Forgiveness By Josée D’Amore
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Forgiveness is, I believe, greatly misunderstood. Since we don’t understand it, we reject it. Our society has twisted it into an unattractive form. In fact, often times our first introduction goes something like this: as a child our parents force us to say that we are sorry to our friend for a wrong-doing and the other child’s parents force their child to accept the apology. These are good intentions on the part of parents. After all, how else do they teach these valuable lessons to their children? Nevertheless, the child's words are usually said reluctantly and are more of a statement of resignation than anything else. It doesn’t feel good as a child to apologize and none of us are
too eager to duplicate the experience in our adult lives. But that picture is not a true representation of what forgiveness really is. I wrestled with forgiveness for two long depressing years after I recalled memories I had long since suppressed: memories of my Dad sexually abusing me, getting me pregnant and my Mom bringing me for an abortion. Let me assure you, forgiveness was not my desire. In fact, I refused to forgive thinking “Why should I have to forgive him?” “If I forgive him, that's letting him off the hook, isn't it?” “He doesn't deserve to be forgiven.” “Doesn't forgiveness mean I have to trust that person again?” “I don't feel like forgiving him.” After resisting it for two years, I realized I wasn’t getting any better. I was still hurting, still wounded, still broken. I wanted to move on. I was tired of being in that place. So, in a final desperate moment, I made a decision to dive into this concept of forgiveness until I really understood what it meant. As I studied it and wrestled with it, what I discovered was stunning. I was unprepared to learn that forgiveness is actually a gift to the one who is hurting. That’s right: it’s a gift for you! Hard to imagine? I understand. It was unfathomable to me as well. For me, forgiveness was the exit sign out of my misery and pain. It was a choice, one that I made every day at first and often numerous times throughout one day. It was a choice accompanied by tears, pain, discomfort and anguish. I made a commitment to this process and I was determined to see it through to the end. I am so very glad I did. As I walked this path, I began to heal. As I healed freedom started to form in my life. Relationships improved, my ability to function in life increased, my outlook in life was positive and there was even a joy that took up residence in my soul. The bitterness, betrayal, anger, sense of abandonment and the depression evaporated as I continued to take on the attitude of forgiveness. Even in my choice to forgive my Dad I wasn’t able to have a relationship with him, since he took no responsibility for his actions. In that, I learned that forgiveness does not depend on the other person’s response, it is proven within the genuineness of my own heart. In order to walk in forgiveness, I didn’t have to allow him in my life again, for forgiveness and trust are two very different things. Forgiveness is a gift to the one who is hurting and trust is something that is proven within the character of the other person. My Dad was not safe to have a relationship with. Those who have proven themselves to be unsafe are not worthy of trust. My journey with forgiveness has been paved with gems of hope and profound revelation. It changed me completely. I wouldn’t trade it for anything; not even a life free from abuse. When the beauty of the gift of forgiveness becomes apparent it is compelling. I have found nothing else that offers freedom to the soul like forgiveness does. It is complete in its work and it transforms you into who you were meant to be. To order a copy of Josée's book The Soul's Take, in either ebook or hard copy, visit http://everything4youstore.com/how_ to___?b=1 or at http://store.payloadz.com/go/?id=1016340 or http://dailydisciplesstore.com/books