirt. “We may need washer fluid soon.” “I’ll leave the hood open on the next dewy morning.” You need special tickets to get into the rain room, and they only let a few people in at one time. “If you join the museum today, I can get you in right away,” a young man with a solid future in sales told us. We had been thinking of joining anyway, but I hesitated to see if he would throw anything else into the mix, and I think he was about to offer me his lunch, but Pat pulled me away. Probably best; he looked like a veggie-sandwich kind of guy. We got to the waiting area just as the guide was letting our group in. “Wow,” we all said, though it was hard to hear as there was a strong downpour in the
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all-black room. Because the water was not bouncing off anything such as cars or people or tin roofs, the sound was a steady almost musical tone. “I feel like singing in the rain,” I told Pat. “Whoa there, Gene Kelly!” Although it seems like an incredible amount of wasted water, it is all collected, filtered and used again. Kind of like real rain. There is one strong white light in the corner of the room that silhouettes everyone and makes the rain almost look like snow. “I’m going in,” I said. I fully expected to get drenched and have some hidden voice start laughing manically, like the whole thing was a setup for a YouTube video. But as I walked, the pouring rain parted for me. I put my
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arms out in a grandiose gesture and they, too, stayed dry. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. I walked out of the rain to the perimeter and grabbed my camera. Pat entered the downpour. It looked like she was getting drenched, but she came back out perfectly dry. For the next 15 minutes, we wandered in and out of the rain, taking photos of each other not getting wet. Then our group had to exit back into a bright, cloudless, Los Angeles day. We headed for the restaurant for a quick lunch. “Amazing we stayed dry that whole time in the Rain Room,” I said. Then I instantly spilled my drink in •MJ my lap.
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