remember any of those dates in my life. I will simply let them know that I love them and want to encourage them. It is easy to reach out to others when you anticipate they will reach back. It is an entirely different thing to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition… Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…” (Philippians 2:3-4)
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Fortunately, the heart can change quickly so relationships can be healed in relatively short periods of time. Paul made reference to this in Philippians 1:7, “ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart…” When you have someone “in your heart” you give them the benefit of the doubt, believe the best about them and approach them “with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (v. 8) When you get disconnected at the level of the heart, you evaluate each other based on behavior which seldom turns out well because we all fail to live up to the expectations of others. Trying to “work things out” when hearts are hard is like trying to break up granite with cotton swabs. When hearts soften, however, almost any attempt to reconcile will be effective.
APPLY PERSISTENCE TO YOUR CHOICES As you can imagine, Mark was confused on what he should do. He didn’t want to ignore his family because he loves them. At the same time, he didn’t want to be the
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obnoxious, ever-lecturing, pleading husband/father who looked desperate to have their attention and affection. As he prayed, John 13:35 came to mind, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” He asked himself, In my situation, what does it mean to love my wife and my son? He concluded the following steps were the most appropriate for him: • I will tell my wife I love her on a daily basis (even when I don’t feel it). • I will do the things for my wife I would “normally” do if our marriage was going well. • I will tell my kids I believe in them whenever I get the opportunity (even if they are engaged in behaviors I don’t agree with). • I will send birthday, anniversary and holiday cards to my youngest son and his wife even though they say they don’t want to see me right now. I will not expect them to respond or to
Mark is a natural leader. In the workplace, he is used to making things happen and telling others what needs to be done. The fact that his wife and kids took over control of their relationships with him made him more than a little uncomfortable. He couldn’t do anything to reach them that they didn’t agree to. “Can we make an appointment to talk about how to improve our marriage?” Mark would rather take a stand with his wife and call her to accountability. His previous attempts to do so, however, created even more distance between them.
APOLOGIZE WITH HUMILITY When we have made mistakes, explanations will not produce solutions. Apologies, however, have the potential to open doors of reconciliation but only if they are clothed with humility. A sincere and humble apology will include the following steps: • Honestly admit what you did. • Sincerely admit it was wrong. • Humbly admit it is up to the other person’s discretion to forgive you. Juwan was embarrassed to approach Anthony because of the inevitable disappointment he would face. He desperately wanted to avoid seeing